Jordan, Jesse, GO! - VR to ER Moments, with Dave Hill

Episode Date: November 23, 2023

Jordan and Jesse are joined by the legendary writer, comedian, and BMX biker Dave Hill, who tells the boys about his tour with Tenacious D and his new book The Awesome Game: One Man’s Incredible Globe Crushing Hockey Odyssey.Watch the stream of Judge John Hodgman's Van Freaks Roadshow. Jordan wrote a brand new graphic novel called Youth Group which you can pre-order at Bookshop.org or, if you're in Copenhagen for whatever reason, pick it up at Faraos Cigarar!You can start a community, build a full website, make your products, and start your email marketing all for free when you sign up at podia.com/JJGO

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy, detective. I've got an idea for a new kind of guy I'm going to be, and I want to run it by you, Jordan. I mean, you're already a pretty guy-y guy. I know, I mean, I... But you're just going to pivot, you're already a pretty guy-y guy. I know. But you're just going to pivot.

You're going to pivot. I'm pivoting in an area. Seasonally. It's sort of a seasonal pivot, I'm going to be honest with you. It's not a tunnel pivot. You'll be a different guy depending on the weather, depending on, you know. Yeah. No, I'm not pivoting.

Starbucks menu. I'm not pivoting to seasonality i'm saying during this season okay i'm trying a seasonally themed pivot okay no i like this this is great um yeah i can i'm here to help you out uh if you want to workshop something spitball maybe if there's one thing i know it's guys obviously i've I've always joined. I am a guy. I often speak with them. Great. So you know your stuff. Oh, yeah. I know my guys.

So here's what happened. I was at the Pasadena City College. I mean, Pasadena High School farmer's market. Okay. You know, I love it there. Great farmer's market. Check out this. There's a good scone guy there.

They're prepackaged, so you might be like, am I just buying a prepackaged scone? They're great. Really? Oh, yeah. I like that weird guy that sharpens knives. Oh, yeah. That's a, yeah. Very nice, weird guy.

Okay, here is what I faced. The summer fruits are gone. There's no more melons. There's no more melons. There's no more stone fruit. They're all gone out of there. And you've really hung your hat on the pluot. It's a big thing. It's a big part of your guyness.

Yeah. Everybody knows I'm a pluot guy. A huge pluot guy since way back when, three, four years. When they're not in season, who are you? You're just a husk. So obviously- You're just the five or six other things that you do.

People listening right now, they're like, oh, well, Jesse, obviously you're a Satsuma guy. Oh, right. Yeah, sure. And we're recording this. It's Thanksgiving-ish. That's when Satsumas come in. And there were some Satsumas at the market, Jordan. It's the popular seedless tangerine.

They were garbage. Oh, no. My God. These things were greener than they were orange. They shouldn't even have bothered to bring them in. So you know what I did? Knocked over the stall. I went and bought myself some apples. Okay stall i went and bought myself down the okay went and

bought myself some apples and this is what i'm thinking about right you buy them from ha yeah i bought them from mr ha love ha love ha's apples love love how mad he is that you're buying apples from him yes if you okay we're laughing if you guys knew ha if you guys knew mr saying ha ha because you'd be laughing along with us and how well observed this is uh this guy's cranky only takes cash yeah applewood for sale cords yeah and i got myself some arkansas blacks okay this is one of the one of the obviously i think our audience already knows the best apple is sundowner but one of the one of the best of the rest is the arkansas black and there's no sundowners in there and this is what i'm thinking and i try

it's also got good pears do you ever get pears from ha and i get an i'll get an asian pear which is half pear half apple too no i didn't know that about asian pears that's you ever get pears from Ha? Yeah, and I'll get an Asian pear, which is half pear, half apple, too. Oh, I didn't know that about Asian pears. That's what I figured. They're as much apple as they are pear? I don't know. I mean, I couldn't tell you that for sure, but it seems like it. No, I believe you. I'm just going to start repeating that to people. Great. So

I tried this out this morning when I was going through the flea market. Different market, obviously. Yeah. I had always preferred to slice my apples. Same here. What if I'm a guy who shines an apple on his shirt and then holds it sort of next to his face? face maybe even with my in in my right hand with my left hand under under the elbow thinking and i take a big bite out of an apple and it's sort of like a you know what i mean i i would if i saw

you doing that i wouldn't be surprised yeah be like there's there's jesse with a new thing um have you thought about... I mean, I love it. I love it. I love it. When people shine the apple like that, what is it doing? Why do they do that?

Are you just getting apple particles on your clothes? Feels tremendous. Have you thought about, you know, leaning on a fence post and cutting off slices with a knife? Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I mean, if we're listing Apple guys, shining it on the clothes, pretty good guy, but cuts

off slices with a knife while leaning on a fence post. You don't fuck with that guy. Where you're holding the knife and you slice it straight into your thumb? Yeah, well... Like a scissor? Like a scissor where the knife is one blade and your thumb is the other? Yeah, maybe like slice away from the hand. I think that would kind of remove some of the mystique that you would gain by doing this if you just cut yourself and started yelping.

But you know the move I'm talking about, right? I know the move. Here's one thing, though. If you're doing that, you miss the opportunity to do something that I had a great time doing, which is looking at the apple and thinking about where your next bite's coming from. Oh, yeah. That's like a serious guy move. Like, yeah, you're going to get eaten, apple.

Oh, let me ask you this. Is part of this going, huh, on the apple? Or are you going, huh? The first move is you go, huh. Did I miss that? Did you say you were going to go, huh? No, you're absolutely right. I left it out.

It's completely my fault. No, I mean, you could have thought it was implied. I just, you know, say you were going to go, huh? No, you're absolutely right. I left it out. It's completely my fault. No, I mean, you could have thought it was implied. I just, you know, want to. Should I go? Maybe you just do the show with Dave. Oh, yeah. I would like to see how he eats an apple. I got to go rebuild my confidence after this thing where I forgot about saying on the apple

before you go. What does that do? Like, is that is that ever been something anyone has done or is that just an acting like an acting tick? Like an actor needs to do something in a scene. So they do that. Sort of like talking on the phone with your thumb and your pinky finger extended. Yeah, I guess. Yeah. Have you actually seen anyone do that and if so why do you why why did

people why did people ever do that like you need to moisten the surface you need to moisten the surface okay so that but then you rub off what you did on your clothes yeah well once the surface is moist then it's prepared for the scuzz to come off onto your clothes in a way that it wouldn't when it was dry. Why does it have scuzz on it? Because it's a fucking apple, man. It's been out in a fucking tree for six months. So is this just something you do if you can't wash it? Is this an unwashed apple?

Jordan, do you go around your house washing apples before i eat them yeah i mean i mean you can take it with you but i wash it what are you wearing fucking yellow dish gloves and a hair net and you got a big sudsy bowl and you're washing all your fucking apples i'm out there in the world doing stuff. I'm a man of action. That's why you find me on fence posts. That's why you find me not having slices. Our guest on the program is a good friend of ours.

I haven't seen him for quite a while. It's very nice to see his face. It is. He is a comedian, a a musician and an author most recently of the brand new book the awesome game one man's incredible globe-crushing hockey odyssey mr dave hill hi dave hello how do you eat your apples dave you know i mean i i was oh i've the whole time, there's so many things you guys covered in the intro. Yeah. I wanted to chime in on. From apples to other things about apples.

Well, apples, I thought about that because. From apples to zapples. just this afternoon and I applied all of these, uh, apple washing techniques to the pair that my girlfriend and I, I bought, I got us a, you know, I popped into a little market.

We're on the road driving and I got us a couple of pairs among some other items. And then I got in the car and I did all that stuff. I breathed on it. I wiped it. Somehow I pulled up my hoodie, this weird, arguably tie-dyed hoodie, arguably offensive hoodie for the fashion. Like as, you know, to both of you but but i think

especially jesse no offense jordan as a fashion forward gentleman i thought don't don't wear an arguably tie-dyed hoodie while recording this podcast you're gonna going to get dragged, Dave. It was given to me. No, I'm right there with you. You know, Jesse's a well-dressed dude. He'll, you know, he's got a jab or a jibe for you if he doesn't like your fit. So I was wearing, before we started, I was wearing a half shirt that says dump him out.

And I'm like, I'm not, I was wearing a half shirt that says dump them out. And I'm like, I'm not going to get dragged by Jesse on the air for my dump them out shirt. I wouldn't have dragged you, Jordan. I would have done the obvious thing. I'd have dumped them out. I love the good dumping. I could have been seeing um. Yeah. Man, I missed um.

Um would have been right out here. Man, I love it when when um are dumped out oh i like i like them dumped out okay wait so david david david hill yeah you oh can i actually can i can we just get a little bit of clarification on the i don't think the hoodie looks bad i think it looks cool uh tie dye very in, does it have a design that we're not seeing here on the zoom? It does on the back. Uh, Oh,

it says blue lives matter. Yeah. Maybe it doesn't say that. It's a blue lives matter. Um, it, but, but the flag is,

is F it fades as it goes down. No. Um, and it's in the punisher logo. Yeah, no, it is. Uh, you know, I, Punisher logo. Yeah. No, it is. You know,

I was going to bring this up maybe in the second half, but I've recently become sponsored by BMX companies, as you can imagine. Right. Yeah. And BMX skills. So good at it. It's from the merit uh brand of bmx uh equipment uh they they were kind

enough to send me some stuff and i do love this hoodie it's uh very very comfortable but i can't i don't know how i can really show it to you can i get dave how do i get a BMX sponsorship? You have to be amazing at BMX. No. The way that I did it, I'll tell you, is I simply bought a BMX bike on Facebook Marketplace. Uh, and well, first of all, I, I made some videos on Instagram and I just put hashtag BMX, even though I was riding a mountain bike that was given to me for my college graduation, um, some time ago, to be fair. Uh huh. And then people would be like, that's not BMX. And I would say BMX is a state of mind.

That is very true. Yeah. And then, Hey, it's BMX somewhere. Yeah, exactly. That's exactly right.

So then, uh, as I, this past September, I did, uh, I was lucky enough to go on tour with Tenacious D. And I asked, you know, in Scotland, I did the last half of the Fringe Festival in Edinburgh. And this is where I bought the I bought a BMX bike and I wrote it into my show. And and then I was like, I kind of like having a BMX bike.

As a man of a certain age, it's slightly, well, I don't want to say it's absurd for me to be riding BMX. It's amazing, but it's actually good exercise. You have to stand up the whole time because the seat is so low. I'm really just not focused here on my BMX tirade. Our friend Kyle Kinane is a passionate BMX biker. Oh, see? He and I should chat about this. I didn't realize that.

That guy's got all kinds of free hoodies. Wait a minute. Okay, I've got to step it up. Well, it is really, I literally, right before we started recording, I was looking at colored bike chains. I might do an upgrade on my bike. Nice. You're probably saying, hey, Dave, are you sponsored by a bike company?

Yeah, I'm glad you asked. I'm sponsored by Mongoose. Oh, nice. The OG. Look out, Cobras. The Mongoose is coming. Yum, yum, yum. They love to eat them.

Basically, I'm in the winter of my life. Their BMX are in winter. I'm just going full BMX now. That's great. You and Jesse are both kind of like embarking on, you know, new ventures, you know, in the twilight of your years. I love it. Right as death looms over you. Yes. The last few weeks of my life here, yeah, I've just been riding and uh i really i really like it you're riding around

and you you just because it's this little bike everyone immediately assumes you're a menace and i really like that um yeah sure basically i started riding a bmx bike at my shows just as I'm just to give that uh real anything goes quality to the proceedings and then I take it to the streets and then I'm just around and when you're riding a BMX bike like all the other street toughs they look at you they're like what's up with him I want to get involved with that or fight him or whatever, you know. Do you have neon accents in either your outfits or your bike? Great question. Not right now.

I don't have any neon accents. But, yeah, my bike, I got one, the Mongoose bike. I'm, you know, contractually obligated to mention the products. I just got some sweet grips sent to me by the Merritt Company. Grips and pedals. Literally, Dave, literally no one has ever sent me a BMX bike. Well, I mean, that's a shame on you because I would think if I'm sponsored by a BMX bike company, how hard could it be? I mean, I'm amazing.

I feel shame. I feel deep shame. I mean, then again, when you see me on this bike, you'll be like, this guy, I mean, he is amazing. He's elevating the sport i'm not that i mean it's a rebuilding year for me in terms of bmx your first your first year it's my first year but um you've traded some of the stars on over expensive contracts for rooks i have a few uh and i have a few wipeouts under my belt on the very first territory man it's part of the game yeah yeah yeah you can't come to the territory yeah if

you're gonna go hard you're gonna go you know you're gonna wind up gonna get some scrapes but i got a black eye on my first night of the tenacious detour I wiped out on stage in front of maybe 10,000 people. Is that on the internet somewhere? No, I mean, I'm sure someone has it on their phone, but I rode the bike. There is footage on my Instagram account of me riding the bike on stage. My friend Jason Arduci videoed me going on stage very fast and confidently. And then on the, I wrote it off at the end of the set and Jack Black was standing on the side watching and I went over some wires and the whole bike slipped off from under me. I landed on my face and then i got up and he said jack said oh we got to

get the spotlight to follow you tomorrow so we catch the wipeout you know he thought you were doing it you thought it was a planned bit yeah and i was like that wasn't planned i'm in a tremendous amount of pain right now um and i had a black eye for like a week of the tour which was pretty cool yeah i mean makes you seem dangerous gives you rock and roll bona fides oh totally it was where do you here's my question for you dave you're touring with tenacious d of course you're probably traveling in a luxury learjet so yes where Where do you put the BMX bike? In the back of the Jeep that follows the Learjet.

Got it. There's a Jeep that drives directly behind the Learjet. Got it. The Learjet just drags it with a long cable. Yeah. Dave, it's so fucking cool that you opened for Tenacious T.

We're goofing around, but man, that rules. It was maybe the funnest 10 days of my life. It was so insanely fun. They're the best guys, their whole band, crew. Everyone's amazingly awesome. And I'm going to do Dublin in the uk with them in may dang and so uh now i'm like sweating i'm like oh how am i gonna get the bike over there gotta get the bike over there how many black eyes can you get i guess only two and then i mean i'm

taking it international you gotta black something else to black something else. Though I did... I promise I won't talk about my BMX career this entire episode, but... We've got to fit in some of your other sponsors. Yeah, we've got to fit in some of it. We've got to talk about Monster Energy Drink. I'm going... Volcom wetsuits. I made mental...

I do want to address I'll say very quickly I drove across the river Leith in Edinburgh on a BMX bike and not considering the fact that there would be like that green mossy

slippery stuff at the bottom of the riverbed and I wiped out really hard and then uh i was like screaming and in pain in the middle of the river in a shallow area of it and there were these old ladies walking just looking at me and i couldn't i couldn't decide whether I ruled or it was sad. I don't know. As I was standing there, just damp and in a lot of pain with Scottish old ladies looking at me,

wondering why I was in this river. But what I wanted to say, you talked about the weird knife sharpening guy. Right. But where I live in New York City, there's a truck that pulls up next to Washington Square where I take my sweet dog Lucy every morning to play. And the name of the truck is a knife sharpening thing.

No, I think, I don't know if he, it looks like he sharpens knives, but then it says Dr. Playground on it, which is the creepiest possible thing you could have written on the side of a truck. Dr. Playground is a horribly disfigured man who's covered in knives. He has a suit made of knives. That's a different thing. knives he has a suit made of knives that's a different thing yeah it was so i see that and i'm like i always want to meet him but it's one of those just keep on walking scenarios and but then the asian pear i also concur i believe it to be half pear half apple but also

and jesse tell me if you disagree it's like's like a rainstorm in your mouth with every bite. And I mean that in the best possible way. It's an extraordinary fruit. I mean, last year in the holiday season, we discussed that if you live somewhere with a Korean or Japanese grocery store, you can avail yourself of those cultures. Gift fruits, the ultra premium fruits that are wrapped in little foils that... Oh, yeah. Would they have like the webbed... A cheesecloth, yeah.

Oh, webbed styrofoam. I know exactly what you're talking about. Like a stretchy... Like a stocking. Like a fishnet stocking for fruit. So it doesn't get into trouble with the other Asian pears. I know exactly what you mean, David. You could, if you had two of them, you could dump them out.

Yeah. Dump out your pear. No doubt about it. Oh, man. Dave, can I ask you a question about the tenacious d experience please obviously huge tenacious d fan here same likewise couldn't couldn't love tenacious d more the best uh jordan i think did you could did you come to see tenacious d at the the phil the philmore and the or the, was it the Fillmore in the Great American Music Hall?

Yeah, yeah. I think we saw them a couple times in college. We would like go up to San Francisco from Santa Cruz to see the D and it was a goddamn blast. I've seen them a couple of times since. Yeah, nobody rocks harder than those guys. They really do. I've said this before, but I saw Metallica like two weeks

before the tour began. And if I had to give out a hard rocking award, I'd give it to the D over Metallica. Yep. They rocked.

It's a better show. You know why? They never went to therapy. That's exactly right. Yeah, as soon as you go to therapy. They air out their grievances on stage. There you go. Yes.

Once you become self-aware, you can't rock anymore. But this is my question for you, David but this is my question for you david this is my question for you about tenacious d okay so as i said so stipulated that jordan and i are both huge fans of the d they're totally great they're really great guys uh in my very limited experience with them there's them coming on bullseye they couldn't have been more lovely and delightful absolutely lovely so i can only imagine that it would be a great time to hang out with the probably very nice people that work with them and them on two yes it's all so stipulated i will say that when jack black became famous some tenacious D fans were shitty frat boys. And I wonder what it's like to BMX on stage and not know how many shitty frat boys relative to ultra rockers and comedy nerds there are in the audience uh well i i mean i went

on the crowd every night and i i didn't i i didn't see like a lot of fratty dudes i think it's sort of you know over time the the audience is is guys. Focused on the ones that really care. Yeah, yeah, I think so. But that having been said, I think, you know, a BMX bike is a unifying thing. It's a unifying factor that basically if you have a pulse, a guy rides out in a bmx bike uh you know frat boys nuns at base you know little children everyone's everyone it's like santa claus everyone loves it you know what i've always said dave i've always said that if kamala harris rode into the senate on a bmx bike there would be no tie to

break because it would be 100 to 0 in favor of her priorities that's what i've been thinking about you know, politics, not to, but I feel like if there were unifying factors, like this, the scenario you've just described, Kamala Harris riding in on a BMX bike, another one I was thinking of today, and maybe I'm dating myself, but I don't care. but I don't care. I think if a politician, maybe on the House floor, just walked out when it was his or her turn to speak, put on a boombox that plays Freedom 90 by George Michael and just fold your arms and don't say a word

and everybody will be like, yeah, why are we fighting? Let's just get out of here. We all agree on let's do the right thing. Equality for all, they'll say. Equality for all. Also, like, you know, there's things like global meditation things. global meditation things.

And to be fair, I did put something on my... I wasn't going to bring up threads today, but I'm on threads. We got to get into it. Let's hear it. What's the hot shit on threads? I said something. It wasn't particularly well-worded or even, you know, I don't know. It wasn't a strong thread necessarily. But I just think if

everyone all over the world just put on that one song by chumba wumba at the same time yes what would happen no one would be able to keep us down yeah exactly can i ask you a question right but can i ask you a question d Dave, about bringing Congress together? Because obviously, you know, anytime I hear a honk, I look over my shoulder to see if the clown bus is backing up into Washington, D.C. Well, here we go. But here's my question. Out of the – how many people are in Congress?

600, 900, 30? No one knows. It's a lot. Several. Okay. It's a lot. Several. Okay. It's like who votes on the Academy Awards? Who are these people? Exactly.

So of these some hundreds of people that are in Congress, how many of them do you think could go up there, claim their time, and then do a cool magic trick. Like how many of them know, like learned closeup magic as kids or as adults? I'm not, I think I don't care when they learned it, Jordan,

this isn't a developmental issue. I would say seven and it would be surprising. It would be like, I mean, Corey, it would be even not, well, it couldn't be. It would be like, I mean, it would be even. Well, it couldn't be even because it's seven. But I think, you know. Cory Booker has strong close-up magic adolescence. Well, he's all rope tricks, that one.

You're thinking of humorist Will Rogers. You're thinking of humorist Will Rogers. But yeah, I think I would say that would be my guess. Seven of them. And you would be stunned. Like someone horrifying like Matt Gaetz will be like, wait, hang on. I do actually have. Yeah, Gaetz knows a magic trick.

You're right. Gaetz knows a magic trick. Yeah. He'll do a magic trick, and then he'll also cup a fart and throw it in your face. Yeah, exactly. Jordan, how many Congress people would you say know a good magic trick? Boy, I think seven's a really great guess. But maybe I would say it's probably more. I think you're right, Jesse. people would you say no a good magic trick boy i think seven's a really great guess but maybe i

would say it's probably more i think you're right jesse i think that anybody who has like political aspirations was probably a certain kind of dorkus when they were a kid and like yeah probably probably the kind of dorkus who would like sit and practice a card trick. So, yeah, maybe I'll go a little higher. Maybe I'll say 20. Yeah. Definitely card trick. Definitely card trick.

I think there's a lot of like. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of a lot of card trick types in Congress. You don't think they would do bigger scale tricks, Jordan? Like sawing a woman in half type stuff no i think they i think they didn't stay with it i think they i think they did it a little bit as kids and then like once high school hit they started like joining clubs and shit i think there's two congress people right now who have a show oh wow i'm talking about like with patter in between the trick

there's two congress people congress people congressmen okay to be clear these are dudes that have this there's two congressmen who can do 15 minutes who could do a children's birthday party. I like that he can go up at the Magic Castle tonight. Yeah, right now. With just a couple of steel rings and a fake bird. Right this second. All right, so let's do this.

It's almost time for a break we're going to use this break to call our local congressperson uh-huh and tell them what our card is right hopefully they get back to us we'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Every episode of Jordan, Jesse Goh brought to the listeners by the listeners, the members of Maximum Fun. So thank you to them. We're also supported this week by the folks at Podia.

Podia is a platform that gives you everything you need to run an online business. I'm talking about websites, Jordan. Ooh, I thought those were hot. websites jordan oh i think those are hot i'm also talking about uh selling online courses i'm also talking about email marketing i'm also talking about the online community stuff so let's start up for example okay let me wrap my head around this i'm a dummy okay uh let's say we had a business making peanut butter sandwiches for dumps for okay because i know peanut butter sandwiches and you know dummies we'd need of course pbs4d.com so we'd have to put a online store there and then i would probably want to be selling webinars right about spreading the peanut butter all the way to the edge of the bread

sure yeah you like uh you know knife technique you know you're gonna learn you don't want to tell the dummies things like you know don't put the knife directly into your mouth like exactly now grab the handle not the blade these are all things dummies need to know but you know because there has been no website to teach dummies how to make peanut butter sandwiches uh you know dummies have been injuring themselves, sometimes even killing themselves. And if I didn't have Podia, well, I'd have to go to 17 different companies to get all these services, platform services, you know, make a pretty website, register domains, have an email newsletter for dummies, sell my webinars etc etc etc but on podia i can do it all in one place easy peasy peanut butter sandwichy yeah and hey no tech expert required you know i hate those guys us dummies hate tech experts yeah it's true they're like, here's how you use your keys. Tech experts hate dummies, but it's just because they know the dummies aren't actually the one talking. It's the ventriloquist who's talking.

Everything is in one place with one login. You don't have to figure out how to use or connect a bunch of tools. It all just works, and it all just works together. Podia also starts at the best price, which is free. You can start a community, build a full website, make your products, start your email marketing all for free when you sign up at podia.com slash JJ go. Hey, also, can I say something, Jordan? Please say something. Also, can I say something, Jordan?

Please say something. We premiered the stream of the Judge John Hodgman show just a few days ago. It was a great time. me that they had started binging judge john hodgman because they came to see the judge john hodgman van freaks road show show because they were jordan jesse go fans never heard of judge never listened to judge john hodgman before they said i'm gonna go out and give it a try and now they're big judge john hodgman fans so thank you jordan jesse go fans for supporting that um that show i've got to see it. It looks really great. And it will still be available for a few weeks at vanfreaksroadshow.com.

So you can go and get it and watch it. It is a good time. It has a finale that will blow your mind along with Nick O'Lowry from the Antiques Roadshow. He's the poster guy from the Antiques Roadshow, the guy with the ridiculous suits. They're very tasteful and attractive, but they're also ridiculous. Um, and all kinds of stuff. There's an auction.

There's two giant Richard Kynes. Um, all kinds of stuff. So Van Freaks Roadshow. Yeah. VanFreaksRoadshow.com. Get your stream. And of course, pre-order Jordan's upcoming book. You got a store to shout out, Jordan?

Oh, yeah, yeah. So Youth Group, the upcoming horror comedy graphic novel from myself and Bowen McGurdy, up for pre-order now. We're shouting out folks who are pre-ordering at their local indie bookstores uh i got a message from someone who pre-ordered in copenhagen uh this this person pre-ordered at a indie bookstore in copenhagen called pharos cigarere pharos cigarere uh they're online at pharos.dk so uh there's a there's a place to snag your copy of Youth Group if you're in Copenhagen or nearby.

And hey, if you're not in Copenhagen, just, hey, why don't I recommend bookshop.org? That's a great place to pre-order your books, to order your books. You can get your books via mail like you would at other e-commerce sites. But instead of going to evil companies, it goes to indie bookstores.

So yeah, they do all their ordering and shipping via indie bookstores. And yeah, if you don't have a favorite one in your neighborhood, bookshop.org, a great place to get books, including Youth Group. Some of the indie bookstores might be evil. They don't do a ton of vetting. That's true, yeah.

The cat that lives at the bookstore might be evil. Yeah, order Youth Group. Go get yourself the Van Freaks Roadshow stream. It is really fun and funny. And we'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go it's jordan jesse go i'm jesse thorn america's radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective i'm dave hill the pride of cleveland he is okay so here's my question dave there's not a hockey is there a hockey team in cleveland there is a minor league team the cleveland monsters they might be called the Lake Erie Monsters. I think they vacillated between the two names.

But yeah, they... But there has not been an NHL team. Their mascot is Eileen Wuornos. Oh, that would be amazing, wouldn't it? Mm-hmm. Yeah. They're called... Oh, they're called now the Cleveland Monsters.

And they're part of the American Hockey League but yeah there used to be the Cleveland Barons for two seasons in the 70s but it's not as I mean part of the many complaints in my book Cleveland is not as big of a hockey town

as I'd like it to be but America is not as big of a hockey country as I would like it to be um but america is not as big of a hockey country as i would like it to be either i mean you're gonna want to cleveland is not a first tier hockey market i mean when you think when i think about hockey i think about san jose dallas um florida my blood San Jose, Dallas, Florida. My blood is boiling. Boy, you're doing this on purpose. No, I mean, this is all covered in my new book, The Awesome Game,

One Man's Incredible Globe-Crushing Hockey Odyssey. But, yeah, it's frustrating. But even with Cleveland, a lot of people are like, well, Cleveland, your team must be the Columbus Blue Jackets. And I say, no, that's the last team I would root for as, you know, someone from Ohio. Because Ohio, we, some people may disagree with this, but I think Ohioans all hate whatever city you're from you like that city or at the very least have a love hate relationship with it and you completely hate all other cities in Ohio which is how I feel. Do you hate Cincinnati?

It's a divided state. I hate it. I mean I would go there and be happy to go there and I would have a lovely time, but if I had to tick a box, I would be like, oh, I hate it. I hate that place. Let's get into it. What is it about those smug fucks up in Cincinnati that you can't stand?

Well, you've just, they're right there, smug fucks. Oh, wow. They have the bangles. You know, it's just, they have the bangles You know It's just They have the bangles The chili on the spaghetti is slightly different Than the chili on spaghetti that you guys have Well the fact that they even have it

I mean they've already outdone Cleveland And Cleveland People will Say I'm wrong about this But Cleveland really does not have any It doesn't have it's own food Like people will say I'm wrong about this, but Cleveland really does not have any... It doesn't have its own food. People will say things, we have pierogies. It's like, that's not our thing.

Am I wrong about the chili on the spaghetti? No, that's in Cincinnati. That's Cincinnati. Which one do you... I forgot. Which one do you like, Dave? Which one's good? Well, I'm off chili.

So now I'm just relegated to turkey chili, which I would argue is a... Not a true chili. It's a crime against nature. It's not even worth getting involved in. Yeah, it really isn't. Okay, so wait, Dave. I do like myself a nice Cincinnatiincinnati chili can i tell you this you said that you hated cincinnati because they have the bengals cincinnati bengals a perfectly

reasonable reason to hate cincinnati i mean nobody hates icky woods but other than that i think we we all hate the c Bengals except for Cincinnatians. But also a man of contradictions because I don't like football at all. So I say that, but I also don't like any of the other teams. I don't like any of the other teams either. But here's what I thought you said. I thought you said, I said, what do you hate about Cincinnati? And you said, well, they have the Bengals. And I thought, well, number one, I thought everyone likes the Bengals.

And number two, aren't they from LA or something? Oh, don't even get me started. I mean, the band, the Bengals, I love. I mean, Susanna Hoffs, forget it. I mean, the whole band. Yeah. Vicky Peterson I did a show with Vicky Peterson recently in New York

and uh I would carry I would do her bidding yeah I understand I mean I'm sure she wouldn't want me to carry out crimes of any sort but I'm just saying I would. What if she wanted you to walk like an Egyptian?

Whatever. I met her and her husband, both delightful, and they live in New York. Oh. At least they did at the time. If they left and didn't tell me, I'm devastated. Do you go to the minor league hockey in Cleveland? I have. Actually, I don't think this is a spoiler

since they haven't actually agreed to it entirely. But my new goal in life is to play the national anthem on guitar. is to play the national anthem on guitar. The full scenario is to play the national anthem on guitar. BMX out onto the ice. No, no. I'm skating while playing the national anthem. And then at home and home of the... Just the notes, of course.

Then I hit a bunch of cool pedals on that last note, and it's destruction, oh my gosh. And everyone's freaking out. I put the guitar on a stand or hand it to like a guitar valet of some sort. And then I grab gloves and a stick. There's five pucks waiting just inside the blue line, and I just fire them into the net. Yeah?

In what I would argue is the boldest display of something. So let's get into this. That sounds amazing. And then everybody goes home because anything they see after that is just going to be a disappointment. My first thought here is how many members of Congress could do this? I bet there's one. Maybe Ted Lieu could do it.

I mean, I know he can't because I went to high school with him. But. I know he can't because I went to high school with him. Uh-huh. But. Well, he might say about you that he doesn't think Dave Hill could get sponsored by a BMX company. But sometimes, you know. He might say that. Sometimes we pivot.

He might say that. But there's probably. I'm going to say no one in Congress could do it. I mean, I'm not bragging, but I think there's probably maybe no one in Congress, maybe Canadian Parliament. What about Katie Porter? Do you think she could do it? Without question.

Yeah. So there you go. Yeah. QED. But a friend of mine connected me with the Cleveland Monsters and he knows someone there and

and they I was emailing with them and about the anthem and they just wrote back the other day saying this sounds great but can you send us a tape of you playing the anthem and they were just wrote back the other day saying, this sounds great, but can you send us a tape of you playing the anthem? So tomorrow,

so you have to find another minor league hockey team that will let you do this. So you can prove to your minor league hockey team. Well, I'm just going to, I think they just want the tape, but now you've got me thinking, well,

you know what I should do? I should just go to my high schools team and do their really work my way up um but i do like the idea of working my way up through the minors maybe you could do it in a european league well this is the thing i this is this is exactly what i'm thinking. Then I do European League. Then next thing you know, I'm doing Premier League soccer. It's going to be a lot harder. The skating part is going to be a lot harder.

It's going to be tough. I'm open to it. But I mean, like, do you guys... Jesse, you strike me as a Premier League soccer fan. Football fan. No. Not at all. Okay. okay I mean I'm not disappointed I just thought maybe I go to a lot of bars at 6 a.m. and I tell people that's why I'm there you know I if I you know just an American alcoholic anyone who knows me will you know tell you this i'm a big fan of name dropping and but i i kevin mcdonald of kids in the hall of fame of course okay is a friend of mine and he

cool uh was in new york and he invited me he's a fan of tottenham hotspurs and he said do you want to go watch the game they're playing at 10 a.m on Saturday and and so it turned out there the the game was on at this bar like two blocks from my house that I'd never set foot in and then I went and I was like oh we're here watching the game and yeah that but that was the thing I was like maybe i'll get into this because it's an excuse to start drinking really early for no reason whatsoever because i was 10 a.m and i was just drinking beer two blocks from my house and then asleep by noon for the day i know that's the life there's this guy in my uh there's this guy in my apartment building who would always, as I was leaving, be kind of stumbling home because he had been at the bar. I'm like, oh, this guy is like, is this guy really just like a soccer fan or did he like, you know, or is he just like, is he just coming home drunk, you know, at 11 or 12? Then he went on to co-create Ted Lasso.

Really? Yeah. Brendan Hunt. There you... Wait, it was Brendan Hunt? Yeah, yeah. He lived in my building. We watched each other's cats.

So he's a big... He was a big Premier League soccer fan before the show? Yeah, yeah. He would always be out at the soccer bars. And I'm like, this is the life. Oh, I didn didn't know that yeah well um please i don't know him but i'm a i'm a big fan of his work so please give him my best and it will mean nothing to him yeah we don't i mean i think you know he he would just be like oh that's the guy who watched my cat a couple times and i watched his cat a couple times i gotta you, the big appeal of rooting for

a Premier League soccer team to me is not soccer or drinking because I don't drink as you know, Jordan. To me, the appeal is picking a team

where anything goes. I could pick any team for any reason as my favorite team. Right. You're as connected to the Tottenham Hotspurs as you are to Arsenal. Why am I a San Francisco Giants fan? Because I was born and raised in the city of San Francisco. It would have been a dick move to be a fan of a different team. Why am I an Arsenal fan?

I don't know. Maybe just one time I hung out with Nick Hornby. Maybe I like their little hats. I don't know. Do they wear little hats? Couldn't tell you. That hunky David Beckham. Well, they also, yeah yeah the premier league fans they get like anyone i've mentioned that i watched a tottenham hotspur game they immediately get mad and say well no you

can't watch them you have to watch arsenal or Liverpool or whatever their team is comfortably the best part about English soccer to me is that the divisions and relegation system is such that you could be rooting for just like 12 guys from the bar down the street but if they win enough times in a row they're european champions yeah i like that too it's it's anyone's everyone has a shot can i can i tell another name dropping premier league soccer related story i wish you would. It's not about Beckham. It's not Beckham-based. And it can't be another kid in the hall. It can be a member of the state.

It is a Canadian. It can be someone who is on Mr. Show. SCTV. SCTV works. It's not a sketch legend, but a Canadian. My dear friend, Malcolm Gladwell he he had a was he had a baby uh like fairly you know in the last few years and I had it in my head I think apparently based on just one passing comment he made I got it in my head that he was a diehard Arsenal fan.

So he had a daughter and I sent an Arsenal onesie as a gift thinking, well, he's going to love that. And, and he, you know, he wrote a nice note saying how much he loved it. And then,

and I was like, yeah, because that's your team, right? And he's like, no, I'm not into Premier League soccer. I don't have a team. My kid will grow out of this in a month, whatever. Yeah, but he was very gracious about it. It's nice. it's really nice i think he just used the word arsenal in the sentence and i jumped to conclusions but uh yeah jesse sorry i sent you all those uh stained gold records i don't know where you're not a fan of stained no i'm not actually a fan of stained? No, I'm not actually a fan of stained.

I may have said something about staining something. Oh, right. Like a piece of furniture or spilled some grape juice on a sweater. That might have been it. I might have spilled some grape juice on a sweater. It's an honest mistake. It was really cool that you still hung them up, though, because you didn't want me to feel bad. juice on a sweater it's really cool it was really cool that you like still hung them up though you

know because you didn't want me to like feel bad well i mean i've never gotten a gold record so i wanted to see what it would feel like oh so you're telling people you're telling people those are your gold records yeah for when i was in stain oh okay so you're just running with it. Yeah, exactly. Stained. Stained apostrophe D, Dave. Yes, yes. Is there an apostrophe in stained? Yeah, there's an apostrophe in stained.

Well, hey, it's a momentous occasion when you find out that your longtime friend spent some time in the pan stained. And it's also a momentous occasion when you do something and then call us at 206-984-4FUN. Matt has a momentous occasion queued up. Time to listen to it, right? Hi, Jordan, Jesse, Go. This is an ant calling from just outside of Portland, Oregon. I'm calling to report a momentous occasion. Earlier in the year, I bought a VR headset, and today I decided

to break it out again. I was playing kind of a shooter game, and I jumped out of cover in the game to shoot some folks, and just nailed my foot on the bottom of my table thing where TV lives at and took a good old chunk of skin off the top. Yeah, real VR to ER moment here. Thanks so much. Love the show. Punch a blimp. Bye. Table thing where TV lives?

Is there a precedent for VR to ER, that phrase, on JJ Go? It's really clever. No, uh-uh. As he said it, I thought he was waiting where

to drop that on the call. No, I mean, I think he liked it. We wouldn't say anything as stupid as VR to ER. We would say, you know, full chort. Yeah. No, I'm a big fan. VR to ER, that's a, I think he's, that's a movement.

I have only gone VD to ED. The venereal disease gave you erectile dysfunction. That's the life cycle, basically. Right. Yeah, pretty much. I am looking here on the Stained website. Yeah. Hereandnow.com.stainedofficial.com.

No apostrophe in Stained. There's no apostrophe in Stained? No. I mean, not based on any official... What band has an apostrophe before it? No, I'm pretty sure that Stained had an apostrophe at least in the early... Maybe they, like, dropped the apostrophe My question is

We're serious now The apostrophe is too jokey They just don't have an E Yeah no E So they dropped the E But they didn't put an apostrophe there Where it should go I thought that they had an apostrophe too um but my question is

why does a band a stained they've done well enough for themselves i feel like that they could afford a domain that doesn't have like here and now dot stained? Here's what I think is going on. So Stained has a newish song called Here and Now. And on hereandnow.stainedofficial.com, you can listen to the song Here and Now, and then there's kind of like an email form, and it says, tell us a story that our song Here and Now made you remember. Okay, I'm working on this oh i hold out

uh hold on i'm gonna play a little bit of it vr unit that i bought about a year ago are you doing this on on stain's Yeah, I was playing a shooter game and hit my foot on the table thing that TV goes on. I tore off a good chunk of the top of my foot. A real VR to ER experience. Tell us your name. Jesse, my email, jesse at maximumfund.org. Submit. Can you do one for me?

Yeah, go ahead. I'm listening. I tried to kick my dad's ass, but then he kicked my ass. I tried to kick my dad's ass, but then he kicked my ass. Does this song make anybody else think anything? I'm on the site now.

And I wrote, I got crabs, period, from your mom, period. Submit. Man, Dave, I hope that doesn't give you ED. Oh my gosh, I've just signed myself up for their newsletter. Damn it. I think we're all going to be getting stained email updates. The joke's on me. Can I ask a question? I would love for our audience to share their VR to ER stories.

Yes, yes. And specifically, I would like them to share them at hereandnow.staindofficial.com. So take a listen to Stain's new single. In fact, would you mind, Matt, playing us just a little bit Of the new Stained single Here and Now It's a lot more whimsical than I expected It's full of whimsy Oh I think Matt actually at least played baby elephant walk so true to explain But forgiveness feels much better than the pain

Okay, now I am remembering stuff Do everything without waiting to Rumble your lies and shatter truth That's probably enough of this song. Yeah, that's good. Oh, yeah. So here's what I'm thinking. Obviously, that's going to bring up different VR to ER memories for different people. Yeah.

I had already shared my experience with that first-person shooter, but immediately I thought of when I found out that you could use the VR headset to watch 3D movies. And, of course, something popped out of the screen at me. I fell over the table thing where coffee lives, and I hit my head, ended up uh the huntington hospital in pasadena um so what i'd love for our listeners to do is go to here and now dot stained official dot com take a listen to that song or just think back to hearing it here on this program and share your VR to ER stories and then send them to us as well at jjgoatmaximumfund.org. So send them in and then send them along to us. And Matt will choose a few of his favorites to share with you at home in a future episode. How does that sound, guys?

That sounds really good. I don't know if I can up the stakes here, if there's stakes at all. No, I wish you would. Then could you... I mean, yeah, the stakes are pretty huge as is, but let's go global with this. Could you then get Stain singer Aaron Lewis on for the follow-up episode?

I'd love to have Aaron Lewis on. He's a right wing nut job but I which is not why I mention him I just think it would be nice to have him we were actually kind of just talking we had a little kind of production meeting and I think we want to start having on more right wing nut jobs

yeah we had booked Ryan Lewis from Macklemore and Ryan Lewis that's a different Lewis too much of a centrist though and Jordan said to me I said well we booked Ryan Lewis and Jordan said

to me what you talking about Jesse you know do I get I don't think i get that i don't know i just i trusted it i trusted it you know what is he saying he says what you're talking about willis yeah i went with it just because i was like i don't know it's close enough i mean it's close enough for a different strokes reference for me.

Why not? You know, I appreciated the effort. What Lewis do you want to get on the show, Jordan? Oh, okay. Who are the top Lewis's? Huey. Do they have to be right wing? No, they don't have to be right wing.

It can be any Lewis that you want. Okay. Let's see. Lewis that you want. Okay. Let's see. Let's have a little Google. I'll just say most. By the way, I did manage to get Clark, but Lewis was not available. Oh, yeah. Yeah, and they only do things as a team.

Oh, I got to get my boy, Louis Pasteur. That's a good one. him louis yeah so we're gonna talk about milk we're gonna talk about everything that's going on in the middle east we're gonna be talking about the oscars we're just gonna be getting into it with louis Pasteur now Dave what are you who are you bringing to the party Jerry Lewis Lewis Carroll well I had been thinking Huey Lewis but now I'm thinking Lewis Carroll would be oh yeah I guess that would be I don't want to say better, but maybe more, I don't know, amazing. You got to figure, I don't know, he'd be saying cool stuff and a cool accent and stuff. Yeah.

I mean, Huey Lewis would say all sorts. I've heard nothing but wonderful things about Huey Lewis. Guys, I got a better Lewis. Okay. I don't care if you want to have lou you know race car champion lewis hamilton or uh lewis capaldi or any of these john lewis legendary congressman john lewis i got your beat uh rip at 92 warren lewis mem barber, famous for cutting hair with candles. Oh, yeah.

We got to get him. Yeah, you can't beat that. Matt, you want to work on getting Warren Lewis on the show? Yeah, no problem. I'll contact God. Oh, Matt, are you annoyed that we keep asking you to get dead men on the show? Well, we'd stop asking if you would get them. I'm totally fine with it. No, I have a good relationship with God, unlike you guys that we keep asking you to get dead men on the show? Well, we'd stop asking if you would get them. I'm totally fine with it.

No, I have a good relationship with God, unlike you guys. Oh, boy. So what, he was burning hair the whole time? He was cutting hair with candles, according to WREG. Lewis was 90 years old and was still working until three weeks before his death. He was semi-retired but vowed he would never stop cutting hair. His unique flame technique got him nationwide attention. He was featured on late-night talk shows, including The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.

And in 2017, he demonstrated the cut on WREG's Live at Nine show. Live at nine show. Former interim mayor and current city council clerk Myron Lowry and many other local politicians were longtime customers at his North Memphis shop. I got to say. How'd he die? Head on fire? I'm looking at a picture of Lewis and his hair is a mess. This man's hair is a mess.

It's very long and goes in a lot of weird directions. This is amazing. Got his idea for hot haircuts from watching his mother burn feathers off chickens on the farm when he was a boy in Mississippi. Those chickens look great. He claimed the fire made the haircut smoother and better. This is incredible stuff. Well, it would probably, there would be no split ends. Yeah, creates a wonderful smell. Oh, there is video of it.

Yeah, I'm looking at the video right now. This old man is wearing a truly wild outfit well one of the anchors or maybe it's an intern sits on stage very uncomfortably reasonably so holy shit this is fucking crazy oh my god do you think it would be fuck Do you think it would be more entertaining with the music of Stained behind it? Oh, yes. Wait, the guy's head is on fire. He fully... But there was a celebration dinner for Mr. Lewis, Sunday, 4 to 6 p.m. at the Firestone Union Hall.

for Mr. Lewis, Sunday, 4 to 6 p.m. at the Firestone Union Hall. What a truly... Warren Lewis's original hairstyles. I love it. Couldn't love it more. Oh, my gosh. 206-9844-FUN. We want to hear your VR to ER stories,

and we want you to submit them on the Stained website or else they don't count. Okay, so send them to Stained and send them to us. Your best ones will read aloud. Matthew will read aloud here on our program. Send them to JJGo at MaximumFun.org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Emily Heller. And I'm Lisa Hanawalt. And we're the hosts of Baby Geniuses. We've been doing our podcast for over 10 years. When we started, it was about trying to learn something new every episode.

Now it's about us trying to actively get stupider. And it's working. Hang out with us and you'll hear us chat about... Gardening. Horses. Various problems with our butts, and all the weird stuff that makes us horny. That's so weird. All that stuff. Baby Geniuses, a show for adult idiots. Every other week on Maximum Fun. Oh, darling, why won't you accept my love?

My dear, even though you are a duke, I could never love you. You, you borrowed a book from me and never returned it. Save yourself from this terrible fate by listening to Reading Glasses. We'll help you get those borrowed books back and solve all your other reader problems. Reading Glasses, every Thursday on Maximum Fun. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. And I'm Dave Hill, the pride of Cleveland.

Dave, you have a new book out. It's about hockey. That's right. Is there anything in the book, like what would you tell to two dudes, like me and Jesse, who maybe haven't seen a ton of hockey, don't really know what all the fuss is about. Is there anything you could say to us to get us hyped about the old stick and puck?

Well, you've just hit a street called easy because that's really what this book is. That's really what this book is. It's sort of the anti-sports sports book because I am not really a fan of sports, but I love hockey. And I've written this book, as much as I've written it for hockey fans, it's for people that actively dislike sports at the same time. Like I've done my best to write it as just an enjoyable read using hockey as sort of the spine. I would say in the way that one could enjoy the movie Slapshot and not be a hockey fan, I think one could enjoy my book in the same way. What about that one movie where Stifler is a hockey player? Oh, you're referring to Goon.

That was flawed, that movie. I think it had its moments. I know that wasn't the question. But same thing, yes. I think it had its moments. I know that wasn't the question. But same thing, yes. I'm not saying, I would say in terms of quality,

my book is somewhere between goon and slap shot, if I can say that modestly. But no, I think it's, because it's not, the book is not bogged down in statistics and play by play there's a baboon attack in the movie

it's not a movie yet in my book you put the baboon attack in there with an eye towards potential cinematic adaptations I'm not stupid I'm not an idiot you're on the press tour, you're doing podcasts, you're doing interviews,

just start calling it a movie. Put it out there. It's a movie. I know, I'm going to secret it. There you go, yes. But for the book, I went to Kenya. There's one team in Kenya called the Kenya Ice Lions, and I went to Kenya to play with them.

And that's where I witnessed, again, in the movie I call it a baboon attack, but the book it's actually this baboon. There's a bunch of schoolchildren, adorable little about six years old, and they were having a picnic, and a baboon shows up. And my baboon access has been quite limited. And so I genuinely... Well, that's what happens when you use... They say you have unlimited baboon access,

but you use too much in one month and they start limiting it. Exactly. It's a house of lies. It is limited. It can be limited. And this baboon, he starts, like, picking up pace in the direction of these children. I was like, oh, no, this could be very bad. I might have to fight a baboon.

I'm the only person with an eye, you know, that I see. Are you just, like, looking for a weak spot? You're like, do I go for the red ass? Yeah, exactly. I just go for his ass. But then he just stole a loaf of bread. It're like, do I go for the red ass? Yeah, exactly. Just go for his ass. But then he just stole a loaf of bread. It's like some video game logic. Like, eh, it's glowing red.

I better attack it. But yeah, so there's things like, there's a lot of stuff in there that really has nothing to do with hockey. But I believe the hockey content will also be enjoyable but i think i think you could read it and walk away saying hey i'm gonna go i'm gonna watch a game see where it gets me and if even just one viewer of my new movie the Game, which is also a book. The new movie available in bookstores now.

Yes. But yeah, basically, it's for everybody. It's finally, finally, a hockey book for everybody. The four-quadrant hockey book everybody can agree on.

Mom, dad, kids, grandmas, and baboons. I want to read The Awesome Game. Not yet, honey. I'm not done with it. Go to your room. Go suck a tailpipe. Jesse, I'm going to have to write stained about this. Dave, it's always nice to see you, pal.

And congratulations on your book. Congratulations on these exciting music tours that you're headed out. You're headed out on another mini music tour. Well, yeah, but I mean, I'm doing comedy on the tours, but I'm ripping guitar solos. So they're not unlike my book, The Awesome Game, my book and movie, The Awesome Game. I'm doing comedy, but bringing guitar heat on these tours.

But yeah, I'm going to, in February, I go on tour with Michael Shannon and Jason Arduci are doing a tour where they play the first R.E.M. album, Murmur, of course, in its entirety. Wait, is this acting Michael Shannon? The actor Michael Shannon. What? He's also a great musician.

Oh, my God. Are you guys coming through LA? Not at this point. They are doing Sketch Fest. I know that, but I'm not going to be. I'm going to be at Sketch Fest, but I'm not going to be on that show. I'm doing the Eastern, I guess, from Athens to Boston with them, six shows. Wow.

Yeah, so it's going to be super fun. I'm super psyched. Cool. Good folks, good fun, great music. Michael Shannon. Michael Shannon, an absolute delight. In 10 signs. Michael Shannon. Michael Shannon. An absolute delight. Jason's one of my best buddies, and he was kind enough to throw my hat in the ring.

I had a nice personal experience with Michael Shannon once. Couldn't be a bigger fan. He's a great dude. Absolute great guy. Wow. Either of these guys we're gonna hang out have cheese plates well michael you know is primarily an actor or best known as an actor i should say and jason plays bass and bob mold band and super chunk plays guitar and sunday day real

estate has his own great band, Split Single. So yeah, we're just going to be rocking, eating cheese plates. I mean, there'll probably be other snacks. Can I have some of those smooth almonds on the cheese plate? I hope so. I really like, in these last few weeks of my life, I find like one of my greatest joys is a nice cheese plate i'll tell you this when i

was on tour with hodgman which by the way make sure to buy that stream everybody oh yeah van freaks roadshow.com when i was on tour with hodgman we had a cheese plate on our rider you know you gotta have you gotta have something substantial there. Right. And then one night, I'm going to say it was in Chicago. The restaurant at the venue sent up the cheese plate. Cheese and charcuterie. So it wasn't just normally you just get the store brand like Lunchable style. Right. Cheese plate.

I was going to ask this because not to bring up the Tenacious D tour again, but one of the many luxury items on my rider for that tour was a cheese plate. And the range of what people define as a cheese plate was fascinating. Like, cause some people as, as hinted at. And they're spending your money too. Like people don't realize that the things that are on the rider the venue provides them but they charge you for what they cost you don't get it for free it's not in addition to your salary it's it's taken out of your salary and so they don't have any incentive away your profits yeah they don't have any incentive to buy you the worst cheese plate imaginable but they do anyway yeah exactly um but man that time that time that the restaurant

sent up a cheese and charcuterie plate i felt like oh my gosh that was like the greatest thing that's ever happened in my entire life i said look at these beautiful cheeses and this quince paste or whatever the fuck. It has the smooth almonds. There's a paste. Jordan, just put smooth almonds on your rider, Jordan. I want them as part of the thing. I know exactly. I like to grab at the smooth almonds on the cheese plate like I'm a raccoon. I just kind of.

How do they get them? Is that how they get them so smooth? A raccoon just holds them in a stream for long enough? Because I've seen an almond. They're not naturally that smooth. How do the cheese plate almonds get so smooth? Yeah, the raccoons do that. They hold the almonds under, yeah,

under a riverbed. Jordan, Dave, that's fucking ridiculous. Don't insult our audience by suggesting Under a riverbed. Jordan, Dave, that's fucking ridiculous. It's ridiculous. Don't insult our audience by suggesting that the way these almonds get smooth is raccoons hold them under a riverbed. It's fucking stupid. They give the sandpaper to the raccoons. Oh, and the raccoons sand the almonds. Water doesn't make fucking almonds smooth.

Yeah, it would ruin them. Yeah, it would just make them waterlogged. I feel stupid. Yeah, I feel stupid too. Fuck. Well, guys, I'm glad I was here. Jordan Jesse goes, The music is love you by the free design,

courtesy of the free design and their label, Light in the Attic Records. Our thanks to them. Our producer is Matt Lee. design and their label, Light in the Attic Records, are thanks to them. Our producer is Matt Lieb. You can find us on Reddit at MaximumFun.reddit.com on Facebook at

Facebook.com slash JordanJesseGo. You can find Jordan and me on Instagram at JordanDavidMorris and at put.this.on Yeah, that's enough things. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you.

Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.