Keeping Records - A Woman With Whimsy (with Blair Socci)

Episode Date: April 9, 2021

Blair Socci. Comedian. Actress. Writer. Scientist. Totally spur of the moment, out of nowhere, random as all hell, Caleb and Shelby ask Blair what she'd put on her Golden Record. And what Blair creates is a work of art. It's a record that will teach the aliens of how adorable humanity can be, and also of an unparalleled, Grammy Award-winning alternative rock record from 1995. Blair also rebukes those who abandoned Anne Hathaway in her time of need, in the process absolving one of our hosts (ok it's Shelby but she KNOWS what she did and sees the error of her ways). Blair's Golden Record Tiny children with glasses (image) Sending and receiving surprise gifts (human ephemera) Alanis Morisette, Jagged Little Pill (audio) Hook (audio-visual) Eating large meals with friends and family (multisensory experience) Original Voyager Artifact  Mexico, "El Cascabel," performed by Lorenzo Barcelata and the Mariachi México (audio) Follow Blair! Twitter Instagram Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a HeadGum Original. In 1977, NASA sent two solid gold records into space so that aliens might find them and understand life on Earth. I send greetings on behalf of the people of our planet and friendly wishes to all who may encounter this voyager. Now, we're making new records with our friends. We step out of our solar system into the universe seeking only peace and friendship. We know full well that our planet and all its inhabitants are but a small part of this immense universe that surrounds us.

Hello from the children of planet Earth. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, Caleb. Shelby, be honest with me. How are you faring? I have been out of our house for so long. Are you dying without me? Say yes.

Well, someone broke into my car. Oh, you did? Tell me about that. Girl, I love that for you. Yeah, you didn't get scared at all. And I haven't checked your car if I'm being completely honest with you. No, and if they broke into my car, that's okay. Hey, whatever they took, they probably needed it more than me.

Well, here's the thing. They didn't take anything. That's what's actually pissing me off. Everything that was in my center console and my glove compartment in the front seat. They went through everything. Left it all. Well, you didn't have anything good, babe. You need to have better stuff.

No, there's at least two things that they should have taken and they didn't and that's actually what to me is haunting what are they well if they went into the if they went into the trunk i have a pretty nice camera back there right if they went into the front seat which is what they did do two garmin gps's one that's old and broken and one that's new and could sell for at least $100. They didn't take it. So I kicked off last week's podcast by saying I have been flying first class. And you're kicking off this one by saying you have two Garmins. So this is becoming a pretty elitist kind of fucked up pod.

Well, I need to know how to get where I'm getting. And I don't use them anymore because now phones do that. But I've had them since before I had a phone that did that. That's so true. So that has been hard about my car being broken into. Because I have to imagine they at least kissed in my front seat or something. Huh. Yeah.

Why be in there? Otherwise. I don't think that's part of it, if I can say my opinion. Really? If I'm really risking it all to get into someone's car i'm taking something a memento and i don't know that they were risking at all you know because i feel like they're oh okay okay but were you gonna do anything i mean ultimately what have you you know you don't carry you don't have a concealing carrier you don't pack and they don't know

that's true but i think i think we've got a key of soul in the front of the house and that pretty much says these people don't pack don't you think yeah yeah all right so that's been tough that part's been tough yeah i had something else i wanted to tell you but i don't remember it okay there was a big earthquake oh yeah i've heard about this i've heard about this i'm famously not in la right now listeners one time caleb told me he was gonna start pranking me around the house and then that night there was an earthquake and i thought caleb shook the house from the foundation right right right you know something i'm not capable of let's start there

well it was 3 a.m and and I thought Caleb's under the house. Caleb's under the house. He's shaking it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's powerful. Do you have anything you want to tell me? Yeah, I'm in Kansas City, Missouri. I'm chilling.

You know, I'm eating food. I'm hanging out. I did have, actually, for the first time, I'm vaccinated. So, you know, if you're one of those people that's wondering, am I vaccinated while I'm traveling? The answer is yes. And if you're one of those people that's wondering, am I vaccinated while I'm traveling? The answer is yes. And if you're one of those people that's saying once you're vaccinated, you still shouldn't be doing anything. Well, you're just going to have to fuck off because I don't believe in that. And I can't stand that energy. So I'm in Kansas City, Missouri, and I'm having good food and everything. And last night I had good sex for the first time

in a year. So that was pretty huge. Good sex for the first time ever. Really? You don't think I've had good sex before, babe? We've had sex and you said you had a good time. No, but you don't like sex. I'm not saying other people haven't had a good time. I'm saying you often don't. No, no, no. No, no, no. Let me clarify. We need to bring in our guests really soon, but I'll clarify just really quick before we do. I have a lot of good sex. I just don't like it. It's always, well, it's not always good. It's certainly been bad before, but it's good sex i just don't like it it's always well it's not always good it's certainly been bad before but it's good sex it's like um it's like how i i can cook a really beautiful meal for myself but i don't like doing that because it's a lot of work it's a lot of process you have to consider a lot of things that to me is sex you have good sex and you go well i had to i had to have someone

over they had to be in my space i had to clean my room i had to like you know thrust or whatever it's just a lot of energy you know sex is a lot about thrusting when we had sex you didn't thrust even once well that's because you were on top and you were riding like crazy okay okay i hate that i don't even want to do that everybody our guest today is so i'm sorry i'm really gonna be sick our guest today is so amazing you know her you know her from comedy central and mtv please give it up for blaire oh my god you guys oh my god it is just i can't tell you how good it is to be here even we're so happy to be silent during the sex talk was so hard but i made it through and i'm here and i'm fucking thrilled to be here well blair what did you have to say what did you

have to say because now you can come in what did you have to say during agreeing with the i was just agreeing with everything that you're saying I mean it's so much to clean your room to clean your body to clean your mind to you I mean all of it before you gotta go back and yeah my day was good you know before before they come over yada yada let's get to it come on um yeah i was just really riding um well no pun intended hard with what you're saying yeah hell yeah did you think it did you think it was cool and sexy when i uh joked that shelby uh rode me like a champion during sex once. Yeah. Was that cool for you? I was like, whoa, this is getting spicy. I didn't see this turn, you know, but I liked it. I loved the drama.

I also loved the drama of getting woken up by the earth shaking at 4.44 a.m. this morning. Yeah, high drama. Absolutely high drama. Caleb actually will message me later to do this as a disclaimer we've never fucked and he won't and he won't no no i won't yeah i will not have sex with shelby shelby will not have sex with me we both we both want different things and sex so that's so mature of you guys and i want to say i'm really um respectful of the choices that you're making thank you thank you thank you blair how have

you been how are things do you have anything you want to tell us before we get to business um everything's been good the main thing that i really wanted to tell you was that i did not know about the golden records um until this podcast and i'm like this is such a cool idea to go into and just like now i'm dying to know i need to know about everything that was in it like how did they choose it's such an incredible idea for a podcast bravo i'm so proud of both of you wait blair stop it's true that's literally so special that's the episode that's yeah let's get off here i don't want to i don't want to give a chance to ruin it let's just get off here that's that's it it would be it would be funny to put out like a five minute episode of

the podcast it would be funny to do a five minute episode of the podcast where all it is is someone complimenting us and then we go all right well take care well that's it that's really what we got on for i was like this is fucking genius and like i i don't even know how you guys came up with it but i love it it's incredible well i will tell you how we came up with it this is i don't know if we've talked about this on the pod before we have we have we have once basically for anyone who didn't catch it and is listening now because they're just a huge blair fan we came up with it because my friend chandler is uh getting his doctorate at University of North Carolina and he studied the Golden Records

as part of a project he was doing. And Shelby and I were trying to come up with a podcast, but we were like, we really don't want a podcast that is just shooting the shit with our friends. Like we do want some kind of like premise. We want to be able to ask a question yeah i love that so we and chandler chandler and i were like talking and he brought this up and then shelby and i were talking about it and we came up with the concept together because we were like that's so fucking

i mean just like you we were like that's fascinating what the hell is this yes oh my god chandler with the alley oop on which you go chandy thank you channy chandy i actually have never met him so it's beautiful well neither his player i facetimed you facetimed with him while i've been in the room before so in many ways we've hooked up and also shelby it's like we sort of talked only phantom um on the group chat yeah did you even know what my face looked like i mean i knew um but now this is more intimate meeting you know it's very nice it is really nice hey happy to have you i'm thrilled to be here blair what was your experience with the earthquake and earthquakes

in general do you have a big problem with them well i grew up in um southern california and so you know that i'm so used to them i don't even think any of them i remember like the the huge one when i was young but this morning i they always feel really big when you're woken from dead sleep um this morning and i was like is this um is this it is this the one and then i was like no still here all right uh guess i'll get up and make the coffee that's sort of how it goes blair you um you also are a big uh like breath work and like um what was you were doing once you're doing transcendental meditation actually you need to clear your name because last a couple episodes ago we sort of roasted you on your breath and i want to give you the floor to clear that up oh yeah you know um all my friends know i love fucking weird shit i have no i never uh claim to

not be into the weird things um so i don't mind um i didn't bring it on baby roast away i don't it doesn't hurt it's all love you know um yeah i teach people how to breathe ha you know i'm serving the world you're so serving the world that's so true about you i love doing like spiritual classes and certifications that's like my hobby and so i took it i never i love that i never thought i would ever ever teach when I took the class. I took the class just because I was interested and I love learning. And and then I was like, one of my friends was like, you people really need that right now. You should do a class. And then it just turned into a thing, you know.

And I was like, oh, you fucking comedians. I know you're going to make fun of it. You guys probably need it the most but you know that's okay i told you i would take it so long as it wasn't nine hours no what who would do a nine hour class shelby that doesn't even make sense that's what when i when it was brought to me it was it was with amy and caleb and were exaggerating, but sometimes it's hard to tell. And they said, nine-hour breathwork class. And I said, I would rather be deceased. I'd rather never breathe again.

If I have to breathe for nine hours straight, I would rather just not breathe again. Look, I'm with you, sister. That's way too long, okay? That is not even an appropriate time frame for anything. Not a single, except for sleep. Yeah. Nine hours? Oh, my God, you guys.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Something just came to my mind. Can I say it? Please. You guys will love this. I was just thinking, it would be kind of funny. This feels so random, but it would be kind of funny if we had blair like make a golden record shelby don't you think whoa that would be cool for a podcast actually like her own wouldn't that be interesting

if we were like blair what would you put on your record yeah that'd be crazy blair what would you put on your record whoa thank you for asking what a crazy opportunity um oh my god sort of out of nowhere yeah yeah god i love i love when friends just up level you you know you're here and then they take you fucking here um yeah okay if i had to say if someone did ask me the question, what I would put in my golden record, I would first, what I'm saying, very young children with glasses. Absolutely. Okay. Yes.

I need extraterrestrial life to know about the joy of how cute these children are. And I feel like if they saw them, they would be nicer to us. Do you want like the babies when they have like the silicone glasses and they are soft so that if they fall or something, it doesn't hurt their face? Is that how young you want them?

I like babies, toddlers, even I'd even take a seven or eight year old with glasses. Like, you know, that's getting a little older but they still look so cute um the first kid that was brought to us after we got your list was jonathan lipnicki in glasses jonathan lipnicki will be jerry mcguire he will be he will be the little vampire he will be that kid classic one of the cutest kids of all time absolutely yeah it sucks that he didn't grow up to be like hot hot because he was so cute that happens a lot when you really are something when you're really young a lot of times it doesn't end well you know

you gotta be weary when you see someone too good looking when they're young. You know what though? So cute. Incredible. An incredible example of being something when you're young and turning out pretty normal, I think. And we're all thinking it, Drew Barrymore. She is doing so well. She seems so good. I love Drew.

I love Drew and I'll fucking always ride for Drew. I think she's got a really beautiful heart and a lot of natural whimsy for especially for someone who was just railing lines of blow by herself at nine years old at Hollywood parties. I mean now and now this bitch is on like ABC with their own talk show. I mean, god bless still kicking everyone's like drew so wholesome and kind like that's the perception and it's like sure she is but that's i mean have you ever talked to anyone that's ever come out of rehab they all are like that they're like we have a new appreciation for the world that everything is love yeah it's like yeah drew barrymore started going to rehab at six of course she's got a heart full of love yeah it's like yeah drew barrymore started going to rehab at six of course she's got a heart

full of love yeah she has to yeah and she's got like what flower cosmetics or something she's using her art she has a why are you angry with me right now oh my god babe i'm not angry with you at all i'm like literally i'm like literally sitting here wondering if Drew Barrymore has a cosmetics line. I'm happy with both of you. She does. She does. I don't. I should purchase some after we get off this podcast because I want to support her.

She has been through a lot. Kristen Bell has like a has like a weed skincare line now. Oh, really? Yeah. She has the kids products. Hello, Bello. And then something else. She's got like baby products. Yeah. I don't kids products. Hello, Bello. And then something else. I was going to say she's got like baby products.

Yeah. I don't know how you mix into both. How do you not make sure you don't frick up? Because you put a little bit of weed on a baby, I think you're in some dicey territory. Yeah. Put that in the record, huh? Or you have a cool baby that sleeps through the night. And that could be awesome.

And that could be awesome. What do you think about when kids, when parents are like are like i just give my baby a little bit of whiskey oh i love that yeah well you know they're not too precious which is good they're not a helicopter if you yeah if you babysit a family and they say that about their kid you're like i can do no wrong in this house i could break six plates they won't yell at me yeah you're like john draper's at the helm we're fine and i'm always breaking plates when i babysit i can't stop every time i babysit i break like five or six plates and i can't stand the families that get weird about it when i babysit i always do a party trick where i juggle all the plates and right it's like babe i was spinning the plates

on sticks your kids were bored. I mean, get real. It's called learning a new trick. If they break, they break. Have you ever heard of it? I actually do break plates all the time because I'm a meathead, and I get so much. My dad would always be like, make sure you use enough soap when you're washing the dishes.

And so then I'm always like, I need enough soap. And then what happens? Slips right out of my meaty little paws. Everything crashes in my sink i'm constantly breaking plates blair do you worry at all that um the aliens will see our offspring can't like don't have good vision do you think that they'll see a kid in glasses and go these people are weak we can overtake them now yeah i mean that is a interesting possibility that you bring up and i'm glad that we're looking at this from sort of a 3d 5d perspective because it is a risk to appeal to their um hearts with um just cuteness you know

they could interpret that as weakness and um softness and that they should just attack but maybe they won't know what um nearsighted it i was gonna say we don't and that they should just attack but maybe they won't know what um nearsighted it i was gonna say we don't know that they'll know that that's a sign of weakness or even that it is one at all they might think it's like you know when you see a spy with glasses or something that it's a it's like an extra it's it's weaponry but you guys can admit on the pod it's just between us we don't have to release this episode if you if you guys aren't comfortable with it but you guys can admit between us that kids that can't see very well are liabilities in terms of warfare right caleb you wear glasses what's up with you i didn't wear them until i was much older dang as a kid i could have gone to war as a kid i could

have gone to war i will say this i don't think a kid with glasses is any more a liability than a kid without them. Well, once you give them a sniper rifle, you might think differently. I'm like actually describing child soldiers. I don't think I actually fuck with this vision at all. Caleb's going to go into the military industrial complex. No, this is what I have to say regarding that idea. It's the same thing as why, like, I don't want to date, like, too hot of a person because they've never had to cultivate other superhuman traits about themselves

to make them, you know, they don't ever get that fucking X factor because they were ugly as hell as a kid you know what i mean these little kids with glasses they they're on they can't see well what do they have to do they gotta get they gotta get tricks they gotta get talents they gotta get smart they gotta get interesting bob and weed you gotta be you know that song you gotta be kind you know that desiree song where she's like yeah you gotta be song you gotta be you gotta be kinder you gotta you know that desiree song where she's like yeah you gotta be cool you gotta be hot you gotta have trust funds or whatever yeah i know that one is such a classic track player uh what what would you put on your records next

do you think oh okay next i gotta go this is really important for the aliens if they want to know about one of the best things in our culture. And that is absolutely the movie Hook. You can fly. You can fight. You can... Wow. Robin Williams, famously. wow robin williams famously yes robin uh uh williams and also dustin hoffman which i did not know till like 17 years later after first watching it because i thought um captain hook

was just so scary and sinister as a child i'm like this is an incredible villain do you guys want to know something really sad what yeah i've never seen it oh what are you an alien come on oh my god different tones different tones from me and blair i go i go i go i go oh shel and blair goes shelby you stupid bitch how have you not seen hook blair's so mad you must be from another fucking planet you fucking bitch i don't want you to be deprived of something that is so so joyful i mean that's um a food fight scene with all the different magical colors is something that is hard to bounce back from. You could say it's art that will forever change you. If it helps, I was in Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat, which also had a scene with a lot of colors. That helps. That helps.

Thank you for telling me. Yeah. Yeah. But I love the magic. I love the Peter Pan story, the magic, the kidnapping, the drama. I mean, there's the jealousy, the jealous love triangle of Tinkerbell and Pan and Nora. I mean, it just got Wendy. It just goes on and on. It's incredible. There's an A, B and C storyline that, I mean, it just is exquisite. Can I ask a question? Please.

So the premise of Peter Pan is a mystical man, man, who's pretending to be a kid, steals kids from their bedroom, takes them to another place. What is the premise of Hook? Okay, Shelby, I think there's been a little bit of a misunderstanding here. I know you don't mean legendary, beloved performer Robin Williams stealing children. No, no, no. I'm saying Peter Pan. Fine, fine. I don't know the premise of Hook.

Sure, sure. Here's what happens. Okay, Peter Pan, he's all grown up and he doesn't like his job. And then he starts. Wait, is that true? Oh, yeah. This is about Hook. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Peter Pan finally grows up in Hook? Oh, yeah. It starts with it's him as a like grown man with children. And then his children get kidnapped. And so that's why he has to go back to Never Neverland, even though he's like, been away from magic for forever, because he has to get his kids back. Because Hook has them. Does he freak out when his kids get taken? Or is he kind of like, I know where they're at? No, he freaks the hell out. He's got to figure it out. He's got to get back there.

And it is a story, girl. Wow. Yeah. I'm learning so much. I've never even known. I didn't know it was really a film. What? Shelby, please. Please.

So what are the aliens taking away from the film? Oh, my God. They're taking it. Well, first of all, they're going to get a nice look at what London looks like. They're going to see an opening shot of Big Ben that's going to wow them. I know it. Okay. Important. Yeah. Then they're going to learn about magic and flying. Um, and then they're going to learn about, um, pirates. They're going to learn, um, about relationship dynamics. They're going to learn about, um, the bond between a father and his children. Um, and how, you know, sometimes parents, they gain access to a will inside them that they didn't even know existed in order to save

their children. It's pretty magical, Shelby. I really recommend it. This sounds like a way better version of the movie Taken with Liam Neeson. I've never seen that because i don't want to live in more fear than i already do traveling but um yeah i i get where you're coming from though i gotta be honest thank you i if you guys if you guys could play anybody in um the peter pan world who would you play and i and just to make it easier on you i'll go first i would play smi i want to be smi oh my god you'd be a great smi thank you yeah i would just be one of the lost

boys i don't want to be involved in this main character story because it feels like they're the ones that are having the most drama i want to be one of the lost boys i just live kind of in neverland having a good time um i want to say I really think that's a great choice. The Lost Boys, I think that is where the center of fun is happening. Thank you. Yeah, I would want to, I could be the alligator. It's not, there wouldn't be any speaking parts there, but there is high drama.

I come in with a punch at the end. I like Tinkerbell. She has a bad fucking attitude and i think we need to normalize more unlikable female characters um do you guys know that song uh called lost boy by ruth ruth b start singing it and i'll let you know well i can't remember the tune of it but she's like she's like she's like there was a time when I was alone. Nowhere to go and no place to call home. Keep going.

My only friend was the man in the moon. And even sometimes he would go away too. Yes. Y'all know what I'm talking about? No, but oh my God. Y'all would know it. Y'all would know it. Y'all would know it if you heard it know it y'all would know if you heard it

i think i know yeah caleb had good sex last night now he is really turning out the tunes that's the i love that feeling the day after you're just like i'm incredible dude literally i mean i never feel that way though i'm just like i had good sex but the whole the whole day today i'm like i'm pretty sure he um is closeted so i think i'll probably never hear from him again but i'm like i had good sex but the whole the whole day today i'm like i'm pretty sure he um is closeted so i think i'll probably never hear from him again but i'm like i wonder if he had good sex because i certainly also your type that's awesome god god god don't say that on the pod you're right you're right you're right but like ew ew ew i mean i don't like that about myself why do you think i'm hot yeah and the back of your head looks really like clean cut right now i would i i filmed something in chicago last week

and they cut my hair for the thing not to brag blair were you thinking it when he was turned when he turned his head were you like holy shit that's a clean cut yeah i look you weren't the only one thinking it i was like that is a nice looking haircut. This man's got a lot of nice things happening for him. He's got the sex last night. He's booked in busy. He's got this Golden Records podcast. That's a genius idea.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You guys, I got to be honest. I'm literally so overcome by praise right now that I think we need to throw to a break. Wait, Blair, we want to play you something from the original Art of Arts. Oh yeah, please, please, please. I can't wait. Some hot vocals kick in soon. Yeah, we're going to get some hot vocals soon. Yeah, soon. That's just some, like, classic Mexican mariachi music there.

One of the artifacts included on the original records is a mariachi song called El Cascabel. It is performed by Lorenzo Barcelata and the Mariachi Mexico. Obviously, it's from Mexico. And the length of the song is three minutes and 14 seconds long. El Cascabel means the little bell in Spanish. Lorenzo Barsalata was a Mexican composer and actor born in Mexico in 1998. He died of cholera in 1943, right before his 45th birthday. Lorenzo came from a musically oriented family and wrote his first song, Arroyito, at the age of 14. The term mariachi refers to a small Mexican musical ensemble composed of a variety of mostly stringed instruments. In addition to referring to an ensemble, the term mariachi is also used for the individual performer of mariachi music or the music itself.

It was the music of country people in Mexico, music that celebrated the joys, the struggles, and the triumphs of Mexican people. Legend erroneously attributes the word mariachi to the French intervention of the 1860s, explaining it as a corruption of the French word mariage, and citing a similarity between mariachi and the French word for wedding. Historical documents prove that both the word mariachi and the ensemble it designates predate the French occupation of Mexico, making any similarity with the French word a phonetic coincidence. Many people think of trumpets when they think of mariachi music, but they were not added until the early 20th century. Since the early 20th century, male mariachi bands typically have worn traje de charro, the attire of the cowboys of Jalisco.

This consists of matching uniforms with tight ornamented trousers, boots, wide bow ties, sombreros, and short jackets. In other words, it's kind of hot. Actually, researchers have shown mariachi band members are hot and further could get it what do you think blair oh my god i i love mariachi music i think it's so exquisite and i am just wondering who chose all this stuff that's a fantastic pick i mean there was a team assembled to choose like because all this stuff is so subjective that it's hilarious that like a very small group of people chose like the pieces and artifacts of culture to represent an entire planet yeah and a group of like a group of like straight white people mostly i mean obviously that's something that we're doing

differently with our records but like yeah they i will say to their credit they did try to do and i think they missed the mark on some stuff like obviously we would do things differently now but for the 70s they tried to get like a true picture of the world yeah yeah they were like okay we're gonna try and get from different countries different cultures and they also didn't do like we're gonna talk to the other world powers like they went like small villages for like languages and dialects and stuff which is impressive for the time right it's like when i wrote a letter to um just a stranger and put it in a buried it in my backyard in a bottle like um for someone to find it in like 70 years when i was a child hey blair what the fuck is up i want you to go dig it up and find it for us now i mean who knows where it is we'll do a whole episode

about that letter if you find it i don't want to dig it up i mean then i would just be ruining my entire project um we'll give us the address we'll dig it up we'll find it yeah we can be this we can be the strangers give us the address we got it no worries i think that's so cool though i really love um i really love that mariachi music it was fire i hope i don't find out that it's like solemn it can't it would shock me to my core but it kind of hits i mean i would kill to hear if any of our listeners want to do this i that are hits i mean i would kill to hear if any of our listeners want to do this i that are good with music i would kill to hear that exact song with like you know how people will sometimes do like a um uh like a club remix of like a leanne rhyme song or something yeah i would kill to hear some club beats under that because it has the power it has the potential

blair blair what what would you put on your records next oh okay um the next thing i would have to do is um alanis morissette uh jagged little pill yes okay do you have a specific track yeah i mean i'd have to say what the uh quintessential smash hit, uh, Ironic. It's like rain I know what it means Come on. What do you want? We're here already, babe. Come on. It's a good advice

What you doing here? It's such a just-in-day Who would've what? And who would've thought it figures Come on. If any of y'all don't know Jesus in here tonight, come down to the altar.

I love it. I love it. That's all good. But yeah, I mean, the whole record is incredible. I was just a child with so much angst in my vans and on my Sector 9. Just like, I really was just going so hard to the Atlantic. I had a Discman. Yeah, you did.

Yeah, I did. And I just listened to that CD over and over and over again. Yeah, you did. Do you want to know something really, really, really sad? What? I went to a record store once and I bought, and granted, people will come for me on this and be like, you should be checking the records. I want to say before you finish this thought,

Shelby, I do think this is the second time this episode you've asked if we want to hear something really sad. Are you okay? What was the first time? I don't remember. Do you, Blair? Oh, that I hadn't seen the movie Hook. Guys! Oh, yeah. Shelby, blink twice if you're okay. Honestly, just be honest with us. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you need help, reach out. I'm okay, but you're going to understand why I was sad in this movie. Okay. Go on. I'm sorry. You understood about Hook because it was sad that I hadn't seen it. Totally.

And you're going to understand now. Absolutely. I went to a record store. Okay. And listen, people who are good at buying records will be like, you should always be kind of like looking inside when you buy a record. Sure. I bought an Alanis Morissette Dragon Little Pill record,

and when I opened it up, it was not Dragon Little Pill inside the sleeve. And I'd already purchased it and gotten home. People are fucking sick, And that should be punished. That is not right. Thank you. Do you guys agree that I should be sad? Because when I asked before if I should be sad, you wanted to know if I was okay. Do you think that it was warranted for me to be sad?

It depends what record was in there for me. It was so bad. What was it? It was like someone's EP. It was like someone's bad EP. Oh, like someone's bad ep oh my god oh not that yeah that's sad vibes that's real sad that's real sad i put it on i put it on my thing i said this doesn't look like what it should look like but let's put the needle let's drop the needle down and let's see isn't it crazy like back then well i don't even know if you guys were alive how old

you are whatever but 13 both of us okay 14 okay yeah all right i'm glad you were alive um we still listen to like all the like full albums all the time back then i feel like it's less uh now you know because there's so many options you have so much access quick access to other stuff yes and I don't want to take this from you, but Kacey Musgraves' Golden Hour deserves a full play. Oh, yeah. Front to back on that one. Ashley Simpson, her CD was difficult not to include

because that poor girl suffered a lot, but that album, every song was a smash hit. Thank you for saying that, Blair. That album is full of bangers. I know one person on this podcast is also a big Dixie Chicks fan or Chicks. Both. Yeah, Wide Open Spaces. That was a big one.

Yeah. Huge, massive, untouchable. Oh, my God. Please. Blair came on and dropped female music icons yeah tls like that crazy sexy cool was fucking incredible and their acceptance speech when they won an award a vma i think have either of you seen that speech no what did they say they get up there and they're like i'll put it to you this way. 10 million albums worldwide.

We have worked very hard. We have been in this business for five years. Five years. And we are broke as broke can be. They pop off at an awards speech. It's not on stage. It's when they do that press room after. You know what I'm talking about? Wow, that's so badass. when they do like that press room after you know i'm talking about that's so badass i love people like that because i've always admired people that like speak up in

those situations because i have such an impulse to be like i need to be polite and grateful no matter grateful grateful yeah what's happening and and when someone actually just is like no actually this is fucking wrong and this is what's happening. And it needs to be called out. I'm like, yes, yes, the balls I don't have. Yes. They like get up there and they're like, we're not trying to seem ungrateful, but we worked really hard for this.

Like we earned this and also X, Y, and Z. And it's baller. We'll post it on the Instagram. That's the nature to Blair. What you said about like always wanting to feel to seem not just seem but to be and be known as a grateful person like the nature of having a job that a lot of people would like to have or having like you know a life or a even like a thing like even if you just have like you know an experience that a lot of people would like to have you feel like you aren't allowed to talk honestly about like the bad parts of it or anything because you don't want

to look like you don't understand how privileged you are you know totally yeah and also that's hard a lot of it sometimes it's like not even um a conscious thing it's like you're so like especially as like a woman you're so right i was so raised that way from such a young age that you know i need to be have manners and not um yeah be rude or anything but it's like you know when you're in these jobs and stuff you need to say what's up if you don't sometimes like if you don't stick up for yourself like that then you're screwed listen i want to take it back to alanis if i may may. Oh, please. Yeah. So we dropped Ironic. Uh-huh. A perfect, that's the headliner of the album.

Yeah. But we're not even talking about, like, you ought to know, hand in my pocket, head over feet. Head over feet gets no love. Oh, my God. It's all, they're all so good i mean they're all like there's so much the way that she took her pain into those songs like i was like she was another one she did not care about being a fucking angry bitch she's like yeah i am angry honey and i'm gonna scream about it okay amazing it was amazing what is your favorite song on the album i really love the and I'm going to scream about it. Okay? Amazing.

It was amazing. What is your favorite song on the album? I really love the whole album. I would just listen to it. You've got to send the whole album. I listen to start to finish and then just press play again at the start. That's like how crazy I was about it. How do you want the aliens to listen to it?

Like, is it on a couch? Like, is it on a blow-up couch in the 90s um that's that's you could tell that's the one that shelby really wants you to pick because that's the shelby's like shelby's like no is it on a blow-up couch in the 90s or something worse or is it something else that would be like i want them to listen to it in the back of my mom's suburban with headphones while I'm with a juice box and Del Taco. Yes. What kind of juice box? Capri Sun or another kind?

Oh, Capri Sun 100%, baby. What would I ever fall for? You know what doesn't get a lot of love? What? The plastic, they look like the glass Coke bottles, but they're plastic and you twist off the top. You know what I'm talking about? Glass Coke bottles, but they're plastic? No.

It's plastic, but it's shaped like a glass Coke bottle. Oh. And it's juice. But it's juice. And it has the little U-shaped top and you twist it off. Do you all know what I'm talking about or no? I forget, but I love the sound of it. Give me one second. My problem with juice boxes always as a child, because, you know, I love to just slam the liquid even to this day.

I'd be like, I finished that in one sip. What do I got to drink? Seven Capri Suns just to get my juice to be situated? Oh, yeah. Kool-Aid black bursts. I know exactly what you're saying. I do think the aliens would love those. These things hit.

These things hit. do think the aliens will love those hit these things yeah they're kind the tops are kind of um shaped like egyptian pharaoh um high uh paintings do you think are they like the paintings that of the egyptian pharaohs oh yeah blair they really are i doubted you for only a half a second and then i looked again and i said, well, there she is being right. I love to prove my haters wrong. And I'm famously a Blair hater. You guys, I remembered a song like two days ago that I, I, okay. I hate who it's by. I hate who it's by, but it's by Toby.

And we can bleep out the on that just to make it good. But, but, but I remembered my mom got me a karaoke machine one year, like a portable karaoke machine. And as a Chicks fan, you know it's bad that I'm bringing up Toby bleep bleep. Yeah, yeah, bleep. I literally, on a three-hour road trip, I broke the karaoke machine by singing over and over and over again

that song where he goes, I like talking about you, you, you, you, usually. But occasionally, I want to talk about me you remember that one oh yes and i'm with you that is a hot track indisputably like we're put in a tough spot there because that's just catchy it's hot look it was catchy and it's also just if you put that on a t-shirt, it's iconic. It's iconic. And also if, like, okay, I'm trying to think of like, okay, if an iconic queer artist did

that song, same lyrics, different vibe today, we, or if Casey Musgraves did that song, we would literally, it would be a fucking culture banger. Like when he's like you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you i want to talk about me that's iconic that's actually really gay and cool casey casey casey casey i love casey um casey we know you like, it's a very conceptualized, like, 70s, like, wizardess type magic woman from, like, another dimension, I feel like. And I love her so much. I'm glad she's liked on this pod. But Blair, Blair, I will say one thing about Blair that we have a very young friendship that's so beautiful and budding. But I will say, Blair, one thing I've tracked about you already is that you love a whimsical woman.

Yeah. You love a woman with whimsy. You're addicted. Yeah. I also love... Wow, it feels good to be pegged um yeah i i also love like um like magic and like fantastical um stories and plot lines you know yeah yeah did you ever watch parent did you ever watch parenthood blair no i didn't my mom loves it though yeah me too not my mom me me too not my mom my mom's never

seen it me i'm a big is it camille camille or camilla the grandma camille camille that's the that's the kind of woman i mean you'll have to google her blair but that's the kind of woman this like whimsical kind of artsy matriarch that i'm like blair goes nuts for this. I do. I really do. I love it. Blair will be Eartha Kitt from Holes. Like, sitting in an old thing being like, you bring the pigs up the mountain and then you'll be righteous. Yes. Literally. Literally Blair's vibe. And if you forget about Madame Zeroni, you will be cursed for eternity.

I think, like, I grew up in Orange County where there was like no art or culture and so like these interesting these like multi-dimensional eccentric zany women I could only find them in stories. I never

saw one in real life. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah i want to ask blair a question blair what is something so embarrassing from all of humanity that you think we should delete it from the records and before you answer let me just tell you that it does not have to be war famine or anything big really it can be small it can be it can be personal it can be impersonal but it doesn't have to be like we don't need you to come off like i would wish for world peace kind of thing yeah you can just say you can just say restaurants where people throw peanut shells on the ground you know

or something like that yeah and and thank you for saying that because that question you know really is loaded and in our um in our community that loves to comedy community that loves to tear each other down i thought oh my god i might be getting set up but then i just said you know i just gotta speak my truth and um aside from war and all the other violent atrocities and everything um what i think we need to delete is um when the entire country um turned on anne hathaway on just a fucking whim and what was that they all hated her and the whole everyone banded together against her and i was like you people are fucking sick this is iconic because i fell what was that about like fuck anne hathaway and then all of a sudden one day i was like wait a

second shelby shelby you i want to say something right now on behalf of blair and myself and the pod you were so brave just now to admit that to admit that you fell for it thank you most people most people would not be so brave and so powerful in their position i don't know blair i don't know what happened to this country when we decided to tan on turn on anne hathaway she did nothing she did nothing but have a gorgeous smile and incredible personality and churn out performance hits yeah okay she did was show up to her fucking job well prepared and drop in hard to her roles one day we wake up everyone decides a smear campaign and thank god you know i was a free thinker and i understand things happen shelby no hard feelings but i do want to know why if if we could just be nicer to

and she was just a random target in my opinion for real i fucking loved her before this happened and it doesn't make sense that i fell for this because i fucking i fucking love the princess diaries i live for the princess diary thank you she did something else right after that that i love and i can't devil wears prada i mean this bitch was doing things that i love constantly constantly she heard of it. Constantly. Constantly. She was constantly showing up for me. And then, honestly, it was Les Mis era Anne Hathaway where she was doing interviews and being a little bit musical theater about it. You did.

You did leave her in her darkest hour. But she also wasn't there for you when she decided to do Les Mis. When she decided to do Les Mis, she was doing interviews being like, yeah, I just think art is the most. And I was like, okay, bitch, we get it. And then she came back and did Oceans. Which Oceans was she in? What was the women's Oceans? Oceans 8.

43. Oceans 43. What was the girls' Oceans? What was the ladies' night? Oceans 8. Girls. I like that movie. Oceans for girls. Oceans 8, I thought, was actually pretty good.

I loved it. That got me back in ann's good graces oh i saw ann's performance and i said now hold on a second this what was wrong with her this podcast is a pro ann hathaway justice for ann hathaway podcast that will not that will not acquiesce we will not acquiesce to the misogyny to the problematic misogyny that encouraged the united states of america to turn on anne hathaway in her darkest hour we know it's a cry for help when anybody does musical theater it's a cry for help blair i want to say that i do think um unfortunately women were a large driving force of the anti-an hate. But that was also a different time where now it's less tolerated, the woman-on-woman hate, which I'm glad we're turning that tide in that direction. Girly-on-girly crime.

These musical theater people, I didn't grow up around musical theater, so I don't know anything about it. I don't even think my parents have heard of what musical theater is. But yeah, sometimes they're serious, but they're actors. What are you going to do? But also I will say, because of, and this is true of the queer community as well and gay men, because of internalized oppression, women are some of the fiercest perpetuators of misogyny. So I do think that, yes, women were perpetuating the lies about-

Whoa, Caleb, be really careful when you say that. I am being extremely careful. Whoa, Caleb. But women were perpetuating the lies about Anne Hathaway, but that is because we live in a misogynistic society that convinces a lot of women that they can win or they can get ahead if they just make themselves closer to the ideal image of women that they they can win or they can get ahead if they just make themselves closer to the ideal image of women which for some reason anne hathaway for a minute just didn't get to be a part of yeah yeah but she's back do you guys feel like she is back or

do you feel like there's still work to be done i should feel like she's back but it's a larger thing in general where in culture it when things get um when people get too big or too saturated then everyone turns on them you know like dane cook yes well dane cook should be turned on well yeah i mean i'm not speaking to anything like that um i'm not saying but i was brave and said an opinion and now blair's being like i mean i just kind of want to stay out of things like that no no dame cook should be turned on look he has a 19 year old girlfriend and um i don't know about that he's like 70 or something so um but i just mean amy schumer amy schumer was like i i always think like she's amazing because she really had

her group of friends and her family around her and like her the people she like started with because i could not believe how much hate from the country was directed at that woman yeah for a second she was everything everyone loved her nobody could live without her and then two minutes later everyone was like so when will this bitch be murdered in cold blood i mean it was like so intense i was like i that would crush me but she was strong as shit well then she had that hot furniture boyfriend yeah i also want to circle back to what i said and make something very clear before the weirdos on the Internet try to come for me. And we'll cut none of this.

No, I want to say about the sexism thing that it's obvious to me that men are the biggest problem and perpetrators of misogyny. I'm just saying the internalized oppression is powerful. Does that make sense? Yeah. You don't like women. Oh, yeah. It makes a lot of sense. You're a fucking sexist.

We all three hate women. Does it make sense? That's why you're gay. Hello? It's all clicking, dumbass. Does it make sense? I mean, do you think we're stupid because we're girls? Yeah, it makes sense.

Oh, yeah. Of course you think that, Caleb. Wow. Perfect. I just wanted to make sure we were all on the same page yes yes yeah we don't need you to check in with us our brains are just as big as yours actually jesus i feel like fantastic just the last thing on the internalized misogyny um yeah i feel like that was so big in like and even from that britney documentary the way that like they all those clips of those interviews which are just devastating to watch you're like oh like that

was the time of like the biggest um well of course in thousands of years before that but you can just that time was just so seedy i feel like in terms of what like being crazy on women. Yes. Yeah. With like, with like a female interviewer sitting across from her and being like, don't you think it's a bad image? Don't you think it's a bad example for children that you wear what you want? And Brittany being like,

why are you doing this? Why are you asking me that? You know? Yeah. There was right when that documentary dropped, I also saw this interview with Lindsay Loh lohan on david letterman and it was like supposedly like a day after she got out of rehab and he was like grilling her and she kept being like this wasn't what we'd said we would talk about and like was so clearly uncomfortable

and he was like so you're kind of a filthy bitch and she was like um uh what what, what? Yeah. He just consistently was like, so when you went to rehab, it's cause you would like to any, it was so, and I remember being like a kid and being like, this girl's crazy. What? Right. Or she, or she's like, they get portrayed, you know, when, when people do that, when people go hard on somebody to interview like that, that's like completely uncalled for the guest then will be portrayed as like as not able to joke around, not

able to take a joke. And it's like, right, it's not a joke. It was just being mean. She literally says in the interview, too, like... We didn't discuss this in the pre-interview. You get to choose what you want to talk about on those shows. And they completely were just like, nah, bitch, we're asking some... And she was like what yeah i feel like the way david letterman was um which is so the opposite of fallon like

a letterman acted like he was a comic on stage in a basement club doing crowd work and and that's hilarious at the comedy club but like these young women's lives on the, um, on this show, you're, you're like, oh geez, they, they don't know how to like verbally spar with letterman when they're like in the most, um, fragile moments of their life, you know? Yeah. Right. They're like 17 and like processing a level of fame that most humans would crumble

under and they're being like yeah i'm sorry i drank too much or what like it's like yeah of course that's how you feel you're a fucking teenager yeah yeah i have like a lot of money and could afford anything and so i spent a little bit of it on alcohol too young i know i do love i do love letterman though even though like i look back and i'm like, yeah, that's problematic. I'm like, yeah. Blair. Blair, we have honestly a question for you. What's next on your record? Okay, so I didn't think I could have picked some more eccentric choices, but then I had to go with the absolute truth in my heart. Thank you.

Eating large meals with friends and family, eating on a large Italian dinner with friends and family should be in the golden records. Home cooked or like are you ordering in? Look, my father is a 100% Italian man who makes pizza and pasta from scratch. So that's like the dream. But I also like a few restaurants very much.

And I love the wine flowing. And I love all the friendship and the family and the history and the laughs and the love. I love that so much. You know, I'm a big fan of those things as well. What's your favorite holiday to do that at? Do you have, is it holiday associated for you?

I guess not. We kind of do it at like everything like birthday or um any old holly holiday so any old holiday any old holiday if we can get it together on any old holiday we will make ourselves surpassed on any old holiday any excuse to gather around a table and share some eats i'll tell you that much holiday holiday don't make no matter we will eat a bunch of food together around a table and share some eats. I'll tell you that much. He has risen holiday. He's sleeping holiday. Don't make no matter. We will eat a bunch of food together around the table if we get the chance on any holiday.

We love a good holiday around these parts. Oh my god. You guys are giving me a laugh. Blair pretending. That's so what you say when you're not. I mean Blair is actually laughing but that's literally something my mom would say after seeing like an improv show that wasn't good. You guys, you guys gave us a laugh.

I laugh so easily. I have to be careful on podcasts because it can it can overpower and break the sound barrier. Not at all. We love it. We love it. Blair, I want to I wanted to ask you what I think there's one more thing you want to put on your records, right? If I'm not mistaking.

Oh, yeah. I feel like this is also less splashy, too, than tiny children with glasses. But it's just the goddamn motherfucking truth. And that's surprise gifts. Yeah. Sending them and receiving them. I think they need to go in there. The aliens need to know what it feels like.

Do you feel like and I'm not saying we can't include this know this i will include whatever you want but do you feel like the records themselves are a little bit of a surprise gift oh my god they totally are that's meta as fuck i love it whoa meta as fuck truly yeah what is what's the best surprise gift you've ever given or gotten and don't be afraid to brag oh um mine is the gift of hope shut up and i give it daily i've got one time i got like a bunch of stuff put in my um locker by my high school boyfriend oh i got hamilton tickets once surprise gift that was really cool um i got a surprise massage i've had good boyfriends i mean not all of them but um oh my god this is such an attack on me personally caleb you said don't be

afraid to brag and i've only ever had boyfriends that are obsessed with me care about me and want to please me sexually emotionally and physically i should have been so careful i'm single right now babe so don't worry um but i well listeners let's fix that who out there who out there wants it all right all right we have bachelorette number At number one, Blair Saki. I would date these very hard and fast guys that would be like, get flowers, massage, baby, da-da-da-da. Oh, yeah. You know? Blair Saki enjoys tiny children with glasses, surprise gifts, Alanis Morissette, the movie Hook, and eating large meals with her family. And friends, Shelby. And friendship, too. Yeah. And friendship. and friends Shelby and friendship too

yeah and friendship not to forget friendship who will be lucky bachelor number one to take this

little lady out on a date oh my god she loves a good holiday with her family and if anyone

wants to surprise me with a Porsche I will see what I can do with my pussy thank you you heard that let's meet bachelor number one we absolutely have a heart of gold god we pussy pop for porsches and that's the fucking tea oh my god alliteration out the wazoo we put we pussy pop for porsches and that's the fucking tea. That's kind of hot.

I guess it should be. Should I be a singer? Okay. Mike, put a beat to this. Caleb, say it again. Put a beat to this. Okay. We pussy pop for Porsches and that's the fucking tea.

That could be hot. That could be so hot. Listen, it's not about that though. Blair, I want to ask you something. I don't think we've ever asked a guest this, but I've just felt inspired and it's our podcast so i get to kind of just go i get to do fun things like this um if you right now and we'll put some inspirational music behind you doing this but if you right now could give an improvised message to the aliens something beautiful um about how we feel about them and what earth is like what would you say say? I would say welcome. What's fucking going down, dudes? Okay. Welcome. You have nothing to fear.

We have really good tacos here. Okay. We do have a climate change problem. If you have any ideas up there, we are trying to make our cars go in a more electric direction. But anyways, if you like small children with glasses, I know the place for you. As long as you come in peace, because I am a peaceful heart and I want you to have a peaceful heart. And you know what? we could all come together for a pasta dinner god bless you man you'd be extremely blessed aliens out there okay that was it that was hot yes literally so hot that was hot that was it that was it that was it capital i capital t blair where can people find you oh you can find me at blair sake B-L-A-I-R-S-O-C-C-I on Twitter and Instagram. And yeah, if you want to come to my breathwear class that has received so much press on this goddamn podcast.

You're welcome. Then you can find the ticket link in in my bio i think you could like it it has nothing to do with comedy absolutely not so um if you have a good attitude you can come but if you have a bad attitude probably not absolutely go the fuck off blair thank you so much for coming on oh my god guys, this was an incredible time and I don't know if I've told you this, incredible idea

for a podcast and I'm going to be, I'm going to be reading about the golden records all fucking night, baby. Yeah, that's what's going to happen tonight.

We love you, dude. Thanks for being on. Okay, we love you, dude. Thank you. Thank you, love you. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Ciao. Woo! Woo! Ah! Thank you. That was a Hidgum Original.