Keep it Positive, Sweetie - Taking A Breath & Learning To Rest w/Tammy Franklin

Episode Date: November 24, 2024

For decades Tammy Franklin has been the backbone of one of music's most prolific artists and global creative forces, Kirk Franklin. In retrospect, Tammy is a force all her own. In this episode, Crystal Renee Hayslett and Tammy Franklin talk marriage, motherhood and the importance of therapy.

Coming up on Keep It Positive, sweetie. There's a group called Next. I used to choreograph for them. You are kidding me. Did you do Too Close? Step back a bit. I didn't do that, but I was in the studio when that was actually recorded. Are you kidding me?

I am not kidding you. I love Next. I grew up in Next. I was in junior high school. So we all lived in Minnesota at the time. So our manager was the same manager at the time, as Nick Condition. Wow. And so. You got a story to tell.

Yeah. Hello, I'm Chris Renee Haisland and this is Keep It Positive, sweetie. A safe space to heal, laugh, grow and love. Season six is officially here and I am so excited about how it will unfold. For decades, Tammy Franklin has been the backbone of one of music's most prolific artists and global creative forces, Kirk Franklin. In retrospect and real talk, she is all a force of her own. In recent years, Tammy has branched out into more public speaking, along with hosting television

and radio shows, which have allowed her to share her powerful testimony perspective, while also exposing audiences and fans to her infectious personality. As a wife, mom, glam mom, and encourager of women around the world, Tammy Franklin personifies womanhood, wisdom, and winning. I am so grateful we get to talk about

how Tammy has withstood the storms of her past, how she's embracing her present, and how she's embracing herself for the blessings in the future ahead. Tammy Franklin, everyone. Tammy, thank you so much for coming. I'm glad to be here. We've been trying to do this.

Yes, been trying to do this for a while. So I'm excited to come sit on your couch and chat with you. Me too. I've been wanting you to come on. We had Kirk on. And there was a few questions I asked him. He's like, you got to ask Tammy.

I was like, you know what I am going to ask her. How about that? So I was excited to get you here. I just love you. Like, you have the most beautiful spirit. You're always pleasant from the moment I met you. I just love you. Like you have the most beautiful spirit. You're always pleasant from the moment I met you. So just thank you. Thank you for saying this. And I feel the same about you. I mean, first of all, I'm a sister's fan. So when you were added to the cast, I mean, all of you ladies are beautiful.

Yes. Well, just something about you. I was like, oh, she's so, I just love her. Plus, you know, the whole character anyway, it's just dope. So I'm like, when I met you in person, I was like, first of all, you are gorgeous. Thank you. Thank you, you too.

Oh my goodness. I mean, beautiful on pictures, but in person does not do your pictures any justice. But to meet you in person just I was like oh yeah she's grounded you can tell she um I mean the stardom is nice yeah um but I could just sense your intentionality with wanting to stay who you are. Yes, oh my goodness. And I love when I meet women, especially a beautiful woman who is so self-aware. That's important. I could just sense that it was really important to you.

I'm a country girl, so for me, it was very important to keep my feet to the ground. Martin, Tennessee. Okay, I hear it. Yeah, Martin, Tennessee. I hear the seven. You know, I'm a Texas girl. Texas girl. That's right. I love seven girls. Yes, seven girls. Yes. Yes. I remember the first time I met you all. We were at the grand opening of the new studio. Yes. Tyler Perry Studios and we were at the brunch and I told Kirk that I was like, where'd you get those

shrimp and grits? And he gave me his plate and y'all you like girl you better take them grits. Yes. And I was like, where'd you get those shamping grits? And he gave me his plate and y'all were like, girl, you better take them grits. And I was like, is it okay? You're like, girl, take them. So they were very good, thank you. And I didn't have to wait in that long line. I love that you reminded us of that because I remember the moment. But to know that it was you.

It was me because nobody knew I was then. I'm so dope, I love that. I was still styling Tyler at that moment. I had a very small role on Sisters, but nobody knew that, oh, that's the girl from Sisters. I was not her yet. Yeah, it was so funny, because all the girls were there

and everybody knew who they were. And I was just kind of in the back, like nobody knew who I was, and I was in the room though. But you're at the front now. Yeah, come on, that's what God does. Hello. Say hello.

Yes. What about you, Tammy? Congratulations on your son's new marriage. You got two kids married. We got to get kids married. Well, baby, my son is a whole husband. A whole husband. How do you feel about that?

To have two married. I think as a mom, you desire, you pray for. I prayed for my children's, the spouses that they have already. Didn't necessarily know I was praying for them specifically. But I think, you know, when you are a mom and you want your kids to find someone who to do life with, who is suitable for them. And then, you know, you have the opportunity, what I'm getting the opportunity to do now is to see the things that I've poured into them because they're not perfect, but they're good adults, they're good spouses.

And so my baby boy... But you know something? I always told my husband that he was gonna marry early. Really? Cause I was 24. Oh you knew he was gonna, how do you pronounce your son's name? Kaziah. Kaziah, yes, okay. I knew it. You knew, what was it about him that you like,

I know this one's gonna marry at a young age. Very mature. Very relational driven. He was the one like even with wind dating that I would have to remind, hey, we're not at forever yet. Oh, he's like me. Is that true?

Yes, I'm the one that's gonna be like, so I'm like already writing like, to see how our last name goes, his last name goes and my name, I'm like, ooh. I think because Ziya's been a creative, he was able to kind of tap into that, because typically, you're right, it's the girl. Because baby, we have our weddings planned out.

Well, we done met them. In junior high, we got the names and all this. But it was just something about him. And then his faith compass was very, very strong. The way he regarded, I would say girls, because he was young, and then later women. He was always intentional, dating with a purpose. That was his mindset.

And so I remember telling my husband, probably, I want to say as early as junior high. You knew it. I said, oh, he's going to marry early. I see him doing maybe, because he has my husband's gift times 10. Yes, he's instrumentally inclined. I saw it, musically inclined.

Amazing. But he's also a speaker. He's a writer. He's, and so he's left and right brain. He was an athlete and a, I mean- That's incredible. He's a, yeah.'s a writer. And so he's left and right brain. He was an athlete and a, I mean, he's a, yeah. Yeah, unicorn. Like a lot of unicorn.

And God showed me even how to pray for him. I mean, pray for all my kids, but, and pray for them in specific ways. With him, I was like, oh, he's right and left brain. That means his mind's always going. Oh my God. I feel like that's my brother. Like, are we related? Cause like, you know,'s right and left brain. That means his mind's always going. Oh my God. I feel like that's my brother. Are we related?

Cause like, you literally like- You know, you look like my people. You know what I'm saying? Cause I'm like literally like, I feel like maybe he's my cousin or something because I feel like I'm all over the place. Really? Yes, I'm creative, but I'm very analytical.

Yeah. It's our brains are- We may need to check on the bloodline. Yes. But no, I identify with it. I totally understand what you're saying. But to see them married is just, you know, and Kennedy's seriously dating. Yes, Kennedy.

I love that. And I like him. Good. You know, and I was, I saw my parents when I married, and I think Kirk being adopted, they took it even an extra step, they became his parents too. And so that was modeled for me.

And I'm that type of mother-in-law. I wanna be a mother in love and not, you know, horror. And so it's been really important to me that Alina, my son's wife. She is so, I know she's a woman, but she's just adorable. Isn't she built together? I call her chocolate granola. They just, they real like,

They are perfect for each other. Birkenstocks and you know, they're all tree climbing and all the things. But it was, it just was really important to me. In fact, I did a post of my intentionality towards her and her mother passed. And so I've been praying like, God, what am I supposed to be to her?

This is a very unique set of circumstances. And so it was just important to me that I'd be intentional with fostering relationship with her, never wanting her to feel like she ever needed to compete with me. Nor put my son in the position of feeling like he had to choose. So it was just really important to me. Yeah, I look at that and I love how you have relationships with all your children. And it's so beautiful to watch. I've actually gotten to see firsthand with you and Kennedy when you're here in Atlanta. But with your son and with your older daughter,

you all have a podcast or radio show together. Yes, Carrington and I. Yeah, we have a show on Stereosex M. That's amazing. And it's in real life with Tammy and Carrington. It's fun. Yes. What was like, what was the, the inspiration behind that? What made you guys say, Hey, let's do this. Honestly, we would do like, um, cause it's on my husband's station, it's on Kirk Franklin's station. And so we would do like one-off shows, like special shows. And the series came to us and was like, hey, you know, people are saying this would be a really cool weekly show.

And so that's kind of how it branched off. We would do like a Mother's Day special, a Father's Day special. And, but we wanted it of course to be faith-based, but also we wanted to introduce our audience to maybe things in the culture, something like imposter syndrome. That's the thing.

Things like that were, not necessarily spoken about in a faith-based space. And so that's why we named it In Real Life. So we wouldn't be like pigeon-hell to like what we could talk about. We talk about, you know, from dating to mother-in-law drama to, you know, all the things. And it's fun because I get a chance to see my daughter blossom.

Yeah, because she has her chance to see my daughter blossom. Yeah, because she has her own family now. Two beautiful children. Girl, I'm a lovey. Lovey. That's your name. That's my name. Yes.

Lovey. And my husband is bald. Bald, yeah. Child. Those kids are, yeah. Y'all just have some beautiful offspring. Thank you. It just kept going.

Yeah. Beautiful, beautiful. What was that transition like going from being a mother to your children and now they're adults? You know, God has gifted me in a way and I know it was it there are times in your life in which you know the realness of God and the way I was there. I got married at 25. I was a baby. That was my goal. I'm 42 now. You know what?

You know what I mean. Yeah. 25 is what I told the Lord. You know, I think 27, 30, like. The earliest. But, I mean, there's so much. I'm, you know, I'll be 55 this year. Wow, hold on, hold on, hold on,

time out. What's the secret? What's the water, the well you're drinking out of? If you see my mama, the gene pool, thank you Jesus. Black cracks a little slower. It does. Congratulations. I eat right, I exercise, I try to eliminate stress. So that's a, you know, and I think it helps that we're tiny people. Tiny people just tend to look younger. It's true, I can see that.

But the transition into adulthood. So I've always had this plan that that would, I took motherhood like that seriously. So I was like, it is my responsibility to foster and usher them into adulthood. And so I always plan for it. But I know at 25, like who thinks like that? You know, shorter the Holy Spirit.

I know for a fact, God like was downloading that into me. And so I'm still their mother. I'm more of a friend now. I love that. I ain't one of your little friends. I just say that. But now I'll be like, okay, we friends now. And it's so funny because they're like, oh my gosh, now that we're in the friend zone of our mother, daughter, or mother-son relationship, they're like, you telling us everything. We didn't know this. This is new. Because you know, it's mother, son, they're like, you telling us everything. You didn't know this, this is new. You know, cause you know it's like, well welcome to adulthood. Now you know that their cousin was crazy.

You know, and they like, and now they're saying things. But I've always wanted my kids to feel so comfortable. And I want it to be approachable. Even when they would tell me things that, you know, I was clutching my pearls on the inside, but on the outside, they gonna see, I got you. I love that. Ain't nothing you can't tell me.

Yeah, that is beautiful, I love that. So it's been, they're my little homies, they're my friends. I see it, yeah, I love watching them. My girls are some of my best friends, I mean, I have best friends, but my son, but you know, my son is so close. And there's something about a mother-son relationship in which he sees me in a way. I was like, am I blushing like a little school girl?

Because he just, he's always let me know that he sees me. Yeah, very mindful. Yes. Yeah, I love that, I love that. Now we had Kirk on and he talked about how not having a father and mother was not as present, how hard it was for him and how he put so much emphasis in the children. And I asked him on the show, I was like, Kirk, do you, I said, how did Tammy feel about that? And he said, well, you have to ask Tammy. Yeah. I want you to watch this clip of what he said. And I want to

get your thoughts because I really, I was like, I'm going to ask her. Even to the fault, I can be honest and say, and I, and I've never said this on anything before. And I've been saying, and I'll be transparent here to say, is that even to a fault that a lot of times I realized now that they were empty nesting, I probably invested even more to them. Right. Than I even sometimes did her because with her, the natural man to do things is always the red bottoms, the car, the purses.

You know, you're always doing the things that you think are the things. And that's not the thing. And they're not the things, you know? And so always doing the things that you think are the things. And that's not the thing. And they're not the things, you know? And so I am guilty of that. I am extremely guilty of that. You know, it's not intentional. It's just what you end up doing

because you're so busy trying to make it. And then when you come from poverty, you know, you think that these things are the things that matter. But also it was a lot for me, a lot of the attention was these kids cannot feel what I felt. They cannot feel what I felt. And not having a blueprint for being a daddy, I overdid the daddy.

You know what I mean? It's like I would come in from the studio, three or four o'clock in the morning, and sit up in the chair so I wouldn't fall asleep so I could take them to school. You know, because like they cannot feel it. They cannot feel it. And so that's what drove me.

Yeah. But in all that, you feel like you was neglecting Tammy as well. Well, that would be for her to say. If it was neglecting, you know. Well. I don't, well, that would be for her to say. If there's nothing, you know. You know, I think. Well. Yeah, you know, but whatever she may feel,

I look back and go, you know, man, I did not learn. And then it's also the thing is that, you know, some things are taught, some things are. So now I have to. Uh-huh, yeah, I'm here. He said, ask him. Ask him, did huh, yeah I'm here. He said ask Tami. Ask Tami, did you, cause I thought about that, you know, as a child whose parents worked really hard

to give me everything that I wanted and needed, there were often times where I needed them in other ways, not like how he said, the red box is the purse, is the cards, I needed other things and those were not the things I needed. So. Other things you got. Yes, other things and those were not the things I needed. So other things you got. Yes. Oh, thanks you got.

Yeah. So was there a times where you felt neglected as a wife because he was putting so much emphasis on the career on the kids. I think that when you're in it, you don't necessarily recognize it like that. Yeah. that. Him wanting to, and I would say this, if anybody has fallen madly and deeply in love with his story, to the point of wanting to protect him, I think that as a wife, you kind of, you know, and so I think for me, you know, listening to that clip and really kind of, you know,

thinking about it, I remember when it, when I watched it when it first came out, but I hadn't seen it in a while. And so I think initially I cheered him on. I applauded the fact, you know, what woman doesn't want an involved father? Yeah, that's her, yeah. But now on the opposite end of that, at empty nesting stage, I do see where there was deficiency.

And I believe that probably a lot of couples that you sit with, a wife would say, yeah, I don't think nobody can beat a woman supporting. Yeah, yeah, no. Can't nobody beat us supporting, but to a fault. Yeah, that's true. To a fault. Yeah, that's real. And it's like, now at 29 years of marriage, do I see there were deficiencies with regards to support of me or pushing me, what would you like to do? And then too, we grew up in an era, cause I'm not mad at him for it. We grew up in an era in which, especially if you grew up in church and ministry,

the ministry is what is the most vital, the most important. And in terms of your role as a wife, Ministry is what is the most vital, the most important. And in terms of your role as a wife, that's your role is home and supporting the ministry. So it's like supporting husband, but the ministry is added. It adds a whole other layer. So in my mind, this is what I'm called to do. This is my ministry. That's a beautiful perspective.

Yeah. So I'm not necessarily mad about it. You know what I mean? Like my husband traveled a whole lot and his desire was that we'd not be apart any more than two, I'm gonna say two years, Chav. What no two years? Two weeks.

Oh, that's good. you have boundaries, good. Yeah, and he didn't want any more than two weeks of being apart from me. And then, you know, my kids needed normalcy. And so it worked best for us that I'd be at home. And, you know, do I wish I would've done some things different? It's kinda like both ends. I wouldn't change anything, but then I would have done some things different? It's kind of like both ends.

I wouldn't change anything, but then I would change something. You know what I mean? Yeah. What would you like, if there was anything that you would have like, Tim, you should have done this or I would have done this differently. I think that just more emphasis and thought to what is it that I would like to do. As a woman, your dreams, your hopes, everything becomes like what your kids, you know, it's their hopes and their dreams.

Or my husband's. And I'm there to like, be the cheerleader in how we gonna make it happen. Cause like I said, can't nobody beat us. Can't nobody beat a woman's support. But what it has informed me, Crystal, is I'm able now to tell my daughter-in-law. Yeah.

I was, I'll share with you a story. I was going to, I wanted her to have a special gift from me and I bought her a necklace and I was going to buy her an F symbolizing Franklin and I took a step back and I said no I'm gonna get her an A for Elena because of what I have experienced I now can share with my new daughter-in-law of the women hey and my son I raised him yes I raised him to understand that as a husband, she's not there just to serve you

and your hopes and your dreams. Cultivate her, what does she wanna do? Make sure you're asking her often. And with Alina, the gift I gave her with that A, I wrote a little note to her and I said, I know right now you're trying to think about how can I be suitable, adaptable, all the things, cause Ziya, all the things wife. And I said, I want you to, when you see this A on your neck, I want you to think

about yourself. But I wouldn't have known to do that. You wouldn't have known to do that, yes. Had I not gone through it. That's gold. I love that. I love that. Oh, so talking about things that you put to the side when you became a wife. A lot of people don't know this, but you was a, you was a sign girl. I sang a little bit.

Yes, that is incredible. I did not, I was like, wait, she was, did you ever ask her to be in the family? Girl, no. She said girl, no. No, they sign. I sing. Okay. What's the difference?

Yes, I was in a little group called Ashanti. Wow. And we, some people may remember this. I saw this on like a, you know how there's these different IG pages? This page was like all like old R&B music. And we had a really big single. We were signed to Scotty Brother Records. And we had this single that was a reply to R. Kelly.

And ours was, there is something wrong. With Lil Bumpergrass. So it was like, dude, it got like pretty big. Can I get, how did it go? Give me a little bit. Oh my gosh. Girl. Because I know how I don't see nothing wrong. Well, I was there, yeah, something wrong. So I was like.

So it was like the gospel version. It wasn't gospel because we weren't singing gospel music. Oh, okay. Yeah. You know, this was before girls groups were like trying to be overly sexy and things. And so for me, a lot of people know part of my story has been a single mom. When Kirk and I married, I had Carrington and he had Carrion. So they were five and six and Kirk did legally adopt her.

And so, you know, for me, it was a way to take care of my daughter. I've always, you know, it's funny how God prepares you for what you're going to do. And you have no idea. What it is, like, are you prepared for it? Yes.

And so even within the group, I was the one that did the choreography. I was the one that did, like, our outfits. There's a group called Next. I used to choreograph for them. You are kidding me. Now, did you do Too Close? Step back, get in there.

I didn't do that, but I was in the studio when that was actually recorded. Are you kidding me? I am not kidding you. I love Next. I grew up in Next. I was like in junior when like that was actually recorded. Are you kidding me? I am not kidding. I love next I grew up in next I was like in junior high high school So we all lived in Minnesota at the time So our manager was the same manager is at the time as met condition Wow and so To tell I've been around Fred I mean

I've been around print. I mean, it was, girl, 21, not a care in the world, living in Minnesota. But let me tell you, God, even in that, we, rather than going like to New York or LA, Minnesota was the most family-friendly. They closed at midnight. And we were in church. Like we were in choir. Girl, we would have on our little fishnet, pantyhose and hot pants, you know, undyed dress for Wednesday night service. And then we'd go into like, we'd go into, I think the Princess Club was glam slam. We'd go into glam slam. Y'all was ready for it.

The girl was ready. Ready. The church would come and see us perform. I love that. It was a time. Wow. It was a time. That, Timmy. You know, it took me back memory lane. Listen, honey, you. It was a time. Wow. That took me back memory lane. Listen, honey, you need to write a book. Have you

thought about that? Um, it has been suggested to me often. And that was another one. Yeah, you should. Yeah, I think I would love to read your journey. Yeah, I did, I also actually did a foreword for a book and the agent said, hey, have you thought about, you know, writing? If I don't know, we'll see. Yeah, okay. I got more time on my hands now.

Yes, yes, you do. That'd be dope. Add author to your resume. I like that. I think so. Okay, awesome. Okay, so, you know. I like that. I think so. Okay, awesome. Okay, so you know I am 42. I said I wanted to be married by 25,

but it didn't happen. As a woman, you know I'm in the industry and I'm a southern woman. So I was raised in a church. I know about being submissive. I know about being a helpmate and all the things that you did. All the things, I mean, all the things.

Yes. And for a long time, I felt like God, at first I was questioning like, God, why haven't you, you blessed me with everything else but this thing? What is it? And then I had to take a step back and I realized I wasn't ready for that thing. And now I feel like I'm in a space where I am ready for it. And I want to know if you could tell me, cause I know you so into your daughters, what would you tell a young woman who is desiring marriage?

Can you remind me so much of my daughter? Oh. But I'm sorry, I have to ask a question. Yes, what would you tell someone who is desiring marriage later on in life or even now? Cause women, this dating culture is ghetto. I hear. It's very ghetto.

I hear trash. You're so bad. And I'm so sorry for y'all. I'm real sorry. My producer is over here. She's like, very trash. I'm so sorry. I need these mamas to not raise trash songs. Come on, that was my plan. You will be integral. Yes, exactly. And I think that's one of the first things is,

is he godly? Yeah. But is he integral? Because there's some men that are godly, but they're not integral. That is so true. Yes. They're not.

Yeah, they're not. And they are using repentance as an excuse to just act a fool. Cause God don't forgive me. So first and foremost, godly but integral. What's his character? That's so good. Yeah.

And the smallest and little of the things, we think it needs to watch the bigger things. Watch the small things. Yeah, watch the really, really small things. I love the fact, Crystal, that you wanted something, but recognized that you weren't ready for it. I love, and I think to me, that meant that you have done a lot of soul searching. Yes.

And you've done like inner work. That helps ward off foolishness. Yeah. Because you're probably going to have some foolishness along the way. You have, yeah. And so now at 42, even though that wasn't your plan, you have healed eyes and you have a healed heart. Wow.

And you will attract healed. Mm. Yes, I received that. We all gonna come with some trauma. Yeah. We all gonna get around. I've been in therapy on my own for a year now. Yeah.

And I'm learning. Same, yeah, I just started like a year ago too. So there will be. You're gonna come with trauma, he's gonna come with some trauma. But you will attract more of a healed person because you've done the work. Yeah, I realized that I was attracting exactly who I was.

And I was like, oh my gosh. David Mann, him and Tamla did my live show, and he told everybody, make a list of what you want in your mate, and then become the list. Because a lot of times we have- I saw that. I thought that was so powerful. Oh my gosh. Especially coming from a man.

But David is a, he's a girl's dad. Yes, yeah. And so I think that informs his lens of how to think like that. Because I mean, typically that, I think that's a woman's way of thinking. Yeah. And I thought it was so powerful,

but it was especially powerful coming from him. It was. I was like, ah! I'm taking that note. Yeah. Everybody was like, ooh. Be the list for yourself. Yes, yeah.

As opposed to expecting someone else to fulfill all of that. Yeah. The immature Crystal was definitely looking for someone else to fulfill all those things. You deserve it. Yeah. You deserve the healed side of you. Yeah.

Yes. And a mate. Yeah, and a lot of times, I don't think I even realized that I wasn't healed and how much trauma I was holding onto until I got into therapy. I was like, what? Listen, it opens your eyes. I'm gonna need people to understand

it is therapy in Jesus. Can you say it again? It is therapy in Jesus. Thank you. It is both and. Yeah. And it's hard. It's a process.

It is. A lot of times people like, you know, oh, I went to a couple of sessions. Oh, you went into, that was cute. That was not the work honey. That was consultation. Yes, exactly. Yeah, you gotta get in the thick of it. You gotta get in there.

And we've always utilized therapy for our marriage. And I've always been open like to counsel. Whether it be, even on my own before I was married, whether it be getting with my youth pastor, getting with like someone older woman that I trusted. So seeking help wasn't foreign to me. And then, you know, you get married at 25, so now you're utilizing therapy for marriage. But it was, I'm like, Lord Jesus,

why would you allow me to get in my 50s and have all of a sudden all these triggers? And I'm trying to figure out where are they coming from? Yeah. Yeah. And I kind of was looking at him a little sideways. Like God, what we doing? And he was like, you can handle it now.

You can handle the answers. You can handle it now. You can handle the answers. Younger Tammy wasn't ready. Wasn't, was not ready, yeah. And let me tell you, messaging that you receive, especially as a woman, the messaging that we receive, messaging that you receive unknowingly,

they didn't mean any harm, they love us, and my parents. My messaging was, you're strong. You're strong. And so oftentimes, it has informed how I lived throughout the world and often I would take on everybody's affirmations. I'm strong.

You can handle it. You can handle it. And that also means you're taking on abuse at times. You're taking on being something you were never intended to be. Yeah, that's real. Yeah. And when I tell you this here therapy session,

there are days, what I love about my therapist, she was like, I don't want you to process it all for the next couple of days, rest. Wow. And she'll text me, rest. Rest. Breathe. Yeah. Rest. There are me, rest, breathe, rest. There are times, you walk in through the day,

you don't realize you're holding your breath because you're like, there's so much tension and trauma in your body. That is why, so there are times I even tell myself, breathe. Breathe, yeah, that's real. I just did a retreat and we had a meditation lady, she did a session. She goes, take deep breaths. She said, we live in a world of shallow breathers. Cause everybody's like this.

And she said, you ain't realize that you're not breathing. Like take a deep breath and let it out. And I'm like, Ooh, I was like, it's so simple, but it's so real. Yeah. And you don't realize it because you go through life just like, just holding on to everything. One day I was at a red light and didn't realize I was like white knuckling the steering wheel and I was like this. Yes. And I was like, breathe.

And I just, and I released. You can feel it. And then I have to ask myself, I'm learning through therapy. What is it that you need? What is it that you want through therapy, what is it that you need? What is it that you want? What is it that you have not processed? Because all that tension is coming from somewhere.

It is, yeah, it really is. It's coming from somewhere. So people, come on, therapy in Jesus. Quit making people feel shameful that they're not, that they don't have faith. If they need therapy. And then let me say this,

and some of the saints won't get mad at me. Okay? Go to a licensed therapist. There are a lot of people within ministry that are gifted. They are. They're gifted, But they may not be equipped to go take that deep dive that you really, really need. We got a whole bunch of people walking around, still broken, and they're like, why do I talk to Sister so-and-so. I went to my pastor or my mentor. That's great.

That's good. That's, I love it. You need to go deeper. Yeah, that's so true. And it helps. And that little shirt that you buy, that little shoes that you buy, you can put it towards therapy. But yeah, with Lula, I can't afford it.

I can't afford it. Yeah, you just gonna have to do it out something. How about no coffee, no, you know, for a little bit. Just a little bit, yeah. Just a little bit. Yes. And just try it. I mean, I would say, you know,

I've never met a person unless they just really, really didn't wanna be there. Yeah. That didn't try it. Yeah. And feel like it was beneficial and helpful. Same, yeah. No, yeah, every person that I know that has tried is like,

oh my goodness, why'd I wait so long? I'm like that about myself right now. I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm finally on my own therapy journey. And why didn't I do this sooner? And it wasn't like I was against it. Right. I think, you know, distracted by life, raising kids, you know, a husband who is a lot.

He'll, him a lot. And leads with his trauma. So his became what we need to do. Yes. And now I'm taking care of Tammy. I know. Yes, to taking care of Tammy. I love it. Taking care of little Tammy Renee. We got the same middle name.

That's my sister from another VISTA. Okay. Speaking of mental health, your marriage, I know like a lot of things that Kirk has been in the light. And even with the church and I'm going through it, I've gone through it the more I become vocal about my relationship with Christ and still being flawed and being transparent about those flaws. There's a lot of really ridicule that has come. There's flawed people in the Bible. Hello. All off in it. Why do we require perfectionism? It is manmade, it's not God. And that's what I really try to encourage people that walk away from God.

I'm like, people hurt you. People hurt you. God didn't. Yeah. What have you done to stay strong when you see the comments? Because I know for me, when I see comments, I'd be ready to clap back. And you know, like what, what, like how do you keep it together? I leave the clap back to Kennedy.

I know that's right. He's like, don't worry, my mama got it. Kennedy ready for the smoke, but she is so her daddy. She ready for the smoke, want the smoke. Yeah. 4'10". And just, I call him my little chihuahua. Is she ready?

I am more contemplative. I am more contemplative. I am more contemplative. I am more contemplative. I am more contemplative. I am more contemplative. I am more contemplative. I am more contemplative. Four ten. And just. I call her my little chihuahua. She ready. I am more contemplative. Really? I am. Now when they, but when they come to my kids. That's a different story. Yeah. But I'm still, that's just my personality. I'm gonna take a, I'm always gonna take a step back. I'm gonna take a beat back. Um, there are times in which I really, really want

to like go in and say, oh, you're so misinformed. Yeah. And then I'm like, I am trying to explain myself or I want to explain myself to strangers. Why? This is not my circle. Right, and I had to check myself. Crystal, you do not know these people.

They don't really know you. And right now there is such a, it's a weirdness going on. Mm-hmm. No, it is. Like you mentioned about, you know, the more you're vocal with your faith. There is,

It is. A legalistic, offensive, judgmental spirit. Mm-hmm. And I call it a spirit. It is. Because it's like, you are giving me man-made requirements. God is not requiring this of me. Yeah. One time something as simple as I was this girl did like incredible nails. They were Thanksgiving nails like long but But in the grocery, she had a turkey. And all of these. I posted it.

Timmy. It is evil and not of God. So I had the time that day. See, some days I got, see my kind of girl. I had time. I said, you need to tell me that God that made all these animals to the point there are some we have never seen before. All the beautiful

skylines and trees, our creative God is mad about creativity. And I said stop adding to salvation. Stop it. Yes. See, my reply. And I decided you're gonna put this on, and I'm, I guess I was raised so etiquette and sometimes I just get so much. There ain't no nerves. I'm one, I'll DM a person just because I'm like, I'm gonna read you, but I was like, no, we gonna put it in the thread. You put it on, you went to my page.

So I'm gonna give it to you right here. And decided. Yes. But I mean, and I know that was simple, that wasn't about, you know, my family. Yeah. But that I'm, that is a depiction of the weirdness I'm talking about. Yeah. How do you call you take that, how do you even get that from that? So what are you, that little tiny thing. So what are you, how are you treating people in the earth? Like we're supposed to be hands and feet. Yeah. And we are not reflective at all.

And we're losing people, we're losing. We are, we are. And I was, I have spoken about it at Woman Evolve and I say, you know, it got to the point where like even my podcast, I was like, I want to rebrand everything I said, it's getting too churchy. I was like, I want to just be me.

Cause like, if y'all gonna ridicule me, criticize me, I might as well just be me. Cause like, if y'all gonna ridicule me and criticize me, I might as well just be me and like, not even like try, you know, and um. Not try to be authentically you. Exactly. That's crazy. That's an essence of what you're saying.

Literally, cause I told her, I was like, I feel like I'm not, I'm losing myself. I was like, cause I'm like, I know who I am. I know what I believe. And I'm trying to tell you guys this is where I am. So if people who are not quite there, or maybe like further behind than I am, they need to get to where I am, can know that, oh, I got somewhere I can start.

You know, like- But that's, we're all supposed to be that. Yeah. I was like, oh my goodness. And I was like, you know what, I call it crass. I'm never talking about dating again. I was like, I'm not going to talk about this, this, this. I was like, cause people just act like they have never lived.

I was like, they've been saints their entire life. And I was like, I can't do it. So I told my team, I was like, listen, I was like, I want to, I was like, bring on Gunna. I said, I want everybody. I said, I want my podcast to be a safe space. And all those guests honestly can bring something. Something.

Because everybody has a story. Everybody. Everybody has a story. And you can't be one dimensional and the people that you that you bring on. Yeah. Yep. That's why you have to be welcoming because that's how I want it. That is more like Christ to invite everybody. I want everybody. I can still be who I am. And hopefully when you leave the sofa, you're inspired to be like, hey, let me. But how strong is your faith if you can't be around and talk to people that don't believe like you?

Exactly. That's how I feel. Yeah, no, for sure. How strong is it? Yes. That you, you gonna lose it for one conversation? Right. You gonna lose it?

I'm not, yeah. At all. Yeah, that's, I'm so glad. I mean, I get it though. There are times I want to delete, all I'm on is Instagram. I can't do the Twitter twatter, the Tiki Taki. I can't do all of that, I sound so old.

But there are times I wanna delete the app. Same, I do a little fast, cause it becomes too much, yeah. I do a little fast because it becomes too much. Yeah. I do that as well. I also have set boundaries for myself. If I decide to venture into the comments, I don't do it past.

Because you can see how many hours old something is. Yeah. So I don't do it past like three hours. OK, that's good. I never thought about that. That's good. Yeah. That's enough.

Yeah. Because I mean, I allow myself to read the comments at times because there are times in which the comments bless me. Yeah, yeah. You know, to know that my reason for being on the platform initially was to spy on my kids. Yeah. But I recognize what the platform affords me. Yes. But I recognize what the platform affords me. And so I want to be inspiration.

I want to be encouragement. I want to show that you can be saved, love God, love Jesus and dance, have fun and fail. That's what I want to show. And you do that. Thank you. You do that very well. Like I love when you're,

while watching workout videos and you're dancing. And I'm like. Well, it's like some people have a problem with the fact that I just don't work out to Christian music. See, then that, I can't. Now there's some days where I might just play the whole Maverick City album on the treadmill.

There are days where I'm like, we praise and worship things today as I squat because... And some days I need that. Yeah, some days I need that. It's like, because if it ain't fun, I'm not coming. I don't want to be in the gym anyway. Right. And so, but it's like, and I'm so thankful to my parents that they raised me around all genres of music. Mine too.

Yeah. I'm mindful of what I let into my spirit, just depending on where I'm at. For sure. You know, also too. Yeah, yeah. But it's like, you gonna judge me and you're gonna judge if I'm saved or not.

Based off of? Based off of. Come on, yeah. Did you hear that beat drop? Yes. And I might have dropped with it. Hey. Baby, the beat gets me through. Listen, I love your videos. So now I'm like, it's hard. I'm not going to act like it's not. But I have been able to get to a place of if you're not in my circle, it really don't matter. Yeah, it is hard.

It is, it really is. Social media opens you up to, everybody's a critic. Everybody has opinions. And, you know, some of that, if you're gonna have your comments on, people are going to comment. Yeah, yeah, no, that's so true. That's so true.

So you work out what else does Tammy do for Tammy? Like in your free time when it's just you, what are things that you enjoy to do? Sometimes I go and I volunteer. OK. Volunteering has helped to keep me grounded. It does. We have amazing organizations within our city that I love and support and I get

to go in there and just serve and not be served. I think it's important in life to intentionally, especially if you're in a place of always being served, it's so important to be in a place where of always being served. It's so important to be in a place where you're being a service to someone else that you can't get anything back. You may not get a thank you. You won't get paid for it. They're not going to park your car. You know what I mean? Like that's important. I'm also, now that I have more time on my hands and I've empty nested and going through my own therapy journey, I'm recognizing as a child, there were times, a lot of times, that I experienced great trauma

and I should have had counseling. Wow, yeah. And, but back then it just wasn't. It wasn't a thing. It wasn't a thing. And so I am, we shared on the episode I did on Oprah's Behind the Man. I love that my mother's story was able to be shared and my mother's story is one of domestic abuse. Wow.

Well, I was that kid. It was in the room. Yeah. Of a domestic abuse. Wow. Wow, it was that kid. It was in the room. Yeah. Of a domestic abuse. Yeah. And so the organizations that I am partnering with now, I'm loving because it is helping the woman, but also the child.

Yes, and that's so important. And that's so important. And that's so important. What organization is that, if you don't mind sharing? Genesis Women's Shelter is an organization. There's an organization, oh, Child of Hormones. I can't remember. Oh, dang it. But it is specifically for children.

I love that, yeah. And I'm so excited to be a part of that. There are other organizations called Boche's House when it comes to women with sex trafficking. I know it is not, it ain't my ministry to try to help reform them. I love helping people and mothers encouraging, to try to help reform them. I love helping people and mothers encouraging, you have got to let your daughters talk.

You've got to let them be real. That's when they get in trouble. Because you didn't allow us safe space, especially, the church gonna get mad at me, but I don't care. I mean, it can happen in any household, but for some reason in Christian household, there are subjects that are taboo.

Oh, yeah. And she may be struggling and she cannot come and talk to you, and now she's in trouble. It doesn't mean that every girl's gonna get traffic because of that, but there is a reason and why in which there was not safety. Yeah. Yep.

And so that's a part of that organization that I like going to the moms and saying, hey, open up like frequent communication with honest dialogue. But yeah, those are the things that, and I like to, I love to dance. I know you like to dance. I love to dance. Sometimes it's, and I like to, I love to dance. I know you like to dance. I love to dance. Sometimes it's, and I learned that in therapy.

She was like, do something that you enjoy, that is simple, that does not require much. Okay. Yeah. And I love music. So I've been like literally implementing it. And there was a, one day I was just dancing around. I was, it went from, you know, Beyonce to Cece. And there was this one particular song that came on that brought out a worship in me and a cry in me.

That I think music is powerful like that. And so I'm glad that she's encouraged me to tap back into something so very, very simple. Tears are cleansing and oftentimes we shut them off because we don't want to feel. Oh, that was me for a very long time. We don't want to feel. We don't want to, And once the tears start falling. Yeah, we don't want to deal.

Yeah, we don't want to feel it. We don't want to deal. And girl, I think I must have rolled around on that floor. Like I was laughing because when I looked at myself in the mirror, I was like, like, you know, James, you know that video James Brown coming up with the hair all stuck on his face. Ah! Ha ha ha ha. Yes.

I said, ma'am, you needed that cry. Yes. And you needed that worship. Yes. And that time alone, girl, I cried, I screamed. I let out a scream. Yeah.

And I'm like, then I go to therapy? And she's like, let's talk about what you think it was. What do you really think that maybe you need, your body. One of the things I've learned about therapy is there may be things that you don't recall. There may be ways in which your body protected you. Your brain.

Your brain is so powerful. It's so powerful. And I look at it as God's way of protecting as well. But what she told me is you're by your members. Oh yeah. And so when you're put back into the same environment, you're like, what's happening? And that's what was, you know, like I said, started with me with therapy in the first place. You know, I was like getting triggered, like girl, I was like, first place. I was getting triggered. I was like, I'm glitching. What's going on? But yeah, music is one of those, I would say, just private moments that I have. Yeah. I was telling Kirk when he came, when I was a kid, I used to listen to Hold Me Now.

And that's when I was having suicidal thoughts, I literally would like sit in my room and just cry. And I could just like feel guys embrace. And this now it's Tasha Cobbs put a praise on it. There is something about this song. Baby, that song and she has another one with Chandler Moore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On Chandler's new album. On his new album. On his new album.

I listen to the album. I can't think of it right now, it's about to drive me crazy. Me too, cause I listened to it. Me and Marquise talked. But it's something about Tasha. Let's just say that. Baby, she is anointed. She's special.

She really is. She is. She really, really is. She is, that voice, man. Amazing. Just seeing who she is, she's special. But that one had me on the floor. Like how you was on the floor getting up.

On the floor. I'm like, I don't know what it is because you're thinking of the goodness of God. I'm like, man. Yeah. When I talk to my friends who don't really have that strong foundation of faith, I'm like, I just don't understand it. Because for me it's like, I can't survive. Baby.

And I look at him like, and the things he's brought me through and how good he's been, I'm like, do you think you did this on your own? Cause there's no way. There's no way. And those that think they have done it on their own, they're sadly mistaken. They are.

They don't even, and they may not even believe, but God's still making ways. Yes, he is. Tammy, this has been amazing. Is there anything that you want to let the people know that you're working on or anything we need to stay tuned in for besides the book? Oh my goodness. I mean, a lot of what I'm working on is me. I love that. That's a good project. That's a good project, a worthy project. And I'm open to whatever that evolves.

I've always been, I think one of the things which I've been able to compliment my husband on, and this has been complimented of me, is that I don't have to be. The things I do don't have to be shown. Wow, that's good. And I'm okay with that. And I feel like sometimes that's a good balance when you have someone who is in the spotlight and then has one who's like, man, I'm good. I'm like, I want my man to be like that. Yeah. Like somebody who's like, we can have that balance where he's not

chasing the light and he's like, baby, just do your thing. I'm good right here. And I mean, I'm okay with, and I think, you know, what it helps with me is that I can take it or leave it. Yeah. Like, you know, I've done- You're comfortable with it? Yeah, I've done a little television, I've done a little radio. Yeah. I'm not like craving for it.

That's what I'm saying. Yeah, because some people like, I don't want it, it's still like, it's kind of scary. There's this one project, it hasn't been greenlit yet, but I love it because it infuses all. That's me. I love it. And it's got some fitness in it, it's got some faith in it. Yes, I'm excited for that. Fingers crossed.

Yes, that's going to happen. I can see it. And I get to encourage people. I love it. Yeah, I'm excited about gonna happen. I can see it. And I get to encourage people. I love it. Yeah, so I'm excited about that possibility. I'll share that. Yeah, thank you. Thank you so much. Well, we're excited for everything you have coming.

Thank you. I wanna continue to see your workout videos, hear more about your therapy journey. I think people need to hear more about who you are. I think I wanna share more about that. Yeah, cause I'm telling you, like it's been very inspiring for me, even just watching you, following you on social media. I'm like, I just love this woman. Like, everything you do,

you're just a light. And I think more people, I know there's certain things you want to just kind of hold close, but I think you should. People want to see you. Okay. Yeah. And I love how you've been doing more, you've been on more panels, doing more speaking stuff. So yeah. I'm getting a little bit more. Just a little bit. You know what I'm saying?, doing more speaking stuff. So yeah. I'm getting a little bit more. Just a little bit. You know what I'm saying?

Just whatever you're comfortable with. Yes, I'm getting a little bit more. But yeah, I feel like there's a void that needs to be filled with Tammy. Hmm. Yeah. Thank you. You're welcome.

You're saying, what I hear you saying is that I can step into the evolution of who I am. into the evolution. Yes, yes. I'm who I am. Yeah, and be open. Yeah, and I am, and I am. Yeah, because there's endless possibilities. I'm open.

The only thing is, it has to be authentically me. Yep, exactly. I don't want any part. I'm telling you, you'll get miserable if it's not. I do not want any part of it. Yeah, good. What's this? Thank you.

Well, thank you, thank you so much. I'm so proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm so proud of you. Thank you. I love you. I love thank you. Thank you so much. I'm so proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm so proud of you. Thank you. I love you. I love you too. Thank you so much. There is so much I picked up from my one-on-one with Tammy Franklin today. But one of the things that sticks out the most is it is never too late for therapy.

There is such a big stigma around therapy and when you should start or if you should even do it because some people just feel like they're too far removed from the situation or whatever may have caused the trauma. But I think the main thing that really stood out today is that guys it is never too late to seek help and there's nothing wrong with it. I can't thank Tammy enough for stopping by today and keeping it positive. As always, I'm so thankful you joined me as well. You can always join in on the conversations that we have here on the show by following

me on all social media platforms at LoveKrystaRenée. And you can also follow our show at Keep It Positive, Sweetie. If you want to write into our positive outcome listener letter, you can send us an email to keepitpositivesweetie at gmail.com. In the meantime, in between time, y'all already know what to do. Keep it positive, sweetie. I'll see you next time. you