Jordan, Jesse, GO! - The Batavia of Illinois, with Gareth Reynolds

Episode Date: June 5, 2025

On this week’s episode, we welcome comedian, Gareth Reynolds (The Dollop, We’re Here To Help), to chat about rich fluids and standard mopping, his new podcast (Next We Have), Mr. Clean, and more!Check out Gareth’s new show Next We Have on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube!Listen to The Dollop and We’re Here To Help!Jordan’s new Spider-Man’s comic is out now!Order Jordan’s new Godzilla comic! Be sure to get our new ‘Ack Tuah’ shirt in the Max Fun store.Or, grab an ‘Ack Tuah’ mug!The Maximum Fun Bookshop!Follow the podcast on Instagram and send us your dank memes!Check out Jesse’s thrifted clothing store, Put This On.Check out Producer Steven and Margaret Cho’s chat on See Jurassic Right about the “Movies That Made Us Queer.”Follow brand new producer, Steven Ray Morris, on Instagram.Listen to See Jurassic Right!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I am Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, you know that I'm podcasting screen crosser. You know that already, right?

Yeah, sure. You're always talking about your tomatoes, your potatoes. Sure. Anything I can add. Your celery ears. Anything I can add an R to the end of. You've got that white apron. I really like to be on local news as a guest contributor is the greatest career goal one

could have. Same. is the greatest career goal one could have. Like, I know that every, like, obviously my top career, my number one career goal is to be a Celebrity Giants fan. But my number two career goal is to contribute to local news like Dr. Dean Adell. Right. Maybe have my own line of reading eyeglasses. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Anyway. I think both of these are within your grasp. Thank you. I mean, I would have to go to medical school or maybe become a physician's assistant. What do you think is the minimum level of qualification? I mean, could you just be like the local, and I know you have a thing to present and I don't want to like, you know, hang around on this for too long, but could you just be

like the guy who comes in and shows viral videos, you know? Like in the 10 o'clock block or something like that. Then I have to have been a professional skateboarder at some point, right? Oh, I think you're fine. I think you, for local news. River Butcher could do it. He used to be a professional skateboarder.

Oh, yeah. Okay. Listen, don't talk yourself out of a job. Okay, sorry. Don't go recommending people who are better qualified. Sorry. Funnier than me, okay. Listen, don't talk yourself out of a job. Okay, sorry recommending sorry people who are sorry better qualified Funnier than me too. You're the you're the you're the you're the cool tech savvy See tech guy tech guy if I weren't artsy if I were a nerd and not artsy then I could be the tech guy You could okay. Anyway, you know self some like Elvis Costello glasses. Thank you

They don't have they don't have to have prescription lenses Jordan You know that I subscribe to the subreddit r slash fruit, right? I do. Yeah, this is our segment by the way I read it. Mm-hmm In online in online online in I subscribe to r slash fruit And usually there's a few categories of fruit. One is just somebody posting a rambutan that they ate. You know what I mean? I had heard that the entry level durian was to get durian ice cream. And I thought, I'm going to love this. You know what I mean? I love fruits. You know what I mean? This is probably going to be, people

say some people think durians are gross. I'm not going to think durians are gross. I had to throw the ice cream away. Wow. And it's hard to throw away ice cream. I had to wait until I was going to take out the trash so it wouldn't go bad in my trash can. This was two pints for $18. This is not cheap ice cream.

Fucking durians. Turns out I fucking hate them. Yeah, they're disgusting. Okay. Anyway, I love most fruits This is a post on our slash fruits. Yeah, Jesse take that take that kind of toxicity elsewhere This is our slash fruit where we celebrate fruit. Okay, so we love this stuff We're fans the categories opposed to our is this fruit still to eat? Picture of weird gross growth inside a fruit. I just ate a rambutan for the first time. Or, here's my rambutans. And then there's just this one guy who just posts, this is my dad's fruit bowl.

And he does it regularly. Maybe even every day he posts it. His dad has beautiful fruit bowls. Are they filled with fruit in the photos? Yeah, yeah. Like you'd get at a fancy the photos? Yeah, yeah. Like you'd get at a fancy breakfast restaurant. Oh, neat.

Really? Got a fig in there maybe? Oh, add like gorgeous stuff in there. I love it when they throw in a fig. Sometimes it's just a beautiful fan of orange slices that you're really impressed by. And he's not, it's not him, it's his dad? Yeah, it's a father-son project or father-daughter project. I'm not sure. Anyway, this is a post from rye underscore ch3. Rye-chay. Rye-chay. One of my favorites. You can always

count on them for great content. The subject is everybody needs to get these exact grapes from Walmart. There's a picture of the item on the website. And then there's a real life picture. Like this is what it actually looks like picture. This is the body of the post, besides the pictures. I don't like a lot of fruit. All right. First of all, that's not going to ingratiate you to the art slash fruit community.

No, your audience, geez. I don't like a lot of fruit, but these are so fucking good. Probably because they're actually packaged and not in a bag for everybody to grab and touch. Oh boy. So sick of these touch bags. He thinks that people touching grapes makes them less good? Yeah, well if they're in a bag, people are just pawing through. You know how you get a,

there's grapes in a bag and you stick your fingers into the bag and touch it and make the grapes less good? Yeah. They're firm and crunchy and juicy. Absolutely amazing. My only complaint is, I can't find a bigger package of them. I went so far as to buy Whole Foods grapes and they didn't live up to these Genuinely, the best grapes I've ever had in my life can't recommend them enough So if folks are out there and they want grapes that are in a box, so nobody's touched them and made them less good Don't go to Whole Foods like a fucking chump. Right. Go to Walmart. Walmart. America's number one brick and mortar retailer. Mm-hmm. And get some market side brand seedless grapes. These are red grapes. I

don't know maybe these are Concord's. I don't know. You mean you're the one with the pick on your phone. I couldn't tell you for sure. Are you... If I showed you the pic, would you tell me what kind of grapes these are? Are you a grape guy? And did this post inspire you to track down these grapes? I don't know. Do you have a close Walmart? I don't think there... I don't even know if there is a Walmart in Los Angeles. There's like one in Burbank. Okay. And I haven't... I didn't go get these grapes. I like grapes fine, but I'm gonna

tell you the truth. One time I read an article in the New York Times, the newspaper of record, The Grey Lady. It was written by a doctor and dietician who said when it was about how great fruit is, which that didn't inspire my passion for fruit I already had it but it certainly affirmed my passion for fruit yeah I mean we're all in little media bubbles anyway we're just looking for people who affirm our beliefs and specifically it was about telling people that the that they shouldn't be worried about the sugar in fruit because it's different from the refined sugar in other foods

because not because the sugar is so different, but because it comes with nutrients and particularly fiber that help you absorb the sugar differently. And so it's not something to be too worried about. The nutritive benefits far outstrip the concerns about sugar. And then he's like, except for grapes, those are just bags of sugar. So I kind of gave up grapes. I mean,

it's not like if you serve me grapes, I'm not going to eat them. They taste nice. But I tend to go for- As far as like looking for a serving of fruit, you're not going to go to get grapes. I'm not going to go get grapes. I thought about getting some grapes at the Trader Joe's yesterday and I passed them up. I like green grapes anyway. I'm a green grape guy. I'm worried if a red grape, if I buy a red grape, it's going to have little grape seeds in it. I don't like that. I don't either. I had a really disappointing, I had saved a post for this segment. I read

it on a phone and it got taken down, but I just want to like, you know, it's not worth, you know, sitting on and chatting about for a prolonged period of time, but I just, I wanted to let everyone know what could have been. This was a post from r slash jam bands. Uh huh. And it was a- Wait, screw Jordan, can I ask real quick? Yeah.

What were you up to over there at r slash jam bands? Just posting about spin doctors? I don't, you know, I think I, Reddit doesn't know what i'm into it's just taking some swings um you know it's just like yeah this is a white guy around this age smokers no not really they look they look through your post history saw one post about five iron frenzy, and then we're like, great, spaghetti incident. Sure. Bands with dumb names, this guy's into them.

I was on r slash jam bands, and I think this was just like a post that had gotten a lot of heat, so I was seeing it. For whatever reason, r slash jam bands, and it was a guy wondering to the jam band community why the women at the shows didn't have big tits. He's like, why would I go to Jam Band shows to all the women have small tits? It's been deleted. If anyone has a way to recover this post, please let me know if there's any hackers in the audience. You know what? I'm a real music lover. I'd love to see a ranking. Oh yeah.

You know, by genre. Yeah, right. Which fan base has the fans with the biggest hits? Yeah, who's the juggiest? You'd think it would be Juggalos. You would think so. It's actually early music. Oh, interesting. Yeah. What would be your presumption? Oh boy, great, yeah, music fans with a big hood. I mean, have you seen, let me say this. Have you ever been to a fucking John Cage show and checked out those chugs? Oh yeah.

I bet, let's bring our guests into this. Four minutes and 23 seconds or whatever it's called yeah is not silent when I'm going wow wow wow anyway anyway our guest on show's over let's go home forever go home and lay down yeah our guest on the program is a comic and Let's go home. Forever. Go home and lay down. Yeah.

Our guest on the program is a comic and one of the hosts. You know, Jordan? Yeah. I don't say this often. A genuine podcasting legend. Yep, it's true. No lies detected. From the Smash It podcast, the Dollop, Gareth Reynolds.

Hi. Hi, everybody. Hi. Thank you for having me It's not fair to have me sit here while you talk about two of my favorite things We can circle back and silence circle back. We don't have anything else Okay, which one you want to talk about first. I've had a rambutan Yeah, let's hear about this rambutan. It's pretty good. Yeah. I like them bigger like I like my tits. No, I had it in Thailand and then grapes I love. Have you ever had a cotton candy grape? I have had. Those are... Those feel fake but I'm in. It's kind of a... you know what I... you know what? I'll

tell you this right now. My top grape, and this is by a wide margin, lychee grape. It really does taste like a lychee. Interesting, yeah. And the lychee has a little more interesting flavor to me. A lot of grapes are just sweet. Lychee, a little bit more going on. I like that, and I will go to Walmart and I will try these grapes. Yeah, these are really good.

That's what's going to happen. I've also- Bluegrass, I better have big tits. Go ahead. Oh, yeah. I was going to say, I've also tried the cotton candy grape. It was kind of a viral grape for a while. And that was one of those things, you know, it's like a hot honey, it's like a red velvet

where you're like, eh, this is like an annoying food trend and it's real good. Yeah, it's really good. Yeah. Yeah. By the way way speaking of viral grapes I got grape flu That's cuz you get a bag I got great flu flu people are touching them in the bag Trumpy now people are touching the grapes in the bag They're grabbing the grass. I don't know

The grapes don't taste good anymore. That's why I said make America grape again. We've gotta figure. Oh no. I'm sorry. I've just split the listenership. This isn't a political program. But it should be. We should be having hot topics like this.

I don't know. What is, I wonder what if Donald Trump was shopping for grapes? What would that sound like? Jordan. My destiny! Well, thank you for having me. Yeah, you were nice enough to bring a gift.

Just for you, though. Just for me, not for Jesse. Sorry, Jesse. Sorry, Jesse. Have a birthday next time, why don't you? Our birthdays are similar. Well, Jesus. But this is an alcohol gift

So Jesse can't even have any even if it was for him. Yeah You brought a lovely Jesse's barely legal Your podcast Yeah, exactly you like great be why I like my podcast shows. You have a youthful perspective. Yeah, exactly. You're like grape-y melon. Yeah, I like a grape-y tit. Just full of sugar, no nutritional value. Full of sugar, nice and fibrous.

You brought a lovely bottle of Kirkland Signature Prosecco Rosé. Signature. Signature. So you know that it's not the bullshit. Right, John Kirkland himself. John Kirkland. Approved this bottle. Yep.

Although I would say this, if John Kirkland had approved that bottle, don't you think the Kirkland would be in cursive and the signature would be in block tech? Jesse, I don't know why. I bring a beautiful gift and now you're finding ways to poke hole. I think it is clearly the man certified the Costco Prosecco. I brought I bought some kind of sparkling orange juice wine for my wife yesterday. Oh yeah? I'll tell you this. How'd it go over?

Nothing is more fun for me than buying alcohol as a non-drinker. It's fun, huh? That's interesting. Because I don't know what it's like. Yeah. That's interesting because I don't know what it's like. Yeah, I don't have to find out so I just buy anything that I I Could not be more capricious In in my decisions about what wine I'm bringing home from Trader Joe's or whatever. There's two categories I'll say that's great. That's a great quality though. I would love that as a partner. Well because

sometimes some Drinks are fun Beaujolais nouveau. Yeah, I'll buy a bottle of that. That's seasonal and possibly fruity. That's a I don't know You don't either you were looking to Steven for approval Steven Are you are you a sommelier on the side and we don't know about it? I have no idea what that is But the other thing that I will do is sometimes I like I will like press my wife for her tastes because My wife is a very light drinker. Mm-hmm, but she does enjoy it. And it's like, that and coffee are like the only indulgences

in my wife's life. Like my wife lives an ascetic, you know, nun-like life dedicated only to serving others in our family, being kind, and making out with me. Yeah. Thank goodness. Not like a nun. Yeah. No. She doesn. Not like a nun. Yeah She doesn't kiss like a nun. Not the one not the ones I went to college with hey

We actually have to do like 20 more minutes and then we'll go to I shouldn't be no no yes, okay That was wrong of me. I'm just throw to a commercial my own ads during people's podcasts. I'm sorry go ahead, right So you're gonna just gonna randomly start talking about Casper mattresses? I do Rocket Money, yeah. I will also press my wife for her preferences and then do research to get her the fanciest, nicest thing that meets- That is so good. That's really good. Like I will be, and also for expanding her horizons. Listen to you

I will be like on reddit on R slash bourbon or whatever and be like, oh she told me she like this bourbon like what other or I'll be like oh, she might like a like a Veral Dean hoe or I know can't Know what these white wines are right. She likes certain white wines. I'm like R slash bourbons a fucking mess Dean ho or She likes certain white wines and like our slash bourbons a fucking mess Ogie Chardonnay's

That seems like it well our slash bourbon I don't think you could find a place on the internet with a deeper and more intense sort of avatar for the culture wars Yeah, especially with tariffs. They're probably going nuts right now. Yeah, absolutely. Especially with tariffs. They're probably going nuts right now. Yeah. Do you mind that, like, as a non-drinker with your wife drinking, do you mind that at all? Like, is she at a bother? If my wife was, like, getting hammered.

Right, yeah. She's just enjoying it. It's just like a glass of wine with dinner. My wife likes bourbon and rum. Right. She'll drink a rum drink after dinner sometimes. She didn't drink wine with dinner. Um, the one thing I do like is if we go to a fancy restaurant, we're not going

out to bars really, but if we go to a fancy restaurant and she orders a, you know, $14 cocktail or, you know, whatever a cocktail costs at a fancy restaurant now. I will taste the cocktail and get a kick out of having tasted it. That's interesting. Because I feel like a bad boy. Which you are. Yeah, and a sophisticated.

The bad boy of podcasting. It's rare that you get a chance to feel like a sophisticated and a bad boy at the same time. Yeah, no, a summer. Well, I will say a lot of the research you've done and the gifts you've been giving really, it's starting to make my Kirkland Signature Prosecco sort of fall in the shadows of some of these other purchases.

No, because a third category that I love is to buy Kirkland and Trader Joe's branded alcohol. All right. That is a real passion. I will buy, I will buy, if you have my Costco, and they have a limited edition Kirkland liquor, I will buy, I will buy, if I make Costco and they have a limited edition Kirkland liquor, I will buy any liquor. Something... Happy Van Kirkland's signature barrel.

If there is an expensive Kirkland bottle at Costco, I am in for that. Because in my mind, that means that I'm buying a fucking Maybach of liquor Yeah, it just happens to say Kirkland on the front see I just became a Costco member And I'm like new money in Costco now. I really smell you people are like Stop me and like I am in there just having a hell of a time you buy I'm over in the booze section like a real weirdo. You bought two inflatable water slides? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I'm like, oh my god, I'm making money. Talk about the thinking behind this gift. When did you grab this Rosé Prosecco?

So, I'll be honest, when I became a Costco member, and I'm not bragging, but I became a, well, I was invited to Gareth the club. Go ahead. I've been in Costco Connection Magazine, so there's not really any brags you can drop here that will not that mm-hmm Okay, well I should point out. I now have a new North Star There is a destination for my membership now. I didn't even realize that was possible I'm not gonna lie that was humbling I as I'm walking around I at some point I'm old now and at some point champagne entered my world as a as a kind of like Okay alone drinking beverage

Because wine it's like you feel it champagne I can drink a bottle of it and it doesn't really do much to me So that probably started around the holidays two years ago. Okay. so first of all, I'm just going to voice a concern. No, no, no, don't. I loved the idea of champagne entering your life before I found out it was an alone drink for you. Do you pour it in a flute or are you just slugging it from the bottle? As a mug. Okay.

And I pretend I'm hosting a morning talk show. It's your dream of being a local news. Oh, yeah No, but I will I will like I really I drink tell us about the strawberry festival So you had a rambutan? What was that? I'm putting on different jackets. Mm-hmm But uh, but yeah, so it's an alone beverage for me and again, I would love for someone to reach out and tell me that that's wrong, like Jesse has. Because I was like, okay, that seems okay. We like to judge our guests. As you should.

And so it was an alone beverage. And then the cross section of Costco just came my way and I was wandering through the booze section and I saw the Kirkland one and I thought, this has gotta be terrible. And I have a friend coming to town And you know, we're gonna do some drinking so so I will be I also drink with others Special occasions I'll let someone else see me get hammered and and then I really enjoyed it

And I was like, I actually genuinely like this Prosecco Kirkland branded alcohols This is obviously we'd love to be sponsored by Costco We are not sponsored by shout out to Costco's DEI programs that they've retained one of the few but I I have found in my experience providing Kirkland branded alcohol for others that they're Consistently delighted by it. I it. I don't know how they do it. I don't know how Costco's doing it, but I'm into it. So it was an extension of my love for the Prosecco Rose.

By the way, there is a Prosecco Costco pun that they're leaving on the table right there. Cosecco or something like that. You know what I mean? Like there's something in there, but I don't want to... That's not really part of the Costco brand though, I guess. You know what I mean? Like there's something in there, but I don't wanna. That's not really part of the Costco brand though, I guess. But again, I'm in the world now, so I'm ready to pitch.

For Costco? Yes, yes. Coseco. Yes, listen, see, it's fun. It is fun. And you have more connections than anyone into the world, obviously, you're in print. Yeah.

But. Should I walk in holding that up and then just say, rename the drink! Rename the drink! Here's a picture of me wearing headphones! Cosecco, it's right there! Getting arrested. I bought two inflatable water slides! And as you're being escorted out, you're like, I don't need you, I'm going to Sam's Club. Oh no, go to jail over Sam's Club. I did have to, I did shop at Sam's Club once in my life. You can buy things on the Sam's Club website

without being a Sam's Club member, it turns out. Ooh, hot tip. Strange. There are no, I don't know that there are any Sam's Clubs in Southern California. There definitely aren't any in Los Angeles. Well, I mean, I don't know, maybe there's one in Burbank that I don't know about. Yeah, there's got to be. Yeah. I feel like I've been to a Sam's Club in the past year or so. I couldn't tell. You might've just been in a dream.

I think they're definitely not too far away. I don't know if they're in the Forbidden City, like the Walmart, but there's definitely a Sam's Club near there. Is that how you refer to Burbank, the Forbidden City? Absolutely. There's a bridge. It's a whole thing. Is it possible you're thinking of Kowloon? I may, I might be actually, now that you mention it. Anyway, I, you know- Stephen, would you look up where the nearest Sam's Club is for us?

Thank you, and we'll come back to you in a second. Thank you, Stephen. My cabin, which is in the Jesse Can Afford a Cabin Zone, which is a little bit too far from Los Angeles, turned right several too many times. Is not cell phone accessible? There's no cell phone there. We don't have, ooh, perfect. Perfect setting for a horror movie.

Yeah. I'm not getting any bars up here. The horror movie is definitely about my neighbor, Skip. If you're wondering, it's 100% about Skip. Not a listener, I'm guessing. Shout out to Skip. No, Skip's a great guy. I fucking love Skip, but it's definitely about definitely about him like he's he definitely has mountain murderer

But he maybe would put you into some sort of trap that would teach you a moral lesson. Yeah, probably so What's the Wi-Fi would do it while wearing only underwear? Like white white briefs 824 call us yeah Blumhouse. Are you hearing this? Fucking skip is the best Johnny Blumhouse, are you hearing this? I'll fucking, Skip is the best. Johnny Blumhouse. So lucky to have Skip as a neighbor. Anyway, so we have a landline phone there in case somebody needs to reach us

or we need to call somebody. You're fully with no, you don't, it's not on wifi or anything? No, no, we don't have wifi either. There's nothing. If you walk a ways and you get to like the edge of the mountain Uh-huh, you can get like one cell phone bar. Wow, that is awesome Sometimes when I go for for a hike if my phone's in my pocket, which I might have just for the GPS or whatever

right I Will get five text messages because I just walked past a spot where right briefly There was a one bar of LTE. That's great. But because we had to get a landline, you have to pay for the landline. And it turns out it's like an extra $20 a month

to get long distance. And so I was like, I just want to pay the $13 a month to have a phone line. I don't want to pay $50 a month or $45 a month or something. And so Sam's Club, for whatever reason, is the only place you can still buy phone cards. And it turns out that phone cards almost exclusively are bought for prisoners these days,

because they can't make long distance calls without a phone card. So people who have a relative or a friend or whatever in prison will buy phone cards for their relative in prison so that they can call out. But the place you get them is samsclub.com. So I got a phone card sitting next to my landline phone. Just in case you gotta call the big city.

In case we gotta call the big city, exactly. Wow. Steven, looks like he has an answer to the Sam's Club question. Do we all wanna guess where the Sam's Club is? And Steven, you can declare a winner. Okay. I'm gonna say Ontario.

Ooh, I'm gonna say Pomona. Ontario, California. Ontario, California. Valencia. Oh it's you guys were a little too far away. It's Southgate and Gardena. Southgate and Gardena, of course. What a fun game, what a fun show. Jordan, you're bleeding! I'm gonna splash some Prosecco on it. Everyone across the world definitely enjoyed that game. It was good! Hey, folks out there in Connecticut, can I just say to you, Pacoima!

Well, you can play this with your friends and family locally. Of course! That's the great thing about Nearest Sam's Club, the game. Yeah, it's a blast. It's not just for Calgary. Or, you know, after dark, you can play great thing about nearest Sam's Club. Yeah it's a blast. It's not just for Calgary. Or you know after dark you can play strip nearest Sam's Club. Oh boy. Gareth we're gonna send you home with a nearest Sam's Club home game. Oh my god. That's awesome. So you can play with your friends back home. That's awesome. Finally something to do. Or just by yourself while you drink an entire bottle of champagne. Taking

that sad turn again that to me felt normal when I walked in here. Do you have a lone champagne brand that you... You're looking at it, my man. Oh, okay. Hell yeah. Yeah, I'm not whining and dining myself. But you deserve it. Stop. You deserve it.

We're going to have a goodwill hunting moment if we're not careful. This feels like it's not your fault. What is it? Oh, okay. Yeah, I don't deserve I'm glad that you're getting the good stuff though for there from northern Italy Absolutely so tired of these fuckers from champagne complaining about non champagne get over it Yeah, we've get over by the way. We've moved on we're over here during yeah, we're not a sec Oh Rose out of a mug alone. What just happened is we saw you and we kept walking

Yeah, okay, so that's what that's what that guy all those speed bumps and whining. Oh, you know it's no champagne Alright sparkling wine. Goodbye. Bye. Take care listen. Let's do this Let's give our audience a chance to play around of nearest Sam's Club. Okay, they're loved ones Okay, we'll take a break and come back for a little bit more Okay, we'll drink that bottle during the break alone? We have to be alone. So what have you guys take a laugh? We'll leave the room. You can just think about your life. Now who has a problem, Jesse? You guys go take a walk and I'll drink this in here.

Thank you. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesse Go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you,

love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, First of all, yeah, every episode of Jordan Jessica is supported by the members of Maximum Fun.

I don't want that to be passed without mention. We should mention that. It's important. We've got an episode of our new members-only podcast, which is called Podcast Movie Movie Podcast. And sometimes we talk about TV shows. We're about to record an episode with our friend John Hodgman. That's right.

About Pitch Perfect 2, which is a podcast movie, and John Hodgman is in it. Yeah. He sings and dances. Yeah, and we're going to talk about it. And we're going to talk about it. It's going to be great. It's going to be great. MaximumFun.org slash join.

All kinds of bonus stuff up there. You get the bonus episodes for all the shows. Did you know? we're also planning an extra bonus episode for our old series Gracie's Game Gauntlet. This is going to be... Grace insisted that we record this episode. Yeah, we have to. We just have to do what Grace says. The train is rolling down the tracks. This one is about a PlayStation 2 game that came out while the PlayStation 3 was already out. And it is called Babe, but it is based on Babe Pig in the City. Can't wait.

Yeah. Can't wait to play this probably bad game. Yeah, it's gonna be horrible. Hey, you get all the bonus apps from all the shows on Free With Ads. We're doing Free With Ads TV reviews. We just did a bunch of Buffy the Vampire slayers. So check that out. Is that series called Jessie Doesn't Quite Get This?

That never has? Yeah, it is. We're watching shows that friends have recommended to you but have never quite clicked with you. Yeah. Theresa loved it. Oh, sure. Yeah. She's in the pocket for it. Yeah. Age-wise. Anyway, hey. Her college roommate was really loved it. Oh, sure. Yeah. She's in the pocket for it.

Yeah. Age-wise. Anyway, hey. Her college roommate was really into it. She had all the episodes on VHS. That helps. That helps. If you're in the Canadian area, that's Canada.

Sure. The Great White North? The Great White North. Come to Toronto for the Toronto Comic Arts Festival. I will be there June 7th and 8th. I'll have a table. I'll be selling you books, signing books for you. And on that Saturday night, June 7th and 8th. I'll have a table. I'll be selling you books, signing books for you. And on that Saturday night, June 7th.

I actually, hold on, because I just got a guest list for the show. Oh, really? Oh, cool. Yeah. Drake is going to be there. Drake will be there. The rapper Socrates is going to be there. Cardinal official.

Uh-huh. And the littlest hobo. Wow. This just in, the littlest hobo will be carried on by Avril Lavigne also that security guard puppet with the big Mustache from today's special all the Canadian celebrities will be there on that Saturday night Don't forget to bring the jelly bean sandwiches for that guy. Oh, I won't On that Saturday night June 7th. I am gonna be doing a live play D&D game It's gonna be fun. I don't know how to play D&D. Will the audience be mad at me?

Probably. Yeah. Will I just fuck around? Sure, but you can come see that on June 7th That is a ticketed event the the con at large is free But this is a ticketed event to try and keep the con free which I approve of You can get those tickets and find out all the info at Toronto comics.com. That is a ticketed event to try and keep the con free, which I approve of. You can get those tickets and find out all the info at torontocomics.com. That is a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun to be the guy that doesn't know how D&D works, except for when I did this. I did this recently, available for Max Fun members.

They said, okay, just make a character sheet. And I was like, I don't know. What? I am having these exact problems right now Just get your character to level four. How can I just say he's at level four? What do I have to do? Yes, I told them I don't know how to play Anyway, anyway, I want to mention we have been dropping new categories of stuff in the put this on shop every single week We just dropped some incredible belt buckles.

Jordan, I bet we have a brass belt buckle from the 70s that says Jordan on it. Amazing. If we don't, we definitely have one that says Dick. So either way, the things you're famous for. Wow. Name Jordan, name your hog. That's right. So putthisonshop.com is where you should go check out all kinds of beautiful vintage things

and vintage clothing. A lot of vintage clothing going up in the shop right now, but also, fucking, we just dropped a big load of women's jewelry. Beautiful. That's a good way to say that, right? Yeah, dropped a load of jewelry. Yes, that's how people would say that.

That's how anyone would say that. Beautiful, fine, and costume jewelry both. Put this onshop.com. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Goh. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Gareth Reynolds, CEO of Costco. The string cheese incident, or is that one of them is the Guns N' Roses album, and one of them is the Jam Band? I also confuse. Those are two things I kind of know about, and I also confuse those.

Yeah, I don't know a ton about Jam Bands other than they have goofy names, and the couple that were big when we went to college. Yeah. Gareth, any experience with jam bands or jam band culture? Well, just through hallucinogens, it felt like they were the gateway into being able to take LSD or mushrooms in public. You needed a context for that.

Yeah, like I needed the Tibetan Freedom concert or a fish show or those sort of things. Yeah, you didn't want to just do it at home alone. No, eventually I was like- It's more of a champagne festival. Well, yeah, eventually don't want to just do it at home. No turn that Yeah, it was like the other people I was like I don't need that to do the drugs right was like the champagne where I was Like I don't need others around to do the drink some people don't need drugs to have fun You don't need fun to have to do drugs and there's a bumper sticker Steven get making the bumper stickers hurry up up. Did you go to jam band concerts? Yeah I went to a couple. Yeah yeah yeah absolutely yeah the first time I took

mushrooms was at the Tibetan Freedom concert. Who were the headliners? It's like the Beastie Boys or something. Yeah it was the Beastie Boys it was Rage Against the Machine but there were also jam bands during the day it was a very like as it got as it got later, it got crazier. But then yeah, I saw, you know, I'm from Milwaukee, so Summerfest was kind of this big Midwestern festival. And there were multiple jam bands I went to there. One year I saw, I think Dave Matthews,

I guess that's not right. But I saw Fish. I think it's in the zone. I saw Fish one time at, I can't remember, Alpine Valley, I think it was called. If I was a Milwaukee jam band, I'd be called Shlomiel Shamazel. That's good. That's good.

That is pretty good. And when you went to these shows, how were the tits? I think they were pretty good. I think they were pretty good. They're solid. But it's also, again, the Milwaukee demographic. I don't want to brag. It's a juggy community. I think we also again the Milwaukee demographic. I think that mean I don't want to brag But I think it's a juggie community. I think we're a juggies own. I think we got nice bust. Nice German delicatessens

Yeah, it's a lot. Yeah, exactly. It's a lot of protein sausages and whatnot by the way big update big fucking update whoa Somebody messaged me on Instagram. First of all, thanks to Instagram, I don't love being on social media, but I do love that there is a platform where people never send me an email about me saying um or whatever. They only send me like videos of capybaras, news about the soccer team associated with my favorite burrito place in San Francisco and this which is, you know about my passion for the late great German delicatessen in Carlsbad, California, Tip Top Meats.

Sure, of course. You've been to Tip Top Meats? No. Okay. So my wife ran a half marathon in Carlsbad. That's how I learned about this place. But I've been several times since. This is a German delicatessen where they had a giant meat case.

And you just chose what meat you wanted. And then they would schnitzel it for you or whatever. Oh, wow. They'd cook it for you right there and then with a bunch of spetzle and sauerkraut and whatever you wanted, right? Put gravy on it. Whole nine yards. Sure. Wonderful restaurant. Also, also a deli like they had a grocery attached as well.

But it closed a couple of years ago, went out of business. Huge fucking news. They're reopening. Wow. Same location. New location. New location. Apparently a smaller location. Okay. Still in Carlsbad, or at least the Carlsbad area. Yeah. North of San Diego. I couldn't be more excited. I'm already planning a trip to Legoland so that I can eat there. That's funny.

Gareth, if someone invited you to a jam band concert like this year, would you go or is that like past year? No, I wouldn't go. Okay. Spin doctors. That's what they're inviting you to spin doctors. Then I definitely wouldn't go. I was already a no, but now I'm I'm angry at you know invite me no, I I wouldn't I think there's like the the Economy of my personal time. I mean first of all I travel so much that it's like if I'm gonna go to a thing

it's gonna be like You know I really want to go. I just think the bathroom situation. But those are bad bathrooms. The, you know, the weather. I really have become like a whiny old grump, but I would be very, I would just be miserable. I would not want to go during the day. I can't, I would never.

I'd double up the Allegra. I would never. Yeah. Never would I go to a, it's my worst nightmare to go to a. Even if there was a Tip Top Meats nearby and I would still be like, I'm not gonna spend, because the year that's, what are we talking, eight hours? If you told me there was a local amphitheater

with a band playing John Philip Sousa, I'd have a little picnic. That I might go see. That I might go see. I went to my first ever stadium concert this past week. I, I had never in my entire life seen a stadium concert. Yeah, I've still never seen one. Only recently had I even been, like a year and two years ago, I went to see Eric Abadu and Stevie Wonder at the downtown arena in Los Angeles, the former Staples Center.

By the way- Does that not count? That's an arena concert. Okay, it doesn't count. Okay That by the way, I'm gonna call it Staples Center because it's actually called the crypto comm arena Right brutal. It's amazing that they found a less dignified to name their stadium after then Staples the office and club stadium yeah anyway doge presents the monster energy shit dome

that would be the best I did by the way Jordan I'm glad you mentioned Monster Energy I did see a man with a face tattoo of the monster energy logo this week there's people who are passionate about the brand okay anyway, anyway, yeah, I had been to a couple of arena, those were my first ever arena concerts in my 40s. And they honestly both fucking great. I love them. My 11 year old had decided that she's gotten

really into music lately, which is a real blessing because my other children have nothing but contempt for music. Like I'll be listening to music and they'll be mad at me for listening to music. Wow. But my middle child has gotten into like playing guitar and stuff. And she was like, I want to go to a concert. And my wife, God bless her, said, I'm going to see if Kendrick Lamar has any concerts. And it turned out he had some coming up. He played three nights at the football stadium here in Los Angeles. That's like 150,000 tickets sold. That's crazy. With SZA, also great. So my 11-year-old and I bought $250 worst seat in

the houses. In fact, maybe even $280 like it was more money like we had already said that we would do it before I looked at what it cost I knew that it would be catastrophic if I backed off Because my child is autistic and she is not having it if I have said something to have a surprise change No So and I wanted to go see Kendrick Lamar. I fucking love Kendrick Lamar. So we went and had seats literally like three rows from the top of the football stadium,

next to the side of the stage. So you couldn't see the stage set. Like Kendrick Lamar looked like three inches high. You know what I mean? Three inches high. You know what I mean? Three inches high. And we could only kind of see the stagecraft, so I could sort of see that there were like bugs walking around. Was there a Jumbotron or anything you could watch on?

There was a small Tron. Okay. Jumbotron if you were a little closer. Sure, yeah. Definitely one of the most- A standard Tron. Okay. So jumbo if you were a little closer. Sure. Yeah. Definitely one of the most standard Tron. One of the most confusing aspects of the stage craft of this performance is that this is a brand new football stadium open maybe two years ago and it's distinguishing feature is a screen that goes,

if you imagine a screen that goes the size of the football field around in a circle. Like if you had a screen that if you built a screen goes the size of the football field around in a circle. Like if you had a screen that, if you built a screen around the edge of the football field and then raised it up into the rafters, that would be the screen at this stadium. So it goes, it's full length, like it goes all the way around and it's huge. And they were not using that. I don't know why they just had a little screen on the side of the stage and that was in black and white So it was a little weird these decisions

But SZA did have part of her show that involved guys doing dances while dressed up like praying mantises, right? So that was pretty good Kendrick Lamar basically just super rapping the whole time which Jen I mean pretty incredible is a pretty incredible super rapper. That was my first experience in a concert. Did your kid like it? I imagine that would be like a long ordeal that maybe any kid would get a little bit tired during. She was exhausted. Okay. And what's really funny is that she will get like, there's a way that a toddler gets when they get over tired,

which is they start sort of like acting drunk and getting confused, like falling over kind of thing, you know? And just because of some developmental thing with my 11 year old, that's how she gets when she's tired. She just like starts acting drunk and especially like, she has some auditory processing issues and when she gets tired,

she truly can't tell what anyone is saying, but she was transfixed. Like there definitely was a point where we were driving home, I think, and she asked to hear a particular Kendrick Lamar song. So I played it on the stereo and then she asked me if I had played it. Wow, she just hammered. Yeah. And I should know. Yeah. Wow. I did get her her own bottle of Prosecco. You should. You should.

But it was a really great time. Sounds like a really great time. That's all. Gareth, last concert you've been to? I was just thinking that. I went and saw, so I'm friends with the lead singer of Lamb of God, and I went and saw Lamb of God at the Forum. Now I know they're a metal band.

What's the sub-genre of metal there? Heavy or light? I would say very heavy. It's very impressive because I know him as a person before I know him as the lead. So I was like, he's a very chill guy. His name's Randy and he's cool. And then I saw him on stage and I was like, there's Randy! I was like, holy shit, Randy, no! I was like, Randy, what are you doing? He's screaming about Randy. shit, Randy, no! I was like, Randy, what are you doing? He's screaming about Randy.

Yeah, Randy, calm down. I have the very odd experience of like, I know, like I'm mostly like rap music and soul music, and there's a couple of rappers that like, with Mike Eagle and Jean Grey, but like I mostly don't know anyone in the fields of music that I like and listen to. Yeah.

But like, I could send Craig Finn an email right now, but like, I'll go to their thing and I'll just be like, well, that's my friend. I wish him the best. Yeah. I'm mainly, I would say I'm mainly, my number one genre is probably rap or hip hop. And then, I'm mainly my number one genres probably rap or hip-hop and then I'm pretty open anything but if I see something live at normally like after the show I was like, holy shit, they're awesome, you know, and he's so I was very I was like, you know You guys are actually very good

We're very aware that I just played the forum Should keep at this, you know, they know, there were times where I would like try to relate to him as a performer. You know, I'd be like, you know, he would like, he would come to see me like on the road at like good nights and Raleigh or something like that. And I'd be like, you know how it is, like whatever. And then I was at the forum and I was like,

oh, so you are wildly successful at this. I don't know. But yeah, there were a lot of times I was like, you know what it's like, you did the show. You were like, I've got a rider too. Yeah, the waitress comes into the green room, he's like, that's been a long time since that's happened to me. You get chicken fingers, right? Do they bring you chicken fingers?

Yeah, I was like, try the chuckle fries, they're really good. You know how it is. You're in the business too. How many Homewood sweets points do you have? Totally. Are you gold? Yeah, totally. Yeah, exactly. But that was the last one. What about you?

Steven, Stephen Ray Morris has a comment. I just wanted to say because one of the last times I saw Gareth and Dave Anthony, the Dollop Live was at the same venue I saw the 20th anniversary tour of Everclear. So much for the afterglow. Wow. Marcy Playground and shit, like Bless Bless the Union of... No, Fastball, all played together. Wow.

So... Remembering that Fastball exists is fun. And I just went through that. Well, hey, if you... It sounds like a momentous occasion to get to see your friend from Lamb of God play the forum. And we also have people who call in with their momentous occasions and we're gonna hear it. Okay. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and guests. I'm going to guess fellow former Missouli and Chris Fairbanks.

This is Sam in Portland, Oregon. I was volunteering this weekend at a community event where we closed some streets in a neighborhood and make a bike and pedestrian... Can you pause this because I have two things I need to address before we get into what the actual momentous occasion is. First of all, she's just describing Portland, right? Like, that's not an event. That's just is what they do in Portland. Like, you just go around closing streets and riding bikes, right? Building and riding. Yep. Yeah. That felt like what Portland does. Second of all, I just really appreciate the sort of like late eighties, early nineties public radio aesthetic of this call, which is just everything has to be layered with crunching

leaves underfoot. Crunching leaves, crunching leaves. Yeah. It sounds like an old timey radio play. If she could maybe, yeah, she could get maybe some people chanting something at a protest, but it's in a foreign language. That also would be great. Like something in favor of like, I don't know, Patrice Lumumba. He died in the sixties. Yeah. You know, about something like that, you know, something where something in, in, in, in French, but it's from Cote d'Ivoire. Good sound design on this call. Good sound design. Okay, anyway, press play. We'll find out what the momentous occasion. Street fairs and it's all very Portland and while I was waiting to check in for my volunteer shift,

another volunteer said to me, oh I saw your Jordan Jesse Go bumper sticker. I love those guys. So just a shout out to Cody from the Kiwanis Club. We made it through our shifts, I think. I saw you walk away, which is great because last year somebody tried to drive a truck through the pedestrian crowd. So I was a little nervous going in. Love you guys.

That took a really dark turn. Sure. Fun ending. All of a sudden it became a public radio report. It'd be nice if these calls could double as just news, you know? Could call in with some news from there. Jordan, can I ask a quick question of you? And Gareth, you're new to the program, so feel free to contribute. I'm no Chris Fairbanks.

Yeah. I mean, who is? I wish I was Chris Fairbanks. How fucking cool would that be? Oh, have a look at all that. All right, OK. We're all angry. Be that funny and to be able to make beautiful art?

Come on. OK, anyway, Chris Fairbanks aside, have you watched those great videos where he narrates his skateboarding? Oh yeah, those are great. Those are fucking hilarious. Anyway, what were you gonna say? I don't, you were gonna say something. I was sort of thinking about how great-

You put me aside and said- Yeah, you were like, oh Jordan. Thank you, okay. So Chris Fairbanks' many gifts and wonders aside. Remember that joke he says about the owl that's always wearing graduation clothes? It's funny, I didn't see you on campus all year, owl. Yeah. Always wearing a mortar board. Anyway, here's my question to you. So first of all, shout out to Cody from the Kiwanis Club. Of all your local service organizations

and fraternal organizations, what do you think is the, who Jordan Jesse Goh fans are the best represented among? I, can someone explain the Kiwanis Club to me? Is that's a Christian organization? Kiwanis Club is a service organization. Catholic organization? That's like the, that's like the Lions Club. Okay.

So it's like local business people getting together to do nice things for the community is my understanding of it. So it's like a little less intense than like Mason's. A little less intense even than something that's like in between like an Odd Fellows. Like less rituals. Yeah.

And they don't drive tiny cars. That's Shriners. That's Shriners. Yeah. They do things for children's hospitals, I believe. OK. And they don't drive tiny cars. That's Shriners. That's Shriners, yeah. They do things for children's hospitals, I believe. Okay. Kiwanis is a general service organization. Okay.

So which of these do you think is the best? Let's see. I bet we got some Elks. I bet we got a couple of Elks. Let's see. Did you know that underneath Union Square in San Francisco, there's an Elks Lodge where you can go to dinner? Oh, I did not know that. It's really cool. If you're ever in San Francisco on a weekend,

I think it's like Friday nights or something, there's an Elks Lodge underneath Union, it's underneath like, it's actually underneath where the corner of Powell and Market where the cable car turns around. And you can go in there and they have a dinner that's open to non-members. How's the food?

It's really cool. It's pretty good, but mostly you're just excited you're having dinner underneath a famous... Yeah. Yeah. Let's see. What are our other options? What are the other service organizations? What else we got? The ones you named... Lady Lions. Lady Lions. We got a couple of those. Rotary club.

Rotary. Yeah. That's probably it. I think we probably have a lot of adults who are still involved in scouting. Who like, with their kids, who do stuff with their kids and they're still really involved in scouts. Maybe that would be my guess for number one. It's a great base. To be clear, not sex abuse.

No, no, no, yeah. They just like, they have a passion for nots. Yeah, for service not sex abuse. No, no, no. Yeah, they just like they have a passion for not Yeah for service. Yeah, and not in a sexual way Maybe also in a sexual way, but in a sexual way with consenting adults outside of the context of the scout I'm gonna jump in and say stop. Yeah, stop stop caveating because it's getting darker Which we did. We are also welcoming sex cri- Well, not- Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Wait a minute. If you want to go tie knots in the woods in a fucking way, we encourage you to do so, but only with other adults who are also into woods knots tying fucking. Exactly. I bet we have some spaghetti monster people did they do and also Jordan huh sex doesn't have to involve penetration yes we covered all our bases let's just make sure we got that out there I think that was fair. Did the spaghetti monster people go out and do community stuff?

No. We probably, I mean like there's like- Hostess trainers on their heads. You know, your major cities have like humanist associations. Yeah. That's sort of exhausting. I mean like speaking as a secular humanist myself, I mean I'm an atheist. Maybe I just don't want to join any club that would have me, but that's not for me. Right. But do those count? If so, I would guess that's probably where our...

I mean, if we're going to include that, then obviously the answer is Unitarians. Sure. I mean, that's the easy answer is Unitarians. You know that like 20% of our audience are Unitarians. Some people say, I put the unit in Unitarian. You can just say whatever on a podcast. It's a podcast. Podcast just saying, Gareth, I don't know if you knew this. I don't know if you've ever made a podcast before. No, only three and counting.

Just three. Just three. I live in hell, I'm sorry. The podcast is saying words. That's actually what I've noticed. And I might be running out of words. I really, at this point. Well that actually, taking calls like that, that's one of my other shows we're here to help

which is a call and advice show and it's great to have merch but we just someone called in with like what should they do with a white windowless van that they just bought and we're paying to have our podcast wrapped around wow man that's a dream how did you find a van wrapper? By the way, that sounds like a genre you'd be doing. We just looked online. We found a place online that will wrap a van in our artwork and it'll drive around Chicago. Beautiful.

So that's like, but to your merch, people in the wild finding- What does that cost? It's not cheap. A thousand bucks? Like 2,500, like two thousands. I was thinking about Jordan, maybe we should get a bus ad as an FYC for the Golden Globes. Oh, right. See if people, right, okay, because there is podcasts in the Golden Globes now, right? Yeah, they announced podcasts in the Golden Globes. Can we beat smart lists?

Steven, find out what a bus ad costs. It's got to be in Hollywood because it's the Hollywood Foreign Press Association. Yeah, that's a great idea. Or we could buy one in like Denmark or something. Isn't that where the Golden Globes actually are voted from? That would be such a funny documentary to go find out where the Hollywood Foreign Press is actually located and go start a grassroots campaign over yonder. So find out in Hollywood and then in Slovenia. Okay. Okay, Stephen's gonna research bus ads. We want, I want to

explain something to Gareth. So obviously we all gotta kind of gotta explain how podcasts work to you. Please. One of the things that happens on podcasts is called segments and we think of our own segments because of our creativity and hard work. So a lot of people think that people might just call into our show, say something they wanted to say to us and then say it's for our segment blah, blah, blah, that's not really an idea that we thought of. But actually we think of all the ideas because we're really creative and hard working. And I could tell that this is what happens. So, here's an example of that. Okay.

Hello, Jordan, Jesse and I'm gonna say Steve Agee. Close. This is Seamus from Edinburgh calling in for your segment, Signs Around Town. I'm just back from a walk where I noticed a bunch of new signs taped to lampposts, which upon further inspection were all yellow and laminated with the same handwriting, but about 50% of them were offering the services of an, and I quote, up-and-coming wizard while the rest were advertising for dog walking. What? Unclear if the dogs were used in the magic or not.

Yeah, love you. Bye. Okay, so I can, I gotta tell you about this. So I have been going- To wizard school. This is a safe space. I have been going, I'm done now, but I have been going to a place that puts magnets on your brain Long story. I think that's self-explanatory. I don't think you need to

Add at all. Go ahead. Sounds fine. Sounds normal. You got to go to this place every day For like six weeks every weekday for like six weeks. Every day you're getting magnets on. Yeah. For the magnets to work- How do they work? Thank you. For the magnets to work, you got to go every day for six weeks. And these are real science magnets. These aren't magic magnets.

They're real science magnets. But in order to do this and go to work, I couldn't exercise my dog before work. So normally I take my dog to exercise before work for like 45 minutes or an hour because otherwise he's nuts in the house all day. So I was taking him every weekday to dog daycare. Okay. Because you can go there play with other dogs and have fun there. My dog daycare, look, anyone who works in a dog daycare, they're a fucking sweetheart. Sure. I want to take that as well.

It's self-selecting. Obviously, they're a fucking sweetheart, right? Everyone at this dog daycare, they're a sweetheart. However, this dog daycare, which I chose because it's the closest dog daycare to my house, is fucking meditation themed. They have a store that sells dog food, you know, regular shit that's at the front of the dog daycare. It also sells crystals. And they offer sound baths for your dog. Okay. There it is. I just really want to emphasize they're nice people and it's the closest dog daycare to

my house. I'm sorry, your credibility is gone, Jesse. People now think differently of you. All of your authenticity points are gone. Near my house, it's between my house and the office. I don't have to go out of my way to drop my dog off there. I had to take him every day because otherwise he'd go crazy in my house. The brand is dead, Jesse.

I'm sorry. Anyway, I'm in there. You know, you go into like the little store waiting room area and you wait and they go get your dog out from the backyard or whatever and bring him. While I'm standing there waiting for them to go get my dog, I noticed that they had magic floor mop fluid. What? What do you mean? They were selling magical floor mop fluid. I don't like... So if your dog pisses on your floor, they got magical fluid that'll make you rich From the piss from the mop no from the fluid the fluid makes you rich, okay?

It's for mopping yeah, so you mop your house with this magic fluid is it like there was a This is an alchemy thing was like a relationship one. Oh, okay. Is this an aromatherapy? No, it's magic. Oh, it's magical. It's fucking wizard shit. From a local, from, I'm becoming local wizard. And I've been, I've been fucking standard mopping. Sure. My whole life.

Pine-sawing. I could have been magic mopping. You could have. Although if I had a local up and coming wizard, I could get him to just magic to magify my regular old pine saw Right. It's like having a priest bless something. Yeah, you could just have the wizard do that so you can get the pine saw I use wood soap because I got wood floors, but not sure but but yeah I always thought mr. Clean was a floor genie, but I guess I was wrong. That's a good point

Well, is mr. Clean a genie? I always just thought he was a strong genie, but I guess I was wrong. That's a good point. Well, I mean, Mr Clean a genie how he just thought he was a strong man. I don't know. I want him out of my floor. That's what I'll get him out of there. First of all, the real heroes are our strong bald man. Strong bald man. Yeah. Stephen, find out if Mr. Clean's a genie. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan. What is Mr. Clean? What are the scrubbing bubbles? You guys are seeing those too, right? Those are little guys, right? Those little guys.

Little brush guys. They're little guys. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. After 400 episodes, the Maximum Film Universe is kicking off a brand new phase. We have got a brand new host, hilarious writer and comedian, Kevin Avery. Hey, that's me! Kevin's teaming up with me, film critic Alonso Duralde. And me, producer and film festival programmer, Drea Clark.

Together, we're taking on summer blockbuster season by talking about some of the biggest movies in theaters. That makes this the perfect time to join the Maximum Film Gang. Reserve your Maximum Film ticket. Pre-order your Maximum Film custom popcorn bucket. We're trying to say it's a great time to start listening to the podcast. So jump back in to the continuing adventures of Maximum Film every week on MaximumFun.org. Hey, do you have a favorite episode of Star Trek?

If you do, you should also have a favorite Star Trek podcast. Greatest Trek is about all the new streaming Star Trek shows and it's a great companion to The Greatest Generation, our hit show about back catalog Star Trek that you grew up with. It's a comedy podcast by two folks who used to be video producers,

so it's a serious mix of comedy and insight that fits right into the Maximum Fun network of shows. And Greatest Trek is one of the most popular Star Trek podcasts in the world. So if you're following Lower Decks, Prodigy, or Strange New Worlds, come hang out with us every Friday as we roast and review our favorite Star Trek shows. It's on MaximumFun.org, YouTube or your pie catching app. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Gareth Reynolds, CEO of Costco. Gareth, I was telling you how much I was enjoying the Pete Rose episodes of The Dollop about one of history's greatest monsters and the hit king. Yep. King of hits. Yep. Sports.

Sports above everything. Sports is number one. Jordan, here's a ranking of what's important. Sports. That's it. The Lord. Sports, Lord, family, God. That's my t-shirt.

Sports, Lord, family, God. And if you don't like it, you can get off my porch. Sports Lord, family God. That's my t-shirt. Sports Lord, family God. And if you don't like it, you can get off my porch, because my mom, she's a single mom and she believes that it's just 10 different fonts. We drink sweet tea. In this house, we drink Prusikil alone. And if you want to date my daughter, you got to say hi to my gun and you got to have her back by nine Because Jesus he was a truck suck for dick then come back. Why is the minion saying that?

What is culture now? You know just you don't just do the dollop we alluded to the fact you're a three podcast man You don't just do the dollop. It's not just the dollop. We alluded to the fact you're a three podcast man. Break it down for me. Isn't it insane? That's enough podcast, in my experience, that's enough podcasts to get into Costco Connection.

One would think, my people have not been reached out to. Well, the dollop, almost 11 years. Then I started one called We're Here to Help with one of my buddies, Jake Johnson, who it's basically a call and advice show. So we do live air calls. And then van wrapping, of course. And van wrapping. Eventually we try to solve problems and that show is, that's just pure sugar. And then the new one I have is called-

That's the grape of podcasts? That's the grape. It's the Walmart grape. And it's like a nice size jug. So that's where we're here to help. And then the new one I have is called Next We Have, which like you were saying, you are segment architects. It is just all segments. It's three segments, an episode, anything we come up with, games, guests, pranks. Love a segment.

It's just easy. So it's just the most bankable podcast. But as the chips were falling, I realized I have now three podcasts. And I was like, that's insane. Three pods. But I love them all. So what can you do?

Three balls, three pods. I'm like a polygamist. That's right. I mean, as long as you can support all three well that feels like there's an arrangement Which podcasts sleeps in your bed each night? Well, I rotate. Okay, really? I like you go you go from three separate houses. Got it. I don't talk about the other one to the other ones either Oh, so it's like a secret road family. Well, they know but they don't want to be secret road family. Well, they know, but they don't want to be. They don't want to hear about it. They don't want to hear about it. They don't want to hear about it.

Can we please talk about sports? Or God? Or God? Or the Lord? Sometimes I go to the We're Here to Help house and I'm going that Pete Rose episode and she's like, excuse me, where the callin' went? Uh, nothing. I mean. He means nothing to me. And you, speaking of traveling all the time, you got some road stuff coming up, right? Yeah The dollop is on tour opening for lamb of God doing a lamb of God tour finally What's just the fans are furious? Obviously? Lamb of God, but very good. It's the no one's happy tour

No one's happy because keep in mind our shows about 90 minutes So people are furious by the time Lamb of God hits the stage. Lamb of God have written some pretty cool tunes about American history though. Sure have. Well, we've had him on our show a number of times. Benjamin Harrison, that Benjamin Harrison song's great. I didn't actually know it was even about him until I actually started reading the lyrics. But yeah, we're dollapodcast.com, we go on the road and then I'm always on the road, you know, just toiling in clubs like we were

talking about. Love to toil. Love it. We must toil until we die. We must toil, which is why I started Next We Have, which comes out June 5th. I should point that out. What's your chosen activity? This is something I've noticed about many stand-up comics, that they have an activity

that they do when they are on the road and they have like a weekend. Like if you're in a band touring, you're in a different city every day. Yes. And so you don't really get to do anything. Whereas comics, they'll be Thursday through Sunday or whatever. And so they will be in a town that has a comedy club and perhaps not that much else. And they will have their days to do something there. Yes. So besides drinking champagne by yourself, what is your chosen?

What you get is fine. I just feel like we're circling back on a fine activity. It's fine. I mean, good Lord. It's fine. We're all doing it. It's fine. No one needs help. No one needs help. No one needs an intervention. No no one needs help and even talking about it seems a little rude Why are we even saying that little strange need to be bringing that part up again? The Lord Sorry, they're back to thank you for the reset

No, it is very true. It's uh I I'd I've started to do mostly one-nighters So I do fall more in the category and that's not because things are good. I'm not like a bit I'm not bragging. I just have started to do like I drive to most of my gigs now for the most part So I do a lot of one-nighters, but I I still do weekends from time to time. I was just in Batavia, Illinois I'm bragging now. Yeah. Oh, no. A week ago.

That's the Batavia of Illinois. That's what a lot of people, I was confused when they said that, and then I got there and I said, this actually makes sense, because that's the name of the town. But I would always do a Saturday walk around, and this weekend I did not want to go do the walk around,

just to walk around the city, even if it's a shithole and I stumbled into an Like almost farmers market art show and I am terror. I am really so uncultured as you can tell and I walked around an art Festival great and I actually was like so proud of myself because I was responding to things You're having feelings about the heart I was going like there. I like that when you say you were responding to things yeah

Are you talking about hard on yeah? Landscape I Started a podcast In that still life He's a good jug. That fruit bowl. Still life. And I walked around and I bought three little pieces.

Hey! Three little pieces. Three little pieces. For three little podcasts. For three little ones for each of my babies. You can bring each one home, a little souvenir. I brought them all to myself and my three different ways of doing shows. And that was what it was.

So I always commit to just doing a little walk around the town, because otherwise you do feel like a real piece of shit. I really start, you start to feel like it's Martin Sheen and the Beginning of Apocalypse Now by day three, where it's just like in the underpants, just kind of just stuffs everywhere and you're kind of just a little psycho in the room.

I feel like people either become alcoholics or go see every movie. The movie's a huge one. I know guys who are both. You do not to, again, not to brag. Not to brag. I'm friends with a lot of pieces of shit. But so I know guys who do both, but movies is huge. I've never really gone that route. I just like to go around, walk around a little bit. And I always promise myself I'll work out

and then that never ends up happening. I love a walk around. A walk around is great. I love a walk around. I don't care either where I, I'll walk to the, I'll walk, like I'll type in thrift store into my phone map. I'll walk two miles, three miles to a thrift store

and see what's on the way. Thrift store is a great one because you really, sometimes you are, they are almost museums in some spots where you will walk around a thrift store and be like, this is more American American this is like a Presentation versus someone selling crap. Yeah, like there are people really will curate their little zone It's and I totally agree like but that that is what I'll commit to is a nice walk around, but Tavia You know, it has a terrible reputation for whatever. I actually really like very walkable little town. So that that's that's my little hobby

That's I'm against it Yeah, Jordan. I said it. I said okay. I'm not afraid to speak my mind We love you, but a I say thumbs down I say thumbs in the Prosecco Jordan says thumbs up, I say thumbs down. He's been chugging the Prosecco Honestly. During the breaks and he's just,

he doesn't know what he's saying. Well it's been a joy. Forgive us please. It's been a joy to have you on the program, Gareth. It's been a real pleasure and I thank you very much. And you know, Steve Ager, Chris Fairbanks will be back soon so I want your fans to know. Don't worry folks.

A temporary interruption. Yeah, this isn't like the Secretary of Education becoming president, where everyone else had to die. Well, now that you're there, it's an avenue. OK. I hear you. It's a road to the presidency. Note taken.

Fingers crossed that Linda McMahon can become president. The guy who owns Carl's Jr. Our producer is Stephen Ray Morris. Brian, Sonny, Fernando is our producer, Emeritus, our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. I hope everybody will go see Jordan in Toronto coming up soon and grab Jordan's. I just read Jordans, I told Jordan this before we started. Jordan Gareth wrote a comic, or a story in a, what do you call that, a compendium. Yeah, yeah, I think that's a good word for it.

Of stories about Godzilla attacking Los Angeles. And Jordans was about a tour guide at a sort of Universal Studios analog achieving her show business dreams by doing a great job when Godzilla attacks Universal Studios. That's so funny. Yeah, it's still available. The proceeds go to Wildfire Relief, Godzilla vs. Los Angeles should be at your local comic book store. Spoiler alert, by the way. I'm sorry that I said that she achieves her dreams.

If people were hoping that she just dies at the end. Well, yeah, she achieves her dreams, let's say in an unexpected way. Indeed. You can find us on Instagram, Jordan Jessie Goh pod on Facebook at facebook.com slash Jordan Jessie Goh. We're on Blue Sky, Jordan Jessie Goh pod, just Jordan Jessie Goh. We are ourselves on Instagram at Jordan David Morris at Jesse Thorne very famous I probably get enough cappy bars, but if you do see a scruffy dog feel free to send me that I'm not saying like the cappy bar should be doing something good. It shouldn't just be like a cappy bar

Have you ever been around a cappy bar? Yeah, okay. Yeah, baby. Okay. Yeah, I make sure we shout out sustainable Safari outside Minneapolis, Minnesota where I had it petted some cappy bar as in a cappy bar experience. I also petted a sloth called Jennifer Lopez. Uh, we'll be back next week on Jordan. Jesse go. You love you