Judge John Hodgman - Pro-Betamax Court

Episode Date: October 8, 2025

This week, Tyler wants his wife, Abby, to keep all 450 of his physical movies when he dies. But, Abby isn’t a movie person and thinks his collection will be wasted on her. She thinks Tyler’s friends and family would enjoy it much more than she would. But Tyler thinks his vast selection of movies will be the best way for Abby to stay connected to him when he’s on the other side. Who’s right? Who’s wrong? With Guest Bailiff Monte Belmonte!Please consider donating to Al Otro Lado. Al Otro Lado provides legal assistance and humanitarian aid to refugees, deportees, and other migrants trapped at the US-MX border. Donate at alotrolado.org/letsdosomething.We are on TikTok and YouTube! Follow us on both @judgejohnhodgmanpod! Follow us on Instagram @judgejohnhodgman!Thanks to reddit user u/Footwear_Critic for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, keep an eye on the Maximum Fun subreddit at reddit.com/r/maximumfun! Judge John Hodgman is member-supported! Join at $5 a month at maximumfun.org/join!

Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm your humble, autumnal guest bay leaf peeper, Monty Belmonte, sitting in for Jesse Thorne. This week, probate a max court. In a world where physical media has been replaced by ephemeral digital technology. Oh, boy, here we go. Tyler still believes DVDs are. Uh, there's stuff that dreams are made of. I wish I knew how to quit UVHS.

And Abby is mad as hell, and she's not going to take it anymore. Abby brings the case against her husband, Tyler. Tyler wants Abby to keep all 450 of his physical movies when he dies. If he dies, he dies. Tyler says, go ahead. Take my babe, two, pig in the city on Laserdisc. But frankly, my dear, Abby doesn't give a damn. She isn't a movie person.

And nobody puts Abby in a corner. She says this collection will be wasted with her. Asta la vista, Blu-ray. She thinks Tyler's family and his little friend would enjoy the collection much more than she would. But Tyler is scared that the memory of him will be relegated to a long time ago and a galaxy far, far away.

He thinks his vast selection of movies will be the best way for Abby to stay connected to him when he's on the other side. I see dead people. Who's right? Who's wrong? Who's good? Who's bad? Who's ugly? Well, well. Only one can decide. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom and presents an obscure cultural reference. Humble autumnal guest bail leaf peeper, Monty, Belmonte. Yes.

I forgot that you are a living embodiment of a Billy Crystal intro to the Oswald. That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. That's wild. All right. What did you need? Obscure cultural reference. Is that what I'm doing now? That's what you're doing.

Yes. I forgot what I'm even doing here. All right, here's the obscure cultural reference. Your family's willingness to debate topics at the dinner table rather than speak plainly about their lives and their feelings, that is keeping everyone at a safe distance from their own emotions. And perhaps you have inherited that to a degree. And so you feel more comfortable talking to people about hypothetical situations or

cultural references or whatever, rather than simply saying, I don't know what an actuary does. I'm married to one. Can you explain it to me? Bayeliff, Monty, please swear them in. Tyler Durden and Abby Normal? No. Please rise and raise your right hands. Now, leave the gun, take the canoli.

Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, even though you can't handle the truth? So help you, David Lynch, or whatever? I do. Yes. Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling, despite the fact that a copy of Pitch Perfect 2 starring John Hodgman, which John Hodgman gave me himself, is the Blu-ray that we use to test our projection equipment at the monthly double-feature movie night called Cinema Storm that we have at the Shay Theater and Turner's Falls, shameless plug. Yes. Judge Hodgman, you may proceed.

Abby and Tyler, you may be seated. Hey, Abby and Tyler, you want to just go get like a cup of coffee or something at this point because I feel like the podcast is over. That was amazing. I'm not following a lot of what's going on right now. Unsurprising. High arch. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Magalley. And by the way, Super Editor A. J. McCann, keep all that stuff about Billy Crystal in at the top. In fact, added none of this.

Because this is a fun reunion show. Not only do I get to reune with the regular J-Squod, Jennifer Marmer, and Daniel Spear and Annie Lopez and A.J. McKeon. all of our friends at Maximum Fun, but also guest bailiff, Monty Bell Monty is back again for an autumnal visit. How's your, how's your cozy goth going, Monty? How's your autumn going so far?

So far, so good. The colors are lovely. Got a little bit of rain this last week, which we needed. What's the foliage like in Western Mass right now, Western Massachusetts, where you live? I'm going to say, you know, early to mid-October, it's going to be peak. So there's some beautiful things depending on when you're listening to this. But yeah, I'm looking forward to even more. beautiful colors, but there are some beautiful colors are already out. You want to check out those beautiful leaves. Go to Monte Belmonte Country out there in Turner's Falls, Western

Massachusetts. Go see a show at the Shea. Go listen to Monty every afternoon on New England Public Media. The Fabulous 413 is the radio program. If you don't know who Monty is, we'll be talking a little bit more to him and about him later, but now let's get into the case. Welcome back to the show. As I say, this is not just a

reunion for me and Monty, but this is a repeat. You are repeat offenders here in the court of Judge John Hodgman. And so I ask you, you know the score. How do you win? Well, you guess the obscure cultural reference. If you can, which one of you will get an immediate summary judgment by guessing the obscure cultural reference?

Abby, you bring the case. So let's throw it to Tyler first. Okay. So it sounds familiar, but I really, I feel like I just watched something with this in it, but I can't remember. So I'm going to use one of my Well, what did you watch most recently? Most recently, I did watch

The Blood of a Poet last night. The blood of a poet. Yeah. I've never heard of it. What is it? It's sort of like a surrealist French short film. It's, I think they're called Soundies. You know 30 Rock is on, right?

Well, okay, so if we want that show. The last thing that most people have seen, this is not like a shameless plug. It was Dicktown. Oh. Oh, well done. So my actual, my, I thought I was going to bring this in, but it's my favorite episode. So it's, um, season one, episode two, uh, I believe it's called the maybe boyfriend.

The mystery of the maybe boyfriend. Co-starring Anna Akana, the internet sensation and incredible talented actress and comedian. And David Reese, of course, my co-creator of Dick, which is available, uh, even as we speak on Hulu if you canceled your Disney Plus and Hulu bundle in support of Jimmy Kimmel. Guess what? So did I. But I allow you now to resubscribe. He's ruled for all of America now. Based on what's happened as of this recording, Jimmy Kimmel is back. And I think that it's fair enough to watch Stickdown if you must. And indeed, you must. So I'm putting your guest down as season one, episode two, the mystery of the maybe boyfriend. And I'm writing it down right here.

everyone can see it on the YouTube that I wrote it down. Good job, Tyler. Abby, what's your guess? I believe it's a quote from our last appearance on this podcast. From your last appearance on the, what was the clue? The fact that I referred to someone as an actuary, which indeed you are one. Yeah, that was a big giveaway. Yeah.

And it felt familiar, and I tend to remember things from my own experience. Didn't seem like it was from a surreal French film, The Blood of the Poet or or Dick Town. Instead of Dicktown, I'll write that down. I'll just write down our last appearance. You want to get any more specific than that? I think it's a quote from you to Tyler. From me to Tyler in your last appearance.

Yeah. Which would be correct. It was indeed from my verdict. I did actually just watch that just to make sure I wasn't wearing the same sweater. Which, in fact, I realize now is absolutely something you can watch and not just listen to because we are on YouTube at Judge John Hodgman Pod. And Tyler, you are wearing a different outfit. In fact, Daniel Speer, maybe you'll cut in a little picture of what Tyler was wearing

last time. Don't do that. And there you go. Good to see you both again, virtually through these lenses, through which we mediate our lives. But, Abby, I do need to hear the case. So unless you can tell me what number episode that was or the title. The title was C-S and D-List. You got that right.

You're in big trouble. Oh, no. I don't know. Oh, my God. I thought there was going to be over. Episode number 6, 5, 8, cease, and D list released the 28th of February last year. If you don't know when last year was, look it up. You do the math because we're now in the present.

Time moves in one direction. And yet you're back again. Now, Abby, once again, you're seeking justice against Tyler. Before we get into what Tyler did this time, will you refresh my and our listeners and Monty's memory about what the dispute was last time? Last time, yeah, I again brought Tyler to court. He has a habit of making top five lists and strongly encouraging people around him to make top five lists with him.

That was your conversational gambit, Tyler, which you and your family enjoy doing, top five movies, top five episodes of Dicktown on Hulu available now, whatever it might be. And then you would talk about that. And I remember, Abby, that made you feel put on the spot. And like you were, instead of having a conversation, you were being quizzed or something, right? Yes. Yeah. And what did I?

That was from my verdict. So I think I was leaning into ruling in your favor if my memory serves. Did I do that, Abby? I came out ahead at the end of the day. Good. And Tyler, have you abided by my ruling and toned down the top five list requests from Abby? I have. I don't have, I don't think I've asked any top five lists for or even really referenced any to you this year. No, you shared yours, which was allowed to the ruling.

But both the letter and the spirit of law have been observed. Abby, would you agree? Yeah, I would agree with that. So you're not trying to sneak in some double jeopardy on Tyler here and getting me to retry him. You have a new dispute. Yes, it's a new dispute. With your husband, correct? Your husband.

Correct. Okay. So, Abby, what did Tyler do this time that brings him back into court? He is an obsessive physical media collector. Wait a minute. You're telling me that the guy who insists that everyone come up with their top five movies, also a guy who hoards DVDs? I'm a unique flower. Thank you.

Which is to say, a guy. Okay. Tyler has a lot of physical media. What are we talking about? DVDs, Laserdiscs, Blu-rays, steel books, steel cases, what are they called? I don't know. I don't know. 4Ks. I think primarily Blu-Rays and some DVDs.

I have some 4Ks as well, yeah. Mostly like criterion movies, I guess, if we want to go hyper-specific. Yeah, let's get hyper-specific. It's the soul of hyper-narrative. Oh, yes. Okay. Yeah, mostly Blu-Rays, 4-Ks, some DVDs for, like, the old monster movies.

Yeah. I have a list here that is supplied to us. We'll call it Exhibit A of the movies, all movies or also TV shows? Those are just the movies. So just the movies. Yeah. Because you are so kind and so frankly predictable to put it into a spreadsheet, I can easily see that you have listed 451 films, 451 times.

titles that you have on physical media. Is that correct? That is correct. And spreadsheet is my love language to Abby, so I thought it would only be right. That's right. Okay. That's cool. And you have it arranged. It would seem here alphabetically by director first name. Interesting categorization technique. I'm still, yeah, I'm still like an English major, so I'm still learning this Excel stuff. Okay. Fair enough. Here's it. So when I look at the top five here. This is not necessarily your top five movies, just happens to be that they were directed by Agnes Varda, Akira Kurosawa, Akira Kurosawa, Akira Kurosawa, Akira Kurosawa, and Akira Krozawa. Yeah. Number one. Actually, number one is movies, because you're using the title, the, the

heading is the first cell there. Just so I don't forget. Then Cleo from five to seven, high and low, recently remade by Spike Lee, is highest to lowest? Does that what it's called? I believe so, yeah. Right. Rash Oman, honored by this podcast as Rash Oman years ago, Sanjuro, Seven Samurai. These are all good movies. Yojimbo, of course, that's a Kurosawa. Excuse me, my mistake. What would you say are your top five movies in here?

So I actually wrote those down. They kind of switch a lot based up. But Dr. Strange love is always pretty much number. I thought you were about to say Dr. Strange, which, you know, is fine movies. Yeah. He's like, oh, a wild card. Okay. Some like it hot is always really high.

Dr. Strange Love or how I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb. Mm-hmm. And then you said, what, pitch perfect two? Yeah, pitch perfect, too. Just your scene, really, in that one. Mystery Train. Jim Charmush. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Huh. Okay. M by Fritz Lang is the next one. M by Fritz Lang is a classic with Peter Loring. So that one in, Monty. I saw that one in. college. Wow. And then I would say the fifth one is the executioner. It's a Spanish film.

I don't know that one at all. Me either. 451 movies. Do you have any TV shows? I do. Have any box sets of psych? I, we do. We both have. Yeah, we do. We just wondering. It's just a random question that I asked. Okay. Abby, do you, I mean, all of this is marital property, whether you like it or not. would you say that psych your box set of psych i've seen there's an in a moment we're going to look at some photos of your uh blue ray hoard uh and it includes a box set of psych so i knew that ahead of ahead of time oh yeah yeah i'm not myself a psych uh although i think that shows about a fake psychic right isn't that a bit of fake psychic Abby do you love psych is it the best show of

all time or what i love psych all right I have a ruling that I don't have to make top five lists anymore, though. So I'm just going to leave it at, I love Psych. Yeah, no, no, no. I was just wondering if you, if that's, do you have any physical media in your house that you like to? Or is it all Tyler, I guess is what I mean to say. No, there's ones that I enjoy as well. And there's DVDs that I would argue are my DVDs and not Tyler.

Which is one of the reasons I said that the way I did because that's really, she bought that. That was her set. but I really love that show as well. Oh, okay. Gotcha. So you have some DVDs of your own. Are they on this list of 451? No. Okay, that's a separate list.

Got it. Okay. I'm not going to ask you to make a top five list of them. Thank you. Do you need, Abby, more than you need your 451 Blu-Rays? Oh, yeah, yeah. And yet your 451, good answer, by the way. And yet your 451 Blu-rays are important to you, correct?

Yes. What does it mean to you to have all of your 451 favorite movies available on physical media at all time? Lots of things. So I guess there's lots of like memories I have collected with them because Abby gifts them to me so often. So I have like countless memories of Christmases, romantic just surprises, things like just thinking about you kind of gifts that like really whenever I watch them. That's interesting. They're tied to me with that. Yeah, okay. So I get it. You know, your collection of films connects you to your memories, whether it's a gift from Abby or your generational memory of an obscure Italian fishing technique. What's your point of view, Abby?

I think it's great that he has these, and I can recognize that they mean a lot to him. And a very small handful means something to me as well. But I don't want to keep them after he dies. And that's what this is about. You're looking forward to your husband's death and what to do with his stuff afterwards. Not looking forward to, but looking ahead. Planning. You're both young. Plotting. I mean, well, you are an actuary, right?

I mean, that's, right? Yeah, by profession and training, right? Yeah. And remind me and listeners and Monty what an actuary does. Because I actuary don't know. Oh, boy. That one's on, that one's on me, everybody. You walked right into that one.

I said, I walked right into it. We use tables to make predictions about when populations of people are going to have certain things occur to them. And so, you know, actuaries, you know, you make macro predictions about what's going to happen to various populations, including lifespan. Yes. For the purpose of determining insurance premiums, right? Yeah. Typically, right? Okay, got it.

So you are a planner aheader by trade? Yes. All right. But your health is good. Tyler's health is good. He's not. Yeah. This isn't. This is not a bucket list second appearance on a podcast. No. Okay. Good. Yeah. Hopefully we're talking about very far into the future. And you sent in a photo, Abby, we'll call it Exhibit B, of this collection of Blu-Rays. DVDs and such, right? Yes. You too, listener and the viewer, will be able to review this photo

on our social media as well as on our show page at maximum fund.org. Or you might be looking at it right now if you're watching us on YouTube. Our channel is called Judge John Hodgman Pod. All right. I'm seeing here two bookcases, or I guess they are purpose built. DVD slash Blu-ray cases. Tyler, you want to describe what I'm looking at here? So it's a handmade bookcase by my lovely mother-in-law. Nice. And it contains a large collection of criteria in Blu-rays, 4Ks, and some just general DVDs,

as well as some of our books. Yes, I saw that copy of Vacation Land Facing Forward. Prominantly featured. You know, Monty will take a bribe to talk about Alph on this podcast. Yes, I will. Judge John Hodgman, like the doughboys, can't be bought. But thank you for having a copy. I see two, I have two photos here.

One is of these, these bookshelves, which do not merely contain DVDs, but as you pointed out, also some books. And then I see a photo with just a few items, two shells with a few items, one of which is the aforementioned box set of Syke,

as well as the complete David Souchet Poirot collection. Also, you've got some Neuro Wolf there, But I don't see, is there a photo missing? So in the upper corner, there should also be, it might look really generic, like, almost like a upper left corner. There should be like a Criterion Top 40, their top 40 films. And then there's an Ingbar Bergman collection of 50 of his films. All in that one little criterion box? Those two criterion boxes, yep.

The CC40, that's 40 films on that one box? Yep. And are and essays. Well, it all seems, this all seems fairly self-contained, Abby. You're not concerned about living with these things. You're only concerned about what to do with them after death. Is it that they are clutter to you, Abby? Yeah, primarily. Current clutter or post-death clutter?

In other words, are they currently clutter to you, or do you only foresee them becoming clutter once they are disconnected from Tyler's mortal body? Yeah, I foresee them becoming clutter. once there is no one around who will appreciate them. When you walk by this bookshelf now, and let's face it, any collection of DVDs or CDs looks like garbage, sorry, you know, even if you sneak some books in there, any collection of books looks pretty good, but any collection of DVDs and Blu-rays looks pretty bad. Do you disagree with me, Monty, on that?

I do. Yeah, I think books look good and DVDs and Blu-rays look good. I mean, I'm not against them. People love their physical media for a lot of reasons, which I'm sure Tyler will talk about in a moment. But I mean, this doesn't look. This is not egregious. I'll say this to you, Abby.

In fact, I'm not even sure. I believe that there are 451 separate titles in these bookshelves. Am I seeing everything here, Tyler? So in those bookshelves, there's also, if you look at the bottom, so this goes the one, the books, the movies that aren't don't look quite as good in their cases i put into like a little sleeve like one of those classic car when you used to have CDs oh yeah one of those is at the very bottom and that's about yes and that's about like a hundred move 100 200 film no 100 films in that one just oh so yeah I mean they're compact

they're compact because I also don't like clutter I would like to also put out put out there that we have a library so abby has how many roughly how many books would you guess probably about 200 books in a library so it's it's not talking about a public library you're talking about a room in your home in a room it's our barn library area yeah and it so i'm not the case isn't like i'm forcing abbey to like give up really space to satisfy my lust for uh movies it's it's an equal fairly balanced i think amount of physical media both in books and movies right and to be be clear here, Abby. You're not suggesting that Tyler get rid of any of this stuff in life. It's not intolerable when you walk past this bookshelf, right? You're not gritting your teeth

going, no. And Tyler, you're not asking, you're not bringing up Abby's book collection in order to both sides this and say, see, I'm, I'm perfectly normal and she's the wrong one and I want to get rid of all these books. I have 451 movies, which happens to be the precise degree Fahrenheit by which at which books burn Wow according to the book and movie Farranite 451 you're not suggesting

that you're going to become what's the name of that main character in Farnight 451 Ghee and he's got a funny name the Ray Bradbury came up with I want to say I want to say Eamontan

It's Alf No it's not Alf Guy Montag Guy, yeah, Guy Montag. Or maybe it's Guy, yeah, see. Or maybe it's Guy, yeah. We'll go back again. You don't want to, you don't want to Guy Montag

Abby's library either, right? No, no. You guys love each other and everything's fine. It's just, the problem is what to do with these things after the inevitable happens. Tyler, what do you want to have done with these? If you were to pre-decease Abby, what would you ask her from, beyond the grave to do with these DVDs. I'm

just going to call them DVDs. I know that they're Blu-rays or 4Ks or whatever. I'm just an old person, so forgive me. I would ideally like her to keep them. And honestly, watch them because the way

I do movies is I rarely ever do I like do any research into them unless maybe I saw them in a theater or, you know, I will go out and buy a random movie just based off of mood, like what looks kind of good, what flashes

out to me. And I've found that I really enjoy almost everything that I've gotten and that like it's kind of like really affected me in a profound way. Kind of like, you know, like when I read books that you've recommended,

those have always like been really great to me and they've really like connected me, I think more with you. So what my hope is is like if I'm gone, you're missing me, you can pull down something like, I don't know, Bull Durham and just like, and remember like, oh, like, Tyler, like, really didn't like baseball. I loved baseball, but then he watched this movie and suddenly found sort of like a passion for him or found a connection with it.

Abby, it sounds to me like Tyler, should he, unfortunately, pre-decease you, merely wants you to keep his collection and to wear black for the period of time. it would take you to watch all of his movies in his collection and remember him each time for different reasons. Why do you not want to do this? So we've seen the pictures of how much space they take up. So it's really not that big of a deal to actually have them, even though he's not around anymore. I won't watch them. By the way, by the way, 451 movies at roughly 90 minutes per, that's 660.

76 hours. So if you were watching these movies 24 hours a day without sleep, which, I mean, that is the standard morning procedure for a movie buff. It would only take you 28 days of watching the movies to get to thoroughly memorialize Tyler in his collection. It's called sitting cinema. It's like Shiva, but it's. Right.

And then 28 days later, when you're done watching them, you'll walk outside and and discover that society has collapsed due to an aggression virus. I would love if those movies went to someone who would appreciate them, for example, our niece and soon-to-be-born nephew. Abby, you say that you do like some movies, and indeed you also made a spreadsheet. Abby's movie list, it says here, these are movies that you are willing to keep, that you like, that are in the collection already. Correct.

these are all good movies these are ones that are in the collection that you'd be willing to keep yes I noticed by the way that you not only did you make a spreadsheet but it has three columns I just noticed column C

so there's movies director and then reasoning as to why you would keep them and the reasons are and these are now I see these are organized by reasoning Your top two, arsenic and old lace and paper moon, reasoning because of me.

We'll get back to that in a moment. You're next to the Great Dictator in Paris is burning, feels important, self-planatory. I like that you put some, I guess, homework in your top five. And then the next whole bunch is just, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, all the way to Grand Budapest Hotel. Oh, there's Dr. Strangelove. There you guys agree on that one. Yep. And then your final two are high Sierra and the wonderful silent comedy,

hundreds of beavers that I've talked about on this podcast before. Those are want to see it and the rest are all special memory. I love this list, Abby, I must say. Thank you. Do you have a list of movies that you are ready to throw away? Yes. Oh, did you submit that list or you just have them off the top of your head? It was a different tab of that same spreadsheet.

Oh, excuse me. Here we go. There it is. Oh, do not can't. And there are, okay, and there are 441 of them. Yikes. Uh-oh. There's, yeah.

Uh-oh. Oh, oh, oh. Wow. This is all news to me. Yeah. Oh, boy. It's a hurtful list. You know, you're going to, you haven't seen this particular spreadsheet.

I haven't seen either of this. Tyler, you may find. find this one less arousing. There are some, there are some, you know, they say kill your darlings in writing. The thing, the little turns of phrases and the little things that you love the most, sometimes those are the things you need to cut out. But there are a lot of darlings here. Boy, oh boy, boy.

You can tell me you're going to get rid of, you're going to get rid of Miller's Crossing, one of my very favorite movies. I also just rewatched it. Yeah. Godfather, Godfather part two, Godfather part three, all three. you didn't put it special edition in there Coda

there's like over nine hours of special features in that case but I got to tell you this right now you want to hear some of the other ones

that Abby wants to get rid of I really do because now I'm really Miller's Crossing I thought was a safe one so now I'm very surprised no Miller's Crossing

is on the chopping block at at number nine top five Abby throwaway movies grab onto the table. Counting down from number six,

seven samurai in the garbage. Oh, that's just spiteful. Seven samurai. Number five, going in the garbage, office space, starring maybe a distant cousin of mine, Stephen Root. Never was able to figure that out.

Interesting. Number four, gone with the wind. Next up in the garbage, wages of fear. Henri George Cluzeau. Love it. that movie. And number two with a bullet, and we'll stop there. Wizards

by Ralph Bokshi. It just so happens. So sad. Things just got real. Okay. There's so many stories of anger in that list that I think about. Tell me all about it, Tyler. Was

wages of fear the one that I like, so whenever my parents come over, we always watch a movie, you know, carry on that tradition. I spoke of earlier um and wages of fear was one that i put on and i'm i'm they usually come over for thanksgiving so i'm cooking dinner um and we put that on because i thought was a really good one is this the one that before it was done i was like i have a huge migraine and i went to that we were not halfway through that movie when you decided you didn't need to be watching it anymore so it was i just had

the biggest migraine and i had to go lay down and then i kind of didn't think about how much that narrative might, like, not be the funnest one to sit and watch with the in-laws. That's like a long, a long, tense movie that you can't even nap through because it's too, it's too tense. Well, I also couldn't nap because earlier that day I had hurt my back. So I was sorry to hear that. Alternating between a heating pad and an ice pack. But let's talk about Wizards for a second.

Yeah. Because this isn't, we've already described this film. Abby, is there a particular reason that you don't care for Wizards? by Ralph Bakshi. Well, I couldn't make it through the whole movie. Not napping. I had to leave. Very strange, very strange and disturbing movie and like a lot of Ralph Bakshi.

Tonally and pace-wise, it's very hard to get a beat on that movie. But I also know that this is on a list of most treasured movies, not just because of your connection to your dad and the past, Tyler, but also because it's a rare edition, right? It is a rare addition. So, like, you can watch it on Amazon by paying for it, but those get switched around so often. And it feels like one of those where people are like, who's going to miss this weird cartoon made by the strange, like, cartoonists? That's maybe a bit anti what our government is right now.

But, like, if you see pretty much any of them online to buy, they're either going to be only ones that can be played out of the country, different region code or they are black market forgeries that are actually if you get them and put them in your DVD player are working woman

the movie say it again you buy wizards but then it plays working woman yeah it's it's basically they just put over the DVD working girl

working girl a working girl they put over working girl like a fake sticker that says like wizards on it and you put in your DVD player and it's just that so I got my

That's insidious. So I got my copy off of eBay. I just want to clarify what I'm hearing here. You're saying that there is a black market trend. It's hard to get a copy of a legit copy of Ralph Bokshi's animated weirdo film Wizards. And that there's a black market trend that sometimes more than once, if you buy wizards, it says wizards on it. But when you press play, it's the American. comedy, Working Girl, starring Melanie Griffith and Sigourney and Harrison Ford.

Correct. You can go on Amazon right now. There was a poor gentleman who upload his video. And it's a very sad picture of a man's hand, putting in this DVD, putting it on. And then it's like, working girl. Well, it's got that Carly Simon song. Let the river me, by the way, that's impossible to stream that song. I've tried many a time.

Yeah, well, many a time at 2 o'clock in the morning when I'm remembering my youth. And I want to hear that song. If only you bought a copy of Wizards, then you could just play the song. I want to know who is it out there who is doing this. This is like beyond Rick Rowling. It's such a specific population of people that you're pranking. When you swap Working Girl for Wizards and it's so random and yet they're both W-movies, I find this fascinating.

So when you think of, all right, you've passed away. I hope, you know, many, many years from now, peacefully in your sleep. And the first thing Abby does in the next day is finds that copy of wizards and wages of fear and office space and seven samurai and Miller's Crossing and all 41 in Marlboro movies

is on this list. And to catch a thief, which is a lesser Hitchcock. But they're all going in the trash. When you think about that, how does that make you feel? It's devastating. So, to clarify, Abby does not want to throw away the movies on the Do Not Keep list. She merely wants to redistribute them to people in your life that she thinks might enjoy them more than she. Why do you resist this plan, Tyler?

Well, so I have like maybe two friends who are very big movie buffs. And they have started family. they have limited space and I have this concern where if she was like next like at the funeral or like when we're bequeathing things says like okay well here's

Richard like 250 movies that Tyler really wanted you to have I don't think most people's thoughts are like oh I'll always remember him it might be like this is a burden where do I find room to keep my all these movies

you know because like you said like thinking about like 400 movies, you assume it's like a giant library's worth of movies. And my concern is they'll take them and then they'll give them away or they'll sell them. And those movies will, like... In other words, you don't want to be a burden to your friends. You just want to be a burden to your wife. Cherished memories to the wife. And, you know, there's also the idea she put by me donate to the public library, which I also... I actually don't mind as much the more I think about it but my fear again is that people often disrespects property of libraries they

don't take very good care of them it's just a little like it's hard it's harder books are are are easier to take care of than like movies are movies get a scratch might not work and so I'm just worried about like I guess I'm worried about what world I'll end up in the end that's just you they're all going to end up in a landfill eventually yeah no I mean, eventually, right? So why not be buried with them? Make your grave their landfill. So that was another thing I put by her is building a monument to me in some kind of way.

We're thinking Nicholas Cage Pyramid, bury me with all my movies. But that seems kind of maybe extreme. I don't know. Like, I wouldn't get rid of any of your books if you died. Like, I'd keep every single one of them. Which is your choice. My choice. how many books do you have abby i think about 200 about 200 Tyler said Abby Tyler says that

he's going to keep and cherish your books should you pre-decease him is that okay with you or do you have another plan for them if that's what he wants that's fine with me because I will be dead and won't care anymore right I feel like he's not going to appreciate the books as well as other people in my life might, but if he wants them, that's, that's fine with me. If you wanted to bequeath books to certain people, or I should actually be posing this to Tyler, if Abby said, well, actually, I want to, if I should, if I should pass away before you, please send baseball murder and Discworld to John Hodgman. Don't keep them. Would you honor her wishes. I'm a big fan of yours. That might be very, very shocking. Uh, so if it was, yeah,

drop these books off to John Hodgman. He's waiting for them. I would, I'd be like, oh, oh, no, okay. Yeah. But if it was, it depends. Like, some of the books, I would be much more her about than others. Well, let's take me out of the equation. Yes, let's do that. Uh, if she doesn't want you to keep your, her books or she has other plans for them, and she makes that clear to you, would you honor her wishes? You're asking her to honor your wishes, so why is this a hard question? It's not a hard question. I would honor your wishes.

Of course, I'd honor your wishes. All right. All right. Yeah. So why can't you honor Tyler's wishes, Abby? Wow. If that is really what he wants most in the world, I would honor that. I just think that what he wants is wrong.

I love you so much. Abby, you're an actuary. Obviously, you're a practical. minded person you you you uh do you have a will yeah abby do we have a will we don't have a will no oh okay life insurance yes okay you don't have a will currently neither neither of you no as either as a joint couple or individually we do not all right interesting abby are you would you be willing to pretend that you're going to honor tyler's wishes until he's dead in which case then you'll just do whatever you want.

Are you asking, would I lie to him until he dies? Yes. I like to think I wouldn't. Wasn't that part of your vows? It's not far off. Don't think I would lie to him until he dies. I think if the ruling today is that I have to keep all of Tyler's movies, I would agree to that and not back out on it after he dies. Got it.

I see. Thank you for your honesty. Now I know I can trust you. Tyler, I want to ask you again, Abby's desire is to bequeath all or at least some of your movies to people in your life who might enjoy them more than her. There's got to be someone out there who likes the movie Wizards who would cherish this rare non-working girl copy of that. why is it not sufficient for her or why does it bother you this idea of her distributing some of your precious memories i think it is just i'm more of a romantic than she is i guess i just really she hasn't offered up a very good list of people either which is kind of a problem like

she's just said there's richard and maybe your brother and i know my brother really wouldn't he's a very minimalist person with his like house I want to make sure and this is this maybe sounds a bit petty I want to make sure that she

oh boy this sounds petty we're going to say it I want to make sure she's thinking of me when I'm gone you want to make sure she's thinking of you

when you're gone Abby you would like me to rule that Tyler maintain a list of his physical media and assign each title to someone in his life to whom it may be bequeathed. In other words, make a will.

Make a movie will. Is that correct? Correct. But that's what you would want me to rule. Yeah. Is it Tyler figure out who are the people who would actually benefit and would enjoy having this memory of him? Yes. And assign it in advance.

In other words, make a damn will. Yeah. And the first priority for our will is going to be the movie collection. Yeah, that's the first priority. Good. idea. That seems fine. Yeah. Uh, I have, by the way, a little while ago, he said that I have only given him two names of people that he could give movies to. And that's incorrect. Richard and his brother. Richard and his brother. Yeah. So I, I'm assuming he's going to live a little while. And

therefore his hour, consulted the tables. I've looked. He's not a smoker. Good. Uh, our niece and nephew at some point will be old enough to take care of movies. I think once we know what their personalities are going to turn into, they are also great candidates to get some movies. We have other friends besides Richard, who we go to see movies

with, such as Brooke. Oh, yeah. Rick requested that she could be on the list if you make one. Mm-hmm. Okay. But I think there are plenty of other people in our lives that he could bequeath movies to. And I'm willing to be a name on the list

as long as it's reasonable and thoughtful. He's got a list of 26 movies that you are willing to keep to begin with. Yeah, he can start from there. Yeah. Tyler, you want me to order that Abby keep all of your movies or do something that is in memory of you. What do you have in mind in the in memory of you option? This idea, she kind of, we already discussed maybe a, bit of this and she kind of pointed out it didn't work by

I'd still like to try like and this is weird but like give a movie or take a movie kind of thing like do something with that which I guess now that I say that out loud though you mean give a movie or take a movie so do you know those little libraries yes I'm familiar with them yeah sorry

so many a copy of Vacation Land has been discovered in those you know if it was something like the library or like give a take a book that was like something that specifically was like this was donated by Tyler

that like you know Abby could go back to and like still have access to like if she won like if she just some reason was like I remember you know one of these movies that he was always going

on about and could go back and get it and watch it that would be a good alternative I think if I was trying to do like a middle ground I think I've heard everything I need to in order to make my decision. I'm going to go into my personal criterion closet, which is just my closet full of old magazine clippings. I'll be back in a moment with my verdict. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman exits the courtroom. Tyler, you have been letterboxed in by

Abby with this shocking list of films that she actively would like to get rid of. And while I had originally thought I was 100% in Abby's camp, not that it matters what the bailiff thinks. The look on your face, when you heard the movies she wants to get rid of, my heart went out to you. How are you feeling right now, Tyler? I think I just, no matter what I take away from this, it's, I need to have more conversations with her about the movies we watch. And if she's actually enjoying them, I thought I asked that enough. And clearly, hopefully I haven't been torturing you too much. And Abby, it seems like the betrayal is on your part and that you're acknowledging that there's a sense of betrayal here.

It is something that you have betrayed your precious Tyler. Coming into this, I thought I had a more shoe-in case. No, I think you still do, actually, frankly. But, I mean, it really did. Break that poor man's heart. If only you'd remembered your vows to lie to him until death do you part. Yeah, that would have been helpful. Well, we'll see what the judge has to say about all this when we come back in just a moment.

Monty, we're taking a break from the case. Let's talk about Monty's March. Yes, it is a march to raise money for the Food Bank of Western Massachusetts and with the federal budget cuts to programs like SNAP, people who don't know where the next meal is coming from are going to need more help. And so this will be the 17th time that I have pushed an empty shopping cart as a symbol of hunger

from Springfield, Massachusetts to Greenfield, Massachusetts, 43 miles to raise money and awareness for the Food Bank of Western Mass. And it's happening on Monday and Tuesday, November 24th, and 25th, Thanksgiving week. Our U.S. Congressman Jim McGovern goes the entire 43 miles with us, as do school groups and individuals and people of all stripes. We will be honoring the icons of public broadcasting who also have experienced major cuts this year. And I will be dressing up as Ernie from Sesame Street as well as Mr. Rogers. You're dressing up as Ernie one day and then Mr. Rogers the next day?

Yeah, because it's two days. We do it. Yeah. Who's going to be your Bert? There's a guy named Sean Barry, who is always the person who helps me while I'm trying to broadcast and push a shopping cart. It's difficult. So he helps me navigate the car. while I'm doing all that other stuff, so he'll be my burnt.

If you are in Springfield and want to walk to Greenfield, from field to field, you can join Monty. But if you prefer to join Monty virtually, you can do so by going where, Monty? Foodbank, WMA.org, foodbank, westernmass.org. Foodbank, western mass.org. Yeah, there are a lot of budget cuts across a lot of different things that we value in thought would never go away. public media being a big part of that.

I would just remind people to support your local public media, including WERU.org up there in Orlando, Maine, or Maine public broadcasting, or wherever there is public broadcasting in your world, including New England public media, where Monty has a show every afternoon. Isn't that right on? That's right, the fabulous 413,

where we talk about solely things that are going on in the four counties of Western Mass. It's at NEPM.org or wherever you get your podcasts. And me, I'm Judge John Hodgman. You listen to me here every week on the Judge John Hodgman podcast. You also can see the Judge John Hodgman columnnet. It's a little tiny column, like a columnella in the New York Times magazine. And as well, as mentioned earlier in this show, I'm the co-creator with David Reese of the cartoon, Dicktown, which is a good PG-13 cartoon that is still available on Hulu for now.

If you have resubscribed to Disney Plus or Hulu, you can go check it out. go do bit.ly slash Dicktown, all capital letters, D-I-C-K-T-O-W-N, or simply search DickTown in Google. You'd be surprised to learn. It goes to our show. I certainly was surprised. I learned this the hard way. A true labor of love.

So thank you very much for supporting us in all the ways that you do as maximum fun members, as listeners, as viewers on YouTube, as watchers of Dicktown. And, of course, coming out to see that screening of They Live, The Nighthawk of Prospect Park was so much fun to see so many of you listeners out there. So thank you, as always and forever for all of your support in all your many ways. Hey, let's get back to the case. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman re-enters the courtroom and presents his verdict. You may be seated.

So I also, I happen to be listening through the door to my chambers. And I want to acknowledge the very interesting and I think revealing fact. that when Abby made a list of movies that she doesn't like, that she had to make a note of the fact that she knew this would hurt you, even to contemplate it, I think that you can trust that just as you obviously love Abby very much, she loves you very much, no matter how she disposes of or keeps and cherishes your movies. You know, one thing that is too early for you to be thinking about, but is something that we all do end up having to think about is end of life plans,

serious end of life plans. You know, my wife is a whole human in our own right, in her own right, and I were only forced to make a will in our own 30s because a smarter person than I said, oh, you have to do it. You have children. You have to make plans. You have to express your wishes. And I was like, I'm in my 30s.

I'm going to live forever, obviously. I knew that that was not true. I look forward to many more years of life and happily wedded life. I am recording this, by the way, on our anniversary. Congratulations. Yeah. Thank you very much. I enjoy.

being married to her. But we have adults in our lives, parents, who are sincerely, you know, realistically nearing the end of their lives. And some of them have been very responsible in their end of life planning and others of them don't believe that they're going to ever die. It is a scary thing to contemplate, even in a sort of lighthearted way as this. But I only mention it because it's important that you acknowledge, that our time here is short. It is important that you understand and are able to express your wishes for what you want done in your honor, right?

After you have gone and to have done with your possessions after you have gone or someone else will be making those decisions. So you're not wrong. And in fact, I actually think you're pretty responsible. and in a sort of off-kilter way, Tyler, of thinking about this. This is a meaningful collection to you. It is connected to a lot of memories for you, obviously, and you clearly love movies, all of which is to say that I think that your collection has value intrinsically and in context of your life. But I do hear something here, Tyler, that disturbs.

me a little. And I want you to take that in the spirit in which I mean, it disturbs me on your behalf a little bit. When Abby, for example, suggested that she give certain videos away to family members who might like them, you kind of expressed some concern that no one will like them the way that you do and the way that you trust Abby to cherish and like them. And I can't believe that that's true, honestly.

I like you. I'd take some of these movies off your hands and I would think very fondly of you. And we've only met twice. You're the only, as far as I know, the only second litigants ever come back on the show. So, you know, yeah. And I believe that

if I, a relative stranger, feels this way, that there are many non-strangers and definite relatives who would feel very, very, very happy to have and cherish things that had belonged to you and had meaning to you.

And I want you to feel that way, too. I don't think your situation is as dire as you present. I could be wrong. And I think that you've probably learned that in life, but I don't think it's to your credit and the strength of your case to be the guy who's like, in death, you must watch and appreciate my movies.

I think that that's unrealistic and I think that that's unfair. I think that, you know, in the unhappy event that you should pre-decease Abby many, many, many years from now, she's going to be going through a whole lot of grieving. and the memory of you is going to haunt almost everything she touches in your own. Your movies, for sure, but also clothes, a pocketful of change in a pair of pants that never got spent, whatever. It's just going to be awful. You know what I mean? And I think you need to offer her the grace as she must offer to you, the grace of grieving in her own way, without an

enormous homework assignment beyond the legal disposal of all your worldly possessions in general, which is going to be straightened out once you write a will. You know what I mean? Like, I think to give her the burden of watching and appreciating all your movies in death the way she couldn't do it in life because she's got her own taste and her own interests is too much to ask. So my verdict is, you're not wrong. Tyler. And whatever your wishes are, I order Abby to honor them. But I ask this. You have to

write a will. Both of you get together with an attorney and get a will together. It's just part of being a grownup. And in that will, as you approach that will, you make your wishes known and you be open, right? You be open to the idea that Abby, I think, is really thoughtfully suggested, which is there are other people who will want a keepsake of your life. And are there movies that you can give to those people? Or, you know, in the case of your niece and nephew, who will hold wizards in trust for them until they are of age?

Or something like that. I think that if you sat down and thought about it, there would be quite a few movies there that you would be able to give to people that would be very meaningful to them. And it might be a meaningful exercise for you to think about those people and those connections. But bequeath rather than curse. Do you know what I mean? Bequeathing of the things that you care about to people who will care about them. And I bet there are institutions and libraries that you think that you would trust to take care of some of these things.

I bet you could find homes for a lot of these movies beyond the ones that Abby already admits that she likes and would like to keep. But whatever you do, Abby will honor your wishes, but you have to write it down and you have to give it real thought. Make a will, write down your wishes. consider what I said. This is the sound of a gavel. What a picture. Judge John Hodgman rules that is all. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman exits the courtroom.

Abby, technically, that ruling did not go in your favor. But do you view this as a favorable ruling? I do. I think the judge is someone that Tyler admires very much, and he said some very kind things, which is always a victory. And at the end of the day, I don't think I'm going to have to keep 500 movies. that I have no special feelings for. So that's good.

And Tyler, apart from the fact that Abby broke your heart during the course of this podcast, are you happy with having this ruling ostensibly in your favor? I am. I think the judge made a lot of really healthy points. You don't want to be a burden.

And I like some of the ideas that he shared, like figuring out some making more like lists of, talking about lists again, of people of like happy memories that I shared movies with with other people and sharing those with those and maybe the ones that maybe aren't so special or they're more special to me having maybe like a like celebratory like come to our house after the funeral and take one and remember Tyler or we watch them like you know to celebrate his life I think those are all like things I should consider and I should the will is definitely something we need to get on, I think is a very healthy approach to this situation. Well, I hope that I am invited to the corporate viewing of the Meg as you are sitting cinema to honor the life of Tyler, Abby. And I know that you need to find somebody to do this will for you, even though you are

an actuary. Good luck finding a will, goodwill hunting. Oh, no. It's been an honor. No. No. Another case in the books. Before we dispense some swift justice, we want to thank Redditor, Footwear, underscore

critic for naming this week's episode, Probate a Max court. Probeta Max court. Now, I got to say, we did not talk about Betamax tapes at all. But when a other case is there that we would ever even get close to talking about Betamax. So that's why we call it pro. And it has to do with probate court, which is a fun topic. It's funny how much criticism I get for making puns, but you

literally ask all the listeners of Judge John Hodgman to come up with a pun for the name of your episode every time. And well, and well done footwear underscore critic. That's a good one. Hey, we are all hypocrites accusing someone else of hypocrisy is juvenile because we are all two-faced. You can join the conversation over at the maximum fun subreddit over at reddit.com slash R slash maximum fun. We'll be asking for title suggestions of puns there too. So keep an eye out for those. Evidence and photos from the show are posted on our Instagram account at Instagram.com slash judge John Hodgman. We're also on TikTok and YouTube at Judge John Hodgman pod. Follow and subscribe to see our episodes and video only content.

Speaking of YouTube, our YouTube comment of the week comes this week from complete walkaround. Complete walk around is the name of a user who I believe is a subscriber to our YouTube channel at Judge John Hodgman pod. And on our recent case, probable because complete walk around said, wow, glad I stayed for the leg show. And that's true. Jesse Thorne and I did put our legs on Maine and on camera in that particular episode. And boy, do we have shapely calves. There's so much fun stuff to see over there on YouTube. So much of the show that you might miss if you're only listening to it. Of course, we love our audio listeners. But it would be wonderful if you wanted to go over to YouTube and like, share and subscribe because that is a place where people are discovering new podcasts. And it's great for the show if you're able to go over there. And smash those buttons. Judge John Hodgman was created by Jesse Thorne and me, John Hodgman. This episode was engineered by Dusty Weiss at Podcamp Media in the great city of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Shlemigel, Schlamazel, Hassanfeffer, Incorporated. The podcast is edited by A.J. McKeon.

Our video editor is Daniel Spear. And as always, our producer is Jennifer Marmer, the great and powerful. Ooh. Okay, Judge John Hodgman, let's get to some swift justice, where we answer your small, disputes with a quick judgment. Maud 007 on the Max Fund subreddit says, I would like my husband to wear a V-neck sweater. He won't do it. Now look, I understand why some people would not want to ever wear a turtleneck sweater or even a crewneck sweater. I hate things touching my neck. But you know what, Mod, 007, I'm not your husband. And if he doesn't want to wear a V-neck sweater, people like what they like and they wear what they wear. Sorry about that. Wear your

own V-neck sweater and look at yourself in the mirror. I bet you look great. Hey, we have an episode coming up with some experts on snacks. Who are these snacking experts? You'll find out. Keep listening. But in the meantime, we need some snack-related disputes. What's the best snack? Salty or sweet, crunchy or gummy. What's your favorite snack, Monty, when you're snacking? What do you want, some dried apple rings? I love cheese-its. Just straight up, no special flavor, extra cheese or anything best beach snack cheese it's cheese it's i by the way i i i love pringles i do i do too i once ate some pringles on a beach and i reached that canister so hard i cut the side of my hand and i still have a scar oh my word yeah i love snacks uh and i want to hear your disputes over snacks

indeed what do you think are the best snack even if you got no one to fight against tell me what you think of the best snack foods, your maximum snacks, send them in to maximum fund.org slash JJHO. That's where we get all of your disputes or email me at Hodgman at maximum fund. org. That's maximum fund.org slash JJHO or email me Hodgman at maximum fund.org. We are eager to hear about all of your disputes, big, small, medium. It's how we make the show go.

So please submit your disputes right now. to Maximumfund.org slash JJHO. We'll talk to you next time on the Judge John Hodgman podcast. Monty Belmontie, thank you so much for being here again, and I hope to see you again in the near future. It's always a pleasure and an honor. I love doing it so much. Well, I will talk to you next time in real life,

but we'll talk to the rest of you on the Judge John Hodgman podcast. Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network. Of artists-owned shows. Supported directly by you. Thank you.