Judge John Hodgman - Just the Two of Us

Episode Date: June 4, 2015

Judge Hodgman rules on indiscriminate hot-saucing, Vegas buffet etiquette, civic responsibility and more. Plus an update on the Brocavores from Episode 167!

Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm bailiff Jesse Thorne. This week, Judge Hodgman, we're clearing the docket. We're in my chambers, all alone, just the two of us in chambers. We're in chambers. Do, do, do, do. We're in chambers. Do you know that I listened to a lot of easy listening stations growing up? That song is called Chambers and then in parentheses, love theme from Judge John Hodgman. I just realized it's hardwired into my DNA to sing like Robert Goulet songs.

Because growing up, I listened to a lot of, would that be adult contemporary? Yeah, it sounds like adult. No, that would be easy listening. Robert Goulet would really. That's pre-adult contemporary. Three coins in the fountain. I think I'm murdering three coins in the fountain. Right now, I'm imagining that anytime you hear any song, your mind automatically generates a string section. When I was growing up in Brookline, Massachusetts, my mom and dad, the master bathroom of this house, I remember it as being about the size of a squash court. Because you lived in an abandoned mansion, right? Yes, we lived. It's absolutely true.

We lived in an abandoned mansion that had been owned by a commune in a very nice part of town. They left it in very ill repair. My mother was able to buy it for a song. And in order to compensate for her Catholic upbringing in a row house in Philadelphia with five sisters and a brother, she bought a 16-room home, had a single child, and became an atheist. Slash home renovator. Slash wing assigner. Yeah, well, that's a whole other story.

But one of the things about this house was it was so huge. But this master bathroom was very large and fully carpeted and had a window seat in it. And on the window seat was a clock radio, which was always tuned into, I think it was WHTH at the time, was the easy listening station. And there was a lot of Neil Diamond being played. And I remember that just being on all the time in that bathroom. You don't bring me flowers. You don't sing me love songs.

You do sing me love songs, Judge. I know. I've been doing it all day. I don't know why you're... I mean, this whole thing opened with me singing you love songs. I don't know why you're complaining about it. Here's something from Katie. My French husband, Matt, didn't eat spicy food growing up,

and I introduced him to his favorite hot sauces, including tapatio and wasabi. Now he insists—I would characterize wasabi as a spicy condiment, not a sauce. That is a spicy root vegetable of the East. Yeah. Now he insists on drowning most of his food in hot sauce, often before even tasting it. He'll even put hot sauce on dishes like butternut squash or Indian curry.

I feel I've created a monster in error and would like you to issue an injunction that he at least taste a food before indiscriminately saucing it. This should especially apply to new foods.

First of all, I got very excited with this line. He'll even put hot sauce on dishes like, well, butternut squash. I thought all I heard was butter, and I'm like, he's putting hot sauce on butter. My dad likes to put butter on things. My dad would put butter on ice cream if he got the chance. Why? He does have the chance. Why? He does have the chance. He's a grown-up.

He can do it any day of his life. And I would be very excited if you put hot sauce on butter because that's buffalo sauce. That's just Frank's hot sauce and butter. And if you just have that on its own, it's not disgusting. It's delicious. But it makes you disgusting. Right. Yeah. It makes just it's not disgusting. It's delicious, but it makes you disgusting. Right. Yeah. It makes you a disgusting human being. To just slurp a thing of buffalo sauce quietly at the table after your son has abandoned it. Let's just say I've seen it happen with my own mouth. But as your dad will put butter on anything,

But as your dad will put butter on anything, so my mother-in-law will put an entire shaker of salt upon any sort of food. Anything that is served to her, she will put an incredible amount of salt. Will she salt ice cream? Because they did that one time on Mad Men and it blew my mind. And then I thought, oh, I bet that's pretty good. I'm sure she probably salted ice cream and then she ate it with a knife and fork. Right. That's – and I say this with great affection for my mother-in-law. She has a very certain way of eating because too much salt can ruin the flavor.

And it suggests that the cook doesn't know what they're doing. And she's unapologetic about it. She will say very openly, I'm a salt fiend. And how can you not love someone who knows that they're a salt fiend? Sure. And how can you not allow them to help themselves when they're fiending? And the only thing – and the truth is that anyone should put as much salt or as much hot sauce or as much – many pats of butter onto the food as they want to their taste because that is their taste. But it is an offense to the food and the person making it if you do this before even having a taste.

So I absolutely, I can tell that Katie would like Mathieu to stop dumping hot sauce all over his food all the time. Although I have no problem with him putting hot sauce on butternut squash, but that's good. And of course, Indian, but that's good. And of course, Indian curry, that's a traditionally highly spiced dish. One that each kind of curry results from a very specific alchemy of spices that you should respect before you destroy it with your own dumb preferences. But out of honor to what is being presented to you, the person who made it, you should have a bite first, and then you can put whatever you want on it. Here's something from Kate.

Following the gross misconduct case, I ask you to make a judgment on a similar situation in my family. And this is regarding episode 173 of our show, which concerned a daughter filing suit against her mom for clipping her nails in public. A few years ago, my mom and I went to Las Vegas to celebrate my parents' wedding anniversary. Whilst we were there, we enjoyed the breakfast buffet at the Wynn Hotel. After she'd finished eating, but while the rest of the family was finishing their carb-heavy buffet fare, my mom started to apply suntan cream to her face. She was swiftly reprimanded by my dad, but maintained that her behavior was acceptable. This incident has since gone down in the family lore as the height of impropriety, but my mom still maintains it was an acceptable action. Was this a faux pas? Is it

akin to clipping fingernails? Should we still be shaming my mom for her behavior? Obviously, your mother is wrong and terrible. I mean, yeah, it is exactly like clipping your nails. Applying a cream to your face in an eating situation is not okay. That is a personal ablution, wouldn't you say, Jesse? Sounds like it's a real personal ablution. Yeah, right. Thank you. I asked you to say it and you did. Would you feel the same way if she were – were she applying a liniment?

Or an unguent. Gotcha. Anything at all. Salve. Giving her hair a good mayonnaise massage. Sure. Which is strengthening for the hair, by the way. All of that stuff should be done in a bathroom, not a public eating space.

I don't care if it is a buffet in Las Vegas full of carb-heavy foods and you, Kate, have a lot of judgment about it. It's still an eating establishment and it is gross to do that in front of your family and other humans. You do it down by the pool. Yeah, exactly. Here's something from Rich. My partner and I have an ongoing dispute about our cast iron and blue steel cookware. I say we should not use soap to clean it. Instead, we should use water and simply scour it, reheating it to

keep and build the seasoning. She says modern dishwashing liquids are mild enough not to damage the seasoning. Even if this were the case, I often find the cast iron soaking in soapy water. I prefer some homage to traditional ways and would like to err on the side of no soap. We both cook and clean often, and the pans belong to both of us. So I can't speak to blue steel cookware because I don't know what that is, but I own a lot of cast iron, both contemporary and I will use brand names here because they matter. And there's a distinction. And Lodge is really the only one that's making contemporary cast iron pans. And I own quite a

few Lodge cast iron pans, quite a few older cast iron pans. And of course, it is law number one that you do not use detergents on cast iron pans because it will strip away the seasoning. And the seasoning is that through use over use over use over use, the surface of the cast iron pan becomes the tiny, tiny, microscopic little divots in the pan basically get filled with grease. And they seal up and it becomes this beautiful, essentially nonstick, in a well-seasoned pan, essentially nonstick cooking surface. It is fantastic for certain uses like searing meats or searing really anything, vegetables as well. It's great for making scrambled eggs. It's a fantastic way to cook.

Anything where you need heat that penetrates the food, cast iron is very good for delivering heat above and beyond just the point of contact. It is conductive and it gets super hot. And also it's pretty and it gains a patina And it gets super hot. And also it's pretty and it gains a patina through time that makes it a piece of household folklore almost. It's one of the best ways for wives to clobber husbands. That's right. I don't know whether your partner, who is unnamed here, is correct about whether most detergents are mild enough not to ruin the pans. If she has information that is new that I don't have,

or whether she's just lying because she's lazy. But I will say this. The best way to care for a cast iron pan is to rinse it out with hot water only, no soap. And if stuff is sticking to it, then you can scour it with a steel scrubbing pad. They make them, they look like chain mail. Or you can just put a bunch of salt in the pan and then just use a paper towel and the salt becomes a scrubbing agent. And that works great too. But I will make a confession that will leave everyone here aghast. With my Lodge cast iron pan, I will occasionally use a tiny bit of detergent, because sometimes it just stuff doesn't come off, like a little bit of dishwashing liquid,

tiny, tiny, tiny bit. And it has not destroyed the seasoning. But I will tell you that I don't mind if it does, because with all respect to Lodge, who make a very quality product, my most prized cast iron pans are my Griswolds. Those are old. They don't make them anymore. And the reason they're so great, John Roderick introduced me to them, they weigh half as much. They're much thinner. And the belief is that cast iron has to be thick in order to retain all that heat. But in fact, I find my thin Griswolds to be the best cooking pans I've ever worked with. So there you go.

There's a run on your eBay right now for those Griswold thin bottom cast iron pans. But maybe you and me, Jesse, we can bring out some new Judge John Hodgman merch. We can custom smelt some thin cast iron pans with the Judge John Hodgman logo on the bottom. All called to pay to go to the folks behind the maxfundstore.com and see if they've got any good smelting connections. Can I tell you something, John? I also use cast iron cookware substantially. And I read a very interesting piece, I believe that Kenji Lopez-Alt of Serious Eats wrote in which he investigated this question, whether soap if your pan is properly seasoned because essentially there is like a molecular bonding process that is much stronger than soap.

Right. I think leaving it soaking in water or just generally leaving it wet, you potentially can run into the problem of getting the non-seasoned parts of it wet, which could lead to rust, which is a real problem with cast iron if you're not careful. And I think, you know, as much as I agree with Rich's wife with the idea that, yes, it is sometimes OK to use soap. And, you know, you also I think erring on the side of not using soap is a perfectly reasonable compromise. Right, because it is effective and it is honoring the history of the artifact that you're using, which is cast iron. That's how it's done. Almost never have I had a problem with getting anything off of my cast iron cookware. Especially while it's still hot, I just run a little water on it and just run a brush across it.

Yeah, and you can actually do that with your stainless steel pans as well for the most part. You don't, you know, if you wash them directly after use, everything will be nice and clean right away. Hello, teachers and faculty. This is Janet Varney. I'm here to remind you that listening to my podcast, The JV Club with Janet Varney, is part of the curriculum for the school year. Learning about the teenage years of such guests as Alison Brie, Vicki Peterson, John Hodgman, and so many more

is a valuable and enriching experience, one you have no choice but to embrace, because, yes, listening is mandatory. The JV Club with Janet Varney is available every Thursday on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you. And remember, no running in the halls. If you need a laugh and you're on the go, try S-T-O-P-P-O-D-C-A-S-T-I. Hmm. Were you trying to put the name of the podcast there?

Yeah, I'm trying to spell it, but it's tricky. Let me give it a try. Okay. If you need a laugh and you're on the go, call S-T-O-P-P-P-A-D-I. It'll never fit. No, it will. Let me try. If you need a laugh and you're on the go, try S-T-O-P-P-P-D-C-O-O.

Ah, we are so close. Stop podcasting yourself. A podcast from MaximumFun.org. If you need a laugh and you're on the go. Here's something from Carrie. My husband Alan and I disagree on the cleanliness of new clothing. I believe clothing purchased at a store new with tags is not clean. It has been treated with chemicals for shipping and could have been tried on by other people.

It should never be worn directly off the rack or out of the package. Alan says that brand new clothing is at peak cleanliness, and he has no problem popping his tags and sporting his new duds. I personally have known people who have had horrible allergic reactions to new clothing, and also bed bugs or lice. I'm petitioning the judge to order my husband to surrender all new clothing for a proper washing. I would say there are definitely situations where I would wear something directly out of the store and would feel it is okay for someone else to do that. I'm talking about garments here, not shoes, which are designed to be worn out of the store.

So you can throw your old shoes date and you are all dressed up and you have a nice white shirt on and then you decide to calm your nerves by chugging a jar of ragu spaghetti sauce before getting on the subway to go to your date and you get the spaghetti sauce all over your shirt. So then you got to go into your local retailer and you get a new shirt and you just pop that on and then you go. But otherwise, I would agree with Kerry.

I would not want to wear something that had been on a rack in a store for a long time. What do you think, Jesse? Kerry Allen, I'm a professional fashion journalist. Thank you. I don't even know why I was talking. Yeah, no, I think, Kerry, you're absolutely right. I agree, John. For most people, it's not going to kill you to put it on without washing it first.

At need. At need. Yeah, if you have some compelling reason to do so. You know, you got down to the swimming hole and you realized you didn't bring any swim trunks. You got to run over to the big box store and grab yourself a $9.95 pair. So you can jump in the water. Right. That's presuming it's not a naked swimming hole.

I mean, that's, I mean, she seems classier than that, you know? Right. If it's a naked swimming hole, then you go to the big box store and you buy yourself a tuxedo. Yeah. To put on after you go swimming. Yeah. Because then you are the most, you're the happiest person on earth.

Exactly. And I think Carrie has nailed it. The biggest issue is that clothing is treated with chemicals to keep it looking good in the store. It is to prevent it from wrinkling and smudging and so on and so forth during the process of getting it from the factory to the consumer. on and so forth during the process of getting it from the factory to the consumer. And, you know, if you walk into a store that has a lot of stock in it, a lot of new clothing stock, especially new clothing stock that's been through some changes, like if you walk into a discounter like a Marshalls or a Ross or something like that, you will smell that. And in fact, I'm a little bit allergic to it.

And I'm not a super allergic guy, super sensitive guy, but I am a little allergic to it. And, you know, I can see that my hands change color. Oh, really? Yeah, totally. When I'm in a Ross, and I like going in Ross. And what kind of garments are we talking about here specifically? Polo shirt or whatever, right? And, but, you know, it's the same thing for like a package thing like underpants or something.

You know, they want it to present well. That's their first concern. So there's the possibility that so they treat it with something to keep it from wrinkling or getting smudged or whatever. Right. And, yeah, and you're also right that potentially

theoretically it could have bed bugs or lice. I mean, that's a long shot, but it's entirely possible and there's no reason not to toss it in the washer. Yeah. And also, I think you're right to point out that other people have tried things on. You know, if I have a free afternoon, I will go into like a Brooks Brothers and then try on every piece of clothing they have there. I don't even personally. Brooks Brothers, and then try on every piece of clothing they have there. I don't even personally, I mean, speaking for myself as a professional fashion journalist, I don't feel obliged to try everything on. I've got a pretty good idea of the different

fits and cuts that they offer. So I just take them and rub them against my junk. You know, that would save me a lot of time. Right. Yeah. I guess that's true. Yeah. That's just a helpful hint from Jesse Thorne, founder and editor of PutThisOn.com. Just rub it against your junk. You don't need to try it on if you're already familiar with the cut. But if you want to walk a mile in a pair of chinos that have not only touched my junk but also my butt and my legs and my thighs and my calves, just go to Brooks Brothers.

Hey, that turned out to be a weird buzz market for Brooks Brothers. Very strange. A brand that I really enjoy these days. So I don't really spoil Brooks Brothers clothes, and I apologize to Brooks Brothers. I would also add that if you buy something secondhand, it's important not just for grossness reasons or lice reasons, but for clothing moth reasons to get them cleaned, especially anything wool. They might have eggs in them. Exactly.

And those eggs will hatch and then those worms will eat the wool because it's the worms, not the moths. And they will eat the rest of your clothes as well. Sure. Here's something from James. And if you're lucky, maybe, Kerry, your terrible husband, Alan. Please help me resolve a dispute about the responsibilities of citizenship. I'm a U.S. citizen who's lived abroad for five years. I've cast an absentee ballot in every U.S. election from my most recent residence in Alachua County, Florida.

I was born in Florida, and my family has been there for seven generations. Or more accurately, my family had been there for seven generations until I moved abroad for the last five years. He might have a sister or cousin there. That's true. I currently live in Canada with my Canadian wife and our son, who was born in Africa. We hope to move back to Africa soon. I try to vote in every Alachua County and United States election, including primaries, even in the off years. Each time I spend weeks researching every issue and candidate on the

ballot. I believe this is my responsibility as a citizen. My friend Florin says that I shouldn't because I live abroad. He says I don't pay local U.S. taxes and don't have to follow local laws. He claims it's dishonest and disingenuous for me to have a voice in electing leaders and enacting laws that don't apply to me. He says that it is legal but not moral for me to vote in U.S. elections. Florin practices what he preaches. Since emigrating from Romania in the early 90s, he has not voted absentee in Romanian elections and only started voting in U.S. elections when he got his citizenship a few years ago. Who's right? Who's wrong? When I vote, am I being responsible or dishonest?

Well, first of all, I guess I applaud Florin for not voting in U.S. elections before he became a citizen. Yeah. Congratulations to Florin for not committing election fraud. not committing election fraud. Yeah. Well, I think that James is a responsible citizen who is taking his responsibility seriously. And though he does not pay those taxes, nor is he susceptible to the laws of Alachua County, he is certainly thinking with the benefit of his family who still live there and the citizens of Alachua in mind.

So as long as he is legally allowed to vote and he's doing so thoughtfully, I have seen no reason why he should be banned. Now, the truth is that he is not susceptible to the laws of Alachua County. And thank goodness for that because the laws of Alachua County are weird. Right, Jesse? Oh, yeah. It's one of the weirdest counties in America. Yeah. The world. You're not allowed to leash a dog there. Yeah, which is very odd.

Yeah. There are a whole – there's a whole series of – there's a whole series of pet laws in Alachua County that are really perplexing to me. The cat leash laws, you have to take cats for walks in Alachua. Three times a day. Yeah, which seems like it would be more appropriate for dogs. And what's interesting is, you know, cats don't like it so much. So that's, and more often, it turns out you're taking your cat for a drag. Right. You know, at first I was thinking this was pretty progressive of them that they

actually will not allow you to wear a fur hat. But you actually get a tax break for wearing a living rabbit on your head. Yeah, exactly. But you have to buy the rabbit strap from the county. That's where they raise a lot of their money. Here's the flaw in this logic, I think. Just because he's living abroad doesn't mean he's not subject to United States law. That's true.

If he has a residency in Alachua County, which is what's allowing him to vote in Alachua County, then whatever. He still has to pay property taxes on that house or, you know, even if it's just his parents' house or something, he's still subject to those laws. Yes, that's a very good point. And he probably still walks around with a rabbit strapped to his head. Until such time as he, you know, until such time as he renounces his citizenship and can no longer, you know, walk into a United States consulate and be on home soil. Right.

Then he is subject to American law. But to renounce your citizenship from Alachua County, you actually have to go back to Alachua County, go into the town square and publicly renounce your citizenship by yelling, I renounce it into the mouth of a boa constrictor. And then you have to do the sensual dance, which often takes a lot of training. You know, I mean, it depends on how sensual you are going in, like naturally sensual. People of Alachua County are very naturally sensual, but they also know they got to take that workshop in eighth grade if they really want to win it. Edmund and Garth were two brothers who had planned to live an entire year consuming only items from their farm. It was the calendar year 2015. They were so back-to-the-landy and artisanal, they even had back-to-the-landy artisanal names.

Exactly. And they had a case before us in episode 167, which was called Brokavor. And their dispute was about making exceptions to the rule. So if you haven't already listened to that episode, go listen to that episode because it was a hoot. Yeah, we'll wait. Yeah, it was a hoot and a half. We'll wait here on your phone or iPod. Okay, are you back? It was great, wasn't it? So here is a letter from Jaron about that case In your Brokavor verdict, you allow Edmund and Garth Wait a minute, who's Jaron? Jaron's a third party

Oh, okay A concerned third party A friend of the court In your Brokavor verdict, you allow Edmund and Garth a yearly bottle of olive oil Because in your words, you can't dress salads in lard as much as I've tried. However, friend of the court Alton Brown would disagree. In Season 10, Episode 20 of Good Eats, Brown makes a spinach salad with a warm lard dressing that's actually quite tasty.

And that's, I mean, that's fair. You'll go to a French restaurant. They'll give you a little spinach salad with some bacon fat on there. Yep, that's fair. You'll go to a French restaurant. They'll give you a little spinach salad with some bacon fat on there. Yep, that's exact. I fully cop to the fact that I should have remembered the many spinach salads that I've gleefully dressed in my own life, having drenched them in bacon fat from my cast iron pan. Yeah. But, you know, that's not – it's sort of a different thing. Then you're wilting the salad. It's like a special case. It's a special case scenario and they're certainly welcome to lard their salad as much as they want. But if you do that every day, your diet gets repetitious and you become a little bit dissatisfied with yourself, I think.

So Edmund and Garth, the brothers in the case, have been in touch with us. Right. They've been in consistent touch with our producer, Julia. Yeah. Which is very lovely of them. You may remember that— For guys who try as hard as they can to live in the 19th century, they sure do send us a lot of phone calls and emails. You had ruled that they would have one exception a month, and you gave them a list of exceptions.

Yeah, I didn't want them to choose their own exceptions. That they were obliged to follow through on. So they're having some trouble finding a few of the things, and they wrote in to us. Actually, a listener mailed them a box of Canadian Kraft dinner. That was one of my court orders, yes, that they have Canadian Kraft dinner, which is the same thing as Kraft macaroni and cheese in the United States, but up there in North North America they call it dinner. So let me understand this.

I gave them this list of they're spending the year eating only things that they grow or raise themselves, with the exception of olive oil and a few other exceptions, some of which were mandated by me, including Kraft Dinner. They couldn't find it, but someone just sent it to them out of the blue? Yeah, somebody sent that to them apropos of nothing. Just another friend of the court. Yeah. That's wonderful. So now they want a whole bunch of us to do their shopping for them.

Is that what's going on? Well, you know, they're limited by their horse and buggy and so on and so forth to a certain radius. Well, maybe the letter will clear it up. Okay. This is from Edmund. We can't find Moxie, Cheese Waffies, or Duck Dynasty brand beef jerky. We'll buy the stuff on the Internet if we have to, but getting it from listeners would be more fun. Sure, and cheaper for you, I guess, Edmund and Garth.

Plus they get more buzz marketing for their 2018-15 lifestyle. And their farm, which looks like a good farm. Yeah, it's a nice farm. Also, we're definitely not going to make it to the Kennebunkport Travel Plaza on I-95 South for either bananas or Sbarro's. I wonder if Judge Hodgman would issue us a substitute dispensation of sorts. There is a Sbarro's north of our farm and west of Utica, but Garth and I virtually never traveled that direction simultaneously. More convenient for us would be to substitute Little Caesars inside the Kmart in Sydney, New York. We drive by that on our way to deliver our product

and could easily stop for a slice. Well, it's funny. First of all, you can't buy a slice. You can't buy a slice at Little Caesars. You have to buy an entire pie and it costs $5. It's the $5 no-slice pie. First of all, I don't remember specifically ordering Sparrows. I must have done all, I think – I don't remember specifically ordering Sparrows. I must have done it though.

I ordered them to go to the southbound travel plaza on I-95 in Kennebunkport, Maine to get a fresh banana from the fresh banana guy, Jonathan. And there is a Sparrows there and I may have also said you got to get a slice from Sparrows. But I regret that order because nothing against Spbarro's, but it's terrible, and Little Caesars, I think, is probably worse. There are better alternatives in life than to do that. I thought the whole point was to punish them for being weird. Yeah, but you know, I would rather they

go... If they were to eat Sbarro's at all, it would have to be in the context of listening to a man sing fresh bananas here a few yards away, and that's not going to happen because Jonathan has been moved to another service plaza. Unless they get a really nice soundboard app. That's true. That's true. They make the pilgrimage to Kennebunkport and they are listening to one of Jonathan's videos on YouTube

in their earphones as they eat a slice of pizza. That would service the order fine. I don't want you guys to travel to a Kmart in Sydney, New York to eat Little Caesars. That is not a good use of your time. So I'm going to strike the pizza order altogether from my order on appeal. But you are still missing out on Moxie Cheese Waffies and Duck Dynasty brand beef jerky. And I think that it would be fine if listeners to this podcast would want to send those things legally through the mails to Brothers Garth and Edmund. And so I am going to read out now the address, which was given to me and authorized by them to read out loud to you,

Cairncrest Farm, 156 Talbot Road, T-A-L-B-O-T Road in Burlington Flats, New York, 13315. And we'll put that up on the MaximumFun.org website, the Judge Sean Hodgman portion specifically, I suppose. And also, if you want to follow their experiments and drinking the weird foods that I forced them to drink and eat, you can go to their website, which is cairncrestfarm.com, cairncrestfarm.com, and see if there's anything else that's missing on their shopping list. And if you do send them something, tell them I say hello. I got some Larry the Cable Guy brand beer bread I could send them. This leftover from Brian and Lindsay will totally eat that, our video series. I mean, if they need any Larry the Cable Guy brand beer bread. Well, you know, I should replace the Sparrows order with something else. And if you would like to send that to them, I will order them to eat it. Find something in the closet awful to send them.

Just make sure you ask for cheese waffies, not cheese waffles. One of the it will look when you are. But let me just warn you guys. When you go into a place and you and you see this bag, you every every part of your senses, particularly your sense of sight, will convince you that it is called cheese waffles. And it should be because that's what they look like, waffles with cheese inside. But if you look very closely, after a long time, you will realize that they are actually called cheese waffies.

Why I think it's the Wise Company is playing this trick on you. I do not know. But if they would like to respond, I would like to hear what the mind games are behind calling these cheese waffles cheese Woffies. Hello, I'm your Judge John Hodgman. The Judge John Hodgman podcast is brought to you every week by you, our members, of course. Thank you so much for your support of this podcast and all of your favorite podcasts at MaximumFun.org, and they are all your favorites. If you want to join the many member supporters of this podcast and this network,

boy, oh boy, that would be fantastic. Just go to MaximumFun.org slash join. The Judge John Hodgman podcast is also brought to you this week by the folks over there at Babbel. Did you know that learning, the experience of learning causes a sound to happen? Let's hear the sound. Yep, that's the sound of you learning a new language with Babbel. We're talking about quick 10-minute lessons crafted by over 200 language experts that can help you start speaking a new language in as little as one, two, three weeks. Let's hear that

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by our pals over at Made In. Jesse, you've heard of Tom Colicchio, the famous chef, right? Yeah, from the restaurant Kraft. And did you know that most of the dishes at that very same restaurant are made with Made In pots and pans? Really? What's an example? The braised short ribs. They're made in, made in. The Rohan duck. Made in, made in. Riders of Rohan. Duck. What about the Heritage Pork Shop? You got it. Made in, made in. Made in has been supplying

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Oh, so I have to go all the way down to the restaurant district in restaurant town? Just buy it online. This is professional grade cookware that is available online directly to you, the consumer, at a very reasonable price. Yeah. If you want to take your cooking to the next level, remember what so many great dishes on menus all around the world have in common. They're made in Made In. Save up to 25% this Memorial Day from the 18th until the 27th. Visit MadeInCookware.com. That's M-A-D-E-I-N Cookware.com. I would like to brag for a second, if you don't mind. No, I don't mind at all. You deserve it.

I host the national public radio program Bullseye with Jesse Thorne. Many Judge John Hodgman listeners have heard this show. Some I happen to know for a fact have not. I haven't taken the time to run open up their podcast application and give it a shot. Well, that makes no sense to me. Judge John Hodgman podcast listeners tend to be people of good taste. I couldn't agree more. It must be an error. I think they'll really enjoy

it. I will presume that it's an error. Right. This week's Bullseye with Jesse Thorne podcast features a commentary from myself on the film Mad Max Fury Road. It features an interview with the wonderful, warm-hearted, generous, and

hilarious comedian Kyle Kinane. But most significantly, it features an interview with the great Corin Tucker of Slater Kinney, who is one of the coolest people in one of the coolest bands ever. And so that is not the bragging. That's just statements of fact. Yeah. No one can dispute that. Here's a little bit of bragging.

While Corin Tucker was here in the studio, in this room where I am now. In this very room where both of us are sitting right now. She took the time after we had concluded the interview to tell me how much she loves listening to Bullseye personally via her subscription to the podcast. to the podcast and how much she and her famous husband, the director Lance Bangs, like to listen together in their car when they are on their way to pick up their kids from school. Well, they are both tastemakers, Jesse. That is two significant, notable tastemakers. If your taste is not made right now by the fact that Lance Bangs and Corin Tucker listen together in the car to Bullseye,

which they subscribe to via podcast. It's not even on the radio in Portland, Oregon, where they live. Right. That's amazing. I got nothing for you. I got nothing left for you. You know, I was thrilled just realizing that I was sitting in a room that Corin Tucker had previously occupied.

You're sitting in a chair that Corin Tucker previously occupied, my friend. But I need to now cast my butt in plaster so I can save it. I know. And indeed, you know, this is a room that has been occupied by many, many legends of entertainment, music, film, live on stage talking, joke making. Hey, last week we had Big Bird on. Yeah.

Big Bird from Sesame Street. Carol Spinney. Carol Spinney. Carol Spinney. There's also Oscar the Rouch. And also Oscar the Grouch. I got a picture of myself with Oscar the Grouch now. And you can listen to all of these legends by listening to Bullseye, and you should be doing it. Check it out.

Listen to it. It's easy. Just take the phone out of your pocket, type in Bullseye, and click on subscribe. You've already got your podcast application open. Just make it happen. There you go. It's easy. I'm going to do it again.

Yeah. If you've got a case for Judge John Hodgman, go to MaximumFun.org slash JJHO. No case too big or too small. We reads them all. But some cases too medium. That's true. If it's too medium, we'll take a pass.

Yeah, we use a meat thermometer. And our producer is Julia Smith. Our editor is Mark McConville. Our thanks to both of them. Thank you, guys. You can name a future case by following us on Twitter and liking us on Facebook. Search for Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. There is both a group and a page.

There's also a Maximum Fund group. You can go to MaximumFund.Reddit.com to talk about the show on Reddit. And you can follow us on Twitter. I am at Jesse Thorne, J-E-S-S-E-T-H-O-R-N. And John is at Hodgman, H-O-D-G-M-A-N. We'll talk to you next time on the Judge John Hodgman Podcast.