Keeping Records - Hot Girls and Their Ugly Dogs (with Ashley Nicole Black)

Episode Date: March 11, 2022

This week on the pod, Caleb, Shelby, and Emmy-winning (!!!) writer/actress/comedian Ashley Nicole Black get into it. It = the best moments of the human experience, the things we should be most proud to show off to the aliens in space. It mostly = the 1997 ouevre My Best Friend's Wedding.   They also get into the use of stalls vs. urinals, how to actually give someone a compliment without telling on yourself, and an absolutely harrowing tale from Caleb's dating life. Let this be a reminder to do a thorough background check on all your dates, lil freaks!!!! Ashley's Artifacts Day Drinking Outside (Experience) When a Baby Uses You As a Couch (Behavior) My Best Friend's Wedding (1997 Film) Being a Drunk Girl in the Bathroom (Shared Feeling) Adopting Dogs (Activity) Follow Ashley on Twitter and Instagram.  Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a HeadGum Original. In 1977, NASA sent two solid gold records into space so that aliens might find them and understand life on Earth. I send greetings on behalf of the people of our planet. And friendly wishes to all who may encounter this voyager. Now, we're making new records with our friends. Bonjour tout le monde. Konnichiwa.

Hola y saludos a todos. Assalamu alaikum. We step out of our solar system into the universe seeking only peace and friendship. We know full well that our planet and all its inhabitants are but a small part of this immense universe that surrounds us. Hello from the children of planet Earth. Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well. Caleb. Caleb.

Shelby. Before we get into this, I want to address one single commenter, I think it was, which is someone who said the least we could have done was have Mike on the podcast. Yeah. Well. We're trying. He's going to come on the podcast. We're trying.

We couldn't make it work when we, it is not, someone said the least we could, it's like. Where did they comment this? It was on something. I think it was on. Do you know what I love about us? Is that we get, we get legitimately, and I'm not making this up. We get legitimately so many nice comments and messages about this podcast. And on every single episode, we bring up like.

The one bad one. The one bad thing that someone has said. Like one personal, and it's never even that bad. One personal comment like, oh man, I wish the ads were a little bit shorter. And we'll do like 10 minutes being like, let us tell you guys something. About ads. Yeah. It's like just literally talk about the good stuff.

We love our good commenters. The reason I'm bringing it up is because I want people to know that we do love Mike. And it is not a personal attack that we didn't have him on. No, we do love Mike. I mean, do I have a lot of resentment towards Mike for leaving the podcast? Yes. A hundred percent. Do I wish him well?

You know, I wish him as a guest on the pod. That's the most that I wish him. What he did leave us with is a childhood friend as our new producer. What he did leave us with is our closest, newest friend in the world, Anya, who you guys should start showing some love to in the comments. Yeah, Jesus Christ. Yeah. They met at a Republican National Convention where Anya was speaking. And that's beautiful.

She was the youngest speaker, still is, the youngest speaker ever to speak at an RNC. Yeah. She was there speaking. She was doing a panel called Guns. Let's see more of them. It was Guns. It was, sorry. And Anya, you can chime in if I'm getting this wrong,

but it was Guns. And what arts can we take away from people? It was Guns and Who Shouldn't Have Rights. That was the panel, and it was very, it was guns and what arts can we take away from people yeah it was it was guns and who shouldn't have rights that was the panel and it was very it was tasteful i thought it was beautiful i was there i watched a video of it we it has weird uh video quality because it was so long ago um but it's good it was really not i mean well for for the age that she was. 12. 12. Really well thought out. Yeah.

Yeah. Pretty specific. Shelby, how are you? Thriving. Thriving. She's a thriving, even. She's a thriving. She a thrive.

She's a thriving. Good. I'm glad to hear that. How are you? I'm really, really good. Everything's awesome. Yeah. Like, really good. Everything's awesome. Yeah, like career perfect, love life perfect. Family wouldn't change a single thing.

Yeah, I do have to say when it comes to family right now, I would keep everything exactly as is and preserve it in amber for the rest of my life. When it comes to family stuff right now, and I think I speak for you as well as for me, there isn't a change that could be made. You know, it's – Everyone is exactly how they should be. And I feel blessed is the only word. No, I think it's good. I think every time I talk to people that I'm related to now, I think the conversation is about good stuff and we feel good about it at the end. Yeah. And I would say, you know, if you hear me talking about like exercising a lot lately or buying a Jeep Wrangler, those things are healthy and they're normal and they're based on nothing.

And it's actually about when you are at your happiest. Yeah. Which we are. Which we are at our best and happiest. Then you get to have little fun things going on. Yeah, you get to obsess over buying a Jeep Wrangler when you're in a healthy headspace. When you're the happiest you ever are. When you're the happiest you've ever been, you get to do these kind of things.

You get to have a little manic. You get to have half a chicken breast for dinner. That's something you get to do when you're at the happiest you've ever been. Because it's about being that happy that you don't need others. That's all that you just get to. You get to. And that's beautiful. When you have everything going really well, then sometimes it's like, well, what else good can I have?

A Jeep Wrangler, I guess. I guess. Maybe a Jeep Wrangler. Maybe a Jeep Wrangler. The Jeep Wrangler doesn't need to fix any problems because I don't have any problems. Oh, you've seen a sad person in a Jeep Wrangler? Get fucking real. Get fucking real, you fucking goofball.

I'm waging war on goofballs. Cut it out. Stop being so fucking goofy. But, you know, wearing bright colored shirts. Stop it. You know, it's just too goofy. People have gotten too goofy.

Stop. Stop. Riding bicycles. Get some help. Stop. Oh, don't get me started. There's a fly that will not stop. You do like five minutes on how good you are and then you start crying because there's a fly?

Please. Do you want me to talk about bicyclists? I'm always ready to. I'm so sick of these people. Bicyclists, you know, get off your fucking, oh, you ride a bike. Okay. Oh, the city isn't laid out for me. Yeah, because people are in cars because we're normal.

Stop. Stop. Stop. Oh, I have to lock my bike up. Shut up. I do think people who bike cyclists should live in another city. I think the city is actively set up to be different. LA is hard for a bicyclist.

Yeah, it's like 1,800 miles around. They did that on purpose. Yeah. Oh, my God. I can't. Look, here's the deal. Do I think the roads should be more accommodating to bicyclists? I don't care.

Sure. I'm tired of these people. They won't stop. They're always complaining. Always something to complain about with these people. Have a nice day. Hey, you ever had a nice day? You ever just ridden your bicycle and been quiet about it?

People in Chicago do bike incorrect, which is what they do is they go to the lake and they just bike near the lake. They bike near the lake and they never talk to me about urban planning. And I think that's beautiful. And it's because it's cold there. The problem is that the weather's nice here, so people are like, I can bike all year round. And what they're forgetting is the mountains. The hills, the mountains. Yeah. The traffic, even. Oh, and they always, bicyclists always, too, they always

want to bring up some town in Spain to me. They're always like, oh, in Spain, there's a city where I don't live there. And I don't care. If you want to bicycle down to the baguette store, you're going to have to move to France. I don't know what to tell you. I do like a bike ride, though. I will say that. Oh, I love a bike ride. I'd love to be a bicyclist. You're going to have to move to France. I don't know what to tell you. I do like a bike ride, though. I will say that.

I love a bike ride. I'd love to be a bicyclist. I'm speaking purely from a place of jealousy. And hatred. Yeah. Well, I really just wanted to have an opinion on something, so I decided to go in on bicyclists. You could sub out bicyclists for anything right now I could be talking about. Children.

Children. Oh, no. What is the deal with children? Grow up. You've seen this? You heard about this? Grow up. children. Children. Oh, what, no, what is the deal with children? Grow up. You've seen this? You heard about this? Grow up.

I got kids. You're a kid, grow up. I got kids now. I will say, no, I can't say that. Um, my

niece, she's not really related to me, but you know the deal there. I'm just, you know, the listeners don't. I was on the phone yesterday with her, and just had a birthday. Happy birthday. And she was like, I turned 12. And I was like, no, you did not. No, you can't have. But she was so convincing, eerily convincing

that I was like, is she 12? And then I said, I don't think you're 12. She goes, no, I turned nine. And I said, that still feels wrong. But she just lied. So she's surely telling the truth now. She turned seven. The girl turned seven. Please, please, please. She lied left and right, up and down. She's a sociopath.

What are you going to do about that? Well, I don't know. So I don't think it's in my purview. So I'm just sort of like, I guess I know a tiny sociopath. And hopefully her crimes are tiny. Here's something else I'm sick of. Restaurants offering a side salad with your meal and then not putting the heart into it. If you're going to make a side salad part of the meal and you're going to put that lettuce mixture that has little slices of carrots in it,

and you're going to put a little bit of Italian dressing from Vons on it, I'll say this. You don't want to do a side salad. I don't like Italian dressing. Fuck Italian dressing. Fuck Italian dressing. Give me dressing. Fuck Italian dressing. Give me something interesting on a salad. Or give me ranch.

You can give me ranch. Or you can give me something interesting. Or you can give me like something, you know, you got pomegranate molasses in an oil with a vinegar in there. And I say that sounds good. If you're offering a side salad, let's just put our heart into it a little bit. Let's have some pride in our craft. Let's put some pussy in it. Wait, the other night, the other night when I went out,

I actually, someone actually asked me to stop yelling this. I kept yelling, I'm going to eat pussy and drive drunk tonight. I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't stop saying I'm going to eat pussy and drive drunk. Which, by the way. Two things Caleb won't do. Hey, two things I've done before and neither of them was for me. Who was the driving drunk for? Driving drunk?

Oh, no, I'm saying it just wasn't for me. It's like not my, it's not filling my cup. Eating pussy. I thought you meant I was doing it. I said like I was doing that for her. Eating pussy. That was not for me. Eating pussy. No, I'm sure she wasn't liking it either.

Eating pussy, yuck. Don't understand it. Don't get the draw. Driving drunk, I get. Because you don't want to leave your car. I totally get it. I totally get driving drunk. If you're good at it, you should be able to do it.

But yeah, I haven't. No. If you're good at it. I think if you're good at it. For both. Anya's saying you should be able to do both, but only if you're good at it. You should be able to drive drunk and eat pussy. You should be able to eat pussy if you're good do both, but only if you're good at it. You should be able to drive drunk and eat pussy. You should be able to eat pussy if you're good at it and drive drunk if you're good at it.

Both things should be legal. I've always said. And if you're bad at either, stay at home. If you're bad at eating pussy, well, that's fine. Right? There's other stuff. Hey, no one loves the female orgasm more than me folks I'm sorry

I'm so that made me so sick to my stomach to even say I don't Shelby I have to revise this podcast contract I have to opt out I have to opt out I have to revise this podcast

contract I have to opt out I have to opt out I have to opt out I have to opt out no you're contractually obligated to be on the pod and that's why I do it

as the contract oh my god no I don't care I'm still kind of having a reaction what do you think I like saying it I don't actually care

about the female orgasm I mean politically I do but in practice I'm like politically I think I like saying it. I don't actually care about the female orgasm. I mean, politically I do, but in practice I'm like, politically I think it's important. But in day to day, I don't want to be, you know, I don't want to be like boots on the ground. And driving drunk I actually was good at when I did it. Nobody drive drunk unless you're good at it. That's fair uh i'm good at i don't know i shouldn't say that i don't want to speak on it i haven't i drove drunk when i was like everyone drove drunk when they were 18 right i was driving drunk a lot in high

school and i don't think that that was the correct move but it was what i was up to i lived so far from all my friends and and we liked to drink. Yeah. Well, and I understand why people do it. No one should do it. No one's good at it. I'm just saying. Now you have Uber.

What I have to say is that I did not have another option besides to call my mom and say I'm drunk and get grounded. Well, but also think about this. You leave your car in Highland Park. The next day you have to go find it. Isn't that kind of annoying? Sure. I mean, come on. That's a little annoying.

No, you're right. We didn't have Uber. And we were all getting drunk in like fields. So what I'm saying is I was wrong then, but now nobody has even an excuse. Yeah. I was wrong then, but now nobody has even an excuse. Yeah. Well. I was valid then. I was valid then.

I was infinite. I swear. And in that moment, I swear we were infinite when I was driving drunk. God, can you believe that there was a time in my life where I was like, I want that as a tattoo? Yes, I can't believe that because I almost got a tattoo of my fraternity's letters on my ankle when I was in college. Yep.

I think I do think the one thing that I think, you know, like I know we have age restrictions on a lot of stuff. I think the age restriction on tattoos is 100% correct. If I was able to get a tattoo at like 14, 15, I would have gotten one of my bunk at summer camp. I would have been like apes 09. That'd be awesome though. You still talk

about that. Yeah. I think the apes 09 of it all would be like, kind of like, okay, girl, get a grip. Hey, I'm really, really excited about our guest today, Shelby. I'm actually pretty excited too, if I can say that, if it's illegal. She is a writer for Ted Lasso, extremely popular television program from Apple. Also, the Amber Ruffin Show. Also, you know her from a Black Lady Sketch Show, which she not only writes on, but also stars in. Stars? Can you believe that? Our guest today is absolute icon genius and all-around icon, Ashley nicole black no i'm kidding it's too quiet ashley nicole black

ashley hi hi this is so i'm so excited that you're here me too this i've been waiting for this all day oh my god you look stunning uh yeah before the record started we were we were really fawning and i i want the listeners to hear that that's happening so they can engage yeah i'd also like to say that i don't just sit around like this i had to sign on to a table read the other day as a writer, just a writer. And I'm like, I had come from something else. I'm in a full face. I'm like, these actors think I'm crazy.

I'm addicted. These actors are like, oh, okay, she's coming for our job. She's coming for our job. She wants to act on the show. Clearly. Ashley, where are you from? I don't think I know where you're from. I grew up here in LA. You're from LA? Yeah.

Oh, that's so rare, I feel. One of the few. Yeah, when I was a kid, I remember we had to do this project, and they're like, write about where your parents are from. And I was like, LA. And they were like, no, no, no, sweetie. Where are they from? And I was like, no, they're from here. People do grow up here. Damn, so your parents are from no, sweetie. Where are they from? And I was like, no, they're from here. We're from here.

People do grow up here. Damn. So your parents are from here, too. How many generations in are you? Do you know? Just them. Yeah. My grandparents, of course, came from the South. But there was a movement where there was a big church revival here.

And a bunch of black people moved to L.A. Kind of at the same time. So everybody knows each other and like, literally like I'll go on set and like some of the transpo people go to church with my parents. I like, I have to be nice all the time. You never get a day. You never get to have a bad day. Dad could get a phone call at any moment. Damn. That's so sick. Do you still live like, are you, your parents are still in LA, I'm assuming. And do you live kind of close to them or no?

I live, like, well, what should be 45 minutes away from them. What's your address? What's both of your addresses? Your parents and then your... Yeah, well, we're at it. I should have map quested. Map quest. Remember that? Remember renting out a full map quest?

Oh my god. Renting out directions. And then, like, getting halfway there and realizing you didn't have a page and you were just nowhere. You took a wrong turn and now you're like, and how do I get back? Oh, well. I guess I go home. Yeah. Actually, you might know the answer to this. And if you do and you're like, I don't want to give it away, that's fine, too.

But I really have been trying to go dancing in LA. Do people dance here? Where do people dance in this city? Oh, I feel like I don't know the answer to that. I was like, guys, get ready for a name drop. I was hanging out with Matt McCorry. And he was like, oh, yeah, I'm going dancing. And I was literally like, where?

Tell me where. And it came off creepy. But I was just like, no, I would like to dance. And I don't know where people go dancing here, but I think I kind of scared him away. I absolutely love that. He was like, I am trying to have a night. I'm just trying to have one night. She was like, tell me where. Tell me where you dance now.

Just tell me where and what time. Can I come? Can I roll up alone? I think I'm going to have to throw a big, I think I'm just going to have to throw a big dance party and invite all my friends. That's what it's going to have to come down to, I think. The people need it. What's interesting about Caleb's new desperation to go dancing is that it's not something he

does often really generally. It's like he has a craving and he's like, now I need to know where people dance in LA. But I don't think, I think you maybe went dancing, what, twice in Chicago? Okay, Ashley, you might relate to this. I am going through an extremely manic period right now because I just wrapped a writer's room and I have free time again. And I'm like, let's go dancing. I'm going to get a tattoo. Yeah. I'm always like, I need to work out every day. And it's like, you don't. That's not your lifestyle. Yeah. You've just been like sitting and talking for months.

I also feel like with COVID, like an opportunity to dance would come up every now and then. I would maybe dance twice a year. But then when it's not happening, you're like, I got to make it happen. I got to go somewhere. I got to dance every night.

I've got to boogie and I've got to move. You've got to boogie and move. Actually, we brought you here for a really important reason. We want to ask you if you're making your own golden record, what would you put on it? Well, this is actually a perfect segue right on theme because my first one is day drinking outside. I think. Let's go. What are you drinking out there? I mean, well, if you're outside, you're definitely a rosé, a white wine, you know, something crisp and light, something you could continue to drink all day.

Because the thing about day drinking is like once you start, that's your day. You cannot stop. That's your day. Yeah. You're drunk now. You go out at night. You like go out for two hours and then you're like, okay, we did it. We're going.

If when you start drinking in the daytime, that's what the day is for yeah yes that's like one of the biggest things i miss there's there's also such an immediate crash if you stop like there's a if you stop 4 p.m you have to go to sleep by 4 30 like there's no like and then you have to try and rally but no anybody anytime i've ever been like we are going to drink all day and then we're going to go out later. Or even like we're going to go to dinner later. It's like, no babe, you're going to sleep. You're going to sleep. You are at best going to order pizza and eat it in your house.

At best. Maximum. Maximum there's pizza at the house. I feel like, Ashley, I kind of feel like, and you can tell me if I'm wrong, I kind of feel like you're amazing at brunch. Are you like a great brunch guest? I am. Yeah.

I am. Because here's what, I can be so drunk and people will be like, oh man, I was messed up last night. I probably owe you an apology. And I was like, oh, I was so far beyond you. But I don't come off messy. So I can really go all day. Cause I don't get messy. She's put together folks. Keeping it, keeping it contained with the, even if you heard it here first, she's better than us. She's better than us. She's definitely better than Caleb.

She's definitely better than Caleb. She's definitely better at drinking than Caleb. Okay, Ashley, make her stop. That was coming out. Caleb, we might have talked about this in the last episode, in which case we can not talk about it again, but Caleb doesn't drink enough to have gotten his stuff together when he drinks. Not in front of Ashley.

Caleb only gets drunk so infrequently that when it happens he has no skills or tools to keep himself in bed. You gotta put in your 10,000 hours. Anything you want to get in. I'm not like you, Ashley.

How did you escape Chicago? Because I feel like Chicago is such a drinking city. That's really the city where I learned how to drink. Chicago drinking felt a little sad though, no? It's a lot. Like people like downing Malort in like a tiny bar in like the middle of winter. Chicago drinking was like, we need to keep warm.

It's like survival. Chicago drinking, yeah, has a real like middle of nowhere, cold, trying to just get through the night kind of vibe. Yeah, like you don't know what it is until you're like reflected back to yourself. And I remember my dad came to visit one time and we were walking through old town and like every bouncer at every bar was like, Hey, Ashley, what's up? Blah, blah, blah. Like every bar we passed, like first and last name. Hey girl, how's it going with that guy? You're like, and my dad was like, what, how do you know all these guys? Your dad was like, you're coming home. Yeah.

That's enough. I've seen enough. Wait. Ashley, when you said day drinking outside, I immediately thought of a time. I lived in New York for two summers in college and there was one – specifically my brain went the time you got day drunk in Manhattan, your phone died and you got lost. Is there a – when you say that, is there a day drinking outside event that you think of?

Oh, I think of like when I was in college, this to me is like a perfect day. When I was in college, we would go to Safeway and like a sandwich is $5 and a bottle of wine was $5. So for $10, go get a Subway sandwich, a bottle of wine, and then just sit out on the beach and just like drink and chat all day. And those are just like the best days where you're just like hot and you just

get into like the real shit. Cause no one's drunk, but you're like drinking enough that you can finally be like, that guy sucks. Like like please stop dating him let's just really talk about it right now that made me want to cry when you were describing that i was like i'm gonna cry that's so beautiful you're so broke too you're like a five dollar sandwich is actually kind of life-changing yeah you're like this is the best life could be is i've I could like have a whole day for $10 and just sit around and talk. That's so beautiful.

Do you, do you, where did you go? Did you go to school in LA? I went to UC Santa Cruz. Santa Cruz. Thank you. Go banana slugs. I was going to say, is that a banana slug? Oh my God.

I need a shirt. They're so cool. They're so great. Well, I guess like somebody wore the shirt in Pulp Fiction. So they're like still selling those shirts today. john travolta in pulp yeah they're the banana slugs it's a little yellow slug that um is hallucinogenic it just really says everything about the school's personality that that's the mascot it is so funny to imagine like playing a sports team and being like, yeah, we've got to face the Banana Slugs next week.

You know how they are. They're a tough team to beat. We got destroyed by the Banana Slugs. They are nuts. Yeah, to be beat by the Banana Slugs has got to sting. It's not good. It's not likely. Unless it's like an astrophysics competition, the other school

wins. Astrophysics. I've always school wins. An astrophysics. Oh, man, that's a drag. I've always kind of wanted to go to a robotics competition. For some reason, I feel like it's fascinating. It's a weird world. Everyone's so in it. Did you guys have Odyssey of the Mind when you were kids?

No, what is that? It's a competition. I was so happy when someone tweeted about it because I thought it was a fever dream that I had had. I was so happy that someone confirmed that it's a competition I I was like so happy when someone tweeted about it because I thought it was like a fever dream that I had had and I was so happy that someone confirmed that it's real it's a competition where like you're given a problem to solve and then like a box of supplies and then like a bunch of little kids have to like figure out how to solve the problem with the supplies that you have but the problem will be something like there's not enough water in this town and the people are going to die. And you're like in seventh grade being like...

You're like, oh my God. We got two sticks and some robot parts. That's insane. You have to build a solution. And did you compete in that, you said? Yeah. Oh my God. Congratulations.

You're so good at that. Yeah, that's huge. I'm going to be real with you guys. The coach was the cutest teacher in school. I'm just going to be real. Please don't get a wrong impression. And there was a reason to join. There was a reason to join.

Don't get a bad impression of me as a kid. I want to get back up on this, that this was unfair. In eighth grade in science class for the science fair, Every class had to like customize a little robot dog. Okay? Except for my class which had to make I'm sorry, I just had to say

immediately I know that you went to a better school than me. I'm like, we did not go to the same school. Go ahead. Except for my class which did not

get to customize a robot dog and instead we had to make the most complex Rube Goldberg machine that could knock off, like, there was like 60 different requirements. That seems unbalanced, correct? Correct. I'm sorry that I'm into that.

I would do that now as an activity. It was fun, but it was hard and then like people were being like yeah they put together like one of those like like lego sets for a robot and then they were like and then i put it in a cute t-shirt and then for us i was like i built a ferris wheel to sort marbles it was like i had to like put different sized marbles down different paths to sort them by the end and they had to hit – it was – I just remember like being at Science Fair watching people like show their little dogs and me being like – moving this down to the fair was the scariest moment of my life because I could break. I'm curious if either of you – because Ashley, you said that you did this because the teacher was cute. When I was in Chicago, the most embarrassing thing – I think the most embarrassing thing that – and I've done a lot of embarrassing things to get a guy's attention. The most embarrassing thing I think I've done was I pretend – there was a guy that I was talking to for a second who was, he rebuilt motorcycles. He would find an old motorcycle and rebuilt it.

And I pretended to be so into it. I was like, oh my God, carburetor. I couldn't stop asking questions about it. Oh my God, carburetor. Oh my God, carburetor. Not to mention, I mean, don't even get me started on engine. Oh my God, carburetor. Oh my God, carburetor.

And yeah, I did some really embarrassing stuff for guys. So I'm on your team. I think my like worst moment of that was in college. This guy was like, do you want to come over and watch me play video games? And I was like, surely this is an invitation for sex. Like surely he doesn't actually want me to watch him play video games.

So I went over and this whole proceeded to play eight hours of video games. I was like, I can't. I was like, I can't believe this is happening. Did you make any moves or were you just like, truly like? No, I was just like, I guess this is what we're doing. Then eventually I just left and I was just like, never never again did he offer you a controller? no not allowed to play monster truly just like watch me do this activity I will tell you Ashley Shelby we might have talked about this but I don't know

but it's definitely news to Ashley the way that things ended with motorcycle guy was that I found his Instagram page and it was all like fat erotica. Like it was like

I remember this. It was like drawings he did of fat people tied to a chair sexually and I found the Instagram and I never spoke to him again. I feel like I remember a specific one that you sent me. There was this,

the, the one that was like, because at first I saw it was like drawings of like beautiful fat people. And I was like, okay, I mean, I am fat and I am beautiful. So I was like,

maybe. And then I saw he, there was a drawing he did of, I mean, this is so scary. There was a drawing he did of a fat guy tied to a chair and he was, uh, there was a thin guy feeding him pizza

and the pizza was like, I remember this vividly. The hot pizza cheese was dripping on the guy's chest and I was like, I will never be. And to be clear about the size of the drawings,

it was, it wasn't just fat thin. It wasn't just fat thin. It was like, he had drawn the thin person to also be the size of a thimble. Yeah.

Just so. They were like teeny little fairies, right? Yeah. And then the fat people were like Jabba the Hutt. Yeah. Here's my problem. You lost me a drawing. I feel like.

If these have been pictures, I mean, it's still creepy and just like it's not okay. And the buddy, nothing stopping you from having a different Instagram name. So people don't find this, but like when you say drawing, you're like that meant that he spent hours, hours, hours thinking this was a good idea. Like at no point in moving the pencil did any part of his brain go, maybe we should stop here. Yeah. And also that we had been on like i don't know two or three dates and and and his his idea of the most important thing about him was that he does motorcycles and i was like no the most important thing about you is that you want to tie to tie me

to a chair and burn me with pizza cheese like that's you need to lead with that lead with you do need to start there you need to start yeah Yeah. At that point, it's consent. I'm consenting to be around someone. There may be a person who wants that. But you got to. I'm sure there is. It has to be the person you say. There's someone who wants everything.

But you need to say, by the way, my intentions here are to get you in that chair tied up and dripping some cheese and oil on you. And imagine how surprised I would have been when he asked if I wanted to order a pizza sometime and I said yes. And I didn't even know where we were going. That's not fair to me. I need to know. Now you said you wanted pizza. Now you're going to eat this pizza.

You've got to eat this pizza. Wait, okay. No, the pizza comes. The pizza comes. I'm like, ooh, yum. And you open the box and he says, now hold on one second. He says, no, no, okay. No, the pizza comes. The pizza comes. I'm like, ooh, yum. And you open the box and he says, now hold on one second. He says, no, no, no, no. Go to that chair.

He says, you in the chair, you find that kind of hot at first. You go, okay. No, there's no world where I find that hot. And you're like, but wait. It's not warm enough. He says the cheese isn't drippy enough for what we're going to do. I said, what we're going to do? He said the delivery guy didn't keep this in the heating box, and I can tell.

Oh, my God. This has to be piping hot for what I need. So scary. Well, okay, we've officially gotten off the – But before we talk about the rest of your records, Ashley, we should go to ads. We should go to the ads. We got bills to pay, so. Welcome back. Welcome Shelby. Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back. Shelby, over to you. Ashley, listen. If you were to delete one thing from the record of humanity, and it doesn't have to be big stuff, okay? It doesn't have to be sick kids. Okay. It doesn't have to be sick kids or something. What would you delete?

See, now I wish I had said sick kids, but I did not. Trust me, the conversation just gets, if you say sick kids, like, what are we going to do? Be like, yeah, we do want it. Like, what's the conversation there? It's so true. Definitely. Yeah, no, we do want it. Like, what's the conversation there? It's so true. Definitely. Yeah, no, we all want. So.

I did need a platform to say this. I think people need to hear it. I think what we need to stop doing is backhanded compliments. Specifically the word confident. Ashley. Ashley. Ashley, you have to listen to two episodes ago speak on that speak on that preach on today so i posted some like very hot like objectively hot pics and i got a million

nice compliments thank you people but one person goes, I just love how you show your confidence. I'm like, bitch, confidence? Where? I am serving hair. I am serving makeup. I am serving fashion. We're looking. We're looking.

Why? And the word confident comes up because they're like, if I was as big as you, I would never post a pic. And it's like, that's your damage, baby. That has nothing to do with me. I'm not involved. I don't need to be involved in this. When you have that feeling, when you look at a picture of a gorgeous fat person and you think I can never do that, what you do is you pick up the phone and you call your therapist and you have that conversation with her. I'm not in it. And, by the way, the confidence piece of it is almost always somebody who is thinner. And they'll be like, ugh.

It comes from a place of being like, oh, if I was your size, I couldn't be that confident. And it's like you already aren't. The fact that you think gaining weight would put you in that place. Honey, you're already in that place. I promise you live there. You have to pick up residence in that place. And you're trying to drag me in with you. I was just, I, the, I was just talking recently about like the experience I have where I, if I say around certain thin people, not anyone I'm close with, but if I say around certain thin people, not anyone I'm close with, but if I say around certain thin people,

like I am sexy, there's always some kind of. They go like. They'll be like, oh, like confidence. And it is important to think that about yourself. Yeah, or like, and I'm like, no, I mean, yeah, yes, I guess also, but like, no, I'm literally sexy. They can't, they're so addicted to the power that they get through proximity to thinness and beauty that they can't imagine someone feeling like they have also been

afforded that proximity. And it's like, no, it hasn't been afforded to me. I just know what I know. You know what I mean? Yeah. And I think I remember I was on set one time and we were like eating lunch and it truly doesn't matter what I was eating, but it was like a salad with grilled chicken. And this girl was like, oh, you're so lucky. You can just eat whatever you want. And I was like, first of all, bitch, there's no food police. No one's coming to arrest you. You can eat whatever you want. We all can eat whatever we want. Yeah. But also we are on set together. So I am so sorry that you are starving yourself or whatever it is you're doing that you don't feel like you can have lettuce and

chicken. And you ended up in the same show with someone who's allowed to have lettuce and chicken. Like, I get that that's tough. You're like, I did all this work and it turned that I didn't need to do it. But like, that's internal work for you to do. That has nothing to do with me. Also, what is she eating? Like, she's like, lettuce and chicken

is the splurge meal? That's like when people are like counting almonds. Counting almonds is one of the craziest things. Yeah. When people are like, I can have eight almonds.

I'm like, you can have a hundred almonds. I will say, they're almonds. Barack Obama became president eating seven almonds a hundred. I will say they're almonds. Barack Obama became president eating seven almonds a night.

So maybe we're doing it if we want to be president, we should have only had seven almonds. Luckily, I think I'd be a really bad president. And I think

I would be really good at it. Isn't that crazy? I do think I would be really good. I don't want to do it, but I certainly could. You would. You would kill it. You both, Shelby would also kill it. You just, Shelby. I don't want to do it, but I certainly could. You would. You would kill it.

You both – Shelby would also kill it. Shelby, you don't know that, I guess. I don't know that. I think I would be really overwhelmed with everything. I think it would be really overwhelming. Yeah, there's like a few keywords of compliment – like, yeah, backhanded compliments or even just like, I don't even know if they're, they are backhanded, I guess is true. But when it's like, you're brave, you're confident, you're like any of those words that are like, because the nuance in that word is like,

there's a reason not to be, there's a reason not to be confident. There's a reason not to be like that, that you had to be brave to post something that other people are – you know what I mean? There's such a weird – It's also always a bitch who – it's like why would I not be confident? I'm funnier, smarter, cooler, nicer than – like even outside of looks. I'm like it's always someone who – anyone who would say some shit like that, it's someone who like really – oh my god. I don't know. Thin people who only bring thinness to the table and then want to like –

It's someone with like a – Talk to me like I have a deprivation. Honey, I'm beating you everywhere. I don't know. Thin people who only bring thinness to the table and then want to like, it's someone with like a me, like I have a deprivation, honey, I'm beating you everywhere. I don't know what we're talking about. Yeah. It's always someone with like a beige landscape Instagram feed. You know what I mean?

Holy, because people who are living their best lives are not worried about you. You know, people who are actually like killing it in life are happy and killing it. They see the pic and they're like, good for you. Fire emoji. And they go on about the great day that they're having.

Yeah, because they're having a great day. Yeah. That's it. Oh, my God. Okay. I fully – this is one of my – I have to say this is one of my favorite deleteds of all time. I'm so on board.

But, Ashley, what – you put day drinking outside. And then what is your next item? One of my other favorite human experiences is when a baby uses you as a couch. You know when a baby just like lays on you and they just drool their spit on you because they don't, they're not like, they don't, they don't, they're not ashamed of anything. You're not human to them yet. Yeah. They're like, oh, my friend's toddler came over the other day and we had never met, me and this toddler. She walked in the door.

First thing she did, wiped her nose on my jeans. She was like, my nose is running. Your jeans are here. And I love it. It's my favorite thing. I love that so much. And specifically when a kid or like my little cousins are still like under under eight so they're still uh it's kind of cute like anytime a baby or a kid lays like on your chest i'm like come here like i it's so i feel

so like i feel like i don't know i feel so like um kind of at peace i'm like with just me and you buddy whatever we're doing yeah i love when they just like melt into you and you know that they feel safe and you're like i'm'm doing it. At least in this moment, I'm making this human being feel safe and comfortable. And like, what a better thing to be able to do. Yeah. I'm going to sob. I'm going to sob my eyes out. I'm going to cry. Ashley wants me to cry today. My addition to this is that works on its own as an independent, but something that also for me is if a kid or a baby, you know, like toddler, whatever, doesn't like you right away. Like they seem a little bit tepid.

They're sort of keeping their distance. And then they like come up to you and like want to hug or like they sit on your lap or something. You've gained it. Like somehow you've earned it. That is one of the, like, I, I never feel as accomplished as I do when like some toddler is like, all right, now you are in with me. Good work. Yes, fully. And I'm always like, don't worry, I'll get her. Like when parents are like, we're so sorry. I have such a sick confidence about it. Let her take her 10. I play it cool. I play games. I'm like, no, you don't want to hang out with me.

I don't want to hang out with you. That's fine. And then I earn it. It is a game. And a game I'll win. Conversely, something I've had in the last couple of years, a really interesting time with, is friends or relatives who are older older or just like very Missouri who are like maybe a little – I've had an issue with like people doing that thing where they're like – conversely to being like I'll wait when they're ready.

It will feel nice that they trust me. With like older relatives or something being like forcing kids to give goodbye hugs and stuff at gatherings where I'm like really trying not to be preachy but also trying to be like we really, really shouldn't do that. Like that there's really like, you shouldn't force kids to like touch people or like, it's really difficult. And I I've never understood it because it makes the kid feel bad. And then any normal adult should also not like that.

Like, you know what I mean? It's like, okay, fine. And like, goes to give you a hug. It's not like you're like this. Yay. Glad we did that. It's like, I'm glad we taught your kid to do whatever physically an adult tells them to do.

I think that's awesome. Yeah, I'm like really against that. And I've had that awkward moment too where you like try to tell the adult. So I feel like now what I try to do is tell the kid, it's your choice. You don't have to like directly to them. Like you're not an adult part of this conversation. I am directly I guess it's adults get to say I am saying directly to you that you get to make your choice and like

just kind of smooth over trying to have that conversation with a parent because yeah I I hate that I hate that message to kids yeah it's also awkward as hell being an outside adult being like actually with your kid like I am right but but also like it is weird, you know? Me as someone in my 20s who like does jokes for a living being like actually the way I think you should be raising this person is different than how you're doing it, if that's okay. No, kids.

I love kids. Do you have like nieces and nephews or like a lot of kids in your life, Ashley, or friends' kids? Yeah, well, I always kids. Do you have like nieces and nephews or like a lot of kids in your life, Ashley, or friends' kids? Yeah. Well, I always have. I've always been, I used to be a teacher and I used to work in like an infant room. I've always like worked with a lot of kids. But now it's really weird. My family has gotten to the point where we don't have any more children in the family. So like my nieces and nephews are like 16 to 20 like there are no more children and i'm looking around like where are the kids i

realize like oh i was supposed to have them oh fuck oh i forgot oh my god shit i was supposed to have kids something i was supposed to do so it is it's kind of like i know i'm forgetting something oh yeah i'm supposed to be a mother god damn it i was supposed to do. So it is, it's kind of like, I know I'm forgetting something. Oh yeah. I was supposed to be a mother. God damn it. I was supposed to be a mom by now. Yeah. Fuck. Okay. We have no little kids in the family and I see how excited my mom gets. So we see kids out or cause she loves kids too. Oh, but it's like, oh yeah, we, we've fallen down on our, on our mark. God, my mom also, like, family, friends, or, like, people I grew up with now that they have kids, that's one of the worst things because she'll be like,

wow, that's crazy because you guys used to talk about this together. God, you should take, you should heed that. And, like, I'm always like, yeah, no, it's awesome that they had kids. And I think that's cool. That's good for them. Good's good. Good for them. Good for them. Good for them. And also, sorry.

Sorry. Well, that conversation, I don't – just for me, that conversation is always super awkward of like with older relatives or parents or whatever. Like when are you going to have kids? Because I'm like I would fucking love to have kids. It's just not – I can't do it right now. Right now I'm like – there's no – first of all, I don't have a partner. That's strange. Can't really believe it, but that is the situation.

And second of all, like just the lifestyle that we have, I'm like I don't even know – I can't afford to buy a house in LA. What would I do with a kid? Right now I have a cat and continuously say I could not take care of a dog. So if I can't take care of a dog, and if we are agreeing, my mom will be like, yeah, a dog would be really hard for you. So if we are in agreement that the dog thing is off limits,

it's like, well, the kid feels like a step above the dog. Let's get the dog. And then we could talk about kids. But it's cognitive dissonance. She's like, you can have a kid. A dog would be a lot,

but a kid would be really good for you. Yeah, whenever I see another comedian or a TV writer having a baby, and I'm solidly in my 30s, I'm like, but how? I just have so many basic questions. How can you afford it? How much money do you have? I just want to sit every woman, again in their thirties and forties down and be like, but how are you doing this?

What did you make? What did you make last year that made this possible? Like, what kind of, what kind of support system do you have that this, what happened? What's happening? How are you doing it? That's also seeing, seeing someone that, you know, has a new baby like around, you're like, oh my god. Good job.

How is that? They just went to sleep tonight or how did you do this? So yeah, I would love that. But I think it definitely is. I do the same. Well, I have also – I guess actually this may not be true for you. I guess I don't know how it goes in la but i have like friends or people i went to school with growing up who have like families old ass kids they have like nine and

ten year old kids and i'm like what what that's so it's so nuts to me but that's how it is yeah not as much because i grew up here but But, yeah, definitely all married. And people here know not to be that way. Well, yeah, it's just expensive to live here. Right, right. If you can buy a house for $600,000, have as many kids as you want after you do that, you know? Yeah. Right. It's just not our situation.

Yeah, if you look at the prices of houses in, like, suburban Cleveland where I'm from, it's like, yeah, I could have a family by now. Yeah, I could have a family of houses. I could have a family and put them each in a different house. I could have income properties. Actually, I could be a landlord. Ashley, what's next on your records? I think it would be important to preserve kind of like the peak of humanity, like us at our best.

And I think that that is a movie such as My Best Friend's Wedding, Marry Me, Maid of Honor. I think this is us representing ourselves at our best. And I think those things should be preserved. I really appreciate the My Best Friend's Wedding of it all. My Best Friend's Wedding is my favorite movie. Ashley, I really have to say, I'm having an out-of-body experience. I already knew I was such a fan of you. My Best Friend's Wedding is like the best movie ever made.

I'm so passionate about it. Also, I think for all of us, the Chicago aspect is like a little treat. But God, it's so my best friend's wedding is so fucking good dude it stands the test of time it's so good and i'm always in writer's room you know it's always like predominantly men and it's all the men always talk about like midnight run or you know they're just like certain movies that are considered like good writer movies or whatever and i have more than once but most recently in the Ted Lasso room, like taken the room hostage with shot by shot descriptions of my best friends.

Thank you for your service. I absolutely. Actually, it's great. You know that the moment where they're on the like architectural tour, please. And they should, he says like,

Kimmy says, if you love someone, you just say it, you say it right. Then go under a bridge, they pass into shadow or else the moment passes you by and she missed her moment to say it. I was like, you can't tell me writing, directing, acting, everything is playing together. It's a good movie. Oh my God. It's a perfect movie. Yeah.

And. What? together yes it's a good movie oh my god it's a perfect movie yeah i and what i just was thinking cameron diaz what have we lost what have we lost wait i know what was the tweet that was so funny i i showed it to you it was like someone talking about like a star i gotta it's not beneficial because i can't remember the tweet but it was something about how like a star loses like it's not beneficial because I can't remember the tweet but it was something about how like a star loses like it's it was like a scientific

tweet about stars it was like a star loses its luster when it's out of sight or something like that and someone said its name is Cameron Diaz

we miss you bitch we love you come back I watched the holiday recently or something we don't need any more wine we have plenty of wine Cameron we love you come back i watched the holiday recently or something like we don't need any more wine we have plenty of wine camera we need you we need you we need the what you bring specifically i was watching it's the holiday right where she goes to ireland and i watched that this

winter and it's good it's a good movie it's's so good. It makes no sense, by the way, that movie, because looking at the difference in their two homes, I'm like, in what world? She's living this, like, the imbalance of this home swap is one of the craziest things I've ever heard. And they dropped everything in a 24-hour period to switch homes.

Crazy. Illogical. Bad. I would need to clean for a week. The Queen Latifah movie, where she thinks she's dying and she goes. Yes, Last Holiday. Last Holiday. Incredible.

A perfect film. Perfect. A perfect film. Queen Latifah to me is, every movie she did for like 12 years was perfect. Like Queen Latifah was doing every single like she was doing also so many different kinds of things like doing set it off and then also doing last holiday i'm like what i there's also a picture of her at the emmy's wearing an all brown leather suit that i am addicted to like i have it saved on my phone uh yeah last holiday is another one of those

movies very much like a lot of cameron diaz movies where it's like, when you watch it, I think you just feel good. You're just like, this feels nice. Yeah, you're like, I want to watch her live her best life, eat everything. And like, it's a rom-com, so you know she's not going to die at the end. You're like, I want... I want to know how she doesn't die. Yeah, a little cool J, like climbing a building to get to her. She deserves it all.

She does deserve it all. And she also showed, it's also, there's kind of a populist. It's like these rich people have nothing and she has it all because she has perspective. I was just like, you watch it and you're like, yeah, I love this character. Ashley, what is the next item on your records? Oh, being a drunk girl in the bathroom is, I think, one of my favorite things. Kayla, vlog off. Kayla, vlog off.

This is me and Ashley time. It really is, because I've heard it's such a unique experience. Sorry, Ashley. This is me and Ashley time. It really is because I've heard it's such a unique experience. Sorry, Ashley. It is, genuinely. It is. It's like the most solidarity y'all ever – like if you are drunk in the bathroom, anything you need, if you discover like, oh, I don't have a tampon

or, oh, I am in an abusive relationship, like any need that you discover you have in that moment, the other women there are just going to be like, complete stranger, let's get it together. Like, let's rally. And it's just like, it's such a good experience. There is a true familial bond that literally ends the second you leave the bathroom.

Like if you see a girl from the bathroom that you just talked through your family trauma with at the bar, you don't talk. It is, you know, in the bathroom that you just talked through your family trauma with at the bar you don't talk it is you know in the bathroom you know each other in the bathroom and then you never talk again would you uh both believe me if i told you nothing like that is happening in the men's room absolutely yeah no i think almost would you would you go on this journey with me where men are not being nice or interesting in the bathroom? I do think men's bathrooms need stalls because it's just – it's so – I think it is like weirdly vulnerable to be like I'm just going to show my genitals to other people.

And I think like men misbehave in the bathroom. I'm like if there were just stalls and you didn't have to do that maybe the whole experience would be better urinals also make i'm happy to use a urinal but they make no sense because if you put three more toilets where those urinals are people could use it for both things like to put in this single use item just so people can have their uh genitals out in front of each other assuming that everybody using the men's bathroom has those genitals. It's like, it makes no sense. It's like completely bizarre. Yeah.

It's just like, what are we trying to prove here? Well, what are we trying to prove? What are men trying to prove? That's a question we have to get to the bottom of and soon. Well, and there seems to be upkeep with a urinal that you don't have to do with the toilet. There's like the urinal cakes or like the ice when they put ice in them. It's like you don't got to do that with the toilet. You flush it down. It goes away.

It goes away and you don't have to deal with it. The ice is so gross. The ice makes it feel really sinister to me. I mean, how telling. Very seedy. And how telling is this though that Ashley brought up like this beautiful,

Ashley's like, yeah, I would put on the record of humanity the way that women treat each other in the bathroom. And like one of the first things we came to about men's bathrooms

was sometimes you have to pee on ice. Like that, like that's such a like, men are living such bad lives. We're not well. You gotta put your piss on ice. Maybe it would be better

if they had a nice shade lounge in the bathroom. It would be better if they had a nice, shamed lounge in the bathroom. Truly. And privacy. When I found out, it was, I remember very vividly,

I was a junior in high school when I found out, when I found out that a lot of women's bathrooms have couches. I was like. I wouldn't say a lot. I would venture to say it's not even close to 30%. Sorry. I will say, I will say that at least there were some in our high school that did.

Okay. And I was like – What? Yes. Not mine. Now I know you went to a better high school. No. You wish.

I went to an all-girls school and our bathrooms were bare bones. Damn. I wish you were out when that happened. That would have been so cool for you. I wish you were gay. To go to an all-girls school and be a lesbian? Oh, God. That would have been amazing right just clean it up wouldn't it be cool i would have killed to be like out and going to an all-boys school yeah oh my god okay she doesn't care um in, we had only unisex bathrooms, which were actually great.

Like, they were always clean enough, not a problem. We would, like, well, because I lived in the, like, theater dorm, because I was a nerd. Yeah, you did. We would, like, plan our showers and be like, okay, we're listening to Rent in the shower today. And everyone would, like, shower at the same time and sing along to the music. And the bathroom was just like – it was great. It was a haven. And I was like, yeah, maybe if you don't leave men to their own devices.

You put women in there to keep them in line. A rising tide. A rising tide of having women present. Raises all ships. Raises all ships, yeah. God, that's so true. Ashley, do you have another item for your records? Yes. true. Um, Ashley, what, do you have another item for your records? Uh, yes. This is the thing I

think that humans are best at is adopting dogs, which like human beings, like if you see another human living on the street, you're like, I bet he did something. I bet he's bad. But if a human sees a dog living on the street, they're like, please come move into my home. Sleep on my pillow, dog. Come on in. Yeah, no worries. Lick my face. No worries. You look disgusting right now, but by God, you won't be in my home and in my bed.

I saw someone adopted a dog on Twitter, and they were like, this dog really smells, but I don't want to traumatize it by giving it a bath too soon. I was like, ma'am, wash the dog. Put the dog in water now. Get the dog in a little bit of water.

Get the dog in a little bit of soap even. Do a little bit of both. Shampoo. Get it in butter. It'll be fine. Yeah. I will say, Ashley, I don't know if this presses up against what you're saying. I really want to adopt a dog in the next year or two.

I think it would be really fun. But I will say it has to be a little bit normal. Like I am – people are adopting these dogs. I'm sorry. People are adopting dogs that have like – they come with like the pill containers with the days listed on them. I'm like I can't do it. It has to be able to like – it does have to be able to walk. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. It's just too much because I'm'm already going to be gone a lot. It's the basic functions of a dog. Caleb, stop. Caleb's ableist about dogs. No. Somebody should adopt them. But I'm like, I already know that I'm going to have to like,

like, kennel it when I go out of town. Or like, have like, I'm just like, it has to have both eyes, I think. Because I just don't. The eyes? Well, okay. Maybe it can have one eye. But it has to be good with it. I'm just saying. Like, I but it has to be good with it. I'm just saying.

I think it has to be kind of normal. It is, like, a funny trend. All for adopting dogs, please adopt a dog. But there is a funny thing where, like, you know, everybody wants to be an influencer. Everybody wants to be famous. Everyone wants to have the gnarliest dog possible. Yes. Like, people are, like, trying to do comedy.

It's like comedy is too hard. If you just get kind of like a weird dog. Yeah. You're golden. A weird dog is 500,000 followers immediately. Minimum. Yeah, there is a weird culture of like, hey, this is a picture of my dog whose eyes are sewn shut and has a tongue that is permanently touching the floor because I can't keep it

inside. And I love this little guy. Never has normal fur. never has normal fur. It never has normal fur. The fur is always – I'm sorry to say the fur is always very strange. It's like patchy. It's like has – look, and I'm fine. I'm just – there actually was – and I can't believe now Shelby has done this once on the pod today and now I have.

There's a tweet that I can't remember exactly, but it's it's like somebody just tweeted like the bond between an extremely hot girl in LA and her decrepit, disgusting, fucked up dog. Hot girls have the ugliest fucking dogs I've ever seen in LA. It's so true. And like sometimes barely

making it. And it's like maybe your dog shouldn't be at this cafe. It seems like it's having a hard time. It doesn't need to be at Erewhon. Maybe we leave it, maybe your dog shouldn't be at this cafe. It seems like it's having a hard time. It doesn't need to be at Erewhon. Maybe we leave it at home because it can't walk. You know?

Girls that comment on posts this is so brave are the girls with the fluffed up ugly dog. Yes, truly. They think their dog is brave. And they're like, this dog is confident.

This dog is confident. This dog is confident. My dog is brave and confident and she's going to Erewhon. Yeah. That being said, my dog did have her first photo shoot today, so I'm not above it. I love that. We're not asking you to be above it.

We're not asking you to be above it. She's normal. She's normal. We kept it normal with her. Ashley, we have come to the end of our time, but is there anything that you want to tell people about where they can find you, et cetera? Oh, I mean,

I'm, I was going to say I'm in these streets, but I'm not, I don't know why. I love that. I'm in this house. Yeah. I'm in this house.

That's where you can find me. Let me set expectations realistically. Um, yeah, I'm on Instagram, on Twitter, check out a black lady sketch show on HBO max. It's so good. It's so good.

It's so good. You guys do actually have to check it out. If you haven't already, I have to actually ask you what's going on. It's a fun time. I can at least guarantee you three hours of fun. It's so good. Ashley, we genuinely were such huge fans and we're so – thank you so much for doing this. This is an all-time great episode.

We salute. Yeah, don't come for me you know don't ever come for ashley that's the one thing i would say to end a podcast by going and also you can find me here but do not come for me do not come you can find me there don't come for me or call me confident confident oh my god don't call me confident all right ashley thank you so much. Thanks guys. Bye. That was a Hiddem Original.