Keeping Records - Billionaire Mindset (with Liva Pierce)

Episode Date: August 6, 2021

Caleb and Shelby have a sit-down with writer and comedian Liva Pierce to talk about their hopes, dreams, and personal choices of artifacts to send to outer space so that aliens may one day come to understand what life on Earth was like at its zenith. Of COURSE there's Kate Bush. Of COURSE there's delicious food. You KNOW there are human social practices on there, and musicals. IT'S. ALL. THERE. Enjoy, aliens. Shelby and Caleb are also extremely uncooperative when role-playing. Liva's Artifacts "The Big Sky" by Kate Bush (song) A hot cookie (food) When a coworker shares personal information (human social behavior) Debriefing a party with funny friends whom you love (human social behavior) Any production of Newsies (audio-visual) Original Voyager Artifact Cathy Rigby, Phillip Leonian (photograph) Follow Liva on Twitter and Instagram! Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a HeadGum Original. In 1977, NASA sent two solid gold records into space, so that aliens might find them and understand life on Earth. I send greetings on behalf of the people of our planet. And friendly wishes to all who may encounter this voyager. Now, we're making new records with our friends. Bonjour tout le monde. Konnichiwa.

Assalamu alaikum. We step out of our solar system into the universe seeking only peace and friendship. We know full well that our planet and all its inhabitants are but a small part of this immense universe that surrounds us. Hello from the children of planet Earth. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Caleb, what is going on You look like I know usually you think you look like the little boy

From up but right now you look like the old man From up the way that you're saying well It's very like oh my god I'm out of breath Oh okay Oh my god oh fuck Oh fuck I'm out of breath Oh fuck I'm out of breath Oh, okay. Oh, my God. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. I'm out of breath. Fuck.

Oh, fuck. I'm out of breath. Oh, fuck. I'm out of breath. Wait, would you fuck me if I dressed up as the old man from Up? Anybody? Sure. Listeners, weigh in.

Listeners. I think it's probably kink. Review on culture yeah review on apple five stars only and say if you would as the old man from up and shelby could be involved dressed as the balloons if you guys are into that yeah no problem. Shelby, how are you? Good. How are you? I'm really good. I have a cut on my arm that is infected and I'm actually not where I'm actually one of I'm actually one of the cool girls who doesn't care about stuff like that. Would you say that's true about you?

No. Because I, how many times? Fuck, I'm scared. I'm scared. Oh, fuck, I'm scared. How many times, to be honest, have you Googled arm amputation cut infection? Less than 10, but more than four. All right, so nine yeah um no you know

i'm good i'm going back to the gym which is obviously the worst thing in the fucking world i hate it i do not get endorphins from it i don't know what people are talking about when they feel good from working out um and i had a smoothie today that was really good how are you from from free clout for the girlies habitat uh well if it was from habitat i would allow free clout from the girlies but i'm gonna request that mike actually bleep where it's from because these people don't deserve free clout it's from okay yeah to bleep that no no clap for the girly um i have been going to the gym too and here is sort of where i'm at with the gym okay if you let me do the machines where you sit down you just kind of do one little motion for a little

bit i have a good time right but if i have challenging well no it is sometimes you put enough weight on there it's hard i'm sore today and i did that yesterday so it's got to be doing something but when people are like go ahead and run on the treadmill, I'm kind of like, what are you talking about? And when people are like, and worse than that, when people are like,

go ahead and run on the, what's it called? Elliptical. I have to, at least on the treadmill, the floor is moving. I have to keep up or I'm going to fall. On an elliptical,

why would I keep moving? Nothing's making me. I have to make all the movement happen. A treadmill, the moves for me i'm keeping up i have no choice but to agree you you have to have a billionaire mindset yeah and i don't yeah i have a i have a hundred air mindset one thing one thing one thing i really want to stress to our listeners not the politician hand one thing i really want to stress to our listeners is, you guys, keeping records heads, you guys have to have a billionaire mindset. Let's get our guest in here.

I want to talk about this with our guest. You guys know our guest from Twitter and a really exciting upcoming, I don't know if we can say this, we'll cut it if we can, a really exciting upcoming web series with Grindr. Please put your paws and fins and human hands together for our dear sweet friend who we both have a crush on, Leva Pierce.

Hi. Leva, do you think that you have a billionaire mindset? Absolutely not. I'm living at home. Exactly. Back to you in the studio. Absolutely not. I'm living at home.

Thank you. Absolutely not not back to bill with weather bill how's the traffic um it's bad living at home living at home can that can be a component of a billionaire mindset you're just saying that it's not with you no it's not with me and actually uh my little sister just got home. And one of the first things she said to me as we're catching up is your spending habits need to change. You know? What are you doing? How old is your sister? She's, she's 19. I wish so desperately she was like eight.

And she was like eight and she was like she's one of those kids in big little lies he was like mom and dad the tension in this house is off the charts right now it's she's precocious yeah yeah yeah yeah she's like a precocious kid in a movie i always think about this scene in big little lies where they're talking about global warming and they're like kindergarten class and then like a girl collapses in the closet or something from anxiety. I don't know. I've never seen it. That sounds amazing.

I think about that all the time. I think it's really important and frankly funny. I want to tell you guys something that's on my personal golden record that I have been thinking about this week that I really want to bring up to you guys is, do you guys remember that video of, it's like at Pride, a Pride somewhere, and this guy with a microphone walks up to like an older, like very visibly straight man and goes, How many genders are there? And the guy goes, I don't know. I just got here.

I don't. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Do y'all remember that one? Yes. Leva doesn't. Leva does not. It's so yes. Do y'all remember that one? Yes. Leva doesn't. Leva does not. It's so pure. It's so pure.

It's so funny. Leva, I really wish you had seen it. This is going to make the rest of the podcast kind of awkward. Yeah. Let's just cut it short. Well. Let's just get out of here. Leva, you have been an awesome guest.

Tell people where they can find you. Leva, real quick, run down your list. Oh, thank you. Thanks, guys. Yeah, I totally get it. I'm going to go ahead and quit comedy as well. I think I'm done. This was the end of my career today.

Yeah, our story. Yeah, thanks so much. Thanks so much. And yeah. Yeah, we're ending the podcast. The three of us can quit comedy and our producer and our producer Mike can quit being a police officer. Yes. Finally.

And we can all move on to volunteer sheriff. We all have to quit the things we love for us. That's comedy for Mike. It's policing. If you love something, let it go. And if it's meant for you, it'll come back to you.

Exactly. Did you guys think that we had sung that song before? Or do you think that we just have group mind? Is that for the listeners? For whoever wants to answer. We start posing open-ended questions to the listeners. With like little blanks. Like Dora the Explorer.

With like little blanks for them to respond. Do you think we knew that song ahead of time? Awesome. Let's keep it moving very good no oh fuck oh fuck you guys did you guys think we've sung that song before oh no do you like when we do this um really scary sort of like um vibe yeah what do you think i um yeah i like yeah for sure someone who just got her ass for sure i love that when you guys do that voice it's awesome it's awesome though actually they're turned on they're so turned on um we've uh we brought you here to ask you a really important question that i thought of

by myself today it just came up this morning shelby was not uninvolved um which i hate to put shelby on blast like that but this is a question i sort of came up with sometimes we prepare differently and caleb actually did a lot of the heavy lifting on this question yeah and so And so my question for you is, if we were going to make new records and send them into space, what would you put on yours? Yeah. So first up is obviously going to be a Capish song. I think that in many ways, I think she could communicate best with them, with her kind of whole vibe, I'd say. And it's going to be the song Big Sky, which is one of my favorite songs ever. And the ground, the sea That I never go in No I'm looking at the big sky

I'm looking at the big sky No I'm looking at the big sky You never understood me I feel like the beginning of that song might be what space actually sounds like. Yeah, kind of. Yeah. Yeah. Well. Levo just like, sure.

No, actually, Kate actually wrote that without the help of space. Space could never. I have a really bad relationship to space because I was when I was still in the closet, I was forced to go on a double date to see the movie Gravity and I I didn't really know it was a double date but then it was like my friend brought me and then

the guy she was with brought a guy and so then I'm sitting next to the guy watching a movie that is terrifying don't know. Have you guys seen the film Gravity? No.

No. Did you hold hands with the boy or anything? No. I think maybe there was some arm touching, but that's as far as it went. Okay. So Gravity came out in what, like four years ago? I'm going to say seven years ago. Six years ago. Okay okay so you're young

though so how 2013 2013 okay so okay eight years ago wait no wait because that is that is not gay people trying to do math on the podcast that is eight years ago i had already settled on eight but you guys kind of struggled around it um shelby is kind of good at math um but so you were what in like high school actually huh okay so it does make a little bit more sense i was thinking about how that is such a middle school thing for me of like we're all gonna go to the movies in a group and everyone has to have a partner. And that's who you're dating for the night. And then if there's a photo booth at the end, you weirdly get a couple pic with a guy you've never spoken to. Absolutely. I also went to all girls school. So when we went on like, these like dates, and it was like,

boys and girls, we also didn't really know each other like it was like fully we were like okay hey i am shelby and i will be your escort for the evening like it was always so fucking weird and then you just had to be like i guess we'll hold hands like i guess that's the expectation but you are young so i guess that was then you're literally showing up to work to do a job in this scenario like you are your job is to just be a boy and a girl together yeah yeah i'm feeling a little there was a casting call there was a casting call to whoever organized the night and they were like okay we need six girls six boys and they need to look together the only uh two things to do in my hometown were a movie theater and a bowling alley

and they were directly next to each other and um there was a girl when i was in middle school and i will tell you guys her name and mike can bleep this as well her name is um and she oh my god that's not her name actually it's uh her real name nope she's in witness protection that's a fake name she she got really really notorious around school because she gave uh two guys hand jobs behind the bowling alley and i really looked up to her i thought that was really cool absolutely i don't know if this is mean to say go ahead mike we'll revisit this later um but i had a friend in high school who and then everyone started calling...

Everyone started calling her... Because of like the motion of doing that. And that was just her name for the rest of high school. She's still a friend of mine. Shelby, that's horrible. That's the darkest that's the darkest thing i've ever heard okay so kate kate bush big sky it's a banger it's a banger it fills me with a high like no other and i especially it's one of the i have not i have not your honor

well i have to ask because we have to this is an important thing for the podcast we have to you've never done heroin we need to know like on the scale of highs where the high say what drugs you've done i will not say what drugs i've done on the record and that's smart no no no no i'll go down that's a billionaire mindset that is a billionaire mindset okay it makes you feel high sorry go ahead right so it makes me feel hot but specifically what i love about this song is when she says i i'm unfortunately gonna do my impression of her yeah when she's like you never understood me you never really tried I just love that

it's like the best song to listen to in any situation like I usually listen to it after someone has wronged me because I just love that part it's so visceral it's so it's just like yes you never understood me you never even tried

you know what I mean I do actually you're also your kate bush voice is also your random voice so you're like you never understood me because i'm random that was the energy you were kind of giving to the impression which has a lot of um despicable me energy there's despicable me energy in that voice i I'm twiddling my mustache. Leva, who has wronged you most recently? Who? Oh, my God.

And you can't say Donald Trump. I have one that I want to say, but I'm not going to say it on the pod. Put it in the chat, Lola. Okay, put it in the chat. Listeners, we are waiting on a chat. Hey, listeners, do you like it when we do this? Okay, absolutely. Very good.

I typed it with one hand, which is why it's kind of... There's sort of some capitals, lowercase. Yeah. What the f*** was bitch? It's written in hieroglyphics. We'll cut that. Okay. Okay. That is my real answer. It's written in hieroglyphics. We'll cut that. Okay. Okay.

That is my real answer. Who else has wronged me? Didn't you break up with someone and they continued to mail you a razor subscription service? Dude. No, you have it all wrong i was mailing them please tell the story you were mailing razors to an ex for like how long are you okay i okay i really really really really doubt that she would ever listen to this but i will say love her

just want to put that up front but when basically oh my god they're getting back together absolutely not uh but i i was seeing this girl and i thought it was gonna go longer than it did so i got her for her birthday not out of nowhere for her birthday a six month subscription to like an aesthetically pleasing razor company uh called billy shout out shout out for the girlies it's it was absolutely an instagram brand that was harassing me. And so I eventually caved and kind of bought it. And about two weeks later, the relationship was terminated. And then I got a text.

I got a text about three months later that was like, um i'm still getting razors did you forget to cancel did you forget to cancel the subscription and i was like oh uh it's prepaid they're the most it's the funniest thing to be receiving from an ex every single month is razors yeah you know and i hope she used them i hope they didn't go straight to the trash they didn't go to the waste wait before we move on with leva's list shall we uh we should talk about our artifact oh leva we are going to show you a picture that was put on the original records. And we just sort of want to hear what you think about that image as a whole and as a concept. So this is the image that was shown to the aliens. This is real?

Yes. You can see it in the top of Mike's search bar that it's on CNN.com. One of the images on the original records is titled, Gymnast, by Philip Leonian, from Sports Illustrated Magazine. The subject in the image is American gymnast Kathy Rigby, and she was born December 12th of 1952. The image is a time lapse from zero to five seconds of her on a beam. She's superimposed multiple times, sort of hard to make out where she is, where she's not, and really, even what she is, in some ways. She looks like an anamorph.

She's twisting and turning and balancing and kicking and grabbing the thing. She's straddling. Her legs are in the air. Her head is in the air. She's doing all sorts of, well, folks, gymnastics. Now, I don't know much, but I would say perfect score. Kathy Rigby was the first American woman to win a medal at the World Artistic Gymnastics Competition. Kathy also played Peter Pan in theater productions throughout her life.

Not just once, but first as a teen, then in a 1974 production after retiring from gymnastics. She was still playing the role as recently as 2015. Kathy's performance in the 1968 Olympics helped popularize gymnastics. Kathy also was featured in maxi pad ads, which was groundbreaking. She was the first celebrity to advertise a female hygiene product. The photographer, Philip Leonian, did a lot with time-lapse, including shots with Muhammad Ali. The image might be confusing to an alien who might think we can teleport across planes, or can walk on our hands with ease, or always have our toes perfectly pointed. You also have to wonder if aliens would see an image like this and feel threatened,

because it's really cool, and maybe they can't do things as cool as this. And sometimes when somebody can do something cooler than you, well, that feels bad. In this image, her legs are almost always over her head. That's something most people aren't capable of, and yet we're telling the aliens that we can. After all, humans don't walk on our hands. Unless we're Kathy Rigby. Unless we're Kathy Rigby. Unless we're Kathy Rigby. And actually, I would say unless we're Kathy Rigby. Okay, this to me feels like they're really trying to make us look cool. It's kind of giving me like a high school photography student who wants to make a statement on like beauty or something.

Did those like photograms in the dark room where there's like a glass plate and you just put a couple like toys down on the paper and then you're like flash exposed. That's the picture. And it's like people are like it's see through and it means fairy tale or something. Do you guys remember the epidemic of high schoolers doing photo shoots where they like write words on their arm and on their faces and like Sharpie and then take photos? That was going to go ahead and be around the no hate campaign huh or the even or the even more deadly epidemic of people people standing in front of cameras and uh holding like little papers that say like my name is chris alabeth i went to middle school with this boy like they would turn the pages that were like with stories written on them oh what's the movie that everyone loves around

christmas oh scrooge no grinch it's the movie that everyone loves around Christmas? Oh, Scrooge. No. Grinch. It's the one where they have, there's someone that is deaf and they do the same thing with the papers. Oh, oh, oh. Love Maybe.

Love Actually. Love Actually. Yeah. When everyone thought it worked in Love Actually, I should do that for the story about how I stubbed my toe last week. That a stupid and bad era but about this picture this picture is uh to me a little bit it's kind of hot it is kind of hot it's kind of freaky reaky it's kind of uh it's just like are we supposed to describe it no we will later. But can I ask you guys a question?

Yeah. Which version of her is hottest to you? I have mine. Okay, so there's the... Before I give my answer, I would like to know her age. Because she... She could be young. She's an Olympian.

I think she's... I think you... Don't you have to be 18 to be an Olympian? No, no. I was watching the Olympics last night. I was watching the skateboarding competition. There were 12 year olds. You were about to bait me into saying that I think a 16 year old is hot.

That was the point. And that was the point, was to get you on record. I tried it with the drug thing and it didn't work. And that was the point was to get you on record. I tried it with the drug thing and it didn't work. So I was like, we'll get them on this one. My favorite part of this is that for no reason, seemingly some of them are so much more see-through than the others.

Like the one of her laying down on the beam, you barely see her. She's so such a ghost. And then the one in the front, I've never actually seen someone more clear in my life yeah wait what wasn't there a music video recently where someone scissors themselves what what's up oh normani normani's most recent video yeah so she's kind of doing some of that here this girl with some of the positions are well she's just say her head's in her own crotch it's several places do you guys think this looks like a mcdonald's ad yes me too do you know

what i can't stop thinking about what sorry i was asking with my face that that lyric in the in the doja cat song kiss me more when she says dudes are wishing that the pussy was a kissing booth. I don't know why that is so... That just hit Mike in a way that no poem ever has. Mike is really taken aback by that. Wishing that the pussy was a kissing booth. It's so funny to me to wish for that. I just can't stop thinking

about it it's on my mind every second of every day so it's kind of like you wish you wish it was just kind of a quick right what would you want because basically what you're saying is you want the pussy you want the pussy to be in like a fair setting you want to walk up pay pay a couple dollars give it a kiss and walk away that doesn't sound like what i would want from the pussy you want to you want a carny outside the pussy collecting you want the pussy collecting carnival tickets i wish i could find that rap that that some some guy dressed in a new york city police officer's uniform, Mike, you might know him, did a rap on YouTube that was like,

protect and serve for the pussy. I'm loving all the pussy. Like he did a rap about how he's a cop for pussy. And it was pretty funny. Leva, go ahead. Speak on it. No. Okay.

We should... Okay. Should I go to my next one? okay what's next going nuts my next one is a hot cookie i love hot cookies fresh and this can mean two things one fresh out of the oven obviously when it's piping hot and you did maybe you dip it in milk. Clearly. But the second one, this one's a little rarer, okay, is the grilled cookie. Have you ever had a grilled cookie or even a grilled muffin? I've had a grilled muffin. What? There we go.

What? You can find a grilled muffin in some diners. They have them a lot in Maine where I live. That's, I think, where I've had them. Yeah. Maybe it's a Maine thing. What is it? They just literally grill a muffin? You cut the muffin in half and you grill it face down.

Okay. It sounds so bad, but it tastes so good. It's a muffin that you've never had it and you need it in a lot of butter like like usually it's like grilled and then butter on top so it's very moist it's not like it's not like charred it's not like burnt but it's it's just like hot it's crispy on like it gives it a nice crispy thing going and then it's also like warmed again there's a lot of good stuff that happens when you involve the grill. Caleb looks distraught. I think he's just upset

he hasn't been proposed with one yet. Yeah, I like muffins. So I think if these are good, maybe I'd like to have one. Yeah, and we can make that happen for you. We have a grill. We don't use it, but we have it. Definitely.

Definitely. You can't do it over a charcoal grill though, right? Yeah, you can. Absolutely. Okay. You can do it over any grill. Okay, right? Yeah, you can. Absolutely. Okay. You can do it over any row. Okay. No worries.

Sorry. I'm sorry. Okay. All good. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, fuck.

I'm sorry. I'm feeling so bad about what I did um there was a girl that i used to work with that put a bag of famous amos cookies you know the metallic bag in the microwave and lit the office on fire yeah well that's stupid you can't do that it lit the office on fire and then everyone the office admin like tried to like keep it under wraps but who did it was trying to like be polite about it it was just like hey guys if you smell like he put in slack like hey guys if you smell something in the kit in the cafe like don't worry about it it's taken care of like just a heads up and this girl who did it responded and goes it was me i wanted hot cookies i love that energy she was like fuck y'all i love

that she was like yeah i love that well ever wanted a warm cookie fuck a cold famous amos listen she was a scientist and in a huge part of the scientific experiment it's trial and error and she experienced an error yeah sure she experienced one error on the way to greatness. But she was, that's the process. She was getting close to something great. I think about it constantly. She was like 40 and was microwaving metal. Why would she do that?

I don't know. I think about it nonstop. I never stop thinking about it. I love a hot cookie. One of my one of my favorite things in college to do was when i was really depressed shout out sophomore year we all had it shout out sophomore year what is good you made me who i am today shout out sophomore year of undergrad thank you i didn't know if i would make it alive out of you but i did girl and one

of my things favorite things to do was um leave my bed only long enough to go to this one street near my campus that had a right next to a um um and i would go in and we can bleep those and i would go and get um spicy queso and like a couple tacos and then i'll go next door and get like you know a couple like hot chocolate like chocolate chip like hot cookies and then i'll go immediately home eat that shit in my bed fall asleep watching netflix then do that sort of a lot throughout sophomore year because of my mental illness thank you and i'd eat the cookies first. Thank you. I love that story, first of all. It's dark.

It has turns. There isn't any. Oh. I'm so sorry. No, no, no, no. It's fine. It's really fine. Let's just, let's go to a break.

Jesus fucking Christ. Let's go to a break. What was that? Let's go to a break. Fucking cut the fucking, let's go to a break. For a break now. Let's break. What's going on with on with you i'm mad because leva and i just got in a fight welcome bark i'm glad you guys were able to work through your problems in that during that break leva do you want to give us a uh your best wolf your best bark? I do. No, I don't.

I do. Actually, you guys, I'm not really. Everybody hates that. Yeah, my throat's actually acting up. Dry cough, fever? It's not. It's the throat thing. That's all.

Yeah, I'm actually going to kind of cut the bark off and really not do it. But thank you so much for giving me the opportunity. No, no, totally. Totally, totally. No problem. Do you guys like a skillet cookie served in a cast iron? Yeah. That's one of my favorite most treats.

When they put a little dollop of ice cream on top. Yeah. It's not a skillet cookie without that, in my opinion. Crispy on the edges, usually pretty doughy in the middle. Oh my God. And also just, I just, cookie ice cream also just, ice cream sandwiches at a sporting event. I can't do ice cream sandwiches because I have sensitive teeth. Are you guys sad for me?

Yeah, that's actually pretty brutal. That is really sad. Yeah, I can't bite ice cream sandwiches because I have sensitive teeth. Are you guys sad for me? Yeah, that's actually pretty brutal. That is really sad. Yeah, I can't bite into them. Oh. Are you okay? No, but thank you. Leva, do you mind taking off your headphones for a second? Caleb and I have to talk.

Leva, tell people where they can find you. Seriously, this was okay actually leave a what's your next what's after hot cookie after hot cookie is uh okay yeah when a co-worker shares personal information with oh my god exactly yes and exactly and obviously it has to be in the fun way, as in they're sharing a piece of gossip, they're complaining about someone else. It's not like an intense where it's like your boss is oversharing with you on the third day and you know, it's going to be a rough, uh, job from there on out. But it's like, no,

like in the fun way, in the camaraderie way. This is to me very human and very beautiful. Yes, I agree. I love this. Let's quickly role play. Three co-workers at the water cooler. And Leva, you're playing sharing too much information. Caleb and I are playing just people that work at the office. Action.

I can't believe the stocks are going down again. They're plummeting. My gosh. It's all because of the liberal left and their anti-America-age. I want to see where this conversation goes, actually. I love the start of this role play, and I'm going to let it go a bit. Hold on, hold on. Before I jump in.

I got political. I shouldn't have done that. We'll start over again. Shelby and I will be two co-workers. You can be in your role play as someone who shares personal information. Action. Oh, God. Manager Jeff is such a dick.

He's a faggot. I hate him. I hate him and how he votes for liberals. Oh, fuck. I'm sorry. Yeah, guys. I'm trying to enter, but then you keep... Hold on. Hold on.

We'll restart. We'll restart. A role play with Shelby and I. I feel like I'm trying to do a bit, and you guys keep going so off the rails that it's like my bit doesn't even make sense. We'll restart. Shelby and I are two normal co-workers.

You come in and you role play as a co-worker who's sharing personal information. Action. Ugh, I had such a hard time snoozing my alarm this morning. Oh, me too. Getting out of bed is brutal. Anyway, so the guy who slept at my house last night is still there. He's waiting for me. I'm going to see him when I get off. What? What did you say? no earnestly that is one of the best feelings there is something truly unmatched than when

a co-worker just like looks over at you well hold on there's the good kind which is what you just did which is the like i fucked someone last night or like my ex is not leaving me alone but then there's also, do you ever get the ones where it's like, anyway, my uncle's really sick and I don't think he's going to make it through the day, but I wasn't allowed to take off today or something where you're just kind

of like, you're just kind of like, no way. Yeah. That's whoo. Okay. Well, and you have to like get mad on their behalf.

You're like, I'm going to say something to your manager. That is fucking ridiculous. But really you're like, I don't want this in my life you're like i can't i don't want to take this on yeah it's it's tough there was someone i'm working at a restaurant right now yep and um record scratch i bet you're wondering how i got here yeah it's pretty probably pretty hard to imagine that that someone who could be a guest on this team keeping records pod, you know, also works at a restaurant, you know. I didn't expect that very much.

Is it a good one, at least? Yeah, it's fun. I like it. Is it called Duck Fat? No, but great, absolute great Portland reference. Portland heads, not Portland, Oregon. We'll love that one. Thank you. How many listeners do you think you, not Portland, Oregon. We'll love that one. Thank you. How many guys how many listeners do you think you have from Portland, Maine?

Probably two or three thousand because I think we have a weekly I think Mike's about to give us a real number. I think weekly we pull in four or five million. It's going to be like two and so embarrassing because I think Mike is looking and I don't want the real number to exist no mike is

mike is focused on the he has one mike's watching anime he has one earphone for our podcast and one earphone for the nypd police scanner yeah here there's a big 810 818 down the block he calls in and he he calls in and he says hey just want I'm just a fan of what you guys are doing. I'm a listening scanner. Hey, first time caller, long time listener. Mike says, Portland, Maine is not one of our top five cities. Well, yeah. Come on, Portland, Maine heads. Portland, Maine keeping records heads. Call your friends.

Tell your friends. Mike calls 911 and goes goes first time caller long time listener how's it going actually 9-1-1 is good emergency dispatch people are good um that is so true i do think we should take that stance on the pod leva everyone stop leva what is something so embarrassing in all of the history of humanity that you think that we should delete it from the records entirely? And before you answer, let us say to you. It shouldn't be the big stuff. It can't be cancer.

It can't be... Assault. Crime. It cannot be war, famine. Starvation, famine, yeah. It has to, cannot be war, famine. Starvation, famine, yeah. It has to be something cool. This is sort of like, like something I thought of a few seconds ago was that like script that people put on Twitter

that's like what you're supposed to say if you like are asked, you want to tell something to a friend. I don't have capacity for this right now. Yeah, this, that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hate that shit. The like mental health like canned responses like, hi, I'm so sorry you're dealing with that.

I don't have capacity to deal with this right now. can you reach out to someone else or could i call you back in five days like shut up that is i want that deleted from the record i want that speech yeah i agree leva what's yours mine is waiting to fall asleep i don't think you should have to wait i think it should be head on the pillow you're out i think it's like a switch i i don't i don't think you should have to wait I think it should be head on the pillow you're out like a switch I don't exactly preferably a button even

if there was a button a switch is too much work has to be a button they said if it's a switch I have to do something yeah a switch is like gotta lift it from one side to the other how sick would it be if you could if you could just like leave us saying if you just were like okay i'd like to sleep for seven hours and 45 minutes now and then you press the button you set the timer you press

the button that was noises of the technology and then you're once you hit the button you're immediately asleep and it just your body just turns back on when you told it to. I promise you Elon Musk is working on it. Yeah. Some, somebody's better be working on it. Uh, because I, I would, I, that's actually something I don't, I genuinely don't see a problem with that. I'm sure it would be weird and would, you would have to insert like stuff into your body.

I don't care. I actually don't see a problem with that. I think that's good. I think we should have that. Yeah, I don't care who makes it. I think so too. I mean, it seems perfect. Well, I have one question. I have a flaw. Yeah. Are we brainstorming? Are we doing this? Sure.

The flaw I see is okay, fire in the house. What happens? You're only going to wake up in seven hours well i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry can i stop you right there because we have we already have technology that deals with that so we would just incorporate it but i think it would i think it would probably be well we'd have we'd have built-in smoke alarms in our bodies as well we would have also smoke alarms in our bodies.

That would wake us up. We take the technology that already exists to protect houses from fire and we put it into the body. What about those times where people say they woke up, nothing was happening, they just sensed something bad was happening and then it was true, there was someone in the house or something?

Well, I guess they would just get hurt in that instance we can't protect everybody it's getting to a point where we just have to move on caleb says population control oh my god what is with people who say that i haven't thought about that forever but what are people talking about when they say that yeah and they're like that's just population control. I'm genuinely astounded that you brought this up because I don't ever hear that anymore. And I used to hear it,

like people in college would be like, yeah, you know, if people die from this, that, or the other, it's like, yeah, it's not a big deal. People die from like natural disasters because we already have too many people on earth.

I'm like, ew, what are you talking about? You don't even know anything. It's the same, well, it's one of the most insane things. And it also is like anything it's the same well it's one of the most insane thing and it also is like it's the same people who would be like yeah well you get to kill this rare animal because they're starting to overpopulate and it's like what's up i mean with deer and shit i guess it makes sense because there's like a disease and stuff but like humans

are more than animals we're more important because we do cooler stuff. I agree. Animals aren't as important as humans. I thought you just said Amazon is as important as humans. And I said, no, let's explore that. What are you talking about? Well, did you think I meant the company or the forest? The company. I would agree with that.

Oh. Bezos has a billionaire mindset. You guys guys this has been so much fun But we do need to ask Leva what Their next item is Okay so this is the experience Of Debriefing a party The next day

With people you love And preferably people you love Who are funny Yes that's actually a key that's a key addition i actually don't love anyone who isn't funny so if you think i love you and you're not funny sorry i have to find out this way but think again freak i love like putting putting the pieces together like especially like figuring out if two people went home together. He didn't know went home together being like that was weird when someone did that or like this person was being messy.

Or I love when you realize there was a common enemy at the party that you didn't realize in the moment. But then the next day, everyone's like, wait, yeah, that person said something so odd to me and i can't stop thinking about it and then someone else is like yeah that guy was like requesting stupid music like that is the best yes ideally this happens in my mind everyone was drunk that night and now is hungover or high but like nobody's feeling a hundred percent during the debrief it's like you're kind of like things are are a little fuzzy you're like god i was talking to some like you know and it feels like also like someone maybe browned out and you're trying to fill them in with pieces of like what they were doing and they're like oh my god i kind of remember that like there has i like an element of we're also helping each other remember absolutely it's literally like a game of clue where everyone has clues and you have to be together to understand yeah and energy is low

like yeah people people are half awake people are tired but i i think that like really like like you're like i'm picturing you're at like A kitchen table you got a hand over You're kind of sipping coffee Yes Yeah energy's low And like every once in a while people get a little louder Than someone's like oh my god like It gets too much when you get to

And then but it's kind of like oh my god Like yeah and then someone maybe it's like Hold on I gotta go to the bathroom and you just like Kind of hear them puke Caleb doesn't drink so he's getting angry i have never been hung over in my life and so when you guys talk about stuff like this it um it doesn't upset me at all but it does make me feel a little bit like on the outs and so i just was letting you guys have your fun caleb um do you need to have a conversation like a sidebar no

no fine leave it leave it how are you feeling because caleb leave it just one second caleb i feel like you're reacting. Sorry. No, I do. I do love debriefing the next day after a gathering. I especially love, Leva, what you're saying about the common enemy. I love being like, what was that girl's fucking problem?

I don't like her vibes. Why was she invited out? I was recently in a situation where the next day we found out someone brought a boyfriend to the event who none of us had met. The next day we discovered the boyfriend had said something very strange to about four different people. And that was a true joy rehashing that. I had a last night. I had a nightmare scenario.

That's not quite this, but I want you guys to know about it. Shelby knows because I stepped outside to call her about it when it happened I was I was out to and I don't care if these friends are listening I hope I told them in the moment that they pissed me off I hope they know that I'm mad about this I went out to get drinks with three of my friends and I wanted to see we haven't seen each other in a while I wanted wanted to see only them. It was a curated and calculated experience that I had set up. And two of them ran into people they knew at the bar and proposed that we put tables together and merge our parties. So I had to be at a wine bar in Silver Lake with these people I don't know. And these people start talking about poor thing

they start talking about their investment properties I wanted to and Mike we can bleep this because I hated it it was so bad whenever you are trying to have a specific experience and you get other people thrusted onto you that drives me crazy yeah i know that is true yeah oh my god because plus ones can sometimes in like very rare situations be the best where it's like wow who the hell is this person like rock on but then most of the time it is that thing of like oh i felt bad because i saw them and then i had to bring it up where i was going because they asked me what i was doing tonight and then it's like oh cool like great and then all of a sudden i'm at a cubs game with your cousin and i didn't ask to be all of a sudden it turns out this way

caleb have you ever been to a cubs game yes oh i played for the cubs for a while i always forget that you were the first baseman yes yes for a while first and sometimes i played catcher yeah well yeah the year that we won the we won the series 2016 yeah exactly i remember that so leva what else is on your records um this is my last one and i know caleb this is gonna be tough for you i know you're not really a musical theater person kind of this the last two are not for caleb one's about not necessarily about drinking i tried to make it more about the social aspect of partying. But the last one is musical theater.

And that one is any production of Newsies. The show about newspaper boys standing up to big newspaper money. What is your favorite song from the play? Carrying the Banner? Carrying the Banner Carrying the banner Yeah, that's it Yeah, that's it And the next song is

Mike, loop that Loop that three times at least Carrying the banner We love selling newspapers But we're tired of being treated badly. That's basically the whole show. We carry the banner for your company, but you pay us pennies on the dollar. Well, we say no more.

Is that pretty much it? Yeah. No. You were spot on, and then you really took a turn for the worse. Oh, cool. No worries. on and then you really took a turn for the worse oh cool no worries no but to me this this show is like kind of an aspirational view of what i think masculinity should be which is a lot of dancing and guys who really love each other dancing together dancing together selling newspapers together showing up for each other

there's like a young newsie who's like a teeny who's like 12 who they like help out and that's it i think that's it dancing with your guys and selling some papes for some dimes dancing with the guys and selling some papes i love i love that i don't feel like i need to see most musicals because i if you watched one that was boring and bad that everyone hates watching and it's colored your whole idea no no no no let me let me say another thing that is also true but i feel like i know what every musical is about as soon as i uh know the name and so i feel like i'm all set like when i don't think that that's true when you said newsies i said little boys in caps selling papes well that's because that's become sort of part of the zeitgeist

but name any musical spring awakening that is about the resistance of uh hillary clinton voters after the election of trump wrong stomp stomp that is about the resistance of trump voters after joe biden won on january 6th wicked that is every white person's favorite musical okay um one more i would i think stomp transcends it is its own that is it paved a way for a new kind of art you can't even you can't even describe it or it's put it in a genre. Seussical the musical. So this is actually a harrowing look at post-war Germany and the ways in which the economy was, or was not, it doesn't take a stance, affected. So, Leva, I love that you love the newsies and i love what you said about masculinity i think

that's so true do you have any thoughts on femininity i do have one which is that love which is that love it I have one thought on femininity. Love it. Love it. It's for the girlies. Or the boys. To see it. It's for anyone. I love it.

I don't personally do a ton of it. But I love it. But I love it and and there's so many examples of femininity where i've gone love loving that um yeah eva you have built an incredible record and we love you so much and is there anything you want to say to the aliens just generally speaking yeah what would you tell the aliens i would tell them um hey girl if you if you need anything i'm here i know i know i might not seem like it, but I actually care a lot about you. I know I have work.

You know, I'm a working dad. And I'm not always at home. But every day when I go to my job, how long can this go? As long as you want. Every day when I go to my job, I'm thinking about you. My dad was closed off. I didn't get a lot of love from him. And so I want to be the kind of father that's here for you.

My alien. So XO, XO. XO. X-O. Leva, where can people find you in the world? You can find me online, really. My chopped Leva on Instagram and also TikTok, even though I essentially don't use it anymore,

but you're welcome to give it a try in case I return. And then Twitter, at TrappedLive, I guess. I don't really have anything to plug besides the idea of looking out for each other. Be kind to one another. Kindness. And I will be in the Grindr thing. The Grindr thing. Okay. Well, we love you, dude. Thank being on we love you dude thank you so much love you and also i just found a studio 11 ticket in one of my shorts and i almost texted you and you didn't include it on your record

and just like that we're ending with another fight. That was a Hiddem Original.