Joy, a Podcast. Hosted by Craig Ferguson - Tweets & Emails w/Snake Water

Episode Date: November 25, 2025

Well, it's Thanksgiving everybody and what better way to spend it than with Craig and an old friend of his? So, in celebration of the Joy of the holiday he's bringing another installment of Tweets & Emails. But this time Craig has a secret ingredient in tow. Have a question for Craig? Drop him an email at [e-mail], send him a message on social media, or drop a comment below.  _______________________________________________ Craig is also on the road. Dates and tickets can be found here https://www.thecraigfergusonshow.com/tour _________________________________________________ FIND CRAIG: Website - https://www.thecraigfergusonshow.com Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/craigyferg TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@craigy_ferg X - https://www.x.com/craigyferg Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/thecraigfergusonshow ABOUT THE JOY PODCAST: Storied late-night talk host Craig Ferguson brings his interview talents and singular world view to a discussion of the modern state of JOY, sitting down with notable guests from the worlds of entertainment, science, government, and more. How's our Joy doing? Bridled? On life support? Where do we find joy in a world that seems by any rational measure to be collapsing around us?

This is me, Craig Ferguson. I'm inviting you to come and see my brand new comedy hour. Well, actually, it's about an hour and a half, and I don't have an opener because these guys cost money. But what I'm saying is I'll be on stage for a while. Anyway, come and see me live on the Pants on Fire Tour in your region. Tickets are on sale now and we'll be adding more as the tour continues throughout 2025 and beyond.

For a full list of dates, go to the Craigfergersonshow.com. See you on the road, my dears. Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Joy Podcast. My name is Craig Ferguson. I am your host today for the Joy Podcast, which I have to say is a rather exciting one for me today. Now, listen, if you've been following this podcast at all, first of all, no refunds and my apologies. And secondly, you'll know that this podcast started, it's called Joy, and it started as me talking to people about what brings them joy in their life. And I found that quite interesting.

And I still do find it quite interesting, and I like to do it. But as the podcast went on, and I only started it like a couple of years ago, I found it more and more difficult to schedule guests into the podcast and make sure that I could, you know, have a conversation with them. So then I started doing it on the Zoom because I was, you know, on lots of different places. I was in London, well, you know where different places are. I was in London and New York and Los Angeles and Arizona.

Mexico and never I wasn't in Mexico but I could be anyway look the thing is I it was too difficult for me to schedule one-on-one conversations with people in the way that I like to do it so then I start to do them on the Zoom and whilst it's okay on the Zoom I feel like here's what I feel then this is me blowing my own trumpet a little bit but I feel like if I do a Zoom podcast sort of interview I'm as good as anyone else but I feel like I feel like If I do an in-person interview, I'm a little better than most. And I feel like that's what I've decided to do. Unless I can do it in person, I won't do it on the Zoom. And what I have enjoyed doing is doing this podcast, where I just do your tweets and emails. You send me in the tweets and emails like we used to do on the late night show. You send me in a question, and I answer your question.

I believe it's called an Ask Me Anything on the Reddits or the Face Tubes, in or what is it? They call it U-time. I don't know, but whatever it is. Reddit. It's like, ask me anything, but you can ask me anything here on this podcast and that brings me joy. See, so it still fits in under the umbrella of joy,

so I will still continue to do interviews when I can schedule people and be in the same town, and I'm going to be Los Angeles quite soon, so I think I'll be able to do a couple there because I have some people there that I like and I want to talk to. And then I'm in New York quite a lot. and it's possible to do it there and I'll do it anywhere I am but here's the upshot of what happened today so I'm doing it with you guys today because I'm at home for the first time in ages I've been away traveling and now I'm at home and because I'm at home and I moved house I don't know if you guys have been following me on the I don't know the home internet but or just following me just following me down the street but I'm I've been I moved house about a year and

18 months ago. And any of you who have moved to us before, no, especially if you're a bit older like me,

I said, I'm going to get so gray. If you're a bit older and like me, you've accumulated a lot of stuff and it takes

a lot of time to unpack all that stuff. And I've been unpacked and unpacked it, so I've been home. This is the exciting part. I've been home for a little bit the last few days

and I unpacked a few more boxes. And one of the boxes I unpacked was very exciting for me because I'll be looking for this for a while and people still talk about it and you guess what it is and it's not no it's not that

it's this guy yeah look at now this is the this is not the actual cup that I used to use on late night because I don't know where that is I think that must be in another box this is the backup traveling cup because the other cup had

someone drew up cocking balls underneath it and um i don't know who it was i really don't know how it was i don't think it was me but it may have been anyway someone drew a rude thing underneath it we had to censor it and the the one that i used to later had a broken fang and then it had a gold cap put in so that's somewhere uh in all the boxes because i'm still working through boxes i have storage in it uh but I feel like we're getting into the more authentically me. I feel like I'm more myself. Do you know what I'm saying?

I feel like I'm more in my vein of what I do when I've got this guy. Like, you know, it's like, hey, everybody. So, what do you think, Jeff? He's not here. Actually, he is here. He is here. You probably shouldn't tell anyone this. He is here.

He's in my garage. and he's turned off but someday in the future not soon because I got a lot of stuff to do but one day in the future we'll turn him on and we'll get him going

we'll fire up the old Jeffrey Peterson and I've still got the old secretariat I've got two secretaries actually the pantomime horse not a real horse, a bit of a spoiler the pantomime horse secretariat there was two of them

and I've got both of them here as well you want to know another thing there were two Jeff Peterson's the traveling Jeff Peterson and the studio Jeff Peterson people are shocked when they hear that but if you look at the old late night shows when we did

like when we were in Paris or we were in Scotland if you check out Jeff Peterson carefully in these old shows you'll find out it's the traveling Jeff Peterson you know why different voltages uh Plus, you don't want to travel with a robot skeleton.

We don't get stopped at the airport. T.S. You go crazy. All right. So this is, then, to all the dates and purposes, my friend, one of the Joy podcasts, when I said, friend, I meant you personally. My friends, this is one of the Joy podcasts where we do the tweets and emails. And you've been sending them in, which I'm delighted by. So let me just start with this one. This is from Laurie B. I'm looking down here because this is where my computer is. It's not like I'm not, Laurie B is not down there.

If I'm like, hello, Laurie, hello, I have a question. Yes, Laurie asking. All right, here it is. Do you drive, I, you know it's a computer on this computer. Do you drive in both America and Scotland? If so, how do you possibly do it? I'm going to be traveling to Scotland and I can't imagine driving on the left side of the road. Well, let me tell you this.

It's very simple because I do drive in both America and Scotland. and what you do is this when you get to the country you're going at I presume you have a rental car I would assume you would get a rental car you keep the steering wheel to the center of the road right so where the line is that's the nearest with it so if the steering wheel is the other center of the road then you're driving on the right side also a good tip is to look where the other cars are driving if for example they're driving down once they would follow those guys because they probably live there and um I would I would do that. Now, I will say one thing to you about driving in Scotland. This is very important. When you're driving, particularly in the north of Scotland, look out for sheep. Because they often drive on the wrong side of the road. They don't care.

Also, the sheep don't drive in Scotland. They are driven. They're VIPs. They usually sit in the back of a limousine. Enjoying just enjoying the ride. Just enjoying the ride, man. Ah. They,

but sheep are, a lot of times when you're driving up in the north of Scotland, the sheep will just wander on to the road. Just wander on there. You've got to look out for them. Because if you accidentally kill a sheep in Scotland, it's 20 years in prison, then that's not true. But if it is, that would be bad. But it's not.

But if it is, which it is. which it isn't but if it was true which it will be because people always say there's no smoke without fire do you know that's an interesting thing I noticed that about the internet or

FaceTime or it's a station if people if rumors start on the internet people say you know even if they know it's crap they'll say if there's no smoke without fire and I like well you know there is actually smoke without fire

In fact, anyone who has worked in show business for more than maybe 10 minutes knows that it's mostly smoke and no fire. The analogy that's used or the description that's used of show business is all smoking mirrors. So it's not there's no smoke without fire. There's no smoke without mirrors is what you should probably say. And smoking mirrors, they say that because that's how they used to get these old effects and the old Hollywood music, not Hollywood. The old vaudeville music halls and, you know, the old magicians, the Houdini's and stuff, they would smoke and mirrors and they would create illusions. And I think that for me, the idea of there's no smoke without fire is yet another misdirect

by the Illuminati on the internet that are trying to make you believe things that are not truly, oh my God, I've got internet crazy. Oh God, hang on me to calm down a bit. Snake water The greatest water of all Dry snake water What do you think, Jeff? I miss that guy

But you know what? He's in my garage Waiting for a time when his country needs him like King Arthur Anyway, I hope that answers your question About what side of the street do you drive on in Scotland It's the side that the sheep are not on And the people are driving on this is from again this is a computer not

actually Katrina from Boca Raton Florida because of course Boca Raton is not right here if I was in Boca Raton it would be sunnier and there'd be lots of old people wearing Tommy Bahamas shirts and I'd be one of them

Katrina from Boca Raton in Florida says Craig do you have a special item that you travel with that makes life on the road more enjoyable such as bespoke velvive velvety pajamas or an opera Viking hat that's a very good question

I wouldn't travel without an opera Viking head up because that's I'm a hand luggage queen I like to only have hand luggage and one of these people that I'll like I'll cram everything into such a small space that if I have to unzip my

hand luggage, bang! I haven't quite got to the vacuum packing my clothes yet but I would do that. I like that you know when people like me and they suck all their clothes right down to little tiny amounts and that's

something in the future for me anyway what I think is is that I travel with what do I travel with well I usually I usually tend to be a bit OCD I like to wear lucky underpants

and they're usually blue that's I don't know where I picked that up actually, but I do like to wear lucky blue underpats when I'm traveling to avoid trouble. The truth is, I don't know that that kind of thing

works, but snake water. America's first quite sharp. So, no, I don't really travel with anything in particular. I travel with Thomas, who is my tour manager, and he's a six-foot-five

check gentleman he's quite lucky to travel with him I think there's plenty of people like I'd like to travel with him I think you know what I'm saying but that's not the relationship that Thomas and I have

anyway all right this is from Kathy Rosa from Salina Kansas or Salina Kansas I think it's Salina I can't remember again Selina Kansas is not down there this is just a computer

that I've received an email from Kathy Roser in Salina or Salina, Kansas insert the correct name of the word here Kansas. Let's see I'm a little cutting my hand there. That was moving a box. That was moving the box that this was in actually.

If you could back in time and see any concert or festival who would you see back in time and see any concert or festival. I think what I'd like to do, you know, my initial answer would be, or maybe go and see the damned playing in London in 1976, would it be? Seventy-six or 77?

I don't know. But then I think to myself, well, I would have liked that then, because I'd be like, oh, droop, poor rocks, pity. you know, all that and stuff. And I would be young and like all that noise and spitting, but now I'm in my 60s. And I like things quiet with a lot less spitting. I'm actually moving from my spitting ears

into my drooling years. So it's all, you know, saliva-based, really. But what I'm saying is no spitting concerts, more drooling concerts. So I think if I was going to go back in time now, like at the age I am going back in time, but remaining the age of I am then I quite like to go back in time

and see somebody like Bobby Darren or Snattra or something like that do you know what I mean but in their prime you know where a lot of where everyone was sitting down but then everyone would be smoking let me tell you something by the way I stopped drinking

nearly 34 years ago and I stopped smoking when I was about five years sober so 29 years I guess almost 29 years since I as smoked cigarettes and I will be honest with you if they didn't give you cancer which sadly they do but if they didn't I would smoke cigarettes I loved them and I enjoyed them

the drinking I mean it really messed up my life but smoking I kind of liked it apart from this this is going to kill me and I look forward to people on the internet telling me that smoking isn't bad for you because I'm sure that's a thing now as well well that oh no smoke is not bad for you it's actually good for you uh if you smoke the right

way by the way the vape thing don't even get me starting on that um you didn't know you did you asked me what you asked me if i went back in time uh which constant were to go to and i think i would like to go to something uh or maybe even further back maybe like rimski korsokov's premiere of the shahrazad or something like that in that That'd be pretty good, isn't it? Anyway, it's not possible to go back in time, apparently. I know this is the internet, and everything is possible. But I don't think it is possible to go back in time.

I think time travel, you can go forward. I think that's the current thought in physics that you can go forward in time by, you know, folding or through the wormhole or going to another planet or something. I don't know. I watched, what was that movie where, Matthew McConaughey went it was a long movie as well I felt like I was traveling a time

in that movie when he was yeah anyway I don't want to be mean about it was a good movie it just it was long it was long it was a long movie this is from Margo Lane or from Margo who lives in Lane I don't know or lives in that lane

Margo Lane from Elk California or maybe it's from an elk who's trying to remain anonymous. Because if you're an elk and you can type and do emails, you probably want to keep that quiet or sooner or later they'll be having you on TV. And speaking

from experience, there's not always great. So Marco Lane from Elk, California said, what is your favorite Strangler's song and why? I don't know. The Stranglers if you're not familiar with the stranglers

you can Google them. They were a very popular band during the punk rock. I think they're still around. I remember them at the time they had a drummer. Hugh Cornwall was their singer and their drummer was a gentleman by the name of Jet Black. I don't know if that was his real name.

I suspect not. But his name was Jet Black and everyone had punk names back of the day. You know, Dave Spitt, Tommy, Pooh, all that kind of stuff. I don't think there was a Tommy. Pooh. I wish I'd call myself Tommy Pooh.

You know what? From now on guys because I know you will. Now that I've said, don't call me Tommy Pooh, you'll call me Tommy Pooh even more. So look, call me Tommy Pooh if you like. But I... But that's not my name. Anyway, Jet Black was the drummer with the stranglers.

And I remember we were old... Oh, and their bass player was a French guy called Jean-Jacques Bernel. and he was the one that everybody thought was cool because he's French and he played the bass like this to do that thing with the base I believe they call it the walking bass

I call it the finger surprise base but that's he probably shouldn't call it that so it's the walking base I think that's or maybe that's the walking base anyway Jean-Jacques Brunel or Brunel

or I think maybe that was Isambard Kingdom Brunel, who was an engineer in Victorian Britain, who was very clever, but nothing to do with Stranglers. Anyway, the Stranglers had a drummer called Jet Black, and Jet Black was older. I remember him being older. We all thought, man, he's really old, because he was, I remember he was, he was 46. We were like, 46. How does a person get to be 46? I'm 63. You know, um, anyway. Snaigbara.

America's first squinture. Anyway, um, Jay Black was the drummer of the Stranglers and we thought it was really old, but my favorite stranglers song, I think at the time it was, uh, heroes. But not the David Bowie heroes. It was another one.

No more heroes that they might have been called. Uh, I think it was that. I saw the Stranglers once at Glasgow. Apollo, which was a big theatre in Glasgow and I went to see the Stranglers one night and they sort of they were kind of, they sort of invited the audience, it was a big thing then

to like stage invasion-y type thing so the audience kind of stage-invaded the Strangler's concert and then they had to make an announcement because some of the audience, not all of the audience obviously, but some of the audience that had invaded the stage stole all the microphones which wasn't really in the spirit of the evening

and certainly affected the performance anyway favourite stragglers song um lower years I think I don't know I haven't listened to them in years they haven't stayed with me as a band maybe I shouldn't and it's one of the great things about the internet

is not only is everything true but you can look up old music that you haven't listened to in years and listen to it so I may look up the stranglers Anyway This is from Joanne in Richmond, Virginia

It's a very simple question from Joanne Isn't here, by this, if you're just joining me, Joanne isn't here It's not like Joanne is here It's just a computer with stuff on it Joanne said How do you take your coffee? Cream, sugar, black, black!

Take the coffee black I have to limit myself with coffee as well now I have two cups of coffee in the morning and that's usually unless I have a show then I have a cup of coffee before the show because I feel coffee

kind of keeps me going but my real love my beverage of choice these days snake water America's store squintcher When you worked hard and grim on your truck drinks a little snake water

and you will give Alright This is from Katie from Bentonville, Virginia I don't know if that's anywhere near Richmond, Virginia I wouldn't have Joanne and Katie know each other I mean I don't suppose everyone in Virginia knows each other but it's possible

Katie from Bentonville Virginia says what is your persuasion and that's her word, not mine what is your persuasion on the Loch Ness monster asking for a friend well one I wonder if her friend is Joanne from Richmond and that would be amazing

like Joanne said I'm asking about coffee but I'm not going to ask about the Loch Neth Monster because I feel that's too personal to ask a Scottish person and Katie's like no I'll ask so Katie says what is your persuasion on the Loch Ness Monster do you mean opinion or

what do I believe of persuasion or maybe I'm not I'm not trying to persuade you that there is a locomotive nest monster but I will see this these things don't happen back to don't even know what I'm saying

the Loch Ness Monster definitely definitely is one its name is Nessie and when you're in Scotland if you see the Loch Ness Monster drive on the other side of the street the thing to do is that if you see the Lock Ness Monster,

Master, drive on the other side of the street, and that is the correct, as they call it in Britain, highway code. That's the highway code. See a Loch Ness Monster, give way and drive around. I'm tearing through these questions today. Tearing through them. And you don't want to put it down to? Snakewater. America's favorite. Alright This is from Sartak Niggi I feel like I may be buttering the pronunciation of Sartak's name It might be Sartak Nige I don't know

But anyway Sartak says What is the I apologize by the way Zartag Unless I got it right In which case All good What is

the secret to your silver foxy hair. Uh, time. Time, my friend. You want silver hair? Let's keep going. Genetics. Sunlight. Lemon juice. Lemon juice. And of course, I think we know by now on this episode of the podcast,

what we're talking about. Lemon juice. And that's right, snake. Say it with me. Snake water. Alright This is from Ryan Smith All right and I think I'll probably have to zip it after this

I don't want to drink too much snake water Which for those of you who are worried about What is in the snake water Water from a snake cup Oh it is Don't know They're best stupid prey Um

Ryan Smith says Are there any quotes or sayings from people you admired growing up, a philosopher, a writer, or a historical figure that really stuck with you or shaped your outlook on life. Ash, Ryan, too many to mention, too many to mention. I, I, I, I, I, everything, uh, that I have learned, I kind of, well, I've learned because I can read. Um, and, and, and so I, I read a lot. I still read a lot.

I'm I'm kind of rolling around for a while there I was rolling around in the great American writer Gour Vidal because I like his historical fiction. That's where he's at his best. Historical fiction, really accurate historical fiction, they're really good. But

writers, philosophers, of course, from Descartes, a epicterist, Marcus Aurelius, I don't know, Kierkegaard, of course. Who doesn't love a Danish Christian existentialist? I'll tell you quite a lot of people. But I do. I like a bit of Danish Christian existentialism.

I'll tell you what I have been looking at recently. And I look forward to your outrage. But I've been rolling around a little bit in the sayings of the desert fathers and mothers. the desert fathers and mothers were in about the second or third century AD there was a

group of people it was in northern Egypt and people would go out in the desert I think the first one was St. Anthony who became a Catholic saint he wasn't at the time at the time he was just Anthony he was just hey Anthony what you doing and he's like I'm living in a cave here

for 30 years on my own so I can think well at first he lived in a haunted fort this is an amazing story by the way you should look this up he lived in a fort and was haunted by demons and he was there for ages and then he had to move and not because of the demons though he was like you know anyway the idea

this was pre-church Christianity they were aesthetics there were people who felt like you know not eaten and living a very hard life was a way to emulate they fell

what Jesus had done when he went to the desert it was a way to get closer I don't know if I'd buy that but I mean a lot of people do believe it and anyway so I look forward to you

oh Craig how dare you but anyway I'm interested in a lot of people who did that there's a couple of very interesting sort of theology sort of philosophers

the gentleman he wasn't really a Desert Father, but he was an early pre-church Christian guy called Origin of Alexandria. He was an early theologian gave birth to a lot. He was actually excommunicated

by the church about 300 years after he died for he upset somebody clearly after he died. But people trying to figure stuff out, whether they be in that area or whether they be

in the Enlightenment period certainly the philosophy that gave birth really to the in many ways I feel the United States of America as the child of the Enlightenment of the Scottish Enlightenment really to be honest but maybe I'm wandering into

dangerous political terrorism here but isn't everything dangerous political territory even by saying the word America unless you're saying Steakwater America's

Thirst Quenchor Anyway what I'm saying is They asked us the question Is there any quotes or stuff like that There's too many If I single one out It feels like You know

There's too many different walks of life People who are you know Theologians people who are atheists People who are Who are very different Christopher Hitchens I am fascinated by us work as well, a fabulously interesting guy. I don't have to agree with someone to find them

interest or even inspirational. It's thoughtful. Do you know what I mean? I feel like there's a lot of right now, unless you agree with me, then we can't, you know, get along. I'm like, well, it's not very interesting, is it? But anyway, I didn't know what I'd have to say. But I'm not. But I'm say this I it changes you see when people say is there one particular quote I think the answer is actually no because I don't have anything I can put on a towel or a or a little plaque or a I guess I have some you know tattoos which have contain quotes which are meaningless and there are affirmations and prayers and pithy quotes that I like But I think it's a little like music language.

Do you know what I mean? Like prose, sometimes I'm in the mood for Schubert and sometimes I'm in the mood for Slayer. You know, are they, you know, are you not allowed to have both? Can we have both? Can you have all of the music? Can you have all of the language? Can you have all of the thought?

Can you listen to everything? Can you get something from all of that stuff? Well, yes, you can. But you've got to have this stuff. Snake 1, America's Strasquedger. So anyway, that'll do it for now, everyone. This has been my joy to talk to you. I'm sorry if I didn't get to your...

There's a lot of questions here. So I'll do another one of these podcasts next week because I'll be here. Oh, it'll be Thanksgiving next week. So I'll do so, thank you. Thanksgiving stuff. You know, we used to do that when I was doing the late night show

when we would pre-record shows. We would try and make them topical, but some days there weren't really things to talk about. And then one day we came across, I can't remember what day is, but Latvian Independence Day. And then it became a thing for us. We did a logo

thing and a little kind of, and every year we celebrated Latvian Independence Day. So if by any chance today is Latvian Independence Day and isn't every day in a way Latvian Independence Day then happy Latvian Independence Day everybody and enjoy your snake water

America Sto-Squatcha. I'll see you next week on the Joy Podcast. God bless you all. Thank you.