Juicy Scoop with Heather McDonald - Chris Franjola on Lamar Odom, Saint Khloe and Kanye

Episode Date: April 9, 2026

Chris Franjola is here! First I confront Chris about a movie recommendation and analyze why he made it. We both watched the Death and Life of Lamar Odom and give our takes and my memories of their wedding and romance. Kanye is selling tickets but also getting banned from entering the UK. How should Kristi Noem respond to her husband’s booby fetishes? We want a Covid documentary but only if it’s juicy and I explain how it should be done. Howard Stern is being sued. Astronauts are all the rage. Private LA schools are being sued and we share are own childhood sport traumas. So funny, so juicy. Enjoy! -If you have an iPhone, head to ⁠ladder.fit/JUICYSCOOP⁠ and take a quick quiz to find your perfect Ladder plan. Use my link and get a free 7-day trial with NO credit card, and $10 off your first month if you join -Head to ⁠DailyLook.com⁠ to take your style quiz and use code JUICYSCOOP for 50% off your first order. -Take proactive care of your health and head to ⁠OPositiv.com/JUICYSCOOP⁠ or enter JUICYSCOOP at checkout for 25% off your first purchase.  -Refresh your spring wardrobe with Quince. Go to ⁠Quince.com/juicy⁠ for free shipping and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too -Download Cash App Today: ⁠https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/9l268n36⁠ #CashAppPod. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. See terms and conditions at ⁠https://cash.app/legal/us/en-us/card-agreement⁠. Direct deposit and promotions provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit ⁠http://cash.app/legal/podcast⁠ for full disclosures. Subscribe to my new show Juicy Crimes!: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/juicycrimes⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Stand Up Tickets and info: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://heathermcdonald.net⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Subscribe to Juicy Scoop with Heather McDonald and get extra juice on Patreon: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/JuicyScoopPod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/juicyscoop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Watch the Juicy Scoop On YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@JuicyScoop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Shop Juicy Scoop Merch: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://juicyscoopshop.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow Me on Social Media: Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/heathermcdonald⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@heathermcdonald⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@HeatherMcDonaldOfficial⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Heather McDonald has got the juices scoop. When you're on the road, when you're on the go. Juicy Scoop is the show to know. She talks Hollywood Tales for real life, Mr. Segment, Serial Data and Serial Sister, you'll be addicted and addicted. Hello and welcome to Juicy Scoop. You guys are so lucky. We have our absolute favorite, blue-eyed, sparkling, smile, dad, daddy, husband.

Some people call me Zaddy. You're in the Zaddy category, which is an older daddy, even though you have a young child. I'll take that. Hot wife. Yeah. Lovely family. Parents still living. Congrats.

I just saw them last week. I was there. So we know you have the good genes. You're going to live till you're very, very old. It's still living. It's on that. It's close. Chris, for a jolla, I don't even need to say your neighbor.

And hers is your little chuckle. And they know they're in for a great show, star of cover to cover podcast. Cover to cover podcast. come over and give it a listen. Now listen, we had an incident that happened about a week and a half ago involving you. And I had to share it with my people who many, we share many audience members that love us both. Yeah. When I started to talk about this story on Patreon and whatnot, I started to see the comments.

I panicked. Okay. And I felt I had to say, stand down juicy scoopers. Yeah, yeah. Stand down. Do not come after Chris Friend, Jolla. I appreciate that. because Chris was on this show and very confidently told us and me that I would love a movie called

Is This Thing On? Wait a minute. I'm just, I would say my piece and then you're going to say your piece. So it's about stand up. It's about a guy going through divorce. He's like, it's very relatable. I think you'll like, okay, fine. So then we're bored one night and we turn the TV.

and I go, oh, this is that movie. Now it's free on streamers or whatever, Netflix or whatever it was, that Chris said to watch. So we start watching it. And I'm like, the text immediately. No, I waited until the end. I waited until the end of watching it. And I just said, this isn't good.

And Drake was there. Drake witnessed your recommendation, as many juicy scrupers did. And he's, you sometimes get pissed at people. You're like, why this is, we will get it to why it's bad. Sorry, Will Arnett. It's not like you've had me on smart list that I could give a shit. It wasn't good. And so that I go, Drake, you have to understand.

I know Chris. Chris, this is what I'm guessing. Okay. I am predicting that Chris was on the road. Yeah. For a long, maybe three, four night weekend. He was by himself and he was walking around with a, big black coffee.

Okay. Okay. Not a Starbucks. 7.11. Yeah. Yeah. And he was like, maybe I'll just go see a movie. And he goes to a movie alone at like 11 a.m.

It's an 11 a.m. This is so dead on. And he's like, this could be good. I want to just like, I just want to like get a cup of coffee, see a movie by myself. And, you know, watching a movie about stand up while you're doing stand up, maybe you're in a more emotional place. you're lonely, and it tricks you into thinking, I think everyone would enjoy this movie.

And you are wrong. Now, explain yourself. Okay, you, I was very excited to come here and defend yourself or not. Defend myself. Okay. Because A, you're 100% right. That was exactly the scenario. I had been in a casino.

I was performing in a casino, Roar Comedy Club out there on the East Coast. and I was in the casino for three days. Movie theater in the casino. Everything was perfect. 11 a.m. first show, walked down from my room. I cannot believe I was right about it's 11 a.m.

Everything was exactly that on. Coffee, you got to nailed it. And then, of course, I was excited because there was a stand-up element to the movie. This is great. Yeah, and then, of course, you know, by yourself in a theater, you're watching. It hits you differently. It hits you differently. It hits you, like, plain movies hit you differently.

Exactly. Playing movies definitely hit you differently. I actually have read that something about the evalate, yeah, evolution. Evolution. Whatever. Yeah. Elevation. Yeah. Elevation. Yeah. Elevation. Sometimes can affect your moods. Also, when you're on a plane, you kind of are emotional. You're like, am I, when I land, like, is my family going to be even alive? Like you think of all these really bad things, at least I do. And then sometimes if you're in first class, you're maybe drinking a little. And you're definitely like less critical of a movie. Yeah, absolutely. The problem I have is I have extreme, which I didn't even realize what this was until a couple years, codependency. When I bring someone to either watch something and I think it's good. Okay.

And it's not good. Yeah. And so I'm worried about, you know, Drake not enjoying it or even if it's just a half-hour show that I'm like, have you seen? and I just can tell the person's like, maybe not a comedian or they're just kind of like, what is this? It bothers me. I have it too, for whatever that is.

And this is why I now go alone to everything. I do not, I know I have weird quirks about certain concerts and movies, and I do not subject anyone else to my quirk. I'm even nervous about telling, you know, you or somebody, but I don't believe that I said it was, did I say you, it's a great movie? Yes. I don't know if you said it was a great movie. you said, I think he said, you said, I would like it, that I would like it, that I would enjoy it. Yeah.

And it was a complete opposite. It, like, infuriated me. And as you guys were texting me, you know, I had forgotten about some of the details of it. And you guys were writing me more and more. And I'm like, oh, yeah, I did forget about that. It was. I went off. I wrote him like 30 messages because I was just like, what was wrong with it?

And I did talk about it on my Patreon. And people were like, I told my husband, let's watch. Chris Frangelo said it was good. And I was like, okay, now you guys just please don't go after. Did you get any messages of people? Some people did write me and they say, I think Heather was wrong. It was a good movie. Okay, good, good.

I want to be wrong. More than that than less. So there were some people who said I did enjoy it more than Heather did. So we got that, you know. This is what I think. I think. It's called this thing on if you guys want to go check it out yourself. And this is the reason why when standups get deals to do show

about their lives, sitcoms. We always want to say, well, my life is that I go on the road and I'm a stand-up and oh, this is how this crazy bit happened. Right. What I have learned is when people like to watch cooking shows because they like to know, how did you make that beef strobin off, okay? Nobody cares about how a joke was made. Nobody cares except another comedian.

Right. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Someone stole your bit. Nobody cares. Just make us laugh. Right. They, you know, if you cry, someone stole my bit, they're like, you're a fucking rich comedian.

You think I give a shit? I don't think the bit was good. Like, that's the, so the part of all, so, but people that have never been standups. Like Bradley Cooper seems. Yes. People that are not. Standobs, but they love comedy. Yeah.

It's their, it's like their dream to be a stand-up. So they gravitate towards wanting to write a movie about stand-up. But the circumstances of what happened in the movie are completely unrealistic, which is Will Arnett is a finance bro. He's a 50-year-old successful New York finance guy with a stay-at-home wife and two kids. She says, I think our marriage is over. And he's like, yeah, okay, no problem. He moves out to an apartment where she can still live a stay-at-home.

home life. He buys her a beautiful car. He still is an active dad. What scenario is this, by the way? Don't know. And still great friends. Just two people after 30 years together, like, you know what I was thinking? I think I'd like to get divorced. I'm totally good with that. I don't feel fucked over. I don't feel cheated on. Like, let's just, and let me just keep you in the beautiful house while I drive an hour to pick up the kids for lunch. Then he, stumbles in to an open mic and just gets up there. Comedy seller, by the way, which is a place. The hardest place.

The top of the top. You got to be the best of the best. The best of the best. To do the comedy seller. Yeah. And it's always like, I could see how the director's just like, oh, I love the banter of the comedian just giving each other shit. I know.

And so it's like, and then he plays some weird. Like it reminds me of like, like, yeah, when someone's just like, I want to play this crazy character that wears a wig. And you're like, what? And then they just create a weird character. And you're like, what was this weird fantasy? Like his character had nothing to do with the movie. I'm like, if anything, his character who was like this struggling actor should have been

like kind of jealous of his finance bro friend. Yeah. And also that these eclectic, that these people at all different walks of life, conservative finance bro guy, a crazy actor druggy guy, Bradley Cooper, and then eccentric gay couple. the fact that the six of these people for the last 30 years have gotten together 10 times a year to hang out. No one's ever made other

friends that might be more into what they're currently doing. Again, hate that element of a movie. We go to the same lake every year. No, you don't. No, you don't. I know. I love it. I feel like it's a plot line for a lot of movies where a bunch of adults get a house together. Yes.

I would ruin that movie in two minutes when people would be like, and you stay in the upstairs room. I'm like, no, I stay in a hotel and don't deal with this bullshit. Like, I'm not going to ask somebody if I can have an apple. What can I flush that toilet? You know what I mean? Like, I'm not doing that.

I've done it. And it was that Peter and I didn't do enough housekeeping. It was my favorite story. We didn't cook enough. We didn't do the other people were up doing the breakfast, doing the omelets. The next time I went out with these people to a different place, I said, can we please work out my kitchen duty schedules? Because I cannot have you guys talk shit about it.

I'd rather not even bother. And then they said, oh, well, this place we can go to the country club or whatever and eat every day. And I was like, okay, fine. But like I, you know, it just, it is a really hard thing. But of course, this couple, you know, like, everything's fine. And then just the shots of him doing standup where it was fucking up his nostril. Like, why was the camera that close?

Like, why did I have to count the pores on his nose? I think that, you know, Bradley Cooper was trying to do artsy. Yeah. And I was like, this is how intimate stand up can be or something. I don't know. But I mean, you tell me, Chris. you're still out in the streets. Well, that's the reality of the situation.

But would would 35-year-old up-and-coming millennial type stand-ups that are pretty good embrace a 50-year-old first-time finance bro elitist in New York City trying to take stage time from them? Would they embrace that person?

And the other thing was, this is every stand-up comedy movie, and there's quite a few of them strangely, but every one of them you watch the set and it's supposed to be like a killer set you know in the movie and you know we all know the audience would have booed this guy off to stage nobody's sitting there letting a guy work it out

you know about some weird story about him and his wife yeah like we you if you're not great for every second on stage the audience will turn on you immediately especially not knowing you yeah and then also just like there's always elements of a stand-up movie. It's sadly depressing. Yeah. Just like in, like there's always a part, like, you know, like a stripper movie where there's an old stripper who she's like,

it's showtime. And she's like way too old to be like the stripper. And you're like, oh, God, I don't want to become that. I want to see that movie. Same element of the stand-up where the guy's like, you know, they're like waiting to go on. And some guy has like a crazy hat and he's got like a little prop thing. He's been doing the same act for 50 years. And you're like, hmm. It's So punchline with with punchline is unwatchable. That one is Sally Field and it was kind of taking off of like a Joan Rivers or a Roseanne and that the mom is the hilarious one and she does this and the dad. It's like John Goodman.

Yeah, I don't know if you can be gone every night when we've got the little girls and then he sees how funny she is and he's like, all right, we're going to do it. And then they're like, you can, we want you to come and do the tonight show. And she's like, you know what? I'm just going to stay in Philly. Yeah. What? Like there's just so many things about that just like infuriate me

And then always there's the breaking point You know we even saw it and the scene of where they don't know someone's in the audience And they're ripping on them we saw it with Che Diaz they stole brad bradley cooper was watching um and just like that because chay dyes got on stage and made fun of miranda and that she was a bad lay as a as a non-binary person who was getting with a fresh lesbian. She didn't know what she was doing. And I'm like in the same thing with this.

So I was just like... And everybody knows once again in comedy, your friends, if you have any friends, they never come to your shows. They come to the first one that you ever did. We handed out a fly or something. And then never to return, which is a good thing. Right.

And so, and that's... But you gotta do that. You got to bring the people. And then... You know, and then hope that they like it. And yeah, but all of a sudden that she also just stumbled in that he, that she was like flirting with. Peyton Manning.

Yeah, they had to get put him in it. And then he's like, we're having fun. Let's get a drink. Someone never goes, let's get a drink on an open mic comedy club that we don't know that the people are before in New York City when there's all these other cool spots to go. You're not going to that. Just like on a first date or whatever. Well, also I think this is probably.

a case of Bradley Cooper at this point, big star. Yeah. There's no, I think the yes, it's all yes men. Yes. There's nobody saying no anymore. So that's why you get that weird character. Oh, it's awesome. I love it.

The cowboy hat, everything about it. Yeah. So funny. And, you know, once you start getting into that, yes people, it's, I've seen yes people ruined so many careers. Usually when you have like the one big hit like SARS born, the next one is all yes people. And it's usually terrible. And this was literally like they were getting drunk one night or has smoking weed or whatever.

And they're like came up with this movie idea. They're like, let's all work on it together. Yeah. And we'll, you know, because we're famous stars, we'll shoot it like real quick in New York City where we want to be. We'll knock it out in three weeks or whatever and make a lot of money. And everyone will come see it. And you get to be like a stand up and I get to be this other person. And it's fine.

I'll never get those two hours back. but it's uh yeah and then and then the ending i and i don't care because i'm not i'm not rooting the part of who like no it's not the ending there's a there's a kid a scene where the kids are in a band okay and yeah just because she's finally going back to work which she's like a coach for the olympics team of a volleyball and she almost misses her kids major performance like if my kid had a solo or something. And I plan on going, I wouldn't be late. Either I'd miss it all together because I was out of town.

I wouldn't be like, she's running. And they're playing guitar, the two little boys. And then there's these two other girls. I don't know whose dad they were. I'm like, is that Northwest? Like you fucking suck. Like, why are these kids singing there so bad? And I'm like, out of all the young, like, 12 year old kids that would have gotten a solo in

real life. Yeah. That can kill it. Like, so whatever. that was like some probably assistant director's kids. And they're lovely. But I'm just saying we all saw through it. It was awful.

All right. Well, yeah, go check it out. Well, now that we've said that, my next recommendation is a movie that you will certainly hate, but I would love for you watch it. I loved it called Blue Moon. Blue Moon. Ethan Hawke plays like this weird playwright. Takes place in like one room in a bar in New York City.

You have to see. I want you just to watch. watch it just to hate me even more. Is available right now? Available right now on all your streaming service. I watched it on a plane. I watched it on a plane. You're going to be all the reasons why I shouldn't want.

Blue moon. Check it out. All right. Great movie. All right. Get ready to get your comments ready for Chris. If you loved it or hated it. Yeah.

Check it out. Take your complaints to his situation. And if you guys would like to see the reality of stand-up comedy. Yes, please. Here's a couple of places you could see me live next week. April 15. Wednesday night, I'll be in Buffalo. Buffalo, New York, I'll be at the Helium Comedy Club.

One night only, one show, Buffalo. Could you please buy some tickets? Please. I get the counts from my agents. I'm like, really are you going to make me fly across the country for this? So please. Toronto, thank you. Toronto, comedy bar in Toronto.

There's only like five tickets left. If you want to go get those tickets, that's the next night. April 16th, Thursday. I want to say Buffalo, make America great again and be as nice as the Canadians that are buying the tickets. The Canadians are the week. Don't you want to be perceived as a nice, do you want to be the nicer juicy scooper person? Yes.

Then the Canadians, come on. We have to be number one always. And then Friday night, April 17th, I'm at Rochester, New York. This is always a tough sell for me. Comedy at the Carlson. It's a Friday night like did people ask. I can't do a weekday. Friday night, Rochester.

Here it is. And then I'm back in Long Island in my hometown, Long Island, May 1st and 2nd. I'm at Governors Comedy Club, Belmore Long Island, co-brokridge Comedy Club governors, May 1st and 2nd. It's the Long Island show that everybody's been asking for,

May 1st and 2nd. New York Comedy Club is Stanford, Connecticut on April 30th, and I think that's... And then to all the very lucky, lucky people that did, as I said, and got the tickets right away for the show, May 9th, Netflix is a joke in L.A., in which you'll be joining me.

I'm there. And that is going to be a dream. That's going to be so fun. I've had so many people come up to me at shows far away and told me they're flying in for it. Making a week. I'm so incredibly honored and flattered since they had never asked me to do anything before. I loved that the one time they did, we fucking killed it. So thank you, thank you.

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It was really kind of interesting about his life. And I mean, I just want to say, Chloe Kardashian, Saint Chloe, patron saint of cheating asshole addict exes. That is what she is going to be known as. when she gets sainted. And also, which she will be, I also feel like a saint

for doing the documentary. Like she could have been like, no, I'm done with this chapter in my life. I think that she did because she does still feel she is still so sweet

that A, she wanted it, she knew she needed to be a part of it for it to probably go. Right. She knows he needs the paycheck. But also, I think there were some false narratives

that were perceived in the media, which I'll get into. Yeah. that didn't make her look like a saint. And I think she wanted to clear those up. Oh, okay. Yeah. And so, you know, we get to where they fall in love.

And the story that we always, that was it, is she went to this party and he saw her across the room. Ron Artec, Meta World Peace. Yes. He's doing who had the party, which is all cool to watch. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, so he has a party and they hire Chloe Kardashian. Yeah, like just to be co-hosted by Chloe Kardashian.

She gets five grand. Yeah. She's like, okay, I'll go to this baseball thing. and he immediately, you know, zooms in on her. And you get from his ex-wife, who also was a part of it and really quite classy and delightful and his kids. And he, you know, that he's a charmer. He's a player.

He, you know, he's not just a catch because he's a famous basketball player, but, like, he just knows how to, like, love bomb. And so I remember when I went out with Chris Jenner one night for dinner and she's like, you're not going to believe what's happening right now. Chloe is dating Lamar Odom. I'm like, who's that? I had no idea. They'd only been dating like a week. And she's like, you know, he's just so into her and Lakers and all this stuff. So I look about, oh, like this is, I'd already want to ring all of this before he met her. And then the thing happens, we're going to get married. And the reason they were going to get married, she's like, we have to get married on this date

before he goes back to like Laker training and also this on this date, it's his favorite number. And you, this was not in the, in the doc, but this is just what I remember for our knowledge.

And it was interesting because he played that kind of shit with her throughout their relationship where he's like, oh my God, I got high for three days because it was the anniversary of my son's, my son who died of SIDS.

Oh my gosh, this is the same time that my dad or my mother died. Like constantly, So like she would just go, okay. So she really did not even have a real boyfriend. Yeah. Before meeting him.

And now I look back at the wedding and everything. And I'm like, oh, that's why Chris and the sisters wore purple. Why they wore lavender because of the Lakers. Oh. That's why that was that color. Okay. Chris immediately got a personalized license plate, Laker mom. Yeah.

Like didn't spell out the Lakers. Somehow she worked it. out that that was the personalized license plate that I remember like Laker Mama. And I remember going on game and all the other, the opposing time, they all had Chloe faces for when he's playing to like make it like he was so distracted by his mad love for her that he couldn't play right if they put up her face. It was such like a cute time. And now we realize that cute time was so short. Yeah. Well, it's wild to watch any documentary, of course, about the Kardashian because there's been so many changes.

I mean, she really looks so different. Just that and all of them. Yeah. You see Kim. You see, you know, Courtney. And they're all completely different. And then, of course, you see Bruce in several pictures. And you're like, oh, yeah.

I forgot about that. You can't talk about how different they look like when you think about the patriarch of the family. I know. And he was just like, oh, yeah, there's Bruce, you know. And I remember, you know, in the. the show and stuff. There was this little thing does Bruce at the time walk Chloe down the aisle. And I don't know if that was for the show or whatever, but then she decides yes. And I remember he was like, you know, he wants to live in a more, you know, he doesn't want to spend so much

in a house. And he's like, I like this guy. I like this guy that he's smart about money. And I'm like, and he was snowing them all. He then reveals in this doc that he saw Chloe and was like, loved the fame that the Lakers brought and was like, ooh, I want that. Yeah. I want to elevate my life. Well, he says it. I like the way they live.

Several times throughout the, like I wanted to be a list. Even at the very end, he says, am I a list now? I got a documentary. But also it's like the gift that Chris and all the girls have in like being like homemakers. I mean, yes, they're rich, but she was always like that even when they weren't rich. And I remember when Bruce at the time. and Caitlin and Chris broke up Caitlin then said

you know she set me up in the house she got her team there I walk in my new house in Malibor where he was staying and she was staying and then it was like the TV was remote like every everything was done the furniture was done things were put away there was food in the fridge

your cable is set up like all the things that you're like what a nightmare like she just knows how to do that and so then I love that Chloe was so honest about knowing that he's out and cheating while they're filming their Chloe Lamar show. Yeah, I had forgotten they had that many shows like Courtney and Chloe take Miami. Yes. There was a, I didn't realize there was that many spin-offs of that.

And that, and that he wanted it, like Lamar wanted it. And then I do remember it all went to shit, not knowing what was really going behind the scenes when he got traded to. Dallas. This is something, along with how a giant cruise ship is able to sail and not sink to the ground. I still don't understand how that is the case. I don't understand trading. I don't understand how like you're doing a good job and you're on the team. And then someone's like, hey, we'll give you this person if you give us this person. I just don't understand it. I just don't get it. Can you explain it to like a non-sports person? and how that works? Well, I mean, there's a million reasons that go into why so much trade. Depending on the sport, it's different. But in the case of Lamar Odom, I think there was the fact that he was trouble. And I think they probably knew that he was doing drugs or something.

So they wanted to get rid of him. And then you're like, hey, instead of just firing you, we put you on like, you know, like a list where then another team can pick you up. And we'll call and go, hey, do you need this person or that person and we got this person? So even though you're like competing against these other teams, you're still kind of helping them out because you're like, I'll let you have my person. Yeah. It's not like the only business there isn't like a non-complete, a non-compete clause.

There is some. There are a lot of players that do a no trade clause. So they can't be traded. That's. Oh, okay. Yeah. So there is a no trade clause in a lot of contracts. However, do you remember Lamar Odin came from when.

Shaquille O'Neal got traded because Shaquille and Kobe didn't get along. Shekeel went to the Miami Heat and that's how Lamar came to the Lakers to begin with in a trade. So he goes to Dallas and that's when like I knew like I was close with them and it was like I knew things were not going well in Dallas and it wasn't working out. But she was like flying back and trying to do Christmas Eve with the kids and then going back to Dallas. She just was putting him first, even though she knew he was doing drugs, knew he was cheating. And then when they find out he goes to Big Bear of all places to get high with some chick who then calls Chris, finds his phone, calls Chris, the other woman. The girl called him. Yes,

called Chris Jenner and Chloe and was like, I can't take your man anymore. Like, you need to pick him up. He's freaking annoying. I don't want to be with him anymore. And they went and got him. They drove to big bear. No, that's like a tooth. That's like a, first of all, it's like a hellish drive into the mountains. And it's like three hours. Like, why is he making, again, if you're going to fucking cheat and do all this shit, could you do it in Encino?

Right. Like, why do I have to go to Big Bear? Like, everything, single thing he did made her life difficult. And then finally, I thought this part was like really heartbreaking when they go, you got to have, he's got to have an intervention. You're going to go in, Chloe, and you're going to say, if you don't go to this rehab, then I'll get a divorce. And he goes, okay, fine, let's get a divorce.

And to me, that was just, it was so sad because I really, I don't think he loved her. I don't think he cared that much about her. I think she was a disposable woman in his life that it wasn't like this, oh my God, I'm pining for you for the rest of my life. She was replaceable. and I just thought that must have really, that must have fucked her up more than anything else because she was putting up with all this stuff

thinking that she was the love of his life and I don't think she was. I don't think he's even capable of loving anyone but himself. I think he's awful. Yeah. Really, I kind of had a different. Okay. When I finished it, I kind of felt bad for the guy.

I mean, I guess I never looked at it in that way, but yeah, I felt bad for the guy. Okay, well, you feel. I didn't realize his early life. was as bad as it was. Well, let me tell you a few more things that people don't also know that were the details of the thing. So then he goes, so they're filed for divorce.

It's not done yet. And he goes on his binge to the Bunny Ranch and, you know, almost dies. They don't know what to do with this giant body. They can't get into the ambulance. And everybody's praying for Lamar. We really think he's going to die. And I remember, like, being involved with that and being like, oh, my God, this is so horrible.

But, I mean, she was divorcing him. Like, this is crazy that they're all so, like, loving and forgiving. and like caring about his life. And then there were stories that it was like, oh, Chloe's not letting these other people see him. And so I think that's part of the reason why she did the doc is because she made it very clear. Like, I realized there were people coming in, like giving him drugs. Yeah. And so she's like, I had to put my foot down.

And she did say the dad said, don't resuscitate him. I want to get the life insurance. And then she took a pair of Nike's. Did you see? That was my favorite part. The picture of the dad. Now I want to see a whole documentary on him. He was a drug addict too.

Obviously by his outfit. And so it was like, you know, and that was another excuse. Well, my dad was a drug addict. So I'm a drug addict, you know, like sins of the father or whatever. And so then she's like, what do you need? Nike's $100 in a hotel room done. Like just get the hell out. And then there were these, you know, and there was this guy that like was on the show

that was clearly his buddy from home that they would do drugs together. His name was pumpkin. I don't know if it was pumpkin or somebody or my. have been another friend that I remember from the show they had this friend and he was supposed to be running Lamar's merch and there was a whole storyline where like Chloe was like you're not selling any t-shirts and like you live here and you party with him and like this isn't working out like you show her trying to put her foot down meanwhile she would make like homemade fried chicken and sweet potatoes and all his favorite things and right and you know he like would eat all this candy and never been to a dentist

and she was like, can we get Lamar to a dentist? Like every little thing that she did, I was just like, oh my God. And so then she takes hair, is there for four months. They set, he gets better. They then, she then furnishes him in a house where they use their team. Because he's like seven feet tall, beds have to be specially made, couches, furniture. It's all custom for him, which wasn't in the show, but I remember that. And then she says, I go to visit, see how he's doing.

and once you know the smell of crack, you don't forget it. And she smells the smell of crack. Someone got him crack. And then he goes, I mean, what kind of person gives me crack? Yeah.

He immediately blamed the hardworking drug dealer that, you know, somehow managed to get through the gates of calabasas to give you the drugs. Like I just, and so then I just thought the end,

he's done some interview sense. And they're like, again, people are like, wow, that have watched it. Wow. St. Chloe like my God. And she really saved you and he's like, um, no,

I think it was God. Yeah. No, it really wasn't. God was inside of Chloe. Okay. And that was your angel. Okay. The actual person that embodies that.

It just pissed me off. I feel sorry for, well, the subtitle guy when Lamar Odom talked because I had to turn on those. I forgot how hard he was to understand. Remember people used to joke about that on Kardashian? Yeah, we would say,

how are we going to see a whole show? show when he needs subtitles. He mumbles. Yeah. And then this time I was like, I don't even know if the subtitle people can make out some of those words that he was trying to say. Something weird happened with my peacock when I watched the Bravo. I don't know how to fix it. But it's like I have this weird

narrator girl on. So I'll be watching like Real House House of Beverly Hills. And instead of this, it's subtitles plus someone reading the subtitles. Oh, really? And I don't, it's so. I think that's for blind people. It's so weird. It'll be like, Kyle Richards eyes widen and like they'll show Kyle's eyes widening

and then it's like then you hear Kyle talk Oh my God And then it'll be like And then you know how they like scenes of like Beverly Hills shopping Whatever they'll be like People shop on Beverly In Beverly Hills

A small dog peas A pool is shown An airplane going over sight You're gonna have You're right maybe I'm just watching for blind people You must have a blind people button that every time I turn it on I'm like oh god now I have to like like I have to call Drake and say how do I turn and I just listen to this weird voice because I'm like oh that I didn't even know my TV had such a thing

did you catch the very end of the Lamar part where that he's like are we done and then he goes let's go to Vegas and party he said I want to get married and party yeah so I'm like this is the guy who runs rehabs well I don't think he's sober sorry that's my opinion I think he lives near me because I see him quite a bit and I'm here to tell you, first of all, his car doesn't look like he's straightened his life out. He is in some real piece of shit, like Pathfinder or something, an old one. And we saw him in the morning at this coffee place I go to and I had my daughter with me and I told my daughter like, that's, play with the Lakers. My daughter's, then some guy comes down. He goes, oh, Lamar, he did not want to talk to

anybody. He was just like, yeah, bro, and got in the car and took off. So I've seen him a bunch. So I'm signing like contracts on the hood of a car in a 7-Eleven parking lot. Listen, is he, I don't think he's on the straight and narrow. Whatever. I also just think like for Chloe, like there was this other time on keeping up recently, or now it's just called the Kardashians, where she and her best friend Malika go and meet. And that was, you know, I guess this doc came after that where she kind of has a moment. And again, I think it was she was throwing him a bone.

And I remember she one time, she uses that like expression because I remember she was dating that French Montana. And I, are you into him? She goes, no. But Kim was like, oh, Chloe, throw him a bone. Like, she threw him a bone. And to say that he could get 10K for the shoot or whatever it was. And she could also like kind of rip him a new asshole because she was like brought up

this whole thing. Like I furnished you in a house. I visited you every day. And then some people tried to act like I was trying to keep your, you know, ex and your teenage kids from you, which was never the case. And, but yeah, he didn't want any of them at the, at the wedding, his family. He said, my family didn't come to the wedding. Or no, the family said we weren't invited.

You know, that, I don't, there's no way that they, that was not the Kardashians doing that. That was him. And they planned the wedding in nine days at Irving Azoff's house. And, and by the way, here we are. Here's Peter at the wedding. Oh, yeah, I saw that. You guys in the background. Phil Jackson, right there.

Here's my hair. That's me. Yeah, that's pretty good. And I also just wanted to bring this. This was also from the wedding with the purple. Zoom in on this. This is the notepad of Chloe and Lamar. September 27th, 2009.

Yes. Put that on eBay. Especially after this documentary came out. I think I saw the unbreakable perfume somewhere too. That was their unisex perfume. What does that smell like? Crack. that was the smell.

That was the, in testing, in going around and testing, you know, they're always like, when you ever have someone do like a scent thing. You're like, what are you attracted to? Or even when you get a massage. So like, do you want the lavender or the vanilla? And so like, and then that somehow is the smell that he was attracted to. And then they realized after they made the perfume. And they're like, rarely smells like burnt crack. I also had a couple of weird reactions.

As a guy, as an old dad with a six-year-old daughter. There were several times throughout this documentary where I heard, and then he just stayed in the bathroom for three days and didn't come out. Or he went to the back house of a, you know, a whore house and stayed there. Both times I was like, God, that sounds amazing. I would love to stay in the bathroom for three days with the door shot and nobody bothered me. I think that too. And someone's like, I couldn't get out of bed for three days. I know. I was like, oh, my God. There's only been a few times that I've had like something like slightly medical or whatever where I would get like a painkiller and I was like oh my god I can't believe

I'm this tired I love feeling this tired it's I love sleeping I love taking a nap because in my normal life I never nap me neither I am never feeling overly tired ever and so the few times that I felt overly tired I'm like this is heaven this is like I get why people get addicted to any time anytime Even like trapped in the woods, four days I was trapped in the woods. I'm like, I'll take it. I'll take it. Oh my God. Okay.

What do we think? So Kanye came out and sold two nights at Sofa State. It made $33 million. People so excited to hear, ding. Yeah. Ding. Ding. Cool song.

Good song. Ding. right at you, right at you. I agree. I get wet. I get tingles. I get it. He's walking on this thing that looks like a spear,

but obviously it's not really turning around because he's not in fucking, you know, Cirque de Soleil acrobat. So it's an illusion. It's an illusion that he's on a normal state, but it looks like you're spinning. North comes out and she performs, I'm your Miss Bestie, Westie, whatever, good.

And everyone loved it. And then the UK was like, you know what? Like maybe the fact that he was selling, you know, the Nazi signed t-shirts and things and all the horrible anti-Semitic things he said, we actually don't want him to come to the UK. And therefore the entire wireless festival has been canceled that he was going to perform in. How would you feel if you're one of the other people on that bill? Right. That would suck.

I know. But I think it's great. I think it's great. I think it's great that they just said, no, we're not doing it. Like, we're not going to do it. This is just, I mean, a lot of people. I mean, it's amazing how many men can do awful things. And everyone just forgives them from like, you know, comedians to this to whatever.

Like, let's just forget it. Let's just keep going. You know, then other people will, you know, that are women will say the one wrong thing. And it's like, you're done forever. Get out. Banished. banished to move to Ireland or something.

Yeah, yeah. Like you, you said something that was anti something that nothing to the level of what he did. He did do an apology. How does he,

is he now saying about the Hitler stuff? Is he saying I was on medication? He just says I regret it and it was like an ad that he put in a paper and it was just like a little thing

that was like I was in a four month manic. episode. Yeah. But I feel like it wasn't just those four months. Like I feel like he was saying shit like that like three years ago. And it was like on.

And then it just got to the peak when he actually made the merch. Uh-huh. And it's just- That he showed on a commercial like on the Super Bowl or something. Didn't he show that shirt? Maybe he paid for that. It was so. The thing that is so awful is that in this world and I am going to get like a little serious

this moment. The Holocaust never forget. get is a reason because there was a fear that one day a generation would forget. Right. And we're fucking there. Like we're almost there. And so someone that's that powerful and that influential and like the Picasso of our time as far as the Mozart art of our time, I think we have to really take it seriously

because they can influence people to think that this didn't really happen and that this isn't and this could end. It can happen again. Right. Because we're going to push this out. propaganda that got them there in the first place. Now, why did it so far take them? I mean, because it's how fucking Hollywood?

They don't give a shit. They don't give a shit. And they're just like, well, he said he was sorry. He did an ad. He wrote an ad. And he said he was sorry. But I just think it's something that is just beyond. Like, I just...

I guess he went up at the improv last night and the night before, too. No, he really did. Wait, really? Dean Cole, the comedian Dean Cole brought him up on stage like last night or the night before I saw pictures. at the improv. So a lot of comedians like, really?

Now we're bringing Kanye into the place. So I just, it's wild. Yeah, and I think the only way that people just want to go, look, I just don't even want to speak on it

or he's so powerful and who cares and just, but gosh, I saw, I saw those videos of just, you know, people just loving it and going to see them. And okay.

I mean, it goes to show you that no one, if you, if you're, believe that you can't be canceled and you just keep going. Most likely you won't be canceled. unless you're like behind bars.

And what he did is not a crime. It's horrible, but like, I don't know. And just embarrassing and awful. And I think he has to do a lot more. Like, I think he has to really, like, do an interview and just go, I'm just horror. But maybe he's not. That's what I think. I don't.

I do think he still thinks that way. Right. But he has to, like, he has to sit with, like, a doctor who has to explain what his condition is. He also said he's autistic. And I mean, let's not make it that as a condition of people who have autism because that's certainly not. Right. But like, whatever's wrong with it. I mean, clearly, yeah, he has issues.

But that was just such a weird time and crazy. And then he's still with the Bianca. Bianca Sensori. Yeah. And she's still, you know, wearing some camel toe in outfits. And the kids are around. And I mean, I just hope it was worth it. You know anybody who went to the shows?

No. No. No, I have no desire. I would not want to support any of that. I've always thought his clothes, everything was weird. I did meet him many, many years ago when he was first dating Kim. It was like at Chloe's, I mean at Courtney's baby shower. And he was a smiley delight.

I met him once. He was a smiley delight as well. And he was a smiley delight to me too. Actually, overly friendly. Yeah. We wrote on the MTV movie music awards. And he was like super nice. Yeah.

That was like right after. I'm sure that's what she fell in love with. I don't think she, I don't think any of the family saw that side of him until, but it was a classic thing where all of a sudden he changes her clothes. Then everything in the house has to be beige. Then North gets born. She can't wear anything pink. We knew that like before buying gifts.

It has to be brown, black, or beige. And she's a little girl. I'm like, well, one day she might want to wear a color. now she's blue hair, good for her. But like it was just, it was slowly allowing that to happen. And it was just kind of, thank God she got out. But I mean, I just don't think there could be a worst person to co-parent with. And I've said that over and over than Kanye West.

Like, how do you even explain to your friends who are Jewish or your manager or your agent or your neighbor or your kids' parents' friends? Oh, we're going to go to Kanye's concert. And they're like, um. Yeah. Yeah, but like it's my, it's saints dad. He's going to get his ticket. Yeah.

And then what about the Jewish people that are just like, I still like the songs and I don't care. Maybe that's your prerogative. That's your pride. Listen, when I see the video of the ding, ding, ding, I'm like, I'm going to listen to the song. I mean, it is weird how we draw our lines, you know. I mean, Michael Jackson is still Michael Jackson. There's a movie coming out next week, you know? Yeah.

But, you know, and I'm not saying that I'm just. That's the thing. You can go. You can go to see Louis CK. You can book Louis CK. You can do. You can go love a Woody Allen movie. You can, you know, I mean, it is what it is. But. Right. I try to. Yeah. Only see movies directed by Bradley Cooper. Wait, I hope nothing comes out about him because I got to see all his movies. Isn't it weird that he's like been dating Gigi Hadid for years? For a long time. Yeah. I hear stories about that. Oh, really? Just there's always been rumors about him maybe not being... I've heard all those rumors, too, but I hear that. But I also think, yeah, like who cares, who knows? I always just feel like a thing like that can't go on that long if it's not real. Eventually, you see him somewhere, you know.

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your family, and your dreams. Get financial advice that puts you at the center. Find your advisor at IG Private Wealth.com. So is the Pedro Pascal guy? Is he like 100% gay? What is that? I don't know. Yeah, I saw those pictures too.

But like he wasn't gay and then it was just like, here's my boyfriend. But he doesn't say it's his boyfriend. For all those people, we knew what he was because he was not that biggest star where he followed his personal life. Some people think he's a plant, an industry plant, because he like fell out of the sky out of nowhere. And it was just like the biggest thing. Yeah. But I'm like, but that's also what. But that stars.

Yeah, exactly. He was on Narcos and it was a big hit. Yeah. I mean, that can happen. You get one big show and then you do get. And when you, and timing is right. And you get the good team behind you and you get the, and you can pop. How come and ever.

I never understood. Never having us. I never had a good team behind me. I also don't understand an industry plant that doesn't make any sense. No. Because the industry is so broad. It's not three people. Right.

Like going, okay, the person this year is Sydney Sweeney. It's just not that. Like, so that I don't agree with. By the way, I don't know if you've heard that. I heard now people saying that Sydney Sweeney is a man. Again? Yeah, this is the latest one. She's a man, baby.

I know. I'm like, wait a minute of all the people. She doesn't seem like she's got any manly features at all. Absolutely not. Yeah. So, all right, we're good on that one? We're good on that one. I hope so.

Speaking of this. This will lead us perfectly into this. This is, you know, this is from last week, but I just had to get your take on it. Christy Noem, who has been fired for her job in the administration. Yeah. Because I was like, what? What was it really that fired her? And it was that she did an ad campaign that put her face on Mount Rushmore and it cost

$230 million. Yeah, she was riding a horse through the woods. It was like a... How could a commercial, I mean, how could you ever think that that wouldn't be found out that a commercial cost $230 million? Well, I think it was a series of commercials, but still, I think that was more than one, but not that that matters. So then, get this, give us the story.

How did they find out that the husband? He's into wearing like big breasts that like a drag queen would wear, like a rubber chest plate kind of a thing. Well, bit of a backstory. You know, that used to be you. Yeah, I know. I mean, thank God it's not. I don't have any. Because you never know when they're going to come up.

You know, God, I'd love to have some big dits, you know. It comes out of nowhere, probably. I don't have any of those weird fetishes. You know what? We never dressed you up as a woman ever. Ever. Chelsea lately. No, I was the only one who didn't do the woman ever.

They also say that they think that's an Illuminati thing. Oh, really? That they make stars dress up like women in a skit or something. And that means that that's your way of saying, all right, you got my asshole now. Oh, really? Yeah, I'm completely, I believe in Satan. I wish I would have been that. That's all conspiracy, chill out people.

I don't believe it. Okay. I mean, go on. In my defense or if this gets me in the Illuminati, I don't know. We did do several things where I was transitioning as Bruce Jenner into. But before there was a real transition on Chelsea Lately, we were doing me transitioning just for fun. So, it's close. In this world of conspiracy theories where people would always go, you're crazy, that's crazy.

And now we realize a lot of things have proven to be true. Like, oh my God, I can't, you know, and everyone told you you were crazy. My mom would tell me, would ask me right before Caitlin transitioned, is, is Bruce Jenner transitioning becoming a woman because it was like in the inquire right and I was like no mom that is just stories that is just you know he's probably just getting like some plastic surgery or something he's just probably has like a vanity thing going on and then my mom died and then I was like do I take the vanity fair max and show to go to the grave yeah she and be like you were right yeah you were right And I was like, crazy mother.

Closure. You crazy mother. And she was right. She might need some closure on that. Take, you know, whatever you need to take. She knows. So, so this husband of 34 years. But a little bit of the backstory, yes.

She was fine. And then it came out that she had, you know, slept with a guy, she worked with Corey Lew and Ludinowski. Okay. So there was that. Christy did. Yeah. Yes, you know.

So, but then she said we want privacy. where I'm staying with my husband. And I guess people started to dig for pictures or whatever. And it's not hard to find. And found like a fetish website or something. He's all over OnlyFans. He has a bunch of different OnlyFans accounts with different women. Oh, where he's paying for the only fan.

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's not the model. And that's one of the women you see in this picture here that she's one of the women that he paid for a lot of her stuff. And I guess he's into. She's a big, big. Her name's Bimbo Bride.

Bube Quest to make her his Bimbo Bride. Oh, maybe they're just saying. saying that on the California Post. But yeah, so she's some, you know, enormous enhanced tips. And he paid for the bigger ones for her. And then he bought her a boob job. That's what it says. Okay.

And then, of course, he has his, I guess when you watch, this is what I'm gathering. He watches them, you know, on Only fans or whatever, do, I don't know what. And then he goes, hang on. Well, you, I'm going to put on my big tits. So I, because it seems like, He's not doing anything else. No, no makeup, nothing. Like he's like lipstick on our wig.

Yeah, and he's still wearing like a guy t-shirt. Yeah, over the big. I don't know if the big tits are part of the t-shirt or they go on first. Then the t-shirt goes over it. Because nipple placement is all fucked up. I don't know if you've seen it. One is shooting left. The other one is going road.

Yeah. They're all over the place. He needs to work on that. Wow. And so where are they now in their relationship? I haven't heard. I haven't heard. I believe, as far as I know.

I mean. And I assume they have kids. That's embarrassing. That's the tough one. You know, the kids got to see this, I guess. I think they're a little older, which I don't know if that makes it better. But it was a weird thing because I'm like, well, you know, if anything. He's not nursing is what I'm saying.

You know, there's two ways to look at it. It can look like, you know, the first obvious way is, you know, based on their political affiliation, many people felt that they were very anti anything like this for others. Right. Yet they, yet he does it for himself. And the other part is you should be like, well, look, we really weren't like that because I do it too. We're super open to it. You should embrace us.

That could be an angle she should use, you know. Yeah. Look at us. We're into it. We're super, yeah, we're super open to whatever thing you, however one you want to live behind closed doors. But nothing's behind closed doors anymore because it's all can be found online. I know. Like, because you are talking to someone on OnlyFans because you are part of a fetish online group because you are.

sharing child corn, you know, through websites. Like if you just kept it behind doors, truly, then we wouldn't know. But there is no behind. Yeah, like you said. Yeah. I always want to know for a guy like this, something that's really embarrassing like this. I just want to know what the day is like after it breaks. Like the day these pictures came out and roll over the place.

Like what's the trip to Starbucks? Yeah, because you're still out in the public eye, you know? Like, what is that like? the next couple of days going to the friend's house you know like oh boy been a rough one up for you I mean maybe it'll just be like

just like when Caitlin came out where you're like okay right maybe they are just like okay yeah I mean you're you're I mean you're not hurting anyone no not the worst thing in the world you bought this girl's boob job yeah you're helping support single moms on only fans

you're still staying married right you're just part of a little weird club. Is this an indication that the big boobs are back? Because there was a while there, if you remember, the big boobs were gone for a bit. Remember? Everybody was the looking. I don't know. Smoking's back and super skinny and low jeans are back. So maybe 90 hard fake porno tits are going to come make a. Pornotits are coming back. Yeah. Yeah. I bet you're right. Everything comes back in fashion. All right. This guy, his name is Dante. And he said, I need a Hulu or Netflix. gather all of the mental health experts and do a doc on COVID and how some people, how I've always

said I think it would be so, I'm surprised there hasn't won't worn out yet. Yeah. So I'm going to tell them how they should do it. Okay. We don't need to see the exact same photos and drone photos over and over again of the empty streets. Okay. Can I just say I'm so done with documentarians that only that are going to do a whole thing on someone who went missing or died and they only have three photos. I don't care if they're 60 and weren't part of Facebook. Fucking find more than three photos. Find more than three photos. Okay. Okay. No. But there are some people who just don't have any photos. No, I think it's a lazy editor. I think it's a lazy editor that and a lazy producer go find more photos. Go literally.

It's the same. Yeah. It's the same face from the wedding over and over and over again. There's got to have been somebody else that took a photo of you at a party in the last 15. that we could use that for the doc. We're putting a documentary together. Yeah. So in this, I don't need to see the empty streets. I don't need to have them tell us what happened. We know.

Skit that quick. What I'd like to see is I want to hear stories about the COVID divorce, the COVID friendship breakup. That could be a whole series. The people that actually fell in love because they were like barely dating and then decided to just like move in together because they were already fucking and contaminated dated each other. Yeah. I want to hear about the person who discovered that their spouse was cheating because there

was only one other lady in the whole neighborhood that had COVID. And then the husband came home with COVID and the two dogs knew each other because they were going on walks and they were fucking. I'd watch all these. All of that. I, that's what I want. And then I want to hear from the person that's forever changed from COVID. Like socially, they never go out.

They don't care. They loved it. they wanted it to come back. And then you can maybe hear from someone that wished for the world to just shut down. And then it happened and they felt guilty the rest of their life. Yeah. We all, I did that. No, like I literally, I literally said right before it happened.

Yeah. I said I was not looking forward to all the stuff that was going to happen at the end of eighth grade for my son. Uh-huh. It just was like stressing me out, the Disney trip, the this, the that, the part. and I just go, oh, I wish I could just skip this whole next couple months. Yeah. And I said, God made it happen. When you have that ability, yes.

Yeah. And then I went on stage and said, Jesus loves me the most. And he flicked me to let the world know maybe people shouldn't get multiple vaccines. Right. It's hard being a vessel. It is. A vessel speaking as a messenger of God. It's hard.

No, I think that's what I want to see. Okay. I don't need to see news of what's his name. Who was the guy, the doctor that was always pouchy. I don't need to see Gavin with his scratchy voice. I don't need to see the new shit that we already lived through. Just give me the juice. I'm with you.

Feels like a other lifetime. It seems like so long ago while that went down. It really did. And it was, it was COVID jokes were so. COVID jokes were the best because it was the one thing. Remember, we're all in this together. It was the one thing that you could just tell your COVID joke, no matter where, right, even if it was still going on or shortly after.

And the whole place would laugh. Yeah. There's been no other thing like that in life that was like that relatable. Right. Why is the guy driving around alone in his car with a mask on? Yeah. Everybody ran that one into the ground. God, I like it.

I like it. It was easy. I think that's when the world turned on celebrities, too, when they all tried to sing, Imagine. Oh, my God. Imagine all the people. Those people that are part of that, once in a while that'll pop up in my feet. And I'm like, how much of an asshole, you're in your beautiful California backyard. I remember they were two, they were these funny twins and they were doing a thing of how one was in New York, these guys, and one was in California.

They did a thing of like how different the mess. massive shutdown was, yes, both places were completely shut down as cities while Texas were like having high school football games by like March 28th. Right. But like, or whatever. But with this, it was like, we're walking around in our neighborhoods. He's swimming in a pool. Like especially if you live in a nice neighborhood, it was like not terrible.

You could go and instead, you know, and then have like wine parties across the street from people and all that kind of stuff. And then the New York person was just stuck in their place, like, why the brother's, like, doing laps and stuff. What a nightmare. That's what I want to see, though. Speaking of documentaries, if you're going to just pitch documentaries, I was fascinated to go back to Lamar Odom. Yes. At the very end of that documentary, when I talk about the whore houses and stuff.

First of all, I thought that guy was great, the guy who worked at the. With the black rocker hair that ran the whorehouses, yeah. And then, like, when they just showed the other, like, there's the bunny ranch. And then there's all these other ones. He's weird, just trailers in the middle of the desert. I want to, there probably is one, but I need to see a documentary on that. Well, I. Goose.

Like, well, I loved, I loved that show. Those, that with airplane, Annie and all that, those girls. The HBO show. Yes, HBO show where people would like bring their kid to get laid for the first time and want and be on TV and how they would sit around and like be chosen and how they would act like it was like a good. and like they were all like happy hookers and stuff on the show. What I thought was fun fact, you know, interesting is the reason they're so far out there is there, it's only legal in Nevada if the town is under a certain amount of population, which I'm thinking,

that's a horrible ratio. Right. It should be the opposite. Yeah. So there's 7,000 people in the town, but there's five horror houses. Like what? I know. And just trailers.

Like, that's wild. Trailers with like no air conditioning. I know. And I'm just like. ugh. I know. Then I looked just seeing the bed that he was in because it was in like a museum now or something.

Yes. And just the bed was like some ugly bed. Oh, everything about it seems like. And then how the guy, I think he's past that general guy, the guy that owned the. Oh, the guy who owns. Yeah. How he like went on the Today Show and he was like,

and don't forget to buy my book, the art of a pimp. Yeah. And he's like on the Today Show, they're like trying to get like, they're trying to get the scoop. And they're like, so tell us like how fucked up. you know, Lamar Odom was when he almost died at your horror house or whatever. And then he's like, well, you know, he still wants to come back. He's still welcome to come back.

We'd love to host him. We're going to give him 50% off. Like, I was just like, what? Had a good time. Oh, my God. Okay, wait. So Howard Stern, I just thought this was interesting. He doesn't have bizarre rules for stuff.

So he has an executive assistant type. that was assisting both of them, but in their home in South Hampton, where it's like 20,000 square feet. So anyway, she's suing saying that she was not treated right. And from what I found, it sounded like,

she only worked there for like a year and a half, and then they let her go. And she was making like $300,000. Yes, but they also made her work. Yeah. So that's not okay. Oh,

oh, yeah, right. Okay. And then, of course, I read like, it says it bizarre rules. And it was like,

I read them. And I'm like, Nothing seemed that bizarre to me. The rules were an NDA. You can't tell the restaurants they like to go to. You can't talk about things like you're like, well, it doesn't. Oh, that was the stuff in the NBA? Yeah, there was some of those things.

So, so tell me what it was. Like she did. You can't talk about the restaurants they like to go to. You can't talk about where they vacation. I'm like, well, that seems normal. Who would want to, you can't say that if you're, I don't know. I mean, you see an article like this and you're like, this is why they're probably going to get rich people are probably going to

get the robots. Yeah. Because it's like, even though that's scary as shit. But I'm like, I mean, after a certain point, you're like, I mean, if you, you know, oh, she looked at me funny. My boss looked at me funny. Oh, they said I had to, you know, come in on a Tuesday. And I was like, I'll come in when I want.

Like, what's wrong with you horrible people? Like, it just like so ridiculous. And then it was that she had all these cats. And it made it sound like in the thing that there was like 20,000 cats running around And it was like, no, they did have a fostering of cat rescue. But that was part of her, she managed the house. So it was like, oh, she's suing because she had to manage the payroll. She had to manage the caterers coming.

Well, that was your job. Yeah. I mean, there was no part of like the good old days where people accused Naomi Campbell of throwing a phone at their head. That was when it was fun. That was what it was fun. That was when you're like. And then you're like, that sounds like you had a mean boss.

Staying in the Hamptons under 20,000 square foot. house and, you know, tending to a kitten. Right. Doesn't sound like a hellish ordeal and making $300,000 a year. But, you know, people have to make their money, I guess, or maybe it's really true. How do you feel about the astronauts? They said, New York Post wrote, Artemis II astronaut Christina Koch's thirst traps from space, set social media blaze, drop your arm routine.

So as she's floating around and doing selfies with her hair in the air and the earth from the, you know, she has some pretty good biceps. She's a workout girl. And so, you know, people are into it. I feel like no one cares about the story. Oh, I mean, I was into it. Okay. It's pretty cool. I mean, they've gone farther into space that anyone has ever gone ever, which is wild.

Farther than the girls, farther than Katie Perry? Katie Perry went to like Glendale, you know. Yeah, further than that. Speaking of Katie Perry, Trudeau, her boyfriend's son. He's not currently the... No, no, no, no, prime minister, no. And he, anyway, the son's, you know, he's doing some podcasts. Okay.

Son, just saying like Katie's like a nice... He likes her? Yeah, sure. Okay, why not? Sure. And anyway, so they, it comes down in San Diego, which would always be, my God. Like, I would just be like, if I was an astronaut and be like, I'm so excited to spend the weekend in San Diego.

So they plop, they're gonna come plopping down in that little cute thing. Yeah. In Friday in San Diego. It's still the same as it was in the 70s. Yeah, it's a little pod. Like the I Dreamy Jeannie thing.

Yeah. Remember the beginning I Dreamy Jeannie? Yeah. Actually, Dreamy's a little, they kind of looks like this. I know. Like these pink chairs and stuff. I remember watching it as a kid.

And I was like, her bottle looks so comfortable. Me too. I wanted to live in the bottle. I want that vibe. Yeah. But then I was like, I want to go to the,

the cocktail party like why is he being such a dick yeah like it was it was the same thing with i love lucy like why can't lucy be in the show like you have a nightclub you're performing every night let lucy be in the show you asshole yeah and then like same thing with this one it was like i dream a jini she's all cute and she's like master can i go to the thing and he's like no i'm going to the officer's dinner by myself yeah most sitcoms back then were just like shut up woman They would be witched. She wanted to go do fun things too. And he was like, no, I'm going to the advertising meeting by myself.

Yeah. And the thing about Bewitch that I said one day, hopefully in my lifetime, this will happen, which it is not, was that she could get ready like that. Remember she twitch her nose? And I'm like, every time I'd have to like start getting ready from scratch, I'm like, I wish I could just twitch my nose and be completely dressed, hair makeup done. That was a good time. Yeah.

I've been doing this test recently with my phone. Oh, yeah? What's that? Well, you know how you go, you know, you're talking about something, and then you're like, oh, I need to get, I want to get some patio furniture. You talk to your friend about patio furniture. And then you go to the bathroom and you check my phone,

it's all the patio furniture. I believe it's gotten to the point where it's actually, I just think about something. So I've been doing that. And it's happening, right? It's happening. I know. It's happening.

I'm not saying, I'm like, I'm like, I'll think about it. I'm like, I kind of want to see a story. about this person and I'll just kind of go and I'll open my phone and it's like the second one is it and it's not the biggest story it's not the biggest thing yeah and I won't say it so I feel like the next thing is I'm going to be able to twitch my nose we're getting there and turn into Sabrina the Tia and Peter's going to be able to take his gyrocopter into space yeah and hopefully not return I mean, I wonder if you're, you know, because these guys, these astronauts,

there's three, three Americans and a Canadian of the four of them. And they all had to say goodbye to their families and stuff. I wonder if there's like one wife who'd be like, oh, Jesus, can this guy just stay? Yeah, because remember the other people were gone for so long? Yeah, the two of them were. Yeah. And I'm always like, are they like still, are they friends? Are they talking?

It was just like. Yeah. Or you're just like, no, we're good. I've actually got to move on with your life. Like he passed away when Helen Hunt, you know, she, leaves she thinks Hanks is dead he comes back she's married to Mr. Big Chris Knoth remember craziness god I yeah I always wonder about that too but I again I've said it over and I never ever want to go to space that when when no when

when Sandra Bullock's character was like floating around by herself okay and then she eventually did get to drop in into the pod or whatever and I just her legs look so good but I was just like, I just think how happy. I mean, I get happy when I can see LAX. Yeah. And I'm just like, oh, we're so close. I can't imagine like being in space and then just being like, can we, how far off are we? San Diego.

Well, San Diego is a beautiful place. And I hope they have a fun, cute weekend there. I hope so too. Yeah. Yeah. But then I'm not kidding. They're literally like, you can see it all over the internet. People are like, they're in Burbank.

It's fake. They're in front of the green screen. I know. Now people are like shut up and, you know. There's just like everything is, nothing's real anymore. And maybe it's true. I don't know. But I thought it was pretty cool.

I think this. I think this is real. Yeah. I, the picture didn't look unique to me though. Well, I mean, you've seen those type of. I'm like, oh, it's the backside of the moon. I'm like, okay.

I don't know. Well, everyone wants to see like an alien or something like, you know, that's what everyone wanted. You know, it's like, oh, this is boring. you want to see, beep blop, blop, beep, blop, beep, yeah,

something like that. Oh, there was some other guy that just was doing a podcast talking about, yeah, the aliens, yeah, we talked to them or whatever. Yeah.

I always think that the one really crazy story on the TikTok internet is when they thought like aliens took over that, um, mall in Miami. Right. Oh. Look it up.

It is weird. A mall in Miami? Like they took it over? It's just, it's so bizarre. So what you're saying? The only people going to malls now are aliens. at least somebody's going

where's the jamba juice yeah it was like I don't know though could all be fake but it was like all these and these people have talked about and the same thing is remember the people that said there were these giant like figures but they can like see through them

they're like eight or nine feet tall but they're not like solid beings it's more like a and they said they saw like in the back of the house in Las Vegas. Yeah, well, those were, yeah. Yeah, but then what they say too is then something that's on your phone. And I've heard this from people not regarding alien stuff where they film something

that's very highly sensitive to something the government doesn't want us to know. Yeah. And then they don't delete it, but it gets deleted, like a video. Really? Like without their... Like about certain people that, you know, were assassinated that some people think. are not, maybe not assassinated that way, people that had filmed it, it's no longer like on their phone. Oh, man. So I'm, so I go, let me see that. Yeah, yeah. So let me go see that video

that's been dismissed. I mean, that's how crazy the world we live in. It's a movie. We're living in a movie 100%. So just enjoy it. It's a few weeks ago. I think Barack Obama was on a podcast. And he goes, oh, yeah, there's definitely aliens out there. And he's on, he's on like, he's not on Joe Rogan. He's not on even Michelle Obama's. He didn't even save it for his wife. podcast. He said it on like, Timmy Tom's or something. Timmy Tom's in the sports buddies. It's like, what? I know. And it just kind of went away.

I'm like, people, though, that's, I feel like that's the biggest story of all the time. I've been like, yeah, we got a guy who's got big tits over here. Yeah, nobody, does nobody cares? They're like, yeah, people might or may or may or may not be eating babies and there, but, you know, and there may or may not be aliens here. So quick.

Because I feel like. That's why I'm like, if you're in some shit, like, like, you know, I said this on the other day where Blake lively with a, you know, everything that happened with her, I'm like, if she would have just ignored some of the shit she was reading online a year and a half ago, like, it was, she just, she thought the whole world was, it's like, give it six days. Nobody can. I think it's literally down to six days. And it's like over with like Taylor, Frankie Paul, that whole story, she's in court today. They have mutual restraining orders against each other. She's able to see the little boy, supervise visits for eight hours a week

it's gonna work out they should stay the fuck away from each other they did it virtually I was like who cares about that story anymore I mean honestly and you and I we live in this world yeah we look at this stuff people who don't like they're not in like a world of pop culture they really don't care

yeah bring these stories up to like my friends who cat and cat who's Frankie Taylor Paul I'm like oh let me tell you like I didn't why would I know that I'm like I don't know it's just the shit I know I'm not proud of it. It's just out there. Yeah.

And, okay, the last one is this water polo star. This was a store we talked about. Yeah, Harvard Westlake. It's a school down the street here. My wife went there. And a lot of people. Very expensive. Co-ed private, non-religious school.

It's been around a long time. Yeah, it's a very exclusive private school here in Los Angeles. $52,000. And basically a year. And basically this young man is suing the, school and I believe the guy that he was his bully, his assault or everything, it was water polo. Yeah. You know, and I, as someone who had a son play water polo, I mean, it is skimpy outfits.

It is very, very skimpy. And it's like, you're watching, you're there and you're like, I don't even know if I feel okay sitting here. Yeah. Like watching all these young bodies. Like it is. Right. It's weird.

It's like, I mean, they should be able to do it. But it was like, so this guy, this kid is black and, you know, and they would say racial things to him. But then they also digitally penetrated them. So I guess with their fingers, they would go up while he was taking a shower. I don't know what they were doing. And this one guy in particular had written text kind of admitting to it, being like, oh, I'm sorry. And the lawsuit, of course, you want to sue the kid. But you also, they're suing the school.

They're saying the school didn't do enough. And I'm like, you know, that's why you pay for a private school. Well, this is so that you kid does not get harassed and bullied. Like, are you fucking kidding me? That's what are people saying now. Like, could you imagine paying $52,000 a year to still have this stuff happen? Yeah, I understand when you're, you know, that's why you're like, I mean, I used to look at like public schools when I was in high school. And like, and like there was a movie called 1984 and it was like punkers.

And I was like, Michael J. Fox. Yeah. It looked like a. prison. Like, so you were like, no, I can't send my daughter to go to the prison and like she's got to go to me with Morgan Freeman. Remember that movie? Like there's the, the hallways were just as fires burning in a hallway. Yeah, just like people fighting. I'm like, God. And you wonder why people are like, you know what? Maybe we could do homeschooling now with the help of AI and computers. Like maybe I don't need my kid being digitally penetrated for $52,000 a year. Like I get it. But I hate that that, that the teachers just

And that's a problem. Like there's been stories where, you know, these rich kids, their parents that like donate so much. Yeah. What are you going to do when there's a dispute between two kids? You're going to get rid of the person that gives you an extra 500 grand. Right. Or the one that was like paying the normal amount or maybe even on scholarship.

I mean, I kind of live in this world a little bit, you know. I mean, my daughter goes to one of the school that is the feeder school to this school, more or less. Yes. So the hope is that one day my daughter will be digital. penetrated. I mean, I guess in a water polo game. You know? Speaking of my old school, St.

Mel's, they did a thing on the Today Show with Brian Cranston and Jeddah Hager Bush. Jenna Bush Hager. Oh, Jenner Bush Hager, yeah. And it was like, are you lying or not or something,

some little game they were playing. Yeah. And she was like, where did you get your first holiday communion or something like that? And Brian Cranston goes, oh, I was nine and it was six. St. Mel's and she starts laughing and she's like, obviously you're lying. There's no school

called St. Mel's. And he's like, no, there is a St. Mel's in Woodland Hills. I don't think he did it, but he just was telling the lie and thought of the school because he grew up from St. Woodland Hills or something like that. And yeah, so it's just like, I don't know, that was my school, St. Melvin. It does exist. But still, still going. But it was always such a, it was such a weird name. It does seem like it's a fake name. But there is a St. Melvin. that's why. Okay. But people would be like, St. Mel smells, you know, that's always nice to harass people.

But I don't know what's going to happen to this kid. He had to move to Spain. Well, the other kids moved to Spain. The other kid moved to Spain. So he could still do water polo and I guess be far away, many seas away from this guy swimming up his asshole. Yeah. I mean, sports.

I've never been, you know, I was never into sport. I mean, I like sports, but I was never good enough to be on like a team. So I feel like all sports, there's some sort of weird, you know, like, I don't know what you would call it. I don't know if this is like rough would be, not that I'm not saying it's good or bad, you know, good, but it's like a rough housing thing or something. I don't know. It's weird. It is weird. I feel like there's a culture in sports that is like that kind of vibe.

I think that the idea of putting your kid into sports is good because it builds teamwork and working together, but it also breeds like a really competitive person. But it also leads to rape and murder. Yeah. It also leads like, you know, like cheerleading. Remember the cheerleading mom person where their daughter didn't make the squad or something? So she like set out to like kill the other girl so there'd be a spot. Yeah.

I remember I didn't make the cheerleading squad. And the day I found out, I was just like devastated. And my mom was so. Why didn't you make because you weren't a good cheerleader or you didn't have the look or what was it i'll tell you exactly why you didn't have the moves i'll tell you exactly why it's okay so it was crespy so all the louisville girls tried out okay and it was jv we were all only sophomores were on the jv and then juniors and seniors were on the senior varsity team and so many juniors were coming back to be on the varsity there was only four spots yeah but there was like nine of us

trying out for four spots okay and we had to to try out in front of the guys. The guys were voting for us. Yeah, the football. We were like, yeah. That's very strange. Yes, because I don't have a boyfriend. I, you know, I was told I was beautiful by two people in my life, my parents.

But apparently I wasn't. No, let's not. I've seen the photos. Anyway, I had so I do. On a scale from one to 10, around that. time. You, uh, I think of a solid 5.756.

No, you're higher than that. I've seen some of the early pictures. You're definitely higher than that. I was okay. Yeah. Anyway, I had these chicken legs.

This one guy told me, I used to watch you cheer and I thought, how does she stand? How can possibly those things work? That's what he said. I was like, wow. So I had a lot of issues with which kind of socks I wanted to wear.

Okay. Now I just go, I don't care and I'm wearing like the kind that don't even show that go just under your ankle. But I thought almost like a leg warmie type of would balance out my tiny ankle. Like a scrunch down. Like a Hooters waitress. Yes. And then they were like, well, you can't be the only one wearing these weird socks, Heather. Okay.

We all have like, you know, sexy little normal size legs. Okay. Okay. So then I did the thing and I was like so stressed. I hadn't eaten. I was so nervous to do this dumb routine with my friend who was the hottest Heather in all of the San Fernando Valley. And then there was just me, the Heather McDonald one.

Do you know what's become of the hot Heather? Oh, yeah. I'm friends with her still. Oh, really? She's still hot. Okay. That's good. So she still looks great.

Okay. So anyway, so then we do the routine and I feel like we have to like answer questions of like why we want to be a cheerleader with these guys. Yeah. And so I started to feel like nauseous and I run and then they're like, oh, she's an anorexic with those legs. But I just really was anorek because I just felt like so scared and nerves like I were going to throw up. So then that was like on a Thursday. And then we're going to find out on Monday.

So then Friday we go to a party. We were always at people's part. Everyone always had parties. Parents were gone and we could always find a party off of Wells. You just drove down Wells and saw, you know, transams parked somewhere. And you're like, let's go. So then I was at this party and I see the daughter of who's triumphant cheerling as well whose mother is the head of the whole cheerily thing.

And I see her and I'm like, hi Penny. And she's like like she's just avoiding the eye contact. Oh no. And I was like that's happened to me now a few more times in life. And I detect it now. Yeah, you know. Older and wiser. You're off.

And then that day we had to drive to the school and see the list. And my friend went and called me and she's like, you and I both didn't make it. And I bawled crying. But then it was like, you know, the first time I experienced, you know, life's rejection is God's protection. And my mom was like, you're not good. Yeah. That was the first time she was honest about my talent. Okay.

She's like, you really should be like singing and doing acting. And like, you can't do that if you're on this squad. But also so four of the hotter people got it. Right. And then when the other people left, then they needed people senior year. Then that same daughter came and said, I really think you should try out because now we could use you. Yeah.

And I'm like, no. Too late. No. You lost out on these legs. I'm going to act and sing. I and do a, you know, night mother. I'm going to do music man. Yeah, right.

Pick a little, tuck a little, pick a little, pick a little, pick a little, pick a little, pick a little, no, not doing it. Good for you. Go. Yeah. Yeah. And that was the story. So, yeah, it's, it was stressful. Well, I made the football team.

You did. Eighth grade, yeah. Yeah. Well, I think they took everybody. And I made the team, which was, that was where the embarrassment began for me. Yeah. Because they had broken us up into two squads. Right.

The people who played and the people who didn't play. And I was on the people who didn't play squad. And one day, we were playing a game against the other school whose losers, each other. The losers were playing the losers. Okay. And one of the dads of the good boys. players came to that game thinking it was the real game. Okay. And I was standing on the sidelines. I don't think I had pads. Like they had run out of pads and they were like, well, he doesn't need pads.

He's never going to get in the game. Yeah. So I was just standing in like a uniform but no pads underneath it. You're basically just wearing today's Lulu Levens. Yeah. More or less. And then the father comes and the other good players are there in regular clothes. Yeah. They're not playing now. like we're just coming to watch the loser game. Oh. And the father comes walking up and he says, where's Tony, my son? And one of the kids who's on the good team, turn, he goes, this is, your son's not here. This game's for the losers.

And he pointed to me like, these, as I was the loser, like, it's for these people. Look at him. He's so, look at his body. Like, he's not an athlete. And he, so I was the reference point of the loser. And I was like, oh, yeah, okay. So now I admit, so you're better off not making the team, I think. My earliest memory is it was like kindergarten in her first grade.

And you know how they would teach you how to hold a pencil? I just did it my own way, which was like this. And they brought someone in to like observe the school. Yeah. And I was just writing my own with my own. Like this is the way. Instead of writing like this. Yeah.

I wrote like this. Okay. I just wrote like that. Yeah. And I was doing it. And this girl goes, look at it. Look at how they, look at how she's holding her. her pencil, she must be retarded.

Oh no. Yeah. What's wrong with her? Yeah. And then I was like, okay. And then I was like, okay, Mom, I guess I have to learn how everyone else writes now. Because I was like so. You're bullied into, you know, doing it right.

Exactly. Chris, where can everyone see you again? Oh, my God. You guys know the place, Buffalo Helium next week, April 15th Comedy Bar in Toronto, comedy at the Carlson and Rochester, April 17th. New York Comedy Club in Stanford, Connecticut, April 30th, brokerage, Belmore, Long Island, May 1st and 2nd, and Nashville, Zanies, May 29th and 30th.

Frangola.Funn has all my dates. Go there, come out, see me live, up close. Free meet and greets. Everything, I do it all. I come out and meet the people. I hang out. We have a lot of fun, and I don't know how much more I have in me, you know, like road flying across the country and all that.

I was been saying that for a long time. I know. So of I. So of I. I try to threaten them. I try to threaten them. You got to threaten them. But.

And then you and I'm May 9th. Which I'm looking forward to. So much fun. So much fun. And Heather MacDonald. net for me. And you know, you love my parents.

Is they an after party on May 9th? Absolutely. But here's what I want to know. What? Like for real. Like a real after party. Not just me, you and Brandy and Julie sitting at a table.

I'm talking like Netflix after party. All right. Well, let me find. Yeah, because there probably is. Because it's a whole thing. It's not like another place. Yeah.

Where the other people will want us? I feel like there's a bunch of different shows going on that night. Right. I know. And not all of them are sold out. No, I know. That's congratulations. That's great.

Well, I mean, I feel very lucky, but I love that I have my favorites and you guys are going to be there. And I think that also helps. And I'm just, yeah, I'm relieved. Yeah. I'm relieved because I just didn't know what that was. would look like when, you know, all these other hot youngans. The reason I bring up after parties because, I mean, I don't think I've been to that part where Avalon is, the Hollywood.

Okay, I'll make sure. Hollywood proper. I don't think I've been there in 20 years. Okay. Well, I will try to get us to invite to a real party. If not, we're going to have our own party. But I wanted to be like a Hollywood party. Like we show up as paparazzi's popping.

Oh, I can make that happen. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Oh, I mean, the last time, I can call them. I went to your 10 year and there was a, paparazzi thing out front. Oh yeah, we had all that. Yeah, I know. And I got stuck behind the dance moms. She shows up in her wheelchair, took her 45 minutes to get down the sidewalk,

and I'm stuck behind her. You were the star that night. Don't you worry. Thank you very much. Love you. Bye.