Keep it Positive, Sweetie - Family, Healing & The Life We Didn’t Expect

Episode Date: May 24, 2026

In this episode of Keep It Positive, Sweetie, Jess Hilarious opens up about motherhood, co-parenting, healing, faith, and the emotional journey behind her memoir ’Til Death Do We Parent. From becoming a mother at 19 to navigating survival mode marriage, and redefining family, this conversation is honest, funny, emotional, and deeply relatable. This episode is about healing, softness, and learning how to move forward even when life doesn’t look the way you imagined.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed human. Life changes fast and one thing shouldn't. Your storage price. At XYZ storage, lock in your rate for a full year with our industry-first locked-in pricing promotion. No surprises, no sudden increases,

just secure, affordable storage you can count on. Whether you're storing a little or a lot, now's the time to make your move. Visit xyzstorage.ca. Hey guys, it's us. The Jonas Brothers. I'm Joe. I'm Kevin.

And I'm Nick. And guess what? We created our own podcast called Hey Jonas. We invented a podcast? Well, we didn't invent it. We just contributed to it. We're the first people to do podcasts. We get to ask other people questions because we're sick and tired of being asked questions.

Well, sick and tired is a strong way to put it, but, you know. Tired and sick. Listen to Hey Jonas on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Just listen. We don't care where you hear it. Another podcast from some SNL late night comedy guy, not quite on humor, me with Robert Smygel and friends, me and hilarious guests from Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman help make you funnier. This week, my guest, S&L's Mikey Day and head writer, Streeter Seidel,

help an a cappella band with their between songs banter. Where does your group perform? We do some retirement homes. Those people are starving for banter. Listen to humor me with Robert Smigel and Friends on the I-Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Dr. Maya Shunker, a cognitive scientist and host of the podcast, a slight change of plans, a show about who we are and who we become when life makes other plans. I wish that I hadn't resisted for so long the need to change. We have to be willing to live with a kind of uncertainty that none of us likes. You can have opinions. You can have like a strong stance. And then there's your body having its own program. Listen to a slight

change of plans on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Calling all my sweeties to the forefront, I'm your host Chris Renee Hazel and this is the Keep It Posit Sweetie Show. Welcome to Keep It Positive Sweetie, the place where we heal, grow, and learn together. Today's guest is someone who has built an entire career off of honesty. Whether through comedy, radio, television, or social media, she's always found a way to make people laugh while still keeping it real. But in this conversation, we get to meet a different side of her.

Through her new memoir, till death-dewy parents, she opens up about motherhood, co-parenting, survival, healing, faith, and redefining what family can look like after the life doesn't go the way you planned. I am so excited to be sitting down

with Jess Hilarious. Jess Hilarious first captured people's attention through her viral comedy and unforgettable personality. But over the year, she's evolved into so much more than Just Funny. From stand-up and television to voice acting and now co-hosting The Breakfast Club, Jess has built a career rooted in honesty, relatability, and saying the things that people

are usually too afraid to say out loud. In her memoir, till death do we parent, she brings that same honesty to motherhood, relationships, co-parenting, shame, growth, and the complicated process of learning how to soften after survival mode. Sweetie, please give a very warm welcome to Jess hilarious. Jess! Hey Crystal! What's up, boo? Listen, I'm so happy to be sitting down with you. No, I'm happy. Yes, I've been on your show The Breakfast Club and we've gotten to talking, just thank you. Like, the Breakfast Club can be daunting if you've never been. Yes, because you never know what's

going to come up, what you're going to ask, and it has always been a pleasant experience. And I always love the questions you ask. You always make me feel safe. You and, I mean, everybody does, but I just, There's something about your energy that I always feel safe and comfortable with. So thank you. It's good to have you over here on this side. To be here, yes. Because, girl, I be scared.

You know I work at Breakfast Club, but I'll be scared for the people. I'd be like, if you don't want anything, if you never did nothing, don't let nothing come out. If you did do something, say it wasn't you. Because Charlemagne is going to ask about it. Shout out Charleney. Envi and Lauren LaRosa. We love everybody over at the breakfast club.

But we got you here today. You are now an author. I am. You were introduced to the world as a comedian. your mother and now you're an author, till death do we parents. Girl, I'm so excited. We're going to get into this book,

but before we dive in, I want to play a quick game just to, you know, get you loosened up a bit. Yeah. All right, so the book is called Till Death Do We Parents? So we're going to play a game called Parent Trout. Okay. Oh, that's cute.

Shout out, Shelley. For the games. All right, your child says, don't tell my other parent, which parent is calling first anyway? I'm calling first. That's good. your child is acting completely different after coming back from another parent's house what's your first thought

call a parent i'm going to call in his father right now what did you do rome yes what did you do do you that's what you do do um your co-parent text we need to talk no context what is your immediate thought ashton did something that needs that needs my attention so it may be be something about a girl and his dad wants me to talk to him about it because he's going to come off a little too hard and you know it's about ashen the girls and we're at that point right now because he's 14 so yeah that that'll be what it is it's more than likely about a girl if his father texts me like we need to talk you're like oh yeah that's good what is the most mom thing that you do now that younger Jess would never believe honestly I let my kid ask me why I let Ashton ask me why

you know when we were growing up uh-huh honey we couldn't do that No, ma'am. It was because I said so. And we couldn't even wonder why. It was like my mother even knew that I was thinking about asking her why, you know. It was do as I say. Don't ask me why, no explanations, you know. And when Ashton was younger, I was the same way.

But then I kind of grew out of that because our kids are exposed to so much these days. Where it's like, ain't nothing wrong with explaining to them, especially if they're curious, not asking why to be disrespectful. And I now realize, like, I wasn't even asking why. Me and my brother weren't asking. why to be disrespectful. Sometimes we just wanted to know. We wanted a follow-up answer, you know, better than just no because I said so. Absolutely.

So, yeah, damn, I'd be having him explain this, though. You know, and I'd be having to explain to him things. Yeah. I love that. That's good. I love how we're reframing motherhood. Yeah. That's amazing.

Nobody tells you that parenting will fill in the blank. Nobody tells you that parenting. will ultimately be something that makes you question who you were before because I live my life publicly and when I was younger I was doing everything on the internet anything would fly. I'm clapping back at people.

I'm, you know, I'm in a car with the bonnet and I'm ranting and all of that and then my son is 14 now and he's asking me about some of the videos that he saw when I was younger. You know, and he was younger. I was younger. Oh my God, I had my baby so young, so I'm like, we kind of grew up together. Right.

I was growing up while I was raising him too. And so he would ask me things, and he still asked me things. Why are you saying? Why was you talking about that? And I was right in the back seat. Or why are you saying, you know, and I'm like, ooh, you know, and now I have a one-year-old. Yeah.

And I really got to watch it. You know what I mean? Because if my 14-year-old is asking me about things that I did 10 years ago, then my daughter is, I have to appreciate it. I have to protect that right now. Absolutely. That's so good. Yeah, nobody tells you that.

And you're not thinking that far either when you're younger. Yeah, no, facts. That's so true. What I love most about this book, first of all, when I was reading it, I read it in your voice. Like, your voice is so distinct. As I'm even not even out loud as I'm just reading it. I'm like, I hear your voice as I'm reading it. It's so good.

Purposely wrote it like that. I did that with intention. No, you did so good. And it felt like we were just sitting in the room talking to. you as we read. It didn't feel like I was just reading a book. Right. So good. I'm proud of you. Thank you. I do want to ask you, what made you say, now is the time to write a book? Because a lot of people had the idea of they never get around to it.

What made you say that now is the time for this book? Crystal, I'm so tired of going online and I'm seeing, like, the mom's, like, F, my baby dad. You know what I'm saying? It's songs about it. You know, shout out to sexy, but she got the song, you know. And then we have like, there's a whole awesome. audience out there who would rather stay stuck in whatever that is. That's like dysfunction and toxicity. And it can only grow if you feed it. You know what I mean?

Why does it have to be that way? You once lay down with this person. You once loved this person. And even if there is no feelings, you know, if there are no feelings there, y'all still got a kid. Y'all still made a person together. So it's nothing wrong with being friends or uplifting your baby daddy you're uplifting your baby mama, telling her, you know, I see you're doing great, encouraging,

you know, and lifting. And me and Rome, we've been doing that. We've been on that journey for 14 years, but we actually became friends when Ash was about three or four. Because Rome, sure, I wanted to put you out. I know. That's what he said. He said, yo, you know everybody going to hate me.

Yes. He was like, he thought it was a good idea to write it until he read it. He had to look at himself like, I was no good. He did a lot of reflecting and was like, oh, my God. But the beautiful thing about it was what Rome said to me when he read the book, the final manuscript before we sent it in was, yo, I want to say that I'm very sorry because I was so young and I didn't realize how effed up I was as a person to you. I didn't even know what was going on with me.

I was trying to navigate my life and we had a kid. And, you know, I'm trying to figure I'm still growing into who I am and not knowing how to be loyal or stay loyal to one girl. And so I'm so sorry that I put you through those things. And he got emotional and I got emotional. I was like, damn, you're right. Thank you, Rome. You know, so this was a really, really great piece of literature to create with him.

Yeah, and healing, it looks like. Yeah, it's therapeutic for both of you. That's amazing. Thank you. I love that. Now, in the book, you kept it real, like always. Yes. I love that.

You didn't sugarcoat anything. You led us into your world. You became a mother at the age of 19. And you talked about feeling guilt of, yeah, the guilt of not wanting to be a mother at that time. I mean, you were young. So that's something that is understanding, but also the guilt that you carry as a mom is like, dang, I actually felt like that at one point in time. What did that season actually feel like when you were in it? I was feeling a number of things, Crystal.

I was like, oh, my God, I felt guilty for one because I'm like, this baby didn't ask to be born, didn't ask to be made. I'm just out here being hot in my ass. My mom don't know where I'm at. I got a boyfriend. They don't even know I'm dating. That was crazy. It was a lot, right? And then I was thinking about keeping Jerome around, you know,

because I know with the loss of his mother, he wanted a child. He wanted a big family. And I was like, I'm actually in a place where I'm giving him that or I can give him that. As young as I was, you know, as, you know, just unprepared as I was, I kept my child selfishly. To me, I felt like it was selfish to him and me just to keep his father around. You know, and I was feeling so guilty. I just, I didn't know what to do.

I didn't even know what career I was going to catapult into. I didn't know. I thought about going to college and then, so I just, I didn't know. I didn't understand what having a kid would really do, you know. Yeah, because at that age, you don't know how you're, world's about to completely change. Nope. Yeah.

And I didn't know if my parents were going to kill me. I was born and raised in a church. I was over the heartbeat. I was like, oh, gosh, you got to do what? They don't know what? I'm like, oh, God. How are I supposed to go on Sunday and sing in the choir? And everybody like, dang, Jess, you're the youngest and you're pregnant in here?

You know what I mean? So I was so scared for a number of reasons. So, no, I wasn't ready to be a mom and I didn't want to be a mom at first. Even when I gave birth to him. And I feel like not a lot. A lot of moms really talk about it because, and I was even wrestling with the fact back in my mind, like, should I even write about it? Because I don't want my son to read this because he is a, honey, he loves reading. He is always in a book and he was so excited to find out that I was writing a book about the story between me and his father.

And so I didn't want him to read it and go, dang, like, you didn't want me and you're willing to tell the world. You never sat down with me and told me that. But it's like, when is the right time to tell your child? I didn't want you until you were about like six months until I had like a breakthrough moment in my house crying. I want to talk about that. I was crying with you. Yeah.

No, seriously. Actually, that was. Yeah. I'm jumping up. She's such a, this is what she do too. So we're going to be bad. I'm sorry. Yes.

Oh, my gosh. No, girl, I was literally in tears. I was telling Ash, I was like, It was just part in the book. I was like, she's having a mental breakdown. She's throwing stuff in the baby's room, like literally going crazy. And Ashton looks at you with this smirk on his face. And it was in, girl, I got chills.

Like, it literally touched me. I was like, yeah. Right. I'm writing. I'm crying, writing it and everything. I can imagine. I do want to read this part, but this is where you were really questioning, like, what am I doing? Like, I don't know what I'm doing.

And then you said, in this moment, this is when you picked him up for the first time and really appreciated his existence. And you said, I had never shown him genuine affection like this until now. This feeling made me burst into even more tears because it had finally hit me. I did want my baby. I was ready to be his mom right there in that room. He went from being the baby to my son, Ashton. Girl.

Well, I tell you, I said and I wept because I can imagine at that young age going through that, you know, and what they're like. So I do want to know, like, in that month, I see it. I see it. Yes. Yeah. Nobody talks about the realness of that, right? Yeah.

And I was whaling out. Like, I was, like, throwing stuff and just. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. I was in a room I'm throwing stuff. I don't have a job. First of all, like, I don't have a job.

My mom is on me constantly every day. Like, you're not going to lay around this house because she was licensed professional daycare about her. So my mom is like, yes, I will keep your son, my grandbaby, but you have to go and work. You know, this is not like, uh-uh. This ain't, you made this baby, you're going to take care of it. You have to grow up and you knew that, you know. So I'm like, okay, I'm sitting here trying to figure out my life. I don't have a job.

I can't go outside with my friends, you know. And then I'm thinking of Rome. Rome is doing whatever he wants in that moment. You know, he's parties and he's on, you know, MySpace and Facebook, like pretty much in my mind. I'm like, you're throwing this in my face. Like, you're posting this for me. He posing it to be seen by any and everybody. But I'm taking it very personal.

Ashton was not a crybaby, believe it or not. He was not a crybaby at all. He was always such a calm joy to be around. I just couldn't see that because I was in my own feeling. feelings. I was in my own way. And I just had a breakdown. Nobody was calling me back. All the job applications I filled out. Nobody's calling me back. And I was throwing stuff around my clothes, his clothes and stuff. And I'm like, screaming at him like, why would you pick me to be your mother? Why would you, like, from across the room? And I just like fall down to my knees and

I'm crying. And I look up in him and he has this smirk. Like, girl, you don't see much. Like, girl, if you don't calm down and come and pick me up. And I did. I rushed over to his crib. I picked him up. And I just felt like I had been neglecting him trying to be so sad about my situation. I was thinking about myself so much. Because up until that point, I had called him the baby.

Like, oh, mom, can you get the baby for me? Or, yeah, this is, this baby, Ash. But it was like, oh, no, it went from that to like, my son, my baby, you know, this is mine. Like my, the love of my little life, the little love of my life. And he all snobting and drooling on me and I'm still crying and he laughing and smiling. And that was the day like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Like I felt so deeply in love with him in that moment.

Gosh, yeah, that, I'm telling you, that touched me. It was definitely like the turning point. I felt like the shift in motherhood. for you. Absolutely. Did you struggle more with becoming a mother or the guilt of immediately not jumping into motherhood as people would expect? I struggle with both.

But yes, the fact that everybody just think that you're already supposed to know what to do, you know, and then I was raised by a prayer warrior, a mom. That's the first thing she did. You know, I said, come on mother. First thing. Because I was like on Tanzania and he was like, how she going to react? Yeah. And she took me in with love in arms, but like I, she was always the role model for me,

the example of what it's like to nurture. Yeah. To provide to love on your babies, even in discipline. Crystal, my mom would, she will pop me, whip me, and then be like, I love you now. Now you know better, you know, like I would immediately feel the rush of love. Yes. That was like a follow up, you know. But I think, yeah, I think it was, yeah, it was more so the fact that people just

expect for you to just know for it to come to you. There's no man you were on this. And it's different for everybody. Yeah, no, that's so true. Now you are experiencing motherhood in a totally different space. You're married, you're supported. That's something that women need when they're navigating this. Because we talked about on the call, like your bodies are going through things that you can't even explain.

Yeah. You know, so the fact that you are going through it in a different way, I want to say, how does this version of motherhood has it changed you as a mother? Man, well, even starting from pregnancy, I had a very beautiful pregnancy. And that's another thing I was feeling guilty about because I didn't have a fun pregnancy or a great, you know, just loving pregnancy or easy with Ashton. It wasn't easy. Rome wasn't there all the time. And then we were always at us because of the cheating, the lying and all that stuff.

So a lot of times, you know, I went through a lot of it just by my heart. I mean, I could always call him and he'd pick up, but we weren't in the same house, under the same roof. He wasn't feeding me. Listen, my husband, I got rubbed down every night. Come on. And he would be coming in from work, and he would be tired as crab crystal. And he would be like, I would be in the shower, and he would be like, all right, come on, let's rub you down. And whatever you want to eat.

Now, you can't eat after a certain time because I don't want you to have heartburn. And he was such a first time dad, but he had bullies. but he had books that he had read. And like he, it just felt good. Like, he was there every appointment. And then when he couldn't be, because he's a trucker, when he couldn't be, he was on FaceTime. Wow.

Just, I just, it was like a total different experience. Yeah. You know, and then when I had my daughter, he was there, and he delivered his daughter. Yeah. What? So did you go at home or you went to the hospital? No, we went to the hospital.

hospital. Okay. And the doctor, oh my God, I love her so much. And she, like, taught him everything, like, instructed him on how to deliver his child, and he did it. That's amazing. Shout out, Chris. Amazing.

That's amazing. Yes, he wasn't scared or nothing. Now, Rome's ass, he passed out. He passed out. He saw Ashton head and was like, oh, no. And passed out. But, girl, for real, they had to put them in the bed next to me. I'm like, wrong, wake up.

Dang, you know. But it was, you know, each experience is different. But this time around, it was, it was beautiful. And we actually planned my daughter, my husband, and I planned her. Because I always wanted to have more kids. But the guys wasn't Guyin. Because they wasn't. So, God sent me who I was supposed to be with.

I love that. My best friend, my better have. one of the most genuine human beings I've ever met. And this is who I'm doing life with and I couldn't be happier. And it shows. We see it on you, honey. Thank you. Yes, you are glowing.

You really are. There's a line in the book that stood out to me. And this really touches on what we just talked about, like how you were doing everything by yourself with Rome, but now you have support. Being so used to doing things myself, these moments when I am no longer the only one can feel so overwhelming. What has it been like learning to?

to receive that support after having to do it by yourself for so long? Or did you have a hard time accepting it? Definitely still have a hard. I'm much better with it, you know, but it is definitely a process, especially when you are so used to being in fight or flight mode, when you've got to do everything by yourself anyway. And then you're all. Then I am that type where it's like, if I don't do it, it won't get done right.

You know, my husband may take a longer time doing it, and I'm so used to getting it done like this within a blink of an eye. And, like, I know that I'm going to always execute it right. And if it doesn't, if it's not right, there's no one to blame but myself. You know, he is, it's like pulling teeth with me, boy, but he'd be hanging in there with me. Like, girl, if you don't sit down, shut up, and let me do this. Let me love you.

Let me be a father. I know you've been doing this, because I always say, I've been doing this longer than you, Sway. This is my second time around. This is your first time, you know. And he's like, it's all right. Let me do it. You know, let me be a father.

Let me, let me be your husband. Wow. Like, outside of the kids. Let me do something for you. Yeah. What makes you think you got to pay for it all? Because I know where I want to go. I know how I want to fly.

I know. And he's like, you think I don't do the same thing for me. Come on. You're like, you ain't the only one with, you know, winning bread and hair. Okay, Shorty, you know, I like that. Talk that to me. You know, this is, you know, this is the first time that I've been in a marriage,

but like a relationship where I don't have to do everything, you know. And that feels good. It was very challenging, like letting go of that control. Yeah. Because that's what that also teaches you. Like, when you're the breadwinner and you're around a bunch of people and you're in relationships where men take it. advantage of you. That actually, like, that makes you very controlling. It does. And he

steals over into your relationship. Yes. And he pointed that out, like, was about to leave me over that. Like, nah, you don't, this is, this is giving to you. I don't know who you've been dealing with, but no, it's not going to fly over here. Yeah. That's good. And I think that's a note to a lot of women who are successful and running their lives before they meet their mate. you're going to have to reel that back. And it's so hard to turn that thing off because your whole life has been dependent on you having that characteristic.

And always having a guard up. Yes. Yeah. So I'm softer. He disarms me, Chris, disarms me. And in such a way where it's like, I don't even want to be tough. I'm like, all right, go in, go ahead, go ahead. I don't want to be tough.

Yes. Yeah. I love that for you. Thank you. Yes. Now, you also spoke about the guilt of, you didn't have postpartum with your son, but you ended up having it with your daughter.

Let's talk about that because so many mothers go through that. And as a woman who hasn't had children, I understand that there's things that happen with our bodies that we can't explain. But walk us through that because I think that there is this misconception that there's a certain way that postpartum has to look. Yeah. And I didn't even know that that's what I was going through

when I was in it. You know, I just, I just, it just feels like a heavy, heavy funk that you're in. And it's like you're down and nothing. I'm talking about nothing, not even seeing your baby's face, not being loved by your husband, not like being around like the most vibeous energy with your friends or whatever makes you happy, watching your favorite movies. None of that is. It's very short-lived.

It's stuff, you'll smile, but you go right back into that feeling of. Like, I didn't feel pretty. I didn't feel funny. I didn't feel like I was doing anything right. I felt like a failure. I felt like I had lost my mojo. I'm like, oh, my God, my fans are moving on from me because we got more comedians than bugs in the world now.

Right. So I'm like, they are moving on without me. I haven't, I got to get online. I got to get back to who I am. But then I'm like, who am I? I don't feel good. But then I was doing, I was breastfeeding my daughter. I didn't really, I breastfed my son, but the milk dried up child.

I was like, dang, these little itty bitty things, wasn't doing nothing back then. You know, but I had a breastfed my daughter. And that was a struggle because when you depressed and when you stressed out, that dries up your milk. Like you don't have a continuous flow. So I felt like I was robbing her of all the nutrients and things I was supposed to have been given her. milk it didn't stop but it slowed down and then like work I went back to work like I forced myself just to go back because I'm like I got to get out maybe I got to get out yeah but then I felt like I wasn't maybe I wasn't entirely ready to even go back into the workplace you know and my

feelings definitely took a toll on me because I felt like they were trying to replace me yeah it was so much yeah it was so much yeah yeah and um they was playing with me a little bit Like still, it wasn't all postpartum. You know what I mean? Like, it was, I felt like a lot of it was postpartum, but then I felt like also a lot of it was just horrible communication at work. Nobody like really telling me what's going on and things like that. So it made me look like the villain.

I didn't like that. That was another thing that was added on to my plate. And then all the comments of people like, oh, Jess can't share a workplace with another black woman. And I'm like, what? You know, like, me and Lord don't even do the same thing. I just wanted to know what the plan was. You know what I mean?

But yeah, so it was a lot. But what I thought was funny through the whole comparison, right? Because when I was pregnant with my son, I didn't have a great pregnancy. But I also didn't experience postpartum depression. Yeah. But I had a great pregnancy with my daughter. And I experienced postpartum depression. So it doesn't have like a target person.

Like it happens to you. It just happens. You don't know. I didn't realize that I was going through that until after, until I came out of it. Yeah. You know, and there was nothing that my husband could do. He was trying. My mother-in-law, my mom, my dad, everybody was trying.

Even Rome. Rome was like, yo, is it the book? Like what? I'm like, no, it ain't the book. He's like, don't put out the book. Right, please don't. Right. But I just, I had to get out of it on my own.

That's all. So how long were you working on the book? Nine months. I wrote it while I was pregnant. Wow. When I first found that I was pregnant, because we had been trying, when I first found that I was pregnant, that's when I started writing the book and I got finished a few weeks before I went into labor.

Rose said it's a book. Yes. So I had two babies, basically, that the, that's two-be-parent and my baby Marley. Wow. Incredible. Life moves fast, and when you need more room, XYZ storage is here, whether you're moving, decluttering or just need extra space, clean, secure units are ready when you are. Students heading home or switching apartments between semesters, save 50% off your first three months.

Make space for what's next. Visit xyz storage.ca. Hey, it's us, the Jonas Brothers. And guess what? We have some big news. What's the news, name? Huge news. We created our own podcast called, Hey Jonas. We invented a podcast? Well, we didn't invent it. We just contributed to a first. people to do podcasts. Pretty, yeah, pretty wide range of podcasts throughout there. But this one's extra special. So how do we actually come up with a name, Hey Jonas, guys?

I honestly don't remember. I think it was on a call about what we should call it. Well, we were thinking I'm originally calling it one of the early names of our band before Jonas Brothers was... This is how you guys remember it going down? Yes. I have a very different memory of this. We were talking about a thing, a bit for the podcast, where people could call it.

call in and say, hey Jonas, and then I wrote down on my little notepad, Hey Jonas, and offered it up as a potential title for the podcast. But thanks for remembering that, guys. Listen to Hey Jonas on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Just listen. We don't care where you hear it. Another podcast from some SNL late night comedy guy, not quite. Unhumor me with Robert Smigel and friends. Me and hilarious guests from Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman help make you funnier. This week, my guest, S&L's Mikey Day and headwriter, Streeter Seidel,

help an a cappella band with their between songs banter. Where does your group perform? We do some retirement homes. Those people are starving for banter. Listen to humor me with Robert Smigel and friends on the I-Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Imagine an Olympics where doping is not only legal, but encouraged. It's the enhanced games.

Some call it grotesque. Others say it's unleashing human potential. Either way, the podcast, Superhuman, documented it all, embedded in the games and with the athletes for a full year. Within probably 10 days, I'd put on 10 pounds. I was having trouble stopping the muscle growth. Listen to Superhuman on the I-Hard Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I do want to ask you, do you feel like, because when you were younger, you were going through the flight or flight mode, survival mode, that you maybe weren't warranted

the opportunity to even like process your feelings at that time? Yeah. Do you think, because I know I feel like that was a different time and you said that you didn't go through postpartum, but I'm wondering if everything you were going through didn't even allow you to process if you were or not, you know? Now that you say that, yeah, I think so because I was still afraid of so much even when, you know what?

Yeah, because it took about six months, like, for me to even start looking at Ashton in that way. Yeah. So now that you bring that up, it's like, you know what? Yeah, because I was, I was like upset, just angry and bitter and mad, disappointed in myself, dealing with all these feelings, knowing that my friends, all the people at my church judging me, I mean, you know, and they'd be judging people for the worst, you know,

and like just friends, like, oh, you can't go out to the club because you're the only one with a baby. And, you know, so I was thinking about that, that, that more than likely was postpartum depression and I just didn't realize it or even realize it because you had a lot on you. Absolutely. I couldn't, I mean, okay, let me tell you something.

I was that age 19, my teens and my boyfriend was out doing something. Girl, I would lose my mind. So I can imagine having a baby and having to deal with all that. Girl? Yes, and then I had a rome. I don't think everybody had a rome. You got to read the book, y'all.

Y'all ain't had a rome. I pray you didn't have a wrong. Because my girl, I wanted to fight him like your brother. I said, I got to show. I will fight him with you. Because what? Right. Yeah.

He didn't want you with him. Right, man. You think it's the book. Yes, my big brother was like, I'm about to fold him up and put him in the dumpster, Jesse. I said, ooh, please do it, but not right now because he's going to call the police. Right, right. Yes, girl. I love that.

I love that this book is redefining and reshaping the thought of if a relationship doesn't work, then the family has failed. What has this process taught you about maturity and ego? Because I know that there was moments in the book where you would keep Ashen away from Rome, more so ego and immaturity. But what has this entire process of writing the book and even growing and co-parenting and co-existing

taught you about maturity and ego? Honestly, you just can't use your children as something that's divisive. Like I really was when I would be upset with Rome. I would do things like keep Ashton away from him because I knew that was the only thing that would really make him feel like Rome loves his children. He loved Ashton when it was just Ashton, like that was the only thing that could really upset him if you talk about his deceased mom or you talk about his child or you keep his child away from him.

And I knew that was the only way to get under his skin. And what I've learned about that, like what it is, the, The ego and the pride, that can also alter how your children act as well. Like, because I would be walking around angry and mad. And although I wouldn't argue, we didn't have many argues in front of Ashton, I mean, arguments in front of Ashton, but just the energy that I was feeling, I was projecting onto him. And then I would be wondering, like, because I also speak in a book about when he started to

get smart and become oppositional. and just defiant. And I'm like, where is he getting that from? But the whole time, if he's always seeing his mom bitter and being negative and just having an attitude, kids absorb it all. They do. They will regurgitate it. Baby. You know what I'm saying?

And throw it right back at you. And that's what you're giving. So a happy mom is really like a happy mom is really like a key ingredient to happy children. That is so true. And happy and healthy co-parenting as well. Yeah. Because it balances the kid. And it teaches the kid how to deal with feelings too.

You know, how to work through them properly. Yes. Because it's easy. A lot of people think it's easy to be mad. It's not, it takes so much energy. It takes so much of your time. And you've got to hold on to something to stay angry about it. Yeah.

So that's what I've learned. Don't hold on. You got to accept it and let it go. Yeah. You know. No, that's real. I had a situation, like when I was younger with my mom, And she was praying, God change her, God change her.

But I was literally just mirroring what she was doing. And God said, no, I'm going to change you and you'll see a change in your daughter. That's actually, oh my God. I was just, I was in church, me and my husband. And that was a message. It's like you've got to stop praying that God will change other people. Pray that he'll change how you look at them or change how you receive them or change, like change your behavior. behavior. You can't pray that God will change something else. He's already working on them.

That ain't even your business. That ain't your business. Spiritually, mentally, it ain't your business at all. You got to pray against how you look at them. You know, pray God, pray for God to change how you look at them. No, for sure. Yeah. That's real. Yeah. So when you talk about that, because I look at my nephew now and how he literally regurgitates everything he gets. I'm like, they are sponges. They are. Yeah. And they are literally mirrors of everyone that they're watching every single day. That's so good. I love that. The funny story in the beginning where you're talking about getting ready for the premiere of the movie that you and Rome were both in, that was a moment when you realized, okay, we're actually becoming a family in a different way.

When you walked in the room to go get your daughter dress and Chris had already handled that. Already had her. Yes. That was amazing because that too is another like, whew. Because I had to get Ashton ready by myself and I'm getting me ready by myself and I'm already not that great. timing. Gosh. So I'm like, oh my God, this is the movie premiere and then Rome bothering me because Rome don't like the way I dress his son. Right. What he's wearing. What he wearing? Like, first of all, Ashton is, at that time, I think he was made about

11 or 12, but Ashton had already developed his own sense of style. And he can dress. We let him do his thing and he looks really good and the stuff that he puts on. So I'm like, Ash, I mean, Rome, I don't dress him anymore. He has his own way of dressing and, you know, like these kids are exposed to so much. They are. Like got styles where he looks at, you know, for inspiration and all that type of stuff.

But I was very happy to see that my husband had already gotten Marley ready. So that's one less thing I got to worry about. And then I got back to find in my outfit, you know, but I felt so good in that moment because I'm like, oh, not only did she look good and what he picked out for her,

he didn't even ask me like, babe, can you figure out what she's going to wear? He dressed her and he was dressed And so I'm like, okay, I only got to worry about me. Right. Everybody got themselves so you can worry about jazz. I love that. And then you're on the way to the premiere and so many things are happening. And you have to take something that your father taught you, the breathing.

Yes. He always said it. Look up. Yes. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Count the 10. Now, at what moment in your life did you realize I'm starting to change?

I'm not reacting how. I would normally like. There was so many moments in the book where I feel like you could have reacted one way, but you chose peace instead. And I love that your father taught you that look up and breathe. When did you realize, okay, I'm getting the hang of this, look up and breathe for real now? So he had been teaching me that since I was a teenager. I didn't really start putting that into effect and realizing that it works until Ashton was like, he was about eight, like seven or eight.

Yeah, so that wasn't really that long ago. Like six years ago, but still, that's also a part of me learning and growing because I could have responded negatively or just, you know, but it's not really about who's winning the argument. Right, for sure. That's going to make us later. And then that, you know, and then my son's going to see, oh, gosh, here we made with mom and dad again, fighting and stuff, you know.

Yes. Now, how has the dynamic been with Chris and Rome and Ashton, and how has Ashton been able to understand I got two fathers. Is that, because I know this is all co-existing and co-parenting. How does that flow? Because a lot of parents, I feel like sometimes it can be kind of weird. Yeah. At first it was a little, it took Ashton a little bit, a little bit of time to open up.

What I mean about a little bit of time was like, like a good six months. And then Chris was very nervous to meet Ashton, but he wanted to. He was like, I think he was more nervous than I was, because I was nervous. And the reason why I was nervous was because I'm like, like, this may really work. Like, I really, really, I feel like I love this guy. You know what I mean? And that's because he was trying to get to know who I was.

He wasn't, it wasn't even about what I could do for him or just hilarious. It was about getting to know Jessica Robin Moore. And that's what I loved. And so I'm like, yeah, I got a kid. And I come with the package. And my son is a little older, you know. And he was like, well, I'd love to meet him. So when he finally met Ashton, Ashton interrogating him, okay, what you do?

Okay, where you meet mom? Okay, so you're a truck driver. Okay, so what routes you be taking? Like, Ash, you don't even know. Like, can you help him out with the map or something? You said, what routes you be taking? How long you be gone, you know what I mean? But I loved it because I was like, oh, this is nice.

You probably sit back like, these are great questions, right? Yes, you know. And then when it came time for, um, my husband and Rome to meet, Rome was already excited that he had started seeing a change in me. Yeah, so he knew this is a good guy. Because previous relationships, Rome would take one look at the guy

or just even from how my vibe would be and be like, nah, that you would enough of me, you need to leave him alone. Like, I'm serious. See, he would be like, nah, yeah, he's going to cheat. And he's probably already cheating. Oh, yeah, I'm pretty sure he just. just like me, you know? Wow.

Like, he would be right and I would be so upset that he was right. You know what I'm saying? So when I met Chris, he instantly, like, he was instantly able to tap in and see, like, oh, no, that's a different type of dude. Yeah. And then, Jess, it's showing to you, like, okay, all right, and then my son told me about him. Wow. So that was amazing to me, you know, and it was great.

Now, there were boundaries that had to be put in place that my husband opened my eyes to. and that was that I was way too accessible for Rome like with Rome. Rome would call me one in the morning, two in the morning and be like, yo, I'm with this bed, you know what I mean? Or I just got put out of shorty house and, you know. And I really get kicked. Yeah, still, to this day, Crystal.

Can't get right. Yes, can't get right, you know. And my husband one day had to be like, look, I understand. That's your friend. I'm all for that. I love that y'all don't beef and stuff like that, but he can't call you on the clock in the morning.

You're laying next to me. I can't believe you really answered. It's not about Ashton because Ashton is in his room. So what are we doing? And I'm like, I never thought about that. All right, no, you're right. You know what I'm saying?

And when I broke it down to Rome, he totally respected it and understood. Wow. Oh, no, you're right. You got a grown man, Jess. So I got to chill. I love that. Shout out, Chris and Rome.

Yes. I love that. I'm happy for you. because it could have been a whole different type of situation. It could have really been just with the mess. You already know. You're in a mess. Yes, seriously.

For real. Even in the messiest moments, this book is a thread. It's a thread of grace throughout. And I love that how you wrote it. How did your faith carry you through the seasons where you felt overwhelmed, ashamed, and undeserving? Ooh. See, faith is something I had since a little girl.

Yes. Born and raised in it. Even when I didn't know how to, pray, right? Because my mom has always done that for us. You know, our kids is what I mean by us. But she, she didn't teach us how to pray. I just had to get that one day. Even when I didn't know how to, always knew that I could talk to God. That's one thing that she did. Always tell us, talk to him. Your prayer does not have to be perfect. You don't have to, there's no script. You don't have to get it right. He's not looking for you to come to him.

If you stumble over your words, it's okay, you know? You keep talking, he hears you. That's how I digger. I would go and I don't care where I was. I'll be in my car. I would go and if I was, because even if I was at work, like McDonald's, I go in a bathroom and talk to God. I would talk to him anywhere where I would be alone and by myself, like, off to a corner.

That's honestly really how I got through it. And, you know, I feel like that's cliche because people say it. But like, no, that's real. Like I would really talk to him. And then in talking to him and going to him, because there was nothing that I would never take to him. Yeah. He showed me how to pray. God told me, taught me how to talk to him in a way where I can teach my children.

Right. You know. And that's, that's like, that's amazing. Yeah. That you can really, like you can't hear him as just something that he just shows you. Like one day I just found a way. words to do it. Yeah.

And from then on, God, I can pray somebody under a table. Like sometimes, Chris, when I pray, I'll be like, dang that was good,

God. Like, okay, look at you, working at me. You know, I'd be so hype. Like, even on the breakfast

cup, I'd be like, Schoambe. I just pray a crazy prayer. I bet it was better than yours. Like, I know. I know. I'm getting a little crazy with the competition prayer,

but I'll be paying myself with a vet girl. I know that's right. Yes. I love that. Was there ever? Was there ever a moment where you felt like God was still loving you in a season where you didn't love yourself? Yes.

You know, oh, oh my God, I'm glad you brought that up because at one point, and I talk about this in the book, I was dating. I was dating selfishly. I wasn't dating like I had a kid. Like, I was dating based off of how you made me feel. Yes. Like wasn't even worried about like whether they were good with kids or not, whether they could have a discussion with a kid, whether they could, you know, get to know my child or not.

If you were doing something to make me feel good, you know, whether that was sex, just conversation, because I didn't like to be alone, whatever it was. If I felt like you were doing something for me, fine. You were good in my book. And I didn't love myself in that moment. But I felt like God definitely did. He did so much that he kept putting me in predicaments where I was constantly getting hurt until I woke up.

Like, you think you being loved. Girl what? You don't need to love yourself. So you can't even identify what love is. Like, this is not love. But I'm going to let your little dumbtail go ahead and keep on getting hurt and keep holding that mirror up to yourself. Keep blaming it on everybody else. It's you.

You haven't properly loved yourself. So you don't even know what's appropriate. You don't. What you'll take, you out and taking anything. So, yeah, that's that season for sure, where I felt like he loved me, even when I didn't love myself. I think we've all had a season like that in our lives. I know I have for sure.

Yeah, girl. Yeah. Mm-hmm. But God. In closing, I want to ask you, you wrote this book, and you took us on the journey with you. Yeah. You didn't start off perfect, all put together. You took us on this ride with you.

What is it that you hope women take, even mothers, take from this book when they get their hands on it? accept and let it go. Like when I say I really thought that I could write the story of my life that young. Yeah. That's why I say, God has a sense of humor. God would be like, oh, look at you, writing your little story, girl. You don't even know I got so much to take you through.

It's so much for you to learn from. Because I'm really going to hear something to write about. Yes. And this is how that book was even birth, Crystal. Like, you have to accept that when you and your co-parent aren't a good match. you come to that realization like, okay, I'm not going to be with this person. A relationship is not what we're supposed to be doing. That's not the end of the world.

Just accept that part of it. Let that go. And then you can still be a united front. You can still be good friends. Now, a lot of people would be like, I ain't going to be best friends because you best friends with your baby day. How do you do that? When you read the book and y'all see what he took me through, you cannot say, oh, I can't do that. Yes, there were many times I thought Rome and I could not be best friends or not be friends at

all, period. But we set those vows, we put everything on the table, he apologized about how he, you know, for how badly he had hurt me. I hurt him as well. I take a lot of accountability in the book. Yeah, you do, yes. And I put that, I put that

on the table. We put that behind us. And I said, Jerome McIver, James. I do not know how he got McIvor. No, like the show McGiver back in the day? Yes. His middle name is McIver. And Jerome is spelled with a G. So for a while, I was like, Girl?

Girl? But child, yeah, I'm gonna let him write about that at his book. But I said, I take you or do you take me, Jessica Robin Moore, to be, you know, your lawfully wedded co-parent that we take care of this kid through sickness, through health. Even when we don't feel like we like each other, we got to still love each other and show him that we love each, we love each other. Rome in that moment thought that was the corniest thing ever, but he thanked me. just a few years ago, like, yo, that vows, that, like that co-parent wedding little thing that we had,

I think that's so dope. That's something that I would love to do with the rest of my kids' moms. Like, that's something that I feel like it's healthy. Yeah. If we want to show up and be the best parents that we can be for our kids. Because as long as you have a healthy co-parents and relationship, you're going to have healthy, balanced kids. Yes.

So accept, let it go and move on. I love it. And stop sleeping with them. Come on. Say it again. Sleeping with your baby, daddy, you don't got to do that. You don't have to do that. You already did it.

Yeah. You already did it, yeah. So that's it. That's the real thing. That is the real thing. I absolutely love that. This season on Keep It Positive, sweetie, we are leaning more into unapologetic, just living unapologetically, which is tied into the hairline, but right now, like even me, living my life

unapologetic, standing on who I am and even understanding more and more every day who I am and where I really want to take my life. I want to ask you as a mother, as a woman, as a partner, how is just living unapologetically? Ooh, girl, I'm not, first of all, I'm not apologizing no more for nothing. I'm not. I've grown so much and it's okay to say no. Yeah. I have said yes because I didn't want to hurt anybody's feelings.

I, like, I just haven't put my. myself first. Yeah. You know, because I was moving to a free to hurt certain relationships or hurts people's feelings or, you know, I didn't want to be disliked. So I'm like, yes, okay, even though I don't want to give in and do things that even don't align with me or just, no, 34-year-old Jessica Robin Moore-Toliver, as y'all may know me, just hilarious.

is unapologetic. Like that, that's not a bad thing. Sometimes you have to be a little selfish, you know, because you've been so selfless to a fault. Like you let people take advantage. Yeah. And they don't reciprocate what you do for them. I've done so many things for people and people have taken, taken. And then I've lost so many, you know, relationships like friends and friendships.

and things like that, just being married because I don't want to, I choose to not do things that I used to do. Absolutely. As you should. Like, no, I'm not changing. I'm evolving. And listen, God is making me grow up. I have grown spiritually, mentally, and I love that this book shows a different side of Jessica Robin Moore. It does.

You know, yeah. Of course, I had to put Jess Luris when it, because that's how people will buy it, you know, but. Who is Jessica Tulliver? Right, right. Then all them names. I'm like, Lord, Moore, Talaf, I sound like a they. Don't, uh-uh, no, I can't be. Oh, uh-uh.

Jessica Robin Moore's Oliver, you know, yes, I'm living unapologetically. And I want to say, thank you so much for sponsoring my Mother's Day event with unapologetic hair products. Girl, listen, all the women, because, you know, it was a Baltimore event. So, Arne Bible was like, oh, my God, tell Crystal that we love her so much because she didn't spend on, she, she's in the little travel size. We got full size. stuff. We got to check this in the airport.

You can't carry it on. Yeah, Crystal. I was like, y'all's going to get on your. I'm going to tell us. Y'all say thank you. But I so appreciate you. No, I was happy to do that. You helped me. You really, really helped me honor 60 women, 60 matriarchs and families

and in business and just women in power, and they were definitely empowered. Amazing. That's what it's about, just. It is. Yes. And I feel that. However, like I told you before, the cameras are rolling, we can support you if you have anything else going on. I feel like that's what women should do. And don't be afraid to call.

Like, hey, Chris, I know you got this going on. I know. I know. But you be so, girl, you be busy. Listen. Ashana? Listen. She do not.

Listen, you are like the Jackson Five. She's like Joe. And you are Michael. Okay. I'm sorry, Ashana. I'm sorry, Ashana. She ain't going to beat me. She's going to be you.

She's nicer than Joe. Okay, all right. So she's a little nicer than Joe. All right. All right. I'm going to go in. All right, all right. Well, I'm going to say Catherine.

She liked Catherine. She liked the mind. All right. Oh, yeah. She's definitely more Catherine. I'm so proud of you. You are everywhere. Thank you.

I love it. I really, really love it. You'll stylish, you, the hair girl, you sing you, the actress, everything. And Rome told me to tell you he got the biggest crush. Now, he's in a relationship. Probably going to be trouble, but he told me to tell you, he got the biggest crush on you. He loves you so much. Hi, Rome.

Yeah, exactly. That's it. From your crush. Get it together. Please. Right. We're going to put you on the altar today, okay? Thank you, Crystal.

No, thank you so much. And everybody, please go get Jess' new book till death do we parents. You will not regret it. I promise you that. Just thank you so much. This is so good. What I appreciate most about this conversation is how honest it is. Not just about motherhood or co-parenting, but about survival, healing, and the pressure

that so many women feel to always appear strong. Just doesn't pretend to have all the end. She lets to see the fear, the guilt, the growth, the softness, and the rebuilding that happened along the way. And I think that is what makes this story so powerful. Because sometimes healing isn't about becoming perfect. It's about finally giving yourself permission to be honest about what hurt, what changed you, and what you're still learning. So thank you, Jess, for your honesty, for your humor and your willingness to tell this story so openly. Thank you guys so much for tuning to another episode.

of the Keep It Positive Sweeties show. Be sure to grab your copy of Till Death Do We Parent where books are sold. Don't forget to download the Season 11 Kids Reflection Guide at chris rnay hazel.com. Subscribe and share this episode with someone who needs it. And if you ever need advice, positivity, or just want to share what you're going through. Email us at Keep It Positive Outcomes at gmail.com. As always, stay blessed, stay encouraged, and keep it positive, sweetie. I'll see you guys next time.

Hey guys, it's us. The Jonas Brothers. I'm Joe. I'm Kevin. And I'm Nick. And guess what? We created our own podcast called Hey Jonas. We invented a podcast? Well, we didn't invent it. We just contributed to our first people to do podcasts. We get to ask other people questions because we're sick and tired of being asked questions. Well, sick and tired is a strong way to put it. But, you know, tired and sick. And tired and sick. Listen to Hey Jonas on the IHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Just listen. We don't care where you hear it. Another podcast from some SNL, late-night comedy guy, not quite. Unhumor me with Robert Smygel and Friends.

Me and hilarious guests from Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman help make you funnier. This week, my guest, SNL's Mikey Day and head writer, Streeter Seidel, help an a cappella band with their between songs banter. Where does your group perform? We do some retirement homes. Those people are starving for banter. Listen to humor me with Robert Smigel and Friends on the I-Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

Your 20s can be so exciting, but they can also be really overwhelming, confusing, and honestly, just kind of lonely. May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and the psychology of your 20s is breaking down the science behind the biggest roadblocks we face. I was six years into my career, the 80-hour weeks, and just the first one in, the last one out, and I ended up burning out. There was a large chunk of my 20s that I, like, was just so wanting to, like, be out of that phase out of my skin. And I just, like, really regret not living in the present more. You don't need to have everything figured out right now. You just need to understand yourself a little bit better. Listen to the psychology of your 20s on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Every family has its secrets. But what happens when you discover that your dad has been living a double life? That is not the look of an innocent man. Is everyone lying to me about who they are? I felt such desperation. I felt it was what I had to do. Listen to Deep Cover the Family Man on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an IHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.