Just Trish - Why Leo Skepi Hates Hookup Culture & Is MISERABLE In Relationships

Episode Date: December 15, 2023

Leo Skepi (@awareandaggravated) may be headed on his 'CONFIDENCE UNLEASHED' Tour, but he gets more vulnerable than ever as he discusses his abusive past and tumultuous relationship with food. Plus, Leo opens up about why he was attracted to married men as a teenager––and why he's "miserable" in relationships today.  Subscribe to the Podcast: Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/just-trish/id1698564262?at=1010lSCj Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6bZ5tfeCt6naGMw24pRMLe YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@justtrishpodcast All Podcast Platforms: https://link.chtbl.com/JustTrish?at=1010lSCj Follow Just Trish on Social Media: https://www.instagram.com/justtrishpod/ Follow Oscar: https://www.instagram.com/oscargracey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We probably weigh the same. What do you weigh? On the count of three, let's say it. Ready? 1, 2, 3. 240. Ah! Skinny! Skinny! All right, welcome back, everyone, to Just Trish. Today we have a most amazing guest, the tallest, handsome, strappiest man I've ever seen, Leo Skeppy.

Hi. What does strappiest mean? Like strappy, like strappy, like guest on, like I'm strappy. You would be a good guest on. I don't get it, but work. Okay. Wait, I don't know either. I just know people say like they're big and strappy.

They're like a strappy, like strappingly handsome maybe. I don't know. Oh, thank you. I know. You're so young. I forget. Oh my God. It's crazy.

I think I'm everybody's age. I think I'm your age, but I'm like, wow, it's like you're 25. It's so young. I feel like you are though. Okay. I'll take it. Me too. You vibe.

Yeah. I went TikTok. I feel like I'm in that group, but I'm just like, wow, no, actually, I'm actually so young. I feel like you are though. Okay. I'll take it. Me too. You vibe. Yeah. I went TikTok. I feel like I'm in that group, but I'm just like, wow, no, actually, I'm actually so old. And when I say stuff like strappy, I'm like, oh, I don't know. Maybe it's strapping. Maybe I'm saying it wrong. Do you know what strapping is? I'm not a lesbian.

I'm not strapping. Oh my God. We're already getting canceled. Can we talk like this or no? You can talk however you want. Yeah. You're like, you're getting canceled. Not me.

But you, you don't ever get canceled. Well, you described yourself as like, you said you're like confident, you're like loud, and you said you're problematic. But I was like, I saw that in a podcast. And I was like, but I don't think you're problematic at all. I'm not. That was a direct quote. I have the direct quote, actually, because I didn't want to misquote you.

And you said that. You were like, I am, oh, very outspoken, very confident, and problematic. That's how you described yourself. Problematic, but the way that I address a problem or a situation is like no rebuttal. There's like I make the point and it's solid and it's like you can't argue it. That's why I don't have – we were talking like shit before we started. And I was like you can't like – I can't have public beef. Like you can't argue with me because I'm going to dead the point where you can't fight it.

Well, and that's even more reason why you should because if you always win, then you'll never look bad. Me, I have public beef and I'm always on the wrong side because I don't know how to articulate myself. Call me. Or I'm just in the wrong. Yeah. Yeah, my number. Call me. Oh, my God.

Call me in your earpiece. Like, fuck you guys. I never know. I know. Whenever I'm in public beef, I always lose because I'm just always saying the wrong thing. But you think you're always in the right with your beef. No, I can address when I'm just like always saying the wrong thing. But you think you're always in the right with your beef. No, I can address when I'm wrong.

But like I stand so strong in the right and can explain it in a way where like I'm going to knock you in the head with it and you can be like, damn. Yeah. People – but you have that air about you anyways. People just like like you. You could say – because your podcast is like very – like even when I watch it, it's very like – what's the word? Like a trainer that yells at you. You're like that person, you know, where you're like, if you lack self-discipline, you're ugly. And I'm just like, Oh my God. So when I saw you, we came in today and I had to

admit that I just wanted to Taco Bell. And I was like, I have no self-discipline. Like don't even, and you're like, and what did you say to me? I love Taco Bell. You always say in all your TikToks, you're like, I eat healthy. I'm having cucumbers and mayonnaise. Like you're always talking about eating healthy. Yeah. But you never talk about that you eat bad. Occasionally. Is that, like, a secret that people don't know because it ruins your image, it ruins your brand? No, like, I eat very clean all the time.

Yeah. Like, I do, like, eat shit, and, like, when I have dessert somewhere, I'll, like, post it, and I'm like, it's cute, look. Oh, okay, okay. Like, I eat normal, just not, like, all the time. What is, like, a day of eating look like to you? Like, do you eat constantly throughout the day? Are you intermittent fasting?

Wait, what? Really? No. Really? Not really. It's like just very clean things. Like fish, eggs, rice, potatoes, like kind of boring. Wait, potatoes?

Yeah. I always thought potatoes made you fat. Like white potatoes, sweet potatoes. Wait, white potatoes? Like you can make mashed potatoes? Yeah. No. And like I put it, you cut it up, put them in the air fryer. It's like a french potatoes. Wait, white potatoes? Like you can make mashed potatoes? Yeah. No. And like I put it, you cut it up, put them in the air fryer.

It's like a french fry. Wait, what? And it's healthy? Yeah. Oh my God. I didn't know this. I always thought potatoes were like the enemy. Oh my gosh. That's so cool.

Because potatoes are my weakness. Potatoes and pasta. Do you eat pasta at all? Yeah. Really? Zucchini pasta or regular pasta? Both. Okay.

So if you guys don't know, Leo, yours is like a podcast. It's a podcast. We just got into food. I know, sorry. I know. People are probably like, wait, what? You lost a lot of weight, right?

That's okay. So just so you know why I'm asking because usually I don't grill my guests on like, do you eat healthy or something like that. You can grill me on anything. Okay. Like a chicken

because that's healthy. No, it's interesting. No, so you, would you consider your show, it's a podcast. Okay, but you just don't have a microphone. I always think like if you don't have like a microphone

in front of you, it's like not a podcast. But yours is more like. My mic's like to the Okay. But you just don't have a microphone. I always think like if you don't have like a microphone in front of you, it's like not a podcast. But yours is more like. My mic's like to the corner. It's like on the little desk thing. Okay. I always thought, cause you know, people always like see the microphone. So I was like, I can't see the microphone.

I don't have one of these. Oh, why don't you put it in frame? Cause I don't want to block in my like, cause I flail my arms a lot and I'll whack that moment. I love that. That's why. That's interesting. I get very into it.

But like my podcast is very, like you said, trainer yelling at you, but it's more like mental health related, but it's like, I'm, I'm yelling at the voices in you that are hurting you and making fun of you. And I'm like teaching you how to quiet them. And I'm like fighting for you. Like I can say the most outlandish things and things people will be like triggered by a lot but you know my intent is nothing but like love for you and wanting like the best for you right so they're like disarmed they're not like okay he's not attacking me he's like fighting for me and it's like coming from a place where you're like i've been there like you've already like you've like i've hated myself i've had like low self-worth so i think that's why i like it too because normally

i'd be like oh my gosh this is like so like aggressive but i think because like you've been there but i've never seen photos of you fat you talk about being fat but have you posted them anywhere not really can you send it to us so we can insert because I want to see what your version of fat is because I was like I have a hard time believing you were fat because even when you were like puffier when you like when you started I was like okay you're not like fat I was never like crazy like fat fat but like I just was like big but I like me and my family hold weight very weird like we don't look we get like fat fat but like i just was like big but i like me and my family hold weight very weird like we don't look we get like solid fat it's like it's like you just fill us up with

air and we're like there's no like jiggle shake move it's like you're just like swollen yeah yeah which is a good fat honestly that's like a good it's hell though you didn't like it at all because you said you were like not happy because i'm like at the stage where i'm like kind of fat and happy like of course i'd want to be skin like oh at the stage where I'm, like, kind of fat and happy. Like, of course I'd want to be skinny. Like, oh, my God, to be 100 pounds. Yes, that's my dream. But I'm, like, kind of so happy right now.

And I'm, like, oh, I don't want to, like, not eat because I love food. But, I mean, we'll get into that. But you weren't happy at all. There wasn't, like, you had no confidence. Because I feel like you're someone who'd have confidence even if you are, like, a bigger. Yeah, I didn't have as much confidence. And I just felt very bad about myself. And, like, the whole – it's of like day to day every move you make everything you do the way you sit the way you're like conscious of how your shirt's falling like for me to wear tight things I never would

have before but like always moving your shirt changing it like when you get dressed in the morning it's like the mental hell of just like everything you do like I hated that yeah and people don't talk about that. No, that's true. I'm like some people are okay with it, but like I personally, like I hated it. Yeah, I think there's like a difference between being like okay with it

and then it's like, but it is uncomfortable. Like it would be so nice to not have to like, you know, adjust and oh, which way am I sitting? Yeah, no, it definitely is. I think every bigger person feels that to some degree. Yeah, it's uncomfortable all the time.

Yeah. Except when you're alone, you're good. So when you're alone, you're fine. Okay. Were you still like, were you hooking up? Were you still like dating people or were you just like that self-conscious where you like, weren't dating people that not really? Okay. Like I'm very selective with like who gets access to me. Like I've been single for three years. Oh my gosh. That's wild. You're 25. So since you're 22, which is crazy. And how long have you been on TikTok for? Like two years, two and a half maybe. Oh my.

Did you start doing quarantine? Right at the end of it. Oh, really? So during 2020, when everyone was on lockdown, what were you doing? Like right at the beginning, like March 2020, what was your life like? You're a nurse. Wait, what? Were you like?

My life was not good. I was partying all the time. Like doing Molly every weekend. Oh. And like I always say like dealing cards. Okay. But like I was dealing. Wait what? Because like a lot of shit happened with like nursing and it was like I realized you make

way more money over here and it was just like a shit show. My life was not good. Have you talked about this before? I feel like I've researched so much I never heard about you dealing cards. What? Okay. This is like a real life Breaking Bad. I never heard about you dealing cards. What? Okay. This is like a real life breaking bad. So you're, you're, so you were a nurse for how long? Three years, like two and a half, three. Oh my gosh. Okay. So you go, so you have to go to nursing

school for that. So you got what? An RN or a, okay. So, oh wow. So you're nursing. And then what is the flip? Like, where are you like, okay, now it's time to become Breaking Bad? It was more of like someone submitted false claims against me, like to the Florida Board of Nursing against my license. And they launched an investigation. No. And it like fully to me for like six months while they were investigating it. Because the claims that they made, like they were wealthy and they paid a lot of people to like back them up and like threatened to sue the company I worked for and all of us and that. So they asked me to just go inactive while the investigation was on. And then after the investigation, after six months, they were like, oh, we found nothing.

You're good. What? But like I had to figure out how to survive. You were on suspension for six months. Not suspension, but it was like you can work, but the company I was with was so scared of getting sued. They were like, please just go inactive we're not gonna fire you but just voluntarily go inactive because we don't want him like trying to sue us and like do all this and that what I think it was just nuts why do you know why why they targeted you it was an ex no yeah oh my first relationship oh my god so first

and only relationship because you said you've been single for like three years. What are you going to do? What are you – like do you – how do you live your life? How do you like go on? Vibe it out. He should be scared of you though. Like your stature alone. Like is he a big guy too?

No. But he's just got the money and like the wealth and stuff. Yeah, but now I do too. So let's fuck around and find out. Yeah. I make more than him now. No way. So you can – so you could almost hire a private investigator to like track him and scare him and stuff like that. I could like, he made false like claims

against me and sued me like multiple times and I didn't have money. So I had to represent myself. So I had to just go to court and like wing the shit. And I did it in one. But like, now that I have the money, it's like, you know, let's not go dick to dick. Let's not try and play who's is bigger because I'm going to win. ever counter sue him would you ever do anything now it's at a point now where like he hasn't done anything and he's so like gone yeah and like i've exposed a lot online so like i'm just sitting here waiting minding my business and as soon as you want to try something start something sue i'll bury you under the name that you made for yourself. Because everybody wants to know who it is, who it is, who it is.

So it's like you're silent. And you know like a little like – what is it called? Like a little hedgehog. As soon as you pop your little head up, I'm stabbing it. My following will come down on you. Yeah. No, for sure. Plus I'll sue you separately.

Right. You have the money. You have the following. You have the muscle. This is the best comeback story. It's amazing. So you feel secure. You feel like good about it. Yeah. You have the money. You have the following. You have the muscle. This is the best comeback story. It's amazing. So you feel secure. You feel like good about it.

Yeah. You feel like. And mentally he can't, like you can't mess with me anymore the way he used to. So like I'm mentally so strong. I can't, you can't like scare me. What, how did, how did that change from 21 to like only 25? That's only four years. How did you like build the strength mentally?

With what? Just like if you said like back in 20, like when he was dating you, doing all this, he was able to like control you and destroy you like mentally. How did you get stronger now where it doesn't affect you mentally

and it's not like hurting your mental health? Kind of like choosing my consequences and like not hiding, but also being able to like, I saw how resourceful I can be. So like when my nursing thing happened, I'm like, I found a way to make it. And then I've like made it so far,

like to where I am now, I'm resourceful as I can rely on myself to figure anything out. I no longer question like my ability to handle things and get through anything. So like, it was just a matter of going through hell and then getting out of it and showing myself I could do it.

But also like the day-to-day when someone's like messing with you, like, you know that from all like the suits you've been in and all the drama you've had. It's like just the day to day, what you wake up and deal with and you wake up and you're like, I wish I didn't. Like that's dealing with that as a separate conversation. Just because you're in it. And so being removed from it, you were just able to like build like strength up from that

and just being like not involved. Kind of. But like it was still a lot like after. Because you talk about like not – you never really found therapy worked for you. So that's why I'm like curious to see what the work is that you did because a lot of people are like, I went to therapy and I got help with it. So it's like you were just like – were you just like reading books? Were you watching videos?

Were you watching own motivational people like yourself? I watched like every YouTube person you could find. That's who I know who's good and who's not. And I talk shit openly. Who's the good ones? I love Teal Swan. Okay. I haven't ever heard any of these people. I want to though. Teal Swan. I love her. I'm going to her event Saturday in LA. Oh my gosh. Where is it? I mean, I want to, what is it. So is it like a Tony Robbins thing where it's like a big convention? Kind of. Okay. And they just, and what is it?

They just like talk at, like give you motivational speaking, like. Kind of, but like she'll, she's allegedly like very spiritually in tune and is like clairvoyant, extrasensory, can like see energies, feel energies, like see consciousness and like see things like a medium. Okay. I love that. But like deeper. So like she's able to like access knowledge and things that like most people don't.

Like we don't know if it's true or not. But some of the perspectives she's been able to access and then shared have helped me a lot. That's like the most important thing if you get something from it anyways. Yeah. So that's interesting. So because I had read somewhere that like – because I didn't think you were like spiritual. Because I know, I think I saw you talking about manifestation, how you didn't think it was real. And then you started journaling and now you think it's real. So do you consider yourself to be like spiritual as well? Like get into the subconscious? Interesting. See, I feel like maybe, cause I watch all your things and I feel like you don't

talk about that a lot. Like I feel like you don't talk about like the spirituality of it, which I wouldn't think you would be cause you're so, you know, like you, you know, I just, interesting. So what, what got you on that path? Were you always like that? Did you? No. So was this Teal Swanson, the one who did it? No, no, no.

Okay. It was like a lot of things, just like the whole growing up, like religious and my grandmother was a nun and she's a quack. No. So like I grew up like with that kind of christian beginning with like my family and then like that was my mom's side of the family my dad's side of the family is albanian so they were like more muslim related beliefs so like i saw both sides and it's like when i was going through like the worst of the worst it was like anything i asked for or like prayed to or begged

nothing came nothing helped nothing fixed it and then i got to a point where i was like prayed to or begged, nothing came, nothing helped, nothing fixed it. And then I got to a point where I was there like praying to the devil. I was like, if this shit is real, like they're not answering, fuck them. Like you help me then. Wow. Like I got that bad. And it was silent. On both ends. Both.

Up and down. So I was like, well, damn. You're like, okay, none of it's real. Like the typical things of like, this is just my own experience. I don't know if it's real or not. I might die and eat my words and be sent to hell for being gay. Who knows? Right.

But I found like spirituality. I don't believe that. Right? Yeah, yeah. I don't either. That would be wild. Like send me to hell. And we're all a little gay, so I think we'd all be in hell.

Like everyone's a little gay. No, where was I even at? I don't know where we're going with this. So spiritual, like you said you grew up Christian and didn't know heaven or hell and now you're like, I'm trying to figure out where you got the spiritual path of it all. Yeah, it kind of like hit where like nothing worked and then I started tapping into my emotions because like I didn't cry for like seven or eight years. Wow.

And I was like, something's wrong. Like I only felt pissed off or happy. But you never cried? I never cried. I never felt anything. Like terrible things would happen to me and I wouldn't get upset. But I was like, I started going to therapy because when I was like 19, I was like, I don't feel things. Like I don't feel anything. And then I reconnected to my emotions and then it like reconnected me to my intuition. And it's like, I just started

understanding things and knowing things I wasn't supposed to know. And it's like, the more you tap into like your higher self and like spirit guides and like all the spirituality aspect just unfolds. And it's like, there's, it's undeniable what I've experienced, but like, it's not typical. Like, that's why I don't talk about it a lot because it's not like the popular opinion and it's not based off of like a book or like anything proven or like long held beliefs from like a lot of people. It's like what I've experienced is what I believe. So it's okay.

It's going to be the name for your book. But manifestation, like my whole manifestation is absolutely real. Okay. So you do believe in the manifestation. Okay. Yes. I agree.

Like law of attraction, law of mirroring. Like I believe in all of it. Yeah. But like the whole manifestation where people talk about, Oh, like get a crystal and just write down what you want to happen. And like, it's going to happen.

Yeah. You don't, we don't. No, girl. Wait, so what do you do that's different? You have to move your ass. Like you have to like, whenever you, like this is how I do it. Like whenever I ask for something or write something down, I will pay attention to any new thought or idea I get and then follow it. So like if I randomly am driving like the next day and I get a random urge to like go down a certain road, I go.

Oh. And it's like you'll find synchronicities. You'll find like numbers. You'll find things that like resonate with you. And it's like you just have to – you have to get in tune with like your thoughts and like notice the new ideas and that's where it's going to lead you. It's not like you just sit in your room, say you want a million dollars and it's just going to fall out of your ass.

Right. Yeah. That's what's promoted a lot. Yeah. It's like your thoughts create your reality. No, babe. Yeah. Or they can create like your path because you always think, I want to win a million

dollars or something. It's like, okay, well there's a path and sometimes it's a different path. I always think mine's coming through the lottery, but then I'm like, oh, this worked out better and I also got a million dollars this way. So I think that's really cool. When you first tapped into it and you say it's like not typical, were you like, how were you tapping into it? Were you just like silent?

Like, you know, meditation style or like how are you tapping in? I can you just like silent, like, you know, meditation style or like, how are you tapping in? I can't meditate. You can't meditate. I fall asleep. I love meditating. Wait, so I want to know how you get in there. Then how would people, how do people, because a lot of people say that they're like, I can't

meditate. Like I, you know, whatever. And I get that. So how do you tap in to the higher being early on? Like, like how do you do it? I just kind of started to, it's like gaining self-awareness and like gaining a better understanding of everything. So like if I felt a certain way, I literally do this to this day, like I'll pen to paper

and I'll just write out how I'm feeling, the way I'm looking at it and then like how it makes sense or how it doesn't make sense. And then I just like try to understand my emotions at every level from every angle. And it opens you up to all these new perspectives and you like your brain just kind of unlocks and you see things a lot different and you see like all the like possibilities and potentials and like how it flips and how you're not always right and how like this this perspective will make you feel this so if you want to feel something different like switch to perspective but you have to see why you're tied to that one before you try and flip right

it's it's it's so hard to explain but i can show you how to do why you're tied to that one before you try and flip. Right. It's, it's, it's so hard to explain, but I can show you how to do it. It's just like, yeah, to explain it out. If you brought something up and like, we actually, like I used to coach people a lot on this,

like life coach. Oh, you did? Yeah. So like, if you tell me something, I will see it like unfold. Like if I tell you what,

like if I tell you like one of my dreams or something like that, or my manifestation. Not your dreams, like something that you're dealing with, feeling, or like you need help with. It'll just kind of like unfold. And do you have to like get to know the person?

Like if I told you right now, it's like, oh God, I have a really horrible problem spending money. Like I'm always down to zero every month on my bank account. Like what? Like is that like a thing that you would see unfold? Yeah. And what would you see? Like I'm going to have to ask you a lot of questions. Is this something you want to go into?

Okay. No, I think we can. Yeah, actually. Because I love your spending ones. I love your, you you a lot of questions. Is this something you want to go into? No, I think we can. Yeah, actually. Because I love your spending ones. I love your – you do a lot of talks on spending. Because one of my things – I'm not down to zero every month. But I do spend way too much money. And I've always spent way too much money.

And it's just like how – it's kind of like all your videos. Like the eating, the stuff. Like what you say makes sense but it like doesn't click. So what do you say to people who are like, yeah, this makes sense but it doesn't click. Like I can't – it doesn't help me change who I am or change what I'm doing wrong. Give me an example for you. Um, just like the, your video, the lack of self-discipline, you know, you're like, you have to like, you know, respect yourself. And like, anyways, when you tell like, Oh, people will respect you more if you like look better. And I agree with

that too. Everyone's so fat phobic. If you're skinny, like they're just going to respect you more. But for me, there's no, like, what's the thing to like change? Like, how do you get to actually, cause you're like, you can change yourself, you know, change yourself. And it's like, but I can't, do you know what I mean? Do you know what I'm saying? It's like, but I can't, if I could, I would, but I can't, I still spend too much and I still eat too much. Wait, why do you think you can't? I don't know. Cause I just can't. It's so weird. I think the biggest thing for you is like being aware that like every action you take is a choice.

So like that's one thing that I struggle with with binge eating. Like I used to binge eat really bad. And it's like I would feel certain things and I would just want to eat. And I'm like I can't stop. Like I just have to do it. Yeah, that's how I feel. And it was just a matter of like practicing like whenever I'm about to binge, like be like I'm choosing this. Instead of like, oh, I can't stop or i can't not do it or like if

you're eating and you're like i can stop right now i'm gonna choose to keep going it's like just seeing that you are in control because like i used to convince myself i wasn't in control a lot yeah like everything's a choice like i you can't discount like the feelings of like how overwhelmed you are with the emotion of like this is why i I want this comfort. It's like drug addicts or like people that binge eat. Like I used to, like you have these emotions and you feel so run by it. But like, even though you feel this way, you are still in control. It doesn't feel like it, but just like reminding myself of that broke me free from a lot. How and how, how does, cause I totally follow that logic. How do you, how does that help you stop binging then? It's just, it started of like just telling myself I'm aware of the

control I have. Like I didn't change anything about binging for like a few months. Like just reminding myself, like I want to binge. It's like, I'm choosing it then. Like I'm going to choose to go to the kitchen right now and I'm going to go choose to eat this. And it's like, if I'm not going to stop, it's like, I would just say to myself, like, you can stop right now. And I would be like, I don't want to. And you were fine with it. Yeah. And I just kept going.

And then it got to a point where I was like, I have to cut the shit and I can't keep telling myself. It changed the way I talk to myself where I was like, I'm not powerless to these feelings. I'm not powerless to like what I want to do in the moment. It's like, it just makes you aware that it's a choice. It's not a fun one. Right. And it doesn't feel good to remind yourself of that. But like, I didn't change the actual behavior for a while. Just like reminding myself I wasn't controlling, seeing the control I had and just seeing the choices I was making and not just kind of like going into things and just like, I don't know why I and not just kind of like going into things and

just like, I don't know why I do this. Like it just going into it, like it made me aware of a lot. Interesting. Cause when you said, I know you talked about binging before, I don't know where it was, maybe your podcast or someone else's. And you would say like, oh, it doesn't matter. And you'd be like, but it does matter. Like that, like, you know, that binge does make a difference and stuff like that. Cause that's how I think too, you know, in the moment you're like, I'm depressed, life sucks. It doesn't matter. I'm just going to binge. But how to get rid of that mentality? Like, how did you do that? How are you just like, okay, actually it does matter. It's weird, but like experiencing the consequence of when I do it. So like when I would

binge eat really bad, like I would wake up the next day, like puffy, bloated, feel like shit, tired, mood was down. And I would just convince myself, this is just a bad day. And I'm like, then that's what I'm talking about. Like, you have to see how things make sense. So like for me to feel this way right now, what makes sense? How like could, what could have caused this? And you see that it was the binge eating. So you see the consequence, you feel it, you go through it, you get back, like your faith, you de-puff that day. And then nighttime comes or like the next day sometimes it takes two days and like okay i feel better and then you binge eat again and then

you bloat back up and then it's like you have to see that like this is the consequence and experience it it's like you're hiding the fact of like no i just feel like shit today because i'm sad right no you feel like shit today because of what you did yesterday yeah the binging but that was one part of it but what was the question again my brain like went two different directions um how how you it doesn't matter yeah it doesn't matter and you're just like okay then you said you switched it to like no it actually does matter that you like binge i got kind of like familiar with numbers and like the eating game of like calories and all that oh okay and i. And I'm like, it's a numbers game. It's science. So like you, I convinced my, your body can only absorb so much at once. Food or knowledge? Food. Okay.

And knowledge. But like, I would be like, okay, if I eat 10,000 calories tonight, just cause I want to binge, I used to. Yeah. Same. Like all the time. Yeah. Like it was my joy. It was my comfort. It was the only thing that made me happy. Can you still do that or no? Still do it? Yeah. I can absolutely still put that on YouTube. We should do the YouTube video to the 10,000 calorie challenge together. I would do it with you. Did you purge after binging? Would you just like not eat for a day or two?

Yeah. Yeah. So you like feel so sick. I used to do that too. Feel so sick and then you don't eat for like a day and then you binge again or don't eat for a couple of days and then you binge. And it works sometimes to keep the weight off. Like when I was like a smaller, it did work kind of to do that.

But did you get any help for that, for your eating disorder or? So everything. I figured it out. Wow. And just one day, just one day it just like came to you. I guess that's what I didn't know is the click. Like when people are like, you know, like people lose weight. It's like one day it just clicks, you know, and then you lose the weight.

And it's like, where'd that click come from? I'm 35 and it's still not there. Mine never was just a one-time click. Like I still deal with it daily. Every day you think about food and your choices. Yeah. Like every day I have to like put effort into not eating a lot of different things. Like I have to like consciously choose to eat what I want to eat. Like that I know is good for me. It's not like a battle that ever gets done. Like food is the one thing you will fight with your entire fucking life.

It's not like heroin. You can just quit and live. Food you have to have. Yeah. Food addiction is a hard one to explain to people because they're like, just stop eating. And it's like, well. It's way easier. Like I used to mukbang binge with you.

Really? Yes. Oh, yikes. That makes me feel bad. No, I used to love it. I was like, it's not binge. She gets me. And I used to love it. I was like, it's not this. She gets me. And I used to get like 10 meals in one sitting.

The little Debbie video you did, I bought every single box and tried them all with you. The little Debbie's are so good. I love a nutty buddy. I eat that all day long. So good. And the little cosmic brownies. Yes. Oh my God.

I feel bad. In that case, then I feel bad if someone's binging with me. Because some people who don't eat, can't eat, I'm like, okay, it's helping them eat. But then there's people who love to binge too. And they're like, well, Trisha's binging. Let's all binge together. So I always feel a little guilty sometimes for that. No, don't ever feel guilty.

No, because you eat fast food and then people are like, oh, you made me want fast food. I'm like, oh, my God. I'm not doing a service to anybody by getting McDonald's every day or Taco Bell. It was more for me. I just want to tell you. It was more of like we both were in kind of the mindset of like i can't stop this thing this is something that's like running me at least i'm not alone in it yeah so that was a very big comfort for me but it's like i've flipped a lot and like i was saying with the whole every

single day it's like it's on my mind yeah some days it's not because i'm busy but like it's so much easier to deal with now and like live with it's not like this incessant thing, but like it is like, it does take effort every day. It's not like terrible and I'm not like suffering. I'm fine. If I want to eat shit, I'll eat it. Okay. So you really don't think your diet is like hell when I'm like, what do you eat every day? You're like, no. Okay. So you can enjoy a lot though. I eat all day. Like, that's what I'm saying. It's hell. Like I eat like five, six meals a day. Sounds like I eat a lot. I'm six foot seven. I want to keep my muscle. I have to eat. You're tall too, which is great.

People think I just eat a little salad and some water. Well, that's what you show on TikTok is your little cucumber salad, which I want to try, but it also looks good. That's like a snack. You don't like sauces though, so you're not going to like it. I love Greek yogurt, but you lose me at the mayonnaise and the dill and all that. I'm just like, oh. There's no mayonnaise.

It was just sour cream. Oh, it's kind of the same to me. All that is the same texture. White shit. Yeah. I always see it. I'm like, ooh. It was just sour cream. Oh, it's kind of the same to me. All that is like the same texture. White shit. Yeah. I always see it. I'm like, ooh, I want to try it. I see everyone doing it.

Did you start that or was that on TikTok? I saw some girl make it and then she put like a bunch of like unhealthy, not unhealthy stuff, like high calorie stuff in it. So I made like a skinny version. That's one thing I do a lot is like make a skinny version of things. So like you asked me if I eat pasta. Yeah. I cut pasta all the time.

How do you make it skinny? But like the CarbSmart like low calorie butter. Throw that in there. Fat free cheese. Low fat sour cream. And it makes it like an Alfredo. And then like popcorn seasoning. The cheese.

Throw that cheese seasoning in there. But with regular pasta like burrilla? Yes. And you get the sensation of like eating like real pasta. You know it tastes a little different. Yeah. If you season it right and do You know it tastes a little different. Yeah. If you season it right and do it, it gives you the same. And I'll eat like a ton of that.

Really? And it's not bad. But you're also tall and you work out. I think if I was 6'7", then I could eat pasta and sour cream. But people think I don't eat a lot. I'm like, I eat constantly. Oh my gosh. You're so lucky.

That's the best. I know because everyone does intermittent fasting now. And I'm just like, gosh, do we all have to do that? It's crazy. I don't want to do that. I feel like I've done that before. And it's like, that's hell. That's the best. I know because everyone does intermittent fasting now and I'm just like, gosh, do we all have to do that? It's crazy. I don't want to do that. I feel like I've done that before and it's like, that's hell. That's torture. Yeah.

What about this like ozempic stuff? Do you ever take any stuff like that? I would love to. You never have? No. Because you don't want to lose weight. You're trying to like keep your build. I want to keep the muscle.

Like the only thing I've done is Anovar, which is like a minor little steroid that like helps you cut weight and put on muscle at the same time. Okay. But it's like the most, it's like the least potent thing you can do. Right. Like it's barely considered a steroid. And it's like mainly for girls. Oh, really?

But I did that for like four weeks. Like last, not last year, like last May, like this May that just passed. It built your muscle? Like a little. It wasn't nothing crazy, but it like hurt my stomach so bad I was done. Yeah. That's what I'm scared of with these things. I know it's like bad to be fat, but I'm scared to do those things too.

Ozempic? Like it makes you disgusted by food. That's what everyone says and that's like my biggest fear because that's like my joy in life is food. Same. Like I have to eat a lot to maintain. Oh, right. So I would just be a little stick. Yeah, I think that does what it does. It kind of just shrivels you more. And people look great on Ozempic. Like that's why

I want to take it. But yeah, it kind of scares me. To not be excited about food, that's, like, the only thing I look forward to in life. It's just, like, oh, pasta at night, you know. My husband's an amazing cook. He makes, like, lasagna and stuff. And it's crazy to just alter it forever that you never think about food that way. Like, that's so crazy to me, like, how that works. It's not forever.

Like, it's just while you're on it. Like, my friend who was on it for, like, a few months watched, like, a Pizza Hut commercial. And when they pulled the cheese, she threw up. Like, it was a cheese pull. No. Like my friend who was on it for like a few months watched like a Pizza Hut commercial and when they pulled the cheese, she threw up. Like it was a cheese pull. No. Like she threw up. Oh, I could never.

That's so exciting. I love food. Oh, I didn't know you loved food. This is so exciting because when I watch all your stuff, I just assume, oh my God, he just eats clean all the time

because a lot of people just eat clean all the time. Do you have a cheat day? Like The Rock would have like one cheat day a week. No, I just kind of like cheat when I want. Okay. Do you like go, what's your cheat meal? Catch steak., I just kind of like cheat when I want. Okay.

Do you like go – what's your cheat meal? Catch steak. That's your cheat meal? I feel like that's healthy. A steak? I'm like, oh, I'm healthy when I'm eating filet. There's this – oh, my God. People are going to get mad.

But shut up. There's this fucking baked potato. And it's like double baked potato. Like it's a – I don't know what they do to it. But it's like they like cut out the inside, do something to it, put cheese in it, and then like put it back in and make it like a potato. Like it's a, I don't know what they do to it, but it's like, they like cut out the inside, do something to it, put cheese in it and then like put it back in and make it like a potato. Then they put caviar and like some kind of cream on it. It's like $80.

Oh, cause the caviar. For a baked potato. But it's so f***ing good. A twice baked potato caviar? That's bleep. That's a catch? Catch steak. Oh my God.

Wait, is that different than catch? Yeah. Oh, where's catch steak? Catch is like fish and then catch steak. It's like a mile away, I think. Oh, okay. But like I'll eat that. I'll eat the mac and cheese.

Like I'll just eat literally whatever I want. But like I do keep in mind certain things. Like when the steak comes out, I scoop the butter off. Okay. Like it's just like it already tastes good. Like for what? Yeah. But like my thing is like I like to get creative.

When I like see something and I'm like I want to eat that, how can I like – Make it healthy. Make it a little bit better. What about like – yeah, give me an example of something that you made healthier. Like pasta. Okay. Like I don't want one serving. Right.

I want four. I know. The portion control is where it gets me to. So I'm like if I can make it skinnier, I can eat like three servings. Right. But like serving sizes for me because I'm 6'7". Like a bowl of cereal, half a cup of cereal. Yeah, that's wild.

What am I gonna do with that? I know. I'm not a bird. I know. You said the ramen that was you said ramens were two servings for one. And I was like, that's wild. Like I can eat three ramen. I put all of that in one. I literally used to eat two packs when I was a kid as a snack.

Yeah, that's what I thought too. When you said it was two servings I was like, no way. There's no way. Even mac and cheese. We could put three mac and cheese boxes in one. I literally used to eat two packs when I was a kid as a snack. Yeah, that's what I thought too. When you said it was two servings, I was like, no way. There's no way. Even mac and cheese, we could put three mac and cheese boxes in there. It's like, that's what you, that's, I mean, whoever made up these rules must have been like archaic, like from the 50s or something. Because we're bigger now. We need more food in us to like sustain, you know, sustain? Substain?

I don't know. Like Taco Bell. I love Taco Bell. If you ever want to try the Power Bowl, I get the Power Bowl with double steak. What is Power Bowl? It's like just like a little bowl of like beans, cheese, lettuce, meat. It's like rice. And then it's like every – it's like a – not a Taco Bell, like Chipotle bowl. Okay.

But like it's a Power Bowl. No carbs. There's like a little rice in it. Okay. Which is like fine for you, right? I don't want to hurt you, but I'll eat like two of those. Like people don't realize the amount I have to eat. I would love to eat like you for a day for a YouTube video. Just follow your diet. Can we please? You follow my diet for a day. We'll go

to Taco Bell. Like this is what you're getting. You're eating chips and cheese and a quesadilla. Can we please do that? Yeah, that'd be everything. Like if you go to Chick-fil-A, you'd probably get the grilled chicken bites or something. I'm so down. The fact that you love food. I'm just like, yes. I feel like we would, I feel like we would learn a lot from each other where like you would learn a lot of like just little things I substitute, but I eat more than you. Well, I mean, yeah, you're huge. Well, I mean, I'm huge, but you're huge. We probably weigh the same. What do you weigh? We only count to three. Let's say it. Ready? One, two, three. Two forty.

You're skinny. Skinny. Oh my God, triggering. You're like all muscle. You're like six, seven. No, I want to get, like, I want to get, like, what's it called? Would I suck the fat out? Why can I not think of the name? Liposuction?

Lipo, yeah. I never had it. I had it once. It worked, and then I gained it back. But it snatches you. Where would you want it? On your waist? My stomach. I wantuction? Lipo, yeah. I never had it. I had it once. It worked and then I gained it back. But it snatches you. Where would you want it? On your waist? My stomach.

I want to get my hip bones shaved. Oh. That would be like, I don't know. I don't know what your hip bones. I want my stomach like. Do you go shirtless ever? I don't show my body online, but like in real life, I go shirtless places. Okay.

Like the beach or like on a walk. Why not in real life? Online? Because I feel like everyone shows off online. Two reasons. Okay. Like one is like I want to have what I'm saying be taken like serious. And people are so stupid.

They can't like separate that. Like when they see like a sex worker or someone who like shows their body or like goes for sex appeal. They like take what they're saying less serious. True. So like that aspect. But also people have never seen my body. So if I ever want to release an OnlyFans, I can make millions just off shirtless shit. Oh my God. I'm a businessman.

You're smart. Would you do that one day? If all else fails. Yeah. That's what I did at 32. Quarantine happened. I'm like, all right, time to do a tape. Made a lot of money.

You can make like four or five million dollars fast. That'd be crazy. That's what I'm saying. I'm like, if I can make a million dollars off some shirtless photos, let's do it. Totally. But I'm saving that. Yeah, for sure. I always say save that route until you're like in your 30s because people will still

pay for it. Balboa, bad baby. She made like $18 million in one month. Did you see that? In one month. Oh, crazy. Oh, that says a lot about those people. I'm like, okay, she just turned 18.

Yeah, it's like, okay, that's a little ick. Do you have this thing like when you see someone or get to know someone, they're that age forever in your head? Like, bad baby is always 14 in my head. Oh, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, I guess when she grows up, I'll see it differently. It's like JoJo or, you know, those kind of people.

You just see them as very young. JoJo Siwa? You don't know JoJo? Girl, I'm being shady. Oh. Do you have beef? No, but you do. I don't have beef.

And now I have beef. Now I have beef with no one. Because you're talking about like Charlie. I actually love her. Like I always had one side of beef with people and now I have beef. And now I have beef with no one. Because you're talking about like Charlie. I actually love her. Like I always had one side of beef with people and now I have to like make amends for that. They're probably like stop. It's too little too late. I know you said beef with so many people.

I know you talk about never having public beef with people and I think that's so smart of you because you're just so liked and like people like you no matter what. You're like respect all the stuff. So once you start public beef, then people will get you different. They think of you as like drama and all that stuff like that. But you'd have no problem. You see you're like I can hold my own with public beef. I think it's like smart. I think your path is smart, not showing your body.

Although you show it. You can see your body through your thing. I give a little sex appeal. I get your attention. Yeah. And then it's like, oh, he knows things too. Right. I love my mind.

Yeah. The intellectual part. Oh, he's actually like you. Because no one looks like you online. You really are a 6'7 in real life. You are huge. You look like a model. But you never modeled.

You said you never done runway work. You've been to Fashion Week with YSL. But that was just to like go. Yeah. Go and win and be seen. I know. I love it. I think that's everything.

How do people get invited to these things? I always ask. How do people go to Fashion Week? A lot of people pay for PR. Okay. But you don't. I don't. I just have a good team.

Damn. You got it like that? I feel like I could pay and I still wouldn't get invited because, you know, you can pay for PR and they do nothing for you. Like the PR thing because I've considered like looking into it and like doing it because like I want to be like recognized by Versace so bad. And like there's certain brands I just like love. And I'm like, I either want free shit, like PR, like gift me things, dress me for my tour,

dress me for my events, like dress me for shit at least. Or like go to events and like be seen like maybe Model Wednesday. And maybe that's coming. You would be such, I mean, I'm surprised Versace hasn't reached out to you. Like I feel like they are, that's so, you're a brand, the black and gold, which is everything. Is your bed Versace? I saw you just got it like a black and gold. Oh, that just looks like it. It's so cool. Where did the black and gold come from? The love of it. My family. Like we all have always just done black and gold. Are you, you're Albanian on your dad's side. What's your mom?

American, but kind of like some, she's like some kind of part, like Indian, I think. Okay. But like a little bit. Okay. So kind of part like Indian, I think. Okay. But like a little bit. Okay. So wait, your dad, were you born here though? And your dad was born in Albania. Have you been to Albania? No.

Do you talk about being Albanian? Here and there. Okay. But like it's not accepted to be gay and be Albanian. So I kind of like. Oh, really? Yeah. What does that mean?

Like if you were to go over there, they like would turn you around. Like Dubai, they like don't let you, they like turn you around. I don't know what would happen. Yeah. But you're not trying to find out. That's crazy. But your family is fine. They're accepting.

Yeah. Okay. Did it take them a while? Okay. When you first came out, no? My dad's side, not really. Because they're the Albanian side. Yeah.

My sister and my mom were cool with it. How did it make you feel? What? When you're like Albanian side and accept it. Like your dad's side. Huh? Accept my mom were cool with it. How did it make you feel? What? When your Albanian side didn't accept it. Like your dad's side. Infected. Huh? Accepted. Infected. Oh, you felt infected. Infected and defective. I felt like I just

have this thing that people are turning against me for. And it's like this thing is the reason I'm losing all these people. How did you do it? You just one day was like, I gotta just tell them. I was with, like I had a boyfriend for a few months and then I was playing the whole pronoun game. My sister and my mom knew from the beginning, but I got to a point where like, I was just saying like she, instead of he and things like that. And then it got to a point where like I moved in with

them and it was like, I have to just come clean about it. This is your first serious relationship. So in high school you weren't dating boys or anything like that? No. Did you know always, or did you try to fight it for like a minute where you're like, maybe, maybe I'm straight. Like in high school, did you think maybe we're straight or you knew? I knew. Okay. But I was so, I was literally like tricking myself in my head. Like I was trying to find any like explanation that wasn't that I'm actually into guys. Cause like for me to come out i never thought i would ever in my life i accepted that at like 16 i was like i will never come out that's

never gonna be a thing like i'm never gonna own that and like this idea of like what i want my life to be like what my dad wants my life to be like i was was like, that's going to be it. And I was like, I had like, when I came out, I had to like put that whole goal and like idea for like how my life was supposed to be to rest. Like I had to mourn that, like my life will never be like that. And then also mourn like my family and stuff. That's so, that's, I don't want you to cry. No, it makes me sad. I know people who like stay in the closet for that reason.

They'll never come out and it makes me so sad. And you have to like live your life for someone else. And those people get in a relationship with women and stuff like that and they're just not happy. And it's like not fair. It's definitely not fair to that person, the guy. You know what I mean? Oh. So what – so then you moved in with this guy.

You told your mom and dad. How long did it take to tell your dad? You told your mom and sister. Four or five months months but the whole thing about me convincing myself like i was trying to convince myself i wasn't attracted to guys so i would be like oh like i just want to look like this guy right or like he's just like i want to look like this i want to be this muscular i want to look like this like and have this style i want to make this amount of money like i convinced myself it was like being enamored and not attracted and then i finally stepped up to the point where i was like i want to these men and like a degrading way like i want to take your masculinity it's like

i went from okay maybe i want to look like you to like okay i want to take your manlyhood like i want to like take that yeah and i had like a weird like obsession with that like i want to take your manly hood. I want to take that. And I had a weird obsession with that. I want to take this big, strong, manly man and flip him and take away that manhood. I had a weird, that's what I'm into. And then I did that for a little bit. I was fucking married men with children, straight men, straight closeted men.

Yeah. That happens so much. They were never going to come out. I was never going to come out. So I was like going to feed that little like fetish I had. Right. And then I was like, you just like fucking boys. Right.

How old were you? Were you like 21? How old were you? Like 19, 20? When? When you're doing this with the married guys. You must have been young. 17 to like

20 wow and these men have children so they're obviously way older and i know i know so many people in those same situations and i feel bad for everyone involved like you know the people that are married and in this situation that don't want it but then you're kind of the whole thing is so sad it's so sad and it still happens in 2023 i think now now it's like – I always think, oh, gay is like cool. Like everyone – like a lot of people want to be gay. You know, they try. You know, you see all the people kind of like, you know, what is it, like queer baiting and stuff like that, wearing skirts. And they're like, you know, it's very cool.

But it's interesting that so many people still feel that way. They still feel like they can't come out and stuff like that, which is like devastating really. Do you think now – because you do talk about being gay a lot. Because I don't look at it as your brand. Your brand to me is the confidence. Obviously, your tour and stuff is the confidence. Do you ever find yourself fighting gay stereotypes? People look at you and they're like, oh, you don't look gay.

I know you said straight men come up and try to fight you sometimes. Why do you think that is? Do they know that you're... They look at you and they think, oh, this is like this, and then they find out you're gay and they want to fight you, or they just think you're straight and want to fight you? I think, oh, this is like this. And then they find out you're gay and they want to fight you. Or they just think you're like straight and want to fight you. I think it's like a dominance thing. Like straight men are just fucking me. Like, oh, I bet I could beat the shit out of you.

Or I bet I could take you. It's like, I don't think you could take me in that way. But you want to fight? Have you gotten into fist fights? Have you gotten into actual fights? My whole life. Oh, really? Yeah.

Oh, my gosh. Well, you can't do that now because now you have money. Now you're famous. Like you'll get sued now. So you can't. When's the last time you fought somebody? More recent than I would like to admit. But last November was like my last like big thing where like the internet knew.

Because I got jumped in Berlin and then I stabbed somebody and it was like a big thing. Oh, okay. I saw this. Okay. I didn't. Well, I didn't see the video. The video's not up. Because you did.

I got like 16 million views, but i couldn't find the video it's like 26 million views yeah is it still up or they took it down they took it down like they let it blow up that high and then took it down like two months who was videoing it you no it wasn't like a video of the fight it was like me walking back to my hotel room like with my lip busted like talking about the fight right after you got jumped yeah you're like let me tick tock this real quick oh wow um what was going through your head in that point where you're like which i'm not knocking by the way when i went to mental hospital i was like filming it i was like well this seems like appropriate to film i don't know what was going through your head you're like i just got jumped let me well they didn't take your

phone no they didn't take anything oh and i was like at least why are you wasting my time like jack my chain take my phone take my wallet like make it worth this like what so what happened they're just they just knocked you out. No, they didn't knock me out. Well, knock you out. I don't know. What's the term? They wish they did.

What's the term? Like, you knock somebody. Yeah, like, we just, like, fought. But my mentality, like, after, like, the whole thing, like, my mentality was, like, we, the reason I think I got jumped, I think it was a setup. Because I posted a video on TikTok, like, me and my friend just got to Berlin the night before. Like give me recommendations of places to go. We went to this club the next night that everybody was talking about. The Matrix, The Matrix, The Matrix.

Go here, go here. We go there. And out of nowhere, these like five guys surround me. And then like one of them pushed me. And then the other one threw their drink in my face. So I just, like I'm aware of my surroundings. I saw them all circle me. And I just started swinging.

Like, I was just throwing, like, anywhere I could, hitting anybody, everything. Oh, my God. And then I was, like, on the ground with one. And I was, like, beating the shit out of him. And then his friend kicked me in the face. And that's why my lip was, like, I had a full boot mark, like, right here. Like, it almost broke my nose. Yeah, your face is fine.

You went and scaled the yield. You didn't have to get stitches or anything no but also i'm a nurse so like i had i dislocated my pinky because i had like a big ring on and i had to like pop it back in oh gosh like i checked my nose to make sure it wasn't broken and like i knew my lip was fine and you were with a friend yeah and your friend got jumped too so he's in this fight with you just you where'd he go he just i mean I thought he was in it but he wasn't. So he just kind of like left. He was like away from it and then some other dude got into

it with him. So he was like fighting with one and I was fighting with five. Oh my gosh. That's wild. Was there any witnesses? Was there any charges pressed or anything like that? We took off. Did no one call the cops? The cops were coming as we were leaving. We got called an Uber and we got out of there wow and we changed our flights and left in the morning because you were just so shook by it i was just like i don't want cops coming

wait why like i was like i don't want to get involved in this shit be arrested in germany yeah oh my god so you think i mean there was a setup yeah that's what they say now to like i mean obviously you know now but like to not post anything i mean people know where you're at i don't post anything while i'm there anymore yeah i think that's that's the rule i know a lot of tiktokers house get like broken into i saw jenna froom she was like somewhere and she got her house broken into i mean that is like a rule of thumb to like not to but i mean but you don't know you think like especially you like you always think who's gonna jump you but it isn't interesting that so many people try to fight you because you're so big i would think it's the opposite where people are like, don't

mess with him. But because you're so big, it's like they're, like you said, they're insecurity. We're like, let me fight this guy, which is wild. Have you ever lost a fight? Oh, yeah. Okay. Like growing up? Yeah.

Like I've been jumped plenty of times. I've gotten my ass beat. But one thing about me is like even if I lose, you still go in a way looking like that. Because you're also fighting in there. Okay. So you fight. I've never fought. I've never fought.

Like I'll fight until you kill me. Oh my gosh. Like I will swing until I knock out or like die. Wow. Well, I'm glad you're not fighting anymore. I can. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I miss it every day.

No. No, you don't. Like my knuckles are like. Oh my gosh. Geez. Oh my gosh. Yeah, you have your. I have stories in here.

I miss it. No, you don't. You miss. I miss beating the fuck out of people. Why? Where did the aggression come from? Where is this at? Bullying when I was younger, that's when it started.

And it's like, I just miss fighting. There's just something about it. What did you get bullied for? Everyone thought I was gay. Ah. Where did you grow up? Pensacola, Florida. And it was looked down upon in Florida.

I would think Florida's more open down there. Like, they'd be more... It's, like, the right up next to Alabama where we were. Oh. Oh. Right. Right. Right.

Okay. So it was not... No one was out. There was no gay kids or anything like that. All the little hickories over there? Yeah. Them's the ones that I was... Oh.

And they're the ones making fun of you? No. No, it was other people, okay? So they were like, that's so interesting. Why did you think that? Because you, not that there's an acting gay, but there's like kids that you think are flamboyant that like, you know, get made fun of for being gay, but like you don't come across like that now.

I kind of was when I was like a lot younger. And like I was always friends with girls and I was never like really hooking up or doing anything. So they called you gay because you always hung out with girls? Yeah. Interesting. Did you change your mannerisms? You said you were a little more flamboyant. Did you change like how you talk and how you act?

Because you have not at all. Like there's no flamboyancy to you at all. I'll also sit up with you like here and there. Like I'll like – you'll see it in my mannerisms. Like if we're talking serious, it'll be yeah you won't be able to really tell but like if we're like shooting shit like i'll say something but i agree like it'll just like sis like it'll come out like i don't change anything yeah and i didn't like try and change how i am it's like puberty hit yeah and then like i was around i was only around women when i was little like only around women interesting and then like when I went through

puberty and I was like 15 16 I met my stepdad who was like hyper masculine crazy and it was my first experience like around like a dude consistently every day like my dad I would see here and there but like I was around him all the time and like my formative years so like i adopted a lot of like him and like it like molded me but i don't try to be a certain way i just am me right it's just you like it'll come out like the fighting is that from your stepdad like the more just like the i can beat someone because if you're wrong girls girls gonna be like no no no don't get a fight you know what i mean but a guy would be more like let's fight him let's punch him let's i don't get in a fight. You know what I mean? But a guy would be more like, let's fight him. Let's punch him. Let's, I don't know what guys do. Yeah. My dad raised me very protective of people I care about. Like my whole family is like that. Like I literally, when I care about you,

I will literally do anything to protect you. Anything. So like any threat to you, I'm taking it out. It's like that aspect. It's like, oh, I can beat you up. It's like any threat to something I care about or someone I care about, you're done. Like I'll sacrifice myself to make sure you're not hurt. Wow. But like that I already had in me and then me to my stepdad was like a whole different though. So what, what'd your stepdad do? Was he like fight club or something?

That's how I imagine. He was the type that like, he went to prison for murdering. Oh my God. A few people. What is your life? Insane. Insane. You need like a movie. Oh my God. A few people. What is your life? Insane. Insane. You need, like, a movie.

Oh, my God. Okay. He went to prison for, like, murdering some people. And, like, he had that prison mentality from, like, a very young age. Okay. Disrespect, you fight. You look at somebody wrong, you're hitting them. It's, like, he took that violence I already had in me to an extreme and then, like, ripped me into, like, a whole different life of it like no laws no rules

he was above the law you couldn't catch him like had so many cop friends like was corrupt as fuck oh like would get away with anything oh my god that's wild was he like a good one though was he like a like he had good intentions okay when he cared about you he had good intentions but like he did a lot of things to me with the good intention of like i'm preparing you so like one thing he used to do to me and my mom a lot was if i was like going to the grocery store if i was like going somewhere he would wait in the parking lot until i was like walking back to my car and then like attack me or like choke me out or like start hitting me out of nowhere or like be in the car and like grab me and like knock me out and i'd wake up in my car like what the like he would just like attack me to teach me how to be aware

of my surroundings and like handle a fight like he used to get me drunk and like stand up and like beat the shit out of me so i could learn how to fight drunk but like that's that hidden intention of like i'm trying to help you but i'm traumatizing the fuck out of you. Oh, my gosh. Wait. What? This is – I haven't talked about that online. This sounds like maybe child abuse and you don't know.

There's so many stories. Oh, my God. Okay. Wait. Wow. Okay. But it taught me a lot. It taught me a lot.

Okay. I get that. But, you know, being in an abusive relationship could teach you a lot. Like, okay, this is not what I want. But, okay. So you think it prepared you in some way? It did. Okay.

Like, when I was going through it, I was like, what the hell? But, like, the hidden intention was, like, he was trying to help, but it was through bad. Is he still around? He's dead. What happened? Can I ask? He got in a motorcycle accident. Oh, okay.

And was going like 100 miles an hour and this car pulled out and he hit it. And he hit it so hard the car flipped like six times. And he like shot up like 50 feet in the air. Head came off in his helmet. Are you okay? Yeah, I'm good. Are you sure? Like nothing

with me anymore. I've seen it all. I've experienced it all. How old were you when that happened oh my god i was 19 i think 18 or 19 i can't remember god this is like did you cry then because i know you said you didn't cry for a few years you didn't cry where do you think that wow did you have emotion were you like this is sad were you relieved i was relieved because he was like attacking my mom oh and i got out and like moved in with my dad. And like it was at a point where it was like he was coming after me and her.

And it was like him or us. Oh my God. So I was like we were, me and my mom were both so relieved that he died. We didn't want him to die. Oh, right. But it was like. It's a relief. You hear people talk about that.

Oh my God. But like I still. We ain't got to get into die. Oh, right. But it was like. It's a relief. You hear people talk about that. Oh my God. But like I still. We ain't got to get into that. Oh my gosh. But like I did cry about it eventually. But when it hit me, it was like months later when I was like in therapy

coming to my emotions and shit and I lost it. What was the trigger? What turned him on? The tears? I felt invincible like with him on my side and i've never felt more safe in my life ever like nothing could touch me and there's nothing i couldn't like face with him it's like if he was mad at you you're but like if you were with him you were

like untouchable and i've never felt safe like that again and i never will in my life wow it's almost like you became that person for yourself because you start, you could fight yourself. You could take on five guys. It's like you kind of took on that aspect of like you could protect your mom. You could protect anyone around you, which I feel like you still would and could if it like happened. Now I've struggled with, I became as close to him for like protecting myself like i will go like people don't understand like what i'm capable of and like how i can switch it off and like do anything to protect people i care about or myself and it's like now i'm at a point i found comfort in that a little bit and it's like

i felt safe going around and about life and then it's like now i'm at a point if i get in a fight or if i protect myself, I will go to prison and I'm going to lose everything. Yeah. It's like, yeah, it's not worth it. I'm at a point of like, are you going to sacrifice your life or are you going to protect yourself? So I'm like, it's like you have the ability to protect yourself, but your hands are tied. Right.

So it's like, I don't feel safe. I don't feel like I will do it, but I know the cost. Yeah. Like I'm the cost. Yeah. Like I'm throwing my life away. Well, how do you avoid those situations? You just pick and choose. Like you're like I'm not going to be confrontational. But I guess a lot of this stuff isn't brought on.

You didn't bring on the jumping. Did you get hit by a car too? Yeah. Was this on TikTok? Oh, my God. When did this happen? This was my going away dinner when I was leaving Houston. Oh my.

Wait. So you lived in Houston. When did you go to Houston from Florida? May of 2022. Oh, okay. So you were only there for like a year in Houston. Do you move there for any reason? To get the hell out of where I was in Florida.

I hated it. Interesting. I wanted a bigger city. Houston's good. Did you like Houston? I miss it every day. Houston's great. All my favorite people are from Houston. I'll like a lot of the glam people. They're from Houston. I love Houston people. They're amazing. But okay. So the car, you got hit by a car at your going away party in Houston. And did someone film this

like on TikTok? Cause I thought I saw something like, or you can hear you yelling or something in the background after it happened. Yeah. so no one filmed, like, the actual incident, but, like, my friends threw me a surprise going away party. Uh-huh. And, like, I walked in the party not knowing it was, like, a going away party. I thought we were just having dinner. And, like, they opened the curtains, and everybody was, like, surprised, and I was like, this motherfucker just hit me

with his car. Oh, that's what it was. I see you angry. I see you walking in angry, and I was like, what? Covered in dirt. Pissed off. Oh, my. Wait, so someone... You're walking... you have like, you have like great luck and terrible luck all at the same time. This is wild. Okay. So how does this happen? Are you on the crosswalk? How did this hit you? How did the car hit you? Yeah, I was just like at the little crosswalk. You know how restaurants are in like a shopping complex and it's like, you have the little like walkway and they have a stop sign. He just didn't stop. And I, when I was walking and I saw

him coming a little fast, so like I turned and I was like, he's hitting me. So I jumped so I could like land on the hood and like, not like be run over. My God. And then you just went into the party, like nothing. You didn't go to the hospital or anything? No, I tried to beat the out of him, but he wouldn't get out the car. So in this situation when now you're trying to avoid, is that your last incident where you like had a, I don't know what these are called, swings, knocks? I think so. Okay, so now that happened to you

because you're trying to avoid these situations and someone hit you with their car, what would you do? Well, I learned control in that moment. Okay. Because like I was gonna yank him out of the car.

Like old me would have like smashed his window and pulled him out. Oh, you didn't? But I didn't. Like I went around to the driver's side door and I was like, I almost yanked the handle off. Okay. But I was like trying and pulled him out. Oh, you didn't. But I didn't. I went around to the driver's side door and I almost yanked

the handle off. But I was trying to get him out and when he was scared and wouldn't get out, I thought and I was like, Leo, you're in public. You don't know who's watching, who's filming. Stop. And it made me stop for a second and then walk inside.

So that's good. So I think now you can do those situations. If someone's trying to pick a fight with you, you're just going to walk away. You're not going's good. So I think now you can do those situations. If someone's trying to pick a fight with you, you're just going to walk away. You're not going to fight. But I leave regretting not tearing somebody the fuck up every time. Really? I wish I would have at least hopped on his windshield and smashed it

or done something. I have to walk away being the bigger person and just deal with this like... And you don't feel better being that bigger person. Sometimes I feel better being the bigger person. When someone comes for me, I'm kind of like, you know what? I'll just leave it. Because I love to attack with my words, but I'm like, sometimes I feel better just like,

you know what? I'm going to leave it. I'm going to. And I'll be like, Trisha, you've grown. And I'll be like, thank you. You know? So I think, I think it should make you feel better when you leave the situation being the bigger.

Wow. Like I have so many regrets. Like so many times I wish I would have just smacked the fuck out of somebody, and I walk away not having done that, and I, like, live with that regret. I wonder what that is. Me too. I'm not a psychologist, but there must be some. I have more things to, like, deal with than going into that, but, like. You should have a session with Dr. Drew. He might be able to diagnose this. He really, he really can know what's going on in there. That's wild. Yeah. The only thing I worry is now you're, like, famous and rich, so I'm just just like, you know, maybe. I'm a cash cow. People are going to try shit.

Yeah. They'll try to sue you. If you even touch someone, it's crazy. People, I've seen people like get in someone's face and be like, touch me, touch me, touch me. And it's like, even if you do like a little, like a little shove, people are like, he shoved me. He wouldn't even like push him away. Even if they're in your space, people will like sue. It's wild. That's my problem. Like with the way my brain is. Cause my dad always raised me. Like if you're going to cut, if you're going to get caught speeding, are you going to, you don't ever get caught for going five over, go a hundred over. If you're going to go get in trouble, make it worth it. So like when I would fight in school, like I would fight, like I'm getting

suspended. So I would like pummel the out of people. And it's like, now I'm like, if I'm in an altercation with somebody or like someone's trying to start with me, if I know you're going to sue me, now I'm going to give you something to make sure you can sue me out. Oh my gosh. Okay. Like if I'm already going through court, I'm fucking your shit up. I'm going to like break your arms.

So every time you got a shit, you think of me type vibe. Oh my God. Okay. Well, let's not do that anymore. We're trying to be Versace model. I know. We're going on tour. Especially going on tour now.

Okay. You have a tour coming up, which you just announced, which I was so excited yesterday. I was like, oh my God, we got some tea today. This is very exciting. It's called Conference Unleashed, which is such a great name. It almost sounds like a Netflix special or something. I love it. Are you going to film it?

Yes. I filmed my first event. I did a tester event to see how it went, and it sold out in 45 minutes. The show went so good. Everybody was like, we event to like see how it went and it sold out in 45 minutes. And like the show went so good. Everybody was like, we have to do it again. And my like team made a mini tour. So I'm doing like a West Coast thing and then it's almost sold out now in like 24 hours. Oh my gosh.

So like we're going to extend to way more areas and locations. Oh my gosh. So at your shows, is this like a motivational speaking show? Like is that what you do? Is it kind of like your podcast but like live? It's like a live version of my podcast

but it's about confidence. The whole thing? Yeah. It's like 45 minutes of me speaking like a live podcast on confidence and it's like a big

opened up like Q&A. You can ask me anything and we'll like talk about it. But it's unfiltered, uncensored. Like if we weren't recording right now, the way I'd be talking is way different what do you mean way more explicit oh interesting

are you because online you're not either i guess you have to like that's censored on youtube like on youtube i am censored okay so you're like a wild talker yeah okay i love that so that's what your tour is gonna be yeah you give that warning to people in case they're gonna be like oh my sometimes you like meet people like oh my gosh this is so different than they are online but there's a lot of things i like i'm the same but like i just get a lot more like whoa okay like i really can like hit a point if i can talk freely right like when i just give myself the ability to just like execute this point don't worry about offending feelings don't worry about getting demonetized don't worry about being pc like. Like when I'm in that room, it's like I just get to like let it – like unleash it and like let it out.

Okay. And like the points just hit and I can hit dark things like unaliving and not have to like tiptoe around YouTube's little fucking little rules. It's like, girl, let me just talk freely. Like this is real. Yeah. Like I talk real with no filter. That's the thing and i feel like more a lot of people don't do that especially like inspirational people you know they like to

have a like filter they they're so fake yeah all these self-help people fake as shit is there any self-help do you like tony robbins kind of like you give me his vibe you can be the vibe i do really like him i resonate with a lot of what he says but i don't i haven't like like don't like a deep dive in him to know. Yeah. I don't, I don't like listen to him. I listen to Joel Osteen. Do you listen to him?

Do you know him? He's from Houston. I think I've heard of him. He has a huge church, Lakewood in Houston. It's like that. Well, he got kind of canceled for not letting people in during the hurricane. Do you remember that? He like locked the doors.

I didn't know that was a thing. I like Joel for his, it holds like a hundred thousand people and he's like, no. Oh no, they can come in. I would literally be at the door and be like, no. I'm just kidding. Come on. He's worth like $100 million and he preaches God and stuff and people are very like – so I guess he got canceled for that.

Don't – because I know a lot of people don't like Joel. I like his message and his words of wisdom. I mean, didn't – let me not bring that up. Who? What? Tell me. We can cut it. I was about to say, didn't Noah not let everybody on the boat?

I think that was just animals. I think't Noah not let everybody on the boat? I think that was just animals. I think he didn't let humans on the boat. I don't know. I don't know either. Too much has happened for me to remember that when I learned it when I was little. Noah from the Bible you're talking about. No, it's art. Oh, did you think you were going to get canceled for talking about Noah from the Bible?

You're like, let me not bring that up. I don't know anymore. Like, I literally, I put the starbucks thing i literally text you about it i posted a fucking starbucks cup and got attacked and i was like wait what is going on it was so funny when you texted me that i thought you were like warning me that like oh you might get some comments about me being canceled for starbucks like oh it's fine i'm not worried about like i thought you i was like? No, like you're next. Yeah, right.

And then I went to my TikTok because I had just put – and I was like, oh, my God. And I did – I put in my comments like an apology. I'm like, I'm so sorry. I did not know we were boycotting. We are not having Starbucks. I boycotted. No. But like everybody will attack us.

I know. It's hard. This is my biggest thing with online. Like people act like they're so justified to attack everyone, but it's like, take two seconds. If you really thought me and you knew what was going on with the Starbucks shit, you think we would have posted it. I know. Use your context clues. I'm like, y'all know me. Yeah. You know, like the people know you. They know we're not going to like promote nothing like that. Like clearly we didn't know what's going on. I know. I had no idea. I was like, there's no sign at Starbucks that tells me.

I was like, I'm sick. I got the little T. I was like, I don't know. Make that T at home. I went to Erewhon, too. Can we go there? Can we go to Erewhon? I feel like Erewhon.

You eat the bag? I love Erewhon, the $150 bag. I almost bought one the other day because I was like, I want to be like Trisha. It's so cute. And you know what? I wear it out shopping. I love it. I feel so cute.

We should do an Erewhon day, too. We need to do an eight day of eating can we do like the full day of eating i would totally be that oh my god i don't know you kind of scare me a little bit why i don't know you're like i just want to like knock people out i feel like if you go to air one and they don't get to do smoothie right you're just like pow no i'm very logical okay okay i'm very very logical i don't i'm very nice i'm very like sweet. But when I'm provoked, bad move. Just leave me alone. I'm very understanding with customer service. I don't give a shit.

I'm very cool. Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah. But what if someone was rude to the customer service person? Like, this is not the smoothie I want. Would you knock that person out? Think about what the fuck's really important. Yeah. I check people who are mean like that.

Like little Karens. I'll let them go, let them go, let them go. and then it's like once i feel like you've taken it too far and the person behind the counter cannot speak up if i see that they're just not saying you've gone too far because they're scared of their job i'll say it because i can't get fired i love that okay i just saw a video clip this morning i don't know if you saw it do you know who neon is no i don't know either they're like neon gets kicked out of target i think he's like a live streamer i don't know there's so many live streamers but he was getting kicked out of target for I don't know if you saw it. Do you know who Neon is? No. I don't know either. They're like, Neon gets kicked out of Target. I think he's like a live streamer. I don't know. There's so many live streamers. But he was getting kicked out of Target for, I don't know, whatever, being

obnoxious. And there was a security guard kicking him out. And he's like, what? This f***ing fat ass. Like all this stuff. Basically like harassing the security guard. That's like kicking him out. I don't know why they're kicking him out of the store, but he was. And he kept calling this guy fat. This fat f***. Like all this stuff like that. He's like, oh, you think you're powerful because you're a security guard? All this stuff like that. And it's like those little kids like that that are streaming 24 hours and being like so rude to like Target employees who are just kicking them out. He's like, oh, you think you're powerful because you're a security guard. All that stuff like that. And it's like those little kids like that that are streaming 24 hours and

being like so rude to like Target employees who are just kicking them out because it's like their job. Drive me nuts. Like those are the people. Out of touch. Yes. And also don't say, those are the people I feel like should get their asses kicked. Like I don't say that very often, but I'm like these kids that are going harassing these employees at Target and then they get tagged on, they keep filming and they're filming him and he doesn't want to be filmed. He's just trying to get them out and they're like harassing him. And I'm like, why don't those people get their asses kicked? Like you're harassing these like employees. That's why I personally think sometimes assault should be legal.

Like this is people that haven't been like have the shit smacked out of them when they were younger. Yeah, that's true. Like you were disciplined. You were like beat. You were taught how to behave. I was too. I mean, I always was good. I actually never got disciplined.

I never got grounded or anything. Like you know to watch your mouth. You were taught how to behave. I was too. I mean, I always was good. I actually never got disciplined. I never got grounded or anything. Like you know to watch your mouth. You know how to be polite. You know how to like understand. Yeah. It was just like in me, I guess. I don't know. You tipped the Uber Eats drivers.

Good person. Tip the Uber Eats. Yes. Tip your Uber Eats drivers, your door catchers. I saw that episode. I'm like, yeah. They really should. People who don't tip.

I'm like, that drives me nuts too. There are certain people that annoy me. It's people who don't tip. People who harass like, yeah. They really should. People who don't tip. I'm like, that drives me nuts too. There are certain people that annoy me. It's people who don't tip. People who harass like service workers. People who are filming like service workers when they're just doing their job. I'm just like, let them do their job in this like little. That's weird. It was so weird.

It was a video this morning and it really made me so upset. And I don't know who this person is, but I was just like, those are the people for sure. You got, you did get, not canceled, but people, you had to make a video addressing disciplining children. You talked about, was it just because of like the gesture you made? Because people were upset. What was your original video? It was like.

It was me. I woke up and I was pissed off. And I had to handle this a certain way. What I really wanted to do was get on there and tell everyone to go fuck themselves. But my management at the time told me, you know, you have to handle this properly. But like basically I made a video talking about like, I'll discipline your fucking kid, like, if you don't. And I didn't mean I'll hit your kid. I would never hit a fucking child.

Right. But, like, if your kid is being obnoxious as fuck at 6 in the morning screaming, you attend to it. What was the reference? Was there, like, something that happened that you were, like, thinking of this? Yes, my fucking neighbor let her kid, kid like throw a tantrum every single day, running up the hallway with the dog barking. They're both freaking out. The mom like wouldn't attend to the child.

And I don't think I would ever like actually yell at a child. I really wouldn't. I would never discipline a child or like yell at them. I would yell at the parent and be like, yay, do your fucking job. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or I'll just look at them. But like I don't think I'd ever target it at a kid. So like I did speak wrong about that.

I was just so heated in the morning of like a week straight. I was waking up at 6 a.m. by these fucking people just screaming for no reason. Like take care of your child. I know. I feel like when you don't have kids, it really is. I was like that too. It's kind of like, okay, this is, yeah. But like bad choice of your take care of your child i know i feel like when you don't have kids it really i was like that too it's kind of like okay this is yeah like bad choice of words and then this one dumb bleep it posted a video and took it out of context like i get how it was taken

out of context but she basically was like saying that like she'll shoot me if i ever like try and discipline her kid yeah and then like everybody there was a'll shoot me if I ever like try and discipline her kid. Like actually she said that? Yeah. And then like everybody – there was a couple dumbasses. And then like the people that like – they saw her video before mine. People that didn't know me didn't get it. But like it got on the wrong side of TikTok under the impression of like you're a threat.

I'm going to protect my child against you. It made this narrative get pushed. And everybody thought I was like threatening their kids. And i'm like y'all are fucking dumb yeah like are you for real tiktok is like that it was like the wrong side of people that's the thing if you see someone that doesn't get it or doesn't know or the con like i didn't know i had no idea what the context was i saw your like apology and i was like wait what is the context i didn't apologize and then people got mad i don't apologize. I will take accountability and like Okay, you're like

it was wrong choice of words. Address it as and you will watch my actions and I will fix it. Yeah. But like I never apologize in the video and there's this dumb

other bitch who would not shut up about me for like two months. He's gaslighting us. He never apologized. Wait, wait, wait. Like y'all took it wrong.

I acknowledged how I contributed to the incorrect perception. I fully own that. Yeah. how I contributed to the incorrect perception. I fully own that. Yeah. Now own your side. Right.

You saw a video and took off running in the wrong direction. And they keep going with it. Yeah. It's kind of like, okay. Like, girl, I deaded the issue. I explained. Now if you want to keep, like, punishing me, you're the asshole. Yeah.

I just have to keep scrolling. When I see anything about me, I'm like, scroll right away. I just scroll fast because I'm like, I don't want to see what anyone says about me. Because people say that, too. They always say, for me, oh, she never apologized. I'm like, for what?. I just scroll fast because I don't want to see what anyone says about me. Because people say that too. They always say for me, oh, she never apologized. I'm like, for what? I've apologized for a thousand, fifty thousand things. You apologize too much. I apologize for everything.

I apologize for this episode. I apologize for everything. I apologize for existing. I'm so sorry I'm here. Like, I just apologize right away. I don't eat shit. Could it be more opposite? You are a, you're born in March. Are you a Pisces? Okay, you're like a fish just like fish i like that that's cute a little i love fish i love a little fish okay that's interesting because i

thought we'd be on opposites ends of the spectrum but no because i'm taurus fish get on okay that's cute because i think we're like so polar opposites that's why you got your money up you're a taurus oh for sure me and my sister like studied you a long time ago i'm like that's why this bitch is rich really taurus i love making money i told you though i like hustle like we were talking about money and i was like i'll do cameos for 500. I'll take anything. I'll take a hundred dollars. Like I'll take whatever.

I'm just a hustle person. I just love to make money for whatever. I don't even care. You know, I'll take a million dollars. I take a $10. Like whatever it is. Pay me. What, do you know your Chinese zodiac?

Tiger. My daughter's tiger. We have a big bling tiger upstairs because my daughter's a tiger. We bought everything tiger. I know. I want to see it. Yeah. I'll show you tiger upstairs because my daughter's a tiger. We bought everything tiger. I know. I want to see it. Yeah. I'll show you my house.

I'll show you the Versace table. Please. I feel like everyone who comes in, I give them a tour of the house. I'm like, all right, let's go upstairs. I don't want to push it and be like, oh, I want to see the house because I'm very big on privacy and stuff like that. Oh, no, no, no. I would love to.

It literally is in my house. I'm actually honored when people want to see it. I'm always like, okay, it's very cool. Yeah. All right. So back to the tour. So it's an all-confidence tour. So people are going to leave feeling good.

They're not going to leave feeling. Yeah. Okay. And you're uncensored. Yes. What else about the tour that's different? First of all, did you like your live show? Loved it.

Yeah. You did meet and greets after? Mm-hmm. Are you going to do meet and greets again? Mm-hmm. Wild. How many did you meet? Do you know?

I think like 100. Wow. Do you do a VIP before and then do you do a meet like a hundred wow do you do a vip before and then do you do a meet and greet after do you do both it was before okay but it was vip before yeah wow like we didn't do we didn't get to do one for ga because like the timing for the venue like we had like a you have to be out by this time so we like it was vip only meet and greet at the beginning yeah oh. Oh my God. So where did you do it in LA?

The Roxy. I just saw that too. And I was like, I didn't know you had, do you have one in LA now? You said you were doing like West Coast for these next shows. I don't, I was going to invite you. Oh, why didn't you? I was going to. We had this interview set up.

I could have reviewed it. And I was like, oh my God. Like I was like, I want Trisha to come. But I was like, you hate influencers. And I was like, you hate influencers? No. I was like, I hate to bring her around. Oh, was it like an influencer event? Was it a lot of influencers?

No, no, no. The section where I had my people was like a lot of my friends who were influencers, and I was like, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable, but I was like, I don't know what to do. Is there someone you don't think I like that you're friends with? I love everybody now, by the way. I turned a new leaf. I'm like a monk now.

I think everyone is beautiful. Come on my podcast influencer i truly mean that i love them who was it okay we'll have to bleep this okay but we can bleep out the oh oh wait do they like they were there but like it was just like damn and i was like like i don't i don't know like i didn't know if you were like able to like, like not give a f***. I was like, I just didn't want you to like feel like you had to go and then be uncomfortable. That's so funny. Um, first of all, no, like, okay. No, you know what?

I feel the opposite. I feel like what you're saying, but reverse. Like I have no problem going, but I never want anyone else to feel uncomfortable or if they dislike me. Cause they have a reason to dislike me. And I don't ever like, I never expect anyone to forgive me or anything like that. Like I understand why people don't like me. I'm fully aware of that. But it's more of like, yeah, if I go to a party and other people don't like me and I don't ever like, I never expect anyone to forgive me or anything like that. Like I understand why people don't like me. I'm fully aware of that.

But it's more of like, yeah, if I go to a party and other people don't like me there, then it can be awkward. I mean, back in the day when people didn't like me, I was like, Ooh, it's awkward. But, um, I love every influencer and I love them too. So I think your friends, I'm a fan. I'm a fan of the show. We want to say what, but I'm a fan of the show. We watched it.

We watched the season finale the other day. So yeah, I'm not, I'm too old to be a hater at this point I think I was a hater for so long because I hated myself that's the deep that's the deep truth but um now I'm in a great place so I'm just fat happy and I love everybody I love it yeah I would love to be on Ozempic but I'm scared anyways I'm the fat happy person so when I hear you talk sometimes I'm like I don't know I really like I don't know I'm I'm not happy because I'm fat I'm just fat and happy person, so when I hear you talk sometimes, I'm like, I don't know. I really like – I don't know. I'm not happy because I'm fat. I'm just fat and happy. They're not like – you know, they're just parallel.

That's one thing people think that I don't understand is like people can be happy with the way that they look. And I'm like – I'm not saying you have to be this ideal. But like if you do want to change it, here is how to do it. Oh, I'm not happy with the way I look. You know what I mean? I always think I look like a fat piece of shit. I don't like the way I look, but I'm happy. That's what I'm saying. They're separate. I'm so happy in life, but like, I mean, I do, I hate being fat, but I'm so happy. So it kind of counteracts each other. You're like, it's tolerable. Yeah. To me,

I like, I don't think about how I look cause I'm so happy, but sometimes when I watch myself or I sit next to someone, I'm like, oh my gosh, I look like a big, I think I'm the size of, again, every influencer that's on here. I mean, we are the same size. You're the first guest to match my weight. I need to go. Oh my God. I make you feel like a fucking huge fan.

No, but I have that issue. Yeah, I feel fit because you're 235. I'm like, okay, we're the same and we're both fit. I love it. We're both good looking. No, I have this thing where I don't realize how big I am. Like I feel very much like six foot a lot of the time. I mean, that's thing where I don't realize how big I am. Like I feel very much like six foot

a lot of the time. I mean, that's still huge. Six foot's very big. But I feel like you don't know what you look like. I wish I could like give you my eyes for a second

so you could like see you. Yeah, you said I looked like a little puppy or something. No, I said you give me cute aggression like a little puppy. You're so adorable.

That was so nice. That was great because when I saw you I was like super intimidated because I get intimidated by like good looking fit people because I just I'm like, I know I look like a little jinx-y from Pokemon. You know, I'm just like this little like troll looking thing.

I don't either. Everyone just tells me I look like this character. It's like a little, I don't know. She's a blob. She's a blob. But I was very excited. When I met you, you just had like good energy. I was like, he's not touching me.

And I just come from a racquetball. So I was really nervous. I was like, he's going to smell the cheese gonna smell the cheese i would have told you to get me i know oh my god i was sneaking it i was just like okay i'm just gonna run out real quick and get a cute little snack that's one thing i'm very big about like growing up albanian like food i never and once like growing up fat like i never i hated feeling embarrassed around food so like anytime i'm with people i encourage people to eat whatever they want and like i don't ever want people to feel like they have to censor themselves or order different like i want you to eat i censor myself i'm gonna eat like so eat what you want to eat i hate when people feel

uncomfortable or like i always order way too much because i don't like for people to not have enough i feel like oh i can't have that it's like i want to feed everyone like i want everyone to feel comfortable and happy like i don't like people feeling judged because I hated it. Yeah. But like at the same time, people judge me all the time for like cutting my butter off or like not eating certain things. Really? Girl, shut up and eat your shit.

We're like LA now. Everybody, let's just eat. I'm with you, but I will. Most people I don't eat in front of. Like it takes me a long time to be comfortable. Unless it's like someone who like knows me for eating like mukbangs. Okay, fine. And then we'll eat.

But yeah, it takes me a minute to like get comfortable like if we just go if I go to eat for like a business dinner or something like that I like eat like a salad and I eat like half of it I'm like okay I'm full I don't ever judge people for like eating like that I think people have a really big misconception of me yeah like I get it but like yeah I feel like I just haven't talked about the opposite enough like I I am the way I am but like I also have the understanding of what it feels like to be judged yeah so like I get that and I never want people to feel that. Yeah. I feel like because, but it's really not like your brand, your brand is very like,

I don't know. It's really good. Cause it's unique. The fact that you are so, um, I can say the word aggressive. I don't mean aggressive, but you're, you're just so in someone's face. You're so blunt, which usually I don't like, like blunt is hard for me. Like when I first met my husband, he was very blunt and I was like, um, can you not be so blunt? Like, I don't know. It was just, it was just When I first met my husband, he was very blunt. And I was like, can you not be so blunt? I don't know. It was just a lot. But I think that's a really unique perspective. And a lot of people need to hear that. They always say, not that you're a fat shamer, but they say fat shaming works because if you tell someone they're fat, they're going to be like, okay, I need to lose weight or whatever. So I think your technique works. But I do like the soft side of you that understands and says, I like to eat and

I have this cheat meal whenever I want and stuff. I think that's like an important message too, which I think is great. But like with the way my skin, like a day of eating with me right now, like where I say it's kind of hell is like, I'll eat very, very clean and like good throughout the day because a lot of meetings will come up at night. I'll get invited out with friends. It's like, let's go here. Let's go do this. Like I never know what's going to come up. Right. So like if I eat clean during the day, I know I can like have a little extra at night or like do whatever at night and it's like let's go here let's go do this like i never know what's gonna come up right so like if i eat clean during the day i know i can like have a little extra at night or like do whatever at night and it's not gonna hurt me yeah but like when i do have like last night i ate clean all day and then i didn't do anything at night so like i just got to have fun and just like ate like i ate a little extra and like didn't give a shit what's your little extra

what'd you have a lot of extra like i love cereal i eat cereal i feel like that's a healthy food too i didn't want to be healthy popcorn i love frozen mango oh my god this is all very healthy frozen mangoes like and then put them on the counter for like 30 minutes and let them get like a little squishy but still frozen oh my gosh i eat halo top ice cream i eat like little like ice cream bars all the time but it's like healthy ice cream too right so you're like you're still so you're still like conscious about what you're eating. You're not eating like Haagen-Dazs or something like that.

But I also knew I have to come on your podcast today and I don't want to look like bloated. Bloated, I feel you. But I have shit, like I have to be on camera all the time and like shoots events. I'm like,

girl. That's true. Like it's just in the back of my head. Yeah. No, that makes sense. That's why I like loved when I just owned being like, you know what,

I'm plus size because then I can just show up looking fat. And I'm like, oh, that's what they expect. You know, it's the greatest. Where did the confidence come from? Because you talk so much about confidence. Your whole tour is about confidence.

And you said you got bullied as a kid. Did you have confidence as a kid? None. It got bullied out. Okay. From day one, you never had confidence. It didn't get bullied out of you. I was cripplingly insecure for so long.

Interesting. Did not ever think anyone actually liked me, could love me, found me interesting. Like I felt like a bother to everything and everyone. Where did that come from? Never good enough. Like I was never anyone's favorite and I was never like picked by anybody. Like at school. Someone was always chosen over me with everything. Like family, school, all that stuff like that. So where did you get the confidence? Where did it come from? Because it sounds like you've had a lot. You've had abuse as a child. You were in an abuse, a toxic relationship. Where did you get the confidence? Where did it come from? Because it sounds like you've had a lot. You've had abuse as a child. You were in a toxic relationship. Where did you get the confidence through all that? It was like a long process of like flipping a lot of perspectives and like

revisiting a lot of experiences with like one of my parents or like people I cared about. Like my aunt was someone who's very important to me and was like the closest person to me. Met a guy, like I woke up one day and she had moved to Pennsylvania out of fucking nowhere. Like threw me away and like went. But like why? Like I looked at it like I wasn't good enough. Like you didn't care about me.

You just discarded me. It's like that's how I looked at it. And it's like I had to revisit that and be like, what are other possibilities? Like what are other reasons she would have done that other than just to throw the knife at me? Like, you're not good enough. You're not shit. Like, what was she feeling?

What did she need? What did she want from life? Why did she not communicate it to me? And in reality, she like felt too bad. We've talked about it. Like she didn't know what to say and didn't know how to do it. Like there was urgency to go, but like just revisiting people's like intentional, like assuming people intentionally wanted to hurt me,

revisiting that and seeing how it wasn't intentional. Yeah. It wasn't about you. They were dealing with their own shit. Like when you're very insecure, you think everything's about you. You take everything so personally. I still do a lot,

but like, I'm good at checking myself. I'm like, Leo, come on. But like, I had to revisit a lot of experiences where it was like, I looked at so many things like this is validation. You have no worth to, I had to flip it and see like, how is this not validation of that? Like, how is there something else going on? Wow. That's amazing. It took a long time and a lot of work, but like, I know how to crack these

perspectives and that's how I can like share it like i've done all this work for years right and it's like now i can like wrap it up pretty and give it to you at the show and i think that's a really great message i think that's like the best message anyone can have is like it's never personal people feeling insecure i think the world is oh they think i'm fat they think i'm eating too much i think what it's like never personal or why someone leaves you it's like it's never about you really i always thought that too it's like never personal or why someone leaves you. It's like it's never about you really. I always thought that too with like my dad. I was like, well, he went to a different state.

He didn't care about – it's like it was about my mom. It was about other things. It wasn't about like us. But you think that in your head. And so I think that's the biggest thing. Even now in general whenever people like attack me online or something, it's like it's never really personal. Because I know like when I've hated on people, it's always like something that has to do with them like internally. They're mad because they're fat and not happy or they're mad and they

can't eat or I don't know, whatever the case is, or I'm keeping this about myself, but it is a really good thing to tell people. It's like, it's never personal. Sometimes it is. You think so? Like you have to see like when, but like my biggest analogy I always talk about, and I want to buy a Birkin because of this. Do you want a Birkin?

I have a rainbow Birkin. You want to buy it? Not a rainbow one. I'm not that gay. No one wants it. It's the worst investment ever. Okay. Anyways, I've been trying to sell my Birkin. I saw it on your stories. I was like, somebody buy it already. I'm done. I'm done promoting it. It looks like I'm like, literally like broke. I'm like, here, buy this. No, like I always talk about like I see so much in you. And that's the reason I've connected to you for so long is because like I've seen who you are and your character and your heart like on YouTube for so long. And it's like you were just put in the wrong hands with so many people. It's like I always talk about.

It's like if you give a Birkin to a crackhead, it's a very valuable thing. But if you give it to somebody who cannot recognize it, they're going to throw it around, beat it up, mistreat it. Where are the Birkins sitting here left questioning our value because of how we've been treated? Like, are we actually valuable? Am I actually worth $20,000? Like, do I have that value?

And it's like, if you take that same bag and go give it to you who knows the worth of it, you're going to get it and you're going to dust it off and you're going to put it on a shelf and like admire it and make sure nothing happens to it. When you use it, you're going to be so delicate. Right. You're going to know how to treat it because you see the value. And it's like, I feel like we both struggle with like, we've been given the crackheads too many times.

We've been in people's hands who didn't know how to treat us because they couldn't see it and that's why i'm so happy you have him because he's like fixed all of this and like shown you you have so much more to offer it's so true i know i know they say like people can't heal you or stuff like that but i really do like feel like he i was like oh this person loves me enough i should probably like love myself you know what i mean like i'm like wow he really loves me through all this shit and i was like i should probably love myself and i do like i know that – I was like, oh, this person loves me enough. I should probably like love myself. You know what I mean? Like I'm like, wow, he really loves me through all this shit. And I was like, I should probably love myself. And I do – like I know that's like not the answer for most people is like be happy with yourself first.

But I was miserable. I've been miserable my whole life until I met him. And then I was like, oh, someone really loves me. Like I should probably try to love me, which I never have either in my whole life. Like I never like loved myself ever. I know. And now I like love myself. And it's like – and that's where I'm at.

I'm just like this thing where I just like, I really love myself. But, but because my issue is also weight, I'm just always that struggling to always like, God, I wish I was skinny. But I'm like, I don't know. But like with him, like you've, like where I'm talking about like the questioning value thing, like you didn't see like what was lovable about you for so long you questioned if it was even there. You were the Birkin that thought they were a dollar. dollar yeah it's like you've forgotten the value was ever even

there and then it's like him reflecting it to you it's like wait it is there and you start to see it and then you're like oh hey i appreciate these things and there's so many more things that you have to offer and like give to people that have nothing to do with your weight at all. I'm dead serious. Like I've been waiting to like talk to you in person. Cause like I've seen it and I'm like, I'm so happy you're finally seeing it. It means a lot coming from you too. Cause like I watch your videos and sometimes I'm just like, Oh my gosh, like I lack self-confidence. I have no this, you know? And it's like, or lack of self-control. Like, you know, and I always think that, and I always just think because all the comments is about my weight, I'm just like, Oh, that's all I have. this, you know? And it's like, or lack of self-control, like, you know, and I always think that. And I always just think because all the comments is about my weight, I'm just like,

oh, that's all I have. And I'm like, oh God, if it's like, if I lost weight, people would, like you said, respect you more, all this stuff like that. But that means a lot. And that's why I'm saying, that's where I get struggled in life. It's like, I'm really happy. I feel like I'm like a good person now, but thank you, babe. I think it's like a therapy session. You're my life coach now. Let's go through all my problems. But I really appreciate that. Yeah, it is one of those things you just think – and I think it's because of weight. Like in relationships, on YouTube, anything, it's like my weight has always been like the joke.

It's like, oh, how much are you eating? Or you're so – it's like a weird thing. Yeah, and so you just get conditioned to think that. It's just like such a weird thing and you're just like, okay, I don't know. And being online is just like a whole other toxic thing, but thank you for saying that. You're so sweet. Of course. I really appreciate that.

Like your weight is like the least interesting thing about you. It's like the way that I look is like the least interesting thing. Yeah, I agree with that, yeah. It's like so much more about who you are. Like you're just – people can see past it. I just want you to know people see past and people see you.

Thank you. And I always have but now I really do because I met you. Oh my gosh. I know, right away I just loved your energy and I was like,

but I was surprised. I was really surprised. I was nervous. Like I said to meet you just because you are so, you've worked on yourself, you work hard and I'm just like

always like a little scared. I'm like, oh no, they're going to look at me and be like, you do not work hard on yourself. You know what I mean? But I know what you mean because when I look at other people bigger or whatever than me, I'm just like always like a little scared. I'm like, oh no, they're going to look at me and be like, you do not work hard on yourself. You know what I mean? But I know what you mean because when I look at other people bigger or whatever, I never look at people like, oh my God, they're fat or oh my God, they're eating this.

Like I never look at other people that way ever. So I know with your videos and your podcast and your tour, I always know it comes from a place like I've been here and this is like what I'm like my journey. And I feel like just you sharing your journey inspires other people without being judgy or whatever. Even though like at first I can come across like, oh my gosh, he must think I'm a big whale. But you're like, no, it's your experience. When you understand something, you can't judge it. And like when I see someone who like is overweight or whatever it is or like

doesn't keep themselves and like they're not hygienic, it's like I understand what you're dealing with and everything that goes into that. I know what you're struggling with. I'm not going to look at you and judge you because I get it. Yeah. And it's usually more than just like food or something. It's always like – So much more. Yeah.

It's like something mentally you're going through or just anything. It's almost like a crutch. People don't see that. But one person I do judge the fuck out of is Nikocado Avocado. Wait, why? Lost his goddamn mind. Why? Really? No no that's just like gross like the shit that he does for views and like the way he like what interesting i get the clickbait

shit i get being like shocking but like huh yeah and he and he yeah right like no concern about how you're being perceived at all. I wish. Yeah. Honestly, I'm jealous. I'm jealous that like I can't just fully just not give a fuck about any perception of me. No, I love Nick Arcato as a person. It's wild to watch. He's very hard to get a hold of now. I wanted him on the podcast.

I'm like, he's very hard. He's very. I've never met him. I've never interacted. Like I've just seen some shit. I'm like, damn, girl. It's wild because he was like vegan before his thing. And he was very, very hard. He's very, I've never met him. I've never interacted. Like I've just seen some shit and I'm like, damn girl. It's wild because he was like vegan before his thing and he was very, very thin. And then he documents obviously his weight gain to like,

I think he's trying to be 600 pounds, which is interesting. It's, I love Nick and I definitely don't judge anybody, but it is one of those things where it's like, does it glorify obesity? Does it glorify eating? You know,

when you're like, Oh, I'm almost 600 pounds, I'm getting heavier. Or is it more just like for views? It's like baiting for views, you think? Like this extreme, almost sort of like freak show, I guess, because his belly is out, he's all stuff like that. I always wonder, it's kind of like the Eugenia on the flip side of that, is like, does that glorify eating disorder, being skinny, not eating? Like I always wonder that with big, because people come

for eugenia but they don't come for nikocado as much or maybe they do maybe i don't see it i always wonder i just wonder what he's going through because i know like there's so much more going on mentally like i know i'm like i'm saying i judge like the ad like the theatrics and all of it but it's like i look at it and i mean i like work, bitch. And then I'm like – Yeah, yeah. Like in my head I'm like I know that there's a lot going on because he shot up very fast like in like views and money. Oh, yeah. And like you get addicted to that. And like I've experienced the fame now. And that just alone can like break a lot of people mentally.

Yeah. And it's like that plus like trying to keep the attention, keep the money. He's in a toxic relationship. He's like talked about it. Yeah. But is that real? I don't know. Right. Cause you see it like he beat me, he's leaving me, whatever, all this stuff. Yeah. I don't know if it's theatrics or if he's actually in it, but like, he doesn't seem like he has a lot of people around him. He's like, I know everything he's dealing with. I'm dealing with it like with just the fame aspect within the toxic relationship. Like the reversing your body and feeling worse and like being

with a partner. It's like there's so much going on mentally with him. I would love to like dissect it but like same. Like I judge shit and then I'm like Leo you know better. Yeah yeah. You know what I mean? Well I think a lot of people do when you see cause he wears the oxygen mask you know all the time like he can't breathe.

That's a hole. It's like get your views, girl. Right. And when I knew him, I don't know, 2019, he was saying he was just doing it for like another year, saving up all his money, and then he was going to like stop. And so like people did think for a minute he was going to lose. I think he – well, I think one day he's going to like go on this like big weight loss thing because he knows how to do it. He's vegan. I don't think he lacks self-control.

I think it's for money and views, which is addicting. I used to troll all the time because I was like, oh my God, I get $10,000 if I piss people off. Okay, let me do another video to piss people off. So I think it's more about money just from what I knew about him like years ago. But he's really nice. I like him, but it is one of those things. That's why I stopped doing mukbang so big because I never wanted to like trigger people like in a bad way, like being like, oh, this is good to be this fat and whatever. Now I just eat my meals and I'm like, well, if you judge me for that, then it's whatever. I don't like that whole stigma around like people just doing what they want to do and everybody being like, you're trying to make this okay.

No, bitch, I'm just living. Like if you want to eat a lot of food, eat the food. If you don't want to eat, don't eat, bitch. You're not glorifying by just being yourself. You're not telling people, this is how I don't eat. This is how I deal with the cravings. This is how I eat this much food. You're not telling people how to do it. You're just being you. Do you think, though,

I agree, I agree, but what side? Do you think, though, when you show off your body, like Nicocado just showing his big belly in the biggest way, and Eugenia wearing nothing to show her hip bones and all know, all that stuff like that. Do you think that is glorifying like obesity, glorifying being skinny? Just, I don't know.

I'm just asking your opinion on it. I don't really know what their intention behind it is, but like, so what if she wants to show her little hip bones off? And like, we know that she's doing it for like a little, like why I show my shoulders. It's like, you need a little bit of like the attention. Right. But like Nick showing his like stomach, it's shocking when you see the TikToks. Like you see him flailing about and like being crazy.

It's like the shock factor. Like these dumbass people doing street interviews, they show like the theatrical responses to get attention. Like everybody's doing it. Right. It's not like glorifying in my opinion. Yeah. It's like if you want to do it, do it. But it's like with me.

I'm sharing how I achieve certain things. And people are like, you're promoting eating disorders. No, bitch. I'm answering questions from people who ask. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Right. It's so hard to just get straight, direct information now because everyone's so scared to get canceled.

I'm like, I'll tell you what I did, but don't tell me I'm promoting shit, girl. Yeah. You asked. Right. And you do it in a very different way. You do it in a very like, you know, you look healthy. You have this healthy mindset. Like, you know, it's, it's a little different, but yeah, I get what you're saying. It is interesting. Like when I used to smoke cigarettes online, people like I quit smoking. Oh, I did see that. I was like, wait, you smoke cigarettes? I miss them every day. How did you stop? I just quit. Wow. You have the willpower. You're the ultimate.

I need a course in that. I'd come to your tour if you did it on willpower. It's like, it's... How did you just quit? Like, I just quit. Like, what's the... Again, what's the click? You're like, okay, is there something like one day you're just like, I can't breathe?

Like, what is it? You don't vape? No. I kind of like... I'll like hit a vape. Like, my mom brought me one to my first show and I was like, oh my God, it's like the't vape? No. I kind of like, I'll like hit a vape. Like my mom brought me one to my first show and I was like, oh my God, it's like the one I had in Florida. So I would like, I hit it.

And then it's like, I was done with it. But like I smoked cigarettes in Paris. Like I quit for a month and then I went to Paris and I smoked while I was there. And then I dropped it when I came back home. Wow. Like I'm, I'm able to do that. But I, the way I kind of like flip it and like get that switch is like, I prepare mentally like, okay, this thing I'm about to do, like quitting smoking for me to like throw out

these cigarettes right now from this moment forward, like my whole life is about to be different. It's about to feel different. Like my life as I knew it, I'm throwing it away. And it's like, just the matter of like stepping into like, now when I get these urges, I cannot satisfy them with that. You got to find something else. You got to like learn how to deal with when you want to smoke. You're no longer allowed to do it.

So it's going to feel uncomfortable. But like it's going to get better. And just preparing myself mentally of like getting that reality check of your life as you know it is over as soon as you decide to quit. It's a whole new life. Right. Like that's what kind of does it. So like when these feelings do come up or these urges, it's like, oh, I have to go back. It's like, no, I'll find something else.

Or like I'll just deal with it. Okay. So you don't necessarily have to replace one addiction with another. Like two pieces of gum. Fucking eat a piece of mango. That's what I was doing. Not the mango. It's the second time you brought up the mango.

I like mango smoothies, but I don't know about just like a frozen mango. That's kind of how I do it. Like quitting. Do brought up the mango i like mango smoothies but i don't know about just like a frozen mango that's kind of how i do it like quitting do you do the frozen grapes too have you seen that snack everyone's like these frozen grapes are so good at night with a little sugar on them or something i don't know you like them i guess i have to try it i don't know i should again i have to try all these tiktok healthy eating habits oh my god we should do a youtube video where like you make like we can literally like, making your favorite meals and, like, all of your favorite meals. Oh, yeah. And I'll make – like, I'll make it how I would make it and, like, substitute things.

Really? That would be cool. That would be so good. I want a McDonald's McGriddle. Like, that would be so good. Do you know what that is? With the pancake and the egg and the bacon. Oh, my God.

That would be so good. But you kind of make that healthy, I don't think. How are you going to substitute the pancake? There's protein pancakes. Oh my God, that sounds a lot. Sounds like a rock in my belly or something. No, not like that. Like they're good. You just substitute

the pancake, make it healthier, sugar-free syrup, get the little taste, egg, done, and then turkey bacon. Well, egg's good. Oh, really? Turkey bacon's better than pig bacon? Why? Like low calorie. Lower calorie and less fat. God, I love pig bacon so much. It's good. Oh, really? Turkey bacon's better than pig bacon? Why? Like low calorie. Like lower calorie and less fat. God, I love pig bacon so much.

It's good. I could eat like a pound of that. Do you like it like flimsy or like it like crispy? I like both. I like the fat and I also do like a crispy. Like he'll make them well done for me, but I like a little flimsy at the restaurants, like a little rubbery. How about you?

I like that shit burnt. Yeah, he does them crispy. I like them both. I like them at all. I just love pig. I love hot dogs. I'm fucking gone. You love hot dogs? Really? Yes, I like that shit burnt. Yeah, he does them crispy. I like them both. I like it all. I just love pig. I love hot dogs. I'm fucking gone. You love hot dogs?

Really? Yes, I haven't eaten one in like five years. What part of the pig is that? I think it's all of it. I think it's just everything blended up. That's what they said. They said that's like all the weird parts. I just love a pig.

They say you are what you eat, so. No. I love a little pig. What am I, a fucking salmon or a mango? Do you love salmon? Yes, I eat salmon every day. Oh my God, you're like my husband. He always eats salmon. We'll go to eat and I'll get like pasta. And he's like, I have a salmon.. What am I, a fucking salmon or a mango? Do you love salmon? Yes, I eat salmon every day. Oh my God, you're like my husband. He always eats salmon.

We'll go to eat and I'll get like pasta. And he's like, I have a salmon. I was like, really? You talk a lot about like hookup culture in general. Have you never been about it or did something change in you that you're like, I don't like this anymore? Because you talk about it hurting you. Yeah, I used to do it like when I was younger. But before this guy, I didn't hook up with anyone for like almost a

year and a half like no one like sexually for a year and a half because I hated how I felt after hooking up like I felt disgusting like the people just like like I don't like it never did you never like it I liked it for a little bit until I realized how empty it was. Yeah. And I was just like, I'm over it. And I'm not someone that's driven by sex. Like I don't have like that desire to like hook up and be doing things all the time. Like I have it, of course.

Yeah. But I'm not the person who has to like have sex five times a day. Right. He gets tired. You never. I know. I saw one of your lectures that you're like, you know, just because you feel like you have to have sex doesn't mean like you'll die if you don't.

I was like, I used to feel like I would die if I didn't. Like I had to get it like every five hours of the day. Like it was crazy. But there's a lot of like emotional stuff in that. Oh, like why you need it all the time. Yeah. Like understanding your desires and like what's getting met through certain things. Yeah.

You'll learn a lot. Oh, it would make me feel like crap too all the time. I thought I liked it. I thought I was like in control of it. I was like, this is great. Like I'm empowered. But yeah, it always made me feel like crap. Like no one i thought i liked it i thought i was like in control of it i was like this is great like i'm empowered but yeah it always made me feel like crap like no one ever wanted to take me out and then that's when i felt like oh man like i'm like the secret i was always hidden yeah and then i was like well it made me feel desired in the moment because you feel sexy in the moment i think that's the thing a lot of

i'll just speak for fat people again but like me being a fat person you feel sexy because you're like oh my god all these guys want me so i'm like hot you know if they want to have sex with me and then when like someone didn't, then you'd feel rejected. But no one ever said no to me. So I was like, oh, I'm so hot. You know what I mean? But then you feel like, but then you do feel empty. Like you said, what would you feel?

So you'd hook up and then you would just feel disgusted by yourself or by them. Both. Like the way that they, like I'm a weird, I'm a Pisces. I'd be sensitive to that. Like I like to feel important and special. and I only like things that are special. So like people who didn't treat me like I was important, I'm not attracted to you. But you can't know someone, you can't expect to be treated like you're important if you've known someone for a week you can't yeah be expected to like be treated like that so it's unrealistic

for me to expect that and i would just feel like shit like i wasn't like valued or wasn't like that's my biggest trigger yeah it's like if i don't feel valued i will fucking leave like on the drop of a hat i've left so many people so many many friends. My parents I've cut off. I've cut off so many people. Wow. And I just cut off a few because they didn't go to my first show. Oh, wow. Like one went to some other person's concert. Did they have it? Oh, okay. And then my other one just like didn't respond to my text. Were they close friends of yours? Yeah. Yeah. I get that. Like most of the friends that I made before I moved here, I don't talk to anymore. Because you didn't feel valued by them? Yeah, or they just pissed me off. How?

Like you said you were sensitive, so maybe it was like a little sensitive. I know when I'm overly sensitive, I can check myself. Okay. And I'll like talk about it. But like if someone's just blatantly inconsiderate or like disrespectful, I'll get fucked. I had so many people. I was dating a guy. He didn't come to my shows.

I had a best friend of 10 years that didn't come to my shows. I just like people just never came to my shows. I was okay with it. I was like, it's fine. I wouldn't come to my shows. I had a best friend of 10 years that didn't come to my shows. I just, like, people just never came to my shows. I was okay with it. I was like, it's fine. I wouldn't come either. No, if you were closer to me, I would have. But no, yeah. Oh, well. Like back in the day, like I would have been there. Really? You and Zach Sang was there. He was the only other friend of mine that showed up. I saw you on his show and I was just like, I love that you've gone everywhere. You're on everybody's podcasts. How do you do it? Okay. So you have a new management now, but you said you had old management before. Were they getting you on podcast show and i was like i love that you got everywhere you're on everybody's podcast how do you do it okay so you have new management now but you said you had old management before were they getting you on pocket or would people just react because i reached out to you do

people just reach out to you some people like most people reach out but like i reached out to drew that was my first podcast i ever did drew afiolo oh okay so you just like her then i went to her and then it's like it kind of snowballed okay because people yeah you see because you're on so many so i was like oh i'm gonna ask him to be online because you never know who's gonna do what so you reached out to Because you're on so many, so I was like, oh, I'm going to ask him to be on mine because you never know who's going to do what. So you reached out to her. You were just like a fan. You were just like, I want to meet this person. You have similar vibes. Yeah, we were mutuals. And I was like, this could be funny. Right. Because you have the same

like, yeah, bluntness. Yeah. I like it. I think it's cool. Yeah, I like her too. She's so opposite of me too because I'm just someone who like won't say anything to anyone. I'm just like, I don't know. Maybe I used to. I don don't know i'm back and forth but uh when people are just so blunt i'm like i kind of admire that i could never really no i feel so happy in this chair like my feet have been dangling this whole time i keep swinging them how do you feel do you

feel small i feel so little you like you wait do you like to feel little because i remember you said your type is you but you you need someone tall, you said. You're like, I like someone else like me, but shorter. My type is myself, but shorter, but over 5'10". Okay. You don't want someone taller than you. Okay. I'm not swinging up. Well, I don't know if you like to feel little.

You know, I like to feel little. That's why I like to stand next to you. I'm like, oh my God, I feel so tiny. I hate feeling like little with the person that I'm with. Are you happiest in a relationship? Do you think? No, I'm miserable.

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biscuit or English muffin sandwiches, small hot coffee, and more. Limited time only at participating Wendy's Taxes Extra. I love having like an object of desire and having a person like I feel so like happy with it. This is something I haven't talked about online. Like how my brain works. But like I'm in a relationship. I'm a fucking nightmare for myself. You overthink?

Not that I overthink. It's like a reflex. So like if you're ever out with me in public or like if something drops or like there's a random sound i jump like it's like a my body's like reaction from like the physical shit i've been through in the past like i always just like react and like get ready and there's no way to fix that it's like people that go to war and you try and make them not jump out of firework. I jump at everything. You have PTSD.

I get ready. But that's a reaction. It's like a reflex. My brain, from the manipulation and lies and betrayals I've been through, and also the awareness I have and what I've seen happen and done, I'm aware of everything. So anytime something happens or there's a gap in communication or like anything left to question it's like my brain i don't think about it it's like a reflex my brain will like have this reflex where it will like fill in this this

this or this could be happening and it's like i like it's genuine hell to like live with that and i deal with it every single day where maybe that's where like meditation would come in or if you clear your thoughts what if you had no thoughts what if you just like when those thoughts come in let them go out i have to like address them like when i think okay he could be doing this right now or like this means this i have to like sit there and observe the thought and like talk it down and like shoot holes in the argument. Like this isn't true because of this. And like, this isn't true because of this. Like, it's not overthinking. It's like all of a sudden this, these things just come up and then I feel a certain way and then I have to like shoot them

all down. Like I can comfort myself and get myself through it, but it's like a lot to deal with. And that's something a lot of people don't, I've never heard someone talk about it's not like i control it or it's like it's not like you go to therapy and you fix it and you're not sitting with your thoughts enough it's like right it's just the response and like the reaction what did i call it before reflex right it's like when you tap your knee with a little hammer and it swings trying to make yourself stop doing that it's a reflex like my brain has been like i don't know if it's damaged or like seen too much, but that's just how it goes. But like, it gets better the closer I get with people, anyone in that role. Right. I'm going to be in this hell with, it's like, I'm in my own hell up here and like fighting for this to like work, but I enjoy it so much. But it's like,

that comes with it. It's like my cross to bear with a relationship. Right. I feel like maybe over time it'll just go away because like, it's almost like he'll just show you like these are irrational. There's nothing that it's based in, or it's not even that it's irrational. It's just like something that you're holding onto from your past. Or like you said, it's almost like a PTSD where maybe over time, I don't know how, I don't know how, but I was in a different way. I was kind of like that too. I was always just thought like, he's always talking to someone. He's always trying to like cheat on me like you know just it wasn't him it was just like stuff that i had and i just thought every guy was like that and i think it's just like over time i don't know yours is a little different because it is like

it's almost like you said it's like a reflex it's not even like it's based on anything so that's a little more difficult but i know what it's like to be like a hell on your own mind but maybe i just think like it'll be like five years in and you'll just be like, okay, those don't even come because you'll forget what that's even like. It's almost like blocking it out. It's gotten so much better. Like I said, as I get close with someone and as I like can build a case for them and like I'm very observant of everything. I see everything because I build a case and like stack proof of like who you are. Like I have to fight to see the good in people and like fight for them because my brain

will attack them and like get them away from me as like a protection thing. But it's not even like, I'm worried you're cheating. I'm worried about this. It's like, what if something happens to him? Like that shit like sucks me up bad. It's like the awareness of how I see like safety and like how fast things can happen. It's like the thought of how i see like safety and like how fast things can happen it's like the thought of something happening to him getting robbed getting shot his house catching on fire like getting in an accident it's like all of these things hit plus the cheating shit so it's like it's not just oh i'm worried about you with other people it's not insecurity it's like just too much awareness of like what can happen and it's like anything that could like

threaten my connection to you or like losing you it's like anything that could like threaten my connection to you or like losing you it's the same way with my family and like anyone i'm friends with it's like anyone to get close to me hurts until we have that like well you've seen it i think like the the stuff you've seen in your life with your step down just other things too it's like you've seen it you know to experience that i've never experienced something like that so yeah of course that's gonna be in the back of your stepdad and just other things too. It's like, you've seen it, you know, to experience that. I've never experienced something like that. So yeah, of course that's going to be in the back of your head. And like how you get rid of that, I don't know.

I mean, that is, that's terrifying. I never even thought you've unlocked new fears for me because I never even think about that. But then it's like, yeah, I don't. That's why I don't talk about these things. Yeah, yeah. Because I don't want people to know. Right. They start thinking about it. I'll sit here and be trapped with it.

You would be happy. Yeah. You have to be aware of like me. Cause like, you're going to notice changes in me and my behavior and like, you're going to know something's bothering me and I want you to be aware. It's not like something that you did. Yeah. It's like, I have to be like that with my friends and like everyone, like being close to me is a challenge. Yeah. Like not really a challenge, but you have to understand me. That's very hard. And how do you, do you just explain it or they have to understand me that's very hard and how do you do you just explain it

or do they have to see it like for me they had to go through episodes with me it's almost like I had to like test them I'm like this is what happens and they're either

stick around or they don't it's a little different mine's a little bit more like abusive my mental illness but yours is do they see it and they just understand it

or do you like tell them ahead of time I kind of have to explain it and like if something bothers me I'll talk about it and I'll say this is why it bothers me or like this is why this thing like with me i'm not just being sensitive

i'm not like this and that it's like this is what this means to me yeah well i think you're good with communication so i think that's like a big thing because i feel like when you don't communicate that like i was always really bad at that i was like this is how i am you have to deal with it but i think when you communicate it that's a big reason i've been single for so long because i know what i have to like take on to be with someone and it's not like that forever like it's just the first few months like year it's hell and then it's like it's so good after that but just like building that's a lot but that's why i've been so single because like for me me being as busy as i am right now i'm learning so many new ways to deal with this and it doesn't really affect me half as bad as it used to because like i'm so fucking busy i cannot be like i have to shut it

off and like this is what's going on i don't have time to fight with my thoughts shut the fuck up and i like i have to do my podcast do your your podcast, do the meeting, do whatever it is, do my event. Yeah. It's like I've learned. Promote, social media, all that. Yeah. Like I've learned so many ways to do it and like get a better grip on it. It's always there. But like being so busy, it's like why I've been so single. Cause I'm like, I don't have time to deal with all of that, but it's like, I have to deal with it. I'm not the one to run from expansion and like self-awareness. Like I do it to like grow and learn because now I can teach people. Yeah.

Which is amazing at 25. Like you just seem so much like older. Like it's crazy. Like I'm talking to you and I feel like you're older than me. Like you're like in your 40s, you know, knowing all this stuff like that. It's amazing. The self-awareness and all this stuff like that is just really great. And also just like also talking about how you also struggle with just like the, all of it, the mental part of it, you know, the eating, you still think about like knowing that you have that struggle still is like very human and very like, I don't know, again,

not, it's very relatable. Cause at first I look, I'm like, oh my God, I can't relate to this person at all. But then it's like, oh no, I have to deal with this every single day too. And I think that's cool that you like talk about that. And I love that. I love that softer side of you. You're the first person who's like kind of asked. Really?

Oh, wow. I'm surprised. Cause I feel like, I guess cause you're just such a, you're just such a, what's the word? Like you're just so prominent. You're just such like a figure that it's like people wouldn't think to, there's something deeper to it. They're like, oh, this is you. This is just confidence and this and strapping and all of that.

I wanted to talk to you so bad because I knew you'd like get it. Oh, totally. I get this more than ever because at first because I always liked you. I liked you on TikTok and stuff like that. I liked you in your interviews because you're just so funny and like witty and I was like, I love it. You're totally my like type of friend. You know what I mean? So I was just like, oh, I love

this person. But then when, and you remind me so much of my friends that I have, like some I don't even talk to anymore, but just, I don't know know i just love everything about you and your energy but like hearing this is like a whole different level like that you're a foodie and that you still think about food and the truck and then the mental part being in a relationship of going through phones all the stuff like that it's like oh my gosh this is someone that i like i relate to so much which is like it's so wild when you meet people like this and this is what i love about social media is like meeting people that are that you think are so different i said this in my talk about mukbang you'll see it i did a little mukbang before this i was like this media is like meeting people that are, that you think are so different. I said this in my talk about mukbang.

You'll see it. I did a little mukbang before this. I was like, this person is like so opposite of me. Like, you know, all this stuff like that, but we'll see how it goes. And then like knowing now we're so close, like it's great. Cause I said, I was like, you know what? Like he seems so opposite. He seems all this like this.

And now seeing how similar we are. It's such a cool thing. Social media is so cool that way. Someone like just completely different. We grew up completely different to having so many similarities. And I love it. I think it's cool. I like when he, I like what you said that too about the mukbang, like, you know, binging and like there's other people going through it. And I think like, that's, what's cool about social media is because like, I didn't know people who were like borderline and like, you know, all this other stuff like that until social media and like,

there's other people like me too. Yeah. Like a lot of people on social media, they always point out what you're doing wrong and how you're hurting people but they don't ever talk about because they don't see who you're helping like i talked about with the binge eating thing i felt so powerless to it and i felt like someone like was with me yeah it's like they don't no one's gonna talk about that yeah but like you help a lot more people than you realize and i have had to realize that with myself like just you and brooks episode talking about like borderline and everything you guys feel and experience. That helped a lot of people. And like just hearing you guys openly talk about it like helped me.

Because like I fit all – like I fit like seven of the nine characteristics of BPD. And my sister was nine out of nine like a few years ago. Wow. Before I started like going into like my shit. And it's crazy because like I didn't even know in 2019 when I was diagnosed, I didn't even know that existed. People always told me I was like bipolar, all this stuff. I was given like lithium, all this stuff like that. And I was like, oh, this is like a personality disorder, something completely different.

Like, yeah, and people talking about it, it just helps. And I think that's what's so cool about like I'm trying to get on it now because no one talked about it when I was like young. But you guys talking about it, you, Brooke, everybody talking about it. I think it's like so real. And it's just like something that I think people were so scared to talk about, you know, because it's looked at as like weakness sometimes, but now it's not, you know, people are like, oh, they look at you and like, oh, this person has it all together, but still struggles with it. Because I think everybody has a little bit of a mental struggle, you know, of some sort and they just don't either talk about

it or want to share it. I think people have a weird misconception of like sharing what they're going through, thinking that it'll make them look weak. But like to do as much as we do and to be dealing with what we deal with and still doing it, that's so inspiring. Yeah. That's so like, holy shit. Like it's like, it's not just you getting in front of a camera and being a happy dick. It's like me doing my event. It's like I have so much more in my head and you have so much more you deal with behind the scenes and you're still able to execute and like show up and do everything.

Live is beautiful. I bet your live event's amazing. Being live and connecting with people in real life is crazy. I had the best times on tour. I think it's going to be like the best experience for people, especially the way you talk and the way you like connect with people. It's like, it's going to life change like for them, you know, there'll be, and for you, I think it'll be like such a, such a powerful thing. That's so cool. You're doing it. I'm so excited for you about it. It was a lot. Like I loved it, but like I could like feel the shifts in the room. Cause like there's certain moments

people would like cry because I like said something that touched them. And then five minutes later we're like laughing together. Yeah. And it's like, I have a way of like maneuvering that. Oh man. People feel safe. Yeah. Well, of course you have that. And that's the best gift is when people will feel safe enough to open up with you. But it can be overwhelming. I know when I did tour and people would like tell me their whole stories. Oh my God. I would be like sobbing. You know, people show up with like cuts on their arms and stuff like that, or like scar, you know, healing cuts. And they're like, you know, help me. Like you just like – it's so much but it's also so beautiful that they like can share that with you. I think it's like not everyone – not every influencer has that, you know, where everyone is just like opening up to them about everything.

And I think that's what's so cool about what you do. I really do. And you're a cool guy. You're cool and you're young, which I think is like something people need too because it's like a whole different perspective talking about this. So I think that's really cool. I'm excited. What's the, can you say anything that you've manifested that? Cause you're like, this shit works.

Like I remember you said that in TikTok, you're like, this works. I wrote it down. It works. Like what's one thing that you made up? Is it the tour? Is it? One thing from a long time ago, like I started a YouTube channel back in like 2017 and I like wanted to hit a,000 subscribers so bad.

And I like started the channel, was posting for a couple years like until the end of nursing school. So I had like two years or I think it was like three years. I was like I can post but as soon as I graduate, I'm deleting all of the videos and I'm deleting the channel. Because I don't want to be like looked at weird when they try and search me when I start to work in a hospital. So I like got so sad because I physically, I wrote down in journal every day, I'm going to hit that. I'm going to hit that a hundred thousand subscribers and I never hit it. Graduation day came, I deleted it all and like was defeated. And then years later, my podcast, I randomly start doing that. And i'm like i should do a video version get on youtube now i have 330 something thousand it's like you don't know how it's gonna happen when it's gonna

happen but like maybe it's not meant on this channel or in this way but like a lot of things had to happen it was years later before i hit it but every fucking thing i wrote down came true wow that's so cool so that's what you just have to follow it yeah just keep going with it even if it's like you don't know the path that's gonna go down like the most random ideas have come for me like I have followed the most stupid shit that led to nothing but it bridged me to the next thing right and like it gave me experience and knowledge to put towards something else that is so how I feel in like life like you do one thing and it like fails and you're just like why did that fail and it like leads you to something else it is wild I think about that all the time. It's crazy

how that all happens. And that's why I got like, just trust that and just, have you ever seen the movie Yes Man? No. Oh my God. I don't watch it. Wait, what? I don't watch movies. You don't watch movies ever? Not often. What does that mean? Oh my God. Do you watch TV? No. Oh my God. What do you do at night? You just go out? Are you like a go out person? You are a lot? I've stopped going out a lot. So what do you do at night if you're not going out? When you're single, like what did you do? Go to sleep. What? Like I work until I go to sleep a lot of nights. Are you watching TikTok? Like now I'll talk to like my guy or like just talk to my family or like watch TikToks or whatever. Like planned ideas, planned videos, planned podcasts. Oh my

God. That's wild. Oh my God, that's wild. Oh my God, that's crazy. Oh my God, I love movies and TV. So I don't know what I would do without them. That's crazy. Yes Man's good though. It's a Jim Carrey movie and he says yes to everything. He can't say no to anything

because that's like, he goes like a Tony Robbins like thing and he's like, you have to say yes to everything and it like leads him down this path. And I feel like that's very you. It's just like saying yes. I try to say yes to everything now if I can. Oh, I say no to so much shit because like going out when i first moved here i was going to everything for like the first month girl oh yeah going out i'll say no every time i'm just saying

yes opportunities like work opportunities but like you go to an event you're like oh it's a work opportunity and then oh let's go out oh we're all drinking and it's like it goes from like work to like party. Yeah. No. One thing everyone knows about me is like Tana too with the Halloween party, everything. She's like, I'd ask you, but I know you're going to go. I just don't go out ever.

I never went out even when I was 20. I don't know the last thing I've ever gone out of the house for. I'm just like, I don't go out, period. If it's dark, no. I'm staying in. I do not. Now it's getting dark early. So I'm just like, oh, I can't leave my house at four.

Like even going out in the rain this morning when it was raining, I was like, oh my God. I like went out by myself in the rain. Like I just, it's very not me. I love that you went and got Taco Bell and you had to like hide it. That's so fucking cute. I was worried about you because I was like, oh my gosh. Like I'm like, I can't tell him. I just want Taco Bell.

He's smelling my breath, I thought. No, I love Taco Bell. Yeah. I've just been like, I don't know. I've been on a fast food kick lately. It's kind of a weird thing. But anyways. So 2024, you have the tour.

Do you ever see yourself acting? Because you're with a big agency now, which is crazy. Oh, that's something. Thank you. That's something that they're trying to like push. Like I got a call the other day and was like, we need to start getting you in acting classes. But we want to start pitching you for stuff. And I'm like, okay.

Will you do it? You can do it? Yeah. Oh, my God. You would be so good. I want so badly to get pitched onto Euphoria as Nate's secret boyfriend. Oh, wow. Like, I'm fucking him.

Interesting. And he's the big scary one of the show. And everybody's scared of him. But low-key, he's getting piped down by me. And then I come in as the over-dominating character. Oh my God. That would be a plot twist. But he is gay on the show.

I've only seen two episodes. He's gay, no? Isn't that the episode we saw? He's like undercover low-key, but like is not. Okay, we saw only the first two episodes of season one and then I stopped, but I thought he was having gay sex.

I thought, I don't know. Was someone? Huh? No, I think he was. I swear he was. Okay, I'm right. I don't know. No, he was. I just like, I would love to'm right. I don't know. No, he was.

I just like, I would love to do something like that. And I'm like, okay. That would be everything. Is it because you like Jacob Valorti? Do you think he's hot? I always just think I want to be on shows because I think the person's hot. I'm just like, I have the weekend right now. I like Maddie.

Huh? I like Maddie. Oh. I'm obsessed with her. Really? Wow. Yeah, she's my favorite. Okay, so would you do like, okay, but do you want to be his lover, not her lover?

His, because I think it's just a gag. Right, just a gag. Like, one other guy is going to show up bigger than him around his age with my attitude that could, like, dominate him. Right. Like, he's supposed to be the little crazy one, and then I hear I come in fee-fi-fo-fum bigger. And you're bigger than him, too. Like, I just like the idea of it. Like, I love the whole cast.

Which one's Maddie? Is that Sinny Sweeney? The black hair, hoops. She's like a cheerleader with her. There's like two main girls, so it's like the brunette one. I don't know. I need to watch this show. Why did I just say black hair hoops? Like black hair hoops. I knew what you meant when you said it because I think of TikTok.

I'm like, I only see scenes on TikTok and I was like, okay, I know who that is. But we watched two episodes of it and I was just like, ooh, this is a lot. I don't know. But I could see you on that. It's shooting in like a year and a half, so you got time for it. You would be such a good actor. I think you have that like stature. It's like Jason Momoa. He gets cast and everything you got time for it. You would be such a good actor. I think you have that like stature. It's like Jason Momoa. He gets cast and everything because he's just huge.

You know what I mean? He gets to be in Game of Thrones. You would have been great in Game of Thrones. But I think you have that like – it's like Vin Diesel. You just have that like look. You could be in like Prison Break. I feel like I couldn't. I'd have to be like The Rock, like the same fucking character in every movie or every show.

Yeah, but then you could – Like I couldn't be anything other than me. No, I think you'd be good in like Dune. Like all those – you know, you just have that like dystopian look, you know what I mean? I think you'd be so good. That's great that they're doing. Oh my gosh. See, I told you.

Is that real? Oh my God. Are you okay? I wasn't kidding. Oh no. I feel so bad. That's crazy. That's good though in one way.

I'm like that, but I mean, I don't know where it comes from. I'm just jumpy in general. Moses could walk in and I'm just like, oh. It makes me laugh every time, because it's you when the fucking dog ran out on the piano. I thought it was a rat. If I see anything, I'm like, ah. I get jumpy, too. I mean, in my house, I know.

Anywhere else, I'd be so jumpy. I always think someone's around. You know, me in my car eating, I'm looking all the time. I'm like, who's coming around? I was doing it this morning. I'm just very, I get like that. I feel like it's Leo. I feel safe with you, though. I'd be like, oh, don't worry about it.

We're good. Yeah. What about your dad? Is he proud of you? Yeah. He finally got a taste and like understood what I do because he like knew I was like doing shit online. Never watched a podcast, never watched a TikTok, had no clue what I was doing. Like, fully just didn't see anything. And he came to my first event. And he, like, saw me. And, like, he, like, came to tears. Like, he never cries. Wow. But he was, like, now.

He's, like, I had no fucking idea. Because, like, he doesn't know, like, the side of me that's, like, in my podcast. And, like, how deep I am. And, like, how I do shit. do shit and like how I touch people. And like he had no idea that side of me existed. Because like we have kind of like a talk here and there relationship. But like if he got a whole new appreciation for me. Wow.

And like saw it and was so proud. And like I'm going to go home and watch every fucking podcast. Wow. You got 102 to catch up to. 102 episodes. How long have you done this for? Two years? Almost. Wow. You don't number them. to, bitch. 102 episodes. How long have you done this for? Two years? Almost.

Wow. You don't number them. Oh, my God. Yeah. I was essentially trying to figure it out. I was like, I'm going to count all these. I think November 5th was two years. Wow.

I missed it. Oh, you should have done an anniversary. Did you do a 100-episode celebration? No. Oh. I did. I did. I kind of like how we talked about manifestation and shit I talked about for my

100th episode like my biggest failures and like how I overcame them and like all the actual back end of everything that I've been through to get to where I am and all the shit that I failed at and like what I learned how I got through it because I love hearing people talk about their failures yeah because like it's inspiring but do do you ever recognize, too, that, like, okay, I was, like, a victim of stuff. Like, I was a victim of, like, abuse. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So you can see that.

Like, I recognize I did not deserve that shit. And I, like, have to, like, take care of the part of me that's, like, hopeless and, like, felt hurt. Like, I have to take care of that. But I also, like, after I do that, I, like, extract every single thing I can about something bad that's happened and like use it. Like I make it useful. Like it wasn't my fault that it happened, but like it did. So what now? Yeah.

Let's like capitalize off that shit. Every single thing I learned from it, let's use it. Yeah. And that's hard for people, especially when they are the victim and there was something unfairness to them. It's not fast. Yeah. It takes a while. Do you think you're over it now?

Like, do you think you're healed from it as much as can be? Or do you think you still deal with some stuff? Oh, I absolutely still deal with stuff. Yeah. Every single day. Like with my stepdad, he used to attack me a lot while I was sleeping. Like would just start like, yeah. Because he was, he grew up, he kind of like went through, like grew up in prison.

But like, you have to be ready at like the drop of a hat through like grew up in prison but like you have to be ready at like the drop of a hat to like fight because people will fuck with you he's like i want you ready even when you're sleeping because like he was like that like he could literally hear a noise and get up like ready to go like asleep so like he would attack me a lot while i was sleeping and like choke me out or like put a gun to my head or like put a knife to my throat and like get me like i'd wake up in a panic and like i still to this day like wake up like freaking out like a lot and like it's i usually when i sleep by myself i'm fine but like sleeping with someone whether it's a friend in the bed or like the guy i'm talking

to like i'll if they move like my body has like that reflex of like – like it freaks me out and it wakes me up and I like jolt out. I mean, did it here even? And I like lose my breath. Yeah. Oh, right. Like when I'm sleeping. Wow. Yeah.

But it's like when someone's in the bed. Yeah. It's like it's something I'm having to learn. Like I'm getting better at it. But like that's something I still deal with. I mean – Like you never get over shit that is that's like that's a traumatizing thing that i don't know how you yeah because that's

like preparing you for what for if you're in prison one day like that's like a weird preparation i i don't know i don't know girl and now you can't sleep because of it which is like like i sleep good but like i still do deal with like sometimes having that happen and what would you do then when he would do that like your stepdad like when he would come in your room like did you fight him or you just i tried this is a wild i can't even comprehend i don't even know the words to say because it is one of those things where i'm like oh my gosh how do you get over something like this because i don't i think yours is very unique like there's a lot of things you just don't get over like certain heartbreaks certain betrayals you never fully like heal or move on you never get over some things like even his death i'll never get over ever like i think about him all

the time every single day it's not a painful thing but like i always think of him yeah and certain people are like oh if you have any thought of it, you're not over it. It's like, whose definition of what? But like healing, like I don't look at it like it's okay, it's done. Right. Like there's certain things you just don't heal from. It's just your whole life. You're like going to deal with it. It gets better though. Yeah.

I mean, that's good. That's the silver lining is that it does get better. And like maybe over time it'll just heal itself. I don't know. Sometimes that happens with people. Rock bottom. Have you ever hit one Sometimes that happens with people. Rock bottom. Have you ever hit one? Plenty of times.

Really? So you had multiple rock bottoms. Yeah. What would you say is one of them that really flipped your life around? Any that you can say or talk about? I mean, you're very open. I will give you so much credit. Losing my, not losing my nursing career, but having it pause.

Because like I went to nursing school to get out of like living with my dad and working with him and i wanted like i did i put like three and a half years into school and i got it and i was like working and i was like i'm saving money like i'm making money i'm good i'm free i can go and then it's like everything happened and i ended up right back where i fought so hard to get out of with no like way out. And that's when I turned to like car dealing. But like I always found another way out. But it wasn't as like

it wasn't like with the system. It wasn't like morally right to some people. I don't give a fuck the system. The system dropped me on my ass so fuck you. But now I'm taxable and I'm good now. And now you're with like a huge management company you're doing this huge thing it's wild and it's and they're cool with you being open and just talking and stuff because i feel like when you get to this level too they try to

like dial you back a little bit like in general people yeah have they tried to yeah but i did like don't be so open kind of yeah i get that, I think it's refreshing and I hope that you never lose it. But when you do get to this level and you're starting to make all this money and you have all these other people, I guess that's why I love not having a manager sometimes because I'm like, oh, I could just say whatever. Also, it gets me in trouble. So I think it's a balance, but how are you dealing with it? I'm doing good, but like I've, I know when and when not to push it, but like I don't run anything by anyone. Like I'm the one who shoots I know when and when not to push it. But I don't run anything by anyone.

I'm the one who shoots, edits, uploads my podcast every week. By yourself. Yeah. I don't run the topic by anybody. I don't let anyone listen to it before. I've done it like this since the beginning, and now that everybody's got their hands in it, it's me, my words, my everything. So they don't get any input. They hear it when it launches, and it makes me a little anxious now because I have so much more to lose. Yeah.

But like I know what I'm doing. Mm-hmm. And what I'm saying. Like I trust my own judgment so I feel safe with it. Yeah, that's a good thing to not lose. But I do step lightly. Yeah. Lighter.

But when I stop, I know when I'm talking, I'm making a point. You're about your topics and stuff like that. Because your topics are stuff like that. Because your topics are all pretty much positive. They're all feel-good topics. I don't listen to your podcast and think these are bad. There's nothing bad in them. I like them. Well, I'm so excited for

you, your life, your podcast, your love. I think you're so interesting as far as open book go. Oh my gosh. Your life is wild. I know you're going to do self-help books, but if you wrote a book gosh your life is wild i think i know you're gonna do self-help books but if you wrote like a book about your life like that would be the movie and you could start it you could be your own star i love you so much i think everything about you is amazing i hope you don't lose your realness and your authentic authenticity because it's just so

refreshing i like your i like your bluntness i like your openness i like your all of it i like your delivery you're just so perfect and I hope you never change. And I love that you don't apologize. I need to start adapting that. I'm going to keep apologizing forever. Literally start calling me. Be like, next time you have a scandal, call me. Let's hope there's not a next time.

I've been, I'm problematic, I think. Girl, we're both going to have one. We're both going to have one. No, we're not. It's just what we do. I'm not manifesting that. I'm problematic. I love everybody, all the influencers.

Nevermind, it's plastic. No. This is what I think. Is this one? Yeah. Knock on wood. No, but literally call me. No. This is what I think. Is this wood? Yeah. Knock on wood. No, but literally call me. I'll tell you like,

if you're wrong, I'll tell you. I'm the friend that will tell you. I know you will. The fact that you already were like, girl, don't post that Starbucks. I was like, oh my God, what's happening?

Like, I really didn't know, but I love that you told me that. I was like, I'm looking out for you. I got you. Yeah. No, thank God. I don't know either. I don't know half these things,

but I try. Nowadays, I just try not to like post anything or do anything. I just try to be on the good side of everything because it's better to be unproblematic than problematic. Right. Be loved in this world. All right, you guys.

Thank you for watching. Check out Leo. It was probably sold out by the time it was out. But if it's – there's still tickets. He's on the Confidence Unleashed Tour. But you said there's going to be 30 more dates. Yeah, next year. Are you going to go international or are you going to just stick in the States?

We're planning on it. Are you going to go to Albania? Oh, no, you can't. I mean, I could. But, like, we'll see. Okay. Check him out everywhere on TikTok. That's where I know.

I consider you a TikTok star. Leo. Thank you. Skeppy. Who's not a Leo. He's a Pisces. Leo Skeppy, thank you for being here. What a great name.

You're everything. And a little bit of a yummy. Okay. I want to go to being here. What a great name. You're everything. And delicious and yummy. I want to go to the house. Okay, Hoster. Wait, where'd your friend go? They left.