Julian Dorey Podcast - 😎 [VIDEO] - Habits, Self-Doubt & Resetting Your Lows | Mark Moore • #122

Episode Date: October 21, 2022

(***TIMESTAMPS in Description Below) ~ Mark Moore is a self-development expert and Mixed Martial Arts Coach. 0:00 - Intro; The 2 Forms of Confidence; A worrisome pattern in Mark’s family history 12:00 - Mark’s experience with Wellbutrin; How Mark approaches his daily diet 28:06 - Habits; Solving your own problems 45:56 - Routines to form habits; What goes into producing the podcast every week 1:00:32 - Growth Mindset; Limiting Beliefs; Communicating with everyone close to you 1:18:22 - Mark discusses his dad’s suic1de; iPhone Culture 1:32:13 - The stresses of being a kid today; Comparison Culture; Money changes people 1:49:51 - The proper use of affirmations; The 3 Types of People Mark sees 1:59:13 - The 3 Things Mark wants to get out of everything he does; What makes marriages successful ~ Get $150 Off The Eight Sleep Pod Pro Mattress / Mattress Cover (USING CODE: “TRENDIFIER”): https://eight-sleep.ioym.net/trendifier Julian's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/julianddorey ~ Music via Artlist.io Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You look at people online and Instagram and you watch the videos and they're like, get off the couch, start doing burpees. They give you this gigantic like workout and it's like, bro, I've been sitting on the couch for two years. I don't know if I can do that workout. It's almost like you've got to dumb it down. You've got to make it easy. There was a guy, he talks about in the book, he didn't work out, but all he did was, all right, for the next week, I'm going to drive to the gym and drive home. Look at your website, see how everything's going. Literally, no lie, Julian.

They call me back and they go, listen, you don't need our help. Everything you're doing is perfect. I never heard that before. I swear to God, Joel. They said everything is organic. You're crushing it. Keep up the good work. And I was like, I don't realize what I'm doing.

I'm just being me. Right. But I got to say, you know, the touch on that. And the reason why is because growing up, 13, braces, glasses, pimples, couldn't play a sport to save my life. You know, I look in here, I'm looking at all the athletes. I'm like, oh, I hope he doesn't talk about sports. I hope he doesn't talk about the Eagles or the Phillies this week. But I do know they're winning. I know that much. But slowest kid learning in school. But the martial arts, it really impacted me. It changed my life. I finally

got that mentor that I was looking for. So it's like- When did you get into it yourself like how old i was 13. oh so right then yeah right down in there right down in there couldn't play a sport like i said um father was around wasn't around broken up fat household two older brothers that weren't setting a good example at that time so i was like man i just don't fit anywhere fit anywhere so going to the martial arts school it really, you know what's nice about it? Is that no one compares themselves to anyone else. Because when you step into a martial arts dojo, you're there for you.

You're not there to compete with the next person. Obviously, if you want to get into some competition, but the whole, the main realm of it is to step on that mat and become a better version of yourself. And when you start focusing on you and you get around people that believe in you, that's the big thing. I mean, I was sitting there one day, Julian, I was 14 or 15, I was an orange belt.

I sit in my instructor's office. What's the order again, just so I know? It kind of goes from light to dark. It goes white. Some styles are different, but generically, it's like white, yellow, orange, green, blue, brown, black. Got it. And the reason why is because in like the 60s or in the 50s or when people were studying martial arts, they just had a belt that tied their uniform together. But if you train for a long time, that white thing that you tied your belt together

got bloody it got dirty so the darker it got it kind of looked like that was more how long you were training for i never knew that yeah and how much progress you had and how many people you know you were working with and maybe fights that you were in so that's the the the lineage of like why white the black, it gets darker. All right. And then where was I saying before that? You were saying that you were talking about like there's no comparison there. And then you started talking about the belts.

Oh, so I'm sitting there with my instructor. I sit down and he's sitting in front of me and he's like, Mark, can I tell you something? And I'm sitting there, no lie. My shoulders are down like this. I like yes sensei he's like you're gonna make an unbelievable black belt one day and when he said that all sudden was like ah the light came on me and confidence comes one or two ways one you learn how to do something you learn how to fight now you got confidence to protect yourself you learn how to do something. You learn how to fight. Now you got confidence to protect yourself. You learn how to do a podcast.

Now you got confidence to do a podcast. So when you learn how to do something, you get confidence. But the second way is borrow belief. What was the first word? Borrow belief. Okay. Meaning borrowing someone else's belief. Here he is telling me he's the sensei.

He knows it all. And if he's telling me that, hey, I got to believe this. He must know something I don't know. So I'm going to follow that. So borrow belief. There are two ways that you can get confidence. It's like your mom telling you or your dad believing you. Like, JD, you got this, man.

Let's do this. It's like, I believe in you. It's like, wow. That happened for us with the main dojo when we bought it we had literally had an opportunity to open up the the new dojo where we are now and i told my mom i said mom there's this opportunity it's a half a million dollar building but in two years we have to lease it and buy it in two years and i was like we only have like 40 50 students students. And if we open this up, we have $700 in our bank account. I don't know if this is possible. And she looked at me and said, Mark,

your whole life you've been wanting to be a martial arts instructor and have your own dojo. And she said, you got this. And no lie, when she said that, I was like was like wow here i am 30 years old still need mom's advice but i had another friend it's funny she said mark you got this and i had another friend who looked at me male role model he's like don't be a pussy step up so it's almost like you have these two karen things right mom was like oh thanks i tell this guy he's like dude don't be a pussy step up right i love the fuck up and do it. I love that. You know what, though?

It's good to have because that's another form of the belief, like you're saying. So it's great to experience it in different ways because that also, that attracts like different parts of your brain. In one way, you feel like warm and happy. And in the other way, it's like, oh, yeah, fuck, let's get to work, baby. And having both of those meet together.'s perfect powerful yeah definitely and so back to like not advertising back to you saying it's it's authentic you know for me my grandfather died uh committed suicide and then a few years ago my dad dad committed suicide. Jesus. So for me- Sorry to hear that. Thank you.

But for me, it's the self-development. It's real. It's just like if I don't wake up every day, like I have the chemical imbalance of just like that bipolar. Like I had that. Never knew I had it until later on in life. But if it wasn't for the martial arts and the personal growth, like I live it.

Like I'm naive. So whatever I say to people, it's like, hey, it's't for the martial arts and the personal growth. Like, I live it. Like, I'm naive. So whatever I say to people, it's like, hey, it's work for me. I don't know all the answers, but this is what I have done. And people can see that. So that's why we don't have a sales script, because we really mean what we do. Do you, and if this is too personal, you don't want to go there, no problem. But with your dad and or your grandfather, one or both,

do you... Were there any specific reasons that you and your family knew of after they did it as to why? Or was it just... Not just, but like, was it... Truck Month is on

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and lows because back in the day, he didn't really understood the highs and the lows, what was bipolar. Now it's so popular. But I can speak for myself. And what I speak for myself is I was in sixth grade, and I used to go to the guidance counselor, and I would just cry. And she'd be like, what's wrong? I'd be like, I don't know what's wrong. There's nothing wrong. But I'm just crying.

Like, I don't know. And that happened throughout my life, sixth grade, seventh grade, eighth grade. I just thought I wasn't motivated i just thought like man it's like like get yourself together here like let's let's move forward but it it was short i'd feel a little sad and then all of a sudden i'd be good to go feel a little sad good to go which why i think I got addicted to the self-development. Because watching or listening or reading something motivational, it kicked my endorphins. It got me excited. 17, 18, highs and lows. Never looked at it until later on.

And what studies show is that as you get older in life, the lows become longer. Yeah. And it gets more challenging. Why is that? I don't know. I don't know. I should ask that the next time. I think it's – and this is just my guessing out there.

I'd love to hear people in the comments who know a lot about this kind of topic chime in. But I think it probably has something to do with like the combination of meaning and mortality right because the older you get the more you recognize that like death is a real thing it comes for everyone at some point you don't know when you actually appreciate that i guess as opposed to like when you're 10 you're not really thinking about that and then you're also you know once you get out of college and you get into the world, you're starting to find your place in it. And especially if that can take time or if you end up somewhere you don't want to be and perhaps you feel like that's the world's fault and not yours or a combination of both and you don't really know how to take control of that. At some point you may say like, oh, am I not really putting my worth in the world?

Like what am i what am i when i'm gone like will anyone remember anything i did that's that's important to people you know which is why i'm looking at your sign of simon cynic on the wall like your why like what your purpose or drives you you know no one has ever said his name he's the one guy no one has ever said his name earlier i'm pumped someone finally did see that fucking great i'll never forget i was talking to somebody about the phillies or i didn't know it was the phillies a couple years ago and they were going on and on about this guy howard howard howard i don't even know his last name now ryan howard yeah and they're going on and on i'm just like i was like what are you talking about because i don't do sports and then i was like well do you know tony robbins they're like no who's that and it's it's funny it's like people know more about the sports

but self-development's becoming a lot more popular because of like youtube and social media you can see it more but it is a very uncommon thing like it's it's okay to talk and complain and be negative i mean it's that's what that's what you see on TV. That's what sells, unfortunately. But to kind of sit around and talk goal setting, talk personal growth, talk self-awareness. I mean, it's getting easier to do it, but that's kind of weird.

It's corny. Like it's the self-help section. No one goes down that section in the library. You know why it's corny? I think because so many people jumped on that bandwagon on social media to create pages just about it without any, again, like I mentioned this point earlier with you, like you build everything you do off an actual expertise and getting tangible results through something that doesn't have the word self-development on it.

It's like, that is a byproduct of what you're doing. There are a lot of people out there who just create a page like, 10 ways to get yourself motivated today. And maybe if they're like a good speaker, they get on camera about it. And it's like cynically over time, if it doesn't work for people, and statistically it won't work for at least the majority of people, they'll be like well what the fuck does this guy know or what does she know what is she even talking about you

know what i mean so it's like to your point that's where the corniness or like the cringiness even comes in but when you look through these fucking feeds on phones and i can imagine you know for the kids it's got to be like this in a lot of ways you see more and more motivational tactics coming through and yet you it feels like you see less and less people doing anything about it other than watching the next video that comes up later that day right and being like oh yeah cool that made me feel good dose oxytocin now i'll keep doing the same thing and all the while i'm just sitting on this phone not doing anything about life you know 100 yep what i found was kind of going back to your question earlier about my dad and right learning and grow going through

it as i got older i think it was 38 and i just finally i was at a seminar thing thankfully going to a motivational seminar i mean it was a self-development not like a raw raw raw session but the guy said the strongest thing you can ever do is ask for help especially as a man the strongest thing you can ever do is ask for help now me i was never a believer in medicine and um in medicine in medicine like uh well just like oh you know you're depressed it's all love it's like no right right work out do this like let's go i mean i was a believer but i wasn't naive to it like it does help people but it's made it's made for some people yeah for sure yeah well i was always the self-development guy goal setting you don't have enough ambition.

Come on, Mark, you got this. Like, let's get fired up. You know, let's get excited about a goal. That's your problem. And when I tell you, Joel, the best marriage in the world I got, I got the best mom in the world. I'm living the life of my dreams.

I get to wear pajamas every day to work, right? It's like, it's amazing. I'm surrounded by great people. I get to teach positivity. So that's all I think is positivity and growth. I'm on the news. Like one of the top martial arts schools in the country. And I would just wake up the next day

and just be like, well, I just want to lay on the couch. And it's like the soul comes out of me and I'm not depressed. I'm not sad. It would, and this went on and on for years and it got worse and worse. And then here I am at the seminar. The guy said that I was like, man, I was like, but, but I don't want to take anything. I'm Mark Moore. I'm coach Mark. Like everyone looks at me as the go-to guy. Like, you know, you know the answers. And let me tell you something.

2019, no, 2018 was when I went on Welbutrin. They put me on a antidepressant. 2019 and on, best years of my life. Really? It's been absolutely amazing. It's still been a struggle. It's the first time I'm sharing this. Well, thank you.

Thanks for being open. You know, I figure, you know, I'm getting to the point now where it's like, have your message, you know, help others. But I'm also still kind of at that point of like,

you're Mark Moore, you know, it's like that mask, that imposter syndrome. It's just like, people see me as being this. But I think- Can you tell people what Wellbutrin is, who aren't familiar? Yeah, Wellbutrin is an antidepressant.

So it's like an all-in-one. It sometimes helps people with attention deficit disorder, bipolar, highs and lows. But there's so many out there. And I'm like, with my adhd it's like i'm just like listening to doc really quick i'm like just give it to me whatever i need to get out of this so i don't know too too much about it but what i do know is that you have to like anything else you take it and you kind of keep an eye on it you track it because for me even taking it like 2019 julian it was the best year.

I was like, wow. It's like, I know what happiness feels like. Before I used to fake it like, all right, I'm happy about this. And being the guy was just like, no drugs. It's like, and I did everything. I was in great shape. You know, because the doctors will ask you like, are you working out? Absolutely.

Of course. Are you setting goals? Yeah. Like, how's your financials? Amazing. How's your marriage? Out of this world. Like, do you get to help people? Like, I do everything that you should be doing and still, damn, just want to lay on the couch. So by taking the Wellbutrin, it kind of kicks you out of that mode. But did you feel like it changed? Like, I want to make sure I'm clear in how I ask that because I've never taken Wellbutrin or anything, so I can't know.

But like, do you feel like the same person with it? Just like a better, a more clear version of yourself? Or do you feel like, oh, oh no it made me like a different person yeah so i'll tell you two things one starting out in well butre and i took two tablets a day and that was like you know what it did for me it fulfilled me pull that in just sorry yeah it brought me to life almost it's like instead of forcing instead of like getting in the car and driving to work was like oh my goodness this is so challenging like the littlest things that you would just be like dude just do it like it's so challenging so it gave me that like oh like the

the mundane things were just super easy to do and i was excited longer periods instead of the highs and the lows. But then after a couple months, that wore off a little bit. I had to take more tablets. I got to a point where I was six tablets a day after a year. And then another thing that was a booster to that.

That put me in a downward spin. It was more like a horse tranquilizer. It was like for people like psychotic. That kind of made me feel different. That made me feel like, like just numb to the world. Yeah. Then I listened to Joe Rogan and Jordan Peterson.

And he was talking about the meat diet, the carnivore diet. And I was like, I love steak. I love chicken. I was like, maybe there's something here to this diet thing because Jordan Peterson was antidepressants and he doesn't take anything anymore

because of that diet. I was like, let me try this. And they did a whole year of fruits, vegetables and meat only and fish. Like basically I just don't eat any processed carbs when did you do this 2020 2021 or what year is it now 2022 probably mid 2020. okay so i feel like i feel like uh what's that step brothers dude i haven't had a carb in six months i haven't had a carb joel in two years and the reason why is is because going off of, it works for me.

So wait, you haven't had any carbs in two years? No. The only carbs I have is from fruits and vegetables. Now, I started that. And that pulled you off where the well-being was getting out of control. For one whole year, I did that. And you have to like taper off. I taper off all the medicine.

You didn't do any. Didn't do any. Holy shit. so i still stay with the diet no carbs no french fries or anything like that and people are like how do you do that and it's like tony robbins says how do you do it yeah you do things for two reasons either to gain pleasure or to avoid pain. So for me, the pain of being on the couch, not being excited about life, my wife basically cleaning my diaper and making sure everything's still going well, holding the dojo up afloat because I'm just not actively there in my mind, that pain is worse than not being able to eat fries so i'm avoiding that pain that's good and chasing the pleasure of of feeling good and feeling myself consistent but here's the thing though you're not just avoiding pain you're proactively preventing

it correct there's a huge difference with that because and it's not to say like i think sometimes we demonize in society how do i want to say it like we'll question anything where someone could do somewhere where it's like oh are you taking the easy way out on on anything and by the way most people take the fucking easy way out on everything so it's actually a fair thing to kind of have that attitude. But then you see someone like you who has always been moving, always doing something, always actually building. Like literally seeing the chart of life and through your business and what you do for other people go like this consistently. And yet you can still in your struggles looking to looking to solve some of those problems or get a kick you recognize when when things actually are masking other things it appears just based on your timeline here and you go and say well what how can I get to the core of that how can I what are some ways that I could do right now where I can write it down and say I'm going to do this and then this may happen like let's track it and you do that and like with food

i have been thinking about this more and more because i don't get to i don't really have the luxury of picking out what i eat i i eat well but i eat the same shit over and over because like i'm i'm in that period where i'm working all the fucking time going to eat is a job it's like get it done it's not enjoyment or whatever and i eat you know brown rice and like lean ground turkey and stuff but i literally have that every day that's not great so i've been starting to think now like as i come towards the end of this era where it's fucking 24 7 7 days a week and i can like invest in myself a little more i've gotten so aware of how much what you put in your mouth impacts every fucking thing about your day and it's not to say you have to eat everything perfectly or be as like insanely disciplined as you clearly are i'm not

saying people need to be like that but you know it's like The little things like do you eat the shitty granola bar or do you eat a quest bar? Right or something like that. You don't think anything of it. You know look at the nutritional Label to like get all micromanaging of your day, but like the difference between that 13 grams of sugar 200 calorie bar and the 250 calorie, you know, 20 grams of protein, pretty fucking solid Quest bar is monumental in what happens up here. Right. You know, and so for you, not having a carb, obviously, like, more excessive, and it seems like you like to challenge yourself. to have from having almost almost no toxins whatsoever just based on what a no carb diet

for example would have to take into account has to be insane yeah it's when you going back to like you saying having this or having that you got to ask yourself and by the way i mean for those that don't know jd is shredded i mean he jacked. I came in here training with mom. Did mom train you? Not really growing up. Not because she couldn't. She would have been great. It's just like that mom-son thing.

Yeah. Like, you don't want your mind. Did you play sports? I did, but I was average. I was really, I was very small. Like, I grew in height when I was a junior in high school. So I finally got some height, but I was a stilt. And then I started lifting weights when I was a junior in high school. So I finally got some height, but I was a still. And then I started lifting weights when I was 20.

And I got very by choice, happily addicted to that. Right. Good, good, good. I think it's like how you look at things. It's like, is this going to, like the question, the granola bar scenario, is this going to fuel me or clog me? It's like, what do I want to do right now? It's like, what does my day consist of? It's like you take out your planner or you look at your calendar, like, what do I need to get done today?

And you got to look at that as like your life is your field. Like one thing that we talk about the dojo is, yeah, you may not be a champion in baseball, but you can be a champion in life. Being a champion in life is like so much easier because you're just trying to be the best version of you in your arena. So your ring is your life. So it's like if you want to dominate life, it's like you want to train like an athlete. You want to eat like an athlete, like be an athlete of your life. Yeah, maybe you weren't a baseball player, but having energy for your kids, having energy to achieve the goals that you want to accomplish, like that stuff requires energy. And if you want to be able to do it well and do it for a longer period of time, you got to look at your meals.

You got to look at your food. Is this going to clog me or cleanse me? I want to be fueled. I want energy for the next 12 hours. How am I going to get that? So now you start looking at the food as a different perception of it. It's like, I'm eating to do well. I'm not eating. It's like what they say, eat to live instead of live to eat. And it's the small, but food's funky though. It's like everyone has their beliefs. It's

like politics, like carnivore diet or vegetarian. Yeah. It's very hard. And everyone's different. Everyone has like a different DNA. So what works for you may not work for someone else. There's different options to your point. Yeah. You ever hear of the book called Food Rules?

No. By Pollan, I think is the last name. Michael Pollan? Yeah. Really? I gotta check that out. Julie. I don't know that one simplest easiest book and he talks about

everyone can agree with these seven words so if you're sitting down and listening to this right now you do not need a nutritionist uh nutritionist or a seminar on nutrition eat food not too much, mostly greens. Eat food, not too much, mostly greens. Meaning eat real food. Yeah. Eat real food. Like you have to cook it. Not too much. Be like a samurai.

Samurais, they would say 80% full. Because a samurai, they didn't know when they would have to go to war. So they want to pig out. So be, don't overeat. Have the, you ever like look at a bowl of cereal and be like, actually look at the portion size of things? So they want to pig out. So B, don't overeat. You ever look at a bowl of cereal and be like, actually look at the portion size of things? Portion sizes of things?

Recently, a lot more. Or just, yeah, have it. It's like, man, when you put food on your plate, we put a lot on our plate. But if you actually have the portion size that it allocates, it's like not much at all. Like my wife, she was in a fitness competitor. She would step on stage and the meal she ate was like a little piece of chicken, a little bit of rice. And it's not eating a lot.

And the last thing was mostly greens. We can all agree that greens are good for you. You know, they fill you up. They come from the earth. Yeah. Apes eat it. Think about apes don't eat meat. Yeah, they don't for the most part unless they're like eating each other because they're pissed off

that's different but yeah you're right and in the food rules books every page is something simple if it comes through a window don't eat it think about it you're probably at mcdonald's it comes through a window don't eat it that can be applied to a lot of things though beyond just like the why what are you thinking the drive-through window because i'm like where my head actually went before you made it obvious on like the fast food reference was like if it comes through a window i i don't know why but i started thinking about like factories and stuff and like and like the processing part of food because that's another thing too like you're saying this without saying this right now yeah the little teeny tiny like microscopic ingredients that i can't even fucking pronounce them or say them

right now i'd have to read them on the thing that are in fucking everything that we buy at the food store you can't tell me it's not some global conspiracy or whatever like some people try to say but you can't tell me that any of that is in any way good for you or that some of the health afflictions that we have you know be it even things like the most common thing unfortunately which is like higher rates of cancer and stuff isn't coming from that of course it is it's gotta be well if a third grader can't pronounce it, don't eat it. It's in the book. That's a good one. If it's made in a plant, don't eat it.

If it comes from a plant, eat it. Back to your factory. If it's made in a plant, don't eat it. If it has more than three ingredients, don't eat it. And it's almost impossible purely these days, but if you can stick to the things that are closest to not being that i think you're probably in good shape yeah you know and live a healthy lifestyle like work out and stuff like that if you um i was listening to somebody

the other day and it made a lot of sense he's like you look at people online and instagram and you watch the videos and they're like, get off the couch, start doing burpees. They give you this gigantic like workout. And it's like, bro, I've been sitting on the couch for two years. I don't know if I can do that workout. Like it's almost like you got to dumb it down. You got to make it easy.

In the book, Atomic Habits, he talks about like, it doesn't have to be hard. Make it so easy there was a guy he talks about in the book who didn't work out but all he did was all right for the next week i'm gonna drive to the gym put my shoes on they say a marathon runner says the toughest part is putting on the shoes yeah put my shoes on drive to the gym and drive home. He never went in the gym, but for seven days, he just made it simple. He got in the habit of just driving to the gym. He literally would go in the gym the next week, go to a treadmill, turn it on, get off it and go back in his car. Because now you're starting to build that momentum. You're starting to feel that feeling

of success. Success breeds more success and bitching and moaning breeds more bitching and moaning. Do you believe in the concept that once you allow one thing to happen, it can all go downhill? Like the minute you give up ground on a habitual thing, like, I don't know why this is the example coming to mind, but like, maybe it is a good example, though. Like, in a workout, if you do, if you usually do five sets of 12, but today you're not quite feeling it and you do five sets of 10, tomorrow you might do eight. You see what I'm saying? Do you believe in that like like that gamification of like once you tell yourself that voice in your head says well you're a little tired you can do it now the threshold will drop and suddenly like oh well you were a little tired yeah a little more tired today

now you you know what you don't have to do it today you see like it goes like oh i see what you're saying yes yes yes well i guess it's i I remember Arnold Schwarzenegger reading an encyclopedia of bodybuilding back in the day. And he wrote in there, it's like, listen, even I, when I go to the gym, I don't feel like being there some days. He's like, but giving it 20% is better than not going at all. So I think it's your perception on how you're viewing things. And it's your talk, like you got to have good self-talk.

It's like self-awareness. There's a guy named John Maxwell. You ever hear of John Maxwell? It's a common name. Maybe, maybe not. Most leadership books ever written. Over 100 leadership books. Amazing pastor.

Really good. What he does is he talks to the business world in business language and leadership skills, but his whole goal was, you know, it's like sooner or later, it's just like you're going to find out, wow, he's really about faith and about a man of faith and church and things like that. So he's done a really good job with kind of separating the two but allowing you to kind of find your space and all that. You know, if you just want to do self-development

or if you are somebody, a person of faith, like the Bible and things like that. It's like he does both. And then he tries to blur the lines a little bit for people. Does a really good job with it. But my point is saying him in his book called 15 Inevitable Laws of Personal Growth. The first is self-awareness. Like you got to know who you are and where you are. So when you're having those bad days, I only did 12 today. I only did eight today. The first is self-awareness. Like you gotta know who you are and where you are.

So when you're having those bad days, oh, I only did 12 today, I only did eight today. It's just talking to yourself. Like you had bad days, you know, Julian, this is gonna happen. You know, tomorrow's a new day, hit the reset button. Three questions. Hey, you know, why did this happen?

What did I learn from it? And how can I make it better next time? Do you ever write stuff like that down? Yeah, I have a book called the Dally Dojo Planner. The Dally Dojo Planner. The Dally Dojo Planner. And the whole, I've been a success junkie ever since Don Palamucci, with Program for Results. And I've always loved goal setting books. and they're all great. There's so many

great ones out there. But for me, I was like, you know what, let me, I've been really good at like mixed martial arts. What makes mixed martial arts so great? You can, if it goes to the ground, you know how to wrestle. If it stays standing, you can box. If it's tight, if it's far away, you got Muay Thai. So it's your ability to put things together. And I've always enjoyed that because of my attention span. Like I used to always talk about how my instructor is rolling over and is great because I did martial arts traditional with him. And then I went on to the fitness world, did personal training. And then I became a wedding DJ.

So I got to know music. So now when you come to one of my classes and personal growth, it's all those things. It's like Bruce Lee meets Tony Robbins. The music's on. The energy's up. You have that. What do you like? What kind of music?

I mean, I like it all, but if I have to say, it's like I'm an EDM guy, hip hop. But I like it all. Only just not country. I'm so with you, bro. My man. My man. I respect good country i just i'm from new jersey i can't relate to it but yeah you like stuff that amps it up it sounds like a little bit

yeah but as i've gotten older and ever since cobra kai i know i'm really getting off traffic now track track sorry but 80s rock for some odd reason i was really never into it but now it's a different sound i'm enjoying the different sound of it it's a different 80s rock like the first things that come to mind are like the police and david bowie where they just did i'll fuck up some of the terminology musically there but there was just a more actually no no pun intended with David Bowie, but there was more of like an outer space sound to it. You know, it went from just like, you had the 60s, the earliest stuff, you know, like the Beatles come in with just like making you move. And then that developed into hardcore, like Rolling Stones, led zeppelin stuff and then something happened in the 80s where they just you know like you could even draw on like scarface and the music there that's not

rock but that whole like synth like almost like what is that what else is out there sound it fucking it's its own era man it's funny you say that because when i'm on when i have to do desk work which i hate i put on 80 synth away i go on youtube 80s synth synth what is it since i mean it's working with synths but there's more but there's better i like it's funny you say that i love that stuff yeah just background music there's no vocals but uh going back to dipping back, if I did 12 reps, eight reps, and being self-aware, back to the planner asking me, you know, it's like, is that what you tell yourself every day? It's like, in the planner, hey, what went well today? What didn't go well? How can you fix that?

And I learned from Brendan Burchard. I don't know if you've ever heard of him. He has a book called High Performance Habits. And I'm a – I've heard of that book actually, yes. And I got certified in his coaching program. And one of the coolest questions, this is great for if you have kids too,

or teenagers and for yourself as well. If I'm talking to a kid about a struggle they're going through, I'll simply ask them, hey, Bobby, if you had a friend that was getting bullied, what would you advise him to do? So now they're not looking at themselves as being the one being bullied. Now they're like, well, I would tell Bobby to do this, this, this, and this because we have the answers. It's within us. And by looking outside it and inward it's a lot easier to coach yourself so

hey what's your main struggle right now this week what was your main struggle I was eating bad you know I was going out on the weekends and drinking too much if you were coaching somebody how would you advise them to get through that struggle so now it's like you're looking at your challenge a little bit different and that's in the Dahlia dojo planner questions like that makes you go outside So now it's like you're looking at your challenge a little bit different. And that's in the Dahlia Dojo Planner. Questions like that. Makes you go outside of yourself.

Yeah, questions control the conversation. So the quality of the question, like Tony Robbins says, the quality of the answer. So if you're asking stupid questions like, why does this always happen to me? This sucks, woe is me. You're not gonna get good answers. Hey, what can I do to change this?

You know, what can I do to change this? You know, what can I do? You know, what would be a better route? You know, people that are successful and that have confidence on their way to success, they have many paths. Yeah. But if you're one person that's like, oh, this is the only way I'm going to be able to do it. I tried that one diet, never worked, so I can't lose weight. Wait, there's like 50,000 other diets. Keep finding different pathways. It'll give lose weight wait there's like 50 000 of the diets keep finding different pathways it'll give you hope because there's more more than one way to get there and it'll give you the confidence knowing that if this doesn't work i can do something else if you are trying to do an ask of somebody in life which by the way is is very important for

pretty much anything you're trying to be successful at you're gonna have to ask for things at some point like can i get together with this person to get an opportunity to talk with this person whatever it is it's to me the psychology is exactly what you're talking about right now because it's much better to ask a question that that leads to making the other person join you in solving the problem rather than asking a question that is that gives them the opportunity to say yes or no and i still will fuck this up all the time because it's sometimes it's like hard to think about well how could i ask this and not be weird but you know if you ask in an email hey can you meet on tuesday or would you be open to a conversation well they can just say no right but if you say how can we how can we make

it work when you're going to be in new york in january because i may know that so that we can get together i'll make i'll move i'll be able to move my schedule around what what can you do with that well now they have to they have to process like you instantly make them visualize the schedule in their head so they didn't visualize like the you i'm not doing this right so they're already trying to work on it and what you're talking about right here i love that like trying to say like well if it were your friend or your your kid or your parent or whatever and they were going through x and x is exactly what you're going through it makes you have to step outside 30 000 feet in the air and say well is now they're thinking about that person well that means that they would be doing this and now they need to do that.

And then suddenly it's like, oh, well, wait a second. I could do that. Now the battle just becomes not then talking yourself into the, well, but it's different for me. Right. You know, that is a struggle too. It's huge. It's huge.

It's like, man, that was such good advice. I should take it myself. Like when you give advice to somebody else, it's so good. You're like, bro, why don't you apply that to you? But I think it's hard. It's hard in a way that life is hard. I mean, I forget who said it, one of the big top philosophers, but life is struggle. But when you set goals and you have ambition, you can manufacture your hard.

It's going to be hard, Julian, to wake up late, not be motivated, not exercise. Surround yourself with negative people. Like, sooner or later, like, you're going to be like, all right, well, this is, like, the pandemic. All right, great. We're off for a week. Like, people were pumped for, like, that first week of off, not having to do anything. Yeah. But over time, you don't feel good about yourself.

Like, you're meant to do shit. With other people, too. Yeah. So that's hard being fat, sick and lazy and dumb, but it's also hard going after your dreams. It's hard trying to become a better version of yourself. So you literally get to say to yourself, well, what hard do I want to choose? One of them is going to give me a better outcome. The other ones, I'm just going to sit my own stuff and not improve. So it's like, you got to ask yourself, yeah, it's good to be hard. So every day it's, I don't want to say grind, but every day you just got to keep yourself in check. But it's like that, my mom and my buddy, Joe Coco, who called me the pussy.

It's like you got to have both. You got to have compassion for yourself, but you got to be tough on yourself. It's like, hey, bro, like back to I only could do eight today. So again, it's fulfillment in life. It's like art. It's like today I'm not feeling it. So what do I need to do? What's the best I can do today?

If typically I do 10, all right, Mark, it's like, you're not feeling your best today and that's okay. We have bad days, compassion. Tomorrow, it's stop being a pussy time. It's like, you got to step up your game. You got to keep yourself in check. So you're constantly going back and forth from those two to help guide yourself through the hard days in order to achieve the things you want to achieve.

It's funny because I'm listening to this and I'm a little bit – I'm definitely OCD with how I treat myself. So when I ask you a question about like the reps, for example, that is something I absolutely think about. I'm like, oh my god god if i don't do it today that means it's going to be worse tomorrow and i shouldn't reiterate that in my head i should look at it with more of a being able to say like day to day okay am i performing am i giving everything i have am i putting myself in the best position to do what the goal was today which in that case was to work out and have a good workout if If the answer is yes to those questions, you should be able to say, hey, my body's telling me like no on that thing today. And I just always struggle with that line. But

with what you're saying about having compassion for where you're at during the day, could part of that also be like you got to take an action afterwards in the sense that, let's just stick with that example. Let's say you feel like you only got 10 reps today when it's usually 12 or it was 12 yesterday that might be because you're tired as fuck or you or also a combination of you're not in the best mood so you may say okay well how did i get here i got here because i only slept four hours last night i got here because i ate like shit at lunch today i had i had regular pasta instead of like brown rice or something simple like that and so tomorrow what am i going to do to not feel this way well i'm gonna have brown rice instead

as my car well for you that wouldn't be relevant but for me that's relevant okay i'm also going to make sure that i'm in bed by x time tonight and i sleep for you know seven hours at least which i can measure on my eight sleep right there which use the link in the description and code trying to fire check out t-r-e-n-d-i-f-i-e-r 150 off you're on eight sleep pod pro cover today we got that in i have to do the ad now but you see what i'm saying like you can plan it out a little bit right and that actually can then make that quote-unquote compassion not be like and this how i think of it in my head like not be the the the cop out to try to justify what you're doing right now you know yeah well what what you did and what you're saying is you had the off day and now you're saying tomorrow you had the off day, and now you're saying tomorrow I got to dig deeper back into the – that's where people go wrong.

Like the more you don't feel like doing it, the deeper you got to fall into your structure, into your routine. And that's why most people don't do well with having those bad days because when they have the bad day, they're like, well, I guess I can't do this. I tried to stop drinking Monday night. Come Friday, I drank. I guess I can't do it. But the more of a routine you have, and if you know your routine, now you're able to see, whereas you, you have the routine. You're able to see where was I off? Where do I need to make the adjustments? But most people, they don't have a routine. They wake up and they go and they react to other people their whole day. This person has an emergency. Now it's my emergency. This is wrong over here. This person needs this, that person, and they're reacting. But when you wake up with a purpose, it's called the purpose spear.

It's like, if you wake up and you launch that spear, you're now focused on where that spear is. It went 50 yards. I see the spear. That's my goal. That's where I'm going. So you run to the spear. And what do you do when you get there? You pick it up and you launch it again.

So if you're focused on the purpose spear, if you're focused on what your goal is, you don't see the little potholes. And if you do hit one, you're like, ooh, that was a little, how do I correct that? Where was that? That was a little bit to the right. I got to make sure I don't hit the little potholes. And if you do hit one, you're like, ooh, that was a little, how do I correct that? Where was that? That was a little bit to the right. I got to make sure I don't hit that next time.

So if you know what your structure is, if you know what your week should look like, or what is a perfect day, like what's a masterpiece day? It's waking up at six. It's having my meal at this time. It's doing this at this time. Checking my emails this time. Taking the kids here at this time. If you know what a masterpiece day is, you now know how to take the temperature on it. It's like, today was an okay

day. I give myself a four out of one out of five. What will make it a five tomorrow? I got to make sure I don't hit the snooze button. Like, whereas you, you're able to do that. You know, I was a little off. I didn't have the brown rice where most people they don't have the structure to fall back on the routine or what was wrong yeah it's and it's kind of a it's a little bit of a paradox too because the point of a routine is to minimize your variability because variability is what leads to not making decisions and having too many decisions to make at the same time is where it kind of gets the opposite, but it makes sense. It's like you want to have your, ideally you'd love to have the day blocked out like hour by hour exactly what you're going to be doing because then it's like that list and you get to go down

and boom, I check it, boom, I check it. Boom, I check it. And it keeps you accountable. At the same time, that requires planning and reducing your ability to have to adjust to those potholes or whatever. So I can relate it to my life because this is what I got to see every day. But I think you can understand as someone who built a business where it was probably hell there for several years, you know, getting it off the ground and everything. So you get it. It's like, I don't have enough hours in the day. I work seven days a week. It's nonstop. And I find that recently my biggest struggle is just figuring out where to start with one of the 20 things I got to do that day. And so what happens is there's time that's wasted where I'm not wasting. I'm at the desk,

I'm doing something, but my head's here and then it goes there. And then I start this, but then I cut over to that. And, you know, like obviously I have ADD, but it's still like, even when you, you get yourself into something, you're thinking about the thing that you haven't gotten into. And it's like, oh, shit, if I don't accomplish that other thing by the end of today, today is a failure. But you know that like the thing you're also working on right now, if you don't accomplish that too, today is a failure. But it's not even possible to get to both of them and have them accomplished by the end of the day. You see what I'm saying? Absolutely.

Like that's happening in my brain all the time. Like what do you do about that it's like going back to like saying earlier like success is a science tony robbins will say but fulfillment is an art so again it's like your day is it's artwork it's like but you have to also know the book the one thing all right i have all these things i have to do but what's the most important thing that if i get this done it'll make everything else seem unnecessary so there's always that one important thing number two is your back your block time so i have 20 different things i have to do how do i i'm going i'm doing this and i'm like get to sidetracked i gotta go over here i feel you on the on the add because that's me too 50 minutes they say in the high performance book brendan brashard did a study of like the top ceos doctors all these great people that get stuff done 50 minutes is a good amount of time to block out, to sit down, get all in. So if you have 20 things, let's just say

you have 21 things, seven days a week, three of those things done each day, and you'll spend 50 minutes on those three most important things for the day. 50 minutes, block time, no distractions, no cell phone. And at the end of the 50 minutes, get up, move around, get some water, shake it out. You need to recover. And I'll tell you why that's important in a second. And then your next block time. So it's like finding the most important thing, then blocking out some key times, but also making sure that you're recovering. Because back to the structure structure a race car goes around and around and around and around it stops at the pit stop not because there's something wrong

to prevent from something going wrong so you you're like boom boom 50 minutes it's a good amount of time 10 minute break pit stop zip zip zip, looking at my day, where is this? I'm a little off with this right now. All right, I'll catch that up later on when I'm at the, when I'm taking my car for an oil change. I'll do those things at that time. So you're almost trying to chunk things together. You're being smart. You're constantly looking at your to-do list. All right, I got this done. That was great. Actually, I got so much done in this 50 minutes, it took care of the thing that I have to do on Wednesday. That's now done. I don't have to do that on Wednesday. So you're like strategizing. You're taking breaks. You're looking

at it. You're seeing what's most important. It's just having that art, that finesse as you're going. You got to be flexible because if you set yourself up, it's like, all right, I do this, this, this, and this. One of them doesn't go well. Now you're like, oh, I knew it. Shit. You feel like the whole thing came out. Yeah, like I didn't do well. I'm upset with myself. Be flexible. Be like water, Bruce Lee says.

Like water. Yeah. And I think a lot of it, and you can probably tell by the way I explain it or thinking about your own experiences too, where you had to get some shit in line like you were saying earlier it's like you say it out loud and then you realize you're creating a lot of these things on your own because you have some sort of fear like some sort of anxiety about something that hasn't happened which could be in this case like if i don't get this thing done then this will happen and that means that

this will happen and that's all bad and you get so worked up about that anticipation that then you start sweating and then you're like well what about this thing over here when in reality if i could like this is me trying to solve my problem right now like you were talking about it's like if i could just say like all all right, is the work quality? Am I focused when I'm doing it? Am I maximizing the time that I actually am setting aside to do this? And at the end of that, at the end of the day with all these things put together, have I made at least some time for myself to the point that I can go to bed charged for the next day. Like, I feel like if I could get, I guess that's like maybe three things right there. If I could get that done,

then it wouldn't, the focus on what's going right or wrong here wouldn't be so much on the, did I get all these things actually done together throughout the week so that I can move to the next week and start the new things versus did I do quality work, take care of myself and actually feel accomplished. You know what I mean? Basics are the most important part of anything. When a fighter goes back to the corner and he's exhausted. The trainer doesn't give him this specific outline thing.

The guy's dropping his right hand. When he does that, he turns his shoulders. He goes, what does he say first? Breathe. And he mimics him. He does it for him. Breathe. How do you feel?

You look great out there. He's motivating him. It's basic. How how was your day what did you do well what are you proud of yourself about what could get better tomorrow you know you you can't be like there's nothing wrong because there are things that have to get better yes but if i was to ask you well one there's always something that you got to do like you could always be doing more right but it's like what it's reminding you why you're doing it you're why like simon's sank on the wall it's like what do you feel proud of yourself that you built today because obviously being a podcast person you're probably like i gotta i gotta create shit you're a creator

and that's the cool thing about being a creator like people that hate are not doing anything yeah and they're judging everyone else when you create it's like life is awesome like that's a growth mindset you every day you're progressing if i was to ask you because it's probably like a thumbnail it's like i want to dial up my thumbnails better but if you just did the thumbnail that's done but yes it's like wanting to do better and that's where you kind of get caught up probably sometimes when I want to do more you just nailed one you know so what are like the key things that you have to do for the podcast you're asking me right now yeah I gotta put on your basics you're like I gotta I gotta have a guest scheduled every week I gotta put out an episode I gotta have a guest scheduled every week

I gotta put out an episode that's edited correctly and with all the details done correctly down to the branding on it and the correct cutting of camera angles to a tee I gotta have that out every week and then I have to create

I have to create content from that in smaller snippets to be able to get out so that people can have my show in front of their face as much as I can at quality right so a way a way that that actually recently might be getting a little better solved for me is like with my marketing content that was the thing I was able to make a difference on meaning like There's so many fucking podcasts out there I was like you have to find the one like can you find one thing about a podcast? I know what it is that like you can be the best in the world at and I realized holy shit

for all the amazing creators online in podcasting people aren't really producing good short marketing content there's like none i'm like the bar is so low i could be the best of this because i'll spend the time no one else will and i do and like frankly yes on youtube my numbers are like the best on views per video for podcasts feel like I earned that. But it comes at the cost of they take 15 to 20 hours a piece to do. So what can I not do? I can't put out one every day.

And so then this one kid I know, fucking guy starts a fan page on September 1st. And his job in that case is just like he downloads the full episode off YouTube and then just takes the clips that are noteworthy, puts a little music on them and puts it out. He doesn't have that brand that I have where it's like I got to create all this stuff that takes so long. He can put out more. So now he's putting things out in front of people. So the most important thing on the back end was that third part which is how do i get bits and pieces of this very long podcast in front of people that entices them to watch more and i do feel like to give myself a little credit and really actually to give alessio's running that page doing an

amazing job some some serious credit is that we now have bridged that gap a little bit such that i know that if i'm focusing on the episode and the quality and spending all this goddamn time on intros now, which I do at the beginning of episodes, or also then creating some of that high quality short content, like there's still stuff happening that is driving some awareness to the podcast. So that's like, I haven't, now that you made me say that out loud, I haven't really given the show itself credit for that. But it's also, it points out the fact that someone's given me some help for the first time. I've never had that.

I've done every single thing. He launched that September 1st, from September 15th, 2020, when I launched the show. And before that, when I was building it, until then, no one had ever touched a single thing on this podcast. And now there's a kid doing a fan page. Like that's progress. You know what I mean? That's what successful people do. It's the delegation.

It's like, all right, what is my main thing I'm good at? That's booking the person, getting them in here, doing the videos. I mean, is this the same setup every time? Oh yeah. Okay. When you were saying, you were saying i had to correct do you have to do the setup is that what you meant by this when the camera angles i got to make sure

this is good anyway like what do you mean by that yeah i'm i'm referring more to the the i know what you're saying i'm referring to the post edit because what i do is i have to take like camera camera camera mic mic, mic. I do two mics. I have a backup as well in case like actually for a second, the mic here went out for about 15 seconds early on in the podcast. But I have the audio right there. So I'll plug that 15 seconds in. So I have to then, after we're done, put all this together, line them all up, get it so that the mouth is moving at the same as the audio for the

entire time we're talking which means you have to self-adjust that and then i go in on the multi camera afterwards and i have it set up and i got a click from angle to angle based on who's talking or who's reacting to something that's what i'm getting at do you have that in your schedule where it's like all right on mondays i do this on tuesdays i do this or you're kind of like you go off a feel i have to do it off a feel unfortunately because i record any day that the person can okay so it's not like i record on fridays well if fridays aren't good for some people i'm going after i won't be able to record with them right i've recorded on every day in the history of this podcast i've recorded on every day of the week multiple times across i've recorded on every day of the week

multiple times across it even if i have more favorite days that ended up working out you know be it a thursday or friday sometimes i've recorded a lot of mondays a lot of tuesdays sundays saturdays i've recorded as early as 9 a.m in the morning though like today we're doing 10 45 a.m that is the absolute earliest i will ever do right it worked actually because i planned it ahead of time like i'm gonna go to bed earlier the night before so i felt good today but i usually like to record 12 p.m or later but i have started a recording at 11 30 at night with someone right so i can't say like wednesday is when i will edit the episode it's like well how long was it when did we do it you know that's one thing

that does suck right now because i'm not in a position yet where i can set that when i'm when i'm huge and i can get whoever the fuck i want in here and stuff and i'm not doing that part i really don't have to worry about that as much but right now it's a really good point you make it's like that does make my battle of like the routine more challenging and there's got to be other ways i can make so you've always been picky about your produce but now you find yourself checking every label to make sure it's canadian so be it at sobeys we always pick guaranteed fresh canadian produce first restrictions apply see in store or online for details.

It won't take long to tell you Neutral's ingredients. Vodka, soda, natural flavors. So, what should we talk about? No sugar added? Neutral. Refreshingly simple. I pick up for that in some of the other things I do. So it's like, okay, well I know I'm going to have to edit one episode a week.

What if I can make sure I got the actual edit and everything done in a day then i could know that the other five six days hopefully eventually i'm not doing seven days a week you know i can schedule out well here's exactly when i'm building my shorts and here's what parts of the shorts i'm building and then it's like you feel like there's more of a light at the end of the tunnel as opposed to the it'll be done when it's like you feel like there's more of a light at the end of the tunnel as opposed to the it'll be done when it's done you know yeah well you're doing an amazing job because uh brennan bouchard calls it the cram principle you've heard have you ever heard of growth mindset i've heard of it yes all right so for the listeners there's a uh carol dck. She has a book called Growth Mindset. Psychiatrist, amazing lady, super educated. Fixed mindset, growth mindset.

Fixed mindset is, oh man, my family's short. They're not athletic. I'll never be a good athlete, never be a good ball player. Like really just putting limits on yourself because of life's happenings. Oh, I failed the math test. I'm not good at math. I told myself this my whole life. It's like, you're not smart enough to write a book. You're not smart enough to do the Dali Dojo planner. It's like, you're not smart enough to get up and speak.

And it wasn't until I was like 28, I went to a Tony Robbins seminar and you had to write on something and throw it in the fire. Like what were some of your limiting beliefs? And I wrote on there, not smart enough. I threw it in the fire. And I listened to Grant Cardone one day because he talks about writing his books. And a couple of his buddies were like, oh, you know, you missed a comma here. You missed a period here. And he turned around. He's like, where's your book?

And I was like, damn. Because guess what? The people that are creating stuff that are doing well, they're going to cheer you on. It's the haters. I was like, but again, organically, I'm writing the book for me. So I have two books. One's called 10 Feet Tall and Bullyproof for Kids. It's my own little self-published book at the dojo.

And then the Dally Dojo Planner, that's online on Amazon. So going back to that's the growth mindset. It's like, wow, I could be better. And cram is exactly what you're doing. Curiosity, or some people like, everyone's like, I have a growth mindset, Mark. Yeah, I have a growth mindset. No one wants to say I have a fixed mindset, right?

You know, it's like, most people haven't, you upgrade phones, but they rarely upgrade themselves. What I was doing, I was letting, Julia, I was letting a 13-year-old kid who was bad at reading still decide that he's not smart enough at 30 years old. I never upgrade it. Like, that's insane. How do you know if you have a growth mindset? You're progressing. In your life right now, you have progress. Now, a lot of people can't say they do. You, you got progress.

Right. And the way you get a growth mindset and have progress in your life is C in CRAM, stands for curiosity. You're curious. How do I get a better podcast? How do I blow this up? What are people not doing? Like, you're doing it. Responsibility. Hey, this is up to me. No one's going to do this for me. I'm the hero of this story. I'm not the villain. I you're doing it. Responsibility. Hey, this is up to me. No one's going to do this for me. I'm the hero of this story. I'm not the villain. I'm not the victim. I'm not going to blame other people. Oh, podcast. It's just too hard. Everyone's doing it. You're like, shit, I'm going to do this and make this happen. You have that tough love for yourself. A is ambition.

What am I excited about? I want to have the, you know what, the future, I want to be able to have a person on Monday on my schedule because the podcast is that good. I want to have a studio in New York, like you got fire. And then the last one, M, is mastery. Now I know who I am, I know what I like, I know how I'm growing. Let me dive deeper into this. Let me make this better. So it's just the questions you got to ask yourself.

It's like, I have so much to do. Who could I delegate to? Hey, right now I'm rocking and rolling at this podcast thing. I built something so amazingly, so organic. Maybe there's someone I can take on underneath my wing and show them a little bit, but they're doing some of the video editing for me. So it's just setting your team up and strategizing and being aware each and every week, what's working, what's not working, how do I make it better? And I'm looking forward to that too. Like that actually is not an issue at all.

My thing is that I need to be able to pay them and I need to be able to pay them pretty well. And when it comes to editing the product, I can't have someone remote. They gotta be here with me. It's just, it's how it is because the one thing I had to make sure of right away product i can't have someone remote they got to be here with me it's just it's how it is because the one thing i had to make sure of right away is is i'm like when i start this i'm like you know

all right you're dumb enough to start a podcast leave everything behind there's there's that's never been done before right there's a million four million of them out there so if you're gonna do that everything that is in your control, everything that's in your control, because a lot of it's not in your control, growing the audience, people deciding to listen to it. That's like you put yourself in the best position, but it's not in your control. You're not clicking the button for giving you a shot, you need to do it and you need to do it right. So the production of this thing and the detail I put into it, it has been that way since day one. Some things I get better at. Some things I go over time, I'm like, you know what? That was overdone. I don't need to do that. That actually makes the product worse doing it that way. So let's try it this way, right? So there's things that change, but you know, when you, you get what you pay for and you get what people feel like they're a part of and To me anyone that works with me needs to feel like they they own this as much as possible Like no one's ever gonna care as much as I do because it's mine

Just like no one's ever gonna care about your dojo as much as you because it's yours, right? I recognize that but how can I make someone? Be a part of this and feel like it's fucking theirs? And they give such a shit about it to the point that I'm never going to find someone who cares that much. You know, that's my battle. And so I'm trying to get to that point slowly. But, you know, the fastest I can – it's going slowly. But the fastest I can to be able to say like, all right, now I got my guy in here with me.

We can divide and conquer you know i'll need 90 days to sit with that person and it's it's going to be that kid alessi like he's awesome and he's he's waiting to move up here right and he's trying to move the clock himself by working on content now which is really cool but i'm like i'm gonna need the first 90 days of hell for him to just know every detail and just get it through his head and then say all right now this now this is yours do as you wish and by the way if you find a better way with shit do it you know what i mean so you're a thousand percent right about that but if there is if there's something that i've definitely struggled with my whole life that i'm trying to get better at, and it's, you're not, you're not saying it right now, but you said it earlier and it does tie into all this. It's like, you do have to be willing to ask for help,

right? Like I've been the guy the whole time when I have to say the line, like, please subscribe, you know, make sure you do this. I knew early on, you have to say that. So I do, but like, even that I'm like, just like, if they want to do it, let them do it. You know what I mean? But you've got to be able to do that. And that's a really simple one. But then when you're talking about making the thing go forward or getting money behind this thing or something like that, I could improve in that department for sure. Because I've always just been like, I've got to be great.

So it will just have to be great so it'll just have to be great and then and then it'll take care of itself and that's true but like if you can find your way into the right opportunity with people like you do have to take it you know yeah i forget who said it was understanding your strengths like a lot of times, if you're, say, a three at something in this podcast world, like something that you struggle with, but you have to do it anyway, you have to do it because you're the only one doing it.

If you're at a level three, and if you really work hard at it, you can probably move up like two steps, like really hammer down. Now you're at five. You're still average, you know, and hate doing it doing it by the way because it's not one of your strengths but if your strength is talking on the podcast creating the content finding the interviews that's like an eight it's just you love it

comes so natural to you you improve that you'll be at a 10. Right. So it's almost like someone else who's better than me at this area that I suck at, they may be doing at a level six compared to someone else's guy that does the same thing. But that level six that they're good at, but once they learn a couple of things, they'll be an eight, but that six is way better than my five. So it's just, it's taking the inventory. Where am I at? I need a guy, 90 days. How do I make that happen? How? Sit down, tap your pencil. You'll come up with it. You'll figure out a way. 90 days. Dude, I'm going to pay you for 90 days. Or how about this? Like Gary Vaynerchuk says, it's like, tell somebody, listen, I'll work for you for 90 days. Don't give me anything.

At the end of 90 days, you love me, I'll rock. But at the end of 90 days, I learned something, I'll go somewhere else with it. So it's many ways again. And you have to find the people that have like, you know, not a lot of people. This isn't to be like self bragging. It actually could be the opposite maybe I'm a idiot but not a lot of people would would work hard for four or five years at the thing that they came out of college doing or whatever and finally make no money and they get to the point

where they get a huge offer and they're gonna have money and say you know what I I can't do this like I don't like this I need to do something else and start from zero. And that's what I did. I finally got to the point where it's like I'm not the biggest car guy or whatever, but I could buy the best car I want in five minutes just by signing my name right there. And by the way, I've worked my ass off to get here. I've earned this. And my boss recognized that and was nice enough to say, all right, here we go. And yet I'm like like but this isn't

gonna make me happy so you have to find like i put my no pun intended i put my money where my mouth is with that stuff so how do i find people who are like that like i think i've found a kid who absolutely is like that it's harder than you think. Yeah, you know people are I Remind myself all the time. I have only ever lived in my head You know, I can read other people's actions and the way they communicate and stuff like that and get some idea of some things But you don't know what goes on and someone else's head You don't know what what they're really wired for shit My wiring probably changed 12 times throughout my life

as to like what motivates me you know it's it's always changing but it's like how can i find people that don't have to be wired the same way but have the same perhaps priorities of how they want to feel in life and how they want to get there to do that and in this case it's like be a part of something that they believe in work that they enjoy doing so it's not like you know you always have some work with something even if you love it it's what it is but like you know they look forward to doing it every day you know if i can get that here with me like that's enough they don't even have to be like the owner and care as much as me they just got to be like motivated like that you see what i'm saying well like attracts like yeah so i think you'll find somebody like you yeah and then the other thing is the way you want to be self-aware

for yourself and ask the questions it's the same thing with your team like hey what's your what are you fired up about what is what motivates you what do you need right now so it's constantly checking in with your team to be able to be a little bit ahead of them i need more money right now. So it's constantly checking in with your team to be able to be a little bit ahead of them. I need more money right now. All right, let's figure out some ways in my... You know what? I'm just passionate about this. I want to learn how to do this part of the business. Well, let me show you that. So it's like different folks, different strokes. Everyone's different and just trying to figure that out by... It's tough being a leader. It is not being a boss, being a leader, being the person that's running it

all. But the best thing you can ever do is just simply lead by example i mean people are going to see your work ethic you don't have to tell them they're going to know that you're putting in they're going to see it right and they know who you are your character i mean you've been doing it for a long time so you got your track record and it's just figuring out you know creating your own little culture within the podcast world that you have here yeah how do you you know you have a lot of different people working with you over there it's like how do you constantly stay on top from like a communication standpoint to accomplish what you were just talking about understand what's important to people at the time not just in the job but like in their life and how that impacts what they're doing with you and also like their happiness, like that's stuff you clearly

care about. What do you, do you have like a system per se where you check in with people or is it more just like a feel? Yeah, I've gotten better over the years. Right now we have a system every night before the night starts. We kind of have like a quick half hour staff training but on thursdays we have book club and on tuesdays we talk about instructor training like just how to make yourself a better instructor um but for me what's nice about me it's like i get to see these kids grow up they're like 12 years old and they're white belt and they're all done it's like now they're 17 in a black belt. I got to know them. I know their character. Obviously, if you make it the black belt, you love the culture. You love being here. So I have a pretty cool career path in a sense. I get to know who these people are. I'm not just

hiring someone off the street and hoping that they're going to be a right fit. I know them. I like them. I trust them. I like them. I trust them. I respect them. The only hurdle is getting people to see martial arts as like a career. You know, it's still one of those things that's just like, wait, what do you want to do? I mean, I married up. You know, my wife, her parents, teacher, lawyer, really great family.

And I had a great family, you know. But we were high school sweethearts so here we are 11th grade 12th grade and it's just like mark what do you want to do her family it's like i want to have a karate school it's like i got two older brothers you know not doing the right thing no dad around and you know mom's working three jobs cleaning toilets to make ends meet and it's just like all, all right, you know? Like any parent would. I'd be a little skeptical, like, yo, this guy you want to spend the rest of your life with, possibly wants to teach karate.

But now it's become quite the career for a lot of people. It's with mixed martial arts and people seeing, especially self-development, you know, martial arts is great, but it's getting them to see it as a career and doing better at that and for the ones that don't want that though but that love the the consistent teacher that a hobby like this is you know even for them like a place of competition like this is. I got to think that that's still,

when you're talking about life with those people that maybe aren't going to do this. Because again, like when you're talking about career with this, as far as I know, there's three main ways that can go. You can be a professional fighter, which is the hardest one to get to because it's like 0.0001%. You could be somebody who owns and teaches a gym like you, which also you better be dedicated like you were to build it over many years and get to the point where now you're in that top percentage and actually doing well and making good money with it. Or you could be someone who who I don't even remember what

the third one was either way it's a limited selection so the people who maybe have another ambition or something like that it's like you can still I would imagine and talk with them you can still use the thing you guys have in common which in this case is training and the martial arts and all the thinking and processing that goes into that along with the physical endurance to be able to relate that to the lessons within their life and and what they want to do because if they got good at martial arts that means they have some sort of baseline of discipline of being able to focus on something being able to set goals and improve and so so therefore, if they want to be an accountant or an actor, whatever it is, or everything in between, it's like,

well, now you can work on just applying what you did here to that. It's the coolest phone calls I get. Coach Mark, how are you? I'm like, yo, what's going on? It's like, I can't believe it. This is going great in my life, and it's all the things that you taught. Like no one ever comes back to me, Julian. It's just like, dude, that jab, cross hook, reverse knee combo you taught me back in the day. Sick. Used it yesterday. Like hopefully

nine times, like I've never, only fight I've ever been, it was my older brother. It's like, hopefully you never have to use it. And most people don't use it. So why else are you training? And it's always the messages. Your attitude is your altitude. You know, every day in every way I get better and better. It's like good, better, best.

Never let it rest until you're good is better and you're better is best. Like it's all these things that they constantly hear at the dojo. Whereas I get Toby, he's a cop in Virginia I think, called me a couple months ago, probably last year, crying. He was just like, you don't understand. I got shot on the job. And all that

went through my mind was the training at the dojo. Be quick, take off. Don't be first. Don't be last. Gotta move. Let's go. Your attitude determines your altitude. I'm sitting in the bed feeling depressed and sorry for myself, thinking about how you always say your attitude determines your altitude. Sitting in the bed, having a positive mindset. Perception is the only thing that can change my reality.

Finding the meaning why I'm sitting in this bed and using it to fuel me. So it's like that is what the students get. And they take, like you said, and apply it to everything else when they move on in life. It's so cool. So it's the psychology of their life. Yeah, yeah. It's the baseline of it.

And that's why I'm trying to dig deeper into the whole self-development thing and just making it fun and making it something that people want to enjoy hearing and doing more of. When did your dad pass away? That was five years ago. Oh, so that wasn't that long ago. Yeah, it was weird. I hadn't talked to him for like, I don't know, 15 years.

I didn't know where he was. And then I get a call. And it was just like, your father's in the hospital. And he's on his deathbed or whatever. And it's just like, I walked into the the hospital and he's on his deathbed or whatever. And it's just like, I walked into the room. And you know what? It's funny. Thanks to self-development.

It's like, I had a great dad. I actually had a good relationship with him growing up. He just had demons. You know, he had a stepfather that beat him. He ran away at the age of 14 with a carnival. And it's just like, he was a roadie. He was literally a roadie, you know, and he worked up. He did a lot.

He provided for his family. You see that later on. Why hadn't you talked with him for so long? Just the mental, it just wasn't a good person to be around. He didn't add value to my life. Instead, it was kind of stole the joy a little bit. And I was, what's good to know is Tony Robbins said that in one of his documentaries, it's like, if you're going to blame somebody for the bad that they caused, blame them also

for the good that they caused. Like for me, like, unfortunately, it's like my dad was a yeller. He broke things and stuff like that. It's just like, I never raised my voice to my wife. It's like, I never, like, I don't drink. I don't do anything like that. My dad was the alcoholic later on in life. And, but I was understanding of that. Like, hey, listen, he had a hard life. He did the best he can. Because as you get older, you start to

see like, man, the mindset is like crazy and the world's nuts. And as you grow more, it's just like it beats you down a little bit. So I understand where he was and why he was, but at the same time, it's okay that I didn't surround myself with it. So I get the call, and I walk into the hospital room, and when I walk in, I was like, that's not my dad. It was weird, this long hair, and he's laying there, and I look just like him. And what's crazy for me, Julian, I'm sitting there,

I'm looking at him in the bed, he's like passed out. He had a wet brain from drinking so much. I don't know if you ever hear of that, wet brain. It's almost like you're a wet noodle. Alcohol is the only thing that you can't cut. You just can't stop cold turkey. You'll actually die. Did you ever hear of that?

I think it's alcohol and i think the other ones like opiates right those are the two you can't go cold turkey we're definitely missing some but there are a lot of drugs that you could it's not it's always nasty apparently but yeah alcohol you can literally you can die yeah and so i when i went in room, I saw him and I was like, wow. It was almost like saying earlier to you on this podcast about like, you do things to avoid pain or you do things to gain pleasure. I looked at him, I was like, Mark, that's what you could look like at your worst. It was almost like I saw my future if I continue to go down a path of trying to do this on my own and not have in the well-being.

Or that's your future if you don't stay hardcore on your habits, your personal growth, your positive mindset. Constantly keep doing what you should be doing to make your life better. So it was wild. So he was in the hospital. And he had tried to commit suicide via like alcohol with pills or something yeah but supposedly it was kind of weird ending I don't quite understand but he swallowed his necklace he had a gold necklace on that's a cross and it was almost like I want to be out of here I don't want to be in here and he they said suicide was the cause of death yeah and his dad that his stepdad his real dad

hung himself yeah so it's crazy mental health it is it is a thing i remember i was just like ah you don't need my my uh my wife anxiety runs in the family so some of them are on zoloft i was like you don't need that you know just take just take deep breaths, go for a walk. That's always my belief. And it still is my belief because I think a lot of times people are just like, I'm depressed. Are you working out? No. Are you setting any goals?

No. Are you surrounding yourself with good people? No. All right, well, here's medicine. It's like, jump through the hoops first yes before you take on the pills well i think the other and this is this has been like it's come up on the side today without us really talking about it but the other 500 pound elephant in the room here is the the phone culture and everything you get access to on that thing and it's it's kind of funny because

one of the great points you had been making was about talking with someone who needs help and making them pretend that it's their friend or someone close to them and asking how they would solve it so then what are they forced to do go 30 000 feet in the air look at a different situation and suddenly they get clarity on their own and yet when you think about the phone it's also a 30 000 foot in the air thing but it has the opposite effect and what i mean by that is when you are sitting there scrolling on that fucking thing you're not watching yourself do it like set up a camera right i've left the cameras on here by accident before where then you know i scrolled without planning to do it for like 20 minutes and then when i when i put the video up because i have to put it on my computer because i had another

file on it i'll see that on the raw cut real fast and you will watch yourself sitting on your phone and it is you you feel disgusted yeah you're like look at you now they're in those cases like the one i point out there's no one else in the room or whatever but it's like you're not even like you might as well not even be in that room you're in this thing and so when people are in that thing though and they're sitting there and they they don't see themselves just looking at this thing not to say it's all negative there's a lot of positive on the phone for sure it's just like when they're stuck on it and they're scrolling they're scrolling through content they're just consuming everything and they're they're while they're doing it they also in a similar way to you know when you're trying to solve someone else's problem they're looking

at other people and in this case many cases other people that they either want to make a judgment about or or they wish they could be or both and so then they never get in touch with the well how how let's say for a positive one someone they want to be like how does that person get like that are they sitting here doing what i'm doing right now all the fucking time no they're not but you don't think like that because you're so stuck in this in this fake world so it's like you're trying to come at it from the point of with helping yourself, there should be like some healthy comparison to other situations that might be positive and say, oh, how can I get like that, right? But in a way, the phone, because it keeps giving you some sort of like entertainment or pleasure, it keeps you from doing that because you're so busy on watching what makes these other people great or faking being great, which is the worst scenario. It's a weird thing.

It's crazy. Yeah. It's crazy how. And they're saying that with COVID, like you're about to see who are the fakes. Because if you were doubling down and really learning and growing through COVID coming out of this, you're, coming out of COVID for us with the Growth Dojo, we had a record-breaking year. It was insane because we doubled down during COVID. We learned more.

We grew more. We did Zoom. We did videos. We did fundraisers. You saw that we were the real deal, whereas a lot of times people through COVID, they were just setting up you know ads and just doing things because they knew people were home and they're faking their success and there's really

nothing there you know i watch uh you know charlie charlie d'amelio on tiktok yeah the girls yeah amazing creator awesome girls i'm watching the reality show right now and they have a reality show yeah on hulu and it's and it's cool because you watch her her sister who's doing music and charlie who is more of the dancer and it's like you're being and and i don't want to take i'm not taking this away from it all but they're tiktok famous why from just being tiktok famous they got on before everyone else they were the cute girls they were doing the dances they were pretty good at and for some odd reason they just had an aura about that people liked yes so you got famous from being just you on a video and you watch her struggle now because she's trying to keep the train going. Yeah. And it's like, and both girls struggle with,

how do I like, how do like, like there was really no talent. There was really no, like they were good at something that made them popular. So now they're trying to learn how to sing. They're trying to learn how to dance. And it's such a struggle and they're doing well with it. They're taking advantage of it, which is great.

But I feel like online you get a lot of people that it's just it's just a lot of fakeness on there and it's just like you just got to double down on the realness of you and being authentic yeah that's so interesting i almost want to check that out check it out because it's wild whereas you you're getting good at something but that he so there's a good point though. I did have to start off zero right now I Do I realize and I didn't think about this when I was first doing it or setting it up but do I realize now like You know me getting on here and communicating with other people is my talent

Yes, like I always took that for granted i i never even when we were launching the first 50 episodes of this podcast i never thought anything of that because i'm like well i just just do it right but it's kind of like you know i was an average basketball player and yet i get on the on the court with the dude who could have a 40 inch vertical leap and make it rain from 25 feet and you'd ask him how do you do that and they'd be like you know i don't know i just shoot it or like i just jump right like they're just born with it and so people can find that thing but even if you have that thing and maybe you're even aware of it at the beginning, which I wasn't. The idea of someone having to go off zero to get to a place of where they're sustainable, they can put a roof over their head, they can put food on the table, pay their bills, get the normal things in life.

It's a lot of work and unknown to get to that. What you're talking about is these girls happen to hit that. I lost my voice over the weekend, as you could tell. Sorry about that. I lost my voice over the weekend, as you could tell. Sorry about that. But, like, these girls happen to hit something early as teenagers, too, where they now have a baseline to work off of. They've earned a lot of money for themselves. They've earned status. They've earned name recognition.

And so they can – it's a lot of pressure because all the eyes are on them. They better not be bad at something. So let's not discount that. But they can kind of work from a resource-rich scenario. The other people who are watching them, if they don't have the growth mindset, and most people don't, at least not naturally, and then they never develop it. They think of all the reasons why, oh, they have that. I don't have that. So I can never get to that point with that

thing maybe they're working on singing or something like that but what you really have to do as hard as it is is just remember like you can only control you and what you're developing or working on every day once once that goes out the window like the rest is kind of up to what it's going to be. If I sat here day one and said, okay, let's pick out the top ten podcasts in the world and let's hold ourselves to the standards that they expect of numbers from day one, it's never going to work. It's never going to work. But some of those people, to their credit, they started on zero too. So do you think they sat there the first day and maybe they were at the beginning of podcasting so there wasn't a precedent but do you think they looked at you know the late night tv shows and said let's hold ourselves to that standard right no it's not

it's not feasible so i think what i'm saying is a lot of the battle is like setting your reality and saying okay i want to change that but here's where am. So I need to be fair to figure out how I can take the first step instead of climbing the whole flight day one. You know what I mean? An inch is a cent and a yard is hard. Yeah. And you, think about it. They ask the questions like, what would you do if you didn't get paid anything?

What would you do every day for free? It's like you're doing that. You found your love for something, and you're getting good at it. And back to Charlie, the reason why I bring it up is because they're doing an amazing job. They're being hit with so much at such a young age. But a lot of times people look at them as saying, oh, well, let me get likes first like they did. But they had it organically. But you don't realize, like, get good at something.

Like, what do you want to improve on? And like you, being organically. And there's a saying, the cream always rises to the top. If you're good at something, it'll flourish. And it may not have the same timeline as another person that does it, though, too. You got to remember that. Timing's everything. You can do the wrong thing.

You can do the right thing at the wrong time. It's like timing, you know? That's a real thing in life, too. I think about it all the time. Like, right people, wrong time. Or, you know... Luck. Yeah, yeah.

And it's just like, that butterfly effect is so real, but you can't try to control right when the butterfly flies and when it flaps your wings it's wings yeah it's tough it's tough but you know for those kids out there who are growing up with that and know nothing else you know the kids who are 15 16 right now it's like not forget just their goals and and having to see like everyone be perfect or pretend to be perfect that then they never get started it's also like because of the access to information and the ubiquitousness of pop culture and geopolitics all put together these kids who are 15 16 have without trying an awareness of

fucking everything happening in the world you know and like is there benefit to that sure but to me there's probably more downside at the developmental ages because you know if you're a 15 year old i'm sorry you don't need to be sitting there worried about you know nuclear war and you know intelligence operations happening that could be reversed you know what i mean like it's not that everything's so complicated for them and then they're worried about whether it be politics or social issues or you know fitting in at the same time in the middle of all that and it's all coming through this little device in their hand that then they have a an addiction loop to to try to stay up with shit it's like it's hard enough being in your 20s trying to figure this out imagine those kids who didn't at least grow up for some years where you didn't have like i didn't have the iphone in my hand till the end of high

school or something like that or the beginning of whatever it it was. Like I was older. I wasn't, I wasn't five. You know what I mean? Like all you knew was the kid in high school had like a 225 pound bench press. Like that's where your marker was. Like these kids today, they go on social media, you see the greats. And it like, you're like, well, dude, why haven't you started benching? You know what I mean? It it's like that comparison like they say that one of the worst things for your happiness is just to compare yourself to everyone else like you were saying earlier with if if someone like you see all these great people like don't want to be the rock now with his tequila line his movies like because that's what you see. And right away, you're like, that's what I want.

Well, no, be the rock when he was Rocky, the corny wrestler, when he was struggling on the football team. Undrafted football player. Yeah, like no one wants to go back. Like, do that. Like, be the Julian when you're one of the top podcasters in the world, right next to Joe Rogan in the next couple years. Be the Julian that was doing it for free

quit a yes a million dollar job came home from new york coolest place to be at your age and doing this for nothing yes during one of the toughest times in history with covet it seemed no i i obviously just met you so i didn't know you when you were 20 or something like that but you strike me as somebody who yeah you know life changes and you develop as you've laid out today and you get different thoughts and different priorities and stuff like that but you're the kind of guy you are you haven't changed like you you you seem like the kind of guy who you're a very very similar person just much wiser and haven't gone through more struggles that you were when you were 20 or something like that. Is that somewhat fair to say?

I bought Nerf guns at the Walmart the other day. I brought them into the dojo for the team. And my wife's trying to go over business stuff with us. And we are just smashing each other with the Nerf guns. There you go. I really hit the jackpot. I really hit the jackpot. I get to be myself because of the martial arts.

I get to be around young kids. Yeah, it's me, and I have to constantly tell myself, even with this podcast, it's like, dude, go on it and just be yourself today. Be relaxed. Because you see it as you get older, it's just like, everyone has stuff. There's some, like not everyone's perfect.

I wish some of the people that were at the very, very top shared some of their struggles that they have now, not just what they're going through in the back. Yes. It's like, like I'm, like even Kobe Bryant, they were like, oh, you know, when you miss a shot or you lose, how do you handle that? He's just like, dude, I'm one in seven billion.

I really don't matter. It's basketball. Ask your grandmother. She has no clue who I am. I'm just a basketball player. It's okay. And see, that's that perspective to be able to have to separate what all the people around you and even the general public in that case who knows of you may say to you like oh you're a god and all this like you know you

using the nerf gun visual they're so perfect because it's like you haven't changed and like you've had a lot of success too as well and the reason i was bringing that up is because you know there's a part of me that wishes i had figured shit out younger and not felt like I had to maybe do what I – bullshit that I thought was expected of me. It wasn't. That was all in my head. My parents are the best. They support whatever I do. I just always thought like, oh, I'm supposed to go to college, get the first job, do a respectable industry. And it's like I could yell at myself and be like, fuck, man.

Why didn't you just go for something like this? Or why didn't you think to do this even when you were in college or something like that? And then at the same time, for the longer vision, I'm grateful that I got to it when I did because I laid down the learning things I needed to and this isn't to like rewrite history and and you know make it make sense to myself now and and like validate everything I did but it's like there was a lot of positive in learning how the world works for real like you don't they can't teach you that in college right like you you have to go figure that out learning everything that's out there all the different industries all the different people it's like i got that i got to speak that language but maybe even above all is that i you know i'm a very not

just like introspective person but i i like to study people and i like to study their psychology like people i don't know you know people who are public figures and stuff like that and over the years one of the things that even when I was in high school that just blew my mind is I'm like how are people why do people change so much with money or when their circumstance changes that never made sense to me right and then I worked in money I worked in Wall Street I got to see really rich people and I got to see some great people in there as well and I got to see really rich people. And I got to see some great people in there as well. And I got to see some great people who struggled. And I got to see some people who maybe weren't as great.

And they let bullshit bother them all the time that had to do with the money in their hand. And it's like I see all these people maybe on the internet now who blow up. And I got to watch them as social media became the biggest thing ever. And it's like, all I think about all the time is who am I? What are all the things I like about myself as like a human being right now? You know, like, and towards the top of that list is I am just an off the hip, fucking down to earth, fuck it, let's have fun kind of guy and all i tell myself and stay present with is like never let that change like the worst the saddest thing i see about people is like when

their fan base what like public figures will say you switched up or like you changed and i i was looking i'm not gonna say who but i was looking at another guy who I've admired for a while last night who just did some shady shit to someone else and you can hear it too because he talks about it and he can't even tell like where he is now like he can't even tell that like oh my god that startup mentality I had changed that is the ultimate fear for me yeah never like I want people that work with me to punch me in the fucking face when i do something wrong and i won't fire him i'll give him a raise like i joke about that but i'm dead serious like i've never changed to this point i'm still worth fucking nine thousand dollars at this point so it's not like i've had that chance to change yet

but like i don't ever want that to change i i want to be the the dude with that grime mentality like that old quote other people have said on this podcast it's like marvin haggler i think it was haggler it was him or hearns but i think it was haggler said it's really hard to wake up and train at 4am when you're wearing silk pajamas i don't ever want those silk pajamas they say money magnifies who you are so if you're a dick without it you're just a bigger dick with it yeah if you're a if you're the type of person like my mom she has you know not financially you know successful but man she will give you her everything she'll give you a shirt off her back you give somebody and she's the type of person you give her money she's like right away she's

giving it out to everybody else. It's just like, that's just who you are. So it's good to know who you are. And then the other thing is, there's a story of like the king, as he goes through the crowd, the crowd's like, ah, the king, the throne, roses, right? He actually hires somebody to whisper in his ear as he walks, you're just a man. You're just a man. Because you got to remind yourself. Get people around you to punch you in your face.

That's what's so great about Joe Rogan. You hear him on his podcast. It's just a bunch of dudes just around, cracking on each other, not taking each other serious, talking about serious topics, but also being yourself. So it's important.

And look what he built just by doing that. But how crazy is that for you? Being around that amount of money, saying that, I wish I did this. But what made you go to Wall Street to begin with? Necessity, I think. The necessity of, oh. Was it the grind of like, all right, I did good in high school. I got to go to college. It was just the necessity of what was it the grind of like all right uh they're gonna go they're good in high school gotta go to college it was just the momentum of yeah it's like well this is what you're supposed to do next right you know I I didn't have a clue like I listen

there's parts of me that are I guess mature for sure maybe beyond other people my age and there are a lot of parts of me that are just so immature right like when i talk to women my age who aren't like at least a few years younger than me i'm like oh listen like do yourself a favor don't hang out with me it's like you are far too mature you know what i mean like there's like i'm aware of that and i think if i could look back on let's say coming up near the end of college and like how I thought about things, one thing I was right about is I did tell myself, I'm like, you really don't know anything that goes on out there. But I at least thought I had like the slightest clue. Like, all right, well, you're supposed to go get a job in a good industry.

You know, I was never a guy. It's funny. I do this now like probably half the reason i never thought to do this was because like i wanted to be the dude behind the closed back door making a deal you didn't know who they were now i gotta put my fucking face on camera that's a little weird but that's also the world we live in for pretty much anything you own a business your face is fucking out there you know what i mean we don't live in that private world anymore i didn't know that i still thought like that other shit existed.

I still thought like the key was going through an industry and working hard and just being great at your job. And like, you know what? For some people, it is. For a lot of people, it is. There's a lot of people who don't want to be an entrepreneur or someone who starts their own shit. They want to have a good purpose, do a job that they at least somewhat like and make good money doing it and have a nice family. That's great.

But I think I thought that's kind of how it is for everyone. I didn't think like, who are all the people I admire? What did they do? None of them took it. Very few of them took that path, right? So if I had had some awareness of that

and I didn't, maybe it would have been different. But how fast did you know? You started? If I had had some awareness of that and I didn't, maybe it would have been different. How fast did you know? You started? Wall Street. How fast were you? Did something hit you in your gut like, dude, I don't know.

This is not what I thought it was going to be like. A year and a half in. And how many years were you there? Almost five. That's where I made a mistake. I held on to some things too long it worked out but if there is one thing I could do over it's that I would have started this

a little earlier because I had that I had enough of that knowledge that I got going out there and shaking hands and meeting people in the world to be able to have that perspective and I think I had enough perspective to have the attitude I do towards the online community which is that like you know 95 of anything you do that's high numbers is going to be all negative commentary so you just got to like

lean into that right you know and i've been 99.9 great with that most creators aren't and i would not have been great with that if i started this at 22 23. i would have let it crush me yeah for sure yeah it's almost like going back to like like you had to go through it yeah you had to hate that so much to know that two years of no money being made and just working on something like it's like this actually you're being fulfilled like hating that so much allowed you to enjoy this so much and having to go through the grind without getting stuff it's like again right it's the stories we tell ourselves we all get to change and control our own perception and the meaning you ever hear the book the man search for meaning by um victor

you have so many you have so many good books i'm a horrible reader like think about that like how bad of a reader i am and i read the books but um he was in the holocaust and his family being murdered being killed friends they're ripping his clothes off they're pissing on him talking It's cold and the snow. And he was a therapist before he went there. And the book is all about, they can't steal my last freedom, which is my response. Every time there's a stimulus and there's a response, something happens. Oh, car just cut me off. Response. It's in between the stimulus and the response that you have control over. That's your true freedom.

Car cuts me off. Stimulus. Response. Ah, you mother effer, right? Honk the horn. Run back up. Road rage. Or, hmm, probably in a rush.

Something's going on in their life today. Send a little prayer their way. Hope everything goes well for that person. Right. So his thing was like, I'm in this horrific stimulus. My response is you're not going to steal my last freedom, which is how I view this. The meaning that I put behind this torture. And it's like Tony Robbins says, it's like one of his favorite books. And it's just your ability to understand that whatever you're going through, as horrific as the Holocaust or whatever you're going through right now in your life, you get to control the meaning behind that.

I am a successful martial arts dojo owner because I am the black belt, thankful for the bullies, thankful that my dad wasn't there. The meaning was he wasn't there because it allowed mentors to be in my life don palmucci john mariano my instructor other instructors like i gravitate towards that now my wife and i we don't have kids we chose not to have kids because for me i'm all in on helping others and for me mentors were like dads and i was like you know what i'm just going to be there for every kid out there that was like me that needs to help so that's where i kind of get my father fix but again control the meaning behind it doesn't mean it wasn't painful it means that you want to at least get you say okay it was pain i

don't want it to just be a 100 l though i i don't want it to just be like i want to at least get something for my time of having to deal with that and so i take the positive it it's so true i mean simple but it ain't always easy the problem is if you don't surround yourself with, it's like you got to talk to people that are positive. You got to read positive things because if not, you're being distracted by all the other stuff. Now, hard it is not to eat carbs and go to a party or not drink.

Like, I don't, unfortunately, I don't hang out with people. Like, it's either, if we hang out, we go to Starbucks during the day. Like, that's what i do like i don't go out the functions i don't like sports so i'm not coming over on a sunday and drinking with all the guys it's just what i don't do it's like was that like a decision because of your dad's alcoholism you were just like oh i might have that gene let's not do it the lows

were getting lower yeah and they were getting longer it kind of had that breaking point to where my um my wife because it's just like i would still come to the dojo i'm really i got good at faking it obviously and i fake it because you you got to move on like let's go it's like you got to go to work tonight so no one ever knew i was going through it but as i went home my wife it was just like she was holding everything afloat. People were like, hey, where's Mark? Oh, he's out at a meeting right now. Really, I'm at home on the couch. You know what I mean?

So she's trying to do everything. And I was just like, I got to step up my game. I got to improve myself. I got to get better. You just cut out anything that you could do as a negative influence. That hurts more not being my best self it hurts more not being there you know for her than to have a beer or to eat a french fry yeah you know what people get all uptight including me with some of the rah rah like

oh tell yourself read yourself your affirmations and stuff. To me, though, it's very real if you can do things that actually, if you can tell yourself things that actually are real and aren't just in some fucking

not reality, right? Like, I'm gonna fly today. Tell yourself that a million times. You're never gonna fly. Okay, you got in an airplane. That doesn't count, right? But if you tell yourself, like, I'm going to fly today. Tell yourself that a million times. You're never going to fly. Okay, you got in an airplane. That doesn't count, right? But if you tell yourself, like, I'm going to get this done today because that's what I'm about. I'm a professional, and this is what we do every day. Well, that can work. Like, that is the thing behind it to me that I find to be the key driver, though, is not the fact that, like, you just say it.

There's a lot of people who just say it, and they say, oh, i'll just wake up and say that in the mirror three times and that's it okay cool got it in like push-ups no you have to you have to think about those words as many times as you've said them and like believe in them and this i say this like oh you got it figured out i don't right like this is on my actively struggle with and like, wait, when I tell myself these things, I can't – like there actually has to be meaning behind it. And so for you, it seems like those moments like sitting on the couch at home and having nothing to where you're then breaking down. Okay, well, what are the things – I don't like drinking as much. The food I'm eating is shit. And my business is doing well, but I can't enjoy it because my head never feels right because of that.

So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to – when I hang out with people, it will be a Starbucks or something. When I go to eat, you know what? Fuck it. I'm not eating pasta anymore. I don't need that because the other feeling is worse. And so part of getting that belief through is also remembering what the alternative is some people like you know i everyone's hating on russell wilson right now because he's he's playing like

shit for the first time i've always liked him but i i have always felt like he doesn't live in enough reality you can sit there and say all the cliches 12 ways to sunday maybe he's different in private but you know you have to actually have an understanding that there is something besides that. Just because you want to be positive all the time doesn't mean that you can't recognize that in the world there is negativity. And what does that do to you? You recognize that. That's a very important thing to your positive, infectious personality. Dude, I don't know.

You might have to be a motivational speaker. I'm telling you. JD, JD, you are such a good listener. You just nailed everything back that I said today. And when you said the affirmation, dude, I'm going to get this shit done today. I'm going to nail this. It's the way you said it. And that's the difference between an affirmation and feeling it.

Like you said, you can't look in the mirror and go, I'm really confident. You have to send it through your body, your shoulders back, your chin is up. You got to hit that power pose. They did studies on the power pose. A lady, if you stand here like this, strong with your shoulders back, handling your hips, you'll start to feel confident.

If you stick a pencil, they did studies with people with depression. They stuck a pencil in between their teeth, which forces them to smile. And by looking in the mirror and smiling, forced smile, they got happier. I haven't heard that one. You gotta stop looking at life,

which is pretty cool nowadays. The good part of social media, you get to see so many different ways people live their lives, how they do it. Good perspective. So now you get to be like, like you said, like I party at Starbucks.

Like that's, you have to train and you have to change your mindset. Yeah. It's tough because it's, you know why it's tough? Because not everybody does it. What's normal is what?

Monday through Friday. Think about it. Oh shit, it's Monday. So no one likes Monday. Wednesday, hump day. Can't wait for this week to be over. So you're already excited that you're almost done the week. Meaning like you don't like being in the week.

Thank God it's Friday, right? So it's like throughout the week, people are pissed like they're not enjoying it. And then when the weekend comes, they say there's three kinds of people. Losers who talk about other people, complain and talk hate on them. Average people, they live their life through events. Friday, we have a birthday party.

Saturday, we have a football game we're going to. Sunday is Eagles game. So they only live their life through events. Anticipating events. Yes. That's what gets them excited and then there's people that are above average like you and i we're talking about goals we're talking about what can we do what can we accomplish who can we help today too yeah right

yeah yeah yeah i was in my journal this morning who can you help today i was like i want to do a good podcast today and i want to teach good classes tonight it It's like John Maxwell, back to him, he says, every day when you wake up, you ask yourself this one question, you will live a good life. One question every day. Who can I add value to today? Other people, yeah. That is a real thing too.

It's a nice, selfish thing in the world. It's selfish too. It's like when you are good to other people and help other people and I advise to them you advise yourself like I want one of the things it you know what my friend Andy Bustamante comes up all the time for usually other reasons on this podcast he's the CIA guy okay you were asking me about before it's like he he has like all these views geopolitically and and about the world and all the problems in it because he worked an insane job undercover spy that required him to do insane shit and so naturally that's kind of what people listen to but he also through having to do those jobs even if there was

enormous enormous elements of manipulation because he was a fucking spy that's what you have to do he learned about all the ins and outs or a lot of the ins and outs i should say of human beings and what makes them tick and something that he said that really sticks with me is how other people like everybody no matter who they are introvertedverted, extroverted, away from people, with people, whatever. We all have an intensive yearning to be around and with other people. And so I think about you saying, how do I add value for other people today? That's because like when you add value for other people, not only do you feel good like you have a purpose, but you also get to be around them.

It's an excuse to be around people. And like when you're around them, if you and me are just sitting in a room right now on our phones, we're not really together. We're together. If we did this on Zoom. Sure, even that. And that's a better example.

But yeah, good point, right? Like there's not as much presence to it. That's why I don't do Zoom, for example. So I appreciate you saying that. But it's like if we're sitting here, though, pretend the cameras were off for a second. The cameras are on. So there's at least a job here too as well. But you and I were talking like this before the cameras turned on. If we're sitting here and I'm asking you questions because you have all these different perspectives on shit

that I'm interested in to get myself better, you get to help me. And also, you know that in talking to me, like that's going to make, you're a guy I'm going to call up again because you add value for me. You know what I mean? There's nothing wrong with that. That's exactly how you should be. But you want to do it from a place where you actually are adding that and you're not just trying to pretend to be something to get other people's approval. Right. People can tell if it's fake. Right.

Everyone knows if it's fake. It's being a plus one person. It's like every time you meet somebody or do something like plus one, like what's your plus one? Did you say, dude, I love your boots? Or I saw you on Facebook. I saw that your kid did this. It's like, leave them with a little something. They're the best kind of relationships. one did you say dude i love your boots or i saw you on facebook i saw that your kid did this it's

like leave them with a little something they're the best kind of relationships they said in marriage i forget who the guy was he did a divorce he was a divorce attorney and he said the study was he can oh he can almost guarantee a couple would get divorced if if it was one pause or two if it was like positive or two, if it was like, oh man, I can't believe I'm messing this up right now. I know this too. It's like negative.

Like you have to have, in a short sense, you have to have two positives for every one negative. Most marriages or relationships, it's like one negative, one negative, one positive, one negative. It's like you're constantly bitching and complaining and that's just gonna tear the relationship the relationship down but if you're constantly adding adding adding like i'm a part of my wife is not there for my happiness it's like i control my

own happiness i want to give to this relationship and when you come at it from a given but like you said it's selfish because when you give to others, you feel good. So it's like, shit, I want to keep feeling good. Who can I keep helping? And then it comes back to helping people get what they want, and you'll have everything you want. So it's like this weird, awesome thing that's happening. You're being yourself. You're learning something. That thing that you learned, you're getting so good at it that you can help other people through it you can make money at it because you're so good at it but now you

can take that money and continue to repurpose it make your podcast better reach more people or give back sneakers you know i just did dancing with the stars of gloucester county little segue segue because on my mind we just just raised $25,000 for Center for Family Services. Oh, wow. That's awesome. Dude, it was sick. Gloucester County times. The Gloucester County Dancing with the Stars, they pick six business owners every year.

And they haven't done it in the past two years because of COVID. Right. But each competitor picks a nonprofit. So you raise money. So it's pretty cool. It's like you're learning how to ballroom dance there's three competitions it's all on local tv aletto's and uh over in deffert and there was three competitions july august and september september was the finale

i didn't raise the most we're trying to raise the most another lady she raised 42 000 which was awesome wow we got six people raising money together like we raised like over a hundred some thousand but i did win oh you won you were the best dancer competitive son of a i came out strong with that dude jd it was awesome it was just like you know you watch movies like like a karate tournament you know you're winning because you're ahead in points or you know you're losing you need a point to win like baseball like you're doing something you know what the scoreboard says that was like dude this is our third competition i don't know where i am like they're just gonna do an announcement like you don't know what the score is it's an art yeah yeah and then all of a sudden they're like this year's winner for dancing with

the stars 2022. oh man they were like mark moore i was like what i was like the movies it was so cool but it was all for good calls you know i took it serious to the point where it's like Oh, man, they were like, Mark Moore. I was like, what? It was like the movies. It was so cool. But it was all for good cause. I took it serious to the point to where it was like, again, I love music. For some odd reason, I was born in the wrong era. I like disco music. Yeah. And I'm good coordination dancing, but I wasn't a ballroom dancer.

But I did a disco. I did The Hustle, the final finale where we came out to everybody was kung fu fight oh come on that's fucking great but we came out to I mixed a song myself actually

came out we had the karate uniform on and I brought this board out of my out of my out of my karate uniform at the dance competition

props bro wow people love props you know carrot top yeah oh yeah I was like the carrot top? Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah.

I was like the carrot top at dance. So I'm holding the board. And in the beginning of the song, when it's like, oh, it goes really slow. And then he goes, everybody was, she hits the board. And all of a sudden it goes to this club beat of staying alive. It was like, everybody was, woo. Oh my God. I'll show you the video at the end of this.

I do want to see that. Dude, she hits it. We start doing these dance moves take off the uniform i got this like um get the chills talking about it right now like like david copperfield shirt on like a jewel like jewels all down it dude we tore it up it was awesome that's fucking great i literally went all in on i was like dude you'll never get this opportunity again and i was just like there are four times a week learn the dances i kept thinking again was that just to like try a new thing you wanted to do something that you weren't necessarily comfortable with like well they asked me i knew it was for a good cause

i gotta do three things again going back to like knowing yourself self-awareness i gotta do three things every day i gotta either grow give or have fun i'm not growing i'm not reading it i'm not watching it i'm not doing it if i'm not giving back somehow i'm not enjoying my day my life and if it's not fun forget about it right again going back to the nerf gun thing which is why i struggle sometimes my wife and i are perfect balanced like she runs the office i run the mat and once i go into the office it's like get me out of here it's like i don't want to look at a computer i struggle with that kind of stuff but as long as i'm doing those three things and this opportunity was like all three yeah learn dancing you have to have fun and you get to get back so i was all in on it that's great and like you also and it's kind of come up throughout what you're

talking about today but like you and your wife were high school sweethearts you've been married for a long time obviously because of that because yeah kids when you were together but like you and your wife were high school sweethearts you've been married for a long time obviously because of that because you had kids when you were together and like you guys run a business together seems like you have a great marriage and everything and what you were saying way at the beginning of that with like the divorce attorney saying yeah i got if they if it's one positive for a negative it's a bad sign if the ratio is worse it's it's a catastrophe yeah whereas like the people who are trying to give to it and and maybe they you know there's always a negative somewhere like shit comes up it's life but like you know they're averaging two for one or better you know because they're they're committed it's like the the thing that i don't want to get lost in that is that involves intensive

communication too it's not just like oh let me go do a good deed for her today. You know what I mean? Like, it's not that simple. You have to know like, what does she respond to and why does she need something? Like, what's going on right now in life might not have to do with me

that like is leading to that. Okay, well, let's get to that. Let's figure out like, oh, do we got to reset things? Your wife with you when you were on the couch in Morose, like she's talking with you and lifting you up and saying like okay well what you have a successful business we have a good marriage you know but you're feeling this way so what why is that you know is it the part of life you got to is some of it some genetic wiring

is it you need a kick in the ass like what, what is it? And that leads to you having like what I would amount to from what you've described today, four or five different discoveries over like a four or five year period. Yeah. That then have got you to this point where it's like, I feel fucking great, man. Yeah. You know, like that does start with your wife there. It goes back to choosing your heart. It's hard to have a great marriage. Yeah.

Right? It's also, but it's that hard that you put the effort into the rewards that you get from it. So, yeah, 25 years since 17.

It's amazing, man. And it's crazy because I had the hoopty car my buddies used to pick up and put it on the curb. It was like a four-cylinder Ford Escort

with a different color door here she comes coming from the attorney family like her parents took her to the car show they get her first car it's like i was just like what the hell mine was 500 hours you know and it was just and now i joke because i bust her parents jobs in the beginning obviously i was like the non-jew in the family and it's just like they're like i don't know about this. You know, he's not going to go to college. He's not Jewish. You know, whoa, what's going to happen?

Now they like me more. They like her. But also, I bust her chops. I'm like, hey, you know, it's cool. You know, I took your daughter's diploma, and I put it up on the office. It's cute that she got that. Now she works for me. Nah, I don't know.

Quickly, I catch myself. I work for her. She's the real boss but again we got a bless got our own house we own the building there and we got a shore house and it's crazy just teaching martial arts Margie nice

and just to be able to it's funny it's like I got everything I got more than I ever thought I would have which is kind of a blessing and a curse because it's kind of It's like, I got everything. I got more than I ever thought I would have, which is kind of a blessing and a curse because it's kind of like, whoa, now what? But again,

I know it's cliche and I know it's silly, but just enjoy what you do. If I didn't have all these things, I'd still be like, like, cause she'll be like, you know, you know,

you better start cleaning up the house and bringing your clothes upstairs. And I always joke with her. I did tell my mom mom i don't know if your mom did everything for you does everything for you no but like little things if if i'm being an she'll yell at me while she does it and then tell me to do it the next time and i usually do like she always would tell me it drove me nuts but she would always tell me all the things i don't do which would then make me think i didn't do anything so then i always do a lot yeah that's probably part of why i have the work ethic i do so i guess it worked good yeah so i joke with her i was like listen if you don't bring my clothes up i'm gonna call my mom up she'll come over here

and she'll do it so we have a really good relationship you know it's honest communication like you were saying gotta let her know hey, I'm not feeling my best right now. Let me do my thing. It's a little thing, but that's a big deal to be able to have someone that you have that. There's that understanding both ways too. You know what I mean? But listen, man, I've really, really enjoyed this. I told you before we did this, I haven't done a podcast with someone just kind of talking about mentality

and going through discipline and stuff like that. And it's an important topic to me, but also to a lot of people out there. You know, people listen to podcasts, hopefully also to like figure out ways to be introspective about themselves, too. And I get to sit here and listen. I get to do it live, right? It's the best thing ever. But I really, really appreciate you coming in and sharing your experiences with me and everybody else. Dude, you are the man.

You're an incredible listener. You said everything back. I felt really comfortable here. I appreciate it. Good opportunity. That's the best thing I could ever hear when people said that. You the man, JD. Thanks, dog.

I appreciate you, all right? Yes, sir. Everybody else, you know what it is. Give it a thought. Get back to me. Peace.