Keeping Records - Gender Crimes (with River Butcher)

Episode Date: December 3, 2021

Caleb is back from Missouri. Shelby is still in Ohio. There seems to be some question of whether Caleb is someone who enjoys biking but rest assured that he is into it. Comedian River Butcher is on the podcast today, and he's got the '90s on his mind. Well, the '90s and a song by Softee that absolutely GOES. River's Golden Record has the sound, look, and feel of a pre-2K world, because the aliens deserve it. And frankly? You do, too.  River's Artifacts "Cutout" by Softee (audio) The sound of a video cassette rewinder River's 90s Spotify playlist, "Morning Ride To The Elms In My Mom's Red Nissan." (audio) The feeling of going to the mall on a Saturday in 1995 (multisensory experience) 90s Taco Bell interiors (human design aesthetic) Follow River on Twitter and Instagram Get tickets to River's show at Sketchfest in San Francisco on January 14. Get tickets to River's shows at The Crocodile in Seattle Jan 21 and 22. Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a HeadGum Original. In 1977, NASA sent two solid gold records into space, so that aliens might find them and understand life on Earth. I send greetings on behalf of the people of our planet. And friendly wishes to all who may encounter this voyager. Now, we're making new records with our friends. Bonjour tout le monde. Konnichiwa.

Hola y saludos a todos. Assalamu alaikum. We step out of our solar system into the universe seeking only peace and friendship. We know full well that our planet and all its inhabitants are but a small part of this immense universe that surrounds us. Hello from the children of planet Earth. Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well. Shelby. Caleb.

Hi. You have a green orb in the background. I made my little, I made my little bed lights green for this one just because it felt right. Green's the color of money. You know, I have a billionaire mindset at all times. Yeah, you guys know what it is. This is billionaire mindset with Caleb and Shelby. Billionaire mindset.

Actually, we're recording this on the day back from the holiday break. And I have to say, I've never felt more like I want to just move somewhere quiet and open a coffee shop and ride a bicycle. I do not. I'm coming back. I got meetings on my calendar. I'm doing stuff, which is crazy. Do you like biking? I would in this reality of my life. In this reality of your life, the one that we live in. Do you like biking i would in this reality of my life in this reality of your life

the one that we live in do you like biking i do i i did it a lot more in chicago it feels scary to me in la but i rode city bikes um almost everywhere in chicago that's true i don't know why i like blanked that out as you hate biking but i guess it isn't well i think it's because i'm the kind of person and you know this when the friend group's like let's go on a 12 mile hike and have a picnic i'm like no i'm not i i turned down a lot of stuff but biking is fun to me yeah um hey how are you i'm having the best week of my life how are you um i would say same do you want to talk about your week or not really um honestly we can dab into it for a second but not too much my dad is pretty famously in the hospital um famously in that nobody listening to this podcast

knows that he invented it he invented being in the hospital um the only reason i'm like yeah i'll dabble in is because he's obsessed with hearing people give him well wishes. So if you want to DM me a well wish for my dad, he would love to hear it. We wish Scott well, frankly. Honestly, give a five-star review of this podcast. My dad is so sick, you guys. The only thing he wants is a five-star review of the pod. It's his doctors are actually saying. His doctors are saying. His doctors are saying the only thing that wants is a five-star review of the pod. It's his doctors are actually saying.

His doctors are saying. His doctors are saying the only thing that could make him heal and live. Please. Is for this podcast to chart. Not this. Not this. My dad is actually saying. No, guys, seriously, DM it.

DM it. Please don't leave it as a rating. I would feel truly like the grossest person on earth. Please, for the love of of god only put it in a dm to me so that i can send it to so it to my dad i feel like it's pretty i feel like it's pretty high time that we get our guests in here don't you yeah i think so i think it's high time that it's high time that we get our guests in here today i've decided that's a new phrase of mine uh everybody i i looked i thought for a second and i was like

is that a reference to like a credit i just decided that's a new thing of mine um i think it's high time that we talk about how excited we are are they in high maintenance why are you saying i am obsessed with today's guest i think it's high time that we get him in here this is somebody that we love you've seen their stand- up on Conan, HBO, even Ellen, to be honest with you guys. Seen in Adam Ruins Everything, Take My Wife in Good Trouble, Put Your Hands. Paws and Fins Together for our dear friend, River Butcher. Wow, the introduction of a lifetime. River. Shelby and Caleb. Oh, my God. What the hell is up, my friend? Wow. The introduction of a lifetime. River!

Shelby and Caleb. Oh my God. What the hell is up, my friend? I mean, it's high time, so let's get to it. It's high time. For a second I thought maybe I was in Half-Baked or something. I didn't know it. I was like... 13 years old and I was in Half-Baked.

River, where are you in the world? I'm in Los Angeles. Thank God. Where are you guys right now yeah thank god i'm in la too okay and i'm in cleveland wait really you know i'm from akron ohio right i'm from cleveland ohio no shit oh man yeah oh my god this is billionaire mindset setting this is a Ohio. This is a billionaire mindset. Oh, I love this. How far is Akron from Cleveland, you guys? 35 minutes. 30, 35.

Who's to say? Quick half. Just about. Depends on if you take a 71 or 76. Honestly, think about driving from Los Feliz to Atwater. Yeah. And you've got... Pretty much. And people will complain about the traffic.

There will be none. There will be none. Compared to Los Angeles. They see it. If you see a car in front of them. Yeah, exactly. People are like, this is unreasonable. River, did you go anywhere for the holiday last week? I did not.

I rarely go anywhere for anything. But I especially do not go anywhere for the holidays um i've made that like a pretty firm rule for myself i don't know how much longer that's gonna last but i'm just like no i traveled i like toured very extensively for a solid four years yeah and then also traveled on the holidays and i am just like no thank you. No thank you. Over it. Done. I'm over it. No more. And also if you travel a lot for work and then you travel on specifically Thanksgiving, it is

amateur night for traveling. It is all people who never get on planes who question the fact they have to take their shoes off and you're like what have you been doing for the last 20 years? You are shocked about this. going through security behind someone who's not good at security oh yeah i don't know what their experience level just not good at it

is one of the most infuriating especially if you're in one of the security that doesn't have like you know how now like updated airports have those bins that like shoot out at you but not updated airports you still just have to kind of wait in the line. You have to wait in the line. Yep. I need, if I'm near, if I'm in a five yard radius of someone that's not good at security, I need the shootout bins.

I need the bins to be delivered to me. I need to get in that bin and I will go through the x-ray machine. And I need to be able to skip around people. You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. And to be able to just. Well, I can do that because I have TSA pre.

Are you guys down with TSA pre yet? Oh, I'm on TSA pre. Oh, yeah. You got to do it. I hate the government, but I'm doing it. And I can't because of someone... You got to do it. I can't be TSA pre-check because of someone my mom dated in the past.

Oh, my God. I forgot about this. I forgot about this. I forgot about this. Yeah. My siblings got it revoked. I can't apply. F that guy or person. It's one of those things where it's perfect

and I'm glad she dated him. They've got too many people doing TSA pre-check now. The TSA pre-check line is getting long. They're just handing it out like breath mints or something. It's ridiculous. That is where I encountered somebody that they literally asked every item that they had.

They were like asking the person as they were in line, like, do I need to take my watch off? Do I need to take my pants off? Like every, everything they were asking about, I'm usually pretty chill. Like, honestly honestly like it drives me crazy but i keep it in because i'm just like oh that's not what what is my anger gonna do you know what i mean what is it really gonna do it's just gonna make it worse and this guy was like asking about a little every little thing and i went come on this woman looked at me like i was

insane and i was like you're right i'm insane right now i've lost my mind i've lost my mind i've lost my mind i lost it i used to have it i think i said to her i think i was like i'm sorry you're right and that's honestly a trait that's a trait that people don't have enough people don't have enough uh uh self-awareness to get scolded and then go yeah my bad yeah you know what just take me right on this one i still get so afraid of being scolded there's actually nothing that sits worse with me i get so embarrassed i hate to be yelled at i hate someone yells at me i shut down in such an insane way i don't get i don't even have the ability to say that you're right like i have

to just be like yeah yeah i understand sometimes sometimes you just have to pod to the floor sometimes you just have to like and like alex mack into a puddle and just go away you know and i need people to like leave me alone about it she'll be she'll be called me she'll be called me sobbing and inconsolable once because she got honked out on the interstate oh which interstate it is absolutely inconsolable for that to be the way that Caleb is describing the story Caleb please come help me I don't

know what to do people are gonna go wild for this one it was crazy River. I honked at a car. It was crazy, River. Yeah. I honked at a car. Okay? Because it was blocking an intersection.

Sure. Stopped while the light was turning red. And I was like, you got to go, dude, because I'm going to get T-Bone. So it was more of a classic ahem as opposed to a go fuck yourself. It wasn't like a eh. It was just like a beep beep. I got to get. We got to go. Let's go. Top. It wasn't like a eh. It was just like a beep beep. I gotta get, we gotta go.

Let's go. Top top. Hey there. Lego, Lego. I gotta go forward. And they hated that. Sure. And then.

Did they tear out after you did that? Or did they like take off? They reversed quickly. Whoa. Scary. Because I'm behind them. Because you're looking at them. Scary because I'm behind them. That're looking at them because i'm behind

them that's at me they're charging um and if you know one thing about wildlife charging is bad and so then i reverse charging even worse and you do not want to meet an animal that's reverse charging yeah so i you don't want to mess with the horns you do do not want to mess with the butthole either i'll tell you that so then i was just kind of like beep beep again to be like i can't go backwards yeah yeah i'm here it's a forwards only street that's right they then pull to the side lay on their horn i go around follow me on to the interstate and i'm not kidding this is the craziest thing about this car it didn't have it had only one light one headlight working but they could switch it oh jacob dylan they could switch it they could switch it wow i don't know if they were switching it but it did switch

i don't know i guess i didn't ask the guy sure I hoped to never meet him. But it was switching. And he was laying on his horn, following me down the interstate, tailing me. So you've met my dad. Honking. Oh, okay. That's very cool. And followed me all the way for 45 minutes on the highway. Whoa.

I'm weaving through traffic. It's following me through each one. I'm like, this person's going to kill me. So I called Caleb to be like like my gas is running low i gotta go home and i can't bring this person to my house what do i do i'm gonna be murdered and caleb was like go to the police station yeah unfortunately that is that is the answer you don't have to go in. Just pull up in front of it. You just gotta go there, yeah. I live here. This is my house.

Yeah, I'm with them, unfortunately. For the moment, I'm here. For this moment? Yeah. Right now, I'm a girl in blue. Show. I'm a little girly in blue. River, are you a big driver? Do you like to drive, hate to drive?

What's your feelings on driving? I feel like I'm in the middle on driving right now. Yeah. I don't mind it, you know? Yeah. Because I've lived in Los Angeles for almost 10 years. And people who, I mean, you know, you just have to drive here.

That's just what it is. There's no alternative. There's no alternative. Like, I mean, there is public transportation. You can sometimes take it to things. I need to go to the courthouse this week, so I'm going to try to take public transportation because it's actually going to be easier to not have to park my car in a parking garage. But for the most part, you have to drive because rich people made it so that there's no public transportation that goes across their precious little yards and stuff so right you pretty you have to drive everywhere but i did recently get a new vehicle um i had the same car for 14 years i drove a 2001 volkswagen jetta wagon which was of

course manual transmission and i had that car from ohio to to Eugene, Oregon to Chicago to Los Angeles. And I drove that thing around here. It was like an inch off the ground. I used to take that thing out to the desert. Damn. It's ridiculous, the shit that I did in that car. I drove it across the country like five times. And you got your use out of that thing, yeah.

I really did. Guess how much I paid for that thing in 2006 and took out a loan for it, by the way. $10,000. $7,780. No. And it had 55,000 miles on it. I donated it to Homeboy Industries, shout out to Homeboy Industries, with 128,000 miles on it. Can you even believe it?

Wow. And 28,000 miles on it. Can you even believe it? Wow. And 28. So do I like driving? I guess. I guess. The really interesting thing that came up in all of that was, what are you doing at the courthouse, my friend? Oh, I got to go change my name and gender marker and stuff.

Oh, yeah. Oh, I was kind of hoping you committed a crime or something. Just something really cool. Just a gender crime, Caleb. That's all. We cannot call transitioning a gender crime. Well, I think River can.

No, we can't. I am back at court to resolve the crime of my assigned gender. The original crime of society must be fixed must be fixed i love that uh well you know i hate to be so forward but we river we brought you here to ask you a really important question which is yes if we if we were going to make a new golden record today and you

were in charge of making your own what would you put on it oh my god what a what an honor to get to make my own my own golden record record record um do you want me to give you some give you some start off i would love to hear your first item my first item okay great now i do want to preface this with it was all my all my choices are what i'm feeling right now. Yes. So this is not like I didn't go back through my whole life. This is just what I'm feeling right now and what I want on a golden record. Because that, to me, is what a golden record is. It's like, what is the moment? What is the moment that we're putting out into space and time, right?

So my first choice is the song Cut Out by Softie. It has a nice long intro for a podcast. That's a conversation. The way you look it makes me jealous. I can't help it. I feel inadequate. All your pictures make me jealous. Take me.

I want to remake myself. I want you. And everything you both do. She's good. We're all dancing. Nobody can hear it, but we're all dancing. This is hot. Why isn't this song more popular?

It should be huge. It's going to be huge. We're blowing it up now. We got to get to the chorus, though. Hit up and all the night. Ooh. Ooh. we're blowing it up now we gotta get to the chorus though this this feels like and i think it's fair i think it's fair for me to say this i welcome challenges but this feels to me like a song that instantly comes to my mind two other musicians could have done really well. Robin, Moona.

It's very... She is taking up a space right in between these two. You know what I mean? It's like, yes. In a wonderful way. It's the Sylk Chiffon. Absolutely. But it's also...

Here's what I like about this song. And this is why I chose it. Her other songs are incredible. I also love Oh No by Softie. So if you liked that song, check that one out. Because it is like a banger. This one is a soft banger. But the reason I chose this one is because of its whole vintage vibe.

But also the fact that to me me it is perhaps the first and maybe only song that is in the sort of rock pop dance world i think rap and hip-hop have already they crush this all the time but it's a song about modern technology like she's singing about i saw you followed me back and like the things you post about and stuff like that. And it doesn't feel contrived and weird. It actually sounds like it sounds like a song and like you could listen to it in 20 years and it's not going to be weird. You know, like it's a song about social media that you don't immediately go like, oh, God, she's talking about Instagram. You know what I mean? You hear it and you're just like, oh, my God, it's so good.

And then you go like, oh, wait, she's singing about Instagram and following somebody and like posting on like it's so I love it I love that about it so much and I feel like there's not that many songs that really knocked out of the park without you realizing it the first couple times you listen to it it is so so much music and honestly, any like horror always like does the absolute most to make believe that we live in a time where like we're not all connected at all moments of every day. Like music will be like, haven't seen your face in eight years. It's like, open your fucking phone.

No, you totally do. What are you talking about? You haven't seen your face. You totally do. Yeah. You totally do. You can FaceTime. You don't even have to be in the same country.

FaceTime. When's the last time you were on a plane take your shoes off i'm like what are you talking about um and any any horror film i mean it's not a unique or new thing for me to say but they're just like it's like send a text make a call it's always like all this could be wrapped up if just you were to use your phone for a second i it is so that song is so hot i can't explain i'm not i'm not a i'm not a music uh professor um but i can't explain but here's what i will tell you about that song did it fold time for you oh see i don't know and that's what i'm saying is i don't know the technical terms but there were at least four parts during just that small listen where i went

oh and that's, that's how you know you got a good song. When you got four oohs in there. Yeah. I was like, Ooh, what's this now? It's great.

That's a hot song. It's literally got like four hooks. It's all hooks. That's the thing about Softie that I really like is she's got, she uses a lot of hooks and it doesn't feel like overuse either. Do you know Softie personally? No, I don't, but I do know that she's in comedy though,

which I didn't realize. Yeah, I think so. She did a show at Dynasty very recently, but not under the name Softie, under her name name. Okay, how did you get into her music? Do you remember? I literally think it was like a Spotify algorithm, which has done me very well. They work.

They really work. It really just does. People are, I heard somebody like, you know, just like talking about how great the TikTok algorithm is, which I bet it is, but I never use it. And to me, that's Spotify. Like Spotify just really knows what I want to hear. And that is literally how I found it.

And I was like, this is the greatest, because it sent me, oh no, the other top hit of hers. And that song is incredible. It's also just all hooks and it's incredible. Like you said, Kayla, it's right in between Robin and Moona. It's like, yeah, it's so good. It's exactly what I like. It's exactly what I like.

It's what I want more. I need more of it. I want more of it. I love it. I want more of this. The song is so high. I'm actually still just sort of in a daze about it. The song is so good.

Yeah. It's incredibly good. And I don't want to be in a club usually, but it made me want to be in a crowd of hot people going, just dancing up on somebody and being like, hey, what are we doing? We're out here being freaky. I love it.

Yeah. This song would be a fucking awesome song to hear at like 1135 at night. You know what I mean? Like you've been out for a little while. You're should i leave should i go home and then this song comes on and you're like no i'm staying i'm staying i'm gonna this is the one i'm leaving on i this is i can i can pinpoint the exact moment on on uh this past weekend i had food poisoning but i really wanted to see my friends so i went out anyway i was really not feeling well but i was on the dance floor and i can pinpoint this exact it's like when you've been out for like three

hours and you're like okay i have officially done it i saw the people i i needed to see i did the thing i said i would do i kept the plan and i more than kept the plan i really i've done everything do i want to end it or do i want to go for a full another segment like you were saying and this song is the thing you want to hear in that moment to be like oh baby we're going till two i'm gonna be home at two or three i'm staying yeah it's hot it makes you want to keep going it makes you want to end up at a diner later on that's right they should play it during marathons dance marathons or just like running marathons any marathons any dance marathons anymore i feel like we should do dance marathons more obviously once

the pandemic is actually over do the two of you want to organize do you just want to organize a dance marathon yes yes i do the three of us yes i do together we should do it i don't know what it'll be supporting but it'll be supporting something everything it'll be supporting everything anything you want it's supporting that there's a really great dance marathon episode of golden girls oh yeah um that's just i remember that one it's just a really funny episode is there a bad episode of golden girls like that i mean i feel like i feel like most episodes are at least passable you know what i mean watchable watch there's never an episode where you're like oh god you know what i mean this one's on i'll skip oh god this one where they go to the hospital

hospital and they they go to the hospital and they praise the american health care system that was a weird that was a weird i hated that wait i'm not a big fan yeah i thought that was they were like i just want to keep my doctor the craziest thing to me and this is so this I mean it's on topic but uh maybe not even fun to talk about but I was just thinking the other day that's the most depressing thing we've ever heard I mean it's it might be I don't know the I was in the car the other day driving and thinking about you know I was home so of course I was thinking a lot about politics because I was seeing signs that were like I literally saw a sign that said Jesus Bible America and I was like, so of course I was thinking a lot about politics because I was seeing signs that were like... I literally saw a sign that said, Jesus, Bible, America.

And I was like, that's not even a fucking message. It's just three words. Right. But I was thinking about politics and I was thinking about this thing that we read. I studied politics in college and they would make us read all the time these studies about what people were thinking about policy.

And statistically, if you gave you if you gave people uh obamacare policies back when obamacare was first coming out yeah and said this is obamacare how do you feel about it you know uh the same people who said they hated it if you gave them the policies without the name obama they loved it yeah they loved it they did that in utah that well at the at that time like romney did like a whole utah plan that's essentially the same thing but they just didn't call well here's the thing it's never been called obamacare they called it that on purpose so that people wouldn't like it right you know but like

they they they named it something it wasn't called the aca in utah it was like some other thing and they loved it so then like people were like, well, why don't we just do that? Why don't we just do... It's so infuriating because it's just the media getting what they want. And now I sound like Joe Rogan, but you know, whatever.

And you guys have a lot in common. We have so much in common. I do think that the two of you have a lot in common yeah i could see a brunch i could see a brunch going on i mean we were saying that before you came on we were like you know who joe rogan river and joe rogan just like two peas in a pod yeah yeah i i remember i just remember though um yeah reading that and being like oh we're so fucked that's so that's so stupid that's the dumbest thing i've ever heard um but yeah the golden girls would probably be on the right side of

history if we had to actually pin it down they'd probably be pro yeah i feel like the golden girls themselves would be but perhaps not the writers of that show yeah um perhaps not uh okay river we we desperately need to know um what's on your records. Incredible first pick. We're off to a really good start. I love to get on bass right at the beginning of the game. You've got to get on bass. If you're not a power hitter, you've got to get on bass. So I'm going to keep it rolling with music because it's a record,

so I want to feel those know, it's a record. So I like, I want to feel, I want to feel those tunes, you know? And so, uh, you know, I shout out to Spotify that we've already made and making another one.

Um, I would like to put my specific personal Spotify nineties playlist that I created quite some time ago at this point, but that has served me incredibly well. it is, I titled it Morning Ride to the Elms in my mom's red Nissan hatchback in 1993. And it contains 68 songs. It's four hours and 54 minutes, but this is a golden record by NASA.

They have the technology to include all these things. Absolutely. And so for me, this really encapsulates pop 90s pop like around the 93 94 era um or like that little two-year window three-year window because it also includes late 80s music that would still be played on the radio if if you remember radios. And so I feel like this has been, this playlist is some of my finest work. So I'm definitely leaving my thumbprint on this golden record to live forever

in space and time to let everybody know what I think are the best hits of the mid-90s. I will let everybody know ahead of time i'm sure this is going to be linked to or something like that um unfortunately one of my favorite singles of all time in a big country by big country off the record big country um is not the actual radio single it's a live version because for some reason that song isn't on spotify but one of my favorite jokes what's your favorite song oh in a big country by big country on the record big country yeah

i want to not even a joke just a statement really i want to bring up something that you might not even have noticed yet river and maybe you did and maybe you maybe you want to talk about it maybe you don't because it could be too personal but here goes yes i want to tell at least tell our listeners the facts and then we can dive into it if you want to let's get into it i love facts 68 song playlist 63 of these songs were added in 2011 or 2012 three of them were added in 2013 one of them was added in 2016 so there's a three-year period where where nothing is added and then the 68th song yes was added one day yesterday yesterday river tell us tell us what's going on here i can tell you exactly what's going on not with the 2011 the 2013 and the 2016 not at all but i can tell you

what happened with the 68th song on this beautiful playlist, which is that yesterday, I don't know what day that'll be to anybody that's listening, there was a tweet meme going around, you know, when people just ask those questions and then everybody retweets it. Somebody asked, what song is 100% pure pop perfection? And one of my favorite people on twitter matthew a cherry uh fellow uh university of akron alumni go zips um he tweeted out his choice for 100 pure pop

perfection which is when i think of you by janet jackson which is my 68th song on this playlist of amazing 90s, late 80s pop hits. It's great. I forgot how good that song was, you know? And a lot of that song is just kind of like dancing and going, ooh, ooh, ooh, ah, ooh, ah. You know, like she's not even really singing. And the video is incredible. It's all like one take. It's like the player or whatever, that other movie that I can't think of. It's incredible. I would give almost anything in the world to know what happened on January 17th of 2016

that brought you out of retirement to add a single song to the playlist that day. Everybody wants to rule the world by Tears for Fears. I want to know. I did. Yeah. Did I watch? I have to think you went to like a have to think yeah something had to happen you had to have heard it somewhere and go oh fuck that's got to go on

the playlist january 17 2016 yeah i mean all the stuff hadn't happened yet so i don't know yeah you were in a good place yeah all the stuff wasn't here yet all that stuff didn't happen yet so my question for you about this playlist yeah is that it's about five hours long okay for four hours 54 minutes pretty close so now i'm thinking we deliver this to aliens maybe we give them you know a way to listen to it i to me a playlist best place to listen to it's the car on a road trip what is a roughly five hour road trip that you would assign to them to listen to this playlist on that's such a great question a five hour because my immediate response would be driving from los angeles to san diego but that's only two hours. You'd have too much. It could be a stop. Yeah.

Go from San Diego to Los Angeles. That's right. Somewhere else. Or, I mean, here's, here's ultimately what it could be is, uh, put some aliens in a convertible land Rover. I'm going to go for it. Cause I just saw that that exists. I don't know why it exists.

I don't know why you would want a land Rover. That's also a convertible. But I saw this at Home Depot yesterday. It's the same thing as when they did it to PT Cruisers. It's one of those things where you're like, what? Yeah, you definitely are confused about what it is that you want. So I want to put aliens in that scenario

because I want them to understand what it is to be human, which is to not know what you want. At any given moment and to get exactly what you want. Yes. Yes. At any given moment and to get exactly what you want and realize I didn't want this at all.

Oh! And so... That's speaking to me today. I want the aliens to have to ride in a convertible Land Rover to Vegas. This would be a perfect,

perfect soundtrack to Vegas. Because you're just like in the desert yeah you know it timeless it could totally be the 90s maybe i asked them to watch thelma and louise before they do it and then they would kind of get the vibe you know what i mean why not i say why not yes i say why not it's a great film i wow to be human is to get exactly what you want and then maybe not want it anymore that's pretty much it i've been i'm vibing with that right now that really that really spoke to me it speaks to caleb's impulse to go home and live there i literally sat my on my lunch break today i just sat and ate a vegan salad it's so funny if that made river leave yeah river river no i'm sorry my my house just got

incredibly dark insanely dark insanely dark i love that you had a vegan salad as opposed to a midwestern salad which has a steak on it no steak no ham cubes nothing i ate a vegan salad and i just kind of stared uh stared into the distance for an hour. That was my lunch. I'm having one of those days. I get it. It hits for me. One day after a long weekend.

What was in a vegan salad? Because a lot of salads are vegan. Well, a lot of salads are not vegan, babe. Most salads actually have dressing that are not vegan or have cheese on them, something egg. Most? I think most salads have non-vegan components i would say many i would say many i would not dare i feel more than comfortable saying most personally i mean my life i i could see both honestly caleb if we're if we're talking

about in los angeles then i would say many if we're talking about the country of the united states of america i would say most i think even vegetarian places i'm saying vegan no i can specifically because the dressing even no balsamic vinaigrette but what but what made it vegan uh even more intentionally than that was possibly vinaigrette period what made it vegan even more than that was that it had um tofu on it and it had a vegan egg salad which i don't even know what that was made of and probably more tofu um yeah maybe more tofu maybe some chickpeas um where'd you get this vegan salad from um the unless it gives away your location then don't no i i don't care anyone can come see me um i think it's called it's of course we'll bleep that

because no free clout for the girlies, but yeah, that's right, but yeah, it's it was it was okay, but the whole point is I was just sitting there disassociating thinking about stuff like that, like oh god,

when you get what you want and you don't want it anymore or yeah, just not knowing what you ever want. What is when is that welcome to the industry? When are we going to know what we want in general? I mean, yeah, everybody gets it at some point. You know what I mean? Everybody figures it out at some point in their life. You never know when though.

Do you feel like you figured it out? I think I have had the experience. I'll say this. There's no figuring anything out. I don't think the whole figuring it out thing is like, I think a trick that's like human nature. And you can also pin it on capitalism and all kinds of other things. But,

um, I think it's always been around pre capitalism, but, um, I think that I have had the feeling of knowing what I want, getting it and enjoying it. Yeah. So that I have that,

that is like a new experience, you know, to be like, Oh, I want that. And then you do it and you, And enjoying it. Yeah. So that is like a new experience. That's huge. To be like, oh, I want that. And then you do it and you allow yourself to enjoy it. Because I think for me, that's been my experience looking back on it, is that when I get it, it's not that I'm dissatisfied. It's not that it's not good enough. It's that I was afraid to let myself enjoy it because that might mean it would go away yeah and then in not enjoying it it goes away because it's not really there

yeah um and so i think you know i've had the experience in my life that like oh the enjoyment is the existence of it you know the existence is enjoying it you know yes and there's there's nothing wrong with enjoying your life and it's never too late to enjoy your life oh my god preach we're preaching it's time is that billionaire mindset with shelby and caleb this is this is um it is time for us to go to a break for the ads which are going to be really exciting nice i love the ads i'm gonna miss you guys i'm gonna miss you guys bye see you on the other side welcome bark river whoa what up do you want to do you want to give us a bark

oh yeah the bark the bark is the thing you don't like right or what is the we get nervous bark bark is we said we started saying like you literally want me to bark if hey no you don't have to we all do it okay give it give us your best bark this is a challenge best bark your best possible bark whoa whoa yeah I liked it your dog loved it it's so good

completely different relationship now he's like oh my god who are you he's like wait it just became romantic your dog's like he fell in love with me all over again we just did this we just renewed our bounds we just did this to Joe Firestone we It just became romantic. Your dog's like, wait. It really did. He fell in love with me all over again. We just did this to Joe Firestone. We just did this to Joe Firestone.

We accidentally made it sound like Joe wanted to fuck her dog. Oh, no. We didn't need to. And we don't think that. I don't even know if I think that the romantic chemistry between you and your dog is sexual. I think it's. I think it's. Romance. Spiritual romance.

Yeah. Spiritual platonic romance. Yeah yeah spiritual platonic romance yeah it's like we want absolutely we want it but we know we shouldn't absolutely i want it i'm not gonna get it and i know i shouldn't you know yes that's shelby and i that's me and shelby yeah i can feel that that's our relationship i can cut that tension with a knife yeah yeah and not even a sharp one. No, a very dull one. It's barely even a knife.

It's really a spoon. I've got 2,000 of them over here. It's one of those letter openers. Looks like a knife. Not a knife. Not a knife. Only for letters, though. It's a knife.

It can cut through the weak, weak glue of an envelope. Yeah, the spit-activated glue of an envelope. What, by the way, is that? And now, is it what we've chosen forever? Well, they don't even make it anymore. Now they put a little strip label thing on there. Way cooler. Yeah, but the problem about that one,

it doesn't stay sticky for long. It doesn't really work. Yeah, because you're not sealing it with your DNA. I've just, I've decided. And Caleb, Caleb can attest to the email. Our landlord emailed Caleb to ask me when I was going to pay the, emailed, has my email, emailed Caleb. He always takes Shelby off the emails.

He hates to have. If I put Shelby on an email with him and me and Shelby he'll take Shelby off I'll add Shelby back he'll take her off again like he hates corresponding with Shelby and I don't actually often respond so it's not even I don't like him wow he just wants

the men to talk he wants the men to talk I don't like him so he's right to not want to talk to me but i haven't really made that clear to him no yeah no he can't know he's making that clear to you though yeah he emailed caleb to ask him to ask me if i would be paying the rent that month well i pay the rent every month so no you don't you pay me but i pay him with it i give the check every month. No, you don't. You pay me, but I pay him with it. I give the check every month. I've given him the check multiple months.

No, not once, honey. You've delivered it. It's been my check. Okay, I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying. That is true. The legalities of this conversation are incredible. River's like, can I log off?

Are you guys going to litigate this right now i love this i don't know i love it i love it the only the only point in delivering the rent was paying the rent yeah no well it's a chore because we have to take it to alhambra it's alhambra oh my god i'm so sorry it's like the gas of that does actually make an impact on the climate more than anything. Thank you, River. I only made it clear that I pay the rent because when he gets the check every month, it has my name. So he knows I'm paying the check. And then he asked Caleb to ask me if I was paying it, a crazy question. And then was like, can you make sure she seals the envelope?

Wow. No, sends it in a sealed envelope, which I've done every month for a year. In his defense though. They are weak stickies. Well, no, no,

no. In his defense, in terms of the email thing and you not being on there, you are a little lady and I'm a big strong boy. And so if he doesn't like communicating, if he only likes communicating with big strong boys, maybe that's what has something to do with that you know what i mean shelby yeah and i do think that has a big thing to do with it not in the mood to joke about it either kind of not in the mood to joke about it at all yeah no i do think it's because i'm just a weak

little girl though i didn't say like a little lady the the last i couldn't possibly barely even have a bank account i can't have anything to do with the home affairs which is the funniest thing about that by the way is that of the two of us if i had to pick a big strong boy and a little lady it wouldn't be the way that he picked it friends it would not be the way that our landlord decided. I hang our shelves. Gender is a construct. Come on.

Everybody, let's go down to the courthouse. Let's go. Come on now. Let's go down to the courthouse. We've got a gender crime to solve. Solving a gender crime is so funny. I smell a new podcast. River's podcast.

Gender crime. I want it to be like a kid to like, come on guys, get in the car. We're going to the courthouse to solve a gender crime. Wait, actually, I hate to sort of be on River's team right now, like be a sort of act as a manager, but Gender Crimes with River Butcher goes fucking crazy. I don't know if that's a special title or a podcast,

but that goes so hard. It's a brand, Caleb, is what it is. I think you know if that's a special podcast, but that goes so hard. It's a brand. Caleb is what it is. I think he just cracked a brand. Damn, you don't even have to. You don't please don't ever pay me for that just if you use it. Oh, no, I yeah, we'll figure it out. I'll give you some points on the back end. Don't worry about it. I take

care of my people. You know what I mean? Gender crimes with River Butcher. I'm like dreaming of wearing a t-shirt. I'm like dreaming of wearing a t-shirt. I wrote it down. It's on my little notes here. Thank you. It's going to happen one way or another.

I love, I love when this podcast is mutually beneficial. Me too. River, we want to ask you, what is something so embarrassing in all of humanity that you think it should be deleted from the records entirely? This

was one of my favorite things to choose. Okay. So what I would like to delete from all of humanity because you guys gave me the you know the whole rundown that like

all the usual suspects are gone so we don't need to worry about gender crimes we don't need to worry about gender crimes racism all these other things so i'm just saying that again to remind myself and the audience that that's why i'm not choosing those things right but i would really love to wipe out from humanity those moments when you let somebody out in traffic and the person that you let out can't just lift their hand up and say thanks. Oh, my God. You're so right.

I would like for that to never happen again. You're so right. You can't even toss me a. You can't even throw a limp wrist up in the window. You can't throw me a couple fingers in the sky, big dog. A thumb? I'll take a pinky. I don't care.

I'll take a pinky. What is both of your hand for that? Because I have a very specific, that is my, I'm going to call it thank you hand. What is yours? So mine is, I've had to work on it recently

because as I said, I got a new car after a bunch of years, so I had to find my free spot. You know what I you gotta find your window you gotta find the window of the space in between and understand the perspective now i have a two-part system when somebody lets me out i put up basically a turn signal caleb you'll know this from biking in chicago i do with biking in chicago i throw up just a full extended fingers as far as possible so that people can see it. Yes. And I do a nice little move like this.

Yes. And then I will also roll the window down and put out a peace sign. Ah, peace sign. I love it. Thank you. Because I want to make sure you got it. My thank you hand in a car, specifically, is very much a weak peace sign it's a peace sign with no integrity at all one of these it's like a dad peace sign yeah like peace sign forward

mine is kind of a frantic like i need to make sure they get it so mine is actually more like like i'm like really giving them like a like a thank you like i'm like kind of thank you thank you so much like i'm do you always crouch when you do it too, Kayla? I don't want to make you feel self-conscious, but to me that feels like, go away, go away, I'm busy. No, they know, because when you let someone in, if they're doing any hand wave to you, you know it's happy.

Absolutely, yeah. There's no, you can start the hand wave begrudgingly, but as soon as you do it, you're like into the moment of gratitude. Like you can be like but as soon as you do it you're like into the moment of gratitude like you can be like oh whatever and then you're like oh no actually that was really nice this is los angeles yeah we'll take it because you literally do not have to do it like there's no moment ever in los angeles that like you have to that like it just doesn't happen and then so when people do it you're like holy shit

that's the way i feel about it when it happens like oh my god a human being mine is very much like a bat an nba player after they've drawn a foul and they're trying to be like the bigger man about it where they're like i did that one that one was me that's on me yeah that one was me that's mine yeah that's me thank you thank you that's that's my move when i'm at a four-way stop and i let somebody go or somebody lets me go i'm like thank you do you guys do you guys know those um billboards around la sometimes that say like uh the specific one i'm thinking there's a whole bunch of the pass it on ones but the specific one that says yep traffic is stressful enough let someone in why make it worse or something like that yeah i am not fucking kidding you i was driving a a two-lane country highway in missouri last week

and one of those billboards was out there and i was like who did this there's no traffic yeah that doesn't make any sense it's so funny yeah i mean if there's ever traffic there's also nothing you can do about it because it's like oh it's harvest season you're stuck behind a tractor that's that like there's no yeah there's no solution oh my gosh don't bring out please don't bring up harvest season it's a sensitive subject for shelby her harvest has been really tough on her lately oh this harvest has been tough yeah last few years has not been the wheat hasn't been as plentiful as you thought right i hate when we bring up harvest season shelby's actually the last couple years been forced to um not plant some of the land and take usda grants it's been a whole

subsidy nightmare the farm is not doing well yeah the subsidies are bad and the right to repair i mean it's positive but like it's still it's it's so many years that you haven't been all the money that you lost over all the years that it's like yeah i i'm i am gonna look this gift horse in the mouth you know what i mean like it's a little it's a little too little too late yes exactly so please before you come into my home my podcast harvest season i think again consider before you open your mouth river we desperately need to know what's next on your records okay what's next on my records um let's keep going with this 90s vibe because that's also just where i've been at uh i would like to put on my record the feeling of going to the mall on a Saturday afternoon in 1995 irreplaceable moment.

Now tell, tell us a little bit about that. What does that mean? Caleb was born. I, yes, I realized my, no,

it's fine. No, I'm saying what specifically, I'm 39 and loving it. I don't care. I cannot wait, but I was just thinking specifically. Yes,

I just lied through his teeth. Oh, I literally can't. There's been a development actually in, in my thoughts about aging. What? But it's not important for right now. What's important for right now is, specifically the mall in 1995, is it because of the age you were or something about the malls?

What was it? I think it's the age that I was in the malls. Like, all those things. Like, I was 13, so I was, like, going to the mall by myself. And then, like, on a Saturday by myself and then like on a saturday and also like here's here's a beautiful thing about living in los angeles is you can find a mall that replicates what it looked like and sounded like it smelled like to go to the mall in 1995 yes it's like they're basically time capsules and like i went to a mall in el paso

texas so you don't even have to come to california if you don't want to you can go to texas you can go to el paso and there was a goddamn sam goodies in that thing with the same carpet carpet and everything from night it was like i walked into the past it was an incredible experience i love highly recommend that el paso texas uh mall anyway uh but here's the thing about like 1995 and going to the mall on a saturday afternoon no phones so you're just there with everybody else yeah and it was where everybody went and i also feel like this feeling is still around now even with phones and all that stuff is that as much as anti-capitalist as i am and pro like public space and public funding

and all these things the mall is the closest thing we have to public communal spaces you know and so across the country we still have them as like this central place to be and hang out and spend time with each other i would also add that in 1995 we had lots of water features in our malls yes and the like the like soothing serene sound of a fountain in the middle of that thing that just like goes to all the anchor stores and everything like you walk out of pennies and you're like oh i can hear the fountain from here you know just a great feeling you used to be able to like discover pop stars in malls yeah that's cool as fuck yeah you mean actually physically seeing them there or they would like perform there yeah they would like perform at the mall

where in the world is carmen san diego at the mall that's crazy i saw the television show at the mall i was incredible the thing for me about malls in the 90s and where I feel like I really want to be in there with you but also have a hard time is that my mom has a fear of malls. Oh, sure. Agoraphobia or agoraphobia? Just malls. Oh, just malls. Just malls. She doesn't like – I think it is a fear of crowds.

She's mallphobic. She doesn't like, I think it is a fear of crowds. It's a fear of crowds that I think she feels most scared in a mall because the entrances and exits are so sprawled out. Oh, sure. She can't escape quickly. Yeah. And if she's in like a specific store, she has to like get very far before she can be outside. That being said, I didn't get to go to the mall that much ever until i was like able to go alone interesting like until i was able to be dropped off it was like call the store get something to pick up outside yeah we'll try it on and we'll return it because my mom was like i can't go in

there she can't go in there see i had a very different experience of the mall because my mom worked at the mall for most of my childhood so going on saturday was like our thing a big deal would be like yeah she worked at the joann's joann fabric oh yeah yes dude so cool of her to take you on a saturday when she had to work there she liked it oh i want to meet her i think about that now and i'm just like how why would you want to go to work why would you want to go to where you work on your day off especially that you're getting a saturday off like wowza yeah cool lady i guess cool lady i want i would do dinner with her she sounds cool do dinner what if i was like i wouldn't i think that's weird i think it's weird that caleb said that it crossed the boundary i wouldn't do that i think it's weird that caleb said that and i

think it's even weirder that she was going to the place where she worked on the weekend doing that i would think it's weird triple weird um no i guess though if you're saying that it was more the age and also like the way the malls were i did like going to the mall in my preteens with a group yeah when you're 13 you feel like you're an adult. You have a pick up time and you're like, I'm here until I'm picked up. I'm here until 5. It was a huge deal for us to go. I lived like an hour and a half from the closest mall. So it was a huge deal for us to, when we got our licenses, go into the mall, like drive

to the mall and spend as much time as we wanted there and spend like your little $30 on a pair of jeans or whatever you can afford. Go to the food court. $30 in my pocket still feels like a lot of money to me. Cash? $20 bill. Cash? What?

In ones? In ones it fills a whole wallet. But there was a mall that was further away. There was a mall pretty close to me, but then there was a mall that was like an hour, an hour and a half, an hour away. I was going to say an hour and a half, but I think that would be dishonest.

Please don't lie. Don't ever lie shelby there was an arcade like oh yeah sort of like a chucky cheese type thing no was it an aladdin's castle oh jeepers well did you know jeepers no not at all i just i'm amazed that they called something that yeah jeep Jeepers. And it was the coolest. It was like a Chuck E. Cheese. It had all the games and stuff. But the cool thing about Jeepers was that inside of Jeepers was a small roller coaster. Yeah. Wow. Rocks.

I spent every single day of my life begging to go on the hour-long drive so that I could go to Jeepers to ride the roller coaster, which, having since seen pictures from birthday parties and such at Jeepers, I can say was really boring. A really bad roller coaster. Not a lot of tricks. Not a lot of fun. Just sort of up, down, and through a cave. But through a cave! I mean, through a cave inside in an establishment? That's kind of a lot of tricks, not a lot of fun. Just sort of up, down, and through a cave. But through a cave! I mean, through a cave, inside, in an establishment, and that's kind of a lot.

A lot. One of the last things that I did before the pandemic was I went to San Diego with my partner's family. Well, they were in San Diego. We went down and met them. And there's like, I've been to San Diego a bunch because one of my closest friends lives there. And I had never been to like,

they have like a little Coney Island there, basically. And I had no idea because that's like where her folks and her family was staying. And it's got like a little boardwalk with all these video games and shit, right? Like all this crazy stuff. And they have a roller coaster. Shelby, it's very similar to your experience. I love that. Of course, of course, the time came that we all, well, a couple of us

got, all of us walked up to the roller coaster. Some of us got on. It was one of those kinds of situations, you know, and we got on it and I was like, what's this going to be like? I mean, I just remember having all these thoughts about the roller coaster because it had been so long since I'd been on a roller coaster in my life. It just has been a long ass time. I'm 39 years old. And so we get on this roller coaster and it is incredible. It's I'm literally laughing at how good this thing is. As I'm riding it, I get off of the roller coaster. I look back at it. I kiss the chef and say my compliments to the chef. This is what I say to the roller coaster itself. I did not plan it.

It just came out of me. I highly recommend that roller coaster in San Diego. It's a lot of fun. I'll go. I'll go. I love a roller coaster. Wait, I put a picture of me riding the roller coaster in the chat.

Oh my God, I can't wait. It's cute. It's pretty cute. We'll have to put this on the internet somewhere. Instagram, I guess. Oh my God. Too cute. Look at all those eyeballs. it's pretty cute we'll have to put this on the internet somewhere instagram i guess oh my god too cute look at all those eyeballs so those are in the capers those are the jeepers yeah creepers those are the jeepers peepers but i they didn't call them that i just did and i feel bad about it for what it's worth sure um sure sure of course you do you said jokers beepers makes sense

um mike also sent me a text of a video of the roller coaster i'll send it to you guys offline okay great but it uh is a bad roller coaster ultimately it's a tiny roller coaster tiny small as small as can be it's more coaster than roller you know what i mean yeah i was just thinking about how how big things feel when you're a kid because we were talking about maybe taking my uh little cousins joel and elliot shout out boys they don't listen they're too young um but i love them to death but we were talking about maybe taking them over break to this uh arcade that i used to go to for my birthdays when i was a kid and it felt so big and we didn't end up going but i just was thinking oh you what? I fucking know if we went,

that place is going to be tiny. Like there's no way it'll be as big as it felt. Cause I used to get scared in there that I would get lost. Yeah. Yeah. And even just looking at the pictures on Yelp, I was like, no dude,

it's not, this is a post office. It's a small, yeah. Everything feels so big, funny when that happened. Like, I don't know.

Paul F. Tompkins has a great, he just, you know how he always has like little tag references or whatever i love him he's always like you know it's like going back to your elementary school or whatever but it's so it's so weird and true when you go back and you're like i was that small like this shit felt so big everything was so huge and then you get bigger and you're just like oh everything is the same size oh things are not that big i've seen bigger i've seen bigger things i've seen bigger things i thought things were getting bigger these chairs are not the biggest chairs there are bigger chairs i've seen bigger chairs bigger chairs in this little when you go into a classroom and see little chairs the thought that i sat in those it was just like perfect great chair normal table loving all of those normal desk size i love this for me ah this

chair and this table i wouldn't trade it for the world because they're the perfect size too big tiny locker all my stuff fits in it this cubby wait there is something so cute i hope you guys agree about when a kid has a normal sized backpack. Oh, yeah. And it takes up their whole body. Their entire body. And they're walking somewhere with their big backpack. And they look like they're going to flip. That's so cute.

Yeah. It's pretty cute. River, I think we've come to the part of the episode where we have to do a roundup of the rest of your stuff. Do you want to tell us what we didn't get to go deep on? Um, so I only have two left and, uh, so I'll leave my favorite out of the two. Well,

no, that I'm not going to say that actually, cause I like them both. So I'll start with the sound of a VCR. Rewinder because I feel like that's already been lost to time. Yeah. It's over. CR rewinders are like one of my favorite gadgets that's ever

been invented because like the vcr was invented and people lost their minds and then they were like oh no no you can't rewind the tape in there you have to buy a separate thing because it's you have to take care of your tapes and your vcr so don't rewind it in there don't put it in your vcr and rewind it take it out put it in thing, and then you put it in the VCR rewinder that you bought from school or whatever that's supposed to look like a Ferrari. The whole point is to take care of the tape, right? So you put it in, and then you press start

on the VCR rewinder, and it goes and rewinds it so fast that you're like, how is this better than the VCR that rewinds very softly and sounds very nice. You also, when you didn't rewind in the VCR, you didn't get to watch the movie in reverse.

That's right. And that was kind of a takeaway, but you got it so much quicker and you felt like you were taking care of your stuff. Yeah, and you have this extra thing. Yeah. My parents were, and they might have been right on this to be clear i i haven't done the math um i never timed it both ways but they always said

it was faster not to watch it in reverse but instead to stop it then reverse yeah it is way faster to do it that way yeah well then you don't see it you don't see it reverse you don't see it backwards yes and you don't see it coming and going yeah because it stopped and that's why because it stopped when it comes to movies i like to see it what's it but i love to watch it go oh god that was a reach that was a big reach i loved it i i mean hey you took a big hack like big hack at that one. I loved it. When it comes to movies, I like to see... What's the... I don't like for you to leave, but I love to watch you go.

I hate to see her go. I love to watch you leave. When it comes to movies, I hate to see it end, but I love to watch it go. You've approached the bit with such confidence without knowing the reference material like five times now. Yeah, man. I love it. That really works for me.

You give it a real Rodney Dangerfield wind-up. Like, when it comes to... Leave it. I don't like for you to go, but I'll sit here and take it. When it comes to movies. So ridiculous. I don't like to see it end, but I love to watch it go. No, turn it off. Change the channel channel i'm not watching that wow river what's the

what's the last thing we didn't get from you and then my last thing is uh 90s taco bell interiors those were just a tour de force of uh american interior design um we didn't know what we had when we had them but they were really truly incredible we slept on. We didn't know what we had when we had them, but they were really, truly incredible. We slept on them. We didn't appreciate it until it was gone. There was something so bad about when they chose to stop doing that.

Something so bad in the world. Yeah, and then they turned it into just like that gray cement, like Castle Grayskull kind of a thing. Like why? I don't want my, I want my Taco Bell to look like Taco Bell. I don't want it to look like jail or something like that. You know, I want it to.

The cantinas are kind of crazy. They're like trying to make it like I'm like I go to bars to be at bars. I want to go to taco bell. Cantinas are like we have brushed steel in here. You're like I never need you to. I want that white and purple. Yes, yes, yes. This is what I want.

I want for Micah. I want the seats to swivel. Yeah, yes, yes. This is what I want. I want Formica. I want the seats to swivel. Yeah. I don't want freestanding chairs. No. I want to be lifted off the ground. I want to be only able to move in a tilt. That's right.

I want to bang my knee on it every time. Otherwise, it's not Taco Bell. Something funny about your record is that you started by saying this is just what i like right now because it's of the moment it's of the moment it's of the moment for me i think every single one was based in the 90s yeah but am i not wrong in or wait am i am i right am i not right whatever gender crimes am i is it are the 90s not fully and completely back they're having a moment they're having a moment for river and for everybody nobody's criticizing Whatever. Gender crimes. Are the 90s not fully and completely back?

They're having a moment. They're having a moment for River and for everybody. Nobody's criticizing the record. Okay, great. I don't think you're criticizing, but I just want to put a point on the fact that the 90s are back, and so I just wanted to have the firsthand experience of the 90s being back and also living them the first time. What I fear about the 90s being back is that after the 90s were the early two thousands. Yeah, I don't that look, I didn't think I was prepared

for the nineties coming back. Cause I truly like in my hubris as a human being truly did not think anyone would want to relive this thing, but that's the thing. They're not reliving it. They're living it for the first time. So they think it's fun to wear oversized looney tunes shirts and maybe perhaps wear your pants backwards no one's done that yet i feel like they should but they're doing something new tiktok tiktok teens are doing new things they do everything that are like where you're the waistband crosses on itself so if this is a button and this is a button the buttons go oh sure yeah and i think that's crazy. Interesting.

But yeah, I don't want the early 2000s to come back. That is something that I will fully and completely ignore as much as possible. If I have to wear low-rise jeans again, I will not leave my home. Never again. The belts alone, I can't do. Yeah, the chain belts. All right, River? Yes. Thank you so much for being on.

Thank you. Hey, friends, thank you so much for being on. Thank you. Hey, friends. Thank you so much for having me on your podcast. An absolutely flawless record. Thank you. One that will transform them through time and space, I think. They'll be very confused as to whether it's from 2021 or 1996. And that could be so powerful.

Truly. And honestly, thank you for introducing us to an absolute banger, cut out by something. Oh, yeah. You're welcome. We'll listen to it as soon as we get off, by the way. If you guys are trying to find that song a reminder that we have a spotify playlist with all the songs from guests we do are you gonna put my five-hour playlist i guess we kind of have to do it each song by song yeah well yeah because you technically put every song i mean i feel like

if you gotta pick one just put when i think of you on there you know right because that was the one that i put on for the podcast probably yeah and and if you have things you want to put on the records we also have a fan edit oh nice spotify playlist that's collaborative so add to that however much you want yes river where can people find you um you can find me on twitter and instagram i also have a facebook if you can believe it but all of those got changed to my name which is not it's new but also not really new you know what i mean whatever there's some middle ground there um so it's at riv butcher because somebody's already got the other one these are the uh the awesome things of transitioning late in life everybody's already got all the names whoopsie daisy but yeah r-i-v butcher b-u-t-c-h-e-r um i'm on there probably too much you know um but more in a healthy dose and i'll be in san francisco for

sketch fest on the 14th of january come out to that show it'll be a lot of fun and then i'm in seattle at the crock um the 20th through the 23rd a bunch of of shows and I'll have those links on a website or my social media at some point. And I have a half hour coming out on Comedy Central's website in January. So those are the places that you can find me. Okay, if you guys are in those cities, you have

to go. And if you're not, it's okay. You can watch online. You can watch online on Comedy Central. Move to those cities. Move to San Francisco or Seattle. If you're not in those cities, be there. That's right. Be there and be there soon. Thank you so much, River.

Oh, thanks, you guys. This has been so much fun. That was a Hiddem Original.