Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Stankus The Rat, with Mike Drucker

Episode Date: May 29, 2025

On this week’s episode, we welcome comedian and writer, Mike Drucker, to chat about stackin’ damage, comics made by children, the Omegavese, his new book (Good Game, No Rematch: A Life Made of Video Games), and more!Jordan will be at the Toronto Comic Arts Festival, June 7th and 8th!Jordan’s new Spider-Man’s comic is out now!Pre-order Jordan’s new Godzilla comic! Be sure to get our new ‘Ack Tuah’ shirt in the Max Fun store.Or, grab an ‘Ack Tuah’ mug!The Maximum Fun Bookshop!Follow the podcast on Instagram and send us your dank memes!Check out Jesse’s thrifted clothing store, Put This On.Check out Producer Steven and Margaret Cho’s chat on See Jurassic Right about the “Movies That Made Us Queer.”Follow brand new producer, Steven Ray Morris, on Instagram.Listen to See Jurassic Right!

Give a little time for the child within you don't be afraid to be young and free undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh I'm Jesse Thorne America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris boy detective. Well happy birth first of all Jordan happy birthday. Oh my god it's your birthday. Jordan oh my god I can't believe we're doing this congratulations on turning 19 again Yep, I'm I'm barely legal I brought you a present. I brought a present to the to the office. Oh my gosh should I unwrap it live? Yeah, you can wrap it live on I don't know how well it'll pay off. I'm this is great

I mean, I love getting presents at the top of the show. Let's make this a segment. Jordan gets a little present. Sure. Maybe like one of those little boxes of six lint truffles. Ooh, that would be nice. That would be a good present. That would be a very, I mean, I'll never turn down a truffle. Call me a pig. Or one of those specific pigs.

Yeah, snort, snort, snort. Snort, snort, snort. Okay, so first thing, the card. You gotta read the card first. I'm sorry, I'm a classic present getter, and then I read the card first. Yeah. Sue me. Like E-40, I'm a real good at get-f.

Oh yeah? Yeah. That's good. So this says, Happy 11th birthday, Jordan. There are two. There's a couple of aviators in a plane. They're looking cool. And inside the card, they're parachuting out and says, there's a little poem inside.

It's really lots of fun to fly. And you, of course, are flying high. Oh, man, they know I smoked weed before I came? Because your birthday is today and you're 11, so hooray. Here's wishing you lots of, here's wishing lots of joy to you and lots of happy landings to happy birthday and it's thanks Thanks for being my friend and partner. You are great. Jesse. Oh, come on, man. Thank you This is a lovely card for being my friend. I Yeah, same to you. Thank you for being my friend. What a great episode so far

This this card this looks vintage. This looks like an-time card. We're maybe 1950 ish. Yeah, this is neat made in the USA It says on the back cool. It's gorgeous. Thank you Now we get into the good stuff Okay, oh This looks like another card. Maybe I'm gonna take a swing and say made by a child Yeah, so this is and if you drew this I'm sorry I think you can this is your real so look take a look at your real gift first. Oh look at this Godzilla King of the Monsters from Marvel comics this is very cool

1977 oh my god. This is very cool. Jesse. I it's a it's issue number one. That's highly collectible whoa Man, I'm gonna slab this up. Yeah, you got to first get it graded and then slab it. That's what I would say. This is great. So yeah, for a while, Marvel Comics had the Godzilla license in the 70s. And yeah, these were cool. I've never held one of these before. I've seen them.

They're legendary. Yeah. They're currently kind of sort of bringing them back. There's a thing where Godzilla is now fighting like Spider-man and stuff and they're doing some homages to these covers All right, so it's in the zeitgeist. This is great. Thank you, man. Of course, and then I got you another comic book I was at the flea market right this morning. There's nothing else in there. That's okay. No, there's some crinkly paper We know what Jordan really likes to get for his birthday. I was at the flea market this morning Of course, I got this 11th birthday card for you. I found this Godzilla comic book

I'm 11 again a Godzilla number one and then number one. I got you this other comic book Okay, it's by two brothers who were selling their comic books at the flea market great I would guesstimate their ages at 10 and 8 mm-hmm that would be my best guess and I just chose this one because it's also an episode one It's a it's an issue one right so it's very collectible or slab this out a highly collectible I don't know if you want to let people know what what the title is this is Stankus the rat number one. Yes, thank us the rat so there is aankus the Rat, number one. Yeah, Stankus the Rat. So there is a rat on the front.

He looks to be crawling along some bamboo, and I think he is bleeding from the penis. He appears to have a wound where his penis would be. And just to clarify for folks listening at home, a lot of these comics were black and white comics, but as the brother's mother pointed out to me as I paid a dollar for this she said this one's color I believe the issue is called this. Oh the sewers. Okay. Yeah, I think I could probably just read this whole thing on air Yeah, I think that's the best juice Why not Stankus thank Stankus?

This is panel one. This is Stankus the rat and he is letting out a fart and it says blast. It's good so far. He is, I can't describe and then I think he's worshipping the moon. Yeah. He's saying woo. Yeah. Oh, maybe he's like transforming.

Here's the story. Okay. What's the story? Well, Stankus's saying woo. Yeah. Oh, maybe he's like transforming. Here's the story. Okay. What's the story? Well, Snankus is saying ah. Okay, good. Now he's falling off something that says plop. Yeah. And now he's saying blap. Sure. That's it now. Okay. And he's on some sort of boat. The pieces are coming together. Yahoo! And he's jumping off the boat. Finally he had fresh water. And then now he's back on the boat again and there's some panels of water. Great. Is that sort of the first story? Is it like a compilation?

Yeah, there's one other story here. Okay, I'm sorry. So now I think he's worshipping the moon. We see him in the moon. He says woo. Now he says wah. Now a drawing of a pond. This is all classic Stankus by the way.

Woo and wah. We all, that's Stankus for you. So he's jumping in the water, it says splash. There's text that says it was a maze. Now a text that says two hours later. Tap, tap tap tap. And then Stankus is crawling out of the water, I guess, and saying tap tap tap. And then the next panel. But then he saw her, his mom, but she was corrupted. And that's it!

That's it! What? Cliffhanger! That's how they get you. Now I gotta subscribe. Next month I'll go back and getanger. That's how they get you. Now I got to subscribe. Next month I'll go back and get Stankus number two. Thank you. God, I got to know what happens with his corrupted mom.

The reason I chose these comics for you, Jordan. I'll give this out in case our guest wants to have a peek at Stankus. I know that you love comics. I do. You're actually a comic book writer yourself. Thank you. Yes. In fact, you have your own Godzilla comic book, Godzilla versus LA in stores right now.

Also a number one. Yeah. Very collectible. And I know you love Godzilla because of course I've known you to love Godzilla for many many years. One of my guys. But also because you know you've been working on Godzilla. Sure. And I know you love Stankus the Rat. Right. I'm always going on about Stankus my Stankus tattoo. One of the pictures of Stankus on the cover, and I mean these are children, so I don't

think this is the kind of imagery they're playing with here, but it looks a little bit like he's coming a fart cloud? That might be what's happening. That might be what's happening. Do they think farts come out of penises? I don't know, and that you bleed when you fart Okay, these kids need to go to the doctor You're out there and you're listening kids. Is there a doctor at the Pasadena City College?

Take you to the doctor. You should not bleed while farting. I know they have a good band program I don't know if they have any EMTs. I often see the band people warming up, you know While we're at the flea market our guest on the program this week probably didn't even bring anything for Jordan Oh my god. I'm so sorry. What the fuck? I know he brought me some more paper I'm stankus. Look at me. He's the author of a brand new book called Good Game, No Rematch. Please welcome for the first time to Jordan Jesse Goh, Mike Trucker. Hello, everybody. Hi, Mike. How are you?

I'm good. I was struggling to not laugh throughout the Stankus the Rat segment. Okay, so I don't think this is his penis. I think that he is this is his ass facing us the camera per se and his head is almost like a little Crained back. Oh, it looks like a dog might be looking at you T. He you see what I mean like oh shit You know what I mean? That's I think that's butthole so he has a star butthole. He's got a star butthole He looks like a salamander. Yeah, no no I have no disputes on that his rat like qualities And there, but you know I I'm sorry I misinterpreted. I never finished Scott McCloud's understanding comments, so I Maybe just didn't read that right so you understand the more Abstracted the rats face and butthole are the more you identify with the rat in its butthole exactly

Honestly what broke me on that is the two hours later two hours later That is what cracked me on that one It's really good Yeah, you could have the funniest people on earth write a comic and not have a random two hours later that doesn't matter I think it's maybe the time it took for his mom to become corrupted Maybe that's how long it takes to corrupt a mom. I think so yeah based on personal experience Sure, you've corrupted a mom or two in your day Yeah, you have to be really gross yeah, but also kind of nonsensical

So like kind of have a gross tone, and then people don't know what you're talking about so you don't get canceled. Oh man Mike you're you're in town doing doing book events. Yes, sir For a video game book. Yes, I this is a fun. This is a fun excuse to sit down as three Toxic gamer bros. Yeah. Yeah and talk games. Yeah Steven you gotta go. You're a fake, babe. I got come I got found out Yeah, Steven just says he likes games so he could get some more subscribers to his hot tub stream. Oh, yeah, of course I'm still in the bathwater This is a stupid question because I know the answer yeah, but I want to hear from you

I'm of course alluding to a Genre of twitch streamer were like a babe type will just stream from a hot tub They're selling the water after oh, yeah The water yeah, what do they play video games in the hot tub? You know we're reaching the limit of my knowledge of that unclear. I've haven't I mean it's stuck in the hot tub No, that's a dryer. Jesse. That's where ladies are getting me like the sides of the hot tub are so slippery Still slipping and sliding in there she was corrupted and then she was corrupted Mike what are your what are your sorts of games? What games do you like to play?

When you're not writing about them, what are you playing? I love a good role-playing game. I think ever since I was a little kid, I love a good role-playing game. I also love, you know what, I love like weirdo indie games. I think that's probably what I spend the most of my money and time on, are like $5 horror games that take two hours to finish.

Like there was this one game I played recently called kiosk where you're just sort of running a food kiosk late into the night that like people coming home from Their jobs that's some game shit Shit, and it's very scary, and it's scary in a way that I didn't expect and it's creepy And so I've been playing a lot of those Some games like sim City have been playing a two point museum, which is a very fun game where you get to make a way from museum, which is sort of like my childhood dream

because I love museums and I love SimCity. So I'm sort of like into, mostly like single player games. I like games that either have a good story or let me like create some sort of empire or urban landscape. Okay. You like to feel as though you are a god. I like to feel like I'm a god

or an important person in story. I don't need to be on a team. Yeah. Yeah. Or be yelled at by a child. Or be yelled at by a child or told by my brother how bad I am at a game. He asked me to play with him.

Jesse, I am wondering, so Jesse, if I can maybe describe your gaming life for Mike, and let me know if any of this is incorrect. Jesse is kind of an occasional gamer, but like, when you get into something, you really get into it. Yeah. Yeah, you're not like, I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna fuck around with a couple Fortnites before I go to bed. You're like...

I get very bored by a Fortnight type thing. Okay. Yeah. Anything with a lot of intense action, I get bored with pretty quick. Because I just get over... I'm just like overwhelmed and I can't see the point of doing it. I sort of like check out real fast. But yeah, I have played all of Skyrim twice

So that's kind of where I'm going that would you fair to say that Skyrim is maybe you're like all-time Yeah, I mean if you exclude So if you exclude baseball mogul, okay. Yeah text base baseball games You would have to exclude baseball mogul by the way Yeah, he had text-based baseball games. You would have to exclude baseball mogul. By the way, I don't play baseball mogul anymore. I play out of the park baseball now. I finally got used to the interface, so I switched over to out of the park baseball.

Having a great run. But that's just the other spreadsheet baseball game, right? Just to be clear. 100%. I mean, both of these have a game mode where like little pictures of baseball players move around the field and they're like a like a Mattel game from 1984. Anyway, yeah, Skyrim is the thing that I have done the most. And my friend, Nick White, former producer of Bullseye with Jesse Thorne, longtime friend

of Maximum Fun, he texted me that there's a new Skyrim but it's not Skyrim and it's not new. So this is... Yeah, they remade Oblivion. Yeah. Yeah, this is kind of what I was curious about. Yeah, so one of the old Elder Scrolls games. The game right before Skyrim was Oblivion. Right. And they remade it. What is this? I don't understand why they don't just make a new Skyrim. That was a long time ago. They're working on it. They released a trailer that was like five... This was literally like three to five years ago. They released a trailer for the next game, Elder Scrolls 6, and it was just the low...

It was almost like a shut up, assholes, we're making. And it already made $50 million because I played so much of this. They came out with this space Skyrim. So I've played I've played our fallout. I played fallout before and I I play fallout. I've played it a lot because it's the same as Skyrim. But to me, it's like if Skyrim was trying to be funny but wasn't, which is a little bit of a burden for it. Also, I don't like looking at gross stuff particularly. Between those two things, between thinking it's funny and not being, and having to look at gross stuff, it falls down a level for me from Skyrim.

But I've played it. I've spent dozens of hours playing that stupid thing. So you're excited about this oblivion? You sound not excited. Okay, so but then I got Space Skyrim, right? Starfield, Starfield. Yeah. And that, again, I liked that it was the same as Skyrim.

Okay. Right, I liked that part of it. Space Skyrim. And I liked that there are the same as Skyrim. Okay, right. I like that part of it space Skyrim and I like that there's spaceships and shit Yeah, honestly, I'd rather look at spaceships and shit than look at Skyrim shit. Okay, but They didn't really figure out how to do a good job So I played a lot of it and it didn't really add up to anything Okay, and most of it is just pressing a button and then you're at a new planet

But the new planet has the exact same shit on it as the other planet you were on Yeah, not sure why they have so many planets when they could just come up just have like 25 planets that you actually have a plan for yeah, and I think this was like a pretty common criticism All right, I don't know. I didn't I didn't read the I didn't read the news You gotta start reading USA Today And I think this was like a pretty common criticism. All right. I don't know. I didn't read the news. So my concern is, sir. You got to start reading USA Today to get. This filled the New York Times opinion pages for months. They had some weirdly bad takes, too.

So I've been really to OK. I'll text Jamel Bowie and find out what he thinks about this thing. I bet he has an opinion. Yeah, I feel like Jamel probably. So here's my Here's my concern about this new Skyrim. Yes, sir What does it mean?

This game is from before Skyrim. Yeah, well like the entry in the series But like in the Elder Scrolls series they're each taking place if I'm and someone's gonna be very mad at if I'm wrong But they're each taking place in a different region of this like large world. Yeah, and So let me interject here Mike. I want to be really clear about this Yes, I I have played through Skyrim two whole times two whole times start to finish If I were to give a score from 0 to 100 of how much I care about the world of Skyrim or the story of the game Skyrim, I would put it at 2. Okay, out of between 100. Where 100 is a lot and 0 is not at all. There's a few things I needed to try and remember about why you turn back into a vampire or whatever.

Right. Now, I will say that every time they're talking, I'm trying to press the button to get them to shut the fuck up. I'm like, why am I watching the worst syndicated television show of all time when I could be wandering around gathering herbs? I think the problem that we're running into is I don't think you like Skyrim.

I love it so much. I like the part where you're running into is I don't think you like Skyrim. I love it so much. I like the part where you're playing a video game. I just don't like the part where you're watching a horrible television show. Well, I hate to break it to you, but Oblivion will give you more of the same. There's a lot of fun stuff to do. I like Skyrim more than it, but I haven't played this remake, so I don't know how great it is or not. Did they make it look like it's new yes, okay like apparently it's I haven't played it So I could be wrong, but apparently it's like they called it a

Remaster, but people are saying it's much more like a remake entirely okay. I'll buy that I'll buy that what do I gotta pay? $20 oh man 60 for a fucking game from 20 years ago? No, but don't look at me! Why are you doing this to me, Mike? I didn't make it. Why did you make the price that? I'll call the guys and talk to them.

Is it because of bird flu? It's because of bird flu. Okay. You need millions of eggs. Not much you can do about that. Uh, Mike, what's the last game you got, like, super obsessed with? The last game I got super obsessed with?

The last game I got super, super obsessed with, that would probably be, for some reason, I got really sucked into Persona 5 Royale. Okay. What's that? So, Persona 5 is this Japanese role-playing game. Mm-hmm. I've only played the common man's

for Persona 5. Yeah. It's a Japanese role-playing game. I like it so far. Japanese role-playing game. I've only played the common man's perfect one. It's a Japanese role-playing game. I like it so far. Japanese role-playing game series in which in each of these games sort of they have like connected themes and monsters, but you don't really need to play one to know the other. And you're high school students who have these magical powers, these magical beings that inhabit you called personas that can do magic and shit and there's high jinks around the high school involving death and curses and whatnot and I've been told to play it for years, and I'd like got into it like it's one of those games You ever really like have a game where you get five hours into it

Maybe three or four times you're like I'm just not clicking with it and for some reason in this scenario I've been playing this game for 20 hours all the planets are the same yeah but I really got hooked into it in a way where like it started to like it was the first time in a long time where it almost negatively affected my life or I definitely like missed a stand-up show because I didn't realize I was just playing straight through that's like probably the extent of it ruining my life like I didn't ruin a relationship or anything but it was you watch any lore videos I did like and I started watching the anime based on it which I'm

not even a big anime guy so for that for me to like be like I'm gonna watch the anime The anime is based on the game not the other way around yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah and it's fine, but I don't know that was the last game that really grabbed me and it Which is weird because I tried to break into it a couple times And I just wasn't a super big fan even though I like the previous entries in the series Jordan will play a game that is much too hard for me. Like I will... Jordan's dramatically better at playing video games than I.

And also finds games that are fast and furious. Not based on the fast and... although... Hey, if they should crank one of those out. Yeah, I would play that. Yeah. But Jordan, Jordan, like an intense, an intense sensory experience with a lot of responding to stimulus and being like really skilled at combos and pressings and stuff. That just makes me want to cry is what Jordan finds calming to his heart. But I think Jordan also, like, when he is into that, will get into the world of the game in a way that I will check out of right away. You know, I think for me, the only games that I have done that...

I'm a little bit more tolerant to video game stories than you are but like overall You know I I that's not what I'm there for there's been a couple that have grabbed me Yeah, for the most part. I'll try and see I'm at cutscene the far end of the spectrum where I like I I just hit your camera You read that I'm at the read the not you read the novelizations. I read the novelizations. I read the lore I get really deep into it I mean not for every game, but like if a game really grabs me I try to like dig deep and find out like fan theories and stuff. Yeah, I don't really care what the fan theories are It's just fun for me to like read up more information on something like that

What an example of a fan theory be like a bunch of guys Worked and some ladies worked really really hard To try and make a video game that people would give them $60 for. And it turned out that fan theory was correct. Yeah. We found the Easter eggs that proved that people worked hard. But the games that I do do that for are the like From Soft Dark Souls games. Yeah, that makes sense. And the thing that I like so much about the lore of that is that if you play the game,

it is not there. Like, if you play one of those games, you're like, wow, that took me a long time and was really hard. And someone's like, there was a story. I'm like, shut up, no there wasn't. Shut the fuck up. Like, no, if you read all the item descriptions, you learn the, you know,

you learn the tragic tale of Radon. You know? Jordan, nothing on earth could make me more angry than a fucking story contained in an item. Yeah. Skyrim is full of that, and every time it makes me so mad. There's all these books, and I'm like,

there's like a button you press to read the book? And I'm like, if I wanted to read a book, I'd read one of the many good books I haven't read. I'm so bad at reading real books that other people enjoy and have enjoyed for decades. Can I ask you a question? What do you like about Sky? I don't mean to circle back.

You have to give it one pure compliment. First of all, I like looking around at different stuff. Okay, cool. All right, great. I like going around and doing stuff. Check. I like missions. Check, but not talking.

But not talking missions because it's never been, that's never been fun to me in a video game. Oh, I love that. Anything where you're like, have to convince somebody of something. I'm just like, I'm just trying to figure out what some fucking robot wants You know, yeah, you don't do a dialogue. I know I will make I will I swear to God

I will make a character and I will put all the points into that all in the points into charisma and intelligence Where they have like little arms and weak legs, but like they will their way out of anything. I love it I will do that only to the extent that it allows me to skip more dialogue As my character has like talk them into doing it points. I but I love I love walking around I love making fucking potions and shit. Yeah, I like I like a game where I can do fights But it's not too intense. So I like a game where I can use a bow and arrow Yeah, I like a game where I can use a bow and arrow. Yeah. I like a game where I can load up on spells beforehand so that I don't die right away. That makes sense, that'll make sense.

Do you think you like Starfield less because there was no bow and arrow? Yes. A hundred percent yes. I feel like bow and arrow is something I really like in a game because there are gun equivalents to bow and arrow is something I really like in a game because there are gun equivalents to bow and arrow. Yeah.

But no matter what, it always requires you to be moving a lot faster than bow and arrow does. Like there's no like pow pow pow pow with bow and arrow ever. And so like when I'm playing Skyrim, invariably what I will do is I'll like get my bow and arrow powers up Yeah, and then I will get a super bow and then I will start putting poison on my arrows And then all I want to do is just be able to chill out fucking go behind a rock Fucking point it for as long as I want at the bad guy Shoot him and then be like, oh, yeah

I had so many poisons and like fucking times fours on there Yeah, I killed the bad guy with the bow and arrow now. I can just go get his magic armor That sounds you know what you've actually convinced me. That's very nice. Yeah, you sold me on that I do like walking around and doing stuff Yeah, I mean I like that sounds like you like stacking damage to I do it so do like stack I like the love of damage multiplier stack damage. Did you ever play Skyrim in VR? No, I my my daughter got One of those goggles for PlayStation. Yeah, and I like put it on

With Skyrim in yeah, it wasn't but it wasn't VR Skyrim It was just the kind where you can look around. Yeah, like it wasn't but it wasn't VR Skyrim. It was just the kind where you can look around Yeah, like it wasn't like it wasn't one special. There's a version of it special That's VR. Yeah, this was just playing regular Skyrim with the VR goggles on like so so it made it into a your display And I did find that distressing Mike do you like are you like a hardware guy? Do you always get a new hardware when it comes out? I always get a new hardware. I'm not a big graphics guy necessarily, so I'm not someone who feels the need to always

get the newest GPU when it comes out for my PC. I just want things to run pretty well. So if you were reading GamePro magazine, you would skip past the rating that tells you how the graphics are, and you would go right to Fun Factor. I'd go right to fun factor and then story. Yeah. That wasn't one of the game pro things. I think it was graphics, sound, gameplay, fun factor challenge.

Yeah. I believe. Which really, like, two, like, some of those are the same thing, really. Yeah. I, but I'm definitely getting, like, a Switch 2 when it comes out. I already have a pre-order in. I like, I just like, you know, getting those systems. Also, like, when you're a kid

Video games are one of the most expensive hobbies you can have like it costs like all of your birthday money To buy one when you're an adult you're like yeah, I mean $500 is a lot of money, but I can I can you really come only one every other year You can figure it out figure it out. You got a job? Yeah, listen, I put this money as savings account. Time to take it out. You're like, I got book money. I got an advance. I've got one book and zero children. I like to, I like to the part of Skyrim where you put different things in the thing and then you press the button and see what happens And sometimes you get a cool potion. Yeah, and it's fun. How about that? That is fun

No, no, you're right. No, I get it. I get it. You you are you are a gameplay first person, which I respect Jesse You know what? You've convinced us. You're a toxic gamer, bro We thought maybe you were a fake gamer like Steven is. You know what? A lot of people out there are probably thinking Jesse only plays AAA titles. That of course is Adult Album Alternative. Yeah, sure. And sure.

He only played the REM game. Exactly. Of course, I do play Skyrim a lot and I did play Starfield. Yeah, yeah. But you know, I love indie games too, such as I played Goose Game and I played the game where you're in a tower looking for fires in a forest and then you wander around and you're really sad.

Oh, Firewatch. And that one I thought was really beautiful. I really liked that. That was. Everybody said I would like it and then I did. And it made it very sad. It makes you very sad that game. Yeah, it's a very sad game. But here's another question. Yes sir. So they got all these different people making a new Skyrim, right? Yes sir. And they've been working on this for what, the past 20 to 25 years? Yeah. I mean probably more more like 15. But yeah. How long could it take to make a new goose game? Everybody likes that. Sure.

Well, how come there's no new goose game? There's only like 12 puzzles in goose game. They can just keep the same goose. They don't need to improve the goose. Well, I mean, it's like, you don't, if sometimes you have perfections, like you don't need like Mona Lisa too. No, but Mona Lisa to Mona Lisa colon origins Well, I mean like once you figured out about having a goose do miss Jeff I mean, yeah, but that game was so good It's like you could create an infinite number of scenarios for the goose

We're gonna get out of this podcast and they're going to have announced a goose game too and I'm gonna feel so stupid they'll never make goose game too they'll never do it and not because I don't like it. I'll be dead in the ground before I see goose game too. I'll eat my shoe. they're all working on stankest threat shovelware yeah stankest colon origins honestly I find it like and I'm not I'm saying this in joke cadence because I was just laughing I find it very touching that that mom was out there with those kids. It is selling that comic That's a genuinely nice thing that I'm not a parent But if someone's a parent that seems like a great parent thing to do They're called the Wolfson brothers who created this by the way, they have their own comic book look I love that like I love and I love that they're working together on something like that.

I don't mean to get real for a second. I just think that's very nice. This is Stankus the Rat. He is... I can't describe it. Stankus the Rat sounds like one of those 80s indie comic characters though that would be everywhere on ads. What was that cat?

The... Crazy cat with a K? It was like a Garfield parody type cat. Yeah. Fritz the cat. Fritz the cat or something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, I think if this was, yeah, if this was the if this was the 90s, like, yeah, there would be Stankus would be on liquid television on MTV. Aeon Flux. Yes. Mike, have you ever had any of these jobs like these jobs that Jordan has once in a while where you you think of funny things for crash bandicoot to say yeah, definitely I've done that What's the best guy that you thought of or or lady or a talking animal?

Or goose I guess it's an animal. I mean the I've done some stuff What am I not under NDA for What are ongoing for Donald Trump? You know Elon Musk What do okay? So let me not name an ongoing job. You know I would say the my favorite thing Outside of what I'm doing right now is a kid Icarus uprising for the 3ds I got to write a ton of funny jokes for those characters And it was fun it was fun because that was also a Masahiro Sakurai game, and he does Smash Brothers

So I got to work with like one of those like big big big name people in gaming Did you get to shake his hand? No, we never actually met in person we had like some and this was like long before video calls were normal But we had like a ton of Japan to America video calls and ton of emails so we talked on video calls and via email Dozens and dozens of times, but we never met in person. That's a trip I find Smash Brothers very overwhelming Yeah, it's almost like it is almost a joke about an overwhelming game It is almost kind of like look how overwhelming we can make something.

And that's kind of how Sakurai is though. Sakurai is a designer who is someone who's like, I wanna fit all this in the game and I'm gonna do it. And he's, him and like Hideo Kojima are like two of those guys who like, will make crazy promises and deliver on them. And sometimes you don't like them, but they're exactly what they promise to deliver.

Sure. Jordan, I've seen Jordan play fighting games He's very good at fighting games. Okay, and when I see Very good. Look I've talked to I've talked. I mean I can't be your children I can kick your children's asses But when I see someone playing a fighting game, I can tell what's happening pretty much. You know, I can pretty much tell what's happening, even if they're really good at it. You know, like you can it's coherent to me.

We have a colleague here at the office, Julian Burrell, who produces Tizen fights, among other stuff for Maximum Fund, who is very proud of his abilities at Super Smash Brothers. If I see him playing Super Smash Brothers, let's say against our old friend Christian Duenas or whatever, I can't tell what's going on. Like I truly can't tell. In fact, I've played Smash Brothers, I don't know, 50 times probably in my life because my children have it, you know. I don't even know what the meters are. Like, I know that there's meters,

and I know eventually I'm dead. Can't tell what's happening, why they're going up or down. Jesse, that's how they weed out the casuals. Some meters are a joke. You gotta know. God damn it! Listen, hold on. Okay, let's take a break. We'll explain what the joke meters are to Jesse.

We'll come back with a little bit more. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesse Goh. It's Jordan and Jesse Goh. I am Jesse Thorn, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Of course, every episode of Jordan and Jesse Go is supported by the members of Maximum Fund. If you are a member, we thank you. If you're not yet a member, go to MaximumFund.org slash join and become one because you will get not only thank you gifts and self-satisfaction,

but also access to our many members only exclusive programs, including Stash Rules Everything Around Me, aka STREAM, our Burt Reynolds recap podcast, Gracie's Game Gauntlet, the podcast where Grace makes us play horrible video games. By the way, Grace has big plans for what she's calling Gracie's Game Gauntlet, Modern Madness. There's a perspective season two that she's described to me in detail. It involves a Halloween episode that's called Modern Mania. No, Modern Mania is the name of... Yeah, Modern Mania. Gracie's Game Gauntlet, Modern Mania. And then there's a Halloween episode that's called Modern... Oh man, I'm sorry, Grace, I'm really... The point is, she found out that there's a Babe Pig in the City video game.

It was released for PlayStation 2 well into the PlayStation 3 era, and it's just called Babe, but it's based on Babe Pig in the City and it seems sort of like it's like a flash game that they just put on PlayStation. Wow. Okay. Well, sounds like this is going to be premium member content when this rolls around. MaximumFun.org slash join is where you go to become a member and get access to all of

that great stuff. We're also supported this week by the folks at Brooklyn Bedding. Jordan, it is easy to get into bed troubles. Oh man, don't get me started. I've had bed troubles most of my life, but I just see, you know what? I don't have them anymore. Why is that? Nary a bed trouble have I, for I am sleeping on a mattress from the good folks at Brooklyn bedding? Ah twain twain twain. Yes I am catching Z's like nobody's business Jesse. This mattress is so comfortable. I'm sleeping great

I'm sleeping better than I have in a long, long time. It's a really, really fantastic mattress. I think if you're having sleep problems, if you're having temperature issues on your bedding, Brooklyn Bedding's got something for you. They've been around for over 25 years. They're known for top of the line comfort and quality without the luxury price tag. Jordan, you a back sleeper, a side sleeper? Where do you sleep? Oh, on the side, baby. Yeah, me too. And you know what? I'm a little side piece.

If you don't have the right mattress, side sleeping is big trouble. Yeah, it can be. It can be. You got to get yourself a premium mattress from Brooklyn Bedding so you know you can do all this side sleeping you want without compacting your little vertebrae. That's right. And hey, it's risk-free because you can sleep on it for up to 120 nights. If you don't love it, they'll help you return it or pick out a different one. Go to brooklynbedding.com and use our promo code JJGO at checkout to get 30% off sitewide.

This offer is not available anywhere else. We're also supported this week by a new podcast called Josie's Lonely Hearts Club. It's a semi-scripted audio drama set in New Mexico's second best relationship call-in show. On air, Josie Heller mends the broken hearts of a weekly collection of hilarious improvisers. Off air, listeners eavesdrop on the life of Josie's secret identity, timid neurotic Joanne Holtzinger. Join Joanne and her puckish producer Frank while they navigate the pitfalls of love and fame as the show slowly becomes a national sensation. Jordan, they describe this as love line meets who's line. Two of the best lines. We just they just had a guest appearance from our pal Hal Lublin in season five of the program.

Hey, one of the funniest guys around. It is a combination sitcom, improv show, prank show, scripted, unscripted, all kinds of things. Season five premieres June 4th. Join the club by subscribing and catch up on every episode wherever you get your podcasts. And hey, just a quick note to all our Canadian listeners. I know you're out there. I know you're numerous. Come on down to the Toronto Comic Arts Festival and see me.

Get some book signed, get some comic signed. Saturday, June 7th, Sunday, June 8th. It's free to attend and it's at 50 Carlton Street. Okay, we'll see everybody in Canada. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Goh. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. And I am Mike Drucker, a nice person who's just trying his best. Jordan, you know how the most popular segment on our show is Overheards?

Yes, that's definitely our show. And you are definitely right. Yeah, it's definitely not show. And you are definitely right. Yeah, it's definitely not from stop podcasting yourself. Today I was at the flea market and I was just walking past- A good place for overheards, right? The only place for overheards in my life. I don't otherwise participate in public life in any meaningful way at all. I was just walking past somebody and I just heard her say, she just says, I mean, I was just walking past somebody and I just heard her say, she just says,

I mean, I was tempted to cook two eggs. I didn't. Just to be very clear, I didn't. I kept my cool. I'm not insane. Yeah. But I thought about it. Look, I'm not going to lie.

I think I was tempted. I thought about it. What do you think not gonna lie. I think I was tempted. I thought about it. What do you think was the clause that came right before that? I really, I mean, it was one of those mystery boxes that I was scared to open. Like the sex was so good. Yeah.

How good was it? I almost cooked two eggs. I almost cooked two eggs. Yeah, it was awe-inspiring. I also, I saw some license plates. Yeah, it was it was awe-inspiring I also I saw some license plates. Oh, okay lately. It's kind of an overseen. Yeah, it's an okay That's just this one's just a picture of my license plate that was so I could I saw it I Saw one today

that said Got bogs. Okay. B O G S like, like where they find like, I was wondering if a Shrek was driving. Oh yeah. I think Shrek was in a swamp, Jesse. Oh, okay. I don't know if that what's the, what's the difference between a bog and a swamp? I mean, dude, he's got swamps.

Yes. Yes. Is it like a square rectangle thing where every bog is a swamp? Right. And every's got swamps. Yes. Yes. Is it like a square rectangle thing where every bog is a swamp and every swamp is a bog? Yeah. I also saw a Toyota Sienna state minivan with this license plate. Oh. What does it say?

Fart van. That is very good. How does the state of California allow somebody to get a license plate that says Fart Van? You got to see the van. You got to get inside the van. Maybe they just told him it was Fartaven. Yeah. Probably Fartaven.

I'm originally from Fartaven, Connecticut is what they wrote in the... Ah yes, I left a summer. But Fart-Tavin. Here's the thing though, that's almost perfect if you wanted to commit a crime, because anyone reporting you, the police would think you were messing with them. That's kind of brilliant.

Yeah, what was the license plate? It was Fart Van. Okay, alright, thanks kids, hang up, bye. We're looking for someone holding a bag with a dollar sign on the side We believe it may be a farty They're leaving a chili cook-off Man

Y'all ever been to a chili cook-off. I would I don't I know them from fiction, but I know them from fiction, but I've never had the opportunity to go to one. If I saw one, if I saw one advertised, I would go to it. Can I ask a question? Sure. If you went to a, I've never been to a chili cook-off. I'd really like to go to one. I would love to. I could see one happening in one of the mountain communities

that neighbors the mountain community where my cabin is. you know, I can't see it happening in Sequoia crest but Camp Nelson. Yeah, maybe I could see it happening in Nelson Hey, you know what these fucking people in Nelson are like most cooking chili. Anyway, they got access to that tiny general store As opposed to no businesses at all, right? Here's my concern about a chili cook-off I am worried that- Will there be enough fart vans to take everyone there? You can drive a standard van there. It's getting old. I called the fart van app and it looks like it's just turning around. They show it. Is that

actually them? Yeah. No, this is my concern about the chili cook-off What if some of the chilies are too spicy? Yeah, well, that's why you gotta that's why you gotta ask them what alarm it is. Is it five alarm? Yeah or alarm? That's why you got to know the alarm system. Okay, how does the jalapenos? Yeah, how many jalapenos give me a guide to the alarm system real quick Jordan? I don't I know I know it exists. I know you you've been to a lot of chili cook-off No, I haven't I that's all this conversation started is me saying I've never Now I'm really lost on whether you've been to a cook-off or not for chili I I've no I've never been to I haven't been to any cook-offs honestly no

I've never known a single fucking cook-off my life 25 years, I've known my friend Jordan Morris of Camp Nelson, California. Right, of course. This whole time he's been lying about having been to many chili cook-offs. I've won several. Wow. No, I've never been to a cook-off, chili or otherwise. I gotta go. I've also never been to one of those things where there's like a hundred different people who are selling tacos. Right, yeah. I'd like to go to that of those things where there's like a hundred different people who are selling tacos.

Right, yeah. I'd like to go to that too. I mean, I like chili, but I love tacos. Sure. Yeah, I know. I feel like I see, you know, this is a popular thing you'll maybe get an Instagram ad for, like, you know, LA taco invasion or something like that. And yeah, obviously I see the appeal there. I'm just like, is this be a shit show. It's just gonna be a weird expensive shit show Here's my questions about here's my questions about these events and you know, we got look We got listeners in various food trucks across America It's the only category of listener we have other than librarian and graphic designer

So here's some questions if I go to one of these things I have to pay to get in right Then do I get free tacos or do I have to buy tacos once I am I just check it? I think Stephen well, I well you're reacting I feel like it's it's like a discount because I went to a beer garden one like that once we pay to cover And then it was maybe like five bucks. You got to see your friends fans. Yes, exactly. But yeah, I feel like there wasn't like a buffet free for all or at least the ones I've

been to. Okay. What kind of discount did you get? Well, I feel like the beer, like a pint would probably normally be like what, like 10 bucks or something, but these were all like at okay when you paid like a 20-dollar cover so maybe you're paying 20 bucks to get in and then it's a you know a buck a taco or something I don't know I don't know I don't know again I've never been to one of these here's my other concern what if I get up to the front what if I have to sit in a fucking line stand in a

line I mean if they got chairs that'd be nice you can bring your own chair yeah on the stools you pop out oh a pop a pop-out stool. Oh, what about a shooting stick? What if I brought a shooting stick? You know those? That's like a... A gun? Don't bring a gun, Jesse. No, it's like a...

Jesse, don't bring a gun. No, it's like a cane. If you imagine a cane, and at the bottom of the cane is a pokey thing, like at the bottom of a ski pole. Yeah. You know what I'm'm talking about a round thing with a poke coming out of it Yeah And at the top of the cane the handle you can pull the two halves of the handle apart and to the side Oh, yeah, there's a seat that stretches. Yeah, you should bring that with you. You can bring that so I bring I bring that with me Yeah, but I have to wait a long time for these tacos

What if I get up to the front and they're like, yeah here's your taco and they give me like a Like a demi taco, you know, like a half size. That's a concern And I gotta go get in another line for another half size taco How many fucking half size tacos do I got to eat before i'm satiated? These are I have similar concerns you take the number of tacos normally and divided by two There you go, because honestly if they gave me regular sized tacos, Yeah. Right?

I'd eat, I mean, would I eat six tacos? Is that like two tacos too many? Yeah, sure. But it's not, it's not insane. You're also walking around though, and you're socializing. You're making a night of it. Yeah.

If they're giving, if they're only giving me half tacos, I might accidentally eat 37 half tacos. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, there's no limit to accidentally eat 37 half tacos. You know what I mean? Like, there's no limit to the number of half tacos I would eat and I'd make myself violently ill. Plus I didn't never bothered to learn about the fucking alarm system. I mean, I learned about the alarm system to get in there. I had to figure out how to slide myself through those laser beams. Mike, do you have a top? Do you have a best? Okay, just so you know, I'm Catherine Zetta Jones. Go ahead, Jordan. No, I was going to ask, do you have an ideal cookout or a cook off? I guess I could say. Yeah, what would be your top cook off? My top cook off? Meth.

My top cook-off? Meth. Like, yeah, these are an alarm system, okay? Now, like, are we saying cook-off like what I could cook? Oh! This cook-off is BYOB, but the B stands for baking soda? Is this a crack cocaine cook-off? Oh boy. Yeah, the lines.

I mean, I can cook frozen peas and ramen pretty well. Ooh! Yeah, you make top ramen. I mean I can cook frozen peas and ramen pretty well Yeah, you make top ramen with the secret, then you pour frozen peas into it and they sort of act like ice cubes That's a fun hack anyway, this is the last time anyone will hear from me Have you ever been tempted to add two eggs? I have and I have. Oh, that makes a bad...putting an egg in some ramen tastes good. So good. Makes it all so silky. So good. I don't know what type of cook-off I would want to go to in terms of like if there was a specific food. The last one I went to was weirdly a Korean food

cook-off but it was in Montreal. You've been to cook-offs before and you didn't tell us this whole time? Well, because you guys were having, you know, you were having a riff. And I wanted you to... But it wasn't good. If you have something to say, it's better than that. You know, you don't cut the improv scene early because you got a new idea. I disagree.

I guess that's actually what you actually do. We have different improv philosophies, I suppose. If I was going to describe this situation, I would say, you cut the improv scene early if you have an idea. The first idea. So you were into a Korean food cook-off in Montreal? Yeah, if we're talking about sort of the same thing with the taco thing where there's like a ton of different foods available And you know that sort of thing. Yeah, did you eat? was was it just are we just talking about like

barbecue and bibimbap or are we talking about blood sausages and fucking the the shit that Our friend Oliver Wong who has eaten his way through all of Koreatown often tells me about I could not name them off the top My head, but they did have more than just like you know kimchi and shit They and the way it worked was you it was something like 20 bucks to get in but I think that came with two free Beers by the way put the kimchi in some instant ramen. That's a fucking winner by the way. Okay PS But it was amazing. It was but like everything was relatively cheap. It would be like three dollars for you know like I Don't know

Beep in Bob yeah It's not kimchi, I don't know Oh my god you lied about coming to Montreal It was cheap it was it was fun and like I think like I Think what's nice about the cover is that it means and this sounds obvious But everyone who's there wants to be there so you're not having people who are just sort of like well No, maybe I'll go there and buy a fucking taco, or maybe I'll just be in the way of everybody.

Everyone's actually trying to get the food, and it was super nice. It was like a nice day. Everything, all the food was cheap, and you got to decide what you wanted. I liked it. What were you up to in Montreal? At the time, I was in a relationship

with a person in Montreal. Oh! And we were going there together So is it Jonathan Goldstein? It was it was it was Jonathan Goldstein. Yes. He lives in Montreal It was not Jonathan Goldstein. Wait, I have a more important Montreal question Did you when you were at the Korean food cook-off in Montreal? Did you get to see Korean people speaking French? Um Yes, actually yeah, but just like you know when someone was like giving someone you know like just telling them how much something cost yeah I feel like the like the greatest display of superpower that I have ever

experienced is the seamstress who works on put this on pocket squares Nina yeah is Korean born in Korea and she and I speak English together because I don't speak Korean. Yeah. And, you know, she has, she has a came to the United States as an adult level of English. It's definitely work for her. Yeah. And then one time I was just in the shop and we were talking through something and somebody came in and she just turned to them and just started speaking to them in Spanish fluently and I was like, fuck yeah, this is incredible. Like if I went and lived in Korean, like could picture me learning Vietnamese as well.

Yeah. You know what I mean? I once dated someone who did that thing that you only see in movies where she natively spoke a language But does not look like she does and heard people talking shit about her like there were basically like a group of dudes who were like commenting on her body and she like turned and started speaking and Like I'd never it like it was like a movie scene like the way they freaked out and got off like immediately at the stop the way she looked Very pleased with herself. It was amazing. They just climbed out the bus window So in front of the bus, but you could see how embarrassed they were in the moment. Wow. Yeah

Yeah, that sounds like kind of a momentous occasion. Thanks Jordan when something momentous happens to you Give us a call at 206-984-4FUN or just record a voicemail and send it to us at jjgo at maximumfun.org. Here's an example. Hey, Jordan. Hey, Jesse. Hey, guest. This is Blake from Atlanta calling in with a momentous occasion. I started seeing somebody recently. Hey, guest. This is Blake from Atlanta calling in with a momentous occasion.

I started seeing somebody recently. We've been hanging out for about a month and she's smart, she's funny, she's beautiful. But most importantly, she has introduced me to the Omegaverse, which is a subgenre of erotic fan fiction where humans share behavioral traits with wolves and alpha male humans can impregnate omega males fiction where humans share behavioral traits with wolves and Alpha male humans can impregnate omega males

So needless to say I am saving up for a ring You guys have a good one. Let's say you guys were really into the Omegaverse. Maybe you are I'm I'm not I'm not I'm not in a wolf person. I'm more of like a theology type Okay, here's my question you're into the Omega verse yeah in what week of the relationship do you Teach your partner about this. Is it somewhere between week four and five which is to say when you've been dating for about a month Yeah, I I mean, you know, I think the first date chit chat There's always a little bit of like, you know, yeah, what are you watching? What are you some of your top movies?

What are the best concerts you've been to and yeah, do you share the Omega verse in that conversation? Yeah, or maybe you bring it up subtly or like, you know, I just love wolves like I like I love wolves Yeah, like do you don't you love wolves like you love them? You know what sleek you say and then you just go right into it. Yeah Oh a one wolf impregnating another sure they're both dudes and they're also both people But yeah, but one has to be an alpha and one has to be an Omega Yeah, it's an OMA. I mean again, I don't know a lot about the omega verse and I sound one of these guys of like, I never read the omega verse.

I don't actually, but I think it's great if people do read the omega verse. Yeah, you're mostly focused on people stuck in banisters. Yeah, love a banister, love a whirlpool, whatever you can get stuck in. I feel like we've joked about this so much, I'm be the like stuck in something guy like that's the new thing about me Oh, no, you ever listen to Jordan Jesse go yeah The one guy's from NPR and the one guy loves stuck in stuff porn like what I? Don't know I feel like you just fucking blew my mind when you mentioned getting stuck in a whirlpool You know what I was thinking of I was thinking of the brand

The eye of a hurricane right stuck in a fucking sand pit well whoa whoa help me pizza guy Well, whoa whoa help me pizza guy You know the one time I clicked on a stuck porn video. I just couldn't because I could tell she wasn't stuck Like that bed there the clearance on that she has a couple inches of movement Sure, yeah I feel you said in a move like a lot in movies when like someone's in jail and like well the bars Are so wide, you know just walk out of there Yeah, or like if you're watching a movie and the woman is stuck in a banister and getting fucked right? Yeah It's a lot like When you're watching a movie right I don't know if you've seen Valentine's Day.

Gary Marshall loved that shit. We got another call? Yes, it's a new segment. Okay, we got a new segment on this show. So just so you know, Mike, because this is your first time on Jordan Jesse Go. A lot of people think that we've just kind of been coasting since we created this show 15 or so years ago. Okay. But the reality

is this, we are very creative people who are constantly coming up with our own ideas for segments for the show that then people call into. So when you hear somebody calling in, it's not just that they thought of some shit they wanted to tell us about and then retroactively claimed that that was a segment on our show. This is work, creative work that we've done. Okay. And creative work is work. I agree with you.

Just like sex work. That's true. We do both. Nice. For the right price. And if you provide the hot tub. And the vortex machine. And the vortex machine.

Listen, if you provide the hot tub, I'll dirty the water. And then Stephen bottles it and ships it out. That's the podcasting economy. And the vortex machine listen if you provide the hot tub, I'll dirty the water Steven bottles it and ships it out. That's the podcasting economy. It's called being a producer sure yes He produces bottles for my filthy water. You know I'd love to fuck somebody who's stuck in a wave machine Oh, yeah, like a water like a raging waters Hey Jordan, hey Jesse, hey guest. This is Aaron from Houston calling in for your long running segment. How was your trip? My wife and I took a quick trip to New York City to see Glengarry Glen Ross and the Seth Myers John Oliver stand up show.

And while we were there, we saw a couple of celebrities sitting in front of us at Glengarry was Peter Gross, who is the guy that starred opposite TJ Jagodowski in the Sonic commercials. And then the following day, while walking down the street, my wife, who is a journalist, recognized Carl Bernstein, who is famous for writing about Watergate. That led to a disagreement, which I hope you can help us settle about who is more recognizable in 2025, Peter Gross from the Sonic commercials or Carl Bernstein, famous journalist. First of all, we don't have the Sonic. Thank you. Love you. Bye. Well, love you too. We don't have the Sonic commercials really in Los Angeles, but these are legendary commercials. Yeah. I thought it was TJ and Dave.

I thought TJ and Dave of the legendary improv duo, TJ and Dave, were the stars of the Sonic commercials. Yeah, I don't, they might have had more than one grouping, but Peter Gross was definitely in some. I also know Peter Gross, and I know he'd be so confused by this comparison. Who's more famous, you? I mean, okay, obviously, so number one, and I think this goes without saying, if this was a three-way race between Peter Gross from the Sonic commercials,

one of the Watergate, which Watergate guy was it? The only one of them still alive, only Carl Bernstein, are they both still alive? I mean, if not, then she saw a ghost. Okay. Carl Bernstein, Peter Gross, if George F. Will is in the mix, of course, columnist George F. Will is recognizable because of his signature frames. Honestly, even David Brooks, because David Brooks was like always on the news hour, Shields and Brooks and so on and so forth. My question- That guy can sell a cherry limeade too.

He sure can. He can sell the fuck out of a cherry limeade. David Brooks sell cherry limeades? You know, I was thinking of Sonic Menu items. Oh, okay, sorry, I got confused. No, you know what, me too. I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm just saying things. I say them for about 80 minutes and the show is over

But here's how but here's how dumb I am is in my head. I was like, I guess it's possible David Brooks had a brand of it I think that David Brooks is in the commercials for Twisters at Foster Frees, right? Yes. That's that's his that's his that's his thing, right? He says the only reasonable thing to think is Hi, I'm pragmatic conservative David Brooks Jesse's for the folks who are just listening at home. Jesse was doing some mixing. Yeah doing some mixing. Yeah What do you think he likes?

New York Times columnist David Brooks? Jesse, I know! Kit Kat! It's Kit Kat! Everybody knows that! What if he was really into fucking gummy worms? That would be fun. What the fuck, David Brooks? Jesus Christ. He's got a mouthful of worms. Yeah, it's one thing if Paul Krugman liked Worms. Sure. Twisters. You know what? I'm going to text Jamel, but we ask him what his colleagues at the New York Times. I'm A.O. Scott for Dip Cones. We have fun on our show. If you spot a legendary journalist in the wild, do give us a call for our famous segment,

How was your trip? And say what ice cream you think they like? I don't know. Man, one time when I worked at Borders Books and Music, we found George F. Will's Newsweek in the cafe. He was probably drinking that green frozen drink we had. It was like a cherry lime. Yeah, yeah. Had his address on the whole nine yards. It said George F. Will. You could have used that address for, I nothing really but Nice card to extort him to find out what? to find to find out what

loruces Book men at work is best-selling book about baseball. I could have got oral hersheiser's phone number Yeah, I mean, you know give us a call for your Cool. Yeah, I mean, you know, give us a call for your What how was your trip? God, I'd love to go on a fucking trip to New York City and just watch Broadway shows That'd be a lot of fun. You ever go to New York City and watch a Broadway show and you're like god This is great. Look at this thing. Yeah, look at this $400 thing. I'm looking at You know what that went to when I last time I went to New York City, I went to Broadway shows, I was going to go see the Music Man, but I didn't have anybody to go with me.

I was going to go with Hodgman, but then Hodgman had to work or some shit. So then I was like, you know what I'm going to do? I'm just going to walk to the box office and be like, what is one ticket to the Music Man that you can give me for tonight? And they were like, doop doop doop doop doop! And they gave me like super ticket. It was amazing! Just walk in, you might get... The rush tickets!

Think about how close you could be to Hugh Jackman right now. Hugh Jackman, not great in the Music Man. Not great. Fine, not great. I mean, you know, that character is not always a good guy. Yeah, and that was the problem with Hugh Jackman's performance is Hugh Jackman wants to be liked so badly. And he is a very good dancer and a pretty good singer, you know, good enough, certainly good enough for that part, not a big singing part. But yeah, just wanted to be liked too much, lacked the sort of weird menace that is essential to Professor

Harold Hill. I mean, it's about our willingness to tell lies to ourselves. And the question of whether it to be American is to be lied to and fucking eat it. I'm not going to say what this might be relevant to in American culture right now, but... Sure. It's the New York Times. But I think, I do think he really, and I saw this production too, he really nailed it when one of the townspeople asked him, does it hurt when 76 trombones lead the big parade? And he says, every time.

That's from the X-Men movie. So I was just combining the two and we'll be right back. Hey, Sydney, you're a physician and the co-host of Sawbones, a marital tour of misguided medicine, right? That's true, Justin. Is it true that our medical history podcast is just as good as a visit to your primary care physician? No, Justin, that is absolutely not true. However, our podcast is funny and interesting

and a great way to learn about the medical misdeeds of the past as well as some current not so legit healthcare fads. So you're saying that by listening to our podcast, people will feel better. Sure. And isn't that the same reason that you go to the doctor? Well, you could say that, but.

And our podcast is free? Yes, it is free. You heard it here first, folks. Sawbones, Merrell-Ture, misguided medicine right here on Maximum Fun. Just as good as going to the doctor. No, no, no. Still not just as good as going to the doctor, but but pretty good. It's up there. The Flophouse is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about

Robert Shaw in Jaws and they're trying to figure out how to get rid of the ghoulies and he scratches his nails. I'll get you. He's just standing above the toilet with a harpoon No, I just looking forward to you going through the other ways in which while while West is historically inaccurate You know how much movies cost nowadays when you add in your popcorn and your bagel bites and your cheese orders Henry Cavill mustache here at Henry Cavill The only supplier the flop, new episodes every Saturday. Find it at MaximumFun.org. It's Jordan Jessi Goh.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. And I'm Mike Drucker, the last doctor left. Mike, congratulations on the publication of your book. Thank you very much. This is a this is a memoir in the form of tales about games and gaming. Yeah. What's one of the tales? Say one of the tales.

One of the tales. The the the quickest elevator pitch tale is getting shot in the nuts while playing paintball at Nintendo of America's headquarters. Wow. So, when I was, I worked at Nintendo for a couple years as a localization writer editor, so I worked with... It's where the Kid Icarus thing happened? That's where the Kid Icarus thing happened. I don't mean to go straight to your punchline, but did you say, wah, wah? No, I think I went, vwoah!

Okay. I, so, but they, so I had just started there and they had just built this new headquarters. And it was this shiny new building that was very nice. And next to it was the old headquarters, which was built in the 70s and looked like like a building where they'd make like RoboCop like just like all cement there was like no windows really it just looked very ominous and they were going to demolish that and put in a soccer field and But they were like, okay, so we're all moved into the new building before we demolish the old building. We're going to Do something special for everybody because I was the only new employee like everyone had worked there

You know decades and so they're like we're all going to we're gonna have this paintball Paintball game get to meet starfox. I got to meet starfox. I Fox McCloud I got to meet him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He calls himself Starfox. He calls himself- He says friends can call him Starfox. Well, that's why I have to call him Fox McCloud. Cause I didn't, you know, only been a couple years. And you had one unforgettable night with Slippy.

He got me pregnant. I'm an Omega. Slippy's the frog from Starfox. Slippy. There are a team of wolves in Star Fox that could be. Oh yeah, sure. Anyway, so they were going to Demolish this building, they were like, we're having a paintball contest. I keep saying contest. Paintball fight. I guess it's a contest.

Who's the paintballist? And it was optional, but I just started there and I I was like well. I want to leave a good impression I don't want to seem like someone who doesn't participate in no things right and so I had never fired a paintball gun before and Only a real gun only well in cub scouts I had fired a real gun, but I'd like was a child and there was an adult there And it was like you know when there was an enemy in your sight There was another little boy who was running yeah who had no parents and no one would miss him so and

After that I was in the red room no so so I signed up for it and They broke they made put people in random teams, so it wasn't like you were with your department or something There was just sort of like you're in team F. Go to this corridor You're in team B Go to that corridor and you'd get suited up in the same color vest as the other people and they'd hand you a paintball gun And they're kind of like do you know how to use this and you're like no and they're like pull the trigger It's like okay. It's you it's the lady from the lunchroom right it's we sport fit model Right it's we sport fit model

But like and so you're in this dark and the lights are mostly out so you're in these dark Office corridors almost like when you play a video game, and there is a scene in an office building right you're like Oh, that's what that's actually like and they start think you know they sort of are like you know at the sound whatever It was I think it was like a some sort of buzzer thing go and the buzzer starts And I immediately get hit in the nuts and and the thing is like I had armor protection around my crotch But it was almost like you know like in John Wick when he like shoots right between like the chest and the neck area And gets him in the neck to kill him and you're like oh He was wearing armor, but John Wick still got him mm-hmm. That's what happened to my nuts. And I fell to the ground and started crawling and I crawled behind a cubicle

and found a cardboard box to get in front of me. I was so ruined and it hurt so bad, but it was so chaotic and dark and it's not like there were refs or safety officers walking around making sure everyone was okay I was just like waiting in a fetal ball for this thing to end. Does the person who shot you do you know who it was? No, no idea because everyone had masks, everyone had paintball masks. I know. And you know who it is? Robbie the video robot oh

And then he cut you up with his fucking spinning Fun playing gyromite in hell No, I wish I knew who shot me in the house, but I don't you know Could have been a friend. That's maybe that's what the next book is about you Finding the person who shot you in the nuts And then like an investigative kind of serial thing and I'm like, I want to shoot you in the nuts and then at the end The end reveal is that they don't have nuts. Whoa I This past good ending I've mentioned on the program that I've been

Taking tennis lessons from a man. I met at the park named Bobby Figgs. His name is Robert Figueroa, but Bobby Figgs. Bobby Figgs used to work at Rite Aid, but now he just hangs out at the park and sometimes teaches a tennis lesson to somebody that wanders by and gets caught in his net of charms. Right. Which is a prodigious net of charms. His toolbox of charms much greater than his toolbox of teaching to play tennis. I have learned very little about how to play tennis, but I like the guy a lot. Anyway, he's probably 65 years old. Yeah. I was going to say, that'd be my best guess. Oh wow. 65-ish. And he doesn't, I mean, I imagine he must have moved well at some point in his life.

But he's not agile at 65. He's not an agile 65. He still could hit the tennis ball very well. But he doesn't move left to right that effectively. And anyway, boy did I catch him in the jewels I just caught him with like an overhand smash like a fucking close up straight in the nards in the figs like eye crossing type

yeah like he just went Like Adam Sandler at the end of the trailer Did not know what to do I felt like I maybe was gonna kill him Because he's a lot closer to death than I yeah, what if you killed him and he I was just like, oh boy Robert I was like, why don't you in the chair and I'll gather the balls and then I was like, oh no, I said ball Crackers And I'm just like I'm just like it's it's, Robert. It's okay. And then after about maybe 10 minutes, he's like, Okay, I think we should, I think we should go ahead and do it some more. And you know how in tennis, you know, in tennis, there's like a there's like a basket that holds all the tennis balls. And it's got like two sort of flappy legs and the flappy legs fold on top into a handle and then you can dump the basket onto balls that are on the ground and it sort of picks them up.

Yeah, I always thought that was cool as a kid. It is pretty neat. So he has one of those baskets, it's one of his teaching tools. And just the last like 15 minutes of it, he just had that basket directly in front of his snards. Wow. Just the last like 15 minutes of it. He just had that basket directly in front of his Nards. Wow. Just the whole time. Like it was a fucking, like it was armor defenses. He did not move left or

right at all. Zero. Just kept that basket right over his fucking Nards. But I felt like, I truly felt like a monster. I'm like- Watch your balls around this guy. I just hit an elderly man in the nards like so hard that he couldn't say words And like I'm bad at tennis like I'm really bad at it I definitely like if you said please do this on purpose and gave me an entire session to do it I would not be able to do it like oh It was wrong my god have you ever caught it in the jewels George oh, yeah

I paid good money to get This is quite helpful Can we wrap this up? I'm gonna be late. I paid in advance. So sex work is work. Mike's book is called Good Game No Rematch. Yep. It's available digital audio. You can also get a hardcover wherever books are sold. So Amazon or other shops. Mike, one of the one of the funniest writers on the internet you've probably seen is writing in the New York Times or in the Onion or for many many years on Twitter, one of the funniest guys on Twitter. You like games, you want to get some laughs, why not check out Mike Drucker's book. And you know, I think it really carries on the legacy of your father, Peter Drucker.

I got a few good management tips out of it as well. That is not my dad, everybody. I do not have... I wish I had a rich dad. That'd be cool. Do you think Peter Drucker is rich? He probably got rich off those management tips, right? Those weird management books.

You could always tell... It was always weird. You could always tell in college who sucked and who didn't based on who thought I was related to Mort Drucker the Mad Magazine artist And the answer was neither despite the fact that your given name is Mort, Jr Mort Downey, Jr Junior, Jr Real father is legendary New York City pioneering daytime talk show host, Morton Downey Jr.

Best remembered now is the subject of Chris Elliot parodies on David Letterman. I'll be honest. I don't know. Look, he's no Woodward and Bernstein. No, that's true. All right. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. Stephen Ray Morris is the producer of the program. You can find us on social media at jordanjessego pod on most things and facebook.com slash jordanjessego. Jordan is at j go Jordan is at Jordan David Morris on Instagram. I am at Jesse Thorne very famous. And we'll talk to you next time on Jordan Jesse go kiss you and

love you. You love you.