Juicy Scoop with Heather McDonald - Dolly's Legacy, Ozempic Side Effects & Jelly Roll's Stand-Up w/ Heather Shaw

Episode Date: August 27, 2026

Comedian Heather Shaw is back on Juicy Scoop, and we are jumping right into the Real Housewives, including our hilarious impressions as we dissect Vicki's wild behavior this yearWand if Ozempic is to blame. We also honor the legendary Dolly Parton, talking about her iconic, long-lasting marriage and how she was decades ahead of her time as a boss and a woman. Plus, Jelly Roll is not only looking slim, but he's venturing into stand-up comedy with jokes that include fat-shaming, so what is next for him? We get into the latest Jared Leto controversy with Heather’s priceless hot take, break down Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni’s ongoing drama, then Jennifer Garner’s complaints about navigating single motherhood post-Ben Affleck. Finally, we cover North West wanting a minimum-wage job despite her child-superstar lifestyle, analyze Callaway’s head-scratching new ad, and question who approved this year's bizarre Target Halloween costumes, asking if corporate executives just desperately need to return to the office and actually speak to each other. -Right now, DripDrop is offering podcast listeners 20% off your first order. Go to ⁠dripdrop.com⁠ and use promo code JUICYSCOOP -Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to ⁠quince.com/juicy⁠  -Go to ⁠RO.CO/JUICYSCOOP⁠ to see if you qualify -With Shopify, nothing stands between your idea and a real business. So go make it one. Start your free trial at ⁠SHOPIFY.COM/juicy⁠ -Go to ⁠vinted.com⁠ or download the Vinted app for free to start listing with no seller fees Subscribe to my new show Juicy Crimes!: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/juicycrimes⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Stand Up Tickets and info: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://heathermcdonald.net/⁠⁠⁠⁠ Subscribe to Juicy Scoop with Heather McDonald and get extra juice on Patreon: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/JuicyScoopPod⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/cw/juicyscoop⁠⁠⁠⁠ Watch the Juicy Scoop On YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@JuicyScoop⁠⁠⁠⁠ Shop Juicy Scoop Merch: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://juicyscoopshop.com/?srsltid=AfmBOopTZFUvAeokrJJ6dQ5wuAW1T3nssO6pHk47u7KymJUBtBgKCvfX⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow Me on Social Media: Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/heathermcdonald/⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@heathermcdonald⁠⁠⁠⁠ YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@HeatherMcDonaldOfficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This back-to-school season, spend less on your kids with Amazon. Hi, I'm Laura Clary, mom, chaos coordinator, and someone who has learned the hard way that back-to-school season is basically a second mortgage. Last year, my daughter decided she absolutely needed this very specific backpack, not just any backpack, the backpack. I found it, I bought it, I sent her off on the first day of school. She lost it by week two, gone forever. So remember, with Amazon.

Amazon's low back-to-school prices, just spend less on your kids because every dollar you don't spend on them is a dollar you haven't spent on them. Fast to the number one tabloid real life podcast. Heather McDonald's. Juicy Scoop. Hello and welcome to Juicy Scoop. I have a return favorite. Another Heather, another hilarious girl. You know or you love her.

It's Heather Shaw. Hey, I'm back, baby. The Heather's reunited. What I love is you're on tour right now because you're such a funny stand-up. Yeah. And when I was pulling this poster for, look on YouTube because you're going to get to see her funny face and her funniness and me altogether. But I noticed that the song you chose for this is Baby Gorgeous.

And I've been choosing Baby Gorgeous for stuff, which is Lisa Barlow's music. You're just. No, it's your just. Is it just? You're just. Baby Gorgeous. And then I forget the lyrics. But it's good. It's my walk-up song. I love it. It's so good for walking up. No one knows it. of Lisa Bowles. Oh, are you kidding me? I love the bar. She's great. What's her tequila? Where is it? It's Vita tequila. Thank you so much. A lot of people try to say that it's not a real tequila. We have done Sundance for 42 years. I have a lounge. I'm so generous with it, but these girls are so mean to me. I love watching her on Ultimate Girls Trip. No, I haven't.

I haven't gotten into you, G.T. Okay. I heard I need to because Vicki's a nightmare. She's a total like, I work, I work! She's still working. I work. Can I say somebody saying something about her mouth? What's going on? I noticed that too. She does, like, this is very the key pressure where she'll go like, she'll go, what is that?

I gotta work. You don't have life insurance, pay her taxes? I don't know if it's like, what is it the tightness? I don't know if she's like wet, like her dry mouth from Ozempic. You've never tried any of that stuff. You look like you're, you know, I take a lot of it. take a lot of it. That's why I look like this. You're a very trim, a trim, lean little machine.

Little stick. But I've taken it. You have? Yes. What? Like four years ago, when you had to keep it a secret. Yeah. When they were going to come to your house with pitchforks and be like, you're not a diabetic. But I had turned 50 and I had gained like weight, a lot more weight than I wanted. Yeah. So I did it and I was able to keep it off. And then since then I've, I've dabbled in it like once. You don't need to. You're stick then.

I know, but you don't know. You know when someone doesn't fit in their thing and you know, no, like whatever. Anyway, it can, for some people, it can make you very thirsty. Like you cannot get enough water in you. Oh, yes, I've heard this. My friend, yeah. And so that was like one thing that, you know, then I tried a different medication. And the next time I had to do it, which was about a year ago, and then I haven't been on it since.

I did a little pill instead, and I noticed I didn't have the incredible thirst. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Maybe that's what it is. But anyway, there's my talk. But now I can be honest about it. But back then, you had to be quiet. You could get canceled.

It was like being gay in the 60s. It was absolutely like being gay in the 80s. Yeah. Just like you knew. Meet up in a park. Yeah. You got a cruise. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. of plastic surgery and lack of water for the Vic. Right. And then just her... She's a lot. And they go, what do you want to do. I remember it.

She's a lot. I got to watch it. So I ended, they're having all these parties. It's very like fun. And how was she partying? I don't understand how they're drinking in their 60s. She looks good though. Like, you know what her body does? That's what it is. I don't think, someone thought it was

something more serious. We don't want it to be any more, anything more serious. Then you're back on TV and you're like, fuck it. I don't care. I'll be I'll be as thirsty to be on camera as I am, truly needing to have water in my body. Because she has a nice figure. Like, her figure is looking really good. I started to do some press.

She's got a nice butt. Like, she looks good. She's slim, tiny, like, good waist. Her arms, her skin looks in. Okay. So, like, good for her because she said, you know, I got plastic surgery because Slate said I, I look like, my piggy.

And then Luann's like, I thought it was pork a pig. I saw that. No, you're like, your pigs mixed up. Well, oink, oink. Who cares? Who would let a man? I saw Countess, by the way, do a Christmas cabaret show in Cincinnati, Ohio. She's doing good, folks.

Some basement in Cincinnati. And what did you think? Woo! I thought she was gorgeous, number one. She is like a very, she is, speaking of plastic surgery, she's somebody that really has just maintained her natural beauty. Like she's always looked like that, and she has a great figure. But the show itself is completely. cringe. And she's in she does, I don't know if she's aware of it. I can't tell if she's like in on it or like, no, this is very serious.

As someone who knows her personally has hung out with her, had her on the show bunch. You know how people say I'm a deadhead? Yeah. I think I've seen Luanne so much that I could be called like a countess conch or something. I don't know what we would call ourselves, but I've literally seen her, I think five times. In concert. Yeah. So it's fun. But I'm like, does she every time I think that she, every time I'm like she is totally gotten better and I'm like you've totally gotten better and then I will look back at someone's video from like you know some gay guy from like the second story of the and filming her yeah and I'll be like how drunk was I like that's not what I saw because when I was there and like people are recognizing me and you're singing yeah she can't buy you clap or even when she's like I can buy myself flower like she does a lot of fun songs you know just like she does some karaoke or whatever so other people's

covers. Yeah, with the housewives clips. But it is, it is kind of like some other housewives you know, have tried to do stand-up or a version of it. Yeah. Go the DJ singing ground. Yeah, Meredith. Because the stakes aren't high. You can do the same stuff over and over again. You know, Bethany tried to be a stand-up.

No. Yes. No. I always said she's got comics. No, she does, but you know what's different. But it doesn't translate. Some people are just great as a reality star. Some people are just great in the moment. Yeah, she does. Sonia. Well, Sonia doesn't know. It does stand up.

Sonia. It's like stand. On what? It's like Sonia and friends. And then she, she will like roll around. Right. And like spread her legs.

She's on Xanax. And like dance. And then she, then she does hire some other comics. So I'm like, good that you're giving some other people, time that are not like super famous that are very funny. And like they get a gig at a paid gig.

Joe, Melissa's husband, Joe of Gorga. Oh, yeah. He does. Stand up. That meatball? He's going to stand up? What's he talking about?

Reza has done standup from Shaw's. I don't know that one. Okay, Shaw's. He did it a long time ago. Okay. People try it. People try it. They maybe get like six or seven minutes.

And then they realize, why the fuck am I doing this? Yeah. You're a reality star. Yeah. You could do a paid ad for, you know, a lot of money. Just don't try it. Yeah, to be in subart. Remember when Slade did it for a second?

He did it at the laugh factory. That's when he called Vicki, Miss Piggy. Right. And it was so, he did it once. I wanted to be like, you fucking suck, dude. Yeah, he did it once. And I mean, you know, I've talked to him since and I've been like. You've talked to Slade?

Yes, he's real. Yes, because Gretchen, Rossi. Yes. She knows everybody, guys. Oh, my God. And it was, you know, she was having a tough season. It was her last season. Yeah.

And I did tell Slade, I go, I just think at one point you just need to say, I, it was totally wrong when I said and did. I was my first time doing stand-up. I knew just calling out names would get a woo-hoo. I didn't realize how like actually cruel that is to really go after someone's looks. I, you know, because it's like you, you know, if you were to hire me to like write for you about housewise, I could have come up with funnier things that are not about, you know, however I just did Vicki being thirsty, but I just said your body looks great, and your face looks great. Yeah. But this is a, that's just an observation. That's not, you know. It's not. You know, it's That's a lot, yeah.

Anyway, I think... Does he, is he has remorse about that? About the stand-up? I can't imagine. He's probably like, whatever. It was his first... Plus, he has... I don't know.

I mean, it was so long ago that I do think it's good when someone's like... It was very long. I look back and I cringe. Like, what was I thinking? Yeah, him on his bike. That's cringy. When was it on the bike? He's always on the bike.

He's got the short, slayed balls. But that also was so long ago. Like, do you imagine? I know. Like, if I started this show 20 years ago, it would show me, like, like rollerblading by myself thinking that was really real exercise which is not you're rolling you're rolling it's not exercise it's not just on Venice but yeah I was just and I had like listen to

Shaw Day in my ear and I'm like living the life you know I wouldn't want that like working out right now you're right you're right everything's cringe 20 years ago yeah so it's fine exactly but um you have all these dates I love that you're yeah yeah baby I was just in Nebraska how was that horrible You know. Have you ever... No, but my mother-in-law is from Nebraska. What part, though? Pop quiz. Do you remember? Hold on.

Is it Omaha? No. There's one that starts with an R. Oh, it's just a row. It's probably a role. Anyway, she moved, but then she came out here as a teenager and went to Hollywood High. Okay. That's the way.

I know. Scanty, I love that. From corn to porn. But she did. That's hot. No, but she didn't, she didn't pursue it. anything you'd acting, but I did go, oh, like, she's like, that we came at whatever the dad's job was.

Yeah. The mom ran a daycare, and then she was at Hollywood High, and then she, like, you know, met my husband's father and became, you know, a cute homemaker, and she's still a good time. But, so Nebraska was a challenge. Yeah, Lincoln's fine, but this one, they pronounce it, Nor Fork. Yeah.

So what are we doing? Already, I'm upset. Nor Fork? Are we, can we read? I don't think they were literate. I don't know. It was just, I wouldn't go back, so I'm talk shit about them because well for the juicy they're not going to see this there um we're just trying to be funny okay oh you think they're who have juicy scoopers and nor for every where nor for please comment please comment please come below we love you

before we get into more juicy funny things we just need to talk about the very very sad and quite shocking news that dolly parton's passing she did passive cancer yeah was that could and it's so I think it's so dolly for us two have not known. Yeah. Like, and for her to still look absolutely gorgeous when she had to like postpone a show.

Yeah. And she was saying like, you know, well, the doctor says like, I need to, you know, stay home. Yeah, and so. And I remember. Was it quick? Like it was, you think it was a recent diagnosis? It seemed like.

I wonder if, like, I wonder if she had it. Yeah. And wasn't going to go through the more debilitating treatments. That's not, yeah. Like, I wonder if her style was just like, well, I'm going to try this instead because I don't want to be so, you know,

it's such a debilitating thing to go through the treatments. So I think, you know, and some people choose not to. And she's 80 or 79, you know? And her, the love of her life, her husband had passed. They said she's going to be laid to rest with him. And, you know, there's been so much stuff that's come out about, like, about her, like, oh, videos and old things. Yeah. And the thing that stuck with me is that as a musical genius and

singer and actress and writer, she, there isn't one time where she did something mean or snarky about another woman. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Tec notes, ladies. Yes. Yeah, I know. It's remarkable. And she wouldn't even, yeah, she's never setting. She knows how to be like shady without. But she She wasn't even, I don't even think there's any shame. You know how, like, Maraica was like, I don't know her and things like that. Right, right, right. And I understand, like, or even I feel like there was maybe even a moment with like Madonna and Lady Gaga, she was coming up. Because Lady Gaga's music was just a little too similar.

I totally get that. But with her, it was just like, and then when she would be sitting there and I remember my mom was like, you know that's a wig. And I was just so shocked. I was like, she's so beautiful. And she's like, no, those are wigs. And I'm like, now as someone who doesn't wear a wig and has to do my hair every. day. I think the realization that you can wear wigs all the time and a lot of

women do. It's kind of great. I mean, the amount of time you save and also if you're performing all the time, that's hard on your hair, but I love that her hair changed all the time. I think every time you've seen her hair, it's a wig. And this is not to diss her. No, no, not at all. She's the best. She's one of one. What I also kind of love is that she knew, because she did an interview with Berber Walters and

Oh, God. Did you see that interview? I hate. Barber Walters, F.U. I don't like Barbara Walters. Why was she always? The way she asks her questions was so shitty. So why? Why do you wear the...

Yeah, why do you wear the... And she's like, well, I know that this would be the thing that'd get me attention. And once I have the attention, then I can be me. Yeah. Well, you know, she was like an innovator, one of the first people to hear about breast implants and get them in 1967.

Yeah. in 1967. Damn, 1967. What are those made of? My mom told me that, like, in the 70s, she was at the grocery store. Yeah. And she sees this woman she knows, like, in the neighborhood.

And her tits are huge. Yeah. And she's like, what happened? Like, because nobody even knew you could get, like, breast implants. Yeah. And she goes, oh, Pam, I just did my, I must, I must increase my bus. No. And my mom, like, believed it for, like, five years.

She didn't even know that, like, existed. Because it was so, like, like, back then? Yeah. Was it just sand? What was in there? I don't know. No, it was the silicone? The silicone? The silico? Today. Oh my gosh. I want to do that. I'm going to get some tips. But she always had such a tiny waist and cute body and beautiful skin. And it seemed like she just, whatever, whatever she did, she stayed beautiful. She looked the same. Yeah, even towards 40 to 80. She looked the same. Like, yeah. It was just, but she still, she didn't look 40 at 80, but she still looked like just

stung. Like, it's skin. She didn't have the mouth thing. She could still sing so good. None of that. Not one mouth movement from Dolly. Take notes. And she had beautiful teeth. That was another thing I said.

You know, back in the day, you couldn't buy teeth like that. And you couldn't buy lips like that. So that's her teeth. Yes. Like a big huge smile like Farah Fawcett and Pamela Anderson would instantly make you a star. Now someone can, you know, fix everything on their face. Yeah, I know. Back then, you had a smile like that and it was like, but of course, the fact that she like wrote nine to five.

I will always love me. Oh my God, I loved that movie. And that song, all those songs, she wrote, she came up with that whole movie, I think. I know. She's insane. Yeah. This back to school season, spend less on your kids with Amazon. Hi, I'm Laura Clary, mom, overthinker, and someone who has a complicated relationship with the back to school supply list.

Can we just be honest for a second? Kids are expensive. Last year, I went all out on my daughter's school supplies, color-coded folders, the fancy pencil case, gel pens and 17 colors she absolutely needed. By October, she had one pencil left. One. I don't know what happened to the rest, and honestly, neither does she. Amazon has everything your kids need for back to school at prices that won't make you want to cry in the school supply aisle. Great prices, huge selection, and when half of it goes missing by October, at least you didn't break the bank. So remember, with Amazon's low back-to-school prices, just spend less on your kids because every dollar you don't spend on them is a dollar you haven't spent on them. Your playlist might get you through the workday, but have you ever wondered how your ancestors spent theirs?

What work helped them build a life? How did they adapt as the world around them changed? With ancestry, you can search select historical occupational records for free for a limited time and discover the stories behind the jobs in your family tree. You've got questions. We've got ancestors. Search free until August 31st. Visit ancestry.ca for details. Terms apply. Now there's going to be her musical is coming out in December.

Well, it's in... Isn't it premiering in December? Yes. Her Broadway musical about her life. That thing's going to sell out like a mother, if it hasn't already. I mean, it was going to sell out, but now it's like... Did she ever have kids? That is a great question.

I don't even know. I don't think so. And that also kind of makes her queen. No offense, Drake, we love you? Uh, that kind of, it's kind of cool to be like child free back then and, and be like, you know, not back then especially, not being sad about it. Yes. And she, I always wondered what was up with the husband.

She, she always spoke nicely of them, but we never really saw them. We never heard from him. But in that other interview, she kind of said, I'm not, you know, someone might catch my eye hair in there. So there were sometimes rumors that. She made a joke. She made a joke. Like an open something.

Yes, because I saw an interview snippet somebody had posted where they're like, what's your least fair word and she said monogamy, I mean monotony. So it was like. So clever. Yeah. So I wonder if they were, maybe they were swinging. Or just, swinging down in Nashville with jelly roll. I loved her and, you know, like I think she loved him and everything. But yeah, I would love now that she has passed. Yeah. I would love to just know more about that part of her life. Who plays her in the biopic? Well, I know that. Joe Siwa. I agree. No. What is that very beginning is Joja Suwa? But it's got to be Kristen Shenow. with. Oh yeah. She's got, but yeah, yeah, I could see that. She can sing. She's tiny. She's

blonde. Is her voice? Yeah, she can get her voice. Oh my God. She could do her voice. She's great. When I met her, she told me she was trying to do the Dolly Biocan. Would she come up to your hips? She's tiny. She's tiny. We're in the same, we're in the same sorority. Gamify Beta. Gammafi Beta. Gamma Phi Beta. She was on Chelsea lately. She's one of those girls that has, that is the person that you walk into the room and she's like, oh, this is my makeup artist and this is my this and this is my and like she's extremely like respectful to everybody that works for her and she's totally genuine and sweet that's awesome but when she told me she was working on that and this was like 15 years ago I'm like that's perfect but now I think there's

going to even now there could be more even leeway with everything it still will be a tribute to her but by not having her be there like you know how madonna her her thing is not getting off it keeps and I'm like I want that so bad I want that madonna I want to add as a series. You mean the biopic of Madonna? I want the biopic of Madonna from back when she was in Catholic school. I want. And Julia Garner would have killed that role.

Yes. I don't, they stopped that project. Like, oh my God, I know. They put a kibosh on it. Because it was. I don't know why. Because Madonna wanted too much control. Because I think it's what it sounds like, which I can totally understand.

It's your life. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. But at the same time, like. It's hard to tell your, I don't know. I think I'd be like, you, I don't know. Sometimes you have to be like, well, you were a nightmare, Madonna. You have to let go and let people, you know, and because, yeah, I would die to see that.

I love biopics. Yeah, I do too. I like them better when the person's dead. Can I be honest? That's what I'm saying. Now there could be some real. Who is the, like Dylan's still around in Salomey, that little twink? What was he being Dylan?

I have not seen it. I haven't either. My sister said, some people said I would love it, but no, my sister went to go see Bob Dylan perform. Oh, okay. Recently. Which, riveting. I mean, yeah. She said it wasn't great.

She said somebody gave them tickets and she's like, she literally said how she would die because I'm like, I'm not into that. You would just sit there and eh, oh. Anyway, rest in peace, she's such a sweet. Rest in peace, dolly Pee. And then they turn the Empire State Building pink. Do you think Taylor Swift is just like, ugh?

Well, did they do hers orange? Well, who does peach and wine as wedding colors? Doesn't it Madison Square Garden? I wish I was here for that. We should have. And we still don't know. We still don't know anything about her wedding except that it was peach and white. We still don't know if it was a buffet or if that was a mean rumor.

That can't be real. How many? That's a lot of people sitting down. Cold chicken. It was this, it's Madison Square Cardin. I know. But that's what you do.

You can, if you hire enough people to serve it, you could have a multi-course sit-down thing. It's just very expensive, but certainly they have the money. Yeah. I don't know. When you got married, you're married to. a woman. Yeah, gay. I don't know if anyone knew that.

Very gay. And did you guys have any specific wedding colors? I think it was more, my wife likes, like, romantic gothic vibes, which I do too. So it was a lot of, like, dark red. There's probably a color, a name for that that I'm not thinking of. You mean like a burgundy or a wine? Yes, like a bergian, yes. And in black and like it was sexy and very Lana Del Rey hot, you know.

Oh, I love Lana. Did you guys play that song? Yeah, we walked down to video games. Will you still love me? Is that what you? We walked down to video games. The instrumental. How does that one go?

It's you. It's you. It's all for you. We walked down the instrumental. So it was very, yeah. We didn't do the sit-down dinner. But you did do the. Will used to love me when I'm not.

No. Oh. I know. It was a big miss on the lesbian. I love that song. But it does remind me of when Kanye, when Kanye asked Kim to marry him. Why?

Because they, what? They played that at Dodger Stadium when he asked her to marry him. And then they had the real Lana Del Rey perform. perform at their wedding. Oh yeah. Well, they can get her, yeah. And it was in the great Gatsby movie. Yes, yes, young and beautiful.

That's the song. Yeah, if anybody has like a 20s themed party, you got to play that. That's what we did, because it was New Year's Eve. So it was kind of very Gatsby. We had the wine pour. The New Year's Eve is the best. It's the best because you can just hide behind a party. I went to a wedding with New Year's Eve.

Yes. For that exact reason, because I hate New Year's Eve otherwise. I know. And it's a pain of a holiday. So now you give people a reason to like, dress up and have something to do. And somewhere to be and it's free wine. It's free booze.

Oh. Yeah. It was a really, yeah, it was really fun. When you go on the road, I know your wife is a busy lawyer. Yeah. And our spouses don't want to see her act a million times. No.

But is there times that she does travel with you? Only if there's a city she wants to see. And if you saw my dates, it's rare. I'm surprised she's not here. Okay, so after being married for 26 years. It's so, so my husband will, like, book the hotels and all that kind of stuff. and, you know, some date will come and he's like, why did you accept that date?

And I'm like, because I just, I'm like, I want to do it. It's only a two-hour flight. I want to, it's, you know, four shows. I want to go do that city. Like, why you know such a negative nellie? Like, who cares? And then all of a sudden he'll be like, oh, anyway, so we accepted Aspen. And I'm like, what?

I didn't even see the email. He's like, and he's already got the beautiful house for us to stay at. Yeah. Because he's a skier. Yep. And I'm like, okay, so when it's Aspen. And you're in some chuckle fuck. Yeah, when it's Aspen, you come along.

Yeah, that's how, I mean, I get it. When it's four shows in two days in some other city where I just want to like, you know, get it going and work out the material and have fun with my people, then, eh. Yeah, Baker's Field, you don't want to go over to Bakersfield? Hubby? What the hell? Yeah, it's like that. Yeah, a lot of the city, she's like, you know, I'll be here. Somebody's got to watch the dogs, you know.

But sometimes, like, she went to Detroit with me and fell in love with Detroit. Oh yeah she likes I like Detroit yeah but she loves Detroit and she loves Vegas which I'm like I don't love Vegas she loves Vegas does she gamble or like no I think she just likes the vibe of Vegas like the glitzy glamoury really good food high and shopping yeah she likes yeah she likes to find her thing I just am not attracted to Vegas at all yeah I just see like sadness and you know it's like people of Walmart I feel like I remember the first time I went to Vegas yeah it was summer like somewhere like so between my freshman in sophomore year of college and my parents were like,

we're gonna stop in Vegas on our way to the family reunion thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like so excited. I was so excited for Vegas. I'd always seen Vegas in movies. And I'm like wearing like a long, like tight gown. It's in the 90s.

Yeah. And I'm imagining like, blow on these for luck. And I'm like, what the fuck is this? Like that's like, it's just bet-backs. You see like commercials like for other, like just casinos, even if they're not Vegas. And it's like these people, I'm like, Like, okay.

Girl. No, it's a lot of, yeah. I saw one lady in the casino at 7 a.m., which I love walking the casino at 7 a.m. Because I'm like, who hasn't been to bed yet? Yes. This lady was smoking a cigarette at a slot machine, playing slots on her phone. So I'm like, she's like, she's doing doubles.

Oh. I'm like, this lady's, like, slots on the phone. The phone is so distracting that you can't even just focus on just actually gambling when you're in Vegas. She has to do side gambling. Yeah. Amazing. She's lost all her money. Yeah.

It's just sad to me. I get sad in Vegas, and I'm not a boozy, like, you know, we went to the Vanderpup restaurant. Oh, good. How was that? It was fine. The restaurant or the hotel? We went to both. I really like the hotel casino. Okay. Very cool. Love it. It's chill. It's beautiful. Restaurant is fine. It's Vegas food. What do you want? Well, it's just the little apps. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's kind of brilliant because I'm guessing, not that I'm a restaurant tour, but then you don't have to have a full kitchen. So I think that economically is a really quick.

is a really cool thing. There's no reservations. You wait. You get your $1.25 drink. You get your cheese balls. And then you go do something else, which I think is like a brilliant. And you take all your photos. And I was, I was supposed to go to that hotel opening.

Really? It's nice. When was? It was like June 14th, which is my birthday. And I missed the email. And I had a really fun weekend with my girlfriends. But then, like, I saw the email later. And it was like, so bum.

So this is a new. Yeah, it just opened the summer, the hotel. Oh, the hotel. It's nice. And the casino is really nice. That's good. Yeah, I like it. Okay, speaking of which. Oh, my God, can we get into it? Finally. Jelly Roll is now hosting Jimmy Kimmel this week after Rosie did a great job. And look at that. It's proof. If you have face tattoos.

I just need to know what is your thoughts. Do you think he has the Ozempic mouth? Oh, my God. Well, I mean. I'm going to Jimmy Kimmel Live. To the voice. Hey, honey. Bunny, I miss you, please. I could just see that.

I didn't not see any clips of him hosting. Why is he hosting? What are we doing as America? I was slightly obsessed. Of what? With the jelly roll, Bunny, divorce, everything about it. And I literally, it was split among the juicy scupers. Some were like, Heather, if you fucking bring up jelly roll one more time.

And I just, like, couldn't stop talking. And so about it. And he does, you know, when I come across his clips, him performing in these huge arenas with a lot of MDC. But why is he doing karaoke so much? It's your time we're like, what is this? It sounds like Carmen singing. Yes, he's literally doing money can't buy, wait,

let's hear him do money can buy a pop. Oh my God, with his, and he's got the weak, he's got the weak, uh, ozempic voice. Yeah, yeah. Money can't buy your class. You sing it. Hey, sing it. Praise Jesus.

Jesus, I'll thank you. Money can buy you class. I love you bunny. Yeah, he's very religious. Is he though? I would believe in God too if I had his fucking life right now. Luck.

But anyway, I mean, in the monologue, he talks about how he's now able to see his penis because he's lost weight. Heck. And then he kind of fat shames and he's like, you should be able to see it too. And I'm like, you who was so fat, your whole life is now being kind of rude

to anybody that, Oh, well. You know, he directed it towards, you know, the president, which is fine. But I was like, you really? You really are. He did fat jokes about him. But he was ripping on Trump because I, that's interesting. Well, it's Kimmel.

And making fat jokes about him. Interesting. And I'm like, you are now, like, you should be the nicest to, like, I don't know, not to him, but I'm just saying, I just thought it was very hypocritical. Well. That's someone who was very, like, heavy. And now drastically thinner. And now you're going to be.

Now your first moment of stand-up is fat-shaming. Yeah, no, I mean, that's, you know. Say whatever you want. I'm not defending anybody. I'm just saying, I think that's a hypocritical job. It is because, you know, this guy was a large, I mean, the amount of skid marks in this guy's underwear. That's all I can think.

He's walking around, bunnies filming him. I've seen the old videos when she's like, hey, babe, and he's, like, waddling to the kitchen with a gamer headset on. And I'm like, woof. And, yeah, so you can't, like, now get on and be like, well, fat people are gross. It's like, dude, we saw this. the TikToks. Do you think that they really are going to have a child together and co-parent a child?

No fucking way. I think that that's about as likely as when Brittany said she was going to have a baby girl. Yeah. And I'm like, no, you're not. Maybe a baby doll. Maybe a baby doll. Yes. Maybe one of those, what they sent those alive dolls. Please tell me you see that. Oh my God, Reborn. I love the reborn moms. My favorite is that one that has that voice. That's like, Hey, Sleeping Head. Is it the? The older brunette lady with the glasses? Yeah, that really looks very mom. And I like, she raised five kids.

Where'd they go? She just said, I do this for fun. Real ones? No, she did. We got a fact. I found, like, I read something and it said, this is just something, it's just a hobby. You know, I don't, you know, I don't really throw away the diapers and I don't really waste

the formula. I just do it for the video purposes. And I just get a lot of joy out of it. after having raised five real children, I miss that and I like the routines and I like filming the videos. They all went no contact. But what if she really isn't even into it

and she just thought of this genius way to get people to watch her videos? Well, and what I also like is that she made her kids unruly, which is like, they're fake. They don't have to be assholes. No, they're totally assholes. They're like, shut, mom. I'm like, this is a doll.

No, she'll like film the kid like with a sleep mask on its face and she'll be like, hey, sleepy head, it's back to school week. And the kid will be like, Leave you life off. This is your fantasy and your kids hate you in it? Like, that's crazy. I know, it's a lot of work to set it up to.

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Visit ancestry.ca for details. Terms apply. Okay, so how do you feel? Like, my biggest fear is, and I've said it, that Travis Kelsey wants to be a country singer. Okay? Wow. He does like to sing.

Don't do. I'm not going to put this in my head. I put it out in the universe. It's happening. It's already happening. He's already sung many times. Country, though? Yes.

And I said he better marry her before he actually starts trying to be a singer, which he did. Now he better get her pregnant because she's not going to like it. And so now this singer, Jelly Roll, is trying to be a stand-up. He also was on a panel of Jennifer Hudson

doing hot topics. Yeah, and wasn't he on the Netflix roast? He's doing everything. He's doing, he went from rapper to country singer. You know, he went from drug dealer? Drug dealer. Drug dealer. To basically, I don't even know, could he be a pimp? because they talk about he got with Bunny

and she was a sex worker. She still had to go see her clients while he just was like, thanks for the money, honey. Yeah, thanks for buying us a rent. And thanks for paying for my attorney so that I can get custody. My daughter, yeah. And let me, you know, pursue my music.

I mean, if you're Bunny, are you bummed? No, she's not bummed. Do you think she's bummed? I don't think, no, I don't, well, I don't think she's, I don't know, I try to analyze their situation. I don't know if it was ever real. Yeah, it could have been under the codependency

but not really like love, love, love. And then they were just like, we love each other. And he's my Jay and he, you know, he's my B and all this. And then they like, stop following each other. When the talk stopped about them, then it was like, Bunny and Jelly Roll stopped following each other. We're like, we don't care. We don't care about the trailer part.

But I don't care anymore. People care for about two and a half weeks. And then it's over with. Yeah, but she made that whole podcast about their divorce. And then she took it down. And I know that thing was monetizing like a motherfucker. What did you say? I said it was monetizing.

like a motherfucker on YouTube, so why would she take it down? The thought is, now she said, I just don't want that to be like, but I think it was because it had monetized, but it had died down. Let's say it was making, you know, whatever. Let's say it was making $100,000 a day. And then it really slowed down and then, I don't think it was making that much, who knows. And then it slowed down for like a week. Then if she takes it down and then people go to look for it, then they'll listen to her other episodes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. aren't nearly as popping. Okay. Yeah. So I kind of... Is this decision? Or do you think Jellier-Row was like, you take that down right now, Bunny?

No, because she didn't really say anything that bad about him. No, she was, I mean, she was really gracious. I'm team Bunny on this because, hello. How can you not be? I know, I was always like, she's gorgeous. But there was something about how people just would be like, you know how people get about relationship goals?

It was like, if that fat fuck who is awful and not cute and and tattooed and all of this, and can get. this beautiful girl, it was like, it was like a redemption, it was such a redemption love story that anybody was like if those, and a lot of it was kind of like, I think to women that are with pieces of shit for them to be like, well, look how much he loves bunny. Like I'm with a piece of shit, but look how successful bunny and jelly roll are. Yeah. So I should stay with my piece of shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then to the pieces of shit, they'd be like, well, that piece of shit can

get bunny. Yeah, I deserve. I can still stay a piece of shit and I should go, I should try harder. I should walk up to the prettiest girl. Yeah. And see if I can't convince her. Yeah. Because you know what, that's, that's all it is with heterosexual situation. Can I tell you? Yeah, tell me, please. Guys that are beneath you. Yes. Okay. That you should not be interested in because of whoever they are. Yeah. Just funky. The kind of guy that has the kind of confidence to hit on you. and then be like, oh, you're out of my league, girl. And then they're like, you're the hottest, greatest thing. And you haven't really heard someone in your league say that you're the hottest greatest thing.

So then you're like, finally, somebody gets me. Yeah. I am the hottest greatest thing. I am the hottest greatest thing. And since he sees it, actually, I think he is my soulmate. Oh, no, that's how they get you? That's how they get you. So then he's like, he is my soulmate because no one's ever loved me this much, but it's just a love bob.

Yeah. Then you get with him and you're like, I've had guys cheat on me and I've had them be selfish, but he's so into me and he's so not cute. He'll never do that. Yeah. That's the guy that does then cheat on you and treat you like shit later because they've always hated themselves. And they weren't getting pussy in high school. No.

So they're like. Or in prison. And then they're like, I have no respect for you. Why are you with me? I'm a piece of shit. Exactly. Because they're probably like, ew. Why you with me?

Yeah, but I thought that you were my soul. Damn. That's a mind fuck. Yeah. Well, that's why you should go. go for the best person and you should never settle because even if you settle, especially with a guy, I'm just talking about girl guy thing, if you settle for a guy beneath you, trust me, they are not going to worship you forever. He's going to bring you down.

He's going to bring you down and he's going to be like, I can't believe you're still with me. And he cheated on her. Yes, that's what I'm saying. Well, yeah. I just think, you know, most. And then cried about it and was like, it was the hardest time on, no, podcast. It was the hardest time of my life when I was cheating on money. inside that other lady I was just like money.

I was just miserable. I hate it when a guy says he's cheating on you and then it's like you have no idea the demons I was fighting. Yeah, woohoo. While you were texting, buying, getting a hotel room, meeting her. Like oh God, but he feels so bad.

No. That he just eats him up inside to see that he hurt me like this. I can't wait to see who he's with next because who is going to be. No problem. There's not anything. She was saying like joking with her co-host

buddy. Yeah. She was like, hey, Jay's DMs are open. Yeah, I thought that was weird. I'm like, I think that's over-correcting. I think she's trying to be too cool. You don't want somebody to come around. I think she's trying to be too cool.

And then when you're supposedly having this doll that you're going to raise. Yeah, right. Hey, sleepy jelly roll head. You got singing practice today. Like when you, and then you want some other woman also raising it. So someone's going to carry it for you. They're going to co-parent the reborn doll. And then you're going to co-parent this supposed baby.

You're never having. Please get a reborn, bunny. That'd be so funny. That'd be so good. A reborn bun. Yeah, I don't know. I'm excited to see who he, because it's not going to be like a no name.

He's going to get with some celebrity. If he does a stand-up tour. What if it's like Ella Langley? That singer, like, hey, he's from Texas. I can play. Oh my God. They should just bang it up. Come on.

There was some guitar. There was some guitars or something. They thought maybe something was happening with him. Some guitarist? Some like female guitarist. Somebody that played in his band or whatever. I mean, he's better looking. now so he can pull us on the

I mean the teeth the face the tattoos when I predict that he will start to get the some of the tattoos on the face removed he's got a I mean that is so look at that one across his eye that's the cross under his eye if he gets a tattoo is removed and then does a Brad Pitt very subtle lower facelift

well what would that bring would it oh I don't know he might have already had one that's what I'm saying he might have already had one because how do it use all that weight. Without the jowls. Without the jowls. Not flapping in the wind. You think he can like pin his skin back?

What do you think that looks like without a shirt? They can do anything. Well, they just take it all off that skin. They can do anything. Reborn doll out of it. All right, now we're getting weird. Yeah. This is our baby.

It's jelly roll skin. Yeah, I don't know. I'm just, I'm baffled to just why he's hosting. He has a great publicist or something. First of all, I think it was probably booked months in advance. You think? Yes, because it was. I think Jimmy knew I'm going to go on the summer vacation with my kids before they go back to school.

But they went from Rosie. So then I think they booked it a long time ago and then probably booked him a long time ago knowing with stand with, with, you know, going on to her on summer vacation. We've got to clear it. So I think they knew a long time ago. I think they booked him before the bunny divorce. Interesting. Yes. I wish you would have brought Ellen in.

We did, we would do like guest hosts and stuff when I worked on Chelsea lately. And it was well in advance. Okay. You know, like yeah, I have my summer vacation. Let's see if we're going to have these two weeks off. It's not like a month out. You're calling Rosie like, hey, you're Ireland. Like, yeah, come back from Ireland.

How fun would it be if he got Ellen? How fun would have happened? Four days of Ellen just being like, I'm actually nice. And Rosie and Ellen don't like each other. I know, but Rosie's actually nice. Yes, Rosie is nice. Ellen pretended to be what Rosie is.

That's interesting, right? Where is Ellen? What's she doing? I miss the L. She moved to the L word. Where is she? England, but then she came back to Montecito. I think she's back.

Manacito. You know where she made, you know what? She's got money. She is so good at real estate and like she has such great taste and redoing houses. Really? That she has made a lot off of that she and Portia like redoing houses. Well they need the money so that's good. Good for

them for finding something that brings in money after the 40 year talk show. Here you are. God. Wait, sorry. What are you to say about Porsche? I just, I don't mean to tell. Well I just Porsche just must love her. Yeah. That's all I'll say about I don't know. They must really love each other.

Shout out. This was one of your things where you were talking about Jared. American Russell Brand. Yes. That's my loving moniker for him. What were you saying about him? Well, I was saying he always faces allegations. He's got more allegations now. I think there's four more. Yes.

This happened when women were in their teens so it's, you know, once you get out of like 10, 20 years removed, it's like you look you do. Didn't it finally come out that, what's his name from 40-year-old virgin? What's his name? Oh, Franco. No. Wait, it was Franco.

So wait, there's Jared Leto and then there's James Franco. James Franco always had weird allegations. He had the acting school. Yes, he had the acting school where it was just him finding holes. My niece went to that acting school. How's she doing? She, she, nothing happened to her. But she has spoken on it when asked.

Was he in the classes? She said every, every, the audition and everything, everything was always sexually and get naked acting scenes. God, dude. But she was so gross. not a victim. You can't, you're James Franco, you can find anybody to bang. Why do you need this weird fucking, but acting school is a real quick way to get there. But you're James Franco, you look like James Dean, walking to a bar. When you have accusations of being a pito,

and you run a children's theater. Right, right. Also just not great. Maybe we just keep it to elderly classes. I don't know. Go to the senior center. Go to the senior center, Franco. Yeah. Yeah, Jared Leto's always had these kind of... What's the latest on Jared Leto? He's always had these kind of weird accusations. He had that weird, like, culty... Did you see that thing he would do that retreat for mostly women who looked like they got lost in the way to Charlotte Roos?

Like, it's just like Brandy Melville's fans. He just pulls him in. They go to... He finds women on their way to Brandy Melville and pulls him into his, like, retreat. It's all just like white teens or 20-year-olds. It's so weird that so many men are the ones that can... In the state age, that women look to men still as, you know, their leader or whatever.

Well, even on here. From Manson to, you know. I know, Manson wasn't even hot. I mean, Jared Letto is gorgeous. So the man says, and he doesn't age. Even comments on this, people are like, I'd let him stick it in. Ann Green is a former model. She's, I think a pop-up.

Oh, I didn't see this. I went to a party. I went to a party at his house in my 20s. And we left soon because the rest of it is all the dudes are mostly in their 40s. Yeah, that checks out. a beautiful model. Amazing. And she's been on my show. She has an awful story that about Lotto. No, about how she was just at a nightclub and there was a fight going on and she tried to stop it and then they attacked her and they're very famous. Was this the Diddy one?

No, this was just, it's a just follow Anne Green. It's a whole long story. She came on my show, but she's fighting to get what is hers and she was hurt. Anyway. Yeah, Jared Letto, now we can call I'm Jared Petto. I think that's the fun thing we can do. I don't think anything's going to come with this because these allegations are from, you know, 15, 20 years ago. It's really hard to But he's a creep. I mean, it's a known thing. It's like how Ellen... When was like the last thing he's done, though? Is he still acting? Is he still in stuff? Yeah, he's acting, yeah. I don't know for sure, but I know he was like the joke, you know, he was in that Joker movie or something. Was he in, like, Suicide Squad and was freaking everybody out? Who's method acting is

fucking... I don't really know that much about him. He was method acting as like Harley Quinn's... I don't know the character, but like everyone hated him because they're like, you don't have to method act. This is a fantasy movie. Now, this thing kept us talking for two years, but there is a finale to it. Blake Lively was awarded 400K in attorney's fees for the Justin Beldonie case. So she was asking for $8 million, saying that all her fees added up to $8 million. But actually, some really great content people and Zach Peter being one of them kind of put together like, what she's really due

and it was about 400,000 and that's what the judge gave her. Right, yeah, I think they know, yeah. Also, does that guy have 8 million? Let's be real. No. And even his, even the production company that was, you know, helping him the wayfarer or whatever, I mean, yeah. Yeah. That whole thing. I have not been following this

because it's like a battle of who cares. I mean, these people. Listen, when I cover these long stories, I know when the audience gets tired and turns. And they're just kind of like, Heather, we don't really care. Yeah, there was a point where it was like interesting and he was releasing text and then the Taylor Swift stuff and that but then it just became like can you guys just like figure it the fuck out like leave us out it's like when mom and dad fight and you're like can you just take it to another room yeah no one cares like you're both kind of douchey yes you reek of douche both of you you might as well just get together I will be very happy I feel like these two would be actually in love if they would just give it a chance I mean they're douchey this guy had a man bun for seven years and directing a horrible movie yeah and what was the

Colleen Hoover, this is over a Colleen Hoover movie. Right. It's enough. This isn't Titanic. I mean, this is crazy. What was that movie called? It ends with us. A whisper.

Oh, yeah, it ends with us. I mean, this is like having a lawsuit over Medea. I mean, can we calm down? There are lawsuits with him. Well, Tyler Perry. I don't want to get sued by the Perry. There is a, I mean, there's allegations against Tyler Perry from a male actor that worked on his projects who said that he,

tried things on him and pursued him and dangled pilot projects and stuff in front of him that never came to fruition when he didn't comply with the advances and Tyler Perry has denied it. Well, Tyler Perry, who's a drag queen

essentially, let's be real. There's nothing worse than a closeted man allegedly. You know, you saw Lindsey Graham. It's like these guys take it out in the world. It's like, girl, no one would care. You're in a wig all the time. No one cares if you're gay, Tyler. I don't, that's That's what I don't understand.

Yeah. It's like you're in drag. That's your job. But he appeals to like the church crowd. So he's got to be straight. And I just think you look at what your life is and you're like, but I still could have it all. Like he did get a wife. He did have, no, he did have like a child with a quote unquote girlfriend, you know.

Surrogate. I mean, remember when Michael Jackson had his kids. How? He said, oh, I have this girlfriend who's the nurse at my dermatologist. center and then you look at Paras Hilton, you look at all the kids. So my husband just asked me because we're looking at something of Parasilton and he goes,

I mean, does anybody like, or does she really think that she's biologically Michael Jackson? And you know, if she came on my show, because I don't think anybody will ask her. Like... Is there a rumor that she's Michael Jackson's biological?

Paris Hilton? Not Parasilton. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Oh, Paris Jackson. Paris Jackson. Oh, I was like, I can't follow this one. never, he never, like today, today if a single man or a gay man has a child, they're like, we got an egg donation, we found a beautiful surrogate and like, whatever, you know, my husband, we had, they're half brothers, but they're really twins and we had them together, whatever the case. They always let us know, right? Because they're like, who are we fooling?

Because I'm living an out gay life, okay? So when he, when Michael Jackson decided to be a dad, he acted. like that he had a short relationship with Debbie Rowe. Debbie Rowe was this blonde, blue-eyed, bigger assistant, medical assistant or something from his dermatologist's center. That's what I remember. And the dermatologist was like white Armenian. And so people think, allegedly, that the child is actually, the sperm is from the

Armenian. But it could have been a sperm donor. Yeah. about anybody but the fact that he was born Michael Jackson to two black parents and he was black he's black and then he got a what do you call it video how do you say it the skin in the middle like Google yeah the skin yeah and you know unlike the beautiful supermodel that has it he went to the dermo and then just made it all light yeah and so he you know the end of his life he was very pale okay I will just say that.

So anyway, with Paris Jackson, she's absolutely beautiful. She's gorgeous. I think she looks at your mom. For sure, has resemblance to Debbie. Absolutely. But so it's like, so what you're talking about it, and I'm like, nobody's ever going to ask her. Like, you know, you're so beautiful. You clearly loved your dad.

You, you know, he gave the memorable speech at the funeral. He was a great dad for the short years you had him. How do you deal with the fact that you and your brothers are not? What about blanket? Is blanket? No, blanket? Blanket. Is there one that kind of looks like a different person?

But we don't know who his mother was. He's just collecting them all. Okay. We don't know who his mother was. We don't know who his mother is. No, but he never announced to the mother was or how he got that baby. He just came home with that baby one day. Okay, Amber Lert.

And then showed it. That was the balcony. That was the balcony. That was creepy. Yeah. Listen, I know people are very hardcore Michael Jackson fans. I love his music. The personal life stuff is insane.

Right. It is weird. Imagine if a man's like, here's a baby. I think people just don't ever bring up the fact that like, okay, so now you're 20 and you're Paras Hilton and these two other kids, Prince and. Paris, yeah, Jackson. Paris Prince and Blanket Jackson. But I think Blanket does have another name.

I don't think he goes by Blanket anymore. And I feel like he may look. Like, do they ever just go, well, obviously, like, our dad's an unner biological dad, but who cares? Who gives a shit? Or are they ever like, hey, you know, Aunt Janet Jackson. or something, just like any other adopted kid. I would love to know for medical reasons, like who is my biological dad?

I don't even think they'd tell them. I think they just live in denial. I think they're just like, oh, I don't think it's a thing about it. You got his pinky finger. I don't know. What do you say? What do you say?

You have the same palms. Yeah, I mean, it's like, yeah. Oh, yeah, but you go like this. It looks just like Michael. You're just like your dad. Yeah. I don't think they're telling them. I don't even think they're asking.

If my dad is Michael Jackson, I go, my dad's Michael Jackson, motherfucker. I think it's just like a don't ask, don't tell, don't discuss ever. Yeah. You don't ask, you don't tell. Your dad's Michael Jackson, what are you crying about? But I'm saying, at a certain point, are you ever going to be like, no. What are you going to go to Joe? Is he still around?

The horrible dad? Yeah. No. Who's around? Latoya and her nose? I want to say, did the mother, is the mother still life? Who is the mother? Who is the mother?

The mother is. Glad is. What are we doing? No, no, no, no. The mother is, I don't know who the, the mother is, Angela, no, who's the, who's the great actress that, um. She's an actress? No, no, no, but she was, when they did the really good. Angela Bassett, yes.

Angela Bassett. They did the really good made for TV movie. Yeah. She played her. And it was just like their life until they got to like the Encino House on Havenhurst. And there's this great scene with Angela Bassett is trying to be nice to the horrible father of Michael Jackson. and he's like, oh, get me my favorite ice cream and she's like, okay, like they're finally getting along,

even though he beat the kids and cheated on herself. And she, you know, is kind of hobbling because she had like some leg issues, the real mother. And then she like somehow picks up the phone and hears him like talking to his mistress. And it was just so like that, I just remember that part in the Made for Teen movie, and it was Angela Bass that played the mother.

And she's such a good, such a good actress. Queen. So that's who the mother is. It's Angel Bass. It's Angel Basset. That's how we got here. It's Joe Jackson and Angel Bassett. They made the Jackson Five.

Yeah. I think who's left, Latoya, Janet. Yes, Latoya, Janet. Is that a thing? Yeah, Tito. Tito's vodka. And then Germaine. Dupre.

No, Germain was like just a slightly older brother than Michael. So they're all around? Yeah, I don't know that any. Maybe one is past or something. Maybe Tito. Yeah. Interesting. Okay, so moving on, speaking of money,

well, you don't have enough money. This, I just came across this. Jennifer Gardner is doing an interview, a podcast, and page six picked it up. Now they only took a small part of an hour-long interview, but I'm just going to tell you what the headline is. Jennifer Carter is saying, when Ben Affleck and I broke up,

like I was really concerned about money. You know, because when you get to a certain age, you are not getting the parts that you got at 35. And I'm like, where will I be with three kids at 60? How will I be able to? That's basically what I saw. And that's why she's doing all those Capital One commercials. I'm like, you've been doing Capital One commercials for 10 years.

You just are in some stupid whatever, the weekend, the spa weekend, the five-star weekend, whatever. You. Your ex has Ben Affleck. He's not going to leave you high and dry. You know, you were busy calling paparazzi for years when you would take your kids to the park. Remember that? Yeah. Yeah.

I'm like, really? Yeah. I just saw Ben Affleck out with their kids. One of them's, I don't know what's, did they have a autoimmune disorder? I mean, they're masked up all the time. Okay, so he has, he has, the oldest daughter, Violet, who is only, she only wears a COVID mask all the time.

I noticed them in the picture and I said, what's, this is a throwback? What's going on? She does not have any disease that I'm aware of. She's just very, she's constant, she has spoken in, like, front of, like, Congress somehow she's got to tell people to go back to wearing masks. Oh, she really wants people breathing in their breath.

Yes. Yeah, she wants that. So she's, she's going with that for a long time. Or she's just a little bit, maybe she's super scared or something from the COVID. Then he has one name Finney, who goes by Finn. But the original name was. Finney's. No, she.

Finland. was born a girl Oh, we're doing trans Yes Trans guy Girl to guy Girl to boy Yeah trans guy

Trans man Trans boy Yes yes Okay Or non-binary Or whatever Change the name Non-binary

Yeah So they got masks Then they have a little boy Then they have a little boy Okay Or not he's not little anymore They're like maybe Maybe 12

That's good as they're supportive Totally Because I think one of the Jolie kids Is trans Did I make that up No she's Sorry Shiloh Shiloh

Shiloh was for a sec She was never. She said I went by John as a kid and they said, whatever you want, baby. But she just wore, she wore just suits and stuff. Oh, so it was just a phase. It was just maybe. Kids just have phases. Yes, that was a tomboy.

So it was a tomboy. My parents were like, we're calling you David. And now she's like a dancer and blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I mean, those kids. Shout out to them. Gorgeous. I know. And also, you know, Brad Pitt.

They all took the names. Six out of six said, fuck you. That's pretty impressive. The only one that has not. Who's left? The twin knocks. who's a boy twin. So Vivian has asked to take the name off.

Sahara, Pax, Maddox, Shiloh. Sounds like medication commercials. If you take Sahara, Pax may be good for you. Try Maddox. Yeah, I love Angelina Jolie. I'm a huge Angelina Jolie fan. I think she's the best.

Some people hate her. I don't care. I don't give a shit. I love her. She seems like a great mother. She seems like she has no sense of humor. Nobody knows what happened in that. life. I do think she purposely was sleeping with a married man when he was with Jennifer

Aniston. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. So someone would say she got the ultimate karma when she realized she was married to an asshole. And then this is where he is with the kids. But you know what? He's 63. He's dating a 34 year old or something. Which is really impressive for him. She could she could be 18. So thank you, you right. You're right. Thank you Brad. He can have a whole other family. He's drinking. He's back on the sauce. He can have a whole other family. He shouldn't have any more kids. I bet he does. drinks and then he gets mad. Yeah, but my, he's back to drinking. Yeah, so let's keep the kids away.

And my prediction is he will. He will at least have one or two more. No, he doesn't need kids. He doesn't like them. He gets around him and he starts punching him. We can't do this. This is why he was good with Jennifer. Allegedly on the plane.

Allegedly. This is why he was good for Jennifer Genson because she was child-free and they were cool as fuck and now were finding out that she actually wanted them. And she actually tried over the years. I don't think he's good around the kids. I think they're, unless it's like an adult. way, she's starting a go fund me. Okay, back to Garner.

No, Jennifer Garner is not starting a go for me. But I just think you can never, you cannot in this world, in this economy. No, no, no. Even if you're a beautiful home in the Palisades, is no longer anymore. We know that you've done a million things, a million commercials. We're not worried about you as a single mother and how you're going to pay for your three kids college. You know, Ben Affleck doesn't seem, who knows, he doesn't seem like the kind of guy that would leave their mother out. Not pay for the college.

No. He's not going to be like fill out the fit faster or whatever it's called. Get him back. Get him back. Get that marriage going. Yeah. Get some money in your account. Well, remember he cheated with a nanny, allegedly. Remember that? Of course. Yeah. But so what? Just, yeah. Northwest. Oh, brother. This makes me so sad. Kim's daughter. She said, look at that. They said she wants to have a regular job at Starbucks next year.

So she's 13. And I, right. And that's what I said. I'm like, yeah. We all, that's completely normal because you're a kid. You shouldn't be performing. And like one time Kim said, you know, North doesn't go to school anymore. She's working on building a brand. She has music. She has this.

She has business meaning. She has creative meanings. Why at 13? Do I tell you? The rest of your life. You have all the connections in the world. And that's why she's like, I want to work at Starbucks. Because as a little kid, that's what you do.

You play house. You play fast food. You have your little, you know, play. set. And she won't, and this is, it's really giving Drew Barrymore all over again. I mean, this is just, remember Drew Barrymore was a rehab by 14? I mean, this is just how this, it's never ends. She went back to drinking, though. I remember when she's like, I went to rehab at nine, but, but now I have my own, I have my own one week, because it's a sylvanion block and it's delicious. Well, you can drink it as an adult, you know, your 14 need re, I mean, that's crazy.

This is crazy. This is crazy. There's a photo of her at, like, studio 54 like this. Yeah, no, that's a nine-year-old. And they're like, get on that t'clock. That's crazy. And this is, I mean, she has dermal. She's got, she's got dermal piercings. Like, she's got skin piercings. And someone said too much for you.

And they're showing that they're like scarring and infected. It's going to scar. She's 13 getting these things. I don't understand why. Kim sucks for this. I understand saying wear what you want to wear. And I understand saying. Of course, express yourself.

Even shave your head or even dye your hair. But even dying hair, your hair could hurt your hair. I don't know if that's a way. This is not a 13-year-old. This is like, you're, this is 16, 17, 18. I think are. It's insane. You could easily say to your kid, you're going to have to wait to your 18.

She needs to hear no. Kids need to hear no at some point. Why can't you say you got to wait to hear a team? Some kids need to hear no or else you're fucking them up for life. I mean, I'm sure there's a lot of kids who want tattoos and when they're 18, they can go get one. They want something as a 13-year-old. You have to say no. But now it's like, yeah, you do want a simple,

life and you do want to like go back to being a kid and now you can't because you'll never work at Starbucks kid you wouldn't want to you wouldn't have wanted to you wouldn't have wanted to work if you were in school you know Kendall and Kylie it's it's cosplay and Kylie were in school for a lot of the Kardashian years now they weren't as famous were they in public school or they were in public school but they were like on the cheerling squad and like I mean I hope she's getting tutor they did normal school stuff for a long time but it is different they became famous more like in the in the transitional. She's been famous since she was in utero.

The minute she came out of that vagina. Even when she was in the vagina. Even when she was in the, conception, she was famous. Yeah, I mean, so I just worried that she doesn't know how to read. I'm like, of course she would love to do. I hope she has a private tutor at least. She needs to know how to read.

They say that she's homeschooled, whatever. But also, like, what do you really mean? She doesn't hear her know. But what do you really need to, if you're really building brands and all this stuff, do you really need to know, like, about normal American history? No, I don't think so. But you need to know. Because it's a path of life as we all grow together.

So it is important that, you know, like the kid. Yeah, she'll be in a bubble her entire life. You know, she's built into this, yeah. She's built into this bubble. But you've got to learn how to read and write at least. Yeah. I mean, there's kids in public school now that don't even know how to do that. Right.

Yeah. Hopefully, I just, I'm just as like rehab by 16. And I hope that's not true, but it makes me bummed out to see a 13-year-old having this much freedom. Because there's nothing good comes from it. It's not like she's going to grow up well-adjusted and be like, well, that was great. It's like you're putting her in adult situations. And also it's a 13 year old. Like having your first album or whatever at 13, like how is that good? Like one of the good things about like when I was coming up whatever,

you know, we had agents as little kids. My sister did well and I didn't and then that was it. And then I had, then I had no connections. But I also think the beauty of like being Jennifer Gardner and Ben Affleck's kid. Yeah. Yes. You don't have to do it at 16. You don't. You don't have to be Miley Cyrus. You actually can be like Apple, Gwana's daughter, who can go to college and then, or Kate Hudson.

You can jump in. Anytime you want. Yeah. And like, and take your acting classes where no one has to see it until you feel like you're confident enough to get. It makes me think who is doing this.

Is it North being like, I want this? Or is it kind of the Kardashian thing where it's like, I think it was Kanye first that brought her out. Then they made her the Lion King. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. And they put that on the show.

And Kim was like, you know, Northwest is a moment. And people were like, no, she's not. She's your daughter. And like, yeah, she's nine. Now I just feel like it's hard to now go backwards. You can't bring her back. Now you can't. I mean, now that she's been exposed and she's doing, I'm sure she's going to clubs.

And then people are like, you know, they're like, it's so weird because she's walking around and adults are like trying to take a photo with her. And it's like, but she, I think she literally just turned 13. That's what I'm saying. She's a child. Nothing good is going to come from this, I promise. We see it time and time again. Now we look at Hayden Penitier.

I mean, you just see it. I'm not saying that'll happen. Right, yeah. But, you know, this is what you're doing. You're setting it up for like, you know, she's going to have some issues. Yeah, I mean, the difference between Hayden and her is that, you know, Hayden went that classic child actor working. Yep.

Oh, we have too many interviews and you seem kind of dull. Could we give you this Adderall? Or even Miley said they used to give me coffee on Hannah Montana. Like, there's that thing. And this is coffee. Coffee. But this too, it's like the cameras have been around all the time. Yeah.

I remember Courtney said that her kids would call them the watchers. Are the watchers coming over today? Oh, that's so dark. Speaking of Jim Carrey and his Truman show. Yeah, it's very that. It's very, it's very. We didn't even talk about the fact that you kind of popped off because you do look like you could be his daughter, his cousin, whatever.

But you're now just Heather Shaw hilarious. Hey, I'm hoping to get there. I hope so. You are your own person. But it's crazy how much the Truman show, which was an incredible movie that came out well, almost 28. 99? More than 20 years ago. It's like, yeah.

It's coming like on 30 and how it absolutely has become a reality. People are streaming and live. In the movie, if you've never seen it, the character of Truman, played by Jim Carrey, not until like later on does he realize he has been the subject of a TV show his whole life. and the whole world has watched him grow up. And he doesn't know it. And the cameras are hidden in the mirrors and everything. And then he tries to leave. And he's like on the paramount lot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's peddling his boat and he hits the wall. Yeah. Yeah. It's so brilliant. And that is, I mean, people are streaming now. They're sleeping and streaming. Everything is, you know, live streamed.

Yeah. There's a camera everywhere. You can hop online at any moment. You know, I know that. But it's crazy. Yeah. Good luck to her. I'm the other kids you don't see.

So maybe she's a natural star. Yeah. Maybe they're just like, well, that's, What she, you know, she's got the Kanye and her. There's just so much time. Yeah, I know. Just let her, let her. Like, even like Elvis's daughter, rest in peace, she didn't really start, like, you know, she had her moments of singing and stuff.

She married Michael Jackson, full circle of this conversation. That was a weird thing. But she wasn't like doing it like at 12, you know, and it's just kind of sad. Yeah. It bums me out. I don't like to sing a lot of it because it just bums me out. It's not even anything I'd make content on because I'm like, I'm not going to talk shit about 13-year-old. That's crazy.

Did you see this commercial? Yes. Okay. This was a commercial for, I don't even know what it was for. It was a golf thing. It's for Callaway. They do golf clubs. This stuff pops up because my husband and sons are golfers.

And when I saw this commercial, which the commercial is a girl golfer goes to grab a club in a golf bag. And then this guy comes running at her and throws you the ground and goes, don't touch my driver. Yeah. When I first saw that, I thought it was like a weird PSA that was going to be something about TV. You know, about men and women playing against each other in sports. That's what I thought it was going to be about. I was like, oh, this is an interesting way to say like men don't deserve to be in women's faces.

I totally thought that what it was. And then I was like, wait, this is a real commercial. Then the next day, then the next day everyone's like, why is this guy like pushing this woman down? Who said yes to this? Yeah. And I heard these clubs suck anyways, so who cares? Calloway. I just, I'm just shocked when this stuff.

It's weird. When I'm like, you know, is really nobody, maybe this is why. This is why people need to come back to the office. Sorry people. Because you run this, just like a writer's room on a TV show, you would run this past each other and people would go, well, yes, yeah, and this is why no, no, we should. And you don't want to say no because the CEO likes it. Right.

Then you'd be like, you know what, actually, it's kind of funny. but then think about it this way. Oh, you're right. We can't do that. None of that's happening. A grown man is pushing a woman on the ground and being like, it's like, why is this about golf? This is weird. It was very, it was just Brad Pitt.

The other horrible thing that happened last week was Target, put out their Halloween costumes. Target, what the fuck are you doing? And it was absolutely a photo of a weird clown costume that is very similar to the olden days when people used to do black things. and have these like clown mistrals. They put it on a black child model. And they pose him like in the old things. And so then Target said, oh, we apologize. And we know it's especially hurtful to our black guests.

Black guests. Again. How did you pass this? I need to know. That's what I want to see the documentary on Netflix. Yeah. I need to know who thought of it, who brought it, who said yes. How did they get around?

And again, are you guys all meeting in person? working at the target. Or do you think that this was, there's no way that somebody who didn't go, hey guys, this looks a little like dolls in my great grandma's house. It's real racist. Or, or, or it's intentional. Or are they all so young that they really don't even know that that time existed. It just feels, but then a nasty person brought it forward. Oh, like a racist ass. And that dumb person didn't know. Like, I need to know who was the nasty person. Who was the stupid person? No, it's definitely the lazy person. It's who, what, how did it happen?

It's too obvious to not be a racist intent to it. There's no way it's mistake. I do not buy that. What's going to see Heather Shaw live. Go to see Heather Shaw live. You are going to be in beautiful San Diego on the 27th. That's tomorrow. Oh, tonight you're in L.A.

Yeah, comedy store, baby. Oh, but this is going to air tomorrow. So sorry. That's okay. That's sold out. So Thursday is, oh, good. Thursday you're going to be in San Diego. Yes.

And then 20th, 29th, Phoenix. Friday Saturday, Phoenix. Mike Drop. Fun in Phoenix. Yeah, it would be fun. And then you go to Oklahoma City, Tulsa, Sunnyvale. Oh, Napa. Where in Napa?

I'm concerned. Napa Music Hall. I don't know who's coming out. I'm very scared. No, September 20th? Oh. Napa, please. Juicy scupers will go to that one.

Oh, can I say that? I met a juicy scooper in Dallas. They came onto my show and they said, we're here because we saw you in Juicy Scoop. See, that's what I love. They were gorgeous. Dallas Quappel. That's why Heather's, for

Heather's. Yes, Heather's for Heather's. I'm in it. It's still popular thing. Give me that large shirt. I'll still support. I will slap that thing on. I'll swim in it. We are going to do it right now. Anyway, everybody, where can they follow you? Follow me. Heather Shaw is kidding on Instagram, Heather Shaw Comedy.com. You'll figure

it out. She posts a lot, does a lot of funny things. And then, of course, check in see if one of these dates work out for you. And if one of my dates work out for you in October, I will be at Cobbs on October 2nd and 3rd. and eight and nine in Phoenix. Hey,

babydoll.net. Thank you. Bye.