Keeping Records - Old Meme Energy (with EJ Marcus)

Episode Date: June 17, 2022

Shelby's back in studio (missed you, girl!); Caleb's finally on Raya (congrats, girl!); and EJ Marcus stops by the pod to kind of randomly make fun of producer Anya (who is actually writing this description but totally forgives you, girl!). After all, EJ is, by their own admission, Mean, Scary, Tall, and Intimidating.  Mean, Scary, Tall, and Intimidating EJ brought along a near-perfect Golden Record that is at once practical and... dare we say... provocative? Listen in for arguably the best hour-and-change of your day. EJ's Artifacts: Art With Cats On It (Visual) Shoe Racks (Object) Sunglasses (Object) Thelma & Louise (1991 Film) Follow EJ on Tiktok, Twitter, and Instagram. Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a HeadGum Original. In 1977, NASA sent two solid gold records into space so that aliens might find them and understand life on Earth. I send greetings on behalf of the people of our planet. And friendly wishes to all who may encounter this voyager. Now, we're making new records with our friends. Bonjour tout le monde. Konnichiwa.

Hola y saludo satou. Assalamu alaikum. We step out of our solar system into the universe seeking only peace and friendship. We know full well that our planet and all its inhabitants are but a small part of this immense universe that surrounds us. Hello from the children of planet Earth. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Shelby, you're being random this afternoon.

You're being absolutely freaking awesome, Soph. Just so everyone knows, Shelby and I have been kind of hanging out together this afternoon before the record, which we don't always get to do. So you're going to notice a little bit of a little energy in the air. And I would describe Shelby's energy today as this. Come to the dark side. We have cookies. Shelby's giving trash panda. Blah.

Blurg. Shelby's giving blurg this afternoon. Shelby. Shelby's giving, Shelby's giving, my day's been a dumpster fire. Blurg. Caleb's giving,

I woke up today and just had to do all the things. I had to feel all the feels. Today's been such a frustrating day because I woke up and I was like, I wasn't going to do anything. And then I was like, you know what? I'm going to do all the things. I'm just going to check things up. I'm literally, I'll do something, write it on my checklist just so I can cross it off. Wait, you're being so random.

I'm sorry. Adulting is not what I signed up for. Don't talk to me until I've had three glasses of wine. Daddy needs his daddy juice. Ew, that's a different thing. Daddy? Entering daddy into it? When it says mommy juice, I was just not going to call you mommy.

You can call me mommy for the bit. Just for the bit, though. Mommy needs her mommy juice. Oh, my God. That's so funny. I'm dead, girl. I'm dead. You're my God. That's so funny. I'm dead girl. I'm dead. You're literally like funny. No, I'm like gagged. No, you're like funny. No, I'm gagged. No, literally you're like funny though. No. No, you're literally funny. No, you're funny. No.

You're literally like you crack me up. That's so crazy. People used to say I should be on mad TV. You're one of the funniest bitches I've ever encountered. Yeah, people used to be like, wait, you should be on MADtv. Literally. Literally. Literally, you're so funny. Cause like when you're around. People are laughing.

I'm like laughing, crying, crying, crying, laughing. Cause you're like a funny ass bitch. And I fucking mean that to my core. You should be on fucking TV, girl. For those on YouTube, Kayla bought me this coffee. Yeah. Not to brag, but I have it like that. Not to brag, but he's got it like that.

Not to brag, but things are going well. I can buy my friends coffee. Actually, coffee is getting expensive. You do need to Venmo me for that. I'm going to be requesting PayPal. Anyway, what's up with you? Oh, nothing. Boop.

Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. Stop. No. Are you flirting with me today? A little.

Oh. What am I not? What do you think we would do? Sexually. Why? Why do I always do that? I don't know. I think it's funny to me. Then I was like, I don't know.

It depends on the location. Location's the first place you went. Yeah. I wanted to set the scene. Yeah. Well, I don't really want to talk about how I'm doing. Don't ask. How are you doing?

I'm fine. All right. Our guest today. today. You can't even. I'm not here yet. I could. We could record ads or something. Yeah, we could just chill downtime. I'm dating, as you know. Right. Oh, are you trying to celebrate what I think you're trying to celebrate? What am I trying to celebrate? Something about dating and phones and applications. Oh my God. No, I literally was not thinking of that. But I did.

Finally, listeners, I got approved for Raya. I got approved for Raya and guess what? This is Caleb's biggest career moment of the month and Jurassic Park came out this month. I got approved for Raya and guess what? This is Caleb's biggest career moment of the month. And Jurassic Park came out this month.

I gotta prove for Raya, which famously has a fatphobic bias. And I knew it would be bad, but I had to know what it would be like to be on there. And guess what? It's bad. It's not enjoyable. I don't want them to kick me off, though. Please don't kick me off, you guys. I'm gonna learn to love it.

It's just an acquired taste. It's just like photographers and people who work at agencies being like, hey. Well, sometimes you want headshots. Looking for something. Literally. It's like connect with nearby mutuals. And then it'll be like, this person

knows this person that you know because of your phone contacts. He works in touring at an agency. I don't like when anything tells me this is from your contacts. I say leave it alone. And then the bios are always like, looking for drinks and an adventure, and then like a clinking glass emoji. Oh, God, please kill me.

TikTok is always like, I'm showing you this because they're in your phone. I'm like, I have people in my phone that I care not to see. I have to say, I don't feel comfortable making many jokes about outlawing gayness anymore because it is getting pretty weird with the public homophobia. Yeah. And I do have,

by the way, I'll just tell our listeners, I have a Comedy Central stand-up set coming out where I do a joke about gayness and I'm, I'm not sure how I feel about it, but we're gonna see.

I recorded it before everything got as weird as it is now, but homophobia having a major comeback moment. Thank God. I know, a little bit.

I was getting too comfortable with it. It was hotter when being gay was dangerous. And it's gonna get hot again. If conservatives have anything to say about it. Hey, if the you all of it all from the other day means anything, it's gonna get hot again. Make gay hot again. It is getting scary. But it is gonna make it sexier.

Yeah. Sex, I mean, sex when you're not supposed to be doing it. That's the good stuff. Yeah, if you could get in trouble for it. Like it's like, oh, someone wants to beat me up if they find out I did this. Hot. You know? Till the time comes.

Till payment day. Well, if you can't fight, you better stop sucking dick. It's getting dark out here. I can fight, so I'll be sucking guys off if I want to and vice versa. But I'll fight as well. What's going on with it, though? Homophobia? Yeah.

It's having a major comeback, and it's timing up with a looming recession. It's so cyclical. Fads are cyclical. It's timing up with a recession, so people are going to need a scapegoat group soon. It's probably going to be queer people. Which is crazy. Yeah, the recession. For recession to be at the fault of queer people.

Yeah. I can't imagine the mental gymnastics to get that parallel. Well, when things start going bad politically and economically, it's always the same big groups. It's like Jews, queer people, of course, always black people. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Yeah. Yeah, you're, it's not,

I'll say things are not looking good for you. Okay. I can at least pretend to be Christian. No, we're gonna be fine. Right? Fuck. Right? This is like when people are like, I might have to move to Canada.

Oh, I'm not moving anywhere. What's up? I'll stay. I'll fight for this country. I mean, I'm not going to move to Canada. I love Canada if you're a Canadian listener. I have. Well, at least I know I'm free.

And I won't forget the men who died who gave that right to me. Can I tell you what I always think the beginning is? Yes, I wish you would. I might have said this before. Say it now. But I'm proud to be an American. I always think it's where at least I can die free. And that technically is true. I can die for free.

You can die for free in the United States. All you have to do is go outside. But my dependents are fucked. Your dependents? Yeah. Do you have to do is go outside. But my dependents are fucked. Your dependents? Yeah. Do you have kids? Like three. You would have told me. No, you've met them. You can die in America for free.

Actually, not even true. A lot of times it costs. There's a fee unfortunately. Yeah. Funeral home. Yeah, oh yeah. I'm learning a lot about the fees of death and I gotta got to tell you. Death certificates? No brain.

Yeah. Death certificates you have to buy? And those come in. And you can't make copies of them? You have to ask them for the copies and pay? Death certificates are a scam. Peace paper says he died. We know he died, bitch.

I'm looking at the body. There's stuff about when people die that I'm learning now. I say, what are we doing about this? Why are we doing this? I say, Mr. President, make a change. Oh, no, you're addressing Mr. President on this one? Wait. Free clap for the girlies.

Joe Biden. You have been killing it, bitch. Free clap for Joe Biden. Free clap for the girlies. When Pink said, Dear Mr. President. Dear Mr. President, were you a lonely boy? Were you a lonely boy? That song actually.

Let's pretend. Let's pretend. With just two people in. You're not better than me. I'd like to ask you some questions. If you can speak honestly. What do you see when you look in the mirror? Are you proud?

That song bangs, dude. She went off. I'm sorry, Pink. Pink on Dear Mr. President. People want what she has, dude. Pink said, I saw what happened to the chicks. I don't care. I don't care-a.

I'll be taking George W. Bush to task. My fan base will be fine with it. What kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay? Yeah. And what kind of father might take his own daughters rights away god damn I wish I could think of more of it

I wish I could sing the whole song for you right now I think I probably could do you guys know what we're talking about listeners little freaks Anya do you know what we're talking about you guys don't know Do You Miss Your President I'm playing it I'm not even going to wait for them to play it I'm so mad at Anya, do you know what we're talking about? You guys don't know Dear Mr. President? Oh my God. I'm playing it.

I'm playing it. I'm not even going to wait for them to play it. I'm so mad at Anya right now. What kind of father made his own daughter? This is a song, as the listeners might know, Freakies, that Pink wrote to George Bush. No, when he was in presidency. Da-da-da-da-da. Dear Mr. President, are you a lonely boy? Are you a lonely boy?

Are you a lonely boy? Are you a lonely boy? Yes, gospel. Ooh, come on now. How can you say no child is left behind? We're not dumb and we're not blind. We're not sitting in your cells while you pave the road to hell. What kind of father would hate his own daughter's drive-thru ride?

And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay? Come on. Come on. You've come a long way. Go off. Go the fuck off on this. From whiskey and cocaine. Let me sleep while the rest of us cry. My lighter

would be in the fucking air right now if we were live. How do you dream when the mother has no chance to say goodbye? Yeah. How do you love the old man? How do you love

the old man? Take it down. Come on. Come on. Come on. We're the baby on the way. Let me tell you how I work. Rebuilding your house. This is an impossible way. Let me tell you my own words. This is the best.

Let me tell you my own words. Let me tell you my own words. She roasted his ass on a platter George W. Bush found dead hypothetically George W.

Anya Anya entering her political era Anya anything you want to say to the listeners Casey anything you want to say

to the listeners I think our fans should be more rabid Anya, anything you want to say to the listeners? Casey, anything you want to say to the listeners? No, not today. I think our fans should be more rabid. I think our fans should be going harder. Little freaks, go harder on the internet. I think so. I think so.

More tags. And I love you guys. I want more tags. And I love you guys. I want more people to tag us and say, I loved this moment. I want you to treat your fandom like an occupation. Yeah. Standing us should be a job.

And you should be trying to get ahead. Yeah. You should be looking for a promotion, honey. Standing us should be work. Stand this pod. Stand this pod like your bills depend on it. The rent's due. Pay up.

Pay up. Pay up. what do you think is your biggest weakness i've told you this before it's my personality i guess i have asked you that before yeah well what do you think is number two unfortunately all that's left aesthetic aesthetic yeah you think your aesthetic is a weakness? I think you have a powerful aesthetic. I look at you and I say, there's someone who is undeniably gay. That does not care what she looks like. Undeniably gay. Could at any moment go on a hike. I think you have.

I'm in clogs. Honey, the clogs even still are giving, it's giving person who could go on a hike. You couldn't hike in these. You don't have to hike in those because you know what those clogs tell me? She's got boots in the truck. I have boots in the car. She's got boots. She's got She's got boots in the truck. I have boots in the car. She's got boots. She's got boots and granola in the truck.

Granola. She's got boots and granola in the truck. This little lady's got boots and granola. She's got granola in the truck. And carabiners. I do have kind of whatever you need in my car. I drive your car. My energy is.

Nadia got signs made. Sign ya. Sign ya. Sign ya. Sign ya. Oh my god. Sign ya. It's sign ya.

It's giving sign ya. We don't have to wrap up. Okay. Our guest is here. Fuck. Fuck. I mean yay. I mean yay.

But also fuck. Yeah. Because we, yay. I mean, yay. But also, fuck. Yeah. Because we were really just, I feel, hitting our groove. Yeah. Talking about the way you look was really going to take off. We were going to really get into what my car is like. Yeah. Fuck.

Well, our guest today, we absolutely love him. He's killing it on TikTok. Killing it on TikTok. We love him very much. Very funny, very funny comedian based in LA. Please put your fins, paws, flippers, and human hands if you got them together for our dear friend

EJ Marcus. I don't think we've ever put this in. We can put this in. This will be cute. You want to do it together? Okay. Okay, say it in person. We'll just chat with you.

And that'll go for however long. Sometimes it goes for like 40 minutes. And sometimes 15. Sometimes less. So we'll chat with you. And that'll go for however long. Sometimes it goes for like 40 minutes. And sometimes 15. Sometimes less. So we'll chat with you. And then at some point, we'll get into your items. You can bring them up in whatever order you want. Doesn't matter.

Got them right there. And we'll take a break. We'll take a break for ads. Okay. And then, Anya, you don't know this yet, but we're going to do an artifact. We're going to do an artifact. We're going to do Morse code ships. We're going to do Morse code ships.

So we'll play a little sound for you and then we'll just like talk about it. And then we'll do delete it, which is where you delete something from the records. Yeah. And you need to be stressed about or remember none of this because we'll be in charge of it. So you just have fun. Yeah, we're just telling you so that nothing comes as a surprise later, but we will prompt. Yeah. Okay.

And if it ever seems like Shelby has an attitude problem, trust me, I get it. She doesn't mean to be that way. It's the way I was raised. Yeah. Yeah, I know. I can see that. She just comes off that way. Okay. And if it ever seems like Shelby has an attitude problem, trust me, I get it. She doesn't mean to be that way. It's the way I was raised. Yeah. Yeah, I know. I can see that. She just comes off that way. Okay.

She's actually really cool. Okay. Once you get to know her. Yeah. Nice. It takes so long. Yeah. Okay, but what we were talking about before.

I've been told. Anya, you actually, to me, do seem gay, but that's just because you have a tattoo. Yeah. You actually do seem gay to me. But I'll tell you why I would have clocked you a straight is because you're a tattoo yeah you actually do seem gay to me but i'll tell you i'll tell you why i would have clocked you a straight is because you're wearing baby doll socks and that's a straight girl thing to do gabby wears those yeah our straightest friend you're wearing baby doll socks i didn't know that that was a straight thing to do don't you think yeah

definitely it's the ruffles it's the like joy yeah yeah i guess it's like you have a radical hetero joy straight girls are always kind of trying to be like toddlers because because men like that and women are kind of

like we don't need that ding ding ding yeah most straight men most straight men at their core are a little bit of pedophiles

yeah for sure I'm sorry they really they really have to feel like it's weird I feel like we're allowed to talk

about this. Like little baby girls who talk like little babies. The whole concept of daddy. Yeah. I've been called daddy. The girls who can barely string sentences together. They're like really gross. Pigtails.

Do you? Does it work? I didn't know you were working at that. Wow. I wouldn't have talked to you straight though. Guys, I'm kidding.

Ani and I have a really good friendship. Yeah. You guys hang out a lot without me which I find interesting. Oh, great. We are neighbors

which is nice. We are neighbors which is nice. We always talk about meeting up which is cool too. But we've never done it. Met up?

Correct. We never met. You never met? Yeah, you never met? That was like really awkward, right? Yeah, that was super awkward. Honestly, I feel really weird.

Yeah, I'm not comfortable here. EJ, we have each other. Yeah, thank God. Would it help if I left? Left? The podcast? Or left. Oh, forever.

Me and EJ do an episode? Yeah. Actually, do you mind? Stay. Oh, Nelly. Hey, you can't even get up. EJ, so you started this episode By walking into the studio

And immediately insulting our producer Yeah Tell the listeners a little bit Tell the listeners a little bit About that point of view I mean honestly Like I didn't think It was gonna come out of me

But I felt like I couldn't Hold it in anymore Yeah yeah yeah Just kind of one of those things That bubbled up But I mean like Yeah I just I like to enter spaces

Like pretty aggressive Like I feel like That's how people describe me they're like mean scary like tall intimidating yeah I'm so glad that you brought this up because we were nervous that because I think people online really think like you're so nice you're kind of like a sweet little girl

and we were like well that's not you're one of the most toxic people I've ever encountered no it's a huge problem. Yeah, because people are like, oh, hey, sweetie pie, pinch my cheeks. I'm like, I kick them in the shins, right? Yeah. I'll never forget the first time I met you because I only knew you from online.

And I thought, that's a sweet person. That's a warm person. And I'll never forget this. It's like seared in my brain. It was at Cheesecake Factory. You walked in and you threw your coat at the hostess. And you looked at me and you said, faggot. And I was taken aback by that.

Yeah. And then you called me fat. And I thought that was really – Do you remember when you broke my nose? Yeah. Oh, my God. That was so fun. You asked for it.

Still haven't fixed it. You asked for it, I will say. Yeah, you were like, do it. What are you going to do? Do it. And I was like, okay. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? Do it. And I was like, okay. No balls, no balls. Pussy, you know,

calling all kinds of names. Calling all kinds of names. Pussy, pussy. Pussy, pussy. Coward. Coward, pussy, pussy, pussy. Coward, pussy, pussy. Yeah.

And then AJ, yeah. Whacked you. Yeah. I mean, people cheered. I don't know if you remember that part, though. No, I do. I will say, a little bit of blur because of the concussion,

but I do remember that part, though. No, I do. I will say a little bit of blur because of the concussion, but I do remember that energy at least. But so good to have you on. Oh, my gosh. You guys, I'm sorry to be here. I've been amazing. Do you love L.A.? I'm obsessed. What's your favorite power lunch spot?

Oh, my gosh. Honestly, oh, God, I'm freezing Vons. Vons! What are your dietary restrictions? Thank you for asking. Every deal I've done, I've closed at Vons. Yeah. I say, meet me at the Starbucks in Vons. Yeah.

Meet me at the Starbucks in Vons. They don't have tables, so we just stand there. Yeah, just stand, lean against the counter. They love that. They like you to linger there. I like the Starbucks at Target. Oh, yeah. That's really good energy. That's extremely corporate. I'm sorry, I have to disagree with the counter. They love that. They like you to linger there. I like the Starbucks at Target. Oh, yeah. That's extremely corporate. I'm sorry. I have to disagree with you both. That's extremely corporate.

More than the Vons? Vons is mom and pop. Vons is mom and pop. Yeah. Mom and pop. The frappuccinos are like, they churn them. I have a question for everyone. They churn what?

The milk for the frappuccinos. They churn the milk for the frappuccinos. Of course, we all know. Yeah. I have a question for the room. If it's The milk for the barbecuenos, of course we all know. I have a question for the room. If it's appropriate, I will allow you to ask it. It's extremely Vons related. John's, same font,

also goes to... Is it same owners? Vons is for girls and John's is for boys, I believe. That's what I also heard. And then anyone who doesn't fall into one of those categories does unfortunately have to go to Sprouts. I believe. That's what I also heard. And then anyone who doesn't fall into one of those categories does, unfortunately, have to go to Sprouts. I understand. If you're non-binary, you can go to Trader Joe's.

Yeah. Then you have to deal with their whole shtick. You shouldn't. You shouldn't, yeah. Anyway. Does that answer your question? Does that help? Is that good?

This is the HeadGum Podcast. This is a HeadGum original. EJ, what would you say is your biggest enemy in the world? Who do you hate the most? Who do I hate the most? Not in this room. Okay. Well, great.

Leave Anya out of it. I'm trying. I'm trying to leave Anya out of it. I don't really know how I can. She's on the ropes. My biggest enemy in the world. Oh, my goodness. Oh, gosh.

Honestly, like, no. No. It's ridiculous. My biggest enemy in the world is probably I – oh, now I just got scared. Honestly, a neighbor. A neighbor. I'm a neighbor. Oh, but you don't want to talk about it.

You're scared to talk about it in public. I'm a little scared to talk about it. But I'll call them my coworker. Yeah. Okay, so they're my coworker, and they never say hi to me. Faggot. Yeah. They are a faggot.

They never say hi to me, and I feel like I – I mean, I know we talked about this, that, like, I can, like, people, like, think I'm nice or whatever, but I'm actually mean. But to them, I swear I'm nice. I'm like this. All jokes aside, you are a very warm person. I would say hello to you. Okay, thank you. If I didn't know you.

I would too. Yeah. Would you? I think I have. Okay. Why do you think they weren't so nice to you? I think we were together. I was and I did.

This is my thing. I think that I don't know if it's like a syndrome of like I think that like I usually get said hi to because I would call myself someone with a big warm smile. I don't know if that's crazy but like it's true. You identify as someone with a big warm smile. I identify as someone with a big warm smile, a sparkle in my eye. Yeah. A little twinkle.

A twinkle in your eye. A twinkle in my eye, yeah. And a pep in your step. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, they just don't say hi to me and I really, like I have got it's gotten to the point where I'm, like, I'm staring. I'm like, hey. Like, because we walk by, like, the way that the shop is set up is. Right, co-worker.

It's co-worker. I was like, wait a minute. I was on the same page. Got it. I understand. The way the shop is set up, we're walking by each other pretty constantly. Not constantly. Once a day.

Do you think there's a sexual component? Jealousy? Sexual jealousy. Yeah. Sexual jealousy. Jealousy, yeah. Maybe. I think that, yeah, I don't know what it is.

But I just feel like I wish that I want to connect. It's making it, I'm obsessing because it's something I can't have. EJ, I've seen online that you are a fellow fan of something that we're very fond of on this podcast. So I'm wondering

if we have free Cloud for the Girlies. Super Goop. Super Goop. Super Goop. We fuck with Super Goop. Okay. This is a Super Goop pod.

This is a Super Goop pod. Super Goop glow screen. Okay, thank goodness. We're in it with them. We love it. Yeah. Send us, we're going to let this be Cloud for the Girlies. Super Goop pod. This is a Supergoop pod. Supergoop glow screen. Okay, thank goodness. We are in it with them. We love it. Yeah. Send us. We're going to let this be loud for the girlies.

Supergoop, if you're listening, send some. Send more. Send some. Please. All three of us. All three of us. We'll share with EJ. Yeah.

Send some. Yeah. Not with us, though. No. Well, because you guys have both been pretty weird today. We lost your Supergoop privilege. You guys came out of this straight to us during Pride. If you guys aren't using Supergoop, I got to tell you.

It really is something special. It really is something special. And EJ, I know what you're thinking. Surely Shelby won't be touching the microphone the whole time. I will. Shelby has a podcasting style where she does every episode like this. She's back and forth like this. She's bailing the mic.

Have you guys heard that in the mic? Unless they edit it out, which they can and they should. That was residual from my COVID. I had COVID a couple weeks ago. Shelby has COVID presently. Okay. Yeah. Thank you.

A couple weeks ago. A couple weeks ago, I had COVID. And sometimes when I laugh, you can still hear her in there. She's in there. She's in there. Stop laughing. Stop laughing. Wait.

I have a question. Yeah. Are you familiar with the song Dear Mr. President by Pink? Absolutely. Dear Mr. President. Ooh. Were you a lonely boy? Were you a lonely boy?

We played some of it in our intro. We're obsessed. Oh my God, it's amazing. Did you just discover it? No. Anya had never heard it. Casey, you had neither. I might have. Casey. You would have known. Casey, if you had heard. Casey, you had me there. I might have. That's crazy.

Casey. You would have known. Casey, if you had heard it before, you would have known. That's my story. I literally feel like, I mean, pink is straight. I know that.

What? I want to say that I know that. What? What? In many ways, she's not. I mean, look at her. Yeah, right? Actually, do you want to know?

Is she still dating that motocross guy? Married to him. I think they're married and have children. I thought for a really long time they refused to get married but had kids. Like they were like, we don't. Oh, it was like a political, we won't until the gays can or something like that.

Yeah. Oh, well the gays can now, unfortunately. For now. Or Burgerfell. Yeah, for now. Hold on to that one. Shelby and I, we used to live next door to Pink's bass guitarist. Are you serious?

And she was. Los Angeles. She was a friend. This you serious? And she was... Los Angeles. Oh my god. This town. She was a friend. A friend. A good friend. Yeah.

We had her over a number of times. She lent my girlfriend a book and it took a very long time to return it. Yeah. So. I mean that's... So Shelby ruined the relationship. Shelby and Lindsay did a little joint project. I didn't do it.

Lindsay did. And Lindsay, if you're listening, first of all, hi. Get that book back. First of all, hey. Hey that book back. First of all, hey. Hey. Don't turn on your name, girl.

Miss you. But, you should have returned the book a little quicker. Right. Couldn't have hurt. Because that could have

been huge. I mean, the guitarist, bass guitarist. Bass guitarist. We should ask her to start playing bass in the room

while we podcast. We should insult her deeply. We should ask her to start playing bass in the room while we podcast. We should insult her deeply. We should ask her to do something far below her skill level. Would you stand in the corner while we do our podcast, which by the way is completely off the rails and almost every episode forgets the premise at some point.

Would you stand in the corner and play bass guitar as a world class guitarist? Oh, you don't think that that would be fun for her? Shelby did a bit on the pod last week that was so aggressive that it actually... It wasn't that aggressive, but I did watch it on the YouTube video,

and the problem is that I was on a delay, so it was a mid-year sentence. The one I said it was before he left. It was so crazy. I had to stop the recording and be like, just so you know, that was incredibly violent. Like said it was before he left. It was so crazy. I had to stop the recording and be like just so you know that was incredibly

violent. Like it was so I thought about it like at least once an hour since. Replaying in your mind. He was talking about a band that had a lot

of horns in it and he was really getting kind of revved up. The music was so hot. And Carly said so there's a lot of horns and I said like from the way

he's talking about it. Shelby did, like, a Rodney Dangerfield. Which she does, I would say, twice an episode on average. But what I said it was right after Carly spoke, before you spoke. But when it came through on the recording, it is eight seconds into him responding. I'm in, like, the middle of the sentence. And Shelby goes, yeah, he's talking about it.

Because he's literally just like, he's like, no, there are, there's a lot, he's so excited. He has so much love in his heart for this band. He's like, no, yeah, there's a lot of horns. And they go, from the way he's talking about it, it sounds like there's horns. Do you have a go-to voice, Evie?

Oh, gosh. Shelby's just like, eat this right here. Do I want any? Yeah, it's good to let me be this guy. That's Shelby. Oh, he stirs up trouble. Yeah.

Oh, he's a problem. No, he's a huge problem. Yeah, I'd have him arrested if I could. Yeah, me too. And the secret to that character is just don't ask where he was on January 6th. Right. Because I'll tell you the answer.

At home with his kids. The Capitol. He was at the Capitol with Nancy Pelosi. At home with his kids. Because I'll tell you the answer. At home with his kids. The Capitol. He was at the Capitol with Nancy Pelosi. At home with his kids. He was behind Nancy Pelosi's desk. At home with his kids. He was taking illegal pictures. He was taking illegal pictures behind Nancy Pelosi's desk.

Right. I mean, he's saying he was at home with his kids. Well, yeah, he doesn't want to be tried. Yeah. They're all getting tried right now. Where's the proof? Right. Anyway.

Nothing could have happened that day. Nothing happened. This is such a bad podcast, EJ. I'm sorry we brought you into it. No, I'm like so happy to be here. Shelby just defended the insurrection on the pod. Somebody has to. It's like completely embarrassing.

EJ, you can't. When she gets like this. When she's blidge. Okay, well, we have to go to a break soon but before we do will you just tell us how you been lately give us a little

how you been lately how have I been lately oh gosh I got a haircut yesterday you look slick okay I will say you look sharp

you look sharp and I mean it from my heart yes yes yeah I mean I don't know if you've seen the back yeah it's literally sharp clean clean you look good clean and I will say this was the first haircut I've ever gotten yes yes yeah I mean I don't know if you've seen the back yeah it's literally sharp clean

clean clean clean and I will say this was the first haircut I've ever gotten I always go to a barber shop I love a barber shop honestly a lot of people are going to feel

different about that I love a barber shop this was the first time that they have sort of without asking begun to shave my face oh they just went in on it? they just went in on it

yeah took the guard off yeah did a little shave up for you yeah that's cute which honestly felt awesome but it was I was going to say did you just went in on it? They just went in on it. Yeah, took the guard off? Yeah. Did a little shave up for you? Yeah. That's cute. Which honestly felt awesome, but it was... I was going to say, did you like it or hate it? Well, it was just like so shocking.

I guess they gave me like, before that, they were giving me sort of the lighter treatment, if you know what I mean. Were you growing more facial hair now than you used to? Like, literally, no. Oh, so they just weren't going in there, like, here we go. I think it was just like, they were like, this is just a guy who needs his face shaved. A guy who needs his face shaved. And I was like, sure.

He said, absolutely. I felt, yeah. Every hair. That's happened to me, every haircut since I was like maybe 19. Well, I think it's because they always think you're a boy. Yeah. But you're a boy at that barbershop. They should get your face.

So now they're doing my face. Yeah. That felt like a milestone. That's fucking cool. Sorry to be, I don't know if that's too earnest for your listeners. They should get your face. So now they're doing my face. Yeah. That felt like a milestone. That's fucking cool. Sorry to be, I don't know if that's too earnest for your listeners. No, we love it. No, are you kidding? This podcast also has the importance of being earnest.

That's sort of a tenet of the podcast. The importance of being earnest. Yeah. So nothing's too earnest for the first. There are two places that feel really good to me to have like a no guard, like when someone's shaving you. It's the face when they do that, when they're doing your hair and then they just start doing your cheek and then the back of the neck yeah i don't know if you've ever had it oh fuck you should try it sometime it feels so good right when they're like squaring it off

because i'm like you're doing something crazy back there. You're doing something absolutely crazy. Sometimes I hide. Shelby's having like a gender dysphoria. Shelby's hot for a body right now. Like, do I have to get a butt skirt? Is that required?

Nothing would look worse on me. Hey, I don't think that's true. You guys are incorrect. I've said this before. I've tried to get you to go short.

My mom, I showed my mom a picture of the length of hair that you want me to have and this is my reaction. This is my impression of my mom a picture of the length of hair that you want me to have, and this is my reaction. This is my impression of my mom seeing that. Okay.

No. Well, let me tell you something. No. Jillian, I'm a huge fan of yours. I love your work. You know that I have nothing but respect and love for you in my heart. You're wrong. Yeah.

The length that I sent to you, we would look really good in, like, a right here on Shelby with, like, a layered right here. Oh, so cute. Shelby would fuck that up. Yeah. What did my mom say? No. Shelby with like a layered right here. Oh, so cute. Shelby would fuck that up. My mom said. She's wrong because when you wear your hair over like that even long, it just looks so good. Guys, we need to go to a break for ads.

I'm going to have to call Shelby's mom. I got to talk to her about this. Let's do a break. Break. Welcome back. EJ. Yeah. Well, we brought you here for a reason.

So true. We wanted to know, we were talking to the ghost of Carl Sagan. Oh, EJ, I'm so sorry. We were talking to the ghost of Carl Sagan, like Shelby said. Yeah. We were wondering if we made a new golden record. What would you, he wanted to know, what would you put on it? The ghost of Carl Sagan wanted to know what would you put on it okay awesome okay what's the first item on the record what would it be um well here's my thing

you guys is i know i was making a joke about this earlier but i literally did write down what i would bring because i've got oh it's beautiful oh my god and it's because I did I do feel like I've changed a lot since I originally kind of decided what I would bring

huge huge you're allowed that you're allowed that like I feel like I don't know about you guys but I'm changing constantly yeah you can change your list

live if you wanted do you really feel like you're changing a lot I honestly do we were gonna say that you've changed as a person yeah yeah

you've changed and you brought me here to talk about. You've changed. And you brought me here to talk about it. You've changed, boy. We were talking to the ghostly girls and he was like, you just changed. Yeah, he was like, and honestly, for the worst. Yeah. I think I... He doesn't know what he's talking about, though. I think I stopped growing as a person in 2019.

Uh-oh. Okay, so that was pre-COVID. 2019, I reached who I'm going to be. And I'm still there. Okay. COVID did not change COVID. 2019. I reached who I'm going to be. And I'm still there. Okay. COVID did not change me. Okay. Yeah. That's so cool.

Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome. I hope that for everyone too. I hope nobody changed. No, I'm kidding. I think,

I don't know though. What has changed about your list? Did it get more one way than the other? It honestly, honestly, I was just thinking back to it. I was looking at what I wrote and I was like, did I write that? Oh my God. Yeah. I was like, I don't think I was just thinking back to it, and I was looking at what I wrote, and I was like, did I write that?

Oh, my God, yeah. I don't think I would send those things to space. Not all of them. But specifically one I kept, and it's... Should I say it? Yeah. God, I'm so nervous. It's art with cats in it.

It's cat art. Okay. Okay. Okay. What do you mean? What do you mean like old? Can I tell you two things came to my head? Yeah. Two things came to my head.

Space cat. First one was space cat. Like t-shirts of like cats in space. Super random culture. Shelby's really into this kind of stuff. Oh no. Cats eating pizza in space. No, no pizza.

Or like an old time painting with a cat in the background while a guy plays like a mandolin or something. Or neither. Those are the two things that came to my head. How do you feel about the latter? No, no pizza. Or like an old time painting with a cat in the background while a guy plays like a mandolin or something. Okay. Or neither. Those are the two things that came to mind. How do you feel about the latter? I really like when a pet shows up in an old time painting. Okay, awesome. Me too. I like to remember that they were a part of it.

They were there. Okay, that's cool. So yeah, I would say that mine's sort of similar to that. But the kind of art that I'm drawn to,, I like stuff. It's not random core. It's, um... Think. It's... I would never.

That's my thing. That's... Shelby's extremely random sauce. No, I can tell. What did you say when I came here? Oh, blue banana. Shelby said,

random panda. Awkward turtle. Shelby said, bomb tree. Wait, what did Shelby do to you when you got here? Blue banana Wink wink Yeah you were like I was like what are you talking about? Did you really?

Shelby were you being random with our guest? No Yeah Okay anyway EJ Art with cats It's like art with cats but it's like okay i'll just give you an example of it exists in someone in this room's apartment it's mine okay i was like i was like i had ej over i just got so nervous um it's mine um but no, it's just like, it's a really well done sort of like, I don't know a lot about paints, but I would call it a paint.

I would call it like- Probably oil. Probably oil, something like that. And it's actually just like a portrait of an old Western gang. So these are like real people. But instead of them being people, it's cats in like cowboy people and but instead of them being people it's cats

and like cowboy hats and bandanas I fuck with that yeah and they're all like labeled and they all have like the histories

of the members of the gang it was actually given to me by a dear friend for my birthday so I actually just came on this

podcast to talk about this piece of art because I I think we should take the whole hour and sort of dissect it that's fine

you're kidding but that's fine with us what is the gang do you remember the Jesse Jesse James oh Missouri boy yeah flowering sort of dissect it. That's fine. You're kidding, but that's fine with us. What is the gang? Do you remember? The Jesse James. Oh, Missouri boy.

Yeah. He's a Missouri boy. Well, he's friend center in the painting. Isn't there a wrestler named Jesse James? I don't know, but thank you for asking. And I think an NFL tight end. Wait, do you guys know the song Jesse James by Cher? Do you know? No.

Don't worry, I'll put it on. There's another song Jesse James by someone else, but it is not Cher. This is just like Jesse James by Cher. Do you know? No. Don't worry. There's another song, Jesse James, by someone else. But it is not Cher. This is just like Jesse James by Cher. Now imagine a cat singing it. Yep. Sometimes I listen to Cherna and go, I forget that she's really good. She's really good. It's like she's such a name that it's like I forget that she's good.

I know. I mean, I look at her Twitter pretty often. She's damaging her legacy by being on Twitter. Yeah. Her behavior on Twitter is absolutely damaging her legacy. Did you guys see the one from today? Yes. No, what was the one today?

I'm going to read you. Her behavior on Twitter is absolutely stealing her spot in the Hall of Fame. What's the punctuation? It's a capitalization. What do you guys think about while you pull that up? Jolly Parton requesting not to be added into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame yet, and then they did it anyway. I didn't know that happened, but I'm upset for her.

She was like, I want other people to get in, so consider me another time. And then they were like, you're in, baby doll. She said she wasn't. She was like, I'm a country star. Not a rock and roll. No, she said, maybe she made another statement. I remember her initial statement was like, there are people who are nominated who should get it over me. And she was like, so consider me in the future, but not yet.

I haven't earned it yet. She tweeted these two things within an hour of each other. And I'm not even going to attempt to tell you about the punctuation. Yeah. Or the spelling. I'm not even going to try to tackle the punctuation or spelling. Just tell it to us letter by letter. Just took worst pics ever. But

kids ever. I look with cool young kids. Look like a troll. Smug eye makeup. Look like three miles of bad road. Came to see dear friend who's sick. An hour later. Okay. Someone call emergency and take my phone away forever. I was texting and talking to

friends and my mind was invaded by a creature from another galaxy. He invaded my body, too. That wasn't so bad. Sure, he's denying it now. Share. Share. Who?

However, in my defense, my phone's on drugs. Have you ever heard something so batshit in your life? I actually don't think we can laugh about it. I think that's someone sick. I know. And to read it is like truly even crazier. I don't,

listeners, if you can see this, listeners, go to the YouTube. What do you think is worse, that or the NFTs Madonna's selling? Madonna's selling NFTs?

I need to, I'm not up to date, you guys. Madonna's selling NFTs where she is, first of all, she's got a lot of work done. More than you can imagine.

And she's on a table, like an operating table it seems, spreading her legs and a tree's coming out of her pussy. You did not have to say pussy. What was I going to say? You could have said, you could have kept it medical. Ew! Pussy. Okay, there's a tree coming out of her pussy. I think, you know why I had to say pussy

Well pussy does give life I had to say pussy because of how vulgar the images are you can't say it's not medical it's

vulgar and there's a lot of them there's like a series of different trees coming out of her truly snatch out of her hoo-ha

her hoo-ha was my other go-to quite lich quite lich well that is troubling isn't it should we just sit with that for a bit I don't know, for hoo-ha, yeah. Hoo-ha was my other go-to. Quite lich. Quite lich. Well, that is troubling, isn't it? Should we just sit with that for a bit? Should we sit with that for a moment?

I'm unable to move on. The celebrities with only one name from the 80s have got to get it together. My thing to anybody is if you have gotten a Lifetime Achievement Award, if you have reached that level of fame and influence on the culture, log off. Yeah. Log off. You don't need to be on. Just log off. Log it off. Absolutely.

I mean, there's some celebrities that are on the talk, you know. The talk? TikTok. I'm so sorry. TikTok. I'm so sorry. You put it out there. That's why.

The talk. Where I'm just like, you don't have, like, you do not need to be doing the dances. You don't need to be doing the trends. No. I mean, nobody needs to. But they do because there's a hole inside them that can never be filled. Right. Of staying relevant.

Attention. Yeah. There's a hole inside them that they will never have done enough to stop it. Yeah. The older celebrity that I think is doing social media exactly correct, and I will celebrate her till the day I die, Courtney Cox. Oh, fuck. Okay.

I was going to try to guess, and I would have never gotten Courtney Cox. No, I was never going to go there. Courtney Cox's Instagram is so good. I don't think I've seen it once. I don't know of it. Because you have to look for it to get there. Such a good point. Okay.

Which is a good thing, I think. She doesn't need it. But then when you get there, she's doing little jokes with her friends. She's having a good time. She's selling home goods products now called Home Court, and she's doing little jokes with them,

but they're like pretty lame, and I think that's right. Yeah. Yeah. My celebrity that is doing social media perfectly, Michael Chiklis. Y'all know Michael Chiklis? Michael Chiklis from The Shield? I can't say who The Shield is.

I don't know who Michael Chiklis is. Chiklis heads, sound off in the comments. I know you guys are out there. Chiklis sounds like a gum. Sure. You think of Chiklis, which is a gum. Chiklis, yeah. Michael Chiklis, he's an incredible actor, and more importantly, he's a father.

And what he's doing on Instagram is being a father to his children. Yeah. He posted a picture of him with a lasagna that he made, and the caption was, I make it the lasagna. That's the kind of stuff he's doing on there. Right. Yeah. Courtney's like playing piano with her daughter.

Yeah. And I think that's really nice. Perfect. Yeah. I gotta say, if you're not looking at Cox's or Chickas' Instagrams you gotta you gotta get on over there if you're not looking at

if you're not looking at Cox and remember Courtney spells her name weird it's C-O-R-T E-N-E-Y well she's gonna hate to hear that you called it weird

when she listens to this she's gonna be I mean I don't know how she's gonna take it I think she knows. Art with cats can be so powerful. And what I love about the painting you've described. I'm so glad it wasn't Pizza Cat.

Thank you. You guys, can you imagine if I came in and I was like, well, I know exactly when you just sent to space. Like yesterday. Laser eye cats. Because a lot of those cats are in space. So you could have had some sort of reasoning that was like, oh, like they'll see how we imagine. A lot of those cats. You mean the cats they send into space?

No, no, no. I mean the random core cats exist in space most of the time. Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah. Like the images are them like floating in space on a pizza. Yeah. And they are a close cousin to I Can Has Cheeseburger.

Oh, God. I know I opened myself up to this. I Can Has Cheeseburger. Oh, God. I know I opened myself up to this. I Can Has Cheeseburger? I thought you were going to give us some I Can Has Cheeseburger type shit. Don't even get me started on Doge. I don't want to like. Doge type beat. You're going to give us Doge type beat.

Are you guys investing in Dogecoin? Yes. Heavily. Are you guys not? I've got like two mil in Doge right now. Mm-hmm. Yeah. That sucks because it's really crashing.

Oh, I'm aware. Oh. Oh. Yeah. My life is super fucked up. Oh, man. Have you guys dabbled in crypto? No.

Me either. Never. Not once. I have no desire. Okay, we're just checking. Yeah. And it's not going well for people who have, by the way.

Yeah, that's why I was checking. Yeah. That's my new how are you. Hey, did you do crypto? I do love to see it crashing and burning. Oh, yeah. I think it's hilarious. I don't know anything about this stuff.

If I was still dating men right now, crypto falling would have been so nice. Because men took it so serious. Are you not dating men anymore? I'm actively dating a woman and you know her. I did know that you were dating her, but are're saying there's no chance you'd date a man ever again? I don't know about ever again, but in the immediate future, I don't see it for myself. Some people are poly. You would never date a man ever again?

You'd never again date a man? Okay, both of you relax. Not a man. You'd never date a man again? Who else to date if not a man? I don't understand. I don't understand. You a girl? You'd date a man, not a man? I don't understand. I don't understand. You a girl?

You date a man. I'll tell you one thing about me. I don't know what accents are. So a lot of times I start talking and it gets to a place that shouldn't be super quick. I'll be in the middle of British. All of a sudden, we're doing Indian. Well, you know that that happens to me a lot. I go Australian and I accidentally fall Southern.

Yeah, but both of those you're allowed to do. Yeah. But it's not what you intended. That's those two, and then I'm sure if I tried Irish, I'd end up... I don't know. I go for something I'm allowed to do, and I end up something I'm really not allowed to do. And it's not on purpose. I just don't know accents. I'm not a good

accent. Someone once told me Irish is at the front of your tongue, and Scottish is the back of your tongue. How do you tap into the back? We've got a potato famine. Scottish is at the back of your tongue. And Irish is at the front of your tongue. Eating the potatoes is killing us.

Irish is at the front of your tongue. But Scottish is at the back of your tongue. So it's Flemmy. Yeah. They're sick there. The Scottish are sick. They're sick there. The Scottish are sick. They're disgusting. Bronchitis.

You can't say that. Cut that. You can't say Scottish people have bronchitis. I'm trying to have a career. This is the kind of stuff that gets us taken out. One-way ticket to cancellation, yeah. Yeah. I really love your energy today i have to say i really really am such a fan of yours oh the youtube video is gonna be much tougher than the audio recording

you're one of my main girls oh yeah when i think about girls in comedy i'm like you're one of my main girls oh my god when i think about girls in comedy one of we're supposed to be best friends they're doing so much do you think about girls in comedy a I'm like, they're doing so much. Do you think about girls in comedy a lot? All the time. Yeah. Constantly for me. It's constantly on my brain. Because it's such a different type suit. Because it's like an oxymoron, right?

What are those ladies doing on the stage? It's like Jumbo Shrimp. I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. Because we're talking about women in comedy? Yeah, because the idea that a woman would be funny is so foreign to me. M'lady. M'lady. M'lady.

Back to the kitchen, me thinks. I'm like, what? I feel like I'm bringing in a lot of old meme energy. You're pulling it out of me. I don't know why this history comes out. Oh my god what's the most misogynistic opinion

you guys have oh yay I love this game mine's about voting rights so I'll go last that I should not be allowed to work okay

okay that's one I think I'm gonna go credit cards like why do they need them men should have to sign off yes yeah you guys

you guys do that for women right because I have had, I've only ever been able to get one. If I, I've had a lot of women ask me to. And you're never going to date a man again. And never again you date a man.

What about the credit card? Oh, you can get a credit card. What about credit? Yeah. Only debit, baby. No,

I don't think women should be allowed to vote. Because, no, if I could take that a step further and explain it for you. Yeah. Sort of like what a man would do. Oh, wow. Women shouldn't be allowed to go to school.

And so they shouldn't be allowed to be educated. And then they shouldn't be allowed to vote. It's sort of, it's a domino effect. Wait, we're kidding, right? Yes. Oh. Oh. Because you were starting to make a lot of sense what is next on your record yeah what's next on your records okay

this one's huge you guys i think oh my god they should be everywhere for everyone including space shoe racks big ones yes i can't say enough about what shoe racks have done for my life yes for every space i go into yes and it's also awesome because i feel like they really represent like i don't know i feel like they talk they tell a lot about like my culture which is someone who like owns a lot of shoes yeah i've seen you in shoes before yeah right yeah maybe even like a couple different pairs yeah yeah so i just like i i think they're so amazing every time i see a shoe rack and like shoes before. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Maybe even like a couple different pairs. Yeah. Yeah. So I just like, I think they're so amazing. Every time I see a shoe rack in like a Goodwill, I'm like, should I get that?

Yes. Yeah. Can I tell you about a shoe rack victory that I had? Yeah. Okay. Major win. Win alert. Winner.

Okay. Wait, what was that? Charlie Sheen. Winning. Winning! Winning! Tiger Blood! This podcast. I'll tell you this.

We don't get paid enough. For me to put up with me, we don't get paid enough. I shouldn't be getting paid. Woman. Okay. Stuff. And you're so right. Basically, when I moved into my new place,

there was a space in my closet that's like, it's a little cubby and it's like, I don't know. Perfectly fit a shoe rack? It's like 25 inches wide

and I found a shoe rack that is exactly the width and then if you put two of them, they stack really well. It's exactly the height. So it looks like custom built-ins

but I just bought it off the internet. That's like the most satisfying thing I've ever heard. Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Wow. So it looks like custom built-ins, but I just bought it off the internet. That's like the most satisfying thing I've ever heard. Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. And it really, my shoes, I used to be just a person who puts my shoes out anywhere. Oh, my shoes are over here, they're over here.

Now they're on a rack. They're on a rack. They have a spot. Spots in places are really important to me. Spots in places. Like, I need everything to have a place. Yeah. I'm not clean. Oh, okay.

Me either. I was going to say... You really volunteered that. I just want... I'm fucking filthy. I was giving the impression that I'm, like, organized or something. That's hugely incorrect.

Yeah. But I like to know that if I were to clean up, everywhere would have a spot. Can I tell you guys something about these shoes? Because we're on the shoes thing. Please. I was hoping you would.

I ordered these online. Then I started getting ads for them. And the ads said, simply unfashionable. Oh, man. Someone's looking at you saying, Shelby. It was like, we know you bought these and we just want you to know they look bad.

You're feeling cute lately. That's cool for you. And I love them. I can't take them off my feet. And then the ads keep coming in and they just say, basically, these look like shit. But in a good way. I don't think that they do look like shit. Thank you.

No, I think they look awesome. Finally someone's saying it. I think you look like a much older lesbian than you are. Oh. But they don't look like shit. They look like an art older lesbian than you are. Oh. But they don't look like shit. They look like an art teacher. Oh, they look... I heard there was a secret code...

Actually, do you guys want to hear something? No. This is a song I recorded the other day. I'm so scared. This is a song I recorded the other day. Fuck. I heard there was a secret code That you've been playing in a piece of wood That you don't really care if music don't be on

That was a run. You were hearing a run. You were hearing a run. That was really beautiful. What do you want the aliens to do with shoe racks, EJ? Because I'm assuming they don't wear shoes. Why would you assume they don't wear shoes? They might wear many pairs of shoes.

They might have so many feet. That's exactly what I was picturing. I was picturing a lot of legs, a lot of feet. Here's what I'll tell you. If aliens are real, jury's out, they're not wearing shoes. Here's what I'll say about aliens. I think they already exist. They're on Earth and they're octopi.

Hold on. Okay. You think... Oh, my God. That was so much. You think aliens definitely exist? I do think aliens definitely exist. That I will actually agree to myself with.

Okay. Awesome. So all of Shelby's are in agreement. That I actually will agree to myself with. Your honor. And you think they're octopus well I think octopi don't make any sense and they define

what do you mean they're weird sizes and they can get into anything and then the biggest octopus you've ever seen gets in there they're so crazy have you not seen these videos?

An octopus the size of this room can get through the eye of a needle? Kind of. Yeah. No. And they change

colors like this? Yep. And just everything about them, when you look at them, you're like, that's not of this planet. Nobody else is doing

it like them. Octopi. I'm going to say octopuses, by the way, because it sounds better. Octopuses cannot do that. They can. And they can see a pickle jar.

They open it like this. Oh, I'm sorry. Octopus must be aliens. They can open a jar. Is that what we're doing here? Sound off in the reviews. Not in the comments. Trying to get those reviews up.

Sound off in the comments trying to get those reviews up sound off with the reviews are octopi aliens no you guys don't have to do that you have to and it's five stars only if you're gonna do it can you at least give a better reason

than the untruth that they can fit through the eye of a needle they can and then the pretty commonplace fact that they can open a jar

and they can change color like that. Changing color is fucking crazy. I'll give you that. And they do it so fast. It's like you blink and it's different. Right. And they blend into anything. Chameleons take forever.

Oh, my God. Chameleons take all day. Chameleons are like change color. I'm going to be started on chameleons. Oh, my God. I'm so glad we're all in agreement about chameleons. They take way too long to change color. Honestly, it's sad to watch.

Yeah. And an octopus, it's like, how did that happen? They should have the reputation that chameleons have for that. Exactly. And nobody's talking about octopi changing color. Everyone's talking about chameleons changing color. I beg to differ. Mm-hmm.

What would be the purpose of them being octo? Like what they would have, I guess. They fell in. Well, I mean, sort of on that note, like are oceans even – like are we considering the ocean the earth really? Because there's weird stuff going on there as well. We don't even know what's going down there. Yeah. I don't like to think about what goes on in the ocean.

Okay. You want to leave that be. If you guys had to do one or the other, would you rather go to the ocean floor or really far into space? Oh, I hate both so much. I hate both so much. I don't like it. Yeah. I guess maybe the ocean floor.

Oh my God, so different for me. I don't want to see the size of Earth. I don't want to see the size of Earth. There's two options. That could not be

more different. It's so different than that. I actually don't understand how we don't have a higher rate of astronauts coming back and checking out. Because I know that I would not be able to see the size of Earth and then come back and continue living. I'm sorry to say. They must have work done mentally before they go to prepare. There's got to be support groups after they come back, I would hope.

Other astronauts. Yeah. What are they going to say? Yeah, that was fucking crazy. I'm like, whoa, how do you go on with your day? Yeah. That's what all support groups are. All support groups are just like, that sucks. Yeah, such a good point. Everyone's like, man,

I'm having a hard time. I went to the beach last night for sunset. Okay. This is related, I swear. Yeah, I'm with you. And the tide started coming in. As it does. And wiped out the group sitting near us. Oh my God, took them to sea. And they had a bunch of sound bath bowls and stuff. So we were like, oh, we got to help, whatever.

And then we were like, what are you guys? Kind of like, what's your deal? And they were a, the person running it was a death doula. And they were all being shepherded to death. Wow. And it was soepherded into death. Wow. And it was so bad to be around. That just ruins the vibe of the beach so hard.

Can you do it somewhere else? It's like, oh no, now we have to know. Can you do it in Big Bear or something? God, if someone on the beach told me that they were about to die, I'd be like, could you have kept it to yourself? I mean, some of them maybe were just in grief, but all I know is she was like, I'm a death doula,

I help shepherd people into death, and this is one of my support groups. And I was like, are they all dying? I'm pretty sure people go to death. I bet it's both. I bet it's both. I bet it's both.

I bet it's both. I bet it's both. I bet it's both. I bet it's both. I bet it's both. I bet it's both. I bet it's both. I bet it's both.

I bet it's both. I bet it's both. I bet it's both. I bet it's both. I bet it's both. I bet it's both. I bet it's both. I bet it's both.

I bet it's both. I bet it's both. I bet it's both. I bet it's both. I bet it's both. I bet it's both. I bet it's both. I bet it's both.

I bet it's both. I bet it's both. I bet it's both. I bet it's both. I bet it's both. I bet it's both. I bet it's both. I bet it's both.

I bet it's both. I bet it's both. I bet it's both. I bet it's both. I bet it's both. I bet it's both. I bet it's both. All of them are really close to death in some capacity. Yes. That's not crazy to think about. It is to see them all in one space and be like, wow, I'm next to a bunch of people going through a lot of death. I don't think they should be allowed together. Yeah.

Yeah. Especially in public. Yeah. Then we were hanging out. They had moved a little bit further away because of the water. And then we just heard them start to sing and I was like, we got to leave. Oh, yeah. That would be a hard out for me as well.

That would also be my time to exit as well, actually. Just singing. And then... So the water came and it... It took one of them away. They were closer than they thought. Yeah, way closer than they thought.

But, no, there was like a, almost like a river type of thing. Oh, that's the ocean, honey. No, no, no. From the, so there's the ocean. A river, but bigger. It was crazy. Yeah, it was like a really big river. Yeah. I couldn't see the other side.

That would have taken you to like another continent, almost. Oh, no. For real. Shelby, that's amazing. The tide came in and made like kind of like um you know no I actually know

exactly what you're talking about with David yeah sometimes we're right here so just like that yeah just for me by the way that whole thing

meant nothing to anyone but Shelby got me she won me over well because he knows exactly what I'm talking about I do when there's sitting water and it's away from the ocean

and it gets added to as the tide comes in and then the tide goes back and they're separate. Tide pools. Is that what you're talking about? I guess, probably. I guess I've never really known that that's what they were called. No, they're tide pools. They're tide pools. Cool.

Sometimes you got to water. So the tide pool now had been connected to the ocean because of the tide. Oh, yeah. Beautiful. So someone was late to of the tide. Oh, yeah. Beautiful. So someone was late to the death group and got stuck on the other side. She was screaming for the death pool. And then she left. She left because she couldn't find it.

Sweet. And I was find me. Sweet. And I was just like. No. Knowing what I knew about the group. Right. That she was there for something sad. And she can't even. And was cut off from them entirely by water.

Symbolic as fuck. That is. When the natural world conspires to keep you from your death group right I was like what's the takeaway what's the takeaway

what do I learn from this it was really something to see yeah so that was last night you saw that

so it's fresh for me you're bringing it with you today yeah yeah I guess I am EJ what's something so embarrassing in all of humanity

that you would delete it from the record entirely and before you start it doesn't have to be the big stuff like death it doesn't have to be the big stuff like war it doesn't have to be

the big stuff oh good I well I wouldn't call this you know actually I would call this embarrassing because it's embarrassing that people aren't

more aware of it but when people play, when music is being played way too loud at the club. Yes. So loud. Turn it down. Turn it down a little bit. I don't think that people, DJs, are thinking about the fact that you can cause hearing loss. Well, because DJs are wearing sound canceling headphones.

Right. They are safe. I am about to be one of the people that wears earplugs to the club, you guys. Yeah. I get ads for the ones that let some sound in, but not all of them. Okay. Send me the link, please. No worries.

I'm happy to. It's for concert goers, which it is nice that I get those ads because it makes me seem really cool, but I have not been to a lot of concerts as of late. You wouldn't call yourself a concert goer? I would say I like it, but I wouldn't say, you know, there's people who that's like their whole personality. For sure. And I am not there.

No. I found myself next to a big speaker at a club recently, and I was there for a long time, dancing, dancing, dancing. Dancing, dancing, dancing. I, for a moment, thought you meant a big, like a guy who wouldn't stop speaking. You know, the guy with the megaphone at the club. You are on one today, Miss Thing. Miss Gurley.

No, a large speaker, like the electronic thing at the club. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. It's, it's, it's. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Zaza boom. Zaza boom. I need to like smoke before these or something. You gotta tell me when you're gonna be going.

You know what's absolutely bonkers? I'm so sober. You're drunk right now. No. I've seen you sober. This is drunk Shelby. This is me on two compros. So anyway, I couldn't hear right for like a day and a half.

Yeah. Afterwards. I was an alcoholic. Yeah. It's like a day and a half yeah afterwards i i was an alcoholic yeah it's like a problem oh my god what speak speaking of alcoholics i'm so glad you brought that up um i when i was a child i could not stop drinking my i was obsessed um my there was a running joke in my family because my, although we do have some alcoholics in the family, so we're allowed to make this joke. My mother is not one. She can't handle alcohol at all. She has one beer and she gets a little weird.

And so I'm the youngest of a few. So everyone was older. I'm the youngest of a number. I'm the youngest and I won't say how many were born. There are people in my family and of them I am younger. I don't want to be tracked. Anyway, I'm the youngest.

The baby, as they call them. Only child. I'm the youngest of some. Huge, huge family. I'm the youngest of many siblings, mind you. Only child. Has no siblings. Best friends, youngest of some. Huge, huge family. I'm the youngest of many siblings, mind you. Only child. Has no siblings. Best friends, all of us.

And we, anyway. All of entry. The running joke among the older members of my family was that. The strange vagueness of it all. Was that my mom was a raging alcoholic. And they would all go Was that my mom was a raging alcoholic. And they would all go, oh, mom's a raging alcoholic. I'll laugh, laugh, laugh. Ha ha.

I was in preschool. So I took that straight to school. And I told everyone there, my mom is a raging alcoholic. Of course. Verbatim. Raging alcoholic. Anyway, they called my mom in. Obviously, she was mortified.

But nothing really happened. So that was cool. I once told someone at school that my mom abused us because she had taken away our PlayStation. And I thought that was abuse. I thought abuse was when you made your kid sad. Is it not? Is it not?

And sure, Division of Child Services showed up to the school and interviewed me. And sure, they pulled my brother out of class as well. And sure, my mom has never laid a hand on us and was furious with me. I told my friends at school and my teachers that my parents were getting divorced and they weren't. And then I got talked to about it. They were like, we're so sorry. And I said, oh, nothing's really happened yet. It's just like a feeling I have.

And then a year later, they got separated. And I said, oh, nothing's really happened yet. It's just like a feeling I have. And then a year later, they got separated. And I had gotten in trouble with my teacher for lying. And then I, a year later, was like, who's psychic? Who knew a little bit? That so shall be. That's the picture I can see. She's an alcoholic, but she's got powers. Yeah, I drink to keep them away.

All right. Wait, Anya, do we have Morse code up? Oh, we want to play something for you. Yes. It's a sound. This is a sound from the original Golden Records. Okay. Hold on one second.

Okay. They played this on the original record. We have to play it all the way through. Because it gets weird. Come on! Come on! What did you think of that? I appreciated the moment it gave me for reflection. One of the sounds included on the original records is called Morse Code, ships.

Now, this sound is a series of beeps known as Morse Code, interrupted rudely by the loudest ship I've ever heard. The sound clip of Morse Code on the golden record translates to the Latin saying, Ad Astra per Aspera, or to the stars through hard work. Wow. So what is Morse code? Morse code is a method used in telecommunication to encode text characters as standardized sequences of two different signal durations called dots and dashes. Morse code is named after Samuel Morse,

who was also one of the inventors of, you guessed it, the telegraph. Mr. Morse was my art teacher in high school. He's a different man than Samuel, but interesting all the same. So, Morse code can be memorized and sent in a form perceptible to the human senses. E.g. waves, sound waves, visible light, such that it can be directly interpreted by persons trained in Morse code. It's usually transmitted by an on-off keying of an information-carrying medium, such as electric current, radio waves, visible light, or sound waves.

Now, Morse, not Shelby's teacher, but Samuel Morse developed the first iteration of the modern international Morse Code in 1837, which brought about a method to transmit natural language using only electrical pulses and the silence between them. Mr. Morse, my art teacher, is a talented painter and has recently retired from teaching to focus on painting full-time. International Morse code encodes the 26 basic Latin letters A through Z, unaccented Latin letter, the Arabic numerals, and a small set of punctuation and procedural signals.

In the original Morse telegraph system, the receiver's armature made a clicking noise as it moved in and out of position to mark the paper tape. The telegraph operator soon learned that they could translate the clicks they heard audibly into dots and dashes and write these down by hand, thus making the paper tape unnecessary.

I'm just now remembering that in an Applebee's outside of Cleveland several years ago, I hooked up with an older man who was a painter and had the last name Morse. We did stuff in the bathroom. And now I'm wondering... Mr. Morse was in that was in my home for my entire life before I knew that that too was my teacher. The teacher was in my home all along.

And this is probably the guy that I fucked. In the Applebee's. In the Cleveland Applebee's. And he's a painter now, full time. So, it was later found that people became more proficient at receiving Morse code when it is taught as a language that is heard instead of read from the page. In the 1980s, Morse code began to be used. Run that back. In the 1980s? 1890s? My brain doesn't go past 1900.

In the 1890s... In the 1890s, Morse code began to be used extensively for early radio communications before it was possible to transmit voice. Can you imagine? They probably had to use maps to get around back then as well. This is what I imagine our podcast

would sound like in that era. We wouldn't have been allowed to have a podcast back then. Because I'm a woman, and he is gay. Radio telegraphy using Morse code was vital during World War II, especially in carrying messages between warships and naval bases of the belligerents. Long range ships. Long-range ships. Long-range ship. Okay, just run it back.

Long-range ship-to-ship communication was by radio telegraphy. Telegraphy. Telegraphy. Using encrypted messages because the voice radio systems on ships then were quite limited in both their range and security. Beep, beep, beep. Limited security? What is this? The Oscars where Will Smith slapped Chris Rock?

This episode comes out in like eight months. What is this? Way back at the Oscars when Will Smith slapped Chris Rock? Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, Rock? Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. That was Will Smith saying, keep my wife's name out of your fucking mouth. You could tell fucking because it had the longer beep. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Morse code is so dumb

saved a lot of lives is that true? has to have right? well I guess it took a lot of lives but it took the right ones when people use Morse code to help save a life and someone doesn't understand Morse code well that's a life, and someone doesn't understand Morse code.

Well, that's a life lost. Let's move on. What do you feel like it said, if you had to guess? In Morse code, what do you feel like it said? Are you friendly? Or are you... Dancer? Second time in two episodes we've gotten here. Are you friendly or are you dancer?

What would you say if you had to pick? Are you more friendly or dancer? Dancer. Really? I would have picked you as someone more friendly. Have you seen me dance? No. Exactly.

And that's why. And that's why. And that's why. We do need to go dancing together sometime. Definitely. But not too loud. Zebulon is usually a decent volume.

Okay. Although you never know what the vibe. Sometimes those DJs are playing some stupid shit. Huge agree. Here's the thing. DJs,

play something with lyrics. We want to sing along. We want to sing along. Play something with lyrics that we all know because. We want to sing along. We want to sing along. Play something with lyrics that we all know because we'd like to sing along. Hello. Fantasy by Mariah Carey. Play Fantasy by Mariah Carey. Is that the hardest thing in the world?

Why is no one playing? What's it going to cost you? It's the thing. You're making your job really hard because we would all really like you if you played the songs we like. If you're a DJ out there and you're thinking of playing a song that doesn't have lyrics. And that we do not know. And hasn't been in the top 40 in the last 20 years. Uh-huh.

Change your fucking plan, loser. It needs to have lyrics so we can sing along. And frankly, it should be Fantasy by Mariah Carey. Yes. It's not going to hurt anything. No. To play Fantasy by Mariah Carey. And also, by the way, if you want to play Doo-Wop

by Lauryn Hill, and then it's got some different beats in it, mess with the beats. No one is mad about that. Nobody's gonna be upset. But if you're about to play Skrillex, I would go to his concert if I wanted. EDM? Concert goer. EDM? If I wanted.

If you wanted. EDM, If I wanted. If you wanted. EDM, how about N-O exclamation point? Yeah. I don't want to hear that shit. Put on something with lyrics, my friend, so I can sing along. Because we all want to sing along. You should try karaoke. It's not the same because people don't dance enough.

Yeah. I've done karaoke. Dance karaoke. Now, that's actually something I would be interested in. So can you describe the mechanics of that? It's basically what I've been describing. Oh. Which is where it's a dance floor, but they play good music.

Everyone on the dance floor has a microphone. Shelby's describing a DJ that plays good music. The lyrics are everywhere. Everyone gets the song. The lyrics are everywhere. You don the song. The lyrics are everywhere. You don't understand. No, you're not understanding me. The lyrics are everywhere.

Okay. Go with me on a little journey. I'm not sure I can. Imagine you're at a stadium. Okay. You know when the ads go around the place? Yes. Like that, but at a club, and it's all lyrics.

So everyone's circling. Trying to follow it. I love it. I love it, queen. And we all get to be like, and singing. Oh. Not one song came to mind. We all get to be like.

It's dead silent. Yeah. I have a question. What do you think about the choice by NASA to put Morse code and ships together? I think it's awesome. So just a clarifying question. That Morse code was from a ship? What do you mean?

No. So it had Morse code. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. It might have been a direct quote. Jesus Christ. God, she's so drunk and then you hear the undercurrent that's a ship oh that was spot on that's exactly what it sounded like honestly you've listened to that a lot of times just now i'm just another kind of girl y'all remember the zoe 101 theme song yeah that shit went bananas i want to hear that at the club by the way i tweeted this recently I'm just another kind of girl Y'all remember the Zoey 101 theme song? Yeah

That shit went bananas I want to hear that at the club By the way I tweeted this recently But I still mean it Yeah Somebody put the Zoey 101 theme song at the club Wouldn't y'all sing along?

Yes I would need it to be playing So that I could remember it But once I hear it Once it hits these little ears These tiny, tiny ears Okay, so Little tiny ears.

Ears for a baby. My baby. So maybe you are dating the men again. I keep looking to Anya and Casey for help. Yeah. I'm like, Shelby's losing it. Help. They like this.

This is when they like me. Anya just shook her head no. Anya just shook her head no like five times. All the other times they hate me. Okay, EJ. we have to ask you. EJ, we're at the end here. We're at the end. But we got to ask you, what was left on your list?

Let me double check. I have a scrap of paper in front of me for those listening. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm a pro. He should run the pod, right? What the fuck? Whatever. This should be EJ's pod.

Wait, did you guys just hear Anya or was she, because she still hasn't mugged herself. You might not be familiar with this if you're not a fan of the pod. Anya's a huge asshole. She treats us really, really badly and the listeners eat it up. One time she made this room 110 degrees and made us record. She called it hot box episode. She said, we're going to do a hot box episode. She wouldn't give us water.

That's super smart. Oh my God, EJ wants this job. Think about how I am right now. Yeah. Imagine me having heat stroke. Yeah, imagine that episode. Yeah, go there.

Okay. And then imagine being me. Because I play the role on the pod. I'm often the voice of reason. Yeah, you're like sort of dependable. I'm old dependable. Old trustworthy.

Girl next door, yeah. Yeah, I'm the girl next door. I got beautiful eyes and tits out of the ear. But a kind heart. Yeah, underneath all those tits is a heart. And it loves. And it loves. One of the tits is just a little bit bigger.

And that's because it's protecting that big old heart. BJ, what did we not get to on your list? I'm begging you to tell us. Okay. So, honestly, on my list. Well, I wrote sunglasses on here. That's just because I got a new pair of sunglasses recently, honestly. Okay.

And I think they're pretty cool. Okay. Yeah. I've been talking about them a lot. Do you have perfect eyesight? Do I have perfect eyesight? So you said you're changing a lot lately, waiting for me.

You went to the mall. You're just like, I've been changing a lot lately. Went to the mall. Bought a pair of sunglasses. I changed a lot. I got sunglasses. I got a haircut.

Yeah, so. People do not recognize me. Do you wear glasses or contacts? I don't wear glasses. I do have close to perfect vision. But this was actually a weird... Sorry, I just noticed both of you are wearing glasses. Yeah.

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. No, it's fine. No, it's fine. No, I just have a complaint about sunglasses that maybe you would have been able to... You got clip-ons? No, because I wear... She does have that energy though, right? Yeah.

I mean, my partner has clip-ons. They're very cool. Fuck this podcast. partner has the buns. They're very cool. Fuck this podcast. She only has transitions lenses. No, my real complaint is they don't make contacts

for my prescription because it's not big enough for contacts. Oh, so you have to... But it's bad enough that I can't drive without my glasses.

But if I start wearing my glasses for a day, it's hard for me to take them off. I can't see as well. But so so then i can't wear sunglasses very often and that is really frustrating because i love sunglasses and it's like i have to pay like 300 dollars to get them to be my prescription what's that about ej can you tell her what that's about so EJ can you please

what's that about can you please tell her what that's about this is the second of the podcast what's that about hey what's that about

hey Shelby's insurance what's that about Shelby just posed like the lengthiest least coherent question I've ever heard in my life

it was pretty coherent the problem is I can't wear contacts. I have to wear glasses. And then you can't wear glasses and sunglasses. That's crazy. But you can get prescription sunglasses. But they're too expensive, Anya. That's what I'm saying.

They're really expensive. But we are wearing glasses right now. Were those that expensive? Sunglasses are an extra like $200 for prescription. Honestly, I know we were joking about this earlier, but transition lenses might be a good option for you. Yeah, you might be a prime candidate. My mom had them, and she looked amazing.

Also, don't you have $300? BJ's been an amazing guest. I'll give you the glasses. If it'll solve a problem, I'll give you the glasses. But can I now add on a problem? Yeah. Sometimes you want fun glasses. When you have good sunglasses, when you have good eyesight, you can wear as many fun pairs of sunglasses as you want.

When you have bad eyesight, if you get prescription sunglasses, you have to get one shape. You can't go to the store and be like, wait, these look fun because they won't work for your eyes. So you're wanting like a cat eye situation. I have really cool sunglasses. I never get to wear them because I won't be able to see. Shelby, we'll talk about this after. Everyone is so mad at me right now. You're surrounded by people who love you.

You're surrounded by people who love you deeply. I want you to see in the sun. I feel bad for me. We're going to go straight to Warby Parker. We're going to solve all your problems. Shopping spree. You have no idea

how expensive it is to get sunglasses at Warby Parker. My glasses are Warby Parker and the sunglasses are an extra $275. This is so insane. EJ, what's the other things we didn't get to on your record? There's one more thing and it's the critically acclaimed movie Thelma and Louise. Oh, wow.

Thelma and Louise. I saw it for the first time last year. Oh, my God. Well, welcome. With you. Have you seen? At Taylor Ortega's house. Oh, my God.

Have you seen Gina Davis's documentary on women in film? No. So there's this really fun part where they talk about – Which I think was directed by a man because I texted a female director friend of mine and was like, have you seen this? Because it's fucking crazy. The stats that Gina Davis and her women in film institute have come up with are insane. Obviously, we know – anyway, but it's directed by a man. Crazy. But they talk

about Thelma and Louise and how culture shifting it was at the time and just like how fucking crazy it was to tell that story. Oh my god, it's so amazing. They didn't talk though because it was about women in film. They didn't talk about the most important part of the movie. I'm sorry to say. Brad Pitt. I knew it was coming. Brad Pitt. I rewatched it

recently. I saw it for the first time in high school. Didn't take note of Brad Pitt for some reason in it. Brad Pitt. I rewatched it recently. I saw it for the first time in high school. Didn't take note of Brad Pitt for some reason. I don't know why. I don't know why they didn't register with me at the time.

I don't know why I was more focused on, I don't know, Gina Davis. Gina Davis. Yeah, Susan Sarandon. Sort of,

yeah. But yeah, I watched it recently and was like, oh my goodness, look at his tight little bod. I had never seen Thelma and Louise until last year. Congrats.

Thank you. And I have never understood. I've always been like, yeah, Brad Pitt's handsome, but I never understood the lore of Brad. I was like, why is Brad Pitt Brad Pitt? Then I watched that movie and I said, Brad Pitt deserves what he has. His little shirtless stick-em-up speech. Oh my goodness. So hot, it's crazy. It's has. Yes. His little shirtless stick-em-up speech. Oh my goodness. So hot, it's crazy.

It's crazy. Yeah. I'm happy for him. I'm so happy for him. He's from where Caleb's from. He's from Missouri. Is he really? It's true.

What? I worked, yep. They just turn out actors. I was there. I was there. I don't know if I remember. Well, hey, EJ. Hey. This was a really great record. I agree. Well, hey, EJ. Hey.

This was a really great record. I agree. And we thank you for being on. Thank you, guys. And do you want to tell people where they can find you? Yes. On the internet. At EJ having fun on everything.

I'm always having so much fun. At EJ having fun space on everything. On everything. At EJ having fun space on everything. Underscore on everything. EJ having fun space on everything. Underscore on everything. Yeah. Well. EJ having fun on everything is a funny account.

EJ having fun on everything. It's just you having fun on different stuff. Someone literally came up to me recently and was like, oh, my God, your EJ is having so much fun. No. No, I'm not. And I was like, that's close, but I was like that's close but I'm glad that's not it

actually we gotta get Shelby our EJ is having so much fun we gotta get Shelby hooked up to an IV we gotta get out of here yeah

she's so drunk I won't let them I will remain drunk That was a Hidgum Original.