Judge John Hodgman - Call in the Family

Episode Date: July 18, 2012

Katy brings this case against her older brother Steve, who refuses to leave voicemails.

Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm bailiff Jesse Thorne. This week, call in the family. Katie brings the case against her brother, Steve. Steve insists that when he calls his sister or another member of the family, a caller ID missed call notification automatically means call me back. No voicemail needed unless it's an emergency. Katie disagrees and thinks if you want to call back, you need to

leave a message. Who's right? Who's wrong? Only one man can decide. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom. I'm so sorry you have just reached my answering machine. I'm not in a present. I'm sure you know this whole routine. Leave your name and number and I'll try to get back to you. You got about 20 minutes to talk to me before you're judged. Bailiff Jesse, swear the men. Please rise and raise your right hands. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth,

so help you God or whatever? I do. Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling despite the fact that he sends all interpersonal messages via pneumatic tube? I will. I do. Very well. Judge Hodgman? Thank you, Bailiff Jesse.

Hello, complainant Katie and defendant Steve. First of all, for an immediate and summary judgment in your favor, can either of you name the piece of culture that I was referencing when I was imitating singing a song earlier? Unfortunately, I cannot. It had tones of putting on the ritz at the beginning, but then it kind of lost me. You could not be more wrong. I want to tip my cap to your imitation of a person singing a song.

I thought it was compelling. You're a compelling radio announcer as well as a good bailiff, Mr. Jesse. But in fact, no, of course, you do not recognize that song. It is a little known song. It was the second single off of Partners in Crime by Rupert Holmes, released in 1979. You, of course, know Rupert Holmes as the singer-songwriter who gave us the song Escape, also known as the Pina Colada song, a much more popular song. Do you know that one?

You do know it. No. I do. I do. It was used in Shrek, was it not? Give me a couple bars, Steve. If you like piña coladas. Boom, boom, boom.

And something, something, something. Getting caught in the rain. That's it. Boom, boom, boom. And I'm done. If you like making love at midnight. In the dunes of the Cape. I had the hook and that was it.

I'm the one that you searched for. Come with me and escape. It's called Escape, the Pina Colada song. He also wrote this other song called Answering Machine. Pretty much Rupert Holmes, at this period of his life, his long career as a singer-songwriter and writer, only wrote songs about obsolete technology and drinks that were thought to be sophisticated at the time,

but it turned out they were really just alcoholic baby food. So the other songs that he had, you don't remember the other songs that he had on that album by any chance to you? I do not. Escape to the Calculator Watch song. Midori Sour on the Super Train from the tv show super train do you remember that one or uh fuzzy fuzzy navels and sexy faxes that was his other his other big sounds like a semi

buffett concert yeah no very much uh so no you do not recognize that because you are uh what what what is well roughly speaking sir i will ask you your exact age i am 37 you are 37 well, roughly speaking, sir, I will ask you your exact age. I am 37. You are 37. And Katie, you are older or younger? Well, you know what, Katie? I don't like to ask a lady her age. So would you just tell it to me without my asking, please?

I'm quite happy to report that I'm 35. 35 years old. Right. Well, so you guys have been a little young in 1979 to have heard this disco song. But you're not so young that you don't recognize that there were such things as answering machines for a long time. And that is, to some degree, what we're talking about. Are we talking about an answering machine dispute or a voicemail dispute, first of all? Katie, you are the complainant. I am.

Talk to me about your complaint uh my brother calls frequently and uh he does not leave messages for people this began when we all started getting caller id phones he believes he's i don't know above it, better than. So he calls. We see the missed calls on our caller IDs. And he believes that that equals an immediate request for callback. And this is landlines or cell phones or both? Predominantly one or the other or what? These days, we're all cell phone people. Right. Do you have an answering machine at home still that you use? No, I do not.

Okay, good. I'm glad. I'm glad to hear that you are with it. Yeah. But this problem has been going on since at least 2001, at which point I did have both a cell phone and an answering machine. I see. And so when did you get the, did he leave messages on voicemails or answering machines before caller ID? I guess there's always caller ID with the cell phones, right? Yeah. I've only ever had a caller ID phone. And I don't know if he was hanging up before I had caller ID. I guess I wouldn't know that he did it.

Did he used to leave messages on machines before caller ID? He still leaves messages. Yes, he left them on machines before he still does he still leaves messages yes he left him on machines he still leaves messages on voicemails but only if he's dissatisfied with someone not calling him back i see so steve or or it's real pertinent information i say so steve is this true is this complaint is this accusation this is a total overaggeration of the truth. May I tell my story? You may.

Or I defer to you if it is my time to go. I kind of prefer that you would sing your story because you've got this amazing country western music voice. Where are you calling from, sir? I am in the southwest tip of Indiana. Oh, all right. And what do you do? And the country western is the, that's almost an insult, but I appreciate the thought. He prefers to think of it as a basketball voice. Very.

That would work. Basketball Jones. Is that? Oh, all right. Very well. Basketball voice. Excuse me. Okay.

So you're on the southern tip of Indiana, southwestern or southeastern? Right where Indiana, Kentucky, and Illinois come together in Evansville. Okay. And the big corner, they call it. I've never heard it referred to that, but it sounds good. They call it the tri-state. They call it the tri-state. They call it the tri-state area? Yes. And they're the only ones to call it that, I'm sure.

Yes. Right, okay. And you also, Katie, you also live in Indiana? I grew up in where Stephen is now, but I live in Indianapolis. Oh, Circle City. Yes. All right. Naptown.

That's all I know of that. Do they actually call it Naptown? Some do. Our roller derby team are the Naptown Rollers. I see. And everyone there is obviously very well-rested and has high cognitive ability. Indeed. All right.

Okay, good. All right, Steve, sorry. So you don't sing. It's more basketball. Why don't you tell me your story in your basketball voice? All right. When the cell phones came about and everybody started switching over from landlines and answer machines, my cell phone, my old Nokia gnarly thing, had a little feature that said missed call. So it became a thing where when I saw that somebody called, I would call them back.

thing where when I saw that somebody called, I would call them back. Over time, when I'm just kind of hanging out and saying, hey, what's my sister doing? I'll give you a shout. And just to check up on how's life, how's the house, how's the kids. And if it's just, if there's nothing important, I'll call. And if I get the answer or the voicemail, I will just assume that the missed call means that, hey, called, thinking about you, whatever. Nothing important. If there is a time sensitive or important issue about, I will sit through that entire, leave a message, press one, all that stuff. And I will leave the important information, call me back. I'm on my way to town, Call mom. She's in a panic over nothing, things like that. But it has become a kind of a code where if I'm not leaving a

message, it must not be important. I'll just talk to you another time. And that's where the conflict comes in. It's become a one-way code, apparently. It's a code that only you understand. in. It's become a one-way code, apparently. It's a code that only you understand. Oh, no. She understands completely. But it bugs her. Let's keep in mind, she is my little sister, and since it bugs her, I'm not, I do not want

to stop because I know it irritates her to no end. And it's fun. That's when you double down on it. And I have three sisters, and every one of them knows if there's no message, just call me when you can. Your Honor, I'm afraid that my brother is sending you down a false, false path. OK, I register your objection. I'd like to hear what you have to say.

He applies this rule of hanging up on our voicemails even when it does matter. of hanging up on our voicemails, even when it does matter. So for instance, recently we had arranged that I would babysit his two young boys so that he and his wife could go to a concert in my town. What concert? We went and saw the wall. Wow. All right, cool. All right, go on. It was, it was excellent. But because it was an out of town, you know, coming into town, they live several hours away. It was going to be an overnight babysit. A lot of logistics needed to be hammered out. Arrival times, departure times and whatnot.

He called me two times in one day. When you're a middle aged person going to see the wall, there is a lot that you need to work out ahead of time. Indeed. It's the second time I've seen it in two separate cities. Okay. Let's just table that for a moment while I process that information. He called me. This was, I think, the day before or two days before their arrival.

He called me two times that day, hung up, no message left. The third time he called, he deigned to leave me a message because he actually did want to talk to me to firm up our arrangements. I believe that that was his intent on the first two calls. I don't think he was calling just to chat, but since he called and left no data about what he was calling in regards to, I did not call him back. Right. So the code would seem to be, sir, that if you call and do not leave a message, it just means just thinking about you and maybe thinking about – it's just a regular code saying just thinking about you and thinking about seeing the Walt sometime soon because that's just normal everyday stuff for you. But if you leave lots and lots of messages, that then means I actually want you to call me back. Is that the code? Usually one message is sufficient. If I'm

leaving a message, it's fairly important. If it's just a missed call shows up on your phone, it's either just calling to check in and say, hey,, I want to call you back. She knew. And one of those times I did leave a message. She just didn't get it. I called her when I did finally talk to her. I said, I left you your message, and I never heard back. And then I get all kinds of stories about, oh, my phone was doing this, and it was acting like that. But she knew that I called. So she wasn't returning the call

i think just simply out of spite oh you heard that accusatory sing-songy voice he used i did i wasn't accusation so she sees the call excuse me yes yes your eminence all right take it down a thousand basketball voice i want. I want to hear from Katie now. I no longer ignore calls necessarily. He is correct that for years I would tell him that my phone was faulty. And that was a lie? Sometimes it was, yes. But this was 10 years ago.

You don't like to answer the phone. And 10 years ago, you would lie and say, I didn't answer. Not true, not true. It's not that I don't like to answer the phone. It's not always a good time. And he calls several times. He definitely did this more in the early years, would call several times in a row. And then when you did call him back, he would say, i've been trying to get a hold of you for days well then leave a message with all the words used all the words all the words in the english language yes yes uh but yes

he he he's correct i i would say things about my missed calls not operating well because I felt like he should be leaving messages. So you would mischaracterize the situation in order to goad him into leaving messages? Indeed, yes. Well, let's separate the two malfeasances here. Just because you are a liar doesn't necessarily mean, sir, that you are doing the right thing in this situation. Do you understand that? I do understand.

I also – oh, I'm sorry. Oh, no, I'm sorry, sir. Please, go on, Basketball Jones. There are times for proper etiquette, and there are times for irritating your family. The family relationship has been fine over the years. There's not the dysfunction and strife. So sometimes it's just fun to just get under people's skin. Now, in a normal work type situation, I'm a contractor. She does her work. She does a lot of work through her phone. This is not a normal type of behavior that I would, I guess, inflict upon anybody else. It's family. It's fun.

And she's basically said, I understand what you're doing. I just choose not to participate in it through lies and deceptions and deceit. And this is where we end up. Wait, so you are openly admitting that you are basically doing this to annoy your sister? Oh, I always have. This is a long distance. Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?

I can't. We're in different towns. I can't do that anymore. So it's telephone. Sisters. Oh, yeah, I do it to all of them. I grew up in a house full of women. I can see it has scarred you.

You're overcompensating by going to see The Wall every weekend. If I could, every weekend I would, but I'll just have to take the shows that are close. Tell me about your obsession with The Wall for a moment, because this is something that I'm having a hard time understanding. What cities have you seen The Wall in so far?

My wife is from St. Louis, and we saw it there two years ago. Everybody's got to see the St. Louis, and we saw it there two years ago. Well, everybody's got to see the St. Louis wall. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's driving distance, and we had a built-in babysitter. I am a big Pink Floyd fan, and I never, since I am 37 and I was born in 74, I never thought I'd get to see them live. And when they went around and they did it again, I said, I'm going to go.

And it was so awesome when they went out and they said they were going to go to Indianapolis. I called my sister up, left messages, and checked with her several times to make sure she would watch the kids so I could see it a second time. And I enjoyed it very much, and I thank her for it. All that proved is that you are capable of leaving messages, brother. I always have been. So here's the thing. Here's the thing. What would you.

You just want your brother to stop teasing you with his weird spamming the engine of your cell phone. Is that correct? I think if he applied the code on a consistent basis that he really never left a message during times when he really was just calling to chat, we would not be in conflict today. But since he also just hangs up on the voicemail when he really does have words to say, I end up with several missed calls in a row until he finally breaks down and leaves a message. Is that voicemail thing takes so long to listen to? It asks you to leave a message. And if you can't get ahold of somebody, press one, blah, blah, blah. Who has the time? You do.

Katie? Probably, but sometimes. Most humans do have the time to wait through. Look, I agree. I appreciate that. It's very tiresome to hear that automated voice say if you want to review the call or if you want to leave a message, et cetera, et cetera. But it doesn't take very long if you have important information that you need to convey to another person. This is the point of communication, is it not?

9.9 times out of 10, I will sit through the thing and I will leave the message and I will convey the message in hopes of getting a call back or just getting the message to her. Through gritted teeth in extra thick basketball of anger. I do not have to like it, but I will do it. Hello, I'm your Judge John Hodgman. The Judge John Hodgman podcast is brought to you every week by you, our members, of course. Thank you so much for your support of this podcast and all of your favorite podcasts at MaximumFun.org. And they are all your favorites. If you want to join the many member supporters of this podcast and this network, boy, oh boy, that would be fantastic. podcast in this network, boy, oh boy, that would be fantastic. Just go to MaximumFun.org slash join.

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slash Hodgman spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash Hodgman. Rules and restrictions apply. Does Katie, how's Katie's outgoing voicemail message? Is it long or is it short? It's incredibly short. Okay, so it's not her fault.

It's built into the system. This is Katie. Leave a message. Automated voice. Done. Do you text message, sir? Very, very rarely. I do not have a smartphone.

I do construction work, i have a i have to press four times to get the letter s so i very rarely text message i'm sorry what is why do you have to press four times to get the oh because it's just a regular keypad i just have a numeric keyboard oh okay i got you uh why not have a smartphone what does working construction have to do with not having a smartphone? You need something more or what? I, yes, I, I, my phone, I, I'm not real big on carrying the clip on my belt. I'm worried about knocking it off. I keep my phone in my pocket.

You don't want to look like a nerd at the wall concert. I don't mind looking like a nerd at all. I excel at it. Your honor, could I, could I mention something about this working in construction that he is talking about? I'll allow it. He doesn't work in construction. I mean, yes, he does. He owns his own tile business. Uh-huh. Having a phone that's capable of leaving messages and getting messages using multiple platforms is not maybe such a bad idea. The rest of his sisters do text and text often.

Well, let me ask you this then, sir. Yes. If you have a glass tile floor in the bathroom and one of the tiles becomes cracked in the middle, can that one be repaired or do you have to retile the whole floor? You can absolutely take them out and replace them one at a time. Well, I look forward to hearing your Pink Floyd

the wall themed email address as soon as we get off the air because I would like to find out how we can take care of that right away right here in Brainerd. Would you like your brother to get a smartphone? What would you like me to compel him to do if I were to find against him today? He doesn't need to get a smartphone? What would you like me to compel him to do if I were to find?

Oh, he doesn't need to have a smartphone, but I think I would love for him to be compelled to leave a message every single time, even if now he has to leave a message saying, just calling to chat, and because I love you so much, dear sister. And, sir, what would you like to get out of this if I were to find in your favor? May I ask you a question first? Do you have brothers and sisters? I do not. You do not? You are an only child. I am. Why do you think I spend all my weekends

talking to people in Indiana on podcasts? Because you're a busy man. Yeah, why do you think I have a podcast where I can finally yell at other people and put them down? Because I've never had brothers and sisters. That's a good point. I've got 41 years worth of teasing built up in me.

Teasing and bullying that I need to get out on people. Then you should totally get a little sister. They're so much fun to mess with, especially on phones. I don't need them, sir, because I have you. I am proud to be your punching bag. Is this your Skype account, by the way? Yes, it is. Prepare to receive a lot of messages from me containing no content.

I would understand it. I understand the path I'm going down I am going to gaslight you so bad sir you have no idea you will not know what is going on at one moment you're going to think that we're best friends another moment you're going to think that I'm just

I accidentally fell down on my keyboard you're not going to know whether I like you or loathe you or forgotten all about you it's going to drive you nuts and I'm going to have the greatest know whether I like you or loathe you or have forgotten all about you. It's going to drive you nuts, and I'm going to have the greatest time. It sounds like you do have brothers and sisters because that's exactly how it is. You never know, but you know that they love you the whole time. Well, that's exactly what you're not going to know, sir, because I'm going to go into my chambers now and come up with a solution to this problem.

No, sir, because I'm going to go into my chambers now and come up with a solution to this problem. Jesse, why don't you talk to them for a little bit while I go in here and and type a type away on my try to spell dirty words on my on my old digital calculator. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman exits the courtroom. So. Katie, if this is just your brother messing with you, why are you letting him do it? How does one prevent that exactly? I mean, he calls and hangs up.

I suppose I could block his number, but that seems hurtful. Steve, what are you doing here? You're a grown man. She's making it sound like she gets three or four calls a day. I'll call and check in. Like, if I don't hear from her, this will be like every week or two that I'll just pop in and go, oh, it's Wednesday. Hey, I haven't talked to her in a week or two.

Is it really so bad, Steve, to leave a message for your kid sister? Yes, yes. a message for your for your kid sister yes yes is it just that every second you're talking to that message machine could be a second that you're putting another brick in the wall please rise as judge john hodgman re-enters the courtroom hello it's me again john hodgman i was just enjoying a pina colada because I love making love at midnight in the dunes of the Cape. And I'm back now to talk to, what are your names again, Katie and Steve, about cell phone etiquette. I have to say, Steve, I admire your forthrightness in this situation because you have just basically openly said you're just trying to drive your sister crazy which is clearly working because she's very mad at you about this uh and i i have to say that i'm intrigued by your

argument that the missed call stands in for a code uh that you have called to make contact, nothing important, you'll get back to them later. There is something absolutely sort of elegant and decent about that, that I wish could be applied universally to all phone communication, because honestly, I don't want to listen to these messages from these people, and I'd like to know whether or not the messages coming is important uh... or not and if you're saying that your code is it's not that important uh... then i could get behind that there there's a problem actually couple problems are with what you're saying one

this code is not universally applied in fact it is only applied by you no one else in the world sees a missed call and no message as a simple check-in. It's, why is this person so mad at me? Or did something happen to him? Did he drive off the road before he could leave the message? It is alarming, not calming. And second, you are not applying this code consistently even within your own weird pocket universe. In other words, sometimes you're calling just to check in. Sometimes you're calling to actually convey information. Sometimes you're just spamming your sister in order to bug her.

And it leaves her in a position of untenable anxiety, not knowing which you are doing. Anxiety that I suspect you enjoy based on your quiet little right then that I heard, but nonetheless is mean. Now, I have to say, here's what I think you should do or should have done before it came to this. You should have established what the code meant, told your sisters what it is. And then if you wanted to just not leave messages, right, you could have gotten away with that. But your open mocking of your sister through this weird stalkerish behavior really makes it, you know, I think, unfortunately, undoes your moral high ground in this situation because you are you are actually using this technology to bother someone.

So here is what I am going to do. I'm going to find in favor of Katie. And, sir. Yes. Yes, that's right. Sir, for the next. I'm going to punish you for bothering her by bothering you. For the period of one year, if you call Katie, I don't care what you do with your other sisters, but if you call Katie, you have to leave a message.

And you have to leave a message that has to be left in this particular style. One, it needs to be what all voicemail messages should be, short. Two, it should announce your intention for the call. In other words, you can't just say, call me back. Just say, call me back because I need to talk to you about this, or I don't have to talk to you about anything. Call me back when you feel like it. Three,

you have to leave the message clearly. You have to give the telephone number and you have to, and you have to use the Brett Martin technique of phone message leaving. Brett Martin is a writer for GQ magazine and a very old friend of mine. He writes about food and, and wine and cheese for GQ magazine and a very old friend of mine. He writes about food and wine and cheese for GQ magazine. And since I have known him, Brett Martin has always left messages this way. Hello, John.

This is Brett Martin. I am calling to talk to you about XYZ. He loves to talk about those letters for some reason. Please give me a call back when you can. Thank you very much. Brett Martin. I can do that. All right.

So let's hear a sample voicemail message that you're going to leave. So I'll do Katie's novelty outgoing message. And then I'll do the computer voice. And then you'll leave the message. And this is what it's going to be like for one year. And then if you do the computer voice, and then you'll leave the message. And this is what it's going to be like for one year. And then if you want to reestablish this code, you can, but you've got to lay the ground rules,

and you've got to apply them consistently going forward. Do you understand what I'm saying, sir? I understand. All right, so here we go. Hello, it's me, Carl Castle. I'm leaving a message on Katie's outgoing voicemail because she won a public radio game. So go ahead and leave your name and number after the tone. If you'd like to leave a message, press one. If you don't want to leave a message, press one. Stand by for a pause,

and then I will allow you to leave a message. Hey, Katie. It's your brother. I'm calling in regards to XYZ. Please give me a call back when you can. I would appreciate it. My number is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I will talk to you later. See ya. Brett Martin. Close. You had to. Brett Martin. Close. You had to do Brett Martin at the top in order to really sell that one.

I want you to use your own name, though, okay? First and last name. All right. All right, good. This is the sound of a gavel. If you love making love at midnight, Judge Sean Hodgman rules. That is all. Please rise as Judge Sean Hodgman rules that is all please rise as judge John Hodgman exits the courtroom

Steve this is a stern rebuke how are you feeling defeated I thought I had this one in the bag I thought that just the mess with my little sister would be enough to get me through and win this one but I I've been blown out of the water here. Do you think it's possible that you got cocky? Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. That's all right, though. I will abide by the ruling, and I will leave messages for my sister if that's what she so wants.

Katie, are you relieved? I'm relieved. My heart's a little broken for my big brother. I know he really had a lot on the line here. And I would not be surprised if my other two sisters requested similar message leavings. This is not a precedent. Yeah, it depends on what your brother thinks about judicial precedent. I think this is going to spark a lot of debate for a long time. Katie, Steve, thanks for joining us on the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Good luck, guys. Hello, teachers and faculty. This is Janet Varney. I'm here to remind you that listening to my podcast, The JV Club with Janet Varney, is part of the curriculum for the school year. Learning about the teenage years of such guests as Alison Brie, Vicki Peterson, John Hodgman,

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If you need a laugh and you're on the go, try S-T-O-P-P-P-D-C-O-O. Ah, we are so close. Stop podcasting yourself a podcast from maximum fun dot org if you need a laugh and you're on the go judge hodgman if you had a little sister do you think

you'd be the type to torture them what's that jesse i just had my headphones on i was listening to my reel-to-reel, that Rupert Holden song about when Banana Republic used to sell pith helmets. What did you ask me? It's not important. Let's get to the talk, Ed.

Here's something from Nathan. He writes, My wife is pregnant. I have two children from a previous marriage. While she loves her stepchildren as her own, this will be my wife's first biological child. She insists that as this is the case, she should have sole naming rights over the new baby, arguing that, quote, arguing that I, quote, have already had two chances to pick baby names. I believe the choice of a name is a job for both

parents to make together as an expression of love and hope for the child and suspect that she just doesn't like the same kinds of names that I do. Who should be allowed input on the new baby's name? Yes, the father should be allowed input on the baby's name. to suggest that he recuse himself from the naming of his own baby, even though he has two other children, who I presume at this point are being forced to clean chimneys for this home. No, I'm not suggesting that this lovely woman is an evil stepmother. But yes, you have to let your husband have some input. I'm sure it'll be terrible, dumb input, and eventually you'll get your way.

But you have to work together to raise a child. It is the product of a family. And since I think that this decision will ultimately be extremely fraught, especially now, I think the only action that I can take is to force both of you to recuse yourself from the decision and allow me to name your child. So if your child is a female child, I think her name should be Joan Hodgman. And if your child is a male child, Rupert Holmes will be the name of your child. male child Rupert Holmes will be the name of your child. I get the

impression that Nathan's wife may be reacting to the names that he picked for the first two kids. Like maybe they're named Troy Aikman Smith and Dale Earnhardt Jr. Smith. You know, maybe we

should get them on and have them actually talk this out on an actual podcast. Maybe we should do an instant upgrade. Yeah, email us at Hodgman at MaximumFun.org and we'll see what we can do. We'll instant upgrade you to a full hearing. Otherwise, if you don't contact us, you will have to name your children Joan Hodgman Rupert Holmes. You want to plug a MaxFun podcast? I want to plug in my earphones to listen to the rest of this Rupert Holmes album.

Why don't you go ahead and plug something while I'm listening? Hey, if you're out there and you haven't listened to my show, Bullseye, and you haven't listened to my show, Bullseye, you're missing out on great culture recommendations and in-depth interviews. All you have to do is subscribe in iTunes or your favorite podcatcher or go to MaximumFun.org and click on Bullseye. I'm in the ring.

And I do like champagne. Yes, I love making love at midnight. In the moon of the Cape. Come and see a piñata. I'm sorry, Jesse, did you say something? Was I singing too loud when I was listening to my favorite song? Oh, geez. Okay, look, if you've got a case for Judge John Hodgman,

go to MaximumFun.org slash JJHo, J-J-H-O, and submit it. Don't wait. Do it now. If you know somebody in your life who has a case for Judge John Hodgman, send them to MaximumFun.org slash JJ Ho. I don't even care if they listen to the show. Submit your dispute and ye be judged. That was fun, huh, John? That was fun.

We'll talk to you. We'll talk to you again next. We'll talk to you again next time. If you love making love, it means. Oh, no. Go ahead. Go go ahead do the outro we'll talk to you next time on the Judge John Hodgman podcast

that is all the Judge John Hodgman podcast is a production of MaximumFun.org our special thanks to all the folks who donate to support the show and all of our shows at MaximumFun.org slash donate. The show is produced by Julia Smith and me, Jesse Thorne, and edited by Mark McConville. You can check out his podcast, Super Ego, in iTunes or online at

GoSuperEgo.com. You can find John Hodgman online at AreasOfMyExpertise.com. If you have a case for Judge John Hodgman, go to maximumfund.org slash JJHO. If you have thoughts about the show, join the conversation on our forum at forum.maximumfund.org and our Facebook group at facebook.com slash Judge John Hodgman. We'll see you online and next time right here on the Judge John Hodgman podcast.