Joy, a Podcast. Hosted by Craig Ferguson - Arizona Coffee Time Chat

Episode Date: October 28, 2025

After spending some time in Texas, Craig has made his way to Arizona. Why? Well because he's going to his first ever Monster Truck Rally. Last week it was his first rodeo, this week MONSTER TRUCKS! So, brew your cuppa and tune in for the guest this week, which is you. Time for some tweets and emails. Have a question for Craig? Drop him an email at [e-mail], send him a message on social media, or drop a comment below. Craig is also on the road. Dates and tickets can be found here https://www.thecraigfergusonshow.com/tour

This is me, Craig Ferguson. I'm inviting you to come and see my brand new comedy hour. Well, actually, it's about an hour and a half, and I don't have an opener because these guys cost money. But what I'm saying is I'll be on stage for a while. Anyway, come and see me live on the Pants on Fire Tour in your region. Tickets are on sale now and we'll be adding more as the tour continues throughout 2025 and beyond.

For a full list of dates, go to the Craigfergersonshow.com. See you on the road, my dears. Hello, everyone. Welcome to The Joy Podcast. My name is Craig Ferguson. I am your host for today's podcast, and I'm also your guest. Well, you're the guest, obviously, in the podcast today, because what's happening is, I don't know if you've been following this podcast recently, but it's a little, it's called,

it's really, I think it's developing into a podcast called The Joy of Coffee Time Chat, because we're really having coffee time chats because I'm on the road working and I'm in various different towns doing different things and so I have been doing coffee I can't get guests I can't get guests but I would have to do it on Zoom

and I don't like to do it on Zoom I'm in all over the country and I suppose I could have guests on like the guy who works on the gas station which may be very interesting but you know you'd have to sit up and talk to his agent and all that kind of stuff And so the truth is, like, last week I was in Texas,

week before that, I was in California, a week before that, I was in London, a week before that, I was in New York. This week, my dear exciting friends, I am in Phoenix, Arizona. As you can tell from my, the hum in the background, by the way, is not the, I turned the air conditioning off in this one, so I apologize for the hum.

I'm in a motel room. And I feel like there's a hum going on in the background. It might just be me. I'm getting old. I might just hear humming. Or it might be a ghost. But what I could certainly hear is humming. And I think outside this room, there's a giant air conditioning unit.

And I would be pissy about it. But at the same time, it is Arizona. People need air conditioning. I don't have the air conditioning on in my room. And I'll tell you why. Because I don't like it. I don't like air. I mean, obviously, I love it. Sometimes it's really hot to go inside.

But I don't, it makes me sound like I'm from Louisville. I take air conditioning and I say, Oh, got it instead of Louisville, which is, well, it's a long story, but that's how people from Louisville pronounce Louisville. They pronounce it, blah, I told you this in the last podcast. I don't know why I'm telling you, no. Anyway, I'm in Phoenix, Arizona, and the reason I'm here is that I'm going to the monster truck rally.

this weekend. I'm very excited about it. Anyway, look, the more about that later, that's just one of the reasons I'm here is to do that. But just as a little kind of amuse bush if you like, which is French for funny mouth.

I don't know. Anyways, tweets and emails, a segment of the show. Next week, by the way, I actually have a guest. I just want to trail that. I think next week, my guest will be, oh, stay there, no.

I'll show you, actually. not my guest but I think my guest this week if we can make it work because I'm going to be in New York next week finally my guest is going to be the gentleman that wrote this book Salman Rushdie Salman and I go way back to the old late-night days

where he was a frequent guest on the old late-night show one of the more hilarious and gifted conversation lists a lovely man and a good sport I don't know if you ever saw his turn on curb your enthusiasm but it was great anyway excuse me a second I just got to drink my coffee apparently in the comment section by the way people say now full disclosure I don't read the comment section

if I don't read your question or your tweet the reason I'm pointing over there is because they're on the computer over there if I don't read your tweet or your comment on the show I have read it because I learned sometimes time ago, and for the sake of mental health, do not read the comments. That's just that's all for people who do my life at work. That's just anyone. Don't read them. Don't get

involved in that, man. You need it. Do you need that in your life? Anyway, but apparently a lot of people say, because people tell me what people are saying, there's a lot of chat about me lifting the cup up, about to take a drink and then putting it back down. Which I admit is a habit

I have. I picked it up after I get sober. Before I get sober, if a glass or a cup or anything could tell you than liquid got within a couple of feet of me, it was going down. But now it's a little bit different. Anyway, let me just reiterate

if you hear a humming sound in the background. It's not you. It's me. I think my room's next to a giant air conditioner. Or it could be just me hearing a humming sound. Anyway, tweets and emails. You're the guest on the show. You know how it works, if you've seen this before. Or if you don't, I feel like you can figure it out.

People text or tweet or email me questions. I know Tweet isn't a thing anymore, but, you know, an old man said my ways. They twigs me questions or they Instagram me or they send it to Craig the Craigfadison Show.com. Ah! I went, ah, like that because I was excited I remembered it. Not just because I'm old, I think. It's the idea of it suddenly. when you're old you start going

which I did right there I really admit that was my first one I think maybe not leave me a comment this is from Teresa from Brooklyn, New York which I have to say is a lovely place and I imagine it wasn't always that way

people say that but it is lovely now and I like to I live in Manhattan and one of my favorite walks is to walk down the east side of Manhattan and walk over the Williamsburg Bridge into Brooklyn. There's a great

bike. It's amazing. Vista. It's just amazing. If you ever get a chance to do that in New York, have a crack at it. Walk over the Williamsburg, not the Brooklyn, which I'm sure is fine. But for me, the Williamsburg Bridge, walk over that into Brooklyn. Anyway, Teresa from Brooklyn, New York,

says, Craig, what is your favorite part about meeting the Fannins? I'd hope to meet you one day. Well, if you're in Brooklyn to reason, you might meet me on the Williams-Birk Bridge. Look out for the man wearing the, look out for the guy going, could well be me. Also, I've still been my cowboy hat that I picked up in Texas. Again, I'm sorry, it's in the truck, which is still with me, and not in this hotel room, or I put it on, and you get to see how awesome it is. But I will be wearing it when I go back to New York. so if you see a guy in New York wearing a cowboy hat and going,

it's me, come and say hi. Theresa from Brooklyn, New York says, what's your favorite part about meeting the fans? I hope to meet you one day. Well, I, let me just, before I answer that, let me bring my cup up and put it back that. Before I answer that, let me just say how uncomfortable I am with the word fan.

I've said this before, I think. if I haven't said it to you I've certainly said it to people I know I don't like the word fun I think fans football teams have fans rock bands have fans I think the word I don't know I am a fan

of other things I like I am a fan but when it applies to me when people say I'm a fan of yours I feel a little uncomfortable with that and I think what it is is it implies and maybe I'm the one that picks this up and I think this and nobody else think

this. It implies a status position between people which I don't like. Like in some way I am you know or the person who is the fan is not as elevated as the person who is the fanny. The fanny?

So the fan or the yeah if you're the fan or the fanny look I'm the fanny ask anyone in Scotland. Anyway what is the favorite part of meeting the fans? I like to look I what I do is I do have this. I resisted it for a long time, but apparently it's part of the stand-up thing now that if I do a show

in a theater or a club or a comedy club, I do them to if I do a show in a theater or a comedy club, we had these meat and Greeks there and people pay to get the, I don't know, the girlfriend experience or something and

they line up and they get a photograph taking with me like if you go to Disneyland or something, there's a back, drop and they get a photograph with me and we chat for a little you know just a moment really and then they get a signed poster and stuff and at first I felt like it it didn't do for a while because I thought it was cheap you know it felt like I was being cheap like I was being grubby about things like oh come on give me more money um but I am I mean I suppose I could always do it for free but um so I've talked myself into a terrible position there

but I think it would be oversubscribed because then you'd have to meet everyone in the audience which is too much I like I'm surprised I resisted it because I thought it wasn't cool but in fact it's the opposite it is very cool so

I get to meet people who come and tell me and everyone it's very different a lot of people of course people who know me or watch the old light night show. So I get a lot of that and people will say things about what was going on in their life while they were watching the late night show. Like, you know, if they were going through

college or are they, some of the people they were at in school. I'm like, I think that was a little young to be watching that show. And are people my age and even older because such people exist? And I actually find it great. I'm kind of the opposite of what I thought. I really love it. I love meeting people in here and their stuff and I thought I'd hate it because I'm quite a cranky man you know underneath it all I think but I actually I'm one of these misanthropes that is that way because I secretly hope everyone's going to be awesome and when they're not I'm disappointed and I hate being disappointed um so I think you know it's like people say you know that that phrase that there's a certain type of atheists who is that way because they can they

despair they can't find god i'm a little bit that with my misanthropy i also can't find god by the way but i'm not an atheist it's too fundamental a position for me but i i like to meet the people and and there's people are really nice and i will say this the percentage of nice people is much higher if you're not in a digital environment, I've noticed. And maybe if they've, you know, if they've come to see me perform, presumably they're coming to see me there because they're in some way like me or what I do. I would seem counterintuitive to expect people that have come to see you and sit through their show and then paid extra money to come and meet you afterwards.

These are probably not the people that hit your guts. I mean, I'm sure. You know, there's levels of resentment that is willing to pay that amount of money, but to answer your question in a slightly more concise manner, Theresa from Brooklyn, my favorite part about meeting the fans is the fans. There, that's it. They are people,

I guess the lucky thing about meeting people who like what you do is that it helps, you know? I always felt, and I wonder if you guys feel this. I felt this when I was doing the late night show and I feel like kind of the same effect doing this mad little hotel room state by state

as it turns out chat to you guys that I feel we're kind of in this together a little bit. Do you know what I mean? I get, it was Pete Holmes had a great stand-up special title. He said I like Pete very much and I had a stand-up

special called I'm Not for Everyone and and I feel like I'm not for everyone but for the people I am for which I presume at this point the podcast you've if you've hung around for

13 minutes and 19 seconds I probably am for you and and I like it there's a sense of a weird sense of I mean am I crazy is there a little kind of sense

of community or something about it I don't know does that sort of culting? I don't mean, look, live your own life I'm not telling you what to do or anything like that or you don't have to believe what I believe or anything, but that's maybe what we are.

We're the people that don't belong anywhere else. This is from Salmon Ninja Cat. I don't think that sounds like a real name. Salmon Ninja Cat don't say whether it from or maybe it's from. I don't know. Is that a little airplay going by? Or maybe the buzzer is getting worse?

seven ninja cats say a joshua tree would look great next to your new cactus tattoo is my new cactus tattoo got it in Texas you know what I'm into it yeah okay I'll do it

I'll get a little Joshua tree around the other side and that little sore bit a little bumpy bit there I'll get a Joshua tree there and feels like it's going to be sore but and I do want to get a little some bullhorn I've decided I'm a tortoise and I don't really hold with any of that but but it's just some other piece of design through one in my body and why not okay just salmon ninja cat let's keep in touch and I'll let you know how it goes this is Tim blamer from Grand Rapids Michigan now I have been there I haven't met Tim Tim um Tim says or maybe Tim blammer I don't know wherever it is God bless you Tim for saying your full name

and where you're from. I mean, do I ask for much? Salmon Ninja Cat. And typically I'm for Grand Rapids, Michigan. If they brought him back, would you want to be a part of the Drew Carey revival? Is that part of your life you'd like to revisit in that way? Yeah, that's true. I do. I love the Drew Carey show. I'm still in touch with Kathy Kenny mostly. But with all of them, Diedrich Bader and Drew, of course.

I haven't seen Ryan for a very long time but John Carl Lynch Oh gosh, what a lovely man A great actor too But you know a great bunch of people And I, it was a very nice time Difficult time for me in a way I was kind of finding my way in Hollywood

But these guys were great And I have great memories of the Drew Carey show And I got to be English in that show It was a terrible English accent I guess you guys have figured that out that I said, Kerry, you're fired. But I enjoyed doing it, and it seemed to make everyone laugh what I was doing. And, of course, people in England were there set, because apparently, aren't there anyone in England?

Sounds like this, and perhaps no one. But I always liked doing it, because I felt that as Mr. Wick, although I was Scottish, it was as if I was a Scottish actor taking revenge on English actors who had done terrible Scottish accents, on film and television my entire night. So things had come full circle. It was in fact a comedy reach around, if you will. So if there's a Drew Carey revival, would I be in it? They asked me, in a heartbeat.

This is from Janice Murama, from the backwoods of Estonia. I don't know, I must confess, I'm not entirely sure. I mean, I know where Estonia is roughly, and I know they're in the Eurovision song contest obviously but I don't know where the backwoods of this I don't even know where the front woods of the Stony are and the Janice Murama

says I've been wondering if you still play royal match and what level am you on I'm on the maximum level currently 1-2-201 and still play every day do I have a problem now if it doesn't need to fame your life if it makes you feel okay and you enjoy doing it

and you're not hurting anybody? I don't see any problem with it. But I'm not a doctor or an expert on video game addiction. I don't play Royal Match anymore. I played it feverishly for a while, and then I switched on to Scrabble. And I play Scrabble on my phone now.

I'm also hosting Scrabble on TV. I've just filmed like 60 episodes of it. which will be starting next year, or maybe even later this year. I'm not sure I'll tell you when I know. But I filmed a huge bunch of episodes of Scrabble for the CW. And I loved it. You know, see when they called me up and they said, hey, actually it was my friend, Sean, who runs a huge company that owns all that.

My friend Sean texted me and said, hey, will you do Scrabble for the CW? I was like, yes, right away. I didn't eat. I should have said something like, talk call my agent or all that and it's like now just yes because I love Scrabble and I'm very fond of Sean

so I would say I love Sean he's okay I like Sean very long and anyway Scrabble I'm the new host so that was cool it's coming on soon but I don't know when

it's great you get people on trying to play Scrabble in a game show format was a little tricky and but I think I think we got it I think we got it I mean it's as true as possible

to the game I think you can get by playing it on TV I think if you enjoy game shows you'll enjoy it if you enjoy me you'll enjoy it if you don't like me you might still enjoy it because it's a lot of scrabble

and if you don't like scrabble and you do like me you might still enjoy it but if you don't like me or scrabble there's another show for you and I don't play Royal Match anymore. This is from James Crossett from London.

I wonder if James talks like Mr. Wick from the Drew Careyshire. Probably not, because very, very few people in the world talk like, actually tongue like this. Of course Mr. Weak does and actually Owl and Winnie the Pool

the version that was out a few years back talks like this. That's because I did the voice. All right, James Crosse from London says, How often do you catch up with Peter Capaldi? And do you have any other stories about your old antics Back in Scotland in your youth? I haven't seen Peter for a long time, actually. Peter Capaldi, if you don't know him, you're insane.

He's a great actor. Google him and then watch everything he's in. He's fantastic. Peter and I were in a rock band, punk rock band, years and years and years ago. And we got up to hijinks when we were young together. And I don't know what the statute of limitations is on any of that.

So I'm going to let it fly. Nothing too bad, but, you know, mostly drug and alcohol. All right. Anyway, no for a long time. He's very respectable now. and I'm me Amanda in El Paso I was just in El Paso

I was in El Paso yesterday I was down in that West Texas town of El Paso I was on my way the job that I'm working on right now I can't really can go into what it is but I had to go from Dallas I went down to the border Terralina

and they were down the edge of the Rio Grande and then up to El Paso and it was in El Paso and I was very grateful to be there because it was a long drive El Paso by the way has changed unbelievably in the past say 20 years

I mean it's like a real boom town it seems down there it's great that I'm sure I'll get in trouble for saying that because you get in trouble for saying anything but from whom and how much trouble. I don't know, we'll find out. Amanda in El Paso says, Craig, would you rather be in a Western or a murder mystery movie?

What about a Western murder mystery movie? What about a Drew Carey Show revival set in the Old West where somebody is murdered and Drew is the detective and Mr. Wick is the suspicious, you think it's Mr. Wick, he's the red herring and it turns out he's not red herring it was him I've just given it away

there's no point in making it now this is from Jimmy Quigley or Jimmy Quigley he's from Brooklyn but now he lives in Tucson well that's a lot of information in your address but also Tucson I pass through there on my way from El Paso

to where I am right now in Phoenix so there you are you're up to speed on my itinery. Jimmy Quigley from Brooklyn, who now lives in El Paso, says, do you have any rituals when you first get to a new hotel? Yeah, I kind of do. Not anything as I walk into the room. For years, for years my ritual used to be when I was on the road. I would go into a room, I'd turn on the TV, Larry King would be on CNN, I'd take my pants off, I'd lie, the bed and I watched Larry for 20 minutes

to see what was going on. But it's been a long time since Larry was on CNN God rest of him and I loved Larry. I didn't know what I used to do that. It was weird because when I got to know Larry and we became very friendly actually in the last say 10 years of his life I stopped

watch it. Well he kind of stopped being on CNN pretty much for a while. Then he had his own web show thing I was on. It's fantastic. I loved Larry. But I used to, but after I knew him, it felt weird taking my pants off and watching them. Not that there was anything sexual about watching him in the first place, but I, I don't know if I just, I was like, I thought maybe Larry could see me and they bring up the next time I saw him, and then that'd be weird, and that's not a well man. All right.

This is from Jonathan Dean. He doesn't say where he's from, but perhaps he's a traveling man, wanders from town to town, looks like me at the moment. perhaps I'll run in and Jonathan on the train at Oak's you know when I got to this hotel last night I won't tell you what hotel I meant in

the Arizona had built more but when I I got to the hotel last night man oh I tell you by the way

when I check into a hotel I have a nom de ploon so even if you were like you were here and you heard me say I was in this hotel and you were like all right I'm going to go and see him

right now my name is not on the disc I have a nom de plume Obviously, I can't tell you what it is, but I have an alias when I got in the hotel. It makes me feel fancy. But it's a pain in the neck when you try to say, if you lose your room key, and you say, I lost my room key, they say, do you have ID? Then you give them an idea. And then they say, well, that's not the rule.

It's a whole thing. Anyway. And then we laugh. Jonathan D. says, I recall you saying you once helped rebuild an old rundown church. I was wondering if you could talk more about this experience. well what it was actually is when we were back in Scotland my family and I moved back to Scotland for a few years about we're in six or seven years we were there I mean I'd had a place there for a long time and but we moved kind of full time back there for a while and came back to America full time a couple

years ago but during the COVID lockdown which is very intense there was nothing to do and I lived in this very old property that had a run down old building on it which I thought used to be a church I'm not sure of mine not but but I said well you know what I'll just put it back I'm not particularly religious person but I thought well give me something to do so I worked on it I did some handyman stuff and worked on it and painted it and fixed the roof a bit it because it was leaking and got some other guys around who fixed rules and stuff and we put this church back together and then I went on a website and I got a little podium for a that you could put a religious book on and then it's pretty easy to buy church pews because so many

churches in Scotland are decommissioned and the pews and then the seats are they're always for sale in these kind of salvage yards and stuff so I went to the salvage yard and I bought some pews for this old church and you have to get them delivered I didn't have a trump big enough to bring the pews down

so they these guys turned up with these pews just you know Glaswit guys and Scottish guys and they were carrying the pews into this old church that was ready for the pews and they one of the guys said to me is this a is this a church I said I think so yeah

I think it is a church it's a church now I said he said I've never done this before I said well he said oh every time we do this we're taking the pews

out of the church and putting them into a bar they go into hipster bars or you know boutique hotels and stuff I've never actually put pews for a church in a church

and we laughed um we didn't really but I just thought it's amusing to me no well amusing's a big word um I've found entertaining or slightly interesting

mildly mildly tiny amount of of interesting there but that's what I remember when you ask the question as you know I don't rehearse what I'm doing here

this is just us talking um well let's be honest it's me talking but I feel somehow we are talking because I'm reading your question I

am from Alan Leeds or perhaps it's Alan in Leeds Leeds of course in England I wonder if Alan talks like that here's what I can tell you if he's from Leeds he most certainly does not Alan in Leeds

says or from Leeds or just Alan Leeds from Brooklyn now too I don't know I can't keep up Alan says I've just finished reading Ozzy Osbourne's autobiography he seems like someone you would hang have hit it off with

did your pass ever crossed I bumped in Ozzy a couple of times on campus over the years but no I don't think we did anything more than polite how'd you do how'd you do I was a huge fan of Black Sabbath

and he's a lovely man I did I have I have had a lot of conversations and a lot of time with you know Sharon was on

the late night show a lot and Sharon and I have had long conversations over the years and I do love Sharon I think she's a fabulous

woman a real a real truth teller you know just a very a very nice person and Kelly as well who I met

actually only two about this I was Kelly had a was doing a TV show I can't remember what it was on but it was filmed in Vancouver it only lasted one season

maybe two I don't know but in the final episode of the show she was doing it was a drama about a young girl you know in the city and she had her friends and her father

was a rock star you know it was I guess based on her life a little bit or at least the casting was. And for one of the episodes, they wanted someone to come in and play her father. My guess is they asked Ozzy, or maybe they didn't ask Ozzy, I don't know,

but I got the job of playing Kelly Osborne's father in this show. And I did, it was filmed in Vancouver, and I went and I played Kelly's father. It was all very nice. and while I was doing that job, I got the late late show and that was the last time I did that kind of work and I guess I've done some sense of that version

I think there might be somebody outside the road you don't know who it is but I'm not letting them in so relax I hope it's somebody to turn off the fucking air conditioner actually anyway I did I run into Ozzy how do that's it I have no personal

true yet I have no personal anecdotes around to tell about Ozzy Osbourne other than you know my admiration for I'm as an artist but Sharon and Kelly I've

met many times and have nothing but nice things to say about that entire family actually they're they're quite something all right and finally because time is marching on

also it feels like someday at the door this is from Sue Finn who says when you briefly moved your family back to Scotland

for a few years ago before you came back to the US where are you able to catch up with your siblings again I never lost touch with my siblings

out they have we're good I know them. I mean, did I see more of them? Yeah, I think so, a little more. But everybody has their own lives, and I, but I didn't not catch up them.

Do you know what I mean? All right, quickly. Oh, this is from Dana Barnett. Then it doesn't say where she's from, but she does say, Craig, did you ever get horns attached to your truck? If so, I know they'd be long horns. Well, they're not long horns, but I did put horns on my truck. And I love it. You'll see it's part of what I'm doing right now.

When this job I'm doing is announced and I can tell you about it, the truck with the horns in it, is part of it and also I go back it's my truck we're using in this show I also get my truck listed and big wheels go on it

it's awesome and I know you're like you fool Crickick you fool maybe but you gotta live I'm not see this about getting a truck lifted though

I mean it's not a huge lift just a little lift but you get your truck lifted you find out about gas mileage am I right fellow people with lifted trucks

and also the speedometer has to be recalibrated as we found out going across from driving out of Marfa, Texas towards El Paso two days ago

or a day of my brains are fried when we got stopped by the delightful people of the Texas highway patrol and go off with a warning which was nice

now I wasn't driving Tomas was driving there I busted him but you got off of the morning which was good I mean it was an official warn I know he got the paper number of then anyway these are the stories

of my life at the moment join me next week where I think if I'm correct next week or maybe the week after but I think next week I'm going to be talking to my old mucker Salman Rushdie about his new book which I'm reading the galleys of right now the 11th Saturday the galleys is like pre-published you know a thing it's like the book's done but it's not for sale but the publisher gave me it because I'm going to be talking to Salman and it's beautiful it's a beautiful book I'm only like

a quarter of the way into that I'm like you know I think with Salman it's weird because I think Salman is one of these people that you know when you know a hundred years from now people are still going to know about Salman Rushdie and read his books they're like no one's going to you know give her rat's ass

about whatever I did in late night or whatever noise most of the noise that's going on and anything right now but great literature and great art paintings and you know that stuff endures down

through years and years and years and I think Salman is of that caliber I am you can write a bit that's what I'm saying anyway I think he's joining me next week but if not

it'll be me and you but maybe it would me and Samman we'll find out I'll probably do up podcast proper one next week well always nice to see you my friends

see you next week sorry about the air-conditioning rise You know,