Just Trish - Oct 23, 2025 with Lukas Gage

Episode Date: October 23, 2025

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Stop it. And I went to Tyler Henry, the Hollywood medium. I think I was like, wait, why are we talking? Why is someone talking about my apartment while I'm acting? And now, why am I self-conscious about this apartment? Like, did I do the paint job? Just me traumatizing you again? What are some things that I got?

I look like Shane Dawson. The Shane Dawson is crazy because you also give a Shane mention in your book. I do. Where you said people compared to him for, like, queer baiting. Her name is Trish. She's got the dish and all. It got some filthy, rich, pretty, and pink. Hot topic queen and says what everybody thinks she's just strange.

Yay! All right. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the Dest Trish podcast. Oh my gosh. Gagged. We have literally the hottest actor in the whole world. Someone, I've been sliding into the DMs since, I don't know, probably four years, five years now.

I'm obsessed with him. You're probably obsessed with him. We've probably seen him in every single TV show. It's Lucas Gage. Oh my God. This is my Christmas. I'm shaking right now. Stop it.

I'm not okay. Are you serious? You're my favorite person of all time. That's crazy. How fun we don't talk for? Because we would DM, but then I'm like, let me be cool about it. Let me know. I think when you slid into my DMs, I actively tried not to freak out and not like act like I've been

following you for since my childhood since my teens yeah wait really were you on social media like as a kid like watching i was like yeah i was just getting lost in the youtube world of it all for a bit i was never i never youtube but i i i don't watch that many but you were one of a very select few actually probably the only one wait really yeah that's so random like how would you even find um i how did i find me yeah like in the youtube world like i can't imagine i think it started with when you beat the world when you were going to beat the world record. Do you remember that? Fastestalker. Yes. Yes. That was my introduction to you. But the muckbangs is where it really, really hit for me. I was so excited the other day. You're like, should we muck bang? And I never know someone's being serious or not.

Because I was literally. I was serious. Like what kind of food though? Because that's my other thing is I get like self-conscious. Obviously I eat on camera, but I always get self-conscious in front of someone because like I'd be like, yeah, let's muckbang. And then they'll order like something so like little and I feel like embarrassed. You know what I mean? But are you like a fast food muckbanger are you like sweet greens no no no fuck no wait really no no no what's your muckbanger choice if you had to i think uh i'm with my friend phoebe he's here today and uh we would do we would we would we would do like the pizza hut dominoes like every single thing both um what do we do more we do this thing called postmates roulette oh postmates roulette wait what is

this so we get a group of people and we can't tell anyone what we're ordering everyone has their own order and it's a surprise and it's like the craziest con it's like jerk chicken meats like sushi meets ice cream and we have to eat it all yeah I might hate that though I'm like I'm like weirdly love food but picky eater okay but you can eat anything yeah anything so if we have like Thai food you're like yeah everything if I have like Wendy's chili you're like yeah oh yeah Wendy's chili and a frosty though so good okay that's so interesting because you have like such a great body so I would just think like you're just so thank you you know I was trying I was trying to find my waist center today um I started Pilates so I feel a little

better. I've been doing Pilates too. No. Yeah. Yeah, I'm into it. Do you go to a gym or do you go to studio? I do the solid core gym thing and I do Allo too. You know like the Allo gym. I'm obsessed with Allo. How do you get in there? Come with me. Wait, really? Come with me anytime. No. Yeah, yeah. Because it's like, that's like the like the biggest gym. Like, Jake Shane is there. You're elite. No, that is not me. You have more on IMDB than any of us on there. That is not true. Yes, it is. I've had one acting role as an extra unmodern family. I wish. No, no, no, no, no. No, acting, you are living my dream about you.

Okay, you're literally in every single TV show. Yeah. Every single, everything. How? I just, I pop in for a couple minutes and just show my face. It's not a couple minutes. You are key characters and like all of these. And it's like how, you're from San Diego.

Yeah. How do you like get, how do you get there? I think, to quote you, just, delulu is a solulu, you know? Are you delusional? I'm completely delusional. But you're not because you're living it. Like, I'm delusional thinking I'll get cast on White Lotus. You were in it.

But you're living it too, and you're killing it, and you were on S&L. I mean, I feel like you would have never guessed that, you know, like, I think, like, if you just don't put any limit to yourself and you, and I do believe you have to be a little delusional and, like, shoot for the stars and not, I don't know, I think a little bit of crazy is good. I think so, too, because I also think, like, delusion, like, did you have any connections to an industry? where you're like so yeah to really want to like act and be in a TV show like you have to be that

person to be like yes I'm a star yeah 100% I had no plan I moved up here and I lived in a motel and my Honda fit that I still drive wait really yeah I love my Honda fit wait why just to keep yourself humble you love it I just like kind of love that little thing it's so compact and I can park anywhere and I don't give a shit about cars what year is it it's like God what year it must be like 2013, 2014. And it still runs? Still runs. Wow.

How many miles? At least 200 or more, yeah. You should probably get a new car. I think it's time to get a new one. I decked it out. I got like tinted windows and like racing seats for it because I just thought it was really funny to like pimp out my Honda fit. Wait, have you shown this anywhere?

No, that's kind of everything. It's very pit my ride. It's something's dying in there though. Like the smell? Maybe it's a mouse. I think there's a dead mouse that's living in the AC. You know what for real? happened to us, my Mercedes made back, they eat French fries in the, what is that little thing

called? Anyways, we have to get a fix like every few months because they're always eating like fries in there. So if you leave food, a little mouse can come. Maybe that's what's happening. I think it is, honestly. And you like smell it. I smell it. Yeah. It's time. It's time to get a new one. It'd be hard to sell it, I guess, with a stench. No, I'm not selling it for anything. I'll give it to my mom. My mom won't let me get rid of it. She wants it really bad. Really? She like is obsessed with the fit. Is your mom up here? She's in San Diego. She's in San Diego, yeah. Okay. Because I know you're close with your mom. You dedicated to the book one of the dedication one of the dedications yeah is she like your number one fan is she

like obsessed with everything you do 100% she I'm in smile 2 for five minutes and she has a smile two t-shirt on it that she wears everywhere she goes and points to everybody like at the store that like I like your shirt and she's like that's my son wait really that's really cute that's actually adorable I would do that too for my son are you baby I'm the baby that makes sense yeah do I get baby yeah we have a baby boy now and I know how is aquaman is great yeah and you're giving Aquaman. He has light eyes and blonde hair, which our girls are like dark hair and stuff. So I was just like, yeah, you're giving baby Aquaman, but grown up. The baby, are you done, do you think? Yes, my tubes are out. Your tubes are out. We removed them, yes. The baby is, the baby's

the star. The baby is most likely to be an actor, I think. Wait, why do you think that? I think most people I know, I would say probably 75% of my friends are the youngest child that are actors. Wow. I think that there's something about wanting attention and not getting enough attention or getting too much attention as the baby that like you just you you need more constantly I mean literally the title of your book I wrote this for attention I wrote this for attention which is so okay I was so gagged knowing first that you ran like wrote a memoir because you're like private like really private like if you go to like your Wikipedia there's no personal life section yeah and it's like okay so you wrote this memoir this like tall all but then you're also like

talking the book how much you want attention and I'm like well you don't do anything for it you like you don't troll like I was a troll and you're not like a troll a little bit what was the troll that you've done I just think I will I will lie a lot in interviews or a lot I'll like just kind of like mess with people back yeah no I will and I do do things for attention I think I had an era especially where I was I think I was first of all maybe not medicated properly yeah and I went I went a little bit, a little cuckoo. And I think I was doing very, um, attention seeking behavior. What age is this? This was probably two, three years ago. Yeah. Marriage. The marriage era. Yeah, which is the marriage era. The year. Six months. Which is, I hate to be that person,

but it is like kind of iconic, right? It's sick. Like we do love like a quickie marriage. If someone wanted to marry me, I would have married probably like 10 times by now. A hundred percent. Yeah. I think there's something kind of chic. It's like Pamela Anderson. Like, you know what I mean? Like falling in love and just being in the moment. Okay, I did a movie last year with Pam Anderson. She played my mom and you remind me of her.

Stop it. Oh my gosh. That's a, um, Pam is like my queen. She's my queen. She's the nicest, coolest person in the world. And like, and she says it. Like, you have to be bold to love. Yeah.

And I am so about that. I think that like fall in love is. I love love. Yeah. It's the most beautiful thing. It is like, it's exciting. And then when you have that stability. you're like, you know, just feeling like your best self.

Yeah. I'm gagged. Okay, wait. The Pamp is it a movie? It's a movie, yeah. It's called Rose Bush Pruning. It's not out yet. Oh my gosh.

And did you guys like bond on set? Were you guys like talking? We bonded on set. She would write me little notes in character as my mom. And I told her on set. It was that I was in the middle of writing a book. And like her book was so great. And, you know, she's like the most, she's just like a loyal, protective mama, you know?

I love her too because she's like very similar to you. where she is, like, private, but also, like, out there, you know what I mean? Like, she is, like, iconic for all that she is, all her weddings, everything, everything about her. She had, like, her moments, too, where she was, and I think it's, like, the classic actor thing. It's like, I want attention, I don't, like, want attention. Look at me. Don't look at me. You know, it's like that I just constantly vacillate between the two.

Yeah, you talk about it in your book where you're just, like, you know, you want all this attention. You're, like, begging for it. And then, like, once you get it, it's like. Don't look at me. Yes, which is, resonates so much. And then it's also just like you also talk about like wanting all kinds of attention even negative attention and I was like that too just like craving anything even if it was bad I almost like wanted bad attention because it was just like more sensationalable you know. 100%. I think I got addicted to reading the bad stuff. I got it was like feeding this dark part of my brain that I just wanted more and more. And it was almost like I was looking at the negative things to kind of confirm like the beliefs that I think about myself. If that person sees that thing that they don't like about my face or my body or the way that I act,

like it's, they were right. They can see it too, you know? Oh, so, like, comments out your physical appearance would bother you? Not, I mean, yeah, they would bother me, but I would also look for it because I was like, oh, I feel that way too. Wow. Like, what would be an insecurity? Because you look at someone like you and you're like, oh, a perfect looking person.

Um, I mean, there's a lot of people. You don't have to say them, I guess. Then more people will just, like, attack you. But, like, I can't even imagine. They would just, you know, I think they're. Just me. traumatizing you again. What are some things that I got?

FAS syndrome a lot. Oh my gosh, that's crazy. I look like Shane Dawson. The Shane Dawson is crazy because you also give a Shane mention in your book. I do. Where you said people compared to him for like queer baiting. And people said you look like him. Love Shane.

I think he's so handsome, but that's crazy. Yeah, no, I just don't see it. Oh, I get long legs. Long legs. You know the movie Long Legs? Nicholas Cage. I see that one. No.

Like the crazy monster from long legs. I look, I actually look like him. People are, like, trolling you. There's no way someone's like you look like a monster. I do. I think I, I, I think, I, I need to see it. Rocky Dennis, yeah. No, I think, I think, I don't disagree.

I think I'm conventionally, not conventionally, like, what you think of as an, I don't know, like, there's not. I think you're the conventional actor. You're like, rat, but you're Leonardo, you know, you are that person as an actor. I don't go for those, like, those roles, which is okay. But I don't know. I just think people. People love to be online, and it's all good. Yeah, I think you definitely just shouldn't read.

Do you read comments now? I am pretty good about it. I still catch myself doing it, but I think not obsessively, like I once did. That's so much better. It's so much better. But you check your DMs. I DMs. So you're checking your DMs.

Yeah, I'll check for the DMs. For you, yeah. How about romantically? Are you ever looking in the DMs? Not, no, but not right now, no. You wouldn't date a fan. Never say never It's hard to say no to not dating a fan

Because like who hasn't seen you in something Like oh he's so cute Like of course they'd want to date you So it'd be weird if someone goes on date And like I don't know why I just said right Like that dude But if someone's like on a date And like I have no idea who you are

Like never saw you don't know what that is Like you know that's like not real I think I've had Someone do the opposite Where they pretended that they hadn't seen Something and I'm like that's weird To be like fake about it To be like oh you acted

And what have I seen you on you list All the big shows you've done and they're like yeah I think that's like weirder yeah okay are you so a couple years ago you talk about this being in a manic episode for six months and you do talk about it in the book yeah which I was like surprised because on Andy Cohen watch what happens live you were very much like plead the fifth right so like this book you're saying like everything you say how you feel yeah you go into yeah I go into it all I mean I think I think people thought I was kidding when I said that on Watch What Happens Live and I fully was in a manic episode I was

not prescribed the right medication, I was, I think they was, I was misdiagnosed for a little bit and like put on different things and it was, you know, it was a, it was a trial of like what worked and what didn't. And I think when you have a personality disorder, some things can exacerbate, exacerbate and make you crazier. That, so you're borderline personality disorder as am I, which is, oh, I love that we, we're BPD girlies. Yes, which when I was young, wasn't like a thing because I was misdiagnosed too. I was like, bipolar, taking lithium, you know, and it's just like, that was made me absolutely insane to be on that.

So once the borderline discovery came about, I was like 31 when I found out, and I was like, oh, this makes so much more sense. And then I could actually get to like the right therapy, like you said. I was just getting medicated, which is something I didn't need. And then like, when I got into the right therapy, I was just like, this is it, the group therapy. It was so much better. You like the group therapy?

Yeah. Do you do DBT classes? Oh my God. I did DBT classes and I couldn't stand them. Why? Well, I love hearing from other people's point of view and, like, connecting with that. that and being like, I feel less alone. You feel not crazy that you, you know, when people talk about splitting or they talk about the manic episodes or they talk about these intense relationships,

that's beautiful and amazing. But I hated the DBT skills groups where they teach you like touching ice and like counting things in your head and reorganizing when you're, it just felt like school. Did you feel that way? Interesting. Like a worksheet of like how to be normal. Yes, but I kind of needed it. Like even to say like, like you were saying, like, counting spaces in between your breath. I was like, oh, this actually helps me calm down. The breathing I, I, I f*** hard. Yeah, it's kind of like meditation. The breathing is something I do still. I did what you were talking about. They were do like, like touch ice. I'd never get that. Yeah, they were like, when you're upset, you're going to grab ice. And I'd be, and actually, to be fair, it did work.

And then there is merit to a lot of the things that they talk about. But I think for for a while, I was like, guys, how much can we talk about touching ice and listening to opposite music? That was a big thing. What's that? I don't know this. If you're like going, if you're manic or you're like, you're dealing with an intense breakup, you're not going to listen to breakup music. You're going to listen to like, I'm feeling good again and I'm feeling happy and, you know, some Selena Gomez or something. Is that what you listened to? That's what you switched. So like, Andrew, I never heard that, but that makes sense to. Yeah, it makes sense. But it just was like doing those classes over and over again. I was like, God, I can't do it anymore. Yeah, yeah. They were like, so what, do you do something

now? Yeah, you just do like individual. Do you individual DBT therapy and CBT therapy. I love. I have like the little flashcards that I do. It's so good. So during, so yeah, being in a relationship when you're like untreated or unmedicated or not doing the work is actually the scariest thing ever. And it's wild to see because it was so public.

And both of you guys are very private in general. I mean, you both have books coming out now, but both of you are private in general. And then now it's like all of a sudden you're like getting married on like the Kardashians. and, like, in the most extravagant way. How did, I guess you said you were manic, but does it take two to do that? Because also, like, he's also like, yeah, let's do this in six months, you know what I mean? Or just in love? No, it was less than that to get married.

It was, like, a couple, yeah, it was really quick. Was your mom there, too, right? My mom was there. I think, you know, I can't speak for his experience of it, but I do think it takes two to tango. But I think I was also, like, I wanted love so bad that when someone, proposed or asked me to do this and was so in, I was just like, let's go.

Is this your first proposal? Was it your first? Yeah, yeah, it was my first. I'm surprised. Someone like you, I feel like would have lots of proposals. Oh my God, coming from you. Yeah. I'll be your guys' third.

Oh my gosh. Have you ever done that? I love it. A little thruple? Not dating thruple, but... That's kind of everything. You find him on like Tinder is where I used to be in throuples. What's the other one?

Field or something with the threesome one? No. Oh, Phoebe's like. Phoebe's like, I've been on that one. Sponsored by field. No, I love it. They call them like unicorns when you're like a third. Yeah.

I love to be a third. Me too. I like being the third. Yeah. I never want to share when I'm in the couple. I'm like, it's about me. No, that sounds, even just now I know it was a joke about it. I was like, oh my gosh, what if I'm kicked out of this?

What am I like not in this? Like that was like, it terrifies me because I'm so, well, we're the same. I'm so like jealous and so I don't know. Like I'm insecure too, I suppose. I don't know. I like to be a third because then they give you all the attention. Totally. You're the special one.

You're the unicorn. Yeah, which we love. Growing up, were you shy? Were you outgoing? I think it's the same thing with the book and the title and the thing of my whole life of wanting attention and being this exhibitionist but also being like really shy and quiet at the same time. I think I was always like that.

Even as a kid, I was like this quiet, meek kid at school. But then I'd go to the summer camp and be like the biggest. and be performing on stage and, like, dancing and singing and, like, a completely different kid. Wait, what kind of summer camp? Was it an acting? It was, like, acting, singing, movies, stunts, paintballing. Like, it was the weirdest camp. Yeah, it was very bizarre. Do you remember, we can bleep it? Do you remember the names? I feel like I went to one, too. Oh, okay, okay, because I was in the Carlsbad area, and I did Christian Youth, CYT, and it was like, Christian Youth, CYT, and it was like, Christian Youth, CYT, and was like, CYT. Yeah, did you do CYT? I did CYT.

And that was, like, my thing in the summer. Wait, why were you in the summer? I was in college was our age difference, but I was in Carlsbad when I was, my dad lived there, so it was like from five to 15 I would do summer camps there. Wait, wait, every summer you would go to Carlsbad. My dad, yeah, he still lives out in Temecula, but yeah, he's always, ever since I was a kid

because I was born here in Riverside. Yeah. Then we moved back to Illinois, but I was going to visit my dad in summers. And I love that area. So like when I sat in Sanitas in San Diego, my brother was in La Jolla, like he lived there for so long went to USDA,

all that, so I love San Diego. Anyways, I thought, do we go? But no, we're also a big age difference so we wouldn't happen there. I don't. I mean, I wish I would have run into you. I was, yeah, Carl's Bad. I did middle school for, because it was next to the instantaneous border. Yeah, I did CYT. Yeah, I did all that, yeah. Oh, my gosh. I would go to Ponto Beach all the time in Carlsbad. Were you like a surfer? Thank you so much to Adam and Eve for sponsoring today's episode of

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Did you ever go to the North County Fair Mall? Oh, my God, always. Delmar Fair? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. No, that's the best. That area is just, like, a cute. It is.

I love it. Okay, so are you singing at camp? Are you acting? Oh, yeah, I did everything. I did, I made little movies. I would, like, direct these movies and learn how to do Final Cut Pro and make these little bit and make these little zombie films. Oh, my God.

I was obsessed. I did rock star camp for a little bit and made, like, a single. So you sing. I'm horrible. I just like to pretend. I'm not like you. I don't have the single. I'm also horrible, but I love to sing.

I've heard the songs. I love your songs. I did a whole tour just like totally off pitch, just singing to attract, just living my best life. But I feel like if you did an album, if you did a single, you must be somewhat good. No, I think like it was like a bunch of like 12 year olds that were all off key, like making us luck. And you were the lead singer though. I was a lead for it. They put a lot of auto tune in.

But yeah, it was fun. Oh, wow. At least you had auto tune when I was a kid. We definitely didn't have that. Okay. But then you talk about the one of the first, like, I think it's the intro of your book, basically, is just like how you were like bullied in school. And you said you were. So, like, what were they threatened by you?

What were they bullying you for? At sixth grade in Carlsbad, I went to this school, and I decided I was going to be like this jock, bro. I decided not to be that quiet kid anymore, and I became friends with the popular kids, and I smoked a cigarette with and then the next day, we stole my brother's lucky strike cigarette. The next day, he told the whole school that I pinned him down and forced him to smoke a cigarette. So the whole school, like, hated me. Oh, my God.

They started, yeah, they would, like, hit me with, like, BB guns and, like, bully me. And it was ruthless. Like, these kids were tough. And it was a lie? I know. Yeah, he wanted to smoke a cigarette. Yeah, yeah. You didn't, like, force him to smoke a cigarette.

Oh, my God. We watched the movie 13, I think, and wanted to smoke cigarettes to be, like, Evie Zamora and Tracy. Oh my God, yeah, that movie was life-changing, yeah. Life-changing, change my DNA. And then so, like, yeah, they just, they ruined my life. And my mom for the last three months of sixth grade was like, you're not going to school. You're going to, we lived in Incinitas, so there was no reason to go to Carl's bed school anyway. But she was like, you're going to go to a new school in Incinitas.

And then I found my friends. And then you had like a transformation. You're like, this is a new school, new start. Yeah, and I was like, I'm not going to be with. Like, I'm going to be tough. I just wouldn't let I was changed you know yeah I was like maybe a little bit of because I wasn't going to let people be mean to me yeah but um yeah then I met my best friends yeah still best friends with them from my guess seventh grade really on seventh grade yeah that's amazing

yeah that's hard especially with borderline it's really hard to like keep friends like I don't even know yeah do you find that a lot like because their relationships are so intense and you have these fallouts and to be honest with the in sixth grade like the the cigarette thing wasn't my fault but I would have other things that were like relationships were so intense. Like if they would beat me in handball, like I would want to fight them and like go crazy. Like there was like those emotions you can't control. So it had some justification that I was probably like a nightmare to be friends with. Yeah.

Oh, same. So to this day, I always tell people like, I'm a horrible friend. You don't want to be friends with me. I say that too. Yeah. Like I'm bad at texting and I'm better not controlling emotions like the all or nothing thing. But I was the exact same way. Yeah.

Oh. Yeah. I can like control it now. But also, I don't have friends now, so it's easier to not lash out of people. I have, I have, but the ones I have are, they. You have a bestie. I have two, I said that. You're one of them.

She, she's put up with so much. I've been one of the worst friends of all time to her. Aw. And she's stuck through it. I love him. Aw. Oh, my gosh. Do you ever think, maybe this is like, not a great question to ask, would you ever think, like, you could, like, get married to each other?

No, we talk about all the time. And, like, what is, what's the outcome? What's the discussion? I think we're just waiting. I think we're waiting for the right time. The first thing you said was I'm his Moses and it caught me up guard. I was like, okay. I'm his Moses.

I was like, wait, I love this. It's a different coming out. I was like, okay, we love this so much. Obviously coming out, I'm dead. Isn't it? Like, because it is like, me with sexual and gender, I'm always just like all over the place with it. So I always just think if you're in love with someone or you, like, connect with someone, right? Someone saw you through like the hardest.

Don't you feel, maybe this is the borderline, that you're like, wow. I'm in love, because I fall in love with everybody too. I've fallen in love so many times. No, I agree completely. First of all, I do think it's a spectrum. Yeah. And I think people lie somewhere on whatever end or in the middle or whatever. But, yeah, I fully get what you're saying.

Right. I have connected with so. Can I talk about one video that you posted that I really. Please. That I'm a chicken nugget one, having a manic episode, and being on the floor. And like, I actually understand that sense. sentiment. Do you know what I mean? Like I know it's crazy or maybe it wasn't like articulated right, but I knew exactly what you felt in that moment. I swear to God. I appreciate you saying

that. I feel like I'm being emotional over this because it is such a meme and it's like so silly and I can like acknowledge it. But like yes, those were all like valid feelings. It was like a manic episode and like the fact that anybody could understand that. I appreciate that. I really do. And I totally get it too. I get what it's like to have like a meme of. I mean, I didn't have a meme but I had people like clearly like coming for me being like you're in full fur with straightened hair and like you look hot thank you I looked insane but rock of love as you called and I love of love oh my god you should have been on rock of love I I would have loved brett Michaels would have loved you well I interviewed him for my old podcastish with Trish during quarantine yeah and their PR person said

just don't ask about rock of love and I was like that's all I can talk about it's all I want to know about it because he that show was my everything it was my everything you must have been a child watching it. I watched it with my mom in middle school. I was obsessed. What are your other siblings doing while you're watching with your mom? You're all watching family time together, Rock of Love? No, it was just me and my mom.

It was our bonding time. I really hope Aquaman turns out like you. I hope he's watching Rock of Love. I need to be Aquaman's godfather and show him the way. That would be everything. I feel like that would be amazing. Absolutely, yes. Do it.

We have a bad pism coming up in a couple months. Let's go. So I, yeah, I was obsessed with that show and I was a little too young. young. I was 20. I was about to be 21 when they did Rock of Love bus. Like every contestant on the show was I know, but like you had to be 21 to drink. Right. So I was like 20. I was like right at the cutoff and I was devastated. Do you remember the girl from Rock of Love Bus Marcia who threw up her Doritos? Yeah. Do you know her? Oh, I was just obsessed with her. That was like my, that's how I envisioned love to be. Like I wanted to be Brett Michaels. I wanted to have a group of people to go on dates with

and fall in love with, and that was my, like, peak romance as a kid. I feel like bring back the furry coat and the leather and pants, and you could do it. You could do a reboot. I don't know. I looked a little bit like Sigfried and Roy or something during that. I was a little crazy. I heard you say that before. They're wearing white tight glitter.

You guys are in black leathers. Like, you are giving Axel Rose. Like, you know. We were giving something. I was. I like the matching. By the way, find a partner who will match with you. That's everything.

Yeah, that's cute. romanticizing your horrible marriage but I was like I loved it I love the fits the bits weren't quite yeah they weren't they weren't quite what I wanted it to be um that's okay what do you mean what would you wasn't what I wanted it you know it was a last it was a last minute wedding it was a very last minute decision it was literally there was not thought put into it so I wish I could have just had a little bit more time to curate a look but also I was manic so I think at the time I thought it looked awesome what would you have done different now or for the next wedding the next Sweating, I think just like a little bit more.

I think I would lose the fur of it all. Okay, no fur anymore. I think the fur is not. I mean, the fur in Vegas and like 100 degree weather was so insane. I loved, I really did, but I get you. Okay, so no fur. Are you still looking with the, was it vinyl or leather you're wearing? It was leather.

No leather anymore. No, maybe like a latex sweating would be, that'd be hot, right? Vinyl's probably less sweaty. Vinyl's a little less sweaty, but I think like fully lean in. It was like quite, like not quite figured out yet. So you do want to go, like, scandalous for the next one. You're not going to go traditional, like, down the aisle, tuxedo, no, no, Montecito. No, Montecito.

Yeah, I feel like you'd be, like, getting married at the Rosewood or something. Ooh. Yeah, yeah, I could. Maybe to switch it up this time from the Whitechapel to the Rosewood. Yeah, yeah. I can see it for you. I love envisioning weddings, like, since I was a little kid. Were you, like, dreaming of, like, weddings when you were a little?

Or not really. Not really. I just, I was just, I loved love so much. I would envision love, and I think I was, um, I would envision love. and I think I was, I think, addicted to love from an early age. Even, like, the girlfriends I had in middle school and high school, like, they were my life. I would obsess over them. We really love that.

Oh, yeah. What would you do for them? Just, like, had to be with, I think it's, like, a BPD thing, like, with the favorite person. You heard that term. Of course. Yeah, like, that's their world. You can't live without them. Their approval and their validation is everything to you.

And if you don't get, like, I would have to be an AIM with them all the, the in time or Facebook Messenger and then MySpace and then at night like it would be on the phone till like four in the morning and my mom would be like you have to go to bed. Oh my god. That's so. You're like the dream boyfriend though. Especially like girls in like middle school. Like guys are like not interested in girls like that. Like they are like embarrassed by them, whatever.

And I feel like you were like the dream one of you're like obsessed with them. Just seemed like a closeted personality disorder. Did they know? Did they know that you were gay in high school? I talk about this girl in the book. um with a lower back tattoo love in my life like truly ahead of her time the most iconic person of all time um and she and i would you know we'd have sex and then she'd be like i think that i think you might be i think you i don't think you're gay but maybe you're by and i'd be like

what do you mean like no i'm not i'm not at all and she'd be like i don't know i think that there's just something about she she was like she was intuitive she was a witch she knew she knew it was up But she was cool then. She was like, I'll, like, I'm down. Like, you can do whatever. She would fully have pegged me. I did it to many a boyfriend. And they swear they're straight, which I might, honestly, whatever they say.

There's a thing with a clit down in the prostate. What did they say? There's a clit in the prostate. I don't know. I made it up. Reddit somewhere. Peggy's underrated. And I feel like most guys like, even like fingers, toothbrush, straight or what, you know?

I mean, like, a little bit of everything. But that's so interesting. So I consider myself a witch too, but I definitely did not know. I think you're a witch. For sure. You're like, you're tapped into something. Yeah.

You are. The spellwork of it all. Yeah. Yeah. Do you identify with any spiritual realm? I mean, I'm woo-woo as fuck. Like I go to psychics all the time.

I mean, I went to two in particular. I went to Teresa Caputo, the Long Island medium. Stop it. And I went to Tyler Henry, the Hollywood medium. Those two.

Was it filmed? Both of them or no? No. You just went for yourself? I'd like, I slid in the DM like I did with you, begging to come on and talk to you. I it did Teresa's podcast as like a thank you she she did it with me and my mom but I mean

it's real I don't I don't care what anyone says mediums are like they talk to the dead yeah and the things that they would say the I just it's so specific it's so I mean she would like channel them and it was it actually gives me a peace of mind because I've stressed about death and what happens when we die and that was those two scenarios were the two things that like put me at peace what was it what was it about it because i'm sure a lot of people feel the same way i think that just like really i think with like um my best friend tessa my grandma um that i talked about in the book like really feeling like the things that the messages that she was saying were there's just no way that teresa could put at the long island meeting and could have talked to

anybody and found out specific conversation specific things that we ate together and the way that she would act and talk with them I could like I felt like I was with them and I and it just I felt them with me and I felt like there's more than just the physical life I just yeah I don't know did they say anything like specifically where like we're okay or you just knew that they were there well Tessa made fun of my tattoo that I got for because I got this massive tattoo for her and she was like why do you have a cross on you like what is going on that is the most insane tattoo ever it's a crazy tattoo that I have her and and like bringing up um meals that we had had like specific meals and just feeling like I think she said something my grandma said which I was before I even wrote it

in the book but like my grandma saying like don't worry about not having enough time we had so much time together because that last little era when I was manic I like abandoned my whole family I didn't talk to anyone oh during the marriage yeah yeah and during yeah during the week of everything fell apart it was the week that my grandma died and like uh oh no she was still alive during all that yeah yeah did she try to reach out to you and you were just not having it you was like ignoring i think i was just i was just old to everyone and i would i would see her once in a while or I would pick up a call, but I wasn't, I wasn't there the way that I should have been. But I don't think it's your fault.

Like, again, it's the borderline. I got swept up. Yeah, being in love. I mean, that was like the first week we met too. I was like, I was like so in love. But I was like very high Xanax. And I remember my, I was remember like my favorite, my only relative that I like care about my uncle Joe.

He like passed away that week we met. And I didn't even know because I wasn't even looking at my phone. Like I was obsessed with him. I was like doing like Xanax just being like blacked out. And I was like, oh my God. I didn't even know. Like it's a scary thing. And then you feel bad.

Where was I? And you're like just being in love and f*** up. Yeah. And she literally said that in the thing. Like you were in love. You were doing your thing. We had so much. We had more time together than most grandmas and grandsons did.

Like do not worry about that time. What a crazy time. So your marriage is ending publicly. Yeah. Your grandma passes away. And I see my dad for the first time in a decade at the same. And like being in a room with him more than two minutes, you know, dealing with like his mom dying, my grandma dying.

having to actually have a conversation. Oh, his mom. Yeah. So you were close with her, but not your dad. Yeah. Yeah. And do you, you didn't grow up with him? I grew up with him until I was a teenager.

And then he kind of dripped it away, basically, yeah, got remarried and had kids without telling us. And yeah. To start a whole new family. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have a relationship with him now? I, um, yeah, no, we do. I mean, it's not, we see each other like once or twice a year.

I think part of this book, honestly, was having forgiveness. And I think that you can only love to the extent that you were taught to love. And I think I humanize my dad. Oh, my God. I, yeah, I humanized him during this thing because. Oh, my God. Tricia, oh, my God. Okay, no, take me, it's okay.

I spent a lot of time, you know, hating him and resenting him. And in that moment when I saw him with their grandma, like I saw him as a kid, you know, and I'm like, our parents are just like wounded kids and doing the best and loving to the best of their ability is. they grew up in a different era of like you know they weren't they weren't given that you know and they weren't they didn't learn to go to therapy and do that so like i don't i didn't blame him so much and um um and i could see him in that moment like i never had seen my dad cry my whole entire life and all i wanted to do i write in the book i all i want to do see my dad cry like a little shit and i saw him do it to like get emotional and and see him as a as a human and um So, yeah, we have a fractured relationship, but we have a relationship.

And I say in the book, like, I hate my dad, but I love him as a person, you know. He's my dad. You want that relationship. Yeah, yeah. To be, what age was, did he? Were you like 13? I was like 13 when he started, yeah, he started kind of just distancing himself. And then when I was 16, it was revealed that he had.

got married and two twins were about to come out. I was just like, what the fuck? And I think, you know, I think with the borderline stuff, like the abandonment. Abandonment is the scariest. I think it's the scariest fear attachment style, all of it. Like, just that codependency. Like, you'll have it. I have it, I think, for life.

I don't think I'll ever, like, get over in no amount of therapy. Like, I always tell them I was, I'm like, just don't, like, leave me in the middle night. Like, that's my thing with my dad is, like, we left in the middle of night. And I never, like, saw him for a while for a couple. couple years and it's like so whenever people would leave even if it was a hookup like in the middle of the night I'd be like pissed like oh my god I'd cuss them out I'd be like what the like like you know and it's like abandonment but that's a very interesting age because that's 16 right

like you're aware I was like three so you're not fully aware but like 16 you're fully aware that like oh he's not here yeah yeah 100% yeah I think yeah it's like it's almost there's some other confusing things that happen in the book that I talk about at a younger age that you can't really identify you can't really put words to like those experiences and those things but I think it's 16 when you have that happen like it's so it's so painful it's so and it's it's clear like you are being replaced but yeah that was that was a really really crazy crazy week I can't even imagine and seeing him after 10 years

and then going through all that it's like it's a lot When we had seen each other here and there and there was a thing that I actually cut from the book but like I'd run into him at the grove with his new family At what age is this

Are you like famous now? No no I was like I was like just auditioning and stuff and like acknowledging each other at the grove So you were what did you say? What did you do? That's it?

It was like a really because he was with the wife and I never it's really complicated but like I never I yeah it was just so there was moments like that where we'd run into each other or I'd have like a lunch with him or something for but it was it was never more than like 20 minutes so you know I spent three days straight in my grandma's apartment with him and having to like reconcile and have a normal conversation and not like a surface level 20 minute lunch once a year or running into him because he lives in L.A. too. That's, that would be tough having to see. Do you think any of that had to do with like your marriage ending or the two separate things for you personally? Um, I think it was, I think

to me it was two separate things. I think at like at that moment, uh, I think at that moment it's like any bullshit, any resentment, any fights, any arguments we had had to be put to the side because we were just there for the same reason to be there for, you know, the person that we loved and cared about so much that like all the other just went away you know there's more more important stuff to talk about and and and focus on you know so in a way it was kind of i don't know maybe maybe a blessing and this is two years ago yeah so two years later how are you feeling about everything and you have a book coming out which is amazing it's so crazy i can't believe i wrote a book it's psychotic that is what made you because you are so private everywhere i know he said i wrote this

attention but are you like prepared like are you like like I don't know if I am honestly like I think it's so crazy because I spent two years or a year actually writing it completely but two year process of doing this whole thing and it was great I was in my the privacy of my own home and I could kind of like really dig into myself and not lie and not bullshit like I had to really be honest and uh that felt good and now i'm like oh i have to share it with the world that's crazy that's insane did i say too much did i do i don't know but i think i think you'll find out we'll find out i i'm sure people hate on it and i'm sure people say i'm an overshare and it's polarizing but like so am i you know like i think that's why i connect with you a lot actually

like i think people can think that you're polarizing or a lot and i think people think i'm like loud mouth and probably say too much and shut up and maybe I'm a little bit like too desperate and giddy but like that's who I'm same and that's who you are we love desperation delulu we love all of it yeah so I connect to you same when I read this book especially like the lying part I think it was so interesting because I literally was saying before we got in here to Phoebe I was like I felt like I was reading because I'm trying to start to write a book too and literally my first one is like just you all know I'm like I'm a liar sometimes but I'm trying like you said I'm trying but here's the thing maybe you relate to it is like

Sometimes you lie so much to yourself, right? Like, I try not to get anyone else in trouble. Like, I lie to, like, protect myself or whatever like that. But sometimes you lie about so many things or so, you know, you start believing their truth. Yeah. So you have to, like, really? Because I have someone, like, helping me.

And I'm like, let me get back to you on this because I actually don't remember if I just said it happened this way or it did happen this way. And it's, like, really hard to sometimes when you're a liar, differentiate my lying right now, you know, it's like so hard. Have you lied during this interview? Probably. Somewhere in there. Sometimes me too.

Somewhere. I'm sure I do. The comments will clock me. I'll be like, oh, I've never had a hot dog. And they'll be like, when Lizzo was on, I was like, oh, I never had a salad or vegetables. Cut to me eating like so many salads. And I was like, but I didn't know in the time. Sometimes it just happens.

Well, I think you, like, say it so much that you start to believe it's true. And you're like, I don't know. I think it's like a really lying, I don't talk about in the book. Like, it's a survival tool. And I did it as a kid to kind of rewrite my, what I wanted my reality to be or what I wanted the truth to be. And it worked great. Like, it was amazing. way to not deal with your shit and I think it just stopped serving me as much but I still

am caught doing like little little lies you know just it's more like embellishments to make things more interesting or tell a story better or uh it's never to like deliberately hurt people like maybe it was before I think I saw one was you said smile too yeah I think it was on the red carpet of that you were like I saw the blood and I was puking over it and you're like maybe it was more of a dry heave, and I was like, oh, I do that all the time, too. I mean, like, in press drunkets, I lie so much. I mean, it's just the same question over and over and over and over. I'm here for Bet Rivers Online Casinole and Sportsbook with poker icon Phil Helmuth.

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With Ancestry's global historical records, you can discover incredible stories about how your ancestors lived and worked. And for a limited time, you can explore select occupation records for free. Imagine finding your great-grandfather's RCMP records or discovering your ancestors' name in the UK an Ireland nursing register. Don't miss out. Free access ends August 24th. Visit Ancestry.ca for more details. Terms apply. Again and to the point we're like, I'm just going to lie for myself because it's kind of fun. Yeah. You're an actor too. You could be like, I was acting. I was acting. Who cares? Who cares? Also, like I do a game with other actors if I'm doing a press junket with them. And I'm like, you have to use this word in the next like prompt and you have to lie about something.

Oh my God. Did they do it? Yeah. It gets boring. You have to. There's nothing wrong with it. If you're not hurting anyone. Look, I think, like, the point of them is to, like, get clickbaited and make people watch the movie, so. Of course. How do we clickbait this? How do we click, probably me crying about my daddy on Trisha's podcast? But that's so real. Could you imagine? That's what we're saying is like his abandonment. Yeah, his daddy issues, let him to his divorce, you know, like that would be. I think I feel safe with you. I think I did not, I've never cried in an interview before. Holy shit. Well, I appreciate like the realness because I think so many people like don't talk about it. And again, especially you, you know, you're

someone who is relatively private until this book and it's, you know, it's emotion. Thank you. And it's like, I don't know. You have also like really good eye contacts and when we like look at each other. I was like, are we the same person? No, I know. I feel tapped in and I love that we're both cluster B personality girlies. I know.

Actually, no, it's so weird. Like so many of the similarities are that. Well, being borderline and being having all this issues, you're still very successful. I would love because like I said, you're living my dream life and still at 37. I'm hoping to get my big break. So how did, like, your first one, your first big break is euphoria? Yeah, I would say that was like the METCHO was massive. 2019.

Okay. So this is before your viral audition. Before my viral, yeah. So you get euphoria. How do you get this? I feel like that's what everyone needs to know is like, do you have an agent? Well, I, this is a crazy story I tell in the book. I lied to a Louisiana agent for this movie called Assassination Nation.

I auditioned in LA, they gave it to some famous person, and I was like, this is the coolest script ever, have to do it. Lied, get a Louisiana agent, then she goes, okay, you have to come read with me tomorrow if you want to read for this movie. I fly out that day, meet this lady, audition for her, audition for Sam Levinson's movie, Assassination Nation, where I met Phoebe in the room. I fell asleep on a park right before I went in, so I was completely sunburned, out of breath, deathly hung over, and won them over in the room and then had to figure out a couch to sleep on the couch and assassination nation. Then that led to euphoria because I met Sam and he wanted to give me another shot. And I think, you know, that's like the thing is like being that scrappy, bold, like just taking a chance, being DeLulu, maybe a little bit of lying. Lying gets, I lied all the time on my resume. I said I was an extra on Titanic that I was one of the children in the ocean, just like frozen.

And everyone believed it. When I first came, they were gagged with you worked with James Tamer. I was like, yeah, I was five. I would lie and say I went to like some university. I'd always do something like niche that people wouldn't hear about and like lie about like I did a pilot called one of the. the two and it's like about twins on ABC it just didn't get picked up but I was the lead like I would lie on all my resumes you kind of have to because like how do you build a resume without having a resume I would lie to agents and the agents in LA I would lie and say hey we met at this place

and they were like I'm blanking on that memory I don't remember that and I'm like I promise you I was just gaslighting these agents I did too my MySpace name was Trisha Tarantino as 18 years old and everyone was like oh are you like married to Quentin Tarantino and I was like oh we're just related and they're like oh so I would get invited to like so many things because I was like 18 fresh and they were like oh my god this is this uh she knows quentin tarentino she's you know i'm his niece i'm his whatever you know i just like lie about anything and probably why quentin is like scared of me i mean he was really nice to me when i met him a few times when i was early on but okay wait so you have euphoria which by the way

i was gonna tell you this before but it's like saving over camera is like we tried to watch it because like a couple like a year ago we tried to watch it because everyone keeps talking about it and so we tried to watch it and literally after what was it was it the first episode or second episode you're a big scene yeah and i was just like that's when we like turned it off i was just like honestly too real like you know You know, it's too, I guess a good, you're a good actor. But I really was just like, this feels too real. I don't know.

We never finished past the second episode. That was it. It was like, and I wanted to because everyone, like, loved the second season and stuff. But it was, it's pretty intense. It's intense. It's a hard watch. Are you like, do you have to, like, trigger yourself to do those kind of things? Do you get re-traumatize yourself?

Or can you separate it? Okay. Well, I think this is something that we can agree on or we can connect on. It's like there's a lot of bad parts about having personality disorder. But I think the one good part about it is we can get emotional and get to those places and get very worked up easily. Yeah. Right? I think for a little bit in L.A., and when that happened, it was like, it was easy for me to go to those intense, you know, big scenes that if they needed someone to do that, that was like, I was like, oh, perfect.

I'm the guy for that. Like, I got you on there. Leading, Charming Man, it was a little bit harder for me to tap. and do but that really yeah yeah for sure it still is really oh yeah why do I feel like on like white lotus you're like leading charming man I'm literally in the background no you literally get the sex scene like I mean I get you know that's like what's memorable about it but like which is my favorite scene I it's so good say it publicly so much I love Murray Bartlett more than anything I love him I love him in everything he's so he is so talented he's so hot he's so oh my god he's so hot and he's

just like so sweet yeah we we all came up with ideas of eating together that day. Wait, really? Yeah, it was supposed to be sex. And you were like, let's do this? I was like, we've seen sex. Come on, let's eat some. That's, and so is your mom watching this?

You like, let them watch it or no? My mom, I didn't, I did, my mom and my grandma. I think I didn't tell, I didn't tell them about that sex eating for some reason. I remember my mom, like, had a watch party with, like, her friends. And I'm, like, getting full blown eating out. And she was like, love your butt. But, like, next time, can you please give me a warning? Give me a warning when I have my friends over to watch.

Parents with Friends is like a little hard. But I do think you like made the show. I really do because I don't think we had heard of White Lotus before that scene. You know, it was like the first season, obviously. And yeah, I had no idea. But then everyone was talking about that. And I was like, well, let's watch it. Yeah, it was funny to have it be like a zeit-gey moment like on Twitter and stuff.

And that happened because it was like I said, it was like something that we came up with in the moment of like, let's just do act eating instead. That's funnier. Oh my God. So iconic. They need more of that on screen. I think they do. They have pegging on screen and hunting wives. if you've been watching that.

No. See, that's my like little kink, so I need to watch it. You got to do, you got to do Honeywise. Yeah, it's pretty good. Wow. I like HoneyWist. I haven't watched it yet. You're going to love it.

It's on Netflix. It's like Whigs, yeah. Are you in it? No, I wish. I would love. I would love to be. Oh my God, I'd love to be in that one. Do you have like a contract with Netflix where you like have to be in like everything?

No. Because I feel like you are. Like you were just like in that and you're like in so many things. And I was like, oh. No, I don't. No, I would love a contract. I would love to stop auditioning. Do you audition still?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You can't just show like your, like literally resume at this point, real resume. I wish. No, I'm still fighting, fighting the fight. Okay, I need to talk about this moment because it's like my favorite viral moment of yours. Tell me. It's obviously I watched it and I was like, this is so insane.

And it's the audition clip from 2020 that you posted. And you posted it yourself. It wasn't even like leaked. Yeah, yeah. This is wild. You never said what you auditioned for. You don't have to say what you're auditioning for. but what what like how did that happen you know what I mean like how how did that even happen did he think

he was on mute like I yeah I think it was it was actually the audition before the white lotus it was another fox I already said of the show it was a fox show you could say and um I think it was my first audition of the pandemic so I was like I need a job yeah need something and I'm getting ready to do the scene. We're like doing our hellos and whatever and everyone turns their screen to black and mutes and I hear his British voice. Why would he say that? That's so random.

You know, I don't think, I don't know if he was really even trying to come for me or like trying to be belittling with whoever he was with. I think he was maybe like trying to show sympathy in like a kind of odd way. But I wasn't that serious. It wasn't that deep. It was just really hilarious to me in the moment that he wasn't muted. No, but your reaction is scared.

You're like, ooh, like, you're like, oh, it's actually not. Yeah, you handled it well. You are so quick on your feet. If that was me, especially with borderline, I'd be like, who the fuck are you? Let's see your apartment. Let's see, turn on your light again. You know what I mean? He had a sick apartment.

He did? Oh, you saw it. It was nice. Yours also didn't look bad just because you had a TV in the background. No, it wasn't bad. And I think, you know, I think maybe if it was like a being like, oh, it sucks that he's in the pandemic with like, you know, his living room and his bedroom is the same room and whatever. I think he was like maybe sympathizing or anything, but I think I was like, wait,

why are we talking? Why is someone talking about my apartment while I'm acting? And now, why am I self-conscious about this apartment? Like, did I do the paint job? Like, like, yeah, you love your Honda. Why can't you love like that apartment, you know? I love my studio. I miss that studio. Oh, you're not in there anymore. No, I had to, I, it was like haunted after that video. Oh, really? You think it was cursed. Well, I just like when I, when I, when I, a couple months later, month or two later, I got White Lotus and then I got a little drunk and posted it in Hawaii. This story is in your book.

You talk about you're with Jennifer Coolidge. Are you like sharing bad audition stories? Yeah, it was like Molly Shannon, Jennifer Coolidge, like the queens of comedy, just all talking about our worst audition story. And of course, being my little attention seeking self, I was like, I got the best story and I have it on video. I mean, you did have the best. I don't think anyone could top it.

They were shook. So they're like, you're like, so I'm going to just post it. And then, like, literally posted it and checked my phone eight hours later to Phoebe being, like, are you okay? When I was like, what are you talking about? She's like, sweetie, you're viral. No. And did you panic? You said in the book, you kind of like had a little, uh-oh.

Well, you know, I think when I first posted it, I was like, I was like, I was like giddy. I was like, I did it. I did it and like, you know, sharing with a couple friends that were reposted it. And then when I woke up from whatever nap or sleep I had and saw how big it got, then it started to be like, oh, shit, did I just blow up my whole entire career? Are you getting a call from anyone, like agents or? Oh, yeah. Yeah, people were pissed at first.

Yeah, so like this looks so bad. Like you're just exposing people. And you're on a huge show, which obviously wasn't huge at the time because it was new, but you probably were like, have this like good job right now. Yeah, I was like, did I just blow this up in my liability now? am I like just like the you know and and I remember like offers were coming in like come on the Kelly Clarkson show come on the Drew Barrymore show like we want to do like a renovate I was like no no like put it to bed put it to bed put it to bed you love attention you think this would be your

moment that's the thing about the book I love attention and then when I get it it's too much and I hate it and I'm like get me away what did I do I like like small doses of attention yeah yeah like controlled attention I like attention from like a person like a individual person like I like your attention right now. I like an attention from a partner. I like... You don't like the world attention? I used to.

And now like I think in that moment that and I thought I wanted it so bad. And I think I'd probably still do in ways, but like not like that. It's too much. I just like when you go in public, do you like random people coming up to you? No, I feel like I'm not. I'm like B minus list C plus, like the perfect amount where I get like one person a day. That's a lot. That's a lot.

Like every time you go out, like one person has a lot. I think that is. That's like famous. That's famous, famous. I feel like I, you know, I have some friends that are a list really famous and I'm like, seems so annoying. Like going out to eat with them and like they can't, people won't leave them. I feel like if I went out with you would be.

No. No. People would freak the fuck out. I'm not going to lie. You like a little mob? I used to, not anymore. When I'd go to New York, I'd like go see a show and I'd take up a picture of the playbilt like before and then I'd come out and they'd be like a mob.

Oh, yeah. That was a while ago. New York's a different beast. New York is. New York is different. Yeah, because it's so close. It's so close. And, like, there's so many people that, like, I remember after White Lotus and I didn't

get noticed in L.A. or whatever. And then I would go to New York and be like, wait, am I famous? Yeah, really about more people in New York? Oh, way more. Well, especially White Lotus. Yeah. I think that was just, like, such a, like, a big moment. And there was nothing on TV.

And I was in New York at that moment. And I just think there's so many people around. People are not on their phones, like in L.A. Like, people are looking around and socializing. That's true. Right, right. They see you more. Yeah, I guess if we were out together, I'd probably be, like, showing something in the background

so people could see us in it with us together. Oh, my God. Can we please post nonstop together? Be like, just at the Grove the most popular place ever. Like, just casually. Do you ever go to get noticed any place? Like the Grove or Disneyland or somewhere? No, not to get noticed, I wouldn't say.

You don't love to just meet fans. I like sometimes, like, crave it. Oh, that Chili's. I love Chili's. Me, Meg Stalter, Phoebe, Charlie, we just do that for fun. Wait, oh, okay, I thought Wigs was, like, a show. No, wigs, like, just, like, we put on wigs. Oh, I love.

Yeah. Oh, my gosh. When is that happening? Well, whenever you want. That would be everything. I love a triple dipper. Oh, my God. Oh, the triple dipper, the Honey Crisper Chicken.

The honey crisper chicken. The fried cheese poles. Like, that sounds so good. Speaking of Meg Salter, you're in this, like, Hollywood, like, it group right now. Like, it's you. I don't have to say his last name, but I love him. name's Owen Thiel? Is that how you say it?

Like you guys are in this group. Oh, God, you were in overcompancy. You're literally in everything. When we saw you in that and that like one episode, I was like, how the hell is he in everything? It's crazy. Which I love, by the way. Jump scare, gauge. Tricker warning.

No, it's everything. I feel like you are this like character. Like you are varsity blues. You are like if someone needs this look, you are that. But how did you guys all know each other? Are you like S&L where you all go to like groundlings together or something? Or how do you all know each other? You're always together.

Yeah, I think. I think a lot of them are just because I do jump scares on multiple shows. I just go from show to show and I meet people on set and become friends with them. And then, you know, like the little Hollywood lame parties. And then you meet your people that are like, oh, thank God you're here. Thank God. Like there's some fun people. And maybe in Hollywood because I was thinking like, okay, I can't like maintain friendships we were talking about earlier.

But I guess like Hollywood people are going to like you just see each other at events and that's your friendships. Not necessarily with them, but just in general. I don't really. No, I don't really. I think, do I have friends? You have one, you have Phoebe? We have like a couple, but it's just like, I don't know if you feel this way. It's like not the same anymore.

Friends. Friends and like having fun isn't fun anymore. No, I don't even know. Like, I don't even know what I would do for fun. I don't know either. I eat a lot. I do, like, I do reform replies. I know we talked about her.

We have to do Pilates. I went this morning and I'm obsessed. Anyways. It's so good. That's fun, I guess. It's fun, but like, I've, I remember like going to parties in LA a decade ago and everything felt so fun. People were like not so much.

People had fun. I feel like it feels really performative now. Do you think? I do. I really do think like it's not the same or like something happened during the pandemic where I feel like people don't know how to socialize and have fun as much anymore. I could see that. Maybe also to like TikTok like everyone wants it for me too included. I went out last night for the first time ever in my life.

I never go to clubs. I never do anything. I was like, I think I should TikTok this. Like, I think everyone probably thinks that way. I'm 37 and I feel that way. So maybe that's what ruins it for people like you who are not necessarily all about, like, can we just live in the moment? Right, right.

And I'm not a po-like, look, I love taking pictures and all that and doing that. But I feel like there's a time and a place and I feel like it's just, I just like miss having fun. I want to, can you hang out more? I would hang out, period. I was going to be that annoying person. I'll be that annoying person that I'll be like, let's TikTok, let's do this. I don't think I've ever hung out with someone who doesn't. So I know what you mean, but I am that person that can't be in the moment.

If I go out, I'm like, I've got to document it, I guess. Right, right. That's okay. But I feel like your personality is so, I could just like talk to you for hours and be entertained. But I don't know. Do you find, here's my other thing. Did you ever have an identity crisis? Because sometimes I'm like, I don't even know if I'm fun.

I don't even know who I am when I'm not on. Yeah, all the time. I don't know who I am, period. Sometimes. I'm like, I don't even know if I trust that voice in my head if that's mine. I'm like, are you real? Are you, I don't know. I'm like, I constantly have like a crisis with that a lot.

Yeah. I'm the same way. Like I love the idea of going to Chili's and like wigs, but then I'm also just like, ooh, am I fun? Am I a normal person? Do I know how to socialize? I probably not. Well, can I tell you something about that chili story?

We lied. No, no, I didn't lie. Well, we thought it was so fun and like such a funny idea. And then like we get there and like, it wasn't fun. Why? It was like too, it was like trying too hard to have fun. It was, like, funny in theory, and then the actual execution of it, yeah, exactly. I think, I think that's everybody.

I think everyone has high expectations. It's going to be amazing. And I don't think it is. No, I don't think it is. I think, like, the best nights, the best moments are the ones that are unplanned and, like, be right now, this moment. A little unplanned moment right here. A little unplanned, Kiki. No, I feel you.

That's why I like doing the podcast. That's my socializing because I really don't see anybody ever. Really? Yeah. of that's why I'm glad I have like a husband and kids because I probably would have just rotted in my apartment because I never went out even in my 20s I was just in my apartment yeah I was just making chicken nugget videos and getting high by myself you know what I mean suss with you yeah you are me though I feel I am you I know we had I the same that's why

emailed you I was like after I read your book I was kind of like that was such a nice email that was so crazy that was like your approval of it and you saying that you related to it was beyond. Well, the ending, too, and I like, I guess I mean, I'm not going to give it away, but like the attention, the only intent of that matters when you talk about at the end, I was just like, I cried. I was like, honestly, that's so real, you know? But do you think, like, I read the book and I'm like, yes, that's the concept I want to grasp. Do you think the yearning for like love, validation, attention will ever go away? No. It never will. Never will. But I can do it in the right way. I can look at for the right kind of love, the right kind of validation, the right

kind of attention. I can I can get attention for things that matter that are that are for good and not to be sensationalized and be a provocateur, which I'll always be though. I'll always, I think we'll always be in on it. We'll always be kind of with everyone and kind of, you know, twisting the, you know, we're like, sir, a little bit. But I think it's, it's the way that you execute it now. And I think, you know, you learn from your mistakes and you learn from the areas that you may be, You did it the wrong way. You said the wrong thing. But that's life, you know.

We're always constantly changing and growing. But I think that part of me, that little boy who wanted attention, who was shaking for his parents to laugh at him in a Playboy Bunny outfit, like that kid is still very much in me and still shaking his ass for his parents to be like, good job, kid. I wish your picture was in the book. You know how sometimes memoirs have those pictures in there. I wish that would have been in there that one of you. I know, me too.

Playboy Bunny. Were you watching Girls Next Door? Is that what inspired you? Girls Next Door was later. I watched that religiously afterwards. Oh, I see. And Kendra Wilkinson, I believe, went to my high school to a different, like a decade before me or something like that. We went to like this continuation school where you get, when you get kicked out and she went there and there was like a picture of Kendra there.

Oh, I didn't know your school was a continuation school. Well, I talk about it in the book just for a little tiny chapter where like I get kicked out and then I have to go to like this. Yeah, I get kicked out of school for a grade. Yeah. Okay, bad boy. I was a bad boy. I was a bad boy for a minute. feel um where do you what's like one thing or movie or where do you see yourself like next year what

you like what's your plans obviously this book is going to be big are you turning it into a tv show are you making more movies are you going to be a social media star i don't know on a ticot still i've tried to i've downloaded it i did a couple i don't know how to do it they're so bad you have to help me do one i i didn't see you do tic tic so i didn't even like i was like i have like three followers on it i don't know how to do it we really i would love to do you do when you do muckbang roulette You guys should TikTok. I think that is a TikTok that people do. I think I should probably do that.

I want to continue. I really love writing so much. Like I wanted to write a book since I was a kid. I've wanted to write movies since I was a kid. I've started writing movies with Phoebe. Some of them not great. Some of them are great. Wait, multiple movies?

Yeah. Yeah, we sold some things together. And I want to continue to keep doing that. Yeah. There's one on Netflix that's out right now. What's it called? It's called Down Low. Oh, my God.

What's about being out of a down-low? It's about a masseuse who comes to help a man. They, a closeted man, they have a threesome, goes wrong. They kill the third. They have to hide the body. Okay. Yeah. Love it.

Dark. Is it all men? The threesome? It's all men, but we have, we have Audre MacDonald and Judith Light in there, you know, Tony Award winner, Audre Macdonald. I'm obsessed with her. Did you see her in Gypsy? So, so good.

So, so good. Oh, my God, I have to watch. Oh, my God, you're, like, selling movies. That's crazy. Yeah, I want to keep creating stuff. I want to keep, and I'm growing. I know I'm a baby writer and a baby actor, and I want to keep getting better at it and keep honing in on my craft, you know, writing, producing, acting.

I want to do it all. I want to just continue to get better. Oh, my God, I love that. And then, like, in your personal life, are you just happy where you're at right now? Are you, like, living in the moment? My personal life's really good. I feel like I'm. I'm the most stable I've ever been ever.

I finally like figured out whatever the is going on in my head and whatever the right meds were or whatever the right amount of validation. I just feel like I feel good right now. I feel like I'm not constantly yearning for something or someone or some feeling to like make me feel better. On your own is to achieve that on your own is actually amazing accomplishment. I'm just bored as far. Oh, what?

How are you bored? I'm content, but I'm bored. Does that make sense? I'm just like, I need, I'm... You want the chaos? You want a little chaos? I think a part of me will always miss, like, a little bit of chaos. Wardham's good.

He loves the war. I love the war. I love, like, kind of like... You love the war. Like, I love like... It's a quote from Big Little Lies. It's like, you miss the war, Celeste. It's like what the therapist says to Nicole Kidman.

What's Big Little Lies? No, no. A TV show? Yeah, you're going to get so... Yeah, you're going to get so... It's out now? It's out now. It's been out for like five years.

Right now. I would love, yes, okay? No, I feel, I feel good and I feel... Boredom is good, by the way. I always call us boring. I'm like, we are the most boring people, and people think of it as like, I'm complaining, but I kind of like, yes, it can be like boring,

but it's like nice and, like, peaceful, you know? It's like going out in the chaos. Like last night, like I was like, oh my God, like it was the first time I ever been out of the house. I'm like, I don't know, like five years. And I was like, I'm scared, you know? I kind of like just being bored. sometimes. You're not going to get into trouble. Right. It's like when you're looking for

that trouble crazy person today. It's like you're not, it's not going to end well. Especially because you're so stable and you're so good right now. Like I worry for you if you find someone like you meet Brett Michaels or something and you're just like, let's go. Oh my God. If it was Brett Michaels, I would have to be like, let's go. Let's go on that bus. Did you find him attractive back then? No. I think he's still one of the hottest people in the world. Really? Yeah. You didn't find him cute? Why did you watch it then? The girls, I was obsessed with the girls on the show. Oh, yeah, there were divas, I guess.

Oh, my God, Brandy. Brandy C. Brandy C. Oh, my God, I love Brandy. And she had her other friend. I forgot her name, but they were like a duo together. Brandy M. Was it?

No, Brandy M was a different one. No, Brandy, Lacey, Heather. Lacey, she has a podcast. Go on her podcast. I have to go on Lacey's podcast. She had Daisy. She had Heather. Daisy.

Oh, my God. Jess. I have a wig that looks like Jess. Her hair. cared one. Yes. Oh, my God, it does. What was the girl that got second in second season that won?

Amber. Amber won. Amber won. Number one. Yeah. Number one. Third season was Taya? Teia.

Oh, yeah. They think they're still together. No. I think he was married during the whole show. Was he? Yeah, I think he still is. I fell him religiously. He's like, happy birthday to Christy, or happy anniversary, 25 years together.

I was like, okay. He sent me a cowboy hat. Did you ask him for one and you dissent it? I DMed him. Oh, you've been deemming, too. I don't look at Brett Michaels. I don't know what he's doing. It's like, no, you love him.

No, I've been looking. I think I got Taya confused with someone else. Yeah, I told him he was in the book and an inspiration to me and he sent me a hat. I love. I love that he's an inspiration to all of us, really. He honestly was an American treasure. It still is. I love it.

I love that you like, yeah, gave him a shout out. It's kind of everything. I'm obsessed with you in every way. I'm obsessed with you in every way. And I hope that we can. No, we're like. I was going to say hang up, but are we? No, we both are like, we don't.

We're not good friends. I'm saying we are. We're good friends because we're bad friends. You know what I mean? Like let's hang out. I'm like, I don't know. But I'm telling you if you do go to Chili's, it's very close. No, I'm going to Chili's with you.

Can we have a Chili like a pop-up? You can tell people like, yeah, me and agree. What if I'm just like, me and Lucas are going here? I would tag it, put a location tag on there. I'm so doubt. And to see how many people show up. No one shows up. It's just, I said Chili's and wigs, waiting by a limo.

Like just like who wants to meet us you should do that for your book are you going on a book tour yeah I'm doing um LA San Diego London New York um and Chili's with you that would be everything That would be so sick uh wait that's so great have you done meet and greets before no no never I just hope someone shows up everyone's gonna show up I feel like a lot of moms like you too really Like my mom for one but I also know other moms that were really excited I told like a few moms Actually those are the people I know and they're like I love him Do you find that a lot in public, older women? I mean, I love an older eccentric woman.

That's like my cup of tea. I'm on a group chat with a bunch of them. I'm face time with all of them. Maybe I need to be on that group chat. Oh, my God. Can you please come do an appearance? Please do an appearance. We will freak out.

Yeah, I think maybe gays and moms get down with me. Okay. I thought the gays may be jealous. There's like a love, like they kind of hate me too. They actually all hate me. No, I don't think. No, no. They kind of do it's okay.

No, but I know. I just feel like you're just like a good-looking gay and they just might be like, damn. Yeah. Can't hype them up too much, you know. No, girls and gays love you, but older women too. I think older women is my demographic. Older eccentric woman.

Yeah. Do it like a romance novel or something like that. I would love to. I used to write what pad novels with Phoebe online with about like romance. We really. Was it about celebrities or was it just about? One of them is like about a hotel of actors that like start and then one of them is about like a,

a dorky girl and a like a popular guy falling in love. Wait, I love that. Are these just like ideas you have in a header? Is it based on like life? Just ideas we haven't our head. Just little fantasy. Just a little fantasies. I was really bored during the pandemic.

It was you and what pad. During the pandemic you were doing this? Yeah. I thought I was like 2013. No, no. This was like three years ago. I want to read them. Is it still up?

Yeah, they're still out. I love a fanfic and I love. Me too. Trashy novels. Oh, me too. You're gorgeous. You're gorgeous. You're the hottest.

You're the hottest. You're the hottest. You really are. I've really, if anyone knows, I've been wearing sweats, but I was like, today is a day I'm getting dressed up. You're so beautiful. No, everything about you is amazing and I'm so happy for you. Thank you. And anything else besides the book?

What's coming up? Are you in the next White Lotus? It's going to France. I know. I saw that. I'm tech avail. I'm so ready. I'm just doing a couple little Netflix movies that are coming out.

Like you said, Netflix contract. You are on the contract. Put them on contract. Like back in the day, they used to do like MGM contracts. I know. You should be on the Netflix one. You and Adam Sandler. A billion.

You and I on the MGM, like, contract, like, have to use two movies a year with both of us. Please put me in any of your contracts. I would love to be a part of them. We'll talk after this script. We've just sold another movie. You are perfect. There's a part for you, and I would die if you played it. I'm obsessed.

Are you serious? I'm dead serious. My goal is to act. No, you. Put me. I don't know if I can't. No, you can. We just need a camera in front of you, you can do whatever you want.

Like, I feel like you and, like, Cardi B, have you watched the trials? I'm like, get a camera in front of, like, you and her and just let you guys do whatever the you want. Are we both going to be in it? Please. Is that the roles? Literally, that's my dream is like you two in this movie. Okay.

I'm manifesting it right now. I would love my goal is to be in one movie. So, yes, accepted. Part accepted. Done. Put me on Techaville. Is that what you just said? I don't know.

Put me on hold. You're on hold. I'm so excited. Oh my God. I booked my first acting gig here. Thank you so much. I'm so gag for it. And give me the contracts.

I love you too. Thank you so much Lucas Gage. His new book. I wrote this for attention is out. Now? Is it out by this time of the video? I mean, probably. I think your people were like, hold it.

And I was like, okay. So, yeah. Target, Barnes & Noble, the airport. Target, Barnes & Noble, the Audible, Amazon airport. Did you do an audible book? I did the Audible, yeah. In your own voice? In your own voice?

I love. I love when people do memoirs and their voice. You like, the Audible is fun. I like hearing someone like their emotion behind you. I think the Audible adds like an element that's really good. Oh my God. Okay. Okay.

Well, thank you for being here. And we'll see you in another episode, I guess. Please, I'm coming back. Okay.