Joy, a Podcast. Hosted by Craig Ferguson - Car Chat With Craig

Episode Date: November 11, 2025

Craig is on the road this week... literally. As this week's episode of the comes from his car in Philadelphia before he gets back on the road. So you the fans are once again the guests on this week's episode of Tweets And Emails. So enjoy a car chat with Craig on this week's episode of the Joy podcast. Have a question for Craig? Drop him an email at [e-mail], send him a message on social media, or drop a comment below. _______________________________________________ Craig is also on the road. Dates and tickets can be found here https://www.thecraigfergusonshow.com/tour _________________________________________________ FIND CRAIG:Website - https://www.thecraigfergusonshow.com Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/craigyferg TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@craigy_ferg X - https://www.x.com/craigyferg Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/thecraigfergusonshow WATCH THE PODCAST: https://www.youtube.com/@thecraigfergusonshow About the Joy Podcast Storied late-night talk host Craig Ferguson brings his interview talents and singular world view to a discussion of the modern state of JOY, sitting down with notable guests from the worlds of entertainment, science, government, and more. How's our Joy doing? Bridled? On life support? Where do we find joy in a world that seems by any rational measure to be collapsing around us?

This is me, Craig Ferguson. I'm inviting you to come and see my brand new comedy hour. Well, actually, it's about an hour and a half, and I don't have an opener because these guys cost money. But what I'm saying is I'll be on stage for a while. Anyway, come and see me live on the Pants on Fire Tour in your region. Tickets are on sale now and we'll be adding more as the tour continues throughout 2025 and beyond.

For a full list of dates, go to the Craigfergersonshow.com. See you on the road, my dear. Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Joy Podcast. My name is Craig Ferguson. I'll be your host today from the Joy Podcast. Coming to you today from my truck. Coming to you from my truck here in the, where are we?

Philadelphia. I know we're in Philadelphia, but this is like the square. Independence, we're next to Independence Hall right here. I'm working here. And this is one of those podcasts where I'm so busy. that I can't do anything other than this is meant to be my meal break just so as you know

from what I'm doing but I'm using my meal break to come to you with a much required podcast because there's not enough podcasts on the internet right now and I feel like I can help boost the amount of podcasts that are around because let's be honest

they're running low anyway this is a this is a question and answer podcast is I don't have a guest today unless you count to me Thomas, whose hand can bring your, let me put your hand, or just come in, that Thomas is here. He's here. Ah, all right, yeah.

Tomas is here, but he can't hear you because I've got the earbuds in, so I can't hear you either. Anyway, I'm going to take your questions. This is a tweets and emails, a podcast. Those of your regulars are understand. If you don't understand, it's a very simple concept. People send me questions and I answer them. It's as simple as that. It says nothing fancy.

Nothing highfalutin about it. It's just a question-and-answer session from a Dodge Ram, 1,500 in Pennsylvania. Nothing wrong with that. All right. This is from Kristen Hovind. He doesn't say where she's from, but she says, or maybe it's Kristen from Hovind. I'm not a geographer. She says, Greg, is it really true that Secretariat lives happily on a farm?

No, that's not true at all. I don't know if you know this. I said this many times when I was doing late night. Not a real horse. Not a real horse. And to keep two interns in a... in a horse suit on a farm, why that'd be cruel? You know, so there's two interns living happily on a farm. Actually, one of them is the fancy pants executive at Netflix. Do you believe that? Yeah, Joe Boulter, who was the front end of the pantomime horse. There were various other back-end. of the horse. It was like Darren and Bewitched. But the front end of the horse, that's a reference for old gays, by the way. But the front of

the front of the part of the house, Joe Bolter, he's now a fancy, he runs Netflix. Netflix, this is a joke radio or something. That's how he does. Anyway, he's very fancy and he doesn't talk to me anymore. Of course he doesn't see my friend. Don't be silly.

This is from Matt, Vancouver Matt from Vancouver by the way if you don't know is in Canada if you don't know how to get to Canada as you go to the wardrobe and you where the fur coats are you push past the fur coats and you'll find a snowy area with a lamppost and a little man who's half man half horse and you talk to him and he'll take you all the way to Vancouver

Matt says hey what is your favorite music lyric of all of all time and what is a terrible and or cheesy lyric that you just can't help but love well my favorite oh sorry to mass i dropped in a cup of coffee it's fine my favorite music lyric of all time it's uh i think it would probably have to be the iconic a wop babalubub up a what bamboo now that sounds like i'm being facetious but it's not that's a great start to us a wop babalubup bamboo because you don't know what kind of bobbleup you're going to get is it going to be bamboo you don't know and that sets the tension for the song um a terrible and or cheesy like i can't help but love i can think of a cheesy one that i don't like there's a song it was years and years ago

it was called hey sorry um there's the oh the rest of the people i'm working if they're all going for their lunch break but i'm doing the podcast with you guys um dinner break actually, second meal break of the day, it's a long day today. The, what is a terrible cheesy, oh yeah, this, this, I don't like this, like, there's a terrible song called, I've been to Paradise, but I've never been to me. Is the name of the, is the name of the, I think that's the name of the song. But in the song, the women sings, it's about a woman that's been to paradise, but she's never been to herself, which I don't even really understand.

But, and it she sings, I've been undressed by kings. and I've seen some things that a woman... Hey, Mo, I'm just doing my podcast. No, that's all right. You want to be on it? Sure. Yeah, all right. We don't have to talk about it.

You just have to... You can go and have your meal break. I'm just doing the podcast because I'm not going to come for the meal break. Cool. But Morgan Fallon, my guest today, everybody. Morgan is a big-timey director. So, you know...

Yeah, that's stupid. And he's a Dodgers fan, so he's been kind of... smoke right now um so are we going be doing that stuff later on we'll go land i'll give you a call yeah yeah okay just give me a shout and uh i'll do my podcast and talk to the ladies and gentlemen and then i'll uh i'll be available later on great all right that was good today wasn't it yeah no that worked out yeah well done all right thanks man see in a bit it's my boss has to cause of the ass it a little but um all right timas your phone's locked up anyway this song i think i was talking about was i've been to paradise but i've never been to me he was the name of a song i've been undressed by kings

and i've seen some things that a woman ain't supposed to see i've been to paradise but i've never been to me now i don't know how you guys feel about that as a set of lyrics but that is garbage that is garbage um and i remember hearing it when i was very young and it annoyed me when it was young for some reason and when I got asked that question there by Matt from Vancouver if you don't know how to get there through the word broke the thing the the uh the uh that's uh that's that's that's how he asked a question and it came to mind anyway um this is from Tony Knuckles I wonder if that's his real name I wonder if he's a little clown little Tony Knuckles um or I wonder if he's French

and it's Nucle. Maybe Tony Nucle. He says, that would be Antoine Nucle. What is the cheekiest thing you've ever added to a rider? I don't know what a rider is, ladies and gentlemen. A rider is that, like, if you do a contract to appear on a show, like if I'm coming to a theatre in your town, which I maybe check the local listings for details of the website and such,

the rider is the contract. The addendum to the contract, so like if I turn up, I have to say, well, Craig, when he gets there, he likes to have toilet paper in the room, and he likes to, you know, it's all illegally, you have to make sure there's toilet paper if this contract is valid it. He likes a candy, Mexican cola. That's what I like, isn't it? I ask for Mexican Coke and coconut water. I like for coconut water, Mexican Coke, but Coca-Cola, Mexican recipe. I don't, you know, in the glass bottle. I don't necessarily. need actual Mexican cocaine that's a different you don't want that on the writer you want to get that buy that cash anyway the most outrageous thing I don't really have an outrageous ask on a writer

do I have one outmastas all the writers I don't really have an outrageous ask I guess the Mexican cola is a bit pretentious but not really is it's better it tastes better this is from Elena from Pasadena California

she says how do you feel that the creators of Shrek gave him a Scottish accent would an ogre speak with a Scottish accent is that cultural appropriation well you know a Scottish ogre would speak with a Scottish accent right an ogre from Brazil would speak Portuguese

you know it takes on the ogre takes on where they're from anyway is it cultural appropriation nah i have a problem with cultural appropriation actually the phrase cultural appropriation because i think but what is that is that real um i mean i suppose it is and i look forward to your angry comments and bullshit anyway i was next um this is from christie from st louis do you have a best friend other than spouse if so if so who and for how long oh yeah come on

Come on, come on, and you come. There he is. My best friend, Big TZ, from the Czech Republic. Do we say the Czech Republic? I don't even say the Czech Republic anymore. I don't even say Czechia. A bullshit name for a country. What do you just call it, Czech?

That's what I'm throwing a Czech. That's what it was called. Do you have to put the AI? Do you know why? AI. That's what it is. It's AI. Czech used to be called

Czech, and now it's Chequier because of AI, except it's IA, but the concept is the same. Oh, that's terrifying. They're taking over the Czech Republic. AI, went two letters at a time. This is from Nicole Palmer in Austin, Texas.

If you've never been to Austin, Texas, a delightful place. Thomas actually used to live there. You used to live in Austin, didn't you? Yeah. Yep. He loved it. Did you love it? You did love it.

Yeah, well, then you are, then you're saying. Would they remind you of Czechia? Not at all. Quite the opposite. Yeah, it's a bit different. They don't pickle enough. In the Czech Republic, my God, like you sit in a chair long enough,

somebody will come along and pickle you. It's like, they love the pickle in there, don't they, Thomas? He had to get out of there because they were going to pickle him because he's so tall. They were going to like, oh, let's pickle Big TZ, they said. This is from Dennis McAdams Or it could be Denise McAdams I don't know

Dennis or Denise or Denise or Dinas Made myself laugh Made him laugh too Dennis or Dinas said I would like to visit Scotland soon Is there a particular place you would recommend

Oh yes Go and see my brother he lives in Glasgow his name's Scott go see him you'll be glad to see say hey Craig said I could come to your house

and that you would give me some biscuits just say that to him and he'll love that if you turn up and denis and say hi it's Dennis

Macademy and I've come from my free biscuits he would love that it's his birthday today actually you know that yeah I said it

my text on his birthday he sent me a text back We're quite close This is Alex from Montreal That's a lot coming in from Canada Montreal of course is in French Canada

Or to pronounce it correctly Actually it's not French Canada It's just the part of Canada We speak French, it's all Canada But you know what I mean I don't want to get out of that Hey isn't Katie Perry going out The former Prime Minister

or Canada or something Is that right? Yes Yes! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Well, I get enough. On a recent podcast, you spoke in your Mr. Wick voice. Would you consider doing an entire episode of the podcast in that voice?

I'll be completely honest with you, Alex and Montreal. As I do that voice, I rather enjoy it. But I have to tell you, doing a complete episode of the podcast at all at the moment is something of a difficulty for me. I'm doing it from a truck, from a truck. how the mighty have fallen All right Would I do it in that voice now Silly

I wouldn't be able to keep it up I would get distracted Right now in fact That's one of the local guys What was his name again? Benjamin Benjamin Lombardo Benjamin Lombardo

Because he is the same last name As the drummer from Slayer That's right What's his name? Tony Lom Dave Lombardo, the drummer from Slayer. Unbelievable drummer. Dave Lombardo.

Dave, if you're watching, ribby-tibby-tip to you. From one drummer to another, ribbity-tibbid-tip. Bad-durd-d-d-d-d-durd. That's it. Actually, I have to say Lombardo Slayer, his bedurts are unbelievable.

He can burr-d-d-d-d-d-in a way that you would just think was possible. Of course, it's all done by AI now, back in the day. This is from Ralph, who lives in Charlotte. Okay. Ralph said, when I first saw you on TV, I thought, this guy is a jackass. Okay, that's a good start.

Years later, I tuned back in, and I loved the late-night show. Today, I think you're one of the most outstanding and quick-rated comedians of all time. I was more comfortable with jackass to me, on this. So, since you went from being, jackass to brilliant comedy genius in my eyes. Did I change or did you? Ah, that's an excellent question. Dave and, I mean, Ralph, from Charlotte. Sorry, I was thinking about Dave Lombardo. I think probably we've both changed Ralph from Charlotte. I think, you know, when I look back on these late night shows, I gotta say, I look at something like, oh, yeah, you're a bit of a jackass there. but you know the thing is I did that show for a long time

for 10 years I did that late night show and of course it lives on in the internet and clips of it everywhere and some of the clips I go well that's funny you're a funny guy and others I go but I think if any human being in history was to look back at their life

because you remember the late night show I did it wasn't a big heavily scripted environment so I mean I was going to I don't remember a lot of things I said I mean it was just it was like this it was like this except it was on TV actually to be fair I think the truck it's got better lighting than I had

on late night TV but the but in this truck you know it's kind of the same I'm just talking to a camera so I'm talking to a camera right now and you know people come and go and you know there's stuff and I don't remember everything I said

so when I look back on some of the old late night shows I go oh that was funny and then at other parts of it, and I don't watch it a lot, but if people will send me things and stuff, and go, I can't believe you said this, or I can't believe you said this, either thing. I go, well, it was

what it was at the time. Look, let me just say this. I can't be held responsible for what I say. No, I've said it. I think that's probably made it true. This is from Joy Lindstrom. Are you still a Gary Newman fan, and are you planning to see him live on his next tour? I am a Gary Newman fan. He hasn't done

anything to make me not a Gary Newman fan. The only thing would make me more of a Gary Newman fan is if he got Dave Lombardo, formerly of Slayer, to be his drummer. I mean, I think that would be, that would be awesome. Big thumbs up from the Czech heavy metal fan. The, uh, that would be great. You think the industrial sound of current Gary Newman with pt-p-thor-p-p-p-d mean a, uh, Dave Lombardo in that? That's, uh, that's, uh, fusion cuisine right there. my friends I went to see were you there that night we did to see Gary Newman in Toronto no I went to see Gary Newman in Toronto and I it was funny because I realized once I'd been to see him I was in a show nearby and he was playing I went

oh Gary humans on and I went there and I realized that I'd gotten there by comfort and this just seemed like a coincidence this is from Manfred Bauer from Austria. It says, Dear Craig, have you ever had an awkward situation with a guest? Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Fuck you, man. That was my entire, that is my entire career, is awkward situations with guests. This is from Matt Manning. Do you think the British monarchy should be completely dissolved? P.S. Give my best to Jeff. I'll give your best to check. Should they dissolve the monarchy?

Yeah, I think so. I mean, come on. You were magical because you were born there and you get a special hat and everything. Come on. Really? I mean, I don't want to say too much in case they offer me a knighthood,

but still, I mean, come on, it's garbage. It's ridiculous. I like it when people who are really into the morguees say, oh, but it brings so many tourists. bring so many tourists I'm like in all fucking Disneyland they've got some tourists France also famously not not bigger monarchy a lot of tourists I think Britain would be fine for tourists Emily from Loughborough England by the way Emily I do love your British monarchy I'm a big fan Emily says if you were placed

I'm doing an English voice for Emily because she lives at Loughbrother, they don't talk like that. If you were placed under a beauty and a beast-style curse. She says, if you were placed under a beauty-in-the-beast-style curse and transformed into an enhanced object, what would you be and why? Well, I think I'd like to be a self-pleasuring device. I'd like to be turned into a self-pleasureing device.

You're going to be all right. This is my podcast, man. I'm doing my podcast. It's only chance I get. A self-pleasuring device. You know, like a back massager or something? Something that, you know, that you can massage yourself with. And then I would sing a little song.

I'll bring you pleasure, Mr. or Mrs. I'm a, but you have to participate because I'm a self-pleasuring device. Or if I was a self-pleasureing device, I would only pleasure myself. And that's the kind of singing device I would be. This is from Elsa G. in North Hollywood. North Hollywood, of course. It's near Hollywood, but it's a cold forbidding mountain near Hollywood. Elsa G. says,

Craig, you play a small role in Lemony Snicket. series of unfortunate events, the movie. Yes, I did. Just wanted to know how much you were told about that role and if it was as chaotic slash fun as it seemed to be. Well, I'll be honest with you. I was told the role would be bigger. But, um, you know, the cutting room floor and all that. And then it was a lot of fun. I remember having a great time with Jennifer Coolidge, who I worked with a lot on that movie. We were together quite a lot there and she's great. and Jane Adams, who is another actress I worked with on a movie, also a great actress and a really nice person.

Both of these women, I loved working with them. And Louis Guzman as well, it was great. So, yeah, I had a great nice time on it when I think about it. Really nice people. It was funny, though. I remember when I was standing it, because the part I was playing, it was like three hours of makeup of this forever.

And one of the producers, Walter Parks, it was a real big-timey producer. I was standing at craft services one day and I had just come from doing an independent movie and I just got through three hours of makeup and then I had to sit around. I was in so much makeup I couldn't sit down. I had to stand up and I was trying to get a donut or a bagel or something going but I had all lipstick on and all that so it was a penny ass of the whole thing and and Walter said to me so Craig are you enjoying working on a big budget movie this is your first

big budget movie you enjoying it and I said to be honest yeah yeah not that much I don't think I want to do it again and he said to I thought this was great he went well he said I think I can arrange that see rich people can be funny that's all I'm saying this is from Hamza in Cairo Egypt oh I'd love to go to Cairo but you know at the moment I can hardly do my podcast, never remember to get to Egypt, but I would love to go to Cairo. Hamza says, Craig, should I feel bad that I can do some very funny comedy riffing with my mates, but not my fiancé?

She gets offended a lot and doesn't like diarrhea jokes. Well, you know, Hamza, you know, if you're going to marry the woman at, and maybe we can't ease up on the diarrhea jokes, there'll be plenty of time for that after you're married. you know you don't you don't want to do the diarrhea stuff during the engagement

diaries for after you get married that's my advice to you that's good advice in it for a long lasting relationship

don't go don't go in on diarrhea work up to diarrhea this is from Ed Manera he says Ed says Craig what is the weirdest

movie you've ever watched I watched this movie called Toes. It was really weird. Peter Dinklage paid a French guy in it and he said Phoenix, Arizona in a really funny way. I've seen tiptoes. I think that's a great movie. I love that movie. Have you seen that movie?

Peter Dinkley's in that movie. I think Gary Oldman's in that movie. So that's great. Have you guys seen Gary Oldman and Slow Horses? Jeez. Isn't he great? He's a bit farty. But what he did is he waited until he was married. He didn't do the

farty diarrhea stuff until he was married. And that's what made Gary Oman, the greatest actor of his generation. He knows when to do the farty jokes, and it's not when you're a young actor starting out. It's when you're an older actor, you've established, you've won your Oscar, everybody adores you, you're held in great esteem, that's when you get farty.

And people think, oh, he's so clever. You do farty when you're young and you're not held in great esteem, they just think you're farty. But when you're older, it's you're a genius. And actually, Gary Oman is a genius. So potato potato, potato. This is from Mike Madaloney in Wisconsin. And he says,

Craig, I was listening to your podcast where you mentioned not wearing shorts on an airplane when I was traveling out to my high school reunion. I did wear shorts on the way out, but after listening to your show, I wore long pants on the flight home. Cool story, bro. Is there a question in there? I don't think so, but I'm glad that you saw a sense. So here's another tip for you, Mike Madelani, if that is your name.

Don't ever wear shorts again, because you know why. You're probably a middle-aged man. Time's up on that. Jonathan Dean from Sacramento, California says, Craig, if you had to choose between Devo and the B-52s, which band would you choose? Wow, that's a really hard question. because I love the B-52s. I love D-Vo.

But I would say, this is going to be controversial, even in this truck, because I think somebody's going to have a problem with it. But I would actually choose the B-52s. You're surprised? The B-52s, well, I know you can do your big check way-behind thing as much as you like,

but I feel like the B-502s, B-52, the Devo are great and they're innovative and fantastic and actually I wouldn't like to choose between them when I don't think about it. It's terrible. But I love the B-52s because they make me happy to listen to them.

You know, every time I hear the B-52s every single time, even if I'm feeling a bit sad or downcast, which doesn't happen to be much because I'm a celebrity, but you know, it does but it does happen. Yeah, I'm not a celebrity, but I do get sad sometimes. But the B-52 has always cheered me up.

Devo, I always happy to hear it, but the B-52 has cheered me up. All right, we get time for one more, and then that guy you saw earlier with the blue hat is going to come looking for me, and I'm going to have to go back to work. But the blue hat, by the way, the Dodgers hat. I say the Dodgers did very well. I don't know if you guys heard about it, but apparently they won a trophy. So good for you, Dodgers. Um, this is, uh, right, uh, this is from David Myers from Nashville, Tennessee. And then I got to go after this. Uh, David says, uh, Craig, I've always been intrigued with your confidence within conversation. Where does that come from? And could you do a TED talk about it so we can all learn together? Well, I think, I'm not always confident in conversation. I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

Usually the people I'm talking to, they've been set up to talk to me. I mean, you know, if I'm doing an interview or talking to someone on a podcast or even back in the day in the old late night show or after, or even on a game show or anything, everyone's set up to talk to me. They're there to do that. In some conversations, like in an elevator, like if you were in an elevator, like if you were in an elevator, like, and someone struck up a conversation with you, I don't know how confident I'd be. And then the elevator, imagine this, like the elevator gets stuck between floors.

and then someone's talking to you and they're very confident and then they pass gas in the elevator. It's just you and this person in the elevator and they pass gas and they're talking to you confidently.

You would think, you know, this person's confidence is misplaced. I don't want to talk to them. And I think what you see is when you see me being confident in the conversations, I'm confident in that

when I'm set up in an interview with someone I'm confident they want to talk to me because if they don't want to talk to me they wouldn't be there um but in life you can't have that no you can't just walk up to somebody and say hi do you want an awkward pause or you know and like you can't do that it's not real you know I mean so I think what confidence is if I was giving a TED talk about him I think for me confidence is situational you take the take in your surroundings

and if it's appropriate to speak up then do and if it is inappropriate to speak then you know speak louder because that's that's how you get ahead and show business I guess I don't know anyway look I hope you've enjoyed this completely phoned in episode of the podcast I'm really sorry

I feel we dropped last week we had Salman Rushdie talking about his new book and this week is you and me in a truck I know. But, you know, that's what you can count on with me. Inconsistency. I'm your man for that.

So I wish you all a happy day. I'm actually, or night or whatever you're doing me yourself. And I hope you don't get stuck in an elevator with someone with gas who has a lot of confidence. And if you do, just, you know, hold your breath. press the emergency call button and things will work out in fact that's a tip for life hold your breath

press the emergency call button and things will work so from the great city of Philadelphia in what's the name of that square independent square from independent square inside the Dodge Ram

1500 with 5.7 litre engine with the E-Torc edition which is very worth it I have to say don't we love the E-Torc I bid you good evening or good morning

or whatever time it is in your region and I'll see you all next week with a proper guest not that you're not a proper guest but you know what I mean I'll do a proper show for next week and this one just for us back Thank you.