Judge John Hodgman - Why Don't We Get Drunk and Sue LIVE at SF Sketchfest

Episode Date: November 19, 2025

We are back at San Francisco Sketchfest! A case about a chest freezer, a classic Groundhog Day time loop with James and Rob from Kasper Hauser, and a dispute about Jimmy Buffett Trivia! With special Jimmy Buffett expertise from the recorded voice of a Friend of the Court who knew Jimmy Buffett! (whispers: it's Justin McElroy. Of course, it's Justin McElroy)SPOILER ALERT: If you'd like to donate to Conner and Yael's skin cancer awareness fundraiser in honor of Jimmy Buffet, you may do so here! END SPOILER!It's the holidays! Get your JJHo merch at MaxFunStore.com! Right and wrong caps, Pure Justice Smell candle, and cozy goth cozy clothes! And a ticket to see us in January at SF Sketchfest makes a LOVELY gift! Sunday, January 18 at Marines' Memorial Theatre, on sale now!We are on TikTok and YouTube! Follow us on both @judgejohnhodgmanpod! Follow us on Instagram @judgejohnhodgman!Thanks to reddit user u/poop-parade for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, keep an eye on the Maximum Fun subreddit at reddit.com/r/maximumfun! Judge John Hodgman is member-supported! Join at $5 a month at maximumfun.org/join!

It's the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm Bail of Jesse Thorne. With me, Judge John Hodgman. This week's episode recorded live at San Francisco Sketchfest. We love beyond love our annual time at San Francisco Sketchfest. And this time we heard a case about a chest freezer, a Jimmy Buffett-themed trivia night. And we saw the return of our old pals Rob Bedeker and James Richmuth from Casper Houser. This show was 1,000% fun.

And while you're laughing along to this episode, please go to sfscatchfest.com to get tickets to our next show at SketchFest. That's right. We're returning Sunday, January 18th. Back at the Marines Memorial Theater, we would love to see you there. Let's go to the stage at Marines Memorial Theater for some San Francisco justice. People of San Francisco, you asked us for live justice, and we are here to deliver it, the court of Judge John Hodgman is now in session. Please welcome to the stage, Diana and Brooks. Diana brings the case against her husband, Brooks. Diana wants more freezer space.

She's dying to buy a chest freezer. Brooks says no. They don't need a chest freezer. Who's right? Who's wrong? Who will make sure this house is always stocked with it's-its. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom. Diana and Brooks, you may be seated. Welcome to the fake courtroom.

Diana, you bring the case. You want a chest freezer. Why? What human body parts do you want to put in there? So currently our freezer is packed, and so anytime you go to the store, if you buy a frozen item, you need to play Tetris, and it beeps at you if it's open for too long. It's a very stressful situation.

I hate your freezer so much. Your freezer is virtue signaling. Yeah, yeah. But it's, we live in the suburbs. This is a dream that can come true. What suburbs do you live in, if I may ask? We live in Fremont. Okay.

And what's packed in your freezer currently? And what do you want to have room for? So there's a lot of noodles, both Asian and Italian varieties. There's bread. There are, well, ice cream. And It's-It's mochi ice cream. These are things that are not efficiently packed. They take up a lot of space.

Do you have room for a chest freezer? We can make room. Okay. Brooks. Diana says that a chest freezer will make her happy. Why is her happiness unimportant to you? I think her happiness will not be found in the depths of a chest freezer. Only more frustration.

You're saying that you know her mind better than she does. I think that in this one case, she is incorrect. Tell me more. What do you anticipate happening if I were to ruin in her favor and you get a chest freezer? What's she going to fill it with? And then what is she going to want next? So currently our freezer is full of. of bread, ice cream, noodles.

I heard the whole inventory before, books. Stop stalling for time. Mochi ice cream, itzits, we all know. Wait, wait, wait, wait. What kind of itzits? Oh, good point. In generally, we have plain and mint. Yeah, that's the right ones. About three years ago, Jesse Thorne sent to my home in Maine

a huge shipment of itzits. Yeah. Of many flavors. It's basically a pallet. And we enjoy, yeah, exactly. And we did not have a chest freezer, though I'll tell you something, we do have a garage fridge,

which has a freezer attached. So I feel you. Thank you for that one applaud. That's the Midwesterner in the crowd. And that was three years ago, and all of those it's-its were enjoyed and remarked upon by everyone in my family, except for one kind.

Three years later, the pumpkin it sits are still in the freezer. Sorry to say. Anyway, I apologize. I took it a different way. You like the pumpkin insets? No, I didn't even know that was an option. Well, this might be why you need another freezer.

But I think we currently, like currently on average, we have three to four kinds of ice cream in our freezer. And I think in Diana's vision, we have eight to nine types of ice cream in our freezer. Honestly, if you had a chest freezer, think about how 30 wonderful your life could be. I think for bread we're going from like five frozen loaves to like ten frozen loaves. I think this is, you know, the vision is we go to the grocery store once every two months.

And I think we're just going to... Let the record show for listeners that Diana touched her hands to her heart with joy when considering going to the grocery store every two months. Who goes to the grocery store? Who does the grocery shopping, Brooks? I do most of it. Do you like going or do you not like going? I'm fine going. Diana, you don't like going to the grocery store or what?

I hate going to the grocery store. But Brooks is doing it. Well, but so the caveat is we get a CSA, we go to the farmer's market. Right. The grocery store is actually pretty limited. You live in the Bay Area. We know. But we have small children that who each will only eat things that no one else eat. So there's like four grocery stores that you have to go.

go to to get all of the specific items. And it's just, it's too much. I get it. I do that for it's-its in Los Angeles. I go to a special grocery store only to get insin. Diana, why do you think Brooks doesn't want you to have the chest freezer of your dreams? All he will say is that we don't need it. And I think it's objectively false. Well, I mean, there is added expense. There, you know, and there is Brooks's assurance that you don't know your own feelings and that as soon and that you're just trying to fill up that chest freezer to fill some other emotional hole in your life that maybe you should be going to therapy for

instead. Once that chest freezer is full, you will realize there's still more that you need in this life. But that's what Brooks would say. If he would bother to mount in a defense at all. Brooks, why not? Why not? Why not? Because I think we would just end up

with like two months of stuff in the freezer getting frost on it and it would just be sitting there we would eventually eat it but it would be like all frosted over Brooks do you know that chest freezers don't frost because they don't have de-frost cycles

well but then we would need to defrost it wouldn't we no I mean what I mean is they don't get covered in frost because it doesn't turn on and off in order to melt the they don't get freezer burned oh I did not know yeah I think you better do some research Brooks Well, can I add So we're both lab scientists Let me just say, you can add

You don't have to You're way ahead at the moment But I am interested in hearing about your research science So freezer defrosting and organizational systems, like this is what we've been

training for our entire career I think we were just going to Wait a minute. You're trained lab scientists in the field of suburban storology? They're carcologists. What are your actual fields, if I may ask? I'm a protein scientist. How are you going to counter that, Brooks?

You know she gets her macros. I'm a synthetic biologist. I don't know what either those things are, but it's like, I would be so excited to be at a cocktail party with you. Nonetheless, you have not made an argument for why you shouldn't have a chest freezer. It would. Let's fill up that chest freezer and then see if Diana still has needs. Thank you, Diana and

Brooks. Swift Justice now continues. Please welcome to the stage. James and Rob. James and Rob. James brings the case against his colleague, Rob. They're both members of the legendary Bay Area Sketch Comedy Group, Casper Hauser. They're also in the midst

of a terrible dispute that they say only Judge John Hodgman can resolve who is funnier. Judge Hodgman? Well, it's so nice to see you again, James and Rob. Welcome back. Thanks very much for having us back on the show. Of course.

Oops. Keep it together, Rob. All right. I guess the dispute is who is funnier? Yes. So we have brought two different versions of an unperformed Casper Hauser sketch. Oh, okay.

I prefer the first one. Rob prefers the second one. And this disagreement is the reason why neither of them has ever been performed. Oh, okay. And we are hoping that you will settle this dispute. Yeah, I would be happy to. So let's hear a sampling of the first sketch. This would be your sketch.

The first sketch, okay. First version of the sketch, I should say. Hello? Hello. Are you the devil? I have gone by many names. Oh, good. I'd like to sell my soul in exchange for being the best there's ever been.

Okay. Guitar or fiddle? Tuba. Tuba. I want to play Tuba like it's never been played before. Why? I like the... How do you describe it?

Low sound? Tubas are heavy, you know, they wrap around your whole torso. Well, if I sold my soul, could it come with a special tuba that would be small? Do you mean a trumpet? I mean, I'd hate for you to not get that really booming tuba sound that you love. Okay, let's do it. Normal tuba, best ever, my soul. Okay, let me just, here's a thought. So there's no rule that says you have to pick...

have to pick just one instrument. Why not be the best ever at tuba and guitar as a backup? No way. Tuba and oboe. No, no, no, no, no. Nobo. The reeds on an oboe are so sensitive to humidity changes. You know what?

It sounds like you're trying to talk me out of this. No, we just, we want people to be happy with their choice. We? Me and the demons and stuff. I want to do beekeeping. And be what? The world's best beekeeper? You're not even making sense now.

I'm going to interrupt here. I think we've got a sense, right? That was great. Good sense of that sketch. Good sense of the throw of sketch one. Very nice. Very nice. Okay. Let's just try to keep it neutral because I want to hear the second sketch

and I'll evaluate who is funnier. Go ahead. Rob, this is your sketch. Yes. Can I help you? Are you the devil? I have gone by many names. Okay, so do you remember me?

Six months ago, I sold my soul to be the best guitar player ever. Yeah. Yeah, you kind of look a little bit familiar. You know what? I'm in the middle of making some home movies right now. Can we do this? Can I just play something for you? Not necessary, my son

I assure you you are the greatest Just real Just real Wait, wait Hold on Hold on Oh yeah

Yeah Wow, yeah Yeah Wow, that's amazing Really? Yeah, yeah. Because I feel like

I can suck. No, you don't suck? I do. No, you don't suck. I just suck. I'm supposed to be the best. Hey, what's your name? Terry. Terry, you're dynamite.

Oh, okay. Yeah, I am good. I guess I just needed I just want to play one more thing. No, no, no, no. I got to go. now, but... Knockin' on heaven's door.

Knock, knock, knock. No, stop it. Stop it. You're terrible. Believe me, I've seen some shit. I'll give you your soul back. You need to stop right now. All right, I'm also going to stop you there

because that's great. That's amazing. The good sense of the sketch. Two sketches. James's sketch, Rob's sketch. Similar themes. Both very funny. Both very funny.

Both very funny. I mean, it's really Humor is so objective, you guys. You know what I mean? I think the thing of it is, though, you know, I know that you want me to say one of you is funnier, but here on the podcast, you know, we have a reputation for finding, like, the emotional crux.

What's really going on here? And the fact is, like, I know you guys, you were here with us last year. We love you. We love Casper Hauser. You've been working together for 35 years. You've been friends for that long, too. And yet, as great collaboration,

As you are, all creative people, I think, tend to be a little bit competitive inside and kind of want someone from the outside to say, yeah, you're funnier than him or you're funnier than them. But I have to encourage you to not think that way. You're funny in different ways. You complement each other. And your value doesn't depend on who gets more laughs, you know? So, unfortunately, I'm going to throw this one out of court because you're both really funny. There are both really great sketches. So there you go.

Thank you, James and Rob. Thank you, James and Rob. Great to see you. Let's bring out our next set of litigants. Please welcome to the stage. James and Rob? What? James brings the case against his colleague, Rob.

They're both members of the legendary Bay Area Sketch Comedy Group, Casper Hauser. They're also in the midst of a terrible dispute that they say only Judge John Hodgman can resolve who's funnier. Jesse, why are we doing this again? I don't even, I don't write the script. I just read the script. I don't know. Thank you so much for having us on the show.

Oops. Keep it together, Rob. Okay, I'm not sure what's happening. Do you have another dispute? Yes. We've brought two versions of an unperformed Casperhauser sketch. I like the first one better. Rob likes the second one better.

But this disagreement is the reason why neither of them has ever been performed before. We would like your help in settling this dispute. Knock yourself out. Hello? Hello. Are you the devil? I have gone by many names. Oh, good. I'd like to sell my soul

in exchange for being the best there's ever been. Okay, guitar or fiddle? Tuba. Oh, stop, stop it, stop it. I thought I thought maybe it would be a different instrument. This is the same sketch. All right, I'm sorry, maybe you didn't like my other ruling where I was like, you're both funny. Maybe you really need to know who's funnier.

I respect that. So let me just say that the sketches are great. I would say they both need work, honestly. But if I had to say it, I think, I think, I'm sorry, Rob, but I do think that James is a little funnier. The two, the one is a little bit funnier. just by a hair, but that's not important. But if you must know, I rule in James' favor.

Sorry you had to come back to hear that. Thank you, James and Rob. Swift Justice continues. Please welcome to the stage. James and Rob. James brings the case against his colleague, Rob. They're both members of the legendary Bay Area sketch comedy group, Casper Hauser.

Wait, hold on. Judge Hodgman, I know what it is. What? What's happening? It's a ground hawkins. day. We're in a ground hog day. It's a ground hog day. I forgot about that. Okay.

Thank you so much for having us on the show. Oops. Better keep it together, Rob. You're going to do this whole bit again, aren't you? Yes. We've brought two versions of an unperformed Casper Houser sketch.

Now, I like the first one better. Rob likes the second one better. This disagreement is the reason why neither has ever performed. Okay. Stop. Stop it. Stop. Stop. I understand now we're in a groundhog day loop. So I guess I got to learn something about myself or I got to like grow in some way to get out of this. I mean, I already said you were both funny. I said, one of you is funnier. I mean, why is this happening? Maybe you're being punished for outsourcing a whole segment of comedy

instead of coming up with something new yourself? It has to be. We didn't do that. Just brought in local talent. Well, it's harsh but fair. But you have to understand, look around you. Nothing is funny anymore. I can't.

I can't write comedy. I'm just can't write comedy. I'm just crying inside all the time. So, yes, I admit it. I brought you in because you're sociopathic enough to be funny in these times. And I'm not. And I just want to get through the show so I can get back to my hotel room and eat pork cracklings and watch Jenny Nicholson videos about Galactic Star Cruiser, which is the only thing that brings me any pleasure right now because my kids have grown up and left. I just want to stare in the middle distance and cry all the time. Okay? So I'm being honest with you now. Is that enough? Does that break the curse? Not...

No. Not... No. So how do I get out of this? I can think of a way... Oh. Oh, no. He's back.

Let me ask, are you the devil? I have gone by many names. Okay, okay, okay, okay. So what? I gotta sell my soul to get out of this ground dog day loop? Mm-hmm. And anything else you desire? Oh.

Uh, well, I have always kind of wanted to be the best that's ever been. Guitar or fiddle. Well, I got a big song coming up, so ukulele. Oh, fuck, here we go again. Rob Betteker and James Richmond, everybody. I'll sign it. I'll sign it. I'll sign it. Check out Rob and James' classic sketch comedy group, Casper Houser.

The entire Casper Houser Comedy Podcast is available at maximum fun.org in your favorite podcast app, and you can buy their many books, including their legendary Sky Mall, happy crap you can buy from a plane. San Francisco, are you ready for mega justice? Let's bring out our litigants. Please welcome to the stage, Yael and Connor. Tonight's case, why don't we get drunk and soon?

Yael brings the case against his friend Connor. Yael runs a weekly trivia night at Connor's bar. Yael is a lifelong parrot head. He wants to host a Jimmy Buffett trivia night to commemorate the second anniversary of Buffett's passing. But Connor has only one rule. No, Jimmy Buffett. Who's right, who's wrong,

and who's trying to reason with hurricane season? only one can decide. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom and delivers an obscure cultural reference. Here is my philosophy. Up with life. Stamp out all small and large

and dignities. Leave everyone alone to make it without pressure. Down with hurting. Lower the standard of living. Do without plastics. Smash the servo mechanisms. Stop grabbing. Snuff the breeze and hug the kids.

Love all love, hate all hate. Bail of Jesse Thorne, please swear the litigants in. Jaelle and Connor please rise and raise your right hands. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God or whatever? Yes. Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling, despite the fact that his favorite Jimmy Buffett's song is the piano has been drinking, not me? by Tom Waits. Judge Hodgman, you may proceed.

You have identified a similar polarizing aspect of those two artists. Yael and Connor, you may be seated. They both agree that it's five o'clock somewhere. Yael and Connor, you may be seated for an immediate summary judgment in one of yours favorites. Can either of you name the piece of culture that I referenced as I entered this courtroom?

Connor, let's start with you. You're closer to me, correct? You are Connor? I am Connor. Welcome, Connor. What is your guess? I believe that is a quote from Blue Planet, David Attenborough, during Planet Earth. I love the acting that you're giving to this case.

I believe that's a quote from, is it Blue Planet? Which David Attenborough is it? Well, it's a very good guess. I'm going to write that down. Yael, it falls to you. What is your guess? He could be right. He could be wrong.

I'm going to guess that it's from Jimmy Buffett's novel, a salty piece of land. And that in preparation for this, you read the whole thing. I absolutely did not. I did not know that that was a novel. Oh, yeah. But all guesses are wrong.

It was actually from a novel called A Tan and Sandy Silence by John D. McDonald, one of 21 Travis McGee novels featuring the Beach Bum and Houseboat denizen of Fort Lauderdale and problem solver Travis McGee who is referenced in which Jimmy Buffett's song

Yael Trell Jimmy Buffett expert Good question I don't I can't think of it off the top of my head is it's the first two lines Travis McGee is still in Cedar Key that's what John D. McDonald said song comes out 1981

1981 okay so it's not it's on barometer soup but it's I don't know the name of the song Barometer Soup Come on. I don't know, yeah. I couldn't tell you. Let me give you another one.

See if you can catch this cultural reference. All right. I'll give you another shot. Give you another shot. This one's really short. Has a good ring to it, don't you think? Has a good ring to it, don't you think? This one is very recent.

From January 31st, 2025. Has a good ring to it, don't you think? You got it, Connor? You got a guess? That was Trump referring to the Gulf of America? Very close. Very close, but I would never bring that up in this room because I want us all to have a good time.

Because we have to do 45 more minutes of comedy, dude. In fact, it was what we used to call a tweet back when we thought the internet was good and not terrible for everyone. It was a tweet sent from Jimmy Buffett's account from the grave. Yeah. I was going to say. And it accompanied a photo of the Gulf of Mexico,

but the Gulf of Mexico had been renamed Gulf of Margaritaville. Ah. Well, I gave you two shots, and you lost both of them, so we must hear this trial. Who seeks justice in this? Wait, John, do you know what my stock, I guess, would have been? No, I don't. The Jimmy Buffett song, Math Sucks, which is a real Jimmy Buffett song.

Yeah. It's spelled S-U-K-S. Maths. And you know what it's about, John? math sucking. Yeah, it's about math sucking. The whole song is just about that. It's about how much he hates math.

That's all. That's fair. I can't do some traction, so maybe I'm a Jimmy Buffett fan after all. I've never been a parrot head myself, but I am parrot curious. It's a good lifestyle. Okay, Yale, tell me about the lifestyle.

Yeah. And what it means to you? It doesn't necessarily include, you know, polyamorous connection. the way that the lifestyle you were referring to is. But it's more about a escapism and a sense of the beach and the sea and having a good time and all of that, right? And this is a culture that I was raised in.

And I host trivia at Conner's Bar now. I often find a Jimmy Buffett song makes sense for a music round. Connor will scoff at me whenever I play it. And he goes, no Buffett. That's the rule. No Buffett. It's his one rule But, you know, it's

It's tough for me to That's your one rule in your bar Underage drinking is fine, fighting The only rule that I make Not the law Okay, I understand So you own a bar here in San Francisco Correct, yeah

And we'll go ahead and say the name of the bar Because I know this whole thing is just a scheme Redtail Beer and Wine Bar Correct Tuesdays at 730 All right. Always be plugging. I admire your hustle. Okay. And you don't like Jimmy Buffett. I do not. No. Tell me why you hate the love. So, I feel like with Jimmy Buffett and a lot of artists of that era, you know, I didn't grow up with it. My parents didn't know it. My introduction to Jimmy Buffett was working crappy retail jobs where they would play the same radio station every day on repeat. Yeah. And so you would just get stuck stocking yogurt listening to Margaret. Doridaville. Yeah.

Every day. You just felt like you were wasting away. Yeah. Yeah. It's like you cut your brain on a pop top. Yeah. Yeah. You're listening to Cheeseburger in Paradise,

while in hell. You know, like it's, you're just, it's not a good time. You got to. And as a result, like,

Jimmy Buffett just in my head broed in there. And it's just like, I can't, like, whatever it is, I just can't stand his style of singing,

songwriting, performance. And then... It's not for you. It's not for me. And then the fact that... Can I tell you what? I totally relate to you.

I worked at Macy's when that LFO song came out and Chinese food still makes me sick. There's just something in my brain that... And then the fact that he went on to make his favorite, his number one song, a chain restaurant.

He enjoyed in only the most miserable places in the world. Yeah, like Cancun. Is there one in Cancun? Yeah. I know there's a lot of them in the Midwest where there's not a lot of sun. Yeah, but that's where you go

To get that island lifestyle To waste away Yeah You know you own a bar too It's beer and wine, it's classy Okay Saying Margaritaville is not classy I've never been

We should go Because me either We can have fun This is one of those moments in life Where I have to make a choice Do I agree to go with a perfect stranger to a Margaritaville, even though we both acknowledge we don't really like Jimmy Buffett very much. The content's there.

Connor, all right, deal. We'll make it happen. We'll make it happen. By the way, John, happy anniversary. Yael, you might be invited, depending on how this goes for you. So you host, you're an employee. of Connors. I'm a contractor. Okay. Oh, so you just

host the trivia. I only host the trivia there. I do trivia at a lot of other places. I'm a professional trivia host, yeah. Okay. Even though you got my two questions wrong, you are... Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was the song, by the way? You never said the title of the song. Incommunicado. Incommunicado, of course

it was. Okay. I knew it was on barometer suit. That's why I also host trivia and don't partake in trivia. I like pretending to be smart because it's the rule that I am the smartest one of the sure I'll tell you this

it wouldn't matter what you said the name of the song or album was because they all sound like a joke Jimmy Buffett's song or album yes it is it is it avoids parody by being self-parody is one of the I think sort of charming things about Jimmy

that's what's nice about it yeah I mean look at how I'm dressed I was just about to point out how you were dressed for those who are not in this room With us, perhaps listening at home, Yael is wearing, looks like, tropical pajamas. He also appears to have Margarita-themed croft. These are official Margaritaville Croc Jibbets that I am wearing. And here's the thing.

I came here with the lime, the ice cubes, and the shaker of salt. And at some point tonight, I lost the shaker of salt. So there is a shaker of salt croc gibbets somewhere in this theater. That I legitimately lost right before coming up on stage. Whoever finds that lost chaker of salt gets a free t-shirt, Judge Schum. Or you can get Yael's tropical pajamas if he'll take them off. It's all part of the lifestyle. Sure.

I mean, is this something that you enjoy truly or ironically? Oh, no, absolutely enjoy it truly. On my way getting ready today, my wife's in the audience, she could tell you, I was showered, and there she is, I was showering and listening to Jimmy Buffett songs and singing at the top of my lungs, like getting ready for tonight. I wholeheartedly love dressing like this, acting like a fool, listening to this music. If there is a Margaritaville in a city that I'm visiting, I want to go find it. Like, I love it.

And so you want to do a full night of Jimmy Buffett trivia. That's correct. I want to honor the master in a way that. that only somebody who has been a fan of his since birth could with a full trivia night at the Red Tail that would be Jimmy Buffett themed. I don't want to be rude here, but... Of what would you say, was he a master?

He... I'm genuinely... Capitalism. He is the... Well... Yes, yes. Wait a minute. Capitalism, yes.

He is the... quintessential bard of beach isapism. He is the barred of boomerism. Sure, yeah, yeah, fine. Yeah, a lot of people, well, that's the thing. A lot of people associate Buffett just with the like, this one kind of boomer, right? Right. But where, I'm from San Diego.

I'm from this particular neighborhood in San Diego called Ocean Beach where it's all, it's the Grateful Dead and Jimmy Buffett all day every day. And no matter who you are, that's what you're getting. Like, that is what you are enjoying. and it is earnest. Our love for Jimmy Buffett is earnest because we are living in this beach paradise. Whereas like there's a lot of,

like you were saying, there's a lot of Margarita Vils in Midwest towns, there's a lot of parrot heads who are just old boomers. There is some, what's the word I'm looking for, artifice in some people enjoying Buffett

in a perceived way, that it's just associated with boomerism. But what it really is at the end of the day is just a true expression of beach life. All right. I let you speak for a while. Yael, I let you speak for a long time there.

You did. What we need is a boys' camp. First, because I was trying to open this bottle of water and I was having trouble. I was paying attention to that. And then I realized I couldn't stop you until you came to your natural, grousing conclusion. And I just want to be clear that when I say, you know, the bard of boomerism, I'm no young person.

And I am a, I'm a true dad myself. And I'm pointing a finger at myself. But I have always identified Buffett with a kind of a dad aesthetic. Sure. A kind of middle brow. I get one week of vacation a year. So I'm going to go down to an island. I'm going to listen to Jimmy Buffett and pretend that I'm free before I go back to the show. shackles of my job, right? And that's what he made his money. Like, when we talk about capitalism, that's the lifestyle that he sold, was that exactly what you're talking about. Right.

This moment of, of escapism, of, I'm starting my vacation early. It's five o'clock somewhere. Let's go, right? And that appeals to so many people, because like you said, so much of capitalism is about drudgery. He was selling fun and this escape,

you know, and this way that you could have a good time. Sure. I understand. Okay. Connor, has Yael ever tried to sneak Buffett into the bar before? Yeah. Explain what happened and how did you counteract it?

So he's pretty smart in using tracks that normal, like Jimmy Buffett tracks, that normal people would have never heard before. So this would be like during a music round of a regular general trivia game. How he normally formats it, he'll play a minute of a song, you guess the artist's title, you name it. Right. But yeah, and so he will sneak one in because in the miasma of, you know, 12 songs, minute at a time, it's kind of easy to sneak in a little acoustic. But it is, but every time that he then reveals... Man of a thousand voices over here.

Every time he then reveals it's Buffett, he has to deal with my chagrin of like, come on, man, we have one rule. Like, it's, we have so much fun. There's just this one rule. Like, please. Why can't you abide by the one rule, you help? I am an artist, judge. I cannot be censored. I, I, if you, if you try to take the Buffet away from me, you are taking away a core part of what makes me the draw at this trivia night.

People come for me. You need to have me in the full expression of me. Don't worry. I think there's no other way to get you. No. Than in the full expression of Yael. And I mean, there's part of me that wants to believe that you have oppositional defiance disorder

and because there's the one rule, that's why you love Jimmy Buffett. But you claim to have been a Buffett fan since birth, which I guess means you were birthed in a birthing pool full of, like, Corona Light or something. Yeah. My parents literally did, like, play Buffett to me, like, from the record.

player when I was in the womb. So I have always been a Buffett fan. John, he explained he was born in a birthing pool of Corona Light, San Diego. Are you concerned, Connor, that you'd be losing control of the theme and the vibe of your bar if it became a Jimmy Buffett bar even one night? It's a floodgate. Once you know, once you start letting the parrot heads in, who's next? I've done a, I've, I've, I've done a few floodgates

to the swim-up bar in Jamaica myself. Is Kiss Army? Are we going to start appealing to? That sounds fine. That's a different kind of boomerism, right there. Can you make a capitalist argument since we're talking about Jimmy Buffett's capitalism? Yeah.

That do you think an audience will come? I absolutely do think an audience will come. Well, I think that people will come to our trivia regardless. We have a very well-attended trivia. So I'm not worried about that, but I think that we could open up the Red Tail to new audiences by advertising, hey, we're doing this Jimmy Buffett trivia night.

People who might not have thought to come to Red Tail before, but are interested in, you know, the Margaritaville aesthetic might want to come hang out for that night. Yeah, but Conner doesn't want them there. And I don't sell margaritas. Parrot heads have dimensions.

They have, they have facets. They contain multitudes, Your Honor. You can put salt on the rim of a nice pina grigio. We have sold a margarita sour in the past. That was like a margarita flavored beer. Surely there's another bar in San Francisco where you could do a Jimmy Buffett. Oh, yes, of course.

Yeah, of course there is. So why don't you? This is not the only bar. And you are friends. Yes, right? Connor, you will stipulate to the fact that Yael is your friend? Yes, Your Honor. How would you feel if he did a Jimmy Buffett, Margaritaville Trivia Night?

I think I might come down with COVID that day. Well, no one would ask you to go see it, but how would you feel? Would you feel betrayed? Would you feel angry or would you be like, I'm glad that's not in my bar? All right. So I was thinking about this, and the way that I would be cool with it is, Bobby Buffett passed away from a complication with skin cancer. If we were to do a Jimmy Buffett night that raised money for skin cancer awareness,

let's go. That seems like a pretty reasonable... Yeah. All right, what am I even doing here? He never told me that. That's a better idea than the dumb idea I had to settle this. But I'm going to give you my idea, too. Just as soon as I go into my chambers, think about this, I'll be back in a moment with my verdict.

Please rise as Judge John Hodgman exits the courtroom. Can I tell you guys a story from my own career? Please, please. So years ago, I very nearly accidentally scored like the first interview with Bill Withers in about 20 years, the great singer-songwriter of, you know, Lovely Day and Lean on Me and all those other amazing hits. And yes, he had other songs.

We're not just going to... Acuse me! Harlem, that's one of my favorites. Do you want... Okay, anyway. And I went and interviewed him. He had been out of the music industry at that point for like 25 years.

He quit the music business in the early 1980s, and I was talking to him. He had very passionate reasons to have quit, having to do with the way that the industry exploited artists, especially black artists. And as I was talking to him, about that. I alluded to him having been out of the business

for however many years because he hadn't put out a record since just the two of us. And he said, well, I'm not out of the business. And I said, oh, yeah? And he said, well, a few years ago I wrote a song for a friend of mine's album and I said, who's that

soul legend Bill Withers? And he said, Jimmy Buffett? That's like the one thing that Bill Withers did in the last 25 years. Was write a song for his friend Jimmy Buffett. Anyway, the reason I bring this up is if you ever want to see, if you ever want to connect with Jimmy Buffett and you're not a parrot head, you go search on internet video sites for the tribute that Jimmy Buffett did

to Bill Withers when Bill Withers passed away because they were indeed very deep, close friends. The reason being, Jimmy Buffett was a good-ass dude. Yeah. Anyway, how are you feeling about your chances, Yael? I, you know, I think that I'm just going to take it whatever way it comes, you know, changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes, you know what I mean? Okay.

Nothing remains quite the same in life, you know? You gotta just, I'll accept what the judge gives, you know? Connor, how are you feeling about your chances? Math sucks. Quack, quack, quack. Well, it's hard to match the passion to my right, but I think my solid stance is secure. Well, we'll see what Judge Hodgman has to say about all this in just. just a moment.

It's the Judge John Hodgman podcast. We're taking a break from the stage. We are going to return to that stage. For SF SketchFest 2026, tickets are on sale now. The show is January 18th at 7.30 p.m. at Marines Memorial, which is one of our favorite places to play in San Francisco. It's the first place we ever played Sketchfest, and I'm so happy to be back in our house at Marines Memorial Theater is great theater right there in

San Francisco downtown streets of San Francisco. I think they call it Rice-Roney. The point is 730 p.m. Nice early show. You're going to love it. SF SketchFest.com is where you go get tickets or, as always, you can go to Maximunfund.org slash events where you see tickets for all of our and all the other MaxFunn shows. If you have cases for our San Francisco show coming up in January, won't you let us know, send them right now to Maximumfund.org slash JJHO. You don't have to live in San Francisco. The whole Bay Area is acceptable. El Cerrito?

Yeah, absolutely. Richmond, California? Yes, thank you. Hillsborough. Why not? All these places are wonderful. Look, I don't care if you live in Campbell. If you live in Campbell,

go to Maximumfund.org slash JJHO and submit a case. And I dare say the SketchFest is such an incredible experience overall that if you're in some other part of the world, it is absolutely worth a trip to see some of your favorite comedy, including Judge John Hodgman on January 18th. So please. SFscatchfest.com for tickets or Maximumfund.org

slash events. And if you're in doubt, send it out, send your dispute to Maximumfund.org slash JJHO. And let us know if you're going to be in San Francisco. Jesse, we've got some new merch, right? It's incredible. It's all at maxfundstore.com.

You know, every episode, I say, who's right, who's wrong, only one can decide. This holiday season, we have decided to expand that offering to anyone who buys one of our hats that say right or wrong on them. They are old-fashioned 1980s, corduroy style baseball caps. One says right and one says wrong. So whether it's a gift for someone in your life who you love and is always wrong, or whether you always want to be right, or the other way around maxfundstore.com. We also have a brand new candle. Scented candle for the holidays. It's got a beautiful, fresh, clean smell that we call the smell of justice. And we have cozy

goth sweatsuits available now at maxfundstore.com for all you cozy gotts out there. We're talking about an incredibly cozy sweatshirt and matching sweatpants set with an amazing illustration of two delightful cozy goths getting cozy by the goth fire. uh with the that's by tom dj uh at boss man graphics and of course the label for our scented candle this is the scent of a candle it says is by aaron draplin the amazing and it's all there at max fun store dot com for you now stuff some of that in your stocking you could do some judge john hoddman role play get a couple of right and wrong caps hand them out to your family when you know whether they're being right or wrong yeah i think that that's perfect to pass them around like

the conch in Lord of the Flies. Yeah, instead of a lump of coal in the stocking, just put a wrong cap in there. Love it. So that's all at maxfundstore.com. And if you want to buy something special antique, a treasure, some jewelry, a handmade pocket square or scarf, one of our special caps, go to put this on shop.com where I have all kinds of wonderful things. And those holiday orders are pouring in. And most of this stuff is one of a kind. So make your way over to put this on shop.com and grab something special. Let's get back to

the show. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman re-enters the courtroom and presents his verdict. First of all, I want to say I appreciate bailiff Jesse Thorne's full-throated endorsement of Jimmy Buffett as a cool dude and his defense of Jimmy Buffett as an artist, even though he's not something that you listen to or I necessarily listened to. I really appreciated that even though it was very painful crouching down behind this lectern as it went

on and on about it, but I really appreciate it. I appreciate it because it's something that I feel too. I mean, there are one of the foundational tenets of the Court of Judge John Hodgman is you like what you like. And not everything is for everyone. You know,

you do not like Tom Waits. I really love Tom Waits. I get why you don't like him? I love him. I have the Tom Waits receptor gene. You do not. I do not have the Bob Dylan receptor gene, even though they're both funny singers. And even though I acknowledge that Bruce Springsteen is a genius artist who I can appreciate in the abstract, I'm a Tom Waits Jersey girl guy, not a Bruce Springsteen jersey girl guy. That's just how I am. And similarly, Jimmy Buffett has never quite done it for me, in part because I had a kind of a juvenile association of his work with these kind of dads that I was contemptuous of because I was afraid

of becoming that person. But, you know, I really love the fact that Jimmy Buffett quoted or, you know, made reference to Travis McGee and John D. McDonald because over the past eight years or so, I discovered the Travis McGee books, and I absolutely love these novels. And they're in print, and you can read them. There's definitely some dated stuff in them. There are 21 of them. started, their crime novels, starting in the mid-60s and going to the early 80s. And there's definitely some stuff that doesn't age particularly well. But one thing that ages really, really well is Travis McGee's philosophy of life. He is a guy who won a houseboat in a poker game and lives on it, and he has dropped out of a society that he considers to be increasingly corrupt and

venal and small and awful. And I think that Jimmy Buffett recognized that same impulse, that desire to look around you and say, I choose for myself pleasures that are deep and meaningful to me that I don't, and I don't accept the pleasures that society says I should feel. And there's a lot to leave behind. And I just want to, I mean, like this quote I think is really important for me to reread again these days, this thing of like up with life, stamp out all small and large indignities, leave everyone alone to make it without pressure, love all love, hate all hate. There is that in Jimmy Buffett as well that I have to acknowledge and respect, you know, and so I appreciate that. I don't want to listen to these songs. Do you know what I'm saying?

To me, they are bad. They're just, they're not, they're not for me. And I, and I have to say that if I didn't know you, Yael, and your incredible enthusiasm, if I saw that the Red Tail, uh, uh, and wine bar was having a Jimmy Buffett trivia night, I would plan to be out of town for fear that I might accidentally walk into the bar. But I am schooled and I am learning and I appreciate that you like him

and indeed I know people who love his work, people who I respect very, very, very much who love his work and loved the man. And in fact, the idea that I had to settle this was to challenge, not to go by wisdom, but to do a classic trial by trivia. So we reached out to one of our friends who is

actually someone who knew Jimmy Buffett and knows a lot about Jimmy Buffett to submit four Jimmy Buffett trivia questions. Oh boy. For you to answer. Okay. And I'm going to say if you can get three, I'm going to even say if you can get two out of four. Two out of four. Okay. Two out of four. Oh boy. Then you've got your night. All right. And if you don't get them, you're out of look. I hear you. Yeah, it's gone. Yeah. So, can we hear the first question from our guest?

Hello, everybody. Hello, Judge Hodgman. Thank you for having me here as an expert witness. This is so flattering. My name is Justin McElroy. I was a close person friend, Jimmy Buffett, by which I mean. He texted me at least four times. And one time I sat next to him during Hamilton

and listened to him sing all of Hamilton, because he knew everybody. I miss him. What a dad. I have four trivia questions for you. The last one's a bonus if you needed. I don't know. Here we go.

Jimmy Buffett, while working for Billboard, is credited with breaking the story of what musical duos split. That question again. Jimmy Buffett, while working for Billboard, is credited with breaking the story of what musical duos split. Simon and Garfunkel?

Is that your... No, I'm sorry. We were looking for Lester Flat and Earl Scruggs. Wow. Justin, are you here? No. No, he's in West Virginia.

Yeah, right? Just send this through technology. I believe that this was Justin and Lynn and Jimmy Buffett maybe at the premiere of the Margaritaville musical. Escape from Margaritaville. Yeah, in Chicago.

I was invited to go to that with them, but I couldn't. You know what they say? It's 9 a.m. somewhere. I realize now the better version of that was, I was invited to go to that with them, but I didn't. Hey, fun fact about Justin McElroy, he has this exact outfit. I've seen him wear it in My Brother My Brother and Me videos before.

Oh, well, there you go. Let's go to the next question then. Next question. Jimmy Buffett wrote the theme song to a TV series that only had eight episodes in production, only six of which ever aired. That's the same number as My Brother, My Brother, My Brother. brother and me, and C-So.

What was the name of that short-lived series? Not my brother, my brother, me, the other one that Jimmy Buffett were the theme song for. Oh, boy. Do you think you, do you have an answer? No. I mean, like, I can think of like a love boat spinoff or something like that. That would be pretty cool. Harper's Island.

I'll tell you what, it involves a recreational vehicle. I've never heard of it. Is it called RV? It is not. Justin? Ah, so close. We were actually looking for Johnny Bego. A series about a man who owned a Winnow Bego.

This is a series about a guy who lives in a This is deep. Yeah, yeah. Okay. So, so far, you've got two. I have to get the next two right. You've got to get the next two right. Justin McElroy.

Are you still there? Question three. Bill Paxton parodies Jimmy Buffett in a performance Jimmy very much enjoyed, reportedly, in Broken Lizards Club Dread. What was the name of Paxton's

foe Jimmy Buffett. I did not see this movie. Whoa, this is rough. How about this for a trivia question? I saw that movie in the theater. Why? I don't remember. Do you remember the name of the character that Bill

Paxon played? I don't remember either. I'm going to say Timmy Buffet. Timmy Buffet? Yeah. Connor, you want a chance to steal? That's literally what I was going to say. Oh, yeah. I am. Show me, Timmy Buffet! Nah, wrong.

It was coconut peat, unfortunately. Coconut Pete. Well, the good news is this last question is actually worth two points. That's right. This is for all the paradisical cheeseburgers. Let's hear the last question. Lastly, which S&L cast member

had their life saved by Jimmy Buffett after a surfing accident? which S&L cast member Now think of all the S&L cast members I got like a one in 150 shot there Right which has an L gas member You don't know this? No I don't know this.

Do you know this? Get your parrot head out of your parrot ass, man. Do you know this Jesse? I don't know. All I'm saying is if Bill Withers saved the life of an SNL cast member I know which I know I would know which one.

I'd be like Chris Catan, Chris Catan, Chris Catan. Do you know the answer? don't know the answer. Oh, I'm sorry. I listened to this earlier, but I don't remember. Jimmy Buffett knowledge? Do you want to ask? I know a lot about his music and his restaurant chains and his novels. I believe you. I believe you. I believe you.

I believe you. I'm going to just... Hang on, hang on. Hang on. Do you want to phone a friend? Is there anyone in the audience? Colin Jost. Is that your final answer? Yes. You're absolutely right. Justin. Yes, that's right. Correct. Colin Jost. Thank you for having me.

Thank you. And congratulations to all parties involved. The recorded voice of Justin McElroy. And there's Colin Joe's. Well, that last one, you got over the finish line with it. Two cheeseburgers. I should, by rights, deny you your chance to have a Jimmy Buffett theme night at Red Tail Beer and Wine Bar. But your friend Connor is a true friend and an inspired big.

business person and a Samaritan even. You may have one and only one Knight of Jimmy Buffett so long as it is a fundraiser for skin cancer treatment and research. Connor, you will do your best to be a good sport about it. However, I authorize you as the bartender to acknowledge to have a

microphone at the bar. and make fun of everything that happens. This is the sound of a gavel. Judge Sean Hodgman rules, that is all. Thank you. Thank you, Yael and Connor. That's it for another episode of the Judge John Hodgman podcast. Thanks to Reddit user Poop Parade for naming the case in this episode.

We're on YouTube and TikTok at Judge John Hodgman pod. Once again, we are going to be returning to San Francisco Sketchfest in January. If that show sounded like fun, and I hope that it did, go to sfsketchfest.com or maximum fun.org slash events. The Judge John Hodgman podcast was created by John Hodgman and Jesse Thorne. This episode recorded by Matthew Barnhart, A.J. McKeon is our podcast editor. Daniel Spear is our video editor, and our producer is Jennifer Marmer. John Hodgman, you know, on our last tour, we were talking a lot in the tour van with Matthew

Barnhart about the television show, Slow Horses. That's right. Anyway, Matthew Barnard just texted me a picture of him at Slough House. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, I got to remember to text my picture of me and James Callis, Gaius Baltar from Battlestar Galactica who's now on Slow Horses. Oh, boy, oh boy, that Matthew Barnard loved texting with him.

Love that he was able to record these episodes for us and couldn't do it without you. And, of course, we couldn't do it without Jennifer Marmer. And we couldn't do it without all of you in the audience. So make sure to go get your tickets for SketchFest. We'll talk to you next time on the Judge John Hodgman podcast. guest.