Just Trish - Olivia O'Brien EXPOSES the Music Industry & Her Celeb Situationships

Episode Date: March 22, 2024

We'd choose Olivia O'Brien over Josslyn any day. The singer-songwriter and social media superstar spills the tea with Trish on what it's REALLY like working in the music industry. Plus, she exposes some of her most infamous celebrity "situationships"... including Pete Davidson and Logan Paul. And Olivia reveals her plans for TV. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey guys! Welcome back to the Just Trish podcast. Today I am joined by a very talented singer, songwriter, and I've known about for a very long time. I'm very happy you're here, Miss Olivia O'Briah. Thank you for having me. This is literally my dream come true. I'm nervous. I'm nervous. I feel like this, okay, there's so much background to it, but most recently on the podcast we talked, well, you know what it is? I feel like the first time I saw you comment on something of mine was recent, where it was like when I showed all my purchased music. And I purchased. It was like I was showing all the weekend music.

And then you were on there with Jocelyn. And you're like, my son. I was like, oh, my God. And I think we talked about you on the podcast. And then you DM'd me. And then we talked about you again. Because I was like, I don't want to open that DM. I don't know what she has to say to me.

Oh, it was nice. And then you sent me another DM. It's like open. It's OK. It's not weird. Yeah, I wanted you to know another dm it's like open it's okay it's not weird yeah i wanted you to know like it's everything i've never i i just love you i'm just like so obsessed with you that's so crazy because did we we definitely crossed group paths but did we never cross paths um actually the one time that we've met in person was um when i was dating todd we met you came over to my house around

halloween time for we were like about to all go out i remember that was my house it was like that's not the one you live in now though right because it was like you walked in and it was like yeah you were like in the hills or something like that it's very bougie lots were you fairly odd parents um no that was kelsey and stoss they were fairly odd parents that night and i think i just wore like a onesie that was like before I cared about Halloween I just remember that was that is so weird was it how it was actually Halloween it was like hollow weekend we like went out for something yeah because I remember just being there literally so briefly like a few minutes yeah and I just remember being like I'm just I don't fit in with anybody here because everyone

was so gorgeous and tall and nervous to I was too nervous to talk to you. Oh, my God. Were you purple hair back then? That's wild. Because obviously, I knew who you were. And I kept hearing – because you were like – I feel like you are very much an it girl. But back then, you were like the it girl. Especially of all the guys.

All the influencer guys were like obsessed with you. Because when I went on to Impulsive, everyone was like, do you know Olivia Bright? And they were on the air. They asked that. And I was like, this is so random. And I was like, kind of. I'm like, I don't know her. But everyone that. And I was like, this is so random. And I was like, kind of, I'm like, I don't know her, but I, but everyone talked about you back then. So that's so crazy. Well, that was probably just because like me and Logan had a little thing.

Honestly, it's, are you, okay. Cause I think it's amazing. I know recently, like, who is it? Who's he? Young age. She not Nina Aguilera. She like got dragged through the mud because of all the people she dated. Like all the famous, but so so mess up because i think that's so cool like to say i i dated logan paul or i dated todd i'm like to me i'm like i dated no one so i think that's so cool but i think the problem is just that like when you're a woman that like if you google me it's like because there was also like this like pete davidson that i never dated pete davidson i saw that i never dated him we had like a like a like a we talked we it was mainly like long distance we would like just facetime it was like not anything serious i never brought his name up

and then i was on bffs and dave was like so you dated pete davidson and i was like caught off guard i was like where did you hear that and then the next day headlines everywhere olivia o'brien claims she dated pete davidson and this was when he was with kim and like someone from his team like a representative was like um there are no there's these claims are baseless like they were friends who hung out a couple times i was like why would we be friends who hung out a couple times we were talking we weren't dating yeah i just got twisted did he ever reach out to you was he ever like i don't and he gets a new phone number like all the time like even when we were talking he would like be like hey i just got a new phone number like text me on here i have like three phone numbers for him

because he's he just has so many people yeah he's just like he doesn't want to he must have something that all these gorgeous girls want to date him i mean he's just he's really funny and yeah he's just like really fun to be around when he's in like a good place and like he's but then he you know can get into a bad place and then it's like a lot it's kind of hard and that's why i feel like he's always dating new people i don't know you know i wasn't into a bad place. And then it's like a lot, it's kind of hard. And that's why I feel like he's always dating new people. I don't know. You know, I wasn't like with him for very long and we spent very little time together actually in person. Oh, you met in person? Oh yeah. Oh, so that's okay. That's like, then there's something that, I mean, I think FaceTiming is still hanging out, but if you met in person, oh my gosh, that's so cool.

I went to the basement apartment. Wait, what? When he lived in his mom's basement. No way. Where's that? In New York? It was in Staten Island. I'm gagging right now. This is like, I'm like such a celebrity. I'm obsessed with celebrities.

I'm obsessed with dating celebrities. And this is like the biggest that you can get. This is wild. Yeah. Well, I mean, to me, it's like you meet them. And I have that like thing too, where I'm like, right now my thing is actors. And I'm like, I'll be so attracted to like someone's character online and then I'll like go on a date with them and I'll have all these preconceived notions of like who they are based on like what I know of them from

interviews and things that I've seen and then you meet them and you're like disappointing yeah and it's also hard to have a relationship with someone like that because the power dynamic is already off right so I'm already like oh my god yeah like i'm getting a chance with this person i'm so nervous i can't be myself and then i'm like oh my god i like him i like him and it's like no i don't think i like him i don't know him like i don't know him i just know who i think he is but i love i don't mind i've never dated anyone super famous but even when i dated like z listers i don't mind the power dynamics i loved being breaking news a brand new game is now live at Bet365. Introducing Prize Matcher, a daily game that's never ordinary.

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T's and Z's apply. Like the fan and just like admiring someone. Because isn't that like a big part of the relationship is like, oh, look, I don't think people should date fans. But I think in your situation it's different because you're in the entertainment industry. Like you get it. You know, you're not totally like. Yeah, no, I have major imposter syndrome and I've had like you know self-image issues and confidence issues forever so like I'm always like oh my god they're giving me a chance

like and I feel like I have to impress and then I just I'm not the best version of myself and then I blame myself for whatever goes wrong wow that's so interesting because I have that too but I'm just more like insecure but you like look like a. So I feel like they're the people you date. I was just talking with Madison about this yesterday. I like, well, so I, when I was younger, I called it the hump. I had like a very large bump on my nose. I've had like three nose jobs. I've had a boob job.

Yeah. I was like bullied for the way that I looked when I was younger. Oh my gosh. And I never healed that part of me so I feel like I still am like think I'm ugly so and it's so funny as my therapist was like I she looked at me and she was like Olivia honestly I look at you and I don't know how anyone could look any better and I started crying oh like in tears though you're like well someone said that I was like that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me you're the stereotypical like beautiful girl like there's no like denying it

thank you but I guess in a way that makes you even a better like commodity for a guy because you don't have the like I'm such a hot girl like I can get anyone you have a little bit I've never felt like a hot girl I've never felt like I mean like certain times like if I dress up and I'm like I'm like okay I look good right now but like when it comes down to it, like I have my, my little sticky thing. You put them on the mirror. Oh, absolutely. I put it everywhere. I love that.

I saw Tana have one and I was like, I gotta get one. It's the most useful thing ever, especially if you're making videos. I have a folder in my phone of all of the things that I don't like about myself. Like I take photos of like weird angles. Like I have scars on my forehead that I don't like and I'll like circle them. I'll take photos in like the different lighting. I sent this photo to Madison last night and I was like, them i'll take photos in like the different lighting i sent this photo to madison last night and i was like is this normal like wait why do you do this because i have body dysphoria and why do you

save them oh my god don't save them in your phone in an album this one's crazy oh wait what do you hate about that picture my posture oh my god so um oh my god that makes me so it's so sad like that makes me so sad. Cause you are like the most beautiful girl in the whole world. Like I saw you and I was like, oh my gosh. Thank you. That's do you, do you like talk to someone to get over it? Yeah.

I'm in therapy every week. And I really like, that's what I'm working on right now is like healing that inner child that like got bullied and was told I was ugly and a freak. And I think that every, I think my biggest thing is that I just feel like I'm not normal and I've never been like a normal person. Like i was always a little bit of an outcast in school and i was very much so bullied and i think i was the perfect victim when it comes to bullying because i would react and i would like let them know like they would they knew that they were getting to me so then it became a bandwagon thing of like oh well let's just all hate on her because she like

is gonna cry about it and that's what they know, they, they do it because they want a reaction from you. So I was reactive and then I was even more annoying because I was reactive about it. And that just made me a worse person. Um, and it's just taken me so long to try to get out of that. But like, I live, like I live my life being like, everything I do is weird and I'm a freak and everything is just like a little different than everyone else. And so that's, yeah, that's what I'm working on in therapy on in therapy i think well i'm glad you're in therapy i think girls are in therapy especially at your age you're 24 right like in early 20s if you're in therapy you're like you're already ahead of the game but that makes me like so sad on one hand i relate i love girls like that that are a little that they you know they've gone through the trauma of it because they are you know

empathetic whatever but on the other hand it makes me so that's why like i hate that i have like a daughter and has to go through school because people are so mean. I know. Like, what would they make fun of you for? Is it your nose? Like, your nose? Yeah. They would, mainly, a lot of stuff was my nose. Oh, my God.

Witch nose. Pickle nose for some reason. Chicken nose for some reason. And the guy that I had a crush on coined that one. That was so crazy. Oh, a guy. And the guys did it, too. Yeah.

Oh, my. That was the thing. I'm, like, the worst. I always say, like, you know that you're you're like something is wrong with you if even like the pimply horny boys like would rather make fun of you than like try to have sex with you no high school boys are the worst they're still the worst i swear they're still the ones that make fun of me when i see them at target they're still like laughing and filming me i'm like you little 13 year old pricks i'm like i hate i hate like high school boys i've always have always

well they're the worst one of my biggest bullies in high school was this guy who was like five feet tall like not like not conventionally attracted not i don't want to say not conventionally attractive he wasn't attractive yeah he was like a little gremlin he bullied me the most out of everyone and i was like what is going Like, I would walk in the cafeteria. I remember when I first started coming to L.A. a little bit to, like, when I first started doing music. And I was still at my Catholic school. So that's also, like, the bullying is, like, so severe. But also that's the worst because they're Catholics.

They're supposed to be, like, super godly and they're making fun of you. No, they're just all so mean. But I remember I started, like, wearing, like, the things that people were wearing in L.A. Like, I wore high-waisted jeans, right? And I was like, oh, I'm the things that people were wearing in la like i wore high-waisted jeans right and i was like oh i'm so cool i'm wearing the urban outfitters high-waisted jeans like i i'm i'm so cool and i would go to school and then my ask fm did you ever have ask fm was like oh my god what is that it was like a website where people can anonymously just say whatever they want about you and like they'll just be like that was where i got a lot of the hate was like you're

ugly you're this you're that nobody likes you you're the most annoying person in the world and you think whatever yeah wait so it's like you had profiles like social media you had a profile and people could submit things anonymously it was so so awful i got it in like seventh or eighth grade and had it through high school it's like that is the worst time i think that was like the basis of like a lot of the trauma yeah middle school sucks i remember people would when I started wearing high-waisted jeans, people would comment, you're such a slut wearing your high-waisted jeans to show off your ass. And I was like, I'm covering more of my body. I'm literally covering more of my body.

Oh my gosh. And I wore Adidas superstars, but I got the all white ones. And people were like, why are you wearing nurses shoes to school? Two years later, all these bitches are wearing Adidas superstars. Oh my God. That's so crazy. so they're making fun of like your outfits too oh it was literally everything that i did and there were so many nice people too like i don't get me wrong there were so many people that would come to like go

to bat for me and that were so kind to me but it's always the mean stuff that sticks with you and i've gotten so many people that have reached out to me and apologized which is really sweet like a lot of the really really popular girls yeah have like out and, and like sent like long paragraph apologies being like, I was in a bad place in high school and I was insecure about, and I'm like, I get it. I don't hold it. I don't hold anything against anyone. That's good. You can let it go. Oh, absolutely. I mean, I've, I've also repressed a lot of the memories. So sometimes my friends will be like, remember when that person did this? And I'm like, I forgot, but now I remember that that's so common though I keep hearing this from girls who are like bullied and stuff like that because me too it's like then you

remember you're like oh my god yes I don't know if a bully like reached out to me from high school I would I don't know if I would be as forgiving I'd be like you made my life hell like I switched high schools five times because of you yeah but that's good that's better to be that way well it's your therapy and everything that you can just like let things go yeah I mean it's just like it was it feels like a different lifetime also and like I also when I moved to LA and then I had bullies here so it was like it never goes away yeah so I kind of was more focused on like that there's people here that like when I first moved there's like a couple people that I'm just like I will never forgive you and your trauma will affect me for the rest of my life here in LA yeah oh my god I mean that was me also I moved here at 16 so it was like oh so you're

still getting that do you get it now anymore? I don't really deal with like mean girls now. Because I think I've been here for so long that I definitely, when I first moved here, it was a lot. And then I kind of was able to pinpoint like who. And also, it's kind of almost easier with social media now. Because I can like see people's demeanor and just know. It's very true.

And I also have friends. And they're like, oh, don't. This person did this to me. So it's just, I'm just just i have a good bullshit detector and i just i don't let those people into my life anymore and i don't let that affect me so you seem to have a good like girl group here of friends like i do yeah i have a couple girl groups actually now i was i was kind of like only hanging out with the same group of people for a really long time and we're still very close friends but like everyone's kind of like getting a boyfriend and growing up and like we're we all kind of do our

own things yeah and then like we come together like i think we're gonna go get dinner tonight actually um oh fun so i also have a group of like they're all older than me too because i was 17 and they were a little older yeah it helps when they're older like girls they kind of yeah it was great um but i also have last year started hanging out with like another girl group that i love so much that are all a little younger like my age or or even younger than me the youngest one is like 19 i'm like you are such a baby she's like my daughter 19 to 24 it does feel like that when you're that age yeah yeah i always say those years count so much people like it's only five years i'm like but no you change so much so much and then in relationships

too because you said you were dating like older people at 17 right which is like oh yeah that to me is always the most wild experience it's so crazy did they know your age they know you were like 17 or were you like yeah i'm 18 oh my god i find like screenshots like i'll sometimes just go through my old like screenshots or whatever in my phone i found messages of like guys being like, Oh, I can't believe you're 16. Like, I want to date you so bad. Like jailbait or like, Oh, I probably shouldn't. Like, I probably shouldn't. You're 17. And then they still would like do. It's just like, yeah, I dated a 24 year old when I was 17. And like, yeah, it was, it was bad. Was it bad? Okay. Cause some people say, I always make this argument like 24 and 17, like it's in age I'm like but that's such a big it's such a big difference I mean it wasn't it wasn't bad it's just like I like nothing really bad necessarily happened but we he was like a club

promoter and we decided we were dating when I was drunk in the club that I was in at 17 years old like why was I in the club he was getting me in the club. I would get drunk. We'd be like, we're dating. We love each other. And then I went on tour. And he stayed back, obviously. And I was like, why am I dating this guy? I don't like him. And he's kind of a creepy dude. Yeah. Your sobriety.

You're like, no, that's not it. I was like, no. So then I broke up with him. Because I was like, no, why am I? Looking back, I would never date someone like that ever now. Like, oh my gosh. So to me, it's just that. It it's like why would i let myself do that i don't know but i was 17 at 17 it's like yeah you don't know and if you're partying and stuff like that yeah you don't know those kind

of things well that's why back to the original so when you you do date these like cool like high profile people like especially like pete davidson's i'm like do you feel like does do you get excited about that or are you just kind of like as like taylor's like i don't want to be known for my dating well that's the thing it's like yeah if you google that's what i was trying to say in the beginning if you google me like it's just like olivia o'brien blah blah it's like it's so hard for women because they just associate us with who we're dating especially as a songwriter it's like who's this about who's this about blah blah it's like that's what they care people care about that so much and i don't know if that's just, I don't know if maybe, maybe male songwriters experience

that too, but I just feel like it's so common with women. And like a lot of the things that people say about me, it's all about my dating. I'll post a video that has nothing to do with anything. And people will comment like, well, aren't you the girl that dated Logan Paul? And I'm like, first of all, your information is just like so wrong. Second of all, you know, like 0.0000001% or less of my actual dating history because i don't post that stuff like whatever has come out has come out by accident i don't name drop ever unless it's like like with the logan stuff it like i was hiding it for so long and then it got to the

point where it was like we girl we all know and i was like fine i'll say it how do people know like i wouldn't know i love that was my favorite song of yours jocelyn like i remember during covid everyone was doing it like how do people find that out well I wouldn't know. I love, that was my favorite song of yours, Jocelyn. Like, I remember during COVID, everyone was doing it. Like, how do people find that out? Well, we were, like, not that secretive about, like, I went on his podcast when we were, like, we were, like, we would, like, talk for a while and then stop talking and then talk for a while and stop talking all the time for, like, three years. Oh, my God.

So, like, when I was on his podcast, like, we were, like, hooking up and stuff. And it was, like, obvious. So people were commenting, like, they're definitely, like. Oh, really? Because I saw the one, I think it was BFS where Mike was on mike was on and you're like in the bedroom or something like that we were on a trip in london with logan okay so that's why they're like well this makes sense okay so people could just guess yeah and then i was like whatever i don't care because we we kept like every time that we were like on good terms we would just like make jokes about it and then we wouldn't care as

much so i was like whatever it's like people kind of know and I'm on the trip and I started being in the YouTube videos and it was like, whatever. So they just kind of like, yeah, we just kind of gave up on it. I mean, that's a flex. I think Logan is like, he's, he's always been cool. I think like he's always right. Are you friends with him now? I haven't talked to him in so long.

No, I haven't. I haven't actually seen him since he came out with me at my Coachella performance. I haven't. When was that? Was that two years ago? Or last year? Oh my gosh, yeah. Yeah, almost two years ago.

That's cool. So that's why I was saying you guys must be still on cool terms if he's like, I'm going to come out during this song. Yeah, no, we were friends for a while. He's one of those people that when he dates someone, he is so, that is his life. And like, I think he's really ready to like settle down. And I obviously was never going to be the person for that.

Wait, why do you say that? Because you don't want to settle down? no not at all no and also like he likes to have someone that is like is down to be in his life and be like go move where he wants to go and do what he wants and i think that i mean i don't know anything about nina she seems really sweet and i'm still friends with all his friends and they all tell me like she's such a she's such an angel and you know she's in a point in her life where she wants to do that and she's ready to do that she can be the partner for him because he's such a like when he's in a relationship he's a relationship guy like that's his main focus and he's very loyal he's never he doesn't cheat like i mean when he's in a situation ship i was like

yeah well we weren't dating so we weren't dating when he decides he wants to like date date someone and have a girlfriend he's very committed wait so what's the difference between dating what situation i don't know the difference we just like i don't we just weren't like officially we weren't dating ever we just like would hang out for a couple months and then he would get bored of me and we would stop hanging out that's so and then we would hang out again oh my god dating sounds so difficult it's horrible i never really dated in my 20s so i don't know i don't date anymore really no because you don't and you don't want to settle down you have no interest in it no and i i realize that I'm kind of not

really a relationship person I never really dated much in high school I feel like a lot of how you date later in life can kind of be defined by by your experiences when you're younger just as most things are um so like you know boys didn't like me when I was growing up they were bullying me and like I was like some some of the guys like in my later parts of high school would like ask me to hook up but like really secretly like I was like the little like the secret like no one could know because I was like embarrassing and weird and like whatever because of it because of a bump on your nose yeah I mean now looking back I'm like you know what I wasn't that ugly but I thought I was the ugliest person on the entire planet ugliest weirdest most annoying and like i'm still every day trying to work on like not feeling like that

um and i feel like it never goes i every day i still feel like that i try to tell myself don't be sorry if it's like every day i'm like i know it's like never goes away the little girl we carry her with us everywhere and before all that trauma like i went to montessori school when i was really young and i was like I was like I'm a quadruple threat I'm a singer dancer uh what is it singer dancer actor and fashion designer that was like seven um and then I went to Catholic school and it just I was just pounded down like my my my confidence and all of that I was like oh that's an impractical career i became so essentially what i want to do is become that little little girl again and have those dreams

and be proud of myself and not be afraid to be creative and express myself and i think that the weirdness that i feel that oh i'm not normal i'm not normal why am i not normal that's okay because normal people normal people suck yeah they suck and they're boring. There's no stuff to it. You know what I mean? Yeah. And I spent my whole life just wanting to fit in and be normal. And I never, I never could. It was like, I would do everything slightly wrong. Like I would find like, cause you know, also in high school and out of Catholic school, everyone's writing these name brands and it's like these specific things. It's all the same. So, and I wasn't wealthy. I was on financial aid. I wasn't like, we were fine.

But like, you know, I was going to school with a lot of rich kids. And I couldn't afford the stuff that they had. So like, I would find like a pair of like Uggs on sale, but they were the wrong color. Or like, I would get like the like knockoff ones. Or I would find like, I remember rag and bone jeans were like, oh my God, if you had rag and bone jeans. I found them some at Nordstrom Rack, but they were like bright teal colored and i wore them and i was like this is literally so cool i am so cool and rich and everyone was like why are you wearing those jeans you look like oh my god so it was just

like social shaming you too yeah it was just like every time i would try to fit in and thought i was fitting in i was just doing it slightly wrong always and now i kind of almost like treasure that about myself because i don't want i don't want to fit in but I do carry I do carry that with me like I just want to be normal yeah it is it is hard but I feel like you've done a good job being like because you are so unique like I remember your purple hair era like that was so unique and then your tour was like all purple and it was like just such a thing you know and then like you had different eras you talked about your 70s era and stuff like that and it's like it's so cool and the fact that today you

wanted to dress in costume you're like do you want to and I would never think of you as someone who wants to dress up in costume that's why I was like so nervous I was like um okay I was like I don't know I love dressing up I literally love dressing up we're in costume today I'm you from what what's the now now music video but also Regina's mom. Yeah. And I'm Regina. I'm Regina. You're perfect for it. You look so good. Did you see the new musical?

I did. I actually got to see it before it came out. I went to a screening. Oh my gosh. Yeah, it was amazing. Did you get to go with the cast? Were they there? No.

I think a couple people that were in the movie were in it. But yeah, it was like an influencer event. Are you a musical theater person? Or you were just talking about musical theater people? I did theater when I was younger. And in like a little bit in high school i think i i mean i kind of left school before i could really get that into it yeah but i did it when i was really young and then through like middle school and my friend madison is like she's a musical theater much more of a musical theater girl she is she is the musical theater girl whenever i meet someone that's in the musical theater i

immediately like there's so many people that hate musical theater. I was like, how can you hate it? No, I love musical theater. I can't say, oh, I'm a theater kid, because I didn't do it to that extent. And there are a lot of musicals that I don't know. But I will go watch a musical, and I will love it. I love musical theater.

Would you ever do Broadway? It's so hard. And I don't know if I have the voice. I can switch and sing in that tone. But i don't know if i could hit all the notes it had to be the right part in my register but i i mean that's like you know i could maybe do like uh uh what is it like how you know how pamela anderson did like a roxy heart yeah like well you definitely could do that role that's like something something like that where i could like do something for a little bit. Yeah.

Like you go in there for three months. Yeah. Like I would do something like that maybe, but I don't know if I could like commit. Cause it's so intense. It's the hardest thing to do as a performer. I think. Cause I mean, you, you have to go out there and give a perfect performance every single time. I can't. Eight shows a week, I think, or something, which is like, how do they even keep their voice for that long? Like you can't talk, I guess. I don't know how that works. It's so intense. Do you like olive oil or what is it? Like people drink oils and stuff like that. Do you do that for your voice? No. And I need to take care of my voice better for sure. Um, I'm like in and out of vocal lessons. Sometimes I'll go and like, I went, was going for a few months and then I was like, there's no point

for me to be going right now. Cause I'm not doing any more live shows until I release more music. So I haven't gone in a while. Um, but I feel like every time I learn how to like preserve my voice, I go on stage and it's all out the window. And I just, I just belt and I lose my voice and it's a whole thing. Cause a lot of my songs I am singing kind of at the top of my register and I do need to belt. Um, and that's, it's a lot. Oh my God. I can't to belt. And that's, it's a lot. Oh my God. I can't even imagine. And doing all those, like you were on a big tour for, you did a couple big ones before

COVID, right? I did one headline tour. Ooh, my wig. I did, it's like shedding everywhere. I'm shedding all over me too. I did two headline tours, but one of them, yeah, got cut off during COVID. I was like in the dressing room in Silver Springs in Maryland. And I was watching the TV and they were like, everyone go home.

We're in lockdown for COVID. And I was like, oh, oh, my God. And so we had to go home and the tour was not happening. So was that a shock where you just like, oh, no, you weren't. Yeah, it was. I mean, I was so sad, but it was like, you know, the whole world world is having to go to lockdown so I can't be like sad about myself right now yeah um and then yeah I finished that tour in 2021 so oh okay so you were able to go back then after I was able to go back and do redo the tour and all of that um there was a couple shows I didn't get to do like I didn't

get to do Vancouver because there was like a natural disaster I think it was a like a flood happened there or something so we couldn't make it in um and I never got to reschedule and I still get comments to this day like when are you going to come to Vancouver I'm like I can't just like go to Vancouver and do the show and come back it's like I just that's not like that doesn't make sense budget wise like I would like actually like I don't know if I can afford to do that do you budget your own tours that's what I was gonna ask because you were assigned to a label at like labels don't pay for your tours at all no that. Do you budget your own tours? That's what I was going to ask. Because you were assigned to a label at like 16. Yeah, but labels don't pay for your tours at all, no.

Never? Unless you get tour support. I had a really bad deal with my label. In today's terms, it would be bad. In 2016, it was standard. But yeah, I didn't have tour support. Some people I know get tour support. But I fund the tour.

And then usually I break even. I don't make money on touring. You don't make money on touring unless you're a, you know, a really big artist or whatever. I'll make some money from selling merch usually. Yeah. Do you do meet and greets and stuff at yours? Yes. Yeah.

I think that'd be so hard as a singer to do meet and greets because then you're like voice. Your voice. Yeah. I try to like not talk as much as I can, but I'm such a talker. Yeah. Oh man, that would be so difficult. And it takes so much energy to like, I can't imagine. If I'm in a bad mood, like if I'm sad or anxious and I have

to go out there and be nice and like, I, it's not like I, I'm going to ever be mean, but it's like, I don't, my worst fear is somebody thinking that I'm like a mean girl. Um, no, but my worst fear is people think that I'm, cause I, I can be very sarcastic. I can, and sometimes I'm really anxious. I'm like I have a resting bitch face and I'll just be like nervous and scared and my worst fear is that someone's gonna think that I'm being mean because of them or trying to be mean to them or trying to be rude because I if I ever say something sarcastic or or I also just like talk and just say like sometimes I'll say things like oh mate that could have been perceived wrong yeah um and i just i if i ever find out that my words have just hurt someone i feel so horrible

like i would never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever want to hurt anyone's feelings ever because i've been there and i just that's not my thing so i guess my worst fear is so i every time before meet and greet i'm like okay i just had the worst day of my life I just found out some horrible information and I'm feeling sick and I don't feel good but I'm gonna go out there and I'm going to do it no but I feel like that is the thing too because I get really anxious when people in public say my name at first I'm very standoffish I'm just like hi and I keep moving because I'm like I don't know if they're gonna be a hater if they're gonna make fun of me if they're gonna film me weird until I can see that they're nice and then I'm like okay I'm so excited I'm the same way I get very much like standoffish at first I'm like I don't know but especially going on tour and singing

and stuff like you just never know what the kind of people yeah I know it's crazy it's a lot and you go with a band right so you're paying for all of them yes I pay for the band and then everyone gets like a per diem so like their money for the food and whatever you're finding all of it yeah yeah wow I know I did like two I'm not a singer like you i did two and i remember being it's so expensive i like a lot of people do yeah it's amazing when people make money i was like wow it's amazing yeah i know i guess a lower budget show people think people don't know that it's like you're losing money but it's mainly to go to like get exposure and to meet people and to like do that that's why you go on tour right yeah so yeah people are always like well if you need money just go on tour it's like no it's opposite nope you need money to go on tour right yeah so yeah people are always like well if you need money just go on tour it's like no it's the opposite nope you need money to go on tour yeah you need money so you became

independent so you were signed at 16 then you became independent like last 2023 last year beginning of last year like about a year ago yeah and you've only did you come out two singles no album yeah um three singles no album and i so basically when I was with my label, the reason why everything was so crazy was because, so I signed with one person, an A&R and the president of the label and whatever. And I had my team pretty soon after that, the president of the label left when it started his own label. And then we got a new president. I was really excited.

And then, um, I put out my first album that i was working on with my anr it was great and i loved it and then he the president was like we had a meeting and he was like oh so i fired your anr um and we can now start working on developing you as an artist because i just like didn't care about your album like i just kind of you were already almost done when i got when i started working here so like you i just kind of let you put it out and like now we can really actually like go forward and i was like so you're not gonna do anything to promote my album that i just worked on for a year and a half or whatever um and yeah fired my anr and i was like okay cool then he leaves he leaves the label um we don't have a president for um god i don't know like six or eight months

something like it was a long period of time and then that was when i put out the first what was supposed to be the first half of my second album called episodes and we did all the stuff and that was i did a bunch of music videos i did this like shoot with um where i filmed a bunch of videos and also the cover art and a bunch of like promo things all in one shoot. And it was pretty expensive. And then we put that out while we didn't have a president. So I don't think, and it was, people were still leaving and coming.

And it was just like all of these changes. It was just such a transitional period for the label pretty much the entire time I was there. And then the new presidents couldn't come. They picked the people, it was two guys now, and they couldn't start until the top of the next year because they uh were in contract with another label until then so we had to wait and then they come uh in and then it was like oh sorry we actually don't have enough money for you

to like finish out the second half of the album if you want to like do the same like level of what you did like visually and everything and like and we just don't have we don't have we can't fund that for you like you're gonna and i was like oh so they spent all my because no one was like properly budgeting for me so they spent all the money for my whole album cycle on my first half so then i never got to do the second half oh my god so you're not thinking because they wanted you to fund it if you were gonna do i mean i don't i don't know if it was that i just i i don't even know if they would have i mean i guess if i bought the songs and did it then they would put it out but it's like at that point that because labels make all the money they make all of your money from your streaming and everything so like that's

what I heard there would be no point for me to like pay for that because then I would literally actually just be losing money and they would be making money off of the songs that I paid for that's so wild to me because you were saying because I like I always thought the dream was to get a record deal you always hear about bernie sears signing with jive you're like oh my god that's the dream you make it but you were saying like even once they recoup the money they put into you they still keep 80 of the streaming 87 that's what i heard that in an interview when he said that and i was like oh my god that is actually insane and not all deals are like that um my deal was like that and it was like i signed in 2016 and it was like yes streaming was

like the norm then but they still were figuring out the logistics on how to pay people and like how it all was working really. Um, so people still really kind of were, were adjusting at that time and then it got better after that. And now artists, you know, people have, there's been a lot of pushback of like labels are like people are, a lot of people are going independent. It's, it's, it's great. But, um, so now labels are offering a little bit of better deals because things are a little more figured out so my deal just wasn't great

um and again it was fine like they weren't no one at my label is a is bad and also right now they really have it figured out i think um but i just was like i need to i i can't and my dad the whole time my dad's my business manager he's like my friend. And he moved out here with me when I was 16. Like my biggest supporter. He always was like, Olivia, you, I don't know why you're with a label. They take all your money. Like you need to leave. You need to leave.

They're not doing anything for you. And it was also another thing was like, they would be like, this is the song. This is the song. We're going to put this song out next. It's going to be the single. It's going to be this big thing. And then someone else would get fired or get put whatever. And then they'd be like, oh, actually like it's not anymore which things would just get shelved or like pushed back and dates would get

pushed back and back and back and i just felt like i was always fighting against something yeah but then when i went independent it was like okay i kind of understand why they were so picky with what i put out because now i have to fund it all and it's expensive yeah it's expensive you have to pay and people are always like why don't you just put your songs out on soundcloud I'm like that's illegal because I made them with producers and I have to pay the producer fee and I have to do like I have to do it legally now you pay people yeah yeah yeah so like I I'm not gonna like screw people over and just drop a demo on soundcloud like that's like people's other people are working on this music with me like they deserve to get paid like that's that's immoral's other people are working on this music with me. Like they deserve to get paid. Like that's, that's immoral.

Right. Not only is it illegal, it's immoral. And I'm not doing that. Well, they don't know about like the publishing the ass cap of it all. Everything. Yeah. And stuff like that. Yeah.

So, um, it was, it was really, I was like, yeah. Yeah. So last year I was like, oh, I'm going to release all this music. And then I kind of felt stuck. I was like, well, now it's all release all this music. And then I kind of felt stuck. I was like, well, now it's all up to me. Now I don't have people telling me what to do. I have to decide. And if I make the wrong decision for what song is like, and then everything also, like,

I remember when I put out my first music video independently, the comments, not all the comments. I saw one comment, of course. And I fixate on the one mean comment. Yes. I try not to read YouTube comments can be so ruthless. I try not to read like most comments. You need a moderator yeah literally and someone commented it was like lol this is so low budget or something and it was like it was filmed on like vhs and i thought it was like very cool and like very me yeah like we filmed it at chateau marmont yes it

was low budget it was i mean well i just like rented a room it was like it was like no no no no me like and this girl christina who amazing. She like takes photos and does video. She did like a VHS and it was really cute. It was like very my style, very me, but everyone was like, this is low budget. I'm like, okay, well, you know what? Sorry. Give me money for the next one. You know what?

It is low budget. I'm sorry. I'm an independent artist. It's low budget. I'm sorry. And it's cute. It's not like if, if you're doing a low budget video and you were trying to make it look good, I think that's even worse.

Like I was like leaning into the like, oh, I'm VHS and I'm just like in a bathtub and I'm walking down the street. I love that. And I do think it is your vibe because even your big budget ones still have that kind of, even Jocelyn, I mean, it's obviously a big budget video, but it just gives you more casual vibes. You know, it doesn't look like larger than like Backstreet Boys or something. You know what I mean? Yeah. Which I thought was always your thing or the one you did during COVID where it was like, I think it was just like in your house or something like that. Like, did you, was I don't know. The green screen one? Maybe. It was just like the, was it Jocelyn again or something like that? But it was all green screen. Maybe that's the one I saw. Yeah. And I was just like, I like that. I thought that was like

cool. I mean, cause we didn't have much of a choice at that time. Yeah, but I love that you just did it. You're like, I'm just gonna do it inside the house, which I thought was so cool. You know, I just kind of try to do what I can. And like, there's times when I'm really involved in like the creation of the visuals and there's other times where I'm like I kind of don't know if I have a vision for this song and I'll hire like someone to help me with that um and I've been I used to have like when I was with my label I had a really amazing creative director Amber Park can't afford her anymore she's amazing she's amazing my first album was all she did all those visuals oh I love that cover I love everything and at the time it's like I was so insecure obviously that I couldn't recognize like oh this is a good album now I look back and I'm like I'm so proud of myself my little self I

did that and it's so good your first one my first album yeah it wasn't even real I hate you I love you the biggest right well that so that wasn't on that album or anything so that song I was 15 and I was not making music I wrote it in my room when when I was still in Napa. And it just kind of, it was like a random miracle song that happened. And that's because of that song. That's how I got my record deal and my managers. I was not professionally doing it. I was a high school loser and people were making fun of me at my school for that too. They knew who I wrote it about and they were like, oh, you wrote a song about it.

And then it was like, it went from like, oh my God, this girl's girl's posting soundcloud covers she's so horrible why does she think she could ever make it and then as soon as things started happening they were like she thinks she's so cool she's gonna move to la and like forget about where she came from and forget about us like i wish i could forget about you you guys ruined my life well they came back around yeah but that song i mean that's how you i saw an interview said that's how you bought your house and stuff like that like that made you the money and so were you putting it only on soundcloud or where did you put it so at first we put it out only on soundcloud so i did it with this guy nash um so i put my like version that i recorded like on garage band with like a really crappy mic on my laptop like didn't

know how to do anything i uploaded that version to my soundcloud and then um we did a version i went to la to make it with Nash for I thought he was just gonna produce it I don't know he's gonna put a verse on it or anything and then he was like let's put it out on my SoundCloud since I have more followers I had like 200 followers he had like 2,000 so I was like this makes sense yeah let's do it so we put it out as his song featuring me which like now now it's really common for there to just be two artists like it's like whatever and instead of featured but at the time features were kind of like the only thing you could do um so whatever i i wish that i could also be a primary artist on it but because i did write it i wrote all the piano i composed it like

i by yourself 100 so do you get all the publishing all the masters so he he he did like the production for it and then he added his own verse so we split the publishing 50 50 okay so you own the masters of that um no it's with it's because he signed to atlantic so we put it out on his soundcloud then it blew up and we put it out through like a distribution service on uh all the streaming and whatever and then uh that he got signed to atlantic and the atlantic gave me a little small advance for that song and just because the song signed to the label so that song particularly assigned to atlantic which i i was never signed there but um yeah so I don't own the master but I do have 50% publishing which is very rare yeah um because it was just the two of us so um and I'm really

really happy that like the first thing I did was get a lawyer so so that was smart um and it's funny my lawyer actually how I found him he dm'd me on uh twitter he was like hi I'm a lawyer and I was like this is so sus um what do you mean what What do you mean you're a lawyer? And I sent it to my dad because he was helping me with everything. I mean, I was a literal teenager and like I needed him there with me at every meeting and he was just, yeah. But my dad Googled him and he's like, he represents Rihanna and Jay-Z. Wait, what? And he just DM'd you? He's like, I'm a lawyer? He's always on social media. Like, I don't know so funny that's wild and then yeah he was my lawyer he helped me find my management and all and everything yeah so but it's so funny i was like why are you dming me and you replied

you're like okay he took me to diamond ball rihanna's diamond ball oh my god okay i was like i know i was like and oh that is i would be so sorry i'd be did you get to meet her yes oh i love rihanna but like just briefly because if I have a conversation with so I'm like I can't I I'm so like don't meet your idols like I'll meet them but like I don't ever want to like be friends with anyone that I like love because it's just like I want you to remain this like elusive wonderful because I've met so many celebrities so like just being in LA just being in the circles that I'm in like I've met everyone and then once you realize that everyone's just a person it's just like kind of sad because like I still want to be such a I want to be a fangirl of people and I want to idolize people

and I want to see them as larger than life like Lana Del Rey like I never want to be friends with her meet her I mean like not that she would ever want to be friends with me but like you never I feel like she would be she's working at Waffle House she's just too maybe but like I want to like meet her and tell her I love her and then just like that's it just have it because i just i idolize her so so much just and then there's a few people like that um why don't you write a song for her i'll be like i wrote a song for you um i don't think you're a lot of coded for sure all your music is very that you know just like it's like mean girls just bring it back slowly a lot of your songs and it could be a lot of songs okay that's the biggest compliment ever i mean so i just recently started writing for

other people but it's more like i'll go a lot of artists right now um people are kind of starting to take pitch songs again so pitch song is like you know when you go and write it and you're like let's think of an artist we could write for or you write a song you're like this could be good for these people and you send it to your publisher and they send it out to like people and people can either say yes or no and whatever um a lot of for a while everyone was kind of in like a well we we want our artists to be in the room and writing and have writing credits even if they can't write right they just sit in the room with you yeah so like a lot of songs you'll see like oh well this person like they wrote it and it's like yeah they have writing credits but like if you look there's like also a lot of other names like you don't know

necessarily how much that person contributed to the session. They could have just like told them like, hey, this is what's going on with my life. Then the writers wrote it. But some people and then also like I've had sessions a lot of the time where I will go in and I'll write a song with someone else because I, you know, I write with the top liner sometimes and they'll tell me afterwards like, hey, I'm really impressed that you actually like write your own songs. Like a lot of artists I'll go in with. And it's so hard. You have to like really work to get them

out of their shell to even like get creative. And like, I just want you to know that like, I don't like never let anyone tell you that you can't write a song. Cause I mean, that's what I was before anything. Like I just, I'm a writer. I also write, I'm writing a novel. I'm writing an autobiography. I wrote a TV show. Um, so yeah. Wow. Wait, all at once right now you're writing. Yeah, I just, I actually just finished my first pilot for my TV show.

I'm really excited about. Do you want to be in it? Um, I don't because I am so hypercritical of myself. I'm working on right now, like being okay with how I look on camera. And, um,

being in acting school is like really um oh we didn't even talk about yesterday so i'm in a part-time program so it's on wednesdays i have on wednesdays i have class at night and then on thursdays i'm there from 9 30 a.m till 6 30 p.m with a one hour break what are you doing for eight hours um so I have a class called acting for tv and film so they actually like record you and you have to watch yourself back which has been really really hard for me um and then it's uh I'm going to a school where basically I mean I always thought method acting was like when people are like really intensely like getting into the character. But essentially it's just like being able to bring your own emotions and relate to the character and like kind of become them in that way through yourself.

That sounds scary to me though. It is a little scary because you and like. Reliving trauma. Oh, I've cried in class. So I'm in two method acting classes also. So you like it. You like to do the method acting. I love it because I feel like it's really helping me.

One of the biggest things is that you uh it's relaxation so like you'll sit for like an hour in class you'll sit there and they like it's like this relaxation process that you do it's like a breathing you focus on your breathing and then you clench every muscle and then relax you try to really like release all the tension in your body and then we'll do um sensory exercises so you have to like imagine something and like feel it, smell it, taste it. Like it's really there and like do things with it and whatever.

It's, I feel like a freak when I'm doing it. Cause like, obviously we're all doing it. We're all in this together. High school. Yeah. I love high school.

Me too. Of course. Have you dated Zac Efron? We'll go, I want to go back to Zac Efron. No, I'm not dating Zac Efron. I thought when you were talking about actors earlier,

I was like, is this Zac Efron? I think I go back to Zac Efron. No, I'm not dating Zac Efron. I thought when you were talking about actors earlier, I was like, is this Zac Efron? I think I'm like four inches taller than him. But he loves that. Everybody just come on recently has someone that knows someone that dated Zac Efron recently. And I was like, is that right? Anyways, okay. Sorry, I got distracted. I thought maybe you would because that would be, he'd be your type or he'd vice versa.

It was so funny. My friend group, my group message, they texted and were like, I'm so shocked that none of us has ever had a Zac Efron moment. Everyone I know, I'm most going to say this, every guest who's come on here has known someone dating Zac Efron like currently. And I was like, what the heck? I know people that are friends with him, but not dating. Oh, okay. Maybe Raya. Anyways. Okay. Back to that. No, but we had this, this exercise we did yesterday where you have to like look at yourself. You have to imagine looking at yourself in the mirror. And we did it actually in both of my classes this week. And what my first teacher said,

look at yourself in the mirror, notice everything on your face, and then notice something you've never noticed before. And I almost like, I wanted to start crying and you're allowed to like start crying. So you can get really emotional. They like kind of want that. But I just was like, because I couldn't think of a single thing that I hadn't ever noticed about myself because I will look in the mirror and be like, I don't like this. I don't like that. I don't like that. I'm just like, I know my face. I almost said, I know my face like the back of my hand. I know my face way better than I know the back of my hand.

Really? Cause you just like stare. You're just like staring at it. Oh yeah. And I also, I have OCD and I have, um, part of that is dermatillomania. So when I had like really bad acne as a teen, I would rip, I would, I wouldn't just pick my pimples. I would like rip them off of my skin.

My mom was an esthetician. So I had these like metal, she had these metal tools and i would like literally gouge my skin out like i would have like scabs and that's what my like scars are from and i um yeah it's just really i i'm so hyper focused on every single anything so i was like i don't like this exercise you really have to dig deep like stare at yourself in the mirror notice this and we did we talk, we talk about it afterwards. And a lot of the people were like, I had a really hard time with that because I felt really insecure or like, I wanted to like do this. I wanted to like scream, like everyone gets really emotional, but it's really cool. Cause learning how to relax and having that be like a part of my classes, it's really nice for me

because I have OCD and cause I have so much anxiety that I've never had to learn how to, I've never learned how to relax. I don't think I've ever relaxed in my life. You've never just cleared your mind? No. Really? Because you said you like to be alone a lot. So I would think when you're alone, you just are like meditative.

I'm spiraling. When? Maybe you should be alone. Not always. Yeah. Not always, but like sometimes I will spiral. And I do things to distract myself, you know, like I'll just read a book or I'll watch a good movie and like try to lose myself in that.

But, um. Do you live alone? Yeah, I do. Okay. So yeah, then it can, yeah, it can be like, I lived alone like all my life and it's just like,'ll just read a book or i'll watch a good movie and like try to lose myself in that but um do you live alone yeah okay so yeah then it can yeah it can be like i lived alone like all my life and it's just like it can be a lot it can be a lot really isolating it's my first time living alone so right because you always had like roommates and stuff like that so it's your first time living alone and so now but you're going to acting classes you're out you're out about yeah it's which is also nice to like like meet new people and be i don't want to say forced because like i'm liking it yeah but like you know you're put in a room with all these strangers i have no preconceived notions ideas

about them at all none of us know each other we have no mutual friends really like they don't know you no oh i would think people know you do then they haven't said anything to me right but um a lot of them also are international there's a lot of international students there which i think is so inspiring because a lot of them it's their english is their second or third language and they're doing all the stuff that we're doing and they're doing all these scripts and they are speak like i can't imagine that like i have a hard time with memorizing the scripts and stuff i cannot even imagine it's so impressive to me second language and also like living over here and getting over here with the visa work and then saving up the money it is amazing i've never

moved to another country i'm like that's so hard moving here for the school and like we all had to do like tell our stories in class yesterday and like just some of the stories i heard were so inspiring they were like i'd never been to la at all not once and then i moved here and then i'm having a really hard time and i was like oh just call me and i'll tell you like we we can go out and hang out together i'll tell you that person are you that person to want to connect well i mean if someone like if someone genuinely needs something and I notice like oh they're struggling like I will if you need restaurant recommendations even if you don't want to hang out with me like I will give you like you'll text them back whatever you

need yeah of course are you a good texter um it depends on like what I'm doing in the moment yeah because sometimes I'll see a text and be like oh I'll respond later and then I forget yeah I'm doing in the moment. Yeah. Cause sometimes I'll see a text and be like, Oh, I'll respond later. And then I forget. Yeah. I'm a bad texter. But typically like I'm, I'm pretty good. I'd say.

Okay. So you're like, okay, so you're a good friend. So you're in this acting class, but you don't want to be in your TV show, but you want to be in film or TV. Yes.

And I'm, I'm working on, um, feeling okay on camera and I don't think I'm there yet. And I would rather, uh, I mean, not that this show is going to,

I don't know. It might take years. Who knows? Or not. It could be next month. I could. You never know. Let's hope so.

It's the season, right? Aren't they like picking up scripts and stuff? I don't know. But I just think I would get distracted from like my creative vision for the show. If I was like also worrying about how I looked. And I also don't know if I would perfectly embody, maybe,

maybe I'll audition for your show I'll do an audition uh and I'll also audition everyone else and then I'll be like okay wait I'm kind of the best you should get consensus you probably are if you wrote the show most people write the show with them in mind you know like Seinfeld or but I kind of uh flipped all the characters so like they all kind of have a part of me and also like are inspired by like some of my friends and whatever so there's like two of the characters that I could possibly play um I think you should do it if you're doing acting classes and you wrote it I mean that's why people write scripts like but a lot of a lot of people say that it is kind of hard to be in

something that when you're creating it I don't know if I want to I don't think I would be like directing it or anything but like I do have such a like personal attachment to it. I want it to be good. And I would just worry that like my acting wasn't good enough. We'll see how I feel at the end of my studies. You're in a really prestigious school. Like I feel like it's, if anybody's going to get you there, it'd be this school. I hope so. And then, you know, all the actors, cause you're with them in class, like, you know, you'd be good for this role. I'm like casting. What inspired you to like write a TV show? Like, how do you even begin? Like, what do you movie magic? Like, what are you to like write a tv show like how do you even begin like what do you movie magic like what are you writing on um no i'm literally i literally wrote it on pages on my ipad

i wrote the whole pilot how do you know how to write like the you know the stuff that's not the dialogue i don't know what it is like exterior move right yeah so i i'm gonna like have to go through it with like uh i'm trying to right now work on connecting with like experienced screenwriters and like put it in the proper format and the proper like screenplay uh whatever like there's like a specific font the specific way everything's yeah it's complicated i almost wrote it like i like i was writing like a book because i do write like stories and random things i've done that my whole life but i've just kind of started doing it more like with the intention of maybe possibly putting some putting it out into the world one day but you're writing the dialogue back and forth there's

no in between yeah so there's dialogue and then it'll be like scene switches to blah blah blah she notices that he has this uh he picks up this book and show whatever it's like oh my god I'm writing out the actions but it's it's kind of like writing a book in a way you just format it really differently what a talent because like to do that, you kind of have to just be. You have to pretend like you're with yourself. You're just acting with yourself back and forth. How do you hear the lines of the other characters? I always think that's crazy how people do that.

I don't know. I mean, I think I'm also lucky that I have so many crazy stories that I'm using for this. Like, I'm using my friends' stories and my stories. And it's kind of inspired by my life. OK, so it's easier um I mean not even inspired by my life but like I can use the it's based in LA and it's about women in their late 20s and early 30s so I I know all about it yeah and I have all of the material so it's kind of uh it's right about what you know you know I always thought that writing about what you know could possibly be a cop-out that's why I was like, well, I can only really write

about stuff, the characters that are like really similar to me or like similar to someone that I know. And I'm always pulling from real life. And then I read Jillian Flynn. Um, she is, she wrote gone girl and, um, these other, uh, sharp objects in dark places. Those are the three novels I read of hers. And I was like, why are these all based in Missouri? They're all based in Missouri. I looked her up. She's from Missouri. And I was like, if one of my favorite authors can write about what she knows and be so successful and I just love her work, I can write about what I know. And I'm going to write a TV show and I'm going to do it. I'm going to write a book and it's all going to be based in LA and I don't care. Well, you can always move over to

Napa because you're from there too. So you can also do, I'm sorry, Napa movies are my favorite, like sideways. I love movies that take place up there. My next project is I'm going to write a movie about Napa. I love the Napa. I love the whole Napa. LA is endless. You can just write so many shows. Oh my god, when my show is made, you have to make a cameo in it. Oh yes, I would

love to. I will do anything to get on screen. My best friend just wrote the movie Thanksgiving and I was like, how did you not put me in that movie? I've known him for 15 years and I was like, how did you not put me in that movie i've known him for eight like 15 years and i was like how did you not put me in that movie because i my goal is to be in a movie but i auditioned for that no um so what happened was i did an audition and it's all like self tapes and everything and then i was at a wedding in jamaica and uh i got a call being like hey like you have a director read with eli roth and i was like what and i had to do it.

Everything's like Zoom. And I did the Zoom. It was my first like real director read situation. With Eli? Yeah. I was so nervous. I didn't have my computer. My like Zoom had to update and I had to like borrow my friend's computer.

And I was like late. And I was so nervous. I did not do a good job. I know I didn't. And I had my friend Kelsey reading with me. And like she's never done that before. So I was like not the most ideal situation i was like in jamaica like i think i like had like a i'd had like a pina colada at the beach before that so i was like not i was it

was i was like yeah but also so many people um it was actually for the one that addison played but she was already connected to the movie when they like they were saying like oh addison's gonna be in it but i i don't know maybe a different role or something she was gonna play i think they maybe originally thought that she was gonna play like the main girl and then like they were like oh Addison's gonna be in it but I don't know maybe a different role or something she was gonna play I think they maybe originally thought that she was gonna play like the main girl and then like they were like oh she's better as this person oh right there's two there's like I think Jessica and Gabby or something yeah yeah so I don't know I don't know what this exact situation was but I knew she was she was already like on attached to the movie um but I but that was the part that I understood for so I would have been so well my his excuse to me was like, well, we can only have three

American actors. And I was like, it was like Patrick Dempsey, Addison Rae. I was like, really? Is that why? Personally, I don't think Eli likes, my first celebrity encounter was Eli Roth when I was 18 at MySpace. And he introduced me to Quentin Tarantino because he saw my MySpace page as a support to Tarantino.

And he's like, come to this place here. And he met me. And he's always been super nice to me. But I was like, low key, I feel. Because Jeff's like, I tried. I tried. And I was like, I've known them since that Thanksgiving trailer came out in 2007. So I was like, how did I not get in this movie?

I was a little bitter. I'm still bitter about it, but I'll keep talking about it forever. You would have been so good though, because you're such a, you're such a cinephile in general. But I remember, I don't know if you, if you even know, but I remember you did a horror movie, music video and they had called me. They're like, oh yeah, it's really, and I think I met the guy who called me. He's one of Zach Sang's friends who was here.

Yeah, that was, he was, he used to work for my management company. He doesn't work for them anymore, but his name is Max. Okay, so he's like, I was the one who called you about the live broadcast. I'm like, what happened to that video? I keep getting out close to getting in videos. And then I'm like, what happened with that? So what happened was my friends, I always ask them to be in my music videos. And a lot of times they will bail on me last minute.

And that's happened quite a few times. And I've had to scramble. And so for this video, all of them were like, we're going to do it. And I just had this, I was like, I just feel like they're good. They're not actually going to do it. They're not like fully confirming. Like I'm such a planner. And like, I always have, I like, I just was like, I, if, if they don't pull through, like the video is ruined. So I was like, how can I have someone like, I need, if this can't happen, if I can't have all my friends, how can I still make this video iconic? So I was like, of the people, like, and we were like, why don't we ask Trisha? That's crazy. I was so excited. So I asked you and I know I would have been so amazing, but then, but then lo and behold, everyone was like,

actually, no, we're coming. And they can, and I was like, oh, okay. Sorry. I know it was last minute. And then I remember, cause I remember I was so excited. And then and then like the night before like actually it's not happening it's like no it always happens i always get so close i was just like oh my god like when they were talking about thanksgiving i was like this is my time i'm gonna shine because i've like loved that movie since 2007 and i was like oh just kidding he's like maybe they're picked up for a sequel maybe the sequel me and olivia yeah we can make our own we should make our own yeah that's what i'm saying because you are so like movie based you know so much about movies i know so much about me i'm so down for that yeah definitely like even though it's like cliche maybe because i'm seeing you in the blonde wig

it's like a sorority horror movie you should be in or something yeah i feel like that's your vice yeah i love that show it's so good it's crazy how much knowledge you have i was watching interview where you're talking about like a russ meyers film and i was like how did you know about like 60s or like the 1939 film you were talking about that you loved and i was like how are you did you just watch him so much as a kid were you home a lot like um i because i wanted to get into acting and because i wanted to get into screenwriting i was like i need to have more film knowledge and so i just kind of spent a lot of time watching whatever looked interesting to me um and i would like do some Googling like, oh, what are some important like films for if I want to learn this or if I this vibe, whatever. And then I would just watch them.

And honestly, there's a lot of movies that I still haven't seen. I have a long list of things I need to get through. There's some iconic movies that I've never seen. But like what's a big one that you haven't seen? Everyone talks about that. You're like, except for Wolf of Wall Street. I've never really seen any Scorsese movies. Really?

Yeah. I know. That's yeah. Wow. There's so many good ones. I'm not usually like that person. Cause there's a lot of ones. I haven't seen like Goodfellas and stuff like that,

but Marlowe says he has really good ones. Yeah. I know. I'm like, I have a list going of all the things that I need to watch. Start with Taxi Driver. That's my favorite. I know.

That's top of my list. I did a music video with that. Top of my list. Mine was like a $200,000. I spent like $10 million literally on music videos. So when you're talking about music videos earlier, and I was like in debt, I was like paying off taxes still to this day from them. Cause I was like, Oh, I should pay taxes. No, but I love that. Like me and Madison were talking earlier. Like you are so the, the most amazing thing about you is that you just do whatever you want to do and whatever you like, you just make

it happen for yourself. I love it. I'm just like, you, you look like you're just having so much fun. I was financially responsible. Now I'm like a little more, I want to do music videos. I still want to do it. I'm like, Oh, I see things like, Oh, I want to recreate that, but they're expensive. Let's get some investors. Yes. Let's get some investors and let's do it. I'm always down. Maybe I will in the future. But, um, with movies in general, I feel like what movie would you want to play? Like, role that you're like oh i want to like play that if you were i don't know i really don't know there's not like one movie we're like i should have been that role even if it was before your time or something i know that there definitely is and i just my mind goes blank whenever i'm

asked a question like i have like me and i keep referencing madison my friend madison's wearing pink too we have a list of our favorite movies and we add to it all the time. We're like, movies we should watch. And we like, it's a shared note that we have. Yeah. And I'm like, I always pull my lists up whenever someone asks me a question.

The other day I made a list of my niche interests. I saw, it was like sumo oranges and goggles and yogurt. I was like, oh wow, okay. Wait, why were you doing that? I saw it and I was like, let me screenshot. Maybe she Wait, why were you doing that? I saw it. I was like, let me screenshot. Maybe she wants to talk about that on the podcast. Cause there's just a couple of days prior. I was like, all right, let's talk about it. Yeah. No, I just was like, in case anyone ever asks me like what I'm into or like, tell me about yourself. Like, okay. I

like these things. Well, no one needs to ask now. Cause he puts it on your story. I screenshot it. I'm like, I know what she's into. I'm still thinking of more and I know they're going to come, but yeah. But those are your current interests is like goggles and stuff. Well, these are just things that I like, just like, like i just like like the goggles thing is just because like whenever me and my friends go on like a beach vacation or anything like i will be i i won't go in the water unless i have goggles on because i want to be able to see and i get i can't i have a weird thing with my eyes like i can't put contacts in i can't do anything i can't either i like i will freak out so i have to wear the goggles so that I can see underwater because I want to see underwater.

Yeah, that's a lot of sense. So catch me in the water. Like, my friends are all, like, taking photos and they, like, look really cute and they're, like, and, like, I'm in the, like, background, like, with my head just barely out of the water like this with the goggles. But the goggles are in everything. I actually have your list here. I wrote it down. Do you know where the other one? Oh, here.

We have. 90 Day Fiance is the other one. Oh, 90 Day Fiance. You had Yogurt Goggles, Sumo Orange Season, 90 Day Fiancé, including the spinoffs. These were categorized as your niche-specific interests. Yes. 90 Day Fiancé,

which I love. I love talking about this to anyone who, are you watching all the seasons now? Yeah, so I just actually went back and realized that I haven't watched

the 90 Day Fiancé original show. I haven't watched the last couple of seasons. So I'm watching the most current one, season 10 right now. Which one is that? Because I know I watch all of them, but's so many has the um uh the trans woman

and the guy from moldova i think okay she calls justin but his real name is like igor or something oh she's super blonde super blonde looks like a barbie like yes okay yes yes i watched that one that's so wild like you just like leave your life here I love it would you ever do anything for love um no I am like not really adventurous no I love traveling but I wouldn't like move somewhere for like

a relationship oh right you said you don't want to be in a relationship you're like I'm definitely not going to move or like give up my career that's so interesting

so you like to date you just don't want to be so when you go on dates not to go back to dating but I'm so I am so interested I think that's just everyone more like curious

especially people who don't date or don't date like celebrities you're like so curious when you go on dates then do you just tell them like i just want casual well no because i'm open to like if i met like someone that i felt was so amazing and so perfect for me and we clicked and like they would i just don't want to date anyone where i have to change anything about my life because i'm so independent i own my house i have a dog I have everything that I could ever need I have this career that not a lot of people understand um and I make my own money like I and a lot of guys are not interested in that by the way which I've uh learned that I feel like with men um me and my friend Lydia were talking about this

we a lot of men want a Young sex lump What is it? A young sex lump Just a girl that's just like They just sit there and they're just like hot And they don't challenge you at all And it's like a lot of girls

I don't think any girl is naturally like that But I think a lot of girls will become that To get a man to like them I'm not about that I also am bisexual Oh, for sure. Yep. I'm not about that. I also am bisexual. There are very few things that you can be certain of in life. But you can always be sure the sun will rise each morning.

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they will stay for dinner. Instacart has all your groceries covered this summer. So download the app and get delivery in as fast as 60 minutes. Plus enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees, exclusions, and terms apply. Instacart, groceries that over-deliver deliver but i have not dated a lot of girls um i've been on a couple dates the thing about girls is that there's always so much history with exes and like i was talking to

this one girl in nashville and i like don't want to air her out. I'm sorry. But we were like making out in a bar and like hanging out with her like friend group. And I knew that she like lived with this other girl. Right. And I kind of got the vibes that they like. Like, I don't know. There was some vibe happening. The girl we were making out and then the other girl runs out crying.

And I was like, oh, no. What have I done? Apparently they were like dating for a while. And then they were like, they're they're like no but like we haven't like we don't we don't hook up anymore and it's like we're just friends but they like still live together it's just like i'm sorry i don't want to insert myself in this especially because like i don't i'm not looking for like a long-term relationship right now and like i like that's not so i don't want to just like this this isn't worth like me hurting someone. Yeah. Like it was a lot. And also there's like, have you ever heard the like stereotype like you all lesbian?

Like, no, what's a you all lesbian? It's just like this like stupid like thing that basically it's like a joke that girls that date girls will like meet each other, fall in love. And like the next day they're, they have a U-Haul and they're moving in together. Oh, I feel like that's with hetero or anything. But it's especially like women just like, they're like,

they fall. Typically women are more relationship oriented than men. That's just kind of how it is. So when it's a woman in a woman in a relationship, I've just found that like, it's a lot more serious, a lot faster. And I'm not ready for that.

So every time I've like been on dates with girls or anything, it's either there's crazy ex drama that I don't want to get involved with. It's like, they're still living with them or they're like still there. We're friends. And it's like, no, you're not. You still have some crazy emotional thing happening that I like, don't want to be second to. And then, um, or they're, or they're really, uh, I like you so much. And I'm like, well, well I just like I just I don't know I want maybe we should go on a couple more dates first

before we start like I'm just not that person yeah it's also hard I like you but like I just it's not like that and the periods too

are hard you know I feel like they never sync up they're like eventually they sync up if you're a wrench with her and they never did so you're just like only intimate like

one week a month I tried it a couple times and I'm just like I just can't like a full on relationship it was just really hard but I think it's you came out on Twitter with that, right? Is that how you came out? Probably. I don't know. I feel like I saw that and I was like, oh, okay. What a way to come out. You're like, I'm bi. Yeah, I think so. Well, it's like, I, I, I never,

I also like, I hate saying bisexual because it's like, I feel like I more closely identify with like pansexual just because how picky I am with dating. I'm so attracted to like the energy of a specific person. Um, it has nothing to do with anything else other than their energy. Um, obviously I have to be physically attracted to them to some degree, but sometimes the physical attraction can like come when you're, when you like their personality, like that's happened to me so many times. Um, so yeah, I'm attracted just to individual people. Like I'm not walking around like, wow, men are so hot or like walking around like oh women are so i mean actually yeah women are so hot but yeah not but just in like a general way i've never found a man like attractive women i do i never find like men i like overall over time i'm like okay they're attractive but i don't

like see a guy i'm like oh he's so hot you know what though i will some sometimes what gets me the only thing that can ever get me is when people like make like thirst edits on tiktok and stuff like what's wait what like that you know like just edits of people like looking hot and they'll put like in slow-mo to like music like oh I don't know if I've seen thirst edit tiktok it's like thirst traps basically but like edits so wait there was one my friend texted me last night it was like not the like Jillian Anderson thirst trap edit you just reposted who did a jillian anderson one that's so random i reposted this oh oh i was like wait she's hot wait are you into it is she single is she a director she who is she she's in a sex education that's how i like that's what i like know her as that role but okay she's like the mom she's in a sex education that's how i like that's what i like know her as that role but

she was like the mom she's definitely like uh a milf like older i would not date her you don't have a little a little out of my well i have mommy issues but not in that way i was like wait this is like a really good edit but yeah so things like that like sometimes i'll see like when 2020 like when we were all like locked up in our homes and i never thought timothy chalamet was hot yes and then i would see the because that you remember that okay this edit you might remember the like it was like the song to the melanie martinez song is like there's this one no but i love the singing keep singing video of him that went so viral and it was like him doing the dance from like call me by your name but it's like slow-mo and it had everyone in a chokehold and it was just all over my for you page.

And I, I made a video and I was like, um, does anyone else have this problem where like they didn't find Timothy Chalamet attractive and they joined TikTok and then they were like, wait, he's really hot. Back in 2020. I mean, he must've been like so young. Cause he looks so young now. He looks like a kid. Yeah.

He was like, I don't know. I mean, he's like, he's like 27 or 28. Oh, I know. I know. He looks really, he looks really young yeah i love it though did you see wonka no i haven't seen it yet he's got everything in that i know i need to see it do you find anyone on raya that you're just like oh i'm such a fan like did you have boys and girls on raya can you set to both okay so who's your like celebrity

girl crush and celebrity boy crush the thing about girls on dating apps is that it's like hi hi you're so pretty like i love your style and i'm like are you flirting with me or like so well they're a dating app probably they are but like i just never it's like they're guys can be so much more forward and like i'm taking you on a date and blah blah so it's always easier to date men because they are and because i'm so like passive in my dating i'm just like yeah i guess if someone asks me on a date i'll go and i'll see how it is. And then usually I don't like it, whatever. You won't initiate. I feel like in a girl relationship, you'd be the initiator. Yeah,

but I can't. And like, I need someone to have that energy, like that, that like pursuing energy. So that's another problem that I run into. Um, I randomly haven't seen many like girl celebrity crushes on Raya at least, but, um, you're also giving Hillary Duff right now when you said that, I was like, cause I remember Hillary Duff was on Raya and I'm like,

you're giving Hillary Duff right now. It's very bad. She was on it. She was on it for a minute. I didn't know that. Yeah. Um, but I did actually,

I mean, that's, I met Pete on Raya. He's on Raya. He was, I don't know. He's definitely not anymore. Oh my God.

Um, and I met, you might be, maybe. Um, and I met this other i'm not gonna name drop because i literally can't um but i met this actor can you tell me and i'll bleep it i promise i'll bleep it okay this actor he's in like he's he's like not super

super famous but like the people that like him he has like a very like he has a lot of fans yeah and yet um anyway learning to get too into details but i was like oh my god oh my god he's on raya and his profile is like very like conspicuous like he is like or inconspicuous sorry inconspicuous right that means like it was like whatever sorry like yeah like you wouldn't know i don't know yeah so it's it's like his photos you can like half see his face but i was like oh my god it's totally him i matched with him i messaged him didn't respond for like two weeks. And then he responded randomly. And he was like drunk. He was like, it's 6 a.m.

And I'm like, I just got home from the bar. Like, is it weird if like I FaceTime you right now? And I was like, and you were absolutely not. Well, he lives in the UK. So. Oh, okay. I got it. I got it.

So I gave him my number. He FaceTimed me. He FaceTimed for like 20 minutes. And he was just like, yeah, I don't know. Sorry if this is weird. Like, you're just really hot. And I was like, wow for like 20 minutes and he was just like yeah I don't know sorry if this is weird like you're just really hot and I was like wow how did you have the confidence after that I don't know well because in my mind I'm like well he only saw me on facetime and if he sees me in real life he'll see all the things that are ugly and weird about

me um and then I and what do you say to that someone's like wow I'm sorry you're just so hot I'm like thank you is that what you do on facetime or do you get into it you're like yeah yeah no I don't I don't do that i'm definitely like like i'm awkward about it okay that's cute though i like that and then i ended up going on one date with him and then uh i was so nervous i was so because it's that power it's like oh my god if this like i have like a crush on this man like because i've watched his um movies and show and i just like but it's like i have a crush on like the characters now like i don't really actually know him at all and i know now looking back like our personalities are like

so probably not compatible at all and like definitely not like his type whatever i mean for at least like dating wise and like my like whole thing as whatever yeah it's not his vibe um we went on one date i got a little drunk because i was so nervous and so i remember like obviously what happened but they're like, I was drunk enough to be, to like go home and be like, wait, was that like really bad?

Like, I don't know. He like walked me to my Uber and then we like had like an awkward hug. He didn't, didn't like try to kiss me to make any kind of move on me, but we were hanging out for like three hours and it seemed like it was really nice. And then, um, he like didn't text me for a few,

like I texted him afterwards. I lost my, I was in London and I lost my luggage. So I didn't have luggage. And he was, that was, he wanted to hang out that night. And I was like, Oh my God, i lost my luggage so i didn't have luggage and he was that was he wanted to hang out that night and i was like oh my god i like bought clothes i didn't have my makeup so i looked like so scary you went with no makeup i love that um well i bought like a couple things from like the everything was closed by the time i landed it was like late

so i got like a couple little things like i had and i had like a like a couple like emergency makeup things in my uh purse that i had with me on the plane so i had like this like bb cream stuff that I put on and like what I, but I didn't, I didn't look my best. Like I could have, I wish I was had like a little glam. Um, and my outfit was, I was, yeah, it was just not great. But where'd you drop it from like the airport or something or what? No, we went to like, there, there was like five minutes left at like Uniqlo and we like walked in and I got like a puffer jacket and like I had my like pants that I wore on the place everything that's a good story yeah some good basics yeah um i went on the date and um i just kept thinking like oh my god i like don't look my best right now i am like so nervous i know i'm being weird i'm talking i'm just saying stuff i shouldn't be

saying whatever so i texted him afterwards and i was like by the way i'm gonna need a redo when i get my suitcase and then he was he said deal and then we texted him afterwards and I was like, by the way, I'm going to need a redo when I get my suitcase. And then he was, he said deal. And then we didn't talk. And then on like the night before I was supposed to leave London, he texted me and was like, Hey, um, sorry, I was sick all weekend, but like whatever. And then I was like, Oh, no worries. Like, and he told me on our FaceTime call that he was going to come to LA, um, like a couple of weeks after that. So I was like, whatever whatever maybe i'll see you in la yeah and then didn't talk i went back to la and like i knew he was coming and i texted him and i was like hey like uh if you're still coming to la like i'd love to see you no response and then he just

unfollowed me but he unfollowed like a bunch of people too okay maybe it's like a glitch i feel like people are unfollowing people no it was not a glitch okay i love the delusion yes it was a glitch no it was a glitch no he like he loves me and he thought i was the one and he was like oh my god this girl is like literally so perfect for me and i need her but like i'm not ready i'm not in the right headspace yeah i'm not in the right headspace and i'm gonna save her for later and then i'm gonna unfollow her because seeing her post is just like triggering me because she's so hot and she's so cool and i love her but we're just like we can't be together yeah that's and we like live in different cities it's just like it's not it's

not gonna work yet but like one day that's what you have to stay in your head I feel because honestly I'm so like you don't want a guy that just because you don't look your best doesn't want to call you or something like that so real and I but also I'm so insane that like I afterwards I was like oh my god he didn't like try to have sex with me like not that I would have done it but like he didn't even like try that's like i was like am i ugly am i disgusting am i so undesirable i just went through everything you can ask madison she was like dealing i was texting her like what do you think went wrong what do you think i did do you think this was weird that i did oh my god why do you think well and it's like i don't even like that i went on one date with this man i don't even

know if i like him same way why am i tripping out about this rejection it's awful and the sex is the worst part. It's like when they don't want to have sex with you. It's like, wow. It's like, why? I'm ugly. Maybe he's just a nice guy. Maybe he's a nice guy.

But like, why didn't you try? No, that's like the biggest dagger. I always thought that, too. No, most of the guys are nice and like, they want to be respectful. No, he was really sweet. He was really sweet. Oh, was this reset? This was in November.

Yeah. Oh, man. Was that your last dating? Actually. Are you dating currently? I mean mean i've been like on i just like go on a couple dates with people and then it just like kind of turns into nothing um i went on i i don't know what it's on accident i swear i don't have a fetish but like i've been dating like actors kind of like going on dates with actors there was like a guy another another

london uk guy but he like moved out here um i was talking to him like on just facetime and text for a really long time while he was there and then he came out here and it was very like he like the only we try to hang out. And then he was like, oh, I'm too tired. And then he would like keep texting me and he would send me like videos of him like playing guitar and be like, do you like this? He was such a freak. Honestly, he was a freak. He was a freak. He said that because he played guitar. I honestly wait why he was a freak he was a freak oh you said that because he played guitar i'll explain why he was a freak like he played guitar what a freak no no

no no he that's not why he was a freak first of all he was just like kind of like an actor you know how some actors are just like a little they're just like kind of weird and you have to be a little weird to be an actor right but his kind of energy was just a little like something's something's a little silly about you. I don't know. And when, so I played a few shows in August. And after the shows, my last show, I wore a purple wig. And I had got an allergic reaction to the wig glue. So I had like welts on my forehead.

I felt like shit. I just did four shows in a row. And I was so tired. And I was sitting at home. And I get a call from him. And he's like, hey, are you home? And I was like, yeah. He was like, oh, I'm actually in the area right now looking at houses can I come over middle of the day Madison was there oh my gosh I was like um sure I like

run to my bathroom like put an outfit on like try to look normal and I you were so mean most people be like I'm busy no I was like well because we've been trying to hang out this for so long yeah you're very accommodating and also he was like, a lot of the conversations would turn really sexual over, like, text and stuff. Okay. Like, he would get, and it was, like, weird sexual. It was, like, it was, like. Oh, like, not hot?

No, like, like, well, I'm not, like, that, like, sexual of a person unless I have an emotional connection to someone. Yeah. So, and I didn't have that with him yet. I hadn't met him. So, I was just, like, I don't know if I'm into that. Like, he would try to, like like do some weird dirty talk stuff. But you weren't responding?

I was just like, ha ha. I was like, I would like send him up some like photos of my tits sometimes. But like. Oh, okay. I love that. So you got something. So you were into it a little bit. Yeah.

No, he was like really hot. He was really hot. But. No, yeah. I love this story. When I didn't know what to say, he would like say something really yeah i was like when i didn't know what to say he would like he would like say something really sexual that was like kind of like i was like i'm not like like i want to put a finger in your ass it's like oh okay like i don't know about that and then i would just like send him a tip pick and be like ha ha he said ha ha no i would i would be like i would be like

lol like that's crazy here's my text oh my god you're not a jerk i don't like dirty talk either it's weird i'm not especially over text like i'm sorry. I don't like dirty talk either. It's weird. I'm not. Especially over text. Like, I'm sorry. Like, I don't want to read that. Like, ew. And also like. And when you respond like, mm, that feels good. Yeah.

I'm like, ugh. I can't do that. Ew. Ugh. Yeah. So he was like very sexual. Very like whatever. Okay.

So you were like, he's coming over. And are you like shaving and stuff? Like I'm anticipating. No, no, no. I was like, I'm not going to do anything with this. Because I'm very like. I went through my phase of like when I would get drunk and hook up with guys that were way older than me when I was 17 and wake up and have no idea what happened and whatever

sexual trauma we don't need to get into oh my god um so I'm over that I'm not like I I'm a I'm waiting for marriage no I'm I at least wait until I like kind of like or know the person whatever but he came over again middle of the day it was like he he had like an hour so it was like he came over and then he was being very touchy he was like touchy trying to touch my leg and i'm a very like i'm really shy with that kind of stuff like i'll i'll kind of like tense up and he was like he told me like texted me later i was like i just feel like you're not into me because like you are i'm a very tactile person like i thought like makes you uncomfortable and i was like hi weirdo but it was weird and i was like i'm confused and then he came over one other time also during the day.

And then he was like, show me your room. And I was like, OK. Oh, yeah. He just wanted to hook up. Well, I don't know. I showed him my room. And he started making out with me a little bit. And I was like, let's go back in there.

I think that's a hook up. I think that's the answer. But in the middle of the day, I'm sorry. That's crazy. And they want to leave after like an hour. Yeah. Like, oh, I have an hour to kill. I'm going to go over there and see if this girl see this girl me and then leave like i feel like people especially

actors was andrew garfield no i don't know why this seems like him i'm trying to think the whole time i'm like picturing okay no i thought he was on raya so i was like well he's british i don't think i don't think i set my age limit up that high good for you good for for you. How old is he? Is he old? I don't even know. No, he's Andrew Garfield. Yeah. I don't know. I think he's like 40. No.

Mid-30s. Mid-30s. Oh, I thought he was your age. No. I guess you are so young. Oh my gosh. I don't know. For some reason, I think of him as being young.

I don't know. I think everyone... No, this is like... He's like not like huge, huge. He's like in some... Whatever. I don't... I don't want to give too much away.

I love it about you. I would say everything, especially at 24. I'm like, I dated this person. All the people I dated were like 50, though, when I was like 20. I just like don't need more. Like, Olivia Wright claims she dated blah, blah, blah. I love it about you. I would say everything, especially at 24. I'm like, I dated this person. All the people I dated were like 50 though when I was like 20. I just don't need more. Like Olivia Wright claims she dated blah blah blah. I love, no, give us that. We need that. Andrew Garfield. Add it to the roster.

I think that's iconic. I really do. I know some people feel some type of way about it, but I think it's like iconic. Like I think about all the people we dated. I'm like, oh, that's so cool. I wish I was 24 dating all these people. But like, it's iconic to keep to myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, definitely. I'll tell my tell my friends it's iconic unless like and then you think about being 17 and i'm like oh that makes me so sad for you when you told me on dm i was like oh my god like i was like i just didn't know because you just look so much older and i like i know people hear

all the time like as young girls but you do look older like in a good way like a mature way and i lived on my own since i was 16 so i was like i'm so mature it makes sense for me to date a 30 year old man because i'm so mature and of course they want me because I'm mature and then I and then you grow up a little bit you're like oh my god no the 30 year olds who want the 20 year old are like extra creepy and it's also like what I realized is the 30 year olds that want the 20 year olds are less mature than the 20 year olds of course always I needed 50 year olds that were like trying to live with me and stuff like that it's always the case yeah I feel oh that's oh so much ick there but yeah. So,

but do you find it hard then? Because so many of your songs are so personable, like about cheating and all that. Like, do you find it hard to write songs when you're not getting your heart broken? Oh, absolutely. And recently I've been kind of trying to tap into like my friend's stories or like other things that have happened in my life and, um, or just going back and being like, okay, how did I feel about this person when I was 18? Like, what am I holding on to from that? Or even writing from how I feel now about them. Like, oh my gosh, like, I wasted all this time thinking about that person. Or like, were you the love of my life?

I want, like, just kind of getting a little bit more, getting broader and getting more creative with what my concepts are. Just because, like, yeah, I don't have that, like have that like consistent like dating life right now and that's fine i think it's fine you know i've got content for days and i have stuff that i've written that i have never used stuff that i wrote years and years ago and i can tap back into how i felt in that moment and finish those songs so i i will never run out of things to write about but i do definitely feel more inspired and things flow more easily when i am like heartbroken and something's going on they're the best songs like there's not like a love song where I'm like oh I love this love song I love all the sad and depressing songs like I love was everybody knew you said was about someone who cheated on you like a thousand times oh my god yes was it

actually a thousand um no well I who knows really who knows honestly you're like there was just so many girls you're like someone here knew this person and i'm like how do you like your sister you said was your sister lives in she knew someone who was sleeping with this guy and it's like she called me i was in london with him and i was at dinner with him and my friend from london and nothing good happens in london for you no actually i love london so much like i always have the best time i actually it's have you ever heard the thing where people are, like, everyone has their city where they're, like, the hottest version, the best version of themselves. Okay, that's London.

And they always get hit on. London for me. I always, like, I never get hit on ever, ever, but I always get hit on when I'm in London. Really? Or, like, because one of my best friends lives there. His name is Mac, and he will, like, go out together or whatever. And it's, like, we're so platonic. Couldn't be more platonic.

But, like, we'll go out, and people will, like, think we're together. And, like, guys will come up to me and be, like, are you with her? Like, she's really hot. Like, are you with heronic. Couldn't be more platonic. But, like, we'll go out and people will, like, think we're together. And, like, guys will come up to me and be like, are you with her? Like, she's really hot. Wow. Yeah. Like, London is my city. Oh, my God.

You need to comment. London is my city. Is that a Jake Paul song? Yeah, I know, right? Oh, he says, England is my city. Nick Crompton. Nick Crompton. Who is that? That's weird.

England is my city. Like, that's not a city. That's a good song. Who wrote it? Honestly, did he? Who was it? Nick Crompton? Is that what you said? It was Nick Crompton. Who wrote that? England is my city. Like, that's not a city. That's a good song. Who wrote it? Honestly, did he? Who was it? Nick Crompton? Is that what you said?

Nick Crompton. It was a Jake Paul song. It was Nick Crompton's verse. Yeah. That was iconic, that song. They probably made a lot. Whoever wrote that for publishing. Oh, I think that song went platinum.

Really? Yeah. I wonder who wrote it. We should look it up. Who has the writing credits? Maybe they all collabed on it. It was Team 10. Kind of love that.

Yeah. Anyways, I love that you quoted Nick Crompton. Throw it. It was team 10. Kind of love that. Yeah. Anyways, I love that you quoted Nick Crompton. Throwback. It was an accident. What was I saying? So you, England, you had a good experience in England. You were with your platonic friend. People hit on you there.

They think you're hot there. Yes. Oh, my sister. My sister. Okay, so. Oh, because you were with the boyfriend in London. Yes. So I don't really have London trauma.

I just have trauma with like him. So I have Paris trauma because we would go to Paris together because his dad lived in Paris. So like I, I mean, I don't want to say I don't like Paris, but like it's just like really traumatic for me there. Is it Timothee Chalamet? No, it's not. He's not.

He's like, he's not famous. The guy is, he's not, he's like, his dad's like a super billionaire though. So, okay. Well, but he got, he just recently got indicted for 461 million euros of tax evasion and money laundering in France. What? But the dad, not the son. The dad.

And I was, it was so weird because I was always like, how does your dad have money? I'm so confused. million euros of tax evasion and money laundering in france um but the dad not the son the dad and i was it was so weird because i was always like how does your dad have money i'm so confused he was like um i he was a waiter and like now he worked his way up to the top and i was like you don't go from being a waiter to being worth like 50 billion dollars to the lottery or something like like you at least did not do it ethically i'll tell you that i know you got some offshore accounts and so you, and he would drive. I'm like going to get like a hit put on me for saying this.

Um, he would like, we would, he would have to drive or fly into Switzerland and then drive through like a weird town to get into like a town that has no border, like sneak in to go to Paris. And I was like, why does your dad like not fly with us? And he was like,

well, he just doesn't want people to know where he is. Oh my God. It's like the swindler. Yeah. Literally. I was like, interesting just doesn't want people to know where he is oh my god it's like the swindler yeah literally i was like interesting oh my god yeah but then that got indicted and i was like oh he's going to jail and so then i was eating brunch with my friends at great white and i was sitting at the table and it was like me and like seven of my friends and kelsey goes olivia don't look now but your ex is there and i was like and i see or i like out of the corner of my eye i see them he's with his pregnant now his wife he has a wife and child we broke up we broke up almost two years ago now

but by the time we'd been broken up for a year he or like less than that he already had a new girlfriend who's pregnant and she's like um yeah anyway whatever the baby's born and they're married love that for them okay i'm absolutely positive they both cheat on each other so i'm happy that they like have that well sometimes those people need to be together you know like genuinely like i have no animosity towards him once i like figured out that he like actually was cheating on me and like once i realized the kind of person that he was that i for some reason didn't realize because i didn't have any prior knowledge of him everyone like knew that he was like that but i didn't and then

once i got to know him and was like oh shit you're that person like i didn't feel i didn't have any prior knowledge of him. Everyone like knew that he was like that, but I didn't. And then once I got to know him and was like, oh shit, you're that person. Like I didn't feel, I didn't have to get over him at all. Cause I was like already, I was like, ew, no, like you're disgusting. How did everybody know but you? So basically when I started dating him, I was on like a two week bender, right?

So I was like drunk. It wasn't like a bender bender. It was like, I was just going out every single night for like two weeks. And I made a point of it. I was like, I had all these events happening in one week and I was like you know what okay we're just gonna get a party bus and we're gonna drink every day whatever it was like my friend's birthday my friend Sydney had like a collab launch thing with the for clothing whatever

so we just made it a whole thing and I met him on like one of the first days and then he was texting me like let's hang out and then I'd see him at on the some of these days and then we eventually like ended up hooking up and again drunk drunk hook up and we were drunk that's how I get into relationships I guess like yeah I was like wait I really like you knew nothing about him and uh all the people that were around us like we had some we had some mutual friends and some overlap but it wasn't any of my close friends like no one really knew like oh he's like a notorious cheater womanizer like terrible terrible terrible person right and i don't think people kind of want to say that to you when you are starting to date someone like it's kind of hard it's like people people i don't know it was really it was it was kind of complicated like and i i kept kind of

finding out like um i was at a bar and this girl told my friend like oh like adam's cheating on olivia like whatever and i get like pulled and uh i i think it was stoss she like pulled me and took me to the bathroom i opened the door all my friends are sitting there and like we have to tell you something and i was like what they're like adam's cheating on you and i was like what we were supposed to go to wyoming the next day to visit my sister so i was freaking out i like walked up to him i was like i know you cheated on me let's go and we went and then he like was texting everyone that was allegedly involved in the story and calling them and whatever so i believed him he was like read my text i went through his whole phone like i couldn't find

anything we like called the people texted the people like whatever and everyone was like i just don't want to be the girl that told my friends was like denying it she was like i didn't say anything like i don't want to be involved in this because everyone was afraid of him because he's this rich guy he get gets everyone into every party he's like friends with everyone and he has all this pull at all these places but and all the people that we were around at the time were like the club rat people it was like they just wanted a party and they were just like not the right they weren't good people and they all were covering for him like this guy that was like supposed to he was like claiming to be my friend like i was kind of pulled into his world and hanging out with his friends and we were going

out all the time so i met all these people and this guy he was like i love you so much i love your music oh my god let's be friends like it was like adam's like gay best friend and um i was like oh yeah so fun he's so nice whatever and then i find out that his roommate is the girl that was in uh medical school with my sister's friend oh my god that was f***ing him and she was bragging about f***ing him I'm like I'm sorry you're a doctor you're gonna be a doctor I'm sorry if someone like oh my god like she was proud she was proud she was like yeah it's so funny like it's one thing to like hook up with someone that has a that's in a relationship and not know. Yeah. But to like proudly be a mistress,

what are you getting out of this? What are you getting? I don't know. That is a good question. I have no idea. Because people really do get proud of that stuff, you know? I guess because they think like, oh, he's dating you,

so you're this hot, young, like celebrity. And then they're like just a doctor and why am I? I mean, doctors are great. No, she was at UC Irvine. Oh, okay. So she's just, I don't know. I mean, people just want to be like, oh, well, he's dating.

You know what I mean? I feel like if you're with someone that's hot and you can pull that person, you feel like, wow, I pulled him. Oh, okay. So she's just, I don't know. I mean, people just want to be like, oh, well, he's dating. You know what I mean? I feel like if you're with someone that's hot and you can pull that person, you feel like, wow, I pulled him. Oh, you pulled him. He would literally fuck a fucking McChicken. Okay. He has fucked everyone in the world. He is a sex addict. He's disgusting. Like, you should not be proud. You should not be proud. People are. I've had so many sex addicts in my early 20s.

I think, like, they're just filled. Hollywood's filled with them. The rich ones. Maybe you should just try dating someone maybe that's, like like an accountant or something he was a finance pro he worked at Merrill Lynch but he was like the son of like a billionaire or something okay not an accountant

date like a I don't know I don't know who you would go with at this point I don't know well the problem is like they have to understand my lifestyle you know and like they have to get it because sometimes when I'm talking to people that aren't like, they don't even have to be in my world necessarily, but they just like have to kind of get it a little bit. Because I'll be talking and I'll be telling a story and I'll say someone's name and they're like, you've met that person.

I'm like, I know them. They're my friend. And it's like, yeah. And they think that I'm like name dropping or they get like really confused because they like people view celebrities all in different. Everyone views celebrities in such different ways. Yeah. So you have to like be with someone that understands all of this like yeah yeah and it doesn't all have

to be casual like we were saying there's some people that i can idolize but it's like you have to be okay with like knowing that i'm can't hang out with these celebrities and they might be these like like if i were dating someone and they were like jealous that i was hanging out like thinking like oh my god you're gonna go this celebrity oh yeah like I would never I wouldn't do that yeah I'm not I'm not interested in that it's hard to find guys who like don't think that you know what I mean that would be totally confident and whatever like I think I could hang out the weekend and Moses would be fine he'd be like totally like confident about it he that's my new that's my newest uh obsession I wouldn't even say crush this obsession yeah yours is radiohead wait you know the weekend yeah oh my god have you met

him tell me more have you dated no i have not dated him he seems nice no no he's he's in a relationship he is now oh with the model yes yeah is he still like i think so i think so i don't know someone's like oh he didn't like her post the last couple of posts i mean who knows who knows i don't know he always models like yeah he always hits models. He's a really nice guy. Yeah. He came to my friend's sauce, had like a party one time and he came over and we were chatting in the corner about music for a little while and gave me his number and it was really sweet. Did you ever hit him up?

Kind of. He texted me afterwards and was like, hey, like, just be careful tonight. Like I saw that you were drinking law. Just like be careful. Yeah. It was really nice. This was like 2020. Yeah.

Was he single then? Maybe he was trying to like yeah i don't know maybe but he's but but i it was never it wasn't i don't think it was like that honestly um he was just really sweet the biggest celebrity in the whole world he was really sweet oh my god that makes me want to cry oh my god you could have been an idol did you watch the idol i asked everyone i did but i auditioned for the assistant and i got i got sent this and i read it and i was like did they write this for me because the girl's name is jocelyn i was like i was like um wait you guys like they like sent me the script personalized they personalized this for me they want me um but like and and it's so

funny because oh my gosh have you ever seen that girl on tiktok it's just like the worst she's such a hater it's this blonde girl and she just makes videos hating on everyone for everything and she's like everyone hates her like no she but she keeps doing it because it's like shock value okay oh my god i god girls i wish i i have her so blocked like so ridiculously blocked that i don't remember her name um but she's this blonde girl and she just makes these videos like just shitting on everyone like celebrities or just people mainly celebrities influencers everyone and she made a video one time i went on tiktok live and i was like playing like unreleased songs and whatever and it was like right after i'd gone independent and she made a video about me and she was like you know that a celebrity has totally fallen off when they're on

tiktok live like leaking their own music like this is so embarrassing also she said that she auditioned for the idol as the assistant and she didn't even get it like that's so embarrassing and i was like do you know how many people audition for that shit also rachel senate was the perfect choice i wasn't i'm not the vibe for the assistant i didn't have that i wasn't you should have been jocelyn i love lily rose definitely should have been jocelyn i mean i never heard the name jocelyn before your song and then it was jocelyn i was like hmm that's interesting well and also i'm like i've met him a few times like maybe he checked up on me saw the name jocelyn and was See, that's believable.

That is believable. I think it's about me, and I never even met him. And I think, oh, I think this is about me. Because they had that song, World Class Sinner, where it's like, I'm just a freak, yeah. And I had freak, freak, a freak together. This kind of sounds a little bit like me. No, I mean, like, even if it might be true and it might be delusional, but, like, I'm going to, we should both believe those things. I know.

I like to believe it. Yeah, I believe it. But I feel like any girl in LA will think the idol is about them. Because it is true. I mean, you meet those like weird creepers. I would have gagged if you were. I feel like you could have played any part on that. But like there were, I just like, it's so crazy that someone could be like,

oh, she auditioned and she didn't even get it. I'm like, first of all, I wasn't even an actor. I wasn't, I didn't. Wait, how did you get the audition? So I've been with like, like my agents have always sent me like scripts to do like self tapes. Right. So I never like took classes and everything, but like I'll get reached out to, or like

they'll reach out to the agency and be like, Hey, we're looking for someone for this. And if they think that it fits like me, like my personality, cause I did tell them like I'm open to acting. I'm interested in it. So I'll get sent things every once in a while. I've done like a few self tapes over my time. Obviously I told you about the Thanksgiving thing. So those are huge.

Those are like huge things. Yeah. I've done a few cool ones. I did one for the new Superman thing, but I obviously didn't get it, but they say that it takes a hundred self tapes to book something. Also I was completely untrained. So I was like,

I'm proud of myself that I even got like as far as I did. Yeah. So, um, I don't know. I was just like, that's so crazy that someone is saying that it's embarrassing that I didn't get the part like hello like what do you mean but they're probably worse yeah they're probably like in the middle of nowhere just that it's always those people who

have no idea what's going on like the fact that you even got the audition for like that huge show i know it's crazy like i'm honored i'm not i also auditioned for mean girls that one the musical yeah for karen but i was two weeks late to submit it. And also, like, Avantika is, like, the most perfect. She did so well that I'm, like, again, it's, like, I'm not mad. Also, like, it's just not. What did you audition with? What song? Halloween, every single day.

Oh, that is so good. Oh, my God. Also, World Peace. Maybe World Peace should be first. Be who you want to be and sexy. Oh, I don't be, I don't know where I'm going to go. I want to be in hot. What are the other words?

I don't even know. You know which one I was sad they didn't have in the movie is the plastics. Meet the plastics. Yeah, where it's like, my name is Karen Myers. Yeah, they cut it to just, my name is Regina George. Oh they cut it to just my name is regina george oh you've been so good at that though too i love her name but you're perfect but that was actually really perfect i love people who sing and i love that you sing anytime i want someone on the podcast like we sing with you no one wants to sing i love that you say no we should do it we

should do a little duet after this for tiktok okay for sure what will we sing i don't know oh my god it's so much pressure because usually i always want to and everyone says no. So then someone who's down to do it. Well, like we should absolutely, I came in with the, I was like, I'm going to ask her to do it with me. Oh my God. I'm so excited. I get, I get really nervous though. I know my dream is like duet with like every guest that comes on and no one ever wants

to do it with me. So especially one that can sing. Usually people who are singers don't want to sing live for a number of reasons, I guess, you know, maybe one there's just like, no, you're not paying me. But also I feel like maybe, you know, if you're not right there in the space in the zone, you don't sound as good. And then they feel worried about if I sound, if I sound bad. And if we're just doing like a little TikTok video, like if I sound bad, I don't care. Cause like, I know, like I have videos of me singing live that are good. Like no one's perfect all the

time. And also I'm not like, I'm going to give it my best performance of my life. I love that about you. Cause I know someone, um, do you watch a guy? I don't know his name. He does impersonations on TikTok and he goes to the red carpets and does impersonations in front of people? No. Oh, he went to the Golden Globes and he'll do like Martin Short. Anyways, he did one for Austin Butler. He was doing Austin Butler for Austin Butler and he's like, will you sing a little If I Can Dream? And Austin's like, how about you sing? Oh, that's so embarrassing. I mean, it's not embarrassing, but that's something that would happen to me. It's like, okay. So then he just sang for Austin Butler as Elvis and I was like,

oh God, okay. But I was like, why would Austin as Elvis. And I was like, oh, God, okay. But I was like, why would Austin Butler do that? I'm like, well, maybe he, like, doesn't feel confident, like, singing. Singing, yeah. Acapella on the spot. No, and I totally get that. I totally get that. I just, like, I've already had, I have some really bad performances out there.

Like, my first, this wasn't my first, but, like, one of my first live performances of I Hate You, I Love You when I was, like, 17 like 17 was at this like morning show thing in Italy in Milan. And I was sick and I gave the worst performance of my life. It was so bad. I mean, I was 17. Like, who cares? But I'm like, after that, I was like, okay, I can handle this. If I have a bad performance, who cares?

Did people say anything? Were people commenting? There were a couple mean comments, but it was like, most people were like, this isn't even that bad. Whatever. It doesn't matter. I'm also very, very, very hard on myself as we've established. With the singing too?

I feel like singing. Oh, with everything. Really? With everything really but you have the confidence in singing like i know i'm a good singer like that's one no i thought i was a horrible singer wait what i okay how are you performing if you think you're a bad singer i don't it's again it's like i i know like i can be objective for a second be like okay i know like people tell me that i'm pretty all the time okay i can i can realize like i'm probably pretty right but then i look at myself and I'm like, well, I have these things and I just, I just noticed all these things that I don't like about myself. And then I spiral and I'm like, is everyone lying to me? Whatever. But objectively I can take a step back and I'm like, okay, I'm a professional singer. People tell me that I'm good. I have songs that have done well. I must be,

therefore I must be good at singing. Yeah. So you can, okay. So so yeah you see it you're successful so in my my insecurities i'm like no so yeah i get that but that's just you know we're working on it yeah my sister used to come my sister used to come in my room and be like you sound like shit when i would sing but later on in life she told me that it was because she just wanted to do her homework and she wanted me to stop singing because she was like distracted and i was like well you didn't have to tell me i was a bad singer because you know what i carried that with me for the rest of my life I sang in secret I sang in secret for years until I hate you if I hate you I love you didn't blow up the way that it did I would not have pursued music really never in a million years because I thought it was bad wow because

I thought it was literally horrible we used to do in theater in uh high school when we would do auditions I would audition for the ensemble wait what I would audition in a group of people you would never go for the main I didn't do a solo I didn't even do a solo audition I would go in with a group of people and we would sing together that's so wild because I was too insecure of my singing no I'm so secure with my singing I can't sing at all like I can't even see a pitch people like you're off pitch or key or whatever you're on like no you have like you have like something something about your voice though it's like like some people sing and it's like unlistenable like no like I would like, we were listening to your music in the car ride on the way here. Oh my god, that's embarrassing.

You know what my favorite is though? Sad Boy 2005. Thank you. I feel like that was underrated. I'm on the side of Mulholland Drive. Oh my god, wow. It sounds so good. Dead or alive.

Wow, it's so cool. It's so good. No, like for real. I love when I hear my songs in like a good key or pitch or I don't know what it's called when someone can sing. No, you sound good. Girl, it's so good. I mean, they're definitely auto-tuned for sure but i appreciate it well you gotta do what you need to do like who cares oh my god well thank you i appreciate that so much i love music and i just like love singing so and i'm gonna think that

your song jocelyn now that i'm like still thinking about it it's gonna be about i think of it as like being written about abel and that's why he made the character jocelyn you know what i mean okay because maybe you were dating in my head and fanfic world you're dating him the prequel maybe they do a prequel to the idol that's what it is it's olivia bryan song jocelyn they should put it in there i know wow god i'm actually starstruck just being in your presence with all the people you know like i was starstruck being in your presence and then i'm like wow you know all these people it's so amazing i know a lot of people and i feel like people don't always know that because i don't i'm not the type of person to be like oh my my god, posting a photo with someone.

Because I'm so scared that people will think that I'm trying to be like, clout chasey or something. Really? I feel like that's just your industry. People just post with people, you know? I know. But I just like, I don't know. I'm so scared of people perceiving me in any type of way that seems fake or just clout chasey.

I don't know. I just don't. Oh my god. We shouldn't be afraid of that. I feel what you mean i know i know what you mean but i i think it's i just love celebrities i would appreciate anyone who's like open to talking about i'll go and talk to them and tell them i love them but i just like i'm so nervous like i don't i don't i kind of keep that to like my friend circle in my life and don't like post about it and stuff because i just am so worried about people being like well you don't actually know that person in your way oh my god i post right away i got the one dm from abel i said thank you for support like screenshot look at this everybody i got so

excited yeah but your stories are way cooler i always thought the most famous person you was like toddy smith and i was like wow now i'm like really like you know so many people i just you know i've just like been here since i was 16 gone to every single party and i have hot hot hot girlfriends that like date all these guys and blah, blah, blah. So like, your girl squad is intimidating. Oh yeah. They are very intimidating. Very, very intimidating. Yeah. I like, I always wonder, I'm like, when people see us, like, do they get scared? Cause I get scared of my own friends. Sometimes like, I feel like the odd one out in my friend group and I'll like hang out with them and I'm like, wait, like you guys are all like so perfect and cool. And I'm like, you feel that way in your own group. Really? Sometimes. Like, I mean,

they're like, if I ever told them that they'd be like shut the f**k up like you're like you're one of us um but yeah i feel like i like wanted to leave i feel like i remember telling him like i need to leave this because i do not feel confident at all i feel like i should not be here it's hard it's hard i mean they all have like perfect bodies and perfect faces and perfect outfits like being young too it's like yeah it's really hard but you're there you're there you just don't see it that's what it is it's hard it's hard yeah i i think i i will always carry with me the like i'm ugly and weird and i'm a high school loser like that that will always live within me so like it creates this like weird dynamic within my mind yeah it's it's it's a lot have you ever been if it's too personal

enough to answer have you ever been diagnosed with anything i mean ocd you said i have ocd and um i probably have some other stuff i always say that um everyone has their own unique cocktail of things because i think with diagnoses nowadays it's so hard i think that there are a lot of uh personality disorders that are over diagnosed to women um because and then and like a lot of men probably have similar things and they're just like like a woman can go in and be like i have all these things they might be like actually autistic or like add or all these things and they're like no you have a histrionic or you have bpd or you have this or whatever and it's like i don't know like there's everyone you can and you can have bpd and also be bipolar and like that it's all these things or you could have ocd and also have add

and also have the and it's like those the symptoms will overlap a lot and there's even overlap with symptoms bpd and add so it's like i don't know really honestly i i go through phases where i think i have something else and i think i have something else i do know that i have ocd i know i have depression and i think that stems from my anxiety because my anxiety really caused me to spiral into a depression. I definitely have some other stuff. I have symptoms of a lot of things. Right. But you're not on medication for anything.

Not right now. No. I've been on SSRIs and, you know, I tried this anxiety medication called Buspar, Busparone for a while. So I've tried a few things. But I have some, like, trauma regarding medication. So I just, like, kind of –'s susses me out a little bit. So I'm like, even if I'm like freaking out and I'm like, maybe I should take medication. I'm like, no, I won't.

I can't. I'm like, I've been misdiagnosed because there wasn't borderline when I was like your age. It was like bipolar. And so I was like given like lithium and I remember being like crazy on that. So I'm the same way. It's like the worst to not have anything. Medication is good for people who can use it. I just think I was misdiagnosed.

There's so it's so easy to misdiagnose people. And it's always changing. There's always like some new thing that, and it's like, how do I know what I have when everyone has such a unique cocktail? And then you have to try out all the medications and see what works for you. And it's like, what if I tried a medication

and I have a crazy reaction? Like I was on Prozac for a while and I got these, I started getting these crazy, super intense, hyper-realistic dreams. And I, it was affecting my daily life. I'd wake up and like think I was still in the dream, which was insane. I hated it. And so, um, eventually I went off of it and I still have the dreams. I think it permanently altered my brain a little bit. Oh, for sure. It can happen. I know that happens for sure. People

have talked about that too, where it's like they were on the medication and just like, yeah, alters your brain forever. I even think like my borderline was like developed along the way with like misdiagnoses. Cause I know people have like diagnosed me as schizophrenic before and it's like on schizo medication because i thought i was hearing voices but then it's like well it's like intrusive thoughts or something oh my gosh yeah right but it feels so real like you actually feel like someone's like talking in your head and that's what's like can be so scary yeah i know you're really open about it i saw in an interview you were talking about how you said like back in the day they used to diagnose all women with the same female hysteria i've looked

it up you're like look up the treatments i was like oh what are the treatments for female hysteria i was like use a vibrator yeah it was like plenty of smelling oils in the genitals i'm like what marriage was one of it yeah it was like be a better wife to your husband and you'll stop yeah no it was like literally everyone everything was female hysteria and like you know just even knowing that and the way that things have changed since then, it's like. And also, it's crazy that hysteria is like a word that applies to women. Like histrionic, it means like uterus or something, the root of the word. So it's like, I didn't, and I never realized that.

Like when you say like, oh, they're being hysteric right now. It's like, that's like kind of a misogynistic oh for sure uh word right excuse me well we have yeah no but the histrionic personality disorder is that a real one yeah because I looked up the symptoms like forever ago but I've never been diagnosed with that that's why I was like is this a real thing because like I'm like no one's ever told me but I looked it up and it's like oh like you're obsessed with celebrities I'm like this is like a personality disorder I was like okay, okay. That's literally me. I think that probably means, like, the people that, like, convince, like, actually convince

themselves they're, like, in relationships with celebrities or something. I don't know. Like, astral projection. I think loving, loving celebrities is not a personality disorder. I'm pretty obsessed. I am obsessed, though. You're obsessed. Your latest obsession, I don't know how old this was, was Radiohead, was, like, the most

recent one you said. Yeah, but that's just more, like, like, I don't really know much about like the actual like history of the band or anything. I just really like the music, you know? So you don't like delve into like, who are they dating? Sometimes, sometimes I will. Sometimes I will. I definitely like to Google and like, I'll go on like little tangents like about random

things. Like I'll, I'll be like, oh, this person seems like they're hiding something and I'll like Google and find everything out about them. Wow. Um, but yeah, sometimes it's just music. Sometimes it's just whatever, but like, yeah. Radiohead is such a very specific one though. And it's also like way older than I feel like older than me.

I feel, I feel like Radiohead wasn't even my era. So how do you get into those? I just really like old music. Just like I like old movies. Like I'm very like, I appreciate, um, the past a lot. I kind of like almost like live in the past. And I'm not in a way of like, I was born in the wrong generation. Like I just like, I love that humans have created,

like I love like older architecture. I just feel like with the development of technology and how quickly everything is moving and social media and the overconsumption of things, it's like fast fashion, all this stuff. And I, sometimes I take a step back and I'm like, clothes were so like, it was much more limited. So they just had a few items that were just like really well made. And the craftsmanship was so incredible. And so a lot of stuff that's older is just so beautiful. And also music now it's very hard to make something

that's like completely original, right? Almost everything, even on the radio, all these pop songs, like, uh, it's inspired by stuff that's kind of happened before and yeah you put your new spin on it and you make it new but it's just like it's so great to be able to be inspired by all these things of the past and some of these people were the first people to do it but even like bands in the 90s were inspired by bands in the 70s and they were inspired by bands like it's it's just cool to kind of watch that and see that. And I love like just having history behind items. Like this is like my grandma's ring and like my mom's necklace. And like, I just, I like just having a history, having an item that has history.

It holds value. Like you said, with the clothes, like Marilyn Monroe dresses still are intact because they're so like the one that Kim Kardashian wore. Like it's intact because it was made with quality and music too. To see the evolution of music is really cool. Like I love My Chemical Romance but they're like oh we were like Smashing Pumpkins and then you said Smashing Pumpkins and you're like I thought I did too I got into that I was kind of like do you know him do you know Billy Corgan no but my lawyer

I posted that uh 1979 by Smashing Pumpkins was my top song of the year on Spotify and my lawyer was on and was like oh we just started representing them Billy is awesome oh my god you should work with him oh my god okay that would be like a dream that would be everything he's been on zack saying i think i'm always like how does that get all these people yeah i'm pretty sure he was crazy yeah because i feel like he's pretty huge i know zack's thinking to everyone except for abel and uh gerard way those are the two he hasn't been able to get and i was like oh that's crazy because he gets everyone else like don't all text abel right now i'm gagged i'm like can we fanduel casinos exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning.

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or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. He's definitely changed his numbers. It was like 2020. You don't know. I mean, that's why. Hey, I don't really know. I don't know if you remember me.

We met at Stahl's house four years ago. He probably does. That's all I can think about now is that you know him. And I'm like, wow. Okay, I wouldn't say I know him I've met him okay meeting him and him being like I hope you get home okay like wow he was just a really nice guy I really think so I love I heard that about him I think he's just a really nice guy did he introduce himself as Abel or The Weeknd Abel he was by himself yeah he came by himself oh my god he had

a big New Year's Eve party this year I'm like like, why weren't we invited? I'm on the radar somewhere. I mean, I'm a fan. Hello. Next year. Actually, my friends went to that. I need to be in that group. Was it Stas? Was it? Yeah.

Yeah. My friends all went to that. Because I threw a little New Year's Eve party with my friend Lydia. Oh. It was like, I kind of got roped into it. Because I was like, no one has made any plans. And I'm such a planner. So I was like, I'm just going to do it at my favorite bar.

And it turned into this crazy party. Like, I didn't know a lot of the people that were there and then my friends uh like that group of friends stopped by for a second and then they were and i texted them i was like hey where'd you guys go and they were like oh we went to abel's and we went home and i was like people's lives people really do live these dreams i'm in la and i'm so far removed from all that but when people you tell me stories like this i'm like is this a real life is this the idol in real life like it literally is the idol in real life because like his house was the house on the show, which would have been so cool. Yeah.

Anyways, I love him. I got so distracted with it. Who is your dream collab? Like, if you could collab with any writing or singing or. I don't know. Because this goes back to the, like, don't meet your idols thing of, like, I don't know. I, like, I'm so worried that, like, either I wouldn't do well. I wouldn't, like, do my best performance or my best work.

And then they would think I was bad. Or, like, that I would meet them and I wouldn't do well. I wouldn't like do my best performance or my, my best work. And then they would think I was bad or like that I would meet them and I wouldn't like them. Cause I've worked with some like pretty high profile people before that. Like I ended up being like, Oh, that kind of was disappointing. Like they weren't very nice. Like a lot of big producers,

like you'll meet them and there'll be like late and they have like a ghost producer producing and you're like, right. And they, they like this one, the guy, he was not that big anymore. He was like huge,

like early two thousands producer. And I had a session with him and he was two hours late came in introduced himself to me was like okay have fun like left me with another producer and i wrote the whole song and then he like told my manager that i was like rude or something wait what i don't know that's so weird why did you guys complain about anything i think i complained a little bit being like i don't know what's going on and i think i was very like he's like she's where i left yeah so it was just he just left the session and then i wrote a song with like a producer that i guess goes produced for him it was just very strange so i've had situations like that so and not that he was like someone that i idolized but you know i was like i was like oh he's a big

producer yeah so it used to be my dream to like write with sZA but now i'm just like i don't know like she's so i just like i I think I would be too scared. What's a SZA song? I don't know. What's a SZA song? Like which one does she sing? There's quite a lot. Everyone talks about SZA lately.

I need to get on this bandwagon. Everyone's like, I love SZA. I might kill my ex. Not the best idea. I know that from TikTok. That's her biggest song. I know TikTok songs. Like if you tell me something from TikTok, I know it.

You know what I mean? There's that one. And and also last name on my shirt no bitch i'm on there and also if you wonder if i hate you i do oh that's a good one oh what a great those are great lyrics yeah no she's incredible i should yeah i've been into her for ever and just like watching her evolution has been so insane because now she's like fully mainstream and i'm so proud of her is she a lesbian she's she has some she has some lyrics where she's like fully mainstream and I'm so proud of her. Is she a lesbian? She has some lyrics where she's like, what's the one? Love to my ladies. I've dated a few.

The name is very like lesbian coded. I love it. Scissoring? There was like the Scissor Sisters back in the day. I was like, oh they definitely were into something. I love that. I love when people can lesbian code things., into something. Oh my gosh, the Scissor Sisters. I love that.

I love when people can lesbian code things. I think it's so cute. I love Scissor now. I was like, why is that? Oh, I know what you're saying. Yeah, it's cute. I think that'd be cute. And if she has those lyrics, I kind of love that. I think I'll get to a point in my career where I'll be, where I will be more confident

and able to kind of do that stuff. I'm like, why don't you just like reach out to me? Why don't they just reach out to me? I know. I always think that too with this podcast. I'm like, people should just reach out to me. No, it doesn't happen. I'm like, let me reach out to people because no one's you just like reach out to me why don't they just reach out to me I know I always think that too with this podcast I'm like people should just read that I mean no it doesn't happen I'm like let me reach out to people because no one's gonna just reach out there's definitely lots of people that I love to work with but it's like right now it just seems

like a pipe dream you know it's not like well are you always working on music or has it been a while because it sounds like it's been a minute since you put out like an album I was working a lot last year um with this producer named Colin and I made like so many songs with him and then now I'm kind of starting to work with more producers again and I'm just like kind of getting some stuff together because I am going to actually release music this year. We've got it figured out. We have a plan.

I'm just kind of waiting to like sign some stuff and get everything in motion. So I will be releasing a bunch of music this year. But you're doing independently? Yeah, independently, but I'm going to be like partnering with like a company. It's like a distribution company. So I didn't realize that you could do something like that where you can still have a budget for things.

And they don't take all of your money. And they let you do whatever you want creatively. And you don't have to sell your songs or anything like that? No, it's amazing. Oh, that's amazing. It's great. There was one I was listening to the other day that I never heard before. I was like, I F'd your brother or something like that.

I should have fucked your brother. Yeah, I'm like, is this a real song? I love heard before. I was like, I F'd your brother or something like that. I should have fucked your brother. Yeah. Is this a real song? I love it. But I'm like, is this based on anybody? No, it's not. This is independent, right? This song?

So it actually came out or I did it kind of as like a joke song. I used to make jokes all the time being like, oh, I picked the wrong brother. Because I have dated like multiple like brothers. Three or four people that no, no, I did like three or four people that like have had brothers that like, like I dated, like when I say dated, I mean like I like haven't had a lot of serious relationships and all my songs are like not about people that I've had serious relationships with because those people are never the ones that inspire me.

It's always like, I want you and I can't have you and you don't let me back. Like it's always those ones. Those are more dramatic. So like dated, I've had had i've dated a lot of people and also like the crazy ex the one that i did date the crazy ex-boyfriend with the dad that should be in jail um he had some brother he had like four brothers and then obviously like logan and jake and then like there's like when i was 18 i like had a thing with this guy who's like an identical twin so i was like oh it's so funny that i why do i do this like i maybe i should have picked the wrong maybe i picked the other brother like things would have gone right it was like a joke that i would always make to myself and my friends and then i went into

a session one day and i was like this is a funny song like should i just say it it's a good song i did it and then everyone was like oh my god you need to get over logan paul i'm like this is literally not about him like that's the other thing that's annoying about the dating thing and if you're public about who you date it's like people will still comment and be like is this song about todd i'm like i've never there's no songs that are about todd and also i was like 18 years old i was like i was a kid like i did i'm not like oh my gosh for them that the song maybe they think songs are about them and you're like sorry no well you just made it clear there's no songs about yeah there's this one song i wrote called sad songs in the summer and i think that he definitely thinks it's about him

because i wrote it after we broke up, like a while after. But he loves Nirvana and like we used to listen to Nirvana or whatever. And I needed a rhyme. I needed a rhyme. The song was like not about him. It was about someone else who actually, this guy that showed me Tame Impala when I was like 18.

Oh my gosh. And it was like, I can't listen to Tame Impala. I can't listen, whatever. Ohala. I can't listen. Whatever. Oh, and then you were writing that with Nirvana? And then I changed the lyrics in the second hook. And it was like, I can't listen to old Nirvana. Oh, so he's like, that's about me. And I was like, what else rhymes with that?

And I was like, vodka. And Todd used to always drink vodka. And it was like, I can't even think about drinking vodka. Something like that. So he's like, wow, this song's so bumpy. So he definitely misses it about him. But I was like, no, I just need to rhyme. I need to rhyme. Yikes. Oh, well, that's cute, though. the song so he definitely misses about him but i was like no i just need to rhyme yeah yikes oh well that's cute though so ask your brother

it's not about wanting jake no okay you're like maybe that's the wrong brother love jake love jake actually but um no okay no i love i never never thought about that it's crazy we were in that same era like we barely were but like crossing we had to cross over you know what i mean which is like kind of weird that's what i'm saying even at the time i just remember being like i was 31 at the time i'm like this is like weird we're like hanging out with these kids who are like literally probably i was 18 that's crazy that's why i was like this is no i know and like at the time i was like i didn't think it was weird but like now that i'm like even just at 24 i'm like oh like my friend sophie she's uh when i met her she was 18 and she turned 19 in November. And I'm just like, you are such a baby. You're my little baby cutie pie. Like I

can't. And I was like, is it weird that I'm hanging out with her? And like, no, it's not. Cause I love her. And, but it's like, I see her as like, yeah, 24 and 18. Yeah. And I see her as like my, like my little, my little baby. No, when I'm 18 year olds come on the podcast, I'm just always like, Oh, like, you know, I want to hang out with them obviously. But I'm like, Oh, there's like a, but a girl and girl is different you know yeah it's different because you can have that kind of like almost like mentorship relationship like a motherly like yeah we just like girl we just all like love each other i just want to be girls you're at the same like level too i feel like guys are like and they're like 30 dating each other it's like weird i don't know

i have such a hang-up about that like no i know i do too and i didn't realize and now that i'm getting older i'm realizing like i wouldn't date someone. There was like trauma there. I would never date someone that age right now. Oh my gosh. Like people dating you at 17. It's crazy. It's crazy. And then knowing your age.

I used to have guys say that. Not at 17, but like at 19, I dated someone that was 54. He's like, how old are you again? And he'd always like that. I'd like turn him on. I was like, oh, that's creepy. It'd be weird. Yeah.

The 17 is way too young. It's, I don't like it. It's so young. It's crazy. And then you're like, where's the trauma come from? Because I always wondered too, like your relationships. Have you had, and I don't like it. It's so young. It's crazy. And then you're like, where did the trauma come from? Because I always wondered too, like your relationships, have you had,

and I don't mean this like insulting, but because of all your songs, have you had like a healthy relationship? Nope. Okay. Because they're all like cheating and some dramatic ending. What's crazy though is like,

I never really, I hadn't ever gotten cheated on until my relationship with Adam, the guy, the crazy one. Oh, he was the first one that cheated. First one to really cheat, because I hadn't had many boyfriends. the only like actual like like we are in a

relationship yeah um where it was todd and that was like my longest relationship was like six seven months um and then adam those are the only people that i was like we are boyfriend girlfriend dating in a serious relationship and i was yeah it's like yeah and it doesn't count well I feel like Jocelyn's such like a cheating anthem even though I know you said it's like a situation ship because I mean you did say we're off and I'll never be on again like you didn't honor so I get it but like so many of those people do feel like it's a relationship yeah people will be like this got me through my divorce and it's like and I love that I can be that for people but I feel so strongly about what I realized is like it's the fantasy I love the fantasy right so when you date

someone and then especially me like when I start dating someone and I'm like, we're in this like romance and it's a whirlwind and we're, we're dating and it's only been a couple of weeks and I don't really know them that well. And I'm like, Oh, I love you. Like, Oh my God, you're the best. And then you get to know them and you're like, wait, you might actually be like a serial killer. You might actually be like really terrifying. Um, and then I kind of like, I'm, I'm one foot out the door a few months in. And then I just like, the only reason I even stayed with the cheater man is because I was like, I need to see this relationship through. Like I need to prove to myself that I can be in a relationship. I was like, why is that my mindset? I am so good at being alone. Like I actually love being alone

and I don't want to invite anyone into my life unless they are contributing something. Even if the thing that they're contributing is just like making me happy. Yeah. When you are in a full relationship and you realize all these things about the person and you realize like there's a, there's a beginning and there's an end. It, you know why it won't work out. You broke up for a reason and it's over with. You tried it, you tried it out. It didn't work. You didn't get your happily ever after, whatever. If you are in a situation chip, you never get to experience the person in their full, like you don't like have that full experience of a real relationship. You don't get to that level of intimacy of knowing them. You don't get that comfortable with them. And if things end and you're like, why did it end? Why didn't they like me? And you're losing not only the person,

you're losing the fantasy. You're losing what could have been, what could have been was we could have had this beautiful life together. I guarantee if I had dated that person, then it would have not gone according to the fantasy and it probably would have ended pretty badly. There's a reason that it ended. So once you realize that and you kind of let go of the fantasy, it's easier. But like I was so stuck on the fantasy for so long

and that's why all my music is about people that I never actually dated because the fantasy, it's the fantasy. It's, oh, I loved you and you left me and we could have been this blah blah blah and it's like I'm losing this I'm losing the fantasy I created in my head and also I'm losing the idea of the person and the when you don't know someone fully the idea of the person is all you have oh yeah they're on a pedestal I think you are the coolest best person in the world and they're probably not because they're human everyone's a human everyone's human at the end

of the day right and so you think like I lost the best person you're like i didn't know this person at all that is very true and i think those are very like wise words too i feel like you're smart with that and you're only 24 so you kind of know you're like aware you know which is like good because i would stay with people forever because i'm like oh you know what i need a relationship or whatever yeah you're good being on your own i'm kind of it's it's like there's good and bad in it because like i do kind of wish that I was able to like open myself up to people and everything. And I wish that I had maybe like dated a little more in high school or when I was younger and just like been more open to dating. But because I was so insecure, I just like wasn't able to.

I'm very like like I said, I'm stand up. I can if people are like touchy with me, I get like I get really nervous. I'm just so nervous with dating and everything. I often wonder, like, is it a bad thing? Like, is it, is me being so good at being single and being so okay with being single and not wanting or needing a relationship and a partner? Is that something that I've developed just because of trauma, because of my insecurities? Or is it because I'm just like an independent person? And I, and I, I don't know. I think it's the independence because I had so much trauma and insecurity and I never was okay with being single. I always hated it. You know

what I mean? It manifests differently for everyone. Like some people take their trauma and it's the independence because I had so much trauma and insecurity and I never was okay with being single. I always hated it. You know what I mean? Yeah, but it manifests differently for everyone. Like some people take their trauma and it's like, oh, I need a partner. I need a partner. And for me, my trauma was like, oh, nobody likes me. So I'm just going to like never even like anyone else. Yeah. It makes sense. It's interesting. And it makes sense now why you say where your trauma comes from because you are closer to your dad. I would immediately think, oh, daddy issues or something like that. But you said your dad and you are very close. Yeah. And I have mommy issues. So like it's like i feel like it's opposite yeah because you said you were closer with your dad growing up i was really like watching an interview about it and you're talking

about divorce parents and the holidays and i was like oh my i relate so much to that because it's like where do you go and all that stuff like that but um now being you're kind of like an influencer now because you went on a brand trip with poppy yeah but i was a plus one oh i thought you were oh my god you're a full-on influencer you were the hamptons yeah it was so fun kelsey oh okay okay because i was like you're kind of being an influence because you're like kind of a influencer i was doing brand deals for a while like i did like a savage fenty deal i did i had like a little moment where i was doing stuff and then i was like you know what i kind of i was always worried because i started with music i didn't a lot of people start

with social media and then they do music yeah always yeah i started with music and I got my following from music, but then I was friends with all these influencers. So I would like be in their videos and whatever. And then during COVID, I started posting on Tik TOK and then I got kind of big on Tik TOK for a while. And that was like, a lot of people knew me from that, but I was promoting my music when I could, but I would also just make funny things. And that was when everyone was like dancing and I was doing all that. Did you do the dance? Did you make the dance up to Jocelyn? So I had, I was like, everyone make up a dance. And then I like, I like someone made one that I liked and another person made one that I liked. And I combined the two of them.

And I was like, thank you. And I was like, they did it. Because I think I saw Addison doing the like, see you again. Oh, yeah. We paid her for that, obviously. Oh, oh. Because I did that dance. Of course.

We paid her for that. You know? The whole thing. My label paid her. Oh, wow. But we're friends, though. It worked. Honestly, it worked.

I mean, that's why I bought the song. I was like, purchase. There was totally like a thing. There was like a mathematical equation back then to like how to get songs to blow up like you just paid charlie you paid addison and or bryce hall or whatever whoever the people were at the time you pay them to use your song and it blows up now it's a lot harder and people are still trying to do that like i have friends that are like oh yeah i have to do a song promo and it's like it doesn't work the same like it was so good And also like that song was already doing something. So that was just to like help it.

But yeah, I don't know. Social media has already changed so much since 2020. But like that's not a way to do it anymore. Right. It's a totally different world. And then it was like everyone being in their car being like, did I just make the song of the summer? And they're like, it's like everyone from any of their music. It's kind of amazing though that people can blow up on TikTok that way.

Yeah, it is. But it's so hard. It's like a lot of, I saw this girl talking about how she's like artists are weirdos like we're weird and we're freaks and like you think that we want to go online and be like hey listen to my song oh my god you have like this it's like it's so hard it's and i feel like i'm like begging on the street for like i feel like i it's so you have talent you're putting something out there there are people begging on tiktok but it's a whole different thing i'm like hey listen to my song like please that's valid i think yeah i'm not just asking for people to send you money like send me a dollar here no offense i mean yeah you know there's always ways to do it i mean i do

it's nothing but um i feel like so you're not going the influencer route you want to go in the acting so like in the future like this year you're coming out with music what do you see yourself like ideally being happy like if you can make a billion dollars doing one thing would it be acting singing songwriting tiktok oh gosh i kind of just want to do everything i just i want to and i i always think back to me before when i was a really little kid before the trauma and i said i wanted to be a singer actor dancer uh fashion designer and i'm like what i did music so it just happened for me like so quickly and i was so young and I moved out here

and I stopped I quit high school and I did all these things and I was like I do music now and that was only one of my passions and like I'm a writer at the end of the day I'm a writer I've been I just love writing literally anything I write every kind of possible form of content that you can write um which is such a talent writing is so hard it's for me it's just like always been my therapy it's just like how I my therapy it's just like how i i just love it i just love it so much um so i i want to do everything i want to continue to write songs i want it but i want to do it my way and i don't care if it gets big or anything i don't care about like pleasing the masses anymore like it was very i feel like a lot of my music before it was like

well what does my label want for me and that's why i have so many songs that sound very different from each other because i was like well what do i want to make would I listen to this well I like this and this is a song that it's objectively like it's a good like pop song but is it me is it me I don't know and maybe at the time it was and like I write all my stuff so it is me inherently right but I want to just make stuff that's totally from the heart that I feel is like a good artistic representation of myself um and that's what I've been doing recently and then I'm'm obviously like writing the TV show pilot and writing a novel. I'm writing all these things. And I, I want to be both behind the scenes. I want to be in front of the camera. I want to do it all. I want to write for other people. Um, I just, I want to do everything. And I, I, I think

also what I realized is when you have all your eggs in one basket, like with music, it's like, if my music wasn't doing well, it's like, I would be so depressed. I'm like, I like, what am I going to do with my life? I'm a failure. I'm a one hit wonder. I'm a flop. Like what is happening? I like, and, and then I was like, wait, but I have all these other talents that I'm interested in and all these other things that I love to do. Why, why, why am I holding myself back from acting? Because I'm insecure about the scars on my forehead. Right. Like, why am I holding myself back from, uh,'m insecure about the scars on my forehead right why am i holding myself back from uh like i'm just so i'm so scared that people are going to tell me it's bad like okay fine then it's bad then you don't like it whatever and and i've just been really putting myself out there this year i have done more in the past what is it like 19 days

20 days then then i have in the like all entirety of 2023 i was so depressed in 2023 i was like not because i went independent and then it didn't go how i wanted it to go like i realized like oh shit this is way more pressure than i thought i had an epiphany i was like you know what i'm just gonna do it this year i got my i got my ged first like in the first week i got my ged i did it in two days i was like and i didn't i, I didn't study at all. I just went, I did it. Oh yeah, you didn't talk about that on camera. Yeah, you just got your,

cause you didn't graduate. You said you quit school. Yeah. So I, and I was a super nerd. School was like my, and that's, I think why like I love writing so much.

Cause like English was always my favorite. And, um, I, yeah, I got a 99, 99th percentile on the, on the language arts one.

I was like, congrats. I'm still kind of smart. You're very smart. My math one, I didn't do so well on. Well, who needs math really? Exactly.

I never took one math class in high school. No way. Never. And I graduated somehow from Illinois. I'm a farm town. They didn't care. Whatever.

Yeah. That's amazing. I love that. Yeah. So it was like, I just, I was like, I'm going to tackle this year.

I'm going to go to, I'm going to sign up for acting school and I'm going to go. I'm admitted to Santa Monica College, so I might go. I don't know if I can do two schools at one time and also work just with all the work that I'm doing. So I'm going to wait until I'm done with my program at Strasburg and then maybe go back to school. I want to take a Spanish class.

I really want to get fluent in Spanish. I've been moderately speaking Spanish for a really long time, but I'm afraid to converse with people because I'm so insecure about saying something wrong. Oh, yeah. Nine Day Fiance over there calling your name. Oh, yeah. I know. I watched it.

I understood that. Yeah. You're going to go find a Dominican man and just speak Spanish. Yeah. I know. No. I need to date someone that speaks Spanish. It's cool.

And then when the girls from America can speak the Spanish with them, there's two right now that speak Spanish to their men and I'm like, that's so cool. I love it. I love it. Okay, okay, okay. Because I wanted to get into this, but my Moses, my producer, here, I'll get into the bags. Oh, Moses, can you hand me the flowers? Thank you so much. Oh my gosh, this was

literally, look at these huge flowers. I feel like, oh my god, are we on raya is this flirting i never got the big this is the biggest roses oh i can't see what does it look like do i look tiny i probably look so skinny with these big roses how tiny do i look good i've never gotten roses this big ever in my life really get never this little flower shop kind of close to my house yeah we looked up like where to find some pink roses. Yeah.

We're going to cut them up for the next Hot Topics because it's so freaking pretty. They literally match with the background. I was like, oh my gosh. And they're definitely not Ralphs. I love Ralphs flowers.

I saw this and I was like, oh my God, these are so heavy. I feel like I'm Kardashian right now. I feel like you're the Kanye and I'm the Kim. I want to get her

some like fancy flowers. I really came in. We have pictures of it. When you walked in, my photographer was taking pictures. I'm like, it's so cute. And then I wanted to see

this little goodie bag too. Let me see. Oh, I love it. Thank you. This, my photographer was taking pictures. I'm like, it's so cute. And then I wanted to see this little goodie bag, too. Let me see. Oh, I love it. Thank you. This is so nice. Oh my gosh, I'm gonna cry. Okay. Oh, you're super lovely. We love you and you're pretty. Olivia and crew, thank you guys so much. Olivia and crew. I love that. Thank you. I'm gonna keep this forever. That is so nice.

I see now I'm getting nervous. I'm getting, like, all hot and stuff like that because I'm like, I never had, like, a girl, much less a pretty girl, do anything like this for me. I'm like, wow. Oh my god. I was like, what do I get her? Because she has everything. I feel like you're the kind of person you just buy whatever you want. Whenever people give me anything, I'm so

thankful. I'm like, oh my god. That's for Malibu. Oh my god, she's gonna love this. The little Barbie, do you see? She will love, love, love. Oh my god, we'll do a little TikTok with this. It's so cute. this. The little Barbie, do you see? She will love, love, love. Oh, my God. We'll do a little TikTok with this. This is so cute.

I was like, oh, I'll take that, too. But I'll share. Me and Malibu will share. You could use this as a little purse. Oh, my God. It would be so cute with the little Barbie. There's so much stuff in here. Oh, my gosh.

You'd have, like, a whole Galentine's bag. This is, like, a new TikTok trend. Like, just Valentine. Oh, my God. Cute. Little ring pops. And they're pink. Everything's pink. Oh my god. I love the theme of it all. I love ring pops. Oh my gosh. So cute. Okay, here's another Valentine. A little Valentine's house. It's like a little gingerbread house. You really

did so much. I feel like this is, like, my birthday or something. Wow. Thank you. Okay. There's more. Oh my god. There's so much more. We went crazy. Oh my god. There's so much more. We went crazy. Oh my God. There are LOL minis. These are, she loves the LOL dolls. They're like her thing right now. I got a plush LOL doll the other day.

These are so cute. Do you open these? Have you opened them? I haven't. I've done, there's also mini brands in there. I do the mini brands ones, but I wanted to get like a little, like a kid's one and an adult one. Oh my gosh.

I see mini brands all over TikTok. Where do you even get mini brands? No. Yeah. i've never seen them at our target so i hope there's something good in there wait it's like a surprise each one little cute unicorn oh okay you cute unicorn stickers which i love and then oh my god barbie the album i haven't gotten an actual cd in so long well i thought it was kind of perfect because like you buy music on itunes so i was like what's another like old school way to listen

to music? Not the CDs or something. Oh, I have a CD player. I'm obsessed with my little Hello Kitty one. I love it. Do you have a CD? Actually, my friend, Devin, she bought a Hello Kitty CD player for herself. But then she saw that I bought a bunch of CDs recently.

And I was like, I need to get a CD player. She texted me. And she was like, I have a present for you. I don't need it. You need it more than me. So she said she was going to give it to me. But she hasn't yet. The Hello Kitty one? Yeah, the Hello Kitty one. That's what I have. Yeah, we're matching. We're twins was like, I have a present for you. Like, I don't need it. You need it more than me. So she said she was going to give it to me, but she hasn't yet. The Hello Kitty one. That's what I have. Yeah, we're matching. We're twins. And bananas for you.

Oh my God. I saw this. I did see this one because Malibu loves her story time. This one is so cute. Oh my gosh. This is literally the sweetest thing ever. Thank you so much. Honestly, this was, this whole thing was better than I could ever imagine. I was so scared to open your DMs and I'm like, you're probably probably the nicest also just the most talkative you should have your own podcast you tried literally all the podcast companies were like no oh literally me though no one wanted me i went to like spotify everyone's like nothing really yeah you're oh my god that's crazy in my defense i did miss a phone call like a zoom call i slept through a zoom call that i was with one of the companies oh yeah so literally no company wanted me this is still independent we're independent forever

independent girls rise just you know you don't even need just but you're so good your conversations everything about you is just amazing your aura your light your energy i love you i cannot wait for your music seriously you were always the it girl to me back then i was intimidated and now i'm just like okay it's just so wonderful and sweet to have you here. And I love you so much. Thank you for having me. And I hope you come back. And I can't wait to do our TikToks.

What are we going to sing? I don't, we have to, we have to like really talk about this. It was serious. Yeah, I was trying to think about that the whole time. I'm like, what are we going to sing? It should be something. Oh, can I go to the tavern? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Okay, we'll go up there now. We'll go up to the tavern, do a duet. You guys see Olivia Bryant everywhere. Her TV show will come out, everything. Just see her everywhere. We love you so much. Thanks for being honest and open. Her TV show will come out. Everything. Just see her everywhere. We love you so much. Thanks for being honest and open.

And we love you. Thank you for having me, Trish. Yay. We'll see you guys next time. Bye. In the shallow, shallow. In the shallow, shallow. In the shallow, shallow.

We're far from the shallow now. All of the deep end Watch as our diamonds Have never reached the ground Crash to the surface Where they can't hurt us We're far from the shallow now In the shallow I'm just going. Did I suck?

So good. We got into it. As soon as I got it, I was like, okay, I got just going. Did I do it? That's so good. We got into it. I mean, that was the connection. As soon as I got it, I was like, okay, I got it now.