Keeping Records - Fundamentally Corny (with Taylor Garron)

Episode Date: August 13, 2021

Join Shelby and Caleb as they discuss their lives of opulence and mental stability with writer and comedian Taylor Garron. Yes, eventually they will get to Taylor's Golden Record picks, but it is extremely important that they spend 20+ minutes discussing gold futures and the frustrations of property tax variances from state to state. Of course, with all of that wealth must come the finer things in life, all of which Taylor is sending to the aliens—dining (and, frankly? lunching) on crustaceans, elegant music and television, and dislodging the aforementioned bits of crustaceans from one's...um...chompers. Taylor's Artifacts: Shrimp (food) Hot service workers (human archetype) Horny eye contact with strangers (human behavior) MIA’s first and second albums (audio) Flavor of Love and I Love New York (video) Finally getting a bit of food unstuck from your molar (multisensory experience) Follow Taylor on Twitter and Instagram Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a HeadGum Original. In 1977, NASA sent two solid gold records into space, so that aliens might find them and understand life on Earth. I send greetings on behalf of the people of our planet. And friendly wishes to all who may encounter this voyager. Now, we're making new records with our friends. Bonjour tout le monde. Konnichiwa.

Hola y saludos a todos. Assalamu alaikum. We step out of our solar system into the universe seeking only peace and friendship. We know full well that our planet and all its inhabitants are but a small part of this immense universe that surrounds us. Hello from the children of planet Earth. Oh, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well well well well well well well well well well yours got really soft yeah well i went i decided to go into head voice at some point yeah head voice yeah do you know you obviously haven't what is that chorus um so you know i didn't take

i didn't take chorus babe i was in the closet in high school and i took course because i was uh was also in the opposite um no we actually were required uh to do it and it so head voices when like you're up here it's when you're kind of you're sitting at the top of your head and not from your voice do you know what i'm saying i'm singing like this yeah there you go people are gonna hate this yeah i gotta be honest this isn't gonna sound good shelby how are you oh good how are you how was night swimming that i wasn't invited to uh night swimming was really fun yeah and that sounds about right what you need to know is um there were lights in the pool that turned on when it got dark yeah i saw i saw that from the photos that i you know looked at yeah how are you what were you up to last night oh i watched a

lot of episodes of the outer banks so equally cool you're very critical of that show but you watch every episode oh i'm not critical of outer show, but you watch every episode. Oh, I'm not critical of Outer Banks. Oh, I must be thinking of someone else. I thought it was you who said they were just hot teens. Oh, that's not me.

I think it's a fascinating show. I can't get enough. Let me be clear. Nobody is less critical of Outer Banks than me. I love the show. I think the storylines are insane. I can't get enough. There there's they're now sort of introducing magic which is sort of a wild riverdale right you're a riverdale person you're thinking of

gabby now um i have seen i thought you liked riverdale i can't understand riverdale it doesn't make sense to me riverdale and outer banks are the. But to me, Riverdale is one of the best comedies on television. It's just not billed as such. Oh, my God. Speaking of hot teens, I'm so excited for our guest today. Shelby, can you tell me if you feel the same? I'm freaking the fuck out, if that's okay to say. I think it is okay to say.

Our incredible guest today is writer and comedian. You may know her from as of yet which premiered at tribeca and won the nora efron award we're obsessed with her we love her make some noise for taylor garrett make some noise for taylor garrett can i make some noise for myself yeah hi sweet freaking angels how are you good how are you we're better now that you're here i'm so true um can i bring one thing up just from the jump and that is that um when you started talking about head voice it really hit home because i was a theater kid in high school and i was also an alto too so in terms of um getting cast in roles that were written for women um it was it was a hard thing for me it was a big

head voice it was a it was a head voice time and i i'm more i'm just a belter i really am yeah um when they cast taylor's crying right now yeah i'm okay it's actually pretty fucked up you call it out what was the most head voice role you played in growing up that's a tricky one um well they never cast they kind of like i guess the head voice pieces would be like in the ensemble and the ensemble if they didn't have enough like sopranos, they kind of just bumped me up there. In terms of the actual roles that I got, they just never cast me. And like, I was very much so typecast. I was a gospel singing kangaroo in Seussical the Musical. I was Taylor the Black Girl in High School Musical. That was the character's actual name name she did sing in a very low register um so i think they just kind of worked with me to a certain extent but it did prevent me from getting lots of lee roles and i obviously have um kind of no lingering mental effects because of that i don't think of it it never crosses my mind no it's that no no no like that would be wild if i was still working on that in therapy high school a while ago it'd be wild to be in therapy first of all i'm strong i'm strong-minded

and healthy so i don't do anything right like oh you're mentally ill grow up you know grow up i don't drink some water girl wash your face girl wash your face if you are if you're broke and or mentally ill don't speak to anybody on this pod because we can't relate because i'm just gonna say go for a run because that's what works for me nature is medicine I'm always saying oh it's like exercise is kind of just like the key well yeah it's the natural endorphins right it's not sure yeah the runners the runners high god I get even like a walker's high as long as I'm outside and like being active like I'm just sometimes I think about exercising and I'm like oh hi and now I can't because I'm stuck on the couch because I'm high if I see

somebody exercising I am not depressed for weeks stuck on the couch cause I'm high. If I see somebody exercising, I am not depressed for weeks because of the transference that occurs in that time. That's so weird. Cause I thought that only happened to me, but we should talk about that. Um, I think that means we're actually the opposite of mentally ill.

We're like mentally advantaged. Yeah. Yes. Exactly. Yes. I have $30 million in the bank right now. I'm almost there. I'm almost there.

Say how much? I, that's so uncouth. I'm at 22, 24, 24, 22, 24. 30 million dollars in the bank right now i'm almost there i'm almost there say how much i that's so uncouth i'm at 22 24 24 24 yeah oh i know i'm kind of impressive working on some investments so for sure for sure it's that's just liquid i mean 24 was just like what i want to make that clear exactly exactly exactly like other stuff is like i like to know what everyone has in the bank so that if we were to go to lunch anytime soon i would know who was supposed to buy because like when i sit down to lunch with people it's me when i sit down to lunch with the good people i say everyone here say your salary and then whoever has the highest

one i go you're getting the check sometimes people are like uncomfortable when i say that and i'm like okay go for a run you know like drink some go for a run drink some water be healthier i actually it's pretty impressive of me um not to toot my own horn but toot toot uh considering the kind of uh median household wealth of black individuals that at such a young age i'm 17 years old and i have 24 million dollars liquid not including the media you're driving the media exactly exactly that's kind of my role as like kind of a like a like a black innovator uh my p doesn't have a color oh what i don't know i didn't know he could have a color does he have a color my pee is completely see-through and so is mine when i

pee in the toilet it just looks like you poured a little bit of water in there taylor what does your pee look like my pee is clear with the exception of when i okay admitting this too i'm just being really vulnerable right now and i i just feel really comfortable with you guys i guess but um do you guys ever have those like um those they give them they give them out once you reach 10 million liquid um those like gold kind of tablets that they give you so when yes it kind of shimmers yes um it's actually like really it's like real lithium it's like opalescent yeah yeah i have my own kind of lithium mine it's actually right next door to the musks um who are you have a lithium mine yeah yeah they're really great people and that's how i didn't realize you got into that yeah i get those little tablets on a lolo so if you need some i got i got kind of thank you yeah

we usually have about two cabinets in the house full right two cabinets i think it's two or two and a half two and a half but we've been low lately because we've been having guest day over and when we have guest day over we like to treat them to the finer things yeah of course you guys are so generous well i'm i made my wealth personally because my grandfather invented blood diamonds oh that's so wait and so we always sort of have those around i feel like i feel like we might have a mutual like great grandparent yeah like maybe a great or a great great um that's so funny because that was always kind of the story uh in my family but actually i i made my wealth and by made i mean i worked incredibly hard insofar that i chose my mother to bear me um and it's just every single one of the adults

uh once you kind of reach like 18 in my family you become a professional athlete everyone of them has we have we all have different names obviously just kind of the whole the whole gamut um the most every sport professional i don't it's all that's the men's job oh i don't know i'm just an award-winning uh filmmaker i do you guys like oil we've been big in oil in my family sure sure we never we've dabbled you know we've dabbled yeah we like the way that it creates war that for us i like just something that we're yeah plastic me too i don't think um and i don't know if you guys have experienced this as young hot healthy people with no mental illness who have money i don't think i can die i actually have talked to a scientist that says that i won't

i have frozen some of my genetics and it cost no just genetics uh they took a little bit of blood and a little bit of bone marrow from me. And they can create a new me anytime I get sick. And I'll live forever. And why would they need to freeze bone marrow? Just because I'm not familiar. It's just, it's part of like, you know, the rib of Adam created Eve kind of thing. It's just a part of, it's a part of it.

I always forget that you're a fundamentalist Christian. You and Taylor have that in common. Yeah, I'm also, I started Catholic and then kind of pivoted. Now I'm more kind of evangelical. Only because I just like, wow, that was going to take a hard left turn into the Israeli Palestinian conflict. And I'm glad that I didn't stop myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Thank you. um and i'm glad that i didn't stop myself stop myself yeah yeah thank you but yeah um yeah i started off catholic and now um kind of evangelical just waiting just waiting for that second coming and yeah you know i'll still be i'll still be here because i can afford to survive um climate catastrophe yeah that's actually part of what they did when they froze my stuff was they were like we can also make this so that you can survive without water i wanted to ask you guys um something i find really important in the climate apocalypse which there's a big report out today about uh supposedly i'm not gonna read it and if i was if i was less healthy i i it would have ruined me this morning but instead i will say i had my first uh symptom of mental illness this morning ever. It presented, and of course, I quickly tamped that shit down.

But yeah, I did read the report, and I spiraled, and it wasn't funny. Yeah, I don't do that shit anymore. Yeah, of course. We're past that. I've learned my lesson. I'm not a scientist. I've got nothing to offer the problem. But I wanted to ask you guys, in a post-apocalyptic sort of climate disaster scenario what do you guys think

you um what do you think you offer to a roving uh like clean water gang or something um i am pretty good at growing plants that's an honest answer wow i didn't know that about you yeah i like um Yeah, I like I care deeply about growing food. I very kind of loosely studied permaculture in college only because like my I wasn't it wasn't actually like classes I necessarily took. It was like a little one credit thing that you can do and work in the permaculture garden on campus. And I when you say loosely, it makes it sound like you just like grew weed in your dorm. Like I honestly, i should have done that weed is actually incredibly difficult but maybe i can carry that over and that people are going to still need weed you know yeah i can apply those skills to growing maybe more so yeah kind of any northeastern climate uh well obviously it'll be a little different but uh lots of vegetables and

um edibles and also um marijuana also i'm not really concerned about the climate catastrophe because i'm going as soon as things get like a little bit bad i'm gonna kill myself yeah for sure i don't have any i don't have any patience for that yeah well honey it's already gotten a little that's the problem is that it's coming on like because i feel the same way if like tomorrow it was like they were like all right asteroids on the way like i would be like okay tight i'm gonna i going to take this into my own hands. I'm going to peace out now. Yes.

But it's coming like a slow drip. And so every day you wake up and there's a new video of people escaping a fire on a boat. And you go, okay, is it time yet? Yeah. It's really difficult that way. That's the truth. And it's kind of like the whole frog in boiling water scenario where it's like, if you heat it up little by little, it's not going to jump out.

And then one day it's going to be dead. It's going to be, that's going to be me where it's like if you heat it up little by little, it's not going to jump out. And then one day it's going to be dead. It's going to be that's going to be me where it's like if you hit it, heat it up little by little, it's not going to notice until you until they're like, OK, now it is illegal to use the AC. And that's when I'm gone. No, I just want you guys to let me know when it's happening, because I would hate to be the last one to know. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I don't want to be the last one hanging around and being like wait wow fuck you know yeah i think any light-hearted addition to taylor's records at this point is going to be hilarious against against the backdrop of this intro when when taylor's like when taylor's like i would add a bop it it's gonna be it's gonna be funny um that uh article really did sort of mess with my mind in the morning

yeah i have uh yeah i really wish i didn't i actually i i fully i saw that it came out and then i saw like the major headlines and i was like i'm not doing this and then i was on twitter which was my first mistake and one of my friends who is a medical doctor sent me the article and was like well we're doomed and i was like first literally, my response to it was, here's a list of things you can always DM me. Pictures of animals, pictures of, you know, cute babies, heartwarming stories, funny memes, unfunny memes, but they're about mental health. So like, maybe they're relatable, just like a list of that, you know? And then the other list was things I don't ever want you to send me under any circumstances. And it's horrifying articles about inevitable climate change.

And he got the point. It was kind of lighthearted and fun. Taylor, that literally, I mean, when I was in college and I was going through my famed massive depressive spiral, I started texting my friends, like, here's a list of things I do not want to be discussed in these group chats. Because it was every fucking day people being like ironic and quote-unquote funny about like the north korean missile crisis or like climate change and i'm like no more no i just don't it's like do you know i you guys if you're my friends you know i'm on twitter all day you know i've seen this shit like why would you right tell me why do you

want to upset me i also think caleb that's just like good boundary setting like don't send me this like haha like no big deal but also don't do this again or I might block you like out of my life in general. You know? Yeah. I do hate when somebody sets a boundary with me, though. It's okay if I set one, but I don't like when someone sets one back. 100%. Yeah.

The big difference is Caleb would absolutely cut someone off for setting a boundary. Yeah. If someone sent me that, I'd be like, you're weak. Bye. But here's the thing. That's a boundary that you're setting. And that's important. Yeah.

Okay. Taylor, you're so true about that i'm here for it yeah i uh i have recently taken to um kind of blind optimism that somebody on earth is smart enough to figure it out and i'm just i'm talking climate change and i'm figure i'm i'm holding on to that um whether or not it is logical or not like someone is going to figure it out and it's not going to be me because i am a writer um yeah i could write sort of a like an idea but it wouldn't be realistic you know what i'll say also it's not going to be greta thunberg um sure i i don't know why she gets to she like skipped school and now she gets to be like the face of i don't understand why she's in charge i don't i really don't get it caleb hates kids we always forget that no for sure i love kids i just think it's so bizarre that she like gets to go in front of world leaders and be

like you need to fix it and it's like i mean right i just don't i don't know i don't i don't know how we got here i don't know why she is the face of the thing it's confusing because i mean i skipped school and i became the face of, you know, rolling a blunt in the Bunwood Park Zoo parking lot. Right. And I'm not asking for fame. Do you know?

I just, that's my, that was my, my title. And I, and I did it the best to the best of my abilities for sure. Yeah. I skipped school and I became my parents like most confusing child.

They were like, we don't really understand what's up with her. I waited to start skipping school until I had already gotten into college. So my parents, what were you going to do about it? Skipping class in college. I started in middle school

and that was the big problem for me and the family. And I wasn't skipping school. I was skipping specific classes if I didn't like the teacher. I think that makes sense. Their vibe should be better. That's what I'm saying. That sounds like the teacher. I think that makes sense. Their vibe should be better. Yeah.

That's what I'm saying. That sounds like the teacher's fault. Thank you. I, yeah, I was really big on, um, if I didn't like the teacher, I would like go to my advisor or my homeroom teacher and be like, Hey, I don't want to go. So I'm not gonna. I got in really good with, um, we had like four, our high school was huge and we had like four different houses that you could belong to just to like organize things, I guess.

And instead of like headmasters, we had literally Hogwarts. But it was actually just like one of the poorest performing schools in the state of Massachusetts. But so we instead of housemaster, we instead of headmasters, we had housemasters. And my housemaster and I were fucking tight. And I had this French teacher who I actually really got along with. She was my one of my close friends moms, but she was definitely borderline. And if I would, if I caught her on the wrong day, she would like flip out and send me to the office. And I got sent to the office so frequently that my housemaster was just like, listen,

I know you're not doing anything wrong. She's just like tapped. Can you just go back and tell her you have detention? You don't actually have it. Just go back and tell her her and like look all sullen and like sulk back into class and so every single time i'd be like i'd walk by the class like and just the look of pride on her face that she got me that's so disgusting that's so disgusting that you have to like that this other adult is like hey can you as a child please go and like appease this other adult's ego really quick just so they feel like they won see for me that makes me feel like a like that rocks to me i'm like i'm in with the teachers they love me we all are pranking another teacher together i love but it's really just like kind of

appeasing their uh you know something that they really should be working on if they're working with children um and this is not to say anything about my own upbringing but let's just say that i was used to it and i was pretty good at it i i think the con like those old-timey anything old-timey like headmaster house master anything like that like anybody here's what i'll say anybody who uh loves tradition i walked i walk don't run from that i don't like that it's childish it's scary loving tradition is really scary and weird i so i have so many feelings about that do you mean run don't walk or do you walk don't run i walk don't run because i'm not super scared but i am a little scared like you're not like like your life is not in danger but you want to get away from this person. I don't run.

Cause it's like, they're not ultimately, I can't prove there's anything wrong with being obsessed with tradition, but I do feel like, let me get over there. Like real medium. I think that there are like specific, like holiday traditions.

Okay. You know what? Like what's the worst that can happen? You know, wrap a gift. I don't care, you know, but like religious traditions,

sometimes, sometimes fun. Sometimes also big, lots of feelings on circumcision. We can talk about that. You love circumcision. You're big into it. I famously love it and will defend it.

You think it's really good and smart. I think it's really good and smart. And here's the thing that there are plenty of reasons why people would or would not. And I simply have my own opinion on why people should not in general, but I think my biggest thing, uh, is wedding traditions. How do you feel about them? Yes or no? You love something blue, hate something new. I just don't under what, okay. I tweeted this last night and then I had to delete it because

I did. Sorry. I keep talking about Twitter. I am again, mentally ill. Um, but I, I had to delete it because I realized that I was going to be offending too many of my hometown friends But like literally Does one of you understand what the point Of a wedding shower is Like a baby shower it's like you're having a baby You're getting you know you're getting stuff It's more gifts

Yeah but what Oh I'm not saying it's correct I'm just saying the point Is more gifts The point is we get more gifts because we are signing a document. I am very on the record as saying across the board, hate weddings. Don't like the shower. Don't like the wedding. Don't like the reception.

Don't want to be invited. Don't ask me to be in it. I don't... Everyone may... It's your business. I don't want... Just please, everyone elope. Please elope and leave me the fuck out of it.

I don't want to fly across the country. I don't want to buy a suit. I don't want to wear the fancy little shoes and listen's your business. I don't want, just please everyone elope. Please elope and leave me the fuck out of it. I don't want to fly across the country. I don't want to buy a suit. I don't want to wear the fancy little shoes and listen to your uncle give a speech and sit with your cousins at the table. I fucking hate it. See, I'm good with a wedding. I like being at one.

I love a wedding. I love a wedding that's like, we actually already did the ceremony. We actually been married. We're throwing a big party because we want to like celebrate with all our friends and our moms would be upset if we didn't actually throw a party

well we're getting more of those now we're getting more of those because people were like we're gonna just get married in covid on our own and we'll throw a party later we'll hang out i don't personally have any experience with that um but if i did that's definitely what i would do is just get married on like the low low not post about it not tell anybody and then like throw a big party later that has nothing to like, there's no first dance. It has nothing to do with that. It's just like, it's a cocktail hour, uh, maybe in the little kind of water tower and the, uh, the roof of the Williamsburg hotel. And I invite all my closest friends and even distant friends. Um, cause you know, potentially my partner's parents will be paying for it cause they have more money than I could ever imagine. And, uh, it's just, it's

cocktails and hors d'oeuvres. I that yeah that's kind of my fantasy if i if i was ever going to get married which i wouldn't because who has time what kind of hors d'oeuvres oh that's tricky um i feel like i lean like kind of a mediterranean so like perhaps like a pita cracker with like a little a little schmear of a hummus and like a fresh herb. Um, I get some like marinated shrimp on like, like just to you on like a little skewer, you know, um, that is an incredible thing to transition.

It's a good transition. It's a good question for you. If, if you were gonna, you know, we were gonna, uh, send something new up to space and based on climate change,

it really will be the only record we have of us. Um, what is the first thing you're including okay um that's actually so funny that you bring it up just right now um now this is on my brain but number one the first thing i would bring is frankly shrimp agree so big i fucking love shrimp shrimp is the best it's so versatile it cooks immediately like you can get them frozen and they're still like you can get them frozen and they're still good you can get them fresh and they're still good like it's do i feel a little bad because like overfishing the oceans sure but again i didn't overfish the oceans i know you did i'm

eating five shrimp once a week like am i really the problem with what what's going on in the ocean you barely fish the oceans at all that is one thing about you frankly i stay away from the ocean at all costs. And it's because I have a healthy respect for it. And because it'll take you out. It really will take you out. It's a really scary place, ultimately. I like going to the beach and stuff, you know, like being in the sand.

But then my friends are like, I'm going to go float in the water, like swim in the water. And I'm like, that's not what it's for. To be clear, I get in there. But it is a dangerous scenario. Was it Aristotle or Socrates who there but it is a dangerous to never was it aristotle or socrates who said life is a beach i'm just playing in the sand oh that was euripides but like easy yeah yeah yeah easy yes yes thank you thank you yes um but yeah i agree um the shrimp um they're they're just delicious little little morsels um you can kind of fit

them into any kind of cuisine you can eat them cold you can eat them hot oh god they work they work with so like it's such a shrimp has such a good flavor on its own but it works in so many different flavor profiles like you can fucking spicy sweet cold hot asian literally like you go to trader joe's you get a sauce and you saute some shrimp in it it's gonna be good it's gonna work it's gonna be good that's so true i love shrimp and if shelby um ever decided to go shelby's vegetarian husband since she's uh 9 14 9 correct your mom was 14 um crazy crazy memory on that on the ages come on come on dilly. Shout out Jill, if you're listening. But Shelby's vegetarian.

If you ever went pescatarian, Shelby, I feel that you would spend a decent amount of time with shrimp. Well, you know, Lindsay's like really, really praying I'll go pescatarian. I am. We're Lindsay and I are in the same boat on that. OK, can I bring one thing up? And that is that I was also a vegetarian for many years. I started when I was also 14. OK, things in Shelby's mom and Taylor. Yeah. Me and your mom, me and Jill chilling.

And I became a pescatarian in my twenties. Um, and shrimp was one of the main reasons why, and I went many years without them. And I, I know I could do it again if I like needed to, like if there was some kind of, I don't know, climate crisis or something that came up, I could probably do it. But I simply am not going to do that in that moment because I love shrimp and also seafood in general. But I did narrow it down for this. Love a scallop. Love a halibut. Thank you.

I have kind of a question that I think will be a little bit offensive to the pick. And I just want you to know that I don't mean for it to be but if we had to send food up in the way that like astronauts eat food like powderized would you still send shrimp I think so okay I'm just curious I just it is sort of mean to do to shrimp I think ultimately but I'm just wondering if that's how we'd have to send it up and if it was. Sure. Maybe you could rehydrate them somehow. I don't know. Maybe the texture would be a little off. But if we're in space and we can only have a few little luxuries, I'll eat some rehydrated

shrimp. That's fine. I can close my eyes and pretend this is a delicious shrimp cocktail or something. Also, shrimp chips are really good. You ever had those? Shrimp chips are so good. They're so good. So I imagine that a freeze-dried shrimp would just be like, shrimp chip. Shrimp chip chip. Shrimp chip. Shrimp chips are so good. They're so good. So I imagine that like a freeze dried shrimp would just be like a shrimp chip.

Shrimp, shrimp, chip, shrimp, chip, shrimp, chip, chip.

Do you want a Taylor? Do you want, do you have a specific diet that you want the aliens to be on if they come to earth? Like, is there, do you want them to be pescatarian? Do you want them to be mostly vegetarian?

Just trying seafood sometimes. Do you care? I think my only kind of thing that i would insist on is that they eat a mediterranean diet because it's just so healthy for you yeah it's just like so kind of chic you know for me i want them to be vegan because i want people to be able to eat whatever they want and the aliens are coming to us the climate's already in a bad place let's just have them eat it let's have them not aid in the problems that makes that makes a lot of sense i bet that we could um hide things from them so we could like not tell them about certain

certain foods and then they wouldn't even know that they existed and then that would be all for us um but it does feel a little xenophobic if i'm being honest um it is giving yeah it is giving xenophobia yeah oh never mind about what i said then um wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait shelby i just came up with a really good question for taylor this one's gonna this one's gonna this one's gonna break the pod i'm gonna be annoyed i think am i i don't think i don't think so but maybe let me know if you are afterwards. Taylor. Yes.

I love feedback. Taylor, if you had to have all the ways to prepare and serve shrimp, if you had to pick just one for the aliens to receive from your record, and this is their first experience with shrimp, how would you send it? Oh, I was going to say top three shrimp dishes. So this is a really, we're aligned. Oh, yeah. Well, do it that way. Let's do. Am I doing was going to say top three shrimp dishes. So this is a really, we're aligned. Oh yeah. Well, am I doing top three?

Do top three. Okay. That's very red lobster of y'all. I want to say that. Thank you. But definitely have a premier number one. Yeah. Okay.

Wow. This is tough. Um, big pressure. And don't, and don't fuck this up by the way. No, I definitely am going to.

Um, and I feel, yeah, I feel okay with that. Um, I, okay. Three.

Let me just say like garlic, butter, a little white wine. I guess that's like a scampi. Yeah. That's like one, that's one way you can put it over kind of whatever and it tastes good. Eat it in a salad, put it over rice or noodles. That's number three. Two. Number two is like there's this really Portuguese food that is also by colonization's reach, Cape Verdean food, which is where my mom's from. And it's called shrimp Mozambique.

And it's like shrimp cooked in a saffron and beer and garlic sauce. And it is absolutely delicious. I can't wait until I eventually get to L.A., which I will. And I will make it for you. And I'll figure out how to make it for you, too, Shelby. I can't wait until I eventually get to LA, which I will. And I will make it. I'll make it for you. And I will. I'll figure out how to make it for you, too, Shelby. I will. Thank you. You deserve that. And number one. Wow. One. And my number one preparation of shrimp would be, I guess, like grilled with a light teriyaki sauce over it. Not like not dripping. You know what I mean? But just like, it's like a little hint of it. And they were on a skewer and they were on the grill.

Yes. Yeah. They usually have a teriyaki grilled shrimp skewer option when you go to Red Lobster's Endless Shrimp. Endless Shrimp. And you can pick, if you pick the right meal on the Endless Shrimp menu, you can pick up to three different kinds. And you can change the kinds when you get your next serving of sriracha scampi oh my gosh they have the the the skewers they have um that might be it is there one with like a like a guitar on it they have like yeah they have like

they change them every year i think there's like one that's not there sometimes and then the other times are any of these breaded shrimps or are they all grilled steamed yeah oh that's what it is and they have like the popcorn kind sometimes but i'm also just like if you're gonna choose popcorn shrimp when you're going to endless shrimp childish go home grow up grow up get a fucking chicken tender you can literally go to the grocery store and get freezer popcorn shrimp and eat them at home and like are you eating freezer shrimp at red lobster yes but you're you might as well do the sriracha kind you might as well do the boom boom kind you know like don't play in my face getting popcorn shrimp as an option and you're fucking unlimited shrimp how do you guys feel about oh caleb actually has a lot to say and i'm gonna go ahead you go ahead you go ahead you go

ahead well i was just gonna say how do you guys feel about going to a restaurant for breakfast and getting a breakfast sandwich that feels disrespectful to me but i am just wondering sort of how everyone else feels it depends if the place like there are some places that really like go in on a breakfast which is their big thing like they'll do like really extravagant breakfast sandwiches yeah um but i agree with you generally if there's a big menu of other things and a sandwich is one of them i'm like i don't know order something a little more a breakfast sandwich to me is not of them i'm like i don't know order something a little more a breakfast sandwich to me is not a sit-down option you don't get a breakfast sandwich at the restaurant yeah you get it to go you're like i'm going to this place to pick up a breakfast

sandwich i think that my one exception would be one if you are like traveling and you're at i don't know like some kind of rest stop or what i guess you're not getting sit down then. Let me move past that. My other exception. I go, so exactly. So Taylor. My exception would be if you are hungover. Like if you're hungover and the thing that, you know, the cure that, the thing that will cure your hangover is to go to breakfast, to go to breakfast or brunch with your friends and drink one mimosa and eat a breakfast sandwich.

Then I think that you need to do what is good in the name of self-care. You need to take care of yourself. What is good in the name of self-care you need to take care of yourself what is good in the name of self-care what is good in the name of self-care what is good in the name of self-care what's good water drinking what's good in the name of self-care drinking water being really wealthy hey i have something that would be i think self-care for everyone on the podcast, and that's us throwing to a break so that our listeners can enjoy these hot, hot ads. Yuck. No. Welcome.

Welcome. Bark. Taylor, do you... Taylor, would you like to bark? Like a dog. Like, I'm sorry, like a what? Oh, God, we we gotta stop doing this every every episode every time would you like to we said welcome bark

and you want me to bark like a dog okay no listen no one no one likes this our listeners do our listeners like it no i'll super i'll super bark like a dog i think it's just yeah it's just like the kind of the the optics of two white people asking i think that's gotta be the last time we ask someone to do it. I'm ready. Are you ready? I'm going to do like a lot. You can't bark now. You're not allowed. No, she's doing it with such anger in her face.

You know what I do? I bark at cat callers on the street sometimes. I just got a text from Taylor's agent. And it says, yeah, in the Zoom immediately. Yeah, in the Zoom immediately. Okay. Which sucks because I think we have some of the Zoom immediately. Yeah, in the Zoom immediately. Okay. Which sucks because I think we have some of the same people. We do. We do.

Fuck. So sorry. Well, this was awesome, girl. And I cannot begin to explain how much I look up to you. What if that was the end of the pod? Taylor. What's something so embarrassing in all of humanity that you think it should be deleted from the records entirely and before you say your answer shelby wants to tell you a disclaimer about

it it doesn't have to be big stuff it does not have to be our cheeto and cheese he's not the cheeto and cheese anymore freak he is to some people and you have to know that oh fuck I understand Mike's in the police you know that and um

yeah Mike's a cop it doesn't have to be famine or like cancer it could be something um like light hearted less important sure I will say that

the thing that I prepared to bring up we have already talked about and it was just like the whole pomp and circumstance around weddings um

so I can fully say that again but i can think of something different if you need me to no i'm so glad that you said that again because i always want to talk about it honestly i i think you're so correct and i don't want to give i don't want aliens to know about weddings because i want them to think that we're cooler than that what you gotta admit weddings are fucking corny they're so corny and that's what i think that if we like it's already like okay the earth is already the ghetto right we've already like established that so like if they're gonna come here and look around and be like wow like the worst thing that they could also think is like wow this place fucking sucks and also people who

live here are corn balls like not only did they ruin this whole planet that kind of had everything going for it they but they aren't self-aware about it that's what i'm saying it's like they did they ruin this whole planet that kind of had everything going for it they but they aren't self-aware about it that's what i'm saying it's like they did they they're ruining it and making it worse in a way that is whack and you think that you would just do it in a cooler way i don't i don't know i decided to come out about hating weddings uh as soon as i started seeing viral youtube videos of people doing choreographed dances. White people. That, to me, when white people started doing choreographed dances down the aisle with their grooms, people, and brides, whatever,

I said, it's got to end. It has to end. The corniness knows no end. There was one specific one that really, really took off, and I can't, was it to Happy? Because I'm happy. And they were just kind of like dancing through the eye i don't ever want to know that your rehearsal was a bunch of people being like all right and when they get to this

point i want you to jump forward and like a five six i was a choreographer not you guys went to dance class don't go to dance class the only people that should be doing dances during their wedding that are choreographed are like professional dancers if you are two dancers getting married for sure even one dancer getting married to someone who's not a dancer but like tolerates you you know like that's at that point my god take the floor and here's and here's the thing i am like fundamentally a pretty corny person right like i couldn't escape that because so true and it's thank you for admitting it we didn't know i'm so happy to like own my truth about that and i'm like actively trying to be less corny every day but there is going to be just a level of corn bolishness to my general existence i was raised by i was uh you

know a late millennial uh gen z cusper if you will raised by boomers and all of my other friends were raised by uh gen xers which doesn't make them more corny but it makes what doesn what doesn't make them less corny, but it does make them like more apathetic. So like, and that's like inherently not corny. Like if you don't care about shit, like that's cool. You know, I unfortunately care about things. Like I love a birthday. I know. And I like love a celebration. I think that like, we're all here on earth through no choice of our own and without our consent. So if we can find little things to like celebrate, to make our day-to-day existence less bleak and horrible and like distract us from the abyss that like life is actually kind of meaningless, then I think that we should do that,

but we can do it in a way that is not corny. I think one of the corniest things I've ever heard. Thank you. What you just said, you are an ambassador for corniness and corny individuals. I think that's fine. I want to say that a couple of weeks ago I texted Caleb and told him that I missed him and he said it was horny with an h um and so that's one of those

things that i also i i think actually my direct response to it was that i immediately called you and yelled at you for not living in la you facetimed me and the first thing on your mouth was that you you just sent me a really horny text and the text was not me missing you lol can i say something yes it's a little horny it's horny are you kidding i was being what would be would it be less horny if i was just like caleb i miss you no the concept i mean longing for someone in any way is inherent no that's you're right that's that's sort of the that's sort of the the first the first horny act is it also is it also horny, would you say?

Is it horn and corn? Yeah, it's given horn and corn. I guess I'm corny and also horny. And you know what? I was on Zoom. You can't really escape that. I've been corny from the jump. You can't let go of that. Maybe that's what I would

delete from the future. Just any evidence of me being a children's show on television. Well, I would delete any evidence of me being anything other than awesome. I want to be remembered as awesome. Corny statement. 100%. And you know what else is corny? You not telling us what's next on your records.

Okay. So what's next? I'm not going to let the aliens come here without getting to know immediately um hot service workers originally i said hot baristas and then i was like no but hot bartenders and then i was like kind of the hot people at ikea uh the hot people that i work with at my co-op the the hot people that are changing my tires a hot a hot flight attendant flight attendant are you kidding a hot flight attendant is actually one of the horniest acts on earth i think they prefer to be called stewardess but yeah sure sure sure um one of the horniest people i know one of the horniest people i know was a flight attendant for a short

amount of time before he got fired for missing too many shifts but he was gay yes gay flight attendants are freaks dude they are freaks you You should meet them. Gay flight attendants are freaky, bitch. Part of being a flight attendant is that you get to like fly around and fuck around and be like, I am on the go. I can't be tied down. I got to get back on the plane, bitch. His Instagram really popped off after that. His Twitter presence popped off.

He is now fully a Twitter gay and he is loving and he's chilling in my hometown. You know what that means to someone in a hometown? To have a gay a in a hometown? To have a gay flight attendant living there? To have a gay flight attendant? Well, to be to have a Twitter following and like, like you're a celeb. Like, okay, I have a Twitter following. I live in Brooklyn, New York.

Who the fuck cares? Like the people who work at the grocery store have a Twitter following. Who cares? Having a Twitter following in New York and LA is actually almost to some extent embarrassing. No, agreed. And same with like Instagram. Like, okay, people follow me on Instagram. You know who else they follow?

Like people who take pictures with like the rainbow bagel and like, you know, the donuts with the gold flakes, you know, like, so it doesn't, it doesn't mean shit. If you have a rainbow bagel, if you're like good enough to have like a, like a social media following in a small town, like you are on top of the world. And so I, I'm, I'm envious. Um, but yeah, hot service workers, not to go on top of the world. And so I'm envious. But yeah, hot service workers, not to go on a tangent, but they're so important, I think, to just like the fabric of our society, kind of. Yeah, if I could have my way with how they are introduced to that, it's that they come to earth. And they're great. They have sort of, I don't want them to have to do this. This is just only to introduce them to hot service workers. There's not going to be a ton of actual paperwork or anything but they have to go through like a waiting room

and like quick little like onboarding it's like onboarding to earth there's not anything we actually need them to do this is yeah you're right it's theater like this is a performance of like here's what we have to offer in terms of service workers um there's someone sort of signing them in you know yeah and then like taking them down a hallway and they're like okay just this way you have to take your photo um yeah you gotta get like a like a fingerprint maybe yeah and it's like really pleasant because there's really no reason for it um and it's quick there's not really a wait uh but everyone working there is like really scary hot i think it it's important that they also be kind of like unaffected.

Like say you go to the DMV, right? Like the hottest people working at the DMV would kill you without a second thought. They hate that you're there. They hate their jobs. They like, you know, they're just waiting for their lunch break and they're going to shake their salad for like a solid five minutes of that lunch break to like make sure everything's and that's just like hot behavior to me so not only do they have to be hot they also have to be aloof um yeah i think that's absolutely unbothered and also in the service industry yes i i unfortunately i when i have an interaction with a hot barista

i am not one of these delusional people who here's the deal i have i have friends who are hot baristas and they flirt with customers often right they're like oh my god i was flirting with this guy today but i don't think he noticed so i'm not a delusional person who thinks oh a service worker who's nice to me is flirting with me but here's what happens when i have a friendly interaction with a hot barista which happens often i'm pretty friendly with uh service people i like to have a nice little chat sure and i will i'll be like oh they weren't flirting with me they're at their job you know i mean they're doing their job but then i walk away and i'm like but what if they were and i so i'm not the the kind of delusional where i

immediately think it's flirting i'm the kind of delusional where i walk away and like 10 20 30 minutes later i'm like oh. What if that was that? And then I just, I would never do anything about it, but I just spend the rest of the day going, damn, could have been something. It's always nice when I get flirted with from a service worker when I'm around Caleb, because I never notice. And Caleb is always like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm big on that. You seem like that friend. And that's like, it's so important to have. I'll say anyone. There's nothing stopping me from saying, like literally a friend can text me like, oh, I just, I, this guy that I've met one time said hi to me on the street today because we bumped

into each other and I'll be like, you need to take out a restraining order. No one. I'm that person. I'm that person. Like, yeah, go, go for it. Like why? What's the worst they can say? No.

What's the worst they can say? No. And then the worst, it turns out like a, my, a lot of my friends have the type of anxiety where the worst thing that someone could actually say um is good for so it's not helpful so it's not um caleb and i were at a drive-thru once and the person this was crazy had a really hot energy over the box you know yeah when we were listening to them through the box the energy was hot and they were flirting with me hard. Caleb was like, oh my God, when we get to the window, you have to get out of the car and like go inside. I mean, this dude was like, sounds good.

All right. Can't wait to see you at the window. Like was like flirting. See, like that turned me on. Not in like a weird way, but like just you even saying that, like picturing that, I'm like, hot. Well, so we're waiting behind the next car you know

we're getting excited about the window we're kind of strategizing I'm showing what are we gonna do when you get up there like how do we make this go do we put a number

on the card to like whatever we get up there it's a maybe 16 year old magician like

never seen somebody with more magician energy and when I tell you over the box he sounded like a he sounded like a 28 yearyear-old cool guy. And it is a teen magician. We got there and we said, give us our food and we must be on our way.

We have to drive away now. I mean, he must have been hurt and confused by the way our energy switched because we got to the window and we were like, hello, good to see you. Thank you for doing your job. This is a business interaction. We were so ready. We were just like, thank you for the food job this is a business interaction like we were so like we were so ready that we were just like thank you goodbye a normal business interaction with a normal person have a good day nothing nothing to see here um but i also do think that that was important because even if he was like hurt by that maybe that'll um maybe that'll

push him in the correct direction away from being 16 and a magician yeah maybe it'll push him towards where we want to see him which is being 10 years older and not doing magic or having magic energy i so much expected him to like pull a fry out from behind my ear or something she's like oh i can't think of anything more upsetting than that he pulls a fry out from here he leans out the window into the car and says what's this what i find here i'm not taylor gagging don't gag oh no oh my god taylor gagging what's this oh taylor gagging love that love that for me love that for everybody taylor listen we can't talk about the magician that worked at mcdonald's in um the valley we have to talk about what's next on your record all right so the next thing on my record is actually

something weird we have already talked about again i think i'm just like in a head synergy it's horny eye contact with strangers and i feel like you know we've talked about the hot service workers and we were also talking about kind of horny uh actions that don't come off immediately as horny and so it's like i feel like we've touched upon it a little bit but i do think that it is one of the finer experiences in life. And I think we should allow aliens that. Yeah. And it deserves its own center stage. It deserves not to be an anecdote.

It deserves the spotlight. I, I'm really bad at this. When, when I, when, when you know, when someone's flirting with you and they're trying to like make prolonged

eye contact so that you can move forward. I like immediately get, I get kind of, I get bashful. Like if you, if anyone, it doesn't matter if it's morning or not if you stare into my eyes for more than like three seconds and you're not a close friend I'm just I'm gonna look at the ground I'm gonna

start sweating it makes me nervy have you guys seen like the tick tock videos that are like supposed to help you do the like stare oh I think I've seen one where it's like you have to look down look up to the side yeah yeah and like you start here and then you like move across and you look down and you're like, it's, I'm. I have gone to the audio for that and just watched like 45,000 videos of people just

being like down, up to the side, back down and up again. And then I'm like, okay, I guess that's what people are up to. But now there's going to be a whole army of these kids. I hate that. I hate that. And I hate that the children have a guideline on how to be now. Yeah, I didn't. We had to figure it out. It's not a hot take to say that, like, you know, teens these days, they should have to be ugly in the same way that we were. But I do think that they should have to be ugly. I think that it's formative. And they should also have to be fucking weird.

They should have to struggle into adulthood with um kind of basic human interaction and i at the very least have ugly clothes for sure at the very least let the teens have ugly clothes just for a little bit i don't agree with you guys can we hear can we hear your thoughts no i'm just proud of the kids they're figuring out who they are in life and um I think it's, you know, it's only net positive if the kids are expressing themselves on the web. No, it's not that positive. You guys, we are having so much fun with our friend Taylor. Taylor, I love that addition to the records.

Girl, what else do you think you put on there? Probably. Okay. So the next one I have uh mia's first and second albums crucial listening in my opinion pick one song pick one song i dare you oh god i can't um okay so full length full length song sun showers kind of beautiful samples a really old song that my mom used to play when i was growing up so i think kind of like hits home in that way um and then she has some kind of like skits on a couple of albums yeah banana

for example banana skit amazing um maybe that's my favorite maybe i'll say banana skit that's a fun one key change Key change. Back up. Just fun. That hits. That's just a lot of fun. There's one called Boom Skit. It's not on these two albums, but it's also an excellent one.

So if anyone's listening, go ahead and listen to to that and don't listen to kind of anything else that comes out of mia's mouth because she'd be wiling sometimes let's just leave it at the banana sketch sure yeah we'll see but yeah there's just those albums um paper planes is on there tucked right in you know the hit of the the hit of the that particular moment um and yeah there's just just a kind of back to forth back to front bangers on both of those albums and kind of none of her other ones banana skit is none of her go ahead shall we i'm just laughing at you we're saying none of the other ones that's it that's all we've got uh banana skit sounds like it could be like it could it could be in a kid's show like out of

the box type thing but they would have had to like really do it up and it would be one of those things that kids watch that it's like this is good for kids but ultimately it is kind of scary yeah yeah it's one of those things that like you wouldn't know as a child why it scared you but you'd have to like leave the room whenever it happened and then like someone would play it like later on in life and you'd be like oh this shit used to scare me as a kid um and people would be like why like you're fucking free yeah you do like psychotherapy and they're like oh my god yeah like this is i guess what rooted in all my issues sure um and you don't eat bananas like for that reason which is why yeah full of potassium exactly which is

why we don't talk about that enough i wrote actually i had a hit song in the 90s about potassium did you yeah what was wait what was it called it was called potassium oh that's skin or just potassium it was just called potassium and it went um bananas are full of potassium that's yeah do you remember it gave in and it was in a commercial for nascar that's okay that's okay yeah wait was the bridge like yes yes yes i remember being younger and being like what's a potassi and then when i got older i was like oh duh we're just kind of remixing the word potassium potassium well also potassium was

I wrote it and this is so god sorry I'll try to be quick about this because it's not my episode but I wrote potassium about eating pussy okay so it was like

puss-tassium episode's over I'm sorry to interrupt episode's over show me what you say that the episode's over oh okay and Taylor what were you saying

I was saying like like puss-tassy-um. I was just trying. Yeah, potassy, potassy. Potassy, potassy. It's like kind of about, so the song is about eating pussy sexually. Sure. And NASCAR used it.

And then there was a big backlash in the Midwest and South because people don't eat pussy down there. I, yeah. Wait, that's so true. I haven't really spent a lot of time in the Midwest, but I've spent a little time in the South, and I certainly got my pussy in Nary a time. Not a single time. And you get your pussy eaten a lot more on the coast. I walk down

the street in Rancho Cucamonga, and they're tongues left and right. They're begging. Is that a coastal city? I hope so. It's actually an island in the in the ocean which is uh coastal in a lot of ways that would be coastal portland portland maine uh portland maine it's it's like it's like bad you know you get any portland if you get to any portland you're going to oregon they're a little like at least kind of not reserved but like you know the puritan they're polite about it yeah they're, they're a little like at least kind of not reserved, but like, you know, the Puritan roots are still. They're polite about it.

Yeah, they're like kind about it. They do. Portland, Maine, they're like, you want a lobster roll? Also, can I eat your pussy? And I'm like, well, yeah, but can I finish my lobster roll first? Because it seems a little distracting to be doing both at the same time. Portland, Maine refers to it mostly as munching box, which I hate. But that is what they call it there.

Yeah, it's a really gross um kind of muff muff diving is what i've heard is what i've heard in kind of the uh coastal washington area carpet cleaning yeah for sure uh taylor look i think we're near the end of our time here but uh we have some we have some things on your list to still get through so let's talk about them okay i'll do it as quick as possible because this one is actually incredibly important to me and that is um seasons one through three of flavor a flavor of love and seasons one through two of i love new york um the vh1 celebrity kind of vehicles for flavor flav and uh tiffany pollard aka new york i have to say first of all incredible edition i'm obsessed with both of these shows thank you my and it's hard to pick and you know this because you're a fan my favorite moment of all time on

flavor of love is the fucking microwave chicken episode just the the look, the feigned look of, like, surprise on her face that the chicken wasn't created. That took me, when I was watching that show, it took me from thinking that, oh, my God, what was that contestant's name? It's, like, slipping my mind. It wasn't Hottie. It was Hottie.

That took me from being like, okay, Hottie is just, like, kind of delusional, or, like, you know, in her head or like playing a character to full on like there's something wrong. And she somehow slipped through the cracks of like whatever kind of psychological evaluation they were doing for these contestants because something is wrong, you know. She thought the button that said chicken was to cook a whole chicken. I think putting a chicken in the microwave is like the most sanitary thing to do. Plus, it doesn't have all the extra calories from the grease. This is crazy. And she tried to serve the microwave chicken to Flav's mom.

And there were whole, unpeeled, uncooked carrots sticking out of the chicken's cavity. A marshmallow with a raisin on top. Literally toothpicked into the chicken's carcass. That show is such pure chaos. It is chaos. I've been, so it's, I'm going to say it's on Hulu. And I have been rewatching the Flavor of Love, which I always have to kind of immediately watch

I Love New York afterwards because of just like the misogyny and horrible, like really it's a show that is upsetting to me as a woman as an adult watching it of course when i was 12 i was like yes like read these bitches flavor flave you fucking raisin you little prune take their names away and treat them like objects precisely i love this i live for this um but then i why it's followed up by i love new york which i think actually was a pretty feminist move by VH1. They were like, we just let Flavor Flav have three seasons of, you know, just kind of

objectifying these women that we found. Let's let Tiffany Pollard, who was one of those women twice in a row, do that, do the same thing. And I think that's really kind of empowering. In terms of my favorite moment from those shows, I was watching one recently, and it's when he took, it was the end of the second season, he took the woman and the contestants and their families out to like do little things. And one of the final contestants, her name was Crazy, she was Caucasian. And he took her and her mother and her grandmother to a black salon to get them all cornrows. And at one point, the mom goes, it feels like it's breaking. Is it breaking about her hair? And the woman who was cornrowing, like started pulling a little bit like they don't highlight it, but she pulled even harder, like as she was saying that, and I was like, Flavor Flav set these white people up to like, be humiliated. Yeah. 100%.

And I love that. And good for him yeah and new york did the same thing with mr boston oh for sure um boston was an embarrassment to all white people everywhere it was completely unacceptable that he was allowed to behave that way on tv agreed um yeah and also just kind of they were all wearing dresses at the elimination that existed before kind of like nipple cup, like effective nipple covers existed. So if they had to cover up some kind of nip there, either they straight up didn't and they were blurred out a la Nibbles, one of my favorite contestants, or they were wearing a full bra under the rave girl dress that they had on. And I think that that it was just like kind of a highlight of 2005 the fashion um also something shit on the floor there's just so many kind of

yeah moments that are worth highlighting from there something shit on the floor do you remember that she shit on the floor and then she shit up the stairs and they just they didn't even spend that much time in the grand scheme of things like kind of focusing on that yeah my oh also new york saying um i think tahati just the cultural reference i'm like that's when i knew that i was like new yandross. Just the cultural reference. I'm like, that's when I knew that I was like, New York, she's in the know. She actually said that once. She said she was never a child. She came out of her mother in the know.

That was one of my favorite quotes from her. She's an icon. She really is. And she's still doing it. Kind of the original reality TV show icon. And she deserves that that uh that right she also said she also said that another girl was cute but that she's pretty and pretty beats cute she said pretty will eat cute alive she said please get rid of that uh trailer park uh part in your hair and

it was just the center part um it was just the middle part and they said get rid of that trailer park part i'm like is it or is it just down the middle of her side is it just i love i love uh what's last on your record there's one more i think yeah the last thing is uh finally getting a bit of food unstuck from your molar just just next level um sensation i think joy there's truly nothing more satisfying and it could be anything. It's like, oop, I ate some shrimp. Oop, and there's like a little fiber back there. Oop, I ate some popcorn. I got like the little hoss. Stuck to the front of your teeth.

Oh, God, the worst. I fucking hate that. It's like up in your gum. Fucking mango. Mango be getting everywhere. If you're eating mango, you need floss. Oh, God. Like black beans. You'll fully three days later have a piece of like black bean come out and i'm like i've brushed my teeth several times in between this so this has been hiding in there and just kind of um making my life down the road uh hell

at the dentist but 100 and obviously we know this but popcorn popcorn popcorn thank you for that yeah i just knew we knew it but i wanted to make sure it was said i'm happy to bring it up again broccoli kind of any there's so many things unless you're just eating mashed potatoes green is really a big problem oh my god any any of the brassica family just it's all it's all bad um but once you get out of there it's all good i 100 agree i think this is an incredible sensation to send i hope the aliens have teeth so that they can experience it taylor you've been an amazing guest and you know that we're obsessed with you. You do know that. I hope.

That is a mutual feeling. And I actually, my love language is words of affirmation. So I do know that, but it's really nice to hear it. And we will give them to you whenever you want for what it's worth. Will you give our followers words of affirmation by telling them where they can find you? Sure. Beautiful, lovely followers who are so valid and worthy of love and just complete the way they are. You can follow me on Twitter and Instagram at Taylor Garan.

Yeah, I post a lot of stuff. And so feel free to mute me. No, follow up a mute. Follow up a mute. I'm totally okay with that. Like I recognize we all have our own needs and I need you to follow me. And that's the tea.

And thank you for being on. Thank you so much for having me. This has been just lovely. And frankly, I miss both of you. I don't care how horny it sounds. I miss both of you. We miss you too.

And ciao. That was a Hidgum Original.