Judge John Hodgman - Full Court Press

Episode Date: July 19, 2023

Rick brings the case against his friend, Ken. During the 2019-2020 NBA season, Rick and Ken made a bet about who would be named Rookie of the Year. Ken bet in favor of Zion Williamson, and Rick bet in... favor of Ja Morant. While Ja Morant was named Rookie of the Year, Ken believes that he should not be compelled to pay. He says that the pandemic caused too many complications. The bet should be voided. But, Rick says that Ken needs to pay up! Who’s right? Who’s wrong?Get ready for the Weird Dad Blog of the Year award! Who can beat Norman Pressman? Is it Kat's dad, Drew? To nominate a weird dad (or non-dad) and their blog (or non-blog) visit maximumfun.org/dadblogs. We will be updating the JJHo members only feed with more nominees! If you want to become a member, you can do so at maximumfun.org/join!Thanks to reddit user u/Professor__Highbrow for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, keep an eye on the Maximum Fun subreddit at maximumfun.reddit.com! 

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm bailiff Jesse Thorne. This week, full court press. Rick brings the case against his friend Ken. During the 2019-2020 NBA season, Rick and Ken made a bet about who would be named Rookie of the Year. Ken bet on Zion Williamson. Rick bet on Ja Morant. While Ja Morant was named Rookie of the Year,
Starting point is 00:00:29 Ken believes he should not be compelled to pay. He says the pandemic caused too many complications. The bet should be voided. Rick says Ken needs to pay up. Who's right? Who's wrong? Only one can decide. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom and presents an obscure cultural reference. Jean-Hubert Patillon, Jean-Paul Le Pen, Joseph Bernard, François Roland, Pierre Stéphane, Yves Lepage, Jean Panarin, Hervé Merour, Pierre Carbouc.
Starting point is 00:01:08 Bailiff Jesse Thorne, please swear them in. Rick and Ken, please rise and raise your right hands. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? So help you, God or whatever. I do. I do. Ken, Rick, do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling despite the fact that he does not love the way they dribble up and down the court? I do. I do also. Judge Hodgman, you may proceed.
Starting point is 00:01:31 Ken and Rick, you may be seated for an immediate summary judgment. In one of your favors, can either of you name the piece of culture that I referenced as I entered the courtroom? Let's start with Ken. You're the one who just doesn't want to pay the bet, right? Okay, Ken, you start. What's your guess? My guess is famous French chefs. Famous French chefs. That's a pretty good guess. It's just a list of names after all. I mean, this is a conflict about basketball.
Starting point is 00:01:59 So you might have guessed like French athletes, French basketball players. Basketball players eat, John. That's true. And you know what? They probably eat more than most. These guys are huge. When they're in France, they're eating food made by famous French chefs. I like that guess. We're going to keep that in the guest book. What about you, Rick? I'm going to say that that is a quote from the movie Blue Chips delivered by Indiana basketball alum Matt Nover. I like that guess quite a bit.
Starting point is 00:02:29 And I'll tell you something. If I had not been screaming up Route 15 to get to the radio station because I was way late at the hardware store and had time to come up with a proper cultural reference, I might have chosen something from Blue Chips, a basketball movie, right? That's a basketball movie, isn't it? There are a lot of famous basketball movies. But if I had come up with a basketball movie cultural reference, surely Rick or Ken, you
Starting point is 00:02:59 would have guessed it because you are fans of basketball and I know nothing about basketball. And luckily I was saved by Providence in this case because all guesses are wrong. That was actually a list of the most recent nine mayors of a town in Brittany in northwest France called Bria. And I mentioned it only because I happen to be sitting here with a man named Bria. That's right. Joel Mann's son-in-law is in studio observing the process today. Swing that microphone over to Bria for a second. Hello, everyone. I'm very happy to be here. And thank you, Judge, for having me in the court. You're absolutely welcome. And just an international observer, we are going overseas this fall
Starting point is 00:03:50 to do some cases in England and maybe other points across the pond. So this is a good opportunity for you to let me know if I'm doing anything that is out of accordance with international court standards. We're here in the studios at WERU in Orland, Maine, 89.9 FM and on the line at WERU.org. And Joel said, you mind if my son-in-law sits in? And I said, no, I don't mind at all. And then I arrived having completely forgotten about it because I was way late at the hardware store. And suddenly this extremely handsome Britannia man is introducing himself with the name Brieux and took me about 45 minutes to understand that that is spelled B-R-I-E-C. And he's named after the town, you know,
Starting point is 00:04:37 you're from the Northwest of France, right? Yes, exactly. Right. And then this town has, you know, I listened to the last nine mayors. These mayors stick around. Like, usually they have at least a decade in office. Yes. Usually when they enter, they are very happy here. So they settle for a long time. Right. I mean, I'm looking at...
Starting point is 00:04:58 Sorry to interrupt. Bria, you don't have to do a funny voice just because it's a comedy podcast. Kelka shows, Jesse. It might be my natural voice. It's my French accent included, I guess. Wonderful voice. Anyway, I had to come up with something quick. And thankfully, you were here, Bria.
Starting point is 00:05:20 Welcome. Welcome. And hello, Joel. How are you? Bonjour. All right. Let's move on with the case. Who seeks justice in this court? That's me, Rick. It is you, Rick. What is the nature of the justice that you seek? Tell me about this bet with Ken. So Ken and I share occupancy in a group chat on one of the social medias. And we made a bet back in 2019 about the NBA rookie of the year. And this is right before COVID, you know, came through.
Starting point is 00:05:54 Right. Zion Williamson had just gotten injured. And so there was a likelihood that he was going to miss a bunch of games. And so I made the comment that it would be silly to presume that he would win the rookie of the year. Ken took the opposite opinion. And so we made a bet. It was $100. He actually got a little bit of juice on it, too. And the season happened. Zion Williamson. Wait, what is the juice you're talking about? Some kind of what's the sports juice you mean here? Yeah. So a hundred bucks bet. If I were to win, I would have gotten a hundred dollars. Oh, okay. And if Ken were to win, he would have gotten $250.
Starting point is 00:06:34 Right. Cause the odds were in, were in your favor, Rick, because Zion Williamson was injured and, and you were, you were betting against him getting better. You were rooting for his misfortune. Absolutely. Got it. Okay. His personal physical misfortune. You hoped ill of another.
Starting point is 00:06:53 You made a prediction based on the fact. I mean, look, I don't make the basketball rules. Air Bud writes the basketball rules. No one in the rule book did it say a dog can't write the rules. No. There's a part that says say a dog can't write the rules. No, there's a part that says woof, woof, woof. That's true. And it's often been debated what that means, but it seems to me unfair that a player who's doing really well takes an injury and is automatically disqualified or probably disqualified from winning rookie of the year, but that's the way the basketball bounces.
Starting point is 00:07:23 Rookie of the Year, but that's the way the basketball bounces. Yeah, there's also some history to that. So there is not a specific rule that says how many games you have to play to win Rookie of the Year, but historically, no one has won Rookie of the Year without playing at least something like 60% of the games. And with the injury that Zion was facing at that point, it was very unlikely he was going to reach that threshold. So that was the sort of the impetus for my bet. So who did you bet on then, Rick? Tell me about this player. Yeah, so I actually bet on the field, but it was pretty clear early on that it was going to be a two-horse race between Ja Morant of the Memphis Grizzlies and Zion of the Pelicans,
Starting point is 00:08:05 the New Orleans Pelicans. I didn't even know these teams until just now. I knew the Pelicans because that's a funny name for a basketball team, I think. And honestly, Grizzlies, I don't think that they're particularly good at basketball either. I'm not talking about the team. I'm talking about the animal.
Starting point is 00:08:23 Like, Jesse, don't you think that those, these don't seem like swift, nimble athletes, these pelicans and grizzly bears. No. And while I think that there are a fair number of pelicans in New Orleans, along with a history of sports teams named the pelicans, uh, grizzlies wouldn't be one of the top threats of the natural world in Memphis, Tennessee. No. There's actually a chapter in a book about basketball called Basketball and Other Things that compares who would be better at basketball, Carl Malone or a grizzly bear. So I encourage you guys to read it if you've never heard of it. Oh, I didn't know that this had been studied already.
Starting point is 00:09:01 I would say I would be more concerned about grizzlies in Vancouver, British Columbia, where the top two concerns are grizzlies and Bryant big country Reeves. So Ken, it's good to hear from you. You supported Zion Williamson, even though he was injured. What made you decide to stick with him? Did you believe he was going to pull it out or do you have a naturally contrarian nature? No, you know, I followed Zion when he was in high school. He's a force of nature. And he, you know, I followed his college career and I just, I think he was going to be an incredible player. So he had to sit out the beginning of the season because nursing and injury.
Starting point is 00:09:42 And then when Rick and I took the bet, I believe he hadn't actually played yet that season. So the bet was really more to, you know, is Zion going to be able to make up the difference about like 20 or 25 games into the season between the gap between him and John Morant and the other rookies? So I just I just saw him play. He reminded me of a young Charles Barkley crossed with, you know, you know, Shaq, I guess is the closest thing I could think of. And, uh, yeah, I just, you know, he's, he's an incredible player. He just has a tough time staying in shape and staying on the court. was uh sentimental like you just always like this player and wish him the best and so you didn't like to you didn't like that rick was saying he's not gonna make it so you're gonna bet against him or was your bet like i think he's we haven't seen him play i think that he could actually do this
Starting point is 00:10:35 i think it was more of the latter so uh i thought that his highs were going to be so high that they would kind of make everyone forget about the 20 or so games that he missed. He is just like a force of nature. So in this case, though, non-sentimental betting or no, you were wrong. Zion Williamson did not make Rookie of the Year. Do you just not believe in honor? Why don't you pay Rick his hundred bucks? Well, the bet was for who is the rookie of the year. And in my mind,
Starting point is 00:11:07 the spirit of the bet was, you know, who's going to win rookie of the year in a regular season with 82 games. And what happened was the, you know, the season's obviously interrupted by a pandemic. You know, there's a, I believe like almost four or five months off where nobody played basketball. The season was shortened. Not all of the teams would were actually allowed to participate in the NBA bubble. And so under that sort of premise, I thought, well, this bet should be voided because it's not exactly like a fair bet anymore. You know, there's a number of examples of force majeure where, you know, you have this act of God that sort of interrupts something. I believe that's a French term. Can we get a ruling on that from Bria?
Starting point is 00:11:51 Is force majeure a French term? Absolutely. It's when there is something you cannot control that comes and you are obliged to go with it. It's mostly an insurance company term. I understand. Thank you very much, Bria. We're lucky to have with it. It's mostly an insurance company term. I understand. Thank you very much, Briot. We're lucky to have you here. So given the act of God,
Starting point is 00:12:15 major force element of this, you feel the bet should have been voided? Yes, in that scenario. That is my argument. Because obviously we were all dealing with a lot of uncertainty. We were all dealing with stuff that was relatively unprecedented in all, in our, in our lives and the health of our, of our world and our culture and sports too. Why do you reject this argument that, uh, that the, that the bet should be invalidated given
Starting point is 00:12:41 the fact that, well, I mean, how long was the season ultimately that year? So it depends on which team, but the Pelicans season was shortened by 10 games, which isn't a lot. Zion ended up playing only 24 of the games. Of the total number? Yeah, I know, but it's like how many, what's a normal season number of games? A normal season is 82 games. 82, but it's like, what's a normal season number of games? A normal season is 82 games.
Starting point is 00:13:07 82, but they played 72, right? Yeah. And he played 22 of those. He played, I think, 24. He played a third of their games, exactly a third of their games. Yeah, that's exactly right. I mean, God or whatever knows, I'm incredible at math. It is exactly 0.33333333.
Starting point is 00:13:27 And I'm not just looking at the calculator on my phone. It's hard to argue with the numbers, isn't it, Ken? It is difficult to argue in that sense. I would say that, you know, had the season continued, you know, absent a pandemic, to be honest, I don't think Zion Williams would have won. I think he missed too many games to actually catch up. But my perspective on it is that this is a futures bet. And if you're filling in with sports betting, it's a bet for an outcome. So it's a bet for an
Starting point is 00:13:59 outcome that is in the future, not like betting on a game that's going to occur today, for example. Ken, I only bet on things that have happened in the past. not like betting on a game that's going to occur today, for example, right? So you can bet on things. Ken, I only bet on things that have happened in the past. And it has worked great. And in the case of the pandemic, many of the sports books voided a lot of these future bets
Starting point is 00:14:17 because the games did not take place when they were supposed to. The seasons were not the length that they were supposed to. And so despite the fact that I think that I would have lost the bet under normal circumstances, that is why I'm pushing for avoiding of the bet as opposed to, you know, claiming to win in some insane scenario. Ken, are you a sports book?
Starting point is 00:14:42 No, but sometimes I have to place bets for my my friends so maybe a bookie in some way i guess but when you say sports book you're talking about a betting organization for sports yes like uh i mean i'm just i'm just defining terms for uh all of our listeners pretty much and is there a major sports book that voided this particular bet? If you see what I mean, this particular futures bet. So I tried to do the research and find specific examples of bets that they had voided. But there is no sort of like clear definition. I have several quotes from managers at large sports books saying they're going to void certain bets on futures bets and the reasons behind it. But the exact bets, unfortunately, I couldn't find this exact one. Not this specific one.
Starting point is 00:15:32 Which is why Rick won't leave me alone. Right. And, Judge, I will actually give in on the point that a lot of sportsbooks did void the bet. But that was also the assumption behind the bet before we made it. They had already thrown the bet out, which is why we were talking about it in the first place. So that was built into the fundamental bones of the bet. Yeah, right. So they had already voided the Rookie of the Year futures bet because of this unusual season? Because they voided the bet due to Zion's torn meniscus. So he was probably going to miss about half the season.
Starting point is 00:16:12 And he, before that moment, was a big favorite to win. So they had taken it off the books at least temporarily at that point. So the sports book basically said, force majeure or no, Zion Williamson is not going to be working the year this here, so we're not even going to entertain the bet. Is that what you're saying to me, Rick? Yes. Your Honor, I must I must object. Sustained.
Starting point is 00:16:36 Injuries for futures bets are not a reason for the bets to be voided. Sports books may stop offering the bet because someone is not going to play, but the bets that were placed are not voided. And so if someone is injured, they don't refund your money. Of course, the casino wouldn't do that ever. So I must object to this statement made by the plaintiff and with zest, I don't know. With zest. I love it. With zest. Nice zest. Let's take a quick recess and hear about this week's Judge John Hodgman sponsor.
Starting point is 00:17:11 We'll be back in just a moment on the Judge John Hodgman podcast. Hello, I'm your Judge John Hodgman. The Judge John Hodgman podcast is brought to you every week by you, our members, of course. Thank you so much for your support of this podcast and all of your favorite podcasts at MaximumFun.org. And they are all your favorites. If you want to join the many member supporters of this podcast and this network, boy, oh, boy, that would be fantastic. Just go to MaximumFun.org slash join. Boy, oh boy, that would be fantastic.
Starting point is 00:17:44 Just go to MaximumFun.org slash join. The Judge John Hodgman podcast is also brought to you this week by our pals over at Made In. Jesse, you've heard of Tom Colicchio, the famous chef, right? Yeah, from the restaurant Kraft. And did you know that most of the dishes at that very same restaurant are made with made-in pots and pans. Really? What's an example? The braised short ribs.
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Starting point is 00:20:32 Get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash Hodgman spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash Hodgman. Rules and restrictions apply. Rick, how do you feel about gambling in general? Are you a gambler? I am not personally a gambler. The group chat that Ken and I made the bet on is full of a lot of folks who like to gamble. So there's a lot of talk about gambling, and that's how the topic came up. Did you sense a sucker in Ken because you knew that he was,
Starting point is 00:21:06 that Zion Williamson was never going to make rookie of the year. I sensed a sucker in the sense that, uh, you picked up on this earlier that Ken has a contrarian nature. And so, um, as soon as I say thing, uh, certain things, sometimes he will take the opposite point of view. And I felt strongly that what I said was hold for a moment, Rick, please. Ken, do you have a contrarian nature? I don't think there's a real good answer to this because I say no, that means I'm contrarian, right? Oh, I don't like that you saw my game coming.
Starting point is 00:21:36 I don't like you saw my game. I saw right through you, your honor. That's a perfect answer. You beat me this time, Ken. I was setting you up so hard. You know what? You know what, Rick? I think Ken's pretty clever. I think Ken's pretty clever. He is clever. Ken is very clever, but if he were really clever, he would have sent in specific evidence of bets
Starting point is 00:21:59 on Zion Williamson that had been canceled by sports books and no, no questions asked all money refunded or no payments made. But instead, can you sent in some pictures of some text chats? What's going on? Yes. So it's happening. So there's, there's a couple of things that are happening. This is the group.
Starting point is 00:22:18 This is the group chat that you both belong to where the bet was submitted. Yes. So it's a group chat of all of our friends from business school. And we have a lot of sports gambling talk that goes in there. And Rick is not really a gambler, but my theory is that he saw this opportunity
Starting point is 00:22:35 to include himself in the conversation for the next like six or eight months. And one thing that you have to know about Rick is he really likes to annoy everyone in the group. And my theory is that he saw this as an opportunity to annoy me for the next six to eight months, as evidenced by some of the messages that I've sent through. You know, he would continually just message me in the group chat about like, hey, like, you know, here's like the update on
Starting point is 00:23:05 Zion and Jameret and like trash talk me and things of that nature. And then as you can see by the fact that we're doing this podcast right now, he's continued to annoy me about it over the last three years. And so the evidence I have provided is more to not less so about the basketball part of it and more to uh to to show that rick actually does not care about this bet nor does he really believe the bet should not be voided but he's doing this just to annoy me and uh that is uh how does this evidence show all i see here is in the group chat rick sends a drawing of a of a man's face and this this is a drawing of a man's face. And this is a drawing of a man's face that you might, I mean, this is not, Rick, what is your profession, if I may ask? I am in marketing.
Starting point is 00:23:54 Right. You're not a fine artist. I'm not a fine artist. This is a drawing of a man's face you might see in a nightmare. Yes. Thank you. I was going to say the drawing of a man's face that you might see doodled on an elementary school desk or on a trapper keeper or something.
Starting point is 00:24:14 Who is this supposed to be, Rick? You know, it's not by a skilled hand. I wouldn't say that there is a particular model in mind. It's kind of just a uh an attempt at drawing a face and it says here's the drawing of the face and your message to the group is my first drawing any feedback obviously this this uh nightmare face is going to be available uh on our show page at maximumfund.org and on our instagram at instagram.com slash judge john hodgman.
Starting point is 00:24:45 But it's this picture of this space. I have to tell you guys, it doesn't not look like Bryant Big Country Reeves. I don't understand the intention at all here, Rick. And in fact, I asked Jennifer Marmer, our producer, what is this image supposed to mean? And she said, I don't know. And then she said she was going to ask you, and I don't think that you responded. Instead, you sent it into the group chat and just said, my first drawing. Any feedback? I'm full of questions. Yeah, I think I also said, do you like my crosshatching?
Starting point is 00:25:14 Yeah, you did do some crosshatching there. That's an illustrative technique. For those people who might not be familiar with the English term crosshing, it's when you're using fine lines and you create shadows by essentially making a grid of lines, cross hatching. You understand he says he indicates that he understands. I'd like to illustrate for the audience, though, that after nobody replied to his this is my first drawing, any feedback after likes and nobody responded, he then replied replied with do you like my cross hatching so you know this is hours later he's he's still on it like waiting for someone i mean look as many questions as i have for rick sending this inscrutable weird image apropos of nothing into the group chat and demanding a reply, as many questions I have for for Rick about that, Ken, I'm asking you, you're you weaseled out of my are you contrarian trap?
Starting point is 00:26:10 You're a smart guy. What does this evidence have to do anything that we're talking about here today? Just that Rick likes to poke at the group chat. Yes. So so I'm trying to take a character based argument to to show that Rick really doesn't care about this at all and that he's just doing this to annoy me. And so much of the evidence I've provided is Rick trolling myself and other people in our group chat. This is an example of that. This random nightmare drawing, as you so eloquently put it. And then, you know, this long pause of nobody reacting because they know he's fishing for a response and then him going do you like my cross hatching which is an absurd statement
Starting point is 00:26:50 to begin with it um i actually i actually think it's pretty funny so funny follow up there's just tons of examples throughout the course of of my history with rick where he's just trolling up me or trolling us and trying to annoy me i I would like to provide another example, if I may. You may. Rick, you know, when I first met Rick, I thought he sounded a little bit like James Van Der Beek in the movie Varsity Blues. And, you know, there's this very famous line from the movie, like, you know, playing football for Wes Kane and may have been the opportunity of your life, but I don't want your life. Um, so after I told Rick that he proceeded to call me randomly every few months or leave messages on my phone, uh, yell that line into the phone and then hang up for six years. So Rick, do you deny this accusation? Uh, not at all.
Starting point is 00:27:43 So, Rick, do you deny this accusation? Not at all. Why did you do that? When he told me initially, you know, this is back in 2011, that I sounded like James Van Der Beek and Varsity Blues. He enjoyed it. He got a good kick out of it. And so I wanted to give him that enjoyment every few months for six or seven years. You miserable troll. You walk into this, you walk into my courtroom and say, prank calling your friend for six years is your effort to bring him joy.
Starting point is 00:28:18 Is that what you would have me believe? Yes. believe yes hmm so ken finally you sent in another text chat and this is between rick and are you do you have this in front of you uh yes so this is a conversation between rick and are you the are you the the respondent in this conversation uh i believe i am yes you believe you are all right this is in the group chat. It is me. It is me. Okay. This is you responding. So I will, in this, just to give folks a sense, let's do a little role play.
Starting point is 00:28:52 I will say the role of Rick and you read your lines. Rick. And I don't know where we are in this conversation. So I'm just coming in. This is a cold read, first of all. I don't know what the context of this conversation is. Rick. No, it's not. It's the exact opposite. You are selling your honor to hold on to a good troll that you enjoy. All right. Pause there for a second. Rick, did you write that? I did. All right. Okay. Go ahead, Ken. What's your response? All right. My response is
Starting point is 00:29:21 it's you that trolls you bring it up. I never do. You live for it. You sicky. Annoying people is your number one priority on this chat. You're fishing for eye rolls constantly. Defending the indefensible is a troll. You can't tell me this doesn't bring you sick joy. It brings me much less joy than a hundred dollars. And and seen. I want to add the context that one of not only does Rick love trolling, he loves pretending that he's not a troll. And in this case, he's accusing me of trolling him by not paying him $100. And so I don't know if you guys have a younger brother or not, but it reminds me very much of like when you have a younger brother whose goal in life is to just annoy you and then pretend
Starting point is 00:30:11 as though he's not trying to annoy you. Like, what do you mean? Like, I wasn't doing anything. And my theory is that Rick has an older brother. My theory is that he's moved on from trolling his brother to trolling our group of friends and myself, most importantly. Do you have any evidence to prove your theory, Clever Ken? You know, Rick, I'm sure Rick could attest to maybe some of this, but it's mostly probably in my head. It's speculation. I'm going to set that aside as pure. It's part of your head canon. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:44 For Rick. I'm going to set that aside as pure. It's part of your head canon. Yeah. For Rick. I'm going to set that aside as sheer head canon. Absolutely, Jesse. Thank you. And finally, you sent in this picture of Rick on vacation. It's a family vacation. It is a photo of him. Where are you in this photo, Rick?
Starting point is 00:31:02 I'm in Alaska. We're on a cruise in Alaska. Okay. And you have a specific haircut. How would you describe the haircut, Ken? I would say it's a cross between the show Vikings and Brock Lesnar. Alright, I'm getting one of those. Basically, you got a little man ponytail on top of your head. It looks like you've also shaved around the hemisphere of your head. So there really is only a top of your head ponytail.
Starting point is 00:31:35 That's correct. By the way, Bria, if you don't know, Brock Lesnar is an American professional wrestler and former MMA artist and a professional American football player. It's something that I know because I'm an American and I definitely didn't just look it up on Wikipedia for you. Rick, I'm going to be honest with you. This haircut feels like it's trolling me specifically because all of the hair is in exactly the place where I do not have hair. Yeah, it looks like you're wearing a little hair beanie with a little hair propeller on top of it. And Ken, your note here is no one would get that haircut sincerely.
Starting point is 00:32:13 I am convinced he did it just to troll us with this picture. Is that the point of this evidence? Yes, that's the reason I believe that he sent it to us. It was, you know know the last time i saw rick which is maybe like six to eight months ago he had a normal haircut and then all of a sudden he drops this in the group chat and he never mentioned that he was getting a haircut all we see is just this this ridiculous top ponytail and no he doesn't acknowledge it at all he's just laying it out there for us and i i just can't believe that it wasn't on purpose.
Starting point is 00:32:45 I, you know, no part of me could could envision him going to the barber and being like, give me this haircut and like, just saying like, yeah, that's what I actually want. He's just thinking, oh, man, these guys are going to laugh so hard, or they're gonna be so annoyed to me. And that's, that's my theory. What inspired you to get this haircut? Was it to troll your group chat? I did not get this haircut to troll my group chat. I was not even thinking of them when I got my haircut. Actually, my wife, who is in the picture, cuts my hair. She's been cutting my hair for years.
Starting point is 00:33:20 And I think she did a marvelous job. Did she suggest this haircut? She did not. It was my suggestion. What was it? And your inspiration was the very famous American wrestler Brock Lesnar and also Vikings and also what? So I sometime in the next five to 10 years want to go on the TV show Survivor. And as a male, you kind of have to have long hair to go on Survivor. So I'm growing it out, but I still want it to be professional also. This is my compromise. Ken, this is a very professional haircut. This is what I would expect a lawyer to wear to court. Thank you. If the lawyer was Brock Lesnar. Ken, let me ask you this question.
Starting point is 00:34:10 I don't know what to believe anymore with this guy. Is he going to try out for Survivor? Yes or no? I don't think he's going to try out for Survivor. I don't know how anyone could listen to that response and not think he's trolling you, to be honest. That's what I'm concerned about. In five years time. I know ken i do i wonder if
Starting point is 00:34:27 he is i feel trolled a little bit i don't know i don't know what i don't know about this guy rick who is blair mancini and what does blair mancini have to do with this ken um so blair mancini is uh one of our former classmates from business school. And when this, you know, and for some reason, one of our friends, I probably shouldn't use his real name, but let's call him Hans. And let's be clear, I have it written here that we have explicit permission from Blair Mancini to use Blair Mancini's full name, but only in the context of the Blair Mancini decision. I don't need, I don't need, hey, Ken, I don't need Blair Mancini's whole biography. Just explain to me the Blair Mancini decision and what it has to do with this case. All right.
Starting point is 00:35:19 So when we couldn't decide within our group chat who was right or wrong or whether the bet should be voided or not. What happened was one of our friends, Hans, took the decision to another group chat with a lot of our business school friends where our friend Blair Mancini resides. And Blair Mancini was then tasked with deciding by Hans whether or not the bet should be voided or not. And Blair Mancini ruled in my favor, saying that any bets made on an 82-game season during the pandemic should be voided. I will also add that Hans and Rick have some bizarre man relationship that goes beyond any of us in the group chat.
Starting point is 00:36:04 Hans is a staunch Rick apologist and defender. And so under my, you know, under my purview, or excuse me, under my view, you know, Hans was acting as proxy for Rick in this group chat where Rick was also present. Jesse, I'm beginning to feel I don't belong to enough group chats.
Starting point is 00:36:23 You know what I mean? I can't think of a single group chat. Joel, will you be in a group chat with me? Sure. Thanks. Ria? Sure. He says yes, too.
Starting point is 00:36:34 We got one going. Jesse? I'm out. Oh, no. I thought I had something there. That's fine. That's fine. Rick, did you agree to abide by Blair Mancini's decision when it was submitted to him?
Starting point is 00:36:45 I don't like being made into an appeals court here. No, not at all. Is that true? No, it was... I don't like the smile in your voice. No, Blair Mancini was brought into this case... Rick, are you auditioning for Survivor, yes or no? Yes or no?
Starting point is 00:37:04 Not yet. Not yet. No? Yes or no? Not yet. Not yet. No, I'm not. Not yet. Have you ever spoken about your intent to audition for Survivor before this podcast? Yes or no? I'll remind you you're under fake oath. Yes.
Starting point is 00:37:13 To whom did you speak it? Yes, for years. To whom? To my wife and anyone else who wants to hear about it. She can't testify against you. I need evidence of this. I have a Teams chat. You have another group chat? I won't testify against you. I need evidence of this. I have a Teams chat. You have another group chat?
Starting point is 00:37:29 I won't allow it. I have a Teams chat at work that is just to talk about Survivor, and it's well-known. It's a well-known Teams chat? I mean, I know about it. How did you know about the Teams chat? John, you haven't heard about this chat? No. No. It's well-known.
Starting point is 00:37:44 It's well-known. it's well known it's well known it's well known were you surprised when ken wouldn't pay up the bet rick does is this in ken's nature we've spent a lot of time dealing with ken attempting to assassinate your character seems like turnabout is fair play does ken refuse to pay up on bets? Never. And that was sort of what made it so surprising and borderline hurtful, I would say. Borderline hurtful. And you're being sincere there. I am being sincere. Same war.
Starting point is 00:38:15 How did it hurt you? You know, when you make a wager with a friend, you expect that you're both on kind of honest terms. And then when it doesn't get reciprocated at the end, it sort of can feel like a personal slight, like a disrespect. Ken, I saw you shake your head. Do you feel differently about a bet with a friend? I feel differently about a bet with a friend and a bet with a friend that is Rick, certainly. I wish this was a video podcast and the audience could see Rick's face as he gave that answer, because I feel like there's no way they would have believed anything he said. It doesn't help that the studio that Rick happens to be in, he is lit overhead with a red tinted light bulb, making him truly look like Satan. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:07 It's like if hype Williams made a video about the devil, but yeah, like, uh, I, I am a man of honor. I consider myself a man of honor. Uh, I'm Canadian also. So, you know, we're very honorable, honorable people. honorable people. And I, if I felt that I was in the wrong and, and absolutely owed Rick the money, I would pay him at the drop of a hat. But I don't believe that the bet should be paid. And I also don't believe that Rick actually cares at all. So due to both of those sort of those reasons, I, I feel like I must not pay him, but I'm open to finding an amicable solution.
Starting point is 00:39:49 You've been accused, Rick, of not caring about the bet at all. Now, this could just be Ken trying to get out of paying you $100. In U.S. dollars, by the way. And we would adjust for inflation. $100 isn't what it used to be. Rick, how do you think you will feel if I rule in your favor and you get that hundred dollars? So Ken is right in the sense that I don't care about the hundred dollars, but I do care about the respect that comes along with
Starting point is 00:40:20 paying off on a bet with a friend. So if you rule in my favor, I would ask that Ken just pay the $100 to a charity of his choice. It doesn't have to come to me. This would mean overruling Blair Mancini. Am I going to get in trouble? Was Blair Mancini going to come for me? Well, I believe that Blair Mancini
Starting point is 00:40:42 is a lower fake internet court than yourself. So you have the full right to overrule in the appeals process. I think it's fair to suggest that a fake internet court takes precedence over a fake group chat court. Yeah, we've been around for a while. We're settled law over here. We're not some upstart group chat settling disputes. We're not on Quibi. You know what I mean, Jesse Thorne? We're not doing a judge show on Quibi. Nope.
Starting point is 00:41:13 There aren't any more judge shows on Quibi anymore because Quibi's gone, baby. Find it on the Roku channel. Rick says that he did not agree in advance to abide by Blair Mancini's ruling. Is that true or no? He did not agree to abide by this ruling. That's all I need to know. Thank you, Ken. All right.
Starting point is 00:41:33 How is this bet still coming up three years later? Well, you know, after the initial bet, there is kind of like this lull period. And then over the past, I would say like year, it's definitely become more of a point of contention. And my theory is that Rick got bored of other trolls that he was committing. And so he's really started to push back on this one, even though it seemed like it had been settled for about one or two years. And more recently, in the last six months, he's really been pushing hard. And Rick is the one that always brings it up and then accuses me of trolling him. And that's, you know, one of my my triggers, I guess, and how we find ourselves here
Starting point is 00:42:12 today. Rick, why would you say that this is still going on specifically more in the past few months? I think that Ken likes to use Blair Mancini as a crutch whenever anything happens that he doesn't approve of. He will say that Blair Mancini voided whatever the thing is. And I think that he's just had a run lately of instances where he could use that crutch. And that's why it's been coming up more. You mean Blair Mancini has settled other disputes? up more. You mean Blair Mancini has settled other disputes? Blair Mancini has never settled any dispute, which is why this this, you know, verdict of his is so powerful. You know, we we brought him out for this one time thing only. And he laid down the law. And and frankly, you know, I think that's that means something to me. Rick, how is he using Blair Mancini as a crutch in other ways, then? He just brings up the name in conversation. What is it about Blair Mancini as a crutch in other ways then? He just brings up the name in conversation. What is it about Blair Mancini that you would turn to him for this kind of wisdom months before you would turn to me?
Starting point is 00:43:15 Who is Blair Mancini? Well, Blair Mancini is, you know, he's one of our classmates. Yeah, I already know he's one of your buddies. Why do you like him so much? Why do you trust him so much with the fate of your monies? I think we've all had good interactions with them. He seems like a level headed guy with a lot of, you know, really, really strong educational background. And I think he's a man of honor. Look, there are a lot of bros in your business bro group chat. Why is this bro unlike any other? I think the thing is he knows absolutely nothing about our group chat. And so
Starting point is 00:43:52 as a total impartial third party, he was an ideal candidate. Rick, let me ask you, what do you think Ken sees in Blair Mancini? I know that you didn't agree to abide by Blair Mancini's ruling, What do you think Ken sees in Blair Mancini? I know that you didn't agree to abide by Blair Mancini's ruling. But what is it about Blair Mancini that is so captured Ken's imagination so much? I think in our group chat, it's a lot of yappy guys. We talk a lot. And Blair has the opposite personality. He's very quiet and he's stoic.
Starting point is 00:44:25 And when Blair says something, I think we all listen up and pay attention to what he has to say. If I were to rule in your favor, this would be a real slap in the face of Blair Mancini. How would you feel? How do you think Blair Mancini would feel knowing that I overruled him?
Starting point is 00:44:44 I think he has so much respect for you that he would take it in stride and be happy with your verdict. Ken, do you think Blair Mancini even knows who I am? He actually did know who you were. He asked if you had been on The Daily Show. And so he does know who you are. Blair Mancini knows who I am?
Starting point is 00:45:06 Do you hear that? Blair Mancini. That's high praise. Joel, you hear that? Blair Mancini? Yes, I did. Amazing. I want to get on Blair Mancini's group chat. Ken, if I were to rule in your favor, what would you have me rule?
Starting point is 00:45:24 I would have you rule that I don't have to pay Rick $100, but I will still pay $100 to charity because I think that's a nice thing. But I would like for Rick to admit that he is a troll and that this entire charade has been a three and a half long year troll, which has culminated in me going on a podcast for the first time. I'm sorry, Ken, I don't understand that term, charade. What's the French pronunciation of that word for charade? It would be charade. Charade. Thank you very much. I appreciate that. Yeah, got it. Charade. Charade. Okay, Rick, if I were to rule in your favor, what would you have me rule? Get in trouble with Blair Mancini and get you some money? Yeah. You know, Blair Mancini is a wonderful guy. I believe that he ruled an error in this case. And I would ask that you overrule on the appeal Blair Mancini's ruling and that can be ordered to pay the money to charity. Okay.
Starting point is 00:46:30 I think I've heard everything I need to in order to make my decision. Any follow-up questions from Maine or Brittany? Yeah, ready for the verdict. Don't know much about basketball. Maybe just Scotty Pippen was underrated, but that's it. Okay. Thank you very much. I don't have time to get into fights here. I'll be back in a moment with my decision. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman exits the courtroom. Ken, how are you feeling about your chances?
Starting point is 00:47:03 Ken, how are you feeling about your chances? Not great, to be honest. But, you know, I think I think I presented a lot of really strong evidence that at least proves that that Rick, you know, is who I say he is. So at least there's that. Rick, how do you feel about your chances in the case? I don't I don't feel great either. I feel like we spent a lot of time talking about what are considered troll tendencies in my personality. But I will say that Ken has to admit that there are a lot of times that I'm very earnest and I talk about how much I value our friendship and that he's a good buddy of mine. And I'm glad at the end of the day that we get
Starting point is 00:47:44 to go through this experience together. We'll see what Judge Hodgman has to say about this when we come back in just a minute. Hello, teachers and faculty. This is Janet Varney. I'm here to remind you that listening to my podcast, The JV Club with Janet Varney, is part of the curriculum for the school year. Learning about the teenage years of such guests as Alison Brie, Vicki Peterson, John Hodgman, and so many more is a valuable and enriching experience, one you have no choice but to embrace, because yes, listening is mandatory. The JV club with Janet Varney is available every Thursday on maximum fun or wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:48:32 And remember no running in the halls. If you need a laugh and you're on the go, try S T O P P O D C A S T I. Hmm. Are you trying to put the name of the podcast there? Yeah, I'm trying to spell it, but it's tricky. Let me give it a try. Okay.
Starting point is 00:48:51 If you need a laugh and you're on the go, call S-T-O-P-P-P-A-D-I. It'll never fit. No, it will. Let me try. If you need a laugh and you're on the go, try S-T-O-P-P-P-D-C-O-O. Ah, we are so close.
Starting point is 00:49:08 Stop podcasting yourself. A podcast from MaximumFun.org. If you need a laugh and you're on the go. Judge Hodgman, we're taking a quick break from our case, and we are also headed to London, England, Friday, September 15th and Kingdom, I dare say. And we are going so happy to return once again to the London Podcast Festival this September 15th and 16th. Tickets are already on sale and you can go and get them and all the other details at MaximumFun.org slash events. That's MaximumFun.org slash events. We're also looking for what, Jesse? Disputes, baby. English disputes. Any London disputes, Cockney rhyming disputes, any dispute that you might be able to bust disputes.
Starting point is 00:50:14 I know it could be Decker versus Decker. What if one Decker thinks it's better than the other umbrella related disputes? Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm talking about. If you live in England and are coming to the London Podcast Festival and you've got a dispute with someone who is also going to be there and you'd like us to adjudicate your dispute live on stage at King's Place at the London Podcast Festival, well, this is really your only chance this year to get those beefs aired. Go to MaximumFun.org slash JJHO to submit your London beefs. And to get tickets, it's MaximumFun.org. And watch this space because all I got to say is it's not just going to be London that we head to. Not just going to be London.
Starting point is 00:50:59 Not just going to be London. Also, watch this space because there's going to be maybe a surprise after the credits of this episode. So, you know, just stick around. That's my sly voice. Do you like it, Jesse? Yeah. I mean, I guess. Sure. I should say yes, right? Let's get back to the case. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman re-enters the courtroom and presents his verdict. Blair Mancini knows my name. It's incredible. Incredible, they say. Right?
Starting point is 00:51:33 That's what they say? Yeah. I don't, I'm honestly, I feel a little bit nervous about overruling Blair Mancini's ruling. I mean, Blair Mancini, as I pointed out, probably does know what Blair Mancini is talking about, whereas I really don't. I don't know anything about the intricacies, the sports intricacies of this dispute. What I have is merely a bet not paid. I have a wild accusation of trolldom against one party, Rick,
Starting point is 00:52:06 and then Rick's contention that Ken is his friend and that Rick, and that Rick is disappointed in his friend. And, you know, I don't know whether Rick is a troll or not. I mean, there is something about Rick's, and this is a French word, so if I get
Starting point is 00:52:26 it wrong, his mean, mien, mean demeanor, his self-expression that feels a little slippery to me. When Rick says, I am going to be on Survivor, I'm telling you the truth. I don't know if that's true. When Rick says, believe it or not, I wanted this haircut and I wasn't trolling anybody. I don't know whether I believe that. When Ken says, I think he's trolling you. I kind of feel trolled and the beauty of good trolling. And there is no good trolling.
Starting point is 00:52:58 Honestly, Rick, if you are trolling, if you are being facetious and insincere in order to get a reaction, I hope you're enjoying this reaction because there's nothing you can do except not feed the trolls. Have I spent this valuable podcast time feeding a troll? The good trolls will never let you know. The good trolls will never let you know because that's what they want.
Starting point is 00:53:23 Quick vote around here in the studios in Maine. Joel Mann. Troll or non? Definite troll. Troll. I would vote for Troll 2. Troll.
Starting point is 00:53:39 Troll 2. The notoriously bad sequel to the movie Troll. Troll 2, one of the great goblin movies. I'm going to say, father-in-law and son, I mean, my vote doesn't count. You've already outvoted me, but I just don't know. If he's doing it, he's doing a really good job. The only evidence to suggest that he is not a troll is the evidence that he sent in, which is a photo that Rick sent in of Rick and Ken.
Starting point is 00:54:14 And I don't know if any of these dudes is Blair Mancini, but a couple of other business school bros. The fact that he has this photo of the two of you. Well, I was going to say arm in arm, but you're separated by one kind of fuzzy bro with a beard between you, but you seem happy and friendly together. And you sent in a nice picture of your kid, of your child, very cute child.
Starting point is 00:54:38 And the new child has just arrived, so congratulations. I have to give Rick the benefit of the doubt that he is your friend that he cares about your friendship i mean it's hard it's like you know like it's clear that a lot of the group chat shenanigans you all get up to are a little bit alien to me because no one's ever invited me into any business bro group chats but it's like you know there's a lot of you know like uh what do you call these shenanigans jesse what would you call like uh bro talk a lot of junk busting a lot of junk busting let the record show that
Starting point is 00:55:18 rick rick is laughing and thank you ken for weighing in good way to put it a lot of junk busting it's not my natural language. But I think that it's clear that you care about Rick, Ken, because you do have those good vibes. Those are good vibes. And I hope that that's not a troll. I hope you're not reverse trolling me into thinking that you're a good dude. No, we're definitely friends. Definitely friends.
Starting point is 00:55:44 And I care a lot about him, which is why I've agreed to do this podcast. Yeah, when you say it, I believe it. When Rick says it, I'm like, I don't know about this guy. But you know, as they say in dialectical behavior therapy, you can only believe what people say, right? You can't read minds. I'm not a mind reader like Joel and Brielle over here. I don't know for sure if you're a troll. I have my suspicions that you're pushing it.
Starting point is 00:56:06 But even if you were an acknowledged troll, even if you had said on this podcast, I am going to come clean on this podcast and say, yeah, I enjoy getting a rise out of Ken by junk busting his junk about this. Junk busting. Busting makes me feel good. That's from that song, Junk Busters. busting makes me feel good that's from that song junk busters if you were to say that and just be have a real honest moment on judge john hodgman podcast i wouldn't care because guess what ken i'm gonna i'm gonna make those good vibes bad you lost a bet a bet is a bet i'm sorry blair mancini your ruling ruling means nothing unless Rick agreed to abide by the ruling ahead of time. We're not taking people to fake courts here without, you know, you have the right to face your accused in fake court.
Starting point is 00:56:55 You can't bring people to court and get a judgment against them. Actually, I did get a judgment against the guy who sublet my apartment in New Haven after I left college and moved to New York. And then he never paid the rent and got up to a lot of messy stuff in there and then disappeared. Could never collect on that. Could never collect on that. Chelsea, if you're out there, I'll find you.
Starting point is 00:57:17 Anyway, a bet's a bet. You lost the bet. You got to pay up. You got to pay up with damages kim sorry to say you went for that two and a half you went for that 2.5 to one odds you thought you were going to clean up with 250 bucks guess what you're going to pay 250 100 in 2019 is now worth 120 dollars and 82 cents according to the u.s. Bureau of Labor Statistics inflation calculator,
Starting point is 00:57:47 one of my favorite websites. $120.82 is going to go. You said you'd be happy to donate to a charity anyway. Yes, yes. You said that. Those are your words. So you're going to donate $120.82 in Rick's memory
Starting point is 00:58:02 to entertainmentcommunity.org. That is the organization that is creating a fund to help support people who are striking in the entertainment industry. When this airs, unless things change dramatically, the WGA, Writers Guild of America, will still be on strike and maybe even joined by the Screen Actors Guild, one hopes. And this is for people who are affected by this labor action. There's an emergency fund that they can apply to and get money for through the entertainment community, entertainmentcommunity.org, for anyone else who wants to support this labor movement. And then you're going to give another $120.82. It's very rare. It's very rare, Jesse, that we actually have monetary damages to impose. I'm loving it.
Starting point is 00:58:55 I know. Well, you know what? You bring on business bros onto Judge John Odman, there's going to be some dollars and cents talked about. I'm going to use a calculator. $122.82. Guys, I'm going to use a calculator. $122.82. Guys, I'm going to need a yield curve on this judgment. Rick, you didn't specify a charity, right? Correct. Yeah. I'm not going to give you the money on the off chance that you're trolling all of us.
Starting point is 00:59:19 I've picked one charity for us. Now you pick one charity for Ken, unless you want Ken to be able to choose the charity. Yeah, I want Ken to be able to choose. Yeah, because I'm... What are you going to give it to? Troll Academy? Yeah. I have one in mind already, if that's okay.
Starting point is 00:59:37 Yeah, please. What is it? Yeah. The Hard Stroke Foundation of Canada. It's very near and dear cause to my heart. So, yeah, that's the one I would choose. So I would be very happy to donate. And tell me a little bit more about that organization.
Starting point is 00:59:52 Well, they support people who have had heart stroke issues. My mom had a stroke several years ago. And so it's, yeah, something that I really care about. And I think it's a good cause. I think that sounds great, Ken. Thank you very much. And so I rule in Rick's favor. This is the sound of a gavel.
Starting point is 01:00:12 How do you say gavel in French, do you think, Ria? Yeah, marteau. Marteau. Slam stuff. And, you know, I don't know if you ever read any of the comic strip adventures of Tam Tam, the boy adventurer. Yeah, of course. My dad is a fanatic.
Starting point is 01:00:27 Oh, okay. Very good. All right. I guess I'm old. But the point is, in our country, when we express what a dog says, it says, woof, woof, or bark, bark. But in Tintin, it always says, waa, waa. What does a dog sound like in France to you? Waf, waf.
Starting point is 01:00:48 But I guess Tintin was from Belgium, so that explains everything. Maybe a different accent. Yeah. Waf, waf. What do you think a marteau sounds like in France if you were to make an onomatopoeia of it? Paf, paf.
Starting point is 01:01:01 Paf, paf. That is the sound of a gavel. Judge Sean Hodgman rules. That is all a gavel. Judge John Hodgman rules. That is all. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman exits the courtroom. Rick, how do you feel about this verdict? I feel good. I think it's fair.
Starting point is 01:01:18 I'm excited about the two charities that are going to benefit from it. And I will also match that donation, Ken's charity of choice. How are you feeling Ken? Uh, you know, I, I came in with very low expectations just, uh, because I feel like having come on the podcast and entertained this, I'd already lost. Um, but I'm, I'm happy with the outcome. You know, I think it's great that we're going to give to some charities. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to deal with Rick saying that he won for the rest of my life
Starting point is 01:01:51 in the group chat, which is going to be pretty rough. But, you know, I think in the end, it'll all be worth it. Bria, basketball sensation Victor Wenbanyama, when he was growing up in France, what were the rules of basketball there? Wuff, wuff. Ken, Rick, thank you for joining us on the Judge John Hodgman podcast.
Starting point is 01:02:17 Thank you, guys. Thank you all. Another Judge John Hodgman case is in the books. In a moment, we'll have Swift Justice, our thanks first to Redditor Professor Highbrow. Professor Highbrow. On brand. Yeah. On brand. For naming this week's episode Full Court Press. Join the conversation at the Maximum Fun subreddit.
Starting point is 01:02:39 That's at MaximumFun.reddit.com. That's where we've been asking for title suggestions. Evidence and photos from the show are posted on our Instagram account. That's at instagram.com slash judgejohnhodgman. Make sure to follow us there. Judge John Hodgman was created by Jesse Thorne and John Hodgman.
Starting point is 01:02:59 Our engineers this week were Christian Williams at Bravo Ocean Studios in Atlanta, Max Fabian at Tightrope Recording in Chicago, and Joel Mann at WERU in Orland, Maine. This week's episode edited by Christian Duenas, our producer, Jennifer Marmer. Now, swift justice, where we answer small disputes with quick judgment. Barbara asks, is it pants leg or pant leg? I say both are correct. My husband insists only pants leg is right. Well, I got to say, Jesse, I don't run a fine menswear website or online shop or blog. So I don't know. Is it pants leg or pant leg?
Starting point is 01:03:43 I think if you want to sound fancy, you're going to have to change pants to pant as in like, hey, that's a very fine pant. In which case, pant leg is perfectly acceptable. I wonder what the French translation is for pant leg. It would be like jambe de pantalon, but I guess we have two legs, so maybe two of those. The nice thing is that in French, you don't pronounce the final S. No, we say one leg, one leg by one leg. And unless we address the two legs, it's a different word. Which is?
Starting point is 01:04:20 Jambes, plural. With an S that you don't pronounce. Exactly. Jambes de pantalon is the correct answer. Put an S on the end of it if you want. Hey, speaking of trolls, we're looking for online beefs. What's the smallest thing you ever got into a dispute over on a social media, like a Reddit or a Twitter or a Metafilter or LinkedIn or whatever? Do they have fights on LinkedIn?
Starting point is 01:04:41 I hope they do. I bet the business school bros do. Did you get justice? Did you get into a spat with a stranger and feel like you got the better side of it? It almost never happens. I'd love to hear it if you did. Or did you, like the rest of us, just end up hating yourself? Send in your online disputes that still haunt you, and we will rule who is right and who is wrong. And remember, the only troll that I support is Colbert writer Ariel Dumas,
Starting point is 01:05:07 an extremely funny person, no matter who employs her, when she goes on social media and just says, Zelda is the boy, and just watches what happens. Don't send me letters, but Zelda is the boy. Hey, Jesse, are we looking for any other disputes or just online disputes only?
Starting point is 01:05:25 We'll take any dispute. Think about the people you love in your life and what's wrong with them then go to maximumfund.org slash jjho what they're wrong about maybe that's right what they're wrong about what are they what are they you know people what are they wrong about? Send it into MaximumFun.org slash JJHO. I believe that that's the end of the episode. Well, we'll have a post-credit sequence after we talk to you next time on the Judge. No, that's a secret. You weren't supposed to reveal that, Jesse. Okay. Yeah. Stick around. Don't leave the theater yet. There is a post-credit sequence coming right up. That's right. It's the most magical time in Weird Dad podcasting.
Starting point is 01:06:17 It's the Pressmanese. What is that, you ask? Well, a few months ago in our episode, Hot Tubular Non-Sandwiched Beef, we had a letter from a man asking, is it okay to take leftovers home doggy bag style from a wedding, charity banquet, or bar mitzvah? Anything like that? And we told that man, no, no, and no, and never. And the name of that man is Norman Pressman. Now, normally we don't give last names out on this podcast, but in this case, we made an exception
Starting point is 01:06:42 because Norman Pressman, in his original letter to me, said, it is okay for you to use my whole name, and also, I have a blog. Normally, we don't let people buzz market stuff, such as normpressman.com, but in this case, we made an exception because I went to that website, and it's fun. If you go to normpressman.com, you will learn, as we did, that Norm Pressman is a 70-something-year-old retired attorney in the St. Louis, Missouri area, but like all of us, Norm is so much more than his job and his location. A quick review of his About page shows that he has enjoyed, and this is a direct quote from his bio, being a polite pain in the ass to hypocritical public figures for years. My blog posts include tales from my legal career and the people I've run across,
Starting point is 01:07:24 plus comments on current happenings and religion. I may also start a joke of the week page. Significant events in Norm Pressman's life? Well, just go to the About page under the title Significant Events, and you will learn that he was arrested in Chicago in 1969 during a weatherman riot while taking pictures for a newspaper. Picture on right. It's a great photo. He was harassed by secret service after writing a letter to president nixon in protest of bombing of cambodia uh he ran
Starting point is 01:07:51 a local poker game and attended poker camp and he also was arrested for punching a neo-nazi in the nose in the 60s back before we were all talking about it recently with posts such as the phillies stink and so do the Cardinals for now, and also the Supreme Court is taking more of our rights, and the recent gem, Judge John Hodgman rules on my case, I thought normpressman.com was a shoo-in for best dad blog of the year, which was a category that I invented on the moment just for normpressman.com. But then I realized there's so many weird dads out there who have got to be blogging, including me, now that I have a sub stack. So we got to give some more dad blogs a
Starting point is 01:08:30 shot. So we asked you to nominate your favorite weird dads and moms and stepdads and stepmoms and fathers-in-law. You know what I'm talking about? We still have our French friend here, right, Bria? Yes, I'm here. And I would say I'm going to stay in good terms. Right. Okay, that's fine. But maybe, Joel, your daughter can nominate your Instagram page, which is the main man. She's entirely responsible for that page. She's responsible for it. Okay, so you're not in the running, unfortunately. This has to be internet content, whether it's a blog or a YouTube channel or some other social media feed where an older beloved person in your life. He had a dad, a mom, a godparent, an in-law, an aunt, an uncle, a family friend, a former boss is putting out content out there that is just so charming and adorable and interesting or provocative, but not in the wrong way, that you want the world to know about it. That's what we were looking for. So we asked for nominees and you responded. And I hope you will continue to respond and nominate
Starting point is 01:09:34 more because at the end of the year, we're going to announce the very first dad blog of the year. Today, our first nominee comes from listener Kat. Kat writes, my dad, Drew, has been posting top tier dad content on YouTube for years. A lot of his videos relate to his job as a filmmaker, but he also has a series of videos about moving to Norway with my stepmom, his experiment with attaching a GoPro on his Roomba style robotic lawn sprinkler, and most notably the annual time-lapse video of him building the yearly Christmas model train set. It builds a whole bottle train set in his basement.
Starting point is 01:10:10 It takes hours and hours. And I'm not just talking about putting the tracks together, Joel, I'm talking about everything, you know, landscape and stuff. It's a lot of work. It's a lot of work.
Starting point is 01:10:19 He does a time-lapse every year. He does this. And the 2018, guess how many views he got on his youtube video for this 200 000 exactly how did you know that jeez that's incredible 200 000 on the nose yeah it's just some just some weird dad energy i'm saying this as a weird dad yeah you are a weird dad i am a weird dad right cat goes on to say he's a a great dad and currently in Norway for grad school studying something that is too complex for me to remember. Great daughter.
Starting point is 01:10:49 And as you can imagine, all of our childhood home movies were wonderful and incredibly overproduced. He would do things like have me and my siblings sit on a bench eating ice cream while he went across the street to get wide shots and B-roll. I hope you will consider him for weird dad blog of the year p.s my dad and mom met while working on bill nye the science guy wow joel i gotta tell you the story not not today maybe in the next one or another dad blog of the year yeah tell you the story about how bill nye low-key bullied me uh into into trying to get me to buy a cast iron waffle pan. He trolled you? No, no, not trolled.
Starting point is 01:11:27 Not trolled. I'm not going to tell you the story now. This is a tea. Okay. It was at a wedding. He happened to be at a wedding and I was telling him about this cast iron waffle pan and he tried to bully me into buying it.
Starting point is 01:11:38 I'll tell you that story. He's a great guy. Just a little bit of a low-key bully when it comes to cast iron pans. Bree, I know you want to stay out of this, but you, the listener, can also nominate your dad, your mom, your step-uncle, your godparent, or whatever. Just go to MaximumFun.org slash dadblogs. It's linked also on all of our socials. And if you're a member of Maximum Fun, first of all, thank you. And then you can go and vote on the Weird Dad Blog of the Year there as
Starting point is 01:12:03 well. We'll be setting up voting, and your vote will decide who wins Dad Blog of the Year. Going forward, the Dad Blog of the Year contest will be released in the members-only feed. So if you'd like to become a member, go to MaximumFun.org slash join. That's MaximumFun.org slash dadblogs. If you're a member, you can vote. You can nominate even if you're not a member. And if you'd like to become a member, thank you.
Starting point is 01:12:27 Maximumfund.org slash join. And if supporting Maximum Fund is not reward enough for you, please let me tell you that next time, and this is true, Joel, after we talked about Norm Pressman, getting arrested for punching a neo-Nazi, I got a letter from a listener named Charles
Starting point is 01:12:45 who said that he had transcripts of Norm Pressman's interrogation by the FBI. Wow. Yeah. Wow. And that's for real. And he sent them to me and we're going to read from them. Okay.
Starting point is 01:12:58 And also we'll learn about Mia's father-in-law's vlog, which is called Uncle Ron and Stuff. So if you want to follow along, just go over to MaximumFun.org slash dadblogs. And then if you become a member, look for it in your bonus content feed on MaximumFun.org. That's it. Au revoir, Joel. Later. Au revoir, Brie.
Starting point is 01:13:22 Au revoir. Very good. Très bien. We did it. Au revoir. Very good. Très bien. We did it.

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