Joy, a Podcast. Hosted by Craig Ferguson - 128 - Not All Horses Are Fake

Episode Date: February 17, 2026

It’s been a week packed with travel for Craig as he’s been zigzagging across this great nation shooting segments for his freshly-announced CNN show, American On Purpose. But in addition, he’s also been performing stand-up in between, in a nutshell it’s a lot of commercial travel for Craig. But that doesn’t mean you won’ get your spark of Joy this week. Craig wouldn’t leave you like that.      Have a question for Craig? Drop him an email at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠, send him a message on social media, or drop a comment below. _______________________________________________ Craig is also on the road. Dates and tickets can be found here ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.thecraigfergusonshow.com/tour ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠_________________________________________________ FIND CRAIG: Website - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.thecraigfergusonshow.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/craigyferg⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@craigy_ferg⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ X - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.x.com/craigyferg⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Facebook - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/thecraigfergusonshow⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ABOUT THE JOY PODCAST: Storied late-night talk host Craig Ferguson brings his Joy Podcast to you. Joy is a free association improvised broadcast with a quick witted smart ass. Craig answers your questions in his own way. No guests. No Bullshit (actually that’s bullshit. It’s all bullshit.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is me, Craig Ferguson. Come see me live in your region on my Pants on Fire comedy stand-up tour. For the full list of dates and tickets, go to the Craig Ferguson Show.com. VIP meet-and-grit packages are available as well. Come say hi and have a laugh. A-ha-ha! Hello, everyone. Welcome to The Joy Podcast.

My name is Craig Ferguson, and I am your host for this edition, and all editions of the Joy Podcast. Podcast, the Joy Podcast, for it is my podcast. And when I say it is my podcast, it is very different to how it began. As I'm sure many of you know, back in the days, oh, 25, 30, 50 years ago, we used to have guests on this podcast, but I've been so busy and then I just didn't want to have guests anymore, because I'm tired of talking to people.

That's not true. I like talking to people, but I've been very busy and I can't schedule guests unless it's on Zoom. I don't want to do that. So, there, that's, I'm sure all of you already know this anyway. But if you don't, this is a podcast that involves me, kind of interviewing myself and also taking questions from you. And I think that's really what it is. And, my dears, let's give you an update on what I've been up to. Now, you're probably, if you're watching this on the YouTube's or any of the other ways that you can watch this, which I think is only on YouTube, then you'll be able to see for yourself.

But if you're not watching this and you're listening to it, which I believe most of you, I believe most of you consume this podcast in that fashion, then I have this to tell you. I've looked better. I'm feeling a bit rough today. And I'll tell you for why, because I had been very busy. I have been very busy in a way which actually takes it out of me, but I've been traveling. I've been traveling a lot. In the past week, in the past week, I've been to, from New York,

I went to Los Angeles, California, St. Louis, St. Louis, St. Louis, St. Louis, St. Louis, St. Louis, Lexington, Kentucky, Nashville, Tennessee, Bristol, Tennessee, Knoxville, and then back on. and I'm back in New York now. So I have been very busy and I've been on airplanes a lot and it is a chore sometimes on the airplanes. Most people are very nice as I'm sure you're aware.

In fact, most people are just trying to get from A to B. But occasionally in the airports and on the planes it's a vexation of the spirit sometimes to be interacting with people. Also, I tell you what it is as well as, I don't know about you, but when I'm on an airplane a lot, I seem to get very dried out. My skin gets all crispy. I'm just an old white guy. Maybe that's what it is.

I'm just an old crispy white guy. Anyway, that's where I have been. I've been all over the place. I was filming in California for the new show that I've got coming out later in the year called America. it on purpose and I was just doing the last bit of filming there for that in Los Angeles. A town I lived in for a very long time, I don't live there anymore

and it's weird going back to a town that you haven't lived in for a long time because actually I had a bit of time and I went to a diner that I used to go to at the 101 cafe which is, if you know Los Angeles, it's very famous old spot it's not called the 101 cafe anymore. It's called the

Clark's Diner. I think it's It's gone very good. It's actually better than it used to be. But I just, I've been going there since I was in my early 30s and I'm in my late, early 60s. I'm in 64 this year. I mean, hell. Anyway, I went back to this place that I've been going to since I was in my early 30s. I haven't been for a while. And I thought, the thought occurred to me, you know, I should probably just move. back to Los Angeles and be in my early 30s. And then I figured out that I can't do that. You can't move back to the past. In fact, I believe the quote is, I can't remember who said it,

but the quote is, the past is another country. They do things differently there. Which is inaccurate because if the past was another country, you could just go. You can go and visit the past. Well, I suppose you can't visit the past, can't you, in memory? And nowadays, memory is not.

no longer they preserve. Oh, by the way, I just picked up a drink to drink something of it, and then I put down without drinking it, which telling from the comments, which I'm looking at on the computer, that's driving a lot of people crazy. People who watch this podcast, they watch me pick up a glass, about to take a drink, then I don't take a drink. Apparently I do the same with coffee as well. Well, you know, in my defense, it's because I'm talking to you. And I, you know, I pick it up to drink and I thought, oh, and then I get engrossed in what I'm saying. saying and I put my drink down, but I'll have a drink now, hold on. Ah, there you are.

Now, I like to go, ah, after I've had a drink. I think it goes back to my drinking days, when I would have a drink of alcohol and go, ah, going to jail. Anyway, the past is another country. They do things differently there. You can visit the past, but you can only visit in memory. And until very recently that was your

Maybe some photographs Some you know Some Some writing some diaries Some paintings Maybe But now of course the past And for the past

I guess 20 years or so Maybe more The past is digitised People's memories are digitised You ever get that thing People will say We'll send you a photograph

Or something out of the blue And this just popped up in my phone I find that quite simple though, that people will send things that just popped up on their phone. What business is your phone got reminding you of things? I don't care

for it. I find all of those things quite sinister. I feel like though I may be in the minority. I feel like I'm, you know, tilting at windmills a little bit here, but I feel like the technology is I'm exhausted by it. I don't want to

it. I'm sure many of you are aware of this, and if you're not, I will tell you, I have social media accounts, but I don't, I don't look at them in the way the people do. I don't scroll through it.

I certainly don't scroll through social media or look at other people's social media. I don't do it. And I think I probably started doing that, started being like that because I'm, you know, some kind of smugg elitist. But I think

now I do it because, I think it's for mental health. Actually, it was always for mental health. I don't think you're meant to see it. I don't like the computer or an algorithm deciding what I see and what I don't see. I was, I came up ageing punk rock, my friends. The whole idea was that you fight the power. Well, if the power is in your phone, then how do you find it?

Disengage, that's what I think. Anyway, I feel like people's memories used to be, you know, organic and in that way I actually think that's a kindness because I think your body your brain is probably I guess I'm not a doctor but I'm just guessing things and being fanciful and why should

I bother being qualified? Nobody else is except actual people who are qualified obviously but there's I mean on the internet which we're on right now anyway what I've got nothing against the internet by the way is this social media I'm talking about not the internet I think the internet

it is actually, you know, on balance, probably a great event. But I think the social media area of it, you know, here's the, what I would say. There's a, I think I even said this before, there's a park in London called Hyde Park. It's a beautiful big park. And there's a part of it called Speakers Corner. And ever since the Middle Ages, anyone can go to Speakers Corner on the same. whatever they want and and people go there and yell whatever conspiracy theories they have or why the king should not be the king and all that kind of stuff and um and it's a tiny little corner

of the park and it's got a lot and everyone goes and watches the crazy people but most of the park is lovely and that's not terrible either it's just that's where all the crazy people go and i think the internet's a bit like that like most of it it's funny but then there's a bit of it Anyway, the reason I don't like the algorithm or any digital technology to cite in what I remember or to stimulate memory in me is because I feel like it removes the chance for me to be wrong about something. And I'll tell you what I mean about that. See, I think in memory it's quite a nice thing to the way your brain, you know, you kind of filter out really bad things and you kind of remember the good times

or some people remember the bad times. I mean, I don't know. It just doesn't feel very organic, which of course is not. It's not organic. And I think that's the point. Anyway, how'd I get on to this? I don't know.

I'll just complain about social media again, like some old guy yelling on his lawn, which I think probably that's what this podcast has turned into. Old man on. lawn yelling in people. Digital yawn, yon, digital, digital yawning, digital lawn yelling.

That's what this has turned into. How sad that it should be that, Craig. Well, anyway, I don't was going to tell you, but social media accounts. So I have them, but I don't scroll social media and I don't look at them. And that way I get, you know,

there was a company that I had until very recently that they would curate. the social media accounts. Lots of people do this. So they put out things like projects that are coming up and all that kind of stuff. And I've been doing that. But I think now I'm actually about to change tack with that

in the sense that I don't feel like I want to even endorse it with my presence. So I'm going to keep... I've got some dates booked until the end of the year. stand up there. So I'm going to keep though, not the end of the year actually, June of this year. And I'm going to keep the

social media accounts open so that they can publicize those dates until that time. And then I think I'm going to shut down the social media accounts that I have. I don't really have that many. I have an Instagram account when I Twitter account

I think and that's it. Maybe actually there may be something on TikTok as well and I'll bet you there's something on Facebook. Anyway, what I'm going to do is I think I'll probably going to shut them down. And then the only place that I will stay connected to anyone who isn't halfway interested in what my particular one yelling is going to be can see me here. I'll do one of these once a week and I think that's enough for everybody. I don't need to be, gosh, look what I don't. I mean, I don't think people post

photographs of their lunch anymore, do I think? Maybe they do. I don't know. Cats? Photographs of cats. I've got plenty of photographs of our cat. Which is weird because I won't say this about photographs of my cat. I'm not my cat, by the way.

The family cat. A cat that lives with us. I think any photograph I see the cat doesn't look like the cat. Is that weird? I think the cat particularly this cat I feel like unless you see the actual cat you don't really get what it's about

I think there's some things the camera misses and with cats that's certainly true all right so there's a couple of tweets and emails and letters and comments from people well there's quite a lot but I say a couple

because as you know I try and answer these tweets and emails and tweets and emails are coming from you think there's a jingle. Tweets and emails are coming in. No. I try and answer them, but what happens is usually I start answering one and I get sidetracked and then.

I only get through about one or two. And they're building up. I will be honest with you. We're going to open up more storage for all these things. But I'm getting through them in time. This is from Zane Akbari from Salt Lake City, Utah. Oh, now, I like Salt Lake City. Salt Lake City has got one of the best Mexican restaurants I've ever been to,

and I really wish I could remember the name of it. Anyone in Salt Lake, I bet you will know the name of this restaurant, because it's quite famous. And I went there the last time I was like, oh man, this is banging. This is great. A great Mexican restaurant, which I don't know why I shouldn't be surprised by that. But anyway, it's there. I wasn't surprised.

I'd just like it. And if I could remember the name of it, I'd give it a plug. if that's even a thing now. Maybe I should mention them on my Instagram account. Zane Agbari says, any chance you could interview Thomas sometimes. I've always enjoyed hearing from him on the Sirius show and it seems he'd have something in some interesting stories to tell.

Well, Zane, thank you for the question. Thomas, if you don't know, I'm sure most of you do. Tomas is my friend and is a tour manager. and he worked on the American On Purkish show that we did for CNN. He and I worked together a lot. Tomas, amongst other things, manages stand-up appearances for me in stand-up shows. And so we travel together a lot. And the idea of me interviewing Tamas, I don't know if that would work.

I mean, we talk all the tiny bit. But Tomas is from the Czech Republic. and I still call the Czech Republic anymore. I think he's called Czechia now. He's originally from Czechia. He's an American now, but he's from Czechia, which used to be the Czech Republic, which used to be Czechoslovakia,

which used to be, well, used to be the Soviet Union. He used to be one of those guys. I don't know how happy they were about that. Vaclavlaville was a very impressive statesman from what was then Czechoslovakia, I think. I don't know.

I don't know much about that. Maybe, you know what? I should interview Tomas. I should interview Tomas about the history of Czechia. I'll do that. I'll do that the next time Tomas and I are working together, which is actually not far away, I think it's in a couple of weeks. He's gone to Korea today.

Or tomorrow. He's gone to Korea because. is he also he manages a lot of different bands he manages dinosaur junior he advises a japanese heavy metal band called boris who are very good japanese heavy metal japanese heavy metal japanese heavy metal are sort of punky heavy metal they're a kind of genre of their own a band called boris are very good um and tamas is their manager and they are appearing this is going to appeal to a lot of you, I know. They're appearing in Korea for the first time this week, and so Tomas is going over there for that, and he's quite excited about it. There, I couldn't. So when he gets back from Korea,

which is in a couple of weeks when we're working together again, I will interview Tomas about his experiences in Korea and the political history of Czechoslovakia. It sounds like a viral piece of clickbait that people are going to go crazy for. Tomaz's impressions of grey and a breakdown of the political situation in the former Czech Republic which is now called Czechia this is from Bon John John Bejarno not Bon Jojabano John Bejarno from San Mateo California John says what invention would you like to see happen in your lifetime Gosh, there's too many. I mean, medical inventions would be good. You know, they used to always talk about flying cars.

People say, oh, you're in the future of all have fly cars. Which, I think we have. We've had that for a while. They're called planes. You can have a plane. I don't like the idea of a flying car. I'll tell you for why. Because people drive badly enough, am I right?

Said an old man yelling on his lawn. But, I mean, if you're in the air, Also, I have a pilot's license. And let me tell you this. There's a lot of rules about flying around in the sky. And a lot of airspace rules and different restrictions about who can fly where and what kind of thing they can fly and the power of the there and all that. You can get into a lot of trouble not knowing about weather conditions and there's a lot to learn. So, flying cars, I love.

I don't know. I mean, it's bad enough. You get a drone near an airport and everything has to shut down and all that. Although, let me just say this, by the way, as I come back from seven days, I think four commercial flights, five commercial flights in seven days, something like that. It's a miracle. The commercial airline system. Everyone bitches about it. But if you think about it, I mean, I've been all around the United States in a week.

and I think the latest I was delayed was like 10 minutes and I didn't even think that happened to be honest I was air lay a couple of times I took an airline which I haven't taken before well I've taken once before but I took this airline

the only direct flight that I could get the time I wanted from Los Angeles to St Louis was in an airline called Southwest which I'm sure some of you will be familiar with. And I have to tell you this. I was very impressed.

It was good. What is interesting is it's on coach, which, you know, but as it turned out, I was sitting next to Tamas anyway, so it doesn't really matter. And then Tomas was sitting next to, I was at the window, Tomas was in the centre.

Tomas is bigger than me, but he was fine with the centre. So I was in the window, Tomas was in the centre. He's like six foot five, I think, ass or six. He was in the centre. Then next to him was a very small lady, so all worked out.

And the very small lady, I think, was quite happy to be sitting next to us. And we all had a lovely time together. So, that was fine. I don't... So, of what invention would I like to see happen in my lifetime?

I don't know, but... If I was an invention I would like to see happen, then I'd go about making it a hand. You know, I'm clearly I'm not in a position to do anything for medical inventions or anything like that. And, you know, I'm too long in the tooth for flying cars or... Was it on the self-driving cars? That's the thing now, right?

I mean, you get waymowers, but... I don't know. I mean, although when I was in London, about a month ago, I was in London, England, and I saw Waymos being tested. of the self-driving taxis. I thought, that's an interesting call in London. Is that going to work? Because the streets of London, of course, were built

way before the invention of the motor car. Or even the idea that a road should be a straight line. I mean, they've got straight line roads in parts of London, but a lot of it is all wiggly, wiggly and then one-way streets and

I don't know. Maybe a Waymo can handle London, but wait then where are you going to get your cheeky you know chat from who's going to say oh right khafda where can i take you and all the lovely chat you get from london cab drivers which is a real thing um if you haven't visited uh if you haven't ever been at london why don't you go there take a cab a real one not a robot one and you will find uh some of the chatiest um interesting and interested people driving these cabs. I mean, not everybody's going to be right.

And you're not going to agree with everyone, certainly. But I always rather enjoyed the kind of cheeky patter of the London cabby, which brings me back to my kind of luddy idea about technology. I think something is lost in everything. If memory is all digital and... being in a cab is digital or, mind you, I took a cab in New York today when that I'd have been much happier if that cab had to be just me in it and not everything else that was going on in that camp with the driver. But, you know, that's part of life though, isn't it? You kind of,

you have to deal with people. And then you get to, look at my line of work, you know, whether I'm writing things or if I was acting, things or if I'm doing comedy about things or even doing a podcast, my job is kind of I have to interact and observe people. But I have to interact and observe them in, I think, in real life, because if you only interact and observe people online, then you're only seeing, you know, the curated version of them, whether it's curated by them or by some algorithm. rhythm that feels that you want to see certain things. I don't know why I feel so resentful of that.

Especially when, you know, it says, we think you'll enjoy this. I'm like, oh, yeah. I don't even like it when you're watching streaming stuff on TV. Then it's like, if you enjoy this, you might enjoy this. I'm like, how about you mind your own fucking business? How about that? That's what I would like to say to computers.

That's my message to computers for today. Mind your own fucking business. Just, like, give me what I want. And then mind your own business. Which is a terrible thing to say. I'd never speak to a real person like that. So maybe I shouldn't speak to computers like that. Wrong.

This is from Ed Manera. Ed doesn't say where he's from. But he's asking a question. What are some good lessons you've learned as a traveling comedian? Here's a lesson I've learned. Embrace the checked luggage auction. I have now, for years and years and years, I was like, oh, no, hand luggage, got to be hand luggage, got to get out in the airport, move on, hand luggage to hand luggage.

But I've stopped that. And here's what, this is my new thing for traveling now. This is my traveling tip for anyone that does a lot of traveling. on airplanes. When I go to the airport, because I travel so much I have these, you can get into the lounge or you can go into the thing. A lot of the time other people are paid for the ticket, so I get a fancy ticket, I get a first-class ticket,

that gets you in the lounge sometimes. But I've stopped going to the lounges because I have found that what I like to do is I listen to music and I walk around the airport. I was doing it because I became obsessive about getting my steps in. because of an old geyser, but actually, I much prefer it. Because if you walk up and down, like, let's listen to some music, walk around the airport and get, it's not an exercise, not like you go for a run.

But, you know, you get a walk, and you walk around, and some of the airports go through are enormous. I was in the early accident other day. I walked five miles, I counted it on my phone, using digital technology, which I'm growing up about, but it was good. I walked five miles in that airport before I got on my fly. at a brisk pace and

I like that because once you go on the plane you're not walking anywhere you're sitting down for you know wherever long it is and I always think that to go to the airport to sit down to wait so you can sit down more

I know I know everybody everybody's different ways of doing it but that's what I've learned I like to travel the way you want to travel as much as it's possible you know check your bag so it takes another 20 minutes at the other end

check your bag and put on your little backpack and walk around the airport listening some nice music um the uh this is a final question I don't have time for any more questions this is from Earl Plotner

doesn't say Earl doesn't say what he's from or even if that's his real name but he might be an Earl Earl are all horses fake? No, no, they're not. Some of them are real. Now, the question clearly is a reference to my dear friend, Secretariat,

who is a fake horse made up of two different people in a horse costume that occasionally accompanies me in live performances, although not recently, and was a fake woman contributor, had his own stable on my old late night show but Secretariat not a real horse

a fake horse I still have the skin of Secretary actually it's not unlike this hoodie I'm wearing Secretariat this is not Secretary do not worry

this is not Secretariat I have Secretariat in my garage at home and but there's no one in it right now

so it's not moving around If I saw that horse moving around, at the moment I'd be alarmed. I'd think it was a ghost in it because fake horses need people inside. You just might as well know. It's not that all horses are fake. It's that real horses have only horse inside. Real horses are horse all the way through, whereas fake horses are outer clothing, not even horse. just, well, this is

valour, I guess. So, fake horses are valour and then people all the way through, but real horses are like horse hair and then horse all the way through. I hope that's cleared it up for you.

So not all horses are fake. I think we'll call the episode that. We'll call this episode, not all horses are fake. Not all horses are fake. Not all technology is bad. not all the internet is bad, not even not all social media is bad. But I think for me handing over the my decision-making process of what I like to appreciate, whether it's music or film or any

form of art if I hand that decision-making process over to someone else, it's a bit like a self-driving car. Sorry for some people, but I'm not into it. I like driving. I like making up my own mind. I like to make decisions. I like to be wrong sometimes. I like to see sometimes things that I don't like so that I can say I don't like that. But I saw it and it's not for me. I mean, if you keep seeing things you like all the time, what's that I doing? That can't be right. Is that right? Is that healthy?

It can't be. Um, well, if you made it this far out in the podcast, it probably is mad as mad as I am. I don't know what I said that. It's like those signs people have to, used to have in their office. You don't have to be mad to work here, but it helps. I hate all that. I don't hear it I just

You know what it is I'm a little tired I'm a little tired I'm a little cranky Because I've been on Put on the Roos for a week So what I'm going to do now Is I'm going to turn off

This machine I'm going to bid you Adieu And I'm going to go and Have a shower And I'm going to put Some kind of moisturizing cream in my body and drink a lot of water and try and get some feeling of collagen back into my skin.

I look forward to your beauty tips and I will see you next week. But remember this. Not all horses are fame.