Keep it Positive, Sweetie - Growth, Grace & Starting Again.

Episode Date: July 5, 2026

Crystal Renee sits down with Grammy-nominated singer, songwriter, and actress Keri Hilson for an honest conversation about purpose, peace, relationships, and embracing every season of your journey. Together, they discuss her first studio album in fifteen years, why she chose to tell this chapter of her story now, navigating relationships as a woman in the music industry, trusting God’s timing, and the lessons that shaped the woman she is today. This conversation isn’t about looking back—it’s about moving forward with clarity, confidence, and purpose.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an IHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human. Joy is essential and it's also elusive. But now, there's a new and exciting way to start your journey toward a more joyful existence. Joy 101. It's a new podcast hosted by me, Hoda Kotby. If you're craving inspiration to maximize your joy, tune into these candid, uplifting, and moving on-air chats.

Open your free IHeart Radio app. Search Joy 101 and listen now. Joy 101 with Hoda Kotopje is presented by CVS. I'm Jake Brennan, and on my podcast, Disgraceland, I tell the stories behind music's biggest names, like how the story of the foo fighters isn't just about music, it's about grief, shock, in the moment everything changed.

Imagine that. You're in the biggest band on the planet, as Dave Grohl was in 1994 in Nirvana, and the phone rings, and you learn that your singer, your friend, the reluctant voice of a generation, Kurt Cobain is dead. Listen to Disgraceland on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

My first guest is Karas Hilton, Shakira, Luke and Yerrin. You have surprises, many surprises. Welcome to the Sweet 305 podcast where the group check comes to life. What a lot? You're the only person I know that loves a yellow starburst. It's lemonade. This is Sweet 305. Here, oversharing is encouraged.

Listen to Sweet 305 with Llele Pons on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. American soccer is exploding. The knockout rounds are here. The U.S. won their group, and now every match is winner go home. I'm Tad Ramos. And I'm Tom Boger. On our podcast, Inside American Soccer, we'll talk about the real storylines. Discuss the tactics that actually decide matches.

And give you the truth about the U.S. national team from inside the program. Whether you're a lifelong fan or this is your first World Cup. We've got you covered. Listen, Inside American Soccer with Tom Bogart and Tab Ramos on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your podcast. Calling all my sweeties to the forefront, I'm your host Chris Renée Hayslett, and this is the Keep It Positive Sweetie Show. Welcome to Keep It Positive Sweetie,

the place where we heal, grow, and learn together through honest conversations. I am so excited because today we are kicking off season In this season, we are centering everything around one word, purpose. Not just finding it, but trusting it. And I couldn't think of a better person to help us start that conversation, and I'm so glad to be sitting with Carrie Hilsen. Today's guest is a Grammy-nominated singer, songwriter, actress, and creative, whose artistry has left

an undeniable mark on music. From unforgettable hits like, Knock You Down, Pretty Girl Rock, and Turning Me On, turning me on to writing songs for some of the biggest artists in the industry. She's built a career defined by talent, versatility, and authenticity. And now she's ushering in a new air with We Need to Talk, her first studio album in 15 years. Released in three distinct chapters,

the project invites listeners to conversations about healing, purpose, and reclaiming your voice on your own terms. Sweetie, please give a very warm welcome to the one and only Carrie Hilsen. Carrie, thank you so much to stopping by. Thank you. Girl, we've been trying to get you over here for so long. I feel like we've changed the date like five times. That's how I know it's going to be good.

Yes. It's going to be really, really good. I'm so excited. I met you a few years ago. We were doing a series that BMW had called Uncourt. Exactly. And immediately we hit it off. It was an instant connection.

And I just love your story hearing about who you are. and like how you got to where you were. That was a really cool event that we did. And I haven't really gotten to see you much because Instagram keeps you in touch. I feel like I see you every day. All the time, right? So I'm so happy to have you here.

You have new music out, which we're going to talk about. But before we get into that, I want to play a little game just to break the ice. Okay. So your new album is called We Need to Talk. So we're going to play a game called Leave a Voice mail. Okay. Yes.

So I'm going to give you little scenarios or people to leave a voicemail too. And you're just going to, the first thing it comes in mind, leave a quick voicemail. Okay. You ready? All right. All right.

Voicemail number one, your younger self. Ooh. First voicemail is to little Carrie. Leave her a message. Hey, Carrie. It's going to be a beautiful and wild ride, but you are going to follow that dream you have. And you're going to be so proud of yourself.

Just hang in there. A little bit. voicemail number two leave a voicemail for the version of yourself that made the decision to step away from music in real time or in hindsight hindsight okay Carrie I'm really proud of you

for fighting for what you need to do follow your heart be authentic to your needs no one will understand absolutely no one you're going to lose some people that work with you. You're going to lose some fans. No one's going to understand. Everyone's going to question you, but only you know. So do what it is you need to do. I'll see you on the other side of this. So good. So good. Voicemail number three. This is the last one.

Leave a voicemail for your fans who waited all these years for new music. Carrie Crew, thank you for sticking. it out. Thank you for caring. Thank you for encouraging me along the way. You were my light in many times of darkness and doubt. And I thank you for that. I thank you for defending me. I thank you for every comment, every request, every post, every ticket you've bought, every like you've tapped. Thank you. I don't take your granted. Your support for granted, it means a world to me and you are a big motivator for me. So thank you. I cannot say that enough. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. So good. Thank you for playing

along with me. Yeah, that was like, oh, we're going to start off with some potential tears. Here we go. That second one kind of got up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was good. I love it. So let's get into it. We need to talk. Let me tell you something. When I'm in a relationship and I hear those two words. Yeah. It don't matter. A friendship relationship. whatever it is. I was like, oh gosh. You got to brace yourself. I'm like, what do you talk about?

What happened? You know what? I've only ever been the person to say it. Really? I've never been with a man that's like, we need to talk. Yeah. It's never happened. So I don't know what being the receiver of it is.

What that feels like? Yeah. I do not know. That is so funny. Yeah. So when you came, when you landed on that as your title, I want to ask you, who was the conversation originally for? Was it for yourself?

Was it for your listeners or was it for the industry? It was all of the above. Okay. And I'm adding another one. It was for the person I was dating. Wow. Yeah. Yeah.

The album is about that person. Yeah. But I used that. Well, it was about multiple things about that person. It was about my own journey of love, drama, redemption. Yes. It's kind of like a double entendre of a story. Yeah.

You take us on a ride. Yes. Yes. Yes. So it's, it was just, I said it in the phone call on the album, which those calls are real. It's one phone call, actually, but it's real. And I say it on the phone call and that's what sparked the title. And then I was just like, oh, actually, I'm talking to my fans for the first time in a long time.

I'm talking to myself. Like I'm, you literally, by the time you get to the third section, you hear me having this, like, moment of realization. while on that call and I'm talking basically like just redeeming myself. Yeah. Affirming yourself. Yeah, that was real.

So yeah, it's to everybody. I love that. So when did you know this is time? You said it's a bad relationship. Originally you were talking to that person. When did you know it was time to make a new album

and that this was the topic that you wanted to touch on? I've been knowing it was time to make an album for some time now. It was so overdue. I didn't intend for the break to be that long, but I did have some business to handle.

Freedom was like a big thing this time around. Like freedom, creative control. I'm not the young girl. I used to be when I entered this industry. Right. You were not. Yeah. So I wanted to control my own voice.

I wanted to present myself to the world the way that I knew that in a way that I could stand by finally. Yeah. In a way that represents me wholly, fully, authentically. Yes. And in a way that I could finally feel a hundred percent proud of who I'm showing to the world and not in a fake way.

Right. Yeah. And not in a force way, not an, you know, no other cooks in the kitchen. Right. Yeah. I felt like I deserved that. So that's what kind of made it a long process. Yeah.

It was like 15 years. Yes. Yes. Wow. Take us through that journey because I remember when you hit the scene, you had the heavy hitters on your songs. Every song was popping, charted. You were killing it. What made you just take a step back and say, hey, this is, I need to sit down, you know, because this is like, you were on a roll.

Yeah. Yeah. And we were loving it. So when I think 15 years, I'm like, girl, I need the music. I know. And I'm grateful a lot of people did feel that way. Because it still goes, your stuff still plays today. It does.

Like your old stuff still plays. Yeah. Like I get the reports. And I'm like, the whole while I was away, I would like see the reports. And I'm like, really? Yes. This is really cool. Because that's not a guarantee.

It's not. That is not a guarantee. So just, you know, that would put like an extra battery in my back. But the reason for the break was both professional and personal. Okay. I was leaving an 11-year relationship. And that was. really difficult and it was at the height of everything.

Yeah. It was literally, Pretty Girl Rock was like, could not, it was like, could not have been higher. Right. You know? Um, that and professionally I just kind of felt like, okay, I just gotta sit down. I gotta take a step back. I was kind of not myself. I was, I say on the album, I was looking in the mirror and not seeing me anymore.

Right. That's, we've been there. Mm-hmm. That's literally what it was. Yeah. just didn't recognize myself and I needed to take a break and I knew it was balzy. I knew it was risky. Yes.

Very, very risky. Yeah. But I also felt that there was no, there was not going to be a way around it. Yeah. I was just going on a downward trajectory. I could have turned to drugs. I could have gone, you know, life could have gone so many directions had I not snatch me back at the time.

So to have the wherewithal and know, like, I need to take a step back because you're young, you're hitting. You got to say you got to strike while the iron's hot. You were striking. Yes. You know, so to be able to say, no, I need to take a moment because it could have led down, especially at a young age. You're so impressionable.

Yes. I know you had been in the industry for a while writing and had been your own group. And you had, I guess, you still had experience. So you weren't new to it, even though we were, you were new to us. You were new to us. Exactly. And so that's what people don't understand, I think, about. the break is that I was in the industry since I was 14 years old.

Right. So when I took that break at what, 28 years old, I was already in the game for almost 15 years. Nonstop, you know, through college, through high school, like literally not, my first deal happened on my senior trip at 17 years old. Wow. So, you know, and I was in that group from 14 to 18. And then we did another, you know, and throughout school. So I didn't really have, in a sense, I didn't really have.

really have the teenhood, the childhood. Yeah. My life was early on dedicated to music and then writing and then I came out. And it's like, okay, yeah, I know I'm only a couple years in and no one's understanding, but I dedicated so much of my life that I knew that if I don't do this now, I'm on a path to destruction. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. No, that's real. What did you learn about yourself during that time? I feel like since you missed those teens, those are formative years. Yeah. You know, so taking that time off, what did you learn about yourself in? So much. I learned who I am as a sister.

Yeah. I lost a lot of time with my family. I was dedicating so much of my time. You know, I was missing a lot of things. Trips and graduations and birthdays and all the important things. Deaths, funerals, I missed, you know, it was things. things going on. So I learned who I am as a sibling, as a daughter, as a human. I learned who I am as a young lady, I guess, at the time. You know, I had to learn, like, what I want in relationship,

what I don't want in relationship. Like, I had to experience those. For sure. I haven't had that many relationships in my life. So still, but definitely then. Yeah. Yeah, it was just, I learned I learned that I'm, I guess, more spiritual than religious, you know. Yeah. So much. So much. It was a period truly of exploration. For sure.

Yeah. I went deep inside. That's good. That's good. And sometimes you need, I feel like sometimes it's important to do that. Take those steps back to really like explore who you are, find out what you like, what you like, when you don't like going back then. What are some of your non-negotiables that maybe carried in would have like, like,

dealt with, but now you're like, no. A lot, actually. Okay, so they, in relationship, you mean? Yeah. In relationship, I think there was a period of time. Have you ever, I'm sure as a woman you've encountered some disloyalties, cheating. No, absolutely. I just will lump it into disloyalty.

Okay. For the sake of this conversation at this point. But I think, if. If you talk to older women and women who have been married for a long time, grandparents and things like that, they'll tell you, all men do that. You just got to learn to turn a blind eye, keep the peace. Yep. Our grandmothers say that.

Yes. And so that's, right. Right. I hear the choir over there is like, uh-uh. But so when you first encounter that, that's kind of the feedback you're getting from women that you're consulting with. And I tried. Like that was literally like me just like, oh my God, okay, well, but it doesn't, it doesn't feel good at all. It's betrayal. It's like, you know. Let's call it what it is. Yes, it's betrayal. Like, but so how am I supposed to forgive

that? How am I supposed to turn a blind die? How am I supposed to be peaceful and quiet? So I just learned, yeah, I'm not a rot or die. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, so I, I'm not that. If that's what that means. Right. I feel like I am in a lot of other ways. But that's one. I just refuse.

Yeah. I refuse. I love that. You know, we live and we learn. Definitely. I tried it. Yes. Really?

I think we've, I have been told the same thing. I've been told that when you got to pick your battles, so to speak, you know, and pick your poison. And like, are you getting 80% of what you want out of this? And that's just one thing that I can't stomach. I'm like, I tried it. You know, no. And, you know, I think if I were the type of woman that maybe needed financial provision.

Yes. If you were providing that and I was in need of that, maybe I could then kind of, I guess, take that easier? Yeah. Because I can understand that from that perspective, like our grandparents and our great, grand families. They were being taken care of. So like what could they say? They couldn't get a house alone on a house. They couldn't like drive for a time. They couldn't vote. Like they, some of them couldn't work. So I guess that depends on where you are and what region and age era we're talking about. Right. Yeah. Like we were in, we as women were in need of men for a very long

time. And I think that has some trickle effect into the advice we're getting from the elders still. Yeah. Yes. But now we're don't need financial provision and we literally we just need you to be good to us we need you to be good as a public figure and a woman who's been successful basically all your life um has it been hard like find because i know i'm new to this part of my life as far as like being in the public eye and the complications when it comes to dating has that been something that's always been a struggle for you being like because you've always had it together uh financially we speak of like not give them in for that?

I don't know. Like, sometimes I feel like it's what attracts a man to me. Initially. Initially, right? But then it becomes something that is a, the blessing turns into a curse at some point. I'm still trying to understand that because I'm like, well, I thought you, you know what I mean? I thought you, but yeah, I got to be busy.

Yeah, I'm not going to be here. And no, I'm not cooking tonight. Like, I got a pack for my flight, you know. Right. So I guess, and I am a really giving, I am a homemaking type of. woman like I am cooking a lot I am cleaning I am you know or you know decorating and arranging the home and doing all the things serving right I love that yeah but and I don't really know what I think I've run into kind of as a sense of inadequacy from men that may not be above where I am yeah I think

that's when it became the curse for those guys that kind of weren't where they wanted to be in their walk or finances or career. And so I think that's when I've encountered the kind of the turmoil of a man, you know, you can kind of see and hear that spilling into our conversation. Yeah. So I think it's good, but it's also like it feels like a curse at times. Yeah. It does.

Have you found the balance of that? No. What I do is like I pretend I ain't got shit. I pretend this is what I'm doing. Like I'm not. That's so good. I just act broke. I just, I'm like, I play damsel.

Yes. You know? I can't go as far. I think they love a damsel. But I can't go as far as to ask a man for money. Right. I just ain't got it in me. I've never been, you know.

but anything I just act like I ain't got it I just that's all I got I'm not buying like if I'm starting to date someone I'm not going out and buying my dream car you know what I mean I'm not I might hold off on moving homes like upgrading my light like no

I want to let him feel like he can do that for me so I try to I do kind of minimize who I am what I own what I have you know I don't tell them about certain things that's all I got so far. That's, that's all I got is like, let me just try that. That is so funny, you said, because when I moved into the house, I'm in now, a friend of mine's mother was like, are you really going to, like, move into that big house? You're never

going to find a man. Literally is what she told me. And I was like, well, I'm this age. I'm like, I'm not waiting on somebody. What if that person never comes. I'm going to get the house. I'm going to get the car. And enjoy my life. I'm supposed to just like, not enjoy my life. Yeah. But she might be on with something, Carrie. I mean, you got to act like you struggling to pay the bills or something. It's got to be something to it. I'm trying to figure this out. No, for sure.

That is hilarious. So you went through that. You go through everything to come up with this album. It's like now it's time. You knew it was time. And you wrote it. We talked about you writing it in three stages. It's three parts.

And you got to add a fourth part to it. I wanted to know, how did you come up with that? What was the whole process? to getting to where we are now because we're bringing it back to present time. I just wanted to know how you got through that hiatus and how we got here. Okay.

Well, that phone call really informed how the album was broken down. This is the one where you were saying she showed me the pictures. Yes. Okay. So. Oh, child.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Love drama redemption was literally kind of the way that relationship went, the way my career went. So breaking it down kind of made all the sense in the world. There were like literal turning points in the phone call

the same way they were turning points in my career. So I just, that was easy to determine. Yeah, no, for sure. And then how we, what was the second part? You said, how we got here. Yeah, like, you gave us the backstory of like what happened during that 15 years. I wanted to bring it back to present day. Like, how did you even like decide to do?

do a three part. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I wanted to kind of get the backstory. Yeah. So being gone so long, you know that your fans are waiting for. You got to give them something. You got to give them something. And not just no seven songs.

Yes. And exactly that. It was exactly that I was like, I actually had more like 26 at one point, 25 week. You're going to hit a Chris Brown album. Yeah, it was about to be that. It was about to be that. And before we broke it up, it was 25, 26 songs. I can imagine, especially the European game.

I already know you had. records for days. Yeah, and there are more that weren't going to make this one, but are already prepared for the next couple project. But yeah, I just knew I wanted to give them enough. Obviously, I care about quality, but I also knew that I owed them quantity. Yes, yeah. So I was like, well, let's do this, but the attention spans are very different.

Let's break it up. Ooh, definitely. Because the album already had its scenes, you know. Yeah. But it was like, let's just release this and let them digest first part. digest second part, digest third part, it doesn't matter. They're lopsided. Like the first one is the longest, the second one is the next one.

You know, the third one's kind of short. Yeah. But that didn't matter as much as making sure that, you know, people were able to take this journey and not. Because I know with longer albums, sometimes I never get all the way through. Yeah. Like sometimes I'm intending to and something happens or a phone call or whatever. And I never finished listening to that. So I understand that.

And it could be a great body of work. You just don't make it through. Oh, I never did finish that album. Right. Two years ago. Right. That's me with books sometimes. I'd be like, same.

Yeah. I got to go back to that. I got to get back to that. Yeah. I love that. An IR Radio Experience. Weekend gold tickets to Ilson Inc. One, two, three.

Everybody just screwed. Montreal with Dom Dalla, Chris Lakin' Friends, Woolly, Dead Mouse, Above and Beyond, Subfocus, and More, with flights from Porter Airlines. lines, three nights at Residence in downtown Montreal, and $1,000 cash. Enter for your chance to win at iHeartRadio.ca. Ilsonique in Montreal, every day you enter is another chance to win. Hey, I'm Hoda Kotby, host of the podcast, Joy 101 with Hoda Kotby.

Okay, if you know me, you know this. I'm always searching for inspiration, for support, and useful tools to help maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover all of that together. We're going to have these meaningful conversations with the world's most fascinating people. Like when actress Olivia Munn shared how she overcame fierce health challenges that she never saw coming. I've gone through breast cancer and then helped my mother through breast cancer. And that was more difficult. There's a lot of people who understand postpartner depression.

I was not prepared for postpartum anxiety. Olympic champ Sean Johnson revealed why she had no choice. but to be a gymnast. There was something about gymnastics that was intoxicating to me. It's given me a belief that we all have one of those treasures inside of us.

We just have to find it. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotby on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. My first guest is Paris Hilton, Shakira, Luke and Yerrin, Samira and Gracie. I'm so excited.

On the bouncy bed. You have surprises? Many surprises. Welcome to Sweet 305 where the group chat comes to life. What a f***. It's like a way to say like, oh my, my friend, hello, my brother.

Look, I never have ever had to with nobody. Except with my kids, my kids, so, me amante. Uff! Oof!

That's incredible, yeah, the telenovela. You're the only person I know that loves a Yellow Starburst. It's a woman. There's not anyone that you You'd like you say, I'd like to collaborate with this person. This is Sweet 305.

Listen to Sweet 305 with Lele Pons as part of my Cultura podcast network on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jake Brennan, and on the Disgraceland podcast, I explore the wild lives of rock stars and unbelievable true crime stories

from music history. These are the stories you haven't heard, the kind you'll end up telling someone else. Like the time, Paul McCartney spent in one of the world's most notorious prisons. Imagine that. You're Paul McCartney. It's 1980.

You're an ex-Beatle. And you're doing time in one of Japan's worst prisons right there alongside Yakuza gangsters and for a ridiculous charge. Or the bizarre crime Lady Gaga is accused of. Who is the artist Lady Gaga as being accused of doing the unthinkable to? after allegedly stealing her music in style to become famous. And what about that time, Blondie's Debbie Harry escaped a serial killer? The man who had given her that ride she barely escaped from was Ted Bundy.

Listen to Discrace Land on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I wanted to ask you, you're back on the road now performing. You were at Essence Festival last year. Yes. And you just said you had a show. What do you love more? Because you're a writer, you're a singer, but you're also performer. You like the stage or the studio better?

I used to not answer this question. Really? I used to not answer it because I felt like I was betraying, like, people that buy tickets or fans or whatever by saying my. And also, I may not have realized the full truth. Yeah. Now I know I prefer creating the music than recreating the music on stage. Really? I do. I do. I finally came to that resolve in the past couple years.

Like, actually, I do have an honest answer for that. I used to say, I can't choose. You know, I like them both. And I do like things about performing also. Right. But it's it's curveball city. It's sleep deprivation. It's performing at your worst often, you know. Yeah, people don't think about that. Yeah, like it's a lot of factors.

What has been like the hardest day that you had to suck it up and get on stage? All the time. I mean, I can't even point one out to you. It happens a lot of the time. You know, we're not always, usually we're not at our best. And then, too, there's other factors going on. It's a whole technical thing so that you can give your best show. There's so many components to putting on a live show.

Your monitors, your in-ears, the paddles for the, receivers for your pack and you know what I mean you then your wardrobe didn't stay in your pack oh shit I can't I can't even find the button to turn the volume down yes I can't find the volume I can't reach there because my outfit I got it on my bra and my arm is barely yeah but I can't hear and then when I go to front of stage front of house oh my gosh it's feeding back into my mic and it's making everything phase out like static and you got to keep it together I had static The whole time on stage, my pack was giving my ears. So I had to kind of loosen this one.

I eventually had to come all the way out of that one to try to hear, but they're still static. Yeah. So I was like feeding off of the stage monitors, which are also too loud. So now I'm getting feedback in the mic. Like it's just so many things that can affect. Yes. You know, and you're all amped before you go. Yeah.

You get on stage and you're like, it's like, whir. Right. Like your mood is like, oh my God, I want to fight somebody. Right, right. And I don't know who to fight. So. You're like, so we're going to take it out on this stage. Okay.

Now you're doing the dance moves all extra hard because you're pissed. That is hilarious. But it's so true. I had a moment when I was first starting a podcast, I was in a relationship. And I was going through a breakup. And I was crying in my closet before our guests had come. It was Eva, Eva Marcel. Okay.

And I just remember. like as soon as I got out of the phone I started crying and then I was like gotta suck it up girl you got an interview to do and then I end up breaking down in the interview because it was just like one of those moments that we were having yeah and that was a moment for me where I wasn't in a great space but I had to get on camera and be like all right welcome to keep it positive sweetie like and I was not feeling positive or sweet okay you know and I think a lot of times as women are people like who look up to us don't see that, especially as people, performers and people have to put on, you know, at certain times.

So I totally get it and hats off to you. Thank you. Like us. You know, to do this. Like anybody that does any level of entertainment understands what it takes behind the scene. Yeah. You understand that stuff could just not be right. Stuff could not be good in the good, in your heart, your head.

And you literally have to compartmentalize, like defragment your stuff. and like put the 30% you have into that day. Right. You know, or the 100% of the 30% capacity you have that day. Right. Exactly. Yeah.

But I remember, I remember having, I was on a European tour and I was crying on stage. While going through that 11 year breakup. Yeah. I was, I had never found myself crying during, I was crying during the song Hustler on my first.

Yeah. That was up. That was a, I think so. Yeah. Um, and I was crying during that song. without fail every night.

Like, oh, cried in Germany, cried in Austria, cried in Sweden, cried in Norway, like literally the whole way through. Right. And it was that particular song every, a certain point in that song every time. Yeah, like after one time, my sound guy was even crying. He was like, you choke me up every night.

Oh my gosh. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, this is real and this is expression. Yes. And then we learn like, it's good to do it because we're, like when we're able to, we don't let them see it. You know what I mean? It's not that they can't see it or don't.

It's not only that they can't or don't. It's that we wall up. Yep. When we are most vulnerable, we kind of mask. Yeah, for sure. You know, and it's part of it. But also I think when we are able to express authentically, like, I'm not, I'm not okay today. Yeah.

I'm human. It shows you humanity too. And people, I think, gravitate. I think that's why people love you so much because you are so, like, grounded and real, you know? Like, we don't ever feel like Crystal's, like, we're not a performative type. Right, no.

You're entertaining still, but it's not rooted there. Right. Rooted and grounded in you. Yes, yeah. Because I've learned very fast, like, entering this space, the only thing that you can truly succeed at is being you. Eventually, it's going to fall off.

Whatever you're faking to be, it's going to fall off. And they're like, ah, that's who you really are. And they can be the good or bad, you know. Yeah. So hoping the real you is something like, no, we actually love this. Why were you trying to be something else anyway? Or, oh, girl, pick the mask back up.

Right. And some people don't even get a chance to put the mask back on. Right. Things go awry. Yeah. When you're pretending, like we see it every day. We do. The cancel culture and like you make one wrong move, one wrong sentence.

Yes. It could be over for you. No, for sure. So it is scary. I understand why people feel like, I was there. Yeah. I mean, we come in feeling like, okay, there's, I think, a subconscious fear that I'm not enough.

That who I am and as I am may not be acceptable because we are trying to please masses. Right. You know? And that's a, your people that are handling your career make you painfully aware that you have to be well liked. Yes. You know, and people want to like your music. They want to come to your show. They want to see an interview.

So you're like, okay, oh, God, so let me turn my dial of me down to like two. You know, I want to appear authentic, but I also am feeling like super vulnerable and performing. At what point of your career did you feel like, I know in the music industry, they try to create the artists that they want to see or that they feel is going to pop for this moment in time. At what point in your career did you feel like, well, I don't. I'm not feeling like Carrie right now. Early on, so initially there were some songs that I felt like I don't think this represents where I was wanting to go with this album. Yeah, yeah.

And I definitely don't think, A, I don't think it should make the album. And B, I don't think it should be a single. Yeah. So now I got to shoot a video for this song. I don't even like. And I don't think represents me well. And never, I don't like the lyrics. I don't, this does not represent who I am.

Like there's so many, there's quite a few examples of that in my, in my particular career. What's all? I'm curious to know what's what it was. There's a few. There's a few. Energy would be one of them. I think breaking point would be another one, return the favor. Let's see.

Change me. Hated it. Really? Hated it. You probably even know it. It's with Acon. Yeah. I love that song.

You do not. I did. No, you don't. I did. I love that song. Hated it. I mean, and I didn't hate energy or Breaking Point. I didn't hate them, but I felt like they weren't, they were both first on my album.

Energy was first on my first album. Breaking Point was first single of my second album. I was like, this is ass backwards. We have way better. Because you knew what you had. Yeah, I knew I had knock you down. I knew I had pre-the-rock on No Boys a lot. It was like, come on y'all, man.

This is ridiculous. And did you feel like you had a voice in that moment? Not as much, you know? Yeah. Not as much. And then, of course, the way you love me and the turn of me on remix, that was pointless, it was, you know. So I feel like I wore jackets that didn't fit me many times in my career.

I felt like that a lot. And it wasn't until me taking a break that I felt strong. enough to even reveal that. I'm just now talking about that, really, in the song space. Yeah. But I did not feel strong enough to say, I haven't been showing you guys me. Yeah. Until I started doing interviews from the valley.

And that's when I felt strong enough and self-assured enough, self-aware. I didn't have the handlers in my picture anymore. Yeah. So this is the freedom you were talking about. I felt free. Yeah. I felt free enough to be authentic again. And then it was like an uphill battle because people are like,

well, that ain't what you said five years ago. You know what I mean? Right. It was people don't let you live things down. They don't. So you don't always get the opportunity to grow and to show people, like to keep, I just, I felt like if you can go with me through this vision, because I had a literal vision of this.

I was walking in this vision. I won't say where I was walking to. That's beside the point. But I was literally walking. You know that period between sleep and wake? Yes. When you have, you literally see things. Well, I do.

Yeah. And I was like pulling off garments of clothes. I was like dropping. I had things in my hands and I was just dropping and I was just dropping and I kept walking and things would appear in my hands and I was just like, okay, got to put that down. okay and I would take off another layer of clothing like I had all these layers of clothes and like hat and things in my hands that would just appear and I just was like walking down a road and just shedding and I had that vision about I think it was like 2021 maybe um I was like oh that's what I've been

doing it struck me I woke up in tears And I didn't understand why until I reflected on that vision. And I just was like, oh, that's what I've been doing. That's what I've been doing. And all these things that I didn't know that I was carrying, they would just appear in my hand. And I'd be like, don't want that, don't need this, don't know, don't even know why I'm dropping it. Right. Why it's there or what it is.

But some was given to me. Some was like imposed upon me. Some things were perceptions that I inherited from people chatter, comments. and posts and all the things, you know? Yeah. Social media was kind of just taking off as your career was exploding because you were at this world. But I remember like Twitter just kind of, Facebook was around, but like Twitter was

coming around at that time. So people were, that's when we started tweeting our thoughts. Yes. Yes. We had an opinions, right? I remember that. So I can imagine for you to be at the front end of that. I know it was like for me, me and Ashana were just talking about, she's like, how do you like

get through like what people say online sometimes and like, does it hurt your feelings? I'm like, absolutely. You know, there's still times where I may see something, but I'm able to like brush it off faster than I used to be. I was sitting in it and I was like, but you don't, they don't know me and I feel like I need to respond. So I can imagine what that was like for you. Then really like trying to navigate this new career and then being at the pinnacle of

of people speak in their mind. Yeah. And I was last, for some reason, I was in an interview with Angie Martinez, who was like, you need a Twitter. I was like, I didn't really know what it was, but I wasn't really a social media person like that, because there was MySpace, and I had never,

I still haven't ever been on Facebook. I have a page. Wow. You can continue to follow that, please. But I did MySpace, and I was into it, you know, to a degree, but I was like, oh, there's more things to do now. Like, oh, gosh, I'm trying to write. I'm in this session.

Right. Now I got to, you know, so I kind of became anti in like a year or two into it. She's like, you still don't have a Twitter page? And I'm like, no, God. I was late to the party on all those. Like late to Instagram. Same. I was years late to Instagram.

Yes, same. Yeah. All of it. We're not followers. It takes me a while. Yes. I'm like, oh, you got to force me. Yeah.

To twist my arm and that's exactly how it happened. And had she not said it on air, I never. I probably would have done it. Eventually. I wouldn't have done it. Yeah. Eventually I would have had to give in because it became such a huge part of promotion. It did.

It has. But yeah, it was such a double-edged sword because you're right. The opinions, they do, they can and they do. And you just get easier. The more, I guess, self-aware and the more love you have for yourself, I think, the easier that is. Yeah. You're like, oh, that's not rooted in fact. That's literally how you're perceiving me.

And you might feel bad. I feel empathy for people that still perceive me wrong. And that's how it is now. Exactly. I hate that you see me that way. Yeah. Poor girl. You know what I'm saying?

Oh, poor thing. Poor thing. That is, you're suffering. Yeah. I'm not. Right. You know. That's real.

Yeah. And I love that we've, it comes with the self-awareness. For me, it was therapy. It was learning who I am and understanding who I am in this industry, you know, and what my purpose is here. Yes. Yes. And by, let me clear this up.

By suffering, I didn't mean you're suffering in life. Oh, yeah. Your opinion of me is causing you to suffer. Yes. A perception of me. And you're suffering with that, but I don't suffer with that because I know the, I know the truth. Yes.

Of the whole picture. Yeah. I don't want people to think that I'm like calling anyone lowly or that I believe that I'm superior to anyone because I really don't play that game. Yeah. No, same. Yeah. Yeah.

And I didn't even take it that way. Yeah. I thought about it. I totally understood. Someone might take that the wrong way. Even though that is true too. Yeah. That is true too.

People are suffering and they are sometimes just mean-hearted. Sometimes they don't believe what they perceive of you. They don't believe it, but they want to. They want to attack you. They want to make you feel the pain they're feeling. Yeah, that is so true. That is so true. I want to ask you, is there a version of Kerry Hilsen that is sitting here today

that simply would not exist if you had not. not stepped away. Yeah, the whole version. What I'm looking at. You're like that. Yeah, the whole thing. I don't know where I'd be. I just, I just, I'm so grateful that I was so baldy to do what I needed to do.

I can't, I cannot imagine where I be had I pushed through to the degree that it would have taken me to push through. I think it would, I literally would have been. a train wreck that everyone would have watched, you know. Even more than people think my life went in that direction. People think that. I know the truth. I call it the valley because in some ways it was,

but it wasn't the valley the whole time. Right, exactly. But when you're not relevant, people think that you are there. And I'm like, actually, I am the most beautiful version of myself now than I was when you guys thought that I was on the top. Wow. I just had Mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms on recently, and she said powerful women, what was it? Powerful women, no, strong women push through.

Powerful women know when to stop. Ooh. Yes. Yes. And that was so profound. And what she just said reminded me of that. That is so true. There's so much power in the stop.

It's the, yes. Yeah. And you don't, you won't do it if you don't empower yourself. Yeah. ever do or be or give yourself what you truly need if you don't feel powerful enough. Right. You know, because I was like, I don't know where my money's going to come from. I don't know.

I mean, thank God for royalty. Yeah. You know? Yeah. But like. And you were okay with that. During that time, was there ever a moment of do I need, maybe I should get back to it because, you know, you're used to a certain lifestyle.

You used to date money coming in, show money. all this and then you're like taking this this pause was there a moment where you were like okay maybe i need to rethink this yeah yeah i'm being honest yeah i was like uh i would have to call my manager like hey let's go we call it shaking the trees go shake some trees getting a little funny out here you know there were moments where i was just but i never felt like i was changing my lifestyle like i never i'm responsible enough to have never reached that kind of bridge. Yeah. Or fork in the road. You know, I'm pretty frugal. I'm economical. I'm not a, you know, I'm not a shopper. Like, you don't, never, ain't nobody ever seen me in the stores in

Atlanta. You know what I mean? I'm never, I'm hardly ever there. She knows. I might do it Christmas time. She said, mm-mm. Might do it Christmas time. Yeah. But that's going to be for one day, like, for one item, like, okay, I really can't order this, whatever. Yeah. But like, I'm not frivolous. I'm not, I live within my means at all times. So I didn't, thank God, like I didn't ever feel like I had to do things to like try to prove to myself or prove to others that I still have the, like I, and my circle ain't like that. Yeah, yeah. People that are watching me understand who I am.

Yes. So. That's right. Yeah. I think I've been, but there have been times where I'm looking at the records and, you know, just overlooking, just like, I'd like to, I like more numbers in that. I like more numbers in my account than that. you know yeah yeah yeah I love that but you the right time the timing you now you're back

doing your thing yeah I love that now were you still like writing during that time for other people or not really you just kind of left music alone all together yeah wow there was a there was a period of that 15 years where I just didn't even want to hear music I didn't even literally my life was silent for years now and I know a lot of singers even when you sat down you were humming. Mm-hmm. Like, so I can't imagine your world without music. Not even humming, not singing in the shower, no music in the car, no literally, the only

music I would hear was the music on the plane. Yeah. On Delta, you know, before you take off, that, it would be music in a grocery store or wherever, whatever, wherever I happened to be an elevator or something, like hotel. I literally radio. I was not aware of who was out, who was doing what, what songs were charting. I still don't look at the charts, but I just was completely, I fell out of love. I felt like music betrayed me, innocent, you know?

So, yeah, I just couldn't. What built the trust back? You felt betrayed. What built that trust back for you to make your return? that's a good question I think just time I guess just time and getting out of that depression

like seeing the world the way that I was seeing it during the dark phase played a big part in how I viewed everything how I viewed music how I you know like it was kind of it was like when I listen to music my heart would break. It was like looking at a picture of a loved one that you lost. Right.

Wow. It was like that. It was like looking at a picture, my mother died. My mother did not die. Let me knock on wood. We don't want that. My dad did die, but it was like, it's like a threat. It's like a fresh wound that you are, like, that's what listening to music was for me.

Even though I decided to step away. Just as fate would have it, like, I just, I didn't expect for it to not. be a Lego thing that I could like put back together. I didn't expect that it would implode the way that it did. Yeah. That I would lose major players, that I would lose my situation,

my, my, my, my record deal. Yeah. Now that turned out best case scenario for me. Thank God. But like to lose people that I felt like believed in me. Yeah. You know? So for me, All because I'm doing something, I'm just taking a break. I didn't say I was gone forever.

I just was taking a break. But it wasn't all about that. There was other things that I should not reveal here today. But, you know, a lot went into that. But, yeah, I just, I felt, in a sense, I felt like my dream betrayed me in a sense. So I think you just have to sometimes change your outlook. And then, like, things become more comfortable. You process things better when you're well.

Listen. And you're there for heart-wrenching knockouts. The world's biggest stage. And breathtaking triumph. In 2026 FIFA World Cup. The knockout stage. Every match, every moment. Listen on TSN radio.

Join the globe on the road to the July 19th final. 2026 FIFA World Cup. Stream it all live on TSN Radio. Available on IHeard Radio. Hey, I'm Hoda Kotby, host of the podcast, Joy 101 with Hoda Kotby. Okay, if you know me, you know this. I'm always searching for inspiration, for support, and useful tools to help maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover all of that together.

We're going to have these meaningful conversations with the world's most fascinating people. Like when actress Olivia Munn shared how she overcame fierce health challenges that she never saw coming. I've gone through breast cancer and then helped my mother through breast cancer. And that was more difficult. There's a lot of people who understand postpartner depression. I was not prepared for postpartum anxiety. Olympic champ Sean Johnson revealed why she had no choice but to be a gymnast. There was something about gymnastics that was intoxicating to.

me. It's given me a belief that we all have one of those treasures inside of us. We just have to find it. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotby on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. My first guest is Harris Houghton, Shakira, Luke and Yerrin, Samira and Gracie. I'm so excited. On the bouncy bed. You have surprises, many surprises. Welcome to Sweet 305, where the group chat comes to What a f***? It's like a way to say like, oh, my friend, oh, my friend,

hello, my brother. Look, never I've ever had to be about. My kids, my children, I'm

Oof, Yeah, tell the novellas. You're the only person I know that loves Yellow Starburst. It's lemonade. No, I'm a need

someone like you'd like to collaborate with this person. This is Sweet 305. Listen to Sweet 305 with Lele Pons as part of my Coultera podcast network on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jake Brennan and on my podcast, Disgraceland, I tell the stories behind music's biggest names, the moments, rumors, and real-life events that help shape their legacy. Like the story behind Sonic Youth that starts with

downtown New York cool and ends with album art inspired by a true crime. Sonic Youth was not fronted by a groupie hustling alpha like David Lee Roth. No, Sonic Youth's Thurston Moore was an artist in love with a fellow artist who just happened to play bass in the same band with him and his other artist friends. Her name was Kim Gordon. And Thurston and Kim were every bit as cool as the couple on the cover of Goo. The same couple involved in one of the UK's darkest true crimes. Disgraceland is part of the exactly right network.

Listen to new episodes every Tuesday, bonus episodes Thursday, and rewinds on Sunday on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your podcasts. Yes, yes. Speaking of depression and being well, did you do therapy? What was your process to really work through that? Yeah, it was a lot. It was therapy.

It was spiritual retreats. It was journaling. It was taking, I discovered taking walks and, and I discovered meditation. I only said yes. I called it my Sele or my eat, pray love phase. Oh, nice. Because I would literally, Crystal,

I would only take shows in the countries that I wanted to go to. It's like, oh, yeah, Thailand, sure. Oh, I've never seen China. Let's do China. Wow. Oh, Morocco, yeah, let's go. Let's, you know.

All the countries I went to in Africa, most happened that's not true but a lot happened we continued to go to Africa because I went a lot while I was out okay yeah

anyway yeah I only went to places like yes I want to see Kenya yep I want to do a safari there yep you know there was so you know so all of that like I can't really attribute it

to one thing because my healing was so fast and mushrooms which I talked about on another show Angie Martinez show I think I remember For seeing a clip of it.

Okay. Yeah, I discovered macro and micro dosing, and that was really good for me. And I had some destructive things, too, like during COVID when I did lose my dad. Yeah. I picked up drinking and was just doing some destructive things in that phase and partying a lot. Well, that was before that. That was maybe around 2016. I was partying a lot.

I remember, because I was partying, too, and I remember seeing you as. Okay. Me too, girl. Okay. Like, hey, Crystal. See your next week. Right. Same way, same time.

What's that? Yes. Yes, I remember that. Yes. And then I remember you posting, your dad was like your twin. Like, I remember y'all. I just remember you posting something about him. I was like, gosh, I had the same face.

But I remember feeling the heartbreak, even things. through your post about him. Yeah. And then we're already going through so much with COVID. And then on top of that. And career and all the things, yeah. Oh, what a time. Man.

I drank COVID away. I would wake up. Poor drink. I was like, oh, I think this is alcoholism. Let me pull this back. This is alcoholism. I gained all that weight. Like, eating things.

Yeah, like eating things. I hadn't eaten since I was a kid. Like, you are not. hungry. It's five o'clock in the morning. I am, why am I cooking? Right. Oh yeah. Cooking with Chris was in full effect. I was trying all types of recipes in sweatpants and then I had to get dress. I said, none of it. Nothing is fitting. Oh, girl, a mess. I picked up my legging. My love for legging happened in COVID. Me too. Now I just can't stop. Yeah, right. I want nothing that's too tight. Yeah, I can't stand it now. We are the same. Oh my gosh.

I can't do it. That's right. But I love Carrie how you have come out on the other side. When I see you when you walked in, just, I'm talking about glowing. I love, because people, they see the absence, but they don't see what the refining that happened in the absence. I see it, you know, and I'm just, I want to say I'm proud of you. I'm glad that you are back, honey, because we were waiting. We were waiting.

True story. Okay. I moved to Atlanta in 2009. and I had cut my hair short and I had like the blonde piece and they were like oh she's trying to be like Carrie you was my inspiration girl okay yes I loved and love you like but I was a huge fan of yours and just to be able to share a space with you and sit down with you and hear more about your story yes finally I'm so grateful and I would love to know our our theme for this season is purpose and I I want to know after your 15-year hiatus, what is Carrie Hilsen's purpose now? I think my purpose now is what it always was.

But we derail ourselves at times or we, you know, or life, you know, circumstances, whatever. But I think my purpose is what it always has been, and that's to express. I think it's as simple as that. Express, be authentic. My purpose is to show people, people, I guess what's possible.

And I feel a sense of responsibility to young women to be respectable, to dress a certain way and to show them that there's not just one way of doing things. I love it. To be eloquent and to be just authentic and be good, just to be good, be great, be good, be, at peace. I feel a sense of purpose when I'm like just being my best. Yeah.

I love that. So we have part four coming out soon. How long do you have to wait for that? No, there's no part for them. Okay, so you're just going to, it'll be just more music. No. What do you mean? Everything is released.

Everything that is going to be released for this project. Okay. It's out. Okay, we're out. Okay. Is there anything else that we can support you? Because you're also an actor. Do you have anything else going on?

I haven't been doing that lately, no. I've been promoting, I've been on the road. Okay. I do, I'm not opposed to it. Yeah. I love acting. Yes, and you're great at it. It's so much fun.

Thank you. Yeah, for some reason in the past year or two, there haven't been a lot of projects. I haven't been part of a lot. I just had this conversation. There aren't that many projects happening. It's not, yeah. I just was like, we're with auditions. Yeah.

I'm like I have an audition once. Literally just had a conversation yesterday. I don't know if I auditioned at all this year. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, I look forward to it. I enjoy it. It's fun. It's fun.

I like being a student. Yes. That's what acting is for me. It's like, okay. For sure. I have my bearing. I'm very sure of myself and my decision making and music. Right.

I love being an arena is where I'm a student. Yes. That is what acting is for me. I love it. I love it for that reason. Well, we look forward to what is to come. And however we can support you, we will. Thank you.

You have a fan in the sweeties. We love you. Yes, thank you so much, Carrie. Thank you for having me. Absolutely. Carrie, thank you so much for spending time with us. This conversation was truly special. And, Sweeties, if you enjoyed today's episode,

make sure you like, subscribe, and share it with someone that you love because you never know who might need this conversation. And before you go, I am so excited to welcome you all to the Suisse Social Club. If you've been rocking with us and you want to be even more connected with the Kitts family, this is for you.

Members, you get access to exclusive events, special experiences, merch drops, and so much more. Click the link in my bio to join. We cannot wait to welcome you. Until next time and in between time, keep it positive, sweetie. I love you guys. Joy is essential and it's also elusive, but now there's a new and exciting way to start your journey toward a more joyful existence. Joy 101. It's a new podcast hosted by me, Hoda Kotby.

If you're craving inspiration to maximize your joy, tune into these candid, uplifting, and moving on-air chats. Open your free IHeart Radio app. Search Joy 101 and listen now. Joy 101 with Hoda Kotfi is presented by CVS. I'm Jake Brennan and on my podcast, Disgraceland. I tell the stories behind music's biggest names. Like how the story of the foo fighters isn't just about music. It's about grief, shock.

In the moment everything changed. Imagine that. You're in the biggest band on the planet, as Dave Grohl was in 1994 in Nirvana. And the phone rings. And you learn that your singer, your friend, the reluctant voice of a generation, Kirk Cobain, is dead.

Listen to Disgraceland on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. My first guest is Terence Hilton, Shakira, Luke and Yerrin. You have surprises? Many surprises. Welcome to the Sweet 305 podcast where the group chat comes to life.

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