Judge John Hodgman - Livin' That CALI415 Life

Episode Date: April 29, 2016

SPONSORED BONUS EPISODE: Judge John Hodgman, Bailiff Jesse Thorn and Expert Witness and Automotive Enthusiast Rhea Butcher clear an all-automobile-related docket in a bonus episode of Judge John Hodgman sponsored by Chevrolet. They'll weigh in on whether you can avoid being a jerk with a vanity plate, how to decide whose car to drive to the malt shop, new-car advice, and more.

Welcome to a very special bonus edition of the Judge John Hodgman podcast, sponsored by our friends at Chevrolet. This week, we're tackling all matters of car-related disputes and queries. And for that, we have brought in a special expert witness. Hi, Judge Hodgman. Before we get to this expert witness, how are you, sir? Hello, Bailiff Jesse. How are you? I'm okay. I had some car-related issues today, but maybe we should introduce our special guest witness before I get into them. What happened? Did you start driving it too late? Well, that was the central. I'll give you the full rundown. Once we introduce our special expert witness, she is a stand-up comic.

She's a correspondent on Know You, Shut Up with Paul F. Tompkins. She was the co-host of the late and dearly lamented Max Funn podcast, Wham Bam Pow. She is the star and executive producer of the upcoming CISO show, Take My Wife. She is an automobile enthusiast, as evidenced by her Instagram feed, which is exclusively pictures of her dog and cars she thinks are cool. Rhea Butcher. Hello. That is I, Instagram car photo expert. Okay.

So here's what happened, Judge Hodgman. Yes. This morning- I'm ready. I'm ready. Here's what happened, Judge Hodgman. Yes. This morning.

I'm ready. The automotive court is ready to hear your plea. My plea. We'll see about your ticket in a minute. Go ahead. Okay. So my wife was out of the house last night. She went and got a hotel room with a friend to have a girls' night out. And so I was with the kids this morning and

I was taking the two of them to the YMCA where I intended to do exercises while they colored in pictures of minions. What were you going to do? Were you going to lift a medicine ball or were you going to get that? Kettlebell? Yeah, kettlebell. Or were we going to put that thing around your waist it makes you go but perhaps you were flipping tires getting ready for this podcast yeah it's a 1920s ymca so yes to all of those it's hard it's hard for me because you're a man of of

of such such old and courtly style to imagine me to imagine you in in you know special space fabrics running on a running on an automated treadmill or something wicking materials do not evoke jesse thorn for me so the context of this is i recently bought my first ever new car of my life and when i did that it's it's also my first ever real dad car i made a rule i thought back to i had a friend when i was a little kid named jody scott my best friend when i was uh when i was little from when we were born in hospital rooms next to each other nice and uh jody's dad when we were like five years old but that's creep i think that's creepy but go. This kid's been creeping on you since birth. Bought a brand new, Andy bought a brand new station wagon when we were five years old. And the rule was you could not do anything in the station wagon.

Like you could not eat in the station wagon. No breathing. Yeah. A five-year-old bought a station wagon? No, his dad, Andy, bought a station wagon. Jody's dad, Andy, bought a station wagon. Jody's dad, Andy, bought a station wagon. I mean, Andy does not sound like a name for a dad.

So I'm with John on that one. It's very confusing. He was in an Afrobeat band. Was it a five-year-old adopted by a seven-year-old? Yes. So he bought this station wagon and he made these rules about what you could and couldn't do in it. And basically the rules were you couldn't do anything in it. And that was Draconian. At the time, as a five-year-old, I saw this as Draconian.

He also thought it was weak of us when we played catch with a tennis ball instead of a hard ball. That is weak. But we were seven and we were playing in the street so we could have broken any of the many cars that were within three feet of us yeah so anyway not if you catch the ball then first wait i just want to can i just point out that we've barely begun our special episode of judge john hodgman because this story started out with why you were late to the podcast that just started and then somehow it immediately got to the room in which you were born.

Well, we had to start from the beginning, John. I presume I presume that you were going to, John, go immediately to the fact that Ria has already started jock shaming us. It's one of the great pleasures of speaking to Ria. it's one of the great pleasures of speaking to real so anyway uh the thing is is i felt you know what jesse this is a five year old it gets better it gets better jesse it gets better it does get better thank you you're being bullied by rio right now it gets better i as a five year old it seemed ridiculous and even as a seven and eight year old it still seemed ridiculous. Then one day when we were like college age, I ran into Jody and he was driving that car. It had like 200,000 miles on it by that point or 150,000 miles. It was then I guess what, about 15 years old.

It had been the family car that entire time and it looked fantastic. Yes. It looked fantastic because, I don't know, my parents never had a car when I was a kid. So Andy Scott took care of business on that car. And so when I got a dad car, I'm going to be like Andy. My children aren't allowed to do anything in here. Right. So we're driving to the YMCA this morning. No eating, no playing, no daydreaming.

No thinking, yeah. No thinking. And I was almost to the YMCA, and I'm like, man, the car smells terrible. One of my kids wears a diaper, you know, so who knows what's happening, you know. You never know what the bad smell is when you have small children. Sure. That's right. And, yeah, anyway, long story short, my son Simon just barfed all over my car.

He was okay. He was fine. He was in fine spirits, which is why he had barfed silently and not said anything. Anyway, I had to go through, I spent most of my day trying to figure out how you get barf smell out of a brand new car.

What is the interior of your car? Well, here's the thing. It has a, you know, like a leather. Is it made of uncleanable terry cloth? No, it has like a leather or possibly leatherette interior. The leatherettes are very high quality these days. It's kind of hard to tell.

Sure. But the problem is he was sitting on a built-in booster seat that has fabric sides, and it went into the... So it pops out of the regular seat, and it went down into the various crevices. You're going to have to take, you're going to have to take that booster seat and you're going to have to throw it into a hole. You're going to have to take that whole car and throw it into the Grand Canyon.

It's built into the seat. That's the problem. You can't do, there's nothing you can do about it. You're going to need to sprinkle some baking soda down in there and then you're going to need to pour some vinegar on it. So it pops up like a volcano. Clean right out of there you know what i'm so glad you're here ria because you have such practical advice that is also exciting and explosive you know what i did i'll tell you guys

what i did i looked it up on the internet i used an enzymatic carpet cleaner there you go in there uh did some scrubbing and then i poured in some of that uh pet carpet dust yes that's in there right now and then when i get back to the house i'm gonna hit it with the shop vac hit it with that shop vac and then if those don't work i'm telling you baking soda you've already started a great base of removal of disgustingness and then you baking soda should cut it all right this is the sound of a gavel i want to order in this court okay should we get down to the should we get down to the questions and cases here when jesse said we were going to do this automobile docket, I was like, we got to get someone who has cleaned a lot of vomit out of a lot of cars

and knows cars and loves cars and takes pictures of cars. Oh, yeah. And Rhea, your Instagram account is called? You mean my handle? Yeah, your handle. Oh, yeah. My handle is just my name. It's your name.

R-H-E-A-B-U-T-C-H-E-R. And the hashtag for my car series is Ria View Mirror. Very easy to remember. Oh, my God. The other thing about Ria, which will make for an exciting special automotive docket of Judge John Hodgman, is that Ria enjoys puns. And I do not. And Ria, and I am a dad, but Rhea is the best at making dad jokes. I'm great at dad jokes.

Thank you, John. And it's fantastic. We spent such a wonderful time together on the Joko cruise where you would just make dad jokes that would make me wither in both contempt for you and jealousy of your skills. Here's the thing. Is Rhea a woman? Yes. Does Rhea have children? No. Is Rhea wearing Cleveland Cavaliers throwback socks right now? Yes. That qualifies her as the number one dad in the room.

Yeah. Hillary writes, is there any such thing as a customized license plate that doesn't reflect poorly on the owner in one way or another. That's a, that's a, it's not a dispute, but it's an important question of taste. I have a strong opinion, which is correct. But before I give it to the world, guest expert, Ria Butcher, what's your feeling on this? I feel incredibly divided about vanity plates. I've tried to think of vanity plates

for myself, but unfortunately, my name just leads to, you know, jokes that I've heard my entire life, and I won't even go down that road. But I saw one the other day that sort of changed my mind

about vanity plates because there was a car in front of me at a light whose vanity license plate was simply Depeche Mode. And then on top of that, I mean, they abbreviated it and I forget. I think it was MDE. But then on top of that, their license plate frame was, I'd rather be at a Depeche Mode concert. And that is just a one-two punch of a winner right there. That is not something that you just buy off the shelf at the license plate frame store. Not at all. That is not a my son's name is also bored type situation.

Yes, that's a custom plate frame absolutely it is custom plate custom frame all depeche mode yeah i think that once you go that far you it's you're clearly being driven by an impulse that no podcast can stop absolutely generally speaking I think that I associate vanity plates with people that I would rather not know. I'd rather not know you. That's your license plate frame. I don't think I would ever get one until they actually, you can put a hashtag on them. Maybe you can put a hashtag on them. I feel like you can because because number one okay guys i

have i saw i saw one on the way here it was jonica but with an heart instead of the o and john which i could without also a symbol so my theory is that it means that john loves hanukkah well then you can definitely have, I mean, you're basically getting emojis on there now, which is the next step, of course. Yeah. Like Depeche Mode, I saw a license plate, the vanity plate, that almost changed my thinking

for sure. I'm not sure whether for more negative or more positive. But it's a New Hampshire license plate and I know that you can put a hyphen at least, because it had a hyphen, and then it said T-E-R-P-C, hyphen terp-sk, or terp-sk. I'm like, what is that? And it took me a while before I realized that in New Hampshire, you can get a license plate

that has a big picture of a moose on the left-hand part of the license plate. So it was Moosterpiece. Ugh. Wow. Wow. It really was like that person did a lot of work. They very cleverly figured that out. That you could incorporate the design of the plate into your vanity plate to make your terrible dad joke.

Wow. They must hate their day job. And it was a real thinker. And by the time I had thunk it out, I had missed my exit. So I think that there's an argument that could be made that they are pointlessly distracting to other drivers. But I will say when I was looking up the license plate,

I discovered two things. One, you can have an ampersand, and two, someone else had taken the same license plate, and they did ampersand squirrel. Oh, geez. And I kind of liked that one. I kind of liked moose, ampersand squirrel. Is this the part of the show where I admit

that I used to have a custom license plate? I believe it is. My first car was a Chevrolet El Camino. I didn't learn to drive in high school. So I'm from the city and I just, you know, there was basically because my parents told me that not only would I have to buy the car, I would have to pay for all the insurance and gas

plus the added insurance. Even if I didn't buy a car, I would have to pay for the new insurance costs to each of them for their separate insurance policies. Serious. So I'd never learned to drive until I was like 20 and I was at college in Santa Cruz and I just wanted just nothing more in the world than to be out of Santa Cruz as often as possible. And it was kind of hard to get out of Santa Cruz on the bus. So I bought an El Camino and I had a license plate that said Cali 415, C-A-L-I 415, being the area code of San Francisco.

There you go. Why did you decide not to continue down that dark path? Well, I sold that car with the license plate. Right. And the thing is, is in California- Because you realized that you were a grownup? It is so hard. It is so hard to get anything. Like there's a machine on the internet in California where you can just type in combinations of letters and see if they're taken.

And you could sit there for an hour just typing in everything that you can think of, and you will never actually achieve a successful, untaken vanity license plate. So you're telling me that my dream of having the vanity license plate RSTLNE is probably not going to happen because I live in California. It seems likely. It seems likely that it's spoken for. I mean, we've got a producer. If only she was looking it up right now. I have thought about, you know, recently I've thought about my car is black in color. And I have thought about, I think you can pay a little bit extra and you can, these days in California, and you can get old timey.

Oh, you can get those black plates. You can get black and yellow license license plate which is what california was until like the 70s or 80s i wondered about that throwback plates oh and then get hashtag tbt on that they're stamped out they're stamped out by uh they're stamped out by prisoners in like classic horizontal striped prison outfits right exactly in exactly. In summary, I'm going to say not any one of us likes it. I would never get one. Getting one is drawing attention to yourself in a way that I

consider to be inconsiderate to other drivers. No one likes your cutesy jokes. But Depeche Mode gets a if you're going to do it, do it Depeche Mode style and not only get a vanity plate but a vanity frame. Then if you're that committed, then I will allow it.

Can I tell you the one that I have found the most charming in all of my life that I'm hoping Rhea will back me up on because she's such a baseball fan? San Francisco and New York Giants legend Willie Mays, arguably the greatest baseball player of all time, was known as the Say Hey Kid. And he was famous for always driving a Cadillac with a license plate that said, Say Hey. I mean, that's just beautiful right there. I think Willie Mays gets a pass for a lot. Say Hey Willie Mays gets a pass on that.

Yeah. Here's something from Jay. I'm a college student. So are most of my friends. Most of us have cars. Every time we go out to do something, we have to decide whose car to use. Oh, what an embarrassment of cars. How hard your life must be.

I'm in college and we all have cars. All I can think of in my California public school that I went to is just how excited you were if you had a friend with a car. went to is just how excited you were if you had a friend with a car. Like if you knew one person with a car who could get you out of Santa Cruz, that's like all you wanted in the world. Just one person with a car and a parking pass so you didn't have to take that bus. I went to a commuter college, so everyone had cars at my college and no one lived on campus. It was odd if anyone lived on campus. The good news is you weren't obliged to have any friends. I was not. And I barely did. Okay.

Bright college years. So Jay says, I think that the person who has the idea for what we're doing should drive us. My friend Dylan thinks it should be on a strict rotation and we should all contribute equally. While this may seem fair, in quotes, it has no bearing on the real world where you have to accept the consequences of your actions, like using your gas and losing prime parking spots. Can you tell Dylan he's wrong?

See, this is the thing. I probably will, but let's talk about it a little bit before we get into this. First of all, this is one where I would say, where does this person exist in the world? Because if they're at a college where they all have cars, then parking cannot be the problem that he suggests that it is. Or at least, he hasn't had the trauma of parking a car in a major city, where that's actually losing your spot

is a big issue right so he must be talking about prime parking spots in the massive dorm parking lot or something what do you think ria i agree i mean it's probably because he did say prime parking yes that's a quote from his question so he's not talking about losing a parking space that then you have to park miles away from your home or not park at all. He's just talking about, I like the spot. I can see my car from my dorm. And like, that's not that's not a real sacrifice. Ria, here's a question for you. Yes, Sean.

Let's say we're in college together. Yes. Which, by the way, is going to be our great new TV show. In college together. In college pals. Grown-up college pals. Grown-up college pals. And we decide, and let's say we're all three of us in college together,

and we decide we are going to go to the movies. And Ria, you offer to drive, and we decide we are going to go to the movies and ria you offer to drive and we say thanks and the movie theater it takes a how much gas let's see you start with a full tank how much gas do you burn before you start feeling like we ought to be giving you some money for gas to me i feel like if you burn more than let's say a quarter of a tank yeah that's that's when you say like here's some money for gas or you offer to purchase that person's entry into the thing that you're doing so if you're not if you're going to a concert maybe not the ticket to a 30 concert but you buy them a drink or a shirt or something like that.

Or you pay for the parking or you buy the movie ticket. You pay the tip at dinner. Exactly. Or you buy them dinner. But these are college students, so they don't eat. Their dinner would probably be a bag of Fritos. Yeah. I believe these college students are purchasing Iron Man dinners at Denny's.

Sure. These college students are purchasing Iron Man dinners at Denny's. Sure. Yes. So first of all, Jay, you're wrong on two points. One, parking is not an issue in your life, I've decided, not knowing anything about where you live. And two, you're quite right that everyone should be conscious of the gas that is being burned by the person who is being nice enough to drive. Now, to your issue, I think the person who has the idea for what we're doing should drive us. So basically, you're saying that creates a negative incentive to suggest things, right? If driving is seen as a hardship, then someone might have a great idea of some dumb place to go, and they won't suggest it because they don't feel like driving.

Or one person loves to drive, and he will be, or as Jay describes it, the person who is suggesting the activity is in a way the host of the activity. The originator of the activity. Exactly. And I think I can understand Jay's logic by that means, that the person who is suggesting it is saying, I am responsible for this. This is my idea. I am the progenitor of this. And I wouldn't see it as precluding other people from driving, especially if they had, for example, more seats in their car. You know, always in college, somebody is driving an inherited minivan. an inherited minivan.

And, but, you know, if, if the, absent that, I don't think it's a bad rule of thumb. I definitely see,

as a basic point of, of decency, if I've decided, hey, we're going to go all, we're going to all go out to, where do college kids go? The malt shop?

Yes. Hey, there's a new malt shop in the next county they don't go for malts though they go for phosphates right egg creams yeah there's a there's a new there's a new swing dance parlor and phosphate counter have they got

rock candy yes they do at the end and Werther's they have they have throw hey I just heard of a place it's got throwback cane sugar only They do. Ooh, Werther's. They have throw... Hey, I just heard of a place that's got throwback cane sugar only moxie across state line. Let's go over there for a pop. That's what they say. What do they say in Cleveland?

Pop. Pop, right. I'm trying to make you feel comfortable. Solidly pop country. I don't know. It's weird. You know what they say? That's actually what it says on the sign that says, welcome to Cleveland. Welcome to pop country. Welcome to Cleveland. Solidly pop country i don't know it's weird you know what they say that's actually what it says on the sign that says welcome to cleveland welcome to cleveland solidly pop country pop country they

used to call they used to say a tonic in new england meaning any kind of soda or pop now we've all just fallen under the soda empire uh let's all go get sody pops across the state line. I don't feel like driving. Would you do it, Bob? That's, I think, fair. Bob, would you mind driving if I chip in for gas money to go on my pop run? That's fair, I think, too. I mean, here's the thing. This isn't a hardship to begin with.

I don't see having a simple, reasonable negotiation among friends over who's going to drive based on who's more inclined to drive or how large the party is compared to the car, who's feeling like it at that moment, who's not feeling like driving. This is all shifting terrain. to either have a hard and fast rule that the person who suggests has to drive or create some insane chore wheel like Dylan has in mind, where it's like this, it's your turn now. Even though we're all going to go to the state fair, we're all going to get into your hatchback or whatever. I think I like the idea of this. I like the idea of like a logic, like a wall-sized logic flow chart slash chore wheel that would be necessitated by Dylan's crazy plan. Yes.

That this group of eight friends who do not always go everywhere together. Of course. Right. Yes, none of them, it's taking it, you have to take into account so many variables to get an actual rotation that would not allow for anyone to game the system. You would have to include tread depth on everyone's tires. You're going to have to give me the spark plug clearance.

When was your most recent tune-up? How good is your fuel injection? Do you have fuel injection? I don't know what these things mean, but yes, go. Side curtain airbags. What's going on? Who is going to... Mileage.

Simple things. Do you use your tachometer? I want to know all of this. What kind of radio do you have going on? Do you have use your tachometer i want to know all of this what kind of radio do you have going on do you have a radio at all i want to know yeah because i would distance if i'm a college student 2016 there is no way that i am going on a trip of longer than 15 minutes with anyone whose car radio does not accommodate the judge john hodgman podcast exactly jay i hope you were taking that all down, all of those criteria, because

either you're going to create an algorithm where you can punch in the destination and it will keep track of who drove last and whose car is in better shape, and that way you're going to even out all of it, or you're just going to have to figure it out talking to each other,

because I don't like either of your dumb solutions. So it is here's something from molly i've just bought my first car any judgely advice well what do we think here is it is it molly this is the first car that she's owned but she's been a driver for many years or do we think that she's a young driver who just bought her first car what do you what are we going to go with i'm going to say that she is like a young adult i think if i'm going to guess i'm going to say she's 23 years old a 14 a 14 year old no like a 23 year old like maybe she was a john green reader she was driving her parents car or whatever this is her first car that she paid for this is her

long-time driver first-time buyer yeah all right i guess i would start by saying if you were driving your parents car before obviously you treated it like garbage don't do that ria what else would you suggest i would say don't go too crazy with air fresheners that is fool's errand they never smell good you become immune to it and then people get in your car, and you're like, I don't even want to be friends with this person anymore. This is disgusting. It will make everyone sick. Don't spend any time with that.

And also, get regularly scheduled oil changes. Do not forget the oil change. Become familiar with your vehicle. It takes like 20 minutes. What are the skills that you think every driver uh with regard to basic maintenance should be should should cultivate and have not just out of need but out of basic self-respect and fun out of basic self-respect and fun number one you should be able to put air in your own tires at any gas station that has it. Always have quarters in your car.

Have a tire gauge. Very fun and easy to use. The little thing pops out. It makes me happy every time. Yeah. I love that. It makes me feel like I just cooked a chicken. It's like one of those desk toys that you squeeze and the alien's ears pop out.

Yeah, exactly. Stress clown. So you should be able to do that. You should also know how to change. And may I say, because this is something that I learned, know what your recommended tire pressure should be. And if you don't know, look inside the door of your driver's side door. Look inside the door. Yep. It's printed right on there. When I discovered that they were actually trying to give me information

that I could use practically in my life, it was very exciting for me. It's very exciting when you realize it's printed right there on the door. What a perfect metaphor. Yes, so tire pressure, you should also know how to change your own windshield wipers. That's a very simple project

that you should do regularly. And in concert with that, you should know how to fill up your windshield wiper reservoir. Very easy to do. Also, learn how to properly close the cap Fill up your windshield wiper reservoir. Very easy to do. Also, learn how to properly close the cap on your windshield wiper fluid reservoir. Don't be a big muscle man, Hulk Hogan on that thing, and slam it shut.

Just close it. The nice thing about doing your own windshield wiper reservoir is that then you can look on the internet can like look on the internet and find out like what the super dope windshield wiper stuff is instead of like the generic stuff that they give you and you will not believe how clean your windshield will be with one squirt of that stuff so wait a minute you can kit you can kit out with special uh super washer fluid yeah exactly it's like it's like the difference between it's like the difference between using a brand name household cleaner and a local generic brand LA's totally awesome cleaner. And what about the car battery? I think the battery is sort of a tough thing because you're talking about electronic stuff, especially with newer cars. So I recommend having a basic knowledge of like where your

battery is at in terms of its lifetime. But I wouldn't recommend being somebody that's just changing your battery unless you have an older vehicle that it's a little bit of a simpler connection, just because I wouldn't want anybody shocking themselves with a car battery. And there, no matter what it is, and no matter what car you drive, there is a heavily accented guy on YouTube who will show you exactly how to do whatever it is. God, it never even occurred to me to go to YouTube to learn all this stuff. Now I'm very interested. Anything else, Ria? I would say, you know, just make sure you get gas money from people who ride in your brand new vehicle with you.

Yeah. who ride in your brand new vehicle with you. Yeah. Your car is not just a wonderful conveyance, but it's a magnificent deadbeat detecting device. Indeed. Indeed it is. You're going to quickly learn which of your friends are stand-up friends and which are stowaway friends.

All right, Judge Hodgman, time is short. We're going to get into the lightning round. Here's something from Jo Nell. My husband, Billy, usually drives our two cars while I usually ride in a carpool to and from work. Hopefully he drives them at different times. Billy is a stay-at-home dad. He drives the kids around and runs most of the errands. While I drive on the weekends, I often find an empty gas tank on each of the cars. When Billy goes to the gas station, he only fills the tank partway. We can afford a full tank.

He just does a partial fill because he's running late or he's bored or he doesn't like the other people at the gas station or it's hot outside or whatever. I would like a judgment that when he visits a gas station, he must always fill the tank. He should also never leave the car with an empty tank. Ria, would you agree with me that Billy is a monster? I agree that Billy is a monster. Sounds like a monster to me, Judge.

Monster it is. Let's move on. Always fill your tank, everybody. Fill the tank. If you are the stay-at-home whatever, it is part of your duties to make sure the cars have gas. That is part of my duty. Oh, absolutely. If you are driving someone else's car and you leave it empty.

Or you have two vehicles per family and you drive them both. Until they are empty. Removing all the gas from them and you don't like the people at the gas station so you cannot fill them. Put the gas pump in the car put the locking mechanism on clean the windows keep yourself busy buy a snickers bar come back out it's done don't top off put it away don't get the gas on the car put it away fill them go back home that's it ria mentions a good point too if you're a parent you don't ever want to be in a position where you've got a sudden emergency and you need to be somewhere fast and you've got an eighth of a tank because you don't like to look at the guys at the gas station.

I'm pretty sure what Billy is doing is just driving the cars until they run out of gas, leaving them on the side of the road and just going and getting the other car. Right. And I think, Jesse, you raise a really important, a really good point as well, which is if you're using someone else's car, filling the tank is not merely a gesture of courtesy. It is one of the best feelings a human can have. Absolutely. Filling up someone else's tank. Moving on.

Here's something from Andrew. Is a driverless car a robot? Yes. Yes. Okay. Yeah, that's obvious. Here's something from Rachel. I bring this case against my dad, Jerry, and younger brother, Andy.

I believe that the oldest sibling should be granted the right to sit in the front seat when it is open, while Andy thinks that calling shotgun is enough. I'm in college and not at home most of the year, as I am off doing whatever is so unimportant that I think about this a lot. So I don't think it should be a problem for my brother to give up the front seat when I'm home on breaks. My dad claims to be disinterested. But when I asked his mother who sat in the front seat of their car growing up, she said, my dad, the oldest sibling without question, my brother and I need your help before we both have to sit

in the back. Ria, what's your take on this one? My take is that yes, she does get shotgun, given that she does not live in the house anymore, and she is back as a visitor and a guest, and the visitor slash guest gets to choose the seat they sit in in any vehicle. What if the brother

is tall? He has to sit, he can sit in the middle. The middle backseat is comfortable. You're not tall. Not in modern day cars. You're not tall. I'm not tall. I'm tall for a woman. You're mid-sized. You're a mid-sized person.

I would say I would say, you know, luxury full size. Yeah, you're a luxury full size. I'm a luxury full size thank you john yeah that's what i thought uh i am feeling well you know it's i i am feeling initially i i had misheard this and i didn't realize that rachel was the older sister i thought that this was an older brother and a younger brother dynamic. In which case I would have said, Andy, the younger brother, has a huge mix of feelings because suddenly his older,

the dominant brother is out and Andy is the oldest child in the house and has this brief window of opportunity to really have his parents all to himself and is understandably feeling empowered to be able to grow up to the point of sitting in the car and that the older brother should be happy enough to be off at college and should have the grown-up decency to appreciate that Andy is going through his own transition in life and should deserve some respect. But now that I appreciate that the older sibling is an older sister and it's a younger brother, the dynamic is very different.

Andy's just trying to be a jerk to his older sister. And I agree with Ria. One last thing before we leave. It's been so much fun to have you here, Ria Butcher. I enjoy your car expertise very much. And Bailiff Jesse, you know how I feel about you. Oh, thank you, John. It's my pleasure to be here and to be a witness.

I received a very interesting letter through the electronic mail at Hodgman at MaximumFun.org, which you can always write me with your thoughts, comments, suggestions, and cases. And in this case, a fellow named Nick O'Brien wrote in with a rather long list of car advice that we will post on the website, both car maintenance and driving advice, based upon his expertise as the program coordinator for automotive technology at Jefferson Community and Technical College in Lowellville, Kentucky. Lowellville, I believe it's actually pronounced. He has advice on warming up your car in the winter, whether or not to do it.

I won't spoil whether he decides what he says. Proper air conditioning use, whether to use the fresh air versus the recirculate, clearing snow and ice before driving. And this is the one I really want to just leave you guys with. Fast lane etiquette. He says something that is profoundly non-controversial and really important to listen to.

The primary purpose of the far left lane is passing. Cruising the left lane is not only rude and entitled, it often leads to clusters of traffic and encourages frustrated drivers to attempt to make up for lost time by speeding. Agreed, 100%. Don't drive in the passing lane. But here is this, and I want to get your opinion on this, Rhea. He says, Mr. Professor Nick O'Brien of Carology, if someone is driving the fast lane and you wish to pass another person in the fast lane,

you get behind a car who's just sitting there in the fast lane, not driving and not getting out of the way. It is permitted to quickly flash your headlights to signal the driver in front to get out of the way. That driver's responsibility is to get out of the way. That driver's responsibility is to get out of the way without taking offense. Have you ever been in the fast lane and have someone pull up behind you and flash their lights at you? Oh, I've been on both sides of that equation. And what is your opinion?

And my opinion is that is absolutely the etiquette of the fast lane. Because horns are useless on the freeway. And so the light is the most easy way to do that. And I have had people flash their lights at me and I get right out of the way and I've flashed lights at people and they do not get out of the way. So then I slow down in the Fastlane or I get out of the Fastlane because it is the passing lane. And then I just let them mess everything up. And I drive on by saying, I did it right. I'm doing it right. I have long loathed those people. I don't travel in the fast lane.

You understand? I use it to pass. But then there are some people who just pull up right behind you, even as I'm passing another car to get out of there. Absolutely. And start flashing their lights. I think those people are monsters. They are monsters. Who do you agree with?

Rhea Butcher, me, Nick Lowe, or Nick Lowe? I mean, Nick O'Brien, or Bailiff Jesse with regard to using headlights to tell someone to get out of the way. Flashing of headlights to tell someone to get out of the way. Maybe we'll put together some kind of poll or you can talk about it in the comments. Right, Jesse? How do you get to those comments and everything else that we use to end the show? Well, hit up MaximumFun.reddit.com, like the Judge John Hodgman page on Facebook, and join the Maximum Fun group on Facebook. And, of course, you can tweet about the program with the hashtag JJHO, our show produced by Julia Smith,

JJHO, JJHO, our show produced by Julia Smith, edited by Mark McConville, made possible on this very special episode by our friends at Chevrolet. And if you have a case for Judge John Hodgman on any topic, automotive or otherwise, go to MaximumFun.org slash JJHO. MaximumFun.org slash JJHO and submit it there. No case too big or too small. We considers them all. And we're grateful for your help in making this program. And Rhea Butcher, where can we see you in the future?

You can see me on CISO this summer in Take My Wife. You can also see me as a correspondent on Know You Shut Up with Paul F. Tompkins on Fusion Network. And I'll also be debuting my first stand-up album this summer, August or September on Kill Rockstars Records. Congratulations, indeed. It's such a pleasure to have you here, and I hope you will come back. Absolutely, John. Thanks for having me. You're listening to Judge John Hodgman. I'm bailiff Jesse Thorne.

Of course, the Judge John Hodgman podcast always brought to you by you, the members of MaximumFun.org. Thanks to everybody who's gone to MaximumFun.org slash join. And you can join them by going to MaximumFun.org slash join. by going to MaximumFun.org slash join. The Judge John Hodgman podcast is also brought to you this week by our pals over at Made In. Jesse, you've heard of Tom Colicchio, the famous chef, right? Yeah, from the restaurant Kraft. And did you know that most of the dishes at that very same restaurant

are made with Made In pots and pans? Really? What's an example? The braised short ribs. They're made-in, made-in. The Rohan duck. Made-in, made-in. Riders of Rohan.

Duck. What about the Heritage Pork Shop? You got it. Made-in, made-in. Made-in has been supplying top chefs and restaurants with high-end cookware for years. They make the stuff that chefs need. Their carbon steel cookware is the best of cast iron, the best of stainless clad. It gets super hot. It's rugged enough for grills or an open flame. One of the most

useful pans you can own. And like we said, good enough for real professional chefs, the best professional chefs. Oh, so I have to go all the way down to the restaurant district in restaurant town? Just buy it online. This is professional grade cookware that is available online directly to you, the consumer, at a very reasonable price. Yeah. If you want to take your cooking to the next level, remember what so many great dishes on menus all around the world have in common. They're made in Made In. Save up to 25% this Memorial Day from the 18th until the 27th. Visit madeincookware.com. That's M-A-D-E-I-N

cookware.com. The Judge John Hodgman podcast is also brought to you this week by the folks over there at Babbel. Did you know that learning, the experience of learning causes a sound to happen? Let's hear the sound. Yep, that's the sound of start speaking a new language in as little as one, two, three weeks. Let's hear that sound. Babbel's tips and tools are approachable, accessible, rooted in real life situations, and delivered with conversation-based teaching. So you're ready to practice what you've learned in the real world, and you get to hear this sound. It's not just like a game that pretends to teach you

a language. It's also not a rigid, weird, hyperacademic chore. It is an actually productive app that actually teaches you while you are actually having a nice time. And you get to hear the sound. Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners right now. Get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash Hodgman. Get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash Hodgman spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash Hodgman. Rules and restrictions apply. Hello, teachers and faculty. This is Janet Varney. I'm here to remind you that listening to my podcast, The JV Club with Janet Varney, is part of the curriculum for the school year.

Learning about the teenage years of such guests as Alison Brie, Vicki Peterson, John Hodgman, and so many more is a valuable and enriching experience. One you have no choice but to embrace because yes, listening is mandatory. The JV Club with Janet Varney is available every Thursday on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you. And remember, no running in the halls. Remember, no running in the halls. If you need a laugh and you're on the go, try S-T-O-P-P-O-D-C-A-S-T-I. Hmm. Are you trying to put the name of the podcast there?

Yeah, I'm trying to spell it, but it's tricky. Let me give it a try. Okay. If you need a laugh and you're on the go, call S-T-O-P-P-O-D-C-A-S-T-I. Ah, it'll never fit. No, it will. Let me try. If you need a laugh and you're on the go, try S-T-O-P-P-P-D-C-O-O We are

so close. Stop podcasting yourself. A podcast from MaximumFun.org If you need a laugh and you're on the go. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. If you need a laugh, then you're on the go.