Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Tyler, the Kumquat with Patton Oswalt

Episode Date: October 6, 2022

Patton Oswalt joins Jordan and Jesse to talk the Hobbit menu at Denny's, Jordan's time in the Hanna-Barbera-verse and the grossness of mouths.Check out Patton's new special "We All Scream" on Netflix and his new comic "Minor Threats" at your local comic shop!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm the Emerald Butte, Jesse Thorne. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Yeah, that's right, Jordan. It's fucking pluot season is back, baby. I got a bowl full of Emerald Buttes down in the kitchen you wouldn wouldn't believe these gorgeous green hybrids are going into my mouth for munching every single fucking day. So the pluot, a combination of a...

Fucking a combination of victory and hot fire. Wow. So it has a pit then. And so it has a pit? It does have a pit, yes. Okay, okay. That's what I was wondering. It's a half plum, half apricot or apricot, depending on your preference.

So are you just munching them by hand? Are you slicing them up? Are you putting them on yogurt? That's a great question, Jordan. Are you inserting them rectally? I'm glad you asked that. Well, first of all, I would never insert them rectally without extensive carving because you know, as every Jordan Jesse Gold listener knows, without a base, without a trace. However, I will say this. I'm a fruit carver all day and all night. I'll slice fruit until the cows come home. And the reason is that I have three small children none of them will eat anything other than sliced fruit no foods no other foods they're mixed on pizza mixed on pizza

mixed on kids these days do i need to get my friend michelangelo down there to talk to them because i can i can text michelangelo right now and he can come over and give your kids a talking to re pizza comma pleasures of yeah no i slice i slice all my fruits and i'll tell you this jordan a lot of folks who listen to jordan jesse go know about my passion for fresh fruits and vegetables particularly fruits and i had an incredible melon this week as well and i i worry sometimes jordan that this show that i'm bragging too much on this show but a nice ripe lemon drop melon has the sweetness and texture of a honeydew with a lemony chaser. A little citrus on the back end. Gorgeous. Just a gorgeous...

Sometimes when it's my birthday, my wife gives me a little citrus on the back end. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. I got a lemon drop this year myself. I'm currently not married. Oh, I guess I had a nice fruit experience today. I went to the old Studio City Farmer's Market, great farmer's market there. And it was one of those farmer's market things where... I feel like when you go to a farmer's market, something is either going to be a great bargain or why the fuck does this cost so much? You know?

Right. It's one of the two. There's no question. I grew up as a kid going to the civic center farmer's market in san francisco which was entirely populated by the little old ladies of every nation just fucking throwing bows in front of the bok choy just taking down motherfuckers by the bulk nut stand slicing achilles tendons for the last handful of thai basil yeah it was a wild scene and that my mother and i used to take the bar train to that because

it was cheaper than the grocery store yeah i mean i guess this is probably a uh you know a function of where the farmer's market is but yeah you will get the you know the kind of more luxurious items today i got i saw three pairs that looked real nice threw them in a bag for these three pairs that are probably tinier than your average pair three bite situations these are little guys these are little brownies and some little nubbies uh yeah i think that's their i think that's their latin name Yes. Yeah. Three little nubbies. Five bucks. I was mad until I took my first bite. Man.

I mean, it's basically 40 cents a bite. Worth every cent. If you go to the Kroger. These are great bears. If you go to the Kroger, Jordan, you're not going to find nubbistinicus. You're going to find some bullshit Bartlett. Sure. Don't want a fucking Bartlett pair who wants a common man's bartlett i would never sully my tongue on a bartlett god what is that hybridized with a different style of pair come on sorry gregor mendel you're out of here

i want to bring our guest into this. We have a great guest. I'm worried that he'll stop recording the podcast to pet his adorable cat, who we've seen a few times. His cat's butt was squarely in his nose. He was having to address a very serious cat tail and butthole situation immediately in front of his web camera. He is a beloved stand-up comic. He's got a brand new Netflix special on the way called We All Scream. He also has a fantastic new comic

called Minor Threats. Just a few issues into its run. Look, you could go down to your comic store. They're going to have the back issues for you still. You don't have to worry about it. Or you know what? You can do what I did and buy them electronically. Mr. Patton Oswalt is our guest. Patton, our apologies about that cat butt in your nose. Well, it wasn't your fault. And normally this cat would not be bothering me, but my wife is on a trip, a much deserved trip. She has basically been holding down the fourth this summer while I do a mini series.

So our cat is very, very about status, very openly about when my, when the wife is here, I am with her all the time. She's number one. If she's gone, you become my number one.

The minute she walks back in, you're now, you know, you drop one space. But because I'm the number one, she wants to be with me all the time. She's stalking this. She'll hop up into the screen in a second, I'm sure. But I love this intrigue. Who needs a new Game of Thrones series? Yeah, exactly. Who we have to vie for a favor with our cat, basically.

They call your lap the Iron Throne, right? It really is. Yeah, who shall finally sit in the Iron Throne? Yeah, it's crazy. So this cat who normally ignores me is now, this is a cat that our daughter begged to get that she, of course, could not care less about two days after we got her.

So it's my wife and I take care of her. And when my wife left and the cat saw me feeding it and scooping its litter, it said, OK, I will now be nice to this person who seems to be serving me. Sure. New mommy. Exactly. My five-year-old has a pet obsession right now. Did you give it?

Do you give them a pet? We've thought about it. So my eight-year-old got some fish. We think one of the fish is pregnant. Oh. So we're expecting it to become many fish. Oh, dear. I don't mean to moralize, Jesse,

but is the fish married? Oh, wow. Yeah, but to a dog well that's what happens yeah straight to fish hell and then dog hell for the dog it was a slippery slope jordan first fish get married and then we're marrying dogs and that's what happened this is modeling horrible behavior for your children sorry really you mean jordan, go? That they would become podcasters? Exactly, yeah. Let me tell you something.

This kind of lack of moral core and this kind of moral vacuum that you're raising them in will send them right into the podcasting world. That's the first place they will go. Gee whiz. These kids are going to be recapping Battlestar Galactica with the guy they met in college. And there's nothing you can do about it. Yep. Things go sideways in like the fourth or fifth season.

Okay, so you have fish. What is... My 10-year-old doesn't care. My 8-year-old has fish. My 5-year-old desperately wants a pet. Oh, dear. Specifically wants a hamster. And so... No, no, no. Yes. So number a hamster. And so.

No, no, no. So number one. Don't do it. Number one. Hamsters are bad pets. Terrible pets. Number two. I have a lot of hamster related trauma from the time that my dad stepped on and killed my hamster. I had a hamster that I had gerbils and then one of the gerbils got pregnant

and then when she gave birth she ate her babies right in front of me and it freaked me out one of my hamsters did that one time yeah it was it was like it was total like eraser head fear of reproduction just it was a nightmare it was a nightmare yeah did they yeah do they do little screams while they're being eaten by their mother i don't well if they did i couldn't hear him because i was screaming it was so horrific so my wife got for frankie my five-year-old she finally broke down and got her a hamster cage like frankie knows that she's not allowed to get a hamster but she wanted to have a hamster cage so she got a hamster cage when you say a hamster cage you mean a cage like a habit trail

yeah like a full habit trail good distinction like an actual habit trail with the tubes yep and the whole nine yards and a very adorable and sweet stuffed hamster like a plush hamster adorbs not like a taxidermied hamster sure she got a very cute taxidermied hamster playing a bass upright bass um it's really adorable. And this morning while I was eating breakfast, Frankie came up to me. I'm sorry for look. I know that kids say the darndest is the crutch of the C-minus podcaster. But my kid said the darndest this morning. What did she say? She said, Daddy, want to make our own videos with the stuffed animal hamster?

My five-year-old does talk like that, by the way. It's a speech delay. And then she goes, we could even build a mech suit. And so she and I built a mech suit for the hamster. We'll post this on Twitter, but there's the mech suit so you guys can see it. Oh, dear. Yeah. So we built a mech suit for the hamster.

Then Frankie added quite a number of weapons to the mech suit. It's good that you're doing this on a stuffed hamster because in the mech media that I've consumed, the bond with the pilot will often drive the pilot insane. I don't think you can trust the mech media. I think they have an agenda. Right. No, you're right. The liberal mech media. I'm just curious.

So what is this stuffed hamster's arsenal of weapons? What weapons did they choose? Well, the upright base, of course. Yeah. Well, yeah. First and foremost, the upright base. It's the easiest way to slay the ladies. Am I right, people?

Come on. Ladies love an upright base. Hey. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Without a base, without a trace. Right. Exactly. There's no trace of panties because they've come off.

All your base belong to us. These are things with base in them. Mm-hmm. Yay. So, yeah. You'll never get to third base. I don't know. Ugh.

Initially, there were some arms. Sort of like the arms on the space shuttle. Okay. So like claws? Yeah, like claw type arms. Then... Like a Doc Ock situation? Just no.

Doc Ock has eight arms. Okay. Not to Oxplain. Well, four. Well, four. Well, four. Okay. Not to Oxplain. Well, four. Well, four. Well, four. Okay. Three.

Well, I'm counting his human arms and legs. So six. No, his legs count as well. So it's the four robotic arms. Jesse, you are. Legs are a type of arms. Just admit you were wrong. Everyone knows your legs are a type of arms.

Own your error that you didn't know. Okay. Guys, Alfred Molina used to sit in a chair outside my therapist's office. Did he? Yeah. And so I know a little something. I don't know what there was other offices in the Paul way. I don't think I'm saying anything about Alfred Molina's confidential mental health or anything. Don't think I'm saying anything about Alfred Molina's confidential mental health or anything. But yeah, I saw his feet and they're a type of I saw his feet and they're a type of arm. It would be weird if the only thing on that floor was your psychiatrist's office, but he wasn't there for your psychiatrist. That's just where he liked to go sit.

Yeah. That'd be really interesting. I like to read the highlights. I just like it. I like it. I like just eating a bologna sandwich. I don't like paying for magazines, man. I just I like. I like it. Just eating a bologna sandwich. I don't like paying for magazines, man. I like reading old people magazines. Pulls the sandwich out of a wax paper.

Patton, can I ask you a question about something that I saw on social media? Please. Did you have a movie premiere that had its after party at a Norm's? Yes, we premiered my new movie. I love my dad. Well, we premiered it at South by Southwest, but the actual premiere before it hit the theaters was at the Largo. We showed it at the Largo and then we all walked up the street to Norm's on La Cienega and had our after party at the Norm's.

And all I can say is I don't know why every after party is not at Norms. It was fantastic. It's well lit. There's room to move around. It is well. Norms do have good lighting. And the music isn't blaring. And the food was delightful.

It was everything was yummy. Did they put out like trays of milkshakes or? They did little passarounds of little tiny burgers, fries, grilled cheese, chicken and waffles, little tiny passarounds. And they were amazing. Norm's is a kind of a classic American diner. It's a kind of a classic American diner. Classic chain. One on La Cienega, one on Ventura and Sherman Oaks. I'm sure there's more, but just basic staples done well.

Yeah. Norm's is one of those, but you're like, it's a similar menu to a Denny's, but the hit ratio is so much higher. Oh boy. Yeah. It's all comfort food. Nothing on the menu doesn't work. A similar menu to Denny's, but the hit ratio is higher in the sense that there are hits on the menu.

If you ever like, like, I guess pancakes. You will enjoy your food. Pancakes are fine wherever, you know, an industrial pancake is perfectly fine. But I feel like I've never gone to a Denny's, ordered something, and then been happy that I ate it. But I feel like I've never gone to a Denny's, ordered something, and then been happy that I ate it. Well, you know, Jordan is right in one sense in that everything at Norm's, they're not trying to be anything but a Norm's. Burgers, chicken fingers, shakes, fries.

Denny's, there is a basic core menu that works, like the turkey clubs and fries, some of the breakfast items. And then they try to do a healthy salad or a filet of fish with like the cat and they put calories on everything. And so your guide at Denny's is the higher the calorie count, the more delicious the food will be. And when they're the healthier they're attempting to be, it will absolutely not work. Yeah. And also important to note that salad that're trying, still 9,000 calories. Exactly. Yeah.

They've somehow snuck a Snickers bar into it or something. I don't know how they do it, but everything is still unhealthy. The secret to ordering at a Denny's I have found, and I'm just going to offer this to everybody out there who's, you know, it's only order off the Deadpool menu. Right, yeah. I don't know, Jesse, I'm Hobbit or nothing.

Okay. Really? They did, they had a massive Lord of the Rings tie-in I remember when the trilogy, or was it a Hobbit tie-in? But they had all this like Hobbitized or Middle Earth eyes. Denny's food for a while with like little stand up foldy things on the table. Like, hey, here's our special Lord of the Rings menu.

And it was infinitely sad to look at. And some of it like there's some of it like fits, right? Because like breakfast, Hobbit, second breakfast. This is great. But then it'll just be like Gollum's shake. Can I get a Balrog burger and some Aragorn fries? Thank you. Like none of that works.

Patton, I have an important character question. Can I get a Tom Bacon Bombadil? Thank you. It's off the menu. Do you want to punch this up any further, Patton? No, no, I'm actually done. Let's move on. Please, let's move on.

I'm so sorry. I wish I knew enough about Lord of the Rings to pile onto this. But here's my process. I'm trying to think of something for You Shall Not Pass pass anyway yeah oh that would be any of their cheese items and that's what it says to your colon there you go thank you yeah well your colon says that to the chat nozzle everybody oh jesus god put mad tv back on the air please Patton your your new comic Minor Threats yeah is about a team of like sort of c and d list super villains team yes yes and they are you know they're very kind of classic C and D list superhero types. Your protagonist is a grownup child superhero.

Who's I mean, supervillain whose gift is to make a clever machine out of anything that she sees. Yeah. Yeah. She's a technopath. She can like turn anything into a machine, take scraps around her and make them into machines.

And I mean, the basic idea of the book is that they are C and D level supervillains and in the world they inhabit, an A level supervillain has killed an A level hero's sidekick. So all of the A level heroes are now cracking down so hard on the city to try to capture this A level supervillain that's making life miserable for the C and D-level people. And then they just decide, well, hey, let's just, if we take the A-level guy down and hand him to the heroes, we'll get some, you know, little credit in the favor bank. So, you know, that's their plan. Now, I have had many conversations with friend of Jordan Jesse Goh, friend of mine and my family, Elliot Kalin.

Oh! That ended up just being Elliot listing marginal supervillains to me. And I have to say, like, you know, I don't read a ton of superhero comics, but I will listen to a list of Calendar Man adjacent superhero characters that and I think that you may be of all the people I know of all the people I know in my life. Potentially go toe to toe on knowledge of marginal of marginal like 1950s Batman bad guys. Oh, yeah. 1960s failed Spider-Man bad guys. Yeah. DC and Marvel have an amazing underworld populated with these just one to two issue things. I always call them the Jack Kirby in a bad mood villains, where it's 4.15 p.m. and Stan needs something new,

and he just wants to get out of the office. It's Friday, and he just, like, that's why we loved Jordan and I, who are doing Minor Threats. We also did a show for Hulu called MODOK, and MODOK is the height of Jack Kirby in a bad mood just trying to get something on paper so he can get out of the office. Mechanical organism designed only for killing?

Mental organism designed only for killing? Mental organism, yes. And he, it's just a giant angry head with legs and arms, and it's just delightful. It's like a living headache. So, and what was weird, though, this is what's weird though. When we were doing MODOK, we would ask for like, hey, can we have Iron Man in an episode? Can we have Mr. Sinister? Like kind of big characters, you know.

And then we'd ask for, there's a whole episode set at the bar with no name where there's all these minor villains, like super minor ones. And they're like, oh yeah, you can use pound cakes. You can use Angar the Screamer. But then we would say randomly go like, can we have Stiltman, who is just one of the most ridiculous supervillains ever. Literally Stiltman. He just has these legs that can grow. He just goes up and

steals it's the stupid i'm familiar with stilt man i went to uc santa cruz listen i think stilt man stilt man banged all our girlfriends at uc santa cruz can't see stilts without getting mad but we're like can we use stilt man so we can use because we're thinking well you let us have these big ones you're like no we're doing, well, you let us have these big ones. You're like, no, we're doing something with him. You can't have him. And I'm like, wait, did Joaquin Phoenix sign on to play Stiltman? What is going on? Why is that one? Ava DuVernay.

It's Ava DuVernay's pet project. She wants to do a grounded Stiltman movie. It's grounded. We wanted to do. There's this. Oh, my God. There's this terrible villain who actually is weirdly timely called Turner D. Century.

And he's a guy who just lives like, it's just the 1900s. So he has like the big, you know, giant front wheel bike. Like a velocipede? Yes. And like a bowler hat and a wax mustache. Which now he's basically like, oh, it's every hipster in Brooklyn, basically. Yeah. What powers does he have?

I don't know. Again. The power of the telegraph? Something he can use old technology that can't be – I don't know. But it doesn't matter because they wouldn't let us use him. Like, you can't have Turner DeSentry. I'm like, what the fuck is going on? Why can't I have –

So that aspect of like, did somebody in the in the movie part of marvel like crack this character and now they're gonna launch something amazing or what what's happening i just got done writing for uh jellystone on hbo max and this is kind of a big mashup of all the hannah barbara characters yeah and this was a fascinating exercise in what can we use because it you know the idea is that it's i'm sorry were there characters they wouldn't let you use okay so a big one was you can use the banana splits but it costs extra so make it good so someone what so someone owns a little piece of the banana splits and they have to get a kickback every time the giant puppets appear on screen and so like wow if you want to do a banana splits

thing in 1987 paul mccartney told michael jackson to buy some of the banana splits. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why are we paying Prince's estate for this? What? Oh, my God. That's so weird. Are the banana splits the ones that have a horror movie? Oh, yeah, I think they did. I think they did. So maybe that's part of it. Maybe that horror movie was part of it. Wait a minute. There was a banana splits horror movie? I think that's true. My daughter has explained this to me because there's this very popular video game franchise called Five Nights at Freddy's. Okay. And there is a rumor that one of these studios had the rights to Five Nights at Freddy's, had a Five Nights at Freddy's film written and developed. Then they lost the rights to Five Nights at Freddy's

and just switched it to being a Banana Splits movie. Like Five Nights at Freddy's is- I have to look this up. Is like a, what's the mouse with the pizza? Chuck E. Cheese? Chuck E. Cheese. It's like an evil Chuck E. Cheese. The mouse with the pizza.

I like the- Stop setting up Patton to tell Ratatouille stories no i'm not doing it i i do know that dc comics did a whole thing with all of the hannah barbara characters like like but real life and and i remember when i saw it yeah it was like hannah barbara and warner brothers it was like batman versus elmer fudd um and then they did a one called Snagglepuss, Exit Stage Left. And it was about him in Hollywood during the pink scare because he's secretly closeted and he's trying not to. And it was so well done.

Is that a Mark Russell? Yes, it's a Mark Russell. Same guy that did the Flintstones one. Yeah, the Flintstones one is great. That one is a Capital Steps, I think. Yeah, different guy, not the PBS. Oh, the Flintstones one is great. That one is a Capital Steps, I think. Yeah. Different guy, not the PBS. Oh, okay.

Not the PBS. So something funny about the Hanna-Barbera averse is that they were just chasing trends. They were just like, okay, kids like ghosts. Let's crank out some ghost stuff. Kids like space. Star Wars is popular. Get us some, you know, and it just has this, them kind of cranking

out things based on trends and so hang on so is is so are who is the main protagonist of jellystone is it yogi like he's our entry into the world or what is it yeah so i think uh there's a lot of kind of little a lot of characters kind of get their own stories but i think i think yeah if you would say the protagonist it's yogi boo boo and cindy are the kind of the the three most well known so is who is cindy cindy was the girl bear who i think in the cartoons had no personality and now is a funny neurotic scientist but yeah cindy was the you, the kind of token girl bear that they threw into, you know, threw into Yogi at some point. I didn't know that the Banana Splits was Hanna-Barbera.

Yeah, it was. Yeah, I guess they kind of like cavorted and then they would introduce a cartoon. Well, I know that. Oh, so they were introducing, because they would introduce Danger Island, that weird Tom Sawyer one where it was live action and cartoons.

Oh, yeah, sure. And then there was, oh, so I'm thinking of Sid and Marty Kroft as that whole other thing. There was so many of these. It was like the whole, all the wars on it were nuts. Somebody had an idea for Thundar the Barbarian, who was a He-Man knockoff. So we had this kind of Thundar story that we were working on, and then something happened, and Thundar had to get shunted to another episode,

and everybody was like, well, so this original Thundar idea might be dead, and we all kind of liked it, and we were kind of like finding a way to save it. And then yours truly said, what about Galtar the Barbarian? And you can just slide in a whole other He-Man clone, and it's the exact same thing.

So you can do a Galtar story that you would previously do with Thundar, and nothing changes. And wasn't Thundar, like, set in a post-apocalyptic world, and he had, like, basically a lightsaber ripoff, and he had, like, a Chewbacca ripoff cycle it was all again it was always people just what's the zeitgeist now throw this together throw this together boom there you go right yeah I would like if I had the opportunity to license any character I would like to license Bravestar the Native American space cowboy who had a friend who was a very muscular gray horseman with a laser bazooka.

Was this, I don't remember that cartoon. Was that also Hanna-Barbera? That was 1987. I can only imagine it was made by Bravestar Incorporated. Okay. Whoever made The Littlest Hobo for Canadian television, I'm sure. 1987. I can only imagine it was made by Brave Star Incorporated. Oh, okay. Whoever made the littlest hobo for Canadian television, I'm sure. Looks like this is Filmation. Okay, no, hang on.

Filmation is a whole other universe. Isn't that like the Herculoids? And what was Filmation? That was a whole other... Herculoids or Hanna-Barbera. Oh, okay. It was a fun Herculoids episode. Herculoids was awesome.

They had the rhino that shot the weird lava balls out of his thing. And they had the weird ghost thing. And then the dragon. It was awesome. They apparently owned quite a film library. I'm checking out Filmation. What do you mean by film library? Like actual movies?

Yeah. They also owned the original Ghostbusters. The live action one. Yes. They were behind the live action show Daffy Duck and Porky Pig Meet the Groovy Ghoulies. Wait a minute. How was that? Oh, I remember the Groovy Ghoulies. That was like a banana split ripoff. It was like monsters doing rock and roll, and then they would introduce cartoons and stuff they had uh treasure island and oliver twist which they produced with warner brothers kids love orphans thank god someone took the time to hang on i'm sorry oliver twist is a weekly series or just a movie they made? I'm trying to figure out what these fucking things are, because they really, they made

the feature films of He-Man and She-Ra. This is really a bonkers Wikipedia article. They did the production design on both Rod Rocket and Life of Christ. So it was just like anything that came through the door. They're like, we got to get work, guys. Whoever's willing to pay, we do it. They probably have like two early Sidney Lumet movies too. They had a few like famous things, Fat Albert, The Archie Show, and He-Man.

Those were huge. But then it looks like Bravestar may have been the downfall of the company. Wow, they made 65 Bravestars. Holy mackerel. Now, this is what- You got to remember, like, back then, TV wasn't like, was now, they're like, well, give me your 12 best episodes. Like, the Munsters, that thing was on the air for two years and there are 71 episodes. It was just crank this crap out. They did not care. Because that was the time,

it was such a golden age for mediocre writers because people just liked looking at a TV. It didn't really matter what was on. It was such a miraculous thing. You know, there's that thing, there's that moment in JFfk where that landlady comes into lee harvey oswald term which goes do you want to look at television i was like oh that's right it was just a thing to look didn't really matter what was on you just looked at it like can you believe this thing is in my living room so you could just you know oh it's you know herman munster and he's running around smashing through walls who cares it's just a flanders and swan record playing while the camera's pointed at

an aquarium now pat i have to say like i was reading about your comic minor threats i also read your comic minor threats which is great uh but i was reading about it and there was you know somebody asked the classic question like what what characters and inspired the characters in in your comic and you know like i don't remember what the first couple cited were but they were calendar man type things and then you immediately you immediately went to a not insignificant discussion of the bad guy from the walter mathau movie charlie varick mr molly um played by joe don baker one of the scariest screen villains ever he's the uh pursuit and retrieval man for the mob and he's just this you know smiling calm smokes a pipe and will kill you with his bare hands yeah the movie owns like just a brood

it's movie is so good yeah those kind of um those kind of working class i mean he cares about what he when he checks into the whorehouse and he's so particular about his breakfast like i need this so i can go kill people give me a three minute egg wheat toast and a thing of hot herb tea like okay of course so that kind of you know idea, idea of just the people that are like, I'm not here. I don't want to run the world because running the world sucks. I just want to rip and run. I want to build up a caper, get a big chunk of change,

live off that for a while, and then do the next caper. You know what I mean? I don't want to run an empire. The protagonist's mom is just all about trying to convince her to just rob a bank, honey. Just rob a bank. So you have powers. Why aren't you doing this? Yeah. So, you know, that kind of that level of criminality has always fascinated me because there's this weird level of honor and honesty that you have to have within a certain code or it all falls apart.

So that idea of, you know, you're not following the code and, you know, and also it was just on the other hand, it also came from that started as a idea I had for a Batman comic of Batman Joker called Jay. And then I just realized, wait a minute, because I'd done stuff for DC and Marvel, but it's like you break your ass working with IPs and you don't really make any money and you don't control it ultimately. I'm like, why don't I just create my own let's just create our own stuff. What are we doing?

You know? Yeah, I know. I am basically right now I am just, I'm struggling to pay rent off my Galtar money. Yeah. You're paying spending some Galtar bucks right now? Yeah, I'm making it rain Galtars. Paul McCartney convinced Jordan

when he was working in a late night that he should buy 10% of Galtar. There you go. Smart. You guys want to count our Galtar bucks and then come back for another segment? Yeah, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Now this episode of Jordan Jesse

Go is as always brought to you by our listeners, specifically the ones who are members of Maximum Fun. Thank you for supporting Maximum Fun. It means the world to us. Thank you for supporting this show directly. It's wonderful. You rule. Thanks for going to MaximumFun.org slash join. We're also supported this week by the good folks over at Raycon. Jesse, you know our buddy, frequent star guest on this show, Eliza Skinner. She has a really great album of standup and music that came up on my shuffle the other day. And I listened to the whole thing front to back. Not only is she a great stand-up comic, but also her music is totally awesome and really funny.

And I recommend, if you want to check out her album, Regarding My Lovers, it's out there on your music streaming services. And if you want it to sound really great, listen to it on your Raycon wireless earbuds. That's how I was listening. And I was loving it. I love these things. The everyday earbuds look, feel, and sound better than ever. I've been listening to an album called Natural Brown Prom Queen by Sudan Archives, and it is one of those kind of records that is full of aesthetic detail. It is like kind of noisy, but very jamming. And there's just a lot going on in every track. And it really benefits from great earbuds like Raycons. And what's cool about the Raycons is they're really affordable for the kind of quality

detail based response that you get. So I say check out that record. Maybe check it out with some Raycons. You can go to buyraycon.com today and use the code JJGO15 to get 15% off your Raycon order. That's the code JJGO15 at buyraycon.com to score 15% off. Buyraycon.com, code JJGO15. We're also supported this week by the folks at Stitch Fix. Yeah, you know that feeling when your clothes fit just right. Yeah.

That's the Stitch Fix feeling. Jordan, are you suggesting this is a nasty feeling? I don't listen. Maybe I might have said it in a way that suggested that the feeling might be what I describe as a

Miss Jackson I don't listen. A Miss Jackson way of saying something, which is to say you're nasty. Stitch Fix will have you feeling great. Listen, no matter how nasty you want to feel, Stitch Fix can help you out. They are the easiest way to get clothes that fit you without having to endlessly scroll through options. Here's what you do. You go to Stitch Fix. You take a quiz.

What kind of clothes do you like? What kind of fits do you need? Are you going to the office? Are you going on dates? Are you working from home? These are all kinds of things that Stitch Fix considers. Would you address her as Janet or Miss Jackson? That's how they find out how nasty you are.

With your choices in mind, they pick a wide range of clothes and they send you your perfect fit, handpicked just for you. It's really, really cool to have a personal stylist on the other end of the computer sending you stuff that you'll like. I always love getting a box from Stitch Fix. Some of my favorite clothes I've gotten via Stitch Fix, stuff I wear all the time and really, really love. And I think you should give it a shot.

Right now, Stitch Fix is offering our listeners $20 off their first fix at stitchfix.com slash jjgo. That's stitchfix.com slash jjgo for $20 off today. stitchfix.com slash JJ Go for $20 off today. Stitchfix.com slash JJ Go. Let's get back to the show. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. And I'm Patton Oswalt, America's podcast guest. Patton, you're slumming it over here on Jordan Jesse Goh.

We're grateful for your time. Well, I'm happy to be here, guys. Never slumming it with you. We have confirmed that The Banana Splits was a horror movie. I also can confirm that I watched the trailer for a horror movie called Winnie the Pooh Blood and Honey. I saw that. Again, it's funny for a minute. And then you're like, yeah, OK, I get it.

It's, oh, look out. We're edgy. It's public domain. Look what we did. Yeah, OK, great. I get it. Patton, we know that you're mad that they can't get residuals on the IP. The AA mill in the state

needs to be kept in tea and crumpets. We know where your priorities are. Damn it. It does, Winnie the Pooh in the film does have a very creepy head. I just want to give them credit for really creeping up Winnie the Pooh's head. I did some research too, and I guess, God, this is terrible.

I'm fucked. I now owe Elon Musk $13 million because he owns Galtar because apparently he was the original edgelord. Jeez. Wow. Jeez. Wow, I'm fucked. The original edgelord. Boy.

Wowie zowie. That's rough. Maximumfund. The original edgelord. Boy. Wowie zowie. That's rough. Maximumfun.org slash donate. Yeah. You know who the original edgelord was? Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Thank you, Pat. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Yes. You know who I think are the biggest edgelords of them all? Who? Single mothers. Hmm. Okay.

No. Very courageous. Do I clap or? So courageous. Boy, no one messes with the normies like single moms. Yeah. No one messes with the gritters like the moms with the pushing the strollers. Yeah.

You know how it is. When something momentous happens to you, we ask you to call us at 206-984-4FUN or just send us a voice memo at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. Here is one of the calls that we have received or maybe a voice memo. I guess we'll find out. Hey, George and Jesse Goh. This is Sam calling in from Northwest Florida with a momentous occasion. So I met you guys at Max FunCon this year and I told you about my upcoming wedding with my ring bearer who is a penguin. And the wedding happened and it was wonderful. I'm married now. Our ring bearer was a wonderful little penguin named Zulu.

He did a great job carrying the rings and he did try to bite my officiant, which is all you can really ask for. Anyway, love you guys. Have a good day. Love you too, Sam. And congratulations on your nuptials. It's really wonderful. I thought that was going in a direction where we were about to hear, and the penguin has joined our marriage. I mean, it seems like it's hardly a Jordan-Jesse-go call

unless it has more than two people romantically or sexually involved. Sure. There's people calling in that they went to the aquarium and petted a manta ray or whatever and then they're like oh and incidentally i also had sex with four people at the same time don't penguins have really scary mouths i saw some picture online of like a penguin looming at the camera with its mouth open and their mouth is filled with these like jagged

looks like jagged coral it's really scary i'm gonna be honest with you patten i'm not crazy about any mouths yeah patten i have googled penguin mouth and can confirm it does look like it was uh designed by hr giger so yeah it looks like it would be very painful holy christ look at that it has a barbed tongue yeah holy shit i mean it's serious why didn't morgan freeman warn us it has the top of the penguin's mouth like really this is important thing to point out. The tongue of the penguin's mouth is barbed. And then the top of the penguin's mouth is also barbed, but it has a form that in the interest of politeness, I will describe as Georgia O'Keeffe-esque. I think it's fair to say. So you would describe it as powerful, Jesse?

Yeah, I would say. You would describe it as powerful, Jesse? Yeah, I would say. You would describe it as powerful? It is powerful, beautiful. Beautiful. Like an incredible. Life-giving. Flower. Yeah, the penguin mouth is terrifying.

There's two things I noticed about the penguin, as Sam described the penguin. Yeah. One is that it was a little penguin and honestly if i'm going to tell you if i'm going to have a penguin in my wedding give me the biggest one you've got boom i want an eight footer give me one that's juiced up with dinosaur dna or whatever the fuck like the ones that dragged danny devito's body into the water at the end of Batman Returns. Yeah. Get those ones. The clear guys in suits. Yeah.

They're not working that much. Vern Troyer's first acting job. Nice. Good and everything. All right. By the way, Vern Troyer's first acting job, he is the officiant for the wedding at the end of Beetlejuice. Really?

That's Vern Troyer. Wow. Yep. First acting job what a career it kind of ties everything together quite a debut exactly can i tell you guys something my daughter has been really into uh austin powers lately cool you know why that was so popular funny yeah it's just super it's super funny there's a few things i wouldn't do in 2022 but um mostly it's just super fucking funny and uh god bless mike myers a sweet genius that's all i have to say

about fuck that fucking movie it holds up in 2022 because most of the jokes are about how badly the spy genre has aged in terms of sexism and you you know, chauvinism and stuff like that. So that movie gives itself a big pass because it's already taken the piss out of all that stuff. Oh yeah. That's a good point. It's a lot of time to spend looking at his prosthetic teeth. I will say that speaking of mouths,

I, yeah, I don't want to look at that. Pat, what, what mouth would you most like to look at? You know, now that I think about it, now that you said that earlier, not a big fan of mouths either. I mean, just a mouth by itself.

It's a bad hole. I'll say it. Bad hole. It's kind of creepy. It's creepy. It's not good. The teeth are weird. It looks both dangerous but also gross at the same time. It's this horrible combination of hard and soft. It's just not good together. And then the tongue is this weird muscle. Apparently, the tongue is a very powerful muscle. And if you ever watch like those side x-rays, the tongue is like this huge muscle that kind of goes into the, you know, floor of the mouth.

It's way bigger than just that. It's too long. But it's also thick. It just creeps me out. In JFK, Lee Harvey Oswald and his landlord just turn on the TV and it's just side x-rays. Would you like to look at mouths, Mr. Lee? Daniel, we got another momentous occasion in there? Hi, Jordan and Jesse.

This is Aubrey from Connecticut, and I wanted to call in today for a momentous occasion. I started working at a public school, a performing arts school, just a few weeks ago, and it's been really difficult. I thought it would be all glitter and, you know, beautiful scenery, but unfortunately students are more apathetic than ever, partially due to the pandemic. I don't fault them for that. But today is the first day that the students didn't make me cry, and also no one called me a fucking bitch today like they did in my second week. So we're doing good.

I love you guys so much. You make my days brighter every day. All right. Bye. Love you, too. Namaste. Isn't that the dream, Jordan? To not cry because of teens?

Yeah, I just try and avoid all teens they can make me cry they can't they have the ability to make me cry a teen wouldn't even have to say like it's one thing to call someone a fucking b right like yeah that's sure that could make anyone jesse an effing bitch thank you but i would say i would say that a teen especially like one of these tiktok teens could make me cry without a word just a apathetic gaze right just a gaze that leads me to understand how close i am to i guess losing my boners just like to the point where i can no longer become tumescent a gaze that says yes i'm wearing a knee-length Iron Maiden t-shirt, and I've never heard of the band.

A TikTok teen can make me cry just by posting a video of them getting up out of a chair without being in pain. Like, that would immediately, that would be such an own. Oh, you think you're so big. Like, oh, look at this. Just stood up, didn't even grunt. Oh, like that would really, really put things in perspective for me. I hate it when they do two evening activities.

They do one activity and then go somewhere else. Yeah. Oh, my God. This this TikTok teen is I'm in war with him. He just posted a video of him completing two errands in one day. And I just I gave up. I just gave up. Done. completing two errands in one day and I just gave up. I just gave up. Done. Oswalt says he won't do college gigs anymore. College audiences are too insensitive

to getting up out of chairs. At the end of my show, these kids just pop right up and it's such an insult. I can't watch it anymore. I can't see it. I'm trying to do comedy. They should have the decency to,

before they get up out of the chair, go. Or just do that. So like. Is there getting enough of that one? Good. Please. Think of who you're doing it in front of. Yeah.

Instead, they just do something amazing with a red solo cup. Like a cool flip or something. I don't need it. Teens don't get my season four Simpsons references. I've never heard of Mr. Plow. They know all about Brave Star with two R's. It's one of those things that went viral on TikTok. Jesse, you got a take for the Brave Star reboot? If we could get Film Nation on the phone.

I think I could come up with something. I'm going honest with you make it grounded it has to be grounded grounded grounded that's the thing i see it there's been so many edgy reboots there's so many reboots where you know what they're doing is they're turning it gray and orange. Right. They're adding some violence and they're making it grittier and so on and so forth. And I do want to make it grittier, but I want to make it emotionally grittier, which is why I see Bravestar, the Native American space cowboy, and his muscular gray-blue horse friend in a kitchen sink drama directed by Mike Lee. They develop the characters through improvisation over the course of six months.

Mike Lee brings their improvisations to a script, and then they return, and they have a lot to say about working class life in England slash a cowboy planet in space. Space, Texas. Yeah. Patton, do you have like a beloved childhood thing that you feel like only you remember that you would reboot given the opportunity? Oh, boy. I'm always nervous about doing that because I just feel like my memories, I don't totally trust all my, a lot of times things that you love because they're so, you have such nostalgia for them. And then you look at them again and it's like, oh, good Lord, no, I don't want to do this. But it would be kind of funny to do Danger Island,

which was that one that was live action at Jan Michael Vincent. And this guy, Chongo, who was, it was, again, just a terrible white writer's idea of, well, he's exotic and foreign. And if they yell his name at him, he goes crazy and beats up all their adversaries. He would just go, oh, Chungo. It was like literally like this weird human tornado that they had. And I would try to like do it just to redeem Chungo. He deserves it.

Yeah. It looks like they have to deal with a murderous Captain Mutan as well. Are you talking about Danger Island? Yeah, in Danger Island, they have to deal with Captain Mutan as well as the Ash Men and the Skeleton Men. I remember the Ash Men. Again, this is something I watched when I was five. I just know that it's Jan Michael Vincent, some hot girl, Chongo, and an African-American guy who was in a great exploitation movie called The No Mercy Man that Quentin Tarantino showed one night at the New Beverly.

And he's a really good actor. Like had this almost like the Shakespearean voice. And they would, I guess they're, but I don't remember what the, I thought it was like a weekly serial, but I guess there's an overall villain or something. Guys, you, you're okay. Check it out. What? Originally broadcast in 1986 slash 69 as a segment of the Banana Splits Adventure Hour.

Not, not night. It can't be 1986. No, maybe I've got a bad Wikipedia. 68. 68. Excuse me. Late 60s. 68, 69. I'm sorry. I'm sorry got a bad Wikipedia. 68. 68, excuse me. Late 60s. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. By that time, Jan Michael Vincent was far gone into

alcoholism. He could not have done that show. He had just quit Airwolf at that point. It says it was created to cut production costs on the program. What was? The Danger Island was. Wait a minute.

They made Danger Island to cut costs on the banana splits. We've been over this. The banana splits cost extra. So if you want to use them, it has to be good. Not only... Now, this is important. Not only did they create the program specifically in order to cut costs on the animated banana split segments it was directed by richard donner the director of superman what what the hell as well as lethal weapon

wait a minute so he did danger island holy crap guys did we just start a danger island recap podcast i i i i want now when i'm gonna go back and re-watch all of them the other one i would want to do is lancelot link secret chimp except that um all the spy stuff every episode ends with lancelot just like doing what chimps do when they get angry which is just break people's jaws and pull their genitals off and then eat their face like that's what he does at the end like like so the one guy is about to launch the nuclear codes and he just goes crazy ex-circus monkey on him and just completely rips his face off yeah just everyone is constantly humping mata harry. Okay, here's mine. Here's mine.

I walk into that development office. Yeah. You know, pleasantries. Hey, how you doing? Oh my gosh, how's your fall going? Get my Fiji water. Sit down on the couch, and I just say,

polyamorous snorks. And then I cash my check. Wait a minute, why do I know the snorks? What was the snorks and then i cash my check wait a minute why do i know the snorks what was the story underwater smurfs oh for the love of god you know when smurfs got popular and they're like do another one of these make them under again yeah why do all of these shows sound like they're being pitched by someone who's just exhausted. And in other words, they're just like, this is what's popular right now. Right. Then just do this. Look, put the Smurfs underwater.

All right? Yeah. Just have it underwater. Do that. On the Wikipedia, it should have the budget and then size of cocaine mound. So you know how much. There should be different sizes of cocaine mound so you know how much... There should be different sizes of cocaine mounds so you know how completely buggy

things were when they made that. But again, everything, especially in 70s animation, which that's why Mr. Bill was invented. They were making fun of how at one point the animation for kids' TVs was so bad. It was basically like... It wasn't 24 frames per second. It was like 12.

And like things barely moved. They would just like do the cheapest that they could. So the guy that made Mr. Bill was like, eventually, you're just going to see the hands come in and just move things around. Like, screw it. You know, why are we bothering? I'm not going to lie to you. You know, a longtime Jordan Jesse Go listeners will recall that I once met Joseph Barbera

when I was handing out proclamations for the mayor's office of San Francisco. Really? Yeah. And based on his, let's say the cut of his suits, his black dress shirts, his slicked back hair and his oversized gold eyeglasses, if he was not laundering mafia money, no one has ever laundered mafia money like a hundred percent he just needed a way to get you know neighborhood protection money from local florists yes into the right bank account so he could spend it and he was just like i don't know bring me some dutch people with an underwater some shit someone's gonna get a fruit cart knocked over get me a fucking belgian in here i need to convert my money to fluteners funky phantom how about what is it huh what's what am I not doing here? Some kids and they have a Revolutionary War ghost.

Sure. They solve mysteries in a talking car. Yeah, we can hide the entire heroin budget from last year in that thing. Can he talk like Paul Lynde? I guess. Sure. Every third character does. Can we get Paul Lynde?

Last I heard, he likes cocaine. Let's bring him in. I'm looking at this snork list here. And I mean, everybody knows the main snorks like All-Star Seaworthy and Demi Finster.

Well, yes, of course. Sure. But do you guys remember Governor Wellington Wentworth? He actually created the UC system. Oh. There's one Ms. Seabottom, voiced by Edie McClurg. Hey!

That's a good get. Great get for them. Great get for them. Why not? And, of course, Dr.ork wow wow there is a character a main villain from season three and on a large green seaweed like creature with magical abilities such as disguising himself as a snork big weed i wonder where they came up with the idea for big weed yeah well it's like when you you know when you realize that sid and marty croft were just basically stoners

and just hiding every drug reference they could and every freaking thing that they did god the surviving croft maybe 15 years ago was on the sound of young America. Oh, and it was a fucking joy ride. Really? He was basically pitching me television shows. Their offices were, when I was doing AP bio and the Radford lot, their office was across the street from our soundstage. I would come out and I would see them and they would let me go look around

their offices. And there were like sleestack models and lidsville puppets he was like legit a fun guy like he was like 80 or something and completely bonkers he had an office on the lot and he had big three ring binders like so you're on that show huh i got an idea and he would just start pitching me shows and i can't remember a thing he said to me because they were so crazy but now i almost feel like all right you're a civil war skeleton and you run across a cave man what i do feel like whatever the last thing he pitches like right before his brain goes that should be a challenge for someone to be like you have to make whatever the last thing he pitches that has to be made. J.J. Abrams has to do it.

Yeah. Write it down and give it to Cronenberg. There you go. Have fun, buddy. You guys want to hand a little something to Cronenberg and then come back? Yeah, I'm going to spend I need to spend a little time learning about Tudor Shelby. A snork with dark green hair who's afflicted with an aphasia who can only communicate through tooting what's an aphasia an aphasia uh a single aphasia and an aphasia is an inability to

comprehend or formulate language because of damage to specific brain regions, probably from lack of oxygen. And I'm sorry, they wrote that into the children's cartoon. Yeah, well, you know, it was the dawn of the independent living movement. Oh, sure. You know, the ADA had just passed. It was a big time. Representation matters.

You got to get that in there, man. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. Hello, dreamers. This is Evelyn Denton, CEO of the only world-class, fully immersive theme resort, Steeplechase. You know, I've been seeing more and more reports on the blogs that our beloved park simply isn't safe anymore. Murder them? I'm gonna wreck it. They say they got mugged by brigands in the fantasy kingdom of Ephemera

or hijacked by space pirates in Infinite Item. I mean, I could have a knife. My papa said that I needed to do a crime. Friends, I'm here to reassure you that it's all part of the show. These criminals were really just overzealous staff trying to make things a little more magical for our guests. We're just as safe as we've always been.

This isn't a county fair, dreamers. This is Steeplechase. The Adventure Zone. Every Thursday at MaximumFun.org. La la la la la la la la Since the dawn of time, man has dreamed of bringing life back from the dead. From Orpheus and Eurydice to Frankenstein's monster, resurrection has long been merely the stuff of myth, fiction, and fairy tale.

Until now. Actually, we still can't bring people back from the dead. That would be crazy. But the Dead Pilot Society podcast has found a way to resurrect great dead comedy pilots from Hollywood's finest writers. Every month, Dead Pilot Society brings you a reading of a comedy pilot that was sold and developed but never produced, performed by the funniest actors from film and television. How does Dead Pilot Society achieve this miracle? The answer can only be found at MaximumFun.org.

this miracle? The answer can only be found at MaximumFun.org. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. And I'm Patton Oswalt, America's returning for a new segment podcast guest. Jordan. Yes. I have a dream. You know about this dream so it's to become a fruit themed parody rapper and i'm working really hard on a parody of uh the naz classic do rags from his album the lost tapes it's called pluots i'm not going to give out a preview yet scans pretty well with do rags well enough jordan well look i didn't say i'm fucking

weird al yankovic i'm going to reproduce the meter like like impressively good rapper weird al yankovic hey his stuff on uh when he covered chameleoners white and nerdy that was some solid flow even chameleon chameleoners said like that dude can rap that is the what of all the incredible things about weird al yankovic of which there are many so many i think one of the most incredible is what, like, as someone who loves rap music and hates jokes about rap music because they tend to be real easy and shitty and sometimes racist, I have to say Weird Al Yankovic does a legitimately great job rapping. And I asked him about it one time when he was on Bullseye. And he's just like, yeah, I mean, I work really hard on it. So I was like, yeah, I bet you do. Because you're a hardworking guy. You're a great craftsman.

No one has ever questioned the man's craft. But if you're going to be a fruit-themed Parody rapper, does the rapper himself Have a fruit-themed name? Have you thought of that? That's a great question, I mean right now I'm rapping Under my own name just because I'm kind of like A straight shooter And I'm also kind of focusing on burnishing my fruit brand

Uh-huh I think you gotta have a name first You gotta have something that pops. Off the Dome, Quince the Rapper. Oh, boom. That's pretty good. Yeah, I think that's gonna be, that might end up being what it is. Tyler the Kumquat.

Thank you. I don't know. That's another... Tyler the Kumquat is actually a Hanna-Barbera character from 1971. Oh, damn it, that's right they did 91 episodes uh for the first season right talked like the cowardly lion for some reason larry storch was the voice yeah larry storch is exactly who did that voice yeah who's on the lot today who's filming a game show just does he want to do a cartoon? Yeah. We'll give him a rail.

Yeah. Larry Storch on the voice, Scott Storch on the beat, folks. Oh, yeah. I just wanted to give a preview of that. Now, Patton, you have a brand new special. It's out now on Netflix. It's called We All Scream. Yes.

And I directed it. First time directing. I hope there's ice cream content, no ice cream content, but there is the sweet, there's the sweet, sweet taste of my first directing job. And that made all the difference. Congratulations on that patent.

I know that you, I know that you had to fight Spike Lee off Spike Lee kept demanding. He was like, I'm owed. I'm owed. It's my time to eat. You let Bobcat do one. It's I'm owed. It's my time to you let Bobcat do one. I'm owed. It's my time. Yeah. And but no, I managed to hold out.

What was the greatest challenge of directing yourself in a stand up comedy special? Resisting the urge to get really fancy with the camera work and lighting, you know, all the best comedy specials to me are if you're relying on editing and camera work and lighting. You know, all the best comedy specials to me are, if you're relying on editing and camera work and cutting, then the special's in trouble. It's gotta be, you walk out, you are locked down. It just, the material's gotta sell itself. So, you know, I was very much

like, I know that Netflix likes a good jib shot, so we'll do that at the beginning. And then we'll do elbows up, nothing crazy. I'm not trying to sell this with the cutting. Netflix loves a jib shot. They love Bridgerton style pussy eating. Yes, it's what they like.

I couldn't I couldn't get that second one in, but I did give them a jib shot. So they're they're happy. That's more than that. Yeah. And we talked a little bit about your great new comic book, Minor Threats. You can probably still get the Mike mingala cover which i got i and uh jordan blum the the other writer and the artist scott hepburn share custody of that original artwork we can't decide where it should land because my god do i love that it rules it fucking rules oh and yeah and i think this is

i think if you read a lot of comics, obviously you're going to love this. But also I think this is a good book if you want to read a cool superhero comic, but feel intimidated by 90 years of continuity. Yeah. This is a very complete superhero world that you can just get in on the ground floor of and start reading at issue one. One issue of continuity. You can do it. You can do it. I enjoyed, as one of those people, I enjoyed how easy breezy your exposition was. I was like, you have built a world without any having to explain to me what the fuck is going on. You showed and didn't tell, Patton.

You showed and didn't tell. I love, one of my favorite comics is Astro City, and it's all about showing rather than telling. There's no actual exposition for anything. You get it all in context. You feel like you are visiting Astro City, and you get the whole city's history just watching it, and it is incredible. Yeah.

My favorite superhero comic is probably Concrete. And what they show you is. Paul Chadwick. What if a superhero was sad and wrote in his journal a lot? What if an ex speechwriter going through a bad divorce got put into the things body by aliens who then leave the. And he never has no instruction manual as to how to work himself. God, that doesn't really do any superhero stuff, except for like occasionally do like a fireman type.

Right. Superhero thing. Yeah. Mostly he just goes to the bottom of the ocean. So no one will bother. Oh, it's so good. God,

it's so good. Patt, it's so good. Patton, it's been a joy to have you on the program, as always. Thank you for making the time. And it was so exciting to get to talk to you and also so exciting to see your cat's butthole. Oh, I'm so glad. Beautiful butthole. I wanted to give you guys a little treat. You should be so proud.

Yay. Well, thanks for having me on, guys. Yeah, thanks, dude. All right. Jordan Jesse Goh uh produced by daniel saffron brian fernandez our producer emeritus theme music love you by the free design courtesy of the free design and light in the attic records uh maximumfund.reddit.com at jordan underscore morris at jesse thorn on twitter at jordan david morris and i put dot this dot on on, and we are now on Twitter at Jordan, Jesse go. And before we leave, uh, this is a

little bit sad. I don't necessarily want to talk about it in a sad way right now, cause I'm not up to it, but I just wanted to acknowledge that this week as we record this, uh, we put down my dog Coco, who has been a character on this show over many, many years. She's, she's lived in our house for 15 years. She was almost 17 years old. And, you know, she's, she's been a, Jordan has been a great pal to her for so long. And, you know, I don't think anyone who's, who's heard me talk about her on this show doesn't know that, uh, she was my, she was my best bud, frankly, with all due respect to Jordan and no respect to Daniel. Daniel's not really in this conversation. The, the best bud I ever had, like. She was the nicest dog and she was so lucky

to have you and Teresa and your whole family. She was really wonderful and had a great life, I'm sure. Yeah. Well, I bothered her a lot. I carried her upside down like a baby. I put her underneath my shirt so her head would come out and I called it sharing the head hole. Yeah, I bothered her a lot over 15 years, but she learned that she wasn't going to escape it. So she should just let it happen. Let me pet her while she was trying to eat or whatever. So, yeah. So thanks, thanks to Coco for, for being a pal to me and for this show. And thanks to, um, you know, I shared this on social media and, and so many listeners had really kind things to say. I got to see a lot of sweet pictures of listeners, pets

that they loved who had passed on. And, uh, it was just, it was, it was really nice. I heard from a lot of our, our pals from, from this show who sent me nice notes and stuff. So thanks for that. And, um, I'm going to focus for now on spending more time bothering our other dog, sissy, who really like sort of had escaped it to this point. Cause I was so focused on, on Coco. So, yeah. So I, I thanks to everybody's been so kind and, of all thanks to that thanks to that best bud Coco there will never be another one so thanks Coco okay we'll talk to you next time on Jordan Jessica Love you. Love you. Love you.