Jordan, Jesse, GO! - The Desert Philharmonic, with Andy Wood

Episode Date: May 23, 2024

This week comedian and certified desert guy Andy Wood (Probably Science Podcast) is back on the podcast to talk about no butt November, playing a plastic trombone, and his amazing comedy, science and stargazing event To 29 and Beyond!Buy your tickets for To 29 And Beyond to see comedy, scientists, and star gazing on June 8 & 9! YOU DON'T WANNA MISS IT!!!You can get Rain Rain for free on the Apple App Store or Google Play. Just search for "Rain Rain" and get ready to sleep great!

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Doe, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris Boy Detective. How are you doing my friend? I'm doing good Jesse. I had something I wanted to contribute to our popular segment. I saw it online. Yeah, we've been changing-

I saw it online. Yeah, so the title of this segment has changed a fair amount. I think originally it was I read it on social media, the idea being that we weren't just gonna plug Reddit for free. Oh, okay. Well then that's why I changed it more. Okay, great. I wasn't getting it wrong. Problem solved. Yeah. Okay, so this is a segment where when we encounter, and when you, the audience, encounter true magic in the world of the internet, things that are full of questions that need answering and mysteries that need unraveling

and little touches of fairy dust right on top. We like to share them on the program. For our segment, internet, Reddit. Saying the internet out loud. Marshall, saying the internet is pretty good. I kind of like that one. Stan, yeah. Let's see what kind of reaction it gets in this episode and then we'll talk about changing it permanently.

Anyway, this is something I was reading on r slash Pasadena. Jesse, you know how I love r slash Pasadena, right? Marshall, this is a subreddit for Pasadena, California that if I remember correctly from your description, has a pretty positive vibe. Man, does it ever. I mean, it's really great. You know, a lot of toxicity on Reddit. The Max Fun Reddit's a beautiful place to hang out.

Very, very low levels of hostility there, but you know most other places, you know, it can get it can get testy pretty quick, but I have really loved r slash Pasadena. A lot of like, you know, we're having a pancake breakfast to raise money for this. Do you know of any good libraries that have programs for teens? You know, this kind of thing. Any recommendations for someone in their 40s just getting into swing dancing. And like, this is the kind of stuff you have over on R Pasadena and I frankly fucking love it. On the Ask Los Angeles Reddit that I subscribe to, Jordan, there's only two kinds of questions. One is, if I put my foot on a bus, will I die?

And the other is, are there laws in Los Angeles against murdering the unhoused? Sure. Yeah. Very, very little to none of that on r slash Pasadena. Just kind of nice chatter for a nice town. And I ran across a post that I thought just exemplified this perfectly. Here's the title of the post. If there's any way to start the day better than with a coffee and apple fritter from Pronto Donuts, I don't know

what it is. I'm reading this thing and I'm shouting, it me, it me. Everybody loves that. I love Pronto Donuts, I love the Apple Fritter. I've been, I used to live kind of close to there. I've moved a little bit farther away so I can't walk I used to live kind of close to there. I've moved a little bit farther away, so I can't walk there anymore to Pronto Donuts, but when it was in walking distance, I was strolling down there, yes. I have a question.

Yeah. I guess this is a question for the mods. Is it okay that you live in Altadena? Cause. Well, funny you should mention that, Jesse, because the description of our past slash Pasadena says discussions about Pasadena and neighboring communities, South Pasadena, Altadena, Arcadia and Sierra Madre.

Wow. Okay. Fair enough. I'm glad you asked for it. I'll stay far away. Yeah. I didn't hear Lincoln Heights mentioned on that list despite the fact that it's a short trip down the 110 into Pasadena

It's probably the same distance for me to get into Pasadena than it is for you It's fine. I go to Pasadena every week for therapy, but it's okay You can use the subreddit Jesse just put in my address if you need You need proof Here's I'll send you a power bill. Can we share a Costco card? Yes, exactly. Yeah, you can have a couple of my utility bills if you ever need to sign into rslashpastadena, a great place.

So I'm like, this is great. This is the kind of positivity. I love this donut place. And I'm like, I'm going to read the chatter in this thing. Can I ask you, Jordan, what kind of donut place this is? Is this a classic Southern California, Cambodian owned donut place? Is this like a new wave, put breakfast cereals

on top of the donuts, donut place? Yes, it's the first one, you can also buy lotto tickets and cigarettes there. That's what we're talking about. That's the good stuff. That's the whole point of living in Los Angeles. Absolutely. Shout out to Happy Donuts right by my house by the way.

Oh yeah. That's the whole point of living in Los Angeles. Absolutely. Shout out to Happy Donuts right by my house by the way. Oh yeah. Pronto is just a great example of a donut place in this category. And so yeah, you have people like, you know, you have Pronto heads in there shouting out their favorite stuff to get at Pronto. And then you have some people stumping for Tastee doughnuts. I'm not kicking a Tastee doughnut out of bed. T-A-S-T-E-E, great glaze down there at Tastee. But then you have this post.

So this person is asking, so the poster was kind of positing a rhetorical question. Is there a better way to start the day than with an apple fritter from Pronto? This Is there a better way to start the day than with an apple fritter from Pronto? This person has a better way to start the day. Oh, well that's helpful. Not checking cell phone. 15 minutes of direct sunlight immediately after waking.

No coffee for the first 90 minutes of the day. Instead, having water with a little bit of sea salt. And if possible, shoving in an exercise session followed by a cold shower or short ice bath if possible parentheses cold exposure How am I still hung up on the sea salt in the water yeah Part of this that is That's not even a trend. That's part of Master Cleanse. It is part of Master Cleanse.

Our guest on the program... Let's bring in our guest who is clean from the inside out. Our guest on the program, one of the hosts of probably science, stand-up comic, and a desert coyote. Andy Wood. Hi Andy. Hello, thanks for having me. This is all so right up my alley because it gets even smaller town as you head east of Pasadena to Joshua Tree where I live and where I'm a member of the Facebook group, What's Really Going On in the Morongo Basin because the Facebook group, What's Going On in the

Morongo Basin wasn't real enough. Wow. Yeah. And there are rules. I couldn't be posting about pronto donuts except on Wednesdays because that sounds like some spawn con to me. That's like promoting a specific business or event is for Wednesdays only on what's really going on in the Morongo Basin. What kind of lies were going around about what was happening on the Morongo Basin in the previous Facebook group? I don't know. By the time I got here, I moved here four years ago when COVID hit, and I think that the torch had already been passed to this new

version of it. I don't know if it's kind of like, didn't SantaCon have a similar thing in New York where SantaCon got corrupted by the normies and then they had to have like the Anticon that's like the secret SantaCon. It's not a nerd rap label. People are just coming to this thing to drink. They're not really celebrating Santa. They're not acting like Santa. They're not talking like Santa.

They're just throwing on a hat and a fucking Anchorman t-shirt and drinking. These are undercover chive people. Most of the desert is undercover chive. I'm in a Facebook group for the community where my cabin is. But that's just people saying stuff about my neighbor Skip because he's not on Facebook.

Oh yeah. Are they talking shit or are they... What's the nature of the Skip chatter? I think everyone in the community respects and values Skip. He really keeps the wheels turning in Sequoia Crest, California. And you know, you need somebody to keep the wheels turning when you're, you know, an hour from the nearest store. But, yeah, I mean, he's a colorful character. Look, we almost skip.

Sure. This guy's full of whatever. Sure. I do wanna talk more about the, what's going on in the Morongo Basin, but just to kind of finish out About this about this post wait. Yeah, so wait. I'm Andy what the fuck is with salt and water. Oh, yeah, please tell us Oh, I think that's probably I don't think what am I trying to say I've tried the master cleanse and all you eat is a

blend of honey cayenne pepper And maybe a third thing in water. But then every day you also have a giant glass of very salty salt water, which acts as an immediate laxative. Just runs right. I didn't know until I did this cleanse that that was even a safe thing to consume.

And maybe it's not, because master cleanse is complete bullshit. I will say the coffee at Pronto's doughnuts does the exact same thing so So I did it for three days you're supposed to do for ten or something it's it's complete bullshit I'm embarrassed that I ever even Attempted it. Yeah, trying to clean out man. Nothing wrong with that. Your body does that. That's what let me ask you this Jordan How's the fritter cleanse going? I? Haven't shit in three weeks and I feel amazing.

I feel amazing. I've been more productive than I've ever been. I'm weeding out the imposters inside my Santa con group. I'm finding out who's an actual Santa fan and who's a chive guy. This part of no butt November. Is that what you do? Just don't get to defecate. I'm not using my butt. Yeah. Rather, I'm filling up with fritter.

I'm doing only front sitting all November. Sure. Do you know anything about the, I mean, I'll ask Andy. Jesse, I'll include you in this, although I think Andy is maybe most likely to know about this. Do you know what the deal with like cold plunging is? Like why this guy is saying like cold plunge in the morning is the way to go? I mean, I think cold plunges are, I think there's some real science that says that's nice.

I've mostly just done that at the, have we been to Vodaspah together? The Russian spa in West Hollywood? No, I know you're a big fan. I've always wanted to try it, but it's never worked out. But I know you're a, yeah, I would love to go. Your stories about the Vodaspah are amazing. If you want five different temperatures of sauna and a 35 degree cold pool and a restaurant

that's 50 feet away that you walk to in your robe to get borscht and a carafe of vodka, then this is your place. I do want that. Yeah. I love borscht. Oh God, I want that. I know a little bit about cold plunges because it just so happens the other day on Judge John Honjman, we had an episode about a guy who wanted to get a cold plunge and we had

our friend Paul Shear on the show. And Paul Shear is a real cold plunge enthusiast. Oh, okay. This guy has a home cold plunge enthusiast. This guy has a home cold plunge. Apparently there are like levels of sophistication of home cold plunges ranging from like permanent installations to like inflatables that are somewhere in between like a children's splash pool and like a portable cooler. You know what I mean? Like a beer can shape thing you'd take tailgating.

Right. Apparently it's, there's some evidence behind it. Not a huge, huge amount. It's only just started to be studied, but there's some evidence behind it. Not a huge huge amount. It's only just started to be studied, but there's some evidence behind it. And I think most people for most people it seems to be as Paul put it that like once you get in there, I mean you can do whatever else you know nothing else is going to seem hard once you got into a put Put your nards into ice water You going in nards first? The only way I could do without using my butt

This this this post obviously caused caused caused-thread fighting. Someone said, and everyone was being pretty nice to this dude, despite his tone. And I think people were saying, hey, you know, I think it's okay to have a donut every now and then as a treat. And he responds, a treat? What are you, a dog to reward yourself with a treat? Dot, dot, dot.

The way dogs reward themselves. Yes. Yeah, dogs just eat a treat. They don't have to. I've been a pretty good boy today. I went to the post office. Called my mom. Got those quotes I needed to get.

Right. Get some quotes on something. Sure. Multiple quotes. needed to get. Right. Get some quotes on something. Sure. Multiple quotes. I'm visiting the notary. I deserve a treat. And then so you know, I'm obviously like fascinated by this dude and because Reddit has the, it gives you the ability to look at the other things they've posted.

I did that. This guy is very active in four other subreddits. r slash infidelity loves giving people advice on what to do when their partner has become unfaithful. Wait, is r slash infidelity a subreddit for people whose partners have been unfaithful or those who aspire to unfaithfulness? It's a good question. I haven't hung around there long.

Mostly I was kind of looking at what this guy posted and it was like, it was, you know, men saying my female partner was unfaithful and this guy going like, fuck them dude, don't need them You clap those cheeks you fucking get back out there It's like stuff like like like you know juicing up and clap the cheeks means To close the butt so you don't use it all month long right exactly This guy is also very active in R slash DCU, the movie that I was read discussing the comic book movies in the DC universe.

R slash Kanye West. He's he is very actively posting in many Kanye West themed forums and ours also are slash Invisalign. Just seems like a good dude. Seems like a cool guy. Solid citizen. Seems like a cool guy. Which is hanging in there more?

Which represents hanging in there more? The Kanye West subreddit or the DC movies subreddit? Like which demonstrates more stick-to-it-iveness? Yeah. movies subreddit like which demonstrates more stick to it if Yeah, I mean Great great question great question I mean put together the chronology of all these subreddits though, right? Because did it start with Kanye and his partner said enough is enough and then she stepped out on him So right well, I'm single I got to get these teeth fixed

And then she stepped out on him. So he's like, well, if I'm single, I got to get these teeth fixed. And then while I'm sitting alone with my invisible, I'm going to start watching start binging all the Zack Snyder movies. Is it possible that the that the list of subreddits that a weird commenter posts in on Reddit when you like click on what where their posts have gone before is the new like a group of items you're buying at the night items or less in the grocery store and that it always tells the story and the story is always sad. Boy that's a that's an that's an amazing observation Jesse. Yes I think that is

I think that's totally true. That's true because I only subscribe to this subreddit called first sale baby shoes never worn. Yeah. I think it says something about me. I don't know. FSBSNW. Yeah. R slash.

I'm sorry, no, it's lightly worn. I'm looking at it again. It's lightly worn baby shoes. Lightly worn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Andy Howard, do you feel like you've been in the desert for four years? You returned to, you're bi-coastal if you consider it that.

I'm SoCal bi-coastal, yeah. Yeah, yeah, you're SoCal bi-coastal. Do you consider yourself a desert part of the community or do you still feel like new guy? No, I think as of today, you caught me on an interesting day because I just finished the fourth and final show where I was playing a second trombone in the Joshua Tree Philharmonic.

So I am fully immersed in that hashtag desert life in a way that I never thought I would be. But I was a big trombonist 30 years ago and then I put it aside as I did other childish things and then when I fell off. I would call the trombone childish. Whomp, whomp, whomp. That's what I felt. I would call the trombone childish. That's what you play as you're putting the trombone in its case to put it up in the attic.

Not to, yeah, to not touch it for 30 years. How did you get into the desert Philharmonic? There's this great theater that hasn't been operating since I moved here. I guess there was, I guess there was a flood or something, but it's prime location as you're driving into Joshua Tree. And as things are opening up post-COVID, I wanted to start looking into putting on shows, which will lead into an event I'll tell you about in a minute. So I just called this venue that I'd never

actually seen things happening at and asked if they would ever consider, you know, hosting a standup show. And then I saw on the website they have this Philharmonic. I was like, what's this now? And so I, in one email I asked about potentially putting on standup shows. Also, do you need a trombonist? And they did. I have two questions. Yeah. It's a really high caliber. I mean, I, I am ashamed that I had this low expectation because all of these high desert towns together combined to be maybe 50 or 60,000 people, including the Marine base, which is, I don't know, 10 or 20,000. So I just thought it couldn't be with that size of a population,

there couldn't be a very impressive orchestra. I was dead wrong, like really good. I was, I am in the bottom rung of the talent of this group and our conductor is this youtuber who has 500 million views On his piano video. It's like Jesus virtuoso. Yeah I knowing not having been to the full harmonic but kind of knowing the vibe of the area Do you guys just play Willie Nelson songs? I? This is the 20th anniversary of this Philharmonic, so I don't know I've never been to the other shows So my first time seeing it was my first time performing and it's all I know is this one was 80s themed.

So we did, we did your thriller. We opened with Money for Nothing. We did Take on Me. We did Konga. We did songs from the film Amadeus as an excuse to get some Mozart in there. Phantom of the Opera medley. It's very fun.

How many people are in this organization? 75 of us just played this show. Holy cow. It sounds like a beautiful night of music. It was, I'm not tooling on this in any way. This was a really good show. How often, how many rehearsals do you have? We did three months of weekly rehearsals. And then Hell Week last week was like two or three hour rehearsals do you have? We did three months of weekly rehearsals and then Hell

Week last week was like two or three hour rehearsals every day. So it's a lot of time. How many, what's the most unusual job of someone that you've met in the Philharmonic? The euphonium player who lives I think near you in Pasadena Jordan. Number one, not a real instrument go go ahead You may know it as a baritone your listeners The Philistines of Jordan Jesse go Any these assholes don't know shit about classical music I asked these guys who their favorite Orchestral soloist was.

They said Michael Buble. Oh, boy. These listeners. But yeah, so Scott, who is playing baritone, he is a sound engineer in television and film. I looked at his IMDB. He worked on Life Aquatic. So we were just sitting at the after party.

He was telling me stories about getting notes from Wes Anderson and having Jeff Goldblum call in to ask if he can come do some ADR. Wes Anderson's like, more symmetrical, make the music more symmetrical. So yeah, it's an interesting mix of folks. The first chair trombonist is a 70 year old gentleman who can play the instrument like 10 times as well as I can. He can hit notes half an octave higher than I can.

And he is a former musical director and has had a bunch of lives. He lived 28 years abroad working missions in Northern Africa and France, helping refugees, and also leading youth ensembles. And yeah, it's amazing people. Like a really interesting cross section. I wish I lived more lives.

Right? Yeah. Yeah, I think Jordan, you and I had that one life where we did a podcast with our friend from college. Right, oh, wait, still in that. Still in that. Are you talking about me? Yeah, we were good friends in college.

We were very good friends. Matt, we were all good friends in college. And I went to college with them. I know. I heard you guys were great friends. That's what they're always telling me. Just so you know, I definitely remembered Matt from college. Yeah, I know. We would all talk. We would talk a lot.

Yeah. Yeah. We would all just. We would talk a lot. Yeah. Yeah. We would all just lay on the hood of Jesse's car and look up at the night sky and talk about like, I mean, what are you, where are we going from here? You know? What are our lives gonna be? I hope we're best friends forever.

That's what we would say. I'd be in the middle and I'd reach down and just gently grab each of my friends little businesses. Sure. Just hold on. Just to secure their futures, you know? Thank you. Yes. Thank you for doing so. You're welcome, buddy.

And that was when you swapped bodies in the last 20 years have been a slow burn buddy comedy. Yeah. So, did you not play the trombone? Like, did you have a trombone? I sold my good trombone. I mean, I was pretty serious about trombone. If you met- Luckily, you had 75 other trombones. Right. If you met 14-year-old Andy and asked what he was going to do, I'm not kidding when I say that's what I thought I was going to do. Trombonin. Trombonin. yeah. And then towards the end of high school- When you thought you were gonna tromb- were you gonna be a classical trombonist? That's what I really liked, yeah. Orchestral stuff.

Like I went to, there's this camp in Michigan called Interlochen Arts Camp that I did a couple summers playing trombone. And then you get to the end of high school and then you start to be like, oh wait, no, this isn't- want to do cooler things I just want to do kid flips you're like fuck fuck fuck Scott over is scover Happened yet, that's how old I I miss you just missed it You just missed it like a year if I kept going for like a year I could have been in I could have been on the warp tour man

So something yeah, but then I kept the tromb a year. I could have been in a safe place. You could have been on the Warped Tour, man. Or something, yeah. But then I kept the trombone for another 15 years. It was in the closet, and then I just sold it at a consignment shop in La Crescenta, maybe 12 years ago, and then took $100 of that money and just bought a plastic trombone. Your classic P-Bone, because it only cost $100.

And then if I ever need a trombone as like a gag almost, as a stunt in a show, I have the plastic trombone. So I had nothing. That was Matt's nickname in college was P-Bone. P-Bone. Get over here, P-Bone would say. Andy, is plastic trombone a real thing? I mean, if we can pause,

I can go bring it out and play it for you? Get the trombone. Get the trombone. Hold on, I need to, the cat doesn't wanna be in the office anymore. I need to let the cat out. You get the trombone. Get the trombone, hold on. I need to, the cat doesn't want to be in the office anymore. I need to let the cat out. You get the P-bone. BRB.

Time-lapse. BRP bone. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- Andy, we did our time lapse. Yep. And I can't help but notice that you're holding what appears to be a giant, this trombone, I'm not gonna say it looks like a dildo, but it looks as much like a dildo as a trombone could look. Right?

It's like a- Oh, I also, I let the cat out too. Oh yeah, George, she was- I had the door to the office closed, and she had the door the office and I'm not gonna I'm not gonna say I'm not gonna say that the cat looks like a dildo But how dare you how dare you? She looks like a butt plug Andy it's like it's like a mid-dark blue like it's like a

it's like a mid-dark blue. Like it's like a glossy blue. And then the plunger, which I think is the technical term, is matte black. Oh, the slide. OK, yes. I was like, what would he be calling a plunger? OK, yes. The slide is matte black. And then, of course, it does come with a plastic mouthpiece,

but I opted to just put in a decent Metal mouthpiece got yourself a premium mouthpiece. Yeah, you just that's that's where you spend the first You know, you got to tune it and juice it right like a like a lowrider You got to you know, put on some put in some new parts and yeah, yeah, it's handsome and it comes in multiple colors I mean, this is again, this is not sponsored content, but the the pea bone I think it's at least also in red if not purple Maybe yellow. How'd you settle on that one? I mean look at it right it sells itself. This looks like a dildo Okay, it's a beautiful. It's a beautiful bone Andy of the of the trombone sexual innuendos which one is the most overused do you think in the trombone community innuendos, which one is the most overused, do you think?

In the trombone community, like what are people like, okay, we fucking heard this, you know? I mean, no one was asking me not to say this, but as I'm starting off these rehearsals with, J-Phil is what we call the Josh Atri Philharmonic, is the J-Phil. I'm trying to apologize for the fact that I'm out of practice and trying to find ways

of saying that without saying that I'm a bit rusty because it fact that I'm out of practice and trying to find ways of saying that without saying that I'm a bit rusty because it's too on the nose, right? But I literally. My ear goes rusty. My head on your nose, I don't know. Yeah. Well hey, we have to, this is kind of perfect timing

because we're gonna take a little break and then come back with our call segment, but why don't you play us out to break on the P-Bone? What do you have a selection prepared? Well, let's just do a little, let's see if you recognize this Diddy from the Thrilling 80s show that we just did. Whoa, okay. I love the 80s man. I love the 80s, man. I love them.

Take on me. Take on me. We'll be back in just a second. Jordan and Goh. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you,

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can support Jordan Jesse Goh and any other Max Fund podcast that you listen to by going to maximumfund.org slash join. We're also this week supported by the Rain Rain Sleep Sounds app. Ooh, sounds relaxing. And also it's fun to say, rain rain sleep sounds. I like to say that. Jordan, I like to listen to sounds when I sleep.

Jesse, can you do that a little more calming? Sorry. That was a little hyper. Jordan, I like to listen to sounds when I sleep. I like to listen to nature sounds. White noise. Yes. Brown noise.

All noises. Chill music. Our beautiful fans. Clothes dryers. Rain on tin roofs. I even like to combine sounds and adjust the audio to make the perfect personalized soundscape. I like to combine clothes dryer, brown sounds, and gentle bird song.

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Bye rain rain. Rain rain, good night. Don't go away, go to sleep. Get my bird out of your dryer. The bird's on fire in there. Ah, burnt fire! Jesse, that's not calming. Okay, sorry.

It's not making us calm. Okay, that's it. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Goh. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Andy Wood, P-Bonist. Before we move on, a little Reddit update for you.

I am still on the page of the guy who did the Prontos Donuts comment. Also, if you scroll down his comments, also very active in r slash family guy, r slash family guy. Yeah, okay. There's one of my favorite local Cars to see around there's this like airbrushed purple lowrider that has the Jared Leto Joker painted on the hood I see it around town. This has got to be the guy right this has to be a mess to be that guy Man if I ever see like if I remember that the same gas station with the car

I'm just gonna be like hey man any recommendations where I can do a good cold plunge and just fucking start the friendship of a lifetime? Yeah, this is gonna be amazing. You're not gonna have to ask Andy about master cleanse anymore, I promise you that. Sorry, Andy, I have a new master class friend. Yeah, this guy probably knows how to play flugelhorn or something cool. Andy, do you? Is there any chance of getting into some kind of adult marching band here? You know, I don't think the weather permits that up here. I

don't know when that would happen. I wouldn't be surprised if there is one, but it hasn't quite reached that level of ironic gentrification yet where like a Portland might've been 20 years ago, you know, like, right. It's coming. I think it's coming. Um, and I'm, and I'm helping make sure that happens. So you are organizing a, a rooting section for the kickball team. There is the kickball of the desert is Bocce.

There is a Bocce league that is very much like not about the bocce as much as just it's an excuse to we're meeting at this bar on this day, which I'm all for. I'm not like, bocce is not, you know, this isn't like, oh, do you remember when we used to do this? It's just like, yeah, it's bocce. It's like darts or something. It's fine.

Sure. It's always been like, it's native to the bar. Like it's always been kind of a drinking bar activity as opposed to like kickball, which was kind of awkwardly combined with, you know, drinking in your twenties. Yeah, it's like doing four square or something. Sure. I just feel like I would love for you to have that opportunity.

I would specifically, I'd like you to be in a show band. Okay. I'm not just talking about marching in parades here. I'm talking about introducing, when grambling football comes to the desert for an exhibition game against Palm Desert U. Andy, the part of the desert you're in is like where Coachella and shit happens.

Are you to the point of the desert you're in is like where Coachella and shit happens Are you to the point of local now where you like hate the hate and resent the Coachella people when they come in from out of town? I hate to nitpick with you on this one. I'm not from that part of that is the only gosh That is the low desert the Coachella Valley. You're in the high desert I'm in the high that is like sea level or below sea level It's a good hour 15 minutes to Indio from my door. If you cut up the 62 from the 10. Jesus Christ, how do you get dates? Yeah.

That's the thing is there's very few people, like the Coachella Valley where your Palm Springs is in Indio's and Desert Hot Springs is our, I bet that whole valley has, I wouldn't be surprised if it has a half a million people. I have no idea, but a lot. And there's a 10th of that up in the high desert, which is your Joshua Tree, Yucca Valley, 29 Palms area.

29 Palms. Yeah, where the upcoming comedy and astronomy festival is gonna be, right? Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to get involved with high desert stuff up here. So Caitlin Gill, comedian Caitlin Gill Gill also lives up this way. And she has in the last four years become a stargazing guide with Skywatcher Star Tours. And she and I went to visit 29, the tourism department of 29 Palms and applied for a grant to put on 229 and beyond standups, scientists,

and stargazing, and they got accepted. So we're building out this two night event, June 7th and 8th, that combines standup from Bobcat Goldthwait, Reece Darby, Natasha Leggero, Moshe Kasher, with live probably science tapings with my friend, Dr. Farah Alabe from NASA JPL, and Moshe and Natasha are doing their endlessless Honeymoon podcast and we'll also have telescopes set up that are guided by

Caitlin and her fellow skywatcher employees. Can you use them to see the neighbors fucking? Exactly. Ideally, ideally. But yeah, we're gonna have trivia, live music, stand-up podcasts, and then both of the two nights from 10 o'clock on, we've got high end telescopes that let you see all kinds of amazing things because the night sky out here is astounding. It's fucking gorgeous. I will never forgive myself for missing the Northern Lights two nights ago because of the Joshua Treeville Harmonic Show I was playing. Once in a lifetime opportunity to see northern lights at this latitude. But no, it is. It's really amazing.

Like I just love sitting out in my backyard here and just get the binoculars out and the laser pointer. When you have friends over, you can point out cool things in the night sky that you just can't see in L.A. You know, lasers can hit stars. What? You know it. Yep. It does wow people every time. It's not just for ruining movies in the 90s anymore. If you get just like a $20 Amazon laser, it's very effective at helping explain where various things are in the night sky and constellations and things. People are always wowed by it. Plus you can bring down the Goodyear blimp. You can.

If you're lucky, I'll teach it Fucking blimp thinking this better than me. I can hate blimps Hey, speaking of people who are better than us. We have people who listen to the show and call in 206 984 for fun. That's the number they call and then they leave us a message and then Matt plays it and we say stuff about it Hey Jordan, Jesse Yes This is Steven from Seattle. I'm calling with a momentous occasion. I was at work tonight, I work jazz picnic on them and I overheard this guy talking to a girl he said that was a really great night and she said what flam time. He kind of wistfully says, yeah. I have no idea what that meant. I have no idea of the context of it, but I love it. I feel like Stephen might have been to a jazz picnic earlier on today, if you know what I'm talking about. Sure. Ha ha ha. Uh, what did, wait, so what did she say to him?

A, it's flim-flam time? Yeah, flim-flam time. Well, he said, didn't he have a, wasn't that a wonderful night? And she said, what, flim-flam time? Ha ha ha. By the way, I was married 20 years before I had the courage to ask for flim-flam time.

Right. Once a year on your birthday. It is a really wonderful night. I have to do a little flim-flam time. It is a wonderful night. Makes for a wonderful night. Never in November though. No, not at all.

I do like jazz picnic as a euphemism for smoking the ganj. Take a quick jazz picnic. The grass is always greener at the jazz picnic has a euphemism for smoking the gonge. Take a quick jazz picnic. Mm-hmm. The grass is always greener at the jazz picnic. Yeah, that's right it is baby. Oh man, I'm glad we have this picnic basket because I got the munchies. Wait, here's a question. Yeah.

Steven said that they were wearing gingham jerseys. Uh-huh. So, do you think they were playing some kind of jazz softball game? I don't know, yeah. I mean, a jersey can mean many, it can mean like a basketball jersey, but like it can, like don't, doesn't something like, something like can can't that refer to like some sort of shirt or whatever do you think they were just wearing a Cow they may have been wearing a cow yes, yeah I can't even picture a gingham jersey like competitive picnicking

Right you can picnic the hardest this well this this is a Portland thing no doubt once kickball went away Oh, yeah, sure everybody's like kickballs over kickballs passe now. We all do intense extreme picknicking I'm checking out fresh hoods calm and okay. They got a gingham jersey for sale here What do you what are you dropping on it? This thing is very affordable, $33.99. Gingham jerseys that Kevin Smith wears to picnics. It looks like a horrible nightmare to wear. I'm not going to lie, this does look like a terrible garment. But you know, it's something.

You can get it. You're going to a jazz picnic, you need something fast. Fast and easy. Looks like we got a jazz picnic within driving distance fellas. May 19th we got a jazz picnic in Fullerton at the St. Andrews Episcopal Church. Whoa. If we want to see what this is all about. I mean that sounds like, I mean the Episcopal Church welcomes you if their signs are to be believed

Sure. Yeah, they welcome you with jazz and food from a basket I feel like you'll see somebody from J Phil at that show gotta be right. Yeah, it's gonna be some overlap Andy are there splinter groups? It's got to be some overlap. Andy, are there splinter groups? Well, this last show, Mario and David, the other trombonists and I were talking about getting together just doing some trombone corrals, you know, just meeting up to barbecue and just find some maybe get a brass quintet going, talk to actually that plastic trombone

is garbage. And I luckily the tuba player also plays trombone and he loaned me this very nice trombone, like better than any I've ever played. And then when I Googled it, I found out this is like a $5,000 trombone. You're putting your fucking dirty mouth all over it. You're putting your fucking dirty, dirty daddy, it said. $5,000. It's BYOM. You gotta come with your own mouthpiece.

That's like trombone oil. BYOM piece. Oh sure, now you're right. I never come without my own mouthpiece. Yeah. You're getting your cayenne pepper lips all over another man's. I'm trying to get a picture of the hierarchy

of trombones here. So you have a plastic trombone. What does that set you back? $300? $100. $89 I think it was. Okay. What's the first trombone that you wouldn't be embarrassed to play in public?

How much does that cost? Even a student model, Yamaha, which is not bad, but not great. No, there is there trombones. Okay. Trail bikes. Very good. Yeah. Their history as a company. Yeah. It's the piano, Zanjetskis. It is amazing, but their, their intro trombone is still like $1,500. It's, it's crazy. You can't really get, I mean you can get an Amazon one

that I would not wanna be, I bet it's worse than the plastic one. You can get like a $300 Amazon one, I'm sure it's awful. What, trombones don't have any parts. You would think that, right? And yet it's still- I think they're one of the most party instruments,

I would say. Got the real eye yet, it's still- I think they're one of the most party instruments, I would say. Got the real eye part, mouth part, other parts. But these things are all parts. You would think a valved instrument like a French horn would be more expensive. And it probably is. And a tuba can be upwards of $10,000. And I was reading an article sometime in the last 20 years

about a rash of tuba thefts around California high schools because the tuba is the most expensive instrument in like a banda ensemble. And so the tuba is often the bandleader. And if you have a good tuba, you can get a group together and make a lot of money playing various events. So it's like, yeah, 10K for a tuba I think is not. The tuba is the catalytic converter of instruments.

Yeah, it is, it truly is. But I don't know if this was a 10 or 20 years ago epidemic of rash of tuba thefts, but I know that they are very expensive. How much does a guitarone cost? Do you know that? Because I really want to learn how to play a guitarone. The big mariachi instrument? Yeah, I have no idea

Any can I can I pivot to a question about the? Astronomy and comedy first course of course are you how much alien shit's gonna happen because you live in an area As we as became clear, you know, with my Coachella question, I maybe don't know exactly everything that's going on in your area. But I do get the impression that there is like a significant amount of alien shit in the area. Am I right about that? You are 100% correct. You've been to the Integratron, which is up in Landers. Landers, California is 15 miles from me, also high desert and people call themselves, but they call themselves Landroids

and there's a lot of mythology about alien visits and abductions in that area. I think we're gonna get into some of this because both Bobcat and Restarby have extensive backgrounds in cryptozoology. Bruce has a podcast about that. Bobcat has a horror movie about Bigfoot. So I think there'll be some of that.

I'm very curious what the crowd is like because I have a science and comedy podcast, probably science, and I enjoy the realer things in the world versus. Yes, the non-fake. The non-fake things are more intriguing to me than the fake things. But Moshe and Natasha are doing their endless honeymoon podcast and they've asked me if I can put them in touch with, I hope this isn't spoiling anything, but they want to get

a star chart reading from an astrologer. So our event will combine astronomy and astrology. I hope they can thread that needle better than I can because I could not hide my disdain for. Irish. The event will feature comedy, science and other disdain for the audience is Moshe's brand. So he's ready to go. I don't. Yes. I don't think their their goal is not to mock the Astrological reading so much is just just see whether they're actually compatible I'm gonna get out audience members are so

Yeah remains to be seen but I think there will be no doubt some Landroids in attendance How many trombones in the Philharmonic? Oh I thought this was like a setup for a music man references. No, he did one earlier. It was a sly one. It was a sly one. I missed that somehow. There were only three trombones in the Philharmonic this year. It was three trombones, a euphonium, tuba, two French horns, three trumpets.

Okay. So are you the worst of the three trombonists? I think so. Yeah. I'm second trombone, but that just means I'm playing the second part, which makes sense because it's easier. It's very much in the middle range.

And Mario, the third trombone, is playing the bass trombone part. He has a bass trombone that can play lower notes with more facility. Let me ask you this follow-up question. Could you beat up the other two trombones? Let's start with one at a time. I mean, I think I might have age on my side when it comes to David, but he also is, you

never know with a sinewy- Missionaries. Right. Sinewy older missionary. Nothing to lose, right? Right. Nothing to lose, right? Nothing to lose.

He's had a lot of lives. One of them might have been underground fighting of some kind. Yeah. He had to come to God somehow. I really don't know if I could take it. I found God in the pits. Someone hurled an oil drum at my head and it just missed me. That's when I knew.

A face full of glass shards taught me about Christ. What about Mario? Do you think you could take Mario, Andy? I don't know. Mario, man, that might be a draw. He's a bigger gentleman and I can't tell if it's the kind of bigger that is hiding like a powerful... It's like the Mike Tyson thing with Jake Paul. Who knows?

Who knows what could happen? I don't know which of us is which in this analogy, but... Yeah, you're both of those guys. For sure. Just morally. Your tasteful face tattoos make you very Tyson-like. I wouldn't put money on me in either of those fights, I think. Okay, what proportion of the overall ensemble do you think you could take in a fight?

Oh man. There's about 60, 65 you said? 75, there is a surprising proportion of... I also can't tell you... Well, there's 75 trombones besides you. Sure. That's the total. Yeah.

Uh-huh. There are some high school kids, but I don't know if that means I could or could not take them. Oh, they go down easy. They go down easy. They talk a big game. Yeah. They talk a big game.

Like, yeah, hey... These desert teens. Yeah. This is our 7 7-eleven we're hanging out behind you can't be here Jordan. They fucking go down they go down crying for mommy. Yeah then yeah I guess as long as I can take the high schoolers I think I'm I'm solidly like taking out 60% of the orchestra. That seems pretty good. Fuck yeah. Jordan's out behind the seven 11th, like, no, you buy me beer. Get a fake ID. Buy me beer. I could buy it myself. I want you to buy it. Motherfucker have fun in your awkward phase.

What I say to them as teens desert, desert teens. Does the Philharmonic get gigs? Like, besides the big show, you know what I mean? Do local millionaires hire you to play their soirees? Well, actually, I was talking to the conductor about this because my event, again, 229 and beyond, you can go to 229andbeyond.com. We are doing that in 29 Palms because as I said, the city has this program where they're reinvesting some of their short-term rental tax revenue in events to bring

people out to 29. So Jared, the conductor has talked to them about maybe trying to get a grant to do this same show we just did, but in the plaza that they just built downtown 29 Palms. And in that case, this was all volunteer. But if we get that it might be we could all say we are professional Philharmonic players, which would probably be $100 each, but still like a paid gig. Yeah. Let me ask you this. 10 miles east. Jordan, do you think we could get Andy's 75-person orchestra together with Todd Glass's complicated ideas about what constitutes the perfect comedy performance?

Oh, maybe. Yeah, maybe this is a little bit of perfect synergy. Yeah, Todd Glass a couple weeks ago on the show talking about performing with the big band. Yeah, this could be a match made in heaven. I listened, I'm not against that. I think in this venue, he would love the venue we just played, the High Desert Cultural Center today.

So maybe there's a way we could bring these, I'm hoping this 29 Palms event is the start of getting more people out to the high desert for shenanigans of this order. I love this. You can do anything in the fucking desert. No laws. Do you think if somebody requested Flim Flam Time, you guys could figure it out? I think that actually is a music theory term. Is it? It sounds like a percussion. I googled Flim Flam Time while we were

sitting here. I couldn't find anything. There's some sort of online store called Flim Flam. And all it does is take you to a page that talks about how long shipping takes from flimflam.com. I'm pretty sure that Flim Flam Time was the follow-up shellac disc to the factory song from Looney Tunes that we talked about. Right, yeah.

Yeah, it definitely sounds like a 1920s. It's a song that plays when Foghorn Leghorn is clocking in for the day. But I am seeing that, yeah, flam is a basic pattern or rudiment of drumming, so that's half of it. Okay. And flim is like pre-cum. So it's when you come on a drum There's no come like drum come there's no come like drum come

No come like drum come no come like drum come We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesseco. You know what you need to come on the drum. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. I'm Emily Fleming. And I'm Jordan Morris. We're real comedy writers. And real friends. And real fucking cheapskates.

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On our new podcast, Primer, we celebrate unforgettable music from outside the English-speaking world, starting with Japanese city pop. We'll cover Miki's work and others in conversation with Devendra Banhart, Umi, Dane Funk, and more. Get Primer on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. It's Jordan Jesse Gawain, Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Andy Wood, Man About High Desert. What's the coolest instrument in the Philharmonic, like instrument group? Like I know in a 64 piece,

75 piece, you're looking at a couple of people playing trombones, a couple of different, which instrument has the coolest group? Oh, which section is like, oh, I wish I was hanging with those guys. Yeah. I mean, the guitarists, there's like three electric guitarists standing behind me. You gotta be right. There's guitar three electric guitarists standing behind me. Gotta be right. There's guitarists in this Philharmonic. There are like four synthesizer players, three guitarists, two timers.

What is this the Man of Steel steamroller? Well actually our conductor does play with the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. So I'm not kidding. Literally. So he had all the lights were timed like it was a big to do. It would not be what you're picturing when you picture a high desert Philharmonic. It's elevated. This is something to watch after you've had yourself a little jazz picnic.

Yes. After you've gone on a little jazz picnic, you sit down, you enjoy the lights. Yeah. We had some flim flam time tonight. Hell yeah, hell yeah. I'll tell ya, I went to a charity gala for the local public radio station that my show is on, maybe five or six years ago.

Gala. And there is a guy who is a supporter of the station who is, I'm gonna say 55 ish and he founded some kind of semiconductor company that he sold and then he took the money and invested it into having his own big band okay so he just he, his business is he donates so much money to charities that they feel obliged to invite his big band to play at their galas. And also I think he pays everyone that's in the big band. I see. This is a fucking Vanity Project dream.

Yeah. I would love to have a Vanity Project that ambitious. To say nothing of the resources involved, like leave that aside, just the sheer vision to think I'm gonna sell my semiconductor company to start a 40 piece big band where all the people are retired from having been in the Wrecking Crew or whatever.

It's LA. And then to get gigs, I'm just gonna make large gifts to charitable organizations. There's the guy who owns like the basketball team who has the vanity blues rock project And you're nodding. Do you know the name of this guy off the dome? I know people who have played with him. He passed away as Paul Allen. Okay, Microsoft fame I was just gonna say that because I can't think of a better thing to do when you're worth 20 billion dollars then just have When you're on your luxury yacht, you have like a ten-piece band That you just keep on retainer to play with you like yeah, they're happy you're happy like it's

To open for Bruce Springsteen because you own the stadium where he's playing That's James Dolan I think you're thinking of New York Knicks and Madison Square Garden owner James Dolan. That's the one I'm thinking of, I think. I did not know that Paul Allen also did this, Andy. Paul Allen started the Experience Music Project, which was initially just going to be a Jimmy Hendrix museum because he loves Hendrix that much. And everyone's like, we should make it a little broader than that. But he was a great guitarist. And a friend of mine was employed by Paul Allen to be part of this retainer band when he's on the yacht or wherever because he wants to play with great people.

And that's what I would do with billions of dollars also. Like I don't think that's gross except in the sense that I guess having a billion dollars is gross but like what better things to do than things you love to do that don't hurt anybody and get someone else paid, you know? Who's your dream trombonist to woodshed with? I have an answer to that. I was in New Orleans 14 years ago and I was just getting dinner and I hear something coming from the back door

of this restaurant. I opened the door and in the back room, I didn't even know there was a venue. I see, I didn't even know there was a trombone Marsalis, but I see the best trombonist I've ever seen. It's Delphayo Marsalis. Wow. Who I didn't I went from not knowing existed to knowing existed to realizing I'm seeing the best trombone playing I've ever seen in my life. And it was just through a door a ten feet from our table at some restaurant in New Orleans. So Delphayo Marsalis is my

answer to that. Yeah, take that trombone shorty. Sorry. Shots fired. If I can put trombone in your name, you just got beat by trombone Marsalis. Well, Andy, where is the website for your big 29 Palms event? It is 229 and beyond dot com. It's T.O. 29 and beyond dot com. Again, we've got Reece Darby, Natasha Legerro, Moshe Keshier, Bobcat, Goldthwait live, probably science live, endless honeymoon guests from Star Talk and NASA JPL and live stargazing with top of the line telescopes. It's going to be a blast. It's happening at Outpost, which is in 29 Palms.

And you can just get all the info from the website. But June 7th and 8th, got day and weekend passes available. It's gonna be a blast. What's the number one star thing to see? My favorite, my thing is I hope that we're alive to see Beetlejuice go supernova because that will happen in the next 100,000 years, which is a long time, but not a long time compared to the 14 billion years the universe has been around.

And when Beetlejuice goes, it'll be bright enough that you'll see it during the daytime for like a month. Say it, now say it one more time. Say the name one more time. Say it one more time. Say it again. It'll be funny. It'll be funny and fun. Don't say it again. Rank the constellations by fuckability.

Those fuckable constellations. Orion seems like an easy number one. Oh yeah, I'm gonna take that belt. I just like the challenge of going after Virgo. Yeah. I mean, let me ask you this Jordan. Would you fuck a fish and how many would you fuck? I'm going to, I'll be over here with Jim and I as she's got a sister.

Come drum, come drum. Whatever. The show's almost over. The in the grand scheme of things. It's not this episode of the show. The show's almost over. In the grand scheme of things, not this episode of the show, this show is almost over. Yeah, the whole show. We really run aground.

People got, they got the Weed Gummi promo code. They're not listening. Andy, it's always great to see you. I hope that folks who aren't able to be in Southern California will at least join you and Matt on Probably Science. A lot of fun to be had there. Jordan Jesse Goh is produced by Matt Lieb. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design.

Courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records, our thank you to them. You can follow us on Instagram at Jordan David Morris and at Jesse Thorne, very famous. We are on Facebook at facebook.com slash Jordan Jesse Go Go like us there and you can join us on Reddit at maximumfund.reddit.com. I enjoyed seeing, we got a few nice dank Tinkerbell memes. I really appreciate it. Hey, okay, all right. Dank Tinkerbell memes. If you got any cool trombone memes to share on the Reddit, please do, I'm sure there's some really good ones.

So share those trombone memes. And yeah, that's it. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan. Jessica. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.

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