Jordan, Jesse, GO! - The Listener with a Thousand Faces, with Jonathan Ames

Episode Date: January 16, 2025

On this week’s episode, we welcome back writer and raconteur, Jonathan Ames (Bored to Death), to chat about New Year’s Resolutions, his latest book Karma Doll (the third book in the Doll detective series), the Macarena, and more! Buy Jonathan Ames’s newest book, Karma Doll, out now!Justice for migrants. Please consider donating to Al Otro Lado this holiday season.Want your Capybara roasted? Send to our Instagram!#RoastMyCapy Jordan is writing an official Spider-Man comic!Be sure to get our new 'Ack Tuah' shirt in the Max Fun store.Or, grab an 'Ack Tuah' mug!The Maximum Fun Bookshop!Follow the podcast on Instagram and send us your dank memes!Check out Jesse’s thrifted clothing store, Put This On.Go see Free With Ads and Judge John Hodgman LIVE at SF Sketchfest!Come see Judge John Hodgman: Road Court  live in a town near you! Jesse and John will be all over the country so don't miss your change to see them. Check the events page to find out where!Follow brand new producer, Steven Ray Morris, on Instagram.Listen to See Jurassic Right!

Hey, Jordan, Jesse Goh listeners. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morse, Boy Detective. We want to first of all thank every single one of you who has reached out to us about the fires in Southern California. They have been, you know, they have been a monumental terror in our lives and in those of many people with whom we are close. However, we did want to share that we've gotten out better than most in this situation. There have been some real challenges, but everyone in our families is safe, including our pets.

A lot of people in Jordan asked me about Bug. Everybody in our family is entirely safe, and it looks like our houses will be okay too in the end. And we're just thinking about our many our many friends for whom that was not the case and I know a lot of folks out there are doing a lot of hard work or giving money to support those folks and we we really appreciate that I know you know we posted we'll put we'll post a couple of links in the in the show comments here but but most of all we just wanted to

thank everybody for their concern and make sure everybody knows that we're doing okay. This episode we recorded before all the shit went down. So, yeah, if you don't hear us mentioning it, that's why. Indeed. We're mostly just talking with Jonathan Ames about Budapest. Yeah, this was a really, really fun episode. Let's get into Jordan Jesse Goh. It's Jordan Jesse Goh.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Happy New Year to you, Jordan. Happy New Year, Jesse. Thank you. It's a new year. A new sun is rising. Happy New Year, Jesse. Thank you. It's a new year. A new sun is rising over the horizon. Bonvoy to you. Yes. Bonvoy, Mr. Sun. Enjoy your warm cookie and HBO.

This podcast is sponsored by Marianne. How come? Do hotels still advertise that they have free HBO? I feel like- For a long time, that was the only thing anyone was looking for in a hotel or motel was free HBO. Right. I got to finally see this artless show everybody's talking about. Yeah, I feel like there's a couple of like, you know, seedy Hollywood Boulevard motels that still stand in LA that still have the like color TV HBO sign. Yeah. But yeah, I mean I guess it's working for them and those places have clearly been there

since 1971 or whatever. I think there are still people traveling somewhere and then just booking a hotel room at random. Right. You know what I mean? Sure. Like there's Yelp and stuff now but I think there's still people just being like, Oh the Hotel Del Mar, huh? Mm-hmm. All right. I'll book that. Sure. Then they get there. And then watch themselves some HBO. There's some people skulking probably. I made some... I'm really... you know this about me, Doran, obviously not everyone in the audience knows this, but I'm really mindful.

Yeah, I do know that about you. You're always breathing with intent. Yeah, I do everything with intent. I have a lot of practices. Sure, kegels. I have a kegel practice. I have an illegal medical practice. Sure.

Feeding your kegels, Titan. Jesse will do that in the basement. But part of my mindfulness this year, I decided, was I was going to really, as the new year happened, I was going to really sit down. 2025? 2025. Okay. Sit down and spend 10 good mindful minutes making resolutions. That's great.

Because in past years, I haven't made resolutions. So I thought I'll put in a solid 600 seconds and make 10 resolutions to make 2025 special. That's really cool. And I wrote them into the notes app on my phone. Are you going to share them with us? Yeah, I thought I'd share them with you. Oh, thank you. Jonathan, our guest, I'd rather not have listen to this.

The first one was whip my own cream. Okay. So that would be like... I've been using a lot of... I've been buying a three pack of whipped cream at the Costco. What do you put whipped cream on that you need a three pack? I eat ice cream every day, Jordan. Oh, right, right, right, right.

Daily ice cream. Okay. And it's not just a daily scoop of ice cream. You're like, topic, is this a daily sundae? It's, look, dude, I got some Luxartos in my house. I don't always put Luxartos on. The good cherries. I really only like the good cherries on vanilla ice cream,

which I do eat a fair amount of vanilla, but if I have like cookie dough ice cream, I don't usually put a maraschino cherry on there. But I do always put whipped cream on there. But my resolution is whip my own cream. Hey, that's great. Okay, that'll probably save you some money in the long run. Well, at the very least, it'll be a finer quality of cream.

Right. The thing is you got to put it in a metal bowl and you have to put the metal bowl in the freezer first. And you'll strengthen your jacket off hand. Exactly. All that self-whipping. put it in a metal bowl and you put the metal bowl in the freezer first. And you'll strengthen your jacket off hand. All that self-whippin'. Second resolution is kickflip an ollie. Okay.

I don't know what that is, but. So probably something to do with skateboarding? Yeah. Okay. Third one is study dark magic. I figured it was too ambitious to learn dark magic in one year, but I could just get a dusty book or whatever Oh, yeah, you're gonna want to blow the dust off the cover before

Yeah, that's gonna have some good open it So you just want to learn about like the history of it, but you don't want to like cast spells or like raise I do ultimately I want to well, we'll get into raising the dead later But ultimately I do want to cast spells, but I'm just saying it seems like a whole fucking thing. Right. You know what I mean? So I don't want to commit.

I want to commit myself to spending some time getting to know the field. Yeah. You got to get a wand. You got to train a raven. You got to become polyamorous. Exactly. That's a whole thing. It's like, yeah, do I have cloaks?

Yes, I have cloaks, but I don't have the other stuff a wishing well and so forth Okay Figure out those scooters those scooters everybody rides around on and you use it with your phone or something Do they still do that? I feel like yeah, okay I mean I just I'm like do you ride on the sidewalk or on the road? Am I supposed to carry around a helmet? Do I need a different app for every type of scooter? I don't know.

They just seem like they'd be convenient. They've been around for a while. I haven't really bothered with them. Check them out. Yeah, check into scooters. Yeah, get karate vibes. That's not, so again, I don't want to like learn karate. Yeah, you don't have time for that.

But you know how a guy who knows karate, he's like, he would never use karate. Right. That's why we learn it so that we may never use it. Right, exactly. But he could destroy you and you can tell that he wants to. Like his placidity runs in tandem with his desire to whoop your ass. Are you concerned if someone does start shit because you have the karate vibes?

No, because the other element of the karate vibes is that kind of thing. Like you're a fucking guardian angel on the back of a bus in your little beret, nobody's gonna fuck with you because you have clear eyes. You know what I mean? He got shoulders back, clear fucking eyes. Remember how to Macarena. I just don't remember exactly how it goes. Right. Like I remember there's a put your feet forward and then you flip them over. But then

do you go to your shoulders then? That might be Gangnam style. I don't know. Yeah. So remember how to macarena is one. Speaking of raising the dead, one was make a zombie out of a dead guy. But then in parentheses, I did write, like I wrote these down because it's part of actualizing them. I wrote down friendly slash helpful. Sure. And this is not a Frankenstein. You're not making a Frankenstein. No, just one dead guy. So I wouldn't stitch together dead guys. I'm not really into stitching. Seems like a whole thing.

I'm more into bitching. Sure. But this- Well, you do go from zero to pitch in five seconds Don't talk to me if I have my coffee Jordan t-shirt But anyway, like I said friendly slash helpful not not a malevolent zombie The kind of zombie like a zombie slave I mean I wouldn't use that language. I might say an enslaved zombie. Okay, yeah, you're right. That's better.

He's not defined by his servitude to me. Sure, okay, okay. He is his own undead person. Who follows your commands because of... Yes. Really take advantage of the Costco hot dog deal. Oh yeah. Like sometimes I go to Costco at like 10 o'clock in the morning and I advantage of the Costco hot dog deal. Oh, yeah. Like, sometimes I go to Costco at like 10 o'clock in the morning and I don't get a hot dog.

It seems like I should build my whole thing around getting the hot dog because $1.75. Hot dog is close enough to enough breakfast foods. Yeah. Are you also drinking the soda at 10 a.m.? I guess so. You know, I don't usually drink the soda. I usually pour myself a soda water because they only soda, they don't have great soda choices except for Coke.

Right. It's just like Coke and Sprite. Sure. Sprite's not very good. I don't want to drink like Diet Lemonade or whatever. Oh yeah, there's a soda, again, not a Costco member. Just the Sim, well, okay. I know, I know.

I don't know what kind of sodas they have at Sam's Club. But at the Costco, they got Coke and Sprite, and then they got like a Diet Lemonade and whatever. Soda water's a great choice. I would love to have the Coke. Too much caffeine for me. Is there a world where you're tooling around, you're running errands, you don't have to go to Costco, but you're hungry and you could run into Costco, get the hot dog and leave?

I would love that. If I just happened to Be an alhambra. Yeah Just hanging out now hambrick, California. Yeah You're that weird part of Las Feliz. That's basically Glendale You guys are listening. Yeah, you know how it's weird. You're like, where am I? Yeah, sure Get shoe elves. Uh-huh. These are like little elves that come to your workshop and they make magical shoes for you.

It might be kind of a monkey's paw situation. You might get yourself in trouble with these elves. Right. You're entering into some sort of bargain with them by them making your shoes. But I mean, I think it would be worth it to have magical shoes. I don't know that they would have those curly toes like elves have or like northern certain sub-cultural subsets of northern Mexican cowboys have. You're right. But I would be willing to take that. I would rather not have a little bell.

Yeah, that's gotta be. I mean, and you know, you're walking around the house, you're waking people up. I feel like if I had the bell, it would take away from my karate vibe too. Sure, yeah, you have to be able to silently slip in, snap a neck and then slip out. Exactly. You got a bell on the shoe that makes it harder. But maybe these magical shoes are-

Maybe you wanna challenge yourself with that. They make me super silent or something. Yeah, again, I think in my mind, the story of the elves and the shoemaker is that there's an elderly shoemaker who's like business is going under and the elves help him at night. I don't know that they're making him magic shoes in the version I've heard. My shoe shop is not going great. Okay. So that- My cobbling is very poor and the Yelp reviews reflect as much. But your cobbler is very poor and the Yelp reviews reflect as much.

But your cobbler is great. Yeah. Do I make a nice cobbler? Like a blackberry cobbler. Yeah, with like a graham cracker crumble on top. Oh, that's nice. Oh, that's nice. And that's nine.

And then the last one is never be itchy. Just I guess that would be like a lot of lotion. I just hate being itchy. Maybe take the tags out of my t-shirts. If I got like a low quality t- I just hate being itchy. Maybe take the tags out of my t-shirts If I got like a low quality t-shirt with an itchy to pointy tag. Yeah, maybe Yes, get yourself some fragrance free detergent. Yeah, you never know that can irritate the skin Yeah, well congratulations man 2025 is gonna be huge for you. I hope so

Did you make any resolutions this year all the same ones the same? Yeah, the same point cuz we. Because we didn't compare notes. No, we didn't. This is just. This is just total coincidence. Karate thing, elf thing. Steven, can I ask you a question? Sure.

Did you make any New Year's resolutions this year? All of them the same, except I wanted Shoe Dwarves. That's the only difference. They're more squat. Sure. Comfy. Yeah, they're more rowdy, too. They're Right. They're more squat. Sure. Comfy. Yeah, they're more rowdy too. They're drinking.

They're lusty. Yeah. I think that those... Well, both can have beards. Yeah, both can have beards. Elves and dwarves. Yeah, sure. Elves and dwarves.

Both can have beards. Both can have beards, yes. Indeed. There's a Tolkien scholar screaming and screeching off the road if we're wrong about that. Yeah. Should we introduce our guest on the program? I would love to. Oh, this is...

Jordan, this is one of our favorite guys. You know what my wife said to me when we were eating dinner this evening? What are your top guys? No, she said to me, I bet you're looking forward to seeing Jonathan Ames. Yes I am. You know why? Because he's a celebrated author. That's right. He's a celebrated raconteur. He's a jock. A lot of people don't know that about Jonathan Ames. This guy's a jock. This guy hit like three home runs in the Max Funcon softball

game one time. I can't wait to hear about that. He's a man who's always wearing a lovely hat. And he has a brand new book out. It's called Karma Doll. It's the latest in his series of detective novels about the character Happy Doll, sometimes hapless doll. Yep, Jonathan Ames. Hi, Jonathan. All right. Thanks for having me. What a joy to have you here. And thank you for bringing all of the illegal Mexican doctor removing bullets from shoulders, energy that we needed to this program.

I had the same resolutions, but in the reverse order. Oh! So I was just like, oh, this is really interesting, but my 10 was your one. Yeah. It's not a ranking. It's not a ranking. Same aspirational thing. Really interesting, but I my 10 was your one. Yeah Same a ranking same aspirational thing, but my zombie Servant is kind of more of like like a Jeeves, you know

You know, but just and what's good is tireless, you know and immortal What's good is tireless and immortal, which stinks though, because then you die. Yeah. Who are they going to serve? Yeah. But that's what I was sort of imagining coming in. I'd be concerned that if I died, my zombie would become unmoored. Right. Yeah.

Sure. Does he have? Walking around and it's like black tie, you know, with a silver tray wanting to serve drinks. Just looking for Austrian ball season, right? Who will I bring this pipe to? Yeah. Is yours, can I ask you a question about your zombie, Jonathan? Is your zombie doing that thing that Jeeves does where Jeeves says something to Wooster and then just kind of like goes, oh. You mean is he manipulative because he's actually more intelligent?

He's like raising one eyebrow, you know? Yeah, because Jeeves is so much smarter than Bertie. Yeah. Oh, you want that yellow tie, sir? Very good, but you know that he thinks that yellow tie is an abomination. No. And Bertie might resist him and wear it, but not for long.

Yeah. Jeeves will win out, make sure that tie is removed from the rotation. So a zombie Jeeves might not have quite the intellect. They're a little bit brain dead, but loyal. You don't want to get too close though. The breath is rough. They can't have beards. They can't write much like elves and dwarves. Yeah. I think my zombie service is going to be kind of an Amelia Bedelia. Say bring me some grain. She brings me some brains. Oh boy. We laugh. We love her. We love her. Mine brings me brains,

but it's just because it's a zombie, you know? Sure. That's what they do. Yes. Like their main shit they can get their hands on mm-hmm You know they're thinking about it all day long Jonathan are you a New Year's resolution guy typically? No, okay other than this year where we all made the same time of course keeping up the premise of the bit We're doing I woke up in the middle. You know the night December 31st was like You know then those 10 came to me sure the night, December 31st, I was like, you know, then those 10 came to me.

I don't know, it was so weird. I sent them to your mind. I knew it. Yeah. But yeah, you know, I've never, I don't know, maybe there was a time in my life when I used to keep journals, but then I would reread them, be like,

oh my God, my behavior is so bad, I get very upset with myself. So I stopped keeping diaries about 15 years ago. But anyway, I think there was a time when I might have written down resolutions, but it's been a long time since I've done that. Are you still misbehaving in the same way? Have you just erased the evidence?

Well, there was some... Well, it was too upsetting. I was like, seeing, You know, we all have these repetitious behaviors, like Freud would say, you know, repetition compulsion. The Buddhist would say samsara. You know, Einstein said doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results in sanity. I'd say, let's call the whole thing off. Oh yeah, all of our endeavors.

But no, I've... It's like saying potato. Yeah. Yeah, just, it's, you want to stay out of trouble, just stay home and don't interact with other human beings. And no, but I've quieted down. I think I've slowed down my behaviors finally in order. I mean you've lived in Los Angeles for some time now and I think Los Angeles is a really

great place to not leave the house. One of the top American cities for not leaving the house. It's true. It's true. I never, you know, I lived in New York for decades, and I came out here in my 50s, and I hadn't lived in a house since I was a kid, really. And it was a revelation to live in a house. Because in New York, you felt the need to expel yourself.

You didn't have much room, and I've always had issues with clutter, so I barely, you know, I was living like in a coral reef in my apartment towards the end in Brooklyn. It was just accumulating. Boats were running aground, unneedling sustenance off the edges of the oven. Yeah, there was just detritus everywhere.

Wasn't like I was hoarding. I just wasn't throwing out at the rate I needed to. And it just built up over the years. Technical difference. The sluice had jammed. But so then, yeah, and so I started living in, I'm in my second house now in LA. And each time though, a room does get corrupted, like a coral reef, like something out of a Yamal Del Toro movie where there is a room that's possessed by clutter. And so, you know, where's my whole

apartment. So now I have a- Some kind of pre-Christian monster in there. Something's got an eyeball on its hands. From a German woodcut. Yeah, just collects all this stuff, clothing and papers. Anyway, but yeah, so I don't leave the house. I like my house. I have, just by chance, somebody who lived there before planted two avocado trees. I have these two avocado trees, and there's lots of cacti and birds.

And hummingbirds. Free HBO. Actually, I don't have HBO anymore. Like somehow my TV, I've had the same TV for 10 years. It's grown obsolete in different ways. So I'm not able to have Netflix. All I have anyway, but- Are you just hanging out? Do you got an antenna?

I put an antenna on my TV, Jordan. You wouldn't believe how many Armenian channels there are. Yeah, sure. Oh yeah, I antennied recently too. And yeah, a lot of great stuff out there in a variety of languages. I got like... Because it was in my shed, you know, like I sort of... I got evicted from my office in my home by my youngest child who required their own bedroom. And so...

One of the kids set up an office. One of the kids is a notary now. It's like a who evicted you. And so I ended up in the backyard in a shed. It's a very nice shed. I put a little projector in there and I was like, I should have a TV antenna. I just went on the internet. I bought an actual antenna. Like I'm not talking about like a thing that you attach to your wall. I'm talking about some shit you bolt to your roof. Whoa. Because I'm like, this thing has a roof attach to your wall. I'm talking about some shit you bolt to your roof. Whoa. This thing has a roof and it's like three feet away from-

And you're a man who loves reception. Oh, God, I love reception. Oh, it's a clear reception. Crystal clear. During the- Is that how you sent those resolutions to me? From your head into that antenna? You sent the antenna.

Across California, zipped into my brain. Yeah, I put a wire in one ear and a wire in the other ear and it just sort of happens. Yeah, everyone had those resolutions this year. Something I considered for resolutions this year was, and it was because of what was going on in my neighborhood, was what if I became a fireworks guy? Oh, right. Just join the club. Just like in the last five to eight years here in Los Angeles,

all holidays have become fireworks holidays, in my experience. It's really terrible actually. The dark smoke the next day, I mean, we already have so much pollution and it's like, and who is lighting all these fireworks? Because I wouldn't know where to get them. I would be afraid to set them off, you know, loss of fingers and all that. From now on, maybe me. That's what I'm saying. Like it's going on. You could sell them out of your shed. Oh, God.

See, this is this is the kind of local, local. This is why my fucking cobbler is going out of business. My cobble. Sure. Cobbling. Yeah, you could do like local teens could come out back and... Aaron Powell Cobbleman's shop. Aaron Powell Yeah, I was going to say you could sell to local teens out of the shed. They could come with cash, paying cash.

Aaron Powell When we were in high school, I think my best friend Peter Fraunfelder, I think he got arrested for shooting fireworks off his room. Aaron Powell I had a fireworks friend who always... He was the kid who had fireworks and he had butterfly knives too. Oh, wow. I think I've mentioned Mike Nguyen a few times. He always had M80s and butterfly knives. Very nice, very mild-mannered kid, loved Warcraft.

But you could just always count on him to have some classic bad kid shit. I think most butterfly knife owners love Warcraft. Like if they're not in The Warriors. Sure, yeah. I've never, and this is going to sound pretentious, I've never actually played a video game on, you know, I mean I did in arcades in the 1970s and early 80s. But I saw the Warcraft movie, right? That was a movie and a huge characters.

I really loved the movie. I loved the costuming. I am like a Travis Fimmel fan because during COVID I binged on Vikings like for weeks. Just got really into fucking Vikings. Yeah. Have you guys seen it? I haven't seen it. No, I haven't. Oh, there's like 11 seasons, like 90 episodes,

hour long episodes, thousands of extras. I'm like, this must've been the most incredible TV show to be making probably in Iceland and beautiful locations and wonderful rugged costuming and shooting on water. Real elves with real beard. Real bearded elves. But there was a moment in the Viking series though that I actually cried. I had gotten so attached to the characters, these two characters.

Travis Fimmel, I think was one of the Skarsgard brothers, were partying after maybe a whole season or two seasons of Ranker. I think that Travis Fimmel character was going off probably to die. He said goodbye to his former best friend, this guy named Loki. It was so tender that I started crying alone in my little house watching Vikings at three o'clock in the morning. Eating avocados from the yard. Yeah, without even cutting them open.

That's called eating Vikings. Gnawing through the green like the squirrels who steal so many of them from me. That's how Vikings eat them. Right. Yes. But I highly recommend Vikings if you are looking for- So you followed the actors to other things, including the Warcraft movie?

Yes, somehow I'm like, oh my god, there's my hero in Warcraft. And he was good in Warcraft, but I really liked the huge troll-like figures. I don't know who played them, but there was, again, a real vulnerability with this married couple, these gigantic, powerful trolls. Anyway, it was a very enjoyable movie.

I'm trying to remember who played the bad guy. I think it was Ben Foster. He was one of the bad guys. And one time, Ben Foster came up to me in an airport, in a magazine shop, and said, "'You have an interesting face.'" He was very nice. I wasn't flirtatious, but he was an unusual artist, and he an interesting face. It was very nice. I wasn't flirtatious, but you know,

he was an unusual artist and he liked my face. I was really flattered. I think I exchanged numbers and texted and then never spoke to him again. Sure. Wow. Did you tell him about, you didn't tell him about how much you liked Warcraft? Well, that was before Warcraft. That was pre-Warcraft. That was like 15 or 20 years. You still have his number. Before. Being like, it's me, face guy. I loved Warcraft. I was flying to New Orleans for like to do some reading at Tulane and he was shooting a movie there. But this was before Warcraft. But he's a fine actor, but I haven't seen

him in much lately. He really demarcates his life into before and after Warcraft, I think. Right, yeah. I think he probably just did that, and he's like, I have no more stories left to tell. Have you guys seen the movie Warcraft? I haven't, Jesse. I would, maybe my guess is that that's something

that like, Grace would wanna watch, the Warcraft movie. I have not seen it. I've been hoping for a sequel, to be honest. My daughter went through a very intense period I have not seen it. I've been hoping for a sequel to be honest. I saw my yeah my daughter Well, my daughter went through a very intense period where she was only watching video game adaptations and the worst the better She was not interested in good ones. I don't know what the good ones would be But she's not interested in those whatever they were I I really struggled to get her to watch Dungeons and Dragons the movie with me, which I enjoyed a lot. Yeah, me too.

Chris Pine one. The other one's got the mess. Yeah, Chris Pine one. That was very fun. Was it good? I've been thinking of trying it. It's a lot of fun. It's a blast. It's really fun. It's one of those movies where you watch it and you're like, this is a crowd pleasing movie. Do one of these a year. Just have these guys go on another adventure every year.

I don't know why they're not cranking those out. Maybe people didn't go see it. Do you need to know about Dungeons and Dragons? That's what's held me back. I know, despite my whole thing, I actually don't know a lot about Warcraft and don't know a lot about Dungeons and Dragons. And I enjoy the D&D movie a lot.

I saw it in Alhambra. I was like at my- You see that at the Edwards Cinemas? I saw. I saw it in Alhambra. I was like at my- You see that at the Edwards Cinemas? I saw it at the Edwards in Alhambra. I was getting my car worked on and it was like gonna be a while. So I'm like, I'm just gonna walk to this movie theater and I will see what starts.

I was one of four people in Dungeons and Dragons and I fucking loved it. That's one of like the- That's a great experience. I lived amazing. Living on the edge. Going to a movie, walking into a movie theater. What starts?

I used to do that at one time in my life. I know. I haven't done that in a while and I think that's stuck in my mind because that's the kind of thing I want to do more of in my life. But- No, that's number 11 for 2025. Right, yeah. I'll tell you this.

My daughter, Grace, right now, she is... I got her to watch... On New Year's Day, I got her to watch The Hudsucker Proxy with me. Oh, yeah. Great New Year's movie. It was a lot of fun. I don't know how. Is it like about, is like New Year's in the movie?

Yeah, New Year's is like central to the plot of The Hudsucker Proxy. And that was a great success. But since then, I keep trying to get- Me and Mike Nguyen saw The Hudsucker Proxy together. Oh, really? Yeah, and then probably blew up some tennis balls with M80s. Is that Paul Newman and Tim Robbins?

Paul Newman and Tim Robbins. How do I know that? Jennifer Jason Lee, spectacular in it. Me and Mike Nguyen in high school, we would say to each other, for kids. Yeah, sure. We were fun. And draw a picture of a circle.

Yeah, for kids. Your childhood friend was Mike Nguyen, and yours was like... Peter Fraunfelder. Fraunfelder? I've been thinking about that name, Fraunfelder. Give it each childhood friend you want to just call out. Fraunfelder.

So I've been trying to get her to watch something else with me over the past week since the New Year's has passed. And I have failed because she is entirely focused on watching something called Logistics Art Project. Okay, I haven't heard of this. This is... she views it... I would characterize it probably as a video installation. She views it as the longest film ever made. Okay. So she saw at least some of Berlin Alexander plots about a year or two ago, which Jordan

Jesse Goh listeners will know is just a phrase I say once every six to nine months. But had an argument for being the world's longest movie. It's sort of a mini series arguably as well, but it was released in theaters I think it's like an eight hour movie or something like that and this movie logistics art project some northern europeans made uh I don't remember where they're let's call them danes you know they're like some one of these beard people, you know, sure the bearded people to the north. Yes and What they did is they attached a camera to a widget coming out of a factory in China and Then shot continuously over the course of a month as it made its way to

Northern Europe wherever they live. Like they ordered something and then it's just a continuous unbroken shot as it travels from factory into truck onto train, onto boat, off of boat, onto other boat, and then all the way around the Cape of Good Hope or whatever and off to Again, we're gonna say Denmark. Sure. What was it just like a little Danish plastic flag or something? I don't remember what it is because you can't see it. The camera is looking out from it Whatever it is, the camera is looking out so you can't see what it is. But my daughter has now watched Jordan if you're ever see what it is. But my daughter has now watched, if Jordan, if you're ever wondering what autism is,

my daughter has now watched 17 hours. Wow. But it's a month long, Jordan. My gosh. So every day she gets up, she goes down to the living room, she won't do this in her room, she finds it insufficiently comfortable't do this in her room. She finds it

insufficiently comfortable to watch things in her room on her own television that she has. So she sits down in our living room, turns on logistics art project. Where do you watch it? Paramount Plus, right? Yeah, it's on Paramount Plus. I think, well, for a long time she was obsessed with seeing it, but you couldn't get it anywhere. And finally, the filmmakers put it on YouTube. The YouTube videos are a maximum of eight hours long. And so it's like 48 hours, sure, whatever. And uh...

40 seasons of Taskmaster. Exactly. And what's amazing is like the other day I went in there yesterday. I think I went in there in the morning And in the in the world of the film It was night. Mm-hmm, and it was on a boat So it was just blackness You could vaguely kind of see the outline of some of the crates or something This feels like like this sentient little object. Whatever of this. It was like in a crate or something. This feels like this sentient little object.

Whatever it is, it's like strange. You know, it's like Pinocchio or like Nature Channel as if a camera was attached to like a little bird that makes a trip from, you know, Alaska to Rio. It's like one of those eagle cams in a New York skyscraper. You know what I'm talking about, eagle cams? Oh yeah, remember a few years ago, there was an eagle cams in a New York skyscraper. You know what I'm talking about? Eagle cams.

Oh yeah. Remember a few years ago, there was an eagle cam of some eagles like in the top of a snowy tree here in LA. It was really fun to watch. It was so beautiful. Yeah. There was a... We had a cam moment as a country where we were just like, give me more cams.

What can we put a cam on? And so it was it's that. But without the characters, or let's say with the characters replaced with containers, shipping containers, featureless shipping containers, they come in a variety of colors. Like it was pretty, this movie was pretty good. Just see a character can be anything. Even New York City. It sounds like, Pretty good. Jesse, a character can be anything, even New York City. It sounds like an insane art project. What's it called? Long-lasting...

Logistics art project. Yeah. I know these artists in Sweden, I can't... They're really interesting, but they do very strange... Peter Fraunfelder. Yeah. He's over there now. His cousin, who's got the same name, looks exactly alike alike But was born in Sweden and had the same resolutions you were beaming that out to everyone

But I I knew these weird artists in Sweden somewhere I can't think of their names I can't tell people how to Google it, but they did make it this really cool movie on immortality years ago where They went around found different people all around the world and they would have the people usually running and you would see them running. And so for example, there was like some guy who worked on one of like some fission reactor in Europe and And he was rollerblading underground along this long tunnel where they created this reactor, you know, to make energy,

but it's gotta be like 50 miles long to build up power. And he was talking about creating projects that would outlive him, you know? And then they had like Kurzweil running on a stationary thing. So it, they would be like the talking head moment, but then while they were running, they were talking about their immortality. And that's where Kurzweil was like on this thing going, people are going to think we're

crazy that we weren't backing up our brains or that they had children in like India running and then talking about immortality. And anyway, it was a beautiful film. I don't know, it's just a tangent. You're talking about strange Danish artists. I'm glad they included rollerblades in it too. Yeah, well this guy rollerblading underground, like somewhere in Czechoslovakia

with this huge nuclear fission reactor. Would you agree, Jonathan Ames, that too many of today's film, I mean you've, you're a man who's had a full cultural life. You've seen films going back decades and decades. Too many of today's films lack the rollerblading element. Mm hmm. Yes.

Like there may even be people on quads, you know. Right, sure. Quad skates, not inline skates, not four wheelers. Yeah. And, but literally, a lot of these movies, literally no one is inline skating at all. I was screaming that during Wicked. I've not seen, you're right, there's a real dearth of the portrayal. But does, I mean, do people still rollerblade? I don't think I ever owned a pair,

but I remember putting them on and, you know, I used to rollerblade with Peter Fraunfelder. Hey! You know, how is Fraunfelder these days? He's doing great. His band, Slow Motion Cowboy, has a brand new record coming out very soon. He lives down there in New Orleans. Yeah. He's a songwriter. He makes a living as a musician.

Sure. Yeah. On a New Orleans scale. Fraunfelder. What a great name. Fraunfelder. Frauinfelder. He used to have a beer poster in his house that said the Swiss family Fraunfelder.

I don't remember what is the Swiss beer, but yeah, it was very nice. Frauenfelder. Actually, it occurs to me, Jordan. Fewer and fewer movies these days even have parkour in them. Right. Yeah. For a minute, there was a lot of parkour in movies. You just had to have a little parkour. Because a lot of the movies will have walls or railings. That's my complaint about the substance. Stairways. parkour. Because a lot of the movies will have walls or railings. That's my complaint about the substance.

Stairways. Parkour. A good parkour is fun. There was some French movie a couple of years ago. I think, anyway, I can't remember the title. I can't remember the director, but it was almost all parkour. I mean, how these guys throw themselves around like fire escapes and roofs. I mean, how are they not just breaking everything and they have this momentum, they bounce and

kind of... Well, there's this whole category of guy whose whole thing is cheating. Sure. Like parkour. Death cheaters. It doesn't surprise me that in France they're still like, oh, we still do it. We're still doing it. I know you guys aren't doing it as much, we are still doing it here in France. We

just won the breakdancing championship. Well I think this French movie might have been just when parkour was getting big, it was maybe, it was like probably Luc Besson produced film or something. Yeah, yeah. This was probably like 15 years ago But it seems like yesterday to me because I haven't seen enough parkour Lucas on is making a new film about those scooters by the way. Okay. Yeah, why don't we do this? Why don't we take a little break Steven? Can we get a list of the top parkour movies of all time and then we'll come back for a little bit more We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go.

It's Jordan Jesse Go. I am Jesse Thorn, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Every episode of Jordan Jesse Goh is brought to you by you, the listeners of our program, or at least those of you who have become members of Maximum Fund by going to maximumfund.org slash join. Our thanks to you members. Keep our lights on. We really appreciate it. We are also supported this week by the folks over at Lume Labs. Imagine if edibles just make you feel good instead of too high.

It's nice to have the good folks at Lume Labs back on the podcast. And I'm not just saying that because I have over 75 pounds of marijuana edibles at my house courtesy of Lume Labs right now. They are really great. I always enjoy hearing from folks who use our promo code to try the product. I've heard a lot of raves about LumiLabs. Hey, I've raved about them myself. Jesse, what you said up top is totally true.

Sometimes edibles, unpredictable, they'll freak you out. They'll make you wake up screaming. They'll make you think your dad is a dragon. I don't need that. No, I don't know what edibles in specific you've been eating, Jordan, but they don't sound like Lummi Labs edibles. No, absolutely not. Lummi Labs. Lummi's are specifically designed to make you feel good, not stoned. So it's either an end of the day destresser or a mood boost in the middle of the day or getting a good night's sleep. I know that's one of your favorites, Jordan.

Oh yeah, I love to have a little Lumi lab right before bedtime, have myself a nice little vacay in dreamland. Lumi gummies are available nationwide. Go to lumigummies.com, that's L-U-M-I-G-U-M-M-I-E-S.com, and use code JJGO for 30% off your order. Again, that's L-U-M-I-G-U-M-M-I-E-S.com, code JJGO, lumigummies.com, code JJGO. Jordan, I also want to thank everybody who has supported our fundraiser for El Otro Lado because I am literally like, I am looking at it right now and we are currently in the act of, as we record this, which is a few days before this episode comes out, in the act of passing $100,000.

Hey, so cool. And that's in addition to $25,000 in matching from my family and $50,000 in matching from two other families of listeners who wish to remain anonymous. So that's like a total of $175,000 so far. Way to go, listeners. Pretty incredible. Al Otrilado has actually been working really hard on fire recovery stuff here

in Los Angeles. They've got, they've had all kinds of supplies. I mean, one of the things that they do is supply migrants with supplies. So they have stuff that they've been trucking up from the border up here to LA to help migrants here in Los Angeles. They're a really awesome organization and if you want to join us, if you haven't already, you can join us at alotrolado.org slash let's do something. And we'll put that link in the show description, but it's alotrolado.org slash let's do something. And thanks so much to everybody who already has. I mean, things have been crazy in everybody's lives here in Southern California, ours not least. And I'll tell you that loading up that URL

and looking at that number has made me feel so much comfort and gladness in some really dark moments recently. I've just been like, but on the other hand, look at that shit. So thank you. Thank you so much, everybody, for doing that. I also want to mention that Jordan and I are both headed out on the road.

You can catch Jordan doing Free With Ads at San Francisco SketchFest and me doing Judge John Hodgman at San Francisco SketchFest and me doing Judge John Hodgman at San Francisco SketchFest. We're also doing Judge John Hodgman in Vancouver, Seattle, and Portland, as well as Jordan Jesigo and Judge John Hodgman in LA, though that is sold out. And you can find all of those dates and ticket links at maximumfund.org slash events. That is all imminent now. So go get your tickets West Coast at maximumfun.org slash events. You're not gonna, you're not gonna want to miss this Jordan.

It's gonna be a great time. We're bringing good times to you. Fun. You like that. Probably. What if they don't? I don't know what's interesting. Anyway, maximumfun.org slash events. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Goh. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. General of the names, Flynn. Flynn. It's a nice one. It's a beautiful name. America's Radio sweetheart Jordan Morris boy detective Jonathan Ames Flynn Flynn it's a nice one. It's a beautiful name. It's because of it's because of Jonathan Ames like Errol Flynn is famous for fucking anything that moves

That's why Wait, could I explain it? Yeah, sure. Okay, um because when I was growing up, I had a best friend. He's Not alive. Have a cool friend. He's not alive. Do you have a cool name? His name was Joey. He passed a while ago. But anyway, I was Jonathan. He was outside of New York. He lived in New York and I lived on this little pond

and he would come with his family on the weekends. He had a real thick New York accent. And his dad was actually the prop man for Sesame Street. Oh, cool. For like 40 years, won Emmys, bought the garbage can for Oscar the Grouch and they would come out to New Jersey and he would actually go to like the like Rickles and these different departments like not department stores, I don't know what the equivalent would be nowadays. You were talking about Costco earlier but like those kind of stores to buy these various Sesame

Street props because it was a little cheaper in New Jersey. Anyway, so my friend, he would call me some, at some point it became John Fling. I was John Fling and then it just became Fling and then went from Fling to Flynn. So he called me Flynn. So only one person in my life has ever called me Flynn. That's a premium nickname. Yeah. So he asked for a nickname. That's great. That's really, really good.

Do you know why Kurt Anderson's nickname was Explodo? Sounds scatological, but... Yeah, that guy is constant diarrhea. He can't keep that guy away from Del Taco. It's because classy novelist Kurt Anderson was a fireworks guy when he was a kid. Oh, okay. He was a, was Johnny Nguyen? Mike Nguyen.

Mike Nguyen. He was a real Mike Nguyen. Wow. I met Kurt Anderson years and years ago. It was very nice to me. I think he had, I think it was a radio show, not a podcast. It probably still has it, but, and I think we sat in radio show, not a podcast. It probably still has it. And I think we sat in Central Park on some grass.

That's where he interviewed me. At least that's my memory, unless it's from my subconscious dream life. Sounds like a Studio 360 move. Yeah, it totally sounds like a Studio 360 move. We have a tradition on Jordan Jesse Goh of an inspirational slogan for each new year It's something that helps us

Kind of envision success dominate those who oppose us Crush our enemies enemies Throw people in lakes. Mm-hmm. Just like if somebody's fucking with us sure, you know and just more than anything just like we're not near a lake We'll drive them out to one keep our focus as sharp as a fucking butterfly knife you know what I mean, just we spend the year driving toward and driving towards success Goaded by the whip that is

this year's slogan I Have a few slogans that I just, again, I'm really mindful so I took 60 seconds to write down. And you know 60 seconds if you're really mindful, 60 seconds could feel like 60 years. Right, because you're so present. What I do is I slow down my brain waves until I'm legally dead. And I just hope someone's around to call 911 because they got to shock you with those paddles. And I've been thinking about buying the paddles. I don't want the kids playing with them. Yeah, you know, the kids are going to grab the paddles. But I mean, that's helpful to

have them around if daddy gets a little too mindful and needs reviving. But I gotta get a prior off from the health insurance. You know how it is with the PA. You put in the request, you have to demonstrate how mindful you are. It's a whole fucking thing. Do you know if you did touch yourself with those paddles and you weren't having a heart attack? Is it bad for you?

You know what I mean? Or would it give you a super heart? Yeah, or like, you know, because it might be fun, like you sort of jolt yourself. You know what I mean? I like going to the dentist and having nitrous or something, but that's not quite like getting those paddles, but. Yeah, like our EMT guys just in the back of the van,

battling each other. Just to see them. like getting those paddles but yeah like our EMT guys just in the back of the van battling each other just to see them listen to see the sides of the van like you listen you put on pink floyd's dark side of the moon you just paddle yourself that's what they say okay so i came up with three possibilities yeah okay one is take a hike this is because I went for a hike the other day with my dog is just funny because my dog was running around it was really funny uh-huh it's good for your health and it's also something you could say to your enemies yeah right I like that I like how there's there's multiple uses yeah take a hike take a hike so you can say you know so you can encourage yourself

to get out there more. But also, you know, if someone's bugging you, take a hike. I mean, you know me, Dord. If I'm talking to my enemies, I'm a lot more likely to ask them to take a long walk off a short pier. OK. Well, we can't say that on the show, Jesse.

Stephen, did you? Hopefully you bleeped that. Thank you. Thank you. Why we say take a hike is because we can't use that on the show, Jesse. Stephen, did you, hopefully you bleeped that. Thank you, thank you. Why we say take a hike is because we can't use that kind of language. Okay. I'm sorry. I live bleeped him. I know you're a literary fiction author, Jonathan.

I'm sorry that I use that kind of language with you. Oh man. I'm gonna need those paddles. Yeah. One is Big Buddy Bonanza. Okay, I might need some explaining here They all start with B. Uh-huh. Yeah, letter B. So it's a literative which is always yeah I just let I I was just like this one's sort of about my dog too. Mm-hmm So I was just kind of hugging my dog, you know, I was like, ah, that's my big buddy

I just thought we all deserve a big buddy. That's true. And we all got to be big buddies for each other. That's right. And a big buddy can be anything. It can be a beloved pet, it could be a friend, it could be a partner, a romantic partner, or it could be a drinking problem. Exactly. Come here, buddy. Glug, glug, glug. Is your dog's name Buddy? My dog's name is Junior.

Jesse Junior, specifically. Jesse Junior. Yeah. The other day I was at the little dog park in Montecito Heights, Los Angeles. And there was a lady there with some different dogs. She must have been a dog walker or something, probably. She says, what's your dog's name? And I said, oh, his name is Junior. And she goes, she goes, oh,

and your name is? And I'm like, Jesse. And he's like, his, she goes, his name is Jesse Junior? And I'm like, yes. And she's like, and he's going to carry on your legacy? And I'm like, yes. She's like, your wife told me. So that's the next one. Yeah. Big buddy bonanza. Then the last one is 2025, 25 years of magic. So that's just sort of like celebrating our legacy. Right. A look back. A look back. It's a less, it's less goading. It's less of a cattle prod to the rear of the new year and more as sort of acceptance of our autumn Right, yes winter is coming

We will be dead but I think I think we could do like You know like you know how at Disneyland they had that like You know, like, you know how at Disneyland they had that like phantasmagraphic or whatever it was called? Yeah, phantasmagraphic. You know, where fucking there's a giant Mickey Mouse and he's shooting lasers in the sky. Yeah, that's phantasmagraphic, yeah. Yeah.

We could do something like that to celebrate 25th. Yeah, to celebrate all the beloved characters who have come and gone over the years. Celebrity chef Paul Prudhomme. Any others? No. So just us shooting lasers at Paul Prudhomme. On the rivers of America. Yeah, boy, I like all of these.

Jonathan, you're a professional writer. Do you have any initial feelings about this? Well, I think as a motto for a year, or I think take a hike was kind of good because it is important to be in nature, right? So it's like that's supposed to help your anxiety and paranoia and depression and despair. A lot of people say that's why I'm so desperate, paranoid and anxious. I do not. Right, so it's like, okay I'm so desperate, paranoid and anxious.

I do not. Right. So it's like, okay, get into nature, take a hike. And then another important thing in life is boundaries. You know? God, so important. Okay. So someone annoys you, take a hike. Take a hike. So you're both setting boundaries and reminding yourself to go into nature. So there's two ways of taking care of yourself. So I think as a thing to sort of help drive you over the course of the year is like, you know, have boundaries, don't be, you know, victim and get out in nature. So I think those are

two things to work on. Can I ask you this? Can I ask you this, Jonathan? Do you think your reaction may have been colored by the fact that you've done a lot of great work? Jonathan won a lot of awards, but... What's coming? Maybe you're just... But you have an interesting face.

Not that magical? Like, we've... Jordan and I... Ben Foster said to you, you have an interesting face? Yeah. Okay. But he didn't say you have a magical face, which is true. Which is true.

I'm like, why didn't he say I have a magical face? Well, I don't know. I mean, like, I admire your intellectual consistency in knowing that you're not magical enough to say 25 years of magic. I think Jordan and I have sprinkled a lot of pixie dust on the world. That's true. You know what? I may have, I didn't hear the part about magic.

I heard something 25 years, I may have like zoned out. I didn't hear the whole phrase. Okay. I apologize. That's all right. You were processing our magic. It overwhelms people. I think you zapped my brain actually.

I was somewhere else. I was like in a container ship. On a widget, on a Dutch widget. On a widget that was becoming sentient. Jonathan Ames. A lonely widget. But I think that is kind of the effect we have on people, our guests and our listeners. We encourage them to retreat into the world of imagination, which is so

important. I think imagination in some ways is more important even than knowledge. That's a wonderful point. Yeah, that's a quote I thought of. How about this? I think Take a Hike is useful and beautiful in all the ways that you said, Jonathan, it's great, it's multi-use, it's salty-sweet, boundaries, outdoors. What if we use take a hike as our slogan, but the kind of overarching theme of the year is 25 years of magic.

Great. And Jordan, when you and I are together, there will always be a big buddy bonanza. A big buddy bonanza, sure, you're right. You could combine all three, take the first word of each one and be like, take big magic. You know what? Oh, yeah. How about this? What if we made an acrostic? Yes.

Wait, too much work. Don't want to do it. Nah. Okay, I think Take a Hike is our, Take a Hike is our slogan. Okay, I think Take a Hike is our take a hike is our slogan. Yeah, 2025 take a hike. Take a hike or take a hike. 25 years of magic is our theme. Colon 25 years of magic.

I like the use of the colon. Take a hike. Colon 25 years of magic. Because that definitely makes sense and people will know what we're talking about. And then you can get a tattoo on your forehead with three B's. Yeah. Secret message to each other.

Big buddy bonanza. And every time you saw each other, you could hug each other and feel that magic. Could I suggest something? What about this? 25 years of colon magic. I think there's been more than that. colon magic. I think there's been more than that. I mean, it's amazing how long our colons and our bodies have been working. I mean, you guys are middle aged, I'm a little bit past middle age, but it's like, I mean, you know, we admire what the auto industry has

done and it's like, look how long your body lasts, even if you've abused it. Yeah. Look, I admire what the audio industry has done. These guys are out here building RAV4s. Sure. Tiburons. So few people talk about a Hyundai Santa Fe. No one talks about it. What about a Veloster? Sure. These are all cars. Yeah. Oh, so few people talk about a Hyundai Santa Fe. No one talks about it. What about a Veloster? Sure, these are all cars.

Yeah. Oh, so admirable. Mm-hmm. You know what? But their exhaust pipe is like the colon. That's true. What is the exhaust pipe? But their exhaust pipes fall off or rust.

And they're not as like curly inside of the car. I know. Yeah, like ours, it's very efficient packing. Yeah, the whole thing not as like curly inside of it. Yeah, like ours is like it's very efficient packing Yeah, there's like a whole length of tube. Yeah, but I guess the modern cars don't have exhaust pipes I guess they don't have colons So then they never need colostomy I've given a few colostomy to my Hyundai IONIQ 5 IONIQ 5. Oh, IONIQ 5, that sounds like exciting.

It is. Sort of science fiction-y. Yeah, this is a space car. Well, hey, if you give your car a colonic, that's a momentous occasion. 206-984-4-fun or jjgoatmaximumfun.org is how to reach us. Just record a voice memo and send it to us, such as this person did with a momentous occasion like this one that they're going to describe to us.

Here it is. Hi Jordan. Hi Jesse. Hi guest. This is Robin calling in originally from St. Paul, Minnesota with a momentous occasion. I had a pretty challenging semester working in higher education and thought to myself, ah, I just really need to have some kinky fun and get away. So I booked myself a ticket for an extended vacation to Budapest, packed myself a nice suitcase full of some floggers, a couple other things to get my ass beat, and just kind of prayed to the TSA gods that I'd get through without too many questions, which I did. I have been here and I am proud to say that I successfully finished crocheting a scarf that I've been unable to do for a while and also completed a puzzle for the first time in

I don't know eight years or so without cat intervention, and I am just having the time of my life. That's all I had to say. Sometimes maybe you just need to book a trip around the world and have some nice grandma fun instead. Thank you all for what you do. Love you. What we decided to do for Efficiency Heroes is to combine all of our listeners into one super listener Wait, but wait, I once took a random trip to Budapest Yes, I love baths and heat and Budapest has all these ancient Roman baths I mean the Romans were all over Europe in the most incredible way, but that's a whole I think you guys may have heard about

Talking about on this News day Attractive graph in USA Today about this thing called the Roman Empire, but but wait so She went to Budapest with these floggers, but then ended up crocheting Do you understand the idea of the multi myth so this is like the theory that All of our the hero with a thousand faces. So she is the listener with a thousand faces. She sort of represents both a single person and a thousand people, a universal Jordan Jesse Goh listener experience. And that involves getting away from the cats for a little while. Right. To do a puzzle. To do a puzzle with a suitcase full of flogging equipment in Budapest, which by the way, I

mean, a lot of people know about this Roman stuff, but I only learned from a very small man at a delicatessen that Budapest is actually two cities, Buda and Pest. Really? Yeah. I didn and pest really. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, so what and she's from st. Paul, which is like Minneapolis st. Paul. So it's understandable that she was drawn to Budapest I went there and I stayed in some ancient Hotel that I think like I don't know if it inspired the Wes Anderson movie. He did a hotel Budapest That was the title of the movie. I was in some ancient hotel.

I was like, ate by myself in this huge dining room, this elaborate menu. Did you have to pay for HBO? No, I don't. There was a very Soviet Union feeling to Budapest. When I went there, this was like 2011. But it was a great trip. I took a train from Paris. It was wonderful being a train.

Did you do any flogging? I didn't pack any flogging materials, but I went to these various ancient Roman bath houses. The most interesting one was this huge, this was like January, so it was cold, this huge public bath, like January, so it was cold, this huge public bath in, you know, saunas and baths and whirlpools in this huge park in Budapest, but I think like the Buddha side of it, they're not related to Buddhism, but that's kind of the thing about it. Anyway, but there was this huge outdoor pool that was heated. And so this steam was coming off, so it was about 20 degrees outside, but you went in this hot pool. And then there was this whirlpool part, this gigantic whirlpool that you could go into

and your body was whipped around in a huge circle with other people. Like you were caught in a vortex. You could step into this whirlpool and the circumference of this circle was about the width of like an American basketball court. So you got whipped around in this cool thing, you didn't drown. And it was a very wonderful experience, the hot, the cold, the whirlpool. And then I left the thing and it was like, sun was setting and there was this huge fascist march. And I don't know if this was before Orban got in, I got like swept into this fascist march with And I don't know if this was before Orban got in. I got like swept into

this fascist march with anti-Hillary signs and anti-Semitic signs. It was pretty eerie. And then I got sort of sucked into a little bar where people are drinking enormous glasses of beer. And I had one. Anyway, I got home safely and I didn't meet the lady who was flogging. So you didn't flog it? No, no, no, no flogging. There was just bathing whirlpools and fascists. I got, I... A hero leaves their hometown. Sure, there and back again, right.

Then they flog, they complete a puzzle. And you return to the Shire, yes. And they return to the Shire, yes. And they return to the Shire. Yeah, I guess I didn't know, I mean, I'm wondering a lot of things. Yeah, that's fair, Jordan. Is the going to Budapest to get flogged,

is it better in Budapest? Because I, you know, why not get flogged closer to home? I guess it's what- I mean the exchange rate is good. Right, yeah. I think she forgot about the flogging when she got there. She got distracted by the puzzle and the crocheting.

I don't know, or maybe she just brought that stuff to, maybe they did confiscate at TSA, but she skipped that part of the story. But you know, here's a self-centered little tangent. Please. Back when I used to perform, I did a thing. I didn't know about Joseph Campbell and the Hero of a Thousand Faces. I actually haven't read Campbell or even saw like- You didn't even watch Bill Moyers on PBS?

No, I never saw that. But anyway, but you feel like you've read it or, you know, just through osmosis or something. But I used to do this thing called a dance of a thousand faces. And so on stage, you know, with the light on me, I would like contort my face in all sorts of ways. And it was inspired by Juliet Messina and La Strada because there was this moment when she's in the back of Zampino's, you know, like motorcycle and she had somehow been run away and some nuns had taken her in and she really liked it with the nuns but then Zampino found her and threw her in the back of the motorcycle again and she's like waving goodbye at the nuns and she's smiling and then the camera just stays on her and it goes from this smile into sadness. It was like she had such a clown face, especially in that movie and

It was like she had such a clown face, especially in that movie. And who was the legendary? Oh, it was Fellini. And so I just thought, oh, it was such this beautiful moment of acting where she went from smiling, waving goodbye to the nuns to sadness because now she was back on the road with back on La Strada with Zompano. I didn't think about that. Karawak on the road, Fellini, Lestrada. The hero with a thousand faces.

Yeah, sure. The hero twins of the Popol Vuh. Lestrada has three iconic characters. You have the simple-minded woman, you have the phony strongman, and the tragic clown. Kind of like the three of us. Tag yourself. It's like a Wizard of Oz for adults. So what I'm hearing is, first of all, I'm trying to put the pieces together here myself. So first of all-

Like a puzzle, you're doing the puzzle. While the cat's not there. So first of all, what I'm hearing is Budapest might be a good destination for you, Jordan, because it sounds like a city of tubing. Yes. It sounds like there is like an ancient culture of tubing. Is there? Yeah.

I mean, there's this basketball court-sized whirlpool. These are all... What do you... Tub tubing? Yeah, you don't need an it's my dream It's my dream to float down the renter float down the river in an inner tube Oh any river or the because there's a big river that bisects Budapest that that would be great That sounds like a wonderful place to do I don't I don't know what the name of it is It's one of those big rivers. Yeah. Yeah, I keep tubing there. Probably the Danube. Mm-hmm. I once went down the Delaware River in a tube. Oh, yeah. Is that a good river for tubing? Is it tubing? Like are you guys getting rid of the G?

We're not talking about Jeffrey Tubing. Is it T-U-B-I-N? Is that what you guys call it? Or tubing? Yeah, I mean, I think we're you know, we're just like casual Oh, you want to go tubing? Tubing fans. I see. We don't have to be so formal about it, tubing. We had a lot of words in apostrophes. The Delaware was good for tubing.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So that's number one, the culture of tubing. 2025, I'm hitting Delaware, I'm hitting Budapest. And then I think it's like a place to spend some time within yourself and without yourself. You know what I mean? So you go to your ancient hotel, you spend some time crocheting, maybe you crochet something crotchless. And then hit the night scene right which is where you you are

What'd you say? You gotta watch out for fashion, okay, let's do this let's take a little break I'm gonna Fucking great it sounds great Yeah, it was depressive and eerie and then there was these trams you would see at night and people would be inside it glowing because you could see into the lights, it was like subway cars moving. You know, from my, behind my hotel window, I would see the trams or the... Okay. So it's like Disney World.

I'm going, I'm doing it. Yeah. Also. Sure. I can get a churro there. I'm sold. Well, give us a churro there, I'm sold. Give us a call if something momentous happens to you. I feel like everything was covered in that call, but...

Yeah. We might have to end the call. We got to do something else in the second segment because... Oh, boy. Yeah. We just kind of got... We got a super call. Okay.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessico. Hello? Hannah? Yeah. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan. Jesse, go. Hello, Hannah. Yeah, it's Clint McElroy. Hi, Hannah. Right. Oh my God.

Hello. I don't know if you know who I am. I love the adventure zone. It is probably my favorite D and D podcast. You've been a faithful member of Maximum Fund since March of 2019 and this is them rewarding you as our Maximum Fund member of the month. It's awesome. I love it. So what made you decide to become a member of Max Fund? You know it was so long ago I'm not sure what the exact moment where I decided

was. I think I've kept it up intentionally because a lot of those different podcasts have been there for me when I felt really alone and sad and just needed something to laugh at. Aww. Well that's Hannah. Thank you so much. Thanks for being a member. Thanks for being a Taz fan.

Thanks for all the nice things you had to say about me specifically. And I guess my kids, I guess, exactly. If you're a MaxFun member, you can become the next MaxFun member of the month. Support us at MaximumFun.org slash join. Jackie Cation, hi, and welcome to the MaximumFun.org podcast, the Jackie and Lori show where we talk about stand-up comedy and how much we love it and how much it enrages us. We have a lot of experience and a lot of stories and a lot of time on our hands.

So check us out. It's one hour a week and we drop it every Wednesday on NextMumFun.org. It's Short and Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorn, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jonathan Ames, The Haring Wonder. Jonathan, did you know that that was Jonathan's boxing name? Do you have a story behind this nickname?

Yeah, quickly. So, in 1999, I was challenged to fight by this guy, a performance artist in downtown New York. I was a performance artist. He was known as the Impact Addict. And he had jumped off of this theater called PS122, where I performed and other Spalding Gray and John Leguizamo.

And this guy, the Impact Addict, was a six story building, had jumped off, dressed as Maria Von Trapp. And in my stage shows, I had been talking about my interest in amateur boxing. Anyway, he got to be in his bonnet, challenged me to fight, sort of set it up where I was in my apartment in the East Village. He was gonna call me and he had a friend come film me,

a wonderful filmmaker who you guys should know about named Richard Sandler. He did this beautiful movie called The Gods of Times Square. Actually one of the Safdie brothers has gotten behind him. It's on the Criterion channel now. He's also a great black and white photographer. Anyway, this guy Sandler's filming me because his friend said, I want to film you receiving a phone call from me.

I'm like, okay. I thought, you know, pre-cell phone, pre-internet, had a landline. So I'm sitting there in my little apartment, phone rings, I answer it, and he challenges me to a boxing match. And you know, it was just something writers had often done, Norman Mailer, you know, Got in the Ring, Hemingway, all this.

And so I accepted the challenge. And right in that moment for some reason, I said, and I'll call myself the Herring Wonder, because I lived on like East 3rd Street and three blocks away was this famous herring place, Russ and Daughters, where I would get herring. I'm Jewish. I saw myself as a reincarnated Lower East Side Jewish boxer, because at the turn of the century, a lot of the top boxers were, you know, recent immigrant Jews and that I would gain strength from the herring and have herring breath in the ring to further repel my opponent.

And weaken your opponent. Yeah, and just through the smell of it. And so yeah, so I had two boxing matches, one in 99, one in 2007 fighting as the Herring Wonder and people would wave silver herrings and actually Russ and daughters catered my two boxing matches, one in 99, one in 2007, fighting as the Herring Wonder. And people would wave silver herrings and actually Russ and Daughters catered my second fight at Gleason's Gym and people, herring was served. And then my feeling about the strength of herring was confirmed and then I'll stop this little anecdote. I got embedded on a Greenpeace boat, I think it was in 2003 by Harper's Magazine, and spent two weeks up in Alaska on this boat. At night, you could hear the whales breaching. We were moored off

of some island. It was beautiful. I saw along the edge of the boat that there were streams of silver fish. There was a scientist next to me on the deck late at night. I said, what are those fish streaming along the side of the boat? He said, herring. That's what you hear all the whales out there eating, eating herring. I'm like, oh my God, the most powerful creatures on the planet, even more powerful than lions or elephants or the whale, and they eat herring. So this was many years after I had dubbed myself the herring wonder. I was like, Oh, I was right to think that herring could give you strength.

Wow. To the whales. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. And they're eating herring and doing what's called bubble fishing. Oh my gosh. The boxing was dramatized on Jonathan Ames' television program board today. Oh. Yeah. But there was a boxing storyline on the program. And who did he fight? But John Hodgman.

Because I cast John Hodgman as the nemesis for my name, Louis Green, because I was a huge Graham Green fan, still am. And, but I guess now it occurs to me that he was one of those writers who was green with envy. And then, yeah, so Hodgman was great in the show. He was so wonderful. One of my favorite shows ever, Jordan.

We gotta start boxing more podcasters, right? We really do. Who would you box? I mean, the obvious answer is Joe Rogan, just because I think I could take him. Yes. You know, I could definitely win a fight against him. Has anyone ever called him Joe Rogaine?

I mean, he's bald. I mean, he... People should call him that. You know what, Stephen? Can you write that down? That's the gauntlet. You're going to throw that down. Hey, Joe Rogaine.

Write that down. He'll say... So, what I'm imagining is that he'll say, I got paid $100 million and then I'll say, Joe Rogaine, and then he'll give me his $100 million. I think that's how it works. And he'll apologize for being a bad person. Are you saying Rogaine because he gained that money, not Rogaine the hare?

No, no, because we should be so devastated that I pointed out his baldness, I mean obviously I'm bald too Okay, I'm surprised like is it a wig before them I mean for that guy, you know, he's all involved with the UFC calling those fights and I looks very muscular But I'm sure he takes a lot of testosterone and all those things that people are doing to live longer and more vitally. I feel like I could probably take propetia between now and then and get some regrowth. Yeah, there you go. It might affect my sex drive.

A friend of mine sent me some article, something about like if you smear propetia on with like some article, something about like if you smear Propecia on with like some kind of sugar that they found like in mice with male pattern baldness. I'm like, how did those mice get male pattern baldness? I think they injected that gene into the poor little mice. You know why unhealthy lifestyle, too much cheese. Yeah, but these lab mice, they've led very sheltered existences.

But anyway, but somehow the sugar really helped the hair grow back. And I've been bald since the 20th century. It was very upsetting at the time. I've long gotten over it, but I've also haven't taken a hat off in all these years, as you mentioned. But I was just like, oh, I wonder if it's too late. Like, you know, I mean, my hair follicles have been dead for like 30, 40 years, but zombie hair follicles, like we began with zombie servants.

What if we brought it back, Jordan? This might be my time to get into television. By fighting Joe Rogan? No, by rubbing this sugar and Propecia on my head. Oh, and then because you have such a beautiful head of hair, you'll get cast in. Yeah. And like hair shows. Yeah.

Hair dramas. Let's make hair dramas. Well, hair dramedies maybe. I can sell a joke. Right, yeah. Sound like funny. You're not like laughing out loud. You're like, mmm.

I could nail like I could really like, maybe I'm not the person you would choose to like make it funny. laughing out loud be like hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. But it's not like they're asking me to like get manic and like do a thousand gags. You know what I mean? I'm more of an actor. You're a serious hair actor. Yeah, you didn't come from hair improv. Jonathan, this is, you casually mentioned before this, that you're doing, before we started recording, that you're doing this event with Mary Steenburgen and Ted Danson, Hollywood's classiest couple, and most attractive couple. These people have it all.

People are unbelievable. One of the things you said was they're both big readers, and Ted Danson loves a page turner. How does it feel to be an author of page turners? At a certain point in my reading life, I became addicted to Page Turners. What kind of Page Turners are we talking about? Well, Michael Connolly, Richard Stark, who's a pseudonym for Donald Westlake, Bernard Cornwell, who wrote these series of books somewhat like Vikings, but that became the TV series, The Last Kingdom, Ross McDonald,

lots of... I recently read Dorothy Hughes in a Lonely Place. So I love... Aaron Powell I just bought myself some new Elmore Leonard Westerns. Tim Cynova Yeah, so I love the experience while reading where I can't put the book down and maybe I start speed reading. And so like this very, you know, almost like a drugged feeling of the page turner as opposed to literary fiction, which maybe is a little slower going or you're just not as, like the inner life of the characters is fastening, but for whatever reason, you don't want to turn the page as rapidly. And so, yeah, at a certain point, like a musician who has listened to a certain kind of music,

I wanted to recreate that feeling for the reader in these books I've been writing these, the what's called the Doll series. Because you like you had been like, you know, Bored to Death is based on your writing before it was your writing for television, it was your writing for the page. And that is like, you know, that is what you might call a deconstruction of detective literature, you know, there's detecting going on. But it's mostly about your own personal bizarre internal life.

What was interesting is that show was like my fantasy, the character, A, wanted to be a detective. And then also, I think by the end of the third season, had finally written his second book, which was like called The Blonde in the Woods, which was like a detective novel, the detective cover. And I, you mentioned I had recreated the boxing in that show. I also, I used to be so crazy that for, I think in 2009, you know, I would give wild readings and I kept having to top myself. So at a reading, I think in 2000, no, it may have been 2008, I had a knife thrower throw

knives at me. This is a spiral that has taken the lives of too many of our greatest authors. And this guy named Throdini. And it was at this beautiful bookstore in Brooklyn called the Court Street Bookshop, which is closed now or gone. Anyway, like a year or two later, we completely got Throdini again and he threw rubber knives at Jason Schwartzman and put him on this spinning thing that they hadn't been able to fit in. I was supposed to go on, but anyway, I was against this wooden board.

But yeah, I had knives thrown at me. But yeah, that whole character, he had an obsession with crime fiction, detective novels. And then, and it was during the board to death years that I was reading a lot of Richard Stark a writer I highly recommend he wrote the Parker series of about this criminal named Parker there's been many movies about it with Lee Marvin and anyway but Jason Statham was in a Parker yeah right yeah and I think they just made another one with Mark Wahlberg. But I think, anyway, I love those kinds of books. And so now I've really been writing them.

This is like my fourth page turner. I mean, Bored to Death was based on a short story that was like noir, but I wrote it in the voice of my... I used to write a lot of comedic essays. And whenever I wrote fiction, people would say, oh, you should call that memoir. I'm like, no, I made it up. And then when I wrote my nonfiction, they're like, oh, you you know, you made that up. So I wrote a piece of fiction in the voice of my essays, where as if John

the Names had put an ad on Craigslist advertising himself as an unlicensed private detective and he goes on a mystery. That became the short story that I adapted that became the show and feels like a Max Fun person. I wrote that original short story, Bored to Death for Esquire. They killed it. They didn't run it. I was disappointed, but now I had this short story. And so I sent it to Dave Eggers at McSweeney's. And, you know, I had his email back then. And he wrote me back, you know, a few days later, say, oh, we'd like to print this, or publish this. And he said, did this really happen? And it was like, oh, my God, I fooled a genius. You know what I mean? Because I had written in the style of the

essays. But like, it was John of the Names. And yeah, anyway, I'm rambling. And now you're writing about illegal underground doctors in Mexico and drug cartels. Yeah. And the most recent one is called Karma Doll. And the first one was a man named Doll. The second one is the Wheel of Doll. And the third one is Karma Doll.

And I've started the second one is the wheel of doll, and the third one is karma doll. And I've started the fourth one. I read the first one and it is fucking great. Paige Turner, yeah, you're not kidding. I couldn't put that thing down. It's a wonderful book, a funny book. Yeah, if you like. And yeah, it's like, yeah, it's great.

If you like detective stuff, if you like funny stuff, yeah, couldn't recommend it highly enough. I can't wait to read the other two. Oh, thank you. Yeah, get with our man, Ames. He'll take care of you. Yeah. You know what? There's a lot of people out there that haven't even fucking watched Board to Death.

Weird. Some of them haven't seen Bluntalk either. This guy made two of the fucking best television shows of the last 15 years. Great television shows. Jesus Christ. So great. So funny. I can't believe I actually had that time in my life where I was on sets and doing all that. I had so much responsibility. Jonathan, the whole time those shows were on television, I couldn't believe it either. The whole time I was like, who let Jonathan Ames make a television show? This is amazing. I know. I was like a broke author in Brooklyn and they were like, I don't know,

it was sort of like when you zapped my head with that antenna coming from your shed. I suddenly was transported onto a set and it'd be like, okay, you're in charge of millions of dollars. It was like, me, I think there's a mistake has been made. I was like, wow, look at that truck. It has a spigot on the side with coffee.

This is... This is the... Hell yeah. I'm just gonna put my mouth under, I'm not even gonna, a cup of free coffee, I'm just gonna drink full my whole body like a cartoon forever. Like I'm a thermos of coffee.

Jonathan Ames is, Jonathan Ames' newest book in the Man Called Doll series is Karma Doll. You should go buy it. Go read some Jonathan Ames. It'll make your life better. Our producer is Stephen Ray Morris. Our producer Meredith, Brian Sundy, Dee Fernandez. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. You can follow us on Instagram at jordanjessegopod, where the Tryhard guys have recently made another appearance. We're trying some new SOTY pops.

That's right. It's a fun place to watch us. Yeah, we're the Tryhard guys. We are. We should explain. It's we. We is us. Who is that? You can also find us on Reddit at maximumfund.reddit.com where there's often a pleasant chat.

Look, you want to find me on Reddit? You're going to want to go to marbles, rslashmarbles.com because there's some German handmaids I've been checking out. Oh. Yeah. But no, you can't. Oh, by the way, I said maximumfund.reddit.com. You can't do that. It doesn't work anymore.

You got to go to reddit.com and then yeah, or r slash maximumfund. They'll get there. They'll make it. They'll get there. We've got Jordan David Morris and Jesse Thorne very famous on Instagram and we'll talk to you next kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.

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