Keep it Positive, Sweetie - Keeping it 100 & Positive w/ KJ Smith

Episode Date: July 20, 2025

This week I sit down with my Sista - the one and only KJ Smith Black. We discuss the beauty and the battle behind the scenes of her biggest season yet. From filming while pregnant to healing through PCOS, KJ opens up about reclaiming her health, her voice, and her faith — on God’s time. Whether you're navigating fertility, rediscovering your faith, or simply learning to block with grace and keep your sword ready, this one is for you. Don't forget to like, subscribe, and drop your favorite quote from the episode in the comments!

This back to school season, spend less on your kids with Amazon. I remember when my little brother swore rainbow gel pens would boost his aura. They nearly tanked mine at the checkout. Amazon's prices keep the vibe high and the cost low, so positivity stays free. So remember, with Amazon's low back to school prices, just spend less on your kids. Because every dollar you don't spend on them is a dollar you haven't spent on them. Calling all my sweeties to the forefront, I'm your host Chris Renee Hazel, and this is the Keep It Positive Sweetie Show.

Hey, sweeties. I am so happy that you are back with me for another episode. And while I have you here, I want you to lean in real quickly. Is this thing on? Just real quick, I have a question for you. What would you do if you knew that you could not fail? Go ahead, get your journal and write that vision and go ahead and make it plain

because it's just as simple as that. Our guest today is my sister y'all. She is a wife, a glowing mommy, and an actress and an entrepreneur. You might know her from, I don't know, a show named Sisters, playing a character named Andy Barnes. Kids family, please welcome our sister, KJ Smith Black.

Hey, Krystle. Hey, girl. Hey, girl. Hey. I'm so happy to have you here today. I'm happy to be here. It feels good. You look good. You look good. You know, we like I'm so happy to have you here today. I'm happy to be here. It feels good. You look good. You know, we like to make it feel like home here. Yes, it does.

Thank you. How are you feeling? I feel good. I feel good. I'm really excited and energized. I feel that. I feel when you walked in, you don't look like you're, what month are you in now?

I'm going into my seventh month. Yes. Oh my goodness, KJ. In two days, it'll be seven months. Two days. You look amazing. I was telling you when you walked in, I said, I hope that if I ever get pregnant that I wear just

you're all belly. You know, some people I feel like I'm going to blow up in the face, my arms, everything. You won't. You look good. You know, why did you train your fit? You know what I mean? It's all going to go where it's supposed to go.

I like that. Yeah. Because it definitely went where it's supposed to go. I like that. Yeah. Because it definitely went where it's supposed to go in the end. Oh, I received that. I received that. And also I'm trying to honor my body

and everything that's happening. It's so much change. I'm just like, whatever happens, I'm allowing. I'm not about to fight with this. I'm literally changing every day. It's a new something, a new bump, a new rash, a new something. And I'm just a new rash, a new something. And I'm just like, this is a part of creating life and that's cool.

It is. Yeah. Yeah. I love that you're adapting to it and you're owning it. Yeah. I love that. The last time I saw you, we were filming sisters and it felt like overnight. Like when you first came, it was just like a little bump and we were able to hide it. And then you came back over the weekend. we were like, what happened? And I was like, oh, yes. I'm ready, action, let's go. Yes. That was crazy, but watching you do that, KJ,

was so inspiring because you are like, you're our girl. Like you're the one that, you're everywhere on the show. You know, a lot of us like get time off. KJ does not get time off. Like she's at everybody's house. She's handling, putting fires out for everyone. So to see you handle it with so much grace, it inspired me because a lot of times

I think I'm making an excuse, but I don't have time to get pregnant. But seeing you do it out, there was a little, a little part of me was like, I could do this. You can do it. Yes, you can do it. You really inspired me. I received that because I honestly, I was like, I could do this. You can do it. You can do it. I received that because honestly, I felt the same way.

I was like, I don't have time. Where is the time? What people don't see is in between us shooting our show, we have our own endeavors. We're entrepreneurs. We are doing life as well. And so it's like we're creating outside of being on set. And so I felt the same way.

I felt like I don't have time or I'm not equipped or I don't know what I'm doing. I had a lot of doubt before Sky and I decided to get pregnant. And you know, I'm telling all my friends, I'm trying to recruit, okay? I'm starting to recruit a program and I need you to be on my list.

Because you, of all people, can do it. I've seen you do so many amazing things. And you absolutely can do it. Yeah, I feel like I'm a mom to a lot of people. You are. Now that I had to fix, because I am too too and I've had to transmute that energy and kind of recall my energy from mothering people, mostly adults. And I've had to recall a lot of energy and that doesn't really bode well with some people but I had to do it because I'm like

I have to do this thing. This is the most important thing in my life. Absolutely, absolutely. What were some of the challenges that you faced during filming? And this is a new era that you're walking in. My biggest bout was acid reflux, motion sickness, just gastrointestinal issues, wanting to purge in the middle of a scene.

Or clothes being, you know, on Monday I'll be a certain size and by Wednesday I'm a different size. I had to unzip. I'm behind my desk. Y'all, there are scenes where I'm literally behind my desk with my pants unzipped because the clothes no longer fit. Yeah, you're going. Absolutely. And I think having the crew that we work with made it easier because we're with people we trust. With people we've been working with forever.

So everyone was like, it's okay. You need more water. Do you need a moment? Do you need, you know, people were helping me out. We had that scene where I had to lay on the ground. Remember? Oh my, yes. I was like, what is happening?

We did that like eight times. Eight times. And I was like, and all, you know, the men came and they helped me. And Mion, she was a part of the team. Helped me lay down and everybody was helping me get up. So I think being with our family made it easier, but the physical challenges,

there was nothing really I can do about it, but try to get, you know, we don't get sleep. We don't get sleep. And so I was really concerned a lot because with this pregnancy, it's a high risk pregnancy, it's a geriatric pregnancy. And so for me, I was on edge while we were shooting because I'm not sleeping eight hours

and they recommend 10 to 12. And I'm not even sleeping eight. So for me, I'm going to work and I'm a little worried but I had to kind of release that. But I'm worried because they're telling me that sleep is the most important thing for this time. So there was a little bit of concern, but mostly it was the physical, my own physical things,

but our team made it a lot easier. You know, because they're so nice. They are, it's really like one big happy family at TPS. It really is. Yeah, I can imagine that. We've had candid conversations about just, and you've talked about it as well, about the doctors telling you, you were infertile

in this journey of even knowing if you could have children. Can you share with us some of the things that you've been through to get to this moment? Yes. And I really, I'm so happy that you have me here because I watch your show and I imagine that other women who are like me watch your show. And these are other women who feel the way I feel which is It's too late for me or my doctor told me I can't and as a woman who I have PCOS I have fibroids

Later on in life and so every doctor I went to Were like you have fibroids on the uterus, you know You're gonna have an issue with getting pregnant or you may not be able to get pregnant. You have PCOS, the number one symptom of PCOS is infertility. And then I started going to the fertility clinic before my husband and I even started trying to get pregnant. Really?

Yes, because I'm a type A person. So I'm like, I have to plan in advance. I have to make sure that we can do this before we even start. We go to the doctor, we test him, we test me. He's like, you know, you have plenty of eggs, it's fine. But you have this fibroid and on the paperwork, it says infertile.

On the paperwork, it says infertile. On the paperwork it says infertile. My husband was fine. Yeah. My husband was fine. He, he, hey, I used my hands. Right. My husband was absolutely fine, so he was fine. But the doctor, he said, you have plenty of eggs.

He said, but you have this fibroid. And he said, it looks as if you would be infertile. He said, let's get you in here for IVF. And so this was like November, January this year, January this year, we had a schedule because I was like, I'm gonna do after holidays. I was told that it causes like hormonal changes, etc. And so I was like, oh, I'm gonna do my IVF journey after the holidays. Now mind you, we hadn't even started like really trying.

Yeah. And committing to trying. Right. And over the summer, I had committed to healing my PCOS because... How did you do that? I know there's a lot of black women that do that. Absolutely. Oh, yes. Oh, please. Yes. Teach us. I was going to say, I was like, literally, I want to write down everything I did. I started taking a supplement called Inositolol and this is just for me. Yeah, I started taking a supplement called anacetol

I started taking a lot more magnesium. I started incorporating that into my diet And for black women we have to release the stress. Yes, we cannot be everyone's superhero I went completely dark this summer. I was literally, I went dark this summer. I said, listen, I'm off the grid. Do not call me. Do not ask me to go to any event, no red carpet, no work. I don't want to do any of that because I have to heal my body.

Apparently I had been operating with high cortisol levels for I don't even know how many years. So I've been operating at fight or flight for years. For years, didn't even know. Any little thing, I'm high strong. Yeah. And that is all changed because of the supplements that I started to incorporate in my life and in my diet.

And I'm not gonna hold you now. The TikTok girlies were right. The TikTok girlies. The TikTok girlies were right. The TikTok girlies were right. I went on TikTok and I started taking wild yam, using wild yam cream, putting it on my wrist, putting it on the top of my belly. And that also shifted. I started having easier cycles.

The facial hair, those types of issues started to go away. Wow. Listen, I'm gonna keep it 100 on. Keep it positive, sweetie. Come on. We're gonna keep it 100 and positive. There we go. And so that, I spent the whole summer just trying to heal my body, trying to heal myself,

trying to heal my mind, and it worked. And then I honestly didn't even feel prepared to have a baby before that. And then I started overthinking about, oh,'t even feel prepared to have a baby before that. And then I started overthinking about, oh, now it's time to have a baby. Now it's time to have a baby. Now it's time to have a baby. I'm a call fertility doctor.

Just going, reverting back to high strong. Yes. So, but yeah, that's largely a part of my journey. January 19th, we found out that we were pregnant. Now, what was that moment like? Oh my god. I gotta send you the video. Oh, please.

Yes. I gotta send you the video. I had just took my weave down. I just took my hair out. And you know, I gotta be cute. OK. I'm wearing my natural hair now, lately. But, you know, I used to be a weave girl.

Okay. I used to be a weave. So I had just took my weave out and I was like, oh, I'm gonna wash my hair. It's gonna be a self-care day. And I had gotten in the habit of taking a pregnancy test because we started in November. So I got in the habit of, you know, taking a pregnancy test. And so I was like on the phone with my cousins. It was eight of us on a call every Sunday.

I'm on the phone with my cousins for six to eight hours. Wow. They're my they're my besties. And so I'm on the phone with them casually. And, you know, the phone's on mute. We do this all the time. So I have them on my headphones. I'm taking I phone with them casually, and you know, the phone's on mute. We do this all the time. So I have them on my headphones. I'm taking a pregnancy test. And you know, I'm in the shower, washing my hair, and I said, oh wait, I gotta check my test.

And I had gotten into the habit of just being casual about it, because they told me it was gonna take six months to get pregnant. I was planning on starting. I had a plan, friend. I had a plan, okay? I had a plan on getting started in November, so that by the time we had finished filming, I would

be pregnant. And, and I can just yes, exactly. I'm about time off. God said make a plan. Listen, yes. And so I was washing my hair and I casually looked, I kind of just looked out of the shower and looked at the pregnancy test because it's a certain time, I think you're supposed to,

and don't quote me on this, I think you're supposed to look at it like after five minutes, but not after like 10. So like at five minutes I was kind of like, oh wait, I gotta check my pregnancy test. So I looked and he said positive and I went, whoa. And mind you, I got my cousin on speakerphone in the

shower and I go scream cuz I'm dramatic and my cousin's like what? You know my cousin's rife with me they're like what happened what's going on? Do I need to come up there? What's happening? I'm in LA at the time. Right. They're all in Florida. Right. Where are you gonna go? And how fast are you gonna get here? And how are you gonna get here?

What are you gonna do? What, excuse me? So I'm screaming to the top of my lungs. Ah, ah! And they're like, what is happening? I get out of the shower, and mind you, my hair is wet. I still got the shampoo in my hair. My body's wet, my fingers are wet.

I'm trying to turn the camera on to them, put on a robe, show them the pregnancy test, because I cannot even talk. Oh my gosh. So between crying and screaming, and my cousins panicking, because I've put them in that state of being, I am wet all over, and I am just like,

fumbling with the phone. It was something out of a movie. I can't even make it up. And I finally like dry my hands, show them the pregnancy test. They all have kids, most of them, a lot of them have kids. And they were like, oh my God. So we're on the phone celebrating.

Sky just got back, he was working. I'm sorry, this is a little weird. What a great surprise, no, this is good. He was working, he had just got back from All the Queens of Man. So he was in the guest bedroom taking a nap so that I wouldn't bother him because I was in the primary suite. Yes.

And so I was screaming, they were like, you gotta tell Sky, and I was like, no, I have a plan. I have a plan, where's my videographer? I didn't like this, where is Dragon? I was like, you wonder where my videographer is? Because I'm like, where is Dragon? I was like, you wonder where my videographer is? Because I'm like, I need to document this. This moment, yes.

Moment. Girl, but God. The whole situation was but God. Wow. He's in the bed, sleep, don't know nothing, didn't hear a peep. I'm screaming and crying. Oh, Sky's a hard sleeper.

I'm celebrating with my family. And we come up with this little plan where I tell him to get something out of the oven. And I'm like, oh no, it's not a bun. This is it. I have a bun in this oven. And it's like, you know. That's cute.

Yeah, so I took a couple tests before I showed him, just in case. Yeah, just make sure. I was like, let me take some extra tests, just in case. They were all positive, like super positive. And so he's, you know, he's always wanted to be a father. So he was elated. It was amazing.

I know it was. It was fantastic. I'm sorry for the long one. No, no, I wanted to be taken to that moment and you took us there. Okay, good. That was good. Thank you.

I think it was my first time telling that story. Oh wow. Yeah, I think so. Kips exclusive. That was good. Thank you. I think it's my first time telling that story. Oh, wow. Yeah. Kips exclusive. Kips exclusive. I love it. Next week on Sisters, that's what it reminds me of. Right, right. Exactly. You got to watch it live.

Going through all that, I'm really interested to know, like, what toll that took on your faith to get to that point of joy You know because I know there had to be doubts. They had to be fear It took my faith to a whole nother level I mean listen and I didn't even realize how doubtful I was I didn't realize how weak my faith was I'm gonna be honest with you. I was telling my executive Felicia this other day I was like, you know what? I just telling my executive Felicia this the other day, I was like, you know what I just realized?

I said, of all the interviews I've done, of all the press I've done, I mean, been acting a long time. It's been a lot of interviews. It's been a lot, especially with our show, with the success of it, is interviews all the time, which I love. Yeah.

Well, I love now. I used to be way too anxious to enjoy it because I was such a perfectionist. all the time, which I love. Yeah. Well, I love now. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. Yes. I used to be way too anxious to enjoy it, because I was such a perfectionist. Now I'm like, what you want to talk about? Let's talk. Yes. But I was telling her, I said, you know,

I was looking back at some old stuff of me. And I was like, I have never given God the glory, like, publicly. Yeah. And I'm like, I'm always going to believe. And he's a big part of your life, right? He was part of my life. And I'm a believer. And I feel like, you know, I felt there was a part of me

that just, I don't know, I just felt like there was a part of me that felt like that was for someone else to do, maybe someone more proficient, someone who knew the Bible back and forth. Or someone who you thought was worthy. Or someone who I thought was worthy. Or someone who I thought was worthy. But I mean, you know me. Yeah.

I was wild now. Oh, listen. Of course I know. We ain't no secrets. We can go 100 right here. I was wild. A free spirit. You understand?

She knows it. That's why she's laughing. She's laughing because it's true. I love you for this. So free. I was like, if I could only be as free as KJ. I am. And you know, and I love that. And a part of me felt like being a free spirit did not give me the authority to talk about my relationship with God because I feel like people would judge that. They would be like, but you like to dance and you like to go to parties

and you like to have parties and things like that. And I'm like, I'm still a God loving woman. And a child of God. And a child of God. And I feel like God loves dancing as well. Dance like who dance? David, hello. Exactly, exactly.

So I think there was a part of my life and my worthiness that I had to overcome with my relationship with God. And Felicia said something really poignant. She said, God is gonna make it so that you have to make him a part of your story. And I received that because no one asked me about it. So I didn't bring it up. And then people assume that I am,

I am a on my knees journaling, praying. Yes. I don't play about God and God don't play about me. He does not. You think these blessings just coming out of thin air? Right. No, and I know they don't. And so, you know, it just dawned on me.

And I, you know, I prayed before even coming on here. I said, God, what would you have me to say? Yep. Mm-hmm. Every time I leave my house before I come here, I say that. And that's how I move all the time. Yeah, that's good. What would you have me to do?

What would you have me to say? And I can honestly say it didn't happen until this miracle. Yeah. Because I'm like, oh my purpose is bigger. I can't control when or what happens in my life. Right. Because I tried to control this. Yeah. I don't know why, girl. Amateur hour. But I couldn't control it and I was like wait that's not the plan I'm supposed to get pregnant in April right or after my birthday. May 6th. I don't want to be pregnant on my birthday! I want to turn up! No! But you know God was like no it's on my time. It is. And I have learned the lesson. I'm tired of relearning that lesson.

Yeah, you got it now. I'm tired of relearning that lesson. Girl, everything is on God's time. And I'm tired of trying to control. I'm trying to, I'm not even trying. Releasing is easy, actually. It's easier than I thought it was going to be. It is.

Yeah, I'm proud of you for that. I remember meeting you, I want to say 2018, when you did, was it 17 when you did the Medea's family funeral? And you were just this bright, bubbly, free spirit. And then we met in 2000, we got reacquainted in 2019 when sisters got picked up and you were still that same girl. And then there was this transition that turned into this very calculated KJ where you didn't speak like yourself. And we talked about this. I was like, you didn't even talk like KJ.

And you got to a point where you're like, I'm getting back to me. What was that transition and what were you going through when you were, was it just trying to figure out your lane in this industry or who you were in this industry and your voice? Yeah, I lost myself. That's a real thing.

I completely lost myself. I was trying to be what people wanted me to be. I played this attorney on television. So I wanted to make sure I was always pulled up and articulate. And I wouldn't sit like this. Right. If I did an interview, I would be poised.

Yes. And I would... And I would change my voice and I would shift. I am a Southern girl from Tallahassee, Florida. And yes, I've done the articulation classes and things like that, but that girl is still there. And the base in my voice is still there. You know what I mean?

And so I would turn on. Like if we had done this interview, and that's why, God's time, we had done this, even when you first started it, I don't even know if I was myself at that time. Yeah, no, not at that time, no, yeah. I know, I was a different person. And at some point, I didn't even recognize myself. And I think you hit the nail on the head.

I was trying to find myself in this energy industry. We had gone from anonymous, I don't know how you did it. I mean, you did it flawlessly in my opinion. And maybe because you, I don't know how you did it. But for me, oh my gosh, I just was like, I felt blindsided in a good way. Like by the success and the fame of the show. And you know, it was one time,

I think the shift was when we went to Mardi Gras, when we went and saw... Essence Festival. Essence Festival. Yes. And we went out in the public, in the parade, Mardi Gras, and people were like,

I know you! Andy! Andy! Andy! And I were like, I know you, Andy, Andy, Andy. And I was like, and it just went, and I was like, whoa, whoa, what is going on? And then for that, you know, I think from that time until I would say even right now, just right now, most recently, maybe the last, like I said, the summer, because I had to learn how to, I had to get some hormones

and listen, ladies, get your hormones checked. Hormones change over time, get your hormones checked. I had to get my hormones checked because things were kind of out of whack. I had to figure out what was going on with my emotions. I had to figure out why I had high cortisol levels, why I had high estrogen levels. Everything is not glittering gold sometimes. There's things going on inside why I had high cortisol levels, why I had high estrogen levels. Yeah.

Everything is not glittering gold sometimes. There's things going on inside. And listen, I would love to still be that same young 21-year-old, but my body's changing, my life is changing. And everybody is. Yes. That's so good, KJ. Yes.

So I'm going through these hormonal changes. Yeah. And then I'm also having a very public experience. And so I did become, I tried to get controlling and calculate in it. This is gonna make sense and this is good. And this is my brand and this is what I stand for. This is what I wanna look like.

And this, you know, and some things are true to me. Like I still wanna be cute. I still wanna be cute. And that's, and some things are true to me. Like, I still want to be cute. I still want to be cute. And ladylike and soft. And soft. And that's who I am. And that's OK. But I do not want to be overthinking.

I do not want to be stressed out. I do not want to be false. I don't want to be inauthentic. And I mean, you hit the nail on the head. I absolutely was lost. And I think you took a break from Instagram. You came back on. And I said, you hit the nail on the head. I absolutely was lost. And when you I think you can't you took a break from Instagram. You came back on acid. That's my cage. That's my girl. And I was like, she got it.

What was that like? I can't do this anymore. Was there a moment or anything that made it click? Girl, I hit rock bottom. You already know. You already know. You already know. You know. The note is up here. Why are you doing that? We got dark inside jokes, y'all. I just spilled this down my whole shirt.

You good? I'm great. Okay. Good, good, good. They'll never know. If it looks like I got a boot sweep, it's just water. It's water. Everybody be all right.

Yeah, I think, you know, I got to the point where we just water. It's water. Everybody be all right. Yeah, I think, you know, I got to the point where we had the... When did it? When did I was like, oh, wow. I've had a few pivotal moments in my life that we've all, you know, that you've been there with me during those times. Yeah. My wedding was one of them and that was a very, very specific low for me because I had, yeah, cause I did something I wanted to do. I did something I wanted to do.

I did something the way I wanted to do it. And it went. I feel like that was KJ. That was me. It felt like you, yeah. That was me being like, I don't wanna be me. The bachelorette party, that was me. Oh yeah like that was KJ. That was me. It felt like you, yeah. It didn't feel like somebody else. That was me being like, I don't wanna be me. The bachelorette party, that was me.

Oh yeah, that was me too. I was like, that's me. That's my style, that's who I am. That's authentic to me. And it got so much coverage. And I don't think that I have, I'm fine with the way people speak about my character. But then when people start speaking about you as a person is different.

And I started I was like, Whoa, what's going on? Like, I love this about math. I love this experience I had. Now we did have some some issues. Our weddings are weddings, you know, but we did have some some particular issues. But the wedding overall, my husband and I curated that to do what we wanted to do. And then people kind of made it something ugly. And it was like the happiest day of my life.

And so I was like, whoa, there's a disconnect between... This Back to School season, spend less on your kids with Amazon. Sweeties, here's a glow up hack. Pocket the cash you'd overspend in store. Amazon bundles binders, calculators, even affirmation stickers for less than the price of one trendy planner. Reviews are like crowdsource good energy.

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And when you have these major events, people have, they wanna, right now they're telling me, this is what you need to do for your baby. This is how you raise it. This is what you do. You make sure you spend that baby. You make sure to do this. And don't sleep with that baby.

You make sure to, I'm like, everybody relax. I'm gonna do what I wanna do. Period. Yes. I'm gonna do what I wanna do. Goodness. And I mean that with the most love and care in my heart. And now that I'm back in alignment with my source, now that I'm back in alignment with God,

I can trust myself. Right. Yeah. Everything gonna be, we good over here. But yeah, I think around the wedding time, that's when I said I cannot be connected to people's opinions about me. And that's when I started to see the shift to understand who I am, own who I am, be proud of who I am, trust that, and stand in that without trying to acquiesce to what's cool, what's trendy, or what people think.

Because I'll do something I love for myself. And then I'm talking about back in the day, no, no. Back in the day, I'll do something I absolutely love for myself. And then I'll read a comment that makes me so, it hurts me so bad. And I'll be like, oh, maybe I shouldn't have done that. OK, next time I'm going to do this. It's like, excuse me?

Excuse your pardon? Now I write a comment back, like, excuse me, ma'am? I'm gonna do this. It's like, excuse me, excuse your part. Now I write a comment back like, excuse me, ma'am. I'm grown, who you think you're talking to? Right. Keep it positive, sweetie. Tell them. Keep it positive, sweetie. Yes.

Like for real, everybody relax. I remember even like when I became famous or whatever, I still don't, people ask me, are you the famousest? You're mad famous. No. You're mad famous. Own it. I'm going to gas you up. You're super famous. I love you for it. Yes. Go ahead.

I was on a plane and her daughter recognized me and the mom was like sitting next to me. She goes, excuse me, are you a famous person? I was like, I guess. So it was, it still doesn't click. No way, still? No, I know it when people see me and stuff, but when people ask me, I've never had anybody ask me, are you famous? To answer that. Yeah, it felt weird to say,

I don't know, what do you recognize me from? It's's weird. But she was actually really dope. But I remember before, like, we've gotten this fame that I didn't care about. You know, nobody had it. Whoever was following me wanted to follow me because they genuinely loved me. And like, they were supporters of me. So it was all love.

And then we get this platform where on everyone's televisions, in their living rooms, they welcome us into our home, and then it becomes this like obsession and this ownership of us. And I felt like everything that I did was under a microscope and I would like read every comment and it would literally, it would, how you say, it would hurt my feelings and then I would start second guessing things and I would start saying, well maybe I just won't post anymore. I was just second guessing my entire life in every move. And it does like change your way of thinking, the way you move, the way you even entertain people,

you know, it kind of, you kind of, because you don't know who's who. It's like, let me just put a wall up. Girl, come on now. Damn. Are we going to talk about it? We're going to talk about it. The wall.

The wall, it's a real wall that comes with this that we didn't even know. I We're going to talk about it. The wall. The wall. It's a real wall that comes with this that we didn't even know. I don't know if we knew it was building up. I had no clue. Yes. And now it's like, oh, my friend, I'm going to come over. I'm bringing my friend.

No, you're not. No, you're not. No, you're not. No, you're not. They have not signed the NDA. This is my home. This is my sacred space. Come on, NDA. I don't play about that. Yes. Everybody is my home. This is my sacred space. Come on, NDA.

I don't play about that. No, but for real. Yes. Everybody comes to my home. We're in that space. We're in that space. Thank God. Yes.

I am grateful for that. But it does come with this protection for yourself. You know? Yeah. That's a lot. I received that. Yeah. I don't know how you did it, girl.

It was hard. Yeah, and you't know how you did it, girl. It was hard. Yeah, and you say I handled it gracefully, but there was many days where I was sitting at home just like sad and like not feeling my best self. People still talk crazy about me, you know? And I'm just like, oh, whatever. And what really irks me is I don't go looking for that stuff. It's the people that tag me in it to let me know.

And they're trying to like say like, somebody needs to block this person because I'm talking bad about you. But I would never have seen it if you didn't tag me on it. If you didn't tag me, you were intentional about sharing this information with me. You know, making sure I saw this to know that I got a big nose. I know that. You didn't have to tag me on that. Your nose is perfect. It's contour. That's just kind.

We love a contour. It's nothing wrong with it. I love a contour. But I like that contour. It's still perfect. Thank you. Still perfect. But you know, it's one of those things they highlight and make sure that you see everything. It's like, I'm so busy, I'm not looking for that. But then when I go look at my mentions

to repost people that are supporting me, then I'm seeing the filth and the messiness in all that. And it's just like. Baby, I'm a warrior in the army of the Lord, you understand? I will block you so fast. I got my sword and shield. And I'll go to war in case I need to.

I don't play those types of games. I have worked so much on myself. And people know how hard it is to do what we do. How much energy it takes to work on yourself so that you can present, so you can create a platform like this that changes people's lives. Yes, I had to fix me first.

Hello. Listen, I couldn't come in here messed up. I had to figure out what was wrong with me before I can get on here and tell you guys, this is what I've been through. These are my experiences and this is how I got through it. Absolutely. If I didn't do the work, and that was even hard.

You know, looking myself in the mirror, and then looking at little Crystal, teenage Crystal, adulthood Crystal, and all her mistakes, and what has shaped me to be the woman I am today, that's a hard lens to look through. You know, but to be able to do that, you have to do that, you have to heal. And you continue to be transparent.

I love that about you. And I think, for me, I started off so transparent and I I've kind of retreated and I don't I don't know what that is, but I would love to get back to the space where I can be transparent and and and just leave it. You know what I mean? Yeah, not even whatever comes that. Whatever comes, it doesn't affect me at all.

I'm not there yet because, you know, when people leave comments, I still will be like, you did that to hurt me and I don't appreciate it. Right. That wasn't nice. That wasn't kind. I do do it in love now, though. I used to do it in anger. I used to do it in pettiness. I used to do it in malice, which that was not

the person I wanted to be. But now I'm like, what you did wasn't kind. I want you to know that you have hurt my feelings. And how do they respond to that? Or do they just go ghost? They'll leave a comment, apologize, beg me in the DMs. I'm so sorry.

I was having a bad day. Oh, yeah. And I'm like, so you take that out on me? So why would you take that out on me? That's not nice. Some of them just want attention. I had a girl that did this whole thing. And then when I blocked her, she was like,

she sent this long letter. She's like, oh my gosh. She was like, I'm so sorry. She was like, I did that. Can you please unblock me? That was my mom's page. And I had wrote it from her page. And she really loves you.

And it was like this whole thing. And I was like, you thing and I was like. No, I have to protect myself. That wasn't kind. It was not kind. And that's the thing that I'm learning is some people are hurt and they want to take it out on whomever they see. I'm so happy.

Yeah. I don't know if I've been happier. Yeah. And I've already gone through the survivor's remorse of that. Good. I don't know if I've been happier. Yeah. And I've already gone through the survivors remorse of that. Good. I dealt with that already. I've overcome that. Yes.

I want to be able to be happy out loud. I want to be able to share my testimony. I was just talking in the car. We were talking, me and Sky and Fee. Again, we were talking like, I was, oof. I'm not gonna cry. I am not gonna cry. I spent way too much.

What's up, let's make up. She's saying I'm not gonna cry. Okay, let's make up an explanation. If you will cry, baby. You know I will. My baby will cry. You know. I'm not gonna cry. And I've been working on that too. I've been working on my emotional regulation because

I'm not gonna cry. And I've been working on that too. I've been working on my emotional regulation because I am a crybaby. And I want to master knowing when and when not to. And that's the thing. And I'm like, I wanna cry if it's authentic to me, but sometimes it's inappropriate. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Sometimes it's just inappropriate. You know, right now I can cry with you, but I just don't want to ruin my makeup. I know. Listen, hold it together. I just don't want to ruin my makeup. I'm going to be honest with you, OK? I feel you.

But, you know, I was talking in the car, and we were talking about the struggles of an artist. And a lot of people, they're like, oh yeah, you know, when you, your transition, you had a job. Yeah, yeah, a lot of people didn't. You had a job. A good job. A good job.

Yeah. At a good company. I did not. And that doesn't make my journey better or worse, but it's my journey. And people see me where I am now. And they don't see the 10 years that I was eating Cheerios and trying to split a rotisserie at the Kroger

and at the Winn-Dixie with my roommates because we did not have food. Or the five people that lived in a two bedroom apartment. Yes. Yeah. They don't know that story. No. And you know what?

It shouldn't matter. You shouldn't be mean to me because I've told you a sad song. Right. You shouldn't be mean to me. I mean, you shouldn't be mean to me because I told you a sad song. Right. You shouldn't be mean to me. I mean, you shouldn't be nice to me because I've told you my sad song. Yeah.

And I used to, when people would be mean to me, I would be like, you don't know what I've gone through. You don't know what I've, my struggle. Right. And I used to wear that as a badge of honor. You don't know what I've overcome. Yeah. And this and this and this.

And I would lay all my trauma out. And I'm like, but I've overcome it. Yeah. I'm not about to open my wound to justify my joy to you. Yeah. You can choose to be nice to me or you can choose to not be in my life. Right. Because I'm going to be nice to you regardless. Regardless. And you're going to be nice to me or you can choose to not be in my life. Right. Because I'm going to be nice to you. Regardless.

Regardless. And you're going to be happy regardless. I'm going to be happy regardless. But I used to just lay my whole life on the table. Well, what about I took the risk and I lived in LA and I was damn near homeless and I was working three jobs and a waiter and a server and people were disrespectful to me. And I got told no 3000 times and I did a million auditions

and I just would just spew all of it out just so someone could be nice to me. Right. Just so you can feel like I can relate to you. Right. Because you're where I was 10 years ago. Yeah. And you can go, you don't have to go through what I went through. Maybe if you would have been nice to me I could tell you how. Yeah, exactly. But you want to tear me down. Yeah, that's so sad. It's very interesting. It is. But you know, I me down. Yeah. It's so sad. And it's very interesting. It is.

You know, I've changed a lot. I'm really proud of myself. I'm proud of you. Seriously. Yeah, I am so proud of you. I look at you and I'm like, man. You've seen it. I have.

Oh, you have. Y'all, it's been a great road. Yes, it really has. This is my girl. You had to be there. It's been a great road. Speaking of the road, I want to go back to 2019 when we started Sisters.

And this show has just completely changed our lives. We are, well, I'll just say we know season nine. Yeah, yeah. We're in season nine and season, nine seasons. Thinking back to then season one, we're all coming in like, oh, we got this show. This is amazing. Did you ever think you would be what it is today and the impact on the culture that it's had?

No. I mean, I would- No. You can't even imagine. Crystal. When we were in that room... Crystal, not Crystal producer, right? Crystal, Crystal, Big Boss Doll.

You know what I'm saying? We ain't gonna downplay it. My girl humble, but I'm not. We not gonna downplay my good sis, okay? She's okay, KJ. Big Boss Doll, okay? I'm a gaser up every time, okay? We in the room, it's a theater-sized room.

I don't know how much I can say. Yeah, we can talk about it. Yeah, you go. it's a theater sized room. I don't know how much I can say. Yeah, we can talk about it. Yeah, you go. It was a theater sized room. It's pictures on the board. Okay. And at that time I had already been cast as Andy. And Deval had already been cast as that.

And we were cast. And Big Boss Dogg was with other producers and they were trying to, they were moving names around, names, faces. Come back, you know, Chito Wicocha, can you come back in for this role? Anthony Dalton, can you come in for this role? And it was just like such a magical moment. It was such a magical moment because they do something special over there where they love you and they're going to find something for you.

Yes, they don't just throw you away. If you don't fit what you read for, it's like, we're going to find something for you. We're going to find something for you. That's so true. They don't toss you away. They say, I'm going to find something for you. It may not be this, but it's going to be this. It's going to be this movie.

It's going to be this show. And do the show. Because some people will tell you, like, wait, no, they need to be on this. This is actually so-and-so on this show. And I'm like, the fact that he can even, like, see that while he's casting for a completely different show and still give you something.

Yes. Absolutely. I love him for that. That day, the day my life changed, honestly, was that day. And you were there. And it was honestly was that day. Yeah, and you and you were there It was the most incredible day, but we had already known each other because that was 2019 Yeah, and we had known each other from 2017 because of me the medias family funeral and that unbeknownst to you

I don't know if I told you that my dad had died. Yeah, I didn't find out until later. Oh, right Yeah, I was depressed during that time. And to be shooting a movie about a funeral after my father had passed away. My father had passed away in January. I think I booked that film in February. We were shooting in March. And I was grieving so hard.

And you were so kind. You were so kind. Because I was a walking zombie. And I had no idea. And you didn't know. And you were so nice. Yeah, but it doesn't. I feel like you should, because you don't know

what people are going through, you should always be kind. Yeah. And I think that's something I learned just growing up. My family always instilled that in me. So that moments like that, if I didn't have those foundations, it could have been a different story. She wasn't so kind. And I was going through a really tough time,

and I came into my fitting, and you were just like, all right, whatever. You just never know. So I make a point to be kind to everyone. Yeah, you are. And you do, too, though. Your energy is always just so pleasant. I love people.

I really do. I love, I rock with anybody. Yeah. I rock with anybody. I don't care how much money you got. Yeah. I don't care what kind of car you drive. Because I've been every, everything on the totem pole

from dirt road to middle class to all this. I'm, and I'm also a confident person. So it's like, I rock with everybody. I don't need to, you know, I don't need to dim your light. I got my own. I enjoy mine too. You know what I'm saying? We're all shine. You know, that's my spirit.

So, and then especially in our industry, having worked so many of the jobs, this is what we have in common. Having been a PA, having been a background artist, having been those things, you know the importance of being kind to somebody. You know the importance of making somebody's day. They just want a picture.

Come on, we're gonna call your mama? Call her. I'm quick to tell somebody to call her. Get her on the phone. Yes. quick to tell somebody to call her. Get her on the phone. Yes. And we gonna have. I love it.

Get you. Let me talk to your mama. Yep. They're like, my mom would call her. They'd be like, for real? I'm like, call her. Get the picture. Yeah.

Call her right now. We rock with people. And I think that, you know, for that reason alone, we don't take this opportunity for granted. Absolutely not. And I think people can feel that. Yeah. And I'm never gonna change that.

I'm never gonna. Now, even as depressed as I ever was, I've never been mean or felt like I had to shun or be rude to anybody I've worked with or anybody who's a supporter of the show, I like to say. Or a fan of the show. Because I'm so grateful you watched. Yes.

Thank you. Those people are welcoming us into their homes. That's a very safe space. The fact they're like, this is the show I wanna watch on Wednesday nights. You know, like it's a privilege. Yes. And, you know, not to give anybody too much credit,

but they're a part of my journey. Yeah. Now, you know why? Because we allow the space for people to get involved in our personal life. I share my pregnancy. I share my marriage. I share. So now these people are,

you know, who support the show now support. Yes, your family, like you and who you are. Me and who I am. And I love that. Yeah. I love that. And anytime that we get a chance to reciprocate that to them. Yeah. I want to do it. Yeah. And you do it so well. I love like when I see you sometimes I'll be tired and Kate just like I'm like, hey y'all. And I'm like, my feet hurt. I'm tired. You have so much energy. I'm like, you do. I love it, though.

I love it. Speaking of your personal life, you and Scott met when he was on Sisters and then he got his own show, All the Queens Men. Tell us about that because KJ and I was living together in the bubble during COVID when I feel like this. That's when we're budded, right? Girl, yes. And I had no idea.

This girl know how to hold some water. You know, I'm a keeper of secrets. Yeah, I am. We were in the bubble. Was that our second year in the bubble? I think so. That was our second year in the bubble. That was the second year in the bubble. And of course, you and me, we had all the scenes together.

So we spent all of our time being roommates studying. And I can't just stay with anybody. Hello. Okay, I'm really about my space. And that's no shade to nobody. I love everybody, but living with somebody, me and KJ. Yes, it's an energy thing. It's an energy thing.

It can't be explained. So we were staying together, right? Absolutely. You were like, absolutely, I'm like, perfect. Absolutely, and it was great. But yes, Sky, we were trying to, right? Absolutely. You were like, perfect. Absolutely. And it was great. Yes. But yes, Sky, we were trying to keep it a secret, but he would do things like walk me to the door,

or when we first land, he'd grab my luggage and try to help me. Because we started dating just before we went into the second book. I met him in the first book. And so we didn't even really, I don't want to say we didn't connect because we connected on a spiritual level. And what I mean by that is we didn't even get an opportunity

to sit down alone uninterrupted and have a full conversation. Wow. Because in season two, we were just getting back from, sit down alone uninterrupted and have a full conversation. Wow. Because in season two, we were just getting back from, we were just coming back to shoot during COVID and he and I would just be in the same space. Yeah, like in the gym. In the gym. We'd be running and here comes Sky.

Absolutely. Or at the taco truck. In the gym. We'd be running and here comes Sky. Absolutely. Or at the taco truck. At the taco truck. Here comes Sky. Yeah. And he's tall, so it's like, it's just like this looming figure. I even turn around like, oh, hey. Hey, what's up?

Right. Mind you, we're all wearing masks. Yes. So all I'm seeing is this man's face here. Right. Like, I'm not even, I'm just seeing. Yeah. Because the mask is here.

So it was energy. His energy was just like, mm. I was like, oh. Oh, handsome. Hi, sir. You from Miami? I'm from Tallahassee. I'm from Tallahassee.

I'm a Florida girl myself. Connection. Yeah. We really just started to connect. And he'll start to ask me, like, hey, where are you from? What you doing? And things like that. And then you know how it is at work.

Even if you're on lunch, there's someone interrupting you because they're like, hey, we need you on hair and makeup. Or run lines. Hey, can you run lines? Or hey, we need to do you a wardrobe fitting. Or VR, we need you to come do, yeah, it's always something.

Yes, so that's what kept happening in season two. Wow. Which I needed because honestly, I's always something. Yes. So that's what kept happening in season two. Wow. We kept, which I needed, because honestly, I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready for anything. And again, I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready for that. So season two, that's what happened in season three, while we were roommates, yes.

Yes. He made a move a couple of weeks before we went back to shooting. And I'm an all in type of girl. I was like, oh, I like him and I want him. And he was like, I like you and I want you. And we were just like, and then we were kind of connected at the hip from then on. And but we were trying to hide it because we just didn't want any. Yeah, we didn't want any.

And you know, we I had shared my relationships with you before. Yeah, I had shared all of my relationships and I even shared that one I you must have forgot cuz I did tell you I was like I like a guy And you and I kind of told you you told me at the picnic and everything something about before y'all came I don't think you told me And then I remember one night because I think those houses are haunted And I swear I heard some like footsteps and like some pants, you know, like the pants in the house.

And I was like, I was too scared to let him in the house. OK, I was when I was like, no, no, I wasn't going to get fired. Was that a ghost? No, no, no, that was the ghost. It was. Oh, God. I was too scared. He was too scared to get fired. Actually, he was scarier than me. Because he was staying on the lot too. So he's riding that bike like, baby.

My now husband was like, I'm going to drop you off at the porch. I'm going to holler. He was like, bye. I'm scared. He's like, your job is secure, Monnie. I'm out of here. Listen, smart man. Yes. I was like, no, you can't you can't sit on the on the porch with us. No, no, no. Yeah, exactly. I'm gonna be a gentleman bring you home. Yeah. Yes. And he did that. So we ended up spending like every evening, you know, eating dinner and just trying to like kind of get away from everybody. And then I'll be like, okay, I mean, it's not much time

you can spend because all we do is study. So yeah. That's it. Yeah, but it was the catalyst to the rest of my life. And so yeah. And at what point did you know like this is my husband? Right away. Really?

Yeah, girl. I mean, our first date, I was like, so are you like you available for the rest of your life? Because you're mine. I know that's right. What I'm saying. Like it just, it just felt right.

Yeah. It felt right. And you know what I've gone through. Yeah. And past relationships. And it didn't feel like that. Yeah. It didn't feel like that.

I love that. Like I said, I was trying to control everything. Those moments and those relationships were sometimes relationships that I had manipulated into my mind thinking were great. And I'm like, oh, but he has these qualities and it's a whole host of other, a scroll of terrible qualities. AJ.

Listen. Yes. We were just talking about this. I was doing an episode called Dating in My 40s, a part two for it. And we were talking about how you can have these an episode called dating in my 40s, a part two for it. And we were talking about how you can have that these things that you OK, this person you get to an age where it's like, I really want to be with somebody. And these are things my non-negotiable, my non-negotiables and my boundaries.

But then you start to let certain things slide. Absolutely. You know, and you you're blinded by like, wait, these are things that you say were non-negotiables. Absolutely. But these are showing up. You know, that's so true. That's true. Yeah. I was supposed to be married with children by 35.

Me too. That's what I thought. And so I would squeeze these people into my perfect picture that I had created in my mind. And you know, things will go left. And I'm, listen, I'm a ride or die. You know what I'm saying? I'm a loyal chick.

You are, to everybody that you love. Listen, I love you. We locked in. And I'm gonna fight for you. I am going to, I am not, I'm not gonna play about you. I don't play about you. And I don't play about you.

You know that. Yes. I do know. I be like, listen'm not gonna play about you. I don't play about you. And I don't play about you. You know that. Yes, I do know. I be like, listen, cut the shit. Literally. I don't wanna hear. Cousin Christian. I ain't gonna do it on the podcast. Y'all make these, listen, you're sweeties.

They love you. But they're, yeah, they riders. It's the beehive number two. They don't play. That's what Big West be saying. Big West be like yes. No, every time we try to like explain it to like a partner that we're trying to build with like,

they're like, you don't understand. You don't understand. Come see it for yourself. This is where you want to be. You need to be at Keep It Positive, Sweetie. Whatever brand is, listen, sponsorships, brand dollars, she has the Beehive number two, okay? They do not play and I love them. Me too. I love them. Oh my gosh, they're my babies. They see what I see. They see what I've always seen.

You know what I mean? And I love that. Yeah. Yeah, they ride for you. I ride for you too. I don't play. You do. Yeah, she know. You do though. You ride, ride. I love that. In closing, we are talking about impacts.

It's over. Yeah. She's like, it's over. You playing with me. I mean, we can keep going. I just got good and warmed up. She's like, this is liquor. I just got good and warmed up over here.

What you got in that cup? Water. Water, exactly. I was like, what's up? I'm like, this liquor, I don't know what I'm up over here. Like what you got in that cup? Water. Right, water, exactly. In closing, I do wanna ask you, our word for this season is impact. And KJ, you are big in mentorship, you're big in pouring into people.

What is the impact that you really wanna leave and that you're intentional about leaving on this next generation? You know, Crystal, if I'm going to be 100% honest with you, I can give you some fluff PR answers. Yeah. I can be like, oh, I want to change lives of young women in America and across the nation. I am asking God that question right now.

That's good. And he'll give it to you. And I'm going to wait for the answer. Yeah. And then when I get the answer, I can tell you. Yeah, I love it. And that's what I did. That's where the word impact came from. I said, God, how do you want me to continue to use this platform? Yes. And I said, I'm inspiring people every week. Yes. But like, what are we doing? Like, how is this leaving a lasting impression on people? And he said, impact. Yes. Find ways to be more impactful. Yes. So

that's the word I kind of leave with and like to ask people and I love that because he will give you that answer. And I'm gonna wait on it. Yes. I'm not gonna create my own answer. There you go. I'm not. I'm gonna wait on it. Yeah. And I'm glad you asked me that because that's been in alignment with my spirit lately. Yeah good. Because it's bigger. It's bigger. So much bigger. And I'm excited to see what happens. But I've been in my way for so long.

Come on, KJ. Yeah. Me too. And I just want to move out of the way and let God guide. Big word said, I know that feeling. He felt that. Oh, you know what I'm saying? Yeah.

I just I want to let God do what God does because I'm tired of getting, getting involved. Yeah. Moving things around. And then I'd be feeling like I got to start all over. Right. Clean up my mess. See like if you don't sit down somewhere. Sit down.

Yes. Let me orchestrate this thing for you. That's the word I've been getting lately. Sit down. Now if you don't sit down somewhere. Sit down. Yes, let me orchestrate this thing for you. That's the word I've been getting lately. Sit down. Sit down. Sternly with the, like this, sit down. Sit down. Like a mama. Right.

Sit down. Like that. Like not friendly, like sit down, have a seat. No, sit down. He's done that too long. He's done the, sit down, KJ. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sit down.

Now how you like? First it was the tap, like. Hey. Hey, it sit down. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sit down. Now, how you like the tap like, hey, hey, it's okay. Okay. Then there's a little show. It's like, shut up. I'm just wanting them. The earful. Right.

That's where God is with me right now. I love it. I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna sit down. Yes. I'm gonna listen to the voice of God and I'm gonna get a better understanding of what my grand purpose on this journey is. And then I can answer that question.

Awesome. I cannot wait to hear what God gives you. I can't wait to see him continue to just elevate your life. I know it is bigger and I can't wait to see what you do. I love you, KJ. I love you too. And before we get out of here, we have a little keep it positive sweetie for our little sweetie.

Oh my. I love you. I'm about to have a little sweetie. Yes, you are. I'm not gonna cry. Oh my goodness. She has her keep positive, sweetie. Yes.

She's the first baby to get it. They've been asking for like merch. I was like, yeah, this is beautiful. Thank you. You are so welcome. I love you. I love you too. Thank you for even coming and taking.

I know you got all dolled up for me. Oh, yes. I appreciate it. Me and the baby. Yes. I was like, we're going on a show today. Oh, you're a baby sweetie. You are a baby sweetie. Yes. Titi Chris loves you. I know that's right.

Thank you, friend. You're welcome. Okay, let me up now. On today's Crystal's Closet, I am wearing a pinstripe and flannel set by Saroya. I absolutely love this set. It's so comfortable. It's giving like business up top and comfy on the bottom. My shoes are a silver alligator skin or actually I think this is snake skin. My shoes are silver snakekin by Loewe. These shoes are so comfortable as well.

My favorite new shoes. I'm just loving this outfit. Sweeties, I hope you enjoyed hearing today's conversation just as much as I enjoyed having it. Before I let you go, I want to leave you with this quote. The only limit to your impact is your imagination and your commitment. Until next time, keep it positive, sweeties. See you on the next episode.