Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Twee Dom, with Blaire Erskine

Episode Date: September 3, 2026

This week, we're joined by JJGo fave, comic and writer Blaire Erskine to talk about hand modeling, eating bees, the olden days of Craigslist, and so much more. *Check out Blaire on Instagram  *Get the JJGo X Stankus merch! *Preorder The Amazing Venom *Check out more Amazing Spiderman content from Jordan. *Order Jordan’s new Web of Venom comic. *Check out Jordan’s comic Predator: Bloodshed. * Order Jordan’s new Predator comic: Black, White & Blood! * Order Jordan’s new Venom comic! * Donate to Al Otro Lado. * Purchase signed copies of *Youth Group* and *Bubble* from Mission: Comics And Art!   ~ NEW JJGo MERCH ~ Get  Bronto Dino-Merch! Get our ‘Ack Tuah’ shirt in the Max Fun store. Grab an ‘Ack Tuah’ mug! The Maximum Fun Bookshop! Follow the podcast on Instagram and send us your dank memes! Check out Jesse’s thrifted clothing store, Put This On. Produced by Christian Dueñas Help support this show and unlock bonus content! Become a member at https://maximumfun.org/joinjjgo Help support this show and unlock bonus content! Become a member at https://maximumfun.org/joinjjgo

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and sex and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I am Jesse Thorne America's Radio, sweetheart. Jordan Morris, I read it on the Internet. Okay, now this is probably the most popular segment on our show. We have a lot of popular segments.

People love it. But this is a segment on the show where you or I share. share something that we saw on Reddit. Because we don't leave the house or do things. Now, usually we're excited to share those things, but... Yeah, I know. I might be reading your vibes wrong, Jordan, but you seem... My giving off a vibe.

You're giving off a little bit of a vibe. You smell weird, too. The things are unrelated. Something might be wrong with your endocrine system. Your stress response may be spiking. Okay, what did you read on Reddit, Jordan? Tell me about it. Well, I read it on the internet.

I'm just, I, I guess I should get out in front of this. I'm cooked. You're cooked? I'm done. Wow. I'm done. It's over. I knew that you were a choppedunk, but I didn't know you were all the way cooked.

I'm cooked. Like a turkey on Thanksgiving. Yep. Wow. Why is that? Well, okay. So I, I'll, I'll back up a little bit. Jop-wop-wop-wop-wop.

How did I get here? Okay. I did this backwards. Usually I say, how do you get here? and then I go beep wop, wop, wop, wop, but whatever. Just figure it out. Can I just say... Figure out what I was doing.

Yeah. Okay. Jordan just did that. Jesse is sitting right behind me, isn't he? Yeah. So, I, you know, I've been writing these comic books. You wrote Baby Garfield? Baby Garfield.

My finest work. You wrote two different venoms. Yeah, I've been hanging with my pal venom for a while. You wrote Predator, Comic Book? Predator Bloodshed. Yes, that's the one. That's the one in... No, well, the one in question is

The Amazing Spider-Man Spider-versity. Yeah. Now, this is something I'm co-writing with Joe Kelly, art by Perry Perez. It's a wonderful fun, spidey family team-up adventure. All right.

Who's in the Spitey family? Oh, yeah, well, so it's, you know, Peter Parker, of course, but then there's Spider-Woman. You got Miles Morales, Spider-Man, Spider-Gwen, Ghost Spider-Spider. Spider-Boy, Spider-Girl, Arranya.

Is everybody in Spider-Man a spider now? Yeah. Like Jay Jonah Jameson and stuff? No, but I'm wearing them down. If I just suggest it ten more times, I think they'll let me do it. Got it. No. So this is like the, you know, a kind of a spidey team up.

They're in a training academy that is being bankrolled by Norman Osborne, the Green Goblin. Yeah, this gets juicy. Whoa. And I think it's going great. personally, we're four issues into the series. It's going to be five issues total. Perry Perez, if you read his comics, this guy can draw. Joe Kelly came up with the concept, obviously a comic legend.

And, you know, I'm thrilled with how this thing's turned out. And I, but I've had to really train myself since starting to do books, not to look anywhere online where people are talking about the books. Right. Because these are the most brutal kinds of reviews. And a lot, it's a lot of people calling for your death. which I can accept. Right.

But a lot of times... You know that everyone dies. Sure, I know everyone dies. My time will come. I've lived a wonderful life. I have no regrets. So they're calling for your death, which I get. But a lot of times they're calling for your death

without having read the book, which I cannot excuse. Yeah. You knew that everybody dies because you've heard the song, Ladies Who Lunch, from the musical company. Yes. Uh-huh. But you don't accept that judgment from people who haven't even... taken the time to read about spiderversity.

Yeah. This is a training school funded by Harry Osborne. Norman Osborne, the Green Goblin. And, of course, the founder of Osborne Software. And Osborne, yeah. And all the different guys and ladies from Spider-Man who all are spiders now. Yeah. Except for Jay Jonah Jameson.

Joe Jamison. Believe me, I've suggested it. So I'm, you know, since starting comics, I'm like, don't look at this stuff. I don't know if you've ever read a good reads review. Those can be pretty unhinged. Yeah. And yeah, so I'm trying to just kind of stay away. You know, somebody says something nice about the book online.

I'm like, to me, I'm thrilled to hear that. I always love to hear about people who are liking it. But as far as, like, diving into general reviews of it, can't do it, shouldn't do it. You shouldn't do it. I mean, you should never search for your name on social media. Nope. You should never search for your name on Reddit. You should never search for the name of your podcasts on either of those things.

No, no. You shouldn't look at the podcast reviews in Apple Podcasts. You shouldn't watch Siskel and Ebert when they're talking about your movie. These are all rules that I... Now, Cisco loves your movie Carnosaur, Jesse. That's a great point. Your directorial debut, Siskel famously loved it. That's great.

The one that came out one week before Jurassic Park. I think so, yes. So I'm here clicking and clacking on the internet, not looking. Jordan, I just want to make clear my purpose. point, which is that I'm perfect. Yeah. Go ahead. Thank you. But sometimes you'll, it'll just, it'll just get pushed in front of you. For instance, I was scrolling on Reddit and a post came up from R-slash Spider-Man.

Yeah. And that makes perfect sense. You love Spider-Man? Yeah. I subscribed to this subreddit. Yeah. And the post. The post was, what do you think, what do you think about Spider-Versity so far? Yeah. And had some of that great Perry Perez art. So I'm like, Well, I guess I'm a weak ban. Yeah. I'll click. You're not perfect like me. I clicked.

And here's how I know I'm cooked. I'm going to read one of the reviews. Okay. This is from I'm Octavia. I'm scared. Is this a real Octavius? I think so. I don't think you can just take the name.

Okay. I think it's illegal. Dr. Otto. This is Dr. Otto Octavius. So I'm going to read the whole, I can only assume. Right. So I'm just You're seated, so I'm going to read the whole review.

But you're understanding this in the context of the fact that you are taking feedback from a literal supervillain. I know. So here's the whole review from I'm Octavius for Spiderversity. Stupidversity. Oh, fuck. I'm cocked. He got you. It's over.

He got my ass. Your ass got God? He got my ass. fucking stupid varsity what am I going to do with myself Are you stupid?

Go back to go to grad school It's over Bad school Yeah I should go to bad school Because I'm bad Should we introduce our guests Our guest on the program

Roasted some more Obviously is a professional comedy writer and performer She's one of our favorites Here on Jordan Jesse Go Blair Erskine Thank you First of all Blair Thanks for that great contribution

To the show that you just made Of course, anytime It was, I left the call. It's me. You're I'm Octavius? I like to make puns. Yeah. I'm Octavius.

Well, I'm, I'm Octavius. I'm sorry you didn't like it. I did a bad job. No, it's not that I haven't read it. Well, there you go. It's just right there. You should have thought about it, quite frankly. Yeah.

You're right. Are you going to do, are you going to write issue five or? I'm already done with it. They're drawing it. But I guess I could just throw it out and have somebody else finish it. Can you call them and have them just let them know that it's too stupid. Like, guys, I'm sorry.

Me too dumb. Me, sorry. And then I'm talking on a banana. That's your sixth issue. Is that you're too dumb? Yeah. So yeah, I'm just, I'm sorry to everyone and I'm just letting everyone know I'm cooked. Okay.

Well, I appreciate that. Hi, Blair. Thank you for being back. We haven't talked to you in a minute. Yeah, what's been going, what's up with that? Apparently, you've been washing your hands and poop. I've been digging in buns. Yeah, now that heats off me and it's on to Blair, old poop hands.

No one cares that Jordan's stupid anymore. I don't know what. Yes, we do, and we're going to get back to it. Oh, fuck. You came in here, Blair, for context. You came. Sludy. We're thrilled to see you.

We gave you a big hug. We're always happy to see. I mean, I'm speaking for myself here, but I'm always happy to see our friend Blair Eriskin. Me too. Always a joy to see the queen of J.C. Pineapples. And the first thing you said to us, other than how much, was an apology for having brown hands. Well,

I heard of a green thumb. I used to, mean thumb. That's good. Jordan, you just got recooked. You're gonna learn your lesson. Can you write a Spider-Mancom, but you should be doing this shit.

I'm gonna fucking retire. I'm gonna work a jiffy loo. That guy always has a quip, just like Blair Erskine. I used to be a hand model. So I think that, uh, I think that's why.

I think I have trauma left over from working at the gym shopping network because I'd have to come in. Like, I've got cat scraps is on my hands, guys. You literally used to be a hand model at the gem shopping network? I thought I told you guys this. No, I guess not. Maybe you did and I forgot because I don't pay attention. Obviously, Blair's greatest anecdote is that of J.C. Pineapples, the Christian All Ages club that she went to as a kid where the J.C. stood for Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ, obviously.

So yes. And the pineapple stood for. Pineapple. For Jesus being a swinger who hated monogamy. That guy was open-minded. But I think we have talked a little bit about your time as a hand model, but would you like to give a brief, you know, explanation? How did you get into it? Yes, I moved to Atlanta to go to school at Georgia State University, and I needed a job, and I was on Craigslist because it was 2000.

11. Yes. And you were looking for a hairy man. I was looking for a hairy man. Um, and they, why were we using Craigslist back then? I have no idea. I was young, you know. I was 20 years old. It was like the only thing on the internet though for a while. Now we have too many things, but there's two or three things and Craigslist was one of the two or three. And it had everything you know. Craigslist wasn't is a good internet. Yeah. Yes, I agree. I'm glad it's still there. but yeah, I would always, I would check misconnections just to see if anybody was looking for me, and then I would go to jobs, you know, because I needed money. Two stops, misconnections.

You could just, to the woman with brown hands on the subway. We shared a glance. You didn't just control F on misconnections for J.C. Pineapples? I will tonight. Okay. I saw you standing at the juice bar. I was underage. Reading Exodus.

It was too dark to read. read. Well, they had to keep the lights down for the fingering those little goose necks? No. I would say go in the back pages of the Atlantic. Find a little ad for a goose neck lamp for reading. Buy that, bring it to J.C. Pineapples. And while you're there, why not buy some clothing with hidden travel pockets?

Secure pockets to keep your passport in. Might as well buy some spy glasses, too. See behind me while I'm on it. What are we doing? I need to go to a galactic. From the Atlantic. Yeah. Okay, go ahead.

Eat a Garfield treasury. Did the listing just say? It was, I mean, it was just like model needed, hand model needed. They didn't say the name of the company. It was very non-like, I mean, I could have been murdered, you know. Sure. It was like. Was there a part that said not for Jackoff?

No. So, I mean, but, you know, it didn't occur to me then that I could have. Yeah. I mean, I think at the time, 2011, We as a culture were less tuned in to all the nasty freaks of the world. Okay. So maybe the idea that everything is a fetish is a relatively new thing. Yeah, I think so.

And maybe at the time you wouldn't have automatically gone, well, this is a fetish. But now that we have too much information about everyone. No, I see people like eating cake and I'm like, this is some weird fucking thing. Disgusting. Yeah. Eating cake online. Right. You see a guy hiking with his cat on a leash.

you're like disgusting. Who's masturbating in here? Who's someone's jacking it? You're right about that because also in like 2010, 20, I was going to say 29. Sure, why not? 29. I was, I saw, I was venturing into seeing porn on the internet and I saw one of those casting couch videos where like the dude was like, oh, this girl's boyfriend just beat me up.

And I was like, you were, sorry, you know, like, I mean, you've seen, you've heard of these casting couch videos. Okay, right. No, that's not the part that caught me up. I think it's the part where someone's boyfriend's getting beat up. Well, that's the thing. So, like, they, he was, he was telling his story. He liked to also tell a story where, you know, the viewers thought that this guy was,

you know, like, tricking these ladies and their boyfriends were getting mad about it, you know, but the girls loved it. Right. Anyway, I was like, you were taking advantage of these young women. I started at Twitter and I was like, there's this man on you porn.com and he is, tricking women into coming. He's telling them there's a hot part for them. He's telling them that they're like auditioning for a dawn

commercial and then they're naked on the couch. I was corresponding with him at one point like you're going to be sorry you did this. Oh really? So you had found the pornographer. I sent him an email and then years later, years later I realized like oh. That's part of it.

I thought he had so much fun with me. Right. I know. Not as much fun as you haven't but okay so I was a hand model. Yeah. So you do doing two things online. You were shaming, shaming pornographers. So that guy sent you an email with a Craigslist listing. Yeah.

They had me some pictures of my hands and they hired me. I did an in-person interview and I was surprised that it was like a real, I mean, it was a big business. But my hands weren't like the best hands on the roster and so they had me on a graveyard shift.

I worked for five years from 1 a.m. to 10 a.m. Oh my gosh. You were working, you were an overnight I was an overnight model. What do you get paid? I was making $12 an hour, which back then was a lot for me.

In Georgia. I was 20. And the clout? Yeah. I mean, you were probably... And I got VTO. Yeah, and it was like, oh, I'm technically on TV. Because sometimes people would want...

I mean, probably like you'd be going to a club and you would flash the fingies and they would just lift the velvet rope for you right this way. I didn't try that, but I bet that would have gone my way for sure. Do you have a favorite product? you ever modeled? Is there something where you're just like, I'm fucking nailing this? Oh, no. I was never nailing. Well, what I was nailing were the holes in my ears because my ear holes had grown in from getting my ears pierced as a kid. And so I was having to like repierce them whenever someone wanted an earring. Oh. And when I mean, several times, I was just a single drip of blood. But it was like 2 a.m. Nobody was watching except for the people in the nursing homes. It's an evil, evil place.

Tricking old people into spending like, you know. $200. on a cubic zirconium. Like $200,000. They were selling, like, crazy, like, yellow diamonds, pink diamonds. Oh, my gosh. Diamonds, other colors, brown diamonds, brown diamonds. Right.

And Blair showed us her fingers. Yeah, yeah. Well, there are a camera. So, wait, so let's, you were a hand model. I was. So you're very, you're very hand conscious. I am. I think so, yeah.

That must be. And that's why you were embarrassed from your brown fingers coming in. Which I don't think we would have noticed if you wouldn't have pointed it out. therapist, I think that's what, yeah. I want to say, we pay our guests on Jordan, Jessica. We do. A living wage. Sometimes I want to repaying our guests enough.

We're not making that much money from Jordan and Jesse Go, or should we, but should we be paying more, et cetera, et cetera. She's getting more than $12 an hour. Yeah. So I guess she should be grateful. We're paying QVC overnight money. What? Here on Jordan, Jesse, Go.

What's that? We get some of the best money that you're going to get in 2010. Is it different? In Georgia. Different money? Is it different money? No, it's the same money. It will be paying you in crypto.

It's a little more money. Unless maybe you count travel time, in which case it's getting closer. Yeah. I cannot even break in it. But the brown fingers are not from gardening or any kind of poop-related incident. No, I don't garden, I don't poop. Okay. Good.

You know what? Good. I don't like either. You don't like gardening or pooping. No. Uh-uh. This was a hair dye browning? Yeah, yeah, yes.

Your hair looks radiant. Thank you. Well, I just did it today because it's so expensive to get your hair colored, but I go gray, like full on gray every four weeks, and I said, I could probably learn. You go full gray? Yes. You're a young woman. Well, I thought so, but something's not right about my chemistry.

Maybe you're a silver fox. Maybe you were born to be a silver fox. I'm adopted. I think I don't know everything about who I am. Your father, Steve Martin. Bring him out of him. The original. Steve, are you here?

Did you bring your banjo? Steve, he does follow me on, he followed me on Twitter. Did he? Yes. Wow. And another Steve Martin who just plays the banjo, but it's not him. Wait. So I have the real one.

There's a Gallagher, too, for banjo, Steve Martin. Is it the lesser Steve Martin that tours with Ed Helms? Might be. And he has like 400,000 followers because people think he's like, I mean, his handle is unreal bluegrass. You see the band. And you're like, well, I know who this is. Yes. I thought he followed me from his banjo account and his celebrity account, but two different

Steve's got an alt. I bet he does. He probably has an alt. I was going to ask something that I won't ask, and I'll tell you guys what it is off. I'm going to make you ask me, but the girl that trained me. I'll ask Jordan. Jordan, what color are your pubes? He was going to ask us what color his pubes were.

We're going to write that back at you. Gray is a storm. My pubs are very distinguished. Gray has a storm. What I was going to say is one of the hand models, the one that trained me, is now a real housewife of Beverly Hills. No. Of Beverly Hills?

Fucking way. A bevy? No, sorry, Orange County. Orange County. But still, that's one of the classics, right? Really good. That's the first one. She was on one season, and I don't think she's there anymore,

but she did cause a lot of drama. What did you learn from her? What would you say are the main lessons? Well, I learned that she wanted. She wanted me to take over her shifts. Could I please take that shift? Okay. She was working the overnight shift.

Yeah. I mean, she was, she didn't want to work there anymore, and I couldn't blame her. She was gorgeous, beautiful slender hands. They didn't like me being a hand model there, the hosts of the show. Sometimes they wouldn't let me model a ring because they were threatened by you because of how pretty you are. Yes. Is my best guest, Jordan. I think you're right.

Probably what happened. One, yes. Do you think if you, like, ran into her at, I don't know, let's say Spago. What is Spago? Spago, the legendary Hollywood restaurant, Wolfgang Puck's restaurant, Spago. Why is it called Spago? Sounds like a spa.

It's Italian for barbecue chicken pizza. Yes. He gave me a chocolate cigar one time. Wolfgang Puck? What was the, what, why did that happen? Is that a sex euphemism? I was working at Kimmel and I was at the, we were, Gieramo and I were doing the red carpet, the Angu does at the Oscars every year.

And Wolfgang Puck always like, stalking. stops by and talks to him. And the director on the bit, he was like, Wolfgang always tries to get in, like, the, the bit that we do every year. We never put him in, but he's always so nice. And he gives us stuff. And that year it was a chocolate cigar. It was delicious. Yeah?

He made it himself? I don't know, but he touched it. And I ate it. I mean, I held onto it for a while to take some picks. And then I ate it. And it was good. For so shos. What are you doing like a thing where you go, meow, hey.

No, I didn't do that. You should have got mea. Fuck. Mia. I'm not even that good. It doesn't matter now. You don't have the cigar. It doesn't matter if you say me now.

I'm yelling at me. You can say meow you want. It doesn't do anything. You don't have the cigar. There have been long. I say mia. Mia. Can I tell you something?

I think this is going to comfort you, Blair. In your time of difficulty. Get yourself some pretzel rods. Because then, guess what you're going to be saying? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. See?

Wasn't here, bust the brow. Yeah. Nobody can, the big ones, the big pretzel rods? Yeah, the big pretzel rod. I love those. Salty bastards. Oh, yes. The fucking salty assholes.

So if you ran into this housewife at Spago, do you think she would recognize you? Do you think if you went up to her and said like, oh, I was your hand model protege? And I'll extend that, Jordan. This also would apply if you ran into her at Dan Tannas. Sure. And what is Dan Tannas? The Spago of the 60s and 70s. The polls we're doing are like restaurants synonymous with a different age of Hollywood.

I think maybe Spago was like the 80s, right? If you're like a Cokey 80s guy, you're at Spago. Which I am. Oh, I know. I am. We know why you were late. I was just doing so much Coke. Exactly.

Dantan is maybe where you run into Jack Lemon. Yeah, Dan Tana's like the 60s 70s. Okay. Great chicken parm at Dan Tantan. by the way. If you're looking for a chicken palm, I am always. Dan Tananas. Dan Tanis. I went to, what's, Muso and Franks? Can we make a Muso and Franks reference? That's a good, that's, that's correct. Okay. So if you run into her at Muso, what's her name? Katie. If you run into Katie at Muso and Franks, Jordan, continue. Do you think if you came up to her and said, like, I was your hand model

protege? Well, I wouldn't say that. I would say Katie! Katie! Hi! It's me, Blair. And she'll be like, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She would just throw a drink on your face. Bitch. Immediately. Stop talking to my husband. Yeah, maybe. I don't know.

She doesn't follow me anymore. I left her a comment on what I thought her housewife tagline should be, which was like, I've got Orange County wrapped around my finger. Like I may not be a hand model anymore, but I have Orange Count. That's what it was. And she gave it a laughing face emoji. But then she unfollowed you? She had already unfollow me for that.

So maybe she probably is like, how does this person know? But I wanted it to come out on the show that she was. I feel like it could have helped her. She didn't talk enough about her past as a hand. It's fascinating. We've gotten so much wonderful content out of it just here on this episode. Who was her rich husband? Matt Janella, he's a golf guy.

Golf guy. Because after gym shopping, she went over, she became a sexy golf caddy. Oh. Is that a kind of? With Adriena Patrice from the hills. Being a sexy golf pad, Caddy is a thing? A paddy, too.

Yeah. Yeah, it's a thing. Are there like, is there like Hooters golf courses? Well, she had clothes on, but she would, but yes. But men need. They wear clothes at Hooters. Not a lot of them. You're funny.

You're kind of silly. Thank you. No, apparently I'm stupid. Oh, wow. This is just like we're on Ellen and they pull up what you're talking about. Yeah, Christian has been pulling up the things we're talking about on screens. He's doing a great job producing the show. Go ahead and click on...

Let's click on some of these picks. Computer enhanced that way. Show something with hands. I want to see the hands. Enhanced. Oh, there are they? She's got his. She's holding balls.

She's holding five baseballs like she's Johnny Bench. She's known as the Johnny Bench of... She's got a great slider. And so I wonder if you look up... So next to her name, put Gem Shopping Network and see what pops up. Oh, yeah, let's see some gems. Oh, I want to know if this woman, what was her thing on Real Housewives? Like, what was her signature?

It was like, when you live your life on the green, everything is just par for the course. All right. That's fun. It's not as good as. You think she should have leaned into hand model and leaned away from golf? But green could, it means money. Oh, yeah. Oh, okay.

Oh, I didn't think about that. I didn't think about that. Or was she always blazing trees? On the show, I haven't seen the show. Did she always have a fat spliff? Well, no, because she's got kids. You can still puff the homegrown. Oh, no, you cannot.

No, you're not under my watch, Mr. Okay. I didn't know you were watching me. I'm watching. When I puff on a fat spliff. And if I see you blaze up around those beautiful angels, I will take them away from you. You'll take my children.

I will take those kids. I'm not going to have some. stony baloney looking after my kids. Okay. And they're mine now. Wait, they're your children? Yep. Because you're too busy.

Did you conceive them with my wife? Oh, no. I never come. You know that about me. I find it sinful. Okay, that's fair. That's why I'll never have your son. Yeah.

Jordan, do you not have a son? Thank you, Blair. I got a son. I'm working on it. Anyway. This is your first episode. Welcome to the show. show.

Blair, let me ask you a question. Yeah. When you saw your former mentor, I think it's fair to call her your mentor. It's like a Jedi. There's always a master and a disciple. Yeah. Oh, okay, okay. A Padawan learner.

When you saw this woman who had taught you so, who had given you so much. She, I am responsible for where I am today. $12 an hour. Her shifts. Right. Her shifts, all of them, yeah. Were you, when you saw her on Bravo? Yes.

And here you are. You're making popular content on social media. Some might say. Writing for television. But tell me the truth. There was a little bit of you that was jealous that she was a real housewife and you weren't. Yes. Yes.

Because your husband is not a professional golfer. He's a nice nerd that listens to Jordan Jesse. I know. I think the publicity would break him. think it would break our marriage. You know what I mean? He might be a professional golfer. He's a private man. I spoke too soon because I don't know his career. I've met him, but I don't know his career. I said he was not a professional golfer. You're right. You're right. That's his career.

It's not a professional golfer. That's on his LinkedIn. I just, you know, he's a sort of a media. He doesn't, he's a handsome man, but he doesn't look like a professional athlete to me. No. No. I would say no one in this room looks like he's built. You haven't seen his legs. Oh, does he have gorgeous legs? Oh, my God. Tell me about the stems on this guy. Just the hottest legs. I mean, like, they're so muscular.

I mean, because he works out every day and he runs to. Every day. Yes. He'll work out inside one day and then run the next and work. And he's done this the whole time we've been together. He's constantly working out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It makes me look like a fucking slob.

This is when a gentle nerd also exercises a lot. Yeah. The examples that come to mind. Peter Sagle. Yes. Peter Sagle from Wait, Wait, don't tell me, is a passionate runner. Very athletic build. My friend Ben Lindbergh, the host of the baseball podcast, effectively wild.

This guy is literally a professional dweepis. This guy is just a baseball slash Star Wars nerd for a living. He writes articles for the ringer about Star Wars lore. And he's a little guy. This guy's a professional dweeper. Gentle man, both a gentleman and a gentleman. Fucking yoked. Yeah.

Roman Mars. There's another one. Roman Mars from 99% invisible is fucking yoked now. No, not the voice. I can't imagine. How yoked is he? Pretty yoked. I mean, he's still is, he's a smallish man.

He's not a huge guy. Ira Glass isn't. Ira Glass is not. Ira Glass isn't. Ira Glass is a silver fox, though. Ira retains his... He's handsome. He's handsome.

He retains his charm and good looks. You know how they say that there's like canals on Mars? For there's gutters on Mars. Yeah, that's a good point. I'm going to text Roman that you said. Thank you. Listen, let's make a break. Jesse has something to text Roman.

And then we'll come back for some more. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Goe. I am Jesse Thorne America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris Boy, Detective. Thank you to everyone who is a member of Maximum Fun. if you're not yet a member of Maximum Fun, you can support Jordan, Jesse, go directly in a matter of seconds

by going to Maximumfund.org slash join JJ go. Maximumfund.org slash join JJ go. Jordan, we have a message up on the Jumbotron. The Jumbotron is the big message board at the ballpark where our listeners can share their messages with our listeners. this is a message from

Busy Builder Jesse in August we celebrate analogist here on the show you know that I celebrate that all year round Jordan so it's great

so we've got an analogist message in September what a lucky fan base we have without a fan base without a fan base without a trace base this is from

Bussy Builder and I'll go ahead and read the message. It's Bussy. Bussy, excuse me. Bucy builder? Gary Bucy Bucy Rhymns with pussy, Jordan. It says it rhymes with pussy.

Bussy. Pussy, it doesn't rhyme with pussy. We're saying the same thing, Jesse. You're saying you're correcting me, but we're saying the same word. Bucie builder. I'll go ahead and read it. You don't need a Bucie built. Bucie's already jacked.

Oh, yeah. Bilsie don't need to build no more. Happy anal August. Do you or someone you love have a prostate? Gosh, I didn't read this beforehand. Prime that peach with the bussy builder. The pussy builder. We're saying the same thing, Jesse.

Prime that peach with the bussy builder. The anal training kit specifically designed by board certified sex educators. Sean Griffin for maximum pleasure and safety. And don't forget to lubricate with our bare-ass lube, a water-based loob that's safe for all adult products and standard or fun-sized bear bottles. BussyBuilder provides discrete shipping worldwide. Get yours at busybuilder.com today. If you want to get up on the Jumbotron, it's maximum fun.org slash jumbotron.

I do have one follow-up question about this Jumbotron. What board certified Sean Griffin? The butt board. I don't know. Jesse, can I plug a couple of upcoming comic-related events? Yeah, what comic-related events will be, will you be attending upcoming? Well, this week I'll be at DragonCon in Atlanta. I'll be at table 706 during the day.

So come on by, 706. And then... You'll be in room 492 at night. So slide 50 bucks under the door and see what happens. Funny you mentioned that, Jesse. I'll be at 706 in the in the daytime and at the evening I'm maybe doing some some sketch and improv shows with a bunch of funny people. A lot of Max Fund family members will be there. Consult the guide for times and places.

I was telling some comic book professionals that I was headed to DragonCon. And their immediate reaction was, oh. That's the Swinger one. And so I've looked into this. I just don't think I can get the permits in time. At Booth 706, I will be signing comic books. I will not be offering wife kissing. Okay.

I won't. I know. Did you apply? Did you put in the application? There's just so much red tape. You need to do it like a year in advance, like getting a liquor license. But you got it. Jordan, in Georgia.

The tax incentives are incredible. No, listen, I know. Listen, there's nothing, my hands are tied. I cannot offer wife kissing this year. That's true. As long as you have a safe word. The bureaucrats can tie you up. Okay, so you're going to be at Dragon Con.

DragonCon. Come see me table 706 on September 9th. I will be in beautiful Short Pump, Virginia at Third Eye Comics. September 9th, 5 to 6 p.m., come on by. And then if you're in... Wait, did you hear Jordan about what's going on in Short Pump, Virginia? Guar Bar. Gwar bar.

Yeah, somebody went on our Reddit at R slash Maximum Fun, and they said, when you're in Short Pump, Virginia, you got to take a trip to see Guar Bar, which is a bar owned by Balsack the Jawsow Death from the band Gwar. And everyone agrees. Multiple people comment, the food's a lot better than you'd expect. That's funny. Eliza Skitter is from the area.

She's from Richmond and has told me about Guar Bar before. So I got to do it. I got to go. You got to go to Guar Bar, Jordan. We got to go to Guar Bar. We got to talk about some on our fucking show. Go to Guar Bar. I'll go to Guar Bar.

And hey, if you're in the Orange County, California area on September 30th, the day... We're talking to you, Brad. My stepdad and mom's husband. To celebrate the release of our new comic series, the Amazing Venom, the Frida Cinema, a wonderful little independent movie theater in Santa Ana. They're letting me show two of my favorite comic book movies. So if you come by, the Frida Cinema, I'm hosting a double feature. I'm going to be giving out prizes selling comics. Those two movies you ask.

Blade 2 and Hellboy 2. It's going to be a fun night. That sounds pretty sick. It's going to be fucking sick as hell, dude. I just watched Hellboy 2 recently, man. They're a cool-ass movie. Hellboy rips, whips ass. Yeah, I'm so excited to see it on a big screen with Blade 2,

which also whips a lot ass, both by Guillo del Toro. Hellboy's great, but then you watch Hellboy 2, and you're like, man, this one's probably better even than the first hellboy, even though it doesn't have Frazier from Frazier in it. I agree. Yes. They, they, yes, Doug Jones is doing the voice of the Fishman and not Niles. Um, and yeah, I agree. Maybe like vocally, it's a little bit of a step down, but the movie as a whole, it's real good. And I'm excited to see it in person. So yeah, come, uh, come watch with us. Uh, you get those tickets at thefrida cinema.org. And hey, if you're out there, uh, we are putting so much new stuff

into the Put This On Shop, not least because I'm moving, and so I have to, like, put, like, half of the things I own in my house into the Puttis on. Wow. So, you can buy Jesse's dogs. But also just general stocking up for the fourth quarter, Jordan, the fourth quarter of the year, that is. You've got to stock up. So go to Put This Onshop.com and buy something beautiful.

It's my antique and vintage store. You're going to find something amazing at Put This Onshop.com. Did someone get the, did anyone get the touch by any? angel crew jacket. Is that what? No one's bought the touch by an angel crew jacket yet. What are you people doing? Christmas is a coming.

It's a wearable size. Put this on shop.com. Get it. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. La La La La La La I'm Jessie Go. I am Jesse Thorne America's radio sweetheart. Jordan, Morris, boy, detective. I'm Blair Skin.

I'm a bitch. Wait, are you a lover? No. Are you the third thing that she sings in that song? I am a child. A child? I'm a bitch child. I'm a bitch child.

And I'm a sinner. a saint. A sinner, a saint? I'm a saint. I do not feel a shame. Meredith, what's her name? Didn't even bother to rhyme? It rhymes enough. I'm a... Slant rhyme. Let me ask you a question. This is a question for both of you. I'm a bitch, I'm a lover.

By Meredith, what's it called? Bricks. Meredith Brooks. Or, what if God was one of us by Joan Oswald? Don't make me choose! Just a stranger on a bus. Now, I'm going to tell you this. Only one of these did my dad have on cassette and possibly it was stuck in the cassette player in the car.

So that's just context for this. I think it's probably God. I'm going to go, bitch. Sorry. We're going, bitch. I'm going God. Okay. The answer was God.

It was, man. Okay. One more question. Okay, Mary. Bitch by Meredith Brooks. Or caught out there by Calise, aka in parentheses, I hate you. so much right now. For your dad having in the car?

Which one did your dad... Are you saying which one's better? Or what did your dad have in the car? No, my dad had, What If God was One of Us by Joan? The album that contained that by Joan Osborne in the car and might have been stuck in the cassette player.

She has other songs? She listened to that, he listened that album a lot. Was he okay? Was he going for something? My dad was always going. See, post-traumatic stress disorder. Oh, yeah. So he really was like...

Alcoholism recovery. Dad had a lot to deal with, so Joan Osborne helps him a lot. Joan, come on out. Yeah. What do you think? Calice or Meredith? Maybe I'll go Meredith.

You can go to Meredith? I'll go Calice because Calice needs the one on her side. The answer is Calice because I saw her open for the roots at Maritime Hall in San Francisco. She was a surprise guest as that song was breaking

and so that song retains a special place in my heart. There you go. I was there with my mom. Mom. And she's enthusiastic. Judy was there. That was the Roots concert where my mom almost got in fight in a fight with a lady.

About what? My mom, this lady wanted to push in front of us. And my mom was not having it. And this woman was probably 25 and looked like she was ready to go. You know what I mean? Like ready to beat the shit out of your mom? Yeah. And my mom was like, uh-uh.

And the lady backed off. She's like, this 60-year-old woman. or ever old my mom was at the time is not having my shit. Judy's a legend. I'm about to get my wig torn off. This is about to end up on World Star. Oh my God. The first time she's ever been told,

no, you can't push me out of the way. It was your mom, was Judy. My mom, Judy's not having it. Judy's stout. She changed that woman's life probably. My mom is a broad-shouldered woman. She's not having it from any, she's not interested in,

if I could use a single word, fuckery. Right. An intense energy, too. And if I could use two words, this bitch. Yeah. Not interested. Two things I'm not interested in.

Fuckery and this bitch. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. What other jobs did you have in Georgia? I was a hand model. Hand model. And then I worked at a Pilate studio at the front desk. Oh, okay.

You ever get on the rack? I did. I got, they made me pay for it. What? I know. You think you should be able to get on the rack for free. I think so, too. But I worked there for like less than a year because I found my my manager was like logged into her work email and she was like, Blair's just not getting the credit card system.

And I was like, well, fuck you. And no, I'm not. First of all, fuck you. Second of all, I need a refresher. When I lived in the Western edition in San Francisco, I lived like, I lived across the street from a very dangerous housing project where there was a lot of murder. and for a while. There was a period where there was a lot of murders. And so, but we were probably like four blocks from Hayes Valley, a very fancy neighborhood,

maybe even three blocks. San Francisco neighborhoods right next to each other, you know. And we loved our apartment. We loved our landlord. It was great experience overall, other than the murders. But down on the corner, there was a building that was like a corner commercial building, but the windows were frosted out. Oh.

White frosted out. And I looked, I like got on my tiptoes and looked over it and saw all this, these fucking straps and stainless steel shit in there. And I went back to my apartment and I said to my wife, I think there's a fucking sex dungeon on the corner. It's like, I think that this, I think that we are living next to a sex dungeon. And this was not that far fetched because I grew up next to a brick castle that used to be an armory and turned into the headquarters of kink.com. It was a sex castle. It became a sex

castle. Kink.com. Yeah. So it was not that crazy that I would be. This is San Francisco. I had an auditioned there once. It went great. Did they make you get naked? Yeah. They said it was part of it. They said all the... I'll take care of it. I said to Teresa, I think we lived down the street from a sex dungeon, like a professional sex dungeon. I looked over the frosted glass. And there was all kind of Kinds of shit in there. Never look over the frosted class. Alice. Anyway, long story short, was a Pilate Studio.

Just was not well labeled. No, they do look like. Just not well labeled. Torture devices. You know, it's one of those things where it was just close enough to Hayes Valley that it could be a Pilate studio, not a sex. Is Hayes Valley like H-A-Y-E? H-A-E-S. Okay.

Not like Hayes, H-A-Z-E. That sounds. Although on a Sunday afternoon where they closed the Central Freeway and there's a big park, I think you could be AJ Z-E-V-I. Probably make it a little hazier. I'm talking about weed. Okay, Pilate Studio hand model. And then I worked at a jewelry store.

Jewelry store. Because I had so much information about the gems and the metals from gym shopping. What do you love, a citrine? No. No? No. Is that your birth stone or something? No, but I do like a citrine because I love an outrageous cocktail ring.

My wife has two different outrageous. outrageous cocktail, like 50s cocktail rings with big giant citrines on them? Those dinner rings? Yeah, those are, those are nice, like costume jewelry, but real gems. Citrines aren't that expensive, so you can really go crazy. Exactly. You get a real gold ring with a real gem, but it's outrageous. Man, we sold a lot of citrines and like amethysts and stuff like that,

but one of the shows I worked on, you know, on my graveyard shifts was a show where we were selling, like, dinosaur poop. and megaladone teeth and things like that. And like little... Trilobites? Yes, and like jade statues of dicks. I have several of those. I don't know why they were doing that. Who was buying.

Did you have to pay for them? Like the Pilates Studio? No, they gave me those for free. They gave me the dicks as a gift as like a... No, that's really nice. You still have... You thought you were like that. Yes, they saw the dicks to this day.

They know you love tiny dicks. I keep up with the tent. That's what the guy at my audition said. Yeah, they were tiny. They didn't have any, like, big to scale to, I mean, that would be a dildo. Sure. We can't do that. We had decorum.

Right. We were a business. These were just sort of for tasteful displays. Yeah, just a little ha-ha. It's like if you want to make. Everyone know you love fertility. Yes. Yeah, if you want to make a little bacchanalia at home.

Sure. And who doesn't? Get a couple. I'm going to answer the question? Me. I don't. Get a couple of amethyst grapes. Ooh, yeah.

Some of these tiny jade dicks. and you got yourself a bacchanalia. I'm at this great. Do you think any of our listeners have had a bacchanalia and called in about it? Only one way to find out. We're going to have to go to the phone lines. That's all the folks who've called 206-984 for fun

or sent in a voice memo at JJGo at maximum fun.org. An example of that would be this. Hello, Jordan. Hello, Jesse. Hello, Christian. This is Jackson in Minneapolis. And I just ate a B. I think that qualifies momentification. Yeah, it's a moment of shame. I don't know.

It's a hot day in Minneapolis, and I was outside enjoying a delicious cold beverage with a bunch of crushed ice. It was so hot that I finished my beverage, and I just started like scooping the crushed ice into my mouth and crunching on it. More like pebble ice more than crushed ice.

Anyway, I like pebble ice. All of a sudden, I felt this feeling in my mouth and this, like, taste that was incredibly savory and kind of a crunchy taste. Like, it was a really satisfying peanut. And then I felt this sharp pain on my tongue. I said, what the hell is that? And I spat it out on the ground.

Thankfully, I'm out in the park, so it's not a big deal. I spat it on the ground. But I saw half a bee. So I guess I ate half a bee and got stung by it. And it's really hurts now. But it's over now. Worth it. Thanks, you guys.

Fuck ice, go twins. Love you guys. Bye. Imagine how the bee feels. Jackson? Yeah. He's dead. No question this is worth it.

Yeah. No part of this pain is not worth having eaten a bee. We love it. I love to hear about this. I love that he made clear that he wasn't just spitting indiscriminately. If he'd been in Bergdorf Goodman's, he would have just swallowed the other half of the bee. This guy has a little something called propriety. Yes.

A little something called propriety. A gentleman. A gentleman. That could have been being. movie too. Yeah. And he put it into it right there. What you got to do.

Jerry Seinfeld's in your mouth. You got to, yeah, just put it into things because I don't think this country can handle another B movie. After all we've been through, after all this country has been through. We deserve it, but. We just, no, yeah, that's true. We do deserve more B movies. But he did Pop-Tart and stuck.

Do you think that Jerry Seinfeld gave us B-movie as a kind of, as like a lesson? Like, he was trying to teach us a lesson about how fucked up this kind of. country is? Maybe. He's like, this is what you nasty pigs deserved. Eat my slop. B-movie. Yeah.

Fucking, instead of B-M-Movie, it's a B-E-E-E-Movie. Fuck you, America, said Jerry Seinfeld. I'm marrying a teenager. I'll be. I'm marrying a teenager. I'll be over here. Marrying a teenager. Spelled T-E-E-N-A-G-R, the traditional spelling.

I enjoyed, I enjoyed all of Jackson's call. I especially enjoyed the fact that he clarified that it was pebble ice, not crushed ice, because there is a huge difference. I will tell you guys a secret. Oh. I have a pebble ice machine. Oh, you've been, this is not a secret. Do not tell any bees.

Do not. Jordan, have you told any bees? No, I would never do that. Blair, you're not going to tell any bees, right? I won't. Well, no, I won't. I won't. Thank you.

On the topic of eating bees, one of my beloved high school buddies, Travis Bridenstein. Oh, Travis Bridenstein. A local legend for many reasons. One, well, I think the first thing he was known for, and this is a tough thing to be known for, but his half-brother was the drummer of the Vandals. Oh, okay. So local celebrity already. But I think he, you know, to make a name for himself, he didn't want to just be.

Half-brother. And people did call him V-D-B-B-G, Vandle's brother guy. Oh, okay. They called him V-D. V-D because of his oozing penis. Do you think that all the siblings... Do you think that all the siblings of the members of the vandals are known primarily by their association with the guy in the vandals?

Yeah, I mean... I mean, hey, if you're in Orange County, then fucking yeah. Okay. He's only half, half sibling, right? Half sibling. You think that's true if you're like the sibling of somebody from Operation Ivy? How far down the line can you go? Great, yeah, great question.

I don't know, hey, if you're out of... there and you know the sibling of someone who is in a pop punk band let's say early 80s to mid 90s rancid rancid yeah that's a lot of shared a lot of shared members with Operation Ivy so that would be probably some of the same people I'm just naming as usual I'm just naming patches that I remember on other people's jackets from high school but anyway Travis in I think you know in an effort to not just be known as the guy who was the half-brother of the drummer in the van his thing was he would eat bees. If we were like outside, hanging out, waiting for the bus.

Like if you were at a bee restaurant? How old was he when this is going on? 15 to 18. It is too old. What he'd be like, hey guys, look at this. Yeah, he would. He would. Would he eat him right out of the air?

He would, if they were, I think his move was to smash them when they had landed and then scoop them up and eat them. Does he know we need to be? That's gross. Yeah. We loved it, though. Listen, I'm fucking 44 and I'm still talking about it. Jordan.

I got to tell you. 30 years ago and I just remember this guy who ate bees. When I pictured him either grabbing them out of the air or somehow ushering them into his mouth. Yeah, luring them with honey. Sort of like the way that you throw a piece of candy or popcorn up in the air and then you catch it. Yeah. When Nikki Minaj said bees in the trap. Yeah.

She didn't mean like this. She was talking about Mike Brydenstein's. Travis Bridenstein's patch that he would trap that he would set for these bees so he could smash them. Smash him and eat them. We loved it. It is impressive that he was able to smash them. It is. And that's a kink.

Quick hands. We're back to the. It might have been. Yeah, this might have been a kink for him. He was presenting it as, hey, this is like a trick, a party trick that I do. Before I go home and. And really just blast harder than I've ever blasted before. Was he able to eat the entire thing, including the state?

Stinger? Yeah, that was part of it. That was part of it. Yeah. He just pulled the stinger out of his mouth like, yeah. He tied it into a knot with his tongue to show he was a good kisser. Did he have a girlfriend? He did, yeah. He was very handsome too. And that's the thing too, is you don't have to be doing this shit, but he was. He did it because he loves this. This is like if our friend Jim did this. Yeah, you know, they're kind of a classic, good looking dude. What is he doing now? You know, he's one of those, like, because he looms so large at my mind for so many reasons. was a great friend too. I would love to reconnect with him. I've looked. I don't, I haven't found

this guy on Facebook. He's probably dead Jordan. He might be, I'm afraid. I am kind of afraid, yeah. Turns out he was alerted to be. Yeah. He needs his glasses. I did go up. I did see I did see I did so his

sucks to your assmar, Travis. I did go, so his brother is Josh Freeze, not just known for being in the vandals, but you know, kind of a famous drummer as far as famous as a drummer can get. Played with Thelonious Monk. Played with Theronious Monk.

Played with Devo. Yeah. That's pretty cool. Oh, that Devo documentary is so good. Oh, is it? Yes, you guys need to watch it. I should. Okay.

Those guys are a hoot. They were great guys. I once got backstage at a Devo concert because I was with John Ross Bowie. Uh-huh. The guy who gets you backstage at a Devo concert. And I saw my friend's brother, half-brother. And I went up and like, hey, I was friends with Travis in high school.

And he just kind of nodded and walked away. because he was like Does he not know? I mean, he's dead. He was dead then. Is this half-brother drama? I don't know. I'm afraid.

Yeah, I would love to reconnect with the guy. Well, imagine you're a drummer, a famous drummer, and your brother's eating bees. You know, like you're, he's the brother of the guy who's eating bees. Yeah. Maybe he feels like he has to do all this drumming just to get out of his brother's shadow. Yeah. I wish I could stomach a bee.

Yeah. I guess I'll just have to go on tour with a perfect. circle and get fired from the foo fighters, which he did. I feel like... We all have. We all been fired from the food fighters. I feel like if you're in the vandals and you ate bees, like the people in the house, like the attendees of that performance, they just be like, fucking awesome.

Eat more bees playing other song. Yeah. This is our shit. You found your demographic. We love it. He just bites the head off of a bee. Yeah. No one can see.

She's be drumming with one hand, snatching bees out of the air and eating them with the other. Let's take another call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and guest. This is Christy from Denver, Veshi, calling in for your newly requested segment of when did you become a purve? So I thought I would let you all know that I became a perv when me and my first boyfriend decided to start experimenting with kink as young teenagers.

And we had very limited resources, though. So some highlights of that included him sort of lightly hitting me with a textbook as he tried to roleplay my professor. And also that one time he tied me up with yarn, which is, as we all know, the sexiest of things to tie someone up with. All right, love you guys. Bye. Love you too. I think, Jordan, what could better capture the spirit? For years, we've been saying that our audience is composed of graphic designers and librarians with tattoos.

Yeah. But yarn-based S&M. I know, I was going to say. It's what they had on hand. Yeah. But I think, yeah, I think. That's what they had on her. I think there's probably a lot of people in our audience who have done.

Yarn kink. Tweed domination, I would say. Tweedom. Tweedom. Tweedom. Tweedom. They just put on the soundtrack to Rushmore. Dach, da, da, da, da, da, da, do.

And you tie your lover up in a very symmetrical way. Very center frame. Did you think like Jacob's Ladder or whatever with the... Yeah, cat's cradle. Yeah, yeah. Theatrical curtain is pulled away. You bedazzle your lover. And drip fondant on them.

This is a good show. It's a great show. Hey, it's a great audience. Christian. Christian Dwayne is our producer. Christian, could you run a quick check for me? You got it. Can you check if this is a good show?

Let me run the calculations. Ah, the computer started up. It's okay. All right. I'll take it. I'll take it. I'm opening it up. New segment.

Yeah. What's the twee-est sex thing? you've ever done. All right. Let's hear it. You ever fucked Bonnie, Prince Billy? Sure. Spill the beans.

Ever had your lover remove your ascot with their teeth? 206-9844 Fun or JJGo at maximum fun.org. And remember just calling your momentifications when you eat a bee. That guy, Jackson, he said, this is probably what a momentification is, right? It is. Yeah, it is. Exactly. It's that type of shit. Something about an iguana.

I want to know how much time. passed in between him eating the bee and calling. It sounded like he had just, perhaps some of the bee was still in his throat. He's like, oh, me tummy. 206-9-844-fund. Hello, this is Jackson.

He's looking at the other half of it on the ground. Can bees bleed? We should check up on him and see if he's okay. We should, yeah. Let us know if you're okay. If you need an epipen, give us a call 206. Oh, yeah. I used to have to carry an epipen around because I was allergic to

fire ants. Oh, you know what? I have to carry an epipan around. You know why? I'm allergic to bullshit. Yeah. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. La La La La

La La La La Hey romance readers What are you looking for? Brothers best friend, alien boyfriend Mothman vampires. We got your cowboys, your Dukes, your

Hot professors, you're rock stars. We got your shifters. We got demons. We got sexy fairies. You want them morally gray? No problem. Can't pick. Don't worry, sweetheart. We've got why chooses up the wazoo. Reading Smut, the show where we read spicy books and figure out why people love them. Join us on Reading Smut every other Friday on Maximum 5. Oh, that's a spicy book. Sleep is important, but it's difficult sometimes. I'm John Moe. On sleeping with celebrities, famous people help conk you out by talking in soothing voices about unimportant things. Maria Bamford on parking. I parked in a bus stop. That's just not right. I am not a bus.

Roxanne Gay on airports. My favorite airport is Indianapolis. It has a really smart layout. Alan Tudick on yardsticks. You hand somebody a yardstick. Yard sticks become part of the family. Granted, it's a weird idea. but it's lots of fun and it works. Listen wherever you get podcasts. La, la, la, la, la, la.

It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne America's Radio Sweeter. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Blair Erskine. I don't want to be. Anything harder than what I've been trying to be. That vandal song? Beautiful. It is. Yeah.

When in Rome, do as the vandals do. And of course, they're self-titled EP. That's right. They released it on two albums. Anyway, that's a song that I, like I know that chorus. I actually don't know who sings that. Gavin de Grave. Gavin de Grave. From American Idol.

Right? Gavin de Grave. I don't know. Was Gavin de Groh from American Idol? Christian, go to the computer. Make the beep sound. Yes, sir. Boop. You're kind of half-assed that. Come on.

I'm pretty sure. Put your whole ass into those beep boops. You know what I'm pretty sure is from American Idol? Taylor Sheridan. Yes. He's that gray-haired one. Yes, he went from singing beautifully to writing all TV shows on the Paramount Plus Network. He's keeping our parents entertained.

Yes, very literally my parents. Yeah, man, whoever writes Outlander is entertaining your mom. Well, it's over now. Yeah. You were telling us before we started at your mom's. big outlander head. Oh yeah, she's a big outlander head. She read all the books, too. You know what? It's cool to have a horny mom.

Why didn't say she was a woman? In my opinion, in my opinion, she watches it for the story. In my opinion, it's cool to have a horny mom. I think all moms should be horny. Is Judy horny? She keeps it from me. Well, I would hope so. I think so. My mom is kind of easing back into the dating pool. Oh. Oh.

She on e-harmony? And I hear that pool is heated. No, she's not. Farmers only? No, she's not. Jay date? No, she's kind of just sticking with the people in her circle. You know what I mean?

Like, just. The guy at the malt shop. No, we don't have a malt shop. You live in the, your mom was in the 50s, right? Jordan. Down at the drugstore? This is Georgia. They don't drink malts.

They drink phosphates. Phosphates. Cokes. Cokes. Cokes. They pull coaxes down. there. And fat bonn.

Drinks are coques. I love coax. I mean, Blair's drinking a Coke right now. She's got a can of coal with it. The land is the home of Coke, right? That's the Coke factory. It is. It is.

The Coke Museum, Coke factory. Have you been to the land of a thousand Coke taps? It's like a room at the Coke Museum where there's coax of every nation. Oh, yes. Yes. And someone made me try that Beverly. Beverly is like the Italian. Yeah, there's like a challenging Coke, right?

It's so bad. I have not been. I'm going to Atlanta for my first time in a couple weeks for DragonCon. Can I give you a tip? Yeah. I've been to Atlanta twice. Okay. The locals call it Hotlanta. Okay, I'm going to call it when you say that.

I'm always going to call it that. So if you run into Ludacris. And I do want to go to the Coke Museum. I am excited to do that. Yeah, maybe I should not go? No, no, you should. You should. Just make sure you drink a Coke before it because there's something in the air there.

You're thirsty immediately and they do not let you have a Coke. Really? They won't let you drink Coke at the Coke Museum. Not until the end. Not until you're in that tap. They're fucking nasty freaks. It's a kink thing. But Beverly is like the, you know, malort of coax, right?

It's this kind of gross. Yes, you'll remember it for the rest of your life. Have you heard of Bev-Doming? I have now. I have now. They tie you up with yarn, make you sniff Coke, but you can't drink it until the end. Oh, give me a sip. Not till mommy.

Oh, just a wee mouthful. Not till horny mommy comes. I'm so boring, Mommy. Oh, boy. Jordan Jesse go! Yes. Find Blair Erskine on Instagram and other social media platforms. I'm substacking.

Ooh, you're substacking. And I'm working on a project that I can't talk about. And... Will you come back and promote the project when it's available? Yes, I hope that it becomes available. Me too. Do you want to discuss it at Spago? You have three choices.

Spago, Musso and Franks, or Dan, Dan, Dad. Whatever it takes. I think I have to eat a fucking be. I want to, for the Tweed sex thing, I'm not going to call in, but, and I haven't done this, but getting fingered by a mustache tattoo, like a finger with a mustache tattoo. I want to claim that one before anyone else does. Yeah, if you've been, yeah, if you've been fingered by any millennial signifiers. I haven't, but I've had my dick sucked by one of those hands with lipstick on it that you talk. One of those nickniquid-night things.

Those are funny. No. Christian Duanias is the producer of the program. Our theme music is Love You by the Free Design. Our thanks to the free design, our thanks to their label, Light in the Attic Records. Hope you will find Jordan and me on social media because Jordan, we went ape shit with the try hard guys today.

If you want to see and hear Jesse and I try various weird things that Jesse bought from the dollar store, make sure you're following Jordan, Jesse, go on social media. You know what else we did? We made our video. of trying, we promised during the Pledge Drive that we would eat, if we met our goal, we would eat Dr. Pepper flavored sausages while drinking the good stuff. Now, Blair, just so you know what the good stuff is, there's a subreddit called R-slash-Somni Gastronomy.

There's a website, this is a Reddit where people post about what they dreamed they ate. Oh. And often they cook the thing they dreamed they ate. And someone dreamed that they went to a very fancy McDonald's with table service. And they had a waiter named Order Up. Or they were all, everyone in their family was there and they were all going to order Dr. Pepper's. But the waiter said, no, don't have Dr. Pepper. I'm going to bring you the good stuff.

And it turned out that the good stuff was half Dr. Pepper, half apple juice. Oh, that does sound good. We washed our Dr. Pepper branded sausages down with half Dr. Pepper, half apple juice, on video for socials. Watch it soon. Follow Jordan Jesse Go and Jordan Jesse Go pod on your blue skies, your Instagrams, your Facebooks, all these things, because you are not going to want to miss this. You don't want to miss it. You did that in this heat, too. In this heat.

Yeah. And we did it in this economy. We eat hot sausage and drink lukewarm juice. God. That's like vacation Bible. You ever had a tepid juice? I think I probably... This is good stuff.

Hot outside, but the juices too. The juice. You're living hotter than the weather is the juice in my mouth. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan Jesse Go. Maximum Fun. A Worker Owned Network of Artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.