Jordan, Jesse, GO! - The Eyebrow Pencil Of Humans, with Helen Hong

Episode Date: July 6, 2023

This week we welcome back comedian and host of Go Fact Yourself Helen Hong who tells us a tragic and touching story of dealing with the death of her dog. Also, we talk about Ryan Seacrest's incredible ability to do everything and nothing at the same time.Hey all of England... come see Jordan, Jesse, Go! live at the London Podcast Festival in London on September 14th! You can buy your tickets here! Try Stitch Fix today at StitchFix.com/JJGO and you’ll get 25% off when you keep everything in your Fix.Ever tried Microdosing? Visit Microdose.com and use JJGO for 30% off + Free Shipping. 

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, I'm taking this opportunity to celebrate the end of an era. Oh man, I love eras. I hate it when they end. Did you? I don't love ending.

Endings of any kind are tough, but eras, I love those things. I don't know if you've heard about this, Gordon, but we are going to mark this year the end of over 40 years of Pat Sajak, America's most accepted entertainer, hosting Wheel of Fortune. I did hear that. And, you know, it's funny that this news is coming down now because I have been getting more into Wheel in recent years. You know me. I love a game show in the background. Family Feuds my shit.

And, you know, that... But I, you know, I ditched my... I finally ditched my cable subscription, and I'm just going with one of those HD antennas to watch, you know, standard-ass TV. And so I am down from... I am down from 40 episodes of Family Feud I can watch per day

to simply two. The two that air on KCAL 9. So I have been supplementing that with some Wheel and some Celebrity Wheel, which is actually really entertaining. Some Jordan Jesse Go guests have been on Celebrity Wheel. Steve Agee did quite good.

Wow. Yeah. And yeah, and I really have been impressed by what a good example of like, and this is not an insult, but like bland down the middle host Pat Sajak is. Like what a good job he does at that and like being a little funnier than he needs to be and a little more like yeah a little

more a little and definitely with the celebrity stuff he definitely kind of he can yuck it up with some famous yucksters um now i do kind of sort of think that maybe he is uh kind of a right-wing a-hole right am i i think that's correct yeah i think yeah i don't know of some kind i don't know look obviously i'm not here to comment on his politics i'm a public radio host it's not my place sure i'm as a journalist i have no politics none uh so yeah however yeah, however, maybe he's a bit of a heel. It seems possible he's a bit of a heel of a man. Yeah, so I guess I would probably put him in the category of problematic fave. But yeah, I don't know.

I think, listen, if I'm going to yuck it up with an anti-vaxxer, it's going to be Sajak. I got to tell you this. I don't know if he's anti-vaxxed. I think he might just be a, I don't like snowflakes guy or whatever. Who cares? Long-time listeners will know, and new listeners, well, we're excited to have one, will know that you and I worked as RAs when we were in college. Oh, yeah, sure.

Um, we'll know that you and I worked as RAs when we were in college. Oh yeah, sure. And our boss, Ryan, won on Wheel of Fortune. I believe he won a washer and dryer and some like $8,000 or something. And I remember watching Ryan's episode of Wheel of Fortune. watching Ryan's episode of Wheel of Fortune. And all I really remember about it, look, Ryan was a game show enthusiast. He's the kind of guy, you know, the guy's in charge of in the campus life industry. He knows how to put on a college sweatshirt and then cheer until he gets picked onto the Price is Right. You know what I mean? And a sweet guy, Ryan, was and presumably still is. But all I remember about watching his episode,

which he gathered everyone to his on-campus apartment to watch, was at one point Pat Sajak throwing to the announcer saying, and now a man more than I love more than a man should love another man. So-and-so. And they just left it in. And they just left it in there. And now at the time we didn't know he was a right-wing monster. So not that i have any opinion about any wings no but at the time we didn't know that he was possibly hateful but well you love i mean you love you love you love the buffalo wild variety right oh sure we're talking wings you like them buffalo why you're not you can say that a journalist do i stop for wings yes given the opportunity certainly so you'll stop

uh wings and games those are things i'll stop for sure uh it's signs um i i remember watching it and thinking like you know pat sajak the paragon of sort of humorless game show hosting efficiency say jack i feel like a man who and like to the point where when when trebek would do something weird it was like news right because like if he got slightly huffy with someone or whatever because he was just a a brutal game show robot exceptionally good at it but just brutal and say jack has very strong large market tv weatherman vibes like local local TV, not national, local, but large market. Like Minneapolis.

This guy is Chicago, maybe even. Chicago, Los Angeles, Dallas. I'm talking about top tier markets. Yeah. And long tenured, but also weirdly, like the thing about Pennence check is sometimes weirdly aggressive yeah totally that's that is he'll like he'll like go after somebody in a way that you shouldn't when you're just interviewing a mom about her book club in the area of wheel

of fortune where you asked the contestants about their interests yeah it's a really um but it occurred to me that there are few entertainers in america left who bring such an incredible combination of so much and so little to the table. That's the way they put it. I think he really is... He has the competence his job requires, which is significant. I'm sure they tape seven of those a day or 12 of those a day. Yeah, probably a year of Wheel of Fortune is taped within two weeks.

I bet they work two weeks a year and tape all the wheels. And Sajak has to work that full two weeks. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, this is not... And he hasn't said it, but he's on crank. This guy is getting... Okay, when they send him backstage to get a B12 shot, there's a little something extra in there for Danny.

Oh, yeah. B12 shot, there's a little something extra in there for Danny. Oh, yeah. B12 plus, they call it. Give me the B12 plus. He's like, let me drop Trow. Show me what you got, he says to that on-set doctor. Yeah, so I don't know. I just was thinking about him. I was thinking about how his odd combination of genial and hostile.

Right. The fact that he's distinctive but not distinctive enough. It is interesting that he is being replaced with Seacrest, who, like, I am kind of appreciating say jack's skill kind of you know lately i'm i'm doing it now as he's ending the run i'm like oh yeah this guy like is is good at this and i'm you know in a way that maybe he doesn't get credit for is there something i'm missing about seacrest because i do regard him as the just like boringest blandest like you know i mean makes moms horny and maybe that's enough you know so yeah i i but am i missing something is there this

like secret sea crest sauce that you know maybe i'll notice if i watch his era of wheel. Yeah, because he didn't like jump on the rock and roll train at the first station like Dick Clark did. You know what I mean? Like Dick Clark was basically getting that Bill Haley money for 50 years thereafter. You know what I mean? Seacrest didn't do that. I read a New York Times profile,

like a big New York Times profile of Seacrest maybe 10 years ago. I guess I don't even know where he came from. I guess I just like, he always kind of seems to have been floating around and I don't know. Fucking local radio, dude. Okay.

Local radio. And then he got, I think he was the morning host on K-Rock or something like that. One of these sort of things. Yeah, I definitely remember like Carson daily, you know, has become one of these guys,

but you know, as a, as a teen, I always like gave Carson daily some credit because like one time on TRL, he wore a bad religion shirt. And you know what? Carson daily. I watched the Carson daily show of extra late night or whatever it was called uh probably

six times very engaged very engaged host and a and a pretty skilled interviewer not not just showing up in cash and checks he was really doing something on the show i i appreciated that no i read i read this profile of brian seacrest and i don think I have, and this was a fawning profile in Tome. This was an article about how great Ryan Seacrest is. Like, I want to be really clear about that. This was not a secret low-key takedown of Ryan Seacrest in the New York Times. I don't think I've ever been more afraid and upset by a celebrity profile in my entire life because what this article was about, it was 4,000 words or whatever, basically about Ryan C. Crest like working 22 hours a day with the

goal of being nothing. Like dedicating his entire life to bringing nothing to the table other than always being present. We put two hours a week into that, Max. And then we go off

and we live our lives lives 90 minutes depending on bathroom breaks sure yeah we've got things to do ryan seacrest is working from 2 a.m to 12 30 a.m every single day like it was like about how he was like spent two yeah two hours a week we're we're doing fine he was getting up doing la morning radio like a three four hour shift then going to daytime television then going to tape nighttime television the whole thing was about how he wants to be the dick clark of the 21st century but also how central to that essentially having no specific talent or perspective or qualities is he has enormous skill like i don't think anyone would deny ryan seacrest's skill he's worked hard he's good at his job but he's just not anything maybe you know know, maybe he'll find it hosting wheel. Like maybe, you know, like just go into commercial.

He'll bust out a harmonica or something. Let's introduce our guest. He can play the harmonica the whole time. Our guest has been very engaged, visually engaged, has been giving us a lot of face during this. I have so much to say and I've learned so much. Helen, you waited so long to talk. I was waiting. I didn't, I kindhost of Go Fact Yourself, sometime actor.

She has a brand new comedy special called Well Hong, Helen Hong. Thank you so much. I learned that I have a new bucket list item, which is to be on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune. Because I have been so out of the loop with Wheel of Fortune that I had kind of forgotten that there was a Celebrity Wheel of Fortune. Yeah. And now that I know that there is one, I'm like, I need to get on that. and now that I know that there is one I'm like I need to get on that what's great

about Celebrity Wheel of Fortune is if you can get on that not only can you win money I guess probably for charity or whatever who cares but you know as far as I'm concerned it's washer dryers but they do give them to charity Ronald McDonald House

Doctors Without Borders strapping a washer dryer on their back and trying to drag it to Kosovo Stackable Kenmore and you're welcome my one thing is like I feel like I'm at the point of fame right now

where I'm sort of in between you know slumming it Wheel of Fortune and Celebrity Wheel of Fortune I don't think I'm sort of in between slumming it Wheel of Fortune and Celebrity Wheel of Fortune. I don't think I'm quite at Celebrity Wheel. I feel like if I went on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune today, most of the viewers would be like, who even is that? And yet I'm a little too famous to be on Plebeian Wheel of Fortune. wheel of fortune it's a you're not you're not like a household name correct like an ag for example right where you're on the tip of everyone's tongue you were on the sarah silverman program

you wear a lot of heavy prostheses and the guardians of the galaxy yeah no i mean yeah you just need to be a rap play a ravager in something and then you're there uh do you think you'd do well are you like uh do you do you like obviously you you host you host a game show podcast i do i host a game show podcast um do you watch and you know play game shows at home no i't. And I think that's kind of like been part of my success of hosting Go Fact Yourself is I co-host with Jake Heath Van Straten, who is definitely a game show guy. And he's the moderator and he's got all the rules and, you know, knows like when somebody responds like, yeah, and I'm just there to be like a little bit of a lay person i think that's been my like refreshing

take is the lay person and i'm just very enthusiastic about the topics that come up such as just now when you guys were talking about this stuff and i was like yes ryan seacrest i mean does i'm convinced he's a clone because he does so many different things right now. I feel like there's five Ryan Seacrests in a fridge somewhere and they just pull one out for whatever the time of day it is. And just once in a while one will snap and get murderous and they can put it down. Like that movie Moon. Did you see that movie Moon? Yes. Seacrest could be a moon. I'm sorry if that's a spoiler alert. If you haven't seen

the movie Moon with Sam Rockwell. And at the end he gets killed by Ryan Seacrest. Yes. Spoiler. Sorry. He gets killed by the one rogue Seacrest that obviously was doing the nighttime talk show thing and he just does not compute, does not compute. Um, but also it's funny that you,

that you, um, because there is this type of guy, the Ryan Seacrest Carson daily type, which, um, I, as you guys were talking,

I realized they're the eyebrow pencil of humans. Okay. This sounds like a rich metaphor to plumb here. I'm going to need some clarification. Yes. Jordan has a world literature degree, so he's used to this kind of explication. Okay. So people who are familiar with makeup, especially people who draw in their eyebrows, which a lot of us do,

we fill in our eyebrows. It's a struggle. The eyebrow is a very intricate art and there's so many different kinds of products that you can use. You can use pencils, you can use shadow with a little brush, like all these that you can do a schmear. There's gloss you can put on your eyebrow. I do a schmear. It's a chive schmear that I put up there. With a little veggie chive, veggies and chive schmear on your eyebrows. They're looking quite good, by the way. Good schmear, Jesse. But I remember one time.

Schmear on fleek. Hey, audience, imagine I said that five years ago how funny that would have been i remember finding a fantastic eyebrow pencil and the the lady the cosmetics counter lady who had helped me find this she was like oh oh yes you know what's great about this it's there but it's not there and i was like yes that's what you want unless you're going for a very dramatic look with your brows you know like a very theatrical look what you wanted in everyday eyebrow pencil is you want it there but not there like ryan seacrest it's the host copy he's not reading i remember being really frustrated when seacrest got the live the regis philbin job because first of all kelly rippa said it many times on this but kelly

go on jordan jesse go very funny i really think kelly rip is great how long has that hashtag been trending and she still hasn't come on the show i know what's your problem at this point at this point it's contemptuous sure um but she likes the tweets too she likes the tweets and anyway she still hasn't so all you got to do is you have a lot of assistants just have one of them email matt um but in addition to kelly ripa being really funny which i think kelly rip kelly rip is a great host and really funny um fucking regis philbin's hilarious was hilarious all right may he rest in peace and you could never say he wasn't there yeah exactly yeah bringing so much flavor and just just completely you know kelly ripa a wonderful eyebrow razor.

Schmier razor, if you will. But Regis bringing so much to the table. You know what I mean? Right. And it's like they just decided that Kelly was enough talent for one show. And they were just like, just get somebody that won't ever fuck anything up. Just a no mistakes ever person. I wonder, I'm so curious to see what those guys are like in person.

Maniacal. They're maniacal. How else could you get that job? They probably have insane handshakes. And they have like a handshake philosophy too. Like break your hand handshakes? Yeah. Are they like twist and pull? Or maybe they do the hand goes limp.

I don't know. These seem like guys who have thought about and practiced their handshake. What's the thing that – I forget what it's called when you lick your fingers and stick them in someone's ear a wet willy maybe i just give you a wet willy you extend your hand and then they they look at you and you're like whoa this is what i think about these people i heard an interview one time with you know robin givens or Katie Couric, one of these kind of daytime news people. They're also evening news people, Couric included, but people famous for their daytime news work. And there was this piece of it where they said that the booking wars on morning news shows were such, the network shows, that a newsmaker who was not a famous person would get booked on Good Morning America. And the Today Show would know what hotel

Good Morning America put people up at when they flew them in the night before to go on good morning america in the morning the today show would send a car to that hotel and try and trick them into getting to into the today show's car and drive them to the today show isn't that called kidnapping whatever is short of kidnapping that's the show and do an impractical joker's style show like go pro the whole car out and be like yes tricking henry cavill into being on a different talk show guess where you're not going and guess where your family is they're tied up and if you don't do the show they'll die one by one i think that what orion seacrest is is that maniacal obsession that level of passionate commitment that sort of

commitment that sort of completely laser focused drive without the veneer of journalism like leave aside the going to college leave aside interning at a local newspaper leave aside all the things that you know barb Barbara Walters did to become Barbara Walters. Just the part where you send a car to kidnap someone. Well, that makes me think he's not a wet willy guy. He's like a shank you, like maybe pull out a switchblade. Right. Or he goes to your house when you're not there and he fucks everything up. And he doesn't steal anything, but he just fucked everything up to let you know that he can get into your house at any time.

Yeah. Or maybe just moves one thing. Maybe just moves. Maybe he doesn't even fuck up the room. He just like unplugs your clock radio and plugs it in somewhere different so you know that he can get in at any time. I just rewatched Misery recently, and the way that she knew he was sneaking out of his room is there was a penguin figurine

that was facing the wrong direction. Yeah, that's a Seacrest move. Yeah, I'm not going to tell you that Seacrest is doing these kind of subterfuges but he 100% takes a hair out when he finishes writing in his journal and then puts it on there in case his parents open it up Seacrest knows Seacrest measures the liquor bottles before he leaves the house

so he knows if you drank any it's not even like I think the most intense and upsetting part to me about it was not that i believed him to be crypto evil i didn't secretly think that he from reading this big piece about him that he you, felt that men shouldn't love other men. Um, like I, I didn't think that there was a secret dark agenda. I think it was that, and I honestly didn't even get the impression that he was a jerk at all. Like 0%. There was nothing in the article that suggested even a little bit that he was even like mean to his employees or whatever, you know, even a little bit that he was even like mean to his employees or whatever you know like yelled or whatever in the office it was just how hard he worked and how he wasn't working at anything that

was anything like the his the amount of work he was willing to put in without any expressed values of any kind. Like he wasn't even trying to like teach people to love Christ through the $20,000 pyramid or whatever. Like it was really just about having, being on more televisions, not having people watch them even just being on more of them. That makes me think, remember when Bob Barker hosted The Price is Right

and he signed off every show with spay and neuter? Sure. Like at least that was, that was a great thing to do. That is as middle of the road a stance as you can take. Maybe there's people out there who are against spaying and neutering. Maybe they think that it's against God. God wants animals to have babies every time they ejaculate.

After he passed away, I was very surprised that he was not talking about pets. that he was not talking about pets. To me, that was, I thought that was when they revealed that his widow revealed. He was talking about men and women the whole time. Oh. Yeah, have them spayed or neutered, I guess. Whoa, who is them, Bob Barker? Wow.

Well, hey, I do want to ask Helen about something. It has a little bit of seriousness to it. So sometimes we'll do a thing on the show where I'm like, can I get serious for a minute? And then I'm like, I ain't putting mushroom in my butt. And that's the thing. This is not that. This actually has.

No, the mushroom is up your nose. How did you know there was a mushroom in my butt? The top of the mushroom is sticking down at it. So the stem is up your nose. How did you know there was a mushroom in my butt? The top of the mushroom is sticking down at it. So the stem is in your nose, but the top is coming down out of your nose. So it looks like a half of a mustache. Well, Helen, as Jesse said, you were making a lot of faces at the top of the show. I'm like, that's a mushroom in the butt face. And it's a shiitake, and they have a very specific shape.

Jordan, it's a little something that in the Urban Dictionary you'll find under toadstooling. Yeah, and it's in sideways. So the stem is halfway in, halfway out. So that's the flair of the mushroom in my asshole. Give it a little flair. And yes, this what a perfect, and yes, this is a great springboard

to this next topic. Helen, you were telling us before we started the show that you lost a beloved pet this week. I did. Yeah, my dear dog Dodger

died less than a week ago now. Oh my God. And anyone who follows me on instagram or twitter knows that i've been devastated about it as it is devastating to lose a beloved pet he was actually the first dog that i was ever my dog really my dog and he was amazing he was an incredible dog and we were just so compatible i think that's why a lot of people like, you know, they return dogs to the shelters or they give up their dogs. And it's just because dogs are like people like you really need to find the one that's compatible with you. Try discard. Try discard. Yeah. Try discard. Yeah, yeah. Like, Dodger was an older fella. I got him when he was nine. And that's my speed.

Like, my speed of life is geriatric dog. That was. Where did you get him? Where does one get a nice nine-year-old dog? The L.A. Animal Services, which is this L.A. city shelter in Van Nuys, California. So it's called the East Valley Shelter. And they had very shoddy information about him. But he had been found.

I think he might have been surrendered when he was like seven or eight. And then he was adopted out after that. And then they found him like running the streets of Van Nuys with a chain around his neck. Oh, boy. So he'd like broken out of wherever he had been for a year. Well, I mean, that's a Saturday night in Van Nuys. If anybody's been to Van Nuys on a Saturday night, you're going to run down the street with a chain around your neck, okay? Yeah, my uncle ran the streets of Van Nuys in the 60s. He wrapped the chain around his hand, but same deal.

So like it was, which was hilarious to me because he was so not hard. Dodger was not a chain around and that kind of dude. He was just like, he was super. A real soy boy yeah the postal service always listening to the postal service he jumped on the he jumped on the pronouns thing like immediately oh yeah sure he was one of the first adopters of let's go to sushi said dodger i'm craving sushi oh nagi uh-huh yeah he was so not hard he was so uh conflict averse to the point where it was

problematic where like i would be like i once got cat called by a bunch of gardeners landscapers one time and i got into it with them. I was like, what did you say? What did you say? And Dodger's there like. Dodger like rolls over. Right. Dodger's like, hey, I know you're getting to a fight, but will anybody want to pet my tummy?

I was like, Dodger, you couldn't let out. And Dodger was a big, big boy, like very intimidated looking. When we saw him, everybody said he looked like a wolf. And I was like, Dodger, you couldn't really let out one bark at these sexual harassers that I'm getting into a verbal altercation with? He's like, no. Yeah. Nah.

We should vent later on Twitter, not in person. Anyway, Dodger was the best boy. I never got to meet Dodger, but I definitely loved all of your social media posts about him. Oh, thank you. He seemed like a really great guy. Great guy. With an owner like you, I'm sure he had a really happy life. He was lucky to have you.

And lucky to have someone that took him in at that extended age. That's really cool of you, I'm sure. Let me just say helen i disagree but i'm gonna let it pass i'm just gonna let it pass i'm not gonna get into it with jordan here but i disagree so dodger died of old age he was 13 earlier this week and absolutely devastating and i've been sobbing and bawling my eyes out but in true stand-up comedy fashion I'm like there's a lot of comedy there's some funny shit

around I'm gonna get a type 5 out of this I could do this on Seth Meyers if he still has comics I don't know if he does I don't watch it regularly BT Dubs i was i did have a profile as a stand-up comic on late night with carson daly about 10 years ago okay talking heck yeah but i never got

to meet him it was like it was like an independently produced package. So I never met the guy. A lot of field pieces on that show. Yeah, it was a field piece where they did a little profile of me and there was snippets of my stand-up. I mean, it was, you know, to his credit and to my credit for a while, I was like, ooh, this is like one of my, you know, I could consider it a late night set. It was more of an NBC very, very, very early Wednesday morning kind of style. But he gave me a very lovely intro. So that was my interaction with Carson Daly is I got to see him on TV just like everyone else. And I was like, oh, he's saying my name. I found myself wondering when my dog died Helen I was so

sad about it um and I realized I was like really trying to figure out which of these was the case that I was processing the grief of my father having died during the pandemic when we couldn't have a funeral and stuff like that through my dog having died, you know, later on, or possibly I just liked my dog more than my dad. I mean, it's not that I didn't like my dad at all. I did like my dad, but maybe I was sadder about my dog dying because my dog was better. Hard to say for sure. Hard to say for sure. I think that's hashtag facts. I think the answer is B, Jesse.

I think we all know that. RIP to both. Let me just say RIP to both. I mean, I think we know they're both in heaven jamming with head mix. I definitely liked my dog better than my parents who are still alive. And that's one of the examples of the funny things that happen is my mom is just not a warm, fuzzy, like, oh, you're upset. Like, let me comfort she's not comforting in any way

whatsoever you should see her run down Van Nuys Boulevard with Jane around her back though is there a Van Nuys Boulevard I don't know so she's like you know I'm sobbing and bawling she's like oh

well you know, everybody dies. But she did this thing where I just saw them because I just spent a few days with them on my way back from burying my dog. Oh, here's an aside too, Jesse, how you factor into the story. So my dog dies and Jordan I can I can explain Helen I don't mean to Jordan I killed Helen's dog yeah is she just finding out now yeah surprise I was gonna I was gonna keep it on the QT but I feel like it's just like bubbling out of me because I'm having so much fun with you guys. But did you kill him while wearing a chain around your neck?

Again, around my fist, like my uncle. Right. Because then it's like, okay, all right. At least there was some kinship there. There was some solidarity. How do I factor into your story sincerely, Ellen? Okay. So I, my dog dies and I immediately have, well, my dog is on his deathbed this was even before he died I started thinking like what what do I do with him you know

because he's shortly going to expire um and I couldn't bear the thought of incinerating him which is what most people do with their dogs um he's a husky mix and he had all this fur and just the thought of that fur going up in flames, I couldn't stomach it. So I was like, I have to bury my dog. Where does one bury one's dog? Harder question than... Especially a husky mix, just straight up, who's going to do all that digging? Because Helen, I don't mean to be rude, but you're a parent.

You're not going to be doing that digging no no and as a friend pointed out she just flatly said you know the ground is really hard Helen you know ground is really hard yeah and it is so and I also had the inclination that i wanted him to be buried somewhere cold because he was a husky and he was always he had this incredible double fur coat he was always schvitzing in la just always overheated always like to spend his nights outside in the backyard where the air was cooler and i always felt a little guilty that I didn't take him to snowy places more often when he was alive and I thought I have this very strong inclination I want my dog to be buried and I want him to be buried

somewhere cold now where does one do that so I'm looking up looking up there's no good pet cemeteries the ones that are always on the side of a freeway in Nevada or something then somebody buries their kid out there because they hear that it'll bring the kid back to life.

They come back, but they're different. And I'm like, shit. So then in an emotional panic, I tweet an Instagram story. Hey, friends, do I know anyone that owns property somewhere cold? And someone tweets back at me. I know Jesse Thorne has a cabin somewhere. It's true. I do. And Jesse Thorne, to your credit, you tweeted in response like yes Helen email me and I was like what a fucking weird request I I thought you were just looking for a vacation spot yeah I mean why wouldn't you

with this cryptic like tweet that I've sent out that I got to tell you this Helen you're not going to believe where my dog is right now the dead one. One of my dogs is right here at my house. Like taxidermied? Like taxidermied? Like staring at you from the living room? No, she's up at my cabin, baby, in a Ziploc bag because I brought her up there. But then I figured I'd wait until my kids got up there to spread her around on the ground or whatever. She was incinerated. wait until my kids got up there to you know spread her around on the ground or whatever she wasn't

incinerated i just imagined her in a giant ziploc bag just i got one of those ones for like putting your uh i got one of the kind where you press the air out of it you want to store some sweaters i had an image of like a giant ziploc bag with your dog in it and you had to press all the air out and then you. One of these is the dog and one of these is chili. What is that? 17 gallons of Ziploc? Yeah. A 17 gallon Ziploc bag.

Did you find a cold place? Did you? I did. I did. I did. Well, first of all, I have to say, a guy that I worked with one time on a variety show, I swear to God, 11 years ago when I first moved to LA, tweeted back at me and said, hey, I own property in Ohio. What are you looking to do?

And I was like, uh, you know, so I get on the looking to do and I was like you know so I get on the phone with him and I'm like my dog died and I need to marry him somewhere cold and to this guy's credit I don't know this person

hardly at all I worked with him one time 11 years ago to his credit this guy goes you're totally welcome to come here and bury your dog

and I'm like oh shit and that's part of the thing that's really been amazing about this horrible experience of losing my dog is just the humanity that i've seen like so much kindness so much empathy so much sympathy and like this random stranger almost is like yeah i have I have property in Ohio. It's freezing cold. I love dogs too. Say no more. If you want to bury your dog here, you're totally welcome. It's a great property. I have lots of acres and it snows like seven months out of the year. And I'm like, I'm there. And I was like, I can be there two days. He's like, no, no. I drove it and it takes seven. Well, you drove, huh?

You hopped in the car, huh? No, I didn't. I didn't end up doing that because after that I was like, how the fuck am I going to drive my dog in a heat wave? It's seven days. Like what is how does one transport a dead body seven days in a heat wave? Like there's not enough ice in the world i'm pretty sure matt knows we should ask matt matt's problem just seems like matt the giant ziploc bag is the way you do it you see yeah you vacuum seal it and then uh you just you don't put it in your trunk because it's going

to get too much heat uh so just sit it right there on your lap uh you can take the carpool lane matt has a we should explain matt it has a famously cold lap oh yeah yeah i mean compared to my trunk you laugh but i've done this before you know i i often get migraines and i need a cold pack. Next time I'm going to come to your house and put my head on your lap. Ellen, do you have this kind of stretchy cold pack that stretches around your head? And it's like a weird hat? No. God, you got to get one of those.

Pro tip. I know you're the king of migraines, Jesse. I only found out about these weird stretch hats. I know that we're talking about uh our the most beloved animals in our lives passing away and not stretchy hats made of ice gel but these hats are incredible this is a relatively new invention they're incredible recommended just go on a popular e-commerce website and purchase yourself i i will i will i'm getting stretchy i saw my to-do list after finished telling you the story of my dead dog.

Yeah, where did you – so Ohio may be great to get the offer but didn't quite work out logistically. It feels so much better but I couldn't figure out how to get my dog without him decomposing in my hot car over the course of a seven-day drive to Ohio. over the course of a seven-day drive to Ohio. Then I keep Googling and Googling and Googling, and I find out that there's an eco, like, hippy-dippy. Terrorist. Yes. Eco hippy-dippy pet cemetery on a private ranch in Oregon, which is much closer. That's the state for it.

That's the state where you have that. Yeah. And it was incredible. And I looked it up it. That's the state where you have that. Yeah. And it was incredible. And I looked it up and I was like, oh my God, and it's affordable. And it's like these two lesbians own this ranch like just over the border from California. And they do like human burials there

as well as pet burials and in an eco-friendly way so they just kind of let the you know let the body go back to you know helping feed plants and trees and things like that so you can't bury anything other than the body and like wrapped in a you know totally decomposable like cotton sheet that's basically all you can put in there. Like you can't put some documents you're looking to get rid of. Just some documents. Polyester. It's not true.

I buried mine with a gun. I couldn't get the fucking fingerprints off. Should I? I wonder if a chain around the neck is considered compostable. An organic chain. Yeah, like a stainless steel chain maybe. Probably compostable, don't you think? That sounds like a beautiful option.

Is that what you ended up doing? That's what I did. So you were in Oregon? I put my dead dog's body into a giant Ikea bag. And he looked so cozy in the ikea bag but then by the time and i did put a shit ton of ice like those ice pack things on him and i had a cooler full of fresh ice packs and i stopped one night at my sister's place in the bay area and like replenished the ice packs and so my dog my dead dog's body is on ice in an Ikea bag and I finally get there and I pull him out

but his body has now molded to the inside of the Ikea bag. Oh no. So he can't quite fully lay his head on the ground and I'm trying to smash his head down and his head's like, nope, staying up. Staying up. Oh no. Staying up here like a la the curve of the Ikea bag.

Helen, was his voice the same in death as it had been in life? Yeah, it was exactly, yep, nope, nope. It was like very, a little daffy duck, maybe. Head's up here now. Your head's up here now. But it's beautiful, and they assure me that it snows a shit ton. The ranch is at 5,000 elevation. So they were like, oh, it snowed on Monday. Like, it's literally snowed this week.

And I was like, yes. And I was like, yes. This is one of the many situations in life where you're looking around for a lesbian couple who's got it handled. I mean, they're just so on top of it. The lesbians, they have an answer to everything. I mean, yeah. Helen, I mean, thank you for sharing this with us. I mean, you know, Jesse and I are both we're both pet guys. We both like feel you and we're both like, you know, yeah, I mean, I can't imagine what would what I'll feel when the time comes to say goodbye to my beloved pet. I'm sure it's been really tough. Thank you for doing the show. I don't know that. Oh, oh yeah i would want a podcast oh my gosh yeah no i mean this is the this is like the you know this is the um hunger of of being a performer is

like i'm in distress i gotta talk about it although i'm jordan i'm again i'm sorry to interject i just have to register my objection here i'd rather you weren't here but go ahead we wanted to get AG. We wanted to ask him some Wheel of Fortune questions. Yeah. I feel like the lesbians who own this ranch are the...

They're the steel chain around the neck of any problem. Yes. You know what? There is not a problem in Van Nuys that could not be solved right now by my Aunt Gail, a lesbian with her own husky rescue organization. I could send her and her band of one-eyed, three-legged huskies in the El Camino down to Van Nuys with a couple of chains, and they'd have the whole town straightened out.

Yeah, I think I'm just curious just to kind of cap off the story. What do you think Dodger's doing up in heaven with Hendrix? Do you think he's playing the drums? Or do you think he's got the axe? Like he's playing rhythm and Jimmy's playing lead. Maybe he's playing lead. Maybe he's playing lead. Whatever he's doing, he better be headbanging because he had just this incredible fur coat and just the fur around his neck was so thick.

And I imagine if he was headbanging, he would just like flop forward ever so slightly and just this incredible wave of like hair fur. Can I ask you guys a question? On drums, is that Mother Teresa? It looks like her. She can wail. Is that Mother Teresa?

John Bonham's like, I guess I chose the wrong career. john bonham's like i guess i chose the wrong career i i really love that this was a horrible tragedy and i was devastated but really everybody was so kind everybody gets it you know even i feel like pet love people who don't have pets kind of get it but i i have this like outpouring of dms and posts on my – like comments on my post about Dodger passing. And I was actually scheduled to headline a weekend at a comedy club in San Diego this weekend called Mic Drop Comedy. And that I couldn't do. I couldn't drive down from burying my dog in Oregon straight to San Diego, which was what would have happened to happen.

Drive straight to San Diego to do four shows, a full hour each of just yucking it up and not. And, you know what I mean? And I could see that like Oregon, especially like kind of, you know, in the forest and the mountains,

it has like contemplative energy, a place to reflect San Diego, maybe not so much. mean san diego has multiple submarines you can go in sure but you're just out there you know thinking about the time you share with your beloved pet and then bam you get hit with a volleyball can you are they implodable submarines in San Diego? Well, I mean, I presume they're all, look, if we've learned anything, it's that all submarines have their implosion point. The only unemployable submarine is the submarine you have yet to implode. Hey, guys, I had a little too much coffee before the record. Can I, Can we take a break and I can find my implosion point

I'll hold your mushroom We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go It's Jordan, Jesse, go I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart Love you, love you, love you, love you Love you, love you, love you, love you It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Hey, we're coming to London, England. So if you're on what I call the wrong side of the pond.

I don't know. Where all the shit floats. Oh, we're going to roast you, London. We hope you brought your fireproof pants Oh, we're going to roast you, London. We hope you brought your fireproof pants because you're about to get roasted America style. Seriously, though, if you're in London and you're listening to this, or frankly in the entirety of England, Wales, Scotland, I'm going to give people who are across in Ireland a pass.

But if you're in any of those places, you're not coming to Jordan, Jesse, go in London. What are we even doing? What are we doing here? September 14th, you can go to MaximumFun.org slash events and find all the particulars, how to get tickets, et cetera. And hey, I think we're going to have a lot of fun folks joining us

on stage, but we can announce now that one of those fun folks is going to be our buddy, beloved Jordan Jesse Goh, regular comedy writer extraordinaire, Sarah Morgan. Yeah, Morgan's on the books already, folks. Morgan's on the books. Who knows who else will join

us at this wonderful show maximumfund.org slash events is where you can find that information so get your tickets we're also supported this week by the folks at stitch fix hey jesse jordan check out the shirt i'm wearing now this looks like a fun summer print to me. Yeah, it is. Know where I got it? Boy, my first thought was from just like an incredibly fashionable friend or acquaintance. Well, kind of.

If by friend or acquaintance, you mean website or website. Kind of. If by friend or acquaintance you mean website or website. Stitchfix.com slash JJ Go. It's a really, really cool website where you can get clothes that fit great. They look great. You get a personal stylist, a real human being who works with you to create a special wardrobe that you're gonna love the clothes always fit uh they're easy to send back um they got all kinds of sizes from xs to 3xl um you go on stitch fix you take a fun quiz they you tell them what you like what you don't like what kind of stuff you need clothes for the office going out do you need shorts do

you need longs what do you need you tell the stitch fix quiz and they send you a cool box of stuff that looks great fits great feels great you send back what you don't want you keep what you do want the sending back is incredibly easy you get a prepaid envelope. Easy peasy. They ask you, one of the questions just says, do you need shorts? What about longs? Mediums? Try Stitch Fix today at stitchfix.com slash jjgo. You'll get 25% off when you keep everything in your fix.

That's stitchfix.com slash JJ go for 25% off today. Stitchfix.com slash JJ go. We're also supported this week by the folks at Lumi Labs. That's the micro dosing people. Yeah. Microdose.com is where you go to get these LumiLab gummies. They give you perfect entry-level doses of THC that'll help you feel just the right amount of good. Jesse, I love these things. You love these things. When do you like to pop a LumiLab's microdose gummy? Take it from me, the king of drugs.

One great thing to do is just munch half one of these little guys in the middle of your day while you're knocking out things from your to-do list. You know, you're sitting at your computer knocking stuff out. And it just keeps you, it gets you in the right space. Yeah. It gets you in the right space. Yeah, it's good for unwinding at the end of the day. I like to have one before I watch my nightly Wheel of Fortune. It's good for winding at the beginning of a fishing trip if your reel is having trouble with your reel. If you're having trouble with your reel, they'll help you.

Microdose is available nationwide to learn more about microdosing thc go to microdose.com and use code jj go to get free shipping and 30 off your first order links can be found in the show description again that is microdose.com code jj go go. It's Jordan, Jesse go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio, sweetheart,

Jordan Morris, boy, detective Helen Hong, the unbearded lady. That's fun. That's who she met in the, uh, on the television variety show that with the property and uh you know well i feel a little i immediately assumed honestly i was like imagining david

copperfield the magician david copper that's the only person i could think of appearing on a television variety show i'm i'm feeling a little like uh lacking in the facial hair department between the two of you and now you know jesse you've had that great beard and mustache for a while but jordan this beard man yeah it is healthy thank you and sorry for making you feel like a total chump yeah i feel like a naked like loser over here because I have no great beard. And both of you are like the Pantene ad of beards right now. Nice of you to say. I think before, I'll even mention that I felt really great.

You made me feel really great before we started recording. You were nice enough to say that my beard had a dash of Santa. and you were nice enough to say that my beard had a dash of Santa. It might be Santa on the brain right now because I'm auditioning for a Christmas movie tomorrow, July 3rd. Which is when they shoot all the Christmas movies, which I'm obsessed with because every time I see a Christmas movie and I see them all bundled up, I'm like, oh, they are schvitzing as fuck. They are sweating their balls off right now.

Let me guess, Helen, you're auditioning for Prancer? Yes. Dasher. No. Rudy. Rudolph. Come on, I'm a star. I'm a goddamn star, Jordan.

Sorry, sorry. Can you not picture this nose lighting the fuck up? Now that you say it, I can't. She's auditioning for frat rapper Asher Roth. She's auditioning to play Asher Roth. Anyway, very Santa-esque. Thank you. Like a dash of Santa.

Not a Dasher of Santa, but a dash of Santa. It is summertime now, as you mentioned. I know this because from June to September, my neighborhood is awash in fireworks as people celebrate the reason for the season, which is the Boston Tea Party, I think, or something. But on Jordan Jesse Go, we are dedicated to the spirit of the summer boy, which is the spirit of summer as embodied through word, deed, correct thought, and so forth. It's a way of literalizing, manifesting the ephemeral abstract qualities that we associate with a perfect summer. summer. Jordan wore a Bart Simpson

muscle shirt and a Speedo at a social gathering. I did something. I don't remember what it was. Oh, I got a baseball tattoo. You did do that. I got a baseball tattoo. Yeah, there you go. That was something. Wait, a muscle shirt or a muzzle shirt?

A muzzle shirt, yeah. Of course. He was biting a lot. Yeah. A lot. Yeah. Definitely. Like with the ball, the ball in the mouth. Yeah.

Jesse, you're nice to cover for me, but it was for sexual reasons. I was wearing the muzzle shirt because of a sex thing. Helen, you've heard the expression biting the hand that fucks you. Yes. Match. of a sex thing helen you've heard the expression biting the hand that fucks you yes keep your palm flat or i'll get the fingers have you done that i don't know have you done any uh summer activities or do you have any summer activities planned helen any jet skiing or similar? Nah.

I mean, if you get this Christmas movie, they'll probably whisk you up to Canada or something and you'll just skip summer entirely and have two months of artificial Christmas. No, that's the funny thing about the Christmas movies is they're all shot probably in Van Nuys. thing about the christmas movies is they're all shot probably in van nuys and you know and like they just they replace the chain with like a christmas sweater have yourself a little van nuys christmas and so i actually i hope i get this christmas movie because i want to shoot a christmas movie it's a rite of passage i think for actors in want to shoot a Christmas movie. It's a rite of passage, I think, for actors in L.A. to shoot a Christmas movie in the dead of summer, which is when most of them are produced and just sweat their balls off and then watch back and go, oh, my God.

I remember like how much fucking powder do I have on my face? I was doing a good job shivering. My shivering here is really convincing. have on my face i was doing a good job shivering my shivering here is really convincing helen i gotta tell you to me to be dressed as a christmas elf or whatever the fuck in van nye's in july is a powerful summer boy move it is ironically yeah i think that summer boy cuts cuts both ways in that sense like i think that expressing wearing a full full winter garb in july van nye's you know you're absolutely right because now that i think about it would i be more intimidated by someone running at me with a chain around their neck or someone in a fairy outfit like a christmas christmas elf

i would be more like a string of those jingle bells maybe maybe they're trying to whip you with a jingle bell harness jordan we can't get back into your sex shit i'm sorry i got a christmas thing okay we gotta so we've asked our listeners to share their summer boy activities with us, either by recording a voice memo, sending it to JJGoAtMaximumFun.org, or giving us a call at 206-984-4FUN. Matt, what do we got on deck this week? Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and miraculous guests. My name is Paige from Chicago, she, her. I was just calling to say that I'm having an excellent summer boy summer, as well as celebrating Anal August early.

I just had my first anal experience, and I'm starting my slut era of right before my 30s. Yeah, it was great. Had a great time. Gonna do it again. Thanks so much, guys. Love the show. Bye. But was it with a mushroom, though? Yeah, you know,

Jesse, we started off the show by talking about the end of an era, but we've heralded a new beginning. Jordan, should we be starting our slut eras now? I mean, yes. Yeah. I mean, yeah. It seems right, right?

Yeah. Slutty 40s, right? What they say. I want to acknowledge, first of all, Helen, that you're a miraculous guest i i love that i now we know that anal is the true gift of the magic i feel like i'm turning water into wine and and walking on water anally as we speak jesse i sold my butt plug to buy you this lube. I think Paige was our caller's name, I believe. Does that sound right to you guys? Okay, I'm going to call them Paige.

What I found myself, first of all, I'm glad that they discovered the world of anal pleasure. It truly is a miraculous world. It truly is a miraculous world. I have to say that the main thing I started thinking about was just how other stuff would sound if a person from Chicago was telling me about it. You know what I was thinking was, have yourself an anal little Christmas. In bed eyes. In Van Nuys. The anal in Van Nuys. Shucks kiss.

Listen, you go to the San Gabriel Valley for dim sum and you go to Van Nuys for anal. I mean, we laugh and joke, but you and I both know, the three of us all know van nise's anal country if you're gonna do anal anywhere in god's united states of america tell me it's not van nise gotta be van nise got you people go on on fucking vacations anal vacations to van nise i think they sell uh like um little tourist trinkets of the lettering of Van Nuys, but you stick it up your butt. Right. That's 100% true.

The V really is a good entry point. Oh, you can get a V up there. You can really get a V up there. I was listening to a Prairie Home Companion this past weekend, and there was an underwriting spot for... Does that still exist? No, it doesn't. Helen, I'm trying to do a bit. This isn't a real show, Helen.

You were so convincingly earnest. I was like, you were? I was going to say... Yeah, just, oh, Jesse Jesse were you listening to Prairie Home Companion this weekend? I was listening to a Prairie Home Companion and they had an intriguing underwriting spot for American River cruises and an

anal themed cruise up the LA River to Van Nuys all the way up the LA River if you know what I mean to Van Nuys up the LA River do you think that I could sell I Van Nuys. Around the corner. Up the LA River. Do you think that I could sell?

I feel like I have a new Etsy concept that I could sell on an Etsy. Open the Etsy store of Van Nuys. The lettering of Van Nuys was spelled out as anal beads. That would be beautiful. And hey, while we're at it, don't neglect the calabasas. Okay. 206-9844-FUN or JJGO at MaximumFun.org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. What is up, people of the world? Do you have an argument that you keep having with your friends and you just can't seem to settle it? And you're sitting there arguing about whether it's Star Trek or Star Wars, or you can't decide what is the best nut or can't agree on what is the best cheese. Stop doing that.

Listen to We Got This with Mark and Hal only on MaxFun. Your topics asked and answered objectively, definitively, for all time. So don't worry, everybody. We got this. We got this. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. They can be anywhere.

At your office, in your car, and they are wrong. My mom says that the Grey House didn't exist, but she's wrong. He just doesn't wrong. Someone in says that the Grey House didn't exist, but she's wrong. He just doesn't wrong. Someone in your life is wrong about something. Something small, something weird, something vitally important. Only one person has the courage to tell them just how wrong they are.

You know what you did was wrong, but your daughter is a liar who eats garbage. They call me Judge John Hodgman. Listen to me on the Judge John Hodgman podcast. If someone in your life is doing you wrong, don't just take it, take it to court. Submit your case at MaximumFun.org slash JJHO. it's jordan jesse go i'm jesse thorn america's radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective helen hall the unbearded lady helen has a brand new comedy special called well hong you can watch this comedy special in all of the locations go to go to amazon prime go on itunes every location youtube premium or whatever it's called yeah yeah in van eyes you could watch it you know what watch it on animal planet why not watch it right after wheel of fortune the the latest pat say jack won the c and c span stands

for helen hong's new comedy special well hong uh people don't know that helen people can watch the special but what if they're like i want to i want to see hong i want to i want to be close enough to feel Hong's hot breath. And hot it is. Do people have an opportunity to do that? Yes. Well, if you happen to live in Colorado Springs, Colorado Springs, Colorado, which is where Colorado Springs is, the state of Colorado, you can see me there August 26th and 27th at 3 E's. And I believe the 3 E's are everlasting eels of emotion. Or maybe everlasting emotional eels.

Are you opening for the eels? Or do you say, okay. No, I'm the headliner, Jordan. I don't open for. They open for you. Yeah, eels open for me. I don't open for, no. Fucking eels open for me, Jordan.

I could kind of see Helen opening for a sea snake. Yeah, three e's. Helen opening for a sea snake. Yeah. I'm sorry I implied that you were auditioning for one of the lesser reindeer. I'm sorry that I was implying that you were the opening act for a bunch of eels. You know, if I was going to shove a butt plug up your butt, Jordan,

right now, it would be an extra small. Just to disappoint you. Just to disappoint you just to disappoint you know i deserve it i deserve that you would get the teeny tiniest van eyes lettering up your asshole just to disappoint you i deserve it i deserve it thank you thank you for putting me in my place jordan i went to red rocks to see a bunch of eels last week. Opening was the eels. Mark Oliver Everett. Yeah. Sure. It was really cool. It was good to see. Yeah.

Great band. Underappreciated. Yeah. Yeah. Steve Perry from Journey was singing with them for a while. Really? Yeah. Isn't that wild? That's a real thing. Is it? Yeah. No, 100%. Steve Perry had not sung publicly in like 12 years. And then he just made friends with Mark Oliver Everett from the Eels.

Wow. And just started going to their shows and singing with them. Well, now I- Fucking greatest shit ever. It's got great taste, Steve Perry. Did people want their money back? like no they were delighted they just they were there to see a goddamn right it's a beautiful day or

they also got to see don't stop believing well I know what I'm looking at on YouTube after I watch well hung videos of Steve Perry singing with eels yes but I'll probably be like too tired from laughing so

I'm gonna be watching YouTube videos on laughing. So maybe I'll do it. I'm going to be watching YouTube videos on how to create bud plugs in letter shapes. You got to get a 3D printer, I think. I think that's the secret. You got to get one of those 3D printers. You know what? Go to one of those libraries that has a maker lab and ask them. Yeah, they'll do it.

You know where they got one of those? Hmm. Up in Van Nuys. Hmm. How fitting. Great public library system up there. Well, ill-fitting. It's shaped like bees.

Helen, you're the funniest. Thank you for coming on. Thank you for laughing with us despite the fact that you have had one of the worst weeks. We really super appreciate it and we think you're the greatest. I disagree, but I'm going to let Jordan say his part. You know, you guys are the mushroom halfway in my asshole

of my day. The shiitake mushroom halfway in and out my asshole. One of you is in and one of you is out and it's a delight. The nicest thing anyone's ever said to us. Thank you. I want to say that I bet there are some game show and trivia fans out there who also would like some real comedy. And if you like those things, guess what?

You already got a podcast app open on your phone right now. You can go subscribe to Go Fact Yourself. You're going to have a great time listening to that hilarious show with Helen and our friend J. Keith Van Straten. What's the most exciting celebrity that you've met doing Go Fact Yourself recently? The most exciting. Oh, Denise Crosby, who was in Star Trek TNG, the first season of Star Trek TNG, which I'm a TNG head and she played Lieutenant Tasha Yar. Oh, the one they killed at the end of the first season.

Yes. And she was, so it was great to meet her. And she was against Larry Wilmore, who I've known for a while through work in stand-up. And he's a great guy. great guy and that was a live show that we did at um laists uh like public space there the crawford family forum in pasadena and that was a blast i love that larry wilmer so cool and funny when larry wilmer came on the sound of young america 10 years ago 12 years ago whatever like i felt it was one of those experiences you have talking to somebody where you're like uh-oh this person is too smart and too funny for me to be talking to them

they should be saving the world and burning down every crowd on earth he's the opposite of ryan seacrest yep he is i got to play Go Fact Yourself a couple times. But once I got to, and just kind of part of it is contestants come on, they say they're an expert in something, and then you kind of like surprise them with someone who is like related to their area of expertise.

And I got surprised by a real life paleontologist who works at the La Brea Tar Pits, my favorite place. It was so fun. I had such a good time. It was such a fun surprise. I ran into her on the street later. She told me where to get some good Indian food.

It was awesome. Wow. Love that. That's a dream. I got to talk to Hall of Fame Major League Baseball broadcaster John Miller. It was a total dream. Where does he go for Indian food? You know what?

I was... You're not going to believe this. I'm walking down the street in Pasadena. John Miller walking the opposite way down the street, up in front of me. I think, I could really go for some Indian food right about now.

I go, like, raise my finger, you know, like John Miller clocks me, crosses the street. Like I was a teen about to steal his purse. He was on his way to Indian food. And he didn't want me to eat at all. Nope. Yeah. He was like, he was like, none or nah.

Yeah. Thank you, Helen. More like nah. Turned out to be more like nah. Matt Lieb is our producer on the program. Producer Meredith is Brian Sunday D. Fernandez. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design. Our thanks to The Free Design.

Our thanks to Light in the Attic Records, their label, who make many, many, many great reissue songs. I mean albums. They reissued, by the way, the catalog of Betty Davis. That's just something I was thinking about. Betty Davis, legendary funk legend. Light in the Attic reissues. And MaximumFun.reddit.com

Facebook.com slash JordanJesseGo and etc. We will talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse, go. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.

Love you. Love you.