Judge John Hodgman - Friends of Negin

Episode Date: June 26, 2024

Is it ever ok to take a photo of your friend's butt? Negin Farsad (Fake the Nation, Wait Wait Don't Tell Me) joins the judge's chambers to answer this dispute and help clear the docket!We are on TikTok and YouTube! Follow us on both @judgejohnhodgmanpod! Follow us on Instagram @judgejohnhodgman.

Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm Bill of Jesse Thorne. We are in chambers this week clearing the docket. I'm Judge John Hodgman and I'm also here, but guess what? There's something very exciting. There's a third person here, what we call a guest to help clear this docket. Jesse, you want to introduce this wonderful guest? She is a writer, a director, an actor, a comic. She's also the host of the long-running podcast

Fake the Nation and a fan favorite panelist on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me over there on National Public Radio. Maybe you have heard of it. I should know. I am a fan. My favorite, Nagin Farsad. Hey! Nagin Farsad. Oh! Nagin Farsad!

Oh my God, hello guys. So wonderful to have you here. I mean, you just ran the table. I've just been getting a report. You just ran the table over there on Jordan Jessie Go. Yeah, it's true. She was just on Jordan Jessie Go. We had a long conversation after she got off the line

about what an epic guest she was. That's a true story. You know what? Going into that show, I said to myself and the universe, I'm going to be the best guest I've ever had. And like that's, I just, I committed myself to that. And I land. You visualized. Yeah, yeah. It was on my vision board.

And I landed it. You know what I mean? I really, I really did it. And on the very bottom of your vision board, the bottom right hand with a very old push pin pushed into it is like a ratty cocktail napkin that says also do Judge John Hodgman. Don't forget, try to cancel, but if you can't get out of it. Yeah, and it didn't, that little note

like didn't originally have a stain on it, but then I went and I got like some dirt and I smeared it on there just to make sure I knew that it was like a side thought. Nagin, you and I first met when you very kindly hired me to act in a movie that you had directed or co-directed. Yeah, co-directed, yeah. Right, Third Street Blackout.

And that was so much fun. And we've hung out together ever since. We've been to secret retreats. We've performed together. I've been on Fake the Nation a number of times. What a delight. But this is your first time visiting us here on Judge Jen Hodgman, is that not correct?

Yes, this is my first time. And the interesting thing is like, this podcast is like one of the favorites of Probably most of my friends most of my friends. I know listen to this podcast and in fact not my podcast So that those are the kinds of friends I have okay. I'd like to extend a very special. Hello to the friends of Nagin Hi F.O.N.S welcome to the friends of Nagin. Yep. Hi, FONs. Welcome to the show. Your friend is here and you should listen to Fake the Nation

because it's terrific. And you can get Fake the Nation. You talk about current events. You make some fun about the things today that aren't so funny. You do a wonderful job and it's a podcast available, what, every week is my guess? Yes, every week, every week.

And you're also over there on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. And you have guest hosted for Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Have you not? Yeah, several times. Yeah, well, I'm a friend of Peter's, so I'm not gonna say anything. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Other than you did a wonderful job. Thank you, no one could ever replace him. Why did you even say that? What, how did that even come up? No one has ever said that. No one is putting a little bit of arsenic in his tea every morning. No, Peter, we love you, we love Nagin,

we love, wait, wait, don't tell me, and we love all of our member listeners over at MaximumFun.org and all of the friends of Nagin and the new friends of Nagin are gonna meet Nagin this very first time as we clear this docket. We just got some fun disputes to settle. Nagin, are first time as we clear this docket. We just got some fun, some fun disputes to settle. Nagin, are you down? Are you down to help?

Yes, absolutely. I've been living for this moment. Thank goodness, cause we couldn't get Tom Baudet. Ha ha ha. Here's a case from Jasmine in Nyhart, Montana. When I hike with my friends, Amy and Gordon, I take a lot of wildflower pictures. Meanwhile, Amy and Gordon take pictures of me. Usually when I'm bending over to get the right perspective.

Then they share photos of my butt on social media. Please order them to stop. Nagi, before we get into this very clear, clear cut judgment, you got any hobbies like taking pictures of wildflowers? You know what I just discovered recently that I thought was really exciting, which is if you take a photo of a flower or tree

or something on your iPhone, you can scroll down to the metadata of that photo and it'll tell you the name of that species. That is delightful and terrifying. It is a little, yeah. I mean, before I had some kind of app that I would do that on. And by the way, I'm disclosing a lot to listeners right now, because I guess I'm the kind of person that likes

to know the name of a flower. I would love to know. Then if you scroll down a little bit further, it actually fills out the writing room on a new Netflix show. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Correct. I'm here in my office studio in Brooklyn, looking out the window, and there are all kinds of trees and plants and even some flowers out there that I can see. And I don't know what they are.

I would love to know. I think that's terrific. Yeah. Well, it's interesting because like I volunteer a lot in Tompkins Square Park. I live in the East Village of New York City and that's our main park over here. And I remember this guy coming to me once while I was volunteering and digging dirt, you know what I mean? Doing planting seeds. Getting gossip, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And this guy comes up to me and he says, oh, I love what you guys are doing. You know, Americans, and he's this Venezuelan, he was like a Venezuelan immigrant. Right. And he was like, you know, Americans don't know the names of trees.

And then he proceeded to tell me every name of tree. And I was like, you know what? I didn't know the name of a single tree in this park. And I started to be like, you know, it is weird. Why don't I know the name of any tree? Yeah. I know the name of trees, Christmas. Like you can say like oak, elm, or like whatever.

Like you can look at them and say. No, all I have is Christmas. Okay, Christmas, okay. Christmas tree, fake Christmas tree. Yeah. Right. I can say oak and elm all day long, but I don't know what I'm looking at.

And, you know, I spend part of the year in the pine tree state where people know their trees because they use them to burn them up for fuel in the winter. I should know things, it's true. When I'm in the parking lot of the YMCA on December 3rd, and I'm like, I can't identify the trees when they have a sign next to them that says Snowy Spruce or whatever.

I'm like, there's only five kinds of Christmas tree and I truly don't know the difference between them. If they're tied up in twine, I'm out of luck. And the thing with snowy spruce is you can't really be sure that that's, you know, the technical name of the tree or just a nickname for that particular tree. Yeah, that George W. Bush gave it.

I feel like you're breaking news here because I don't think I knew that there were five types of Christmas trees. I thought it was just like the one that was that shape. And then that's it. All right. So if you are hiking in Montana, Nagin, with a couple of your friends,

remember the friends of Nagin who are listening to this picture, two of them. Yeah. And you're taking pictures of wild flowers for whatever reason. And wild flowers. I mean, first of all, they're wild. Second of all, they're close to the ground. You are gonna have to bend over to get the proper perspective. You know what I'm saying, perspective.

You learn that your friends, let's call them Amy and Gordon, are taking pictures of your butt and putting them on social media, ha ha ha. How does that make you feel? Great? No, the funny thing is, Jesse read the thing. I immediately pictured, and maybe this is just a fault of my own, a naked butt.

Now that I'm recalibrating my imagery, it is a closed butt. Okay, so... I mean, it could be a plumber's butt or wildflower photographer's butt, that is to say, partial exposed due to the position of the body. But clothed or or non. What's your opinion on this one? Yeah, I mean, I think I OK, first of all, I think it's a it's kind of funny. So, like in terms of like in friend group inside joke, I think that's kind of fun.

Is this friend known for having like a good butt? Like maybe that's, maybe it's a compliment, you know, a friend group compliment. I know among me and my friends who are probably listening to this podcast, there are different body parts that we celebrate of each others. You know, go on.

Please don't stop talking. Specificity is the soul of narrative. You got someone in your friend group who's got some hot elbows. No, but it's like one of my friends just notoriously has like really great legs. You know what I mean? So, like, if we're taking a photo, we'll just be like, let's do a full length show off them legs. You know what I mean?

On one of the friends. I won't name her. You know, we now post whole episodes on YouTube. So your friend who is probably listening right now, hop over to the YouTube and see how your legs compare to my epic calves. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah.

We also got kind of a judges robe up skirt situation going. It's true. You want to see my wildflower butt? Here we go. Now again, if you're like in a judges robe and you're doing like a butt photo, it's kind of just like. You're saying that if Jasmine, Amy and Gordon

are in a friend group that celebrates Jasmine's butt, then that's fine and good. But the fact of the matter is Jasmine wants this to stop. She is not comfortable with her wildflower butt photos all over social media. So I mean, how could we rule against her? Can you even imagine an argument? No, I can't. I just wanted to I just wanted to give the friends like a little bit of

grace in terms of like they could have they could have like fun intentions. Right. That said, it all but photo posting should be, you know, enthusiastically consensual. Yeah. If it's not fun for everyone, it's no fun at all. That's a very big piece of settled law here in the fake court of Judge John Hodgman. But also, generally speaking, don't take pictures, don't post pictures of people who have not, buts or otherwise, who are not cool with it. I mean, people ask me if they could post a photo of my face.

Like they get permission of that. So I think at the very least, you need like double permission for butts. And then, you know, the various levels of permission for each body part that we can assign. I think that's fair. It's like you ask permission once,

can I take and post a photo of your clothed butt? And then they say yes, then you're like, great. But then you have to sleep on it and ask the next day. Right. Like those states that require 24 hours for you to like buy a gun or something, which I wish they. Whether he's a waiting period. Yeah. States or states even. I was very I was just very generous to the Republic.

I know. Look, we have to imagine the world we want. In any case, yeah, I mean, I would say that like, let Jasmine enjoy her wildflower hobby in peace. And while it is, I think, totally real, real legal to take photos of people and publish them, like if you're in a public place, I guess there's no expectation of privacy, which is fine. But there is expectation of decency among friends.

And if you need a podcast judge to tell your friends to stop posting photos of your own butt, maybe these aren't your friends. Maybe you lose them. Next time you're on a hike, make a run for it. Lose them. What's our next case, Jesse? Here's something from Liz in Arlington, Massachusetts. My boyfriend, Chris, thinks it's totally fine for our dog,

Benny, to eat the cat's vomit. He says the dog loves it, so he gets a little treat. Plus, Benny is sparing us from having to confront the gross mess. I think it's disgusting. I'm asking Judge John Hodgman to order that Chris not allow Benny to eat cat puke. Nagin, you got any animal companions in your home?

I have a dog. That one hit me close to home. Oh. My dog. You don't have a cat as well, do you? I do not have a cat as well, but I grew up with cats. So I have like feelings for both of these types of animals. I wanna say I wouldn't want my dog eating cat puke

for like health reasons and for personal gross-out reasons. So that's like a two-pronged reason that I would like personally not allow it. I'm no doctor the way you are a judge, but although I will say that I'm the daughter of a surgeon, so I feel like that gives me 0.03% knowledge. Right. Also, fun fact, in Iran, when doctors needed to figure stuff out, they would just go find sick dogs and they would just work it out. Iran in the 60s, right, guys?

Am I right? If you were in medical school, everybody. Friends of Nagin are saying, I guess. So was your dad a surgeon in Iran? Yeah. And he heard stories about dogs being used for medical experiments, right? He heard stories.

So you're saying, Nagin, that he heard stories about dogs. He heard stories, He had verified stories. He said, no, no, he saved some dogs' lives, is what I'm saying. Oh, OK. There was like, no, he was a really good guy in this situation. This is not a Kristi Noem situation, just to work clear. OK. He was saving the lives of dogs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. He was saving the lives. Anyway, so that makes me adjacent to a guy who saved some dogs in the 70s. You know, I hear, and I think this is true, as the daughter of a surgeon, you are entitled to perform one freestyle appendectomy in your life.

That's right. Nepo baby rules. What are we talking about? Oh, right. We think that probably, I agree that there is a safety issue here, right? Because I've never had a dog in my life and no offense, I never want one.

So I don't know a lot about dogs, but I do know, or I've always heard there's certain things like dogs can't eat because it's horrible poison to them. Like chocolate, is that one, Jessie? Yeah, chocolate, grapes. Raisins, yeah. So I don't know, maybe the cat ate some chocolate or whatever or ate some, probably what's in that vomit

is a hair ball, you know? That's kind of the number one reason that cats puke. But that can't be good for your dog either, you know? So. It's, but also what's wrong with the cat that they puke so frequently? So there's like two medical issues. I know the answer to that.

It's a cat. Yeah. That's the reason. Cats puke frequently? My cat didn't. All the time. I'm sorry. All right. I'm sorry you had a healthy cat. Cats are vomiting for all kinds of reasons.

Some of them have to do with hairballs. Some of them have to do with genuine sickness. Some of them have to do with genuine sickness. Sometimes they're just not happy with you and they're gonna make you do a chore that you don't wanna do. Our cat, Lola the Dum Dum Cat, vomited three times yesterday in three strategic areas. I almost stepped in it three times.

And that was because a door was closed that she didn't like. So once we answered that, once we opened that door, no more, no more puking. It's not that dumb actually. Wow, it's a really particular form of personal expression that requires, that I, if that was one of my choices, like I would, like would I meow or vomit?

I would pick meow 10 out of 10 times. So I just think it's interesting. It can't be pleasant to vomit as much as this cat does. I know. Sometimes they go, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Now that's a message I would understand.

That message, that message I would understand. I like tuna, I like liver, meow mix, meow mix, please deliver. Those are the words to the song. Where did I get that from? Wow. Talking cat, presumably. Yeah, I was over on Meow Mix Genius.

That's where I learned the song. Anyway, getting back. One thing I noticed about Liz's letter from Arlington Commonwealth of Massachusetts is, the name of the dog is Benny. They have a cat. What's the name of the cat? Not mentioned.

Clearly, there is a favorite. Second class citizen. Second class citizen in this family. I think that that's frankly offensive, Liz, and I judge you for that, for sure. But so far as Benny eating the cat's vomit, I would say no, I would say don't do it, because at the very least, Benny's also then gonna try

to lick you with his cat vomit tongue and lips, and I think that that's gross. Here's my question, and this is a question that I ask as a dog owner, allow. Like, is he standing there and being like, go to town? You can't, dogs don't speak English or Farsi for that matter. You can't just tell a dog, don't eat vomits.

If the dog is into eating vomit and he finds vomits, guess what he's going to do? Going to eat that vomits. Yeah. Are you going to go around with bitter apple spray and spray all the vomits, guess what he's gonna do? Gonna eat that vomits. Yeah, are you gonna go around with bitter apple spray and spray all the vomits in the house? Well, why aren't you picking up the vomit more quickly is my question. Right, right. I mean, look, if Benny gets to a vomit

before you know that the vomit is there, there's nothing you can do. Benny's gonna eat that right up. I love vomit, I love bile. Cat puke. No denying. All right, I did my best. Point is, Benny's gonna eat that vomit if you can't get to it, but that doesn't mean that you should let Benny get to it. If you're there in a position to interfere, I think, you know, either Chris is just being lazy or he hasn't thought it through because you should just be cleaning up your cat's vomit and you should be trying to figure

out what have I done to offend my cat today. Those are the two things you should be doing, right? Or maybe my cat's sick and I got to take care of it. But yeah, Benny should not be eating the vomit because I don't want that the vomit tongue on me. We don't know the long-term effects of vomit in a dog's digestesinal system. Right. I mean, you suck face with your dog, I bet, because all dog owners do.

Would you suck face with your cat's vomit? Think about that. Jen is shaking her head no that she doesn't suck face with her dog. You're missing out, Jen. It's vomit. Liz and Chris, like respect your cat. Name that cat.

Say that cat's name when you're writing to me. Let me know what the cat's name is. This cat is important to you too. It's not just a source of snacks for your dog. We're going to take a quick break to hear from our partners this week. We'll be back with more cases to clear from the docket on the Judge John Hodgman podcast. Hello, I'm your Judge John Hodgman. The Judge John Hodgman podcast is brought to you

every week by you, our members, of course. Thank you so much for your support of this podcast and all of your favorite podcasts at MaximumFun.org, and they are all your favorites. If you want to join the many member supporters of this podcast and this network, boy, oh boy, that would be fantastic. Just go to MaximumFun.org slash join. Welcome back to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. We are clearing the docket with our pal, Nagin Farsad. Here is a case from Matthew in Kerhounkson, New York. I think this is a made up place, Kerhounkson.

Have you ever heard of this, Nagin? You live in New York, right? I have never heard of this. I find it stunning. I'm going to look it up right now. My wife constantly falls asleep with her eyeglasses on. It's always a sleepy struggle when I try to get her to take them off.

Please order her to take her glasses off before bed. Kerr-Honksen is a Hamlet and census designated place in Ulster County. Population 1,722, that's a pretty big town as far as I'm concerned. Straddling the border of the town of Rochester and the town of Warsing, which, all right, stop it. Stop it, upstate.

We know you're mad that everyone moved to you from Brooklyn, but. Nagin, you wear glasses, you're wearing them right now. Yeah. Do you fall asleep with your glasses on? So the funny thing is, I honestly, like I don't fall asleep with my glasses on. I always like ceremonially like take them off,

put them to the side. Yeah, I've heard about this ceremony. It takes about two hours. Yeah, there's an original score and everything. A band comes in. There's a lot of incense urns. Yeah, exactly. But the funny thing is this one time, I put my glasses to the side and then me and my husband,

we were just kept chatting for a while without my glasses on. And then I was like, okay, I gotta go to sleep now. And then I went to go take my glasses off and there was nothing there. And I sort of mimed it as a habit. And my husband thought that was the funniest thing he had ever seen in his life

and has since never let me forget about the moment when I thought there were glasses on my face that I took off. When you reached up and you didn't feel them, and has since never let me forget about the moment when I thought there were glasses on my face that I took off. When you reached up and you didn't feel them, did you feel a need to complete the motion? I did, I did, yes. Uh-huh, I then- Why?

Still to put them on the bed stand. It's just like, you know, my brain was like, maybe there's something in there and your finger pads are just momentarily not feeling it. Right, no, I always take my glasses off. And when I do before going to bed, my ceremony is I hide them in a place that I will never find them for about two hours the next morning. That's my routine.

Oh, you don't have just like a one singular place that they always go. I highly recommend that. Sometimes I put them in the safe with our children's birth certificates. That's not true. Usually I put them on the bedside or my bureau or whatever, but I never fall asleep with them on, mostly because the most important thing when I get into bed

is to shove my phone in my face for five hours so that I can read details about what Warsing, New York or whatever it is on Wikipedia, poisoning my eyes with a terrible light until about three o'clock in the morning when I then fall asleep for 17 minutes and then have to get up. I don't know what Matthew's unnamed wife is doing in bed.

She may need glasses to read or watch her show or whatever it is she's doing to unwind and then falls asleep. Which is my situation. I need glasses to do the thing, like read something or whatever. So I can understand why it would happen, but I'm such a side sleeper that the idea of falling asleep in my glasses

and then the glasses sort of like hitting the side of my face as I sleep on my side, that sounds uncomfortable, which is why I understand this gentleman's concern, because it probably seems uncomfortable. Matthew from Kerhounks in New York. We call him Kerhounks and Matt. I mean, what's really the problem here? She falls asleep with her glasses on, and then he feels an obligation to help her take them off, and in her sort of, you know, twilight sleeping state, she's annoyed with him, which I would be too. If I were sleeping peacefully and someone started clawing at my face,

I might be a little annoyed as well. Is it Matthew's business, I wonder? I'm not sure about this. Is it any of Matthew's business to take her glasses off her face while she's sleeping? Would you want your husband, whose name I know, Jason, to take off your glasses where you'd fall asleep with them on?

You know, so there's something here it strikes me is quite endearing, a little bit like a Folgers coffee commercial. So like, you know, you wake up and a couple wakes up in the morning, the husband wakes up in the morning, she's still wearing her glasses from last night, crazy Sally. She does that because she falls asleep reading. And he like gently takes them off, tiptoes into the kitchen, makes her a cup of Folgers and then brings it in. And then she sort of like, uh, gently wakes up and is so happy that her husband did that. And the whole thing is really sweet. The best part of waking up is wrestling glasses off your face.

We've got all the jingles in this episode. This talk is full of jingles. So there's a sort of wake cute element to this. If she's waking up and he takes the glasses off and makes her the coffee and everything else, like that's sort of adorable. Exactly. I would say, Matthew, you should talk to your spouse,

Sally will call her, and verify whether she wants you to take her glasses off at night. Should she fall asleep by accident with them on? Like, is that something she appreciates or would she rather you leave her alone? And if she agrees that she would not like to sleep with her glasses on, then yes, I would suggest, Sally, that you should build a new habit in to take your glasses off before bed. But my guess is that she's probably reading a book

or something and just falls asleep. All right, we got another one, don't we, Jessie? Here's something from Allie in Chicago, Illinois. Ooh. When my husband and I first started dating, we went on two dressed up classy dinner dates at the White Castle. Oh. Now that we live closer to a White Castle again,

I would like my husband to make dinner reservations at White Castle for every Valentine's Day moving forward. The dress up option could either be fancy or costumed, depending on how we feel. I just want to add some silly fun and joy to our lives. No silly fun or joy is allowed. Sorry, Allie, you and your unnamed husband, here we go again, are not allowed to ever have any fun at all. Right, Nagin? Do you agree or disagree? No. Let me ask you this question, Nagin. Are you aware of the fancy White Castle

Are you aware of the fancy White Castle on Valentine's Day thing? No, this whole phenomenon is really alien to me. What is it? Well, first of all, you're aware of White Castle. Yes. Tiny little burgers. Yes. I've had a White Castle probably once, potentially up as many as thrice. For the past few years, White Castle offers

on Valentine's Day, a sit down experience where they put white tablecloths on the table. I don't know if we're getting money from White Castle for this, but I'll go ahead and talk about it anyway. White tablecloths on the table, and you make a reservation on a reservation app, and you get seated and it's table service,

and they give, they bring you some White Castle swag of some kind and it's sort of hilariously formal for a White Castle, let's say. And I gather that this is what happened between Ali and her husband, who she didn't name, right? So again, name your spouses, everybody say their names, but in any case, what are we going to name Ali's husband for this sake of this argument? Beonsay.

Gerald. Beyonce Gerald is the first thing I heard. So Beyonce Gerald, you know, maybe doesn't want to celebrate Valentine's day this way. You should ask Beyonce Gerald why he is resisting doing this again, since it does seem to bring some silly fun and joy, at least to you. In any case, like find out why Beyonce Gerald doesn't want to do it, but otherwise, why wouldn't you do it? I don't know.

Would you ever go to Valentine's day at White Castle Nagging, you and your husband, Jason? Is, is the food the same on the Valentine's Day experience? Oh, so the food is the same. It's just hilariously formal. I think they offer a couple of Valentine's Day special items, but I think it's still a White Castle. Okay, got you.

You know, I sort of got to a place with Valentine's Day where I was like, if we're gonna do something, it might as well be actually nice. And not joke nice. And so I feel, I mean, I get the joke, haha. But I also am like. I think I can see where this is going. I just feel like let's go can see where this is going. I just feel like let's have a nice meal somewhere that doesn't emulsify when battered.

Nagin, I would love for you to roll out that react on wait, wait, don't tell me. Just when Gondelman says something or Paula Poundstone, you just say, I get the joke, ha ha. ALI LAUGHS Ali, I think that first of all, you should learn your husband's name. It's Beyonce Gerald.

And then I think you should say to Beyonce Gerald, why is this not fun to you? We've done it twice before. And I would encourage you then to listen to what he has to say. Oh, yeah, listening. Because, you know, as we say on this podcast, over and over again, people like what they like.

And maybe he doesn't like going to White Castle for Valentine's anymore. Certainly, I'm not gonna order that you as a couple do this as you request, Allie, for every Valentine's Day moving forward. Yeah, that's a lot. That's a lot. I don't even know if White Castle's gonna continue this promotion or whatever.

Maybe it gives him the cat pukes, you know what I mean? We don't know. There we go. In which case, Benny, stay away. Don't eat Beyonce, Gerald's cat puke. And also communicate with your spouses. There might be something else that he wants to do

for Valentine's Day, and there could be a compromise where as a joke, and I presume a fairly inexpensive joke, or who knows these days, the White Castle Valentine's Day special would be a fun thing to do, but then the next night or whatever, you do something that he wants to do or something like that.

But yeah, you got to you got to learn this guy's name, Ali. Say his name. Let's take a quick break. We'll be back with more in just a moment. The Judge John Hodgman podcast is also brought to you this week by Stitch Fix. When you're wearing an outfit that you like, that fits your style and fits your body, you feel better than when you're walking around wearing an outfit that pinches and doesn't feel right and is scratchy. And guess what?

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Well, I mean, look, if you're a massage therapist or a certified public accountant, and you need an easy way to connect with customers and help them sign up for your services, Squarespace can help you out. They can pay with credit cards, PayPal, Apple Pay, even options in eligible countries to buy now and pay later with after pay and clear pay. You know, John, if you like us are a media creator or let's say you're my Aunt Debbie in Northern Virginia, you specialize in lifestyle transition real estate and you've got some information about lifestyle transitions that you think people might want to pay money for,

well, make a video. Squarespace can help you sell it. Lifestyle transitioners, CPAs, massage therapists, and anything you can dream of, Squarespace is there to help you start a beautiful website easily and simply for your business. Go to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to www.squarespace.com slash Hodgman

to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Judge Hodgman, we are taking a break from clearing the docket and who boy is there a lot of excitement going on with Rhee as regards the Pasadena Goth Club. Vis-a-vis the Pasadena Goth Club t-shirt competition? You're absolutely right, Jesse. As you may remember, we had an episode disputing which is the most Goth holiday, Christmas or Halloween. And our lovely litigants were from Pasadena

and so we decided to form a Pasadena Goth Club. And we launched two t-shirts for members of the Goth Club. Now, if you want to join the Pasadena Goth Club, all you got to do is go over to the Max Fun Shop. And when you choose the t-shirt, there's a pink one and then there's a black one. And you choose which style, which flavor of Pasadena Goth you are. which style, which flavor of Pasadena goth you are. And I'm getting word here in my headphones that the pink Pasadena goth club shirts are dominating the more traditional black goth shirts.

Can you verify this, Jesse? I do have it. I do, I am in receipt of evidence that they are currently in the lead, but this thing is far from over. Well, it's close to over. Go to maxfundstore.com and choose the t-shirt you want. And you know what, John? What? Soon, I will be announcing the first meeting of the Pasadena Golf Club. It will require you to be a member of Maximum Fund at a certain level or above.

There will be a date. We will be meeting at the Pine Burger in Pasadena and I will be buying the burgers. Wow. Yeah. Oh, wow. I mean, if you're not already a member at MaximumFun.org slash join, do go over there

and also go over to the Max Fun store and vote for your favorite t-shirt by buying it. Because starting in July, we are going to discontinue the less popular t-shirt. So if you're a fan of the traditional goth black in your Pasadena goth club t-shirt, the situation is fluid. You can get over there and buy them and encourage your friends to buy them. And maybe, maybe catch up with that pink one. But by July, only one will remain. So what's the website for the Max Fun Store? Maxfunstore.com.

And hey, I just wanna say that in a couple of days, we're gonna be at Solid Sound. Me and your guest Bailiff, Jean Grey, will be co-hosting the comedy stage along with Eugene Merman, Brittany Carney, Sydney Washington, Dave Hill, Todd Barry, and of course Wilco will be there too. If we don't see you there, there's some good news, which is that Jesse Thorne and I will

be taking this show on the road soon. Now, we'll be making an announcement about it. We're not ready to do so yet, Now we'll be making an announcement about it. We're not ready to do so yet, but we'll be making an announcement about it. Why this very weekend? And if you're a member of Maximum Fun, or if you're a subscriber to my sub stack at Hodgman.substack.com,

you're gonna find out, you're gonna get a pre-sale code this weekend. You'll be among the first to know. So if you're not a member, this is a good reason to become one, and if you want to subscribe, hodgeman.substack.com, I check in with you, oh, every week or so with some musings and recommendations on the world in the free area,

in the public area, and then there's a secret area where I reveal a secret message, which is where you will get this pre-sale code. So if you're a member, you're all set. If you want to go over to Hodgman.substack.com, check it out. Keep an eye out for that presale code. It'll be coming to you this weekend. So, and obviously we'll be announcing the tour dates, etc, etc. So that's how you keep in the loop that way. Anything else you want to talk about, Jesse, before we get back to the docket? Let's get right back to the docket. Let's get back to that docket.

Welcome back to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. We're joined by our pal, Nagin Farsad. Here's something from Laura in Richmond, Virginia. My family loves to host themed karaoke nights. For example, one recent theme was travel and transportation. We were all enjoying singing songs about planes, trains, and automobiles. But then my son Liam, age 13, chose surfing bird. He says, surfing is a kind of transportation. My husband agrees with him.

Obviously, they're both wrong. Please order my husband to admit he's just trolling me. And please order Liam to take a surfing lesson so he can experience firsthand how unfeasible surfing is as a means of transport. Mm. Well, obviously, I'm going to order Liam to take a surfing lesson.

That's easy. Why not? Would be great. Yeah. Any kind of lesson is good. Go take a lesson in whatever. Learn, try new experiences. It'll be fun. You. Any kind of lesson is good. Go take a lesson in whatever. Learn try new experiences. It'll be fun.

You'll learn something from it. Just remember this avoid those locals only breaks. If I learned anything being the news director of KZSE in Santa Cruz, California, it's that the locals will pummel you and hold your head underwater. If you hit those locals only breaks. Oh, really? Yeah. Wow. Surfers are wild. Have you ever tried surfing?

I've never tried surfing. I've tried body boarding. Like when I was little, we used to go to the beach in San Diego and I would they would have boogie boogie boogie boarding boogie boarding. And they had little boogie boards. And I believe the term is boogie, boogie, boogie boarding. Free boogies. That's right.

That's right. I have to say that that particular judgment feels a little harsh to me because I find surfing a little terrifying. Like you could just get thrown around. When I say that Liam should take a surfing lesson and all lessons are good, that does not mean I'm ever gonna take a surfing lesson.

No, never. Not gonna do it, not gonna do it. Yeah, like I don't like being pummeled by the waves. No. That said, I did make out with a surfer once when I was in high school. Here we go. Whoa, let's go. Tell me the whole story.

What was his name, Beyonce something? It was actually, I think his name was Jesse, Beyonce, Jesse. Beyonce, Jesse. And he, and we were, just had just graduated from high school and me and my friends went to the beach in San Diego. And there's just a lot of like,

kind of dirt baggy surfers that hang out. Shout out Moonlight Beach and Encinitas. These couple of guys invited us couple of girls to like a bonfire. It was so very much the scene from a teen, like a YA book or whatever. I was gonna say opening scene of Jaws. It sounds like, Nagin, you had a blue crush.

A blue crush. That's a reference to a surfing themed movie. Now, if you were, let's go straight to the source. If you were to say, if you were to reconnect with your dirt bag surfer, Blue Crush, Beyonce, Jessie. Yeah. And you were to ask him, is surfing a mode of transportation?

What do you think he would say? He would say, I'm gonna say he probably no. Right. Cause it just, you go at, it's more like of a boomerang scenario. Right. You know, and boomer, unless boomerangs are a form of transportation.

I mean, there's no question that you're moving. You're moving through space. There's movement. There's movement, but you are expressly going out into the ocean simply to come back. Judge Hodgman, if it helps, I have Beyonce Jessie here in the studio in Southern California.

That's incredible. Wow. If you'd like to ask him whether surfing is a mode of transportation. I'd love to. Can we get him on? Yeah, I'll get him on the mic here. Okay.

Hey, dirtbag surfer, Beyonce Jessie, welcome to the program. Real quick question. How are you doing and is surfing a mode of transportation? I'll take my answer off the air. Bro, surfing is a way of life. Okay. You can see what I was attracted to, by the way.

I know, I wanna make out with him myself right now. I wanna suck face with him like that dog, Benny. I would say, I mean, I would say my rule of thumb is, transportation, if you can deliver a telegram with it, then it is transportation. That's good, that's good, I like that. Could be a singing telegram. Could be a singing telegram surfer, I suppose.

Is electrical wire a motor transportation? I mean a paper. Yep. All right, a letter, a letter or an attache case. A carrier pigeon. Or a secret, well, I mean, they're not a, you go with it, right? You're not, okay, maybe that was a bad example.

I understand what you're saying. I once, when we were shooting Put This On, my menswear video series, Ben Harrison, now of greatest generation and greatest track of Max Fun podcasts, was directing. I was staying at his house in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. We shot some videos in Brooklyn. And the next day, we were headed to Milan, Italy

to shoot with Luciano Barbera, the menswear designer and textile designer. And I was sitting there in Ben's house, and I said to him, Ben, I didn't bring my passport to New York. And we had a full-scale flip out. We had no extra money to postpone anything. And what ended up happening was Ben flew to Italy, shot the segment with Luciano Barbara with him hosting. And my friend Amanda broke into my house

because my wife was also out of town. So she broke into my house and bought in your wife. Your wife, Beyonce, Teresa. Yeah. Amanda bought an airplane ticket for my passport, which she worked at a law office and knew this was a thing you could do. Put it in an envelope, bought an airplane ticket for it, and then I picked it up at the Newark airport

in a weird secret room full of dogs and exotic animals. Ha! Ha ha ha ha! Where things that are not people but do have an airplane ticket live. Yeah. Whoa. And then I got on an airplane to Italy.

I did not know that that was a possibility. I didn't know you could buy an airplane ticket for a thing. Yeah, it was wild. There's a whole sitcom that's set in that room. I know. That's an incredible, I can't believe I've never heard that story before. That's one of the top stories. And I will say that it really illustrates what a mode of transportation is, right?

Because if Amanda is going to be sending a buying an airplane ticket for a passport, it needs to get to you, Jesse. It can't like get near you or down the beach from you. For it to be transportation, forget my telegram thing, which was bad. I would say you have to have some reasonable control about where you land, essentially. Where the transportation ends,

where the thing you are transporting to has to go from one place to another with purpose and you have to have some modicum of control, reasonable control over the end of that destination. So. to another with purpose and you have to have some modicum of control, reasonable control over the end of that destination. So yeah, it can't just be spiritually transporting like surfing might be. Good point. Sorry Liam, age 13, you're wrong, but take that surfing lesson and you'll learn the hard way. And by the way, unnamed husband of Laura, you don't deserve a name because you're wrong to.

Here's something from Dana. My boyfriend doesn't think Harry Truman is famous. Same with Napoleon. He says historical figures aren't celebrities the way Al Pacino or Meg Ryan are I Say being a celebrities more than just being a movie star PS Matt also thinks Santa Claus is not so I totally disagree Santa is world famous who is right first all, credit to Dana for naming Dana's boyfriend, Matt. Matt, Beyonce Matt. Good job Dana for acknowledging that your boyfriend, Matt, however wrong or right, we're gonna decide.

He may be, he has an identity. So, Nagin, I don't know why Dana and Matt are coming up with celebrity names. They might be playing the very fun parlor game named Celebrity, have you ever played that game? Yes. If we were playing Celebrity, Nagin. Yeah.

And if someone put in Harry S. Truman or Napoleon, yeah. Would that count? And someone put in Harry S. Truman or Napoleon, would that count? And then came of celebrity. What do you think? No, well, in the few times that I played celebrity, I believe that there were multitudinous political figures who were in the hat. Sure.

And I'll say one more thing about that, which is that I fired up the old Netflix last night. Oh, really? And the, not to brag, I'm a subscriber. And the thing that came on, whatever, when you auto-filled the screen, was Letterman's show, whatever that show's called, the one where you interviewed people.

My next guest needs no introduction. Our next guest needs no introduction. And the guest was Barack Obama, Monsieur Barack Obama. But I was just thinking to myself, he's one of those people that's indisputably a celebrity, I feel, right? Yeah, obviously, sorry, Matt.

Yeah, Matt, my- Obviously, Harry Truman and Napoleon are celebrities. Our friend Emily Brewster over at Maryam-Webster Dictionary, our friend Emily Brewster is a literal lexicographer and a dictionary employer and definer of words. And I'm presuming that Emily wrote this dictionary definition. It's the state of being celebrated or famous. And that's famous. The Napoleon is famous. I know who Napoleon is. Jesse, you know who Napoleon is? He invented an ice cream. Oh yeah, the Stripe Ice Cream guy.

Yeah, exactly. He came up with that idea. That guy. Yeah, multifaceted, a bird of many feathers. He wasn't known for just one thing. But here's my question now. Yeah. No doubt Santa Claus is world famous,

but is Santa Claus is world famous, but is Santa Claus a celebrity? And I'm gonna give you all ample time to get your children away from the YouTube or the podcast machine. If you don't want the truth to be known, move them away now, ear muff them. Santa Claus is a very famous fictional character.

Can you play Santa Claus in a game of celebrity? Yes or no. What do you think? This one is, is, um, this is like, get, this is making me schvitz right here. Uh, I know I just brought out my, my hanky cause I got to dab my forehead. Also, my calves are, my calves are sweating. I got to dab my calves. Um, this, this one's making me nervous because I don't know the right answer.

I'm on the fence. I wanna say, if I'm playing in a game of celebrity and someone was just like, ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas, I'd immediately say Santa Claus. I feel like it works. At the same time, when former president, what's his face, goes on the campaign trail and talks about Hannibal like he's a real person.

I feel that that is weird. You know what I mean? So I wanna say if you can, if you're a former president who's using a fictional character on the campaign trail, like you're a real person, like they're a real person, that person can also not be used in Celebrity. Yeah. There, I made a rule for myself.

There are some famous people, arguably in politics, who can't be used in Celebrity because I just refused to say their name. I think we're talking about the same person. If it's a game of Celebrity that we're trying to decide here, If it's a game of celebrity that we're trying to decide here, fictional and folkloric famous characters are allowed if everyone agrees ahead of time.

So we're all on the same page of the game. You need some ground rules before you start playing. That makes sense. But I would say in larger life, yeah, Santa Claus is a celebrity. Everyone knows that Santa Claus is. World famous celebrity. Nagin Farsad, thanks for being here.

Aw, folks, come on. Judge John Hodgman created by Jesse Thorne and John Hodgman. Nagin, of course, the host of Fake the Nation, which you should listen to. Our video editor is Daniel Spear, the podcast edited by AJ McKeon, our producer and my friend of coming up on 25 years.

Wow. Jennifer Marmer. Photos from the show are posted on our Instagram account at JudgeJohnHodgman. There we're on TikTok and YouTube at JudgeJohnHodgmanPod. Oh, that's right. We have a TikTok, so we're celebrities, Jesse. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Yeah. According to my rule, so we're celebrities, Jesse. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. According to my rule. Put our name in the hat. We're almost as popular as some magnet fishermen. Follow and subscribe to see our episodes and our video-only content. Aside from Fake the Nation, Nagin, what's going on?

What should people pay attention to when they're thinking of Nagin Farsad? Oh my gosh, I'm so glad you asked, Nagin, what's going on? What should people pay attention to when they're thinking Nagin Farsad? Oh my gosh, I'm so glad you asked because yes, obviously, Fake the Nation, please subscribe. We also do recap episodes of various TV and film products in the cultural landscape, but also I'm gonna be touring in July. The tour's called The Great American Punchline.

It's me and Chris Getherd and a couple other comedians that we would love to see you guys in the audience. We're going to be in places like Memphis and Muncie and Fayetteville and Milwaukee and oh my gosh. So you could go to bit.ly slash great American punchline and to get tickets. Yeah, I'm going there right now. And yeah, you're absolutely July 6 Milwaukee, Wisconsin and Dirks hall probably named after my old friend

in Boston, Lisa Dirks Muncie, Indiana, Hazard, Kentucky, Memphis, Tennessee. This is incredible. And look at all this incredible talent on there. Everyone's going to have a great time. Go go over there bit.ly great American punchline Again, Farsad. Thank you very much. Hey, you know what we haven't heard in a long time are cases about collections We use we've had a number of really interesting cases about people's odd Collections and strange collections including that guy who had that that bolo tie

Made his own bolo ties there, down in the desert somewhere. Anyway. judge Hodgman, do you remember the guy who came on our show years and years and years ago, in a baseball-related case, it was that he was wearing Phillies jerseys to non-Phillies games? Yes. Then later we found out that he was also one of the world's

foremost collectors of ice cream batting helmets. That's correct. I went on that guy's podcast the other day. He has a podcast about baseball uniforms. We talked about the minor league baseball uniforms of the San Francisco Giants, such as the Richmond Flying Squirrels and the San Jose Giants. He's been a friend and a listener,

and I believe a member for a long, long time. In fact, it was his miniature baseball helmet banana split bowl collection for which I ruled a major piece of standing law, which is the difference between a hoard and a collection as a display case. And of course, we love him and Jesse, we both obviously remember his name. Say his name, Jesse. Paul from the podcast Baseball by Design.

Beyonce Paul. Good job. Sorry, Paul, I didn't remember it all. But anyway, Paul, thank you very much for being a member. Thanks to all members. But we want to hear some more collection disputes. Do you have a friend or family member who has a collection that's taken over your shared space? Is your partner trying to make you stop collecting for being a member thanks to all members, but we wanna hear some more collection disputes. Do you have a friend or family member

who has a collection that's taken over your shared space? Is your partner trying to make you stop collecting all those coffee mugs, even though there's a perfect vintage far side mug on Facebook marketplace right now? Are you tempted to get it against your partner's wishes? Let us know, send your collection cases at maximumfund.org slash JJAjoe.

We wanna be in collection. You know what? If people are watching on the YouTube, only people who are watching on the YouTube get to enjoy my sitcom themed mugs from which I drink on this program. One of which is news radio themed. The other of course, themed after the greatest podcast sitcom of all time,

Alex Inc. Wow. Nobody thought radio was cool dad, and then you did it. And of course, we're eager to hear about all your disputes on any subject. No case is too small. You know, John, I actually got that mug by mail from my friend, Roman Mars in Oakland, California. He went to a thrift store to buy a huge collection that someone had tweeted at me about because they knew about my obsession with the promos for the podcast-themed sitcom Alex, Inc., which I never actually watched.

And I would like to take this opportunity to recommend that people check out Roman Mars' 99% Invisible, wonderful podcast, with a wonderful recent episode about White Castle, including a side story about fancy White Castle. But it's mostly a history of White Castle that I found very fascinating, and 99PI, one of my favorite podcasts.

It doesn't matter, though, what your disputes are about. We'll take them on any subject. No dispute is too small. Submit those cases at maximumFun.org slash JJHO. We'll talk to you next time on the Judge John Hodgman podcast.