Keep it Positive, Sweetie - Navigating Anxiety

Episode Date: July 18, 2023

Season 1 Episode 7 | In today's society, we are going through so much and a lot of us are going through it alone and in silence. Our anxiety has gotten worse since the pandemic and we're coping the best we know how. Come join my therapist @delenazimmermantherapy and I on my couch as we discuss how to navigate anxiety. Y'all get a glimpse into our therapy sessions and let me tell you...Delena keeps it REAL and gets me right together! I hope this episode blesses you the way it blessed me. 

Hi and welcome to this episode of Keep It Positive Sweeties. Today we are talking about something that I personally have been really dealing with a lot lately and it is navigating anxiety. And when I think about anxiety, I think about the scripture, Philippians 4, 6 through 7, and it says, do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation by prayer and petition

with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And in this season of my life, I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety. So I am super excited to have my life, I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety. So I am super excited to have my therapist, Ms. Delaina Zimmerman, who is going to help all of us. I'm sure a lot of people are dealing with it in different ways, and you may not even know that you're dealing with it, or be able to pinpoint what is this feeling that I'm feeling. But today, we're

going to talk about some things and share some things that I'm going through and that you've helped me with Elena. So first let's get into how can people pinpoint what anxiety is? Because I know for me, now that I know what anxiety is, I'm able to pinpoint it, but I didn't realize I've been having anxiety pretty much all my life. But I didn't realize I've been having anxiety pretty much all my life, but I didn't realize it. Yeah, thank you for having me. Yes. You know, anxiety has now become a household language. Like it's a layperson language. It's really interesting that we're now speaking out of the diagnostic manual, you know, in our homes, but we used to call anxiety

worry. Wow. Right? That's what our mother's called. It's what our grandmother said. You know, I'm worried about you. Yes. I'm worried.

And so anxiety is the response in the body. We fill it in our body so we're sure that it's real. And what in fact it is a spear, I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I'm not gonna have what I need. I'm afraid that you're not gonna have what you need. I'm afraid that things aren't gonna go well in the future. You know? But anxiety is not a virus.

It's not in the air you aren't catching it. It's a mindset. It's not in the air you aren't catching it. It's a mindset. It's a mindset. I want to talk about my recent anxiety attack that I had. And I had just talked to you. I may have talked to you, I literally talked to you the day before I was leaving. The day before it happened, I talked to you. And I was just telling you like things that I was worried about.

And you were like, Crystal, what are you worried about? What is the fear? Write down what you're worried about and let's talk about it. And it boiled down to fear of losing it all, fear of not being able to keep up this life that I've built for myself because I've seen so many people be at the top of the mountain top and just career booming and things going great and literally hit rock bottom. And I was like, God, I don't want that to be me, you know? And so many people are depending on me and that gets really, really heavy.

And something that stood out to me in that moment, you say, Crystal, you have everything you need and you lack nothing. And I was like, when I, we got the phone that day and I was like, I feel so much better. And within the last 24 hours, I landed in Los Angeles and it felt like somebody was literally squeezing my heart and it was pumping as hard as it could to keep pumping. And I was like, am I having a heart attack?

What is happening right now? And my vision was blurred. Like I would be looking, if I was looking, am I having a heart attack? What is happening right now? And my vision was blurred, like I would be looking, if I was looking straight at you, you were moving. Like, it was the craziest experience I had ever had. And I started looking up symptoms of a heart attack. Like, I was looking up all these things. I'm like, am I dying right now? Do I need to go to the hospital?

And when I was pinpointing things, I was like, oh, that's not it. This isn't it. And then the anxiety attack came up. And I was like, wow, this is all the boxes checked off. I said, this is my first realized anxiety attack that I was having. And I got back and I told you about it. And I was just like, I don't know what is happening. And it was just in that moment that I realized,

I've got to figure out how to deal with this. Can we talk about that a little bit? Sure. So the way the body is designed, you know, God and His infinite wisdom made us in a way that we would be able to handle threats in our lives. So it's involuntary, we don't have a choice. If there's a perceived threat,

whether it be saber-toothed tiger, or I'm gonna lose it all, it's the same thing. The mind says there's a threat, and the body begins to go into an involuntary thing. It releases cortisol, it releases adrenaline from the adrenaline glands. And it also releases epipanephyritin. And now the body's under the influence of very strong chemicals.

That's why you fill it in your chest, throat, your heart speeds up because you got a big adrenaline boost. I mean, literally, you're ready to fight a saber tooth tiger. You're ready to run, or lift a quad, or get a child from underneath it. Your body is under, it is ready to go, but except it's not a real threat. So there's nowhere to put the energy

your body is just giving you. Yeah, there was nowhere to put it. I didn't know what was going on. And I tried to lay down, and I tried breathing techniques, and I was like, just calm your heart be down, just calm down. And I was like, even when to lay down, and I tried breathing techniques, and I was like, just calm your heart beat down, just calm down. And I was like, even when I lay down, it seemed like it started beating faster.

I'm like, I'm trying to rest, you know, and trying to do things to take my mind off of it. And it was not stopping. And it lasted for hours. So now I'm anxious about being anxious. Yes, literally. So that's what happens and it's a continuum. I'm so threatened. I feel like I'm going to die.

So now I'm going to see more of the same system into my life. And you're a body. And it is a Jew. It defers what it is you need to do that day. It delays purpose. It gets in the way of what it is that God intended for need to do that day. It delays purpose. It gets in the way of what it is that God intended for you to do that day. It's just, it's a block.

Now, it's perfect for real threats, but when you're in your mind and you don't have trust, the scripture you read, like, gratitude is where you could be. I'm so grateful for this opportunity and the opportunities that come behind it. I know that I have everything that I need and I like nothing.

What is there to worry you? That is so powerful. It does right now and the future. Right, that is so powerful. And I had to remind myself daily that I have everything I need, I like nothing. And that's helped me so much since then.

And can we talk about some of the things that when I told you about that, like, this is what you need to do. This is how you need to move past this. These are things you need to put into practice because I feel like a lot of people are living in a state of anxiety and they don't know how to deal with it. So if you could like, talk, let's have that dialogue how we do when we're in the therapy sessions,

so that people can get the tools, because I know what you've done for me has helped me tremendously. Even on the perspective of like digging deeper and understanding why, where this roots from, let's talk about that. Sure. I really love that you read a scripture first. It is very, very scary living a life,

this life in this world without knowing that you're gonna be sustained, not really understanding what your source is. Being a human, you know that you're limited. There's only so much you can do. There's only so much that your mind can come up with. So, there has to be a source of power that I rely upon completely, and it can't be me.

And it can't be my job, because there are humans too. It can't be these things, so it has to be something greater than me. And we are struggling because we don't have real safe and healthy ideas of God and our creator and our relationship to it. A lot of us are living in shame. We have taboo. We can't talk about the shame and doubt we have with our relationship with God. Our performance is not when we think it should be an order for God to really really continue to bless us.

Where Stimple kids, simple teenagers and simple adults, we get this good thing and we think it's just luck. And because we can't turn our lives around in the secrets of our life, then we think it's just a matter of time before this God snatches it away. And of course, that's where the fear is. That's where a lot of the fear is. Yeah. I don't trust that I really deserve the thing that I have.

I have a worth issue. So, I have to know that I'm good enough. And transically, not good enough on stage, not look good enough. And transically, I was good enough when I came to the plan when God created me, and I remain good enough. Yes. And that I never separate from this God. Doesn't matter what you call it, how you worship it, or what time should pay to it.

Is this the one that I am one with it always, no matter what my behavior is? And that's what you touched on that. That since a child, like one of the first scriptures I ever remember was children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right that your days may be long on the earth. And that is, it translated to me as a child, do what your mom and daddy tell you to do,

or you gonna die. You know what I'm saying? So if I don't, and then it translates to, as an adult it translates to, if I don't do what God says, like he's not gonna bless me, or things aren't gonna happen for me. So, like, you do have that shame of the things that you've done as a kid, as an adult,

and wondering, like, is God ashamed of me? And you see that he's continuing to bless you, and you say, crystal, God is not your magical genie in the sky. Like, he's not like, okay, God, I'm gonna do this for everything, and he's gonna woo, got you. There's another blessing. He doesn't do that.

And I thought about it, I was like, wow, you're right. And what you always say that God is like oxygen. Like he's just there. He's everywhere. When you're having sex, when you shouldn't be, when you're in there watching porn, when you shouldn't be, God is there. And the most shameful situations where you finish

and you're like, dang, I know I shouldn't have done that. God is, he's everywhere, he doesn't pick and choose the moments that he's gonna be in. And it's in the, I would say for me, it's in just the trying to pursue a life of excellence and live, you know, saying practice excellence. Because, by what I always say, it's practice excellence just the trying to pursue a life of excellence and live in same practice excellence, because it's, by what I always say, it's practice excellence and all you do.

And we talked about me trying to be perfect all the time and portray this perfect life. And let's talk about that. We dug deeper and where that comes from. You ask me like, Crystal, where does that come from? And I had to think about, I was like, where does this whole thing I like, Crystal, where does that come from? And I had to think about it. I was like, where does this whole thing have to be perfect all the time come from?

And when we got to the bottom of it, I realized it came from my childhood. And we talked about things I had been through my childhood and it was the fear of getting in trouble so I always felt like I had to be perfect. And it gets a little controversial because that's when you take it from the Bible, what the Bible says, how your parents translated,

how it's taught to you, and then that same fear, like it's put into you and it carries on to your entire life until you meet a Delena Zimmerman who helps you unpack it and unlearn it and learn what the true meaning of that was. Yeah. And that was a very hard conversation. That's a bad thing in a child where your mama's gonna get you,

daddy's gonna get you, guys's gonna get you, the devil's gonna get you, the bookie man's gonna get you. Of course you have anxiety by the time you're 20, 30 years old. Everything's gonna get you. Where's your safe place? Where do you find refuge? You are not perfect. You can't pull it off.

No one can. We came to this life to live it, to learn in the living, and to practice the lessons. Without mistakes, without falling short, what do we learn? We can't learn and only joy and bliss. Yeah. We learn our mistakes and the failures, yeah. That's right, we learn in the mess.

Right, we learn in the mess. Because in the mess is where the nutrients are, right? People go out and buy, poop, they go out and buy it to fertilize their grass. Yeah. Because that's what our nutrients are. We learn and develop through the mess. We should be ashamed of the mess.

We should learn from the mess. It takes humility to learn from the mess. It does. So if we're practicing perfection, which is like being in an abusive relationship, because you're never good enough, you're making up what good enough is in the first place. It's prideful because you're concerned about

what other people are going to say. It's a projection that you give. You know, you think other people are seeing a particular way. So you have to pretend to be that. That's where this anxiety is coming from. You can't be your authentic self. You can't have flaws. You can't make mistakes because you have no humility. Yeah, you have, that was nothing so you have to be humble and have humility to be able to not try. I mean, if you're trying to be perfect, that is a very profil and egotistic character trait.

And it makes you deceptive and allire. Because nobody's perfect. No. You have to hide everything. And it puts you in that same base place, that guilt base place, and there's an anxiety that you're going gonna be found out. Yep.

Mm-hmm. And I think because I live in my life is like under such a microscope, you see my, everything, I can get, like, I have control over certain things, but a lot of things I don't have control over. And we live in such a judgmental world where sometimes I'm

afraid to be like this, myself that I am around my closest friends. It's like I show the world a filtered crystal. You see what I want you to see. But I may not show you me drunk. That's up face down twerking on a yacht. You might not see that side of me. So I feel like net comes from the fear being judged,

the fear of, oh, she can't be a Christian and worship God and be doing those things. I am growing and getting stronger in my faith and my walk. And I feel like that looks different for everybody. You know, there are some people that like, literally, like, don't listen to secular music, don't have sex, don't hang in the wrong places. But I, you know what I'm saying,

I listen to what I want to listen to, but I still wake up every morning, take my time with God, journal to God, listen to my church music, set the tone for the day, and when I get in my car, I may be listening to the J.Z. You know, and that doesn't make me less of a Christian than the next person, or it doesn't make me less of a person or less perfect, or like, I'm nobody's perfect,

but it doesn't make me, my value isn't less because I'm not living this rigid Christian life, you know, that we've been taught to live. Some people are living a rigid Christian life and are 200 pounds of weight. So, talking about the Santa, you know, gluttony, right? So, that's good. I mean, what? Which one?

It's perfect. Right. If I have a thousand people in a room, I ask everyone to close their eyes and consider God, close your eyes and consider God. There's gonna be a thousand different considerations. Wow. Yeah.

A thousand different images, a thousand different feelings. Because the relationship with God is personal. Nobody know why he came to this planet. Crystalophe, nobody knows why I came to this planet. So anyone that's sitting from whatever seat they're in and judging what your experience should be is insane. Who gave them the measurements, Dick? No one knows what your lessons are supposed to be when you get here.

If you'd have seen me 25 years ago, you'd think, oh my God, what a mess. But nobody understood that the mess was required. Yeah, well, the mess was required. God gives us all things for the good. You understand? Yes. All things. So. for the good. You understand? Yes. All things. So I say everyone have the experiences you

need to have. Live this life, learn what it is for you in the mess and then practice the lessons in the next day. And as you keep living, you have so many lessons that you've learned that you're now practicing, that you're now mastering. We came here to evolve this soul. We are not our bodies. And so to live your life only based on that, how the world sees the image of your body is insanity.

It's not even you are. It's not. not even you are. You pick it up and you don't leave it here. So you use the body to evolve the spirit and the soul while you're here. Again, you're never separate from God. Ever how can the creation be separate from the creator? Ever how can the creation be separate from the creator? Can't you see it in the baby when the baby's born and handed it when the doctor hands the baby to the mother Mm-hmm you say oh my lord my lord. Yes That baby has on a scale 0 to 10 that baby is a 10 that baby is good enough to find yes So when does the baby lose his value? When does your daughter lose her value?

When does your son lose his value? Yeah. Just on around the son, make you lose your value. Your oneness with God, your divinity and God. Right. It doesn't. Nope. It does not.

You don't lose your value. Yeah. You fall under the indoctrination that your value is outside of it. And the people who are teaching you, they believe their values outside of them. The people who taught them believe that you go back far enough, you'll see where somebody handed somebody a live version of God, Santa Claus guy, magical daddy, magical genius in the sky. Santa Claus guy, magical daddy, magical genius in the sky. Yep. That's so good.

And so then that's how we've lost our identity in Christ. That's how we've lost our oneness with God. That's how we're afraid all day, every day. And what you think about me. No, the problem is what I think about myself. Yeah. If I have a low value concept of myself, I'm going to project my low value concept of myself onto you. I'm going to think that you think that thought about me and I'm going

to feel insecure and anxious and social anxiety and all these other things. But when I change my idea about myself based on what I know I am and my oneness was God I am good enough because God created me sent me to this planet. I belong here. I every room I walk in I belong in. If you experience I have is mine. This life is my journey when I begin to stand in that chute. I have everything that I need. I like nothing. Then that's the idea that I project on to you. And so I know when that I need, I lack nothing. Then that's the idea that I've been checking on to you. And so I know when you see me, you see the one who sent me.

Ah! I love that, I love that. Something I took away from that session was, you said, Crystal, everything grows and shit. Everything. So if you're going through shit, grow through it. And I was like, oh, my goodness, because you don't think about,

like how do you talk to me, but then use that analogy, you're like, they take the cabin door for mulch to grow plants, to grow veggies, everything grows, and shit. And I was like, I didn't even think of it like that. And it's in the mess that we grow. And I just, I love that analogy that you used.

I want to get into some statistics. It says that statistics prove that anxiety disorders are the most common mental health disorder in the United States. Data shows that for black women, anxiety is more chronic and the symptoms are more intense than their white counterparts. Why do you feel that black women are the ones that are experiencing things? I know some obvious reasons why black women are experiencing

anxiety over white female parts, I mean white female parts, over our white counterparts. But why do you feel that? Well, we cannot ever ignore or evade blackness in America. It's, you know, we all come from dissend from enslavement, whether it was Latino, Afro-Latino, Afro-Caribbean, Afro-American. It doesn't matter. There's a thing that happened.

Mm-hmm. There's a thing that happened. So, um, in this country, we are like the stress of what our beauty is, we're in patriarchy. We're swimming in it. It's an oralist, colorless gas. So not only is it patriarchy, is white patriarchy, and so we are, we don't, our beauty is compared to something that we're not. We have to be careful not to be, we're so strong, right? One of the conditions of enslavement

made us the strongest on the plantation, not physically, but emotionally. We have to watch our children be taken from us. We have to watch our men, the breed other women. We had to watch so much. And the way that the slave was made was through the woman. When the woman became die-siled enough, then slavery could continue. So she had to be strong, should the teacher of daughters be strong, because she can't rely upon what her life is going to be looking for a man Yeah

She's a teacher daughter to be sure because her son's maybe killed So just a teacher she still has to teach her daughters You got to get it for yourself. You can't rely upon anybody. So she has to be strong Oh, just you and God. This message is still being taught from the plantations Yeah, North America to South Central Los Angeles messages still being taught from the plantations of North America to South Central Los Angeles where I live. And so of course I'm anxious because I can get in the workplace,

I can get in the career place where a black man can't even get. And then I have to be the thing that cold switches all the time and come home and potentially raise my children by myself. Just because of the conditions we can look at, right? The pipeline, for example, is a real thing. The crack epidemic really decimated the black families. It happened that decilabating. I mean, there's so many variables as to why I'm afraid that I'm one emergency from poverty, from homelessness, from my client not not being paid. I hope this man is the man so I can finally be whole and have value and get married at least again for me.

You know, like, yeah. I mean, I can go on and on as to why she struggles. No, that is so good. And I feel like it is like a generational curse that we have to break, like it's generation of, that's with a lot of things that we still deal with today, trying to figure it out, like the root of it, and it goes that far back, and even further.

Oh, and even further. But I mean, if we're talking about comparative to a counterpart in America, Black women are only married. 27, 30% of the time, where is white women married, 70% of the time. So if we just look at those stats, that means that potentially I'm a black woman who is working hard, I may be single parenting,

or maybe alone, and I may be fornicating, right? And then I have this magical daddy god in the sky who's judging me, and I'm just trying to get on the right path. But, I mean, I'm anxious because I can't, I don't have access in the entitlement to access to what other people have. Yeah. Access to, you know, young white boys are taught to marry. They are. Young white girls are taught to do the same thing and be ready. And be ready. And to have resources when they get to the wedding. Right. Right.

That part. So, where's some anxious? Yeah. Wow. Research in history tells us that there are three basic images that exist. The strong black woman, which we talked about. The angry black woman and the Jezebel video Vixen. A strong black woman is hard on herself, all while striving for perfection, even when she knows she's to stop, placing her mental and physical health at risk. I feel like I'm in the strong black woman category right now at this phase of my life,

where I was striving for perfection. And some that you said that was so profound to me in the last session was at Crystal. Perfection is like a cancer. Stop trying to be perfect. Start pursuing excellence because with excellence, you can make mistakes and learn and grow from it. And I was like, wow, that was powerful because,

I didn't realize that I was trying to be perfect all the time. But I am, I'm like, I do everything myself. Like I have to, you know, it's like, who else is gonna do it? Nobody else is here. It's all on me. And it gets hard. You know, it gets really hard trying to do everything myself.

And not having someone else to lean on. And I feel like a lot of black women feel like that. Okay. Yeah. And that's a gimmick. It is. It is an epidemic. And for me me personally, I have so much going on and I don't have all the health that I need.

Like when it comes like day-to-day stuff and personal stuff and it got to a point where I was like super stressed out like how am I going to handle all this and in the midst of all that then in audition comes I got to start what I'm doing and mentally prepare for this, tap into it whole different person, you know, and then tap back into myself. And it's like, it's really hard. How does she take care of herself? How does she manage her mental health?

What is her mental health? What does she feel in her body? Is she using her old skillsets and she's suppressed and compartmentalized? Cause that's what I would do, yeah. do. I would allow to feel weak or sad or I'd have time. I'd go on. Can't do you go, can you tell that to?

Right. Now I have you. But before I literally was suppressing everything. And that came from my childhood of the whole, there's something in the black family, I can't speak for White households, but there's something in the black family where what happens in this house stays in this house.

I don't care what just happened, you go out there and you put a smile on your face, don't be telling our business, don't talk about it. So you learn at a very young age, I don't care if you just got your ASB. When we walk out the stage, you gotta put a smile on your face like nothing ever happened. I don't care if you just got your ass beat. When we walk out the stage, you gotta put a smile on your face like nothing ever happened. I don't care if I just cussed you out

or slept the shit out of you. You better walk out here and smile like nothing happened and keep our business in this house. And that in turn turned into suppressing anything that was hurting me because I couldn't talk about it. I don't care if I was to lick those the message that what you're experiencing doesn't matter. And you know, children who did not get their emotional needs met become adults that did

not get their emotional needs met. And we didn't learn language to express how we felt. We weren't allowed. Just gratitude, you just spent it grateful. I brought you home from the hospital. It would be grateful I feed you. Like just grateful. And a lot of times we, what we experienced as love was provision.

Wow. I don't really care for you. I know. But I'll find out what that is inside of you. It makes us grow up in a family of strangers. They don't know us. They don't really look like they know us on a report card. They know we do well. They know we do don't do well.

Yeah. They know us. They know our hearts. They don't. I express to you how nobody knew this until I really started to open up about my childhood that there were moments where I wanted to commit suicide. And my parents still says they don't know that. You know, like I've never talked about it. It wasn't something like, how are you feeling? How is this affecting you? Like, therapy

wasn't, and we did go to family therapy because I went through a phase in my life where I was very rebellious. And I think it was a point for me where I had gone through so much at a young age that when I got a little old enough, I was like, I'm not taking this shit no more. And it was like an act of rebellion

where like I was just like not having it. And it, from their point of view, it looked like this is just a bad-ass child, you know, and the threats of like I'm sitting here boarding school, like you need some discipline, you need something different. And it was more of an act of one defense, but also an act of I'm putting my foot down, you know. Next world, that's how you become, or we become the angry black woman hell, you were, man. I knew us at what point in our lives.

Did anybody know us? Yeah. Stee us, honor us, protect us, cover us, make us safe. Or to think, feel, emote, become ourselves. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're all, a lot of us just replicas of brokenness.

Mm-hmm. Oh. Mm-hmm. We don't know how to say it. We're avoiding disappointment. You know, seeking pleasure and avoiding punishment, like you talk about, you know, avoiding punishment, the perfectionism comes out of avoiding punishment. And so then I avoid punishment, I seek pleasure and that becomes my lifestyle.

So I don't have a lot of, being a relationship with people, vulnerability becomes lost. We call it trust issues, but it's really a lack of the ability to be intimate with people because I don't trust. I don't ever want to feel disappointment again. I don't ever want to feel a broken heart again, but I'm here to say people that are listening. Yeah.

It's okay to feel negative emotion. Yeah. It's okay to feel negative emotion. Yeah. It's okay to feel disappointment. It perfects you. Yeah. It's okay to feel frustration. It perfects you. It's okay to feel all of the things you need to feel in your living.

It perfects you. It evolves your stretches you. It turns you into the thing that God intended. You're going to be able to use it later when you deliver your gift. In case you resileancy, power, depth, texture, breath. Don't look away. You won't know yourself in a relationship. So you can mirror yourself and find out what it is

and use an easy, barbed-going become. Lean in two difficult places. so you can perfect your gift while you're here on the planet and something the world is better because you're in it. Wow. Do not run from your story. Make peace with your story. Oh, that was good. I'm a nail, you're a nail, make peace with it. Yeah. and make peace with it. In a less patient, the rate may peace with it. You do not have to live from a narrative of,

you know, disease and won't get in this and always, you know, I'm always healing. Yes, you will always be evolving, becoming and healing. Do you have to live from the dark place? Yeah. The darkness was purposeful. You're out of it now. Walk in the light. Walk in it.

Yeah. Something that you said earlier was that I have a worth issue when I talk about my fear of losing it all. Can you expand on that? Like what do you mean when you say I have a worth issue? So growing up in a family, where what you think in the field doesn't matter. The dates are worth the issue because you can't you see it. I don't care what I think. Nobody asked me what's for dinner or what

we're going on vacation. It's like you don't matter. That's one thing. That's one variable. That's one very equal. The other variable is not understanding that you belong to God period like full-stop. That your value on a scale of zero to 10 is 10. It's never seven. It's never 11. There are no 11s. There's only 10 and good enough. If you don't recognize that you're good enough, then you're going to feel that you're less in good enough.

Which means, right? I'm not good enough. A nine is not good enough. Yeah. Wow. So I have to set my dial always to good enough. So I am less than that than I have a worth issue. I don't know my value, I don't know my worth.

Right. And here's the, here's the Lenspin. From age birth to 12, the way that the brain works is it's just recording information. You can't negotiate it. You don't have what's called abstract thinking yet. So just take the world as it is. The way that you see life is greater than, less than, and equal to period. That's the

logic of a child. Right. Right. So as I believe at home, I'm not good enough because I have this relationship with my mother or my sibling or my dad. If I believe that I'm not good enough in the classroom because I can't raise my hand and answer the question on the board or that I peed on myself or got sick or you know or I feel like I'm good enough on the yard and elementary school because I'm not good at tetherball or I'm being bullied right or I don't have friends then that is that is a in my program I literally don't think I'm good enough. And then I turn 12, go to your high school. And so now I'm trying to cover up with a veneer. This is not good enough, I try to cover it up with achievement,

you know, doing well in school, sexy, smoke a wee, freaking alcohol, athleticism. I've got to cover up, I'm not good enough with something, violence. Yeah. I've got to cover up. I'm not good enough with something. Violence. Yeah. I'm 12. If I don't get me treatment or therapy or discover my actual worth, then I am using my veneer for the rest of my life. Until I'm not good enough, continues to pop through and I keep trying to cover it, which drugs alcohol, sex, shopping, and Gucci.

Don't do that. Don't come for me. Because I do. Like, I have a bad habit of doing retail therapy. Like, that's the real thing. I really do that. And I'll go and send all this money on clothes and then I'm happy for that moment.

And then I go to my closet and I'm like, I have nothing to wear. And then I'm not good enough. And I'm not good enough. It's like, yeah. I'm not covered for the next day. Mm-hmm. So what we're trying to do is shift the mindset from I'm not good enough to I am good enough every day no matter what's happening. Mm-hmm. Learning how to forgive ourselves for choices that we make that are not in our best interest.

That's good. I'm best to forgive ourselves after we do it again. Like it's really about self-love, loving myself, connecting to the inner child who did not have anyone to connect to that. Hiding myself, forgiving myself, taking accountability, taking care of my emotional needs, not looking for someone in the world to take care of them for me, which leads us desperate and codependent. So really, really build a healthy relationship with God. Seeing God as a loving, a continuum always present, all the time sustaining you, whether you're aware of it or not. You can't negotiate it.

It won't withhold it from you. It just even in your sleep, in your sin, in your drunkenness and everything you got is sustaining. You know what I mean? Like just really, really happened. A healthy relationship with God. I'm allowed to have a healthy relationship with you. So how can you relationship in the world?

That's so true. You're career. Yeah. No, that's so true. You're partners. and allow you to have a healthy relationship with yourself, how to relationship in the world. So, you're career. Yeah, no, it's so true. So, partners. Right, and I think something that Christians forget, the world puts so much emphasis on certain sins and it's just a very few sins that they put so much if it's so much, there's so many sins that, God is like, no, this is a sin too.

Like, lying is a sin. But if you go kill somebody, the world's like, oh, that's really bad. But in God's eyes, it's the same thing. He's like, it's no big sin or little sin. So some people look like, well, I lie or I eat too much. But you have your foreign and cadence, so you go in the hell. And we've been taught certain things.

And we see people that we look been taught certain things, and we see people that we look up to as kids lying, or we're like, don't tell them that we going here. And you learn to lie at a very young age, and learn to think that, oh, that's not a sin. I've been raised to do that. You know what I'm saying? That's what everybody does.

But if I go have six before marriage, then I'm sinning. You know what I'm saying? That's a real sin. Or if I go kill somebody, marriage, then I'm sending. You know what I'm saying? That's a real sin. Or if I go kill somebody, which, you know, I'm just showing, like it's... Well, these are the things that break our hope. It breaks our hope at a very young age that will ever be good enough for God.

Yeah. It's the way that the church teaches these things. And I know the church is trying to protect us, trying to have us make our best choices. Yes. You know, the church is trying to really protect the life of the person so that they know salvation. I get it.

I was raised very kind of costal, you know. And what happens is it almost broke my spirit and almost caused me to kill myself. Because I was never good enough for God and never good enough for the idealized Christian perception. Nobody's pulling it off. Everybody lying. I'm telling you that straight up now.

I talk to a lot of people and everybody is like, if this is supposed to be this, then how come I'm bad? And it's like, that's not real. That is not a real thing. It is a guide. It is, it is what you want to compare or, you know, let that be your standard. It is your standard. But in this life, you have this body. Yeah. You have this body. And we are indoctrinated with a major lie about pursuit of happiness.

Wow. I'm gonna say this. Do your best every day. Learn more about what the standard is and practice spiritual principles. If you practice spiritual principles like honesty, right? Yes. Like hope, like faith, like courage, like justice. Right.

Brotherly love. Right. Your life will be better if you practice admission and forgiveness. Your life will be better. The lessons that you need to learn every day in order to forgive someone. Right. You have to have the situation in order to forgive. The person has to fall short of the mark in order to give forgiveness. We can't practice

spiritual principles of everybody's part. That's a nugget. That's good. So let's let that go. Take yourself off the hook and let yourself be human. Yeah. Like this version of life grow evolving, become without you killing it with cortisol adrenaline and aproponathrin. Your body can't handle it. You're gonna have high blood pressure, diabetes. That's gotta be a sin. Yeah. So if I don't trust God, and this is what it looks like. I talk about faith, hallelujah, amen, Jesus, I'm on the front God, then this is what it looks like. I talk about faith, how I lose your 80-man, you're someone who front-brown-paired on my ties. But I don't have a real relationship with a God that sustains.

I don't have, I have doubt and prejudice with God, so when I'm worried, I eat. Whew. Now, wait, 325 pounds, and I have high blood pressure and diabetes. Where's the sand? In the doubting, it's in the glutinine. It's in the doubt. I don't believe that I have everything that I need.

I lack nothing. So I'm eating to calm the anxiety in the body. You understand? Yes. So that's what you've done. Feed will do that. Mm-hmm. And so now this is my new process. This is how I handle life.

Yeah. Am I taking care of the body that God gave me? No. Right. So how, you see, like, it's the same thing as if I doubt an honest God and I have sex. I doubt not on trust God and I shot. I doubt not on trust God, right? And I overexercise. I doubt on trust God and all sex. I doubt not on trust God in a shot. I doubt not on trust God, right?

And I overexercise or I doubt on trust God and all I do is work. I don't do nothing else. It's all the same thing. So we can call it sin, but it's really the opportunity for us to trust God, to connect to our oneness with God. That's the sin, duality, believe in that I am not one with God, believe in that there's some power. We can call it the devil if you want to. That is that that that there's God and something else. It's just God. God can't be all powerful and stuff or what a devil stand. God can't be everywhere present at the same time. It's up for what a devil stand. God can't be all knowing and all you know all these omnipotence and all these omni things, all the action, except for what a devil stand. Wow. I've only done what I have a man. Ain't that it? Wow. Ain't no doing a resuit and popped off in my

life. Yeah. It has only been my thinking and my separation, the idea that I am separate from God because of my behavior. I realize God sent us all to this planet and we cannot be separate. You can see it in the tree. Is the tree separate from God? No. Is the ant separate from God?

Is the hawk separate from God? Is my dog separate from God? No. I can see it in everything else that's on me. That means there's something wrong about my mindset. So, of course, if we go back to the original thing we talked about, anxiety is the mindset. And it is the mindset that I am separate from God.

And I do not have access to the power. That God is not my source. I tap into the world as my source, but it can't be God is my source. All the time, no matter what. No matter what, if I'm crying about the last man, you're just gonna say that is my source. Yeah. Wow.

So that is the basis of anxiety and I don't care who you are, I look forward to the world you live in. So for people, because I know for me, I didn't know what the signs of anxiety were. Can you tell us a few of the signs that where people can feel like, okay, where they can pinpoint, I'm dealing with anxiety right now? Well, it's like fullness in the throat, what happens for many people. Increase heart rate.

I would like to call it like the rollercoaster in your stomach. First word on your hands. It's another way we experience it. And it's tightness in the body shoulders of women really carry a lot here. I do. My massage service, I was like, girl,

what is going on? Like, she has to work so long on my shoulders because I hold so much. There's no more stuff in the body and in the fat. Yes. Because remember, all those chemicals have been released in the body. And it is absolutely affecting your blood vessels, kidneys,

and causing adrenal fatigue. You are going to kill yourself, not connected to God, with a mindset that you, not connected to God. With the mindset that you're not connected to God. So easy, practical ways when you begin to notice anxiety. Don't let, you can't let it build up when you begin to notice it. You're going to ask yourself, oh, observe it. Not my anxiety. You don't have to own it and get it a doggy back. Not my anxiety, you don't have to own it and get it a doggy bat. Start observing anxiety, the anxiety.

I feel the fullness in my throat. Ask yourself, what am I afraid of? It's time for us to begin to get in language. Probably we think it feel getting rid of. I feel some kind of way. And starting to be very specific and precise about what it is we're feeling. That's good. It is courageous to identify what it is you're afraid of. It is not weak, it is courage.

I am afraid that they are not going to accept me. It is a mature way of knowing who you are, giving language to what it is you're feeling. We aren't allowed to do that in our childhood and it giving language to what it is you're feeling. We weren't allowed to do that in our childhood and it's time to develop it now. I don't know you're the only one that knows. Stop being a grown person talking about, I don't know what I feel. I don't know, no, make it up. You know, put some, configure some words together and give it language language That's how you take the power out of it. Mm-hmm. I'm afraid they're not gonna accept me

So what's the truth? Yeah, what am I afraid of was the truth? I have everything that I need Take a deep breath Hold it breath, hold it, exhale, get it breath, hold it, exhale. Repeat for as long as you need to and it will clear and move that thing, the adrenaline, it dilutes the chemicals in the bloodstream, the deep breathing, so that is not as strong. Yeah, even those breaths, it doesn't feel as strong. That's not as strong. So, notice becomes self-aware people.

Yes. I throw some of my stuff up. What am I afraid of? Look, examine yourself. Scan yourself for the truth. Mm-hmm. Know yourself. Yeah.

We're talking about doing of the mind. That's what we're doing right here. Yeah. And it does, like, is it true? Question it. Yes. Affirm the truth. I have everything that I need.

I lack nothing. I don't need them to accept me. I need to accept me. Let me walk into this room. Wow. Yeah. That's so good. Raised him with the body.

And walking the wrong. Walking the wrong. I love that. And ever since of the body and walk in the wrong room. Walk in the room. I love that. And ever since you've made me look in the mirror and really pinpoint what those issues are, I'm able to have clarity, I'm able to move differently, and my perspective is different. It really is. And I tell people the sense I've been talking to you that therapy has become something that is more popular than it has

been in the past, especially in the black community. And I'm always like, no, like, it really works. When you get the right one, you may have to go through a few to find your one, but when you get with the right one, it changes everything. It really does. So thank you for that. I appreciate it. Right now, it's my favorite part of the show. It's called Positive Outcomes, where our listeners write into us and ask for advice. And for this week, she says, Hi, Crystal, you inspired me to continue to dream and to work them into reality. I am 21 years old. First generation college junior. I've been having trouble finding my rhythm in life

and just balancing good, mental, and physical health. I went to college over a thousand miles from home and I only, and the only support system I've ever known. I've battle with depression, suicidal ideations, the anxiety while being a full-time student and working full-time. This past year, I've taken the time to get to know myself and find things I love.

However, I am now unpacking some things I haven't healed from my childhood. Ooh. And I want to seek professional counseling, but I'm afraid of what I may unpack. I'm currently in a good mental space. Do you have any advice on just taking that leap of faith to seek help? And how do you remain any advice on just taking that leap of faith to seek help?

And how do you remain positive and faithful when it seems like you're back as against the wall? For me, I know that I'll tell you this. There were times where I thought I was in a good mental space because I got so good at suppressing things. But if you're finding that even having fear that when you talk to someone that you're gonna unpack some things that you may not be ready to, that's when you know you need to talk to somebody.

Because you're holding on to something that is pushing you down, it's probably holding you back from progressing. And sometimes when you are pulled away from your safety net, because you say you were pulled away from your support system, that's the time that guy can really work on you without the influences of the people that you used to getting advice from all the time. So I would say definitely lean into getting therapy,

seeking help. And yeah, I know it's helped me. So that's what I would say. What about you, Dr. Delayna? That letter was everything that we talked about. Everything that we talked about. Yeah. She's on the precipice of her successful life, right? Yeah. She's got all that stuff that we just talked about. I always encourage getting help, teasing out the stories that she'll continue to play in your mind.

Once you say I'm out loud, then they have different meaning. You can organize them in a way that won't, they want to annihilate you to hear your story out loud. In fact, it'll help give you another perspective. You cannot heal from the mind where the problem exists. Like you have to do it at another level. So absolutely, seek the professional help, get a culturally competent therapist. And you don't have to explain things to that understands the nature of the Black family and sometimes how the mother is emotionally unavailable.

So it's your opportunity to set a foundation that you'll be able to spring forth the rest of your life from. Love that, that is so good. Now we're gonna do what I'm going through and what I'm growing through. And for me in this season of my life, especially as it pertains to therapy and unpacking

a lot of things from my childhood and into my adulthood, I would say that I am going through unpacking some very hurtful things and learning to release those things. And I'm also growing through having empathy and understanding that everything that happened to me was for a reason. And having that empathy for myself and the people that may have inflicted that on me,

and also growing through the idea that I have to be perfect in practicing excellence instead of perfection. That's very powerful. I love what you said. This is one of my models is that nothing is happening to you. Everything is happening for you. It takes me back to the thing we mentioned earlier that no one knows why you came to this planet. It is being revealed to you day by day, less and less and experienced by experience, conversation with the Holy Spirit. You're continuing to be given the information that you need as to why you came to

this planet, what your next steps are. So lean into your stories of the past. Let their information to help you understand the areas in your life that need to heal, evolve and grow. How to use that piece or an asset so that it doesn't remain a liability. Oh wow. I love that. Thank you. That's so good. Do you have anything that you're going through and growing through? Yeah, absolutely. It's constant for me. I'm in the publishing process for this book that I wrote 13 years ago. Wow. And it is in why it's taken me 13 years to publish it, because I felt I played small. I played small for 13 years in a particular relationship. And it wasn't until I had many situations,

health situations, the ending of the relationship that I decided to be obedient to listen to the still small boys. And the book is in publishing right now, I'm about to push the print button in a moment. Oh my goodness, that is amazing. I love that 13 years, wow. 13 years of evolution to get to this point.

But this version of me is a version of me that needs to stand in front of the words that I put on paper. So, I encourage and stuff love and taking responsibility for my place on the planet and in life is the things that I'm growing from. I love it. Congratulations. Are you able to tell us the name of the book? The name of the book is Do These Wings Make Me Look That? I love it. That's so good!

It's an apologetic approach to spirituality and positive mental health. I love it, I can't wait to read it. I love it, I love it. Oh my goodness, that's awesome. So the last thing you do is keep it blank, sweetie, and we feel in the blank. And I'll start off, I'm gonna say for this one,

keep it excellent and not perfect, sweetie. That's what I'm gonna tell you. For this one, I'd love to say, keep it peaceful and not chaotic, sweetie. I love that. Yes, I love it, I love it, I love it. peaceful and not chaotic, sweetie. I love that. Yes, I love it, I love it, I love it. Thank you so much for taking the time out to do this.

I know it's gonna bless so many people and help a lot of people. I'm grateful to have you in my life. So I just wanted to share you with the world for a minute and thank you for allowing me to do that. I really appreciate it. Yes. Guys, I hope you guys enjoyed this episode. Thank you guys for

joining. If you want to write in, please write in to our positive outcomes at keep it positive sweetie at gmail.com. Make sure you stay tuned. We have more great things coming. I'll see you guys soon. You can follow me on all platforms at Love Christopher Nay, that is L-U-V. Christopher Nay. And Mr. Elena, do you have Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, or any work that they can find you, or contact you if they need help? Because people need help. Well, there's two places.

I have a website, it's DelenaZimmermenttherapy.com and that's D-E-L-E-N-A. And of course, on Instagram at DelenaZimmermenttherapy. Awesome. Please tap in with you guys. I promise you you will not regret it. Guys, thank you so much again. We'll see you next week.

And in the meantime, you know what to do. Keep it positive and sweet. Yes. Wow. Thank you.