Joy, a Podcast. Hosted by Craig Ferguson - #125 - Snow Day Snack Attack Remorse

Episode Date: January 27, 2026

It's a snow day and Craig is sitting in New York enjoying the weather and snacking. While doing so he takes the time to answer some Tweets & Emails from all of you, enjoy. Have a question for Craig? Drop him an email at: ⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠, send him a message on social media, or drop a comment below. _______________________________________________ Craig is also on the road. Dates and tickets can be found here ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.thecraigfergusonshow.com/tour ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠_________________________________________________ FIND CRAIG: Website - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.thecraigfergusonshow.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/craigyferg⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@craigy_ferg⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ X - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.x.com/craigyferg⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Facebook - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/thecraigfergusonshow⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ABOUT THE JOY PODCAST: Storied late-night talk host Craig Ferguson brings his interview talents and singular world view to a discussion of the modern state of JOY, sitting down with notable guests from the worlds of entertainment, science, government, and more. How's our Joy doing? Bridled? On life support? Where do we find joy in a world that seems by any rational measure to be collapsing around us? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is me, Craig Ferguson. Come see me live in your region on my Pants on Fire comedy stand-up tour. For the full list of dates and tickets, go to the Craig Ferguson Show.com. VIP meet-and-grit packages are available as well. Come say hi and have a laugh. Ah, ha, ha. Very interesting. I'm really spending a very productive snow day reading a very impressive,

moving book. Hi everyone. Welcome to the Joy podcast. My name is Craig Ferguson. I'm your host of the Joy podcast today. I wasn't really reading that book. Actually, I'm reading that book. The Story of Philosophy by Will Durad. It's actually really good, but I did a book episode last week, so let's not do a book episode again.

Although I would recommend that book. So that's my book. I know what you're thinking, Craig, you're looking about flushed. And what's to deal with your Sparkle Smash Monster Jam, t-shirt. Well, here's the thing, my friends. I'm in New York City and I'm Snowden. I am Snowden today. So this is the Snowden episode. You know in sitcoms where they used to have the Snowden episode where everybody learned things and everybody would try and get an Emmy? Well, I'm not trying for Emmy. But I don't have any Emmys here in New York. I do have,

it's just overlooking there. Stay right there. I'm just going to get some for you because I think I was just looking at this thing. Wow, you know, wow, you know what? In this apartment, we have got some cool things. And one of the cool things we have here is this, this ceramic cheetah.

I'd like to thank everyone in the academy for sending me the, this is for the best solo podcast performance of a Snowden. episode where we all learned something. Thank you, everybody. I'll tell you why I'm dressed so surprisingly, is that I'm in the apartment on my own. Nobody is here. Children, off doing other things, wife, often other things, me stuck in New York. Not unhappy about it. I've been away for a couple of weeks, so I'm in the apartment in New York. And the thing is, because the snow was coming

and everyone was like, oh, it's going to be the worst storm in forever. And I'm sure it's pretty bad. It doesn't seem that bad here, but I know that it's very bad around the country, and I hope you're all staying safe and stuff. But I did that panic buying thing where yesterday I went to the store and I bought, you know, a larger, I knew it was going to be on my own. So I don't get to wear this T-shirt unless I'm on my own. So I know it's an awesome T-shirt.

It's an awesome T-shirt. Isn't it? Sparkle Smash. so I knew I was going to be on mine and I was going to be snowed in it's such an unusual thing for me to be on my own and in

anywhere really for any length of time I thought oh this this is be good but I'll probably need a large selection of snacks so I went to the store across the road there's a del across the street and I bought a very I mean like an enormous

you know an alcoholic amount of snacks really. I mean, it was stupid. I got a lot of cheesy snacks, a lot of chocolatey snacks. You know what snacks are, and I went crazy. I went snack crazy. I had a snack attack. And then I took him home and I've eaten more. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what it's like to be an alcoholic in recovery.

I thank you. It's, I don't know what it is. I can't really be. trust it. I'm like, you know when that if you can't leave the dog with food because it would eat itself to death? Like the cat, you'd make the cat little things and the cat will go and have a nibble and then, you know, make a salad for itself and, you know, watch a TV or, you know, get some memes from her friends. But, um, I don't do that. I just, like, sit them on and eat everything and then start crying. Well, I didn't start crying. But I, uh, but it's early days. I've had a lot of snacks,

is what I'm saying. And now I'm feeling. in the long, dark time without snacks. And because of the snack of tonic, not only did I buy too many snacks, by the day I took a moment, they ate them all like a stupid old dog. I thought, oh God, I felt terrible. Now, in the building, in the apartment building in New York,

there's a gym in the basement, it's a communal gym. It's nice, and we're very lucky to have it. And whenever I go to the gym, it's empty. it's pretty empty and it's hardly everybody in it. Well, there's never anybody in it. It's in the basement, so I think there might be ghosts in it.

But I try and under-worry too much about that. So I went to the gym and I thought, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to go in the treadmill for a while. I've got to work off all the snacks because I don't know if you know this about me, but I go, I tend to the chunk. I tend to the chunk, ladies and gentlemen.

I, you know, I'm one of those people. I put on weight easy, easy, easy, easy, especially if you leave me in my own with an almost unlimited budget for snacks and a few days on my own, I'll put on weight. So I better go and run off there. So I go to the treadmill and the gym.

And it was packed, packed. People that I didn't even know left in the building. And they were all in there and everyone's doing their thing and a better restriction. I suspect there's a lot of snack attack, remorse. Snack-as-act remorse is going on. snow day snack attack remorse is what we will call this episode anyway

I was a lot of people in there and they were all doing this thing and I felt a little guilty and I'll tell you for why this is a slightly intimate situation but I was running I was running and I had a lot of snacks and many of the snacks were savoury I like a snavery a savory cheesy poesy puff type snack and when you run

after you've had a lot of cheesy puff type snacks and some sparkly drinks. Things can get a little gait. And I was doing headphones, so I was running the soul, I couldn't hear anything, but I knew, look, I knew what I was doing. I knew what I was doing, and I knew what was high up learning.

And I was aware that, you know, the peristulses is all going in my body and things going to open, the snacks being, and without going on too much detail, I think I might have, impeded the enjoyment of other people working out in the gym. So if anyone from my building is tuned at this podcast, and you were at the gym today, I'm really sorry.

Anyway, I came back and I thought, well, I'm on my own. And I have to do the podcast. And I get to talk to you guys. And I said, I told, there's nobody here. I can wear my sparkle smash. Tish him. So if you're just listening to this, be assured. that I am wearing a very bright Sparkle Smash Monster Jam t-shirt.

And I'm very happy about it. And I am just going to open up my computer, which is over here, because I'm going to answer your questions. There's a lot of tweets and emails. I haven't actually, there was a little bit before I did. But look at this thing. Last week, I talked about some. I was looking at the work of

Schopenhauer and Spinoza and two philosophers so very clever and as I was looking at the them I remembered this book and I thought I'm going to go back to this a little bit

it's an American writer academic book philosopher Will Durant who this book, the story of philosophy if you're halfway interested in philosophy or the human race then it's an interesting introduction to that kind of thought

and I was reading about Plato today Plato was very anti-democracy they didn't like democracy he thought that democracy led to tyrants and he was mad at democracy because the democracy democracy you thought of as the mob and democracy killed Socrates and Socrates was like his, you know, like a father to him and he loved them. And Socrates was very clever and it's complicated because it's not democracy as we understand it now. It's a different type of democracy. So, you know, we're like, well, what kind of a, because it's like monstrous to say you're anti-democracy now. But it was back in there it was different type of democracy. not really democracy if you have slaves

but anyway he was he talks about the ideal leader the philosopher king basically

and I was reining for a bit and I thought this is very clever and I thought this is bonkers so I'm not quite sure so that's my

academic breakdown of plates of Shatles of Republic It's very clever and also bonkers But there's some clever bits and some bonkers bit So there you are I'm, where's my PhD? Now I'm an autodidact, everyone

Which means that I draw pictures of cars The An autodidact needs, of course, someone who's self-taught And if I was self-taught There's a lot of gals in my knowledge because because I don't know how to you know when you self-teach and yourself taught you know there'll be areas that there's whole areas of things that I I'm interested in

that I just have no idea about and then I'll hear but I had no idea of course if you're taught correctly or given the whole way you're going to myself stuff what I'm saying is I don't recommend I don't recommend don't no I don't recommend autodidactism for everyone, or even me, if this just needs us most of the time. This is the ceramic cheetah

which has, I don't know if you can see the ceramic cheetah's eyes. If you're listening to this without visuals, I'm holding up a ceramic cheetah which has a slightly anthropomorphic eye look to it. Atopomorphic, of course, meaning

that it's getting it a bit more, like people do that with animals. so they they kind of anthropomorphize them I'm pretty sure it means like they give it

kind of humanity quality and they give it how they do it with like chairs and stuff with people to apparently

like I don't that chair over there is looking at me I think I've gone a little stir crazy because it's a snow day and I'm on my own

so I'll calm down and I'll read you guys I'll answer some of your questions. Let me take a glass of water. I'm a bit sweaty as well from my run. But the snack thing of the running has cleared up. So not to worry about that. All right. Here's some of it. This is from Maya in Riga, Lapvia.

She says, do you celebrate, do you still celebrate Lapping Day? You know, I've missed it the last few years. What it was was, when we were doing late night, if we were pre-recording episodes, which everybody does, by the way. There's this myth that late night shows are live. They're not. Nobody's up late at night doing the show. They're not done during the day.

But sometimes we would record them for like next week. Because what I was doing late night, we did more original shows than anybody else. So I had to pre-record shows instead of show and repeats. So if we knew there was something coming up, like if it was a, you know, if we pre-recorded a show for the 4th of July,

that was quite easy and we could do the 4th of July but there was one year we were pre-recorded and we didn't know what was going on and then you know we knew what day it was going on I can't remember about when Lap being Independence Day is but we looked it up online we by the way being myself and the writers

at the show and we saw and there weren't many of us and we saw that it was Latvian Independence Day so we did a deep dive on Latvia and we did a show about Lafeyan Independence Day and you know it worked out

and we did it the next year as well I don't even think we pre-recorded it the next year we just did Lafay and Independence Day once I don't celebrate it anymore I still fully endorse Latvian Independence Day let's make a national holiday in Latvia I'm sure it is actually

This is Chris is a Brit in Sweden A Brit in Sweden is a... I'm sure you probably know this, but just so... I'll just fill out for you. Bryn Sweden is a British person who's in Sue. Chris says,

thoughts on Philly cheese steak? Does Serge still make the best cheese steak in town in Philly? This is a reference to deep cut to stuff that we used to do on the old light night show. My thoughts on Philly cheese steak is this. Will you reach my years?

my cheese cheese and meat years are you know kind of in the rear view of mirror a little bit I mean I enjoy it I don't be eating me but I used to enjoy a lot of more cheese and I'd actually eat about cheese every now and again but more in the cheesy puff

and I've got to be honest the cheesy puffs that I don't have any cheese on they just have an air of cheese mostly puff they're mostly puff in fact I think it would probably be more accurate to call them puffy cheesers. I think that's a good idea.

I think it might have just... I copyright that right now. I copyright that. If I say it like that, I copyright it. That means I own it. So copyright. That means I own it now, so you can't steal it from me. Puffy cheesers. Also a disgraced rapper.

All right. Let's see. Mike from Hyattesville, Maryland, says, getting into long walks, from my own limited understanding, isn't taking long walks a traditional Scottish trait? Have you stumbled on a way to do a Scottish thing without having to be in Scotland or around other Scottish people? Well, I don't know that taking long walks is a particularly Scottish thing. I mean, I think if you talk to the Aboriginal people of Australia, they've got a whole thing they call it walk about

while they just like going for a giant long walk right around all the bits and get to know themselves and stuff I think probably people going for long walks in Scotland going for long walks of Scotland is lovely actually Scottish countryside of course lovely

and very wet it's got to be down and here's the thing about going for long walks in Scotland and every year people fall foul with this the weather changes so quickly particularly in the north of the Scotland people will think I'll go for a lovely day I'll go and walk up that hill

I'll look for there because it's such a lovely day and it'll be a nice view and you go to walk up the hill but and the weather will change and suddenly you're in a lot of trouble and they have to send rescue helicopters and stuff it's gnarly people fall out of it you know people every year people get killed doing that kind of stuff so it's not the kind of long walks I do though

I go for long walks in Central Park, which is a bit safer climate-wise. Although not today. It's very snowy. I haven't been in the Central Park today. We'll see this, though. There are children live in the apartment next door. And those rascals have been out in the park

because the landing is full of their shoes and stuff and they're making a racket. I can't miss my own kids doing that. You know, I should go out and play the snow in my own. I just don't think there's... That doesn't look good, though, is it? You need to take your kids to go out and play in the snowmower. If I just ran out and started playing in the snow,

I like it that'd be... He should be able to do that. Shouldn't you go out and make a snowman and stuff? I can't get him. Be sad, though. Be sad to be on your own making a snowman. definitely made myself

sat there all right all right well we go this is from Devin Ostandra that loves again Devin says

Did you and Megan Malali ever get a tag together tattooed together in Austin, Texas sadly no I think we plan to do that at one point when we're having the discussion

I clearly I have tattoos I have never getting a tattoo in Austin to my knowledge I got one recently in Dallas which is fairly nearby I got that little practice

Are you in that cactus there? Got that little cactus when I was in Dallas There was something else I got around Oh yeah A bee, you've got a little bee up there You can tell, see these ones that a little darker Than the other ones if you're looking at this I have a little cactus

And a little bee Got those in Dallas But I wasn't with Megan Malelli I was with Katie Tunstall Who is a friend of mine And a fabulous musician and we were in Dallas getting up to

hijinks and we decided we'd get little tattoos so we got little tattoos together so I did get a tattoo with my friend but it was a different friend and it was a different time but the tattoo was involved so I hope that

satisfies your desire if you have a desire for that this is from Richard Gary it's one of the two two first name people I'm one of the two second name people Craig Ferguson these are both last names apparently

but Richard Garry and two first names perhaps we could swap and I could be Gary Ferguson and he could be Richard Craig and we could start our Puffy Cheesher's company can you hear the kids next door I think they're going out to Glenn the Snow again.

Anyway, Richard Guy says, I want to book you as a personal shift for my wife's birthday party in February. Are you available? Well, I'm not. I'm not available like that.

We remain busy. But let me say this, though. I don't think I would be a good bet as a personal chef. I don't. I don't think you would want to be as a personal chef. I can make two things.

I can make curry. I have curry, but it's a kind of Glasgow curry, so it's, you know, I don't think it has any real authenticity about it, you know, in terms of being Indian or Asian in any way. I mean, it's picked up Asian people and, you know, Indian and Asian people in Glasgow, the indie food in Glasgow is amazing. But that's usually made by people

who are qualified to do it, not me. But everyone in Glasgow who has a crack at making a curry at some point, and I've done it. Okay, got it. It's kind of like being Scottish, being from Glasgow, being able to make a curry is a little bit like being able to do

a Sean Connery impression. It's like everybody can kind of do it. There's not really... And some of them are good. Some of them are not so good. My Sean Connery impression? Shaw, I... I'm really delighted to be here

making curry for you today show here I'll tell the story with Sean Corrie this is true years ago in Hollywood the AFI

the American Film Institute was having a special night for Sean Connery is an honor of you know honoring Sean Connery it's like a big dude and everybody comes and makes speeches and Spielberg made a speech and Mike Myers made a speech

and Tippy Hedron who was his co-star in Marnie made a speech and Michael Kane made a speech. I mean it was amazing all these people there and I made a speech that night because I had been asked to do it and it was in order of Sean Carterie and I was delighted to do

it because I was such a huge fan I'm such a huge fan and show I's not around anymore obviously but I loved him and I thought he was a fabulous you know it's short coming around Anyway, everybody in Scotland of my generation pretty much loves Sean Connery.

So, anyway, well, James Bond and all that. You know what I'm saying. Anyway, I introduced Sean Connery. He was a very attractive, man. I introduced him to Megan, my wife, and her breasts lit up. And I didn't know breasts did that. I've never seen it before her, but I introduced her to,

but Sean Corny and Megan, this is Sean. He went nice. I used to be Megan. It's a pleasure. And her breast let up. So, that was something I learned that night. I didn't know that they did that,

but apparently they do. In rare occasions. So I look forward to your angryness. But, I'm no. But I'm no good as a Pearshof chef. I'm not that good at Sean Conner in prison.

No, but I have a good. a per... I wonder it would be like to have a personal chef like if it was a snow like we started this

like this podcast I was talking about all those snacks you imagine if you're a chef around all the time and I most certainly don't

if you're a chef around all the time and someone who could make great food and we just think it'd be great food chef and chef

go okay and make you great food I don't know I'm not talking about that I mean as a treat for your birth

sure but in a middle I feel like my my taste in food doesn't run to personal shes style food anyway I used to think I was a picky eater but I think I am I'm quite a picky eater I think I'm I used to eat anything but now I can't do it I don't I didn't eat meat for years with vegan for ages but I kind of stopped that I need a little little I eat a little bit of fish and stuff now. And I'll occasionally eat a bit of chicken or have some eggs and stuff. But I don't eat very much.

Why is it they say, eat not too much mostly plants? Or eat mostly plants, not too much, or something like that. Anyway, I try to do that because I've noticed as I hurtle into my dotage, my dear friends. that what I could eat and enjoy it, I don't enjoy as much anymore. And of course, there are repercussions to food in that. I didn't experience when I was a younger fella. You know, there were certain things I eat now,

and I experience I'm gerd. Be familiar with the gerard, gastro-intestinal reflux disease. I don't know if I've got that. But, you know, I get indigestion and I had to, my late father, my father died in the Sophagi Okinson. So, you know, that's a character which, you know, so of the esophis. And so I get regularly looked at for that kind of thing. And it's fine. But I noticed that when I'm heavier than I am now, if I don't watch why eat, apparently,

Currently, I have a dodgy, no, what is it? A hyacial hernia. So it's a dodgy valve at the top of your, where your asophagus goes out of your stomach. And if it's dodgy, then the stomach acid, you know, splashes up into your esophagus. I know this is not medical terms, but remember, I'm not an auto-diadact.

But the stomach acid rises up into osomacus, and it causes irritation, which can lead to orthodicists, which I've experienced. and I'd irritate, I think maybe, can lead into barracks of softacus, which can possibly maybe lead into

a soft fetal cancer, which is not what you want to get. You don't want to get any of them, I suppose, but anyway, I noticed if I'm heavier than I am now, this is why I've kind of, on this thing of, like, I can eat a little better and I wash my weight rock, is because even if I'm just a little heavier, I feel like the pressure on my daughter front

makes me experience indigestion more. I don't like the feeling of... I don't know anyone that likes the feeling of indigestion, but if I watch my weight, I don't get it. And if I watch what I eat, I don't get it. And I kind of feel like... I mean, look, there are meds for it, and if you need meds, take them, of course.

But I love the opinion. about medication is if you can avoid it now if you're negative you must take it no matter what it is you know if you're a medical professional I'm not a doctor or anything like that

but just for my own thing if I can avoid a medication by doing something else I will but remember that's life advice from a man who can't be in a

room alone with stenics so probably not the best source of mental health or physical health advice. Consider the source, my friends. So, this has been an episode of the Joy podcast. It's the Snowdown episode where we've all learned something.

We learned that in this house here, we have a ceramic cheetah with anthropomorphic eyelashes. See? Because I don't think real cheetahs have eyelashes. in that kind of come-hither way I don't think cheetahs probably have

I also don't know I don't know if you can see this but this cheetah's mouth is open I don't think cheetahs go around but the mouth's open how can you run that fight you can't run at 8 miles an hour when your mouth open

you catch flies you need to have been like keep your mouth shut and well as fast as you can although obviously that ceramic cheetah can't go to 80 miles an hour unless it's at a vehicle of some kind.

So, I hope you've learned something today. We've learned that when I'm out my own, don't leave me with snacks. And that I'm not a personal chef. And I think with that, we're down. I will see you next time. Next episode will be maybe back in New York. I don't know.