Juicy Scoop with Heather McDonald - Taylor Swift’s Warning, Katy Perry’s Real Estate Wars with Beth Stelling

Episode Date: September 28, 2023

The Writer’s strike has finally ended! Taylor Swift is issued a warning by Travis Kelce’s ex. Britney is dancing with knives, while her mom has to go back to work. Did Cher kidnap her son? Mary eats McNuggets, while the women of RHOSLC continue to hate each other. Janelle and Kody reveal a lot on Sister Wives. Then, the smart and hilarious Beth Stelling joins me to chat about her rise in comedy, and the pros and cons of dating comics and non-comics. Is it wrong to remain close to your ex's family? Why do male comics tend to date much younger women? And, of course, we answer the question as old as time…are women actually funny? Enjoy! Shop Juicy Scoop Merch: juicyscoopshop.com Get extra juice on Patreon: patreon.com/juicyscoop Subscribe on Youtube: youtube.com/@JuicyScoop Follow me on Instagram: instagram.com/heathermcdonald Follow me on TikTok: tiktok.com/@heathermcdonald Follow me on Twitter: twitter.com/HeatherMcDonald Watch Beth’s new special on Netflix - coming out OCTOBER 3rd! netflix.com/title/81713592 Get Tickets for Beth’s Upcoming Stand-Up Shows: bethstelling.com Follow Beth on Instagram: instagram.com/bethstelling Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Heather McDonald has got the juices scoop. When you're on the road, when you're on the go. Juice is scoop is the show to know. She talks Hollywood tales. Her real life, Mr. St.Van Cereal Data and Cereal System You'll be addicted and addicted fast to the number one tab or real life hot cat. Listen in, listen up. Take it back to the number one tabloid real life hot cat listen in Listen up

Woo, and a McDonald Juicy scoop. Hello and welcome to Juicy scoop. Have a great show for you a great juicy interview with a fabulous female standup comic funny lady best telling but before we get to, I want to go to some hot topics. The hottest one is I'm going to be in the NorCal area this weekend. I am doing a live juicy scoop with your favorite Chris Franjola.

We are going to kill it. We have so much juicy, funny stuff to discuss. Sacramento this Friday, September 29th. And then on Saturday, we're going to pop over to San Francisco on the 30th. Everything is at Heather McDonnell.net along with all my new juicy scoop merch. Check it out. I've got a whatever who cares t-shirt on right now. And you go over to Heather McDonnell.net and you're going to click on the juicy scoop shop

and shop all the cutest fashions in the juicy scoop land. And of course, you're gonna join my Patreon there. I got a real good one this Friday for you. Lots of questions being answered that you've been asking and you can only hear them on the Patreon. Okay, so let's get into the writer's strike has ended. This is fabulous news for many of my writer's friends,

but also for you guys who are missing quality shows. However, the SAG, um, after strike agreement, that is still negotiating. But you don't have anything to film unless you have the writers write the script. So the fact that they're going back will be great. Um, this means that Drew Barrymore will be able to go back to her talk show. We get to enjoy Ross. Matthews on that. And so thank God she put a pause in that and did the right thing because it was only a couple more weeks and now we're here. So you're going to see a lot of game shows, a lot more talk shows. And basically one of the things in it that was sort of interesting that they agreed on is the use of AI. And it really is just up to the writer.

The writer can use AI if he chooses or she chooses, but also they can't say the producers can't say to use it or not to use it. That's how I interpret it. But there's lots of more details that, I didn't have time to totally get into it, but I'm just really happy that's going to happen. And hopefully soon we'll settle with SAG

and they can start having, I do feel like there has been a drop of like where are my juicy shows? Where is my big little lies type of show that I really want to watch? So hopefully everything will get back on track and we'll get that really quality entertainment that we have been dying for.

So as Drew would say, I'm so excited. I am back. We did the right thing. I have fellow writers here to support me and do wonderful things together. She can crawl up in someone's lap while wearing a fabulous tan, a coolot pant and a smart boot. So it's all happening. Okay, let's get a little more into Travis Kelsey. I'm now pronouncing it right.

And his brother, Jason, and what is going on with him dating Taylor? Well, it all comes down to, I wasn't aware that he had a podcast. Of course he does. Who doesn't? And even my dog has a podcast. Shirts available. Heather McDonald, not net. And so he's had it though. He's had it for a year.

Like if it launched yesterday, I'd be real suspect. But I guess they've had it for almost a year. And he and his brother, you know, they were the brothers that went against each other in Super Bowl, which is the cutest boy mom story that ever lived. And Taylor went and watched the game with the mom. And so much has happened since she was eating some chicken, dip to chicken in a ketchup and what,

see, what people wrote seemingly seem like ranch dressing. So now Heinz has made a combo of a ranch catch up dressing. Everybody's getting on this. His jersey is like the top five most popular jersey to purchase. And he's, you know, his podcast went to number one. Though I think it was doing okay, pretty good, because they talk about football and football season and their brothers and whatever. So, but he said, hey, I'm not going to talk about my relationship, whatever, but it's

going great, something like that. Now I said before he had this show called Chasing Travis or Chasing Kelsey. I think it was his last name. And it was, you know, him finding love like the bachelor or whatever. And he had this girlfriend and that he got from that and they dated for five months. And now she's going to the outlets and being public about it saying, Hey, girl, the girl Taylor, he cheated and wants a cheater, always a cheater. So everyone's like, you know, all of her many of her songs came from broken relationships.

So will he be written about is this even a real relationship? Or did she just want to go to the game and have some fun? Also, there was some really funny video of someone pushing out like a big tall popcorn machine at the game and people definitely thought she was in there because she's been known to do that, like hide in like suitcases and things to get out of areas because of course she is so popular.

So how will the Swifties react if in fact they ever break up, will his life be over or what? But I love her song karma and I was thinking I really can't, I just I'm gonna come up with a song that's gonna be pretty bad to get ready, but I was driving over here listening to it, and I was thinking of the words that she would say, if it doesn't work out between the two of them, and they actually date for like a significant amount of time in which there could be a heartbreak involved. And so it'd be like,

I went to the football game, sat with your mom, then what happened? You talked about it on your podcast with your brother. Can I can't believe it that you did this to me? Swifties are like Heather, I hate you, but whatever. I'm so okay. Now, here's a couple of things that could happen with this relationship.

Hit Album comes out of it. There's some football references. There's some like, you know, I thought I threw the ball, but you tossed it back in my heart. I don't know, that sounds country. This is bad. Anyway, I just want to say what the juicier thing will happen is if in fact she writes an album about the right songs about the breakup. And then he jumps on that, piggybacks on that, and has her exes come for one-on-one exclusive podcast interviews. And now they finally tell their story of how annoying it was to date Taylor Swift or what she did or how they felt left out.

And they're like, hey, I'm not a songwriter, but I can pop on a podcast and be your guest Travis. That could be juicy. Meanwhile, Brittany is dancing around with these knives. And she said, it's just Halloween knives, don't worry. I'm doing the Shakira dance. What's weird about this era of her is that she is like the biggest fan of music.

She posts things like, I love Shakira, I love Madonna, whatever. But people heard the knives clang. I don't think that Britney has the ability to add an audio sound effect of clanging knives and is thinking, oh my god, I'm gonna put this video out and people are gonna think, I'm actually dancing around with knives and I could hurt myself. Then I saw photos of like that she might have cut herself and like a wrap on her, but now I'm thinking,

maybe I'd dreamt that and maybe someone made a meme of that to be funny. I hope she's okay. She also showed video of the book being printed, so I cannot wait to read that book. I will be reading that book on day one. Her mother, who's 68 years old, I can't believe she's that old,

but I guess that makes sense because Brittany is over 40. There was an article written that she is back being a substitute teacher. And the way they wrote it was, oh my God, you know, Britney's mom sends the conservatorship left. She has to go be, go back being a substitute teacher. Okay, I think that's a pretty great job.

And I think for a 68 year old woman that wants to stay busy, I think that's a perfect job. It's not every day, it's not the full commitment of, keeping a classroom going all year and everything, it's not an easy job, but it's a job that you can occasionally do. And you know what, she shouldn't be living off her daughter. What are, whether her daughter is a doctor

or Britney Spears or whatever, that never should have been her livelihood of living off her daughter. So I say, go be a teacher. I don't think it's so sad. Okay. It's kind of a weird story. Katie Perry, ex-wife of Russell Brand, wife of Orlando Bloom, is in a real estate trial.

Let me explain. So she and Orlando and their realtor bought a house from this man, Westcott. He is the father-in-law of former real housewife, well former because it was canceled, but Dallas. This is Cameron Westcott. She was the really tall pretty blonde that always wore pink, who was married to Westcott, her husband's last name, who was much shorter than she. They live in Dallas, they're rich, but his family is like from Santa Barbara or something. So or they have a house in Santa Barbara. Her father-in-law, who is in this real estate fight with Katy Perry, he created one 800

flowers. So he's very wealthy, but he's very sick. And he has this disease that makes him very frail and also affects his brain. And he's very old. And he says that when he was out of it on painkillers from a back surgery, their realtor came and sold.

I don't know if he was not represented or if this realtor represented both of them. I'm not really sure, because I'm like, did you list your house or not? Normally, you would be listing your house and there'd be enough time to take photos and run whatever for you to get out of your coma of having back surgery or pain killers and say, you know what? Stop.

I don't want the open house on Friday. I don't want to sell my house. So those are the details. I'm not sure. But he says he signed this contract between himself and Katy Perry and did not once he got, you know, his wits about him said, I don't, I don't want to sell my house.

I didn't want to sell my house and this was done under duress. Well, they are saying, no, we want the house. We want this house and they are going to trial and Cameron and her husband, I think, are going to be and Cameron and her husband I think are going to be go to the trial in his place to try to keep this beautiful Santa Barbara estate, which they want. And you know, what they say about land, they're not making it anymore.

So I assume this is a really fabulous house and they're not willing to give it up. And the other Katie Perry real estate story I remember that we talked about, was how she was trying to buy this house from these elderly nuns up in Los Felis in the Hollywood Hills, and they were going back and forth fighting about that. And I'm not sure how that ended. So she's kind of getting your reputation of like, you know, finding really great real estate

by elderly people that may or may not want to sell it. So that's pretty juicy. really great real estate by elderly people that may or may not want to sell it. So that's pretty juicy. Meanwhile, share how to weird thing happen. They're saying entertainment tonight said share allegedly hired four men to kidnap her son Elijah blue. His name is Elijah blue. So this story is very weird.

According to Elijah Blue's wife, they are going through divorce and in the divorce filings, she tells a story of how a couple years ago, they were working on their marriage and they decided they were going to go to New York and spend some time in this hotel room and just really focused on their marriage. And while they were there, four men came and kidnapped her husband and took him away from her. And I don't know if that's because, and they were hired by Cher allegedly.

And I don't know if she's saying that they did that because Cher was worried that he had a drug problem or that Cher was the ultimate, overly involved mother-in-law and was like, this wife's not good for you. Get these men, get my son away from this bitch and get him back to my Malibu mansion so we can hang out together and eat some more. I don't know, but it's kind of a strange story.

Let's talk about a real housewives assault lake city. It was on last night and I just need to fill you in. Never has there been a cast that has hated each other more than this season of Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. Literally nobody likes each other, nobody has each other's back. It is so crazy, but it is entertaining. So they're in Palms Springs at Trixie, Trixie's Motel and she is a big drag queen

and she's wearing her fabulous wigs and everything and they're having fun and it's so super cute. Well, they're not actually having very much fun at all. So now they go, well, we're gonna do this trust building thing. I hate trust building activities with real housewives. It's so dumb, it's so boring. And oh, we're going to blindfold you. We're going to match you with a person that you hate the most and see if you can trust them to lead you through these hula hoops or whatever. Meanwhile, Mary, the church leader,

she's just like, no, I'm not going. No, I don't, I don't like activities. I'm just gonna sit back here and be by myself. I'm staying in the sprinter van, deal with it. So, you know, Meredith is like, okay, Mary, it would have been nice if you would have joined us, but I understand you don't have to. I don't know what Mary has on Meredith, but of course the rest of the women are like, why the fuck do we have to jump through Hula Hoops?

And you literally don't. We were literally jumping through hoops and you get to sit in an air conditioned van by yourself and like look at your phone. We're all getting paid to be on this stupid show and ruin our family's lives. Why do you just get to sit here by yourself? Like, this is really unfair. So they get back to the van and Lisa's kind of like, why, why?

And everyone's like, why aren't you? And Mary is so rude. She's like, don't talk to me, Lisa. Don't talk to me. And then when he's like, but I just, it would have been fun. We missed you. And she's like, don't talk to me, little girl. First of all, nobody missed you, Mary.

They're just pissed that you got to sit in the van and they didn't and they didn't have that choice. So they're just getting annoyed. They're like, nobody missed you, Mary. They're just pissed that you got to sit in the van and they didn't have that choice. So they're just getting annoyed. They're like, why are you here? She's here because she wants the paycheck because she's not getting the paycheck anymore from her weird church that closed down, which I visited, which was scarier than shit.

So then they said, well tonight, when you guys, I'm taking over the fun and we are gonna dress in drag and we're gonna do our own drag makeup that Trixie's gonna give us and everyone's gonna have to do it. Well Lisa starts having a panic attack and She's like no, I don't like that. I don't love that for me. I brought my own glam. I Spend about 60,000 dollars a year on glam. I have my girl here on retainer. I spent $2,500 flying her out here and paying her for the weekend and she's gonna do my makeup. We'll do it a little draggy,

but that's it. And I don't want any... They break the fourth wall. They see the producer. She's freaking out. I don't want to dress and drag. And then Meredith was like, well, I'm not going to either. Okay, you traumatize my family. And I don't want a heavy wig on my head because I had a throbbing headache. And Whitney's like, I don't believe that it's about the head, your headache. And I don't believe that you had some step grandmother mother mother and law's child who sick. And then Meredith looks at Whitney and she's like, how dare you? How dare you?

Talk about a child. You don't know. And that's how the weekend ends. And then they have to check. Then they have to get on a flight that night. After they drank all day, wore heavy wigs, yelled at each other,

absolutely nobody likes each other, and then go to like a some other bar and drink, then they have to get on the sprinter van in which Mary didn't go to the bar either. She didn't wear the drag. She didn't jump through hoops, and then she didn't even go to the bar. She had the sprinter van take her to McDonald's. I'm hoping that Bravo got some money from McDonald's. I know they do a lot in these shows. So maybe it was a win-win and that's why the producers put

up with the fact that she doesn't want to do anything. They're like, okay, if you're going to stay in the van, you're going to ask for McDonald's so that we can collect our, you know, 100 grand. So she got McDonald's why they fought with each other at this bar. And now they have to hop out of plane at midnight after wearing drag makeup all day and heavy wig and fight with each other to get home to Utah. Oh, sister wives. Oh my God, the best part was that I found out that Janelle and Cody actually screwed a lot. I think they had a lot of sex and he really doesn't want to lose Janelle. But Janelle is like, I have nothing Cody.

I have nothing in my name. I live in a tiny apartment. You don't wanna hang out with my kids. And he's like, yeah, but you and I, when we were in the coldest sack in Las Vegas, like we, we, I'm like, oh my God, they were boating all the time. And then she's like, I don't know, I miss Cody, I miss him in my bed.

And then he goes on to say, Janelle was only interested in me in my pecs and my abs because I have a really good body. And we find out that Christine said, I left the marriage because he wasn't sexually attracted to me. He never wanted to have sex with me. So we never had sex with Mary, really. But he also really didn't with Christine after she had all her kids.

She thought it was pretty cyclist for the last 10 years. And Christine is, you know, they're all the girls are attractive. He married them all, but he was likes to have sex with Janelle, and he likes to have sex with, with, you know, Robert, but she doesn't really left alone with him and his pecs and his curly perm. Oh, okay, now you guys, we are going to,

don't forget, we're gonna watch the Golden Bachelor. Chris and I are definitely gonna be covering that at my live show, so make sure if you're in that area there, there are still some tickets left. Go to Heather McDowell.net for this weekend. Watch the golden bachelor. And now for a really fun juicy insightful interview with the hilarious Beth Stelling. This message is brought to you by Colo Guard. Colo Guard is a one of a kind way to screen for colon cancer if you are 45 or older and

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Any positive result should be followed by a colonoscopy, not a replacement for colonoscopy in high risk patients. This is After Dark, myths, misdeeds, and the paranormal. The podcast that takes you to the shadest corners of the past, unpicking history's spookiest, strangest, and most sinister stories. I'm Maddie Pelling, and I'm Anthony Delaney. Join us every Monday and Thursday,

and we'll take a look at the darker side of history from haunted pubs to Houdini, to witch trials and arsenic-laced breakfasts. Follow after dark myths, misdeeds, and the paranormal, wherever you get your podcasts. Brought to you by HistoryHit. right now. No waiting necessary. You have the latest phone. Now take advantage of a great price on a 5G subscription phone plan. It's the perfect deal for anyone who could use some savings right now. Subscribe today at publicmobile.ca. Different is calling. Funny lady who's ready for a funny you guys ready for a funny female

best-selling has a Netflix special out October 3rd Welcome to your first time at juicy scoop. I've been a fan for a while I'm so happy to be here and I was excited to see that you I can't play them in the seat I usually just watch and bring here and by big time, I mean, as a guest on Juicy's Co. Yeah, I have a great internet, of course. Yeah. I love you. Who's ready for a female hide fucker? It's like, why?

We don't need to know that. So gross. It's like a highest compliment. It really is. No, I'm really excited. I love your stuff. You've done a lot. Tell us a little bit just to familiar,

familiarize your stuff. I know you've had a couple specials. Yes, I would say. Is it your first Netflix? I have a half hour on Netflix from 2017. I was part of that first round of half hours they did called the stand-ups. So I'm in that episode five, season one.

And then I had a half hour on Comedy Central before that. That was my first sort of special. So how long you've been doing stand-up? When did you start? 16 years 2007. Okay. Yeah. And how did that come about? I was a theater major in college.

Where you go to college. Miami University in Ohio. Oh, fun. Where'd you go to again? I went to USC. Oh, okay. My audience is so sick of hearing that I mentioned that a lot. And there's just a lot of stories about my life

That involves it and I'm still here in LA. So it's just Yeah, sorry, sorry that it's the best whatever They do teach a stand-up class now, you know that right? Oh, I wouldn't got to Say hello. They invited me. Do you know how much that curious me? You haven't gone? Of course they wouldn't ask me. Okay, well, look. I'll get you in.

But you know what? I have done a little bit. I always thought it would be so exciting to be asked to do anything at a school. And it actually isn't. I know. It's hit her mess which seems so stupid to say, like, it's good or it's bad. But I've had some very good times of colleges. I went back to school.

No, but like not to perform. But like, I'm saying like when you're like a speaker or a teacher like career day. Okay, I see what you mean. You mean even just doing what I did? Go talk to the stand-up class? Well, that I would, I that I think I'd be kind of into, but like, I don't know, it's weird when I've done like high school students, this stuff. So I'd be kind of into it, but I don't know, it's weird when I've done like high school students, so I did my all-girl high school and that was a bummer because it was on Zoom.

Oh yeah. And they did have to turn to see the masks. And they had the masks. I had to be on Zoom, even though it was down the street. I'm like, I can do it. Right. And so then I just see them with the masks and they're wearing me like, you know,

like a uniform's stuff. And so I don't know if they're laughing or anything. And I'm trying to tell them stories. I and they're wearing, you know, uniform, like uniforms and stuff. And so I don't know if they're laughing or anything. And I'm trying to tell them stories. So already that sucked. Then I did my son's all-boy school. And that I pretty much liked. Okay. You know, like I was happy that he was there,

but it's still, it's weird when you look out and they earn just kind of like, and then if you like have eye contact with them, it's kind of weird, because they're like, they're just weird kids. Yeah, they're normal audience. It's just a very strange thing to do. Think about it when you go to a college,

like who's coming to see the comic? I know you're talking about more like a speaking thing. Yeah, but even the seniors, it's freshmen. So those are like, the seniors are out doing stuff. The freshman 18, some of them haven't lived much of life. So if you're saying like, anything that is adult, they're like, I don't know, are we laughing? You know, they don't know how to just feel it themselves.

They're like, what do we, is this what everybody's doing? So that's a weird aspect of it. Okay, yes, not knowing themself. The few times I performed doing stand-up, I, at a college, I thought they're going to want to hear like sorority fraternity parties. No, I then went back like during my Chelsea lately days and did it and they loved all the mom stories

about my kids because they're like, that's my mom with my little brother. And I told people that, I go, they're so young and innocent. Don't do the drinking sex stuff that makes them feel uncomfortable. It's better just do some clean family-related, fun stuff, not so much sex.

Yes. I know. It's just tough to know what to do. I guess you're saying that makes perfect sense about assembling or themselves or something. But since I've been doing it, I'm getting older. So the distance between me and them is getting just varies when I'm going.

I think I have gone to a call. I think in a while now that I think I have. Okay, call, is now I think in a while, no, I think I have. Okay, wait, tell me about the USC set up show that nobody has invited me to do a special class which I would say, that I would do it. I would do it. I know it, for a fact. So it's really like me.

You know that comedian, Wayne Jerman? Yes, of course I know. He teaches the class. Just text his ass. Well, I don't have his numb. Okay, well, you're going to have it after this and I will say it on the pod. Yes, he just said, hey, you want to come talk to the class? Okay. And so really they they did ask questions. I told them about my three. Well, here's the thing. My advice is always this. Some app could come out tomorrow called Ding Dong,

and you guys blow up, and I'm opening for you. I was like, I can tell you, I made it, but it involves printing headshots. So it's not applicable to your life. So I always say that I can tell you how I got here, but also everybody's story is different, which is why I love reading comedians out of our biographies.

Me too. I love it, because everybody's path is different. Now, in time is changing, and all the apps are changing and there's different ways to get an audience and I don't want to crap on those ways, but I know my way. Right. I've always remember from Steve Martin's I loved that book that it was second show Fridays that made him quit doing life stand-. Late Friday, everybody's been drinking, they worked all day, they're tired. And I'm already like the stare I'm a guacamole of stand up comedy.

So they're like, I was falling asleep to my waist, I'm like, hey guys, what's up? And have a good day. Now, okay, so you went to college, and then now soon after college, you tried to stand up. Stand up my senior year of college.

I kind of crashed a music open mic. Did you always kind of fantasize about it or dream about it as a kid or? I never, I don't, I never refer to myself as like a student of stand up because I didn't adore it growing up. I loved certain comedic actors. What be a little bird,

Martin Short, whatever, one to sight, Chris Robyn. Yeah. Aize Ventura, Chris Robbins. Yeah. Ace Ventura, not Robbins. Robbins Williams. Yeah, I love how he said Ace Ventura. We all know I mentioned Gary.

Yeah. The point is, I liked funny movies and stuff. Yeah. And it wasn't until my senior year of high school, because I was doing speech and debate. Have you ever heard of that? Yes, of course. Okay, I was doing humorous interpretation.

So I was being funny from my freshman year of high school to senior year. So I had that singleous interpretation. So I was being funny from my freshman year of high school to senior year. So I had that single performer feeling of what it's like to get laughs from a group, even if it was a classroom on the weekend of a high school and high school. So then my friend in speech and debate burned me Jim Gaffigan's CD

and that was my first time listening to standup comedy. Oh really? So you didn't watch like specials and stuff on cable TV? We didn't have cable. I had a single mile. Oh my god. And the teacher. And then we got a stepdad for a little while,

and he didn't let us have cable. I always say that. I apologize, because right now there's a big flex in saying, you know, you need to be poor. And be poor in your little ear. So I did, we did have cable. And I really fell of fell over standup, which was a show called A&E, which was a network, even at the improv and they shot it at the improv on Melrose.

That's cool. And that's where I saw like, you know, Ray Romano and all these people. I was never been as a kid. As a kid. So I did get to see it. Yeah. And I'd stay up late and watch a Joan Rivers and stuff. That's cool. You know, but you're getting. Yeah, so I don't know. I didn't really mind my humor. I just got to see through through movies. Yeah, but it's interesting that when I first started seeing it, I was not like my heroes, really. I was like, it came out of me fairly subdued, subtle and dark. I don't know how to explain it, but, but that's, that's good. Yeah, it was just I thought I I would be more animated or something.

But I liked that CD of Gems. It didn't make, and I think he's an excellent comic, but at that time it didn't make me fall in love with stand-up. It just made me go, is that something I could do? I don't know. And then I decided to go to theater school, which, my school was not known for theater, but that was a benefit, then I got to perform a lot because it wasn't very competitive. Yeah. And I did a bunch of plays and a musical and I was in birds,

Aristophanies birds. That was my first play in college. My mom came to see it. I was in like a full-tanned body suit. My face was painted. I was playing an emu and my mom was like the most supportive person in the world and she came up to me at her as in she was like, are you sure this is what you want to be doing? I was like, I don't know man. So did you, so then when, so then when you graduated? It wasn't until senior year that I tried, I kind of crashed the music open mic because I started to come. Okay. I live with a bunch of girls in this house, all the houses that Miami are named. Yeah. In a fun way. So ours was named Tequila Mockingbird and I lived with a bunch of girls in this house, all the houses that Miami are named, in a fun way. So ours was named to Kiela Mockingbird,

and I lived with like seven other girls, and I would kind of come home from class and stand in front of the TV and make them laugh. And so my friends really were very encouraging, but like you're so funny, what have you tried to stand up? And so that was like how it started. And I crashed a music open mic. My first time doing a stand-up,

it was truly like 50 of my friends coming to enjoy me. And so it was like how it started. And I crashed a music open mic. My first time doing stand-up, it was truly like 50 of my friends coming to enjoy me. And so it was a great experience. Yes, okay, so we have a lot of similarities. So that is why I wanted to be a stand-up because I was in a sorority house. And I would wreak the hot night going out with Thursday nights.

And Friday morning would be Friday morning with Heather. And like I would literally recap the whole night of who hooked up with who and like act out things. And I remember one time these girls were like, oh, do we miss breakfast with Heather? Or whatever. And I was like, how can I make this a job? You know, like I was just like-

Because like were you studying at USC? I was communication with, at the time I thought it was a really kind of dumb major. It was like, honestly, it was sort of an easier one. But I was like, well, I can't, I can't be the business major because it was like too much math, but I took like a marketing class and stuff. But then I have way through I wanted to do, I realized I really wanted to be, to do this. I was, I admitted it because when you're from LA, it's like embarrassing to say you want to be an actor. It's hard to put yourself out there in general,

whether you're from here or not. And so then I was like, but I'm too far along, so I'm not gonna change majors, but I took like, for two units, character acting, two units, the improv class, two units, Elliot Knight, which the ground links came in and like did a performance. Was it any, just been, you remember from that ground links? Not in the little group, but I did start doing ground links came in and like did a performance. Was it any? It just

been. You remember from that? Groundless. Not in the little group. But I did start doing ground links. And I remember my sorority sister said, Oh, tonight's class is the ground links have that this is something you would be into. Like my friends like that. Your friends like kind of knew what your talent was or whatever. And then figuring, you know, and figuring it out, then enjoying like, how do I make this a thing? Right, so when did you come to LA? I came in 2011. So I started seeing it in Chicago.

After college, tried it a little, moved to Chicago, thought, I'll do theater, had a couple bad auditions. I mean, me doing a monologue, oh my gosh. It was like so nerve-wracking. I remember doing auditioning at the Goodman Theater, just one of the best theaters in Chicago, and I really bifft it.

It wasn't like terrible, like I embarrassed myself, but I did in my own way. Yeah. It was just a bad audition. I did one play in Chicago, and then I thought, I don't wanna come to rehearsal to get paid barely anything to do a play I don't really care about. So that's when I started taking things into my own hands and I said I'm going to write stand-up.

And I used to sit down and write it. I don't do that anymore. I did too. I would like sit because I would write a monologue basically. Also, I was pretty good typing. I feel pretty good about it too. I still feel like I want to be a secretary of things. I'll work out. I love organizing,

shaping things, and I don't call it an happens. Yeah, yeah. That would be cool. But yeah, call it an happens. Yeah, yeah. That would be cool. But yeah, so then I went to Chicago, was there for four years, and had good success there. That's how I got snagged by Robbie Praugh for Just For Laughs. Uh-huh.

That's the big, the new face of comedy. I'm just letting people know. Yeah, in Montreal, yeah. Yeah, so that was my big break, I would say, that was the impetus for me moving to LA. So there's 2011, I was a new face. And then I've been in LA since. I live in New York a little bit because I wrote on my first writing job was crashing.

Which is a show about Steve. Oh, yes, I love that show. I didn't know you wrote on that. I don't even know that you wrote on that. That was my first writing job. That's how I, you know, there were some really great moments in that show that were very realistic to stand up.

But I still feel like stand up was the hardest thing to sell to a network about a career as a woman. I mean, yeah, I mean, I had Grace under fire and what else? Roseanne, but she didn't, but she didn't say. But that's what I mean. But they never want you to, they'd like, never love seeing

the career of stand up. And I'm like, that's what's always, that's what's so funny. And like, I sold two shows about my life in both of them or like, we can't have you be a stand up. You're going to be, I know, there are really a things all you're going to work out of TV, you're going to use cast or you're going to be a makeup artist to a star, or like it could never be.

And I'm like, but that's what's so unique and funny is that I'm this mom that's doing stand-up and my kids see what I'm doing. And just like sign fell like, why can't that be? But they must have done enough studies or something or why they think that like people like watching women. Not necessarily women, but they don't really understand the niche and the humor of the

daily day. But people really did latch on to that show. I liked it. I like it. A lot of comedy fans love that show. I guess I was a little confused that I felt like, how old is he? That's what I was confused by. For sure.

Like he was like playing like a, like a 22 or 40. Or he was like 40. He was like 40. Yeah, like it was. It's just like going down the vials. Yeah. Yes, I totally understand. But I liked the, like just the standup, the invite.

I wonder if it's a little too of a small, like my speed is when I'm like, oh my gosh, I don't really wanna do stand up anymore. I'm like, I don't wanna stop doing stand up ever because it's such a small percentage of people that can actually do it. And once you get to that place that you can pop up and there and talk for an hour and do pretty well at it,

like I think you gotta keep it up. Like because it's just such a unique talent that if I take too long a break, I can still feel the nerves or I'm definitely off. I don't feel like I'm in the groove. But you're right. It's definitely something I wouldn't I've taken breaks. I've needed to take breaks. Yeah. For sure. And there are times where I felt very, very done with it. Yeah. Particularly after my last special, I was just really done. Why? I think it was the timing of it came out August of 2020. And that's what I end ammonium. What? That's what I brought up my special. Yeah.

So I thought it would be like a hit because everyone was bored in at home, but I'm like, no, it really wasn't bored at home and didn't even want to lodge any, like that. I don't know. At the beginning, I think if we had really seen the beginning, which is when they planned to, but I was early days on HBO Max, and I'm not famous. So they did not market it at all. And I'm not just blaming it on that.

Like I don't know what would have happened, but like they didn't, you know, I'm not on a billboard or a side of a bus. It was just on there. And then how did they say, guess what your time has come, girl? Netflix is a call and this I produced myself. This last special one I produced myself.

But they bought it. Thankfully, yeah, I licensed it to them. So I produced it myself in December of 2022 and was just like fingers crossed here. And I did one take because it was my hometown theater of 1100 seats and aforementioned, not famous. So I could not sell date in Ohio twice, 2200 people. Yeah.

So yeah. There's a lot of fact people that know what you're talking about is normally when you do a special, you film two shows in one night, just so you have it. Just so you have it. It's a good thing to do. Yes and no though.

Okay so I know a couple of people that have done the one take and then after just like a sitcom taping, if something flubbed up, if you want blah, blah, blah, or whatever, then they're like, hey just stay seated for a minute, Heather's gonna come out and just say, and then my son said happy birthday. Okay, we got it. We got it.

And they always are so surprisingly onboard for that. Oh yeah, totally. They crowd it. So I took maybe one thing, like, and this is how I say it. Like I did that. Oh, so maybe you wanted to kind of were editing yourself new.

Like let's start again. But also like hair, like how, you know what I'm saying? Like yeah, there's a couple of places where there's one like this. It eventually goes down, thank God it worked itself out. You like let's start again, but also like hair like how how you know what I'm saying like yeah There's a couple places where there's one like this it eventually goes down. Thank God it worked itself out My hair looks like I work in a mattress store and I just spend the whole shift testing them out But I like it. I never tried it really let it be um

So yeah, I did my I produced my special myself But nobody wanted it. Yeah, special myself, but nobody wanted it. Yeah, well, that's kind of the way. I wanted it so that I just put it out. So let's be like, so that I put it on the Amazon Prime, and we did put it out like, somewhere in first season,

I call it like, first second, third season of COVID, it was somewhere in the first season of COVID, that I put it out. I was first in two. It was fine, like My juicy scoop was supported and bought it, but as far as any kind of press or bump of people discovering who I am, no, it didn't do that. I know. It is interesting that it happens. I will say, we talked about my first thing on Netflix was the half hour. When you're on the road, we have been in

kind of the classic way. Gathering fans can be like drops in a bucket. And then maybe your time on Chelsea was like a big pour. And for me that half hour was a big pour. Kind of got me out there. But then I didn't do, they didn't want my hour after that. Yes. And I went to HBO.

So I don't know, also similarly to what you're saying. I also didn't, like I did get good press, but it's not like it changed much, it's all. So it's like even if you had gotten some, I had the New York Times, I got best debut special. And still HBO was like, no extra help. I was always, we actually don't know. I was always like yelling it to the rooftops of the industry people.

Of like, listen, there's a lot of female comics that you've heard of. And there's a bunch that are now, you know, if they have kids or kids are little, they do their specials when they're pregnant, everything. I go, but I'm the only one that's walking around telling stories of actually raising like school age, high school kids. That's true. And you know, so I'm like, so this is like a unique thing.

It is. But nobody cared. Like, nobody was like, no one thought that was like, and like, isn't this an interesting story? And they're like, no. No. Yeah. But that's the thing.

I know I've said it now three times, and it makes me seem like I'm some sort of like angry, I'm not an angry feminist. I'm a feminist, but it's one of the things where I keep saying this because I had a podcast with my mom, it's called We Called Your Mom, and my mom, and I would call my friends mom. It's like we would call your mom.

And it was fun, like, you know, the people who love it, love it. But eventually when I got canceled, they were like, I guess there's just not an audience of people that like moms. You're just like, what? I mean, so this is what I mean. It's like they genuinely just don't want to hear it.

Why do you think? So I, so maybe I should have been at home or like maybe it should have been better. I don't know. And maybe I should have been, people at home are like, maybe it should have been better. I don't know. And okay, tell me about your experience as a female comic. What have you loved about it? Everyone says, is it hard as a woman?

Right, right, right. There are those things that I think with me, it was always like, okay, it's a line up, because I started in L.I. So it's a line up of eight people. L.I. So it's a lineup of eight people. It's gonna be six guys, you know, at least one or two will be not white and then they'll be one girl. Yes, that was my day.

That was my experience as well. That was my day, particularly. And so like, you wanted to be friends with other females, but at the same time, you were either always across town from each other. Or it's gonna be you as a little competitor because it's gonna be you or me at a time. It's gonna be you or me and you have brown hair now

and I kinda have brown hair. So we cross each other all. Yeah, we can't sleep without. But the thing about that, I will say, yes, it was still like that when I started. Yes. Things have definitely changed in Chicago for sure, but doing the math on that or the odds, right?

Right. Someone goes to see that show. If you don't kill, they don't leave, it's five guys on that show aren't great. Two of them are amazing and they love them. Yeah. And you don't do well. They don't leave their saying men aren't funny.

Right. But the odds are against them. If you did the probability, men wouldn't are against them. If you do the probability, men wouldn't be funny. So if you do the probability, but it's just you and women aren't funny because they saw you. So it's just frustrating in that way. I never thought of it that way. You're so right. Yes. With the women aren't funny. It's frustrating. And then women only talk about sex. Like the stereotypes are what have bothered me the most. Okay. When I first started, I had these little rules that I was naive about, which were, I'll never take a set most. Okay. When I first started, I had these little rules

that I was naive about, which were, I'll never take a set list on stage. Now I always do just how I am. You'll overtake a what? A set list on stage. What is that? I always have a set list. Oh, a set list.

I thought you said a set list. I thought it was some new like, a mumble sunset. Like a drug that would make you calm down or something, and there wasn't a wear of a set list. No. I agree. I do too now. That was my rule, but I don't care any longer.

Right. Because I'm performing for you, and if I want to look down, I will. Yeah. Two, I said I would never repeat a joke. That's something I just didn't understand. These are just my little rules I thought of. Repeated joke in the meaning, like, I thought I would just always do new material. Oh, god.

Which is hilarious. Okay, yes. And three, never hook up with a comic. Those were my rules. Uh-huh. And then my other, like, general idea was that I wouldn't talk about sex, because I was so annoyed by seeing more exhibitionous behavior. It was oftentimes I felt like at the open mics, it would be when they are talking about sex, less of a joke and more like, he fuck me in the butt and poop was everywhere.

And it's like, oh no, you know, this is just more of like a tale that's not really has jokes. So eventually I obviously really got over that because I became a good joke writer and even my last special, like I, it's been after my half hour, it took me a long time to be okay actually with writing sex jokes.

That's a long time into my career. I'm not saying I never did. I'm just saying for a special. Well, I had special has a lot of sex jokes in it, but I just had to get over it because I was like, I wouldn't have to keep talking about it if they were good at it. So I guess I just got to keep talking about it.

You know, I mean, if men were good at sex. Yeah. So it's sort of like, I'm gonna keep talking about it, making jokes about it. And if they're good jokes, they're good jokes. It doesn't matter the subjects. Well, I don't think there's any problem with talking about sex either,

but I had the same feeling like after I'd been around for a while and that'd go see like a new crop of girls or whatever, and this was probably like 15 years ago. I was kind of like, all right. And my advice to younger comics was like, start out clean. Yeah, because I mean, it's very easy. But the coming up with a really funny story that, you know, about doing laundry with your immigrant grandmother that's unique to you and like, whatever.

That's a story that no one can steal. That, you know, it's not a Tinder joke, it's not an, you know, anal sex joke. It's like a joke that original. And if you get on TV, you could use that. So like, then as you get better, the luxury of being good at the craft is that if you do wanna be a little dirty or whatever,

then you can't. But if you start out that way, then there's nowhere to go. So I think that is good advice. Yeah, and I feel like I agree. And I did that I think for a long time, and then I was just like screw it. I'm gonna kinda talk about what is frustrating me.

Yeah. Cause then you can turn that into your fascination and make something of it, or whatever have it be cathartic in that way, or helpful to someone else. But everyone wondered how Dixon City Comptroller Rita Crendwell could afford so many horses. The rumor we had that she had befriended some rich little old lady and she had left her a lot of money.

Somebody thought that her family had bought stock and Campbell's soup. I had heard something new like a cell phone company, like every time that cell phone rang like she made money. Like any cell phone. Kind of, yeah. I know that sounds ridiculous. To find out the truth, listen, to Crooked City, Dixon, Illinois, wherever you get your podcasts.

Yeah, I love, there's some of your stuff that's really funny that I was talking about was like, did you really get the tattoo of the on on your back of your boyfriend's name? Yes. We're on your back. I did it right above groundlings, over by groundlings. It's like, it was where the tattoo places.

Yeah. Is it still there? Mm-hmm. And where's that guy today? He is a realtor. And Cincinnati, Ohio. He's happily married with children. So he could have a bus bench

or he could have the back of your body to advertise property of. Actually, you want a hot property or property of Joe Schmo. I should have him lease out the other spaces on my back. Exactly, and make profit. Little question. Do you think you'll ever get it removed or changed? I like it.

He was a good guy. Oh, so he wasn't a bad boy for that's good. Yeah, he was a sweet guy. He was, he was, he was in love with you when you got it. No. I started dating him. So the day he was springing that, that could scare someone if it wasn't as serious. Yeah, that's true.

Like, hey, guess what? What? I know. He loved it. I mean, he thought it was hot. Yeah, guess what? What? I know. He loved it. I mean, he thought it was hot. I think we were very in love. And it was kind of funny, too. Yeah.

You know, I had just moved to LA and he lived in Cincinnati. He had lived out here first and I would visit him. Then he went back home because I'm from Ohio, too. Yeah. And then I moved out here to try to be a comic. I was working all these jobs. And it was like, we did long distance for I moved out here to try to be a comic. I was working all these jobs. And it was like our, we were, we did long distance for three years out here. My first three years in L.A. So early in the days of me out here, my friends were like, let's get tattoos. And I was like,

all right, I'll just get that. So he did love it. But yeah, now I mean, you know, it ended up being a good joke. It was funny. You're joking about it. And it kept growing, that's the beauty and the mess of filming a special. Yes. You can write tags for years or expand a joke for years because initially it was just sort of, this is the kind of commitment you can expect from me. Yeah.

And then in the last special, I was like, do you know how hard it is to get laid with another man's name on your back? Right. Because I've read all the things. Well, now the next part of it is the list underneath. No, but also not a great idea. You could really scare a guy away.

That's true. You know, this psycho got my fucking name. Yeah. I know, but it was, I know him since I called it. What about his face? His face? No. I think I would change that by now.

But faces are hard to tell. Wait, if this was a cheesy sitcom, we were writing it. I think it has to be, okay, here's a sitcom. I'm my brother. I'm the, I'm the boozy, fucked up aunt or whatever, raising the kids, because of course my brother is a widow. It's always my brother. Of course my brother is a widow.

And you're the guest star. And he just got his real estate license. We're really hoping it's going to be. We make a couple selling sunset jokes, a couple things like that. And then he's like, yeah, I'm at this, you know, I'm like, you were out late last night. Lucky Antie took out the kids off the school. I was with this girl, you know, that's our second day. A lot of the closet. Yeah. And this girl, you know, that's our second day. I did a lot of the closet. Yeah. And then like the second act is then you show up and you have the tattoo that's like, like John Miller will, you know, remix.

Yeah, remapses, you know, from condos to castles, John Miller can do it all. And you put it all on your back and you're like, what's up lover? Or worse, you're like, oh wait, I have a better joke for the pit, you go, I'm getting my real estate license too. Look what I got. And it's the two of you as a couple, a real estate couple, billboard on your back tattoo.

And then he's like, what do I do? Want, want. Run. He would run. You would say, we need to restrain him. back tattoo and then he's like, what do I do? Want, want. Yeah. Run. He would run. You would say, we needed a restraining. Right. So you could get into that.

Yeah. I am on a billboard like that for, and it says divorced question mark. And I'm dressed as a lawyer and so there's John Phillips who is the other onset writer on the movie Good Boys. We were the punch up onset writers on the movie. So we're in the background of a bench and it says, divorce.

Oh, in the movie. Oh, I thought, oh my gosh. Yes, so I have put myself on a billboard on a bench. I have, I was on bus benches when I was a realtor. My parents were realtor's and they had a bunch of bus benches. Never their faces, just their names. And then when I got my license, my mom goes,

we just go down a target and get something for us. We just go, go, just be really weird. I'm like, all right. And so then when I went to the target, which is right here, and I turned around to leave the target, is when I was waiting at the light and saw my bus bench and that was my gift. That's very... Heather McDonald welcomes you to Woodland Hills. That's very sweet. is when I was waiting at the light and saw my bus bench and that was my gift.

That's very... Heather McDonald welcomes you to Woodland Hills. That's very silly. It was, but it was also like, you know, really want to be a real term, but it was a good thing to do while I pursued standard-bed acting. Yeah, I was gonna say that.

That seemed like a pretty good thing. And that is an interesting gift that someone would get you. Which is just a little piece. Please tell me that you've put a special or a juicy scoop on that bench since. I have not done the bus bench thing. You have to book in. Maybe I should have a write that down. Just even if it's just for like,

next special you laying on the bench. I thought about when my special came out, because I remember Kathy Griffin paid the story was, I don't even know what's true, that she bought her own billboard for whatever amount it was, which I've looked into it. Yeah, how much is it? If it's on sunset, like the hotspot,

it can be anywhere from like 25 to 100,000, just depending on which one it is for the month. Okay. Whatever. I'm sure it changes with the economy. That she did her own, and the price I remember hearing is 50. And I was like, that is so bad. I asked, like, I, that's her that she jokes about the deal. She has to do it all like fucking. And then I, so there was a moment where I'm like,

do I do this because it's one of my like dreams. But then I'm like, okay, I don't live that close to it and next thing I know the month will be over Mm-hmm and I'll be down that money and was it really worth it for me just to dry I'm like am I just gonna go and like bring a Chinese chicken salad and have lunch by it every day and then like oh my god It's it's a 29th. Yeah, it's a don't know. They're good And then the guys calm and they start putting best, they put best poster down now. And like, yeah, I also had to pay for that. And I'm like, move it. It's my time.

This is my billboard now, you gotta move out. If I, I had someone Photoshop one for me because there was an empty one in Hillhors, which was my neighborhood in Los Feliz. That is so smart. Why don't you just do that? And then just put them. And so like, I'm writing that down.

I posted it. Why do I even have to do it? No one would even know. No, no, you just face. Yes. I did it. I put it on Instagram. And I did.

That is so smart. If I was a better woman, you know how some people start charities or whatever. This might actually happen. Okay. You know how some people start charities or whatever. This might actually happen, okay? But another female standup might steal the idea and I'm okay with that because they'll be paying for it. I should say, like if I was like maybe in a couple years when I'm like even an older, more anti-type.

I'm gonna say everybody I've bought the rights to this billboard for the next 12 months and every month I'll be featuring a different female stand-up and they're special. That would be amazing. It's never gonna happen. We know some people who did do it. No, it could be a really great idea. We need someone who is rich enough with money to do that. And I think we can think of a few. I think we can do. Yeah. And if they want to do that, they can take the idea for themselves because at least I have this clip to know that I came up with it first, but I'm fine with them spending the money and doing it and getting the accolades of truly being women's support women. I support women. Exactly. Yeah.

Please give me a billboard. Yeah. I mean, of course, you always ask for one in an HBO Max was like, but then I also thought I'm like, if you were to spend $50,000 on a sunset boulevard billboard. Yeah. Wouldn't $50,000 on just online hardcore marketing, all the algorithms, all the, get you so much further. Honestly, it really, it's the ego of, it almost feels like, it's definitely the ego.

It's the ego and it's like, also I think even like 20 years ago, there were real movers and shakers and agents driving around, going to lunch and there's suits and stuff. And now they're not. Yeah. They're either like working from home or it doesn home or they don't really have the power. So like that's what we see it kind of. Now it's comics on the way to the store.

Yeah, the comedy store. The grocery. But yeah, no, also it benefits the networks though. That's why who they choose to do it for. Right, of course. They want a famous person. Yeah, there with us. Right, I love it.

Oh, wait, I should put your thing. This is your special. Yeah, how did you decide your outfit? That's always my hardest decision of what to wear doing stand up. And you did a classic girl of comedy outfit. Hamlin. Black jeans.

But on black. And a black t-shirt. This was panic. This was last minute, maybe 15 before I go on freaking out. But I was lucky enough to have Tan France as a friend to give me some options of what I might like to wear. And he gave me great ideas. And I took them.

What were some of the ideas? He did suggest these boots, which were a great Succession and uncomfortable love the boots um And we consulted like he's so lovely at his job very good So I said like I think I might like to wear a skirt in this one and gave me so many great options I did try them on I tried them and I felt good in them. In fact This week I've been just wearing some of them one of them is just really fit a gene dress I got so many compliments and I'm, in fact, this week I've been just wearing some of them, one of them is just really fit a gene dress. I got so many compliments and I'm like,

did you wear it on stage? Yes, okay. But I wore none of his suggestions in this because last minute I just panicked, there was so much going on. Yes. I just needed to feel comfortable and it was genes in a t-shirt.

And so, and I felt like I packed so much for my, I shot this in my hometown, I felt like I packed so much, but then all of this in my hometown, I felt like I packed so much, but then all of a sudden it's like I have nothing. Yeah. And what looks good on camera and you can't wear it. Any sort of logo. logo.

Yeah. So this is what it ended up being. I don't think it's terrible. It's very stage hand. But I think it's so, it's such a hard decision. Yeah. Both of my outfits, like that for my specials, I went with jeans and like, you know,

one had a sparkly shoe, one had a sparkly top. I'm still happy with both of them. However, my first one, the jeans were like too long and why didn't I get them hemmed or why didn't I think about that? So it bothers me when I see them. But I think it's just a really hard thing to... And then I see other people now, like wearing dresses and skirts and all this,

and for the first time in my life, I'm almost too old to even wear a skirt. I'm just now wearing skirts and dresses on stage and being more glam, because I thought you always maybe would have. No, because I always thought when I started, like I was in the same boat as you. Legs are like distracting,

and I want them to focus on the same boat as legs are like distracting. And I, you know, I want them to focus on like the comedy and everything. And then once I got in my groove of like, this is what I'm comfortable wearing, you know, then you just get, you just want to be comfortable. Like in your, and having jeans on

or some type of pant is more comfortable. Yes, heels never work for me on stage. Oh my goodness, I feel like that's a asking to bomb. Oh, really? Yes. I can wear a heel, but it is more comfortable. What I've not, I've been like, I can't believe I just started wearing tennis shoes or like a flat.

I can't believe that I've missed out on life like this. By wearing heels all these years. Yes, I'm still, I mean, obviously I wish you could go back in time for that reason alone. But, yeah. Okay, so you said you dated a comic. Yes. How many, what is your relationship with dating comics?

I, has there been a bunch? Refused to be happy. Now, you can convince yourself of anything. You can say it's great today to comic because they get it. They get I'm out of it. Yeah, we get to riff together. It's like, or you're both unwel. Yeah, I don't I think it's it works for some I think very few. I guess there's less comic comic relationships that last a very long time. Yes. I mean, let's be real. When someone introduces you to someone they've brought around to a club, you're like,

hmm, seven more times and then I'll memorize your name. Like a comic, a comic, a comic, a woman. Yes. Yeah. It was interesting speaking of Cathy Griffin. She just did a video and she was like talking about the Russell brand situation. Okay. And she knew her video.

Oh, she just was like, and here's the thing with female comics. She's like, there aren't many of us, but like, you know, we don't, she was, here's a couple of things that are different. We don't bring like an entourage of people with us. And I think that's also true about writing material. When people would say, Oh, did you write, do you write your own material? And I'm like, yeah. And there was that one time when someone when I was like, you know, saw that like, Kevin Hart brings a bunch of guys with him. And he has people, in my opinion, it is my opinion, what I've heard. So don't come after me.

That he utilizes other writers to help him with this act, which I think is a really smart thing to do. How are you gonna come up with a new hour? Especially when you're living a limited life that doesn't necessarily relate to an audience. Right, but then I also think, I think that's smart, but then I also thought some of the jokes of his special, one of his specials felt inauthentic

because it was about having good credit or bad credit. And I was like, okay, haven't. You know, it's okay if you wanna tell a story about when you were 19 and broke, and it's an authentic story everyone your night. But like you can't be talking about, like I'm moving the money over here, and then I move the money,

and I can imagine him hanging out with these friends with him, and this guy who's a funny guy, is probably telling the stories, probably an aspiring community, or not at that level. And they're all dying laughing, and he's like make that a bit for me. And the audience did all laugh.

And they all will come back to see him. But I'm like, there aren't a lot of women. I can't go, hey, let me gather up some moms of boys. Can you guys get in the RV for two weeks? Because I need a new hour. And I do hear all your mom bits. RV for two weeks. Cause I need a new hour. And I do hear all your mom. Yeah, your mom bits and about your sons and about your husband farting.

I need some new fucking bits here. So get on on the RV. And where are my girls at? And then after the show, you guys are going to go out into the audience and get me some fresh dick to bring back to the hotel, but you're not gonna tell my husband. And, you know, and then we all get back in what stayed on the road. At the episode of the road, stayed like,

yeah. Like it's completely different. No, instead we're by ourselves. I've never hooked up with someone after a show. Never, I would never, I don't feel like dying. Exactly, that's the thing. It's like, we're dealing with a man and talking to him for what?

I just talked to you for like an hour and people were like, you wanna hang? I'm like, I think I said everything. I don't know what time Margaret Cho had a bit in her act and she's out about her sexuality and bisexuality and everything. And now maybe this didn't happen after a show, but the way she told the story,

I imagine it happening after a show where she went and whatever had an orgy or a threesome with these people. And she was funny the way she was telling it about she said it was like spitting plates, having to like do all these different things. And all I could think about was like, why would you want to do that after a show? Like all I want to do is get in my place,

triple lock the door, and then like take a shower. Snacks. Snacks, get in my bed, stay up to like three, because you can't ever come down from the high of being so funny. And, but like, I was like, oh, I got the last thing I want to do is like, have a sexual encounter with like two strangers

that were sitting in the audience. I think the keyword is unreliable sexual encounter. I don't know what I'm getting. What are we talking about? Also, we're in the receiving end. We are entered. We're just like a dark cave. If you have bacteria, it's sticking with me, not you.

It's just sort of like we're left with it. I'm just not into the risk and I'm not into, it sounds like callous, but I like connection. So I don't want to hang with a stranger. I don't know. I can't rely on, right? You know what? That is the difference between men and women. Yeah. No, different things like that. Me, men are always going like this. And women. Nobody really is true. I mean, it doesn't really matter.

And I think that's, and also it's always really interesting when you figured out things like that about in life when you look back at a relationship and you're like, oh my God, like you think of, you thought of it, the relationship with the guy so much more significant and meant so much more. And then even if you like, meet them later in life or you reach out to them and they're like, what?

Why are you contacting me? Like who the fuck contact someone after 30 years and you're like, I thought you were madly in love with me. Like, no, you're just one of many. Like you're just one and you liked me for a minute until you didn't. And then I like moved on. It's like we're always gonna reflect on it differently. And I also think too, we're thinking about things

a lot more. Yes. And of course, there are always exceptions to the role. Like I have always been in touch with my first love's family. Like whenever I'm doing sacrament of punchline, I stay with them. And I've always been close with this family.

And we had a great early relationship. It was like my first love and person I lost my virginity to and it was a positive experience. Does he have a wife now? He's had a wife. Yeah. Well, how did the wife feel when you were staying with the in-laws?

Like that's so annoying. The funny girl. I mean, I don't think there's anything more annoying. That's absolutely great. I think about anything more than that. Like, so what's going on, Jen, this weekend? Well, Brad's XY. Here's your stand.

She's doing the punchline and she's staying with his parents. What? Oh, yeah, they just love her. She gets up there and talks about how their son divergenized her. Well, I'm fucking, you know, try to make this marriage work with this dip. Oh, wonder why I don't like the in-laws. That is awful. Think about it. I promise you it's not. He married somebody else not me. I know, but how did you ever hang out with the wife?

She came to a show too. Heather. She loved it. No. She loved it, but she hated it. She was like, she was like, she was like, she was like, she was like, she was probably like, you're funny, but I wish you weren't this funny. You think? Yes. Okay. Well, nobody is in love with their husband's ex-girlfriend. But it was high school. That's so long ago. He divorced that woman then. He was married once, they divorced, and he married again to this woman. And I actually don't know the status. We kind of, I saw him when I just did it in April. And we took it in the hot tub together, but I with the wife or not. She wasn't there.

Oh, this is so great. No, I definitely don't think any wife would be annoyed by single funny standup special girl in the hot tub with the guy that divergedized her and my in-laws love her. Now, did this, did any of these wives give him kids? No kids. Okay.

There aren't kids involved. All right. She's pursuing her dreams, actually. She's, she's, she's, um, wife number two. She's very well. Yeah.

Are they still married? Um, I, I think so, yes. Yeah. But we, I don't know where I was going with this because you really had a hot dick. What a juicy scoop, Heather. I just have to say, I think sometimes it's kind of interesting because you really had a hot dick. What a juicy scoop, Heather. I do some saying, I think sometimes it's kind of interesting because you have no intention of ever getting

with this boyfriend again, and the parents love you, and you love that. So like you're, I'm just saying, I guess dad thinks it's sad to me. But I'm just saying, I think this is sort of an interesting perspective that women sometimes have to put themselves in someone else's shoes. Because your intention was never to break up any of his relationship.

Because you were like, what? It's the same feeling when a girl is friends with a guy. And she is like, he's just my friend. He's just my friend. He's just my friend. And then when he does make a move, you're like, ah, excuse me, look at you, look at me. We're always gonna be just friends. Why were you such a son?

You're like, because I was nice to you for a year and a half and bought your meals and took every phone call. It's just kind of interesting to put yourselves in different points of view. I hear that. And yes, you're making me laugh, but I will say that when we reconnected, the reason I think I brought that. Yeah, and yes, you're making me laugh, but I will say that when we reconnected, the reason I think I brought this up was because he was, we

We hung out more than we normally would because he has been in relationships. He did keep his distance from me But now that they're kind of a part right now and whatever they're doing We did spend a little more time together If something happens spoke I will text you if something happens. If something happens. In bed, I'm gonna send you a video. And then at your wedding, we shared this clip. But I was gonna say he was emotional too.

Like we left each other that weekend and realized like how important that relationship actually was. It was very formative. I mean, a first is a lot. Did you go to your high school reunions? It's this weekend, Heather. Are you going?

Yes. Well, I would hope so because guess who's gonna be the fucking star. So what is this, what year is this? 20. Okay, 20. That was the, that was such the best one for me. However, I did have a bit of a bummer. What? Chelsea lately had only been out for six weeks.

And had you been on yet? I was on it, yes. But only like a couple people there were fans and new. Okay. Everybody else just was like, oh hi, how are you? Oh, this is your husband. Oh, you have two kids. Blah blah blah. Only one guy's wife was like,

I'm a huge fan. Like only one. And I'm like, if, if, we just need to be very later. If the union was just, yes, even one or two years later, you would have been introducing the band. Different thing.

Yeah. But this next reunion, was there a 25? I'm doing something else. You're not going. I'm not. Okay. How come I just feel like I just I wanted it. There were the weekend, fell on a weekend that actually I could get together with my sorority sisters instead. That was the only weekend they could come out. And we're going to my house in Lakinta and like that's the only weekend they could come out. And we're going to my house in Likinta and like that's the only weekend that like my family doesn't want to be there. And I just was like, and I said to, I said to God, I said, if this is the only weekend they

can come, then that is you telling me that's what I should do. Yeah. And I shouldn't go to this. And then I know you often refer to Joe Rogan, but I did say, do you want, do you think Joe Rogan goes to his high school reunion, it's anymore? I don't fucking think so. No, if it was a different weekend, maybe I would stop by, but I also feel like, yeah. I've done it in the end.

It's right here. Like I grew up here. Yes. So I still see some of these people, some of these people are parents. They kind of know about you. There's no big like, plus you can kind of know more than you've ever known

before about people are actually. Because we're Facebook and all that. And Instagram, from 20 years ago, that's what ruined it. Like, my tenure, nobody knew what was up with anybody. And all I wanted to do was talk to my one friend who was married and living with her husband in Modesto. And I had no way of getting a hold of her.

And I wanted to talk to her because that is this famous Lacey Peterson case. Do you know the Lacey Peterson case? She knew them. Oh my gosh. But back then, I didn't know how to get a hold of her because it was pre-instagram and stuff. You were back, you were getting the juicy scoop back then.

I wanted to. I did get some after. She did say they were the fighting couple and she'd see them at the country club. He was the police officer. I think, no, that's a different Scott Peterson. This is the boat. Yes, killed his pregnant wife, though there is some, you know, there's always been speculation if he didn't, but he had the massage therapist girl for name Amber. And then while he was talking to her, he was kind of the inspiration for the movie Gone Girl.

Right. With bed aflect. I've seen it. So anyway, he's in San Quentin, but whatever. So we did go to jail for that. Oh yeah. And he's still trying to say it wasn't me. I just am like, why?

I mean, obviously he has to be unwell, right? Because my question is always like, just get it over. What are you talking about killing somebody? That's when I'm like, he has to be unwell, right? Because my question is always like, just get it over. What are you talking about killing somebody? That's what I'm like, he has to be unwell. Basically, his thing was like, the only defense could really be this. My wife was pregnant with her child. I then met this other woman and told her I wasn't married

and that I was a widow, but that, you know, where she had a little girl and I was acting like I was a perfect boyfriend going to be the husband to or, you know, the father to her kid. During that time, I came home and my wife had taken the dog for a walk and never returned. I was, you know, worried about her, but you know what? I was kind of happy since I didn't really want to stay married anymore. So I was like, it's not the worst thing in the world, but I didn't kill her. I didn't kill her, not the worst thing in the world.

I didn't look for her. Meanwhile, I'm pursuing the other girl who doesn't have a TV. So she has no idea what's going on in the world. And until finally one of her friends is like, the guy that's on the news is in your Christmas photo. To realize is putting your daughter to bed, right? Yeah. And so then they taped the phone calls and then as he's at the vigil on New Year's Eve

in Modesto for the missing wife who's pregnant with his child, he calls her and he's like, oh, I'm in Paris right now. The fireworks are going off. It's so beautiful. I can't wait for us to come here sometime. I can't believe this, Matt. He's unwell.

That's the answer. So anyway, he's unwell and he did it because in my opinion, because I, listen, I think not, he just said, but he of it. It is such a juicy case. It's like one of my favorite cases to revisit, because whenever somebody comes up

with another theory, there are some other good theories out there, like there were these two or three other pregnant women that went missing, and they were, I think they were Mexican and so it didn't get any press. And, but it was very close to their neighborhood and their street looked nice, but like two blocks away, it wasn't nice.

Did they find her body? Eventually they did find the body. Okay. Went up on the shore like nine months later. Because pardon me, it's like, okay, if it's pregnant women, wouldn't that not be too, get the babies? Right.

So, they were like, so the theory is she was kidnapped because they wanted the baby. Somebody wanted the baby or it was a statistician. It said what she said. She said, what do you call it? What's the last wish?

And she said, or like in a book. Right, or like we're gonna, we're gonna whatever sacrifice. I don't know, there could have been, we want to get the baby and sell it or we want to Do something sacrificial what okay, but Did they then something go wrong and she died or whatever and then they they put it out there

So it would look like he did it. They set it up or there was also a robbery across the street that day and because she's a little feisty thing, like my friend said, did she go, Hey, what the fuck are you guys doing seeing the robbery happening? And then they snatched her and smothered her whatever. And then did no one to do with her and then set her up and threw her out on the boat to make it look like it was him as he went fishing by himself that day. He did go fishing that day? Yes.

So they think he killed her that night. He put her in the boat. He went fishing. He dumped her in the boat, came home and then was like, oh my God, where did my wife go? But then there were people saying, I saw her walking that day. And other people saying, well, there's other pregnant women walking around. Maybe it wasn't her. That's true.

Wow, this is a lot. I don't know why I got so in, it's my favorite, one of my favorite crimes. Dane Cook got married. Yes. To know how you feel about that, Charmer. Long time, girlfriend. A loved of, yeah, he's 51, she's 24.

They met when she was 18. She just happened to just have turned 18. Yeah. When she went to his game nights. I don't think they were checking IDs at the door. Yeah. But they've been together and they got married in a place that was very significant to them because they spent so much time there in their relationship. And was that place just to why or whatever? Oh, I don't know. I don't know. I had to play ground or anything like that. Yeah.

And anyway, yet I had one age shift with him and he was kind of a dick. I don't think I've crossed paths. So when I was part of that, I was at the exact age when who's having the game rights? No, no, no. And I wasn't invited. No, when his album came out in college, I forget if it was harmful as well, then it was huge. And we're all listening to it.

So I will say, I'm having that memory in college. I mean, I didn't look up to the day and cook or anything like that, but I thought that was very funny. So that would have been another exposure to a stand-up comic, because that wasn't really. There's things about day and cook that I think are really interesting and cool. Like I remember he was like the first person

that used social media to gain an audience through my space and get people to come to shows. And he also was like, I'm just gonna run out this arena and I'm just gonna keep every ticket and just see what happens. Like he did some really innovative things. Well, we have business people on our line of work too. There's comedians and then there's like really great business people.

Oh yeah. Yeah. And always a crossover. Right, exactly. How are you coming up with it? And so then, um, and then he, you know, they kind of were trying to make him a movie start didn't happen. Then he had the brother that stole all his money, which I felt was really sad. Yeah, whenever that happened.

And listen, there is a big age difference here, whatever, hopefully they are happy. And yeah, and when he's 70 and she's whatever 30, they're gonna have a good, how many years is this? 25. I guess it's not that many. It's a significant gap. It could be a dad.

It's not even a team gap. 25 is a lot. The age thing is always, and everybody can attest to this when I say it. There can be great relationships with this much of an age difference. It really can be. But what I have found with my friends

that have married someone significantly older. 51 is a lot different than 68, you know? So like now, now in 17 years, she'll be in her mid for early mid 40s. That is really young, that is, you know, your fit, you look good, you can do anything. And now your spouse is a lot older. That's the only thing.

Like I definitely, I don't, I think you can have a fun connection at 24 and 51. I can't, and I think you could even, but I think that's where it gets hard. So if you're one of those women, and this is your choice, like make the most of it, but and have the best time,

but just be aware that like, yeah, it can be difficult. Yeah, I'm not a marriage person in general, because I can't, I mean, I can't imagine like making a decision for myself that would last potentially what is supposed to be a lifetime. Right, it's a lifetime. Yeah, so how do I picture this?

Or if I don't know, I mean, who are we to judge? Who are we to judge? No, but I mean, this is a significant gap. To me, like I've had male comics friends ask me, I'm dating this, you know, they're 40 and I'm dating this young girl. What do you think or something? How old is she? 26. I say, I think you're dating your emotional intelligence capacity. I think you're 26 in the head. That's what I think. Also, I remember a comic saying to me that, and I thought it was so funny, and he was like, oh, he's finally doing well,

but he's like my age. And he's like, and the car broker brings the car over, and the wife that he's been with for 25 years and they have a great marriage, was like, oh, cool, nice, good for you, you know? And he's like, now, if I had some like sugar baby 24-year-old and I'm like, hey, baby, coming over to pick you up in the Ferrari or whatever, she'd be like filming it.

Like this is what you get when you date a daddy who can tell a joke. And be all excited about it. And so I'm like, I get why sometimes guys want to date that girl that's going to be like, and it means nothing to him to buy her, you know, a $1,200 pair of shoes. That's nothing. But she's like, I'm in a way of the shoes and, and, you know, come over and screw you and do a TikTok about it. And, you know, this is my feminism and that's fine. But I can see why those relationships work.

Cause the guy is like, I just want someone to fucking, I just want my wife or girlfriend to be excited about what a fucking stud I am. And the woman that I got with since I was 25 who saw me struggle as a feature and did it and did it. And they see me be a dick sometimes. Isn't going to be as excited about the fact that I made it in this Ferrari. I know.

About my car in general. Right, exactly. Yeah, I see what you mean. There is like a, yes, and I have a day and sort of lack of access and means to get those things. So they're going to be impressed and thankful. And yeah, at least, I don't know, but then there's plenty of girls

for expect these things or, I don't know, I guess it depends on the person. But it is a huge age gap. Yes. I've only done nine years apart and that felt big. You were the younger or the older? I've done both ways. 26, I was dating a 34 year old

and it was a massive age gap it felt at the time. And that seems like nothing to me. Yeah. And then I dated a younger person who ultimately was very loving relationship. I think we really loved each other. But I just said we're in different places, you know.

And I think he often had to pretend to be more mature or grounded than he was. Did you ever date someone and that wasn't in the business and you brought them to a show and you either loved the reaction or you didn't love the reaction? Yes. I feel like Nick, who's tattooed on my back,

didn't love being around comics who were always on. Okay. Even though he's a very funny person, and this is early days for me. Yeah. I wanted him to come around and have fun and I'm not the comic who always needs to be on. Okay. Even though he's a very funny person, and this is early days for me. Yeah. I wanted him to come around and have fun, and I'm not the comic who always needs to be on, but I wanted him to come and be funny himself

and enjoy it and add to the conversation, but I think he was put off by what he interpreted as one upping each other. Yeah. So yeah, that was disappointing. But what about when you've been on stage, like, did you ever have like a great set or not a great set, and the reaction of your partner at the time was either positive or good for you? I can't think of anything like a strong reaction to that. Yeah.

An experience. I can think of several examples with different boyfriends where they're like, no, I wasn't as bad as you think. Or like, come on, you, you, you thinking you bombing is not bombing. Right. Like, come on, like sort of tough love me. That's nice. Yeah. It was nice. Yeah, it was kind of nice.

I think I'd rather honesty, but maybe that is his honesty. And I'm very hard on myself. I'm a perfectionist. So when I just remembered my dainty cook story, please. So I went to do the Tom Green show, hit like a talk show at the time. Odville? No, Tom Green. You don't like Drew Barrymore's ex-husband? Yeah, okay, the Tom Green show. And it was just to promote my special and showtime. This is 2014, it's a long time ago. And it was my first special. I don't have two. Anyway, that was being paid for,

but I also made no money off of it. So anyway, he was there, and at the time, he was doing a showtime special too, but they moved mine up because he needed more time to edit whatever. So then mine was gonna be, so we were both promoting it there

to doing two different shows or whatever. And I go, oh, I, you know, whatever I took your spot. Now you've got you took mine in October, but I have a special to you know, coming out. And I just remember he goes, you have a special on showtime. And I go, yeah, August, whatever it was. And he's like, God, they're just giving him to everyone now. That's so rude. And he wasn't joking. Well, of course he wasn't, because that's not funny. That's so rude. I see this is also it's sort of like, and I think I probably went, huh? I think,

yeah, yeah, that's a terribly rude thing to say. Yeah. I mean, it reminds me of the time when I was writing on crashing and they kept saying, like, do you want to be in it? I'm when I'm a writer on a show, I'm not the person constantly pushing myself for a role. I think that's annoying. Okay. I think when other people do it, it really bothers me.

However, I could probably take a page out of their book and be like, right. Maybe I would be good for this and actually put myself, well, I didn't. And I was like happy to be a part of it or something. But eventually I wrote on one and two and then I left to do something else. Right? I love you, America, for Sarah. Yeah. And end of season two is coming. I haven't been in anything.

And they're like, we want to get you in something. And then the finale of season two is the roast. So I was like, and I hate roasts. I'm not, it's not my vibe. Me neither. Yeah. So I said to me. I hate roasts. I'm not, it's not my vibe. Me neither. Yeah. So I said, it's like to me. I don't like it. It's to me and then you have to, and then they have to be mean to you. Yeah.

So, you know desire. And they said, that's kind of what it came down to. The only, it was like truly, we're down to the wire here. Yeah. Bath, do you want to be a judge in roast battle in this episode? And I was like, fine. I guess. I mean, I'm not going to, I wasn't mad, but I was also like reluctant. Okay. I'm not good at that, but okay. And also I'm not a famous person to judge roast battle. Okay. Well, I sit down and it was already laying. He was just one of the stars

of the show. Right. Jeff Ross in me. And Jeff is like, what are you doing here? Similarly to Dane. He was like, or like, why are you here? And I just said, they couldn't get Chelsea Handler. And then I didn't really talk to him the rest of the time. I'm like, what do you mean why am I here? I don't want to be here either. I think this whole thing that you do is stupid. It's like weird and mean. I, and we roast the ones we love. I'm like, no, you don't. You're thinking of chaotic, terrible, cruel things

to hurt someone. So you can see their reaction and see if they can bounce back quick enough to say something cruel to you. I've watched roasts that are just like, I want to say I was on the right set of history when I was horr the right side of history when I was horrified at the roast of Pamela Anderson.

I don't remember that one. I remember, because now everybody is like, stand for Pamela Anderson and then she, you know, but when I watched this years ago, and it was, she did it, and the comments were all about what a slut she was, vagina and everything and I remember watching this I mean like she has two sons like she's a mom like what this is awful How much did she have to how much did she get paid who would agree to do this like it's terrible

It was like and every thing whether it was Joan Rivers or whatever every woman That was being roasted and then every joke about any woman on the panel always had to do with their age their slutty nith and their circumference of their giant vagina. Yeah It's very unoriginal, but then someone could go yeah, and then everybody women got up there and talked about tiny penis Is whatever two things you can't really change if you're born with a tiny penis There's not a lot you can do except for plastic surgery if you're joined with it. And be really good at clandelingus. Yeah. Exactly.

So make that all of it. Get really good at that skill. Yeah. And everybody will love you and continue to want to see you. Get good with your mouth and hands if you have a tiny dick. Yeah, make the most of it. But also I will say of course, like for example, Natasha Lajero's performance on, I think it was the Bieber roast, is phenomenal.

So good. It's one of those funniest things I've ever seen. So, and when you were saying we don't love roasts or something, it's example, Natasha Lajero's performance on, I think was the Bieber roast is phenomenal. So good. It's one of those funniest things I've ever seen. So, and when you were saying we don't love roasts or something in the way that, and that seems unfair, right, because Bieber is a person too, but for whatever reason, those jokes that she wrote, like, this is why I'm not saying down with roasts, because sometimes they can obviously be very skillful. And I think, isn't that the key though? Yes.

That it is a famous person, because you can kind of pull these sort of bigger ideas, not like, Heather's mom killed herself after her dad. You know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, it's like, what the fuck? Why would you research the most traumatic event in my life, and then say into a microphone in front of, like I'm not a famous person.

Like if it's like Ariana, licked a donut, it's like, okay, look there's not like, and when your mom got AIDS and died and you were holding her hand, she was like, I don't even love you. And everyone's like, how is this funny to anybody? I'm just baffled sometimes by the cruelty of those like,

the, and that's what it was in that season was was No name comics roasting each other because that's what was battle is on a Tuesday night at the Comedy store right right yeah, I also think anytime Someone says as you enter a room or party whatever Beth What are you doing here? Like How did you get it? How did you get invited to this party with these people that shouldn't know who you are?

I just the rudest thing to say to anybody. I was just stuck with me. I'm like, there's just so many ways that you could not say that. Yeah. Hey, what's up? Even just pretending you don't know who I am. That's fun to you. Yeah.

But I hadn't met him plenty of times Any who yeah real Something else but I can't really well listen girl remember that let's talk about gross how they can Follow you watch you where your dates are tell it all October 30s Anytime after October 30 you can watch it on Netflix. That's right. It's called if you didn't want me then. And why did you name it that? It's one of the punchlines in the special. Oh, and I shot it in my hometown.

I love it. If you didn't want me then, I like it. You can find my dates at BethStelling.com. And I'm on all the social medias. And I am touring this fall, so I could be in a city near you. I love it. And I think that's it. I don't know.

Now that the strike is lifted, I feel like I could say the other things I do, but. Oh, okay. Do you want it? Do you hope to get on a show? Do you, yeah, you said you want to act or you only want to write or what? I've been lucky enough to kind of bounce around

and do it all. Yeah, I wrote on Strange Planet, which is an Apple show that's out right now and did a little voice on that. OK. And well, I was on Rutherford Falls, which was a great show. It was on Peacock, but in Hawaii has two seasons, and it's done.

Well, so I'd like to promote that. I'm sorry. It shouldn't be canceled. Let's bring it back. I'd like to promote that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm something. I know, I know, when people say that I'm like, I'm really happy if this is the best it gets, I'm pretty happy, but you're younger than I am, so do you have a goal?

Not that I'm old, but I just, you know, do you have it, when I was younger, I always wanted to be a mom and a sitcom. I don't want that anymore, I don't care. But that was one of the things that I would say, I'd imagine myself doing it some point, like getting an M. It is tough to say what you really want, because I imagine myself doing it some point, like getting an evidence. It is tough to say what you really want,

because I think sometimes I'll tamp down those things, because I don't, I want to temper my expectations for myself. No, that's the opposite of the secret and manifesting. You're supposed to say, I want it, I'm going to get it, and now I'm going to achieve it. See it? I want it. I got it. Where do I see myself in five years? No, it's weird. See it? Believe it. We'll achieve it.

See it? Believe it? Achieve it. Yeah, I think so. I guess it's gonna be cheesy, but it's like I just wanna keep making like good work. Yeah. I like putting out specials that are special, that I worked really hard on, that people can enjoy. Yes.

So I wanna do great work. I've written shows before, so I guess I would like to get one of the shows I've written made. Yeah. It'd be fun to star in it. It's not exactly the most important thing to me, but I think it could be fun. Yes. And I want to do this documentary called Stelling the Porn. And I'm just gonna see porn. You're gonna what I'm gonna sue porn. Why for damages to my Oh, and my relationships Wait, we would be like a mockument or yeah, okay, I think it would be fun. I think that is a fun idea

Mm-hmm and I don't know I got a little movie idea. I just got to write it Yeah, but I like how my career has been. I like writing on television. I love doing punch up on movies. And I get the tours of stand up. I guess it would be fun to have my tours be small theaters. Like I do like a smaller crowd. Like my dream is in arenas, to be honest with you. It's just not.

It's not my neither. It's not gonna happen. It's also not gonna happen. I've been working for people in them and that's a cool experience. It is. You love it. Open for Malaney. Like, I think it was last May or something or whatever that was.

And that's a really cool experience. Right. But I really like, I don't know. Maybe it's because I feel safer. But I like being small crowds amongst people. I don't even like high stages. Yeah. What about you?

Are your dreams? Well, it is nice to do. It shows in a theater. Yeah. Just to get this quieter and like there's less going on and there's less distraction. So as a performer, that is one choice. Yeah, I guess you could do it.

Well, sometimes you do too, yeah. That's true. But yeah, I mean, I'm happy, I always love it. Once I, it's the anticipation before like, oh my gosh, you know, a little bit of stress, it's old out, is this the, but what I'm actually doing it, and leading up to like the couple hours before, I get really excited in a good way,

and I feel very satisfied after. Yeah. And all of it, yeah, I love it. I'm grateful that we get to do this. Team. And then I'll be working on my charity, billboards for yeah female comics yes coming soon absolutely let me be first yes we need it soon we need we need a

angel investor for that right all right awesome well thank you Beth thanks for hiding you bye Bye.