Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Wheaton Ain't Cheatin', with Josh Gondelman

Episode Date: April 4, 2024

This week Jordan and Jesse welcome back comedian Josh Gondelman for a conversation about the Blues Brothers, circuses, and so much more.Buy tickets to see Josh Gondelman in a town near you maybe!Sponsored by StitchFix. Style that makes you feel as good as you look—get started today at Stitch Fix dot com slash stitchfix.com/JJGOSponsored by ZipRecruiter. 4 out of 5 employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day.If you’re in the LA area, come to Golden Apple Comics on April 14th from 12pm-2pm. Jordan is signing a new Archie comic and also friends of the show Elliot Kalan, Casey Gilly, and Amy Chase will also be signing stuff! Come through!

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne taking some time out of my busy schedule. Jordan Morris, boy detective. You know, you wanna just, I got this. You seem like you're busy. Uh, I am really busy. We gotta pick up some dry cleaning, gotta get a key made.

No, I have to watch the rest of the Blues Brothers 2000 with my daughter. Oh yeah, no, get out of here. What are you doing, man? We watched about 35, 40 minutes of it, but I had to excuse myself to come podcast with you. Thank you. Thank you for your sacrifices. I appreciate it.

If we can just- The listening public appreciates it. Keep this tight so that I can get back to the weirdest vanity project in history. Multivalent vanity project that cannot be overstated in its oddness. Yeah, I've never seen it. I know it as, you know, punchline and shorthand for, you know, bad movie vanity project sequel nobody asked for, but I'd be curious to know what you think about it. I watch... So, my daughter Gracie is right now

obsessed with the idea of... She has never really watched Saturday Night Live, but she's obsessed with the idea of a Saturday Live movie being sketch being turned into a movie. Okay. And so she, Teresa, my wife's favorite movie is Wayne's World. Okay. For some reason, Grace wanted to watch Wayne's World too first. So we did.

Then we watched Wayne's World. She liked Wayne's World 2 first, so we did. Then we watched Wayne's World. She liked Wayne's World 2 better. Oh, then we watched Stuart Saves His Family. Oh, yeah. I have warm feelings about Stuart Saves His Family. You know what? I watched Stuart Saves His Family with my daughter, and I enjoyed it.

I also enjoyed it when I was a teen. It's a really good movie. If you're into Al-Anon, if you're looking for an Alan on themed family comedy Stuart saves his family is a good one for you actually very good movie Stuart saves his family There's a little there's a little line from the it's Pat movie that lives in my brain when pet its Pat goes I'm jamming with ween Now Listen is everything from its Pat great?

No. No. Pat, for example, not great. For example. I'm jamming with weed. I think Julia Sweeney would tell you that right now. I believe she's apologized for that. Let's introduce our guest because he's basically mouthing along to this discussion.

He's a stand-up comic and a real favorite of ours. This is his favorite episode, so he's heard it multiple times, so he knows all the words. This is easily his favorite episode. Josh Gondelman. Hi, Josh. Thank you. Thanks so much for having me. This is my comfort episode.

I put it on when I'm doing laundry, when I need something to fall asleep to. Yeah, exactly. So yeah, so we watched Stewart Saves His Family and then she said, then she said that she wanted to watch the Blues Brothers, which I mean, I'm a father. All we want is for our children to watch the Blues Brothers and Star Wars with us. Sure. Like that's all I've ever wanted. Like that. Skip school to go to opening day. These are the things that I've asked for from my life as a parent. Right. So I was really excited. We watched the Blues Brothers and like I know there are people who like don't like the Blues Brothers actively. And I think there are good reasons. I wouldn't begrudge anyone their dislike of the Blues Brothers, which is, like, let's be frank, one of the weirdest things ever to become a movie. Well, and also I think there's just people who respect cars too much.

Don't like seeing all those cars crashing. People respect malls too much. You shouldn't drive malls. Yeah. Bottles, they don't like bottles being. It's like cutting our hearse in line in traffic. Bottles being thrown at a wire fence that's protecting a band. Yeah, that's a slight against bottles, wire fences, and bands. Yeah.

This movie is disrespectful. The disrespect, the act. Is there no institution that it won't burn down? So, the Blues Brothers is like, the sketch was already part of that kind of pre-comedy Saturday Night Live that's inexplicable to people in any generation that wasn't around in 1977 or whatever. Yeah, it's interesting. When one of the million look backs at Saturday Night Live

airs, seems like they do one of those every two or three years, a celebration of Saturday Night Live, you'll see some full sketches. You'll see Spartan cheerleaders, or you'll see Matt Foley motivational speaker, and they'll show the sketch in its entirety. But when that era of SNL comes up, you're seeing clips, you're seeing clips to music, you're not seeing full sketches because the full sketches didn't make a lot of sense.

I remember being a kid and like it first occurring to me because like I knew what Dan Aykroyd was Yeah, and and John Belushi right from seeing old Saturday Night Live the comedy stuff, but then the Blues Brothers I was like do they think they're a band? Yeah, so that's really what's going on here. So you start with two men Who are they have immense charms. Like, I don't want to undersell the charms of these early Saturday Night Live performers or say that they're never funny.

They're often funny, very, very funny. John Belushi might not be funny, actually, now that I think about it, but... He must have been, right? You're a Jim Belushi guy. He must have been. Yeah, you're a Jim. You go Jim on the John versus Jim schizzer. According to Jim, Jim's funnier.

He asked Jim. It's these two men who can't sing or dance, who only sang and danced, did not do comedy in this act. There's no joke. Just an outfit and them not being good at singing and dancing, and Paul Schafer having a crack band. And the movie has the good sense to have excellent musical performances

from non-Boos Brothers. The good sense, Josh, or dot dot dot. Okay, so I love the movie. Like it is one of my favorite movies of all time. I truly love the Blues Brothers. But at some point, somebody there, John Landis or whatever, was like, great, we're gonna make this into a movie. And they were all like, great,

so we'll juxtapose our performance skills with Ray Charles. They're like, let's put us up against Aretha Franklin and see who comes out on top. I remember- We're the heroes of the movie. I remember watching like, maybe it wasn't Sharknado, but it was something like that. It was some sort of sci-fi channel, like three headed shark versus Cobra Goblin or something like that. You were watching Chimpnami. Chimpnami, yes.

It was something with sharks. And someone in the movie says, we're going to need a bigger boat. And I'm like, don't, just don't remind people of a good shark movie, the greatest shark movie in the middle of your bad shark movie. So the Blues Brothers, they also, of course, as you alluded to, Josh, added inexplicably long, complicated car chases and crashes, which are fun.

I watch as a person who just watched the blues brothers two days ago. I can confirm they're totally fun. It's very fun. And somehow it all holds together pretty well. Again, this thing about if you're morally opposed or revolted by the white guy boomerism involved in the presumption that not only is the blues a magical force in the universe, but that it can be captured by wearing sunglasses at night. I understand. But it's a fun movie. It's a great movie.

And who doesn't want to watch fucking cab, Calaway, sing Mini the Moocher. If you don't want to watch that, that's your problem, not mine. Right. And as an adult, I get Carrie Fisher's part a lot better and Carrie Fisher's really cool and funny. So that's the blues brothers. It's kind of like Thanksgiving as a movie. Where? Tell me about this. Tell me about this.

Yeah. Theory. You're working on. This is the theory I'm developing on the fly. So I am going to be I'm going to need some ridicule. Let's work. But the Blues Brothers, right? How dare you? And John Belushi, Acre and Belushi. They're the turkey.

Yeah, fine. But the the the cadre and supporting cast of like the greatest musicians in American history. That's the sides. Yeah, that's why we're there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the turkey is essentially like the stars. Sure. But we're there for the sides.

Nobody's getting seconds of Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi. Right. And I would say, you know, the turkey is sometimes funny, like when it's wearing those little paper chef hats on its little arm stumps. You know what I'm talking about? When Mr. Bean gets his head stuck inside it. Yeah. Remember when Mr. Bean got his head stuck inside Dan Aykroyd? Still classic.

I loved Human Sent to Bean. Yeah. I'm watching regular Blues Brothers. And the thing that as an adult, that I just sort of like accepted unquestioningly that as a teen or a, you know, adolescent when I first saw the Blues Brothers when I was 12 or 11, that I'm working hard to process as an adult man is the astonishing commitment that Belushi and Ackroyd bring to their singing to some extent, but their singing is mostly just sort of lackluster, frankly. But they're dancing in particular.

I'm like, I truly can't tell to what extent it's a joke. They're not good at it. It's not exactly funny, but I did find it weirdly charming. I'm like, I'm like, to me, there's like an element of like, when I watch it, I think like, well, these guys are bad at this, but they're really giving it their heart and soul. Mm-hmm. Which like, it almost feels preposterous that they built a movie around that. Mm-hmm. Like how many movies do you watch? Oh, it's insane.

Like what do people like about it? How many movies do you watch? What do people like about it at the time? Right. I mean, this is something that I've been awed by audibly on this program in the past, but like the Blues Brothers had a live album that went multi-platinum.

Like a monument, like it was like number three pop or something like that. And you could hear they were dancing the whole time. Yeah, exactly. No, my dad had that album. I remember listening to it and being like, and this is Dan Aykroyd. Well, it was like Motown, it was like Soul Man and you know.

And you know, as probably a lot of people listening know, like the band in the Blues Brothers is the legitimate, it's like composed of the greatest session musicians of soul music ever. You know, guys that were in the bar case or whatever. And Josh, your dad having that album is something that he had in common with every garage sale from 1985 to 2004.

Oh yeah. Yep. Yeah. The year is born till the year I die. Yeah, exactly. It's interesting that like there's a there's a sequel vanity project, right? Blues Brothers 2000 to what is a vanity project, you know It was like these guys were the most popular guys on the show and they just wanted to do this

They just liked Motown and wanted to sing and dance so they had to let them and so yeah And and then to to also have to equalize that. Decades later. Yeah, totally. That's pretty wild. There was a real trend of things happening around the year 2000 that just put 2000 in the title, which is age bizarrely. Godzilla 2000. Godzilla 2000. There was the Chronic 2001.

Oh, sure. Right? Which was supposed to be Chronic 2000, but it didn't come out on time, I think. Yeah, I think that's true. Well, the Dr. Dre album was just 2001, right? He didn't have the rights to call it The Chronic by that point. 2000, 2001, a Dre Odyssey. A Dre Odyssey.

At the end of Godzilla 2000, I believe, ends with the main characters looking out at Godzilla destroying the city and then saying, maybe there's a little Godzilla in all of us. I think like, as an adult who, so in watching the Blues Brothers 2000, I think as the parent of neurodivergent children,

I have really come to have immense fondness for, like extra fondness for Dan Aykroyd's particular deeply committed weirdness. That like, he really just is into this shit. He has his special interests and he's also a genius and he's just going to go for it. Early on in my relationship with my wife, Maris, her parents would routinely buy us crystal skull vodka as a gift because comedy, I think. And so they would buy us like a skull of a glass skull full of vodka and then would like inquire whether we'd finished it so they could buy us.

Like they could re up our vodka skull. How's the skull doing? You've just got a stack of those skulls. And they came with little skull shot glasses. So you could pour from a skull into a skull you could drink directly out of. The shot glasses were baby skulls. I guess what else could they be? I think as soon as I learned that Dan Aykroyd wrote Ghostbusters because he believes in

ghosts and comes from a family of ghost enthusiasts, I was like, oh, yeah, that's way better. That's essentially what the that's essentially what the Blues Brothers is, too. Like, it's just a very sincere. Declaration of love for the thing that I also love. So Blues, but Blues Brothers 2000 is amazing because it's sort of like, you know, granted, I'm 40 minutes into this two hour long film. And I watched the other hour and 20 minutes 20 years ago,

25 years ago in a movie theater. But like it is, like there's funny in there right up top. It's like really charming and funny. And then they sing. And it's just as inexplicable as it was in original Blues Brothers that they're singing. Giving Dan Aykroyd's character in the Blues Brothers a big solo number?

a big solo number? Like, in the regular Blues Brothers, Belushi sings. He's not a strong singer, but you know, he does what he does. And then Dan Aykroyd goes, oh yeah, or whatever, right? In this movie, yeah, exactly. There's a, he sings a full song in his goofy Dan Aykroyd voice is the weirdest shit in the world. Then John Goodman sings another song before you even get to Aretha Franklin singing

a song. You have to wait through two different guy songs and half an hour of movie before you get to anyone good singing a song. And that's before you get to the... There's a kid? They added... They put three guys in it to replace John Belushi. Three different guys. Pick one of those guys. And Jesse, if I know if I know grace

You're gonna be playing the N64 game here pretty soon, right? Can I tell you something this is your preparation to play the Blues Brothers Nintendo 64 game right that grace understands the like the canonical Significance of right I was making cutscenes weren't as sophisticated back then so you know I was making dinner tonight. Cutscenes weren't as sophisticated back then, so you know. I was making dinner tonight, Jordan. We laugh and jest, but I was making dinner tonight. Not me. And Grace burst into the kitchen and she said, Jesse. She said, Dad, there's a Blues Brothers NES game. And I was like, oh my gosh, really?

It's got to be a platformer, right? I'd like to connect with my daughter about video game words. And she says, yeah, and I was like, they probably just throw their hats at their enemies, right? She says, ah, probably just a projectile comes out of their stomach area. And I was like, yeah, probably.

Great guess, great guess, Did not have to make sense. Then she left. And then about 15 minutes later, I was just finishing up dinner, she came back in and she said, there's a Blues Brothers 2000 game for Nintendo 64. So you joke, Jordan. I mentioned having the juice in show business.

That your Vanity Project sequel goes straight to theaters and straight to video game. I just want to hear the little chiptune version of Proud Mary. Jordan, do you know anything about the Nintendo 64 Blues Brothers 2000 game? Not just only that it exists. I have no other information for you, but I'm sure you'll become an expert here very soon. I do. I do want to say something about the Blues Brothers 2000. Yes.

I'm kind of done with it. I'm like joking. It's so misbegon, obviously. There was so much in it that I liked. What's that about? I bet it's a genial, and I bet you're experiencing some, they don't make them like this anymore, right? We don't get those kind of broad, charactery comedies anymore.

So when Barb and Star comes out, oh my, I mean Barb and Star is actually great, but I think it was juiced all the more because they don't make them like this anymore. So I think when you do go back and revisit some of those genres that we don't see, there's a like a, it's harder to hate. And I think like in 2000 or whatever, there were probably some really good comedies that came out, so it suffered in comparison, but I think now we don't get so many of those. What's it been, six months since Bottoms?

So just like seeing a theatrical comedy is kind of fun. Yeah, Dix the Musical was so delightful to me for that reason. Oh, I haven't seen Dix the Musical. Where I was like, this is dumb as hell in a way Theatrical comedy is kind of fun. Yeah Dick's the musical was so delightful to me for Where I was like this is dumb as hell in a way like movies haven't been for me since like the 90s and early aughts Can I use a question about the musical Josh? Yeah, does it have Erica Badu? Does not have Erica Badu. I don't think that's that I think that's what my nostalgia is for a time when Erika Badu was in a movie. Yeah. Well, I was going to say the second thing is that the musical performances like in the original Blues Brothers are truly like not to harp on or like,

oh, these are these are like great, great musicians. And so like even if the rest of it was just cartilage, like truly, even if they were just showing Dan Aykroyd's meniscus for like four minutes stretches, you would still be like, well, it's worth it to get to these delightful performances. There was a part in the credit sequence of Blues Brothers 2000 where my daughter, who comes from a different generation and was not doing a bit, turned to me and she said,

Blues traveler, is that a person?" That makes sense. Blues Traveler, even if you played her the music, she would react like I did to the Blues Brothers record album. She'd be like, "'Are these guys a real band?' My youngest kid did a bit just now

that was in the same cultural area, which is she's going around the house, singing what she calls a song from Shrek, which is All-Star by Smash Mouth. And her singing isn't strong or coherent. But it was very loud. It was very loud. And so she's going around singing, not the sharpest tool in the shed.

Like that. Like a small seven year old, Fred Schneider kind of. Yeah, it had a Fred Schneider kind of yell singing. And then my middle child yells at her, that's too loud. And then Frankie, my younger kid goes, not the sharpest tool. Bring it on down. Real jazzy snaps.

We're getting, Josh, we're getting you on a fun day. I mean, every day is a fun day with you, but this is particularly fun. You've got a little color. You've come from the sea. I've been saying that to everyone and people don't care for it. I have returned've been saying that to everyone and people don't care for I have returned from sea I've returned from the sea to land with treasure But I think before we get to your sea adventures, Jesse you had a New York question for Josh Oh, I do have a New York question for you Josh. Do you ever do you ever listen to AM radio in New York? I

Heard a snippet of it yesterday in a cab on the way home from the airport, but usually I don't. I was listening to the Mets game on my MLB app. And these days, like they sold the advertising rights to the baseball games, to some podcast company or whatever. So they usually have digitally inserted, you know, national advertisements when you listen to it. But it's because it's like Garrett Cole talking about how you should buy a mattress

or whatever. So that's the thing. So so so now most games they, they just have regular insurance ads. But because it's spring training, they don't sell those ads nationally, I guess. So they just run the WFAN ads or whatever. And most of them are like from genres that I recognize from listening to the ball game and the Sports Talk radio station growing up, right? Like when they run the, when they're Giants games on KNBR

and they run the KNBR ads, it's the same Shane company advertisements that it was when I was 15. Totally. But on WFAN, there's this, these ads that run for the plumumbers Union. I believe it's the Plumbers Union. Okay.

Where it's just like a parody of a New York guy. He just comes on and he's like, New York Plumbers Union number 224 is a group of 2000 plumbers that do work on all kinds of projects from small to large, including the Javits Center, and has been existing for over 42 years. And that's it. There's no higher union plumbers. It's just an announcement that they are plumbers. It's like back in the day when they'd be like, milk, remember milk?

Yeah. Exactly. Got it. You all love this for some reason. So I similarly, so I don't know this ad because my radio listening days don't really have any attachment to like especially New York AM radio.

But I listen to basketball on the NBA app and I listen to the Celtics games. And there is very similarly an ad that I don't even know what the company's for. But they're like, we have a great relationship with Union Coppintess. So consider that. It's just like which Iers. So consider that. Which I appreciate, but it's like, you better fucking don't go fucking around the coppenters union. They'll fucking, they can't hammer us already.

And I love it. It's like, they're like regional, everything is so. God help you if you hire an unlicensed coppenter. Yeah, don't. You think Kevin Garnett would use a fucking scab? No you use if you used on Union cop and is Kevin got net would bash his head right through your fucking drywall It'd be as thin as tracing paper remember tracing paper. What was that about? Why do we need to trace so bad? It's just a list of things plumbers do. There's no call to action. It's like they just, they all voted,

wouldn't it be cool if we heard our boss's voice on the baseball game? You know what I mean? Like, they got some extra dues at the end of the year and they're just like, the union president was like, hey, wouldn't it be fun if I said something about plumbers on the Mets game? And everyone was like, yeah, that would be great. I'm a plumber. I like hearing it.

I like hearing this stuff. Yeah. Everything's so national that I just like love local ads more than ever. Yeah, that's all you need. I only I live for injury, personal injury lawyers with locally famous athletes like second and third tier sports stars wearing genericized uniforms in their team colors. Yeah. Brian Erlacher for Chicago Bears, I believe Hall of Fame linebacker, there's billboards all over the

Chicagoland area that say like hair lacquer and he's had hair transplants. He's like the hair transplant guy of Chicago, the hair transplant king of Chicago. Where would you guys draw the line to appear, let's say that our marginal national celebrity were localized, right? Like let's say that we could take our- I think it basically is, Portland is. That's fair. We're basically Portland local celebrities who don't live there. But let's say we could take our national audience and put it all in one mid-market.

Okay. Like put it in Minneapolis or something so that we were meaningful in that place, right? We're obviously meaningless nationally. I want to make that clear. But if you could take all our fans and put them in one city. Yeah, it might make us as famous as a 60-year-old Brian Erlacher is in Chicago. I doubt it, but okay.

I'll go with you on this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm taking that back. You're doubt it, but okay. I'll go with you on this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm taking that back. You're fucking crazy, but. As famous as The Morning Host is on the local sports talk stage. Okay. That's really the level of fame. I think that's fair.

Where is the line that you would draw endorsing something and doing commercials for it. And you just get the thing for free. Like where, at what point do you say that's not enough? Like it would free mattresses for everyone in your family be enough. Like obviously, obviously Dave Fleming, the play by play voice of the San Francisco giants, he got himself a nice Chevy Silverado.

And so he does the Chevy commercials, right? And there's no question in my mind, I'm not gonna speak for you guys, but if somebody offered me a nice Chevy Silverado, I'd do the Chevy commercials. Sure. Sure. But what about hair transplants?

I get more hair than I know what to do with, Jesse. I don't need more of this shit. Yeah, I mean, my idea is that we would thin out some of your hair and give it to me and Josh. So you'd have a chance to deal with the excess and we would get a little something something. Something up top, as they like to say. Josh, you get the heads.

Barbara, I'd like a little on the top, please. That'd be a fun hair transplant. Josh, you get some head stuff, and Jesse, you get the pubes. You can put them anywhere, but you will get the pubes. You can put them anywhere. No one will know they're pubes. You can thicken up your existing pubes. You can put them on top.

Honestly, I like them on soup. So where do you think, what level of service would you draw the line at for you get it for free? Like what about eat for free at a local restaurant? That would be my number one thing to want to do. I will say my number one local famous job, if we're talking broadcasting, and you know, this is on my mind, we're recording this on St. Patty's Day. My number one local famous broadcast job would be broadcasting live from the Irish Pub on

St. Patrick's Day. I think that, I would love to do that. I'd love to just, you know, be there in the thick of it. Having my finger on the bleep button for when some drunk guy says the C word. That's what I want more than anything. the bleep button for when some drunk guy says the C word. That's what I want more than anything. Yeah, maybe if I do that and then I just get like, you know, free drinks and apps for life at O'Shamrock Hands or whatever.

Yeah, cause this is the thing, like Josh, I know exactly where you're coming from with wanting free food from a particular restaurant because the appeal is immense. If I could get free food and drink whenever I wanted from La Beja, the Mexican restaurant down the street from a house that I love, that would be the greatest dream. But that's not who advertises on Sports Talk Radio. You're getting unlimited free food from like a sports bar restaurant that aspires to be

a chain but isn't. It's got like one location in the loop, one in Evanston. So is that worth it to you? Maybe you're getting a Ruth's Chris. Now if it's Ruth's Chris and I'm Rush Limbaugh. I'm the late Rush Limbaugh. It is and you are. Jesse, we're putting his soul into your body and we wanted to surprise you.

We've been saving his soul. I'm just surprised you found one. Wow. Wow. Satire. Still alive. We took down that dead guy. If it's Laurie's the prime rib, if it's Ruth's Chris, yes, of course, but what if it's Amici's

Italian pizzeria in Burlingame? If it's a place that I would like to eat occasionally, I'm still in. Yeah. And as long as it's not somewhere that I'm like, I would never eat

here and people are going to be mad that I told them to eat there. I don't want that mostly. People being like, I went to the pizzeria and I'll tell you what a-rea I had, diarrhea. Yeah, I just love you that. I don't want that in my life.

What are your top a-reas? Let's rank the a-reas. A-rea Pearlman, number one. A-rea Pearlman, yes. Yeah. How often do you think you're eating at this restaurant, Josh? I would say-

This is like a B, B minus restaurants, like a totally fine, unremarkable, you know, Italian themed Italian restaurant. If you're using a Michi's, if it's, you know, B minus Italian is, I could do that once a week. Yeah? Yeah. Maybe like make it my Wednesday, in my Wednesday lunch or something.

I'm still picturing it being like back home where I grew up and I'm like, if this is a place I can take my parents when I come home, then they like it fine. That's great. I would love that. That would be a treat. So you're doing the commercials.

Yeah. In order to get a free meal each time you fly to Massachusetts. Usually in Amtrak. Amtrak, sorry, my West Coast bias is speaking. Things are close together here. You take the Acela to your mom's every other month. One meal every other month. That's six free meals a year is enough for you to be the the regular radio spokesperson and appear on billboards for a Michis. I think it would be funny. It would. Yeah, true. It would be so funny for people that I went to high school

with would be calling me like, why did this happen? Do you know the Amici family? I took my national audience and I localized it in Minneapolis. And so. And so yeah, I think that that's, I would do it because I think it's funny. Like almost anything, unless I think it's funny. Unless, like almost anything,

unless I think it's actively gonna harm people. Yeah, put me on the billboard. I don't give a shit. There's a sandwich restaurant, literally a mile from where I sit in my home right now that has 12, 14 sandwiches named after public radio personalities and none of them is me. See?

That's the level of fame I have in Los Angeles. I can't even crack the top 15 public radio personalities at a restaurant. But that's the thing. Have you tried walking around with coleslaw all over you? Jordan, yes. The Jesse Thorne is just Jesse Thorne covered in coleslaw? It's the guy.

Yeah, well, you know, normally people would just put mustard and mayo, but the coleslaw adds a cool snap. Right, yeah. But I think that will just get people thinking sandwich. You know, I think people don't, you know, when they think of you, they're not necessarily thinking sandwich, but if you're covered in slaw.

I wear a bread hat. There goes that sandwich guy. Bread hat. Oh, I don't have bread shoes You don't know if you need bread shoes or be happy. We're just like there's a piece of bread. Yeah Why did someone put bread on top of that and a meat shirt couldn't hurt Listen this human sandwich pit is going great, but Josh has been on a sea adventure We'll come back to human sandwich later

But Josh you just came back from the Jonathan Colton cruise It's a comedy and music extravaganza if you're listening to the show you probably know what it is. What was it like to cruise? So it's wonderful. I I've done two of these Joko Cruz. It's such a joy to be a part of. I was there last year and it was so fun. And then this year I was so excited to come back, but it was under, someone got sick and I filled it last minute.

So I did have fun, but I did have to- We know, Matt Rife got sick. Explain, yeah, I explained. I mean, it is barely more sensible that I told. Just I was I was around, but it was Maria Bamford was sick, which I hope she's doing better now. That's not a secret that she was a little under the weather. So so I know that because she accidentally

emailed me instead of a publicist whose name is Jess. That happens once in a while. She happened to email and say, hey guys, I'm really sick. I can't do something. I don't remember what it was. That's how I know that Maria was sick. Once in a while, she accidentally emails me and said a publicist, Jess.

How many times total has that happened? Three. But I mean, we're talking about three in eight years. It's not like it's constantly happening. Noteworthy. No, that's true. Well, they so they called me. I was like, I would love to do it. Have you tried Matt Reif?

Kind of the midpoint between me and Maria Bamford. And yeah, and it was delightful. It's so fun. I am extraordinarily skeptical of cruises otherwise. I've done this one twice, which has been so fun, both times, and then I've been on one other cruise total, and I would mostly not recommend it except for this particular cruise. What is your, I just before we hear what you don't like about a non-comedy cruise, what is you, what is

Josh Gondelman's ideal vacation? Oh, I think, my wife Marissa and I have gotten into a real sitting around mode on vacation. So you go somewhere in nice weather, we chill, we read books. I do like a couple things to do. Like you go, I got to go to a weird museum one day. And then, you know, but I don't, and I come from a road trip vacation family, right?

Okay, but because I do so much of that type of travel for work I don't insist upon that when my wife and I have time for leisure as well. Yeah, you're a traveling salesman I'm a traveling salesman mostly trombones This year about 75 77 somewhere in there I'm trying to get up there I Yeah. How many years old this year? About seventy five, seventy seven. I'm trying to get up there. I, you know, one town I got into the 70s and that was an outlier. And most of the places I kind of go and I leave. Right. And that's like a pretty that's like kind of my system.

As a traveling salesman. But this one, I stuck around, fell in love with a librarian, had to learn how to teach the kids to play music. It was a whole fiasco. Yeah. In the end. That's pretty entertaining though. Maybe they learned to do it

through my magic made up thing or maybe not. Otherwise, either way, somehow I'm the hero of the story. Yeah, they thought I was very cool in that town. Yeah. Some of the kids had just never seen that many trumpets in one place So they were pretty hype about it. They're just like fuck. That's a lot of trumpets I was like don't swear but it is a shitload of trumpets

I mean when we did boat party dot biz the max fun cruise many years ago You know, I mean I'm I'm not a sit around on vacation person at all It's like the last thing I want to do I wanna go to two different museums every day, but I had a fucking great time. I like the first time we went on it, I was like, oh, this is awesome. But a big part of that experience that's different from Colton's Cruise, I think,

is that Colton's Cruise has become such an institution that they take over a ship. Yeah. So like a weird part of the Max Fund, the BoatParty.biz was, you know, you're hanging out with Kurt Braunhuler and John Darniel of the Mountain Goats, and then just like 2,000 people that are on a regular cruise. Right.

Um, but on, on the Colton cruise, it's just all Colton people. Yeah, it's really lovely. It's like, it becomes a very wonderful community. There's a lot of great like comedians, writers, musicians, like people who do like streaming shows and stuff. It's like a very cool hangout. And the people that are on the ship as just like, this is our vacation, are into that. That's what they're there for, at least in part two.

So everyone's very lovely and they know what the deal is. It's you're not like, you know, hanging out like, oh, this is like one of the coolest shows I've seen all year. And then you walk outside and some guy is just like puking, just being like, UGH! Thank goodness I'm away from my kids! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha How many were talking? In the over the course of the week. Yeah Seven huh? Okay, that seems there was no small. I mean, maybe you're not as shrimp crazy as I know I love a shrimp, but there wasn't any like I'm just gonna take a fistful of shrimp here They were all like part of other dishes. Yeah, you couldn't we had a bunch of cheese cubes I haven't I haven't been on a cruise but from from what I understand, in my imagination, I'm just taking pocket shrimp.

I'm just getting some, I don't know, maybe in the elevator I'll want a couple. I feel like I ate a lot of shrimp on BoatParty.biz. I'm going to talk to Colton about this. If you go back, I'm going to talk to Jonathan about this and see if he can do something about this because I do think you're gonna need, what about king crab legs? Did you have any of those? I didn't have a single crab leg

from any branch of the monarchy. Josh, I have a question for you. Speaking as your representative, would you be comfortable if I told Jonathan that Will Wheaton was starting a competing cruise and was offering unlimited King crab legs, and if he wanted, if Jonathan wanted you back, he'd have to match. I don't. No, in that, partly because I just did the cruise two years in a row, and I think he would be like, oh, we're not having him back next year anyway,

and my heart couldn't take the rejection, and I would pin it on the crab legs, but I would know it's me. How about this, I go to Will Wheaton, I tell, you know, from Star Trek, The Next Generation. Will Wheaton was there last year? Yeah, I go to Will Wheaton from Star Trek, The Next Generation, I tell him,

you're starting a cruise with Unlimited. Okay, this I can get behind. Crab legs and shrimp from Shoshka. I have your family. If you want to see them again, start a cruise. What I was really objecting to was you using leverage that didn't exist to make a threat on my behalf. But if you can get me crab legs on a new cruise, I'm there.

Listen, okay- I'm not afraid to threaten Wheaton. Listen, we have some baseless threats to make. Let's take a little break, make our threats, and come back for a little bit more. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you,

love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you,

love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, by you, the members of Maximum Fun, our thank you for a, I'm gonna go ahead and say it, a tremendous Max Fun Drive. We have a lot of fun, a huge success, we love it, and we love you. A lot of people are scared to say that it was a tremendous success, but I'm not scared.

No, uh-uh. I'm brave. That's right. I'm a little, tell me little toaster, cause I'm brave. Sure, no, I know, I see your No Fear T-shirt. Okay. Yeah.

We're also supported this week. I'm brave. Sure. I know. I see your No Fear t-shirt. Okay. We're also supported this week. I see your Big Johnson t-shirt. Thank you. Liquor in the front, poker in the rear. We are also supported this week by the good folks at Zip Recruiter. Now Jordan. Yes.

I'm a small business owner. I know that. Not only do I own the Put This On Shop, putthisonshop.com, but I also am a worker owner of Maximum Fund. And when you're a worker owner, Jordan, it raises the stakes even higher for who you are bringing into the company, because this person could join the co-op,

they could tank everything. Oh, boy. What if you hire a lead weight, or even worse, an explosive lead weight, then you got a hole in your hole? Yeah, then you got a hole in your hole? Yeah, then you're sure.

Then you're drowned and you're blowed up. So the secret is you need the good person and you also have to get somebody fast. Sometimes that's just how business works. That's when Zip Recruiter can help. They find those qualified candidates fast. They have matching technology, is that right? That's absolutely correct. I mean, they're basically, if you

think they're defining you twinsies, they're finding you triplesies. What are those called? Triplets. Triplets, thank you. Sure. You ask for one, and then they'll give you two that match. Oh my gosh.

ZipRecruiter, if you want the best, you have to act quickly or someone else will get it instead. It's like if you're hiring for your business, you want to find the most talented people for your open roles before the competition scoops them up. So what's the best way to do that? ZipRecruiter.

ZipRecruiter finds qualified candidates fast. And right now, you can try it for free at ziprecruiter.com slash JJ Go. ZipRecruiter's powerful matching technology takes center stage to identify top talent for your roles. Immediately after you post your job, ZipRecruiter's smart technology starts showing you qualified people for it.

Man, I was using a competitor. Their dumb technology was just showing me pictures of dogs with their heads stuck in things. I mean, funny. Yeah. Funny, but. But not what I was looking for. But does it help you fill that role?

Amp up your hiring performance with ZipRecruiter and find the best fast. See why four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Just go to this exclusive web address right now to try ZipRecruiter for free. ZipRecruiter.com slash JJ Go. Again, that's ZipRecruiter.com slash JJ Go.

ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. We're also supported this week by the folks at Stitch Fix. Whether you need some fresh spring fits for yourself or perhaps for a family member like I might need some spring fits for one of my children. Well Stitch Fix is on the case. There are real human beings at Stitch Fix who pick out little outfits for you and they either send them to you in a box. You can send anything back you want, or they make a little store just for you. Oh, yeah. I use Stitch Fix, and I really like the stuff they send me.

And for the stuff that's not quite right, sending it back real easy, real fast. Stitch Fix, you get a personal stylist. They help you out. It is genuinely the easy... I feel like I harp on this all the time. But I am incredibly astonished at how consistently, spectacularly easy it is to return something you don't want. They literally send you the envelope to send it back in with all the shit printed on it. You don't have to do anything besides shove it in there

and send it away. Here's the thing, too. The envelope is big enough. Yeah, it sure is. That's like a huge part of why I love Stitch Fix, is the return envelope always fits whatever you need it to fit. It's really true. A style that makes you feel as good as you look.

Get started today at stitchfix.com slash jjgo. That's stitchfix.com slash jjgo. Stitchfix.com slash jjgo. Hey, Jesse. Yeah. Can I send a message to all the comic book freaks in the LA area and beyond? Yeah, let me light up this Klee Glamp. You can put whatever cutout you want on it. Sure. Thank you for lighting up that Klee Glamp.

April 14th, noon to 2 p.m. at Golden Apple Comics here in L.A. Not only will I be signing comic books, more importantly, our friend Elliot Kalin will be there signing comic books as well. The two of you are teaming up? We're teaming up, and it's not just the two of us. It's also Amy Chase, Casey Gilley, and Ryan Cady. We're all gonna be there, 12 to two,

Golden Apple Comics, April 14th. I'm gonna be signing a new Archie thing. Elliot's gonna be signing his new Hercules comic. Amy and Casey will be signing Dungeons and Dragons stuff and My Little Pony stuff. Since we got some kids stuff available, we encourage you to bring the family. That's April 14th, 12 to 2 p.m. at Golden Apple Comics.

And hey, if you're not in the LA area, and why aren't you? Get your ass to SoCal, baby. But if not, you can get all this stuff through the mail. Golden Apple Ships anywhere. So if you want some signed books from me, Elliot, Ryan, Amy, or Casey, hit up Golden Apple Comics. They'll hook you up.

Elliot's comic is based on the Disney Hercules, right? Yes, he did a Hades comic based on the villain. And this is the Hercules installment. I think this is a good time for me to announce. Yes I am working on a comic adaptation of that behind-the-scenes documentary about Hercules that they won't let you watch. Hmm because wait, no, that's the Emperor's new group This project sounds like it's doomed you don't even know what documentary you're making a comic about. I wrote a lot of stuff about Sting getting taken off the project.

And now I can't use any of it, because it was all about the Emperor's new groove. I wrote an entire arc about the Disney brass falling in love with David Spade. It's an important part of that movie. Listen, we're all excited for your book, but we'd love to see everybody out there at Golden Apple Comics.

You know what? I'm going to write something about the Black Cauldron. There you go. There you go, buddy. Just from the ashes rises a phoenix. Yeah. It's like Don Bluth adding more and more weird stuff. Oh, yeah? That's what it's about. I didn't know Don Bluth worked on that. I think he did.

Interesting. Maybe I'm wrong. Sure. You know what? Write in. It's at Bluth worked on that. I think he did. Interesting. Maybe I'm wrong. Sure. You know what? Write in. It's at Jordan underscore Morris on Twitter. That's me. Yeah, let me know what Don Bluth was and wasn't involved with. We also got something up on the Jumbotron, which

is where Jordan Jessie Go listeners can share messages with other Jordan Jessie Go listeners. This one is a message from Summerboy Rob for Baby Elise. It says, happy anniversary to my favorite baby of the year. Wah wah, goo goo gaga. Goo goo gaga to you. Stinky in my di di. A ho, yes.

A happy stinky to all of you. May you have a stinky anniversary. Can I tell you something that our friend Ben Harrison's baby said today? Sure. I didn't hear the baby say this, but Ben related it to me when we were walking our dogs. He said, he farted really loud,

and then he said, haha, funny fart. Nice, nice. Well hey, baby Elise and summer boy Rob, hope you are having many a funny fart on your anniversary. Take your loved one to eat all the beans they can put in their little mouths. What do you think his favorite baby was last year? Oh, I don't know.

Baby Jessica, she got out of that well. That's true. That was in 2023, right? Yeah, I don't know. Well, baby Jessica, she got out of that well. That's true. Listen. That was in 2023, right? Uh, yeah, I guess. I mean, what is time anymore, right? What is time? We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessi Goh. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la My left leg's made out of right leg and my right leg's made out of left leg though. Man.

I hate looking at you. Looking at you is awful. Slightly unsettling, you can't tell why. Right, yeah, exactly. You're walking a little funny. Hey, I know we have some stuff to get to, but I think I promised in the last segment that we'd kind of come back to the riff about making Jesse a sandwich man, so the sandwich place names a sandwich after him.

Right. So I have a bread hat and then it would need bread shoes and as you said, just recapping a meat shirt. Yeah. I've got an addition. Yeah, sure. Yeah, go, please. Condom pants?

Not condom pants, but condom pants as in pants made of condom. Oh, condom pants. Yeah, and I was going to say pickle slice glasses. Can I? That's real nice. So I think that, I think we got ourselves a sandwich man. Can I ask a quick follow up to Josh Jordan, do you mind? Yeah.

So you mentioned the condom pants, which are pants covered in condiments. No, no, no, no, no, no. Pants made of condiments. Okay, well, here's my question. Yeah. That really gets to pants made of condiments. Okay, well, here's my question. Yeah. That really gets to the heart of my question. So would it be, I already spent the money on the condom pants.

Would it be okay if I just covered those with condom? Yeah, that's fine. Okay. I feel like you've already laid out the money. This is your body. Just fill the condoms with mayonnaise, Jesse. What is mayonnaise? My condom pants, my choice.

What is mayonnaise but cum you canom pants, my choice, Josh. What is mayonnaise but cum you can eat? That's a good point. You say that like you can't just eat cum. No, you're right. I can eat cum. Watch. Josh, what's your cum eating sound? Oh, sorry.

Cool. That's the noise Josh. What's your comedic? What's my oh, sorry? Yeah, I'm like a cartoon horse drinking a glass of water. Oh, I was thinking Yoshi for me. Oh, yeah Yeah, I guess now well, yeah, you. She's a freak. Oh, she's a freak Good on you Yoshi Oh, yeah, I'm I'm I'm sex positive for you I didn't I don't want to be I don't mean to say I'm not insulting Yoshi for snarping Oh, I come God bless me like Ludacris says someone's a freak like admiring freak yes Jordan at the end of an episode of,

I mean a level of Super Mario Brothers, you know how Mario jumps onto that flagpole? Yeah. That's Yoshi letting his freak flag fly. Hell yeah it is. All right, so we've been doing a segment called I Read It on the internet, featuring some of the most magical posts

that our audience has been sharing with us from the exciting world of social media. And again, we're not looking for the most outrageous. Okay. We're not looking for the most vulgar. We're looking for a little element of magic. Just as in the inspiration for this segment that post about the guy whose landlord

said that the elevator broke because he carried his harp on it too many times. This is from r slash confessions, which feels like it's probably got a lot of Yeah, the famous fertile fertile ground for this kind of thing usher's subreddit So like 15 million copies Unbelievable how many friends who went to see usher in Las Vegas, and I guess he makes it rain Usher bucks, like money that has his face on it. Yeah.

Well, part of the story is I think before, or as the residency was starting, he did that in a strip club, which is- Oh, yeah. That's rude. That's pretty rude. Sex work is work, Usher. I think, I mean, if Usher bucks circulate, they could devalue the dollar and then those will be the richest strippers on the strip. That's a really good point.

I think it's going to supersede Bitcoin. Yeah, I'm concerned about the electricity that's being used by these Usher bucks farms. Right. Yeah, sure. Okay. So this is from r slash confessions. I'm so desperate to have sex with a female clown, I can't take it.

More than anything, I just want a beautiful woman with a clown costume, makeup, and a big red nose to have sweaty, passionate sex with. I want her to lay on my bed, take her big shoes off, and let me suck on liquor toes while jerking myself off while she blows up condoms and makes them into balloon animals. New paragraph. They, I want to take off her clown pants and clown underwear then start pulling several feet of colored scarves out of her pussy.

Once the scarves are out, I want to enter her. Then fuck her as she honks her big red nose and timed my thrusts I want her to do the clown laugh and spray me with a squirt gun flower as I come I don't know why I have this fantasy but I do and it's killing me I want clown pussy so bad it hurts and thank you for all the awards upvotes and comments especially for those of you who have turned me on to different subreddits and sites, et cetera. You guys rock. And again, just like we love, we stan a nasty King Yoshi.

I support this person who wants this clown pussy. I'm wondering, where are we getting, like why does this classic image of a clown persist? Where do you even see this? Right, like where do you see a? nose red nose big shoes flower spray and Clown like I don't even know if I saw that as a child like where they literally clown exist They closed the circus the service went out of business. It's back and the clowns don't wear makeup anymore

Really, I just learned that how do you know who's a clown and who's not? the hijinks That's a tip off. That's a tip off. Yeah, they do have scarves in their pussy. Yeah You get a good look at the pussy you can tell the clowns from the humans. And no, I don't consider clowns to be humans. The thing that jumped out at me, Jordan, because I was tracking big clown shoes, clown pants, clown nose. These things I'll track for me in a classic image.

Maybe I'd seen a velvet painting or something. Clown underwear was not something that I was familiar with. You can fit 10 clowns in one pair of clown underwear. I mean, this is my, I have a question. It's 10 butt cheeks? Yeah. The butt cheeks just keep coming. Leaving aside the question of where

the classic clowns are in the world. Right. When I was a child. Where have all the clown boys gone? where the classic clowns are in the world. Right. When I was a child. Where have all the clown boys gone? Ha ha ha ha ha. Do do do, do do do. When I was a child, my dad loved the circus.

My dad was a total circus nut. This guy was a total circus nut. And I don't know if he was a nasty freak about it. Yeah. I was a child, I didn't ask. Yeah. But he loved the circus and he was always excited to take me to the circus.

And the big circus, the Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Circus, on the posters was a man named Gunther Gable Williams. Do you guys remember Gunther Gable Williams? No. Nope. He was a Swedish or Polish animal trainer who looked like he had like neck length hair, you know, like grand 80s feathery. And then he wore kind of like a combination of a circus outfit and a Tarzan outfit. Okay. Yeah. So sort of like-

I know this kind of circus iconography. Sure. Sequined vest combined with Tarzan outfit kind of deal. And he was like a muscle man. Yeah. And he was like a muscle man. And then he walked around with like a leopard on his shoulders. And I just I guess just like. How did the guy with the leopards become famous? You know what I mean? Like the leopards, I see why they became famous. They've got that star quality. And they did tricks.

Well he's the audience surrogate, he's the human. We can imagine ourselves with the leopards because he's there with them. I guess. I mean I have a hard time. Jordan, maybe you imagine yourself with a leopard on your shoulders. I can't unless I see another man do it. Or a woman. Jordan, maybe you imagine yourself with a leopard on your shoulders. I can't unless I see another man do it. Or a woman. Or a woman.

Do you think there's still like, just like- Or a thing that high roads your thing. Mm-hmm. A thing you forgot. Another leopard with a leopard on his shoulders. Yes, exactly. This is the problem with when I do this bit now, because it's always funny to me to condescendingly

point that out in a situation where nobody meant to be harmed and it doesn't apply. Because then I reflexively am like, or a non-binary person that carries a leopard around, but then it's too real. Yeah. Then I'm like spiraling like non-binary people can be animal tamers, except, you know, that's an animal rights issue, and certainly they shouldn't do that, but they could as much as anyone else can.

Do you guys think I should read Untamed, the autobiography of Gunther Gable Williams? Yes. Let's read the blurb. I imagine you're looking at it on Amazon or something. What's the blurb? Yeah, where he comes from? Yeah? This the Polish Amazon rainforest Five stars a great friend. I was Gunther's head elephant girl for ten years So this book meant a lot to me a trip back to the circus free He was oh a trip back to the circus free. He was, oh, a trip back to the circus free.

He was a very talented and hardworking man. He never missed a day at work. He used to kid me if I complained of a cold or feeling ill. He would put his own record of cat attacks, horse bites, and elephants that tried to kill him that week for me to look at. And I could not feel bad anymore. Wow, elephants were always trying to kill this guy every week.

Can you imagine if you're at work, you're sick and your boss is like, I got bit by a horse this week, so got a horse bite. So I don't. It's Thursday. So you know, the fucking elephants are plotting against me. Yeah. Fucking elephants. I like this. This one says a true lover of animals telling his story without the use of a ghostwriter. Literally, the ghostwriter's name is underneath his name on the cover.

That's who they were talking about. They were like, this ghostwriter is a true lover of animals. Yeah. It didn't need a ghostwriter. Right. They just needed a more famous guy. They did this project for cheap because they love animals so much. I know all ghosts write this book. Yeah.

Charles Jr. wrote, was a wonderful man and knew him personally, one L. Was a wonderful man and knew him personally, again, one L. How many of these reviews are from personal friends? I know. Do you think that was an action item at his funeral? What a wonderful man. His last words, please review my book favorably on Amazon.

Like and subscribe. It says, was a great loss to those who knew him. This is all capital letters. Was a great loss. It turns into capital letters. I want to be clear. The part where it says, was a wonderful man who knew him. This is all capital letters. Was a great loss. It turns into capital letters. I want to be clear. The part where it says, was a wonderful man and knew him personally. This is someone who made a choice, not a older person who just left caps lock off.

Exactly. Then they switch to all capital letters, comma, was a great loss to those who knew him. He gave the world so much joy. He was and forever will be what made Ringley Brothers Circus very interesting if you want to know who he really was I Think he didn't write that review the fucking elephants Dead every week there were any are there any reviews reminiscing about how many scarves he could fit in his pussy This one says one of a kind gone too soon,

had privilege of seeing him perform. That's almost like knowing him. Yeah. Or is it? Well, I guess that's who would buy the book, right? That I get. So he's not perform. If I hadn't seen him perform, it would be a tough sell to get me to buy this book.

So this weird guy. Somebody, somebody wrote a whole book of it somebody gave it one star wrote boring and then under underneath it it says little excitement here that's this person didn't read the book they clearly didn't read the book routinely bitten by horses you're telling me his life story is boring. Wait, can I just tell you, speaking of people who knew him, this one is from Roy Gould. The subject line of this five star review is... The subject line of this five star review is, book.

Book, dot dot dot. The subject line of this five star review is book Book dot dot dot he fucked my wife while I watched Five stars he was going at it like I have been looking for this book for quite a while. Used to work with Gunther, down to Earthman. How many? Five stars. I knew Gunther, so excited to read the book. What the fuck? I don't think anybody I've known

has ever reviewed anything I've done. And certainly not most of the review being like, this is the guy I used to work with. But wait, hold on. Three out of five stars from Chloe Cattrall, 2011. Three out of five stars from Chloe Cattrell 2011. Three out of five stars. The headline is informative. This is the review. An interesting read only because I knew the man, but not a literary masterpiece.

This guy has people nagging him that knew him. Although they should all start with book. Book. Not very interesting. Audiobook. This did it more for me. I'll start with book. Book, not very interesting. Audio book. This did it more for me. How about this? Sheila wrote, I never liked circuses, but I certainly would have visited his after reading this book. Who doesn't like circuses? Buys and reads a copy of Gunther Gable Williams' autobiography.

Wow. And he turned her around. Maybe he turned her around in circuses. It's also, that sounds like an old timey, like, you're the bee's knees. Like, I'd visit his circus. Get under that big top. Peanuts, popcorn, one of each please. God, wouldn't you guys love to be Gunther's head elephant girl? That's the dream, but...

For one year, much less ten. Yeah, right? I would take a horse bite for him. Jumping in front of a horse. And the horse's jaws are coming down. We'll always love you. Horse chomps down. You guys want to take a couple horse chomps

and then come back for a little bit more? We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la and all the other ones. The McElroy brothers and dad are proud to reveal a bold vision for the future of actual play podcasting. It's called The Adventure Zone versus Dracula? Yeah, we're gonna kill Dracula's ass. Well, we haven't recorded all of it yet. We will attempt to kill Dracula's ass. The Adventure Zone versus Dracula.

Yes, a season I will be running using the D&D fifth edition rule set and there's two episodes out for you to listen to right now. We hope you will join us. Same bat time, same bat channel. For more fun. I see what you did there. La la la la la la la la la.

Thanks to everyone who contributed during this year's Max Fund Drive, we truly couldn't do what we do without you. With the drive in the rearview, it's time for another proud tradition, our annual charity pin sale. This year, the proceeds for the pin sale will support VoteRiders, a nonprofit dedicated to expanding ballot access nationwide. Members at $10 a month or more can purchase Max Fun Drive pins featuring shows from across the network and all members are able to buy our network pin design

exclusive to this charity sale. The sale is live now and it ends Friday April 12th. For more info head to MaximumFun.org slash pin sale. And thanks again for your support. La la la la la la la la la la. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Josh Gondelman, the face of Spinelli's pizza in Worcester, Massachusetts. Guys, just so you know, according to circopedia.org,

the Wikipedia of circuses, in 1973, the American Guild of Variety Artists named Gunther Gable, excuse me, let you. In 1973, the American Guild of Variety Artists named Gunther Gable Williams Artist of the Year. He even starred in his own TV show, a CBS special titled Lord of the Ring with Tony Curtis.

Wow. Sounds great. Yeah. Can I just one more? Do you think Jamie Lee Curtis has any memories of Gunther Gable Williams that you could share with us? They're all if you read down far enough on his Amazon reviews, like Jamie Lee Curtis. This is also before the Lord of the Rings films.

So this is just a reference to the books. Yeah. So they're banking on this is how famous this circus man was. He has a TV special with Tony Curtis named after a fantasy, a series of fantasy novels. And people are like, yeah, that's the guy. Can I make one? I know we, you know, we have to, we have to wrap up and we have to hear what Josh is up to, road dates, so forth. Can I make one more addition to the Jesse is sandwich man thing?

We'd love to hear it. Yeah, that would be great. So right now, just to recap, I have a hat made of bread. I have bread shoes. I have a meat shirt and I have condo pants, which are either pants made of condiments or condom pants slathered with condiments. And of course, I have pickle chip eyeglasses. Yeah.

So I think when you, if you're going out, like, you know, just around the neighborhood with one of your kids, dress them up like a bag of Lay's. Right. So my kids would be dressed as Lay's potato chips, the potato chips that you only get at a sandwich place because you'd rather have a different kind of potato chips given the choice. Given the choice. You'd like flavored chips or higher quality unflavored chips. Lots of different kinds, but when you're at the sandwich place, it's that or pretzels.

So yeah, that's just my suggestion. Sometimes sun chips. Yeah. Oh yeah, sun chips. I think that's a great suggestion. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. And it evokes the whole... It's not as funny as Condom Pants, and we probably should have ended there. No, no, I think it's a great suggestion. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah It's not as funny as condom pants that we probably should have ended there

No, no, no, I like that it evokes a larger sandwich me you right sandwich universe Yeah, yeah, you know, you gotta like, you know, you got to start thinking You know thinking in other sectors cuz like there's only so many things that can go on a sandwich So yeah, this is what I was trying to do there. I think it's great. Thank you. Should I like, do you know any hunks I could travel with and they'd be a tall drink of water? I mean, is a-

Isn't that right though? Well, he's too seasick. He's got pizzeria. So I guess here's my, and again, I don't want to, you know, I want a yes and I don't want to no but, but do you associate like a glass of water with a sandwich you get at a deli? I mean, I think, you know, can you find a guy who's a soda? It's a paper cup of cola. Yeah.

So I don't know. It's OK. I would do that. That guy's a tall drink of Diet Coke. Yeah. That guy's a fountain Mr. Pibb, huh? Ooh, look at that fountain Mr. Pibb. So I drink him.

Nope, nope, nope. What if I strewed myself with pepperoncinis? Now that's an idea. Jesse, I'm getting a text from wax paper sandwiches in whatever part of town that's in. The real place that names the sandwiches after public radio hosts. Yeah, but won't they went after me. They said, you won't believe this. My order's ready. I have to go.

I've I've one more idea as long as to yes, and your pepper cheese, I'm sorry to prolong this bit after Jordan brought in a beautiful natural. Thank you. Yeah. I guess we had a natural in that I came back to say dress your kid up as Lays. So I think that's in the spirit of the bit. If there's any kind of ambiguity with condom pants that makes it unpleasant. And I'm sensing there is. Peppercinos.

Thanks, Josh. There it is. The year was 1947. German circuses were hitting the road again. And one of the first to do so, Sircus Williams... Wait, what happens if it would make Germans have left circuses on the road in the 1940s? Why would German circuses have been taking a break for a while? German circuses were hitting the road again, and one of the first to do so, Sircus Williams had established a permanent wooden construction in Cologne. Alfred took Gunter to a matinee performance to Gunter.

It was an epiphany from Circopedia credit to Circopedia.org. Circopedia.org. I'm truly, I can't stop thinking about how apolitically they just stated like there were any circuses in Germany for a while and then in 1947 they started up no reason to talk about what's going on before We're a circus website? Hey, Josh Gondelman, pepper chinos, god damn it

Totally one of the funniest guys You're gonna be you're gonna be on the road anytime soon. Can people see you doing stand-up? I'm on the road the funniest guys. You're going to be you're going to be on the road anytime soon. Can people see you doing stand up? I'm on the road a lot doing stand up. I'm filming a new special June 21st at the Bell House in Brooklyn. I'm really excited. Early show sold out. Still tickets available for the late show.

And in between, I am going to be in. Let me try to think of all the places. Bloomington, Indiana, that might be passed by the time this comes out. And then New Orleans, Louisiana. Then San Francisco, Seattle, Portland. Dayton, Kentucky, which is basically, I've been told it's Cincinnati, but on the Kentucky side of the river. I'm sure the people in Kentucky are happy to hear it that were described thusly. Um, uh, Burlington, Vermont and Pawtucket, Rhode Island. So I'm all over the place. I'm so excited. I like, I'm really psyched to record this hour and would love for people in

any of those cities to come enjoy a show. If you're in one of those cities, you're not going to see Gondelman. You're blowing it big time. You're like, I mean, I don't want to be too rude to the people of Pawtuck at Rhode Island who aren't going to see Gondelman. Mm-mm. But I do think they're blowing it big time. Yeah, I agree. If I could draw a parallel,

it's a lot like opening a sandwich store in Frogtown. Mm-hmm. Naming all the dozen-plus sandwiches after public radio hosts. There being one nationally syndicated public radio host in your city and not naming any of the sandwiches after him. It's what it's like. Blowing it big time is what they call that. Blowing it big time.

Everyone can relate to that. That is a more Ascadian level of blowing it Morisician Maris Kreitzman That's when you marry Josh Roasted you got wife roasted dude, but Ah, if she hears this, then she'll know it was a mistake. Don't, she can't hear this. Ah, ah, ah. She's asleep now, on the other side of that wall. She's gonna marry me.

She can't hear that it was bad to marry me. Ah. She can all the crab legs she can eat. Can Mary's wheaten? Ah, ah, ah. What are we talking about? Yeah, I don't know. Crab leg eatin' Wheaton. Yep.

Your wife really loves you Josh, that's why she married you. But, I know. She will never marry you. I love her. If she has sex with, well Wheaton, Wheaton ain't cheatin'. So you have to be okay with it.

That is, we're a pretty literary couple, we have a rhyming hall pass list. If it rhymes. Yeah. I print chinos and wheat and ancient. Our producer on the program is Matt Lieb. Richard Roby sitting in on this recording as Matt is performing standup comedy in another city.

Our producer emeritus Brian Sunday, D Fernandez. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. We hope you will join us on social media, maximumfun.reddit.com at Jordan David Morris and at put.this you. Love you. Love you. Love you.

Maximum fun. A worker owned network. A worker owned network. A worker owned network. A worker owned network. A worker owned network. A worker owned network. A worker owned network.

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A worker owned network. A worker owned network. A worker owned network. A worker owned network. A worker owned network. A worker owned network. I do love you.