Judge John Hodgman - Request For Ex-Tradition

Episode Date: March 16, 2022

Kyle files suit against his friend Brian. Sometime in college, Brian began a yearly tradition called “I Blame Kyle Day.” Now, 12 years later, Kyle and Brian’s friend group are keeping the day going. Kyle is tired of being blamed for his friends’ problems and would like Brian to put an end to it once and for all. Who's right? Who's wrong?Thank you to Twitter User @KidsDrDave for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow us on Twitter for naming opportunities: @JesseThorn & @Hodgman. Or keep track using the Twitter hashtag #JJHoCaseNames.

Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm Bill of Jesse Thorne. This week, request for X tradition. Kyle files suit against his friend Brian. Sometime in college, Brian began a yearly tradition. He called I blame Kyle day. Now, 12 years later, Kyle and Brian's friend group keep the day going. Now, 12 years later, Kyle and Brian's friend group keep the day going. Kyle is tired of being blamed for his friend's problems and would like Brian to put an end to it. Who's right? Who's wrong? Only one can decide. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom and presents an obscure cultural reference. Kyle really got the short end of the stick in this show. It's not even funny at all. I straight up thought they were going to rescue him too. And instead it was treated as a joke.

A human being. Even an animated one shouldn't be treated like that. One of the few things in the series that I didn't like. As much as my flair says blame it on Kyle, it's because of a stupid bet I lost, I agree with this. Nobody should be yeeted into the air without consent. To be fair, Seahawk didn't really know any better,

nor did he have any reason not to throw him. Bo really should have insisted on rescuing him later, but Seahawk did nothing wrong here. Bailiff Jesse Thorne, swear him in. Brian, Kyle, please rise and raise your right hands. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God or whatever? I do.

I do. Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling, despite the fact that he never blames it on the sunshine, moonlight, or good times, and always blames it instead on the boogie? I do. Judge Hodgman, you may proceed. Brian and Kyle, you may be seated for an immediate summary judgment. In one of your favors, can one of you name the piece of culture that I referenced as I entered this fake court of fake Internet law? Kyle, you seek justice, so I'm going to give you the advantage. What is your guess?

I have no idea. So I'm going to guess that it is a quote from Jack Nicholson in the 1989 Batman film when he is portraying Joker. Why? Because- Hang on, let me write it down. This is a really good guess. Jack Nicholson as the Joker in Batman. This is a hypothetical syllogism.

So what do you mean by a syllogism? What's a syllogism here, Kyle? So a hypothetical syllogism is if A, then B, if B, then C, therefore, if A, then C. Okay, I got you. So map it out for me. Essentially, Joker is Chaos. Chaos is Brian. Therefore, Joker is Brian.

And you're Bruce Wayne then? You're millionaire playboy Bruce Wayne? I'm an innocent bystander on the streets of Gotham observing this chaos. Okay. Can I be Billy Dee Williams? I will allow it. Yes. Works every time.

All right. Brian, what's your guess? I'm going to go. I heard the name Bo. I'm guessing Dukes of Hazzard. I have no idea. You did hear the name Bo, but it's spelled B-O-W. You also heard the name Seahawk, who I do not think was a Duke of Hazzard.

He was not, no. Or they, I don't know who Seahawk is. Well, since the first name was Bo, Seahawk is probably either on the Raiders or the Royals. Probably. There you go. It's impossible to know. That's a sports. Yeah.

By the way, all guesses are wrong. This is a request for X tradition. And the tradition that Kyle is seeking to be X tier is you playing mind games with him, Brian. There's a whole, we recorded about 45 minutes of this podcast where you flummoxed Kyle because Kyle kept saying your last name. And at the very last minute, producer Jennifer Marmer said, oh wait, do you want to have your last names on this show? And I could see in Brian's eye, he did not care one way or the other. He did not care that his last name be named, but he decided to play a mind game.

And he said, yeah, I don't want my last name. Kyle has to redo that whole thing. And now you're, now you're like, sort of like Dukes of Hazzard. And I thought you made a guess, but maybe you didn't. You're playing mind games with me now, Brian. By the way, all guesses are wrong. Anyone would know, anyone would know that this is a series of posts from two months ago on the subreddit r slash princesses of power dedicated to She-Ra and the princesses of power, a cartoon. And I have to thank this. This was a conversation about Kyle, a character on the show, getting thrown off a skyboat

or something and not being rescued. That's the context. And a shout out to the members of this conversation, Radical Snow Dude, Loden, Mechu Chan 12, and Zhadowolf. That's Z-H-A-D-O-W-W-O-L-F. They love this show and they feel bad for Kyle and met you underscore Chan 12 has a flair, which is hashtag blame it on Kyle. Are you connected with this Brian with this community? I am not weird, isn't it?

Because this, this, you started a blame it on Kyle day when the two of you were in college. Is that, is that correct? That is correct. Kyle, you can go take a nap.

Cause I'm going to prosecute this one myself. I'm judge, jury and prosecution. Commence napping. And when was that? How long ago was that? Oh, Kyle, you can go take a nap because I'm going to prosecute this one myself. I'm judge, jury, and prosecution. Commence napping. And when was that? How long ago was that? That would have been about 2008, so about 14 years ago.

Pretty good math off the top of your head. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do that subtraction, honestly. And all of a sudden, there's this hashtag, blame it on Kyle. You saying you're not behind this Princess of Power subreddit? I can honestly say I've never seen Princess of Power, and I have this princess of power subreddit i i can honestly say i've never seen princess of power and i have not uh been on that sub did you make a bet with metu chan metu underscore chan 12 i did not because they say it's because of a stupid bet they lost they have to have this flare this hashtag hashtag blame it on kyle what's going on i i do not let

me ask you this mind games how come when i go and internet search the term blame Kyle, I find an Amazon page and I'm going to say it. This is where I found it. Amazon. A big black t-shirt for sale saying I blame Kyle. What's that about, Brian? You behind this shirt? I am not. I kind of wish I was, but I am not behind that shirt. Comes in black, navy, royal blue, cranberry, and heather blue. I'd probably go heather blue. How about you, Brian? I think so. I would agree with that. Kyle, what color would you use? Cranberry? I'm a fan of blue, but I want to be opposed to Brian, so I'll choose cranberry. There you go.

Either way, color me skeptical. How come when I search blame Kyle on the internet, I find a Facebook group called Blame Kyle? That might be connected to me. I don't know. Is that the I blame Kyle day Facebook? No, it just says blame Kyle local business. The profile photo does not seem to be either of you unless it's a very old, especially emo photo of maybe that's you, Kyle, as a youth. No, John, that's just a place to get hoagies and low dive. If you're ever in low dive, stop in there and get yourself a hoagie. The about section says something gone wrong, something piss you off,

something occur with which you need to place blame. Well, blame Kyle. The posts include, I blame Kyle that my toe is all screwed up and I don't get to see my girlfriend tonight because I'm stuck at work. I blame Kyle that my girlfriend has a migraine. And I also blame Kyle that I don't have enough money to buy a new bed so that my girlfriend isn't uncomfortable when she comes over to hang out. I blame Kyle for this page still being up.

Is this you, Brian? It is not. These posts go back to 2012. Okay. No, I am not connected to any of this. I blame Kyle for gravity. Did you write that, Brian? How long has this been going on?

I did not. Well, it has been going on since 2008, but this is unconnected to me as far as I am aware. Here's my concern, Brian and Kyle. Because, Kyle, now I'm starting to look at you again. You got a little smirk. I can see you through the teleconference window. You got a little smirk on. Are you two coming on to this podcast to peddle some weird meme that you've been churning out for a decade or more?

Am I being laughed at by the kids right now, Kyle? I am just as shocked at this shadow blame campaign as anyone else. Also, not surprised. This has taken on a life of its own, and it's gone well beyond Brian's ability to control it. Well, why don't you tell me how it all got started, and then I'll decide. Well, in the beginning, the words, I blame Kyle were uttered. And ever since then, this I blame Kyle phenomenon has expanded. It's expanded to be blamed for anything, right? Things that are fine, innocuous. Wait, Kyle, wait a minute. I understand that it existed,

but how did it start? Brian, how did it start? I don't remember this specific event, but I remember some of the earlier events. There was an instance in college where Kyle drove across campus, and he decided he was going to park illegally because he did not have a parking permit for that building. And he decided he was going to pull up behind a dumpster and got very upset when security gave him a ticket. And at that instance, I blame Kyle. It started innocuously enough as just blaming Kyle for silly things that young adults do. And then it just kind of expanded from there, where me and a couple other people just started blaming him for random stuff that really he had no control over.

But it was just entertaining. So you're saying it was a college prank. Yeah. And not even a prank, really just kind of a little joke, a meme, a meme around campus, a big meme around campus.

Yeah. And what was the camp? What was the campus? Augustana college, Augustana college in rock Island, Illinois. That's correct. All right.

I was prepped with that information. I didn't have that at the top of my, top of my head. I got to tell you right now. I've never heard of Augustana College. What's that all about? It's a small liberal arts school, 2,500 students. Oh, well, you could basically, a meme like I blame Kyle is going to rip through that campus real quick. 2,500 students, everyone's going to blame Kyle within three days. What did you study at Augustana? Math and secondary education. And are you a secondary educator now?

I am not. I see. Are you a math? I use math, but no, not really. All right. And what about you, Kyle? What did you study there at Augustana? I majored in economics and philosophy.

And what do you do for a living now? I'm a financial planner for a community bank. Oh, you saved it at the community bank there at the last second. I was about to blame Kyle. All right, community bank. I like it. Okay, that's okay. That's all right. What kind of things do you get blamed for, Kyle? Do you remember? In the college, because you're not in college anymore. You both are about 10 years out of college would be my guess, right? I didn't study math or secondary education, but I can do some simple calculations with my chism bop. John, I have a degree in American studies and they happen to live in that nation.

I can confirm. Thank you very much, Bailiff Jesse. I would say that I was blamed for everything, you know, things like a stubbed toe, if it's snowing, bad grades, you know, all sorts of things and how would this how would the blame be conveyed to you how would you know that you were being blamed for these things i mean people would blame kyle openly and often in a classroom or walking by or via text or what have you so you'd be going about your day going to your philosophy of economics course or whatever, and someone would shout at you down the hall, I blame you, Kyle. I blame you for this weird itch in the back of my head. Were people yelling at you across campus, across the CAF?

To be honest, I can't say that it didn't happen. It seems like a thing that would happen, but I have no evidence though. that would happen. But I can't, I have no evidence though. Brian made a very clear body language gesture of, oh, come on. So I shall allow your, oh, come on. What's your reaction there, Brian? My reaction is that while people were involved in it, I don't believe anyone was yelling across campus. I blame Kyle. Usually he was in the room or it was with a small group of friends who knew him and would just say, I blame Kyle. Like, something is wrong, I blame Kyle. Yes.

I blame you, Kyle. So it's not yelling, but it's just saying. Yes. To his face. Yeah. In an enclosed space while he's sitting in the middle of a circle of blamers. Yes. I know what kind of head games you play at Augustana College.

Well, Kyle, you don't seem to have a lot of specific memories that you can share with us about being blamed. You're being vague. It's like, sometimes this happens. Sometimes a thing happened. Maybe someone yelled at me across. What I do know is that when you touch a hot stove, you remember it. You're like, oh, hot stove is hot. It tends to be when painful things, whether physical or emotional, lock in our memories. And yet you seem to have let quite a bit of it slide. Why should I believe that you actually feel bad about this? Well, I think that the nature of the blaming, you know, we live in, you know, the 21st century and the town crier now is social media.

And that was, I would say, the most pervasive way in which I blame Kyle Day expanded. So you mean it got worse? way in which I blame Kyle Day expanded. So you mean it got worse? I mean that all of the blame, the majority of the blaming was via a Facebook group that continued on an annual basis. And then there was a dedicated day where people would blame me. And then there were pranks that continued to escalate and then escalated after college. But that began in college. Okay. Now, Brian, this Facebook group, this is not the one that I found. It is not. Because this group is blame hyphen Kyle hyphen six, seven, six, Oh one, six, three, five, nine, nine, five. Is it that one? I do not believe so.

Do I have access to the Facebook group as it exists or is it private? I think it's private. It's been so long. I'm pretty sure it's private. Well, luckily, Kyle submitted some evidence, some screen grabs. So the first ever post on this Facebook group recorded February the 22nd, 2010, which happens to be the birthday of my wife. It was all even being in her own right, Brian. This was how you chose to celebrate my wife's birthday, was to post Brian blames Kyle. And then it continued. The next thing Kyle sent is one of, quote, one of many recorded annual I blame Kyle days on this Facebook group.

This one, the second annual I blame Kyle day, which was April 7th, 2011. And yeah, that's right. That is the second annual. It's the second one. And you explain the group this way. Whenever something goes wrong, these are your words, Brian. Whenever something goes wrong, Kyle can be blamed for it. If it is raining, I blame Kyle. If it is snowing, I blame Kyle. If my shoes come untied, I blame Kyle. If I stub my toe, I blame Kyle.

If your head isn't screwed on right, I blame Kyle. It goes on. Jesse, you can see why I'm suspicious of these two kids, right? Doesn't this feel like this whole thing is a game to get me to say I blame Kyle as many times as possible? Like this is a code that they have, right? Well, it's one of those things where if you say that enough times, the ghost comes out of the mirror. You're saying that if I keep reading this, Kyle's's gonna reach through this teleconference and strangle me well of course of course it all makes sense now well let's see if it happens because it still goes on if your shoes are too tight i blame kyle

if your heart is two sizes too small i blame kyle if you lose your watch because it is stolen by a pink and purple striped anemic elephant while riding a tennis wheel, Ferris wheel, excuse me. I blame Kyle. April 7th is a day for blaming the one who is truly responsible for all of your misfortunes. I blame Kyle. Oh, no, there's blood dripping out of my monitor. It's okay. I came back from the other side. I came back from the other side.

I came back from the other side. I went through the veil of tears, and then I came back to the other side. It was very terrifying. Kyle looks like a very straight-laced young financial planner for a community bank, but he's actually a vengeful ghost. Reached through the screen, grabbed me by my necks, squeezed. Yeah, he's crushing my head right now with his little fingers. And then it goes on. Now, Kyle, you have maintained that it is not just people from college who joined this Facebook group. Who else joined? Yes. So other friends from where I'm from,

friends in Madison, co-workers who I'm friends with, And now my wife, who also participated and does participate in I Blame Kyle Day. What? How did they all learn about this thing? People from home, when you leave high school and you go to college, everyone's supposed to forget about you. You're supposed to be able to burn that part of your past. Now they're all playing I Blame Kyle. How did that happen, Brian? How did all these people get invited to this facebook group i i told uh one of his friends from high school eric um you knew you know eric you knew what eric was gonna do yeah you just eric's are gonna do eric's stuff that that's very true um i did not think through the trouble that an er would cause. But yeah, I did not realize it would expand to

several other of his Facebook friends and high school friends and coworkers. But yeah, it's just grown beyond me at that point. I think we have Eric here on April 7th, 2010. Weather sucks today. This is directed to Kyle. Weather sucks today. Thanks a lot, a-hole. Eric. Kyle. Eric, right? It wasn't my fault. I know, but we know Eric, right?

This is totally Eric, right? This is classic Eric behavior. This is classic Eric. Eric went around and told Kristen to say thanks to you. I got a D on my English paper. I hate you. Thanks to Eric. Nikki comes in saying, so there's a good chance I'll find out about GHJ on this day. I'm blaming Kyle for the result. Because of Eric, the gen comes in to say, oh no,

I don't have Kyle's number to blame him. I blame him for not giving it to me. It's mean, mean stuff. How did it feel to start being, were you even a member of this group, Kyle? Oh yes. Because of course they wanted to direct it at me and constantly remind me of all the things that I was responsible for, all of these horrendous things. Wait, wait, wait a second. This is a Facebook group, a private Facebook group that you didn't even see fit to let me join. Brian, I got no invitation to this Facebook group and I'm supposed to decide your fate. What are you hiding on this Facebook group? I'm only getting these sketchy screen grabs from Kyle. But at the same time, Kyle, you could have easily

ignored this stuff. This is from more than a decade ago. Why did you go in and want to read it? Well, initially it started as a way to kind of combat it. And then I obviously gave up because that's not a successful strategy. Yeah. Really feeding the trolls? Right. You guys, stop it. Hey, come on, you guys stop teasing me. That's not fair. It's like Josh Gondelman saying he doesn't do cocaine on the internet. Just makes it clear that he does. Hey kids, cocaine is a terrible drug. Josh Gondelman does not do it. Don't do drugs. So you, you're saying you went in to try to stop this behavior. How did you

try to stop it? Well, I tried to combat it initially and that was Kyle. Kyle, I'm beginning to blame you pretty hard. Now I asked you a simple question. How did you try to combat it? When I said stop and you say, well, I did try to combat it. Tell me how, tell me how, how, how, how, how, how. Oh, replied, uh, commented, you know, um, you know. So one thing that happened was one time everybody impersonated me on Facebook by changing their name and their profile picture and then went around posting. And so in the heat of the moment, I would just reply and say, no, I'm actually Kyle. And then I realized that was futile. What were they posting in your name and image? That's scary. You know, declaring their love for people I've never met before. You know, I have, I have no idea. I mean, it was, you know, pretty scandalous. Is that true or do you have no idea?

No, that is actually true. So someone pretending to be you on Facebook went and declared, quote unquote, your love for a stranger or Brian, what, what are we talking about here? Tell me what you did. Um, so I was not, don't try to blame it. Don't try to blame it on Eric. I would, I would love to not blame it on someone else, but this instance is an April fool's

day joke that I was not involved with. Um, it was a friend of ours, um, convinced, uh, I think it was two other people to change their Facebook pictures and names to go around and try to impersonate Kyle. It wasn't an unknown person to them. It was an unknown person to Kyle, I believe. I have to strongly comment. It was definitely more than just two of them. Was it more? It was at least a half a dozen people. Boy, the vibe you're bringing into this comment section. I see now why I blame Kyle. Facebook did not shut itself down in shame. Yes. I just have to strongly comment.

It may have been more people, but I was not involved in this. This predates I blame Kyle day and I had no involvement with. Blame Kyle Day and I had no involvement with. So wait a minute. Why can't why is this story going backwards now? We've brought it forwards to I blame Kyle Day. Kyle, I blame you for this. You brought up something that now is chronologically confusing to me. You're trying. I want you to I want you to make your case as clearly as possible here.

I mean, who knows where one blame ends and the other blame begins? What does that even mean, Kyle? Don't be an Eric. It's a Mobius blame is what I'm saying. Yeah, I blame you for that one. A Mobius blame. An eternal strip of blame that has a single side. An unyielding strip of blame on which I am on the blamed side and not on the not blamed side.

But a Mobius strip only has one side, Kyle. Oh, that's right. Yes. Yeah. I blame you for not knowing that. It is a topographical paradox, though. I'll give you that. Much like a hypothetical syllogism.

I got words. I got words I can use. I'm not done. Not done yet, Kyle. I feel like I ruined my case by uttering those words. You would run dead. Bad move. Whoa,

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is my courtroom. I'm in tease Kyle mode, but you can't help yourself.

Can you, Brian? You have to go and needle Kyle. Why? Why are you picking on Kyle? This is, I mean, this is how me and Kyle interact.

Like I tease Kyle. I blame Kyle day. Kyle. That's like every bully who's got a kid in a wedgie says, This is how me and Kyle interact. Like I tease Kyle. I blame Kyle day. Kyle has. That's like every bully who's got a kid in a wedge. He says, this is how we interact. That's true.

I'm just pushing him into a locker. He loves. Kyle has also dressed as me for Halloween. He has also, he made a giant, found the worst picture of me that exists, made a giant life-size poster of it and gave it as a Christmas gift at an event that we were having with our friend group. So it's just a back and forth. Me and Kyle tease each other and that's how it's been as long as we've known each other.

Brian, I am looking at some of the evidence you submitted. These images, of course, will be available on our Instagram page at Judge John Hodgman, as well as our show page at MaximumFun.org. Kyle finding a horrible picture of me and making a giant poster as a Christmas gag gift. Okay. You guys are holding up this poster. That is you on the right in the black t-shirt holding up the bad picture of you. And you seem to be smiling. I'm fine with this.

And Kyle, you're on the left there? That's correct. Yeah. Kyle, you're very baby-faced, and then there's a friend of yours in the middle. Who's that? Our friend Ellie. Right. Brian, you seem to be having a good time. You're laughing at this photo. I think I blame Kyle Day. I think teasing me and making

things of me. I think it's all in good fun. I don't have a problem with this. I am not bringing a suit to the court. And then Kyle is dressing up as you for Halloween. That's correct. And you're dressed as Nathan Fillion, right? That is correct. And Kyle over here on the right with the glasses, the dark frame glasses is dressed as you. Yes. All right. And then finally, you also send in a photo of a board game called Don't Wake Daddy that they edited to be and they put your face on the cover of this board game and made the game Don't Wake Brian in reference to a sleepwalking episode you had when a group of us stayed at a hotel room together. That is correct. And you think that, I mean, I would make the argument that someone dressing as you for Halloween, that's flattering, right?

Yeah. I mean, you see that there's a difference here. Yeah. In the teasing. Like, oh, here's a bad picture of Brian. We'll blow it up. We'll all have a good laugh. It's over. It's not a concerted campaign lasting for a decade to consistently and from multiple sides make Kyle feel like he's done something wrong when he hasn't. That's true. Let's take a quick recess and hear about this week's Judge John Hodgman sponsor. We'll be back in just a moment on the Judge John Hodgman podcast. Hello, I'm your Judge John Hodgman. The Judge John Hodgman podcast is brought to you every week by you, our members, of course.

every week by you, our members, of course. Thank you so much for your support of this podcast and all of your favorite podcasts at MaximumFun.org, and they are all your favorites. If you want to join the many member supporters of this podcast and this network, boy, oh boy, that would be fantastic. Just go to MaximumFun.org slash join. The Judge John Hodgman Podcast

is also brought to you this week by our pals over at Made In. Jesse, you've heard of Tom Colicchio, the famous chef, right? Yeah, from the restaurant Kraft. And did you know that most of the dishes at that very same restaurant are made with Made In pots and pans? Really? What's an example? The braised short ribs, they're made in, made in. The Rohan duck, made in, made in. Riders of Rohan, duck. What about the Heritage Pork Shop? You got it. Made in, made in. Made in has been supplying top chefs and restaurants with high-end cookware for years. They make the stuff that chefs need.

Their carbon steel cookware is the best of cast iron, the best of stainless clad. It gets super hot. It's rugged enough for grills or an open flame. One of the most useful pans you can own. And like we said, good enough for real professional chefs, the best professional chefs. Oh, so I have to go all the way down to the restaurant district in restaurant town?

Just buy it online. This is professional grade cookware that is available online directly to you, the consumer, at a very reasonable price. Yeah. If you want to take your cooking to the next level, remember what so many great dishes on menus all around the world have in common. They're made in Made In. Save up to 25% this Memorial Day from the 18th until the 27th. Visit MadeInCookware.com. That's M-A-D-E-I-N Cookware.com. The Judge John Hodgman podcast is also brought to you this week by the folks over there at Babbel. Did you know that learning, the experience of learning causes a sound to happen? Let's hear the sound.

Yep. That's the sound of you learning a new language with Babbel. We're talking about quick 10-minute lessons crafted by over 200 language experts that can help you start speaking a new language in as little as one, two, three weeks. Let's hear that sound. Babbel's tips and tools are approachable, accessible, rooted in real life situations and delivered with conversation-based teaching. So you're ready to practice what you've learned in the real world and you get to hear the sound. It's not just like a game that pretends to teach you a language. It's

also not a rigid, weird, hyper-academic chore. It is an actually productive app that actually teaches you while you are actually having a nice time. And you get to hear this sound. Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners right now. Get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at Babbel.com slash Hodgman. Get up to 60% off at Babbel.com slash Hodgman spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash Hodgman. Rules and restrictions apply. I don't understand why they're spending all this time pranking each other when they could be pranking that cranky old dean. Oh, that dean.

Doesn't want anyone to have any fun, Jesse. Take apart his car and put it together on the roof. You know who I think is the only people who should be pranking each other instead of pranking the crusty old dean? No. George Clooney and Richard Kind. Obviously, they should be allowed to prank each other. Well. But everybody else should be focusing on the dean.

You speak to an important point here, Jesse, and then the court would like to hear more. Now, you're saying that George Clooney and Richard Kind, friend of the court, Richard Kind, and person who has never heard of us. My best friend from elementary school, George Clooney. Yeah, right. Exactly. They are very close friends. Do they have a history of pranking each other? I believe they conduct pranks on each other, yes.

Do you have any particular pranks in mind? No, but I would point people towards junket interviews with either of them for anything. Here, I've looked it up on a website called Uproxx. George Clooney recounts his legendary prank on his former roommate, Richard Kind. As Clooney tells it, when he was living with Kind, he was mostly auditioning, so he had a lot of free time. So he would watch the East Coast Feet of Jeopardy every day and then re-watch it again on the West Coast and answer all the questions right to impress Richard Kind,

even though he had no idea he had already watched. That's a fun prank. You know why that's fun? Because I would love to hear Richard Kind just explode with disbelief. He's so upset about it. Oh, my God. How are you doing this, George?

Another one, right? I don't even know what to say. That's not a terrible George Richard uh richard kyle not the worst not the worst best but not bad we gotta get richard kyle on the phone and talk to him about this oh god yeah all right so that is a harmless prank that causes nobody any harm but brian you can sort of see why it might begin to wear on kyle over a period of time. I mean, I guess I understand, but most of it is confined within one day now. And yes, and we've got little pranks and stuff. Like I know this year,

one of our friends, Holly, planned a little bouquet of flowers to be sent to him in the backwoods of North Carolina when he was visiting a friend. I mean, it's, yes. Wait a minute. I'd like to hear Kyle's version of this story. So I'm in a cabin in the middle of nowhere with no cell phone service in West Virginia, and it's me and a friend. And this is March of last year. So it's just us, we're in a remote area. And essentially, the doorbell rings, which one did not know this cabin had a doorbell.

So that was shocking. But then some unsuspecting West Virginian lady who looked very shocked to be delivering flowers to a man kind of awkwardly asked Kyle and had a massive bouquet of flowers for me. And on the card, of course, it said the three words that have been uttered a lot today. I blame Kyle. And we have photos of the bouquet. Did it creep you out that they found you in this cabin in West Virginia? Yes, because I didn't tell anybody where I was. And I did think to myself, again, thinking about April and I blame Kyle Day that, hmm, now I can escape to the woods. And one of the upsides of this is that no one will be able

to contact me. So you genuinely withheld the information of where you were going, in part to escape, I blame Kyle Day. Yes. And yet they found you. Yes. And they used a proxy, this woman in West Virginia whose job was to deliver flowers. Yes. And you're saying that she was traumatized simply by seeing you. She seemed very surprised to find two men in a cabin in the woods in West Virginia. And how were you tracked down? Do you know to this day?

I have no idea. No one will tell me. Brian, I'm compelling you to reveal how you found Kyle. And how were you tracked down? Do you know to this day? I have no idea. No one will tell me. Brian, I'm compelling you to reveal how you found Kyle. One of our friends, Holly, asked his wife. Oh. And Kyle, you mentioned that your wife is part of I Blame Kyle, the movement as well? Yes, she joined the campaign in the email list.

One other thing I wanted to say before we move on from this evidence. There's also a missing poster here. Missing. There is, I guess, a photo of you. Again, youthful. So I don't know when this was from, but it's not today anyway. Missing. Have you seen this man?

Kyle, last name redacted, age 28, height 5'10", weight redacted. 28 height 510 weight redacted you're in good shape though last seen two years ago on facebook reports of sightings at various parties rumored to be a doppelganger also i blame kyle for missing what's this brian what's this i don't remember this you've you've lost control you basically you've set this thing in motion. Yes. And now how many members of the group are there, would you say? I mean, at this point, it's probably eight to 10. It's not very many. Okay. And was it ever larger? It did get, there was a time when it was larger just after we got out of college.

That was the time when Eric brought in coworkers and high school friends, but they have not been involved for several years as far as I know. I believe it's just our immediate friends. How big did it get at its height? How big did hashtag I blame Kyle get at its height? Maybe 25, 30 people. Maybe. Do you think it's naturally dwindling or are you in there keeping it alive, Brian? Actually, I have not been super involved since 2016. It has continued on a few of our friends, mainly Holly. She has continued to keep it alive throughout the years. And I'm kind of along for the ride. Holly's the one who creeped out that woman in West Virginia and Kyle in one fell swoop? Yes.

Tracked him down via Kyle's wife? Yeah. Kyle, what's Holly's problem? I have no idea. That is a wonderful question. I think she just takes joy in blaming me like so many others. Who is she? She's a friend of ours from college.

Okay. How many more years? I Blame Kyle Day is coming up, right? Is it always April 7th? Yeah. It's April 8th, isn't it? No, it's April 7th. Kyle, don't you even know?

Who knows? It's all the time. It's a Mobius blame. No, that doesn't even track. That's true. It's April 7th. The second annual was April 7th, 2011. So you studied math in college. How many

annuals is it now, Brian? Uh, first one was 2010. So it'd be, this would be the 12th, the 12th annual coming up, right? April 7th and a couple of weeks from when we are recording this. Yes. Right. How long do you want this to go on,rian i mean i i am fine with it going on um it is just really are you yeah okay so you're saying indefinitely sure you'd like to keep it going so what does this tradition mean to you it's just a way for us augie friends to uh kind of we get together a couple times a year and it's just one of those events where we all get together and just kind of hang out and have fun. And either if we can't get together, we chat over online and it's just a day for us all to get together and hang out and see what's going on or where everyone's gone over the past few years. So and also blame Kyle and also why not, why not turn it into a,

like we no longer blame Kyle or Kyle is guiltless day, but let's get together anyway. I mean, we could do that, but it's more fun to blame Kyle. Why do you love the chaos, Brian? I mean, if I,

if you can convince me that this means something to you, maybe I'll rule in your favor. I mean, I presume you want me to rule in your favor and what you want me to rule is keep blaming Kyle for the rest of the time, once a year, every year for the rest of the time. Yeah. Why is it so much fun to blame Kyle? And why is it not simply an expression of bullying basically? Um, it it's, I mean, it started as a way just to tease Kyle, uh, just make fun of him and, uh, do that kind of stuff. But and it just it was a back and forth. And now it's just kind of it's become a tradition and just have fun doing it. And I mean, it's not

like Kyle says he's been injured by this process, but he really I mean, I don't feel like he has. If this had been some kind of cause of injury, we would not be friends this many years later. had been some kind of cause of injury, we would not be friends this many years later. And it's just so, yeah. So Kyle has expressed his emotions to you and you just don't believe them to be true. Kyle says, I feel hurt by this. And you say, well, that's not true because we're still friends. So you're wrong about your own emotions. I mean, he's never he's never said specifically that I'm hurt by this. It's more like an annoyance

or a thing like that. So if he was actually hurt or something by this, then yeah, we would definitely reassess whether this is a thing to continue, but at this, yeah. So, but he has expressed annoyance. Yes. With some frequency and consistency, would you say? Sometimes, yeah. Do you take pleasure in his annoyance? Yes.

All right. Thank you. Thank you for giving me a straight answer to a simple question that clarifies a lot. Look, there's such a joker-like grin on your face now. I feel like something has just come out of you. You've just unburdened in a certain way. Yes. No more mind games from Brian all of a sudden.

I'm getting the real Brian. I like this guy. Yeah. Hey, Kyle. Yes. What do you like about this tradition? I do like that it is an excuse to get together with friends. We actually have done a really good job

of staying together and getting together a couple of times a year. So that is, I think, the one silver lining. I would just like to, if I could, very briefly comment. I think Brian is being a little misleading about his involvement in I Blame Kyle Day over the last couple of years. Brian is nodding yes right right so other than other than you know funding you know this i blame kyle cartel via dark money you know he has a number of you know i blame kyle uh merchandise including an i blame kyle doormat an i blame kyle cross stitching i don't know brian there's got to be some other i blame kyle paraphernalia like in your you know home somewhere there are photos of some cross stitchings here that say uh i blame kyle you shall pay for your insolence why you bet so high only one of those pertains to

the case i don't know what the other in jokes you're referring to there is this your own cross stitching brian it is not it was given to me as a Christmas gift. So this is not merch that you're, this is not merch that you're selling. Who gave it to you? Holly. Yeah. I knew it was Holly.

I knew that was Holly's Holly's dexterous little fingers doing that cross stitching. I got Holly's number. I got Eric's number. I got Brian's number. Agent of chaos. The number I don't got Kyle is Kyle's number. Kyle, what do you want me to order? Right a stop so i would yes so i would like i don't like this i don't like this because i saw

that sheet of paper that you pulled up you've been going to your notes throughout this entire thing you've been going to your notes coming up with hypothetical syllogisms and mebius strips of blame i asked you how how you would like me to order and i see a sheet of paper coming up no put it turn it over turn it over kyle okay turned i came into this with a very strict set of instructions no mind games with me and what that means isn't just i really hope and pray you have not tricked me into saying a internet catchphrase that is associated with terrible things and people that everyone's going to be laughing about now. This hasn't just been a prank on me.

I'm trusting you that this is a real story, right? This is a real story. And what I need is the real story, Kyle. Not what you've prepped for a podcast, but what you're feeling now in your heart as we talk in this, the most intimate of forms of communication, Zoom. There's another thing, aside from just reaching through the monitor and attempting to strangle me, you can also just level with me eye to eye, not through your piece of paper. You want me to stop this? Yes or no? Yes. Why do you want it to stop? How does it make you feel?

Yeah. So it does cause some anxiety about what it could be blamed for. I mean, I understand that, of course, some of these things that I'm blamed for are very outlandish and obviously fake, but it does wear on you after a while. And I mean, can you really ask one man to shoulder the blame for all of these things? I feel like I am being blamed sometimes in a real serious, like legitimate way. And I would like that to end. What would be one of the legitimate ways you are blamed? Obviously, you're not being blamed for its raining out. I mean, it could.

Let me try to get you away from your notes. I'm not looking. No, no no i understand but i feel i feel as though like you know you were watching when i said to brian does does kyle's annoyance amuse you and he was just like oh yes i i think we need to get some core truths here and i and i feel as though what what's happening is kyle and i don't blame you i understand you're you're on a moderately popular podcast uh you feel on on the on the spot right it's an anxiety producing situation you don't know me i don't know you you know right uh people have been blaming you for things your whole your whole life yes your your relationship with this old and I dare say dear friend, is weirdly frameworked around people blaming you for stuff you didn't do.

In your sort of defensive posture, you keep coming up with sort of intellectual, funny ways to describe what you're going through. Like, I don't think one man should be blamed for everything that goes on. And that's funny and that's great. But what would really make me shut this thing down, if you just say to me i don't like it okay it makes it you know or whatever you feel you know what i mean and say it to brian too because brian's out here winning on a technicality he's like he never really said that he was hurt not that you have to say that you were hurt if you weren't i want you to be truthful but brian's out here going like he kind of said he was annoyed, but I didn't take it

seriously. This is your chance now in open court to tell Brian how you really feel about this. Okay. So for a long time preceding even knowing Brian, frankly, I mean, I think I am probably a very easily blameable and like person to be teased. It's happened for a very long time. And I've come to peace with it, you know, by and large. And like, I think a lot of times it is good natured and I can, you know, I can play along and it is funny. Right. And I understand that. understand that. There probably is a part of me that, you know, as much as I would try to not feel this way or, you know, try to acknowledge it differently, that probably does harken back to, like, you know, being teased a lot growing up and that just kind of continuing till today. So I, you know, I think that that is the kernel of truth that does hit a pain point, if I'm being honest. But I just want to be clear that I don't think that in some cases, this isn't like, we hate Kyle. It's not I hate Kyle Day. It's I blame Kyle Day. And so I understand that distinction.

And so I understand that distinction. Thank you, Kyle. That feels real to me. And I appreciate you. Brian, you hear anything in what Kyle was saying? I mean, that makes you feel like maybe this tradition has run its course? I mean, this is the first time he's said anything to me about how he actually feels about Ivelyn Kyle day, other than it annoys him and he, and that kind of stuff.

So it is interesting. I didn't know about the teasing thing from earlier, but I mean, it, it is a back and forth between the two of us. We both tease each other consistently. So I, it, I'm not against the I blame Kyle day finally going away.

I do enjoy it. I do find it's fun. And I think Kyle gets some enjoyment out of it as well, even because it is kind of all about him. And he is getting a lot of attention on him for silly things that really aren't his fault or could never be construed as his fault. Kyle, do you appreciate the attention? I mean, let's say I were to order this to become just an annual either in-person or online get-together. It's, you know, I am neutral about Kyle Day or erase all memory of Kyle day. Well, that'd be a little harsh, but you know what I mean? Like, uh, let's not talk about Kyle this

year day. Uh, I mean, if Kyle isn't the center of this day, do you think you're going to feel a little bit sad? No, I would be pleased to see all of my friends. And you tease Brian too, to this day, you? You claim to be a teaser. I do. And I will just say that teasing is perfectly fine. But how about it that not just one day that is just dedicated to blaming and teasing me? What kind of teasing of Brian do you do? Oh, that's a good question. Other than dressing up like him for Halloween. I mean-

Yeah, but how long ago was that? That was a while ago, I suppose. You haven't dressed up like him for Halloween year over year over year over year? No, I certainly haven't. I would say probably- You haven't dressed up like him for Halloween year over year and gone and claimed to love other people

and trick them. That's true. I don't know. I think the last time I probably would tease Brian would be ordering things to his house that he doesn't want. Okay, there we go. That's a tease. So, yes. What did you order to his house that he didn't want?

Was it banana ketchup, Brian? Banana ketchup. What else have you? Oh, I've gotten a terrible video game that Kyle decided he didn't want called Sneak King. It's a Burger King game. Oh, Sneak King. It's a very famous game. Yeah. You, to be clear, the context for this is that you had requested the seven up spot. Yes. And instead got the Sneak King.

And that became a thing where we would pass it off amongst all of our mainly the college roommates um it would suddenly find themselves find itself in their apartment or whatever so but this is all going back to college um some of it has continued since the the banana ketchup was more recent um yeah but the point is you remember and kyle doesn't isn't that interesting isn't it interesting, Kyle, that the person who receives the butt of the prank tends to remember what the prank was about. And the person who did the pranking tends to be like, I don't know. We just had general fun. Maybe I sent him a thing. I don't even remember.

I think I've heard everything I need to. I'm going to go into the room that is dedicated with I blame Kyle cross stitching that I have here in my house, coincidentally. And I'll consider my verdict and I'll be back in a moment with my decision. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman exits the courtroom. Kyle, how are you feeling? I feel like I am much more questionable about the verdict now, but I like my chances. I feel like I can take on the whole galaxy myself. Brian, how about you? I mean, I did not have high hopes. I'm facing against a philosophy major and debater. So I did not think that I would go very well in my favor. So I anticipate losing and be very happy if I do win. Guess not how I had all those baseball cards on my dorm room door at Porter College and then somebody turned them all upside down.

Do you know who did that? Because I never found out who did that. I blame Kyle. You know who I blame, honestly? Richard Kine. We'll see. We'll see if that's true. We'll find out what Judge Hodgman's ruling is when we come back in just a moment. Hello, teachers and faculty. This is Janet Varney. I'm here to remind you that listening to my podcast, The JV Club with Janet Varney, is part of the curriculum for the school year. Learning about the teenage years of such guests as Alison Brie,

Vicki Peterson, John Hodgman, and so many more is a valuable and enriching experience, one you have no choice but to embrace, because, yes, listening is mandatory. The JV Club with Janet Varney is available every Thursday on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you. And remember, no running in the halls.

If you need a laugh and you're on the go, try S-T-O-P-P-O-D-C-A-S-T-I. Hmm. Were you trying to put the name of the podcast there? Yeah, I'm trying to spell it, but it's tricky. Let me give it a try. Okay. name of the podcast there yeah i'm trying to spell it but it's tricky let me give it a try okay if you need a laugh and you're on the go call s-t-o-p-p-b-a-d-i it'll never fit no it will let me try if you need a laugh and you're on the go try s-t-o-p-p-b-d-c-o-o oh we are so close stop podcasting yourself a podcast from from MaximumFun.org.

If you need a laugh, then you're on the go. Judge Hodgman, we're taking a quick break from the case because you, sir, have a television program. Well, I share a television program with my co-creator, David Reese, and indeed with everyone within the sound of my voice so long as you live in the United States for now Dicktown is available for you via FXX a premium cable channel and its partner Hulu a premium streamer Dicktown that's the uh that's the cartoon detective show that David Reese and I created it's now in its second season if you've been keeping up with Dicktown you will know that last week John Huntsman and David Reese took to created. It's now in its second season. If you've been keeping up with Dicktown, you will know that last week, John Huntsman and David Reese took to the skies

in a hot air balloon piloted by Amy Mann and then faced off against a new rival, the Belgian boy detective known only as Pon Pon, voiced by the great Jean-David Fantome. Meanwhile, the mysterious motorcycle car lady, a.k.a. Madam Slingshot, a.k.a. Amy Sedaris, continued to menace John and stuff his freezer full of creepy doll heads. Oh, did you miss all of that?

Well, head on over to Hulu to catch up on all past episodes of Hashtag Dicktown. And then tune your television dial to FXX this Thursday for all new mysteries. Which famous fast food podcaster is the secret alter ego of the local sports mascot Grubby? Which Judge John Hodgman guest bailiff returns to Dicktown as cosplay expert Monica? Hint, it's Jean Grey. Will John and David ever escape from the metaphorical hair pit of their lives? And what about the actual pit of doll hair that they get trapped in? All new episodes of Dicktown premiere every Thursday in March. There are only two Thursdays left in March,

and then they stream on Hulu the next day. Please watch whichever way you like, FXX or Hulu, bit.ly slash Dicktown to go to Hulu, and then maybe consider telling a friend or reviewing it or spreading the word in any way you like. If you see me on Instagram or Twitter talking about Dicktown and you like Dicktown and you want to support Dicktown. This is me asking you for help in the way that helps. Please comment, save, share, retweet. It really does help get the word out. And thank you, Judge John Hodgman listeners, for all your help so far. Dicktown, it's This On Shop, online at putthisonshop.com. I also have a really great episode of Bullseye with Jesse Thorne this week that I would love people to check out. A really cool conversation with the television writing legend Greg Daniels. Wow. Wow. Who is a spectacularly sweet guy in addition to being a legendary Simpsons writer, the former writing partner and roommate of Conan O'Brien, the co-creator of King of the Hill, the co-creator of The American Office, the co-creator of Parks and Recreation, and much, much more.

That's what you call a comedy bona fides. Yes. Comedy bona fides. This guy's got a bit of a resume. He's a really amazing guy. And also a really, an interview that I was very glad to do. So a hip hop, hip hop journalist I know named Jeff Weiss, who writes for all kinds of outlets, but was also a pioneering and still very popular hip-hop blogger at Passion of the Weiss.

He has written a lot about the story of this rapper named Draco, who was, when he started writing about him, unjustly incarcerated, was eventually freed and was one of the sort of great rappers of his generation, especially here in Los Angeles. And Draco was murdered a few months ago and Jeff was there. It was backstage at a festival show. And so I had Jeff on the show to talk about what was so great about Draco's music, which he, he really was an extraordinary rapper. Um, and to talk about the, um, circumstances of, of both his life and his death. Um, I just didn't, you know, Draco was a really gifted artist. Uh, LA's lost a lot. Um, and the hip hop community has community has lost a lot in the last couple of years. And I wanted to take the opportunity to talk about Draco and what made him such an extraordinary gift to music. So it's just a cool interview with Jeff talking about this friend of his whose music he admired and who he cared about as a friend who was killed. It's a good one. Bullseye is essential listening, everybody.

I've learned so much about so many artists and worlds that I didn't know about through the deft interviewing skills of one Jesse Thorne. It says here Jesse Thorne is the host of that show. Is that correct? Yeah, I know him. He's a hack. Yeah.

Check it out, Bullseye, on MaximumFun.org. Shall we get back to it? Let's do it. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman reenters the courtroom and presents his verdict. Brian's out here going like, I didn't think I had much of a chance because Kyle is trained in philosophy. Not true. Brian's like, yeah, well, he's such a champion debater. He might somehow be able to rhetorically beat me in the fact that I've been

mean to him for a decade. Somehow it might win that argument. Here's a couple of things that i want to bring up kyle i think that you you need to you need to interrogate this a little bit yourself because when you come out of this saying no teasing is good teasing is fine um i i worry that you've been you've programmed yourself to believe that that's okay because it would be hard for you to really take in the fact that all of your friends from college and high school have been teasing you pretty hard every year, year over just don't want it. It's just doesn't seem morally or philosophically fair to blame one man for the rain in the. See, that's teasing, too. I'm making fun of you and I apologize for that, you know, but I need you.

I need you to need you to understand that if you don't want to be teased, it has to stop. It has to stop. If they're your friends, There is no reason to say, well, teasing is good, but in, but, but, but, but teasing is teasing is part of intimate relationships, making fun of your friends, especially when you're younger, you know, calling people out on dumb stuff, pretending that, you know, all the answers to jeopardy, sending people banana ketchup that they don't want or Sneak King. Even I blame Kyle.

It's a funny joke. It's a funny joke. I mean, it's a funny joke in college, and it's made honestly. Brian, I'm going to give you this. Like the Joker, they didn't call him the Joker because he wasn't funny. Guy had a sense of humor. He was a murderer, but he had a sense of humor. He knew how jokes worked.

Extending it year over year over year over year it's funny the things that you posted particularly in 2011 that's that's funny the whole i blame kyle rant it's funny one could argue that there is a time to put aside childish things however and also there's a time that you have to be understand when teasing has gone a little too far or that there are degrees of teasing. When George Clooney cheats at Jeopardy to blow Richard Kind's mind, that's not George Clooney saying, hey, Richard Kind, you're not as beautiful as I am. Or, hey, Richard Kind, you're a gullible jerk. That's George Clooney entertaining Richard Kind. You're a gullible jerk.

That's George Clooney entertaining Richard Kind. George Clooney knows that that's going to blow Richard Kind's mind and that when he explains, no, I looked at it before, Richard Kind is going to be like, yeah, you're good. You're good. Because George Clooney knows two things. I think that when you tease a friend, you have to know what you're doing. And you have to be working from kindness, first of all. And second of all, George Clooney knows what I know is you don't want to see Richard Kind angry. I've seen him angry.

It is not fun. You do not want him to get angry at you. That dude knows how to project his voice. And all of a sudden, wah, becomes, ah. You're lucky that kyle isn't richard kind because richard kind would have been yelling in your face by now stop it you understand me stop i'm telling you for the last time i think it's because kyle does sense that you love him and that his friends love him and it might even be the case that his wife loves him. But at the same time, the joke of doing it year over year over year has, I think, an unintended consequence, which is that it wears him down.

I went on that Jonathan Colton cruise. A wonderful community of performers and cruisers and board gamers and dice rollers and singers and songwriters and fez wearers and just a great supportive community. But I made a joke a year, one or two of many years that I went on the cruise where I was offering myself to be the cruise villain and that Jonathan was the hero and I was the villain and everyone thought this was really funny. And so every time I took the stage, I would be booed and hissed. And for the first year, this was great. This was the, this was the gag I was playing.

I was the emperor Palpatine of this cruise. I was the evil villain of the cruise. Year two, year three, three started to wear a little bit year four when i would come out and try to actually perform and be generous with people and just be greeted to a round of boo i knew that they were playing it was the part of the joke it was a joke that i had initiated but after a while it just starts to wear you down. Expressions of dislike, even in a teasing manner, start to wear you down. And I think that I appreciate that Kyle is so sensitive to the fact that this is actually an expression in a way of affection for him that he can't just straightforward say to you, Brian, knock it off. It's not funny anymore. It's, it's, it's really annoying that my wife is involved in this group. That's something you have to take up with her. It freaks me. I mean, it's like there could be an alternate

universe or timeline where Kyle is like, yeah, it's pretty funny that you found me with those flowers in the middle of West Virginia. But I don't think that that's this timeline, right, Kyle? You don't find it funny. I was a little terrified. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, people who are teress that it requires real communication and real focus on not hurting the other person really. Generally speaking, I think probably teasing

should be said. I used to tease Elliot Kalin all the time until I realized it wasn't teasing anymore. It was bullying. And I was just having fun because he was annoyed. You ever hear that one, that song before, Brian? Taking pleasure in someone else's annoyance, you know? Kyle coming in and making his strongly worded letters, please don't do this anymore. That's funny, I know, but Kyle's sincere. And it's probably best to, particularly once you mature into other phases of life where maybe you're both professionals, one of you is a

financial planner for a community bank, you've got things going on, to reorder your reunions around not hurting someone else's feelings. But instead to be like, hey, it's lucky we're still alive. If it's not fun for everyone, it's no fun fun at all that's what i told my infant daughter when she pulled the cat's tail she said it was fun it's not fun for the cat it's not fun for the cat and i think if it was ever fun for kyle it should be clear now that it is no longer fun for kyle hey brian i don't want to be a drag i want to be with the cool group, the Kyle blamers, Holly and Eric and Brian having fun with their little hashtag and their meme. It's a funny joke. It was a funny joke for a while. I don't want to be a, I don't want to be a drip. I don't want to be someone with a wet blanket.

It's going to kill a joke, but I think it's, it has to happen. I mean, my, my hands are tied. It's painful to Kyle. Why would I allow that to continue? Why would I allow it to continue? This is going to be the last I blame Kyle day. You get one more. This is it. And I do not want you to make it count. I don't want Kyle. I do not want you to up your game for this last one.

I want you to let it go. I want you to let it go. I want you to let it go. I want you to let it go. And I want the theme of I Blame Kyle Day to be I blame Kyle for the death of I Blame Kyle Day. Because that's fair. Because, Kyle, that's your empowerment. You are the one who is responsible for shutting this thing down. And you deserve to not be blamed and teased, even on a yearly basis,

as part of some weird Lord of the Flies ritual that you, what do you call yourselves? Augies? Augie students. Augie students. And then I want you guys to remain friends, but it's got to be on a new kind of footing. One that is not based on blaming Kyle,

but instead appreciating that Kyle put up with your blame for a long time. And honestly, Brian, it was your fault to begin with. This is the sound of a gavel. Judge John Hodgman rules. That is all. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman exits the courtroom. Brian, how do you feel? I mean, I'm a little disappointed, but I mean, I kind of anticipated that result. So, but we'll have one last I Blame Kyle day and we'll go from there. You could change it to celebrate Kyle day. We could.

I did ask for 12 years successively of I Thank Kyle day to replace I Blame Kyle day. What do you think, Brian? I mean, you were blamed for good and bad things. So I think you'll be thanked for good and bad things. I'm not sure how that's substantially different. Barnacles. Kyle, how do you feel? I feel that after April 7th of this year, it's a whole new reality. And I'm excited for what happens next. Kyle, Brian, thanks for joining us on Judge John Hodgman. Another Judge John Hodgman case in the books.

Right around the corner, some swift justice. First, our thanks to at kids, Dr. Dave. Classic Max Funster, Dave. For naming this week's episode, Request for X Tradition. If you want to name a future episode, follow us on Twitter for naming opportunities at jessethorn at Hodgman. While you're there, you can also hashtag your Judge John Hodgman related tweets, hashtag JJHO

and join the conversation over at the Maximum Fun subreddit at maximumfun.reddit.com. Garsh, Jesse, you don't need to tell me. I know where it is. I go over there all the time. You know what I did the other day on the subreddit? Played a game of 20 questions. You really did.

I saw that thread. I think I might do it tomorrow. Do you mind? Is that inappropriate? No, that's fun. You're a MaxFun host. That's a MaxFun subject. I'm not going to play.

I'm going to be in the subreddit zoomies. That's just videos of dogs and other animals getting the Zoomies. You got to get your Zoomies out. Sorry, I interrupted your Zoomies here at the end of the credits. You go. Evidence and photos from the show are posted on our Instagram account. That's Instagram.com slash Judge John Hodgman. You don't even have to have an Instagram account to look at the pictures. Just go to that internet website. You can follow us there if you do have an Instagram account.

And you comment and click the little save thing. That helps people see it. Yeah. If you send it, if you save it, if you comment, that all helps people see things. And that helps the show. Tag us in your dank memes. If you're making dank Judge John Hodgman memes. Yeah.

And also if you review it at places where you can review podcasts, that helps. I'd like to see more fancy duck memes. I feel like that's ripe for memeing. Yeah, we should really get a fancy duck t-shirt up there. You know what I'm saying? Our producer is Jennifer Marmer. Our editor is Valerie Moffat. Now, Swift Justice will answer a small dispute with quick judgment. Jared says, I like to use a

hairdryer set on cool as a fan slash white noise machine, but my wife thinks this is too weird. Please tell my wonderful wife to let me be a harmless weirdo in my own home. I need some more. I mean, I know this is swift justice, but I need some more information. Is he just sitting there holding the hair dryer in front of him? He's running it through his hair. Or, you know, a white noise machine you would normally use to sort of like fall asleep, right? He must be. It must be like, you know, people who aren't concerned about fan death. Sometimes we'll put a fan by their bed and turn it on a little bit so that the noise can help lull them to sleep. He must be doing the same.

But instead of using a fan. A box fan. A box fan. He's just using, he's just on his bedside table. He's got a hair dryer on his bedside table. He's got a hair dryer running there. I'm sorry, Jared.

I can't, I can't abide that. That seems, I don't know why, I understand that the, when you talk about fan death, you're talking about the, the very strangely popular misconception in South Korea that if you have a box fan running in a closed bedroom, it will cut the oxygen molecules in two and you will die. It's a strange phenomenon

in South Korea. I don't understand it. I have a little bit of that with hair dryers. I just feel like hair dryers are maybe because they're shaped kind of like a weapon. Yeah. And maybe because there are all those scenes in movies where they fall into the bathtub and people get electrocuted. But just a hairdryer running on its own seems like something in a haunted house. I don't like that at all. Sorry, Jared. We, of course, want to hear your disputes.

Judge Hodgman, I think it would be nice for our listeners this week to share their disputes on campus, their on-campus disputes you got a beef with that crusty old dean who's trying to shut down your parties and make it so you can't have any fun or maybe it's a high school campus a lot of us have been to high school or community college some some old rivalry from back in the back in the high school days when it was like at brookline high school it was the it was the metal stairs versus the freak scares in this quadrangle i was with the freaks the metal kids were over on the other side you know what's the weird thing is that i had long hair and look like me and i was was on the freak stairs. And then over on the middle stairs, there was this kid with long hair who also looked like me, but he wore a denim jacket with like

Iron Maiden written in white out in the back or something. But he was like my true doppelganger. He's right on the other side of the quadrangle and we'd just stare at each other. We both looked exactly alike except for his denim jacket. I could never wear a denim jacket. It doesn't look right on me. So whether it's that specific dispute or a different dispute that took place on campus or has, look, pedagogical disputes, I'm open to those. Maximumfund.org slash JJHO is where to submit them. That's maximumfund.org slash JJHO. We want to hear about them. And of course, you're welcome to submit any dispute. We love to hear them all, big or small, at MaximumFun.org slash JJHO.

We'll talk to you next time on the Judge John Hodgman Podcast.