Judge John Hodgman - Justice is Out There

Episode Date: June 17, 2011

Randi and Chris were gifted Mulder and Scully action figures for Christmas, but differ on their purpose. Should they be kept in their original packaging, to retain value (and for laughs)? Or should they be freed, to re-enact X-Files episodes and general playtime?

It's the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm bailiff Jesse Thorne. This week, justice is out there. Chris brings the case against his wife, Randy. They recently received a set of X-Files action figures. Chris, the complainant, says that they should be kept in their cases and displayed as such. His wife, Randy, says that rather than displaying them in their packaging, they should be taken out so that they can be played with. Only one spouse is right, and only one man can decide which spouse that is. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom. Because I'm judgy. Judgy like a Sunday morning. It's Monday morning, isn't it? What is it?

I don't know what day it is. I don't know either. Is today a Tuesday? Because I'm judgy. Guys, come on. Where is it? I need the backup. Ready? I'm going to do it again. This time, don't let me down. Because I'm judgy. Judgy like a Sunday morning. That's good. That's good.

You may be seated. Just so people understand, I'm in California today with Jesse Thorne. Yeah, we're in MaxFunWorld headquarters, the studio court here. Right, and we had a little trouble with the Skype machine. We got him on the telephone. We got him on the phone because, do you know what? California is laid back. Yeah, we're relaxed.

Right. This is going to be a very mellow Judge John Hodgman because I'm in California. I'm all laid back. You want to go out to the tiki bar instead of recording? Go out to the tiki bar and smoke some hashish. Please raise your right hands. You know what? Don't even.

Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God or whatever? I do. Why are you bringing so much hassle down on these people, Jesse? Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling, despite the fact that he refuses to buy toys for his own children, no matter how desperately they beg?

I do. Very well, Judge Hodgman. Oh, hey dudes. Hey. Hello. What up? So, who is bringing this complaint, this grudge, this beef? I'm bringing the case.

Okay. Sorry, case, is that what you'd call it? That's what you called it, so. Oh, right. Right, so we received... And you're Chris? I'm Chris. All right.

Yeah. So, what's the problem, Chris? So, we received these X-Files action figures as a Christmas gift from a good friend of ours. What's that person's name? His name is Gregory. Okay. So Greg gave us these X-Files action figures, and then almost immediately we started having an argument as to what should be done with them. And so Randy—

Who was having—you and Gregory, or you and— No, me and Randy. Randy and I were. Right. Thank you and Randy, Randy and I were right. Thank you for correcting your grammar. I appreciate that. So Randy wants to open the action figures and play with them. And I think that they should remain in their cases where they will retain most of their value. Right. Sorry. And so I'm thinking, are you are you are you married to a nine year old child?

No. I mean, sometimes I feel that way You're married to an adult person Yeah, she is a full-grown woman Okay, look, you don't have to take little swipes at your wife Online with me, that's my job When you do it, it turns this into the Lockhorns Okay No Lockhorns, all right?

Noted Beetle, Bailey, own way Howard, huge That's what I'm going for. Good family entertainment. Now listen, Randy. Yes. Which action figures did you get? X-Files action figures? I presume you got Skinner and Michael McKean? I was gifted Mulder, and Chris was gifted Scully.

Okay. How did that work out? You guys like the X-Files? You know that shows off the air? Yeah. Uh-huh. Well, it's on Netflix now, so you can stream the entire series. Well, could you keep the advertising to a minimum, please? I'm sorry. It's on a nameless... When we start getting money from Netflix, you will start hearing about Netflix.

Okay. Fair enough. It's on a popular streaming network. Yeah, which I'll remain nameless. Until they give us money. This is blackmail. Right. And we recently, about nine months ago, we decided that we were going to try to watch the entire series. And we made it two seasons in before we just kind of ran out of steam. There are a lot of seasons.

Yeah, there's nine, plus the, I think, two movies. So you are very lazy X-Files fans. Well, I've already seen them, except I stopped watching when Mulder left. Uh-huh. Sure, of course. Yeah, spoiler alert, Mulder leaves. Yeah. You didn't really give enough time after the spoiler alert.

Right. And the spoiler alert came after the spoiler. So you've been enjoying the X-Files. You could say that. Okay. Are you enjoying the X-Files authentically or ironically? I'm authentic about it. Yeah.

I think it depends on the episode. I mean, there are some that I legitimately enjoy. And then there are times where it's not good. Okay. This isn't your blog. This is my podcast. Okay. So you got M blog. This is my podcast. Okay. So you got Mulder and Scully.

Do you have a lot of action figures in your home? No. No. I do have a lawn gnome collection, if that counts. Oh, really? Yeah. How many lawn gnomes do you have?

Oh, I don't know. I'd say maybe ten. Are they in their original packaging? They don't come in packaging. I'd say maybe ten. Ten? Are they in their original packaging? They don't come in packaging. Are they in their blister pack? They come from lawns. They come, you steal them from other people's lawns? Well, my friends usually steal them for me.

I have not stolen them. Do your friends really steal these lawn gnomes? A couple of them really are from actual lawns. They're contraband? Yeah, maybe I shouldn't say this on air. So these are from law. They're contraband? Yeah. Maybe I shouldn't say this on air. So these are your friends. They buy you ironical action figures and they steal lawn gnomes for you?

Yeah. Where do I reach you two people? Come out to Utah. Utah? Yeah. I didn't realize Utah was the center of hipsterism in the United States. Yeah.

There's a strong population. Is there? Yeah. You guys are holding down the fort? I mean, the quote-unquote fort? No. The fort of hipsterism? Yeah.

I wouldn't say that. No, I don't think so. Okay. Wait a minute. We appreciate hipsters, but we are not hipsters. What are your ages? You guys have a nuanced understanding of hipsterism, but we are not hipsters. What are your agents? You guys have a nuanced understanding of hipsterism, but are not yourselves

hipsters? Be still, my beating heart, I am stunned! This is what Bailiff Jesse has been waiting for his whole life. It was long, long ago prophesied that he would meet self-aware hipsters who are not terrible

people. Could be. Self-aware people who are not hipsters, I guess is what it is. And hipster-aware people who are not hipsters. Let's not talk about hipsters anymore. We're giving them too much. We're buzz-marketing hipsters now.

They should pay us. As long as we're on the topic of law gnomes, I would like to make a point. Sure, go for it, man. Let's just keep it. Everybody just talk. Randy, you hand the conch to Chris and let him rap for a while. Okay. We've broken many of Randy's lawn gnomes, actually, or at least a couple have.

What were you playing, lawn gnome baseball? No, even... When we were moving or something. Right. No, not just that. There was one that we kept on a shelf up high. Up high. Excuse me.

And he might have had some problems, but he would frequently fall and hurt himself. His arm fell off. Are you anthropomorphizing this gnome? Yes. It. Let's refer to it as it. It. Okay. Okay, so it would frequently fall.

Well, you know what? Let me dig deeper into this. If you guys are calling your ceramic lawn gnomes he, and talking about him getting hurt, do your lawn gnomes have names? I'd say about half of them do. Let me hear them. Half of them are subhuman and don't deserve names.

Well, half are just plastered. Let me hear the half that are named. I don't want to hear the subhuman slave gnomes that serve them. They're called the others. Yeah. We have Herman. Herman is mine. Wait, you have lawn gnomes too, sir?

I have a lawn gnome. I gave him one. For birthday or Christmas or just... It's just a gift. Nice. A little bread and butter present for your hubby. I like it. Very mellow.

Move on. Okay, so there's Herman. There's Phil. And then there's Phillip. And then there's Schwatsky. And then there's Peanut Butter Nut then there's Schwatsky, and then there's Peanutbutter, Nuttybutter, Scootybooty, and then there is, well, George. And, of course, George. And, oh, there's another one.

It was a really long name. I have a hard time remembering that. Longer than Peanutbutter, Nuttybutter, Scootybooty? Yeah. I think it was like Humanamin Longer than peanut butter, nut butter, scooby-booty? Yeah. I think it was like humanamin or something like that. Homunculus? Homunculus. That is his name. Really? Yeah, I'm not kidding. And I'm

judgy. Have you guys ever noticed how sometimes two people can have the exact same thought? Okay, okay, okay. Bailiff. I'll have order, please. Is there any evidence to present in this grudge,

this beef, this case, as you call it? I did email some evidence. All right. Describe the evidence to me, please. I sent... Because I'll explain to you. Because I'm in Maximum Fun World Headquarters, I don't have my own computer screen, so I can't check my blog stories while you guys yap at me.

I have to actually pay attention, and I can't look at anything on the screen at the moment. So can you just lay it out for me? Okay. Well, I sent a couple videos of Chris a few years ago playing with a few action figures that he acquired. One of them he named Fun Glasses. And there are tapes of him, or video of him. Do you have a random quirky name generator or something? No. Fun Glasses, this action figure was from a dollar store,

and it came with a pair of sunglasses. And the packaging only had one word on it, and that word was sunglasses. So we assumed that it was both descriptive of the glasses, but also a name for the action figure. How long have you been married? Three and a half years. And I presume you do not have children. Because you have time for all this garbage.

We have two dogs. They kind of are like two. Okay, that's right. Thank you for comparing my children to dogs. You're welcome. Let me see this video. Thank you for comparing my children to dogs. You're welcome. Let me see this video. Can you dial up this video for me there, Bailiff Jesse? I think I can.

On the computer. There are two of the sunglasses. Jesse uses a Windows-based machine, so I'm not allowed to talk to it. I'm not allowed to touch it. All right. Okay, so what I just saw and what listeners at home can look up on our website is what I imagine

Chris, that must be Chris, right? That's me. Sliding some action figures down some string that he has tied to an old pine wooden chair onto the... Do you guys live in a dorm or something? It was before we were married. Oh, okay.

So this is more than three and a half years ago. Right, yeah. I've grown up a lot since then. Yeah, you've put aside childish things, haven't you? That's right. Well, not if you look at my second piece of evidence. Okay, well, there's no better segue than that. There's a movie that we make for this tournament that we hold.

Wait a minute. Pause. Pause this, Jessie. Pause. Now, I read a pre-see of this video before I came here, but I want you to explain it before we go any further. Okay. Well, Chris can help me with it since he developed this tournament. But during the month of March, there's a basketball tournament called March Madness. Even I am aware of that. Oh, good. And we hold an event called March Sanity. And it is a tournament created with a game that Chris discovered while working at a grocery store many, many years ago.

And it's called Intellective Plank. And it's this game. You have this paddle, and there's like a magnetic ball, and you try to get this magnetic ball into the hole in the middle of the paddle. I don't know what you're talking about. I feel like I'm going to cry. I feel so completely remote from your experience. What are you children doing out there in Utah?

None of this makes any sense. It's really hard to explain. You just have to experience it. So it's a tournament that you hold, and then you make a video? What is the video? When I watched a video of a grown man building zip lines for action figures in what appeared to be some kind of shantytown. The last thing I expected was that the second piece of evidence would up the incomprehensibility ante.

Thank you, Bailiff Jesse. We create a video that tells a story as the opening ceremonies of this tournament that we hold annually. And the video is a background of The Intellectus Plank. We've made up this story of how it came to be. And we've made three movies so far. Now, I'm going to ask you guys, and I want you to answer me honestly here. Okay. You did not contrive this non-dispute about action figures in order to get me to click on your link, did you?

No. Are you like one of those people on Twitter who goes, great post, click on my link. Right, no. You'll like this on YouTube. You mentioned Chardonnay. Click on this link. Right. Is that what's happening here?

I had no idea that Randy was even submitting. Is this the most elaborate spam of all time? This is definitely the most complicated video I've ever seen with 32 views on YouTube. I know, right? Are you just trying to get me to up your view count? Do you want me to comment and like your link? Is that what's happening? I didn't even plan on doing this, but it came up when I was talking to Julia, our producer.

Happy birthday, by the way, Julia. Happy birthday, Julia. And I just mentioned it. It was my birthday a few days ago, too. Oh, happy birthday. You're welcome. My birthday was in late April. My birthday was in mid-April.

Happy birthday. Happy birthday, all of us. So you weren't going to do this until you were talking to Julia. Right, and she started inquiring, and then when I told her about the movie that we made, I'm like, oh wait, there's an action figure sequence in this movie. It would be perfect evidence. So it kind of just came... Feels like a stretch

to me. But I'll see, but I'll allow it. I want to see where this is going. Anyway, so there's this movie of the origins of this game, and if... movie of the origins of this game. What is the name of the game again? Intellectus Plank. Intellectus Plank?

Intellective. Intellective what? Why? What is going on? I thought I was in California where everyone just does drugs and drinks white wine all the time. But you guys are doing something crazy out there. That was the name on the packaging. Intellective. Okay.

Now here's the video. This is Sharkman. I don't even know what it is. Let me just describe for the people at home. It opens with some extremely rudimentary stop action animation of action figures hitting each other as though it's like,

you know what it looks like to me as the big reboot they're going to do of the Karen Carpenter story by Todd Haynes. Did you know they're rebooting that? And now there's some stuff with a guy hitting a man with a shark costume and some title cards with reference to Brunch Lords

and Crotch Wind. Right. This is just a weird fever dream. Are you guys okay? Do you need help? I see a nerd in a purple robe humping a shark. No.

It's really weird if you take it out of context. Right. Right, because there's a context in which this makes perfect sense. All right, everybody out there, go to your search bar and put in...

Several thousand planks under the sea. Thousand Planks Under the Sea. Several Thousand Planks Under the Sea. It's available on YouTube and soon to be streaming on Netflix. Thanks, Netflix! I think you guys don't have to worry about it too much given that only 32 people have taken it in any context at all. It's not like we've tried to get this

out there. It's just something we do because we're nerds. Where do I send my money? What part of Nigeria do I send my money to now? Anyway, the reason I brought that up is because it shows Chris having fun with action figures

and the possibilities that could happen if we were to play with... What are the possibilities, Randy? What are the games you're going to play with Sculler and Moldy? Why do you... Sculler and Moldy. It's Molder. You know, I got it.

Start, if you would, with the non-sexual stuff. Are you going to do some stop-motion fanfic? We could. The possibilities are endless. You know what? The possibilities are endless for two young kids in Utah who clearly live within their means and do not have children and have endless amounts of time on their hands. Let's find a way to punk John Hodgman into putting our incomprehensible YouTube video on his podcast. Well, we didn't make that all by ourselves. We had help. Oh, would you like to list the credits?

Want to do some shout outs to your friends? Any other ways you want to hijack my podcast? With weird things That I don't understand What are their names? Scoop-a-lop-a-doop-a-dee Do the gnomes help? We just have to say hi to Hans and Devin

That's all Hans and Devin? Hi guys Or ceramic creatures that live in your house I don't know Say hi to Hans and Devin. That's all. Hans and Devin? Mm-hmm. Okay. Hi, guys. Or ceramic creatures that live in your house. I don't know. So what kind of play? You guys, you're obviously very playful people. What kind of games would you like to play with these action figures?

We could recreate scenes from the actual X-Files. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. We can make up our own scenes, own scenarios. You know, we both love Mulder and Scully. And I presume all your chores are done? Of course. Why don't you want to play these games, Chris?

It's not that I have anything against playing the games. I just think that we can enjoy the action figures as adults with them in their packaging. I think that they're a great conversation piece. I have a hard time thinking of any better conversation piece, in fact. What would you expect is the value of these action figures now? I don't know. I mean, maybe 20 bucks. Do you expect them to appreciate in value? I think the value of these action figures is only going up. Okay. But now, without the joke, do you expect them to appreciate in value, meaningfully?

I think so, although I don't expect them to appreciate and value. Do I need to get the Pawn Stars in here to take a look at this and get the Blue Book value on these things? I don't think they're going to go up in value that much. The thing that Chris has failed to mention is that when I asked him the number one reason why he wanted to keep them in the boxes, he said, because it's funnier that way. And I'm like, funny to who? And he didn't really have an answer. Oh, I see.

I don't think the laughs we'd get from them being in the box. That's very surprising to me. I did not expect you to be the sorts of people who would live your life as though it were some kind of weird, quirky performance art. Do you know what I just did there? Irony. More sarcasm. Yeah, that's right.

Right back at you, hipster boomerang. Mellow's out the window now. Okay, you think it's funnier to keep them in the box? I think it's funnier. And I think it's funnier because if they're in the box, there's this implicit idea that we think they're going to appreciate and value. And so we want to keep them pristine. And Chris, you submitted some evidence? Oh, I did

submit evidence, unbeknownst to Randy. I love a surprise. You better sit down, Randy. Because this is a surprise witness. A few shout-outs to your friends. No, just a second of background. I think that it's important.

I mean, all things held equal. I think you should keep taking into consideration the desires of the gift giver, right? And so I contacted our friend Greg that gifted these to us, and I asked him what he would have us do with them, and he thinks that they should stay in their cases. And what did Greg say? So I submitted the email and evidence. I don't have it in front of me right now.

I have it here. It says, for Christmas of 2010, I gave X-Files figurines to my dear friends Chris and Randy. They were still in their original packages. It is my wish that they should keep them in their original packages. Regards, Gregory J. Such and such. All right. You guys always team up.

Yeah, that's, you know what? I'm throwing that piece of evidence out. I'm tearing it up. I'm tearing it up in front of your face. You think this is your protection? A letter from your friend backing up your position and your completely disingenuous argument that you should take gift givers' wishes into consideration when using their gift. That's obviously not true. Once you give a gift, you give up all claim to how that gift is used.

That is the point of generosity. You cannot prescribe how a thing be used unless you are a bully or a hipster. And I fear that Gregory may be both. That said, I think I have enough information to make my decision. I'm going to retreat now to my portable chambers that I brought with me here to Maximum Fun headquarters. And I will mull this over, and then I will come back to you and tell you what I think. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman exits the courtroom. Randy, despite the general cockamaminess of your plan, you seem to be doing pretty well. I am doing well. Dad, do you feel confident about your chances?

I do. Chris, how are you feeling right now? I've always known that Randy is much more charming than I, but I think just on the merits of the case, hopefully I still have a fighting chance. So you think that you could sort you could sort of out Nixon her Kennedy. Yeah, I think, I think you could say it that way. Yes. Please rise as judge John Hodgman reenters the courtroom. All right. Do you have driver's licenses? Yes. Yes. All right.

Hold your driver's licenses up to your telephones so I can verify that you are not nine years old. I'm doing so now. Okay. And tell me your ages again. I'm 25. And I'm 26. Randy, you have a childish insouciance that is absolutely delightful and a playfulness that I don't want to beat out of you because life is going to do it for you soon enough. I would say that it is unusual for a 26-year-old to play with

action figures and also be a woman, and I admire it. But it is clear that your husband has moved on from the days of ziplining action figures in his dorm room. He has indeed put aside childish things and is trying to, in his own ironic way, grow up while I would never recommend X-Files action figures as an investment product.

It is a step in the right direction as he gradually ceases to be the playful child that you married and inevitably becomes the crotchety misanthrope that all men become. I've been pondering several resolutions to this dispute and trying to come up with the fairest. course would be if you truly do collect popular culture detritus as an investment and as an ironical display item uh you should know that the maxim that all comic book collectors know uh one to bag and one to read simply get more action figures duplicates that randy can play with while you put yours up on your faux mantelpiece and regard with pleasure as you smoke a pipe and stroke your hipster beard. But the solution here is even more obvious and more simple, which is this.

Greg, the bully, gave Mulder to you. Correct, Chris? No, he gave Scaldi to me. Scaldi to Mulder and Mully Correct, Chris? No, he gave Scully to me. Scully to Mulder, and Mully and Skinner to Scully. And Snoofalopica, some peanut butter scoop-a-loop-a-doop to blah, blah, blah, and Hans and Franz. Hooray! Here's a shout-out to you.

Stop it with the names. Just be clear with me, because I'm getting confused. Mulder is yours, Randy? Yes. Okay, and Scully is yours, Randy? Yes. Okay. And Scully is yours, Chris? That's true. All right.

Scully stays boxed. Bring Mulder out. There you go. You do what you want with your own toys. That's one law of marriage. And also, what you have now is a tableau where you put the Scully in a box, right? And then you take Mulder out of the box and pose him longingly reaching and touching the blister pack, wishing that he could free her. That is an X-Files episode right there.

That's true. And it's so much better than two X-Files action figures in the original packaging, which just starts to look a little shabby, frankly. Now you have drama and you have action. You have play and you have preservation and you have justice. This is the sound of a gavel. Judge John Hodgman rules. That is all. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman exits the courtroom.

So I'm going to start with you, Chris. How do you feel about Judge Hodgman's version of Solomonic justice? Right, yeah. I had an inkling that he might slice the baby, but I think I hadn't considered this idea that it is so true to Mulder and Scully's character to have Mulder outside gazing longingly at Scully. So I think it's a perfect solution. Randy, are you prepared to play with just one action figure?

Initially, I was a little disappointed just because they always work together. But I think it's a beautiful solution, and it makes a lot of sense. So I feel good about it. Chris, Randy, thank you for being on the Judge Sean Hodgman podcast. Thank you. See you later, mellow dudes yeah thank you so much guys and guys let me just tell you something i love you oh thank you i love you too all right we'll talk to you later i love california a lot boy i'm getting i've been doing a lot of primal scream therapy i've been getting really in touch with my emotions. That's beautiful. Everything that John Hodgman knows about California,

he learned from Woody Allen movies. That's not also Three's Company. Later, guys. Judge Hodgman, how do you feel about the chambers here at Judge John Hodgman Studios West? Oh, I don't know. I don't think you people understand. This is a separate room.

It's a shower curtain suspended by the ceiling with twine, and for some reason I have to stand in an empty litter box. I don't get it. Budget cuts. This is California. We're having a fiscal crisis over here. Okay. Well, there you go.

Would you like to clear the docket? Yeah, let's have a little sidebar. Okay, here. Okay. Well, there you go. Would you like to clear the docket? Yeah, let's have a little sidebar. Okay, here we go. First of all, here's an email from Timothy. He says, about a year ago I was playing Trivial Pursuit with my then girlfriend, now fiancé.

It was her turn, and she had landed on that most dreaded of categories, sports. The question she received was something like, to paraphrase, what boxer won a gold medal in the light heavyweight division in the 1960 Summer Olympics? My then-girlfriend answered Muhammad Ali. Written on the back of the card was Cassius Clay,

and I refused to grant her the pie piece to which she felt she was entitled. He writes further, In my defense, the edition of Trivial Pursuit which we were playing had cards on which all six questions were centered around a theme. This particular card was centered around Cassius Clay slash Muhammad Ali. Some of the answers were listed as Cassius Clay, some as Muhammad Ali.

I felt that this indicated that the game's creators felt there should be a distinction between the two names. In her defense, he writes, it was her birthday. And this is his ex-girlfriend? This is his now-fiancé. Oh, right, then-girlfriend. Right, that's right. Okay, so now they're...

Because I was going to say, she can break up with him immediately. But I guess she loves supercilious nitpickers. I think it's pretty reasonable to say that she knew the person who has gone by two different names and identify that person correctly. I think it's pretty clear that she knew the correct answer and gave one of the two names of the person who accomplished that feat. And clearly the people from Trivial Pursuit were not giving you fodder to criticize your girlfriend. They were acknowledging that this is a person who has changed names over the course of his career. I don't think that, I think that she deserved that wedge. And if I were a more dirty-minded euphemistic person,

I'd say you should give it to her. Get me out of this litter box. Thank you, Judge John Hodgman, formerly known as Lou Alcindor. Here's one from Brock. He says, He says, I have a very simple dispute. Magneto versus Magneto. He argues in an extensive email that I won't read all of. Stop, stop, stop. It's Magneto. Move on.

Everyone needs to move on now. Here's one from Eric in Ottawa. He writes, my sister and I had a dispute after she got a new hairstyle. I said that her hair made her look like a Jedi. She took offense and said that it was a rude comment. Though I sincerely intended it as a compliment.

I can barely read this one out loud. My argument is that the title of Jedi is difficult to attain. Therefore, it's a nice thing to say about her hair.

Oh, he just digs the hole deeper. The hairstyle did in fact look like a Jedi's. The hair was cut in the shape of a long triangle on each side. I guess that means long in the front, short in the back? Oh, Canada.

I don't know at all what he's talking about. Jedi style. I think that this is a simple matter of misunderstanding. I'm sure that his sister thought he meant that her haircut looked like it was short all around except for a long 1980s- style rat tail on the back, which of course is not the haircut of a Jedi, but the haircut of a Padawan. I think that your intentions were good and she ought to not be offended,

but you should not say that she looks like a Jedi in front of anyone else ever again. I think that that's something that can be easily misinterpreted as something less than a compliment. But Judge Hodgman, it's difficult to attain the rank of Jedi. How could it not be a compliment? I know. Well, why don't you just call your sister a cosplayer and have it over with then? Well, Judge Hodgman, thank you so much for traveling out to our side of the country. I'm sorry I made you stand in that kitty-witter. No, that's okay. You know what? I'm actually

kind of getting comfortable. The Judge John Hodgman Podcast is a production of MaximumFun.org. Our special thanks to all of the folks who donate to support this show and all of our shows at MaximumFun.org slash donate. The show is produced by Julia Smith and me, Jesse Thorne, and edited by Matt Gourley. His great podcast, by the way, is called Super Ego. You can find it in iTunes or online at GoSuperEgo.com. You can find John Hodgman online at AreasOfMyExpertise.com. If you have a case for Judge John Hodgman, email us and be sure and include your telephone number. The email address is Hodgman at Maximum Fun dot org. If you have

thoughts about the show, you can always comment on it on our message board, forum dot Maximum Fun dot org. We'll see you online and next time right here on the Judge John Hodgman podcast.