Keeping Records - Bonus Episode: The Voyager Artifacts

Episode Date: July 29, 2022

All right, settle in lil freaks, we're wheeling in the AV cart for a very special session of Keeping Records. Yes, that's right, we're gonna dim the lights and sit quietly in our chairs while Caleb and Shelby tell us about some of the artifacts that NASA sent (without our input weirdly) on the original Voyager Golden Record. We'll learn about things that seem funny to us but normal to people in other parts of the world, we'll learn about fetuses and how that all works more or less, we'll learn that the Immaculate Conception was really the Original Cuckolding. All in all, we'll learn. Together. While we eagerly wait for new episodes to drop. Soon. We promise.  Be sure to watch the video version of the episode for a complete audio-visual experience and for two of the best wigs you'll ever see in your life.  The Artifacts:  Greeting: Cantonese Image: School Room Image: Fetus Diagram Image: Rush Hour Traffic Greeting: Portuguese Music: "Dark Was the Night," written and performed by Blind Willie Johnson Greeting: Nepali  Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a HeadGum Original. In 1977, NASA sent two solid gold records into space so that aliens might find them and understand life on Earth. I send greetings on behalf of the people of our planet. And friendly wishes to all who may encounter this voyager. Now, we're making new records with our friends. Hello everyone! Hello!

Hello and greetings to everyone! Peace be upon you! We step out of our solar system into the universe seeking only peace and friendship. We know full well that our planet and all its inhabitants are but a small part of this immense universe that surrounds us. Hello from the children of planet Earth. What's up little freaky deekies? We, Caleb and I, recorded just a couple artifacts from the original records and some of them will still go into the episodes, but we wanted to release some of them for you, um, during this little hiatus.

Um, so really it's just something for you to listen to. It's, uh, you know, maybe it's a bedtime listen. They're, um, you know, a little academic, but we have a blast in them. And, uh, if you go on YouTube, we're wearing fun wigs. So just a little something to think, just a little something to think about while you, when you're listening to the, so because you're listening, you're already listening. If it's the middle of the day or you're driving, maybe wait till you're in bed or something, you know, cause. Oh, and, uh, one more thing, Anya put the links to the artifacts in the show notes. So if you head down there, you'll be able to see any of the pictures that we're talking about. So you can, uh, look along, look and listen. Stop, look and listen.

One of the items included on the original records is a greeting in Cantonese. The greeting translates to, Hi, how are you? Wish you peace, health, and happiness. Now, the voice who speaks the Cantonese greeting belongs to a person named Stella Fessler. You might be wondering, what's the deal with Stella Fessler? Well, there's not much about her. But she has authored three books.

Chinese meatless cooking, Chinese poultry cooking, and Chinese seafood cooking. Cantonese is a form of Chinese spoken by over 54 million people, mainly in southeastern China. 54 million. That's a big number. That's almost half the size of a regular Super Bowl audience in the stadium. There's about 108 million people who fit inside stadiums. In one stadium. Inside the stadium. Southeastern China includes a little city you may have heard of by the name of Hong Kong. As Guangzhou became China's key commercial center for foreign trade and exchange in the 1700s, Cantonese became the variety of Chinese interacting most with the Western world. You know I'm not saying that. After the Xinhai Revolution of 1912,

Cantonese almost became the official language of the Republic of China, but lost by a small margin. Cantonese has its own popular music, canta pop, which is the predominant genre in Hong Kong. Many artists from the mainland and Taiwan have learned Cantonese to break into the market. Popular native Mandarin-speaking singers, including Fei Wang, Eric Mu, and singers from Taiwan, have been trained in Cantonese to add Hong Kong-ness to their performance. Now here's something interesting.

Cantonese films date to the early days of Chinese cinema, and the first Cantonese talkie, White Golden Dragon, was made in 1932 by the Tianyai Film Company. Despite a ban on Cantonese films by the Nanjing Authority in the 1930s, Cantonese film production continued in Hong Kong, which was then under British colonial rule. From the mid-1970s to the 1990s, Cantonese films made in Hong Kong were very popular in the Chinese-speaking world. And even though we may have said some of these words like white people, we are very grateful for the Cantonese greeting. We might not speak Cantonese and we don't understand the language, but we can appreciate that they said something and it seems like it was nice. It's a beautiful language and a beautiful people. If we are to trust the translation, it seems like it's pretty nice. And though we don't speak Cantonese, we do speak

the universal language of love. And they speak love just right. And they speak love just right. Okay, let's do the next one. One of the images on the original records is an image titled School Room. It features a young boy at a desk with a teacher sort of leaning over him. Hovering. Hovering, even. There's a kid behind him. Sad.

There's a sad kid behind him and other kids in the classroom who aren't getting attention from the teacher at all in this image. The teacher is focused solely on boy in picture. The schoolroom from this photo is in Japan, which is a country located off the eastern coast of the continent of Asia. That, in case you didn't know much of Japan. It's a country.

It's a country. An island country. Yeah, an island nation, even. Off the coast of continental Asia. Japan is an island nation off the coast of continental Asia. Japan is an island nation off the coast of Asia with a population of 113.9 million people in 1977. That was the population. However,

the population has grown to roughly 125.8 million in 2022. Not bad. Not bad. A school... Baby, fuck it. in 2022. Not bad. Not bad. They be fucking. In Japan, they be fucking. A school room is a room in which a class of...

A school room is a room in which a class of students congregate to be taught by one to two teachers Monday through Friday. In Japan, education is compulsory roughly from age 6 to 15 and concentrates on a curriculum that is divided into three main categories. Compulsory subjects, moral education, and special activities. Compulsory subjects for primary school are Japanese language, Japanese literature, mathematics, the history of Texas. No. Social studies.

Just kidding. Science, music, arts and handicrafts, and physical education. Arts and handicrafts, commonly known in America as arts and crafts. Texas. Arts and crafts compulsory subjects for high schools are japanese language social studies mathematics science music fine arts health and physical education and industrial arts and homemaking as well as the history of texas students are exposed to courses that provide vocational and technical classes, as well as academic subjects to prepare them for adult life. The school year begins in April, which may seem funny to us, but makes complete sense over there.

So, children who have turned six by April... What? Oh, so, children who have turned six by April 1st may start elementary school. After school, there are privately run options for tutoring called Juku, which provide help for elementary and secondary students to perform better in their schoolwork. They also provide cram courses. They also... cram courses. They also... Cram courses.

They also provide cram courses, which are probably perfectly innocent. Or? Or it's... It's sex stuff. But I hope not. They also provide cram courses and prep for university. The kid in this image likely does not need a tutoring session. However, the kids in the background might.

Because they aren't getting any attention from their teacher. Because he's solely focused on the boy in the image. And that's the importance of being earnest. And that's the importance of being earnest. And that's the importance of being earnest. We probably caught this stuff about sex class, right? One of the images included on the original records is called Fetus Diagram. A fetus is when, for humans, an unborn baby develops and grows inside the uterus or womb of a female. That's what this image is depicting.

Conception occurs when a sperm cell from a fertile man swims up through the vagina and into the uterus of a woman, or any person who has a vagina, and joins with the woman's, or person's, egg cell as it travels down one of the fallopian tubes from the ovary to the uterus, which is really hot. It's getting spicy in the studio. I think I speak for everybody with a penis when I say, Ha-cha-cha! Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay! I think Caleb speaks for everyone in the room when I say, Ha-cha-cha! Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay! I think Caleb speaks for everyone in the room

when he says, How? Grrr! Or something of that nature. Fertilization and embryo development are a result of the union between the sperm and the egg. You see, when one man and one woman

come together in Christ, that's one sperm. That's one sperm. And one set of footprints. When there's one set of footprints in the sand. That means one sperm. It means Jesus was inseminating the woman. Mary. The fetal period... His mother. You see, Jesus was inseminating his mother. You see, Jesus was... inseminating his mother. You see, Jesus and Mary were raw-dogging it on the beach. So the only footprints were God walking away in shame. Because he was cucked by his own son.

Jesus cucked God. So the fetal period begins eight weeks after fertilization of an egg by a sperm and ends at the time of birth. Isn't that beautiful? The gestational period is the average length of human... Wait, what?

The average length of human gestational period is 280 days or 40 weeks from the first day of the woman's last menstrual period. We can probably skip the stuff that just describes periods and go to fetal development. Fetal development is marked by certain developmental benchmarks, and you probably know this from anti-choice billboards. I'd like Caleb to go back and read more about the female period. During the female period, a female's... Sorry. No, no, no, no. It's beautiful.

No. At nine weeks, no. It's beautiful. No. At nine weeks, the fetal stage begins. Yeah. Twelve weeks, sex organisms differentiate. Sixteen weeks, fingers and toes develop. Twenty weeks, hearing begins. Twenty-four weeks, lungs begin to develop. Twenty-eight weeks.

And so on and so forth. Brain grows rapidly. Thirty-two weeks, bones develop fully. Thirty-six weeks, muscles fully develop. Forty weeks is considered full-term development. And they're not talking about when you have a script at ABC. And then ding, ding, ding, baby's ready. In utero, a baby receives most nutrients through the umbilical cord.

You can see the umbilical cord in this image. It's shockingly long. They also swallow and digest their mom's amniotic fluid. Yuck. In fact, 10-20% of the protein the baby consumes comes from what the mother drinks.

Once again. Yuck. Now, there's two feed eye in this picture one of them recognizably a baby well sort of one of them recognizably

a creature yeah there's little fingers it's five there's a five centimeter and a two and a half centimeter diagram of the fetus at the two and a half centimeter I have the fetus. At the two and a half centimeter, I have to say, if gun to my head could not identify as human. I would not protect this thing. If I saw this thing, I would not protect it.

So. Like if someone was just, if it was sitting on the street. Okay. You wouldn't see it. It's two and a half centimeters. You'd step on it like a bug. Good point. Had not thought of it that way.

So. So. So. Yuck. Yuck. And basically, thank you, shout out to everybody

who's ever given birth. Yeah. You guys are the real ones. Particularly Jillian and Kelly. We love you girls. We shout you out, girls. Thanks for bringing us into this world. The girlies.

We didn't get a choice. But let's be done. Let's be done with this one. Let's be done. Are you a C-section? Get the cameras. What'd you say all good if not no worries

either way all good if not no worries either way all good if not no worries either way all good if not no worries either way all good if not no worries either way

Oh, good if not no worries either way Oh, good if not no worries either way Oh, there it is. Okay. One of the images included on the original records is called Rush Hour Traffic, open parentheses. Thailand. Close parentheses. Thailand is historically known as Siam. Siam?

Siam. And officially the Kingdom of Thailand. It's a country in Southeast Asia, bordered by Myanmar, Laos, Cambodia, Malaysia, and the Gulf of Thailand. At the time of the original records, the population was 44 million. Today, that's grown to around 66 million people. They be fuckin'. They be fuckin'. Thailand's primary...

In Thailand. Okay. They be fuckin'. Thailand's primary exports are sex. Fuckin'. Petroleum, rice, rubber, gold, and diamonds. Sex and petroleum

could be a good album title. I smell sex and candy. In Thailand. So. Thailand's primary modes of transportation, both then and now, are tuk-tuks. Most, uh, they are a three-wheeled vehicle that carry two to three people and are best known as the motorized version of a rickshaw.

They also popularly drive motor taxis, motorbikes, buses, trains, taxis, and cars. The daily commuting cost per day in Thailand is 1 to 2 U.S. dollars. And in the United States, that number is 11 dollars per day. Which is more than 1 to 2 dollars. By 9 to 10 dollars by nine to ten dollars the average person spends 62 minutes total getting to and from work in the capital of bangkok in los angeles that's about three and a half hours two only six and a half to and from yeah traffic is fairly heavy in bangkok from 7 30 a.m to 9 30 a half to and from. Yeah. Traffic is fairly heavy in Bangkok from 7.30 a.m. to 9.30 a.m. and 5 to 7.30 p.m. So if you're visiting, just keep that in mind. Cars manufactured in Thailand are Toyota Hilux, Ford Ranger, Mazda BT50, Mitsubishi Triton,

Holden Colorado, Isuzu D-Max, and Nissan Navara. Oh, they got the Nissan Navara. Come on down and get your Nissan Navara. Not bad. Good job, Thailand. So traffic is something that can be so powerful. And hard, but fun. If you look at the image, you can see that it's traffic. So many cars, and they're almost touching.

And it's so beautiful the way they do that little dance on the roads. And all the way on the right, there's the little bikes. And that can be so cool. And that can be so cool. That can be so cool. So cool. That can be... so cool. So cool. What are you... What are you doing?

Do that last one again. Shout out to Thailand. You guys make good food. For real. Some of my favorite. Shout out to Thailand. You guys make good food. For real. Some of my favorite. Shout out to Hoi Ka on Sunset. Free coffee for the girlies.

Shout out Pad Thai. Shout out Night Market on Sunset. Can't see you. Yum. Yum, yum, yum. Okay. Well. Peace and happiness to all. See you. Yum. Yum, yum, yum. Okay. Well. Paz e felicidade a todos.

One of the sound clips on the original records is a greeting in Portuguese that translates to peace and happiness to all. The voice who speaks the Portuguese greeting is Janet Sternberg. Janet is a native New Yorker who grew up in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. She's a scholar who earned her PhD in media ecology with Neil Postman at New York University. Peace and happiness to all. Are you sure? There are humans I wouldn't wish peace and happiness to, so I have to assume there are aliens I wouldn't wish peace and happiness to. Peace and happiness to some is a bit more accurate. Terror and depression. To many others.

To many others. To many. From 2012 to 2013, Sternberg was an assistant professor of communication and media studies at Fordham University in New York City and a member of their Latin American and Latino studies faculty. In addition, she taught at Cornell University, New York University, Queens College of the City University of New York. A bit wordy. And Universidade deo Paulo in Brazil. A former Fulbright scholar, she also served as president of the Media Ecology Association. Now, something that Shelby might not know is that Portuguese is a Western Romance language of the Indo-European family, originating in the Iberian Peninsula of Europe. If I did know that. Kayla might not know this, Guinea and Macau. Portuguese speaking person or nation is referred to as Usufono. Caleb might not know this, but with approximately 250 million

native speakers and 24 million L2 speakers L2 meaning level 2 Portuguese has approximately 274 million total speakers. In fact, I did know this and I'm constantly talking about it. He won't shut up. It is usually listed as the sixth most spoken language and third most spoken European language in the world.

In terms of native speakers, Shelby might not have known. Out of so many languages, it is the third most spoken European language in the world. Though many think that Portugal would be the primary location in which Portuguese is spoken, it is actually Brazil with the most native speakers. With a population of 214,364,583. Though Brazil has more native speakers, the language originated from Latin in the western Iberian Peninsula, where its roots can be traced in the autonomous community of Galica

in the north of Portugal and the northwest of Spain. Around the 14th century, Portuguese emerged as a descendant language. Well, shout out to Portuguese. And Brazil. And Portugal. And shout out to Brazilian butt lifts. Get your BBL. And get it quick.

Get your BBL and get it quick. Get your BBL and get it quick. If you're sitting right now, imagine instead sitting upon a bigger butt. Isn't that comfortable? She was sitting there on that big booty, but I was still staring at her titties, though. It was a lyric from one of my favorite poems. Who penned that i believe it was drake drake who uh aubrey graham aubrey drake graham she was sitting down in that big bub but i was still staring at her titties though low key maybe high key i've been peeped that you like me.

Who the fuck you really want to be with besides me? Shout out to Portugal. And Portugal. Next! Next! One of the songs on the original records was Dark Was the Night, parentheses, Cold Was the Ground, in parentheses, written and performed by Blind Willie Johnson.

Dark Was the Night is a gospel blues song. The gospel song is primarily an instrumental, featuring Johnson's self-taught bottleneck slide guitar and picking style, accompanied by his vocalizations of humming and moaning. It has the distinction of being one of 27 samples of music included in the Voyager Golden Record. It was believed that Blind Willie Johnson was born in 1897, though some accounts say 1902, probably just outside of Brenham, Texas. At a startlingly young age, he announced to his father that he wanted to be a preacher and also picked up his first guitar. He did those two things at the same time. Johnson was blinded at seven years old when his stepmother threw lye in his face in retaliation for Johnson's father's infidelities. Jesus. What a brutal thing to say on this podcast. It's true. Lye in his face. For his dad. Your dad cheated on me. Guess what? Fuck you, bitch. It's

lye in the face time. Regardless of that horrific occurrence, Johnson did not waver in his devotion to God, I would, or falter from what he felt was his calling. I'll tell you this, if I was blinded at no wrongdoing of my own, God would be not in my... If my dad's girlfriend got mad that he cheated on her and she threw lye in my face blinding me, I would be taking some time off from church. I would have to assume that church was not working. Not working. Johnson kept up with his passion as a teen and began busking in Marlin, Texas,

where he would always play gospels and spirituals. He was discovered by one of Columbia Records' field units that would sign him and bring him and bring about the creation of his first recording in the late 1920s. The song's title, Music and Basic Structure, was taken from an 18th century English hymn titled Gethsemane. Gethsemane was the garden at the foot of the Mount of Olives, where Jesus is said to have prayed on the eve of the crucifixion. While he skillfully played the melody of the song on his guitar, he dispensed with the lyrics entirely, instead putting in their place his collection of piercing cries, hums, and moans that replicated the emotional turmoil and deliverance of Christ in his final night.

Prayed on Eve. What is this, Adam? Dark was the night, cold was the ground. Sit with that. Let ground sit with that let's sit with that cold was the ground what is this camping and fall dark was the night isn't that how it goes dark was the night what is this night time dark was the night? What is this? Nighttime? Dark was the night. What is this, Batman? There's a... One of the Batman movies is called The Dark Knight.

Another one is called The Dark Knight, also Rises. This song was... I don't know enough to know that those aren't the same movie. This song was included in the Golden records according to timothy timothy ferris because johnson's song concerns the situation he faced many times nightfall with no place to sleep since humans appeared on earth the shroud of night has yet to fall without a touching without touching a man or woman in the same night in the same plight even In the same plight, even. In the same plight, even. Well, Blind Willie,

we must shout you out. You did it, King. You did it, King. Next. One of the sounds included on the original records is a greeting in the language of Nepali. It translates to wishing you a peaceful future from the earthlings. Nepali is an Indo-Aryan language of the sub-branch of eastern Pahari. It is the official language and lingua franca of Nepal and one of the 22 languages in India. It is spoken throughout Nepal and about a quarter of the

population in Bhutan. The origin of the modern Nepali language is believed to be from the Senya Valley of Jumla. Historically, the language was only spoken by the Kass people of the Karnali region. An archaic dialect of the language is spoken in Karnali. Nepal, officially the Federal Democratic Republic of Nepal, is a landlocked country in South Asia. It's mainly situated in the Himalayas, but also includes parts of the Indo-Gangetic plain bordering the Tibet of China to the north and India in the south, east, and west, while it is narrowly separated from Bangladesh by the Siliguri Corridor and from Bhutan by the Indian state of Sikkim. Nepal has a diverse geography, including fertile plants, sub-alpine forested hills, and eight of the world's ten

tallest mountains. I'll say that again. eight of the world's ten tallest mountains. I'll say that again. Eight of the world's ten tallest mountains, including Mount Everest, the highest point on Earth. On average, that likely makes Nepal the highest country. Outside of California. Because of the weed. No, yeah, I know. Nepal's a multi-ethnic, multi-lingual, multi-religious, and multi-cultural state, with Nepali as the official language.

Nepal is, if nothing else, multi. Multi. Multi. Kathmandu is the nation's capital and the largest city, boasting a population of 845,767 inhabitants, living in 105,649 households, and 2.9 million people in its urban agglomeration. The city is one of the oldest continuously inhabited places in the world, founded in the 2nd century CE. Nepali was historically called the Nepal Mandala and has been the home of the Naur people,

a cosmopolitan urban civilization in the Himalayan foothills. Kathmandu is and has been for many years the center of Nepal's history, culture, art, and economy. It has a multi-ethnic population with a Hindu and Buddhist majority religious and cultural festivities. It has a multi-ethnic population with a Hindu and Buddhist majority. Religious and cultural festivities form a major part of the lives of the people residing in Kathmandu. Nepal was never colonized, but served as a buffer state between Imperial China and British India. Parliamentary democracy was introduced in 1951, but was twice suspended by Nepalese monarchs

in 1960 and 2005. The Nepalese Civil War in the 1990s and early 2000s resulted in the establishment of a secular republic in 2008, ending the world's last Hindu monarchy. So it's rest in peace for the

Hindu monarchy. Shigan's rest in peace for the Hindu monarchy. Shigan girl. Shigan girl as a concept. But we will love you fondly and miss you dearly. And though I don't speak Nepalese, I do speak the universal language of love.

Wishing you a peaceful future from the earthlings sure nothing said of the present though no i think the present depends on how they step to us next last done did it done done did it Next. Last. Done. Did it.

Done. Done did it. That was a Hiddem Original.