Judge John Hodgman - Extended Munching

Episode Date: November 27, 2024

It's time to clear the docket! Is it ok to say "jawn" if you live outside of Philly? Have you ever done the right thing only for it to go wrong? Popcorn: Yes or no? Judgments on all of this and MORE!W...e are on TikTok and YouTube! Follow us on both @judgejohnhodgmanpod! Follow us on Instagram @judgejohnhodgman. Judge John Hodgman: Road Court is happening NOW! Get your tickets at maximumfun.org/events.

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm Bailiff Jesse Thorne. We are clearing the docket this week. I'm joined by the leader of the J squad, Judge John Hodgman. Look, we're all we're co we're co leaders. Oh, I had no idea. Yeah, no, we're all like a real promotion for me. Jesse, Jennifer, Joel, Jonti, Monte, Belmonte, Jean, J-Daniel, J-Daniel Spear, J-Jaddy Lopez, our social up right in our docket. We got a lot of things on the docket. Maybe we should go ahead and clear it. Yeah, speaking of Johns, we have a case from Karen in Levittown, Pennsylvania.
Starting point is 00:00:52 My husband, Julian, uses the word John, even though he is from Queens, New York. We've both lived in the Philly suburbs for about 20 years, but have never lived in the city proper. I believe that saying John when you're not from Philly suburbs for about 20 years, but have never lived in the city proper. I believe that saying John when you're not from Philly is like using a fake Philly accent. Please make him stop. Levitt town, Pennsylvania, that famous little town
Starting point is 00:01:15 full of all those little houses that were designed to house people back when we wanted to house people in this country. Little modest little homes all in a row, but definitely not Philadelphia. Jesse, have you ever said the word John in your life? J-A-W-N? No, many years ago, my online life
Starting point is 00:01:35 revolved around okplayer.com. There's a message board created by Questlove of The Roots. Oh, right. The Roots are from Philadelphia, as well as, you know, many of their sort of affiliated acts, Jill Scott and stuff. Right. And there were a lot of Philadelphians on the board
Starting point is 00:01:54 and a lot of talk about Johns. But that is now 20-some years ago. Yeah, folks, if you want to know what John means, Questlove is essentially the explicator of John to the wider world these days. It means a person, place, or thing. It stands in for any noun. It's spelled, and I'm using quotation marks if you're watching on video.
Starting point is 00:02:19 I'm doing little bunny foo-foos on either hand to indicate quotation marks. It's spelled J-A-W-N, but then quotation marks because it's a piece of verbal slang that is presumably adaptation of the word joint as in this joint is jumping thanks Cab Calloway. And now meaning like the hand me that joint over there this joint over here and you say it in Philadelphia John I would go ahead and look at Questlove's explanation of it, that he gives in some promotional videos that he did for his movie,
Starting point is 00:02:52 his great documentary Summer of Soul. Look it up on YouTube, he explains the whole thing. John, John, kind of John, right? A little bit of a diphthong in John. I don't know, I never say it, because I am not from Philadelphia. Nothing like a Philly diphthong, John. I don't know. I never say it because I am not from Philadelphia. Nothing like a Philly diphthong, John. Nothing like a Philly. They can diphthong anything. Feminine people in Baltimore. You get a Philly diphthong with cheese or without. Yeah. You want to add vowels to a vowel. Those are the cities you want to go to in the United States. There you go. Yeah. Even though I'm not from Philly and I obviously can't do the accent. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:30 My mother was and she had an accent, but it kind of went away over time. My aunts have it. But none of them say John because as far as I can tell, this is primarily a piece of black vernacular in Philadelphia. And if I'm wrong on that, I bet I'll get letters. I think that's true. I think at the very least you would describe it as urban vernacular. Yeah. If you were going to be euphemistic about it, I'll tell you what, it's not Levittown vernacular. I'm looking at a map right now. Levittown. You're closer to Trenton than you are to Philadelphia. Levittown. No offense.
Starting point is 00:04:02 You might as well be in Trenton. You know, you know what they have up there in Trenton there, Jesse? What do they have? Philadelphia John Hytrus. Got a big sign. Got a big sign. Says, it's the saddest sign I ever see. Says Trenton makes the world takes.
Starting point is 00:04:18 Ever see that sign? I have seen it. See it on the train as you're taking the Amtrak down there. Down there to Philadelphia. I can't do it. Of course, I'm doing an imitation of John Worster being Philly Boy Roy on the on the best show. And what I'm doing is fairly offensive.
Starting point is 00:04:35 I can't imagine. Not offensive so much as cringe. And I don't know what would be more cringe than a person from Queens and Levittown saying John all the time. But then on the other hand, a 53 year old fake internet judge saying cringe is also pretty cringe. What do you think about this one, Jesse?
Starting point is 00:04:56 Yeah, I'm there with you. I would hesitate to characterize it as offensive. I know there are defenders of the appropriation of African-American vernacular English and et cetera, et cetera. I'm not inclined to go full offensive, but I am inclined to say a little embarrassing. Also, because it's old stuff, I didn't realize. Like, you know, you saw it on this bulletin board 20 years ago, cause you're cool. Me. I didn't even see Creed when it came out in 2015.
Starting point is 00:05:31 Creed was a very John heavy film. Yeah. I guess that that, I mean, I didn't see that movie is out of it. I am. And I, I gather there's a whole scene in which the whole term is described. So go see that. But that was 2015 was nine years ago, almost 10 years ago. So do I think it's totally chilled and very demure to be using John in Levittown, Pennsylvania? I would say I'd stay away from it. Just say thing.
Starting point is 00:05:59 We have that word thing. Hey, do you want to know something? You know who else is a native Philadelphian, a true native Philadelphian besides Amir Questlove Thompson? Paul F. Tompkins? Paul F. Tompkins. Nailed it in one. A lot of people are from Philadelphia. I could have said Benjamin Franklin. Could have said Benjamin Franklin. Could have said the Phillies fanatic. The Philly fanatic. Yeah. Don't want to get you in trouble. I don't care. I don't care anymore. Throw your batteries Philadelphia.
Starting point is 00:06:25 I'll take it all. We had a great show in Philadelphia and it was fun. We had some good cheese steaks. We talked about it already, but the point I'm trying to make is I may be misremembering, but I think I'm not that Paul F. Tompkins once revealed to me that he and Amir Questlove Thompson went to elementary school together. Like maybe young, like maybe first or second grade together. That is the Muppet Babies prequel that I need in my life.
Starting point is 00:06:52 My only disappointment here is that he didn't go to high school with the roots who also went to high school with boys to men. Oh, Motown fillies back again, doing a little East Coast swing. Indeed. Boys to men going off, not too hard, not too soft. Just in all the, in all the Philly stakes you can eat on South street. Anyway, as far as we've had enough Philly talk, especially since we're really talking about Levittown, which might as well be Trenton.
Starting point is 00:07:16 Uh, yeah, Karen, I would say Julian is a little, a little cringe. As a San Franciscan, I'd say it's hella cringe. Hella cringe. It's not hyphy. I'll telliscan, I'd say it's hella cringe. Hella cringe. It's not hyphy. I'll tell you what. Would you say it's hyphy? I wouldn't, I wouldn't even say it's stupid, doo doo dumb. How would you, how do you feel about me saying it's hyphy?
Starting point is 00:07:37 Well, I don't know. I'd, I'd like to see you ghost ride the whip, John. Oh, we'd all like to see Judge John Hodgman ghost ride the whip. That's as far as I'm willing to push my fraudulence. I have no idea what I'm saying at this point. So I think it would be safer if we just moved on. Judge John Hodgman sideshow. Let's go. Okay, here's something from Gary in Buxton, Maine. Buxton, Maine. I seek an injunction against my wife, Kara. Please make her stop scolding me whenever I try to do the right thing. In the past. Okay.
Starting point is 00:08:11 If we've learned anything from Spike Lee, it's always do the right thing. Okay. In the past, I've been scolded for helping injured or stranded animals, removing tree branches, fallen street signs and other hazards from the street. Boo boo. How dare you trying to break up a bar fight. Oh boo. She says I should stay out of these situations and mind my own business. I say if not me, then who? Okay, we got four four bullet points to go over here. Jesse, have you ever done the right thing only to have it go horribly wrong?
Starting point is 00:08:51 No, I would never do that. You would never do the right thing. Let me go. Hey, Jennifer Marmer, you're you're live down there in California as well, right? Yeah. You're broadcasting from home today. I am. Yes. So we might hear a dog or we might hear a human child. A toddler, a garbage truck right now. We got four bullet points on trial.
Starting point is 00:09:14 Let me know, both of you, a quick quiz, just yes or no, briefly, if you've ever done any of these things. Helped, injured, or stranded animal? No. I've followed a dog around. I've followed a dog around. I followed a dog around. I've never successfully caught one,
Starting point is 00:09:29 but I spent like 90 minutes chasing around a stray dog once. Did this say helping stranded animals or stalking stranded animals? I was trying to help him find his home. You were trying to help. You were trying to help. All right. Remove tree branch, fallen street signs,
Starting point is 00:09:44 other hazards from the road. Have you ever removed a hazard from the road? I've removed hazards from like the sidewalk where it's like blocking the path for a stroller or a wheelchair or whatever. Definitely removed tree branches or those scooters that you rent from an app. Oh, forget about it. Oh, when we're in Portland, Oregon, in early February in 2025, I know I'm gonna be clearing the pathway of so many abandoned scooters. That place is just a scooter jungle gym now.
Starting point is 00:10:20 Last time I was, gotta climb over that, all right. I have a giant eucalyptus tree in front of my house. Okay, that is like a hundred years old and drops terrifying branches like real as they say widow makers I saw it destroy a car of one. Oh, whoa And I will drag those branches out of the sidewalk again I don't really care about the street part, but I will drag them out of the sidewalk because I live in a very old lady heavy neighborhood.
Starting point is 00:10:51 A lot of old ladies going for little walks with little visors on in my neighborhood. Yeah, yeah, yeah, good. You ever tried to break up a bar fight? Just imagine. Just imagine me and Jennifer Marmer breaking up bar fights. A friend of mine tried to break up a bar fight when I was with him. And I was like, I tried to shrink into myself as much as possible because I did not know what to do.
Starting point is 00:11:17 It was terrifying. What did your friend, what was the technique your friend used? He kind of just got in the middle, put both arms out, you know, between them and just like, whoa, whoa, hey, you know, like kind of like, yeah, like you guys, you don't need to do this. Everybody chill out. Everybody be very demure here. Mindful. Be mindful.
Starting point is 00:11:40 I'll say this, David Reese intervened in a, what was a verbal altercation, a wildly escalating verbal altercation between a mom and her young teenage son. And it was getting uncomfortable. And David Reese just popped in and said, excuse me, can you tell me what time it is? And she's like, oh yeah, excuse me, can you tell me what time it is? And she's like, oh yeah, excuse me. It's a five 35. And then it stopped. I was like, what was that? He goes, you know, someone that he knows who is a social worker taught him that
Starting point is 00:12:14 as a deescalation technique, that it just sort of pops people back into a world where there are other people around and then they just auto-regulate, not all the time, but it's a really, something I don't mind spreading. A de-escalation technique, ask people what time it is. I love that. That's like, that seems like something that the guardian angels would have done on a bus when I was a kid. A lot of garden, he was a New Yorker, but in San Francisco in the 80s, there were a lot of there were guardian angels in my neighborhood. Yeah, for sure. There were like weird superheroes. It was really a trip with their berets on.
Starting point is 00:12:50 For those who don't know, the guardian angels were and maybe still are a team of a team, a group of volunteer safety patrol guys, typically. Yeah, that's about right. Organized by a New York City oddball and now fairly right-wing figure and former talk show host, Curtis Sliwa, but he became famous first for being a guardian angel. He did run for mayor of New York City
Starting point is 00:13:24 as a cat enthusiast Republican, I would say was his platform, right? I don't know. I find that to be a really interesting technique. And I haven't had a chance to put it into practice. May I confess to you both, J Squad, one of my weirder fantasies? Please.
Starting point is 00:13:46 I guess. Who knew this was going Ask Reddit after dark? Here's my weird fantasy. I wish, you know, if I were to choose a superpower, everyone knows, I would choose invisibility over flight. Because it's more practical. But honestly, if I had a superpower, I wish I could win any fight. It's so dumb. But I just wish that I like had Kung Fu programmed into my brain.
Starting point is 00:14:14 And it was just known it was just inevitable due to my own skills and weird, the weird hand of fate that if ever I were to be in a physical alter altercation, that I would win that fight. And I'll tell you what, I would be breaking up bar fights all the time. I would be using that great power for great responsibility. You know where I'd be, you know, where I'd be, I'd just be out there in my fortress of solitude.
Starting point is 00:14:44 Yeah. And you're in fortress of solitude. Yeah. And your med, and your meditative state, kind with your crystals. Anyway, I don't know what trouble Kara is concerned or Kara is concerned that Gary is going to get into up there in Buxton, Maine by moving a branch off the road, but I will say this, I was speaking of my own main experience. If it's a fallen power line, do not move it. Stay away and call your local volunteer firefighter or the power company or something. Trying to break up a bar fight. Okay, here is where we get into some stuff here because it is really, especially these
Starting point is 00:15:15 days, it is really, really good to act upon and model neighborliness instead of the increasing trend. It seems to me post lockdown and other, let's say political factors of selfish. I don't know how else to put it. We should make sure that we are neighborly to each other and helping to deescalate conflict as part of that. But you do not have an obligation to put yourself at physical risk. And I think that, you know, I don't know what, I don't know whether Gary's got Kung Fu downloaded in his brain, Matrix style or whatever, but I would try to develop some, uh, learn about some
Starting point is 00:15:57 deescalation techniques that are proven to work rather than just throw yourself in between elbows and fists. Like ask them what time it is or try to get someone else to help or whatever. Also, if you see other conflict, especially, um, conflict, uh, between people who are more physically powerful, like, uh, than others, like an adult or a child, or let's say a heterosexual couple where the guy is menacing the woman or whatever, then it is good to step in and just show the person who might be less, might be more intimidated or vulnerable in that moment that they're not alone. But again, you're not obligated to put yourself at physical risk.
Starting point is 00:16:42 All right. Let's take a quick break. We'll be back in just a second on the Judge John Hodgman podcast. Welcome back to the Judge John Hodgman podcast where we are clearing the docket and we have a case from Abraham in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. My best friend Thomas and I
Starting point is 00:17:03 have had an ongoing dispute since childhood over the game The Legend of Zelda Four Swords. Thomas will pick up my character and throw him into lava. He does this to get the rupees that my character releases upon his death. Wow. This is a teamwork game. Please ban Thomas from purposely working against the group in all future cooperative games. All future cooperative games even save the whales. The board game that I had as a child. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:37 When you're saving whales, the best way to do it is to destroy your co-player and get their rupees. Each character was a different type of whale. They have very nice heavy metal whale pieces. So you're not saving the whales, you are the whale. You are being, you are saving, whales are saving themselves. Yeah, I'm trying to remember. The memories are pretty mixed up with the legendary Canadian public television co-production, The Voyage
Starting point is 00:18:08 of the Mimi starring young Ben Affleck. Well, I am not an expert on that game, nor am I an expert on this one because I have never once in my life played a Zelda. Not a single Zelda have I played. Have you ever played a Zelda? I beat an entire Zelda. But what's weird is that's the only Zelda I've played. I've never played any of the NES Zeldas.
Starting point is 00:18:31 The only one I've played was during the pandemic, very early in the pandemic, my friend Jordan Morris from Jordan Jesse Goh gave my family his Wii U, which is sort of marginal, semi unsuccessful Nintendo console was a transitional console. Exactly. And it, it had the game Legend of Zelda Breath of the Wild on it. Yep. Jordan, Jordan had that game we gave gave us that. Through 2020, I played and ultimately defeated that game. I beat Ganon. I'm not afraid to say it.
Starting point is 00:19:10 It's the only thing that my seven-year-old respects about me. But that is not a cooperative game. Only Legends of Zelda Four Swords is a cooperative game, I believe. That sounds right to me. I know that Zelda is the boy, right? Zelda is the boy. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:29 Thank you, Ariel DeMoss for letting us know Zelda is the boy. You know, you see his picture right on the box. Yeah, it's right there. It's a boy, elf and boy. Yeah, Zelda. Jennifer Marmer, you ever play a game where somebody cheated or or wasn't a good sport? I mean, it probably doesn't count if we're talking about my five year old, because he's still learning how to be a good sport.
Starting point is 00:19:49 OK, we don't know the ages of these people, by the way. So it could be that Abraham's friend Thomas is five. But no, but I definitely have played like a board game with somebody who. As a grown up was shockingly poor sport about it. Just yeah. I mean, this isn't even cheating. It's just kind of being crummy. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:14 No. Yeah. What Thomas is doing. I once played, I was at an event once where, where Ken Jennings, uh, the host of Jeopardy was, uh, running a little, uh, running a little, uh, Jeopardy style trivia game on the side. I'm not going to say that he was running a side hustle of jeopardy. I don't want to get Ken Jennings in trouble. On the side.
Starting point is 00:20:38 It's so you sound like he was turning into the back room of a pool hall. Yeah. It was,, yeah, yeah. It was high stakes. It was down on the docks in a warehouse and we were playing unlicensed Jeopardy. There were millions of millions of rupees at stake and then we got shut down by Batman at the last minute. But before that happened,
Starting point is 00:21:02 I had gotten to the final round and we had buzzers. This is a Jeopardy style game. Okay. Don't don't get Ken Jennings in trouble. We're just having some fun trivia. It was non-wagering. It was just a little private enterprise, but there was a buzzer mechanism. And I was working hard to win this fair and square.
Starting point is 00:21:22 And guess what? Hodgman did it. What is Suriname? That's the answer. You guessed the question. I'm not even playing. It's not jeopardy. Point is that was the, that I won.
Starting point is 00:21:35 And afterward, one of the two guys I was playing with, and they were both guys. He said, Hey, that was really great though. You want, especially since I was cheating the whole time. Yeah. He had figured out that if you just especially since I was cheating the whole time. Yeah. He had figured out that if you just hold down the buzzer the whole time, you always buzz in first. And I was like, why are you telling me this? Excuse me? Why?
Starting point is 00:21:56 Like he thought he was being very clever about it. But I thought it was like, you know, you just turn you think you're he thought he was being very clever and he thought that we were all going to be like, hey know, you just turn, you think you're, he thought he was being very clever and he thought that we were all going to be like, Hey, that's really fun. But I was like, that's terrible. That's a terrible thing to do. And there is, and this is something that I've heard about through my wife was a
Starting point is 00:22:17 whole human being in her own right. Who's been a high school teacher for a long time. There are, there are two, this comes, it's not a huge insight, but it's like there are two kinds of students, those who will never cheat because it's obvious why they shouldn't. That's not the point of what they're doing. And those who will cheat because they believe cheating is part of the system. And we live in a society now where it seems to be more and more acceptable that yeah, cheating is part of the system. Everyone does it. So everyone should just cheat and be jerks to each other. That's
Starting point is 00:22:49 what I've talked about before. You know what I'm talking about everybody. You know, you can get a lot, you can get away with a lot these days, but I have to have faith that eventually if you get a reputation as a creepy crumb bum, it will catch up to you one way or the other. I'll tell you, I don't know. I don't, I've never played a Zelda, but it is true that Legend of Zelda four swords. It's my favorite Abraham Lincoln speech. Okay. Here's something from Kyle. When I go see a movie in theaters, I like to wait for the movie to start
Starting point is 00:23:19 before eating my popcorn. Then I eat it one kernel at a time. My friend says this is distracting because my munching and bag sounds persist long after everyone else's have ceased. She thinks that my extended munching violates an unspoken popcorn pact. I consider myself a conscientious person,
Starting point is 00:23:44 but it's my corn and I can eat it as I please. Am I wrong? First of all, I just want to, I want to request an injunction against the phrase. It's my corn and I can eat it as I please. So funny. Absolutely granted injunction granted as well. It could be that Kyle's friend has a little misophonia going on, or it could be that Kyle is just a very loud and disgusting eater that would repulse anybody regardless of their level of misophonia or their,
Starting point is 00:24:16 or their grossness tolerance factor. But I don't know that Kyle could be making sounds that are more disgusting than simply the words, my munching and bag sounds. That's bad enough. Ugh. All right. Let's get into it. First of all, popcorn.
Starting point is 00:24:32 Yes or no? Jesse. You mean in general or? That's right. That's right. We're going to ban popcorn. Yeah. Popcorn is very good.
Starting point is 00:24:42 Popcorn. Yes. Okay. I know you're a whirly pop man. Yeah, I do have a whirly pop at my house. Same. I use an America's Test Kitchen system that involves putting three kernels into your fat and then waiting for them all to pop.
Starting point is 00:25:02 Then you put the rest of your popcorn in and take it off the heat for 30 seconds. Yeah, this does sound like America's test kitchen already. It's one reading an encyclopedia article. Then put it back on the heat and it works. It's a miracle. No 30 seconds off the heat, then put it back on the heat. So you have to wait until the pan and the oil are hot. That's what those three
Starting point is 00:25:23 kernels in the bottom are for the The secret of the three kernels. They can tell when it's ready. Then you dump in the corn, take it off the heat for 30 seconds, put it back on the heat and wait until it pops. And it's a total dream. Works perfectly. What do you top it with? What do you got going on?
Starting point is 00:25:39 I use something called butter. Butter? Melted butter. Melted butter. Melted butter. The classic? I have found that there is no better application for fancy butter than homemade popcorn. I will go to a local warehouse store,
Starting point is 00:25:58 best known for having a magazine that once featured Jesse Thorne in it. And I will purchase high-end Irish butter, cultured butter. And I will melt that and put it on the popcorn. And it is the best. It is. You can talk about a brand. It's Costco magazine featuring cover boy, Jesse Thorn.
Starting point is 00:26:17 Costco connection. Costco connection magazine featuring cover boy, Jesse Thorn. They sell butter and the butter you're talking about, I bet you is Kerry gold. Yeah, it's Kerry gold. Kerry gold's having a moment for sure. Somebody at the flea market yesterday told me that they tore my article out of their Costco connection magazine, but they also had not read it yet. I just want to be clear.
Starting point is 00:26:39 There were two paragraphs about me in Costco connection. Uh, there was a picture of me, two or three paragraphs. That's it. So look, if if you're waiting on it, just go ahead and do it now, you're going to you're going to enjoy those three graphs. I'm I'm I'm definitely going to go search for the back issue of the big chicken barn when I'm in Maine over the holidays. But in the meantime, Jennifer Marmor popcorn, yes or no. And how do you top your popcorn or tell me, or tell me how you cook it.
Starting point is 00:27:11 How do you like your corn? It's your corn. You can eat it as you please. We all know. We use a Whirly pop also. And when I say we, I really mean my husband, Shane. He's the one who does the popcorn. Okay.
Starting point is 00:27:24 Yep. And sometimes, I mean, I do enjoy butter on it But sometimes I just don't sometimes I say just plain just plain salt is good for me Yeah, sometimes at the movie theater. Here we go. I like to add in a little M&Ms into the mix. Whoa That's really cool and fun and that was something that I thought my friend Becca and I invented and then I found out that like everybody does it. I primarily heard milk duds. People have to put milk.
Starting point is 00:27:52 I've never heard M&M's. Milk duds is tough because it would soften the duds. Yeah, which I think is nice. And then it gives you a sort of chocolatey caramel. Remember our our ghost guest, David Reese? Who could forget? Yeah. He's got a popcorn recipe. You ready for this?
Starting point is 00:28:11 Oh, I can't wait. First of all, he uses an air popper, which is controversial. What is he wearing? Leg warmers doing jazzercise? And then he adds salt and then he adds pepper. And then he adds canola oil. Wait, he just pours canola oil on after air popping it? I just said to him,
Starting point is 00:28:36 what is your current popcorn topping subroutine? I know it's a big part of your life. I want to mention on Judge John Hodgman today, if you can get back to me before 9 30 a.m. your time. And he did. And this is what he wrote. Air popper, canola oil, salt, pepper, nutritional yeast flakes. Ooh, that's good. Which is good. That's that's I think a pretty pretty prime add on. Very umami ish. Sometimes grated cheddar cheese, sometimes cheddar nuts.
Starting point is 00:29:08 Yeah, I don't know. I'm just reading a thing. Write him letters. Don't tell me I'm impressed that you get cheddar in there. Sometimes created cheddar cheese, sometimes peanuts, sometimes chili oil or other hot sauce. But one word that is spelled with all capital letters after canola oil, salt, pepper, nutritional yeast flakes,
Starting point is 00:29:34 all caps, no sometimes mayonnaise. What? Yeah. Did everyone drop their podcast players? How do you even mix it in? How does he eat it? So messy. He eats it with not literal, but still great relish. I mean, he might as well throw some relish on there as long as he's putting condiments on.
Starting point is 00:29:59 Yeah. Just put some mustard in there, why not? But definitely not ketchup. that is not the Chicago style Yeah, it's your corn and you can eat it as you please Kyle But here's the thing Jesse Thorne we've talked about this before right if you're at a ballpark and you're eating peanuts What do you do with the shells drop them on the ground you drop them on the ground if you're eating popcorn in the movie theater, when do you eat it?
Starting point is 00:30:28 Well, this is very intense. I'm aspiring actually this very evening to go to the movies with my wife, which we have not done together since before the pandemic. Oh. Oh. So I'm really hoping that we can make that happen. But other than that, the only person, Oh. Oh. So I'm really hoping that we can make that happen. But other than that, the only person,
Starting point is 00:30:47 we did go see, the whole family went to see Super Mario Brothers together. Okay, okay. But that's, but I haven't gone just with my wife since before the pandemic. And I'm really excited about it, not least because the usual person that I get to go to the movies with is my daughter Grace. And Grace is absolutely fanatical about her popcorn. She also will not eat one
Starting point is 00:31:12 kernel until the movie starts because she needs the popcorn to last throughout the entire film. So it is, and I'm also thinking of my daughter, Scarlett, who has some very intense auditory processing issues and needs and my youngest child, Frankie, who among all of them is the most emphatically opposed to anything being added to the popcorn other than that butter that I mentioned.
Starting point is 00:31:47 They all are pretty on board for that. And I think it's possible that Kyle is an autistic child. That's what I'm inferring from this. Kyle and Kyle's friend, both. And God bless them for it, is what I say. Their needs are their needs. They have needs. Their needs. their needs. They have needs. You eat your corn the way you like it.
Starting point is 00:32:08 Listen, me personally, I never eat popcorn once the movie has started. But that is only because I eat it as fast as possible because I love it so much. And I can never save it until the movie started. But it's there for eating during the movie. That's why they serve it at the movies. And is it potentially loud and disruptive?
Starting point is 00:32:29 Yeah. Cause it's the movies. This is why I brought up the thing about the peanut shells and the ballpark. Years ago, someone said, I don't think you should throw your shells on the ground. Be mindful of the work you leave for others. And I was like, yes, you're absolutely right. A person and Jesse, you were as a, as a, as a baseball fan, you were like, wrong, throw the shells on the ground.
Starting point is 00:32:48 That's baked into the experience. That's part of the ritual. And I'm like, yeah, absolutely. However, we have a listener named Joanna who, uh, had a, had a case for us at Turner's falls that we couldn't hear cause we'd heard this very thing. And I talked to her about it afterward. Her husband wanted to throw a peanut shells on the floor of the ballpark up there in Portland, Maine.
Starting point is 00:33:10 And, and I was like, yeah, that's great. And then she's like, but the person next to us said, excuse me, but my child is allergic to peanuts. Would you mind not throwing the shells on the ground? And I won't tell you what the husband did in this case. But I will say you'd have to be a monster to say no at that point because why not make this small accommodation that really costs you nothing in order to respond to a very specific request from
Starting point is 00:33:38 a fellow human. We're trying to be neighbors here in this place. You know what I mean? So while it is totally normal to eat popcorn during the movie and for that matter, other snacks, even if it's gross and it's totally normal to throw peanut shells on the ground at a ballpark, even though it's, I guess, kind of littering, I suppose,
Starting point is 00:34:00 and someone has to sweep it up. If the person next to you, whether it's your friend or simply your neighbor in your seat, says, I really wish you wouldn't do that, well, you have to then consider. Here's the deal. Your friend Kyle has no standing to claim that it is a universal law to not eat popcorn after the movie has started. Everyone eats popcorn whenever they eat it during the movie.
Starting point is 00:34:23 That's just the way it is. You can't sue you on behalf of the audience, but if she says to you, I am personally distracted and grossed out by your munching and your bag noises. I think that out of friendship, you should attempt to accommodate her and maybe eat, eat a little less loudly or something.
Starting point is 00:34:44 Try to find a way to accommodate your friend. There is no universal principle here. And it is disingenuous of her to suggest that there is. But if the person next to you says, I just need a special, I just need a little bit of consideration, you should consider how much better you'll feel if you offer consideration than if you withhold it and have
Starting point is 00:35:07 to sit next to that person for the rest of the ballgame or whatever. It's weird. Otherwise, eat your corn as you please. Let's take a quick break. We'll be back with more of the Judge John Hodgman podcast in just a moment. Judge John Hodgman, we're taking a quick break from the show and it is the holiday giving season. Yeah, if you haven't checked out our new merch already, make sure to go to MaxFunStore.com. Check out our brand new Weird Mom shirts and stickers complementing our very famous Weird
Starting point is 00:35:41 Dad hats and t-shirts. We have also taken the Canadian House of Pizza and Garbage out of the vault. Or the holidays only. Get your loved ones one of those Canadian House of Pizza and Garbage t-shirts. Or our brand new Canadian House of Pizza and Garbage beverage koozies in either a regular 12 ounce size or a slim 12 ounce can size. Boy oh boy, are we up on the trends? Those slim cans. I see them all the time at the food train. Now we've got koozies for them.
Starting point is 00:36:11 Canadian house of pizza and garbage style. Go and get them at maxfunstore.com. And if you're giving away something this holiday, why not make it something special from the put this on shop. We not only have brought back our legendary dad caps pre-order on right now. We also have our, uh, New York and California caps. You're very gorgeous and our classic put this on ball cap. All of them available now at put this onhop.com. All of them handmade in the United States
Starting point is 00:36:45 with beautiful wool flannel and leather bands and leather adjustable straps. They're really gorgeous. And I also just added to the put this on shop, John, a new line of scarves. I found some beautiful vintage Japanese textiles. And, you know, there are certain Japanese fabrics that are woven very narrow. And so we are calling them our double selvedge scarves because both selvedges of the weaving are used in the scarves. So it is essentially a length of the fabric with the ends finished by hand, hand rolled,
Starting point is 00:37:22 the short ends, the long sides are selvedages. And there are a few different really gorgeous vintage Japanese textiles. Somebody I know went to Japan bought them at an antique store or something brought them back to me. Very limited all there at put this on shop.com. And if you buy one of those things, you can use the code justice. And it'll ship to you for free in the classic continental United States. Jesse, when we're done recording today,
Starting point is 00:37:50 remind me, I have a question I have to ask you. Where can I get a stunning antique rhino statue? Well, you can want to go to putthisonshop.com, but we can talk about it later. Okay, that's great. Hey, one more thing before we go. Speaking of going into the holidays. If you're living on the West coast or you know, someone who does, it was a fan of the show, we've got tickets on sale for our shows in the West coast in the new
Starting point is 00:38:12 year, going to Vancouver, Canada, British Columbia, specifically Seattle, Washington, Portland, Oregon, and San Francisco, California for the just announced San Francisco sketch has appearance on groundhog Day, February the second. Too bad Los Angeles, we are sold out for that special show with Jordan Jesse Goh, but check check the the subreddit, Maximum Fun subreddit. Some people sometimes give away tickets there, but the best way to make sure you get a ticket is to go ahead to MaximumFun.org slash events and buy one for yourself or for a loved one or even just for a liked one. Info and tickets for all of our shows are available as I say at maximumfund.org slash events.
Starting point is 00:38:52 Let's get back to the docket. Let's. Welcome back to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. We have a case here from Daniel in Brookline, Massachusetts. Shout out to Brookline, Massachusetts. What a nice time we Daniel in Brookline, Massachusetts. Shout out to Brookline, Massachusetts. What a nice time we had in Brookline, Massachusetts. Just hanging out in the film library of the Coolidge Corner movie theater
Starting point is 00:39:15 with our friend Josh Cantor. Yep, Josh Cantor. Organist for the Boston Red Sox. Shout out to all the folks at the Coolidge, Ann and Andy and Mark and all of the incredible people who Lars and Blair, all the people who worked there and helped us put on such a great show. It was such a wonderful time to come home to see the theater where I worked so many times and to see it again for the first time, because they just built this whole new extra couple of theaters on top. It's a beautiful extension. And it's, I'm just so glad that the movie theater is thriving.
Starting point is 00:39:48 And I'm so glad to have one more dispute from Brookline. So what does this person have to say? Can I just say that my highlight of our entire tour was our friend Josh Cantor can play any song. And we started talking about baseball songs. Baseball song. One of the great baseball songs, a song called Van Lingo Mungo by Dave Frishberg,
Starting point is 00:40:13 jazz pianist. Right. Van Lingo Mungo. Van Lingo Mungo. Van Lingo Mungo. It's just a, it's a very beautiful song, but all of the lyrics are just the names of baseball players.
Starting point is 00:40:27 That's pretty good. It's just, it's a truly perfect, it's the apotheosis of the phenomenon known on the internet as remember some guys. It's like that sort of like that Key and Peele sketch. It is, but with real names that are just as good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And, um, it's a song that I had on a cassette tape as a child. And I would listen to this. It was like a baseball songs cassette tape.
Starting point is 00:40:53 And I would listen to this cassette tape a lot. And, uh, so Josh Cantor and I took turns during soundcheck singing, singing, Valingingo Mungo by Dave Frischberg. And just remembering all the names, big, big Johnny Mize and all that. Oh, it was great. It was a really great time. Thanks Josh. I'd like to give a shout out to Michael's deli for being open on Mondays for the first time in years so that I could Just not on purpose for me
Starting point is 00:41:25 it just so happens that I really wanted a pastrami egg and cheese sandwich and they made me one and it was delicious and Then I also want to shout out not to a Brookline they have a branch now in Brookline, which is a real delight, but it's a It's a Connecticut small chain of noodle shops called Metcha noodle bar where they make really, really good different ramens and fuzz and pan Asian cuisine of all kinds. And not only does their stuff taste really good when you're eating it at their location right there across Harvard Street and Coolidge Corner, but it even tastes great after it's been heated up at 1am in a microwave
Starting point is 00:41:59 oven and you're eating it alone in a completely empty, dark lobby of a courtyard by Marriott. That's really good. Just a Brookline delight all around. Okay, but we do have a dispute here from Daniel in Brookline. What does Daniel have to say? My wife fills the Brita pitcher with whatever temperature water the tap is set to.
Starting point is 00:42:21 This often leads to a pitcher full of hot water for drinking. She says this is because I don't refill it. That's not true. I would like her to acknowledge that filling a Brita with hot water is unhinged behavior and that blaming it on me is unfair. What are you, what's your hydration situation these days? You guys fully hydrated.
Starting point is 00:42:47 Really? 100% moist. How do you, when you're going for a drink of water, what's your go-to drink? Drink of water, a tall glass of water, Jesse, a tall glass of tap water. You know, I grew up, my father was a recovering alcoholic. Yeah. And when he and I lived together in a little apartment in the Mission in San Francisco before he married my stepmother, there were usually two drinks in the fridge. One was...
Starting point is 00:43:18 That's just science. Body needs two drinks. Yeah. Body needs two drinks. And the two drinks were number one, a like two liter bottle of generic club soda. Just the absolute most classic recovering alcoholic beverage that there is. Right. And the other was, you know that kind of fancy-ish apple juice that comes in a glass jug?
Starting point is 00:43:48 Martinelli's. Not a Martinelli's one. Not the glass jug that is like an apple, but like a Knudsen or a Knudsen that comes in a glass jug and has like a pebbly throat of the jug. Pebbly throat jug. That's my favorite baseball player, by the way. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:10 And he would keep that in the fridge with no lid on it because he lost the lid at some point. And so that there was always cold water because he liked to drink, it was just cold tap water in that jug. And that frankly is essentially my hydration habit to this day. I, I don't drink club soda, which I guess has a little salt in it or something to just do that distinguishes it from seltzer.
Starting point is 00:44:39 Uh, I I'm glad to drink club soda. That's also fine with me, but I have a, I have a bubble water machine. I drink ice cold bubble water, or I drink cold water from the fridge poured over pebble ice from the pebble ice machine that was purchased for me by my good friend, John Hodgman. Oh, I'm so glad that that thing hasn't broken. Seems impossible. It hasn't broken by now. I'm so glad that that's working for you,
Starting point is 00:45:05 but no filtration, no Brita filter, just straight from the tap. Well, you know, speaking of Costco, I have a Kirkland brand. Okay. Filtering water pitcher. Oh, okay, so you do have a water pitcher, all right. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:22 But Jennifer Marmer, Jessie goes both ways, still and sparkling. Are you a still baby or a sparkling baby? All right. Yeah. But Jennifer Marmer, Jessie goes both ways, still and sparkling. Are you a still baby or a sparkling baby? I'm also both right now. I have a sparkling in this glass, um, that we made that I made from the bubble water machine, yeah, at home, if we go still, I'll do tap water. Um, but I usually put ice in it because I just like iced water better. Look here in New York City.
Starting point is 00:45:45 We have a, we have a pretty good tap water. I don't ever have to, uh, I don't ever have to filter it particularly. It tastes great. But you know, in general, I'm a sparkling baby. If I go to a restaurant and they're like, uh, still sparkling or tap, everyone on the table is like, tap is fine. I'm like, no, it is not. It is is fine. I'm like, no, it is not.
Starting point is 00:46:07 It is not fine. I know this is a ridiculous upsell, but I want a bottle of sparkling water. And I will say that, you know, I've had a bubble machine in the past, but I don't, I, I really, there's a, I'm, I really love trying out different sparkles. I'm really into this brand. Uh, Laura Rizia, Laura R Larissa is from the Italian Alps and has got a haunted lighthouse keeper on the front of it, holding a, holding a lantern at the sea looking for Lorne Lee. That's what I like to think about when I'm drinking my water.
Starting point is 00:46:38 I also like mountain valley is pretty good too, but I'll tell you what I'm off of. Garol Steiner. I don't like Gerolsteiner. I like mineral content, but, uh, and I like a little sodium in my, in my, uh, bubble water, uh, I'm sorry, Gerolsteiner. When I finished drinking a big bottle of sparkling water, you know what? I don't want to be thirsty. That stuff just makes me more thirsty.
Starting point is 00:47:04 You know what I like is that, uh, that I think it's the same company that makes Haritos the Mineragua. Yeah. I think that's pretty good. How do you feel about Pena fell? I don't know about Pena fell. Is that a baseball player or a sparkling water? Pena fell is a, is a Haritos competitor. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:47:24 How did you, does, how did you,itos has gone pretty hard in the United States. The last maybe 10 years, they have English language marketing and stuff, which they didn't, they didn't used to have. Uh, Jarritos, Jarritos main competitor though, at least in the imported beverages from Mexico in the United States market was always Pena fell, which is sort of more, it is a soda line, but it is more focused on the idea of it being mineral water. And they make, you know, they make Harito style fruity sweetened sodas, but they also,
Starting point is 00:48:01 they're like main product is, uh, uh, is a sparkling sparkling water and it is nice, but it comes in a plastic container. Daniel Spear, our Mexican-American correspondent, checking in. Yeah, the main difference with all these Mexican drinks is that instead of corn syrup, they use sugar because sugar is subsidized in Mexico. They have sugar cane, and that's one of the biggest Mexican exports. So Peña Fiel has a lot of appeal because it uses sugar. And it gets you it's less less less fake, I guess. Much like much.
Starting point is 00:48:33 It's a different flavor profile, much like, you know, the the the coke that is exported, the Coca Cola is exported from Mexico as cane sugar as opposed to corn syrup. And you know, you get it. You get it at hipster restaurants and so forth. Yeah. Or if you're like my family, we would go to Mexico once a month and then just restock on junk food.
Starting point is 00:48:54 There we go. How could you ever find Mexican junk food here in Southern California? In the 90s, it was harder. In the 90s, it was harder to come by. And when I was a kid, we lived in San Diego. So a border trip wasn't that big of a deal, you know? I'll tell you this. I think I've complained about this on Judge John Hodgman before. But in that time when I lived with my dad and just my dad,
Starting point is 00:49:17 I mean, I split time between my parents' houses, but there was no one else at my dad's house. When I would be waiting for the bus to take me to school, this would be when I was about seven or eight years old, once in a great while, he would say I could pick out a drink to bring with me to school. But the only store that was by the bus stop was a Mexican grocery store. And in the Mexican grocery store the only drink was Kern's nectar. I don't even know what that is. I hated Kern's nectar. Drink a bite of Kern's nectar. I hated this stuff but it was you I needed to choose something because otherwise I was getting to
Starting point is 00:50:02 choose anything so I had to choose something. Coming up to bat, famous lefty Kern's Nectar. Here comes a bitch outside. Strike one for Kern. No. Foul. Well, anyway, Paul. Jesse, you identified something that was very important to me, which is that water that comes in plastic does not taste good to me. And that includes Brita filters, everybody.
Starting point is 00:50:28 Don't care for them. Now look, I have a lot of fondness for the Brita filter. And I mean, talk about Brookline. First time I ever saw a Brita filter was at Lisa Dirks' grownup apartment in Brookline, Massachusetts. Boy, did Lisa Dirks tell us how to live. Take your shoes off in the apartment,
Starting point is 00:50:41 have a Brita filter, pay your rent on time. She was a grown-up. We weren't. It was amazing. And yet I don't ever want to drink water from Brita filter because it tastes like plastic to me. Is it placebo? Perhaps. But it tastes like plastic. That said, Daniel, do not describe your wife as unhinged
Starting point is 00:51:01 when what you really mean is lazy or impatient or resentful because I have no doubt that she's correct. You probably don't fill up that picture enough but that is no reason why she should be filling it up with hot water, especially when if you are not so lazy or impatient or resentful
Starting point is 00:51:20 you wouldn't be writing me. You'd be checking the Brita website that says quote hot water shouldn't be be checking the Brita website that says, quote, hot water shouldn't be used with the Brita standard filter. She's doing it wrong, but you both are. You both should stop calling each other unhinged and wrong. And instead just fill up the Brita pitcher with cold water. Break this circle of revenge.
Starting point is 00:51:41 Fill the pitcher, Daniel. But yeah, don't, don't fill it up with hot water. It's also really energy inefficient because you're using energy to heat up the water. And then you're using energy to cool it back down with your refrigerator. It's warming up your entire refrigerator. What a mess. I just, I just hesitate to call unhinged what we can ascribe to simply like, we're just trying to get along here.
Starting point is 00:52:08 Trying to fill up the picture. But yeah, no, technically you're correct. Daniel, you got to fill that picture up with cold water. That's what the website says. Do it. Here's something from Brian in Westfield, Massachusetts. I have been the commissioner of a friends and family NFL Pick'em pool for the last 25 years. At the beginning of this season, I changed a pool setting in order to eliminate weekly ties and a split pot. We play for bananas. All right, I'm just gonna stop you there. Am I having a stroke? Do these words mean something to you?
Starting point is 00:52:38 I feel like I'm just hearing Charlie Brown teacher talk here, but okay. This is an intra-family form of gambling in which you're basically just choosing who's gonna win in games during that week's NFL football games. Okay, all right. What's the dispute then?
Starting point is 00:53:02 And apparently they play for bananas. Sure. More than one rule member let me know that they don't like this new rule. I emailed the group to open up the discussion. I encouraged everyone to hit reply all to weigh in on the topic and vote yay or nay. A few millennials in the group have harshly criticized me for showing a lack of Internet courtesy. Based on the responses the thread has received so far, I stand by my decision.
Starting point is 00:53:28 I think my critics are Dunderheads. They think I am an obtuse boomer. Okay, boomer, Dunderhead or whatever. What are the top email sins that you've encountered, Jesse? I'll get started. You know, what bothers me is a long emails. Oh, all those judge John Hodgson fans have now just paused in the middle of their 10th paragraph of that email they're sending to me right now. But it's true.
Starting point is 00:53:56 I've seen the email. It's true. It's true. Look, I love it when you send me emails and I'm so glad that you listen, but, um, you know, a paragraph is fine. You don't have to send more than one. I won't send out, I send out a newsletter at Hodgman.substack.com that comes in email form. And while that will have multiple paragraphs,
Starting point is 00:54:15 I would make sure that no paragraph is longer than three lines, just because it's more readable to me. You know, those big blocks of texts not for me. And by now, I mean, you know, those big blocks of text, not for me. And by now, I mean, you know, our attention spans are so challenged, not merely by our habit of looking at our phones all the time or whatever, but it's just like, we have so much coming at us that you need to be clean and punchy and write in direct sentences. Get in, get your message out there, get out. That's my thing.
Starting point is 00:54:42 That's my advice for emails. Do you have any emailing advice? My mom sends emails that I don't understand what they mean. Like I really don't know what they mean. My wife rarely knows what they mean. She often has to come to me for explanation, but then I often, even after, even with four decades of experience with my mom's writing, I still sometimes struggle to understand what they mean. I do not know what my mom's neurodivergences are, but they are substantial and they directly
Starting point is 00:55:18 affect her ability to write emails that I understand. Clarity, clarity again is key when it comes to emails. Yeah, but I think the obvious one is, and in my email inbox, the probably the almost certainly the biggest problem is publicists. Publicists who are sending me things that are irrelevant to my work because it is easier for them to just blast it to every email address they have than to actually make pitches to people who might actually appreciate what they're pitching. Got to cast that net wide now that it's so easy to reach people, why not bother everyone? Exactly, but I think that the question of cc'ing without bcc'ing The question of CCing without BCCing and replying all is ultimately the most central email send. If you don't need to make everyone's email address public for a particular reason,
Starting point is 00:56:20 then you can BCC instead of CC. And, uh, if you don't need to talk to everyone, you can reply instead of replying all. Yeah, I would, I would agree. Aside from protecting people's privacy, uh, and frankly, the dignity of their attention, uh, and not looping them in on stuff that they don't necessarily need to know about. Replying all is a really, really hard way to have a group conversation. It's real like all of a sudden you've got a list of 30 or 40 emails and depending on how your email program formats it that last email for some reason might just be a list, like a
Starting point is 00:57:06 single column of one character. Yeah. It just gets, you know, it's like, it's so, it's so confusing and complicated. And I think Brian that the biggest email sin of all, and this is what your millennial family members are trying to teach you is using email. millennial family members are trying to teach you is using email. Like it's, it's a terrible compared to a text thread. It's a terrible way to have a group conversation.
Starting point is 00:57:36 The formatting just becomes so ungainly and it is so complicated to follow the conversation. Uh, and young people don't do it. Young people don't really use email anymore. Like I, if I email something to either of our adult children, I might as well be putting it into a tin of caramel popcorn and throwing it into Lake Michigan. Cause that's how soon I'm gonna get a response from that email.
Starting point is 00:57:55 It's just not part of it. And frankly, using reply all to try to have this conversation, I dare say it is dunderheaded. You are the dunderhead, sir. You have a debt you have a head of dunder. That's right. I said it you are the dunderhead, sir. You have a head of dunder. This goes back to our dispute about how to punctuate text messages in particular using periods at the end of sentences in text messages or specifically the
Starting point is 00:58:24 ends of messages. And a young person in the office advised the older person in the office like don't use a period at the end of the at the end of the message because it sounds severe. It sounds harsh. And the old person like you don't understand punctuation anymore. Read, strunk and white. Meanwhile, that person is using toe the line incorrectly all the time and begs the question incorrectly all the time. People think they're so smart about language, but they're dumb.
Starting point is 00:58:50 They're all dumb. And the fact is when someone who offers you advice on how to use language, particularly a younger person is trying to teach you how to use language as it is used now. That's a favor for you. That's information for you to process and perhaps not incorporate into your life, but better take it in and decide. Like now I understand that putting a period at the end of a text message
Starting point is 00:59:17 sounds like yelling period. Dead stop. That's what it sounds like. It's different than if you're writing a formal letter or an email or whatever. And you need to be flexible. Okay, Boomer? Be flexible. I don't know if Slack is the answer for you, but there's got to be a better way for you to communicate with everybody
Starting point is 00:59:34 than these reply-alls and the emails. It's terrible. I read a newspaper article one time, you know, in 1874. Yeah, that's right. I remember. I was reading newspaper articles. I read a newspaper article relatively recently about Gen Z business owners. Not using email, which I understand. I think there's a certain tragedy to people turning away from email because
Starting point is 00:59:59 it's really one of the last parts of the internet that isn't, uh, that isn't corrupted by corporate advertising algorithms and attempts to build walled gardens. Uh, it's a, it's an open platform that has existed for a really long time for a reason, but leaving that aside, uh, a reason, but leaving that aside, uh, and I will say offers a lot of features and convenience when you are conveying information formally or trying to send attachments in terms of, you know, professional correspondence, email is the way to go, reply all sucks, but that's what I'm saying.
Starting point is 01:00:41 But go on, Jesse, unless you're the people that this trend article found who were people in their twenties, who were business owners who communicated about their business exclusively through Instagram messages. Whoa. Which aren't at the time, I think, I think with the introduction of like AI features into Instagram, those messages are now searchable, maybe. But I know that at the time, because I was selling things on Instagram at the put this on shop at put.this.on, you couldn't search an Instagram messages for anything that was inside the messages.
Starting point is 01:01:22 Sure. So I can't imagine how you could possibly keep track of your correspondence without being able to sort it or search it. I'm not going to say it's dunderheaded. I mean, I do think you're losing something by not being able to search your messages or properly archive them or keep them should Instagram decide to shut down tomorrow or whatever. But it's your planet now.
Starting point is 01:01:45 I don't know why I would be yelling at a younger person when they're inheriting the planet as it is. Like, I'm sorry, all I should be doing is apologizing. So, okay, Boomer, don't be a dunderhead. The docket is now clear. That's it for another episode of Judge John Hodgman. Judge John Hodgman created by Jesse Thorne and John Hodgman, our video editor
Starting point is 01:02:05 and Tijuana grocery correspondent is Daniel Spear. The podcast edited by AJ McKeon, our producer is Jennifer Marmer. Natti Lopez is our social media manager. Photos from the show are posted on our Instagram account at Judge John Hodgman, Instagram.com slash Judge John Hodgman. Do you think we're going to probably, we'll probably end up with some pictures of guardian angels there, don't you think? I'd love to see your pictures of guardian angels. I'd love to see your recommended bubble waters storage solutions.
Starting point is 01:02:39 Love to see your popcorns. Send me the corns the way you like it. When David Letterman was on Bullseye with Jesse Thorne, the hit NPR program. Yeah, yeah. And by hit, I mean, least successful. Come on. He was at his, he was in Montana.
Starting point is 01:02:56 He lives in Montana. And he was like relatively early in the pandemic. So it was just like the people that were allowed in his house was just like his assistant or something. And they were trying to figure out how to set things up for him to record locally. He had a microphone that I think we had sent to him. It was like a very, everyone was like buzzing around. And Letterman and I were just sitting there on the webcam, just chatting and filling time.
Starting point is 01:03:21 And probably the best thing that's ever happened to me in my life was, uh, David Letterman said to me, Hey, uh, what kind of water is that you're drinking? Okay. That a good one? That's a good one, Jesse. That's a good one. It was a good one. It was a cherry, cherry Waterloo black cherry Waterloo.
Starting point is 01:03:40 It's a nice one. Uh, we're on tick tock and YouTube at Judge John Hodgman Pod where there's lots of exclusive content in addition to the video of every single episode. I just read a study, John, from Edison Media Research. YouTube now the number one podcast platform, the most used podcast platform. So go ahead and send
Starting point is 01:04:05 an email to a 20 something and tell them to watch it on YouTube. Watch the podcast on YouTube. Judge john Hodgman pod. You can let me know whether or not you think that replying all is a betting pool foul over there in the comments on YouTube or wherever you want to get to me. But we also still need party fouls in general and all of your party disputes. Is someone making punch wrong through party? What about a potluck dispute?
Starting point is 01:04:31 I love a potluck dispute. Maybe the luck is not so good. Speaking of parties, you know where we always have a good party is over there in the members only mailbag. If you're a member of Maximum Fun, you can send us a letter at MaximumFun.org slash JJ HO doesn't have to be a dispute doesn't have to be anything. It just can be a request for comment
Starting point is 01:04:50 of any kind. And we'll read it over there in the members only feed at the members only mailbag. This year we're going to do our Judge John Hodgman office holiday party over there in the Boko feed the members only feed. Will we be able to top Kenny's five cup salad also known as moon poop from last year? I don't know, but if you or your family has a favorite old holiday food or drink recipe, particularly if it's weird or disgusting, we're talking about eggnog and Fanta territory here.
Starting point is 01:05:19 Send it over there at maximumfund.org slash JJ HO. If you're not already a member to consider becoming one at maximumfund.org slash JJ HO. If you're not already a member, do consider becoming one at maximumfund.org slash join. So you can get in on that Membos only office party mailbag coming up soon. You can always join the fund at maximumfund.org slash join at any time. All members at the $5 a month level or higher get immediate access to the entire network's bonus feed,
Starting point is 01:05:43 including our monthly Membo mailbag is a lot of fun. And of course we want to hear any dispute that you have. You can send them to us at maximumfund.org slash JJ HO. They are the gasoline that powers the motor vehicle that is the Judge John Hodgman podcast. So go to maximumfund.org slash JJ HO and submit your case right this very moment. We'll talk to you next time on the Judge Sean Hodgkin podcast.
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