Keeping Records - Clown Tour Pt. 1 (with MUNA)

Episode Date: May 6, 2022

There's arguably too many people in the studio. They arguably all talk about too many things at once.  Fortunately, Jo, Naomi, and Katie (members of your favorite band MUNA) took their mission very seriously, collaborating on a tightly edited Golden Record to send only the very best earth stuff to space. Unfortunately, they all spend too long making sex noises with their hands to get to most of them, so you'll have to tune into the next episode, too.  MUNA's Artifacts (to be continued): Spy (2015 Film) Follow MUNA on Twitter and Instagram, and pre-order their new album here.  Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a HeadGum Original. In 1977, NASA sent two solid gold records into space so that aliens might find them and understand life on Earth. I send greetings on behalf of the people of our planet and friendly wishes to all who may encounter this voyager. Now, we're making new records with our friends. Bonjour tout le monde. Konnichiwa.

Hola y saludo sato. Assalamu alaikum. We step out of our solar system into the universe seeking only peace and friendship. We know full well that our planet and all its inhabitants are but a small part of this immense universe that surrounds us. Hello from the children of planet Earth. Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well. Well, well, well, look what we have here. Look what the cat, and I cannot stress this enough, dragged in. Dragged from the gutter.

You look dragged. Dragged from the gutter into my eyeline. Look what the cat absolutely rustled up in the gutter to bring to me here. Look what the cat bit, sort of roughly licked around, made damp and gross, and dragged into here. Okay. I think it was licked and damp for me that was like, why is

you're making it sexual again. I don't think that was sexual. I actually think I was being like actively sort of grotesque. Listeners, licked and damp. Does it get sexual when you hear that? Not for me. Casey's messing with the cameras. Casey, what are you doing?

Anya's not in the room, so we get to go wild. Absolutely. She will never know what happened in here. What are your bottom five qualities about Anya? And then I'll do top five. Taller than me, but still short. So that's two. Well, I think taller than me, but still short is one.

It's like, taller than me is not a negative, but to be short and taller than me? Yeah, to be overall in the grand picture, big picture, short. Yeah, for people to be like, she's short, but she's taller than me? And she's taller than you. Well, it's disrespectful to you. Exactly. Because now you have nothing. Right, it's disrespectful to you. Exactly. Because now you have nothing.

Right. It's like, oh, we're both short. But I'm the taller of the two. Casey messing with the camera again. No, let's not do the Anya thing. I feel bad. She works so hard. She's going to love what I just said about her.

She's tall for being short. It was a bottom quality, but it was ultimately still nice. Speaking of bottom qualities. What have you been up to? I'm sorry. Speaking of quality bottoms, what have you been doing? I'm kidding. I don't know.

I don't know what you do in there. In there. In there. How you been? No. Turn it off. Turn off the water and the mic. Should we do an ASMR intro?

Hello, little guys. Hey, little freaks. So good to be back with you here in this sacred space. The top of the mic. This is me scratching your back. And this is me scratching your hair. Shelby's being really scary.

The face that Shelby made when she scratched your hair was really scary. I'm trying not to laugh because ultimately I know that that's bad. Show me what this is me scratching your hair. I just know that if I were to laugh into the mic for an ASMR episode, this won't be an ASMR episode. We're doing the whole episode ASMR.

It would be disturbing if I was laughing directly in the mic, so I was trying to hold it in. And I did make my face look weird while I was. You're not doing a very good job of whispering. You're kind of, you're bringing it up here. I'm doing soft smoke ASMR. Okay, my bad. It's actually a method.

That's actually my bad. I don't know anything about the ASMR community. You're awesome guys. Okay, point of view. I'm your boyfriend and we just We're going to bed After a party And I'm the girlfriend We're doing both parts

What the fuck was that? Your energy Your energy at dinner I know You were being so weird How was I being weird? Do you remember We were with my parents

Yes I remember Your parents were there You literally like Touched my boob I grabbed your boob One time In front of my dad During appetizers Everything goes During appetizers I remember that your parents were there. Literally like touched my boob. I grabbed your boob one time. In front of my dad. During appetizers.

Everything goes during appetizers. You know that. No, everything goes during desserts. That's the fault. You're right. And that's why I was like, what the fuck? And then it set the tone for the whole meal and I couldn't get back on track. I'm sorry.

I wanted to get back on track. Babe. Babe, I'm so sorry. I thought it was everything goes during appetizers. No, it's dessert because it's like no matter what happens, everyone's leaving after this. You're so right. I forget. It's hard dining with your family because you guys have so many rules.

Like almost nothing goes during entrees. Now it makes sense why your dad was touching me like that during dessert. Yeah. I was like, this was supposed to be during appetizers. No, appetizers. And he was stroking me off. And I thought that was weird, too, because he usually, like, that's usually He never strokes people. He doesn't like to do it. Yeah. He told me when I was a little girl. Okay.

I do not like to stroke people. He said, Oh, God, what was it? this was when I lost my first tooth. We had a long talk. Yeah. And he was like, yeah. I'm sorry, just to cut in. And I'm so sleepy. We should go to bed soon.

Your dad, when you lost your first tooth, told you that he didn't like jerking people out. Okay. Yeah. Okay. And I honor that. And I honor that. And the conversation was like, it was really long.

It was actually one of the most poignant conversations of my childhood. That's incredibly hard to believe. No, it wasn't. Okay, well, good night. Oh my God. Back to normal volume now. Yeah, thank God. I saw Jake and Amir.

Everyone's sleeping now. Everyone's listening to the podcast and sleeping now. Three things happened to me between my car and the front doors of HeadGum today. Do you want to know what they are? Yes. Start with number one. Number one. I get out.

I'm no more than three steps out of my gorgeous Jeep Wrangler, which rides like a dream, by the way. I've got all the windows off right now. I'm no more than three steps out of my gorgeous Jeep Wrangler. And what do I hear from traffic? Caleb! And I'm thinking, oh, no, a fan spotting. I can't have this today.

I'm wearing a simple sweater and a hat. I actually love this sweater, but continue. Well, thank you. But I'm like, I don't want to see a fan today. I'm not glam at all. I have no glam. And this is my natural skin. You probably are thinking I'm wearing makeup because I look beautiful. You think he's wearing glow screen. I'm not even wearing glow screen today. This is my natural skin. It's really good. And who do I look across the street and see? I see, I'm looking, there's big sunglasses,

kind of a big bun going on. I'm like, who is this? And the person in the car goes, Caleb, it's, it's Kate Berlant. And it's comedian Kate Berlant. And I said, Kate, how are you, babe? She said, good. And I probably shouldn't say what. She told me where she was going. I don't know if that would be weird to reveal.

But she wasn't personal. Two weeks from now? Yeah. You're like, I don't know. It's funny to think she was just going to the park. And you're like, I don't want to reveal that. I don't want to reveal that she's going to the park. No, I mean, it's probably weirder what I did just now just saying but i was like i was like where are you going and she told me and then she was like what are you doing and i didn't hear her and i said well good to see you and she said she's like at this point she's like where are you going

is it podcast she said okay she drove off you didn't ask her to do it do the pod well no she had plans and we have guests coming so um not today i just mean generally in general yeah kate come on the pod i'm sure she watches she says fuck spotify fuck apple podcast i watch where i watch keeping records on youtube youtube i i love her um she's very funny i was happy to see her in traffic today. That's number one. What was number three? Number three. My fresh, just-purchased iced coffee falls off the top of the parking meter, onto the ground, spills all over the ground

in front of three people that are standing behind me to pay for their parking as well. I am near tears. I was. I am right now. And I'm already having a pretty bad day, slash week,

maybe life. We'll see how the trajectory pretty bad day slash week. Maybe life. We'll see. We'll see how the trajectory goes from here. It's early yet. It's early yet. It's early yet. It could go any direction. And the coffee spilling in front of strangers was really about enough to make me break down.

That was tough. Did you yell at anyone? No, of course I was like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. You guys are mad at me. Now there's coffee on the ground. You guys are going to have to like stand near the coffee. I'm like completely doing. You threw up.

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, sorry,, sorry, if you guys wanted a drink, it's too late. They're like, what are you doing? I'm like, they're strangers to me. And then the second thing that happened, and this is going to be your favorite one. I met a little freak on the street. Right after I talked to Kate, right before I dropped my coffee, somebody stopped me.

Sort of in a perfect moment for them to meet you. Had they met you before the Kate, you would have been in a less good mood. Had they seen you after the coffee, you would have been in a way worse mood. It was the perfect, and they said, I love your podcast. And I said, oh my god, I'm going to do it right now. And she said, I know, I live near here and I always wonder if I was going to run into you guys at the door or something. And I was like,

oh my god, I think her name was Virginia. I might be getting that wrong. If it's you, we love you. If your name is something else, like Pennsylvania or Maryland. If you're a person who isn't named Virginia and you ran into me in front of HeadGum on the Muna episode day,

which is what today is, I apologize for not remembering your name. Maybe your name is Rhode Island. Maybe it's New York. Arizona. Speaking of Arizona. Please do. I was hoping you would.

Should I, and this is a question for you when I know your answer, because you've told me because we've talked about it, and the freaks. Should I, my grandma just died. What going on? Only laughing because what a weird thing to say. A true thing to say, but a weird thing to say. And she drove a red Volkswagen Bug convertible.

Now, I've already sounded off on this. And something about the insurance and the policy and something, something, something. For two years, we need to maintain ownership of it. And my mom wants me to have it. Yes. Because I'm closer to Arizona and also my mom lives in Ohio where a convertible is practical for exactly two days. So, should I adopt the red Volkswagen bug? I'm super pro this.

Shelby brought this up to me in the car the other day when I was picking her up from LAX. He did that. Which I was extremely happy to do. I don't mind doing stuff like that for Shelby. I'll do it for her anytime. But he does actually have a pretty hard limit with other people. Yeah. I have such a hard limit with it.

In fact, when I offered Shelbyby shelby said are you sure but i said i could get an uber i can get an uber but they're like 150 bucks recently they're really expensive um and it's a conversation you know yeah and i had to be with a stranger so it's like still mask on when i'm with a friend i get to take the mask off right um mask off fuck it, mask off. Fuck it, mask off. I've been very pro taking the bug because it's a convertible in LA. And as someone who has one, I can't tell you how nice it is

to throw the top down on a gorgeous day. On a gorgeous day. And also your only reason not to is that you hypothetically might go camping at some time. Well, and that it's a Volkswagen bug. I think that's a pretty uniquely sort of embarrassing car. I don't think it's a Volkswagen bug. I think that's a pretty uniquely sort of embarrassing car. I don't think it's embarrassing. You don't?

No, and I think a lot of... If you met me and I had a Volkswagen bug, you wouldn't have been kind of like, why don't you drive that? Be careful. I think a lot of our listeners probably drive Volkswagen bugs. If our listeners listen to this, they're like, hey guys, welcome back to our ASMR channel. If you drive a Volkswagen bug, I'm so sorry, babe.

But it is kind of embarrassing, but I might join you soon. This is me scratching your Volkswagen Bug. This is me opening the door. This is me closing the door of your Volkswagen Bug. Casey is out of his headphones. He's so pissed off. Casey has taken his headphones off in protest. He can't do it with us anymore.

It was so quiet. And then so loud. I love being an egg. I put them back on. All right, Casey, I'm done. No more. Because we don't want to upset Casey. He does a lot of good work on the pod.

But yeah, basically this is me closing the door. I think you should get the bug. Okay, guys, sound out. When we release this episode, I'll put a get the bug. Okay, guys, sound out. When we release this episode, I'll put a poll. Okay. And you guys get to decide if I get the Volkswagen bug. And then you guys get to decide if I get a Volkswagen bug. What you have to know also is this does mean I sell my Toyota 4Runner.

Which? Is a reliable car that could last me years and years and years. It's an extremely reliable car. It's also a gas years and years. It's an extremely reliable car. It's also a gas guzzler. It's a gas guzzler. Shelby has scraped it. Shelby scraped it on a garage when we were at a pool day once. The side's all fucked up from it.

I took out a taillight once on it. That's true about Caleb and the taillight. Offered to pay for it. Shelby never took me up on it. Yeah, because I looked it up and it was like 20 bucks. If it was like a couple hundred, I would have been like, all right, yeah, go ahead. I looked it up and it was like, bucks. If it was like a couple hundred I would have been like alright yeah.

I looked it up and it was like do it yourself and do it for six dollars especially if you order the part online and you don't need to even take it somewhere.

And I didn't do it. Right. Okay. But the internet was like so easy you could do it in your sleep. And I would have paid for that. You would have paid

for my sleep study. Not to brag but I have 20 dollars like that. I could drop 20 dollars like you wouldn't that. You would have paid for my sleep study. Not to brag, but I have $20 like that. I could drop $20 like you wouldn't believe. You wouldn't believe how often I spend $20, even $40. I almost accidentally tipped a bartender $20 yesterday because I got too nervous to ask for a change. Okay. But then he was like, do you want change?

Even he was like, this is inappropriate. Valets do that to me all the time. They'll give me back change, like $3 change, where I'm like searching for another five to give them. They're trying to give me back three. I'm like, guys. I had a drink token because I was booked. She'd be booking. Oh my god,

she's booked. Welcome to our podcast, Booked and Busy. The podcast where you have to be booked and busy. You have to be. You have to be. You have to be. Booked and busy.

You have to be. You guys have no idea. Our guests are standing outside the window seeing us sing. To be our musical guests. Yeah, our musical guests are standing outside the window seeing us sing. If you want to be on the podcast, you gotta be booked and busy. If you want to be. I don't want wanna be booked and busy

I don't wanna be anything other than booked and busy Like I've been lately All you have to do is get booked and be busy All you have to do is get booked and be busy. Yeah. I don't want to be anything other than booked and busy like I've been lately. All I have to do is be booked and busy. Hey. Hey.

So. No, but there is really tragic stuff going on in politics. And in our personal lives even too. So. No, but there is really tragic stuff going on in politics. And in our personal lives even too. Yeah. Even as well. Even as well. Can you believe that we just gave Ukraine $18 billion? People were like, that's a lot.

It's like less than Twitter cost. Let's do more songs, right? Can you believe that twitter costs more than ukraine and even biden today was going to congress like please a little more and it was still less than ukraine if you went to the store and had two things on the shelf, the cheaper thing would be the country, Ukraine. All right, you have $44 billion. Over then the word website, Twitter, that actually has nothing but the ability for me to post words. Yeah. Ukraine has a whole life.

I don't know. I just don't find what's going on over there funny, Shelby. No, me either. But you're... Someone yesterday was like, damn, we gave $18 billion to Ukraine, and I was like, that's not enough. We need more.

Twitter costs more than the country, Ukraine. That's crazy. Damn. What would you do, though? Buy Twitter or save Ukraine? If you had the money. I don't want to answer. Okay.

I won't either. I don't think I have. I don't think I have. Once I buy Ukraine, what do I do with it? What did you say? Once I buy Ukraine, what do I do with it? Liberate. Oh, I want them to do.

Yeah, so I'll buy Ukraine. Okay. I don't know how to do that, though. That's, I guess, what I'm getting to. Yeah, I'd be like, I'd have it and be like. You're liberated. Bah! Yeah.

Bah! I should get out. Our guests are staring us down through the window. Do they have COVID approval yet? Yeah, do you think they have COVID? We are so excited for our guests today. They are some of our best friends in the whole world. And they're unfortunately also the most talented people in the whole world.

Unfortunately, it kills us to say this, but they are the best living band on Earth currently. And? Of all time. Yeah, and dead, too. Frankly, past and future as well. Please make some noise. Put your paws, fins, and hooves together. For the best band on Earth.

Moona! Okay. Well, well, well, fins, and hooves together. For the best band on earth. Moona! Moona! Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well. Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well. Well, well, well, well, well, well, well. Go on, leave me. Well, well, well, well, well, well. That was really good.

Wow. We should go on the road. Yeah. Do you guys need openers? Yeah. If you guys actually, in all seriousness, if you actually wanted to, we'll fire the people we asked.

Shelby and I get up there and do our, you guys know Shelby and I have thought about putting out an album as a joke. Yeah. Yeah. Yes.

And then it would not be a joke. Yeah. We're going to try really hard. It's called, the album's called Unless question mark. And it's like, this is a joke. I do know this. I do know this. Yeah.

Have you written any songs for it? We write songs every day, but nothing. We're always writing songs, really. I think you guys understand this, but we write, I mean, every time we have a feeling, it's a song. I wrote one the other day in the car. It was like this. Shall we come in whenever you want to, okay?

Yeah, yeah. All good either way, no worries if not. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you get this next part. All good if not, no worries anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it would have, you know, sort of a, you guys can see the vision. This is really funny because I feel like we have a refrain that's called Chill Either Way. It's Chill Either Way. Wait, but what is that? You guys can see the vision. This is really funny because I feel like we have a refrain that's called Chill Either Way.

It's Chill Either Way. Wait, but what is that? You guys could do a verse. Oh, wait. I don't think it's a song. I know, but I feel like it's a poem. It's like a poem. It's Chill Either Way.

Yeah, it's Chill Either Way. No worries either way. Not bad. Either way. I was hoping for Moona. I could be here. I kind of forgot it's Chill Either Way. But I would want, I don't know, maybe you guys wouldn't be into this,

but if you were opening for us, I'd want a lot of the songs to be about us. Oh, they all are. Kind of just introducing. Even the ones that you wouldn't think are about you. So, all good, either way, it was about us? Yeah. Can you give us a little bit about it? It was about if you guys wanted to hang out.

Yeah. And we were like, all good, if not, no worries either way. That's funny, because what just happened before we started was that I asked you guys if you wanted to go to dinner. But you said, do you want to go to dinner after this, which would have been about 3 p.m. You asked me if we wanted to go to dinner at 3 p.m. Which is an off break. I actually assume that every professional podcast records for like three to five hours and then it's edited down. It's so funny that Katie keeps calling this a professional podcast.

I mean, look at where a professional podcast we could not be worse at this well we have a band in our podcast due to how busy we are yeah they're professionals we are amateurs

Casey and Anya are professionals Shelby and I are jokers we'll be nice to them they're professionals can I say fucking can I say fucking

you guys can curse who's fucking you think Shelby and I are fucking you can say whatever you want I'm curious well I did say that's the fucking dream

but now that you bring it up Shelby and I are fucking? You can say whatever you want. I'm curious. Well, I did say that's the fucking dream, but now that you bring it up. Shelby and I have done hand stuff. And some other stuff that you probably don't have a name for. Oh. It's part of the songwriting process. No. It's completely separate. It never comes up.

Yeah, it's funny that you say that. I wouldn't call it part of the songwriting process. I would call it music. I would call it part of the songmaking process. I wouldn't call it part of songwriting. I would call it music. I would call it part of the song making process. I call it part of the love making process. And in the way that love is art, it's also music. We get inspired by the sounds of our sex. Totally.

Or sometimes. What about the day that it was kind of like. Wait, what day was that? Who was doing that? That was November 2010. With tap shoes. Yeah, or the day it was like this, and then Shelby goes.

It does go like that sometimes. Yeah. Or kind of like. Sometimes, sometimes our sex is and then he yeah yeah that's interesting

it's like Morse code you could do through the walls and sometimes it's just silent coyote you know what did you say you guys never know

silent coyote it's a teacher it's like a camp and then everyone in the classroom has to... I just did that without even thinking about it. I saw Shelby. I think, Shelby, you've done this before.

We're such sheeps. You should do that on one of your shows before a song. You should just... I basically do. Wait, do you guys know... Wait, Lorde should start doing that. Doesn't she shush people? Wait, who shushes people?

Let's talk about musicians. Wait, who shushes people? Let's talk about musicians. Wait, who's Shusha? She handled it like a boss, though. I have to show you a video of her talking about it. Wait, who? Oh, Lord. I've been mistaken for Lord in a couple of elevators, but I... It's funny.

That's true. What elevators? When I lived in... Some of the biggest elevators. I lived in Dallas for exactly three months. Oh, your Dallas era. I forget about those. My Dallas era? I was getting mistaken for exactly three months. Oh, your Dallas era. I forget about those. My Dallas era.

I was getting a ticket for Lorde in every elevator I stepped foot in. Didn't you get kidnapped on a bicycle date or something in Dallas? What? You are sort of mixing. You're mixing so many stories into one story. Okay. But you're thinking of the time I did fall off my bike and then got offered a ride in a van that had no seats in it, and I took it. Not bad, Caleb Emory, though.

I once went into a taxi that was just a strongman's car. I fell off my bike really bad. How'd it go? Were you okay? I'm here today. But I did, it was me and my mom, and I did look at my mom and was like, how are we going to get out of this car? That's us. Because you noticed that they had the locks sawed off.

That was us. That was us with the Wagoneer. The Wagoneer. The Grand Wagoneer. Oh, God. When we went in the Wagoneer. Shelby and I almost got killed in the valley. And we got in this guy's car, and he was like,

we'll just take it for a drive. And then he started driving up a mountain to where we were leaving civilization, and he was so scary. Fewer and fewer houses, and he was being scarier and scarier, crazier and crazier. And I was like,

I just remembered we have to be back. Right now. We have to go back right now. And it took me a minute to understand, and I was like, what do you have today? And Caleb was like, I have someone coming to the house.

She was like fighting me. She's like, you don't have anything today. We made time for this. I'm like, I do. I just got a text. He was getting insistent too. He was like,

you guys have to go see this remote area. He's literally like, I want to take you up to the dunes. I'm like, I do. I just got a text. He was getting insistent too. He was like, you guys have to go see this remote area. He's literally like, I want to take you up to the dunes. I'm like, the dunes? We're not going to the dunes. It's like an old Jeep station wagon. Because he wanted to test drive it with us. But who is... Some random man from Craigslist. I theoretically wanted to buy it.

It was never going to happen. That's what we all have to do. You were thinking about it. I looked at some crazy cars. I know you're going to ask about your car. What? Which one? You. I know you're going to ask.

You think I'm going to ask a different question because something has come up since last time we spoke. Okay, what is it? Do you guys think I should acquire my dead grandma's red Volkswagen bug convertible? Yeah. Yeah. I do. Does it have any of the backwards seats? How many miles?

In the back? What year? No, you're right. It's relatively new. Okay. And not a lot of miles because she's been not able to drive for

Then what are you waiting for? Convertible as well. What are you waiting for? What are you waiting for? Oh my God. It was all of us. It was the four of us. In a new band.

What are you waiting for? Katie had to get a solo there at the end. Just testing it out. Yeah, that was nice. The back was falling apart on the pod? But don't get rid of it. Wait, are you going to drive it to LA? Well, my mom says I'd have to get rid of my car.

Why? Well, she didn't say I'd have to. Why? I guess she doesn't have to know. I figure it would be crazy for me, a single girl who's 28, to have two cars. Have two cars because one's for fun and the other one has more seats and you need it in case you go do something.

I will say. I disagree. I say sell the 4Runner. I would say sell the 4Runner and here's why. But you think your price is such as they are. Such as they are at this moment. Yeah, you get like what? A humongous vehicle.

I think monetarily speaking, it would be a more clever choice. I actually, I think I'm going on Naomi's side. And used car prices the way that they are now, you'll get way more than what it's worth. Real heads will know. Aren't you an SUV kind of gal? That's my only thing. Yes, that's the craziest part. Yeah.

But Caleb was like, if you really wanted to go somewhere, couldn't you just rent a bigger car? Or take the Jeep. Take my Jeep. Or take his Jeep. Oh, yeah. Take my Jeep. Then Sam. Then the Jeep. You know what's really, you know what I absolutely car? Or take the Jeep. Take my Jeep. Or take his Jeep. Oh, yeah. Take my Jeep. Then you can rent a Jeep. You know what's really,

you know what I absolutely fucking love is a convertible. Oh, honey. Okay, me and Jill are going on joy rides through the city. Yeah. I love a convertible. Take me out.

I'll take you guys out anytime. Take me out tonight. I need to. Top down on the Wrangler? Yeah, you have a Wrangler. I mean, I haven't seen the Wrangler. That goes hard. Try it out front.

Such a sexy car. I'll give it a kiss. What is everybody's sexuality? Sorry, no, you don't have to answer. I feel really uncomfortable. I kind of know how to answer that. Caleb did this to me for the first three years of our friendship. Really?

That's cute. Just checking in about your sexuality. I was like, fine. Because you were in the closets. We've said this a number of times. I was in a closet and it was Narnia. And there was a glass door. There was a glass door in the closetets. We've said this a number of times. I was in a closet and it was Narnia. And there was a glass door.

There was a glass door in the closet and the lights were on. Were you like fucking? Everyone saw me in the closet. I saw me in a whole world. I said, this is not a closet. This is Narnia. Yeah, but you like, you're like dating. Dating goats. Dating goats.

We actually have a similar interest in men. Whoa. We actually both want to have sex with men sometimes. Totally. And we like the same kind of guys sometimes. Sometimes. And then sometimes. When do you think that is?

Well, I met Shelby. I've said this a number of times in the pod. I met Shelby. And I said, that's a lesbian. And Shelby said, I'm heterosexual.

And I said, We'll change that. No. I said, no, that won't work. We can work with this. Wait, so are you bisexual? I'm not a homosexual. I'm bisexual.

Are you a queer? Who fucking is queer? The other day, on Lesbian Visibility Day, I posted on our story being like, I'm pretty sure I'm a lesbian. Katie wants to come out. She pitched us. She was like, should I come out?

She asked. But also, I'm like, you're out, bitch. That's what you're trying not to say. I think that's it. Also, I'm like, why? Pod's a safe space. Keeping records is a safe space. Why do I want to come out?

Yeah, you're the lead singer of a queer fan. Joe said stay in the closet, bitch. I know. Stay in the closet. It's just like when, because there are fans that still refer to me as bisexual, which is very sweet, because I think that they think that's how I want to be referred to. But aren't you actually pansexual because you're attracted to like trans like masks? Yeah.

But isn't that technically not what bi is? I get confused these days. Well, that's what I'm saying. We live in very confusing days. But that's what I'm saying. I'm like. It's like culturally I do feel like a lesbian. Then you might be a lesbian.

But sexually you feel straight. Well, I'm very attracted to a lot of non-binary people. And I could definitely be open to like dating. I don't know. I was like standing like this. But like cis men I feel like at this point it's kind of a nah. It's kind of a no. It's not working for you.

I learned that you can be a non-binary lesbian two years ago. Yeah. I did not know that. Culturally I also identify as a lesbian by the way. And we accept that. And we claim you. I'm here.

You're claimed. We reference certain 90s female singer songwriters as being lesbian claimed. Yeah. Despite some people are claimed but they are not

themselves lesbians. No but like I really don't I really don't care but it is I don't know. There is something nice about giving people updates as you move on

through your life. Because there was a period in my early 20s where I was hooking up with guys. Yeah, but you were like sad. On that note, Anya just told me

that we have to take a break. me that we have to take a break. Yeah, we have to take a break for ads. Okay. Oh, my God. Do you want to get into this? Wait, how do we get in? And we're back. Welcome back to Keeping Records, Keeping Records heads.

Whoa. You guys might notice Katie has a different mic. I want to talk about that for a second. I'm coming out as having a different mic. Katie just came out. Katie was doing nothing wrong. Katie did nothing wrong. Katie did nothing wrong. With the last mic, but you might have noticed

it didn't sound good. The mistake is on Anya and Casey. And they were trying an aesthetic. And that was beautiful and I think you guys can agree. But in the end, audiographically, there you go. Yeah, worked about that. Oh my God. But in the end, audiographically,

There you go. Yeah, work through it. It did not pan out. Pan out. It did not pan out. It did not pan sexual out. It did not pan sexual out.

It did not out itself pan sexually. Muna, we brought you here for a reason. Yeah. Which is that we want to ask you guys if you, and we created this question specifically for you.

We've never asked it before. Never asked it before, never will ask it again. If we were making a new golden record today, what would you guys put on it? Yours. And absolutely, we are ready for this. And absolutely, we're ready. And absolutely, you are prepared. And I will say to the listeners, Luna had a little couch meeting.

No one's ever on this show taken this so seriously. They were very ready for this. I think one of the things that the listeners, the record heads, are going to see today is kind of like

how our collaborative decision-making process works. You know, like what it's really like to... And what it's really like is having a shared note. It is having a shared note. When you open your phone

and you have 18 text messages, sometimes you need to make a shared note. You know what's your phone and you have 18 text messages sometimes you need to make a shared note you know what's interesting though did anything that wasn't text make it onto the note make it on the note

no um yeah well we're not gonna talk about that one we're not gonna talk about that so the first one that we put on here is like

anybody who is anybody who knows us knows this yeah you guys probably already know that we're obsessed with this it is a movie it is a film. It's a vehicle for a few true stars. Absolutely.

Absolutely. And this is a film that has affected us deeply and is there for us when we need it the most. It's affected thousands if not millions. I think we've seen it. I think we've seen it. It's Ant-Man. I've seen it at least like eight times. I swear to God.

Yeah. Avengers Infinity War. No, I'm kidding. Yeah, Avengers Infinity War. The film is, I really hope y'all have seen times. I swear to God. Yeah. Avengers Infinity War. No, I'm kidding. Yeah, Avengers Infinity War. The film is, I really hope y'all have seen this. I'm so fucking nervous. I don't think they have, actually. Oh, well.

I think they haven't. We can just talk about our relationship. I think I know what it's going to be, and that's the worst part. I don't want you to ever say it. I don't want to be wrong. Is it Xena? No. No, but we did talk about, I guess.

I haven't seen that. I haven't either, and I was really scared. What's the one? Don't be scared. What's the one with the- It's not Coyote Ugly, is it? The guy who says, say hello to my little friend. Is it Scarface?

Yeah. Yeah, we really, we're really effective. Is it the one with the little rat that was adopted into a human family? Chef Rat. Stuart Little. Oh, you know, wait. You know, I do love movies about rats. Like, I really do love that.

You're talking about Ratatouille. Yeah, but Ratatouille is okay. Ratatouille. Has anyone seen the mouse and the motorcycle? Has anyone seen what? The mouse and what? The mouse and the motorcycle? No.

No, that's really obvious. That's 100% true. Yes, it's like maybe early 2000s. He drives it? It's like kids' movies. It is unbelievable. Do they ever play Bad to the Bone? Honestly, maybe. Have you ever seen Rat and the Convertibles, Stuart Little?

No, but this is more important. Did you guys know that San Francisco is giving rats birth control? Fuck you. I just told that. Are you serious? Is that true? A fact that I came up with on my own. They said it to stop.

It's good, I guess. Is it a real fact? It is a real fact. San Francisco Globe wrote an article about it today. San Francisco, the place, wrote the Globe. The Globe. San Francisco Globe. They wrote about it today that there's so many now that they're giving them birth control

as a more humane way instead of trying to poison them. Oh, that's pretty cool, actually. That's nice. How do they give them birth control as a more humane way instead of trying to poison them. Oh, that's pretty cool, actually. That's nice. How do they give them birth control? Probably a pill. How do they give them the pill? They stop the rats on the street and say, come here, come here. The rat has a little arm on its phone, and then at the same time every day they stop and take a pill.

Have they considered turning them all gay somehow? They tried that. They tried that. San Francisco? They turned all the rats rats and they actually started screening Blue Crush for them and they were like, be gay.

What was the thing where... Didn't work because all rats are boys. What if Blue Crush was the film? And mouses are girls. That would be amazing.

And mouses are girls. Rats are boys, mouses are girls. Mice even. What's the thing where he says, we're turning the frogs gay? Alex Jones, InfoWars.

I know that from the Durian and the Frogs. InfoWars? Shelby and I are the left as Alex Jones. And we love that. We're Alex Jones for people who have funny

colored hair. We're spreading misinformation from every political angle. Yeah. We like to spread misinformation that makes people really

excited but then when they look it up it's wrong. They're stoked. Movie that we're putting on the record. Yes. Pivot, pivot, pivot.

Pivot, pivot, pivot. I was Pivot, pivot, pivot, pivot. Pivot, pivot. I was shook by that, to be honest. Is the movie Spy, starring Melissa McCarthy. And Rose Byrne. And Rose Byrne. And Miranda Hart. See, neither of them have seen it.

I've never even heard of it. Are you serious? Okay. This is going to be an amazing night for us. There's something wrong. Miranda Hart. Melissa McCarthy. Miranda Hart.

Miranda Hart. From the UK. I think if the one thing that people, that we can do with our appearance on this podcast is get more people to watch the movie Spy. It is so good. It really does feel like an agenda. You guys put out a single this week.

You want the movie Spy? I really want. You know what you need to do? You need to take a Xanax.. You guys put out a single this week. You want the movie Spy? I really want... You know what you need to do? You need to take a Xanax. Okay. And you need to drink a glass of wine. Take a Xanax. What?

Take a Xanax with a glass of wine. Baby, that's not how we watched it. That's how we flew to Paris that one time. That was a mistake. I watched it once. Take a Xanax. Drink a glass of wine. Get in your car.

Xanax. Watch a glass of wine. Get in your car. Xanax. Watch a movie you've never heard of. You're not even going to remember it. I watched it. I watched it on the plane. Here's what I want to say. I want to be really clear if what I whispered to Caleb just now even makes it a little bit onto the podcast. It has to be.

Wait, wait, wait. What does he do? Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. What did I whisper? Start whispering some things. It's not going to be funny for you guys. Oh.

Shelby and I have got a lot going on in our personal lives right now. What? Oh, I see. I see. Nothing. There's just something

about the Xanax and the wine. Something a bit. Something a bit. We'll talk about it later. No worries. Walking Spy. Now, what happens? Now, what happens in Spy,

I wonder? Nothing involving wine. Well, I will? Nothing involving wine. Well, I will say we watched this. Oh no, keep it going. So on the most recent tour, we watched it on a day off on the bus, and we turned- What were you guys touring for?

Clowns, clowning. We all- Circus. We all fit into actually a bug, like Shelby's getting. We actually are clowns, yeah. And we each take turns driving the a bug like Shelby's getting. We're actually on a clown. And we each take turns driving the little bug. Slam poetry.

We were on a mouse motorcycle tour. I almost just ruined a mic. Hey, almost. That's cool that you guys went on tour. Almost. We did. Hold on. We were on a bus.

I was there. You were there. Did they come to one? And we showed this movie to the guys that we tour with none of whom had heard of it and they

as well what is going on they were fucking blown away they were blown away they liked it they loved it if you guys don't like this

I'm gonna be hurt though this movie is wall to wall top tier entertainment and laughs it's the type we were actually we were talking we were talking about like

what did you call it a studio comedy it is the studio comedy revival actually we were talking weren't we talking about like what did you call it a studio comedy it is the studio comedy revival we need it back we love that we need a studio comedy revival

give it to me I love it and Jude Law is in this movie as well he is Jude Law so do you want like the plot synopsis a little bit give a little synopsis

give us a little a little don't spoil it don't spoil it are you guys inviting us to watch it together I think we should I actually own it on Amazon Prime screening all good even Don't spoil it. Don't spoil it. Are you guys inviting us to watch it together? I think we should.

I would love to. I actually own it on Amazon Prime. Screening all good even. Either way. No worries if not. Yeah, I want to do a screening. I would love to. I would love to. We could.

I can ask Melissa to come. We could what? Take a Xanax. Take a Xanax. Drink some wine. Also me as someone who like is essentially sober. You're not going to do that. You're not going to do that. Yeah, I'm not going to do that.

But you guys. I got it too. That's actually one of our most toxic traits, I think. It's like we don't want to use substances, but we do like it when other people

are around us. Yeah, enablers. Yeah, I love it. I guess, yeah, enablers. I've seen Katie drink a mocktail or two. Yeah, it's pretty. I love a mocktail.

With the rosemary sprig sticking out. I'd rather have a soda Coca-Cola now who's the spy Dr. Patrick now who's the spy so here's a little

plot synopsis but it is but opening opening da da da da scene Jude Law

Jude Law is a sexy spy on a mission now how old is he here when was this made like I want to say 2011 maybe oh you really think that is Is he hot in 2011?

Yeah, he looked pretty good. I mean, it's yes and no. Yes and no. It's a tough room to ask. It's not. I don't, honey. It's not like. What's that movie?

What is that movie? Gattaca? Gattaca? Yeah, Gattaca is a hot movie. No, you know the one with Ethan, the one that. Ethan Hawke? What's that one in? Ethan Hawke.

What's that one? Oh, oh, oh. Yeah, it is Gattaca. It is Gattaca. Not Gattaca. But he looks okay. Not Gattaca hot. He's that one in? What's that one? Oh, oh, oh. Yeah, it is Gattaca. It is Gattaca. Not Gattaca. But he looks okay. Not Gattaca hot. He's no Gattaca.

It is Gattaca hot. Not Gattaca. No, but I'm saying Gattaca Jude Law. He was very hot in that. Sexy. Sexy. I agree. Sexy, sexy, sexy.

So anyway, Jude Law is a spy and he's on a mission. And Melissa McCarthy is working in the spy office because in his ear. That won't work. Did he look like this? This is from 2011, Jude Law is a spy and he's on a mission and Melissa McCarthy is working in the spy office because in his ear. That won't work. Did he look like this? This is from 2011, Jude Law. He looks a little bit more like that. That won't work.

We can go ahead. You got mad that I was on my phone, but I was helping. We can go ahead and pitch that to whoever might like men. The thing is, yeah. So he waited. You did and it's a pass. Yeah, it's a pass, so that's fine.

He seems like he has a beautiful soul. Beautiful soul. Sorry. Beautiful soul. I actually think he looks like he has a menacing soul. Is that okay? Kayla has a beautiful voice. Who is that? Jesse McCartney?

Jesse McCartney. Yeah. Originally, I thought I was so straight when I heard that song. He just did a TikTok singing that song. Really? Yeah. I would like to see it. For real.

He did okay. Okay, so Melissa, there's like a spy office. Some people call it the CIA. I don't know if this is how it really works. But would you call it the CIA? Melissa is working at her computer, and her job is to be in his ear, helping him. Wait, wait, wait. You pointed me.

This is the opening scene. But don't give away what happens. I'm not going to. Katie before, Katie was ultimately saying she's supposed to be in the air, but I thought she was saying, listen to me, because she's appointed before she got to that part. I'm loving it. I'm excited for my friend. I'm excited for my friend.

I'm excited for my friend. We were doing a song last week. That's awesome. We're moving on, filming. We did a song last week. That's awesome. Moving on, though. Oh, my God. That was so much fun. Sorry. Okay, random.

Okay, absolutely random. Randomly went way too long with Munir. Munir. Munir. Wow, we went too long with Muna. We had a lot of fun. We had a lot of fun. And we went too long.

So this is going to be a two-part episode. You're going to get to hear from them again next week. Congratulations, gay people. And straight people that are close to the edge of gay. And straight people who are about to have a conversation. Straight people who talk to their therapist about how maybe things might be a little off. Straight people who frankly need to call their mom. Or dad.

Or send an email. That's how I did it I know That's what I was referencing I did individual phone calls all in one day I stacked them up I did an email and then a phone call I said 12pm calling mom 12.15 calling aunt

12.45 calling dad 3pm Well I just did mom and dad And then we recorded an episode of the podcast, and I sent a text to my siblings being like, if you listen, you might learn a little thing about me. There's going to be some faggot energy coming off of me on the pod. Or dyke, whatever.

No, but for real, if you're not gay and you're listening to this podcast, look inward. If you're not gay and you listen to our podcast, Newsflash, you're gay. Which is, by the way, a compliment. By the way. And if you're straight and you listen to this podcast and you really believe deep down in your heart that you're straight. That's okay. There's no way it can change.

Stop listening. No. No, stay. We want you. Get more straight people to listen. Get more straight people to listen. See what they think. Well, stay. We want you. Get more straight people to listen. Get more straight people to listen. See what they think. Well, yeah.

Well, get straight people to listen and really take notes, analyze. Learn, grow. It's like going to a class. Yeah. It's like biology when they set out all the rocks in the lab. This is like a class. Yeah. Except instead of 27 rocks in a lab, we set one gay person on the couch every week.

And we say, what do you think about culture? So we'll talk to you guys again next week. Maybe not next week. And we say, what do you think about culture? So, we'll talk to you guys again next week. Moving on next week. And the listeners. Love you guys. Big time. Big time. That was a Hidgum Original.