Judge John Hodgman - Double In-Dented-Ty

Episode Date: September 29, 2021

This week, we hear a dispute between two comedy writers: Andy Wood (Bridgetown Comedy Festival, Probably Science podcast) and Chip Pope (LOPEZ, It Happened in Hollywood podcast)!Andy brings the case against his friend, Chip. Andy accidentally backed into Chip's car, causing damage to the door. Andy agreed to fully cover the cost of the repair. But before Chip could get the door fixed, Chip was in another car accident that caused larger damage to the door. Andy says that because of the second accident Chip should now split the insurance deductible with him. Chip disagrees.Who’s right? Who’s wrong?Thank you to Daniel Cordero & Cody McBurnett for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put out a call for submissions there.

Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm bailiff Jesse Thorne. This week, double indented tea. Andy brings the case against his friend Chip. Andy accidentally backed into Chip's car, causing damage to the door. Andy agreed to fully cover the cost of the repair. But before Chip could get the door fixed, he was in another car accident that caused even more damage to the door. Andy says that because of the second accident, Chip should now split the insurance deductible with him. Chip disagrees. Who's right? Who's wrong? Only one can decide. Chip disagrees. Who's right? Who's wrong? Only one can decide.

Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom and presents an obscure cultural reference. Even though I was alone, I was really happy for Ty. It's like that book I read in ninth grade that said, "'Tis a far, far better thing doing stuff for other people. Bailiff Jesse Thorne, swear them in. Andy, Chip, please rise and raise your right hands. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God or whatever? I do.

I do. Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling, despite the fact that his car is missing a door, just like my Little League coach, Tim. Yes, I do. Yes, see, Jesse. Yes, I do. Now, I want to be clear, John. Yes. It wasn't my Little League coach that was missing a door. It was his car.

But he did drive kids to games in that car that was missing an entire door. What was the kind of car? It was like a Mercury Grand Marquis or something like that. You know, like a 76 Mercury Grand Marquis. A classic missing door car. Yeah. Yeah. Right.

Okay. That's an unapproved mod for a Mercury Marquis. I think like a Datsun Honeybee could also be missing a door. That's fair. Yeah. It's not like it had a net. It wasn't like a stock car. It just, a door at some point had come off the car and he had continued to drive it.

Yeah, right, exactly. He used to put a ping pong paddle in a sock and make us field with that so we would have soft hands. Yeah, probably Captain America tore it off to use it as a shield in a fight. Most likely. Yeah, that's probably what happened. Am I in the courtroom now? I don't know. Okay, Andy, Chip, for an immediate summary judgment in one of your favors, can either of you name the piece of culture that I referenced when I entered the courtroom?

I know Jennifer Marmer. I saw her nodding. I know she got it. You guys are both in Hollywood. What is the answer? I'll go Chip first. I know it. You know it?

Does Andy? Hang on. All right. Hold on. Hold on, Chip, because I think Chip is coming in. The cat's in the bag and the cat's in the river. Wow. Okay.

Holy cow. I'm coming in with. No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't say it. Don't say it. I want to give Andy a shot. This is for all the marbles in the cat in the river bag. Yeah.

So the person referenced, the second party was named Ty. Is that right? Yes. In the quote, Ty. second party was named Ty. Is that right? Yes. In the quote, Ty. A separate piece. I have no idea. Chip, what is it? It is Amy Heckerling's seminal 1995 film, Clueless. That is absolutely right. It is Clueless, directed by Amy Heckerling. An incredible movie, a loose adaptation of Jane Austen's Emma,

but a masterpiece all of its own. Amy Heckerling. Jesse Thorne, did I ever tell you that she directed me in an episode of Red Oaks? No, that sounds fantastic. She was the greatest. Big fan of Harvey Danger. Loved Amy Heckerling so much.

So, all right. So, Chip, you have guessed correctly, but you have to answer the question. Why, why, why did I use that quote here? Let me give you another hint. Here's another quote. You guys get another shot. Ready? Here's another quote. This is from a movie remote control. That's gotta be it. That thing is running by remote control. Listen, listen, you guys, we've got to do something. I mean, i mean something's wrong machines just don't run by themselves that means there's someone else on this island you know foreign spies or something andy you got it lost chip no wrong chip you got it no the gonzalez wrong wrong here's another one angela declared war on me

angela we're gonna do a podcast we'll get to the pod oh we'll get to the order in my court Here's another one. Angela declared war on me. Angela. We're going to do a podcast. We'll get to the pod. Oh, we'll get to the order in my court. We'll get to the podcast. Angela declared war on me before I ever set foot in this valley. I'll tell you what I want. I want her head and chases alongside it.

Andy, you got it? No. Murder, she wrote. Wrong. Chip, what is it? Oh, my so-called life wasn't that wasn't an angela close but no cigar here's another one it's easy to see it's easy to see that well this you can tell from the way this is what i have to deal with uh andy and chip bailiff jesse this quote

is very very applicable it's easy to see that none of you know anything about the loneliness of command. Andy? Chip? A few good men. No. Chip? Oh, remains of the day. Okay, last one. You're both wrong. All guesses are wrong. Last one. Here it is. For all the cat's marbles,

everything in Salem's lot is connected to that house. You can see it from every part of town. It's like a beacon throwing off an energy force. Andy, you got it? Would that be Salem's lot? Which version? Wait, is that not the name of a movie and book?

Or is that a series? It's the name of a book. It's the name of two TV miniseries. Oh, Pet Sematary. No, no, no, no, no. Salem's lot is correct. lot is the name of a different book in tv series wait stop trying to name a book inspired by wrong you're wrong you're wrong you're running through a forest you're running through a forest chip for all the marbles in

the cat bag which version of salem's lot uh the one with anthony michael hall no no that's the stand i'm sorry with you i don't even think that anthony michael hall was in the dead zone Version of Salem's Lot. The one with Anthony Michael Hall. No. No, that's the stand. I'm sorry. Why are you? I don't even think that Anthony Michael Hall was in the dead zone. What's wrong with you, Chip? The Salem's Lot, was that with the Nosferatu? You're thinking of Nosferatu.

Salem's Lot, 1979 miniseries starring Richard Soule. It was about a town in Maine called Jerusalem's Lot. That's why when you see the book, it's got an apostrophe

before the S because that's the main version of shorthand. They called it Salem's Lot to make it just a little bit shorter.

You know what's special about the town of Salem's Lot, Jesse Thorne? I don't know. It's just full of regular people doing jobs.

Moving on. What is Richard Stoll Drive in the 1979 version of Salem's Lot? My assumption is Mercury Grand Marquis. It is not a Mercury Grand Marquis. It is a Jeep CJ5. It's easy that none of you know anything about The Loneliness loneliness of command season five episode three of charlie's angels in which that is you will remember the hawaii season they got all new cars julie got a brand new yellow jeep cj5 abandoned for the rest of the uh for the rest of the series though angela declared war on me before i even set foot in this valley i'll tell you what i want i want her head and ch's alongside it. Falcon crest. Said by Richard Channing to know, but referring to Chase who drove a yellow Jeep CJ5. That thing's being driven by

remote control. Killdozer, 1974. In that movie, the main characters fight a demon-possessed bulldozer with a Jeep. I think it's a CJ-5. What does a CJ-5 turn into in 1986? Andy, Chip, I'll tell you what. It's featured in the movie Clueless by Amy Heckerling, 1995, in which Cher, played by Alicia Silverstone, drives what? A 1994 Jeep Wrangler. What do these Jeeps have in common, Andy and Chip?

No doors. Well, you can take the doors off. Oh, okay. I also like them. I have a Jeep and I take the doors off and I like it a lot. And guess what happens? No doors means no door problems. Biggie taught us that. Yeah.

Thank you for going on that long walk with me and thank you especially to the imcdb internet movie cars database for helping me find all of the jeep wranglers and cj5s that have appeared in movies and television it's a pretty incredible website jesse i encourage you to check it out. Search Mitsubishi Delica. You'll have a good time finding all those Japanese movies that have a Mitsubishi Delica in them. That's awesome. Now we get to the case because the fact is, Andy, you backed your car into Chip's car door, right? Very true.

Very stupid move. What happened? Where did this happen and what happened? So to give too much preamble, I moved out to the desert. We don't have time for any of this okay okay because i did that whole thing we're just gonna need to wrap it up i did the whole thing with about the jeeps that i love so much all right no please go ahead you moved to the desert i moved out here a year and a half ago so i've been living alone and um you forgot how society works yes you're just bashing into cars left and right because it's it's a road warrior out there in joshua tree right exactly yeah force of habit uh i'm just used

to having an empty driveway and i didn't realize that i sort of don't pull out straight i always do a little turn to make sure that the side view mirror doesn't clip the garage so when i had a visitor i'm just still in the mindset of just the muscle memory of the way I always pull out. Very stupid move. Was that visitor Chip? A visitor was Mr. Chip Pope. Yes. Mr. Chip Pope. And so he came to visit you out there in Joshua Tree, which is the desert. It's the desert. Yep. From where, Chip? You live in Los Angeles?

Los Angeles, California. Hollywood, USA. Heard of it? I've heard of it. I was there once or twice, too. I visited my friend Jesse Thorne and Jennifer Marmer at Maximum Fun HQ a few times, if you know what I mean. Yeah, where show business magic happens. That's right. That's where it all happens. Yes.

Well, it's the land of Jeeps. Yeah. Land of Jeeps, if you go by all those references. Maybe you should have gotten one, Chip. Maybe you should have gotten a Jeep. Would have come in handy. Yeah, then your car door wouldn't be in the way of Andy's backing up. What's your side of this, Chip?

Well, I went out to visit Andy. He said, park anywhere. So I parked behind the side of the garage that I assumed never gets used. It had a car in there already. And he's like, I don't use that side. Just park over there. And as we've learned in the movie Time Cop, two bodies of mass can't occupy the same space at the same time. So Andy hit my car trying to get another mass into another mass, I guess, to save the world, a la Jean-Claude Van Damme or something.

But he should have looked to see that car. The sad thing is he was just going out to get coffee and donuts. You know, it's all just such an innocent accident. You know, he was going to do something nice. Right. And it turned into something not nice but anyway my story is the car was sitting there and got hit in the middle of nowhere yeah i got you i mean to be fair when a person who lives in the middle of the desert says park anywhere you can really

park anywhere yeah yeah i mean you don't have to cozy up to the house you don't have to watch out for cactuses because they're super yeah you do right yeah yeah and also falling anvils that a coyote is tossing and fake tunnels right that'll that'll damage your car if you drive into a fake tunnel sure signs that say this away but actually they're pointing off the edge of a cliff yeah that's something you gotta watch out for in the desert for sure surprising numbers of road runnersners, by the way. And I've never seen one not running across a road. They're the most on-brand animal.

I'm not kidding. Hey, they're just out here doing their thing. Yeah. So Chip, you sent in some evidence. And these photos, of course, will be available on the show page at MaximumFun.org as well as on our Instagram account at Instagram.com slash Judge John Hodgman. First, I see a photo of Andy's driveway. Wow, that really is in the middle of nowhere.

That's a beautiful sunset in Joshua Tree. That's where you live, Andy? Yes, sir. Why'd you move out there? There's this global pandemic that happened. Oh, okay. I got you. Made life in Los Angeles a little less enticing. Right, right. So you

head to the hills and you run into any of those killdozers out there? No killdozers as of... Knock on a countertop. Looks pretty lonely. And I would say a lot of parking. A lot of parking available. Lots of options. Whose car is this right here pictured in this photo?

That's my car. That's not a picture of the accident. It's just to underscore the vast amounts of space that are out there. The ridiculousness, really, of hitting that car. Well, no, but is this where you parked, more or less? Yes, that's where I parked, behind the other car in the two-car garage. We're seeing here an attached two-car garage, and the garage and home are surrounded by desert. There's no other stuff.

So there's plenty of places for anyone to park, be it Andy or Chip. Well, except for the fact, in Chip's going to go in Chip's defense because he is really nosed right up to the right hand side of this garage. And so if I understand it correctly, Andy, you hit the garage door opener. Your car is in the left hand side of the garage and you angled out of the garage and you crunched into Chip's left hand door. Is that right? Yeah, I guess I didn't realize that I always do a little bit of a turn just to keep my side view mirror away from the lip you know if i go straight you didn't move to

the desert to parallel park you moved to the desert to peel out yeah and i wanted coffee yeah in chip's defense though jesse i will say that the only other parking available is sand. Yeah. Like Andy's house is perched on a small platform of poured cement and is surrounded on all sides by sand. Are you concerned, John, about quicksand out here? I, um, you know, if the killdozers don't get you, the quicksand will. More of a jungle phenomenon in my experience, but what do I know? And then I'm going down to this next photo of the car. And this is, Chip, this is your car now and showing me the original damage when Andy backed

into it. On your driver's side front door, correct? Yes, sir. Okay. And you zoom in, you see that the damage extends to two doors. You zoom in, Chip. You don't tell me to zoom in. It's like the one door, but the second door is also scuffed up.

All right. If one zooms in. What kind of car is this? It's a Prius, so it's not exactly made for sand or mud. It's a concrete car. I'm just looking up to see what movies it was in. Scary Movie 3, Gilmore girls must love. Uh,

wow. Prius really shows up weeds curb, your enthusiasm, the other guys, the next three days. I think it was the butt of probably 7,000 jokes and the other guys. So it's a scuff and a dent. And you send a,

you send a picture of Harry's automobileobile and Collision Center business card. Is this where you got a quote for how much it was going to cost to repair? What happened next? Why am I looking at this card, Chip? Yes, sir. I got the estimate from Harry's Automotive. And Andy had said that, well, let's not get the insurance companies involved, which is not bad. Who wants to get the insurance companies involved, which is not bad.

Who wants to get an insurance company involved? Nobody, quite frankly. But he said, if the damage is over $2,000, we should get the insurance companies involved. Unfortunately, the damage was over $2,000 by just a touch. So I magnanimously offered to, I was driving the car home soon anyway, to Texas. And I thought, well, maybe I'll find you a better deal in Texas. What a good friend I am. I was looking to cut down the price of the $2,200 of damage for Andy. Right. Just to have the pleasure of this story, I suppose.

For Andy. Right. Just to have the pleasure of this story, I suppose. So there you are driving your way to Texas trying to find a better deal for your old friend Andy Wood living out in the desert. And what should happen? Well, in theory, I was driving. I wasn't home yet. I hate to correct you, but I was at the laundromat and I opened the door and a car came out of the traffic lane into the parking lane. And drove into, not into the laundromat, into my car, into the door of the car.

The same door that young Andrew had hit. What a coincidence. And that totaled the door at that point. Coincidence is when you describe something awful, right? What, John? That's absolutely correct. We'll have to get the folks from Merriam-Webster on that, but we can verify that after the show.

No, no, no, I'm going to say, I'm going to just send it in to them as a new definition. I think that's right. Great. Yeah. Let's take a quick recess and hear about this week's Judge John Hodgman sponsor. We'll be back in just a moment on the Judge John Hodgman podcast. Hodgman podcast always brought to you by you, the members of MaximumFun.org. Thanks to everybody who's gone to MaximumFun.org slash join, and you can join them by going to MaximumFun.org slash join. The Judge John Hodgman podcast is also brought to you this week by our pals over at

Made In. Jesse, you've heard of Tom Colicchio, the famous chef, right? Yeah, from the restaurant Kraft. And did you know that most of the dishes at that very same restaurant are made with Made In pots and pans? Really? What's an example? The braised short ribs, they're Made In, Made in. The Rohan duck, made in, made in. Riders of Rohan, duck. What about the Heritage Pork Shop? You got it. Made in, made in. Made in has been supplying top chefs and restaurants with high-end cookware for years.

They make the stuff that chefs need. Their carbon steel cookware is the best of cast iron, the best of stainless clad. It gets super hot. It's rugged enough for grills or an open flame. One of the most useful pans you can own. And like we said, good enough for real professional chefs, the best professional chefs. Oh, so I have to go all the way down to the restaurant district in restaurant town? Just buy it online. This is professional grade cookware

that is available online directly to you, the consumer, at a very reasonable price. Yeah. If you want to take your cooking to the next level, remember what so many great dishes on menus all around the world have in common. They're made in Made In. Save up to 25% this Memorial Day

from the 18th until the 27th. Visit madeincookware.com. That's M-A-D-E-I-N cookware.com. The Judge John Hodgman podcast is also brought to you this week by the folks over there at Babbel. Did you know that learning, the experience of learning

causes a sound to happen? Let's hear the sound. Yep, that learning the experience of learning causes a sound to happen let's hear the sound yep that's the sound of you learning a new language with babble we're talking about quick 10 minute lessons crafted by over 200 language experts that can help you start speaking a new language in as little as one two three weeks let weeks. Let's hear that sound. Babbel's tips and tools are approachable, accessible, rooted in real life situations and delivered with conversation-based teaching. So you're ready to practice what you've learned in the real world and you get to hear the sound. It's not just like a game that pretends to teach you a language. It's also not a rigid, weird, hyper-academic chore. It is an actually productive app that actually teaches you while you are actually having a nice time.

And you get to hear this sound. Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners right now. Get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners, at babbel.com slash Hodgman. Get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash Hodgman, spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash Hodgman. Rules and restrictions apply. So now the door was totaled. Yes, now the door couldn't even close anymore. The guy who hit the door offered to help close the door. We tried to close the door was totaled. Yes. Now the door couldn't even close anymore. The guy who hit the door offered to help close the door. We tried to close the door.

We couldn't close the door. And by offering to help close the door, that means shoving? Shoving it closed? Yes. Trying to shove it closed. Trying to shove the old door. Wouldn't close. the old door wouldn't close. So Chip, all of a sudden this $2,200 bill balloons to a much higher bill and the insurance is going to get involved, correct? Yes, sir. Have to get the insurance

involved now. Chip, what did the insurance say? The insurance said in the state of California, if you open a door and somebody hits it, is a hundred percent your fault no ifs ands or buts you could do an Aaron Brockovich and try to fight this law but it seems feudal and that meant that your insurance would not pay out oh no my insurance pays out but it still is a hundred percent my fault right but uh yeah but my insurance will pay out for the for the second damage to the door. And you have to pay the deductible chip. Yes. The deductible is on me because the person who hit the door has been found not to be at any fault. Of course. The second person who hit the door. So even though insurance pays out, you are still responsible for a deductible of how much?

$1,000. Now, Andy, at this point, you made a proposition to save yourself some money, correct? Right. So at this point, Chip told me what the situation was and said, instead of $2,200, now you only owe $1,000, which is a decrease. And that is much preferable to $2,200. thousand, which is a decrease and that is much preferable to 2200. But I guess my thinking was that even if we had gotten that dent, that first dent fixed right away, the second thing still would have happened and chip would have been out the full thousand. So I proposed some kind of split where maybe we find a situation where both of us is paying a percentage of what our

worst case scenario would have otherwise been with. Wait minute wait a minute wait a minute andy i was with you for a minute there okay i lost you no let me just know we have a clean clear fiber optic connection i'm speaking to andy in the desert yes what i'm hearing is that you agreed to pay the damage of 2200 for the initial hit which you are responsible for what you did well i i all right go ahead go ahead well i mean there was never like a specific agreement to pay 2200 i said i will pay to fix that dent and then the door is totaled and it's literally impossible to fix just that dent so i don't know what becomes of that initial obligation now that that thing ceases to exist, essentially. So you said you were responsible for paying to repair that dent, but you weren't responsible for this quote from Harry's Automotive and Collision Center,

a home of Chris, I'm looking at the card here, Chris, Harry, and someone named Fax. here chris harry and someone named fax uh yeah yeah it just seems like it's reasonable if we did some kind of split where i'm still taking the bulk of that thousand but uh there's a non-zero amount that chip would be out of pocket for his own accident to which i had no part so because otherwise there's no incentive for chip not to just open his doors into traffic all day long. It's simple economics. Andy, wait a minute. Okay. You bang into your friend's car.

You cause damage. You offer to pay for the damage. Initial quote, $2,200 from Harry's Automotive. Yep. Chip's a nice guy. He said, look, I'm going to drive through Texas eventually, a place famed for its lower estimates. Maybe I'll get a lower estimate and knock some of that off. But before that can even happen, he opens his door into traffic, totals his door, and now he's on the hook for $1,000 as a deductible, right?

And he says to you, guess what? Good news. You don't have to pay me $2,200. $1,000 will do. And you've already cut your thing basically in half. But now you're saying, no, I want to pay less than that even. And your reasoning is that this door would have been totaled anyway. Is that correct?

Yes. And that the bill essentially that he was sending me was not for a thing that I, it was not for the repair of what I did. Right. So you believe in predestination. I'm a Calvinist. Is that what they do? Yeah, that's right.

This door, this Prius was destined to have its door totaled outside the laundromat, regardless of the fact that you bumped into it. Is that right? I mean, uh. Andy, Andy, Andy. We're storytellers, right? Yes. You're comedian, co-founder of the Bridgetown Comedy Festival.

Storyteller, right? Yes. You work in television and movies,founder of the Bridgetown Comedy Festival, storyteller, right? Yes. You work in television and movies, right? I don't know about movies, but okay. Okay, you work in television, right? Yes. Chip, you're a writer, right? You write television things, right? Yeah, yes, sir. Do we want a world in which the characters have a fixed destiny that their decisions have no impact on? Is that the kind of stories you write? Or do you want a world, Andy, think about this, where a Toyota Prius can be cursed by an initial dent. And then that becomes a dent magnet. A psychic dent magnet.

That's the plot of Salem's Lot, correct? It's's the plot of salem's lot correct it's actually the plot of christine okay yeah it's literally the plot of christine that's the terrifying dent magnet car yeah you know what you need to do chip to fix this car on your own just stand in front of it and go show me and then your prius what's the name of your Prius? People name their cars on the West Coast, right? I call it Tesla. It's confusing. You call your Toyota Prius Tesla. That's fantastic. You can just stand in front of that car.

I'm telling you, has it already been repaired? Have you already paid the grand? Yes, I have. It has been repaired. You wasted all your money because you could have stood in front of Tesla and just said, Tesla, show me. It would have repaired itself just like in the movies. Andy, what's your reasoning for you don't want to pay the money? No, my proposal was $750, $250.

So I'm paying like, what, 35% of what I originally might have. So I'm paying like, what, 35% of what I originally might have. Chip is only paying 25% of what he, because he essentially lucked out in having me dent it first. Oh, sure. Otherwise, he would have been out this whole thousand if Calvinism has taught us anything. You know what my religion is, Andy? What's that? Calvin peeing on Fords. Hey, Fords.

As long as he's praying afterwards. Does he pray after he pees? Yeah. RIP my uncle. All those peeing Calvins, you know, those are all bootlegs because Bill Watterson never licensed any Calvin Hobbes merchandise ever. God. Yeah.

Could have made a fortune. It's so wild to think that we live in a world where Bill Watterson could have gotten rich from his beloved signature character peeing on various car brands. Hey, he could have bought a lot of Jeeps. That's what I'm saying. He could have had a whole fleet of Jeeps. Jeep fleet. So you're saying it's a lucky thing that you backed into your friend's car when he was coming to visit you in the desert because you're saving him 750 bucks.

In my proposal. But you know, I'm coming to you because I think it's a really interesting philosophical dilemma. Like I've asked friends and people are pretty split. Like I try to think of an analogy, like maybe if you had a vase and I cracked that vase and promised to fix that crack and I gave it back to you and then like you drop it on the ground. Like what becomes of that initial promise to fix a thing once the thing that is damaged is like non-existent, you know? Or Andy, if I could offer a metaphor.

Is that a better, okay. I have a metaphor here. It's like if you backed into your friend's car and then your friend's car door got smashed and you were trying to weasel out of paying $1,000. The flip side of that is why would that second accident for which a person is legally responsible, why would you bear zero financial responsibility for that if you bear all the legal responsibility of it? Jesse Thorne, I think you might know more about this than I do. If Chip and Andy were to get Chip's insurance involved in the initial accident, what would have been the outcome? My understanding is that the outcome would

have been as follows. Chip would have ended up paying his $1,000 deductible. His insurance would have covered the $2,200 cost of repair. Um, and then, uh, his insurance would have targeted Andy's insurance. Um, and, uh, Andy's insurance would have had to cover that, uh, cost because, uh, Andy was at fault. I mean, there's no question that Andy was at fault, even though Chip literally could have parked anywhere else in an entire square mile. We know that Andy is at fault. Yeah, no, that's for sure. This is a 100% Andy's fault situation. Yeah. And then, you know, presumably Andy's insurance also has a deductible for his liability. Presuming he has liability insurance. Do you have liability insurance, Andy?

In fact, I think in this case, Chip's insurance probably wouldn't have been involved if we'd just done this initial dent. It all would have been on my insurance, I think. But yes, I have all the appropriate insurances. Yeah. You've insured your desert shack? Yeah. Okay. But ultimately, some portion of the cost could and likely would have been borne by Andy in the form of higher insurance premiums. Yes. Okay. So your insurance premiums would have, might've gone up. Is that why Andy, you were like, I'll just pay for it out of pocket rather than get my liability insurance involved? Yeah. It seems like it was going to be on that cusp level where it's worth just paying and not involving the authorities. So no matter what happens in the scenario. Not involving any of the authorities, not even the fire department or the school principal.

Joshua Tree Port Authority? Yeah. So Andy, any way this stacks up, Andy, you save money, your insurance premium stays the same, and you're, after initially promising to pay the total damage, Chip tries to reduce it by more than half to a thousand were you aware of the 2200 estimate yeah we were as soon as he got it he texted me and we both thought that seemed kind of high he's like yeah i'll try to get a second quote like he said which is very nice of him i appreciate and when you said and just so that i understand so when he texted this to you says 2200 we both agreed it was kind of high and did you say to him then that's why i'm going to

try to nickel and dime you using every possible avenue of logic or andy did you just suggest to your friend that he just head down to the laundromat and open his door into traffic yeah this is is this all a big insurance fraud scheme it is it's a long con so after that first accident he texted me and was like, well, you might be off the hook because this guy might be paying for it. And then when it turned out it was going to be him, I said, well, here, I'll just Venmo you 500 right now. And then like, let's talk once you get the final bill to see if it ends up being the case that you do have to do this whole thousand dollar deductible. And then at that point, when he got the full thousand,

I said, what about overall split being 750 250 uh for the aforementioned reasons of both of us being in similar percentages of our and predestined we'd be out our our similar understanding of calvinistic theology and right predestination this was bound to happen and right right i'm looking at a headline from a website mlive.com it stands for michigan live are you from ann arbor michigan yes i am yeah ann arbor michigan great town great town oh thank you headline from november 19 2020 ann arbor comedian becomes four-time jeopardy champion winning almost one hundred thousand dollars and there's a photo here i don't know this looks like you and Andy. Is this you? This is me. Wow.

Wowee. Four-time Jeopardy champion. When did you record? Did you record with Alex Trebek before he passed? Yes, six weeks before he passed, yeah. Oh, my goodness. Wow. Four times.

I missed that one. What was your favorite question and answer? Or I should say answer and question. Oh, the third day's Final Jeopardy that I only thought of at the last second, which was, this island nation is named for a Spanish king who himself was named for loving horses. What is Equestriana? Exactly. I don't know that one.

What is the answer? I thought about the whole horse thing like hip hippo that's like uh greek for horse sure hippo i couldn't think of any hip islands and then i went with the love thing and i was like phil and then in that moment i realized wait the name philip means horse lover which is crazy so philippines the what excuse me could you answer in the form of a question what is the Philippines? Oh, very tricky. And that was on final jeopardy. How much did you wager? Uh, the, the internet was mad at me because I wagered a weird amount that didn't put me ahead of, I was behind going into final jeopardy. Right. And even with that right answer, I didn't get in

the lead because I knew that the first place person was going to have to wager enough and I'd have to have her get it. There was a reason for it and she got it wrong. So I won that game. You won that game. But how much, how much did you wager? How much did you wager? I think it was probably on the order of five or 6,000. Five or 6,000. And so you doubled that. That's how much I earned in final jeopardy. Oh, excuse me. I misunderstood the rules of the game. So you earned for, for what is the Philippines, you earned $6,000. I think about that, yeah. Somewhere between $5,000 and $6,000.

Yeah. And that was for writing what is the Philippines on like with a little stylus on a little- A little stylus on a pad. Misspelling it also. Misspelling it with the numbers of L's and P's. Yeah. Right. But they accepted it anyway, even though you don't know.

Yeah. Right. You just sort of wrote it with that little electric pencil. Yeah, yeah. It's very hard to write with that. How long did it take? That's like a 60-second, 90-second thing? Yeah, 60-second, 90-seconds.

We can all see Chip's comment below. I think we all see where this is going, but yeah. Chip just mentioned in the chat, I think I see where this is going. Yeah. It's amazing. Huh. I think I... where this is going. Yeah. Yeah. It's amazing. Huh. I think I... It's interesting.

Congratulations on that. Well done. Well done. And over the course of the four days, $100,000. Yeah. I mean, they all taped in one day, so it was one day. Right. Okay.

So in one day. So in one day. In one day. Excuse me. I didn't even understand. Yeah. You made about $100,000. That's incredible.

Well, look, Jesse, you know, I was... Just for knowing what a horse lover name is. Yeah, I know, right. You know, Philippines, Philip, right, yeah. John, can you imagine if someone asked you, what is the Philippines? And you were like, well, this island nation. Was named for a Spanish king who was also a horse lover?

Oh, thank you. Oh lover. Oh, thank you. Oh, so yeah, thank you. That clarifies it. I guess I was thinking of the Seychelles. I was wondering why the Philippines were in the news. And this explains it. They were named for a Spanish king. Jesse, this may seem like one day, like, you know, for $100,000, that's quite a, you know, a hundred thousand dollars it's that's quite a you

know for answering questions it's a high pressure environment and also as someone who participated on five days worth of the celebrity match game in canada i can tell you uh you film it all in one day that's a lot of changes of clothes it takes a lot out of you you got to change your clothes sure you had to change you got to bring those clothes from home right i mean andy probably lives 10 12 miles from the lot right i mean you kid but i did have to i went to nordstrom rack and just bought a whole bunch of things because you have to have those outfit changes but i didn't take any tags off uh so every every win the uh jimmy from theue Crew had to help me cut all those. You know, jackets have way too many tags on them.

So we're just like hastily trying to clip all these tags off a sport coat. You made the Clue Crew? You get the Clue Crew involved in popping your tags? Well, Jimmy was being the contestant coordinator for the day. Wow. Wow. So by clipping the tags though, then you, you own that all that wardrobe, right? Once you've clipped, you can't, once you clipped,

you can't quit. You must acquit. So how much, I don't want to be personal, but how much of the, how much did all that stuff cost? Uh, the initial spend at northstrom rack was like six hundred dollars but you know let's round it up to a thousand let's round up to a thousand dollars okay right roughly roughly maybe 750 but because there might have been some tax yeah there might have been some tax i mean between 600 and a thousand when you're thinking in terms of a hundred thousand did you just andy did you just venmo them 500 up front and say you could talk about the other 500 after you did Jeopardy? I feel very attacked right now. But, you know, you are a fair, an arbiter of justice.

Chip, let me ask you a question. What would you have me rule if I were to rule in your favor? I would just say, you know what? Pay that guy a thousand bucks and you're getting off easy. Thus, hands. Okay. And Andy, if I were to rule in your favor, what's your final offer? I'd pay $750 of that thousand.

And we'd both be getting off better than we would otherwise get off. But betting on your philosophical leanings with determinism and predestination. I think I've heard everything I need to in order to make my decision. I'm going to get into my killdozer and drive to my chambers, and I'll be back in a moment with my verdict. Please rise as Judge Sean Hodgman exits the courtroom. Chip, how are you feeling about your chances in the case? I'm feeling pretty good. I feel like justice will be on my side. I think the two accidents are unrelated, but I'm less of a Calvinist and more of a more Hobbesian. more Hobbesian. Sure. Have you ever thought, Chip, about doing that thing where instead of opening the car door with your left hand, you train yourself to open the car door with your right hand

so that you're obliged to look over your shoulder in case there's another car coming or, God forbid, a cyclist? Yeah, that is a great point. And the first part of that, no. point. And the first part of that, no. But the second part of that, yes. Thank you, Jesse. I mean, to be fair, you saved yourself a fair amount of money by opening your car into traffic. Not a lot of us can say that. Andy, how are you feeling about your chances in the case? Not good. No? to pay, which is very fair. But strictly speaking, the bill that's in question is for an unrelated accident. But we'll see what happens. We'll see what happens. I just got you this window decal. It's of Calvin peeing on your chances in the cage.

Yeah, yeah. Hobbs is probably doing it too. Well, there's only one opinion that matters here, and that's Judge Hodgman's. We'll see what he has to say when we come back in just a moment. Hello, teachers and faculty. This is Janet Varney. I'm here to remind you that listening to my podcast, The JV Club with Janet Varney, is part of the curriculum for the school year. Learning about the teenage years of such guests as Alison Brie, Vicki Peterson, John Hodgman, and so many more is a valuable and enriching experience, one you have no choice but to embrace, because yes, listening is mandatory. The JV Club with Janet Varney is available every Thursday on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you. And remember, no running in

the halls. If you need a laugh and you're on the go, try S-T-O-P-P-O-D-C-A-S-T-I. Were you trying to put the name of the podcast there? Yeah, I'm trying to spell it, but it's If you need a laugh and you're on the go, try S-T-O-P-P-O-D-C-A-S-T-I. Hmm. Are you trying to put the name of the podcast there? Yeah, I'm trying to spell it, but it's tricky. Let me give it a try. Okay. If you need a laugh and you're on the go, call S-T-O-P-P-P-A-D-I. It'll never fit.

No, it will. Let me try. If you need a laugh and you're on the go, try S-T-O-P-p-p-p-d-c-o-o ah we are so close stop podcasting yourself a podcast from maximumfun.org if you need a laugh and you're on the go please rise as judge john hodgman re-enters the courtroom and presents his verdict. Well, first of all, I do not recommend Harry's Automotive and Collision Center for your auto body needs. Because I'm with both of you, Andy and Chip. $2,200 seems a lot for the damage that I saw in this photograph of Chip's car.

That does not seem like $2,200 worth of body work. I could be wrong. I'm not an expert on cars with doors. I don't know about them. I specialize in cars without doors. And you know, Andy, you're absolutely right. Like everybody's getting a bargain under your scenario, for sure. Now, I don't know how the universe works.

I don't know if Chip's Prius Tesla was destined to get its door totaled. was destined to get its door totaled. I don't know whether you gave Chip's Toyota Tesla a curse by backing into it on a cool desert morning. I don't write the story of this existence. But what I do know is we all have it pretty good in this scenario. is we all have it pretty good in this scenario. Andy, you're out there in Joshua Tree with an incredible internet connection, a two-car garage.

Granted, your two-car connected garage looks larger than your home in this photo. I don't want anyone to get the idea that this is a modest desert shack. Chip, you've got a toyota named tesla and most important no one got hurt i mean chip you could have hurt somebody i mean you gotta you gotta you gotta check your corners before you open a door into traffic you gotta watch you gotta be careful because that that hurts i mean, you could really,

really hurt somebody. But you're lucky. We're all lucky. And the damage that was caused is covered mostly by insurance, which premiums you are able to afford. And the money in question is affordable to both of you as well. So good, good job. Is this the time for philosophical hair splitting? I venture probably not. That doesn't make my soul feel good. Andy, this story began, the inciting incident, as they say,

in screenwriting class, is you banging into your friend's car. Yeah. Your friend who came to visit you in the desert yeah you didn't check your corners no you didn't check your corners and you dinged his car chip please visit me bring water and you very magnanimously offered to make good on it. But before you could, something else happened that no one could have foreseen.

That's the fun of story. That's why this is interesting. That's why we're talking about it, right? Would it have happened anyway? Did it, you know? But your offer is still out there. Your promise is still out there. Now, if Chip were made whole and didn't have to pay a deductible, no harm, no foul, right?

Yes. But since the deductible is already less than the amount you more or less promised to pay, and I'm going to tell you, if Chip drove into Texas, he wasn't going to get under $1,000 on that. You know what I mean? Like he might've saved you a few hundred dollars, you know, but you know, still you'd be in it for a thousand for sure right so the gracious thing to do is to pay the thousand dollars you know this andy you know this splitting hairs nickels and dimings it's like it's like uh it's like fighting a killdozer with a jeep cj5 doesn't work killdozer wins because the killdozer in this situation is your friendship it's a terrible metaphor but i'm you gotta get you gotta go with me let's go back to my metaphor about the guy who hits his friend's car the point is that like let's say chip goes all right he's

gonna feel bad and what's you know he's always to feel a little bit bad about this. And you're always going to feel a little bit cheap about it. And you shouldn't feel that way. I'm finding in Chip's favor. So here's what I'm going to order. Andy, you give a thousand dollars to Chip, pay off your debt. And then Chip, you take 250 of that. You give it to Andy, because that's how you learn not to open your car door into traffic. You've got to hurt a little bit. It's like when you don't learn that to not touch a hot stove until you do it. And you're like, ow, that hurts. Then you remember for the rest of your life.

I don't want you ever to open your door into traffic again, Chip. Give that 250 to Andy and then you'll remember. And then Chip, you take that 750 and you give it to a charitable organization. I don't know of a, is there a charitable organization in support of not dooring people, Jesse Thorne? I don't know one off the top of my head. Jennifer Marmer, you got one? Doors for Kids. 1-877-DOORS-FOR-KIDS? D-O-R-S, DOORS-FOR-KIDS?

D-O-R-S-DOORS-FOR-KIDS. Yeah, forget that. You were going to go to Texas anyway, Chip. You give that $750, you give that $750 to an abortion rights group in Texas, and then Andy, you do the same thing with that $250.

So that's the way it works, right? That's the flow, because Andy, you initiated this. You started the curse when you dinged him. Everybody check your corners out there in the world. You should never hit anybody or anything with a car. It's completely unnecessary.

Keep your distance. When in doubt, slow down. Check your corners. Make sure, be careful out there, you guys. It's got to hurt a little bit. So you learn. You never know, Andy. Killdozer might be right outside your driveway.

You could back your car into that. You never know when killdozer is going to show up. So 1000 from Andy to chip 250 from chip to Andy, 750 to abortion rates in Texas. Andy rounds out the thousand by taking that 250. And I want to see, I want to see the Venmo receipts on this. This is the sound of a gavel. Judge John Hodgman rules that is all.

Please rise as Judge John Hodgman exits the courtroom. Chip, you were pretty confident about your chances. How are you feeling about this complicated cash flow that ultimately results in some good for the world? I like the good for the world part, but I'm less of a fan of having to give money to people. Yeah, well. If I'm being honest. But, you know, it's a court. It's internet court.

Thank you for your honesty. If I may be honest, you did open your door into traffic. So there's that. That's true. I mean, I think there's more to that story, but that's not a hill I'm willing to die on. Andy, how are you feeling about the outcome of the case? You were pretty pessimistic. This might be a more positive outcome than you expected.

Yeah, I think this ended up being pretty fair and does some good for the world. So yeah, I'm satisfied. What do you think Calvin would think about this? He wouldn't pee on it. I know that. Well, Chip, Andy, thanks for joining us on the Judge John Hodgman podcast. Another Judge John Hodgman case in the books. In a moment, we'll have some swift justice. But first, our thanks to Daniel Cordero and Cody McBurnett for naming this week's episode Double Indented Tea. I like the two. It took two people to come up with Double Indented Tea. Parallel thought. Classic example of parallel thought.

If you'd like to name a future episode, like Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. That's where we ask for these title suggestions. Our producer is the brilliant Jennifer Marmer. Our editor, Valerie Moffat. You can follow us on Twitter. John is at Hodgman. I am at Jesse Thorne.

Hashtag your Judge John Hodgman tweets, hashtag JJHO. And check out the Maximum Fun subreddit to chat about the episode. That's MaximumFun.reddit.com. We're on Instagram at Judge John Hodgman, where you can see those sweet dent pics. Make sure to follow us there for all kinds of fun stuff. John, I just sent Jennifer a picture of me giving myself a haircut in my backyard. So that's the kind of thing that you get to see on the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I was out there feeding the birds. Except the only problem was I was wearing one of those kind of bib capes, you know, that you wear when you're doing it.

Sure. Right. Okay. Yeah, I got you. Like a barber bib. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I got you. Like a barber bib. Yeah. Like a barber bib. And unfortunately, that means that the Instagram followers will not get to see that I was shirtless. What a shame. What a shame. Yeah. Maybe a future. Follow the Instagram. We'll see. We'll see about the future. Now, swift justice, where we answer your small disputes with a quick judgment.

John says, Jesse took a picture in his backyard with no shirt on, but I couldn't see it because he was wearing his barbing smock. No. Leah asks, which drawer in the dresser is the first drawer? I think it's clearly the top drawer. My husband believes the first drawer is the bottom one. I've never heard the term first drawer in my life. I hereby ban it from use. Not a real term.

If any of those drawers were to be the first drawer, it's the top drawer. Absolutely. No question about that. That's it for this week's episode. We love your cases. Submit them to us at maximumfund.org slash JJHO or email Hodgman at maximumfund.org. Judge Hodgman, there was a dispute on the Reddit the other day. Oh no. Someone said, I always presume they ginned up these disputes because they're too on the nose.

I swooped in there, John. I said, all of these are real, 100% real. They said, I'm sorry, I meant on dear prudence. No, this is my guarantee to you. The only thing ginned up on Judge John Hodgman is John Hodgman after I finish recording. No case is too small. That's MaximumFun.org slash JJHO or email us at Hodgman at MaximumFun.org. We'll see you next time on the Judge John Hodgman podcast. MaximumFun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

Audience supported.