Jordan, Jesse, GO! - To Pesc Mode with Griffin Newman

Episode Date: November 10, 2022

Griffin Newman joins Jordan and Jesse this week to talk ghost blowjobs, Griffin's thoughts on Wario and some classic treasure.Check out Griffin's podcast Blank Check anywhere you get your podcasts!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, trapped in the honey hole. Okay, let's talk about this honey hole, Jordan. Welcome. Nah, let's just breeze past it. Okay. Is a honey hole, is that where you find everything you're looking for?

Or is that where like a cop traps you with a false sex worker or something? Well, I don't know. Yeah. Maybe you can help me figure it out. Wow. I'm an expert on this language, as I call it. So as you know, as our listeners know, I've become recently interested in the wit and wisdom of Mr. Matthew McConaughey. Sure.

Well, Matthew McConaughey, one of our greatest film stars, one of our greatest Texas politicians, one of our greatest bongoists. And one of our greatest thinkers, it turns out. Sure. One of our greatest metaphor weavers. Right. Yes. I mean, it's word jazz with this guy. Right.

So I, you know, to recap, I listened to his memoir Greenlights. Really enjoyed it. And McConaughey loves to just kind of drop a little wisdom nugget that always sounds good,'t always make sense right and it sounds good because it's coming from the most handsome and charismatic human being on earth right just said with pure confidence yeah um but somehow also in a way that draws you in rather than pushing you away of course and uh you know if you're if you're hearing these, they always end in a little chuckle that seems to suggest, even I can't believe what I just said. Even I can't. What did I just?

Me from the Dallas Buyers Club? Sure. Okay. All right. Mr. Rain of Fire himself came up with that one. I'm as dazed and confused as you are. So here's the latest McConaughey nugget. He's known the world over.

It's Mr. Rain of Fire. So, okay, wait. So in his book, he doesn't talk that much about movies he's been in. Right. He goes into a couple, and one of them is the late 90s dragon fighting movie, Rain of Fire with Christian Bale. And he really gets into the shooting of that and like barely mentions Dallas Buyers Club, the movie that he won an Oscar for.

Do you think that that is a function of a ghostwriter's special interest? Or do you think that he just, the ghostwriter had four hours with McConaughey and McConaughey just started in on Reign of Fire. He used 90 minutes on that and the ghostwriter's like, well, I've used everything else and I still have to get to 160 pages. and McConaughey just started in on Reign of Fire. He used 90 minutes on that. And the ghostwriter's like, well, I've used everything else and I still have to get to 160 pages.

I think McConaughey doesn't know the difference between Reign of Fire and Dallas Buyers Club. I think, one, he prepared harder for Reign of Fire. He talks about, you know, getting up early. Taking dragon riding classes. Yeah. He said he would, like, wake up with a bottle of tequila by the bed do a shot and then like run barefoot to get into the head of a dragon fighter sure i mean that's

why you think that don't happen in the movie i watched it recently famously do anyway here's the latest mcconaughey nugget from social media right you heard of this thing yeah sure took me exactly 53 trips around the sun to realize that right now i'm as young as i'll ever be and as old as i've ever been here in the honey hole between already and not yet amen amen he's in the honey hole does that mean is it a cry for help is he is this a winnie the pooh situation is matthew mcconaughey currently caught in a hollow tree and he needs us to get him out i think the only positive there's only two possible explanations for this one is as you mentioned a little black rain cloud slash right tree stump thing that he's got going. The other is he and his wife just tried anal for the first time.

Yes. So I don't know if he's married. And they're using non-traditional lubes. Honey. It's a honeyed hole. It's a honeyed hole. A lot of people say coconut oil or whatever. Right, yeah.

He's just going pure. Pure local honey. He's like, okay, the purple stuff. Sunny D. Yes. Common logic is you want something that allows you to slide in and out, not a thing that keeps you stuck there. Well, I don't know.

But Makai plays it differently. Well, I don't know. Maybe. Makai's going to underplay anything. Our guest on the program is an acclaimed podcaster. What does that even mean? He's one of the hosts. Nothing.

Nothing. Nothing. Let me put it this way. I wouldn't know. Right. Well, no, I was going to say,

if anyone. Never having been acclaimed. I think you, you guys are two of the most acclaimed. Griffin, Griffin Newman is one of the hosts

of the Blank Check podcast. He's also the star, the top line star of the new film, Disenchantment. Number one. He's, the star, the top line star of the new film Disenchanted. Number one. Amy Adams who? Bad news, James Marsden. Get out of here.

Adams, Marsden, Patrick Dempsey, Maya Rudolph. All these people are playing second fiddle to me. Griffin Newman is our guest on the program. What a joy to have you here. Thank you so much for having me here. So excited to talk Disenchanted. Yes. Now this is a sequel to the program. What a joy to have you here. Thank you so much for having me here. So excited to talk to us, Enchanted. Yes. Now, this is a sequel to the film Enchanted. Correct. From 2007.

What do they use as lubricant in the film? Magic. Okay. All right. Magic. Just a sprinkling of fairy dust and a wish on the wind. It's all about magic. Magic wand, a powerful wish, anything can happen.

Sure. Yeah. What a joy to have you here. We've been wanting to have you on the show for years. Same. We're glad you're here in Los Angeles to visit with us. Yes, in the honey hole itself. What is your experience with the great Matthew McConaughey?

Have you ever covered a Matthew McConaughey film on Blank Check? Great question. Have you ever met Matthew McConaughey on the set of The Tick, for example? He was around a lot. Yeah, he'd come by. Yeah. Well, he was a big fan of the animated. Yes.

Yeah, no, he was a big Chairface Chippendale guy. Yeah. I was just about to make a Chairface Chippendale. It's the one to pull. I was going to say, if you got a season three, McConaughey would have been Chairface Chippendale. You know, there was that conversation. I mean, I'm going already off tangent here. But Ben Edlund is the creator of The tick and was the creator of all of the tick.

Created the tick when he was 16 years old as part of a newsletter for his local comic store. Becomes the indie comic, becomes the cartoon show, becomes the Warburton show, and then the more recent live action show that I was a part of. And Ben, to his credit, and going against the grain of pretty much everyone else in the industry right now, is is like if I'm rebooting something, I want to do different things. I don't want to repeat the same beats and the same characters. And there would be this push and pull because I was probably the person. Not probably. I was the person on the cast who was the biggest fan of the tick. And it was pretty clear that he didn't want anyone who was too reverential to the past versions because he wanted to do new things.

And I basically had to hide from him that I knew what any of this was until i got hired and then he was like what the fuck is this you know like hand grenade man what is this you thought you were a jock type yeah absolutely you had to hide your american maid tattoo totally so then i like i i would be the one pushing him being like i don't think about the treasure ship and the whole thing and it felt like he was like relenting to season three was going to be chair face. There was a lot of pressure from everyone

inside that there was access to that character legally, which some of the tick stuff is tied up in weird ways. But we would have that internal conversation of like,

blue sky, who plays chair face? Answer that was always kind of the coolest to us was Mark Hamill. Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. It felt like the right tone.

I mean, obviously. Wait, Mark Hamill from Star Wars? Yes. Oh, wow. Yes. I mean, that's one of the biggest movies of all time. Luke Skywalker. Yeah.

He's Luke Skywalker? He was Luke. Yeah, no, that's the part he played. Oh, wow. You recognized him as Mark Hamill from Star Wars, but who did you think he was in Star Wars? You seem surprised. You know that little guy that's friends with Jabba the Hutt? It's like just crying.

That's, it's not Mark Hamill. No, although they have similar energies, I would say. Sure. Little cut-ups. Like, ooh, ah, ooh, ah. Yeah. Yeah. Always getting zapped, flying right up to the ceiling.

Absolutely. Yeah. Our listeners know I'm a medium Star Wars guy. So. Sure. So. Back to original questions yeah yes mcconaughey we did we did interstellar on the podcast i'm trying to think if we did any other

ones i mean the thing with blank check is we we're sort of director driven so we look at the career of director we pick someone we do all of their movies we go through it like that occasionally for whatever reason will justify a scattershot one off of something else but you do find there's certain people where it's like we've covered at this point like 10 plus Anne Hathaway movies and you step back and go like Anne Hathaway's worked with some good directors she did a lot of Kubrick all of them weirdly no but it is that thing where you start to realize like which actors seem to be more director Tom? Tom Cruise is a big one, right? Where, like, when he pops in Top Gun, basically until War of the Worlds, when his career's dinged a little bit, he clearly has a checklist of, like, I want to go through all the major American directors. I want to work with all the Oscar winners.

I want them to film me running. Right. I want to be filmed running by the greats. I want to see the difference of how Scorsese films me running versus Sidney Pollack. With each of them, I will do my strange combination of compelling and unsettling. Yeah, right. So you're like, that's a guy clearly like targeted. And then you're like, Anne Hathaway does like two Nolan movies and a Jonathan Demme movie and like Zemeckis, which is like come up so many times.

And then McConaughey is one of those guys where it's like he's got such a varied career. He's worked with a lot of good directors, but he hasn't worked with a lot of the like. You got to get the Linklater situation running. I know Linklater is the one. And the problem is Linklater has made 87 movies. He makes like he'll have like the weird year where he's like now making four. But I think Interstellar is maybe the only one we did. I've never met him. I weirdly went to the premiere of fool's gold uh-huh which i would argue

was i went to the premiere of yuli's gold oh really yeah i've eaten a rolled gold pretzel didn't care for it yeah crazy about it prefers a soft pretzel more of a pretzel pretzel guy i saw him in person there and it was maybe right when I was starting trying to make a go of acting. And it was one of those things, like, being in the same room with him, you're like, fuck, that is a movie star. Yeah. You know? And that was at kind of an nadir point for him. Like, Fool's Gold is when the wheels are starting to fall off the wagon on the rom-com run, and it's like, this is diminishing returns.

He's going to need to find a new phase. But I did look at him, and I was like, that's the most incredible tan i've ever seen you know his skin is like pure bronze the few movie star like movie star movie stars who i have ever interviewed for bullseye yeah i've interviewed a lot of like steve buscemi's uh wonderful wonderful actors who have starred in movies but but like the few like Elizabeth Banks, Geena Davis, people like that. Yeah. Are so extraordinarily compelling.

I mean, like Geena Davis is 55 or 60. I don't know exactly how old Geena Davis is. And like she's in here in her, you know, blue jeans and a t-shirt. And you're like, you know, like it's like a fire hose of charisma it's one of those things and sometimes you meet people who who are at that level of stardom and you realize like oh they need to turn it on it's like an illusion it's smoke and mirrors their default state is not that and then there are other people who just have that vibration i've talked about this too many times on blankank Check, but I was in an elevator once with James McAvoy, and it was like, holy shit. It was one of those things you're talking about where it's like, I like James McAvoy.

I'm a fan. I don't think of him as like megawatt, obviously electrifying charisma. And I was in an elevator with him, and I was just like, I cannot take my eyes off this fucking guy. And he was just picking which button to hit. But he had the thing. And you're like, sometimes cannot take my eyes off this fucking guy. And he was just picking which button to hit. Yeah. But he had the thing. And you're like, sometimes it is a creation. Sometimes it's kind of innate to your being. The biggest people, it's usually a combination of

innate charisma combined with good craft. I just ran into somebody the other day. There was a brief period when non-self-published media were vaguely interested in me. When I hosted the Spirit Awards nomination special. Sure, sure. And for this-

By the way, a dream job for me. Truly a thing I would love to do. It was fantastic. The only problem was I forgot that there are no cue cards or teleprompter when you are shooting something like that on location. And I truly cannot remember more than one sentence. Like, one of the skills of a professional television host is they hand you a paragraph, and you look at it,

and then say it. I truly cannot do that. And it's also, with that, it's like, it's all names and titles. It's not like you can paraphrase the basic intent of the sentence. Sure. That boat movie.

Right? From this year's... The boat one. The guy from the thing with the mustache in the movie with. Right. From this year's. The boat one. The guy from the thing with the mustache in the movie with the boat. I was so good at reading the teleprompter. Did those phone commercials? They got so cocky about my ability to host television shows and I could not do that. It was so bad.

But I interviewed two movie stars for that special because they were presenting the nominations. Yeah. One was Eva Mendez. Okay. special because they were presenting the nominations. One was Ava Mendez, who may be the most beautiful human being I've ever interacted with personally. And like, I still think about when she touched my knee briefly, like mind blowing. Ava Mendez, such a delight. The other day I ran into a woman who worked on the Spirit Awards for a long time. And I was like, oh, one time I hosted the IFC Spirit Award nomination special and did not get worked on the Spirit Awards for a long time. And I was like, oh, one time I

hosted the IFC Spirit Award nomination special and did not get invited to the Spirit Awards, even though they said I would be. And I told her this anecdote, which was Ava Mendez, most radiant human being I've ever interacted with, smelled incredible, touched me briefly, and I've thought about it for a decade since. Jeremy Renner, extremely smelly and dirty looking. Yeah, yeah. And I said to her, my experience with Jeremy Renner was that he smelled very bad in a way that you shouldn't smell

when it's 10 o'clock in the morning in West Hollywood. Right, and the answer to that question is probably, it was 10 o'clock for you, for Jeremy Renner, it was 2 a.m. plus 10. 22 o'clock. Exactly. Yes, exactly. And she said to me, yes, we heard that feedback on Jeremy. I mean, this is another interesting point, which is like there's some people, movie stars, where you see them in person and you're like once again like oh you just photograph well in person you don't look as striking for whatever reason it hits the lens in the right

way whatever smaller too big of head sure exactly and then and but you're like but somehow this features when you put under the right light and you make them the right way it does pop right yeah there's some underlying thing there certain beautiful people you see in real life are kind of funny looking flip side though i do think they're people you see like perhaps even mendez falls in this category where you're like you actually don't photograph well you look better in person you are so absurdly good looking that even a camera diminishing plays only do plays in small rooms like rachel mcadams is someone like that in my experience where you're like in person you're like why are all dps fucking this up yeah and I always thought

you looked great I did press junkets for yeah for a hot second yeah you know had had my four minutes with the greats and from Tyrese to Tyrese sure yeah from Tyrese and the angel movie to Tyrese to Tyrese. Sure, yeah. From Tyrese in the Angel movie to Tyrese in the car movie. Two big ones, yeah. But I remember distinctly kind of walking back to the press holding area and looking through a door and catching a glimpse of Matt Damon just on his phone. Yeah. And he looked sad and bored. And I will always remember it because I'm like, oh, we're all the same. He's just a guy. We're all the same. Right. There's something

kind of humbling about that. You were going to ask something, Jesse. Sorry. This is my question and it returns to the subject. Okay. Well, first of all, I'm going to say, when you meet a real movie star in real life who maybe isn't famous for being handsome on screen, they're often very handsome in real life. Yeah, there's that funny thing. A Paul Dano.

That's what I call the Paul Dano effect. Paulul dano zachary zachary levi plays nerds yeah like no but it's this opposite thing look at the beautiful griffin newman of course he plays handsome on screen i would say the opposite but i know it's what you're talking about where you're like the people who are thought of as funny looking character actors you're like for that to translate on screen you actually kind of need to be an absurdly handsome person. Unless you're in British television. Okay. So here's my question.

You know, unconventionally handsome, but it's like, it's only distortive when you put them next to people who look like perfect symmetrical Ken dolls. I have a Matthew McConaughey question for you. Yeah. And this is about smell. So I'll say the two best smelling celebrities I've ever interacted with are the aforementioned Eva Mendes

and the legendary film critic and cultural gadfly Elvis Mitchell. Oh, wow. Both of them smell incredible. Elvis always smells.

Every time I've seen Elvis, I've noted... What do you think it is? I think it's aftershave. Do you think it's... I think he's a cologne guy who really gets it, who really nails it. Because normally a cologne guy is a little bothersome to me because it maybe could give me a migraine. But he just smells gorgeous.

Let's also say he's an incredible looking person. He is. That guy is always kind of perfectly dressed. He just looks fucking cool. The man is suited and booted. Right. kind of perfectly dressed. He just looks fucking cool.

The man is suited and booted. Right. And like, here's a guy who's like sitting up there running Q&As with movie stars and you're like, I can't take my eyes off of you. I know. Especially when like the people

who maybe also do that are like a guy from Ain't It Cool News. Yes. Right, right, right. Who is in a Rain of Fire hoodie that he got from the Rain of Fire. You're like, he has the runway to be slovenly if he wants to

and instead he looks so fucking cool yeah so if you look at jeremy renner on screen yeah you can tell that he's a smelly man yeah if you look at colin farrell you can presume that he he has a natural musk or an unnatural musk that at the best he's covered up with a scent of some kind, right? He feels like a guy to me where at different periods of his career, I think he would smell radically different, if that makes sense. Because there were times when he was sweating amphetamines or whatever. There were Renner years, maybe. Semi-recently, he tried to cut in front of me at a parking validation, didn't smell anything.

Yeah, and I think there are times where he might have been really cologney there might have been like k-hole moments and there might be times where he's he's even out and he's neutral so here is a celebrity conjecture conjecture on my part just to be clear sure of course yeah we're all just guessing yeah and none of this is none of this is negative or should affect your future of course not. To get close to them. This is someone that if they invaded my personal space, I would be, thank you very much. Please touch my knee. Uh-huh. But I could not tell you from conjecture whether I thought they were smelly or sweet smelling. Interesting.

Okay. Matthew McConaughey. I think I've thought a lot about this. Yeah, I have too. I have as well. I think it's BO, but you like it. I think it's one of those. It's like pheromonal.

Yeah. That's my feeling as well. I think he is pungent, but it is an intoxicating aroma. It is a, I think there are two avenues here. Okay. I think it's either that, like naturally this guy just is compelling. Yeah. There's some. It's like one of probably one of those flowers that only blooms during an equinox.

You know, I think it's either that or it's weird product. I think there's no chance he wears deodorant. He might cover his body in oils. I think he probably that's. Yeah, I think he probably puts one of those crystals under his arm. You know what I'm talking about? Right. And that's a real, that can cut either way, where sometimes those people smell the worst of all. Right. The alternative odor people.

Now, Griffin, as a graduate of UC Santa Cruz, I can tell you, you don't need to use those products on your body. Your body wants to balance itself. Do you want to be covered in aluminum? That is my prediction. My guess would be that McConaughey is that guy. The guy you've just verbalized, but he's the exception to the rule who does smell good. That he is the one guy who

makes everyone else think, I don't need to fucking wear this shit. Natural odor. Look at how lustrous his coat is. Everything about him is... How healthy his gums are. Yeah. The guy looks great. I took my dog to the vet yesterday and they had to make me show the teeth because she's a biter. And they showed me first how to do like a downward claw, like a claw game claw to lift the gums.

Yeah. And then they said, oh, nice pink gums. I said, thank you. I've always. Oh, look at those pinkies. I've always thought she had nice gums. I said, thank you. I've always... Ooh, look at those pinkies. I've always thought she had nice gums as well. That's why we picked her out to not get killed at the shelter.

I'd like to hard pivot. Do you guys mind? No, not at all. Yeah, please. To a different field besides podcasting. Yes. I will now be... This is run its course.

I will now be Twitch streaming no-hit runs on Sakurai. I'll be a millionaire by next year yeah yeah yeah finally we were you know we're fun guys

before the mics came on you're wearing like a Hawaiian shirt with flowers on it it's true very fun in November what?

what? who's this asshole? Griffin just so you know what? yeah this guy marches to the beat of his own drummer. Other people are basting turkeys, and this guy here.

You're looking for a four-seam fastball, but guess what? He's throwing you the hook. Yeah. Hey, you're looking for a fastball? I'm blending a pina colada. He's throwing a gutter ball. That's what he's doing. Fun guys, three fun men.

Am I the most fun? Yes. Yes. Visually, sir. No doubt about it. But yeah, we're all fun. I'm the largest. Sure, I'm fun men. Sure. Am I the most fun? Yes. Yes. Visually, sir. No doubt about it. But yeah, we're all fun. I'm the largest. Sure, I'm the smallest.

That's true. So we each have a thing. I'm fun. He's big. You're tiny. A classic comedy trio. Yes. We were doing a little bit before the mics came on.

Just to kind of warm up, get warm. Yeah. And avoid emotional intimacy. Taking some practice swings yeah and the subject of wario came up you made a bit about making wario bits yeah you basically said we're gonna do like a couple minutes at the top introduction do some long-running wario bits and then we'll introduce you yeah the bit was we're trying to explain that we're podcasters which is the lifelong challenge of the podcaster. Once upon a time, your dentist had never heard of a podcast.

Now they've heard of Joe Rogan. Right. And now they're confused that you're not Joe Rogan. Yeah. You're like, are you one of Joe Rogan's friends? So you made $100 million, right? And you're like, well, I wouldn't say we're friends, but yes, I'm Dave Foley. You think they still keep in touch?

I don't think so. Joe Rogan in the cast of News Radio. You know, I just recently got through watching all of News Radio, and that cast is an incredible snapshot of a moment. And just where everyone goes from there. Andy Dick. Andy Dick.

And they're all wonderful in it. Even Joe Rogan does a great job. It is one of the best comedy ensembles in history. And then you're like, is this the most cursed cast of all time? I'll tell you what. I interviewed Maura Tierney one time. We could barely hold it together. Oh, she's so good on the show.

We could barely hold it together. Okay. So you were making a fake joke, a bit about bits, and use Wario as the specific of the kind of thing that a podcast would wait 10 minutes talking about. As a way to kind of downplay what we do. Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. And I said, well, I'll hold my tongue and wait for the introduction, but I do have a lot of Wario thoughts. So now you want my Wario thoughts. Yeah, right?

I don't want to waste. I mean, you know, you're here in LA visiting. To talk about Wario. Yeah. Yes. Oh, Griffin, I just got a phone call from the folks over at Disney. They're saying they want to push Disenchanted, so make sure to talk about Wario. Sure, sure.

That's what they're looking for, the bump. Wario, of course, we should say is Mario's enemy. One of his enemies. Bowser. Yeah, the M is upside down. Imagine if you are listening to this show and you don't know. You don't know who Wario is. Imagine if we had ever talked about anything else on this show.

In fact, you have to contextualize anything that isn't Wario when you bring it up for discussion on this show. So I think as a kid, I was always I love the dramatic device of the bad mirror image villain. Right. Right. The sort of fun house mirror villain. Anytime you had a Bizarro, a Wario,

this is that guy upside down. Wait, the fun house mirror, like a very tall, skinny, or short and wide version of him? That's what I'm saying. Like Wario and Waluigi. Got it. You know, Wario and Waluigi are like Funhouse Mirror versions of them. And it's like, let's turn the letters upside down. Let's swap the color palettes, that kind of thing.

I think I always liked that device. And I think I always thought they looked cooler and were having more fun. Versus like some wildly different villain. You're like, this guy's reminding me of the things I like about the hero but taking it off the leash

a little bit. He rides a motorcycle. Yes. He collects treasure. Yes. He farts aggressively. Everything about, and this is the other thing,

I think with Mario in particular, I've always been fascinated by or how much everything now, especially with like big franchise IP kid cross appeal for quadrant shit. It's so like algorithmically designed to take all these boxes. What do kids like? Right. How do you tap into the trends? And Mario is talking dogs, bulldozers, police cars, pop punk theme songs.

Princesses. They're the things we have, right? I was just describing Paw Patrol, but go ahead. Huge hit, though. But you're like, that's a show where you just like, they nailed every element. Yeah. They just perfectly synthesized. There's a PBS show called, kids show called Dinosaur Train.

Yeah. And... Another one. I've not watched it, but someone told me about it. I'm like, God, that's brilliant. It was just like Slam Dunk. You put dinosaurs on a train? That's the pitch meeting.

You say, Dinosaur Train. Yeah. And then James Cameron writes a dollar sign on a whiteboard. Children can learn to read. Children know how to read. Does it teach things? Yeah. Dinosaur Train does.

Yeah, sure. But all of these make perfect sense. The persistence of Mario in pop culture culture one of the most beloved characters in the world who i'd argue only grows over time yeah and you're like on paper this is stout middle-aged italian blue-collar worker yeah somewhat racist yeah yeah like nothing about this japanese sort of way obviously makes sense his Italian-ness was added later, right? It decreases over time. Yeah.

There are these YouTube compilation videos that people do where it's like the history of this character and they compare every voice actor and the different eras across the games. I was interested in what is the evolution of how Mario sounds? Because I think that would just when he was created as Jumpman, that was just the most realistic you could make a human. And it's like- Originally he was Michael Jordan, Jumpman. Right, yeah. But that's what's wild is you're like,

it's basically functionary. Yeah. It's just the limitations of the time. And then they sort of like, obviously the technology gets better, but they never veer away from what he was originally. Right. They just stay in that lane.

And then so to have bad Mario, right? It's not like, well, Bizarro is bad Superman. Superman's the coolest, most handsome, powerful guy in the world. What if Superman was a monster? Yeah. What if he was made of gray rocks? Right. And Wario is just like, what if Mario was more pear-shaped?

He didn't groom his mustache and he was grumpier? This is the thing that Jordan said. And now, one of the things that regular listeners to this program know is that I really love to talk about Wario, but don't really know anything at all about Wario other than that he's evil Mario. Now, Jordan has described some qualities of Wario. Yeah. Rides a motorcycle. I think I knew that from Mario Kart, maybe. I knew that he's a different shape than regular Mario.

I was excited to learn that he's a treasure collector. Yeah. I like- Loves treasure. I like the idea of a billionaire, a Jeff Bezos type. And he says, well, you know, I spent my career building Amazon. You know, I was focused on the supply chain efficiencies. I always said, we don't need to make money as long as we're innovating in the marketplace and making the customer experience better let's patent the checkout system i dedicated my my life to that process the public needed this i made my billions and i'm gonna focus on my passions right what is your passions well my treasure collection yes it's it's it is it's it's must going to space it. It's James Cameron going to the bottom of the ocean. Wario's like what I truly always wanted to do is collect treasure.

And I was a big fan of the Wario Land games as a child. And the big hook onto the Wario Land. Game Boy, most of those on Game Boy? Yes, I was playing them on Game Boy. The big hook to those games, which were largely treasure based, was as opposed to the Mario games, the Mario platformers, where you're running and jumping, the classic speed run, collect as many coins, land on all the Koopas, get to the end as quickly as possible. Wario Land's big hook was you can never die. There are no lives. Enemies aren't going to kill you.

Wario isn't so much a being as a kind of spirit or a way of he's an idea yeah we are all wario my memory of these memory of these games is that they were largely like you're in a very large castle and you're just trying to find your way out and the game's pretty fucking slow it's sort of like childhood in that way a little bit and it was just like he's this lonely man looking for treasures wherever he can find them. And people would say like, where's the conflict? If you can't die, where are the stakes? And I'm like, just, you, you're just trying to get on the same wavelength as this man. Is it a situation where maybe the palace is in his mind? Maybe Wario's on a ventilator somewhere. His grandchildren are by his side. It's a little that way to me. I'll say

this Griffin. Yeah. If you want conflict and stakes, you should be playing Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle. Yes, absolutely. On your Game Boy. Absolutely. And that's what this game isn't. Collecting carrots. Right. And I think because it's such a perspective flip on this game, you're now going to see the world through the eyes of Wario, who previously has just been a thorn in your side, an antagonist, a rival to Mario.

And I think you very quickly realize, like, this guy isn't any supervillain. He's not Lex Luthor. He's not the Joker. He just kind of dislikes Mario. He's a pretty well-balanced guy who perhaps is not super charismatic. He's no McConaughey, right? But, like, he's got his own passions. You give him space and time, he's just going to do his own things.

He's not hurting anybody. Kind of a Fal false staff type character. I thought it was pretty incredible that they thought of the framing device of sort of presenting it through his conversations with his therapist. Right. Because it helps you see him, even though he's doing all these evil acts and collecting so many scepters and tiaras. Well, I mean, we talk about classic trash on this show. Of course, tin can. Yeah.

Banana peel. Banana peel. Fish skeleton. Fish skeleton. In fact, yeah. The flip side, classic treasure. Classic treasure is great. Let's go around the horn, guys.

What's your favorite classic treasure? Scepter, we mentioned. Tiara, of course. Yeah. I mean, those are, you know, I do love just a classic pile of gold coins. Oh, yeah. Oh,

yeah. Especially if they're unmarked, especially if there's no, yes, no indicators as to what country they're from or how much they're worth.

Dollar store Hanukkah gelt. Yes, yes. I would throw in there, how about line drawing of a diamond? Yeah. Classic,

iconic diamond drawing. Yeah, you know, I mean, this isn't quite what we're talking about but i think it's lateral the the disney robin hood movie yeah there's the scene where uh prince uh king richard king richard it's prince john is the the peter yusnov character who's taking over all king richards away and there's the scene where he's in his royal carriage and they go in and pretend, I think, to be like Romani fortune tellers to get his trust. And then meanwhile, they're stealing all his jewels. And there's the bit where little John kisses his rings like out of deference. Oh, your majesty, I'm kissing the rings and then turns around and smiles to the camera.

And the jewels have replaced the teeth. Yeah. It like sucked the rings out of the jewels out of the placements on the rings. And now he's just got these empty placements and there's just a lineup of beautiful jewels. And I think about that a lot. I think about that a tremendous amount in my life. You probably remember it also from the Big Timers video where they did this. Yes.

Manny Fresh did that. I mean, I think people talk a lot about the Robin Hood movie. That Robin Hood movie is being kind of a sexual awakening. I think the Robin Hood fox has certain qualities that... Minmarian as well.

It goes both ways. Yeah, absolutely. I like that thick old chicken. You know what? I'd fuck the hell out of Baloo. I mean, not to get... Why is he in multiple Disney movies with different things?

No one knows. They couldn't afford to redraw. They just put new outfits on Baloo like every other year. I mean, I don't know. You know, this might be getting too personal, but, you know,

is there something erotic you find about having a mouthful of jewels? There must be. No, no, because it is... Yeah, there has to be be there's something about it but i think i do also just like removed from the rings removed from their placements just this like it's sort of it's the bejeweled quality of the thing where you're just like different fun shapes and bright shiny colors the cavalcade of the scene but i I do, I think, basically every moment of that movie is wedged into my brain in a bizarre way. And I do think it underlying has to all tie back to something sexual. There's not an image in that movie that doesn't live in my head rent free.

And I can openly with confidence admit, yes, I'm attracted to Maid Marian in that movie. She is a beautiful fox lady. Right. Just as I can say, I'm attracted to Robin Hood when he dresses up as a blind beggar. I was going to say, yeah. Something for everybody. Something about the tapping. There's the disguise

when he enters the archery contest and he has to pretend to be a stork. Yeah. And he's on stilts and then he has like a paper cone beak.

Yeah, I mean, you've done that with partners. A lot. Sure. A lot. Sure. A lot. Stork play. Stork play. That's your entire online dating profile.

It's just a drawing of that with a question mark. I'm on Storker. That's the app I'm on, which is for other people whose sexuality was formed by the Robin Hood movie. You guys want to check our Storker profiles and then come back for a little bit more? Yeah, I'm going to go listen to King of the Road and Jack off.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Thank you, first and foremost, to the members of Maximum Fun. You are our heroes who keep our lights on here in our home studios and, of course, over there at MaxFun HQ. Thank you for joining Maximum Fun.

Thank you for letting MaxFun know that you listen to Jordan, Jesse Goh. So we get a cut of the dough that keeps our pets in kibble. That's what cats eat, right, kibble? Yeah. I mean, I guess I call them crunchies. Okay. But yeah, I guess it is probably kibble. Huh. I guess I think of kibble as something you feed a dog, but yeah. I call crunchies, that's what I call tater chips. What would you call tater chips?

I mean, I just call them the perfect side to any lunch. Language is fun, isn't it? It's fluid. Yeah, well, it's certainly words. We're also supported this week by Raycon. Now, Jordan, Raycon is a manufacturer of what I like to call premium audio products. Now, perhaps you call them crunchies. Well, I can call them anything because language is fluid. It's true. You're a descriptivist, not a proscriptivist when it comes to premium audio products. Yeah, I'd say so.

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somebody in your life that loves tunes, if they love the casts, that's what I call podcasts because language is fluid. I call them crunchies. Sure, you can. I'm not going to tell you not to. I think Raycons would be a great holiday gift. And you can save 30% off by shopping Raycons holiday bundles right now. Go to buyraycon.com slash jjgo and use code EARLYBF to get 20% off site-wide or save even bigger and get 30% off Raycon's exclusive holiday bundles. That's code EARLYBF at buyraycon.com slash jjgo for 20% off your Raycon purchase. Buyraycon.com slash JJ Go for 20% off your Raycon purchase. Buy Raycon.com slash JJ Go. You know how I like to use my Raycons? Hmm?

When I'm out for a hike. I'll tell you why. It's a great time to use them. I'm afraid of bears. Mm-hmm. And I know that if I'm trying to get away from a bear, he's chasing me. Mm-hmm. I can just drop my Raycons because he's not going to keep chasing me

when he could pick up those sweet Raycons. Oh, yeah. Free pair of Raycons, man. Hey, bears love them and you will too. Hey, we've got another sponsor coming your way. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Jordan, we all wish that life came with a user manual. Me too. I love life and I love manuals. I would never drive life in an automatic, Jordan. Yeah. You got to grab onto that gear shift and give it a crank. There's times in all of our lives where we're not sure what to do, how to handle ourselves, because we only go through life once and we only have the experiences of what we've done before.

So sometimes something new comes up and you just aren't sure what to do. I know that for me, I have gained a lot from having a therapist who knows about healthy ways to deal with challenges. And when I face a challenge that I haven't dealt with in the past, my therapist can help. There are a lot of different ways to get therapy. One relatively affordable and very convenient way to get therapy is BetterHelp. As the world's largest therapy service, BetterHelp has matched 3 million people with professionally licensed and vetted therapists available 100% online. Plus, it's affordable. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to match

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You might be looking for a special gift for a special someone. And already last year, you got them the really good kind of vibrator, the one with the suction on it. So why not consider getting a gift for them from the Put This On shop? That's all I'm saying. Look, we got jewels, we got sport coats, hats, just launched a bunch of hats. And of course we have Gremlins 2 trading cards. So if you're trying to get a gift for literally something for everyone, if you're trying to get a gift, whether it's for an elegant lady in your life, a fancy gentleman, a home decor enthusiast, or just Dan McCoy from the Flophouse, we have a

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Great. Nailed it. Thanks for that. Very good plug. Wow, I just got a call from Walt Disney's ghost. What? He said, great job, Griffin. The perfect plug? Yeah.

It's finally happened? I'll fillet you later like in Ghostbusters. One true. That's all you want is a good time. Did you know that ghost that fillets Dan Aykroyd? Is Walt Disney? That's Walt Disney. Wow!

I was really disappointed they didn't bring him back for Afterlife 2. They talk so much about the Easter eggs and bring it back to the fans and whatever. And it's like everyone's favorite character in Ghostbusters lore is the blowjob ghost. Yeah. Do you know the backstory of that sequence? No. Dan Aykroyd really got a blowjob from a ghost. That was my assumption.

Probably. Probably. Right? Yeah. He thinks he has. Yeah. Whether he has or not, he thinks it. So that's part of the montage.

The business is booming montage where they play the Ghostbusters song for the first time. You see the spinning magazine covers. You see them busting ghosts going on the news, whatever. Right? In the middle of that montage, it cuts to them all sleeping in the firehouse. The song stops. It does like do-loo, do-loo, do-loo. Wayne's World dream sequence.

And then it cuts to him in a different bed. I don't know if you guys remember this. Wearing like a military jacket, like a captain's jacket with epaulets on it. And then this ghost comes above his head. He's like, what? Starts giving a blowjob. Eyes crossed. Back to real world. Back in the montage. Ray Parker Jr.'s back. Yeah. and then this ghost comes above his head. He's like, what? Starts giving a blowjob, eyes crossed, back to real world, back into montage,

Ray Parker Jr.'s back. And you're like, what is this sideways cut? Why is this happening in the middle of a montage about the business exploding? Why is he wearing the captain's jacket? What is all this? There was a whole sequence they shot where they like went to a haunted house to try to find the ghost

and they like find all this man's old military garb and they're like putting it on and doing bits. And then he takes a nap in a bed and this ghost blows him. And Reitman was like, this sequence is gone. This, this is. But wait, we can't lose the bloat. They're like, this is too funny. That's what's wild is they were like, this is 10 minutes of fat we got to cut from the

movie. And I think Ackroyd, like fucking Mr. Smith going to Washington. Right. This really happened to me. We have to acknowledge the sexual contact of ghosts, you know, and it's like, fuck, we'll cut laterally in montage to dream sequence of it happening. Yeah. And then later he actually expanded that sequence into the movie Nothing But Trouble. Yes.

He said, you know who I would love to have suck my dick? Tupac Shakur from Digital Underground. What's awesome is he learned his lesson. You think it's the ultimate fantasy, but in reality, getting a ghost blowjob

is nothing but trouble. Nothing good comes of it. You know, after you finish a bottle of Crystal Head Vodka, you can get blown by the head. Yeah, absolutely. And by the way,

smooth, no hangover, Crystal Head Vodka. Yeah. I hate it when you get a hangover from a blowjob. I got a blowjob from a ghost once. Okay. Go on. I'm going to be honest. I kind of got in my feelings about it.

Yeah. How so? Well, I just sometimes just for me, somebody who doesn't have experience with a lot of partners, it just the physical and emotional intimacy can get mixed up for me so you think for the ghost it was more of a casual thing so well you're saying you're in your feelings like you have not been able to get over this this has stayed with you well this this was a first date oh wow so we went out to dinner my the ghost and myself yeah was the date in hell no it was on the earthly plane. Okay. So you made the ghost come to you? We went to Le Cirque.

Oh, wow. Yeah, well, because the ghost was really cute on the app. And I'm like, I'm really like... No, I'm just surprised you were able to get a table at Le Cirque. But go on, your wife, yes, of course. My wife and I were on a break at the time. Yeah, I was waiting to hear how she figured into this. Yeah, so, and I had a hall pass for... Ghost a break at the time. Yeah. I was waiting to hear how she figured into this. Yeah. So, and I had a hall pass for...

Ghosts. For the dead. Yeah. You have a hall pass as long as they have no corporeal form. Yeah. Well, no. Listen, sometimes you're in a monster match. Zombies as well.

Oh, okay. So, just... Frankensteins. Spookies. Creepy crawlies. Yeah. Vampires. Anything dead.

Anything dead. It's because she knew I was a corpse fucker. Gotcha. So anyway. Got to carve that out, yeah. I took the ghost on an incredible date to Le Cirque. You know, the food maybe isn't as good as it once was, but it's still a pretty incredible diner.

I mean, you're like, oh, is that Alec Baldwin? Is that Al Sharpton? You know what I mean? The greats. Is that Graydon Carter, the editor of Vanity Fair? And they're all kind of seeing you, right? Because here you are on this date with this gorgeous ghost. Right.

They're all probably, what did he do to pull that? They're kind of giving, I mean, here they are with their hot dates and they're going. Graydon Carter's there with the creature from the Black Lagoon. How did esteemed podcaster Jesse Thorne pull that ghost? Yeah. Yeah. Kurt Anderson's there with him. He's like, I'll explain.

So it was an incredible day. It was just, I felt like we really clicked. Yeah. We went back to my spooky mansion where I had Airbnb. I don't live in New York. Put on a captain's jacket, I assume. Put on a captain's jacket. Well, I found a dead man's military garb.

You must. So I put that on the medals and all that. I just love medals. Yes. Anyway, a captain's jacket. Well, I found a dead man's military garb. You must. So I put that on the medals and all that. I just love medals. Yes. Anyway, ghosts suck me off. I wake up the next morning. The ghost isn't there.

Texting the ghost like, I've had so much fun. Maybe we should go to the tavern on the green sometime. Remember from Ghostbusters? Ha ha. I'd love to see you again. You know, that kind of thing.

Right. You text pictures of Christina reaching Casper and say, this could be us. I'm kind of like, you know, I mean, honestly, it's kind of even hard for me to say this on the show. You just went off to a different place. Yeah.

I think I was actually in love. Wow. And I've never heard you say that before. Yeah. And I'm like, I'm calling and fucking ghosted me. Sorry.

You get two slow claps. Sorry. I just want to make sure. I wasted 45 minutes of the show on Sorry. I just want to make sure. I wasted 45 minutes of the show on that. I just want to make sure. You did set your speedometer before you started that bit, right? Because it'd be a shame if you didn't clock those steps on the world's longest walk. I kind of fluctuated between hoping you did it and hoping you didn't do it.

I was like, well, is this? Eh, all right. And that's The Aristocrats. Okay. Hey, audience, did you like it? Let us know in the comments. We all loved it. Maybe we should replay that.

We're such nasty fucking freaks for long bits. It's going to be merch. It's going to be on TV. Something you should know about our listeners I don't know if this is true of blank check listeners but our listeners are a bunch of

nasty fucking freaks oh same big big same they love long thick bits they love the long oh give me that thick bit daddy

they say hairy slimy bits slimy do it to me slow okay so here's the thing you know that song Slimy bits. Slimy? Do it to me slow. Okay, so here's the thing. You know that song? Here's the thing.

That's Alex Baldwin's podcast. Tread lightly there, by the way. Don't start stealing his segments. Yeah, sorry. Did you know that his dream was to be a classical music announcer? Baldwin? Yeah, that's what he wanted to do, not be an actor. I will say, listening to Here's the Thing,

that lines up pretty perfectly. Because he's so bad at interviewing. And also, the tone of that show is absolutely like, I more than anything want to be the person who introduces you to the highest of earth. He's like, let me say words and hear them in my cans. He seems

embarrassed on that show when he has anyone who is too famous by conventional metrics. You might not have heard of this person. Would you believe they're the finest violinist in America? I'm not going to say which friend of mine was the executive in charge of that program, but I'll say that that friend told me it was challenging to produce. Maybe they shouldn't have agreed

and said yes when Alec Baldwin called them. So anyway, you know the factory song from Looney Tunes? Of course. It's called Powerhouse.

One of my favorite songs of all time. I'd say truly a top five jam. I'm not even joking. Yeah. I've got great fucking news for you, buddy.

Oh, boy. Because a lot of people think that that's an instrumental. a lot of people think that that's an instrumental a lot of people think that is exclusively an instrumental tune

now some people have seen this one show that's not Tiny Toon Adventures is a different show about baby versions of the Looney Tunes

gang baby Looney Tunes where they sing a shitty version of that they sing shitty lyrics that no one likes to this fucking song.

It's not that bad. It's total fucking bullshit. I don't know why it makes him this mad. It's fine. It's cute. It's cute. It's cute.

Baby fucking porky pigs sing shitty fucking Paw Patrol ass lyrics. It's cute. I'm tempted. I mean, I'm intrigued. No.

Griffin is not that bad. Don't even. Griffin is not that bad. It's not worth it. Because it's just going to make you mad. You're going to be mad for months. Okay?

It's just going to sink into your podcast. Oh, boy. Jesse, is this a deal where you auditioned for Porky and didn't get it? For Lil Baby Porky? Oh, boy. Well, that's all, folks. See, that's why you didn't get it. You don't sound anything like him.

Well, maybe I have a fresh take. You can have a take. Maybe I have a fresh take. Griffin's a voice actor. He knows you have to come in with a fresh take. Otherwise, you can't just try and be Casey Kasem. You know what? It is weird, though, with voice acting because it almost feels like it's a 50-50 split.

Look, original shows are their own thing, right? So often we're in this content regurgitation game. Well, sometimes you're on Dicktown. Yes. On FX on Hulu. It's an original character. It's an original character. Yes. You're playing a parody of Tan-Tan, the famous. No, I was not that.

I was Lance. Ah. So I was a creepy kid who hires them because he thinks there's a ghost in his house. And it turns out it's David Rees fucking his mom. Yeah. Those were the moments. So sometimes it's a fresh and original show. I wish I was Tantan.

That's a good character. Great show. They wanted a real Frenchman, I think, for that. A Belgian? Yeah, I don't remember who they cast. But yes, that's the original show. But then I'm on the Masters of the Universe cartoon where I play Orko, who's been played before. Disenchanted, my character's in the first movie played by two different people.

We can get into that if we want to. But you do get into this thing sometimes where half the time they're like voice match. We are looking for a seamless continuity with whatever was before. We want you to exactly recreate the voice that Kerry Kenny

Silver's dad did on the original Masters of the Universe because he is one of those golden-throated legendary voice actors fucking Kerry Kenny from the state. Yes. Holy shit.

Okay, go ahead. Orko was Lou Scheimer who was the creator of Filmation. Right. No, I didn't know that. That's interesting. Yeah, very cool. It's a very cool thing.

Filmation is actually a combination of the words film and animation. Oh, that's interesting. It's very clever and I've watched a video that takes him 45 minutes to explain that.

No, Lou Scheimer was Filmation's whole thing at the time was that they produced animation cheaper than anyone else. No. They did like some. No, that, He-Man was cheap? Yep. How'd they get the shine on it that that thing has? I mean, I guess it was, I guess it's in the casting. How did they make them move so robotically?

I know, because it was a lot of reused animation, a lot of rotoscoping over live action footage of old public domain B-reels of bodybuilders and shit. Oh my gosh. And he also did, well, tying things back, he did the other Ghostbusters cartoon, Filmation's Ghostbusters. But one of the ways he saved money was that there's sort of the rule in animation of like,

if you have over a certain number of voice actors in your cast the budget goes up you can keep it under a certain number if you only have like three or four actors and likewise you can only have each of those actors do three voices before you then need to pay them double for a fourth plus character they have to have a 15 minute smoke break every hour yeah so they would have like three or four people who each did three voices. And then every other voice on the show was done by Lou Scheimer and his daughter using pseudonyms because they wouldn't have to pay themselves. And so his daughter played like almost every female character and he played every kind of like ancillary character. Orca was his biggest one.

That's what I do on Jordan, Jesse Go. Yeah. Yeah. Jordan is my daughter. Yeah. Jordan is my daughter. Yeah. I should have explained. And I do not get paid. I am not paid.

But it is that thing where like that was one where they were sort of like, we're open to interpretation. And I was like, I'd like to get close to it. I don't feel like I need to do an exact impression, but I think Orko is a specific enough thing that you need to be in the zone. Years ago, I auditioned for what ended up being Scoob. Oh, a sort of recent HBO Max Scooby-Doo reboot. And that was in the works for a long time. Just the idea of doing we're doing a new CGI Scooby-Doo movie to set up the Hanna-Barbera universe. And I auditioned for that. And the sides were like, do not feel beholden to the Scooby-Doo voice. We are looking for a fresh new take. It was the opposite where they were like, you need to throw out the map.

Wow. This is brand new. And then you look at the sides and it's like, rut, row, raggy, we're in rubble. And I sat there and I worked on it for hours and I was like, there is no way to play Scooby-Doo

and not sound like Scooby-Doo. Rut, row. Rut, rut, row. Right. Rut,h. Ruh-roh-roh. Right. Ruh-roh-roh. You just get to this thing where you... I can do it. I just did it, man.

You're like, do you want me to rewrite the dialogue? Yeah. Right? Or do you want me to do this in a different affectation or whatever? But it's, like, very hard to do. What if the R's were D's? Duh-do. And in the end, they just cast McConaughey.

This is the wild thing. They were, like, were shaking it up. We want to get, like, a young comedian to play Scooby-Doo. Right. I think Pete Davidson was their like top of the list. Right. We want a Scooby-Doo who fucks everyone. Yeah.

This Scooby-Doo is a horned off. You're not going to believe this Scooby-Doo's crank. Songs have been written about it. Talk about a lipstick tube. But that was the thing. Right. There's a roll on deodorant at the smallest. They end up

just as they should. I think this was absolutely the right decision. Hiring Frank Welker, who has played Scooby-Doo in every single thing for the last 30 years. And it was like this whole process of like we gotta change. There has to be a new Scoob. This has to be a fresh start. And then they come back around and they're like, there's one guy

who can play Scooby-Doo and we're going to have him do the exact same thing. Which makes sense because I'm sure all the tapes they listened to sounded like me, which is a guy half doing a bad Scooby-Doo impression without committing to it because he was told they want something different. And part Australian. Yeah. Yeah. I auditioned for Marmaduke once. Really? Yeah.

You know, did you know that you're one of two people who used my mics to audition for Marmaduke? Oh, I didn't know that. Al Madrigal stopped by my house one time and was like, oh, can I record a Marmaduke audition real quick? Do you guys know who ended up playing Marmaduke in the recent Netflix movie? Oh, I think the one I auditioned for was Owen Wilson. That was the live action one. They said, get us a Jordan Morris type. And they came up with Owen Wilson. Yes. He also has this shirt. That was the live action one. They said, get us a Jordan Morris type. Yes. And they came up

with Owen Wilson. Yes. He also has this shirt. And also has a big hanger. The recent Netflix animated reboot, the Scoob equivalent in the Marmaduke universe,

voiced by Pete Davidson. They fucking got him. Wow. Finally. What Scooby couldn't do. Marma could. Marma could. Marma could. Can I shamelessly use this to transition to a disenchanted talking point?

Yeah, at some point we should get back to the thing we're doing on this segment, but yeah, go ahead. No, but it's online with this. No, the audience, these nasty freaks love a long bit. They love the less they talk about the thing, ostensibly they're there to talk about. Bit queens out there. No, there's this thing with Blank Check. Horny ass bit queens. On Blank Check, we're fucking, we're tangent mongers,

right? Your show is four hours long. Four hours long. And part of that is this battle between our listeners where I think you have the people who go, I like it when they discuss every aspect of the movie in depth. I want to hear every plot point, every detail, every cast and crew member, every bit of context around the production,

the development, the release, all of that needs to be thoroughly turned over, right? And then you have the people who are like, I like when they don't talk about the thing they're supposed to talk about and spend 15 minutes talking about Wario or Pete Davidson's hog or whatever. We have the exact same situation, only both is about Wario. So some people want us to just talk about Wario, others want us to only focus on Wario. And then there's the overlap of the Venn diagram,

which are the true dang ass freaks who go, what I want is both and every episode should be five hours long. And if you're not giving me both things in equal measure, I'm disappointed. Back to back it, baby, they're saying. Exactly. But I was going to say, about Disenchanted, because it was a peculiar situation, interesting

challenge. The first movie, for those who have not seen the first film, it's sort of fish out of water, Disney princess parody, where you start out in the fictional kingdom of Andalasia and it's hand-drawn, musical. She's a beautiful princess with a bunch of little woodland critters as her friend. And the evil queen tricks her, falls down a well. She wakes up in New York City and now she's flesh and blood. Amy Adams in New York City and the whole movies fish out of water comedy. What if a real Disney princess with all the archetypes that follow fell into a cold, harsh, rude New York City, right? And there's this character, Pip,

who's in the opening section as her sort of little chipmunk friend who's got the high-pitched New York kind of accent. And he's got like three or four lines only in this setup part. And then when she falls through the well, he follows her and the bit is oh in the real world in new york city he is bound by the rules of reality he cannot talk

so for the rest of the movie the chipmunk's in it but he has to like pantomime the bit is that he's trying to warn her of danger he's trying to warn everyone of danger and he can't speak i mean speaking of shit that is like so on the nose so exactly what kids want is a chipmunk doing charades perfectly field tested market tested focus grouped for most of the movie then he's he's doing what the kids love tiktok act outs right and but but it does create this and he's letting you know how you know if you have adhd yes yeah basically right and pointing but it does create this and he's letting you know how you know if you have adhd yes yeah basically right and pointing at the text above his head yeah you have too many drinks anyway so you have this thing where the performance is bifurcated it was two different

voice actors 15 years ago jeff bennett who's like one of the great voice actors a modern day kerry kenny silver's dad who's the voice of johnny bravo and a million other things who's like one of the great voice actors, a modern day Kerry Kinney Silver's dad, who's the voice of Johnny Bravo and a million other things. It's like incredible. He does the voice at the beginning of the film. And I think it was him basic. I mean, this is me trying to reverse engineer it, doing like New Jersey tough guy. And then they sped it up and chipmunked it, ran it through Alvin filters. But he was doing a kind of like tough guy voice that he's done in a lot of other things.

And then Kevin Lima. He actually played Joe Pesci in My Cousin Vinny. Well, basically it's like he was doing a deeper register tough guy and then they ran it through the Pesci filters. Can we get 10% more Pesci on this? Can you Pesci that? Hit the Pesci button.

Can we go to Pesci mode? Yeah, I was about to say that exact same thing. Had to be said. I'm sorry for running in front of you, pushing you out of the way. God bless you for it. Stealing the bit. And then Kevin Lima, who was the director of the first movie, did all the squeaking stuff, which is the majority of his dialogue, but it's nonverbal. And that weirdly is a thing that kids imitate on TikTok.

I found this out forgetting the part they do the squeaking because there's a scene where he's a cat's delicatessen and he's trying to warn james marsden and he's basically like acting out the whole plot of the movie and he's playing all the different characters and he goes and he does all these little hand gestures and stuff so that's the part that's like for the kids who grew up with the movie seared into their brain. It seems like most people don't remember that the character even talks at all. Right. Because it's only the beginning and then the squeaking stuff kind of sticks.

Right. I mean, that's the Robin Hood dressed as a blind beggar. Right. Situation. The hottest part of the movie. So the premise of this movie, the sequel for Enchanted now, is kind of this like inverse of the first movie where it's 15 years later. Where Joe Pesci has to go to a fantasy world. What's this? He falls down.

Why can't I get a cannoli in this castle? They offered every role to Pesci. There was a point in time where they thought like rich little holiday special. Can it just be Pesci putting on different wigs? They wrote in an entire scene where the fucking squirrel sings That's Amore? Yeah. He was going to do a full album. He was going to do Little Joey Sure Can Sing.

Yeah. And he smashes a dwarf's hand because he caught him cheating at poker. It was a harder edge version of the film. It went through different developmental stages. But this one, she stayed in New York for the last 15 years. And so she's pretty much sort of gotten conditioned to the real world. So she's now

walking there. She's walking there. She's lightly, politely tapping the hoods of taxicabs and goes, excuse me, I was in fact walking here. Because she's still a gentle woman. And they have a baby. They're running out of room in New York City. Her and her husband, Patrick Dempsey, decide to move to the suburbs.

Oh, wow. He's going to commute into work. She's now in a small town. And she's starting to hit some sort of maybe midlife crisis. There might be darkness behind the white picket fences. PTA board, the other moms don't like her or her daughter. Now PTA board is the Paul Thomas Anderson board who revealed that there is something darker behind the white picket fences.

Excuse me. Excuse me. You don't even know the joke you're setting up here. The head of the PTA board, the head mean mom in the film is played by none other than Maya Rudolph. Oh my gosh. She's the wife of Paul Thomas Anderson. The true head of the PTA board.

Wow. And her mother is Minnie Ripperton. The late Minnie Ripperton. May she rest in peace. So she's like, yeah, getting kind of bummed out on life. And in this magic world, there is the magic MacGuffin of a literal wishing wand, which she uses to wish that the world was more enchanted again. So this movie, rather than her going back to the enchanted world or more things from that world coming over to our real world,

the real world starts to become Disney-fied. Great bit. It's a good bit. It's a good bit. And everything starts to become Disney-fied and heightened. So my character gets his voice back. Now in this world once again. And now he's talking the whole movie. They can't shut this guy up his voice back. Now, in this world, once again, and now he's talking

the whole movie, they can't shut this guy up. Can I, now, Griffin. Yeah. This is something that I hate to do on this show. We've had Mike Judge on this show.

We've had Mel Blanc on this show. Of course. We had, of course, Kerry Kenny Silver's dad. Of course. We have had Seth MacFarlane and he only wants to sing.

Yeah. Won't chat at all. Music is better than words. What I'm wondering is, would it be too much for you to give us a few bars of That's Amore? Of That's Amore? Yeah. When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore. There you did it, folks.

He put on a little squirrel hat, too. He made a choice. He's a professional actor. Pip was here in the studio with us. Yeah. He was ready, folks. He put on a little squirrel hat, too. He made a choice. He's a professional actor. Pip was here in the studio with us. Yeah. He was ready for it. Bum, bum, bum, ba-da-da-da-da-da. Hey, remember that?

Anyway, people wrote a bunch of lyrics to that song. Yeah, let's hear one of the fucking songs, the lyrics songs, you know? Okay, great. Hi, this is Hunter in Seattle with the Quick Powerhouse. If you're still doing those, here we go. Time to chat about mitochondria. tip your hat to mitochondria because we know that the mitochondria is the powerhouse love to sell thanks and have a good show okay so the bit is you have to write your own lyrics so here's the thing okay maybe hunter didn't get the fucking memo the lyrics

are supposed to be about rick moranis yeah that thing. Oh, this was not teed up for me at all. Okay. So you're... This is a very chonky bit, Griffin. Sure. This is a very chonky bit. This is a long, nasty... The audience loves this kind of nasty shit.

Of course. These people are freaks. Dang-ass freaks. I'm just trying to track this. So you are morally outraged that they have added lyrics to... Powerhouse is the name of the song? Powerhouse is the name of the song. Right.

In Baby Looney Tunes. Yeah, because they did a shitty job. It's fine. You're so offended that they did it. If you're going to do it, you should do it well. Let's solicit our audience to add their own better lyrics, but the lyrics also need to be about Rick Moranis. Well, it just so happens that early on in the process,

we found that a lot of the lyrics our listeners were suggesting were about Rick Moranis. Of course, Rick Moranis is one of our greatest comic character actors. I don't know if you guys have ever seen his George Carlin. It's amazing. Yes. One of the funniest things. One of those underrated impressionists.

Because he falls so cleanly into the cute nerd, kind dad sort of stuff in his movie career. People don't realize you watch SCTV and you're like, this guy could do everyone. Yeah. Gifted impressionist. Yeah. And I think just like celebrating this multinational treasure yes you know what i mean this is a guy who is a treasure across national borders yes from toronto to i'm gonna say upstate new york both parts of north america something like that yeah incredible guy rick moranis and this is just about fucking science, which is bullshit. We don't care.

We don't believe in. I don't, I have nothing but contempt for it. Okay. It's not just that I don't believe in it. I'm content. Should it exist? I hate it.

You hate eggheads and point dexters. God, these fucking four eyed freaks. That's the thing. Which do you hate more? Science or its fans? Yeah, that's a really good point.

I mean, I mean, what about this? A lot of fans are probably invented by scientists. That's true. Because they know about electricity and shit. And how to make something oscillate. Fucking Poindexters.

The point of the story is that Hunter is banned from this show forever. Lifetime ban. Too much fucking cells and high school chemistry look I went to art school why don't you go

kiss a protractor I'm not a nerd I'm artsy yeah compass graduated cylinder I didn't write an essay I had a

I had a portfolio when I was applying thank you very much thank you very much thank you good this guy gets it head to send in slides

what is this guy one of these this guy's no dorkus What is this guy? One of these nasty fucking, this guy's some fucking nasty beaker freak. This fucking all of my are flat. My little wiener got caught in a beaker, mommy.

The neck is too thin. Oh, I got this microscope so I could see my dick. The Bunsen burner burned my little balls. I think I can say this about I've met Hunter several times in real life. He's a lovely man.

Really wonderful man. Too bad he's banned. I hate to ban someone so lovely. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, okay? He fucked around, he found out. What can you say, Hunter? It's on you. Daniel, we got another song in there? Jordan, just see go podcast.

Jordan, just see go podcast. Jordan, just see go as a podcast. It has no particular premise. These two guys, they're chatting with a guest. All they do is say words. Jordan, just see go as a podcast. Fifteen years, that say words. Jordan Jess, it goes a podcast. 15 years, that new content. It's a thousand dollars of nonsense.

All they do is say words. Wario sauce, Wario sauce, Wario sauce. It's a lot of tricks. Gotta get us a, gotta get us a dang Insta. He's got a king's fight. Gotta cut him up, I'll pull short. Jordan Jess, it goes a podcast. 15 years, we're coming to genius. Here's the secret to the success. All they do is say words. Yeah.

I mean, again. Not about Rick Moranis. It's not about Rick Moranis. We are the Moranis of podcasting, I think a lot of people would say. I've got to say, all they do is say words is a pretty scathing indictment of podcasting as a medium. The first time that was uttered, I lost my breath for a moment. Yeah. It really did feel like a shot across the bow.

It puts it all in perspective. Yeah. That's all. Just saying words. Yeah. Fuck. All I do is say words. I mean, it's not just Carlin that Moranis does.

Like a lot of people, honestly, a lot of people think Moranis is just like the guy from Ghostbusters or the guy from Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. Incredible career. Yeah. A hilarious Jewish themed comedy country album. Right. Great work there on that record. My Bubby's Brisket, I think is the name of the song. Yeah, that's absolutely correct.

Yeah. That's absolutely correct. This guy is a delight across all forms of media and a single dad who are the real heroes. Right. And stepped away from a bustling show business career and said, I don't need any more. No. I'm satisfied. I want to spend time with my family. I know it's important. Right. Exactly. So this guy that you just called in is also banned. Also banned. Be a ban. Lifetime ban.

Sorry. Lifetime ban for you. And if you send in one that we haven't played shadow ban also 8 bucks a month if you want a blue check we won't ban you but we won't acknowledge you right

yeah it's the mods decision it's not our decision it's the mods the mods sometimes the rockers once in a while the rockers

the only safe thing to bring to us is Dr. Martens you're wearing Dr. Martens the mods and the rockers. Once in a while, the rockers. The only safe thing to bring to us is Dr. Martens. You're wearing Dr. Martens. The mods and the rockers will agree on that. Yeah. And it's going to be fine. I do wish the mods started to carry themselves a little more like mod rockers. They put a little more energy into it.

A few more mirrors on their Lambrettas. Yeah. I'll run around on Vespas. JJ, go at MaximumFun.org if you have a song about Rick Moranis or if you are Rick Moranis. I mean, Rick is probably listening right now. Certainly Dave Thomas is listening. No doubt about that. No question. But probably Rick Moranis is listening. So 206-984-4FUN or JJ, go at MaximumFun.org. And, you know, I'm also, I'm calling upon our audience to assemble a symphony orchestra. Like, that-

You can do it. That was- Stop whining. You can do it. Look, if Brian Wilson can do it with his mental health challenges, like, you can do it. He was in bed for like three years.

I'm so busy. I'm too busy. I can't assemble a symphony. No, you're not. No, you're not. Get Van Dyke. You're listening to this shit. You're not busy. I'm too busy. I can't assemble a symphony. No, you're not. No, you're not. Get Van Dyke. You're listening to this shit. You're not busy.

Van Dyke Parks, you're listening right now. Write those lyrics. Lay down the tracks. Let's do this. You know what? Mike Love, if you're listening right now,

I'll take it. You know what I mean? And you know what? He could use the positive publicity at this point. A lot of people think Mike Love was the problem in the Beach Boys,

that he sort of like broke up the Beach Boys or he was the the problem in the Beach Boys, that he sort of like broke up the Beach Boys or he was the bad news in the Beach Boys. Prove us otherwise. Playing for the Trump. Yeah, so I think, you know,

we're going to learn a lot about Mike Love as to whether he sends in a song about Rick Moranis to the tune of Powerhouse. This is the final cast of the day. Mike Love, you get the final say

on the matter. Are you worth our respect? You can go down as the best beach boy. There's still time. It's yours. It's still time. Wherever you're listening to this, Aruba. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. Hi, I'm Jackie Cation. Hello, I'm Lori Kilmerton. We do a podcast called The Jackie and Lori Show, and you could listen to it anytime you want it because there's hundreds of episodes.

Yeah, I mean, we've been doing comedy forever, and we should both quit. So why don't you listen to about the payment before we leave this, not only terrible business, but this awful world. And find out why we can't. Because we love it so. Jackie and Lori Show.

Every week here on MaximumFun.org. Hi, it's Jesse Thorne, la, la, la, la. Hi, it's Jesse Thorne, the founder of Maximum Fun. I am breaking into this programming to say thank you to MaxFun's members. Your purchases in this year's post-MaxFunDrive patch sale raised over $50,000 for Trans Lifeline. Maybe you already know about the good work that Trans Lifeline does. If you don't, they're a trans-run organization that offers direct emotional and financial support to trans people in crisis. If you want to learn more about the work Trans Lifeline does or support them further, go to translifeline.org. Thanks for supporting Maximum Fun.

Thanks for supporting Trans Lifeline. And thanks for being awesome people who want to do good in the world. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morse, boy detective. Griffin Newman, Disattended, playing only on Disney+, November 18th. But if you want to see it in theaters you can bring your device to a movie theater and watch it there that's a great idea right this is a novel idea this is what martin scorsese would do i just landed on this because you know it is i love the theatrical experience i know some people like the convenience

sitting on your couch but you're, I gotta pour my milk duds into my popcorn. Yes. Get a quick hand job. Yes. This is my thing. Right. Cut out a little,

hold the bottom of the popcorn milk duds bucket. But, you know, it's a little disappointment this film doesn't get to play in theaters. The feeling of the duds on the shelf.

Oh, yeah. A dud rubbing across a ball. But I do think this is the hack. If you're someone who wishes you could have the theatrical experience with Disenchanted, you can bring any of your devices. Buy a ticket to Black Adam.

Buy a ticket to Black Adam. Because it needs the support. It does. We want to support that. I mean, look, these... We need more of that. We gotta see him fight Shazam in two movies. These are C-list DC heroes.

They didn't even want to let The Rock make this movie. We need to show them that there's an audience for characters that no one cares about. Somebody needs to stand up also for The Rock. Yes. Thank you. The guy needs our support. So many people have been... His tequila is so much worse

than Bryan Cranston's tequila. And by the way, this guy cannot get any press. I would go as far as to say when it comes to The Rock, the papers won't cover him. Theoristic. Short walk. Short walk. Did you have that in the chamber?

No, it just hit me. That's great. It truly just hit me and I was like, fuck, am I going to be the first one to make this joke? It just hit you like a rock to a pair of scissors. Yeah, so you can either watch Disney Plus, The Comfort of Your Own Home. Sorry, guys, we don't usually do satire. No, this is cutting. This is like, yeah, this is edgy shit.

This cuts like scissors to paper. We're all writing daily show packages. We're just trying out some of our material. We're trying to get more topical. Or yeah, take it to a theater. Take it to a theater. Take your phone to a theater, screencast it to the screen. Just put headphones in, crank up the brightness.

A lot of theaters these days have Roku sticks. Yes, absolutely. That's my favorite sometimes when I go to see a movie. Just make sure, hide your text so they don't pop on the screen and interrupt the movie. My favorite thing sometimes when I go to see a movie at a blockbuster. A blockbuster film at a... I go to the blockbuster. They got the TV in the corner playing Fat Beach.

I go to a Hollywood video and I just stand there for two hours and wait until the thing's finished. Who needs to rent anything? I go see some blockbuster at a multiplex and after the trailers you just see a fucking Windows XP landing page and someone has to like click the start button, play movie. You're really just running this off a laptop? Yeah. I mean, that's all it takes these days. I mean, let me put it this way. You can't run it on Windows ME.

You can't. You got to have XP. You got to. Sometimes I sit there after the trailers and just watch someone play Snood. Yeah. I eat my Milk Duds. Do you remember when we used to have to use Windows 3.12 Windows

for film groups? I guess. I don't know. Yeah. How things have changed. Yeah. Things have really changed Microsoft Bob. Griffin. Disenchanted. Yes. It's going to be on the Disney Plus. Yes. Can I watch this on any of the Pluses? Paramount? No. Apple? Exclusively on Disney+.

Okay. Great. Sounds good. Only. That's great. Blind Check is a podcast. I think our listeners probably already listen to it. If you're not already listening to it, you should.

It's a great show. Better and more popular than this show. Not true. Yeah, it is. But thank you. It's kind of you to dissemble in that. Let's compare metrics after this. I'm only going to show you enough to win, as Milton Berle once said.

Famously big podcast. Huge podcast. His first 30-day window was humongous. It's a very funny film discussion show. You and David are— David Sims of The Atlantic is my co-host. Great guests. We pick a director.

We go through all of their movies. We are finishing up Stanley Kubrick right now, which has been quite a run. That guy made some good pictures. Yeah. Talented guy. Talented guy. British, I'm told. No.

Not? No. He abandoned. He's a Brooklyn boy. Oh, my gosh. Who left the States, found his chosen home, and then never left. Interesting. Have you ever heard?

You learn a lot, too, on the show. You learn a lot. It's the thing. I always think of him as being this austere British man. And then you watch interviews with him. I do, too. He's like, Jack, move over to the corner. Have you ever heard Griffin, his recording of that, Tamora?

I have. Incredible stuff. Incredible. Incredible stuff. He's so funny. He was such a funny guy. Just a really chill dude, too. Had that McConaughey vibe.

Yes. You're like. Smelled great. Is this guy blazing trees or what? Crystals under the armpits. Wow. This guy is a chill guy. Not the kind of guy who looks at 2,000 pictures of doors to choose a door for his movie. Well, he had to secretly confess to shooting the moon landing,

Jesse. And the best way to do that is with a number on a door. We did that on the Patreon. We watched the moon landing and tried to explain why it was not directed by Stanley Kubrick good bit we did that as like an ancillary episode but yeah we're doing that and then we're Henry Selleck is up next cool he's one of my favorites I'm a big dumb animation nerd lovely charming man that Henry Selleck another very very easy to work for a very very cool guy yeah but I love I love his movies and he's got this new film, Wendell and Wild, which is his first movie in 13 years. So it felt like a really good excuse to talk about him.

Wonderful program, wonderful stuff from the great Griffin Newman. Of course, you know him as Orko from Masters of the Universe. And Pip in Enchanted. And Tan-Tan. Oh, will there be Pip merchandise or theme park presents? Jordan, this is the big question. Oh, my gosh. Oh, I thought you were about to say this is the big reveal.

No, I... Because we break this kind of news. Yeah, we might. We were the first ones on J. Jonah Jameson with real desk-pounding action. The greatest action figure of all time. I said this recently. Jesse gave it to me for a birthday one year. It's my prized possession. We did the Raimi trilogy on

Blank Check earlier this year and I went out and I said, this is the single I want to put my chip down on the single greatest action figure of all time. No, it was of course my first question. To very quickly run through this. Before you took the role. Yes. Well, because, so, I would say,

you know, two voice actors on the first movie. They weren't really sure where to go with the voice on this one, especially because he didn't talk that much in the first movie. And I think they wanted to, as Disney is wont to do, figure out who the most famous person they could get was to fill that role. Apesh, if you will, perhaps. Don't think he was actually

offered. They tried Jordan Morris. They tried Al Madrigal. They tried Owen Wilson. All the big names. And then the producer of— Why did I turn that down? That was dumb. What the— Stupid.

What was I thinking? You thought you were going to get Billy from Family Circus, and there was a conflict of interest there. Right, yeah. He just got so close to that. That fell apart, of course. Fell apart in legal. It's crazy that they found another actor who leaves a trail of dots behind and speaks

to a ghost yes no they were trying to find somebody i i think and they they were having trouble locking anyone down the producer of both enchanted films was the producer on the the tick the series i did and he called me on a friday and said like i need you to do me a really big favor i said okay and he went there's no job And he went, there's no job here. Like, up front, there's no job here. Monday, we're doing a read through the whole script for Disney over Zoom with the whole cast. This chipmunks in a big part of the movie. I need to find a famous person to do it.

They're not going to hire you, but I need someone to fill in because if the jokes don't land, they're going to demand rewrites or whatever. You know, it's like this. McConaughey's on a bender. Exactly. Because you to fill in because if the jokes don't land, they're going to demand rewrites or whatever. You know, it's like this. McConaughey's on a bender. Exactly. Because you just fill in. Only thing that can come of this is Disney execs get to see you do a voice. I know you're doing more voiceover. At the end of the day, they're obviously going to go Richard Kind.

Absolutely. Right. Every name is being thrown out. And so I fill in at this Zoom read, which I, in my mind, the absolute biggest thing I'm angling for is I'm thinking, if I nail this, if I kill this so hard, they will let me be the guy in the green body sock holding the puppet off camera for her to act on. Who will later be replaced by CGI. Which I was ready to pitch myself to do. I was like, I would love to. This is coming out of lockdown.

You put those fucking ping pong balls every time you play Orko. Absolutely. And I have nice legs. I relish an opportunity to have a form fitting. You look good in a catsuit covered in ping pong balls. Absolutely. So I was ready to do that. And I fill in at this thing. And they call me a week later.

And they're like, we're just going to have you do the thing. Wow. That's cool. It was just immediate. They loved it. Yeah. And I said, what happened? And he said, if I can tell the bragging story.

Please. Because it still feels a little unreal. My producer friend, Barry Josephson, was like, I thought you'd be really good for this. I could not verbalize that to you because I knew I could not straight pitch you as a name to Disney. But I thought if I put you in front of them, then maybe I could over the course of eight or nine months convince them to let you do a scratch track work up to hopefully letting you be the guy with the thing and i said so what happened and he said the second we finished the read amy adams calls me and says we're hiring that guy wow and you got the adams calls producer director disney hold on hold on one second sorry i'm just getting a phone call hello

jesse's taking out his phone, by the way. He took out the phone for the bit. Oh, Walt? Yeah, it's Jesse. How's the fires of hell? All right. But you're visiting the spectral plane. A boulder, you say.

The corporeal. Sounds tough to push. Yeah. You know what Amy Adams said that... Well, that's what Amy Adams said. You... Sorry. Yeah, I mean, I can tell, he's right here. I can tell him. Yeah. I don't, I don't see why it's my job. I mean, obviously you could have called him. I understand that you don't have his number in your phone because he's not famous enough. I understand. Is he talking about me? He's, yeah. Griffin, he's talking about you.

Ask him if he can do dinner on Wednesday instead. I can't do Tuesday anymore. So does he want to give me a ghost blowjob? He doesn't call you anymore. That was a one-time thing. He blocked your number, Jordan. Man. Okay, I'll tell him.

I'll tell him. They're going with Richard Kind from Spin City. He's best friends with Clooney. Yeah, I know. He does a lot of fun pranks on set. it. He's best friends with Clooney. Yeah, no, I know. He does a lot of fun pranks on set. Yeah. He's got a hangdog look. Or a funny suit.

It's like Casamigos Halloween party. Good and everything. Yeah. He's always great. You're always happy to see him. Yeah, yeah. No, it did. It did truly feel like, oh, I'm the placeholder for this. And at some point they will replace me.

And now it's like. I just got a text. They're replacing Amy Adams with Richard Kind. It's becoming like the Rich Little Holiday Special. Kind's going to do the whole thing. I'm for it. You know. I'm going to reshoot it.

This is Kind's clumps. Kind needs a clump. It's just going to be Kind in a black box theater. Clumping around. She's going to people the stage. Two and a clump. It's just going to be kind in a black box theater. Yeah. Clumping around. He's going to people the stage. For two and a half hours. Yeah. Kind is one of our clumpier actors.

He is. Kind can clump. Kind can clump. Kind's clump. He's a clumper. Kind's a clumper. Saying words out here. Yeah.

Oh, but I have to answer this question. Oh, yes. Yes. Merchandise, theme park presence. These are two passions of yours. So then it was suddenly this thing of like, the part's yours. Yeah. You need to sign a contract immediately.

We need to get you a studio in two days because we want the audio to play on set when we're acting. You're not invited to set, by the way. But we're going to play the clips of everything. And so it's like a very quick thing and under the gun. And I'm just like, whatever the deal is take it but the one thing I said to my reps was get it in that I have to do the voice for everything and it's not a money thing it's like a nerd thing right where it's like you know when you're hearing the sound alike you know when you're hearing Tom Hanks's brother and I was like you can say whatever you pay me for it but

don't get a cheaper person because I'm the cheap person. Let me do the McDonald's commercial. Let me do everything. Let me be the Skylander. So it's all baked in. And I've just been waiting for the call for any of these supplemental things. It's going to happen. I think it's going to happen. He looks like a stuffed animal.

It's right there. But nothing is set. There's going to be a ride. There's going to be a ride. There's going to be a disenchanted ride. And you're going to tell the people on the ride, we need your help. That's the pre-ride, like, you better buckle up. Any of that stuff, I really, or doing a Candy Crush overlay. Hold on one second.

Oh, my God. Your phone's ringing. I got a text from Build-A-Bear Workshop. Okay, here we go. They just got bought by Richard Kind. Oh, no. Yeah. They just wanted to let you know that. Build-A-Bear Workshop. Okay, here we go. They just got bought by Richard Kind. Oh, no. Yeah. They just wanted to let you know that. Build-A-Rich Workshop? Yeah.

No, it's Build-A, you know. They're doing a lot of Spin City stuff lately. Every kid wants their Spin City bear under the tree this Christmas. Wow, I got Barry Bostwick. Is he in that? Yeah, oh yeah. He was the mayor. That's what I thought. Aw, you gave me Caroline in the city.

Where'd you get this? Payless, not Build-A-Bear Workshop. That's for sure. The point here is I'm asking for your sick, perverted. Wow, Veronica's closet playset. I'm asking for your sick, perverted fans to demand. There's a bunch of sickos out there listening. Theme park presence, the merch. You know what? If you're out there listening. The PIP theme park presence, the merch.

You know what? If you're out there and you're a sick, nasty freak, dip your wick in this. Yeah. Get on your fucking nasty little Twitter account. Blast this one out.

Your freaky little Instagram. Yeah. Get at Disney. Yeah. Tell them you want as much PIP as your asshole can handle. And I want to hear this voice

everywhere. Everywhere. I want it to ring in my nightmares. And can I also ask that they tag Build-A-Bear Workshop? Sure. So tag Disney, Build-A-Bear Workshop. Let them know that Pip needs a bear, okay? Let's get away from Jonathan Silverman and get to Griffin Newman.

But let's make it clear also, do not tag Richard Kind because we don't want to give him any more ideas. No, don't. Richard Kind is a fucking bull want to give him any more ideas. No, no. Richard Kind is a fucking bulldozer. He's too busy. This guy. He's so busy. This guy literally was in court in New Hampshire trying to unbuy Build-A-Bear Workshop. Then he finds out it's not going to happen.

Quick turnaround, he's fired half the staff. This thing is over leveraged. Right. And the whole time he's just talking about free speech. He just wants Build-A-Bears to be able to say as many slurs as they want. He's one of these rise-and-grind moguls who's like, I sleep 45 minutes a night, I wake up at 3 a.m. because that's when the

Japanese stock market opens. I gotta feed Clooney's pig. I gotta boost my platform or whatever. Kind of just takes a little bit of LSD in the morning. He might get more creative. Well, Griffin, Monday through Friday, he's a microdoser. Saturday and Sunday, it's all macro. Macro.

That guy is living his life. Richard Kind from Spin City is good at everything. Everyone loves Richard Kind because he's fucking great. Can I plug Richard Kind quickly? Please do. Does his whole body of work. The guy's never bad. He's great. Go to IMDB, type in Richard Kind. Can I plug Richard Kind quickly? Please do. Does his whole body work? The guy's never bad. He's great.

Go to IMDB, type in Richard Kind. Have yourself. He's on CBS Procedural now. I just caught him. I loved him on Red Oaks. Go on Amazon Prime. Watch Red Oaks. Richard Kind's in there.

He's fucking great. If you've got extra time, throw on a tick or two. Throw on a tick. Throw on a tick. Throw on a quick tick. Quick tick's real good. Quick tick's real good. Give it a quick tick.

Yeah. How come we never had Sarah Finowitz? We've had Warburton. Are there other ticks? Townsend Coleman. Yeah, is that who did him on the animated show? Dabney Coleman, you said? It says Townsend Coleman.

It's one of the great names. And he was also Michelangelo on Ninja Turtles. It's another one of these guys where you're like, oh, you played those eight characters? Right, yes. We have had Dabney Coleman and Vince Coleman, the Cardinal speedster, but we have yet to have... I think Sam Riegel was Michelangelo at some point.

Oh, God, yes. Anyway. Barry Gordon, the kid from A Thousand Clowns, was one of those Ninja Turtles. Who hasn't been a Ninja Turtle at this point?

Yeah. The three of us. Al Madrigal, Jordan Morris. You could cast the three of us. Listen. We could.

Leo, Raph, Don, and, you know, Chris Fairbanks could be Michelangelo. You can make Davidson the fourth if that helps Listen. We could. Leo, Raph, Don. Yeah. And, you know, Chris Fairbanks could be Michelangelo. You can make Davidson the fourth if that helps boost the profile. Yeah, listen. Yeah.

If you want a Ninja Turtle, who fucks? Yeah. Whipping around his fat turtle cock. Can anyone remember something funny Pete Davidson has done?

I don't know. I mean, he does. There's something about him, but who knows what the fuck it is. It is pretty funny, objectively, how much he fucks. That is funny.

He does seem smelly. Yeah. To his credit. Yeah. He's got that renter quality. Yeah, and I like that he seems as surprised as anyone that he's now become the Warren Beatty of his generation. He's like, you're not Michael Che? Yeah.

Well, you know, whatever. I guess I'll fuck. If I must. Daniel Zafran is our producer who has to get to work. Our theme music, Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. Our producer emeritus, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. Find us on social media at JordanJesseGo on Twitter. You can also at Build a Bear Workshop.

Yes. We're on Reddit at maximum fun dot reddit.com on Facebook at facebook.com slash Jordan, Jesse go never miss an episode again. You know what I mean? Your final warning. How dare you miss an episode except for you, Hunter. Yeah.

You're out of here. Fucking mitochondria. Go suck a lemon, Ellen boss. Okay. Okay. Yeah, that's probably all the things we say at the end of a show. No one really remembers. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica.

I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. love you.