Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Soup Questions, with Kimberly Clark

Episode Date: August 3, 2023

This week comedian and writer Kimberly Clark is back on the podcast talking about inline skating, different soups including bisques, and much more.HEY EVERYONE! You want a bumper sticker hand-packed personally by Jesse Thorn? Here's how it get one. Please send a 5 dollar bill in a self addressed stamped envelope to: Jordan, Jesse, Go! Sticker Offer2404 Wilshire Blvd, #9ALos Angeles, CA 90057All proceeds will first go into a nice jug we have in the office, and then will be given to the organization Al Otro Lado. And for every person who posts a picture of themselves with the bumper stick using the hashtag #JJGO, Jordan and Jesse will each put a dollar in the jug.Come see Jordan, Jesse, Go! live at the London Podcast Festival in London, England at on September 14th. Buy tickets now at MaximumFun.org/events.Try Stitch Fix today at StitchFix.com/JJGO and you’ll get 25% off when you keep everything in your Fix.Try ZipRecruiter FOR FREE at ZipRecruiter.com/JJGo

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Well, I'm working on something big, Jordan. I love big. I love big things. Tell me more, I can't wait to hear about this big thing. You were so happy when Carrie married big. I love big things. Tell me more. I can't wait to hear about this big thing.

You were so happy when Carrie married big, I believe is what happened in Sex and the City. Is that right? That's right, right? Mr. Big? Yes, I know that reference works because I definitely saw various episodes that my roommate for a while watched in our shared living room. I'll tell you this, Jordan. A lot of people think that Mr. Big was the guy from Northern Exposure. And they might be right.

That's another show I definitely know about and could do polls from if we wanted to do a bit about it. Yes, both of these. Okay, this is what I'm- lasso either if you want to do ted lasso bits i can't help you uh i i got nothing on on ted lasso pretty well hey how about this let's put the tv bits to bed because they're not going anywhere i'm bringing back self-addressed stamped envelopes. Oh my gosh. Okay. Gone too long.

Gone too long. A treasure we never should have left behind. And here's the reason why, Jordan. There was a great idea for a Jordan Jesse Go bumper sticker. It was a bumper sticker that says, keep honking, I'm listening to Max Fund's long-running nonsense podcast, Jordan Jesse Go bumper sticker. It was a bumper sticker that says, keep honking, I'm listening to Max Fun's long-running nonsense podcast, Jordan Jesse Go. Holding it up on the Zoom. It looks great.

It says all the things Jesse said that it said. As we went through the process of ordering these bumper stickers, Max Fun switched to a new merchandise store that did not involve mailing out bumper stickers max fun switched to a new merchandise store that did not involve mailing out bumper stickers and so at the office right now there are a couple hundred of these cool ass bumper stickers that say keep honking i'm listening to max fun's long-running nonsense podcast jordan jessico it's big it's yellow people might have seen the alice coltrane

bumper sticker which this parody nice is that the original because it's kind of like a meme i think i've seen i'm watching the classic brendan fraser movie the mummy yeah a lot of different albums the alice coltrane album Universal Consciousness would be the original. I might be mistaken. I'm prepared to stand corrected, but I believe that the Alice Coltrane one is the original. And I now have these at the office, these cool ass bumper stickers. And I'm racking my fucking brain jordan i'm racking my fucking brain about what i'm going to do with these bumper stickers because i'm not going to start

i'm not going to take them to a craft fair you know what i mean yeah right what could what could what could crafty types do with those for one thing they're machine made so i wouldn't be welcome there right yes but for another the reality is we could go through an entire Yes. But for another, the reality is we could go through an entire craft fair and we'd only meet 20 or 30 Jordan Jesse Goffins. Right. You know what I mean? It's just not enough.

That means I'd have to go to about 10 craft fairs. And that's assuming that all the fans had, you know, liked bumper stickers. Not everybody likes bumper stickers. Some people like to put them on their laptop computer. Some people don't have bumpers. But yeah, I guess you could put them on your, you know liked bumper stickers not everybody likes bumper stickers some people like to put them on some people don't have bumpers yeah i guess you could put them on your you know suitcase or something yeah put it on your suitcase with your with your hotel decals from the french alps your trans am not trans ham what's the airline i'm trying to say pan am pan am your pan am decals. And hell, put one on your Trans Am. Put a Pan Am on your Trans Am as well while you're at it.

So here's my plan with these bumper stickers. Because these are, I would imagine that there's, you know, they're also dangerous. This huge pile of bumper stickers just, you know. I mean, it's a liability concern. Teetering in the office, you could get crushed by them. They could catch fire. They're very flammable, right? Look,

I'm not an attorney. My wife, Teresa is, although she doesn't practice law, but if she did practice law, I'm sure she'd tell me that stack of several hundred bumper stickers in your office could be a liability. Right.

And Jordan, I got a lot to lose. Yeah. So here's my plan. Please send a $5 bill and a self-addressed stamped envelope to Jordan Jesse Go sticker offer, 2404 Wilshire Boulevard, Unit 9A, Los Angeles, California, 90057. Now, that address will be in the show notes. But once again, that's Jordan Jesse Go sticker offer, 2404 Wilshire Boulevard, Number 9A, Los Angeles, California, 90057. Remember to send a self-addressed stamped envelope and $5 cash to that address,

and you'll receive, hand-packed by me, a bumper sticker that says, Keep Honking! I'm listening to Max Bond's long-running nonsense podcast, Jordan Jesse Go. Now, Jordan? Uh, Jesse? Yeah. Did we just get rich, dude? No, because we're giving the money to charity. I probably should have talked that through with you beforehand,

but we're giving the money to charity. Did we just make a charity rich, dude? Yeah. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Did we just clean oil off thousands of seals? Ducks. Not directly.

Not directly. We gave money to the organization. We gave money to Dawn Dish Detergent. Right, yeah. To buy dish detergent. Now we have so much dish detergent. You know, Jesse, that's amazing. And it's not, it's a listen.

I don't have a problem with you not clearing that with me first. Okay. Because I love charity. I love it. Here's my thought. I want to put the money into a job. I need it. You don't have any charity.

No, I don't. You don't have any charity? No, I don't. I got to get some charity. I'm thinking that we put the money into a jug. Okay, like a sparklers jug? Oh, God. What kind of jug were you thinking? That's like the kind of water jug that a water man brings to your office water cooler. That's the one.

I was just thinking maybe like a- Hunky water man, if you're lucky. Like a pickle jug, but like the big kind. Sure, yeah, that's great too. The big kind. A lot of great jugs out there. Big enough so you can't, you'd have to convince me about the great jugs out there. There's a lot of great jugs.

A lot of great jugs. I'm talking about one where you could get your hand in there, because I don't want to have to bust the jug up over at the bank. Right. Yeah, the sparkless jug would probably be tough. We could take pictures. Pickle jug sounds great. Pickle jug sounds...

I'm ready to say pickle jug right now. We can just end the jug discussion. My idea is that we take pictures of the jug. Matt Lee posts them on social media jug pics sure periodically let's see if we can fill the jug are you gonna post those on main hashtag fill the jug hashtag jugs on main how about this you you post every person that posts a picture of their bumper sticker on social media hashtag jj go i'll put a dollar in the jug personally love it i personally will put a dollar in the jug the charity in question jesse i'll match it i'll match it wow i'm matching okay matching donations two dollars all you got to do is five dollars in sase then you get the sticker

then you post it on maine hashtag jj go then jordan and i are maine two dollars won't be a picture of a jug so it will be confusing. Anything you post online about this show would be confusing. Yeah. Even to someone who listens to the show. And if you put, I'm going to add to this. Wow. If you put more than $5 in the envelope, I'm going to put the full amount into the jug. I'm not keeping any of it.

Not $1. I will be steaming off a few of the stamps. Well, that's for your collection because you're a philatelist. I love it. Nuts about philately. You feel you're as passionate about philately as I am about jugs. And you know me,

I love jugs. You never shut up about them. So what I'm saying is the charity in question, and we'll post this in the show notes as well. Al otro lado, they do direct legal services and other direct services for migrants on both sides of the US-Mexico border. So they work in Tijuana, in Juarez, in San Diego. A great cause. Yeah. Helping people who are stuck at the border or need help at the border go in either direction. They do incredible work there. My wife used to work in immigration law. They were very,

very highly recommended by her colleagues. And so I think we could, I mean, I'm excited to watch this jug fill up for these people that need help. And at the end of the day, because we got the one with the big mouth instead of the sparklets jug, like you were thinking. Okay. You don't, listen. We can donate. All right. It was a bad suggestion. No, what I'm saying is.

It's the first jug that I thought of. I'm not Mr. Jug. You don't have to keep raking me over the coals for this sparklets thing. I just said a jug. I didn't... Don't put any goddamn... Don't put the sparklets thing in the coals. This thing's not tempered.

What do you think this is, Pyrex? These are metaphorical coals. I'm sorry. Okay. I just feel like you won't let me breathe. You're suffocating me with all this criticism. I know. I just said it.

I'm sorry. I'm not perfect. I'm not Dolly Parton. I'm not Lizzo. I'm not perfect, Jesse. Host a podcast with Lizzo if you want someone perfect. That's not me. Warts and all.

That's what you got. I mad hold on hold on jordan matt could you take a note for me sure could you remind me to host a podcast with lizzo that would be great when's that coming out can i wait hold on everybody loves her because she's so body positive and she's a good flautist. Okay. So I will Google Lizzo. Email address. Lizzo at Gmail. You know what? Don't bother.

Don't bother, Matt. Just Google Lizzo cell phone number. Google Lizzo cell phone number. And then Google iMessage? Because I don't have to deal with that thing where you text somebody and then they just thumbs up your message. And then there's a whole message that says, so-and-so thumbed up the message, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I don't want to have to read emojis. Because they're on Android or whatever. Lizzo, you're a national treasure, but get an iPhone, right? Jesus Christ, get off the fucking Windows phone, Lizzo. I'll say all that in the message. Yeah. Hi, Lizzo, it's Matt. You know what's wild to me about Lizzo?

One of our greatest entertainers, one of our most successful entertainers, incredible flautist why does she buy her cell phones at the circle k why does she buy all her cell phones down at the circle k you're there anyway yeah it's kind of a one-stop shop situation okay fair enough should we introduce should we introduce our uh guest on the? I would love to. I would love to. Oh, she's a dear favorite of ours and a brilliant stand-up comic, Kimberly Clark. Hi, Kim. Hello, Jesse. Hello, Jordan.

I'm so glad to be here with you guys today. You ever send anybody a self-addressed stamped envelope? You know what? When y'all was saying that, it felt so bob barker didn't he used to say that um gosh i mean i know people to get tickets i think oh yeah you definitely had to send in a you had to send in your pet's sex organs neuter that pet shove the sex organ into an envelope send it to bob you get the tickets by the way can i offer apologies to bob barker i a few weeks ago on this program suggested that bob barker was dead may he rest in peace he's still with us he's very much alive at 99 years old um and i wish him all the

best in his passage over the rainbow bridge you ain't the first person that thought he was dead though you know that right you know that right sounds like you've been talking to his wife now Jesse now you know what it feels like to be raked over the coals for

a reasonable mistake like suggesting that a spark glitch jug is a good jug for fives you can't get how you like it you can't get your fist into a sparklets jug but you can get your fist into bob barker just ask his wife kim clark yo i don't want to know is bob barker a famous fisting advocate no i don't want to know that guy loves that shit wow he probably did though yeah listen there's other mr biggs by the way y'all y'all got into okay let's hear the bigs who are the bigs well i mean uh ronald eisley was mr big right yes i was like, you can't forget Mr. Big, like his pimp alter ego.

How many entertainers have the opportunity? And look, Ronald Isley, a tax evader. Some of his collaborators on those records, much worse than that. However, how many 70-year-old men get the opportunity to create essentially a cartoon alter ego, but that is just them? Yeah. With no cartoon. Yes. And then have multiple hit records. Right.

As a 70-year-old. It's amazing. He's actually in his 80s now, I think. He might be 80. Yeah, I think he probably is. He looks so good too. He has all that gray hair and it just looks so good on him. Prison muscles.

I googled Mr. Big because I, like you, I can think of, you know, a lot of Mr. Biggs that have come and gone through pop culture. Looks like the number one, the number, the first one that comes up. Well, first of all, Mr. Big film character comes up and then an eighties rock band.

Who's kind of a one hit wonder who's saying to be with you. So how's that go? Be with you. It's kind of like a power pop it's kind of song you know you know you know i'm doing it perfectly yeah i honestly i'm getting i'm mostly distracted how perfect it is because i assume their version is less perfect yeah i think that my yeah theirs has a little grit on it a a little of that, you know, kind of out of the garage grime and mine is pretty pristine,

you know, but, so that's probably why you're having trouble recognizing it. Got it. Kim, how's your summer going? We've been sharing summer activities on the show and yeah, I was, I'm curious how yours is going.

Well, you know, I'm part of the WGA, so I've been striking. Sure, yes, great. So there's that. I've been doing a lot of hiking, a lot of roller skating. Striking and hiking. Striking, hiking, and skating.

I do want to ask, it strikes me as unusual that you were this the striking is a lot of walking and now you're like time for some leisure let's hike yes and you know what you know how they say oh you should work out blah blah blah it makes you so hungry it's like I'm eating more than usual. It's so counter to what I'm trying to do. You know what I'm saying? You're trying to project a vibe that doesn't involve knocking down a Frosty on your way home from the hike.

That part, yes. Ooh, a post-hike Frosty. Ooh, yum. Gimme. Yeah. Jordan, we got to get you some charity in a post-hike Frosty. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Dunk that shit on me like it was Gatorade and I was a marathon runner. Dunk me in Frosty, Daddy. Thank you. That's sticky. Yeah, it does sound sticky. I don't give a fuck.

I'll be sticky. I'll be sticky all day. My nine-year-old had a meltdown today because there were chicken nuggets and she wanted honey to go with them.

But didn't like the honey bowl because the honey bowl had been accidentally given to her younger sibling. So I said, just go in the kitchen and get the honey bear. You know? You know the honey bear. Oh, yeah.

Love that guy. She goes in there and gets it, brings it back. Everything. Then gets mad that it's sticky and bails on the entire meal. I think that's unrealistic to assume that the honey bear isn't going to be a little bit sticky. Kim, are we talking about inline skating or four-wheel skating? Yes.

Quads, four wheels. Quads, nice, cool. That's what I'm doing. Although I do do inline skating as well, but I'm into the quad. You're a triple threat. Riding, quad skating, inline skating. Yes. When they say triple threat, that's what they're talking about, I think.

Right. Skating. Yeah. It's fun. I'm teaching myself different tricks. I mean, it was something I was doing during the pandemic. I was skating before the pandemic actually. I go to

Moonlight Rollerway. Yeah. They're in Burbank, California. Well, in Glendale specifically. It's kind of on the border. This guy thought the roller rink was in Burbank?

Okay, you don't have to rake me over the coals. Oh my God. You don't have to rake me over the coals. It's not like I said- Oh my God. It's not like I said that you should use a sparklets jug that you can't even get your goddamn fist into. I'm not perfect, okay?

I wish I was. I wish I was. You deserve perfection, and I can't give it to you that's why i'm leaving you for lizzo dang it's a good plan the show will be more popular lizzo is so lizzo is so perfect that we literally have no choice but to stand. I'm standing right now. I don't, I'm not, I know. Well, it's not, you don't get to brag about it. We have no other option. What were we talking about?

Oh yeah, skating. Yeah, roller skating. We were just talking about the, the, how passionate and inspirational and how one of the greatest summer boys of all time is somebody who's at the park doing roller disco. Yeah. Who is that? Just anyone. Anyone who's at the park doing roller disco is a legend of summer boy vibes.

And that. Hilarious. And that Moonlight Roller Rink does. I've been there only a couple of times. And like there's, you know know there's a lot of different kinds of people who show up it's you know kids parties and then you have some people there who are you know doing like a kind of a fun you know we're fun adults goof off activity and then you will just have fucking people who are around in the 70s doing sweet ass their ass off yeah well

you know i have this whole joke about moonlight roll away because i used to go to world on wheels which was on venice right oh wow this is remember that this is like switching hairdressers this is the big deal to switch roller sure thank you very much and it's a completely different vibe at world on wheels because everybody knows how to skate their ass off there and there's a lot of good skaters there and it's a predominantly black rink right so going to moonlight rollerway whenever somebody falls it's like a big deal like they turn the music off. They clear everybody off the rink. You know what I mean? And it's like,

this takes like at least 15 minutes plus. When someone falls? Well, not when they, if they get hurt. If they get like, if they're like laying on the floor for a while. Like if they're writhing, they have to do some writhing.

Yes. I imagine if blood gets spilled on the rink, that's, you know, a biohazard. I've seen people fall and there was're writhing. They have to do some writhing. Yes. I imagine if blood gets spilled on the rink, that's a biohazard. I've seen people fall and there was no writhing. They're just gone. They die immediately. It's a quick death. It's a good death. We should all be so lucky. You know what?

That's why Bob Barker's at the Midnight Rollaway right now. If it's his time to go, it's his time to go it's his time to go he wants it clean and quick in a roller skating accident i know it's going to be like a couple weeks before this show comes out i am legitimately worried bob barker will die between now and then no hold on bob hold on bob there's so many there's so much so many more fists in the world that you have yet to experience oh my god no but it's so different going to moonlight rollerway versus world on wheels because then when somebody gets hurt at world on wheels i don't know they'll like put a cone around you maybe but they don't stop the music some traffic flares go around go around look you're just the opportunity for people to

show off by you somebody might do a somersault or something over i like it doesn't matter like it's so crazy how different it is it's startling but you know both places are fun let me ask you this kim because obviously the biggest roller skater in america is bow wow where do you think bow wow skates i honestly feel like usher is the the bigger skater than bow wow right now but um there's a place in atlanta is he from at Atlanta? Seems right to me. That feels right, right? Yeah. I think they have a famous skating rink in Atlanta that I see a lot of like

Southern entertainers go to. I forget the name of it. Bow Wow from Columbus, Ohio. Oh, snap. Okay. Columbus, Ohio. I feel like he lived in Atlantalanta for a second he has atlanta he was in that movie um a roller skating movie right roll bounce yeah roll bounce yeah i was about to say bounce rock but that's wrong roll bounces right kim do you have like a skating crew

or is this a solo hold on i googled i googled bow Wow to see where he was from and the top headline that I saw was Bow Wow reacts to people trying to name any three of his songs. Lord have mercy. I can't do it. Okay, that's all I got.

Kim, I was going to ask do you have a crew that you go with or is this a solo activity? I go by myself sometimes i invite friends and sometimes i skate i'll skate outdoors like at a um basketball court too are you meeting babes and hunks doing this kim i did meet this one guy at the basketball court. He, of course, was shooting hoops. And he was a lot younger than me, but, you know, whatever. He was, like, talking to me and stuff. He was cute.

And then we started talking about Porto's, and I started talking about how delicious the soup was at Porto's, and that's where the disconnect happened. That's where the disconnect happens. That's where the disconnect happens. Okay. So everything's going great. Everybody's vibing. So Porto's. They're at Porto's and he didn't even know they had some.

Porto's Cuban They had Porto's, and he didn't even know they had soup. Porto's Cuban Bakery. Right. Known for their sandwiches and pastries. Yeah. You need something with some jamon. That's your spot. I mean, have you had the potato leek soup there? It's delicious.

I'm kind of afraid to say that I also didn't know that Porto's had soup. Wouldn't be the first thing I would. Are you just going to get off the Zoom? Are you going to call me old in my face? No, this is not. I wasn't the. Jordan. I mean, is this the act of an old person?

Yes, it is. Kim. Kim, as someone who's spent some time in her life single and ready to mingle, what would you say are your top five soups to bring up in a possibly romantic context? As a romance teeters on the edge of possibility or impossibility, what would you say are your five top soups to bring up in conversation? Yes, a pureed butternut squash. Right, okay.

Sure, it's very seasonal. A New England clam chowder. Oh, a New England clam chowder. Sorry, bad news, Manhattan. No Manhattan over here. The potato leek. that's a great soup how many are we at three that's three so far two more soups two classic uh chicken noodle of course and matzo ball and matzo ball yes that's a very horny soup yeah extremely yeah hey uh i mean i

think maybe we could do um you know, I think probably a lot of people are listening to this and relating. There's probably a lot of horny soup freaks out there. If you want to meet other horny soup freaks, just hashtag JJGo on social media. Hashtag horny for soup. Let us know what's the horniest soup. Give us a call. Give us a call.

206-9844-FUN. JJ, go at MaximumFun.org. I want to hear your strongest, most concise argument for what you think is the horniest soup. What soup should Kim be bringing up when she meets a cute guy who's younger than her, but that's all right. He's good looking. This guy's cute. This guy's got it going on. Okay. This guy's that's all right. He's good looking. This guy's cute. This guy's got it going on. This guy's got a little something. He's active.

He's on the court. He's active. That's important. He stopped her in her roller tracks. What soups should Kim be bringing up? Send us a voice memo at jjgoatmaximumfun.org or give us a call 206-9844-FUN because we want to hear your soup thoughts.

I'll just say, don't neglect the matzo balls. Cause that seems like something I should say. No, it seems like something you should say. It's done. Thank you for saying that. I can say something else later.

Yeah, sure. We can discuss something else that you want. I mean, I would think if I were, if I were looking to date gay men over the age of 70, but I wanted ones that had fucking great attitudes and hot bods, quad roller skating is absolutely the number one thing I would pursue. Like, think about how hot the bods are. I don't know if there's a roller rink in

in palm springs but oh that's a good idea almost there's almost certainly put a pin in that think about how hot those bods are out there you know what i mean these guys there's this guy at the there's this guy at the flea market i say hello to him once in a while but i don't know his name and this guy oh he's almost never wearing a shirt sometimes he's wearing a leather jacket and no shirt today it was hot out at the long beach flea market he was just no shirt and he's got one of those kind of like iggy pop bodies yeah he's got long straight hair yeah he's got long straight but skeletal but also muscular yeah both he's got he's got long straight hair that comes down to you know like his chest right i would say and he's got a lot of it he's you know i'd say he's probably 60 something like that wears a lot of

large scale high quality southwestern jewelry like a big squash block of blossom necklace that kind of thing or big turquoise bracelets this guy looks so fucking handsome he's this guy's just walking around in public with no shirt on and looks great what's he and not just because he's so ripped the flea market i think he's he's buying at the flea market he ain't selling he buying yeah i think this guy's out there buying southwestern jewelry and possibly motorcycle jackets not shirts though it's like a motorcycle you know like a classic black double rider motorcycle jacket but no shirt on guy looks like a million fucking dollars

springs no this is in well today it was in long beach which is the palm springs of the west coast finally we have a palm springs here on the west coast it is long beach don't want to pass through cabazon oh my try long beach the palm springs of the west coast too scared of dinosaur statues oh my god listen my college friend lives in Palm Springs with his boyfriend, and they put up pictures on Instagram of their Fourth of July party. Everybody had their shirt off. I saw no body fat. Yeah. These Palm Springs guys are ripped at the age of 70.

Mm-hmm. are ripped at the age of 70. There's a lot of exercising, and I'm going to say some further stuff in addition to the exercising. A lot of cardio. A lot of cardio. These guys are doing cardio, and they're, you know,

they're, look, I don't know where Jose Canseco lives, but if you told me he lives in Palm Springs, I wouldn't be too surprised. Everybody looked good there. But these people look good. They make me look like a real asshole. I'll tell you that much.

I'll tell you that much right now. Sorry. So, Kim, what's your best roller skate trick? Right now, I don't know what it's called. I think it's called dribbling. I know how to dribble. You're really, between the soup thing and the dribbling, you're really starting to sound old.

Yeah. I know a great trick. It's called taping 60 minutes. It doesn't sound as exciting as it looks. I can't stay up that late. I got to tape 60 minutes. So I can watch it the next day. It doesn't sound as exciting as it looks, but it's a fun move.

I'm still teaching myself things. And I mean, I know how to skate backwards now, which is nice. Yeah. Is there like a holy grail move for you? Like, I know I will be maybe accepted into the larger roller disco community as soon as i know how to do blank well people like to do a skating line dances which i try to do them but i'm not the greatest at them but i'm trying to learn those and i'm trying to learn the crazy legs those this the line dances sweep around the roller drone like the line on a on a radar screen

it's not like that it's it's more like in the sense of like a line dance that you would see like at a country bar but on skates okay or like the hustle people do the hustle exactly it's like the hustle yeah but on skates they do yeah it's cute that does sound really cute how would you compare how cute it is to this younger guy at the basketball court? The soup guy. The guy. Well, I'm the soup person. That's the problem, Jesse. If he was the soup guy, we'd all be at Kim's wedding right now. The soup was the disconnect.

I'm assuming you'll invite us to your wedding, by the way. Guys whose podcasts you're on a couple times a year. Oh, my God. the soup guy wasn't so fucking obsessed with solid foods yeah you should have seen how he looked at me too when i said it i screamed oh my god it was the best okay yeah enjoy your enjoy your sandwich, basketball guy. Have fun with your Chinese chicken salad. Which are guava and cheese pastry. Thank you. Which of these venues, which of these many venues where you're roller skating

have the most roller derby ladies? Oh, they're everywhere. I see those girls everywhere. Are there a lot of time? It's like it's like termites. Like, yeah, probably have them. You probably have them. Mm hmm.

I before I actually got one hundred thousand dollars off my house because we got a really rough roller derby girl. Testing. Right. Yeah. God damn it. because we got a really rough roller derby girl testing. What do you call that? God damn it. I really lost track of that sentence right in the middle. I know where you were going. It was good. I don't know what that's called either, but I think the premise was solid.

We tested for roller derby. You got to tent the house. I knew where you were going. Yeah. Thank you. You got to tent the house, and of course, going yeah thank you you could look at a tent the house and of course you gotta rake the floors yeah you can lure them out by putting a tea drink on the lawn and then they all rush out to get it and you lock the door you just put on put on one goddamn breeders album right and all of a sudden i hear the original lineup of the misfits is playing down the street

with dancing with dancing oh my god see jesse see look we pull we pulled it out do you have any favorite roller jams i mean mean, like there are, you know, Bounce Rock Roller Skate or, you know, Roller Skating Jam by De La Soul. But like, what are your favorite A, directly roller skate related and B, not directly roller skate related roller jams? I was going to say De La Soul's roller skating song. That's a lot of fun to skate to. I like skating the stuff that's mid-tempo

because that's really good for an older person such as myself. You know what I'm saying? I don't like it too. For the soup crowd. Soup crowd can't go too fast. soup crowd for the soup yeah soup crowd can't go too fast i only skate the soup jams where is i guess this and i listen i don't i don't know a lot about this is it uh uh le freak comes to mind yeah that seems like anything nile rogers seems

like a winner for yeah that's a good yeah that's a good tempo mid-tempo not too fast can you imagine how about this what if you put on one of those david bowie songs that nile rogers produced and then just watch the fucking elderly disco enthusiasts and the roller derby enthusiasts come together as one and merge into one monumentally terrifying mass that'd be fun you know nile roller skates he does there's oh there's footage on his instagram please look at it it's so it's it's fun to watch. That's an older man with an Iggy Pop body. Yes. Mm-hmm. Perfect example.

How do the bones get muscles? How do the bones get muscles on them? Yeah. How could anyone be that sinuous at that advanced an age? Sure. The bones have veins? How did the bones get veins? The bones have veins.

Oh, my God. Good. age sure the bones have veins how did the bones get veins the bones have veins oh my god good speaking of speaking of iggy pop bodies um dude from wham andrew andrew from wham the living member of surviving member of wham oh my god he looks so good still. Really? I saw a picture of him. I was like, he still looked the same. He looked good. I mean, that's true of all English people. You know, they say, they say, English China don't crack,

is what they say. Yes. I believe. Tea cups. Tea cups. Tea cups don't crack? Yeah. Oh my God. Tea cups don't crack.

I mean, think about how fucking good Prince Charles looks right now. Now that he's king whatever the fuck. Oh, amazing. Be King Charles. I don't know. Ooh, King Daddy. He's King Daddy. That's if you ask me.

Mm-mm. This guy looks great. You know? Full of color and life and blood. Oh, that man has so much blood. You can tell. I wonder what he looks like with his shirt off. Yeah.

I've been wondering the same thing. I keep texting Lizzo about it and she won't tell me. She won't tell me. You guys want to take a little break, swap me out for Lizzo, and come back for the first segment of what will be the most popular podcast on earth? We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, if we have listeners in London, England, I want to make it absolutely clear that it is their personal and moral responsibility to come see us at London Podfest. The London Podcast Festival, September 14th at King's Place in London is beautiful. Beautiful joint. Great venue. Great festival.

We cannot wait to come back. Yeah, we've had a blast there doing shows in the past. And I'm stoked. Are you stoked? I'm so stoked. I'm going to be. There's Judge John Hodgman there. Judge John Hodgman also doing Dublin, Belfast, Edinburgh, and Copenhagen.

So if you're in one of those places, come see. Europe, lucky continent. I know. Who's a lucky little baby? Maximumfun.org slash events. Get those tickets. We'll see you on September 14th. You know, every episode of Jordan, Jesse, Go! is supported by the members of Maximum Fun. Our thanks to the members of Maximum Fun.

We're also supported this week by the folks at Stitch Fix. Love these guys. Love this site. Now, Jordan, it's summertime, and I want to have a summer boy style. Okay, so you could, you know, waste time going to the mall, trying stuff on, browsing all these different websites, make a new login. You could do that. You could do that. You could do that. But what would be more fun, a better use of your time,

and more likely to yield good results, you go to stitchfix.com slash JJGO. Here's what happens. You get a personal stylist who works to create a wardrobe tailored just for you. It's easy. The clothes will fit you.

You won't have to worry about, you know, wacko fits. You know they're going to feel good on you. You got so many options. You tell this personal stylist what you're looking for. Jesse, you mentioned summertime. You can say, it's hot. I need shorts. I need short sleeves.

And they'll help you out. They'll pick out great stuff. Some of my favorite clothes are things I got from Stitch Fix. I always love to get that box. Try Stitch Fix today at stitchfix.com slash jjgo. You'll get 25% off when you keep everything in your fix. That's Stitch Fix dot com slash JJ Go for 25 percent off today. Stitch Fix dot com slash JJ Go. We're also supported this week by Zip Recruiter. So we just had a big party to celebrate

the transition of Max Fun from the ownership of yours truly to a worker-owned cooperative. Heck yeah. And I was thinking, well, great. Now, I'm not the owner anymore. I mean, I'm a member of the co-op, but I'm not the owner anymore. I don't need to worry about hiring anymore. I don't need to worry about the crude anymore. But then I realized something.

Every time we hire someone at Maximum Fund now, we're effectively offering them the opportunity to join our cooperative, which means the stakes are higher than ever, which means that it's even more essential that we find highly qualified applicants. And that's where ZipRecruiter comes in. Okay. What goes on? If people go to ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo, what are they getting? Okay, well, look, hiring is hard. It's especially hard right now.

Tight labor market, okay? But if you need specific qualifications, ZipRecruiter doesn't just post it on a job board or whatever. They reach out to applicants who have those qualifications and ask them to apply to your job. So when you put out the qualifications you need, you start getting qualified applicants right away. You can team up with the hiring partner who understands what you need.

That's ZipRecruiter. Go to this exclusive web address to try ZipRecruiter for free, ziprecruiter. Go to this exclusive web address to try ZipRecruiter for free. ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo. And remember, that is a very exclusive address. Just don't tell anybody. Except all your friends.

Except anybody who wants to hire people. Tell them. ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo. Mum's the word. ZipRecruiter.com. But everyone else, keep it mum. Mum mum's the word. Mum mum. Mum mum's. Mum mum, everyone. Mum mum's the word that we call our grandmothers.

Coming mum mum. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, I don't know what a bisque is. I think it's maybe when you put some flour into a soup, but it's not a stew. It's cream.

Does that seem right? Maybe cream makes a bisque. I think it's flour. I think they put flour too. You might be right. Flour, cream. You know, let's give biscuits flowers while it's still. Right.

Yes. We have no choice but to stand. The fucking. The Lizzo of soups. The Lizzo of soups. Should have got Lizzo in here. Can you imagine how good Jordan Jesse would be if you were replaced by Lizzo and I was replaced by i guess probably barack obama oh i would love that just shooting the shit for 80 minutes a week they have a guest time but it's

not an interview they just like see where the conversation goes it's random that's pretty wild pretty random there's no they don't ever talk about anything anyone wants to hear about they just end up listing the hornets sure i'm excited to see what people what people come back with yeah and i mean i want people to back it up here okay oh yeah please support with evidence yeah i don't i don't just want you to just call in and be like, chicken and stars. Bye. And you also can't just be like. That's not good phone etiquette. Whenever I eat chicken and stars, I get a giant fucking heart on.

Right. Like just your personal experience is not. That's evidence, right? Is it? I mean, it's anecdotal, I guess. That's anecdote. Yeah. Right.

Anecdote. Anecdote. Bailed on the word anecdotal. You're like, oh, this word's too long. I got shit to get to. But yeah, I'm excited. Kim, if you're're around would you come back and listen to the horny soup calls

with us because you know I would love to know what people have to say it'll help me too leaving aside soups what other topics are you bringing up with potential boyfriends I ask a lot of questions I try not to be too

like interrogative interrogative. I build on that too. Quite reasonably. I like to ask a lot of questions. I just let them ramble on and I just collect information. I guess if you want to keep your line of questioning Burbank restaurant specific. What potato preparation do you get with your breakfast at Bob's Big Boy?

That could be, you know, fun. That could really separate the wheat from the chaff. Because I think they have hash browns and also home fries. Thank you. And I've, you know browns and also home fries. Thank you. And I've, you know, people, some people get fucking french fries with their diner breakfast. I've seen it. That's a little sacrilegious, but. Yeah. I wouldn't do it myself.

But maybe that's how you weed out the, you know, fucking rascals, you know? Yeah, he's a maniac if he's doing that. Yeah. Can I be honest with you guys yes a lot of these breakfast potatoes not crispy enough for me you know a good diner a good diner if you say i want my potatoes extra crispy they'll do it bob's big boy will do it they'll do a good job too yeah canters if you're having breakfast at canters's, tell them extra crispy. They'll do it to the fries too.

Really? Yeah. Norm's. Oh. Next time you're at Norm's, say I want the potatoes extra crispy. They'll do it. And breakfast will be so much better because of it. I agree. When you get a breakfast potato back and it's like damp and white, that

sucks. That fucking sucks. You want it crispy? You want it salty? You want to see the brown. You want to see the brown. Show me that brown. That's what I say when I go into a diner. They know what I'm talking about.

Yep. Today I had curry, beef penang curry, on crinkle cut French fries. Okay. Was this a dish at a restaurant or was this a riff? Was this lunch jazz? You know me. I'm a rule follower.

I could never bring myself to wild out. Yeah, that's chaotic. Curry on top of French fries. If you're doing that at home with leftovers, that's some Joker shit right there, baby. You know the last thing I'm doing is- Some men just want to watch the world burn. You know that I can't deal with that Joker shit. I walk downstairs totally normal.

You don't do a little dance rock and roll all the way regular yeah that's the only way i know how to go up and downstairs but these this putting the curry on french fries turned out to be revelatory sounds good as hell and i think that is like something you can get it. Maybe this sounds like a Thai curry you were having. Yeah, this was a Thai curry. I think it's something they do in England with those brown ass English curries. You can get those on fries, I think. Yeah, I like the Thai curry better. It's my preferred curry for me.

Yeah. But either curry is going to be a winner. Sure. I mean, this is the biggest thing since I found out that you could make nachos on top of French fries. Oh, yeah, sure. Which, come on, home run. Sure, put the nacho shit on the fries. Well, what about pizza on top of fries?

I mean, you could put pizza on top of fries. I don't see why not. I've had it and I like it. This is something that you purchased at a store? Or was this just one of your crazy joker riffs oh me pizza fries yeah i think this was like a you know fun shared app somewhere no i wouldn't know jesse you ever see me walk walk downstairs yeah i mean you're sort of like sort of like don't don't don't don't don't yeah no joker shit here maybe once in a while if i'm feeling sassy i'll give you a little riddler shit

right maybe some mr freeze shit if i'm trying to right uh find a cure for my wife who's frozen. Right. I mean, you say you don't ever pull any Joker shit. And like you do, I mean, Kim, you've probably seen Jordan go up and down stairs. Once or twice. Yeah, it's just kind of a regular dum-da-dum, dum-da-dum, dum-da-da-dum-dum. But I have seen you murder with poison gas from a flower on your lapel, Jordan. All right. Okay. I do some Joker shit.

Some classic Joker shit. None of this new Joker. Some classic Cesar Romero Joker shit. Yeah. You got me. You got me. Guilty. Throw me into Arkham, the Batman.

No, I'm not Batman, but I'll do what has to be done. I was worried you're going to do more murdering with your lapel flower. I don't know. Maybe. Purple gas. Better put me in Arkham. Hey, you know what I have to say about your purple gas? You never should have eaten those purple beans. Better put me in Arkham. Hey, you know what I have to say about your purple gas? You never should have eaten those purple beans.

Hey, Jesse. Okay. Shut the fuck up. That's rude. Maybe I'm not being a good comedy partner here, but shut the fuck up. Come on Do you think Do you think Lizzo would have fucking

No-handed me like that Jordan No you're right I'm sorry it was funny The purple beans were funny I liked it Everyone liked it Lizzo loves that shit we've done a couple practice shows already Oh wow She loved it when I did the that shit. I lashed out. We've done a couple practice shows already. Oh, wow. She loved it when I did the bean. This is how I find out?

Different bean colors. Right. I got bean gags for every color of the rainbow, Jordan. She's got a musical flute, and you've got the musical fruit. Thank you. Hey, Jordan, shut the fuck up. Jordan. No, Jordan, I just fired Lizzo.

I just fired Lizzo her and told her about the musical fruit thing and she said well you'd better fire me and hire jordan because he's better than me i'm not better than lizzo she said that she said she had no choice she said she had no choice but to stand yeah that's true That's what she told me. I am great. Who do you think Lizzo stands? Probably great flautists. Sure.

Whoever that is. The guy from Jethro Tull. Bobby Humphrey. For sure. Yep. Bobby Humphrey. I've got two flautists. I'm trying to come up with a third flautist over here.

Jesus Christ. I know. I can think of a good Piper. I mean, good. He's good at piping. Maybe it wasn't that chill of a guy. I mean, he stole his fucking children out of Bremen town. Jesse, no one's asking you to come up with more floutists. No one asked you.

This is something you put on yourself. Jordan, I put so much fucking pressure on myself. Don't, you're fine. When am I going to be happy about who I am just do it now you know no time like the present buddy god you're doing great the other day my therapist said to me

this is true my therapist said to me that it's okay to just know two flautists your therapist is right they're very wise it's okay to just know two flautists. Your therapist is right. They're very wise. It's totally true. She said you should know at least three or four flautas, though. Yeah.

If you have two flautas, you're still going to be hungry. Chicken. Or you're going to need to have those in an entree. Yeah, maybe an entree afterwards. What's the difference between a flauta and a taquito i feel like they're the same i think size i guess i think of a flauta is a little bit bigger and having kind of a flakier kind of a more of a pastry type crust and the taquito is maybe more of a tortilla okay what about a chimichanga?

Oh, boy. Now, yeah. I don't know. They kind of all in the same game. It's just a size thing. First of all, if you type in flauta V, immediately it comes up flauta versus taquito. Whoever wins, we lose. A flauta is made from a large flour tortilla as you said that's going

to be flakier when fried jordan right a large flour tortilla like you would use for a quesadilla or burrito whereas a taquito is made from a small corn tortilla like you might use for a taco. Gotcha. Unless you're in fucking Texas, in which case all bets are off because you're using flour tortillas for every goddamn thing. Like there's no rules in this world, you sick fucking joker fuck. Bunch of jokers out there. That's why Joe Rogan moved out there. He's sick and tired of people telling him to get a vaccine and that he can't put al pastor tacos on a flour tortilla okay uh it's summertime we know that

kimberly clark is living her best summer boy lifestyle because she's out here fucking roller roller disc going with these cute basket boys. And having whatever soup she pleases. Potato Leek is a great soup, by the way. It's a good soup. I want to try the soup at Porto's the next time I go. I'm going to try the soup. Even though it's really hot out, I'm going to get the soup. You really need to.

Sometimes they have gazpacho. Oh, yeah? Can I tell you this, Kimberly? Just like you, during the pandemic, took up roller skating, I took up Potato leek soup making because I was real sad and I started watching Julia Child and there was this episode where she made potato leek soup. It's an incredible magic trick, potato leek soup.

It's like one of the most incredible, it's potatoes and leeks and water. I mean, you can make it with stock, but you don't need to. And I said, well, I got an immersion blender. Let's do this shit. And it came out great the very first time. Amazing. Did you put a little bacon in there? I have.

Yes. Sounds good. I have. Gives it a smoky flavor. Yes, it does. That's what takes it. That's how Porto's makes theirs. They put a little bacon in theirs when we're taking calls about summer boy shit so a good intro to this segment jordan we're

taking calls about summer boy shit 206-9844-FUN jjgo at maximumfun.org if you don't know what that means who cares here's one of these here's one of these fucking calls you know hi jordan jesse and guest i'm gonna say christine nagle this is sarah calling from pennsylvania with a momentous summer boy occasion my husband and i were recently down the jersey shore for a long weekend where we pulled off a boardwalk arcade heist we were sitting at a couple of games uh playing them when i noticed that if you gave the tickets a gentle tug, they just kept coming out of the machine. So I grabbed what I figured was, you know, an appropriate amount of tickets and went to turn them in and found that I was nowhere

near the amount of tickets I needed for the one particular prize that I was looking at, which was a stuffed seagull with a french fry in its mouth and a baby seagull in a kangaroo style pouch on its front. So dismayed, I walked away, went and grabbed a slice of pizza, came back to the games in a little bit. They were still broken. And so I proceeded to pull out just enough tickets to get the seagull, which is what I did. Turned the tickets in for a seagull and scampered out of there giggling like the 30 something year which is what I did. Turn the tickets in for a seagull and scamper it out of there giggling like the 30-something-year-old child that I am.

All right, get him, get him, get him. Love you, bye. Love you, too. A lot of people don't know that in New Jersey, all seagulls are marsupials. Right, yes. They give birth to underdeveloped live young out of eggs or whatever i don't know i don't

know what the fuck a marsupial is what's that goddamn koala bear what am i yeah koala that's a marsupial what am i a fucking eucalyptus tree i'm supposed to be an expert on this shit spiny anteater i think jesus christ no one's asking you jesse again This is some shit you're putting on yourself The other day I said to my therapist No one cares how many flautists you know Nobody cares what you know about marsupials When I was a kid my mom told me That I was a failure

Unless I was crocodile Fucking Dundee that's her exact words Jesse you're a failure Unless you're crocodile fucking Dundee And I grew up I'm not crocodile Fucking Dundee. And I grew up. I'm not Crocodile fucking Dundee. I don't know anything about goddamn koala bears. Jesse, I think, you know, I don't want to speak ill of Judy, but, you know, she was working on herself and she's not perfect. Yeah, she was in fucking graduate school at the time.

Got a master's degree in Latin American studies. You know what she knows about koalas? Jack shit. You know why, Jordan? She knows about flautas she's a fucking failure she does probably know about flautas yeah she knows that if you only have one you're gonna need an entree she knows more about weaving maybe the the guatemalan civil rights hero rig Rigoberto Menchu. But probably something about flautas too. Taquitos, I'm not so sure. Flautas, yeah, probably. I say that this caller, I was justified in their crimes.

I think this was a victimless crime. I think it was just. I think that these arcades have been stiffing us for too long, jacking up the ticket prices for these amazing gifts. And, you know, for every kid from my childhood that spent, you know, 50 bucks trying to win enough tickets to get a Sega Game Gear, not even getting close, I think this caller struck a blow for all those kids. Can I tell you something about-

I think that they're a modern day Robin Hood. Yes, go ahead. I have two follow-ups here. Yeah. The first follow-up is you suggesting that this is a victimless crime, really stretches the definition of victimless crime and that there's definitely a victim in this crime, which is the people who had to give up this goddamn bird. Yeah. Did I say... I didn't say victimless.

I think I said just. No, I think you said victimless. Did I say... Okay. That's incorrect. There are many victims. What you meant to say was that a crime against carnies is no crime at all. That's incorrect.

What you meant to say was that a crime against carnies is no crime at all. Number two, on the subject of the Sega Game Gear. Yeah. You know, my oldest child is obsessed with out of date technology, especially video game technology. She became obsessed with owning a Sega game gear. Her babysitter had one from childhood and gave it to her, but it wasn't working. I took it to the video game repair store. They couldn't get it fixed for like, I don't know, two and a half months or something. Well, my child got more and more upset. I finally,'m like fuck this i go on ebay i buy a game gear that works for 80 or whatever comes to my house i give it to my child later that

afternoon i get a text message from the video game repair store your your game gear is repaired so you got two game gears now well i have to go pick up this other game gear two game gear house and the repair is a $100 repair. And now I know that you can get an $80 Game Gear that's already been... So I'm already pretty bent out of shape about Game Gears. Okay? Then I make a deal with this child. The deal is this.

I will watch Mortal Kombat the movie with her. If she will watch Rumble in the Bronx with me. Darring the great Jackie Chan. I just been talking about... Which Mortal Kombat movie? The recent one or the 90s one? The 90s one. I'm about halfway in and it

really would be hard for it to be worse. It's really, really, really brutally bad. It's a nightmare. You don't like the acting styles of Mr. Christopher Lambert? It is just astonishing, this movie. It really, like, there are episodes of Xena that are more compellingly cinematic than this film. Xena that are more compellingly cinematic than this film. But anyway,

we're watching Rumble in the Bronx, which you know, I mean, is every bit as silly, only it also has Jackie Chan, the fucking... And Hovercraft. Greatest movie star of all time. So,

Jackie Chan in this movie befriends a child in a wheelchair who lives next door to him. And you know how he does it. He comes to town from China. He comes to New York city from China. He hands this kid a goddamn Sega game gear, right?

Straight from the airport. He's good's he brought a game gear with him in case he met any crippled children the um game gear they put in a lot of movies there was a like there was a movie called surf ninjas um where i believe rob schneider was the comedy relief um and a kid had a game gear that could like predict the future so like he would see events on his game gear and then they would you know transpire in real life well knowing this game gear you know what it probably predicted the batteries in the game gear are gonna run out yeah yeah those took a lot of batteries uh in rumble in the bronx this fucking kid is playing the game gear and do they still do this in movies where it's like having a you know how in a movie this

somebody will have a paper cup full of coffee and they'll drink from it and it's the least convincing thing that you see on a screen ever. And then all you can do for the rest of your life is just stare at people in movies. Look at every movie cup. Yeah. And you're just like, God, there's nothing in there.

They could just put water in there. It would... Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. If there's any like movie prop people listening to this, I suspect we have a couple. Why don't they just put water in there? I guess it would spill on the costume or something.

Yeah, maybe. But I don't know. It's so weird too, because you don't even see their throat muscles do anything. And it's like nothing is happening. But also they're just- We want to see them throats move. They're flicking their arm around like.

Right. Anyway, my point is, I don't know if they still do this thing. You know how in the golden age of video games, as far as we're concerned, which is to say 1988 to 1997. They never got better. They never got better they never got better on on tv or in films the there would just be sort of stock footage of a video game playing on the screen while the the actors just move their thumbs around at random and random sounds played that had nothing to do with either one of them right they were maybe like random this always bugged me as a kid um

was like when the sounds coming out of the console were the like the wrong generation of sound effect oh yeah they sounded they all sounded like atari yeah there was a sound bank of atari sound effects that probably just got used was like still in use you know into the 2000s sir this is an xbox 360 yeah thank you i know so not only is this kid doing that just moving his thumbs like this kid has played a video game before you don't do that there's no game in that there's no game in the fucking game gear oh man really a game gear has a big hole in the back where the game goes it's not like it's not like we were looking over the kid's shoulder down at the screen and so the fact that we're looking straight at the hole where a game should be i hope somebody fucking got fired

for that i hope somebody got fired and their house taken away for that jesus fucking christ probably ruined the whole movie you You know, you can only, if you want your movie to be rated R instead of NC-17, you can only show the hole where a game should be for seven seconds. Can't. Sure. Why don't you stick Echo the Dolphin in there?

Can't let the camera linger, you know? Yeah. Anyway, I got to stick echo the dolphin somewhere you guys want to uh take a little break 206-9844-FUN or jjcoe at maximumfun.org are you tired of being picked on for only wanting to talk about your cat at parties do you feel as though your friends don't understand the depth of love you have for your guinea pig? When you look around a room of people, do you wonder if they know sloths only have to eat one leaf a month? Have you ever dumped someone for saying they're just not an animal person?

Us too. She's Alexis B. Preston. She's Ella McLeod. And we host Comfort Creatures, the show where you can't talk about your pets too much, animal trivia is our love language, and dragons are just as real as dinosaurs. Tune in to Comfort Creatures every Thursday on Maximum Fun. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Hi everyone, I'm Laura House.

And I'm Annabelle Gurwitch, and sometimes it feels like the whole world is a dumpster fire. Right? There's too much to worry about. That's why we make tiny victories. It's a 15-minute podcast where we celebrate our minor accomplishments and fleeting joys. And listeners call in, like Valerie, who found the perfect gift for her daughter's boyfriend. And Adam, who finally turned his couch cushion the right way. And little happinesses, like how birdsong helps your brain. That's science.

So join us in not freaking out for 15 minutes a week. That's Tiny Victories with Annabelle and Laura, Mondays on Maximum Fun. It's a tiny victory just to make a network promo. Honestly. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

And it's Kimberly Clark, waffle cone. You sound sad about that. I did, didn't I? Your heart sounded heavy, Kim. I don't want you to have to suffer. It's the heat. Did you say waffle cone? Yeah, I said waffle cone.

But that's great to be a waffle cone. Who wouldn't like to be filled with delicious ice cream? That's true. I would love that. I'll tell you who'd love that. Fucking Bob Barker. Oh, yeah. Fill me up, daddy, he'd say.

Sure, yes. Grab a handful of Rocky Road and stick it on up. A fistful. A fistful. Rocky Road. Jordan, what are you putting your ice cream in? You go into an ice cream restaurant. Yeah. What are you ordering that cream in

oh i don't i don't love cones i think you know my problem with the cone is always that like ice cream is so good right cones are okay so you have this great dessert and a couple of bites of cone are good and then you just have this half of a cone. That's just this kind of like bummer cookie. And you know, I, yeah. So I'll,

I'll, I'll take it in a dish. It's less fun. Um, I know, but, uh, you know,

it's how I prefer my ice cream. Now, Jordan, I think, you know, that I know that you're one of these fucking crazy ass joker freaks classic joker but yeah like a caesar like a caesar romero yeah a lot of fun boxing glove comes out of a present but deadly gas yeah the gas i might kill i murder but it's like kind of funny

kind of campy you know yeah it's like he knows what he's doing you know i have to say though that you're completely right about this there's nothing better than the idea of an ice cream cone. The high fun factor. The fun factor is high. To hold a cone of ice cream in your hand is to hold the American dream in your hand. Yeah. Walk around. To just know the spirit of really believing in something. Right.

But you know what's happening? Ice cream is getting on your hand. If you have a sugar cone, it's a disappointing cookie. If you have a standard cone, you eat it as fast as you can just to get rid of it. Because it's such a zero.

Mm-hmm. Just to get rid of it. Because it's such a zero. Such a fucking... A fortune cookie is a Jacques Pepin delicacy compared to a regular ice cream cone. You know, I beg to differ about sugar cones, though. You know what my favorite part of the sugar cone was?

When they fill it up with chicken noodle soup no but when you get to the bottom and you have that little ice cream soup you're right yep you're right it's still a soup it's still a soup no you're right yeah that that i think that you're right that's a that's that's a way that a cone can be fun when it's like kind of soaked in the ice cream yeah i i agree there's there's something to that a cone can be fun when it's like kind of soaked in the ice cream. Yeah, I agree. There's something to that. I love that.

Can I pitch something to you guys? Uh-huh. I don't know what kind of treat you guys got at the ballpark. For a long time, I was a chocolate malt man. Reason being, that and a red rope were the only things you could buy for less than $2. However, the chocolate malt was supplanted by the drumstick which well it cost more than two dollars still was one of the least expensive things at the ballpark and thus the thing that i could buy when i was a kid teen at the bottom of the drumstick the drum drumstick is a sugar cone lined with chocolate with ice cream inside and a candy shell on top.

And at the bottom of that sugar cone is a little portion, a little tiny sort of mini ice cream cone of chocolate. Yeah. Because the chocolate pours into the cone and a little bit of it puddles at the bottom. I like that even better than the soup. Although I don't know. Listen, I don't know that these are, these desserts are in different classes. Scoop of ice cream from a parlor is different than a frozen novelty. Jesse, what you're describing is a frozen novelty.

You know me and my quiescently frozen confections. You know how I feel about it's a cadoodles. Sure. However, I would argue that stops. But Jordan, in general, and granted, we should be addressing waffle cones here. In general, I'm with you 100%. At the end of the day, the star here is the ice cream.

with you 100 at the end of the day the star here is the ice cream and the toppings are the are going to go better into a cup than they are on a cone sure and i really want to eat it from a spoon so i'm with you give it give it to me in a cup if you want to put if you want to do that thing i'm not opposed to the thing where you put it in the cone and then dump the cone into the cup. Yeah, like a clown hat. Yeah, like a little clown. You know what? Let's go out on that.

Let's go out. We all agree that you should dump it into a clown hat. Clown hat, clown hat, clown hat. Kimberly Clark, I hope that everyone will go see you performing stand-up comedy across the Southern California area and across this great nation as you traverse

these 50 great states of ours thank you thank you it's always nice to see you pal our producer on the program Matt Lieb, producer emeritus Thank you. Thank you. JordanJesseGo. And if you want to support charity, send $5 cash and a self-addressed stamped envelope to JordanJesseGo sticker offer. Los Angeles, California 90057. Remember, include a self-addressed stamped envelope and you'll get one of our cool yellow stickers that says, Keep Honking!

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