Keeping Records - Shock and Awe (with Kiry Shabazz)

Episode Date: May 20, 2022

Have you ever really listened to the words of "Baby" by the young hitmaker Justin Bieber? No, like, really really listened? Comedian Kiry Shabazz walks Caleb and Shelby through a close reading of the lyrics, while sending to space other songs not yet included in the Great American Songbook because they are cowards. Taking the most strategic, tactical approach of any Keeping Records guest before him, Kiry's tightly curated but mostly music-based Golden Record is meant to make the aliens feel sexy, sad, and confused, which we think is kind of cool.  Kiry's Artifacts: "Confessions" by Usher (Audio) "Fast Car" by Tracy Chapman (Audio) Mick Jagger + Tina Turner Performing "State of Shock" (Audio-visual) Follow Kiry on Twitter and Instagram.  Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a HeadGum Original. In 1977, NASA sent two solid gold records into space so that aliens might find them and understand life on Earth. I send greetings on behalf of the people of our planet and friendly wishes to all who may encounter this voyager. Now, we're making new records with our friends. Bonjour tout le monde. Konnichiwa.

Hola y saludo sato. Assalamu alaikum. We step out of our solar system into the universe seeking only peace and friendship. We know full well that our planet and all its inhabitants are but a small part of this immense universe that surrounds us. Hello from the children of planet Earth.

Well, well, well, well, well. Well, well, well, well, well, well, well. We've never actually done it wow you guys are barely sure what podcast you're listening to. That feels so unnatural to you. Can I say something to you? They know what podcast they're listening to. You're listening to Lost Cultures. You're listening to Seek Treatment with Kat and Pat.

What other podcasts do we like? We like Lost Cultures. You're listening to This American Life. Okay, we like This American Life. You're listening to The Daily with Michael Barbaro. Play the sound. Bum, bum, The Daily. Is that what it is?

No, but... It's like, you're listening to The Daily with Michael Barbaro. Today, he has the weirdest inflections. I don't like when you talk like that. I don't like when you talk like that.

Do you guys listen to Michael Barbaro? Did it sound kind of right? I only know the intro. Leave them out of it. Don't make them come to your defense. Fuck. Okay. You get really mad at me.

You do the rest of the podcast like this. Fuck. Okay. Yeah. I won't check in with my friends in the room. Pretend they're not there. Hey, what's up? Not much.

Did you get the bug? Someone messaged about that. I have not yet confirmed or denied about the bug. But every time I talk to my mom about it, she's a little bit more sure I'm taking it. I'm on her side. Shout out Jillian. We love you, girl. Shout out Jillian.

She said she was going to play the Moon episode for my dad in the hospital today. And I said, I wouldn't. It's a little chaotic for him. I don't think we should be playing it for people who have had or are at risk of a stroke. That episode is insane. If you have brain trauma, go ahead and don't listen to it. Don't listen to it. My brother.

And don't play it for my brother in the hospital either So If you're a nurse at the hospital Stop Play every other episode of ours It'll be really good for people Healing To hear some of our other episodes

Actually that's a really good exercise Let's do that What episode of ours would you recommend For someone who's critically ill? Critically ill in what way? You know, anyway. In the brain way or in different ways? Like a liver.

Okay. I mean, let's do brain, I guess. That makes the most sense. I kind of think John Lomberg's episode. Okay. If someone were to have brain trauma. Okay. I would say if someone was critically ill,

and I'll do like a liver situation. If someone was critically ill and they had to listen to an episode of our podcast to get well, I would say they should listen to... I have my pick. I would say... I have mine. Sam Irby. That's what I was going to say!

I love Sam. Sam is like lighthearted enough, also insightful. It's good. It going to say. I love Sam. Sam is like lighthearted enough. Also insightful. It's good. It's good stuff. Well, comedy is medicine. Laughter is medicine. Comedy is...

So. Well, no, finish it. Laughter is medicine. Comedy is... The doctor. Wouldn't the comedian be the doctor? No. Isn't the comedy would be like their field of practice? Sure.

Fine. Fine. I don't fucking care. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Fine. Fine. Yeah. Whatever. Yeah. I don't even care. I'm being really normal right now.

I'm going on a date tonight. Are you excited about it? No. I hope he's not listening to the phone. He won't know. I date multiple people. And he won't know what day we recorded this. He won't know what day we recorded this.

It is May. Welcome to the daily. It is May. Welcome to the daily. It is May. Dating? I don't even know. I don't know what day it is, first of all. That's crazy for you because you have like a job where you do stuff. Yeah, but nobody tells mama what time

it is. Nobody tells mama what day of the calendar it is. Let's do a moment of silence. For what? War. You know what? Yesterday when I was leaving Vons, one of the give a goat to people who aren't doing well, one of their volunteers called me handsome.

And I was like, I'm going to fuck around and make a donation. They stopped me and they said, hey, handsome. And I said, oh, that can't be in the playbook. You said? She was cute, too. And I said, oh, that can't be in the playbook. You said... She was cute, too. Oh, it was a woman. I think. Okay.

I mean, I'm guessing, but sometimes you can guess. I'm sorry. What was I going to say? I don't know. It was going to be... Oh! Update from last week, or two weeks ago. Oh my God, okay.

Senate has almost approved $40 billion to Ukraine, which means it's getting closer, but not quite cost as much as Twitter. This is such a funny podcast. We have such a funny podcast. We have such a funny podcast. Shelby just said, I want to recap for everybody. Shelby just said,

oh, update from two weeks ago. The Senate has almost voted to confirm. They're waiting. They're about to confirm $40 million to Ukraine, which is just shy of the cost of Twitter. This feels like

in Clueless when she talks about the dinner party and refugees. Yeah, it's very similar. Does not say RSVP on the Statue of Liberty, or whatever. Well, I didn't. Yeah, I mean, I'm pro. I have to say, I watched Clueless fairly recently. I'm pro everything.

I was kind of like, I remember watching it as a kid, I didn't understand any of it. I'm pro everything. I was kind of like, I remember watching it as a kid. I didn't understand any of it that she was saying. So I was kind of like, they play her as dumb. So I was like, this is dumb. But I watched it recently and I was like, no, this is kind of a camellia case. She kind of killed it. I mean, she didn't kill it. Oh.

Then maybe I'm stupider now than I was then. Is it possible? No, she did kill it. You're right. Alicia Silverstone. Alicia? Oh. Then maybe I'm stupider now than I was then. Is it possible? Huh. No, she did kill it. You're right. Alicia Silverstone. Alicia? Is that who plays that?

Alicia Silverstone. Is it Alicia? Isn't it? I thought it was Alicia. Yes. Yes. I think I'm right. I don't.

But I wouldn't really know because when she was big, I was so young. Right, and so was I. We're roughly the same age. You were older than me then and now. I'm one year older than you right now. Well, that culturally has a lot of impact. Your cultural touch points are probably much different. And you know who's in that?

We've already made this joke. You know who's in that movie that literally does not age? Paul Rudd. It is Alicia. No, it is not. It is. Alicia. No, it's spelled the same way

that my friend Alicia is spelled. But do you understand how phonetics work? Alicia. If you look at the phonetics of it, Alicia. Go to an interview where she says her own name.

Okay. That's getting really hard to find. You're setting me up for failure. Alicia Silverstone pronunciation. And girl, if you are listening. We love you and we're just trying to get it right. Here, Google has a. Well, this one's different than what I just saw.

Yes. Alicia Silverstone. Now, that's what she says, but that's not the phonetics on wikipedia right but wikipedia is is oh oh oh there is a video where she talks about this this is where she talks about this now it's time for your daily download alicia silverstone is continuing to kill it on tiktok after her first post went viral the star is now trying to go two for two, revealing some of us might have been saying her name wrong this entire time. Wait, this is like cultural. Tell me what your name is, and then tell me what people mispronounce it as.

My name is Alicia. It feels so good to win. I love to win. Because I'm the rightest, smartest man in the world. Really sad that she's doing clueless TikToks. Even sadder that she's doing TikToks being like, people are doing my name wrong. Right. After years.

Girl, you've been in the limelight for 37 years. Maybe correct them at the beginning. Yeah. We can't be doing TikToks about the famous movie we had 25 years ago. Why is it charming? Some people do it. You know what it is? Well, I don't want to get into this. What? I don't really want to get into it. Why is it charming? Some people do it. You know what it is? Well, I don't want to get into this.

What? I don't really want to get into it. Get into it. I think when you perceive someone as having done a lot since their big thing.

Then talking about the big thing is novelty. It's cute and charming. When you perceive someone as not having done a lot since their big thing and they're still

talking about it, it's like, let's get a grip. Well, didn't she do that show with all of those brothers? One of them's name is Joey. From Friends. The Lawrence brothers. Didn't she do a show with, like, four of them? How many Lawrence Brothers are there? So this is going to be what I'm talking about when I say hasn't done much.

That's not going to change my... No, yeah, no. She did a show. She did a show with those brothers. She's had a really compelling career. She did a show with those brothers. She wasn't Sabrina. No, that was Melissa Joan Hart

do you get them confused I do no they're crystal clear to me oh okay for me no worries

for me and it's actually pronounced and it's actually pronounced Melissa Joan Hart Melissia Melissia it's actually Melissia we pull up

TikTok and it goes Melissia Joan Hart has been telling people that it's a full double life thing. Yeah, yeah. They do a TikTok of her first where she's like, I was bewitched. And we're like, oh, Jesus. And then she's like, people have been saying my name wrong for 45 years.

Yeah. No, but all up to my girl. That was an iconic movie. All of a sudden I'm thinking about Sandra Bullock. What do you think that's about? Sandra Bullock is one of the most powerful actresses that we have available to us. Thank you for saying that. I'm a really big fan.

She has done so much for this country. Sandra Bullock has done more for this country than the United States military. Now, what I mean by that is miscongeniality. Miscongeniality. What I mean by that is... Premonition. Premonition. What I mean by that is The Lake House. The Lake House. What I mean by that is miscongeniality. Miscongeniality. What I mean by that is premonition. Premonition. What I mean by that is

the lake house. The lake house. What I mean by that is murder by numbers. Did you know she only works every two years now? That's literally my dream. She says I work every two

years so I can hang out with my son and if something's compelling every two years I'll take it. She just did that movie with Viola Davis. Yes. On Netflix.

It was an interview about that that she said the two years thing. And that movie was really good. That's what I about that that she said the two years thing. And that movie was really good. That's what I've heard. I haven't seen it yet. No offense to Sandy B.

Sandy, I know you're listening, girl. I love, love, love ya. If Sandy B, if you're listening, come on the podcast, I would cry. In two years,

when you're ready, this can be your compelling project. She used to be who, did you ever do like a, like if I were to cast my family, who would I cast as them?

I used to say she would play my mom. Her Eva Longoria. Really giving my mom some credit here. Kind of confusing to do the two of them. Yeah. But you have seen my mom and you understand why it could be one or the other. Yeah, I would support.

Yeah. So? I don't know who I would cast as my mom. The movie would be not a banger. The movie would be a b support. Yeah. So? I don't know who I would cast as my mom. The movie would be not a banger. The movie would be a banger. Oh. Yeah. Y'all heard it here first.

I guess you guys have heard a lot about me, huh? Why would you make so much sex to the mic just now? Sex to the mic? You gave so much sex to the mic, you said, y'all heard it here first. You were very sexy. Oh, my God. Yeah. With your big, biggest cock I've ever seen.

Y'all heard it here first folks oh everybody people people did people some people loved ASMR episodes some people hated ASMR episodes all I heard about ASMR

was that they didn't like the thing that we intentionally did which was at the end of ASMR do like a loud clap yeah people didn't mind that really threw me off the ASMR section I will say end of ASMR do like a loud clap. Yeah. People didn't mind. That really threw me off. ASMR

section. I will say. What people didn't like was when we went like anyway. Yeah, we went straight into screaming. They didn't like that. That really fucked them up. We have, Anya's not in the room today. You might have noticed we're going a little bit crazy. You can feel a sort of infectious joy in the

room. No, Anya, we love you. We love you, girl. But Rochelle is in here, and she doesn't know that sometimes we'll clap at the mic, and she doesn't have headphones on. And for that reason, you guys are seeing us. You guys are laughing along with us while we are torturing a woman in the room. HeadGum, the company, went on a company retreat last week. That's so true about HeadGum, HeadGum the company went on a company retreat last week.

That's so true about HeadGum. To Arizona? Yeah. Scottsdale. Scottsdale, Arizona. And they went to Topgolf. They went to Topgolf.

This is the place, these are our coworkers. And friends and family. We were not invited. We weren't invited. That's what I actually thought. They were right to not invite me because I would have replied all on the threat and said, what are we doing in Scottsdale at Topgolf?

Let's get serious. Take us somewhere fun. I grew up in Scottsdale. Kind of. You were there for a couple years. Yeah. Just growing up. I'm sure I grew in those years. But your there for a couple years. Yeah. Just growing up. I'm sure I grew in those years.

But your whole childhood wasn't there. I want everyone to know the truth about you. Everyone knows I'm from Cleveland. You've just been a couple years in... Well, so we might have new listeners. Oh, guys, I'm from Cleveland. I'm annoying about it. And then you were in Chagrin Falls, Ohio,

which is just outside Cleveland. Yeah. Yeah. And then you went to college at the University of Vermont for four years where you studied art and then you moved to Chicago to do comedy

and you lived there for five years. Ish. Ish. Well, you're a little bit older than me. And then I moved to Chicago I moved to Chicago during that time. That's where we met and then we moved to LA together during the pandemic.

And that brings us to the present day. This feels so much like, you know when people get a bunch of followers overnight and they post a thing being like, hey, new friends, just wanted to update you on me. Oh, God, I hate new friends. I hate new friends. Hey, new friends, seeing I'm having a little bit of new friends here today, wanted to touch base. Wanted to catch up on my new friends.

I'm dead. I hate it. I started, I was doing a photo shoot the other day, and I started, this is one of the things I did. He said, play around with it. I said, doesn't photograph, doesn't photograph well at all. The pictures literally came out like this. Play around with it, you said. I said, I said, I said.

Made no sense. What do you think was your best pose? You know what? It was with Holmes. Right, I know that. And we started, like, posing really close to each other, and then I started pushing them out of the frame so I could be the focus.

Oh. And they were some of the funniest pictures I've ever seen in my life. Thank you for doing that. Pushing them out of the frame so I could be the focus. Oh. And they were some of the funniest pictures I've ever seen in my life. Thank you for doing that. Pushing them out of the frame so I could be the focus? Yeah. Well, they're really hot. So I have to assert dominance a little bit.

I have to take up more space. Yeah. No, I get that. Because I'm medium hot. They're really hot. No. No. You have 14 dates every night.

I have one date every 14 nights, and it never goes good. But that's because you don't like most people. I don't like, I don't, yeah. Man, I really. It's not for lack of asking. Okay. I will say about my, here's what I'll say about my love life. Thank God I have good relationships with my friends.

I think that will sustain me late into my life life. Thank God I have good relationships with my friends. I think that will sustain me late into my life. Which friends do you have good relationships with? You and I are extremely close and have a healthy relationship. Yeah, I mean, all you really need is one. Right, right, right. I was just checking. Right, right, right, right, right.

That's Carl Sagan. How do you vote? Is that really Carl? How did he vote before we throw a trophy up? I don't know. I'll look at his records later. Before we throw a bust up. Get busted.

It should be public how you vote. Isn't it? No. It's public that you vote. It's not public how you vote. There are it? No. It's public that you vote. It's not public how you vote. There are some things that tell you which party you register with. Yeah, but you don't have to vote that way. It should be public who you literally cast your vote for. Right.

Like, I register Republican, vote Democrat. Exactly. And opposite for me. But that should all be public so that people can terrorize you. I like to get the emails from the Republicans. Based on what you do. Yeah. Just kidding.

I will say, about the Supreme Court stuff, I did not realize that I was going to give every male senator the license to text me for money. I was like, Jesus Christ, they're all hitting me up about my shit. I have a uterus. Shut up. Senator Schumer, enough from you. Oh, a quick update on last week's episode. So the Supreme Court of the United States has, there's been a leaked ruling that they

might potentially overturn Roe v. Wade, which obviously protects abortion access in the United States and made it federal constitutional law. So what's happening, Keeping Records says, you need to mobilize. You need to get out there. And this is an update on last week's episode where we talked about, I think we had. Rock the vote. Rock the vote. We talked about rock the vote last week on the episode. And

this is the first in our three part series called What is abortion? And what is it good for? First of all, it's murder. Kidding. Ha ha ha! To say it like a YouTuber. What is abortion?

Well, first of all, it's murder. Well, first of all. And you should be able to do it because anyone has the right to go to hell. And if you want to go to hell, I'm sure there's some people there that will be excited to see you. Because bad people come from bad people. If you want to go to hell, I'm sure there's some people there that'll be excited to see you. Because bad people come from bad people. If you want to go to hell, baby, that's all right with me. Just have to have an abortion. Wait, wait, wait.

I'll do the, I'll do if you want to go to hell, that's all right with me, and then you can pick it up. This is our new song off our album. And less. can pick it up. This is our new song off our album. Unless... If you wanna go to hell, baby, that's alright with me. All you gotta do is get pregnant and abort that baby. That's all you have to do. That's all you have to do. No, but seriously, it is immoral. No, it's not. It's really good.

You should be able to do it. And that's what we... There is a fluctuating discourse on it like every other week where like the people I agree with are like, it's really good and we want more of them. And then other people I agree with will be like, no, we just support... You know what I mean? It's like kind of a fluct really good and we want more of them. And then other people I agree with will be like, no.

We just support, you know what I mean? It's kind of a fluctuating where we actually stand on it. I might just keep it open. I'm kind of like, if you want it, get it. It's like cigarettes. You should be able to have them. I don't want one right now, but I might in a couple weeks when I'm drunk.

That's a good stand-'m drunk. You should, that's a good stand-up joke. You should do that in stand-up when you do your stand-ups. Vote in the comments below. Should Shelby incorporate that cigarette abortion joke into her stand-ups? Vote in the comments.

Or should I do it? Would it be actually more powerful if I did it? That laugh didn't sound healthy. What else is immoral? It just didn't sound it. I thought you were concerned about the laugh. And I am healthy. It's just something about

how many times I've had bronchitis in my life. Being gay is immoral. Owning property is immoral. Until I can. Have you seen the real estate prices in LA? Really cheap. You check them out, yeah, dirt cheap, they're giving houses away. You can get a 400 square foot house in Burbank for only $1.4 million.

I know, I have been. My girlfriend's looking to move and rent, but she sometimes... Are you gay? Okay, sorry, like, sometimes... Your girlfriend? Wait. Are you gay? Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry. Keep going. She's looking to rent, but she, like,

flirts with the idea of buying property. Yeah, we all got flirts with it. And so we'll, like, look at things, and she's like, oh, well, that's... Why would I spend that for that? Yeah. It's crazy. Especially when you consider California is not going to be here in a couple years.

Because of the oceans, etc. Which is cool, because I'm sort of setting my life up here. I like to set my life up somewhere that's in the danger zone. Danger. I do wish I could buy a house. I do wish that for me as well. And I also think we need to challenge the conceptions of what it means to be a landlord. No, we've done this before.

We can't do it again. Right now, people think of it as being evil. We have to stop. But someday it might not be evil. Someday it might be powerful. I wonder when that day would come and what would... It would be the exact day that I'm able to. I was going to say, I wonder what the impetus would be, but you've named it.

Yeah. Once I can buy an income property and rent it out, it should be different. Maybe there's a price to pay. Maybe there's a price to pay. If you seek an abortion. Then you go straight to hell. Okay. The little hell. Giving Barry Gibbs

talk show. Ew. Well, we're really excited for our guest today. We really, really are. He's an iconic stand-up comedian who you've seen. He's so fucking funny. Truly, genuinely one of my top five favorite comedians

working right now. A comedian where when you see him do stand-up, you're kind of like, holy shit. This person invented the form. Right. Exactly. A genuine genius. You've seen him all over, and now you're seeing him right here on Keeping Records. Put your paws, fins, and feet together for our friend Kyrie Shabazz.

Kyrie. Kyrie. Man. Thank y'all for having me here. Man. Man. It's good to see you. He's addressing you.

Me? Yeah, man. Only the man. Oh, no. No, I'm kidding. Non-binary. We brought you here to cancel you. Yeah.

That's what podcasts are for, man. It's to get yourself in trouble. Yeah. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Anything really goes on this podcast. A minute ago, we were celebrating abortion. We did sing a song about abortion in the intro.

I guess we were negging it about abortion. We were negging abortion. But we believe in it. I've listened to a few episodes, so I believe that. Yeah. I kind of went down a rabbit hole of episodes. Damn, you got hooked., so I believe that. I kind of went down like a rabbit hole of episodes and you guys are like... Damn, you got hooked. Yeah, I really did.

I was like, I'm going to listen to one. If I don't like it, I'm going to have to... Cancel. Find an excuse. But I end up listening to several. I'm like, one got me in trouble. I was in the drive-thru and I pulled up. You know, you just got to play it in the back. In the episode the macaroni sound was playing.

And the person in the window was so fucking confused. They thought you were just straight up listening to porn. Yeah. It was like, oh. Yeah, not even watching it. To watch porn for the sounds. But it was the creepiest shit. It was Joe was on that day, right? Yeah, Joe Firestone.

And it was, yeah, weird about her, like, fucking her dog. It was just the weirdest. So I was like, fuck, I'm hooked. And then from there, it's just been several different episodes I've been listening to. So I believe y'all would cheer for abortion. Y'all heard it here first. Kyrie's a little freak.

Have you guys seen the Breakfast Club clip where Birdman comes on? Oh, yeah. And he just comes in and says, you guys need to stop talking shit on me. Yeah, put some respect on my name. Right, and it goes on

and then he just leaves the interview. Yeah. Amazing. That's how I kind of hope that one of our episodes will go. You said that with Marcella.

Marcella, what did she do? I remember you was like, you and Marcella were talking. I feel like such a stan right now. What do you call my autism, Michelle? What do y'all call y'all listeners? Little freaks.

Little freaks. Little freaks. So I'm a little freak then. Yeah, that's why I said Kyrie's a little freak. I wasn't being mean. Oh, I didn't know. I thought you were being funny. I'm like, I am a little freak.

Yeah, I didn't know. Kyrie's like, you probably need to be. He's like, in the right circumstances, yeah. All right, so I'm like, y'all, I'm a little freak. It was an episode with Marcella, and she was mad because you were a rubbernecker. You stopped, and you looked at accidents on the road. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she was like, oh, F that.

I'm leaving the show. And he was like, you should. And Shelby, you begged her to stay. And I think the producers was like, no, don't leave. She wasn't really going to leave. I was like, go. And Shelby, you begged her to stay. And I think the producers were like, no, don't leave. She wasn't really going to leave. I was like, go. Yeah. Marcella, go.

Look, we need you to storm out and be offended. So, yeah, I know you're looking for people to storm out. Not you, though. Marcella is somebody who I would love to have a longstanding public beef with. Yeah. I think she and I would be great. She would destroy you. Yeah. Yeah, we have a good back and forth beef with. I think she and I would be That'd be a fun beef, yeah. Yeah, we have a good

back and forth with that. She would destroy you. Yeah, I would lose. Okay. I just want to be clear about who would lose. But it would be that kind of thing where people

tune in to watch me get my ass handed to me by my cellar every time we have a beef. You know? Right. Or her interview clips would be so much better.

It's like, who would Mariah Carey have a beef with? But she was like, she doesn't sing, I don't know her. Oh, Mariah Carey's beef. It's like, who would Mariah Carey have a beef with? Where she was like, I don't, she doesn't sing. I don't know her. Oh, Mariah Carey's beef. With Nicki or?

No, Mariah Carey's. Jennifer Lopez. Is it? Yes, JLo. Oh, because she was like, she doesn't write her own songs. Yeah, she's not a singer, so she wouldn't really know. Oh, okay. Anyway, Kyrie, we brought you here for a reason.

We wanted to ask you, if you were making your own golden record, what would you put on it? Oh, man. So, I'm going to start with music. You brought up Mariah. Yeah. This is around the time where J.D. ruled the world. Yeah. My first pick would be an album, Usher's Confessions.

Oh, my God. Thank you. That was, aliens need to experience what we experienced on Earth, and that was Confessions. It was a movement. It was a- It was a lifestyle. It was a lifestyle. It was so many people trying to a lifestyle. It was a lifestyle. It was

so many people trying to do awkward choreography. Because he was so good, it made you want to try? Yeah. And embarrass yourself. But you can't try it. You can. That's how you tear an ACL. That's how you... It's the best way to a torn ACL,

actually. Actually, if you try and do what Usher does, you'll tear an ACL, even an MCL. That album really had me, I don't remember how old I was when it came out, but young. And I remember listening to it when I was young. And I had obviously never had sex, didn't really know what sex was. But I was like, I'm going to have sex. I was like, I'm going to. Usher made you feel like you were fucking when you listened to that album.

Yeah. And dancing. And all of it was there. Yeah. Well, sex is a dance. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, fuck. I would hate to look at... Right. Sex is a dance. I would hate to see your

porn history. My porn is a lot like... Have you ever gone to Broadway? Oh, fuck. Just cats rubbing on you and... Have you ever seen like wicked god that's a lot

like my sex it's a bunch of little monkeys from wicked fucking each other sex is a dance you are doing it wrong

it is not it is a struggle sex is war it's a conflict between two bodies it's not sex is more like

when someone's drowning and someone's trying to save them. Yeah. 100%. 100% that. You know when you're trying to get someone onto one of those rescue boards? That's a lot like sex. That's sex to me.

Wait, Kyrie, what's your favorite song off that album? Oh, man. Oh, I didn't prepare for that. There's so many. I think it would be You're Gonna Want Me Back. There's a song he has. You're gonna want me back. It's the last thing I need.

Okay. Sing the whole thing. No. No. Now I'm about to storm the fuck out. I'm out of here. I'm done. Fuck that.

Ask me to sing? Do you? Go ahead. I just love the fact that like, because Aliens, this will be like a real study for them. Yeah.

They'll be studying it. So I love them just seriously analyzing Let It Burn. Like, just in their lab, testing sonar waves. How disappointed do you think they're going to be, though? Because Usher has a beautiful voice, is a great dancer, is gorgeous. Part-time. Minority owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers. Minority owner

of the Cleveland Cavaliers. What do you think? Minority, yeah. I will say, as soon as she said minority, I was like, what are you doing? I was like,

what are you doing? You trying to get me hot. No, I don't care. But are you worried the aliens are gonna get this and then come to Earth and be disappointed because most of us are not as good as Usher.

I think they'll come back and be disappointed in Usher. I think they'll come back and be like, they clearly made him emperor. He's the king of music. Yeah. Because Confessions was so dope, and then Usher just... Sort of dropped off. Yeah. Now he's just being weird at basketball games.

Didn't he discover Justin Bieber? Exactly. Didn't weird at basketball games. Didn't he discover Justin Bieber? Exactly. Didn't he love Justin Bieber? Didn't he discover Justin Bieber? Yeah. Yeah. Good for him. Well, I discovered Justin Bieber.

Usher put Justin Bieber on. Got you. How did you discover him? I found Justin Bieber when he had 2,000 or 3,000 subscribers on YouTube. This is true. What did you search? You know what it was? Right.

How did you discover him? I'll tell you exactly how I discovered it. I was 13, 14, and I was obsessed with Back at One by Brian McKnight. And I was searching covers of it all day long on YouTube. I was like, I'll listen to any one cover of this song. I will say, that song, bang. It's a fucking killer song. And then the follow-up, 678 on that same album.

678 by Brian McKnight. Walt, Justin Bieber had a cover of him in a bathroom singing, one, you're like a dream come true. Doing the whole thing. Two, just want to be with you. And it was so good. And he's like a kid. And I was like, I'm going to follow this guy.

And then he blew up. Usher found him and put him, did one time with him. Right? Or baby. One time. It might have been one of them, yeah. Wait a second. I knew him after baby.

Yeah. One time was first, then it was baby, and then it was the stardom. Gotcha. Yeah. No, baby was the stardom, right? Didn't he kind of? Because he got Luda on that one. Yeah.

And that was crazy. Ludacris being on that was insane. Oh, yeah, Luda. Yeah. That's when the Luda feature was like all the rage. Right. It is so funny to imagineris feature was like all the rage. Right. It is so funny to imagine. Now it's like Ludacris.

It's so funny for Ludacris to walk into a studio where like a 13-year-old boy is just like, all right, so what I'm going to do is I'm going to go in there and sing baby, baby, baby, and then you're going to come in. And do a pretty good verse. And kind of spit. Gave him a good verse. But you know what? That song is written by The Dream, who is one of my favorite writers.

And Baby is like a really deep, complex song. Like, if you listen to it, we mock it because it's a child. Well, I think Justin Bieber's part deserves to be a little bit mocked, no? I know, but it does. Like, The Dream's lyrics know justice. This is a person crying their soul out for. I'm on your team. I love that song.

You listen to the lyrics. Can I tell you what's happening in my brain? I'm trying to think of what words are other than baby, and I know they exist. But right now I'm like, well, so the baby, baby, baby of it all is fine. It's good. Can we pull up the lyrics of baby? Are we an item? Girl, quit playing.

We're just friends. What are you saying? If there's another, look right in my eyes. My first love broke my heart for the first time. And I was like. That's huge. He's saying, are we an item? This is the first time he's come to the realization that this whore doesn't love him.

And he's like, are we an item? Like, girl, quit playing. We're just friends? What are you saying? There's another. Then look right in my eyes. Look right in my eyes. My first love broke my heart.

For the first time. It's going to happen again. It's going to happen again. It's going to happen again. Do you see the stakes in this fucking song? The stakes are so high. This is first love and first heartbreak. He'll never be the same human being again. But all of that is overlooked by the fact that he's saying baby, baby, baby.

What are the other? Can we get more of those lyrics? I'm really curious about the rest of the song. No, I'm not joking. They get deep. It's because the dream probably wrote this for an adult. Like Chris Brown or somebody. Yeah.

He's going to really give this the... And I was like, we have a white kid that cate-a-bloods from Canada. Yeah, I was involved. And we want him to sing it. I just can't sleep tonight knowing that things ain't right. It's in the papers. It's on the TV. It's everywhere that I go.

No, that's not babyism. Soldiers are dying. Some people don't have a home. These lyrics are... Wait. No, this is not it. Wait. It is. Baby by Justin says, oh, oh, oh. It's not saying soldiers are dying. Yeah, no, this is... Who did this?

Whoa, what the... Oh, here's... No, it's... If that is, none of us have heard that song. I want you to know this is the lyrics that google no it has his picture it says baby and it says children are crying soldiers are dying some people don't have a home what the song is deeper than i originally thought it's not true they did this wrong i what is going on in my simulation i don't know here's the real ones you know you love me i know you care Just shout whenever and I'll be there.

You want my love. You want my heart. And we will never, ever, ever be apart. Are we an item? Now, look, you hear his delusion. Yeah. We're always going to be together. I'm always going to be there.

Yes. You know you love me. He pouring his heart out. This is real love. Wait, verse two is bangs. Yeah. Then he noticed her body language got a little weird. And he like, are we an idol?

Like, something's wrong. Like, girl, complain. What's going on? Just keep it real. Kyrie, break down verse two for me. Let's go. Oh, for you, I would have done whatever. And I just can't

believe we ain't together and I wanna play it cool but I'm losing you. I'll buy you anything. I'll buy you any ring and I'm in pieces. Baby, fix me. God damn. Shake me till you wake me from this bad

dream. This nightmare. And going down, down. What does that mean to you? What the fuck do I need to explain? It's there. It's all there. Like, listen to the fucking, he's saying, first of all, I'm in peace since girl fixed me. Yeah.

Like, you shattered my fucking world. I'm supposed to act cool about it and be like. But I'm losing you. Yeah. I'm supposed to be like, ah, bitch, fuck you. I'll buy you anything. I will propose. I'll get down on my knee. And propose. I'll buy you anything. I will propose. I'll get down on my knee.

And propose. I'll buy you anything. I'll buy you any ring. He doesn't have a job. He's 13. He only has a fucking allowance. He's willing to blow the $20 a week in single mother. No, for real. He's willing to blow all this money on her. He's willing to risk his cool. You know what that is when you break up. You want to pretend like

I'll get over you. You ain't shit. I'll move on. It was nothing. I never wanted to do that. Yeah, but he's like, I'm supposed to be cool. You ain't shit. That's the other verse. I'm supposed to tell everybody your pussy stank, but he's like, no, I can't do that because I'm so devastated. Yeah.

I can't even be cool. I'm going to get on my knees and beg for you to stay. This song was so heavy for a 13-year-old. And the way for them to make a kid friendly is by making that bowling ring. And boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. And baby, baby, baby. This song was supposed to be sung by Brian McKnight. Yeah.

Somebody who, or Chris Brown, who can croon and just really get that emotional depth. Or Usher. Ultimately. Or Usher, yeah. Or, let's bring it back, Usher. It should have been an Anthony Hamilton song. That's the truth.

It should have been an Anthony Hamilton song, and he would have made it sad and slowed it down. Oh, yeah, for sure. It would have been huge. I'm going down, down, down. That's Mary J. Blige-level shit. This should have been a Mary J. Blige song. That could have been huge.

But it was for Bieber. And so now we forever associate this really deep song with a 13-year Blige song. That could have been huge. But it was for Bieber. And so now we forever associate this really deep song with a 13-year-old Canadian child. It sucks that we had to give it to Canadians. Yeah, it can't even be in our head. That's like giving Bieber

My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion. Fuck. Fuck. Could you imagine just that song being ripped? Just being ripped. From her emotional core, yeah.

Taken from her. And he's dancing She's also Canadian, right? No, she's French. What am I talking about? I think she's French core, yeah. Taken from her. And he's dancing in the bowl. She's also Canadian, right? No, she's French. What am I talking about? I think she's French.

She is. French-Canadian. I didn't mean to. We said it. That's the whole rant. I'm sorry. Oh, no, we're keeping that. No, no, no.

That's perfect. That is perfect. Because I get in these battles with people because I love lyrics and I feel like some lyrics get wasted on. What do you think are

the best lyrics of all time? Baby, watch out. No. like some lyrics get wasted on what do you think are the best lyrics of all time Baby Watch Out oh it's in one of my picks Fast Car by Tracy Chapman you're putting Fast Car by Tracy Chapman on thank god

you know what not to circle up too much but Justin Bieber does a pretty good cover of that song at a BB please don't tell me we're on that

no I'm just kidding he does a good one he's not as good as Tracy Chapman no one's as good as Tracy Chapman at that song at that song at a BBC show. Fuck, please don't tell me we're on that. No, I'm just kidding. No, he does a good one. He's not as good as Tracy Chapman. No one's as good as Tracy Chapman at that song. At that song, okay.

So you're putting that on? Yeah, because to me that's a whole human experience of love in one song. It goes from falling in love to, okay, we could do this. Get the fuck out of my face.

Yeah, it's over you ruined my life and the melody stays the same the rhythm stays the same so it goes from being really joyful nostalgic to heart breaking and despair and you never have to switch

do I sound mad? no this song rocks yeah it takes me to like a whole another place but you see like this relationship disappointing a human being No, this song rocks. Yeah, it takes me to like a whole nother place, but you see like this relationship disappointing a human being. I got a job as a checkout girl. What you saying? Checkout clerk or checkout?

Yeah. She's working at Vons and Rouse. Yeah. Trying to make this love happen. Both. Both. On 3rd Street. She. On 3rd Street. She's hopping across.

She walks on 3rd Street across the Dubois. By the way, I hate that that happens because I am such a fat fuck. I literally will walk from Vons to Rouse to get different items they have. Yeah. They didn't have what I wanted here. Because they're bakeries. Yeah. It's like they have the cheesecake I want.

This one has the cake I want. So I'm not walking. I'm driving back and forth. I'm hopping in the car. I'm going here to there. Yeah. But Tracy Chapman works there. She's trying to support this love.

This old, beat up, fast car. And he's just a piece of shit. She's trying to move to the suburbs. You're not going to move to the suburbs. Not in LA. Such a good talk. Go to Bakersfield. It's like,

so you know, Bakersfield. Yeah, you know she doesn't live anywhere now. It's like they live in some small town in Ohio

because where can you support yourself in the suburbs with that salary? Right. So they live in a shitty small town and she's willing

to do this for this asshole. She left her dad. Her dad, we don't know if he died. Her dad had a problem with the bottle. That's the way he lived. His body's too old for working or something.

His body's too young to look like this. It's too young to look like this. Tell me. You might know. Okay. Is that your life story or is that how you ended up here? No, my dad's good on alcohol. Okay.

Keri, what is your ideal? Like if you had to send with them, you're going to send Fast Car by Tracy Jackson. Right. If you had to send with it a listening experience, like a setting and a vibe, what would you send for this song? Oh, man. Getting a fast car. Getting a fast car. I would be.

For me, I'd be driving Windows down. That's how I like to listen to Fast Car. Windows down? Autumn, fall. Definitely in the autumn or fall. You got that part right. Yeah. I don't know if it'll be a fast car

though i think it'll be a weird you have to have one of those weird adele cars adele always has a car where litter is flying out of it you know what i mean like luggage on top of it, just a sad Adele car just leaving something. Yeah. It could be a party. It could be a reunion. Just leaving something with a certain emptiness and optimism on your heart in autumn and leaving. Going away. And just going away from something, yeah.

And just cranking it. That's the only way to experience it. I've never experienced it high or drunk. Maybe I should. You just cranking it. That's the only way to experience it. I've never experienced it high or drunk. Maybe I should. You should. You should. Once or twice.

Once or twice. Just pop some Molly and some Coke. Yeah, do a little cocktail. Exactly. Whatever you want. When I think of Fast Carb with Tracy Chapman,

the last drug I think of is Molly. I'm like, this is some... You need a counter. Actually, you know there are some good club remixes of that shit. That's what, this is some, this is some. You need to get a counter. Actually, you know there are some good club remixes

of that shit. That's what I was thinking. It's probably a dubstep version. Actually. Ooh, got a fast car, car, car,

car. Got away with the bottle that's the way he leaves. Buddy's too old for work. Work, work, work, work,

work. Oh, wait. We should make this mix If it don't exist We need to make this together Have we thought Out of curiosity about Doing a mashup of Work by Rihanna

And Fast Car Fast Car Or Work by What is it like Little Mix Where it's like You don't gotta go to work Work, work, work We can work it out That was an era of work songs it, like Little Mix, where it's like, you don't gotta go to work. Work, work, work, work, work, work, you know?

That was an era of work songs, right? It was Little Mix. It's when capitalism took hold of the music industry, and they were like, get your ass to the office. Get your ass up and work. You know what's scary now? I'm thinking about that song by Britney Work Bitch. Yeah, you better work, bitch. In hindsight. Yeah, she was,

she wrote that under duress being, it was just what people were saying to her. Yeah, they say write what was, she wrote that under duress, it was just what people were saying to her. Yeah, they say write what you know. You better work, you better work, and she went there

and laid it down. Well, they wanted her to do you better work in captivity, bitch. Yeah. But then they were like,

we have to make this relatable. Relatable. Relatable to everybody. Not everybody's trapped. You should see the original version which was like,

I can't get out of here. Why help? All they say is you better work, but they were like, take out the beginning, take the middle, and let's make that a banger version, which was like, I can't get out of here. Right, help. All they say is, you better work. But they were like, take out the beginning, take the middle, and let's make that a banger. And she was like, I guess I have no choice. I tried a bit about Britney that got me in trouble. Yeah. Because I hang out, we can't admit two things are true.

One, what happened to Britney was fucked up. Horrible, unacceptable. Horrible, unacceptable. And on the other hand, it's crazy out of her fucking mind we released we released the psychopath into the public

and we need to accept it we love her this might be where I might get canceled for you can't come for the pop girls I came for

Harry Styles is one of the pop girls and I came for him on Twitter and I got dragged they tried to shut my account down

these stans they're in my DMs they're in my mind you he didn't even name him no I tweeted about the idea of him and they were they were lighting me up

well Harry Styles has been captured by the gay community be careful no I'm not oh god no

you've seen my you know I'm fucking I know no it's not nothing bad. It's that Harry, I love him like. Captured. He won't be released. He's not like.

I know every time he makes a video. Harry Styles is in a conservatorship. By the gay community. By the gay community. He's like, hey, guys, for this video, can I be straight? And they're like, no, bitch. They're like. Not until we rid the world of homophobia.

So until everybody can get their hearts clean and just be accepting of all people. You have to wear a skirt. Harry Styles will be released into the world. And so we can cut that part out if we need to. No. No. Look at this shit. I don't want to get dragged by the pups.

What are they called? The pups. The pop girls. Oh, they're called the pop girls. The pop girls. That's what we're called. The pop girls fans. Kyrie, what's next on your album?

On my album? You put Confessions by Usher. You put Fast Car by Tracy Chapman. What's next on your golden record? Okay, live performance, because I want to throw the aliens off. I realized strategically we shouldn't give them all of our advantages. It's a live-A performance

by Mick Jagger and Tina Turner called State of Shock. Okay. And I put this on there because it is shot in the 80s, so Mick Jagger and Tina had to be about 90. No, I'm serious. He's like, he starts off like, bring me Tina, which he probably was meaning like meth or whatever the fuck.

He was like, bring me Tina. And the crowd loses their fucking mind. And Tina is immediately seizuring and dancing out on stage. She's not walking out, waving, and then the music drops. So it looks like she got up out the makeup chair, out the dress room, already dancing and gyrating, and needs to start fucking immediately on stage. It is raw, pure 80s sex, and you can just see them

tearing each other's clothes off and singing. It is a beautiful display of just human. Are they actually taking each other's clothes off? They didn't go full Justin and Janet. Right, but they're pulling at stuff. Yeah, they're ripping skirts off. He's changing backstage. They're singing to each other.

So I just want aliens to be confused of like, and intimidated. They're like, if these old people have this much power, humans aren't to be fucked with. Not to be fucked with at all. Do we have the ability to play it or no?

On that screen? Oh, whatever. However. I'm just curious. Mick Jagger, something about Mick Jagger while that gets pulled up is there's that song, Moves Like Jagger, and Mick Jagger while that gets pulled up is there's that song

Moves Like Jagger and to me it's like it Moves Like Jagger is just like kind of shake your body like he's not a talented maybe he moved when he was young was he able to move when he was young well he moved a lot he's very movement heavy

here we go state of shock. MTV Live Aid. Okay. I'm telling you this shit. Can we pop forward like 30 seconds just to kick it off? No, he's doing it. Oh, no. I think it kicks off immediately.

All right. Where's Tina? All right. Where's Tina? Look, and she, look, she sees her in. All right, Westina. All right, Westina. Look, and she, look, she sees her in. So she comes out already full tilt, look at her. She's ready from the jump.

And she's 90, look. She's ready. She came out the dressing room like that, walking just like that. She looks amazing. Man. And he's just wearing a t-shirt and jeans. Yeah, that's commentary. White privilege.

Truly. Look, they all do each other. Yeah, damn. Touched her hair, couldn't be doing that. And he was making a face. This was the 80s when it was- Cool it, cool it, brother. He keeps holding his back like something happened yeah oh he's in pain for sure

oh he's so old and i love because i know this upset so many conservative groups there were so many clams members upset about this performance like this is not legal in the south for this much sexual energy this is not legal in the South for this much sexual energy. This is not legal in the South. Oh, no. Look at her. She's straddling her. Now, imagine being an alien and never seeing humans, and it's the first thing you see.

Do you think they'd think all of our hair was like that? Yes. And you're okay with that? Yeah. Yeah. I want them to be confused. I don't know what they're planning on doing on our planet. I know, 100%.

I want them to think, like, every black man what they're planning on doing on our planet. I know, 100%. I want them to think like every black man has that hair and every skinny white woman has McGaggar's hair. Because we don't know their gender. There's no way. This is gender equality. This is race equality. This is everything in this performance. Feminism.

This is like Harry Styles and Beyonce. Do you think they rehearsed at all? No. Not at all. This was the 80s. We can cut it, KC. This was the 80s. So to me, my strategy is confuse the aliens.

Shock and awe. Shock them, yeah. Confuse them, and then we just befriend them? Or you want to fight right away? Well, we don't know what their intentions are. So this is my decoy list. Get them focused on that, and then we'll figure out what they're up to. Yeah.

Talk to one, pull one of them aside and be like, what do you think about this? But if we want peace, fast current confessions, and if we want chaos, we send them that. We send them that. Okay. What is, we have another question for you. Mm-hmm. We'll resend them that. Okay. What is, we have another question for you. What is something that is so embarrassing or just like annoying about Earth that you would delete from the records altogether? Nacho cheese.

Okay. Now, why, what. What has it done to you? Why would you say is something so. Because it has ruined my life. It is so delicious. And only... And only peasants eat it. Like, if you want to

show people you are poor and you're from the Midwest, nothing says it better than nacho cheese. Nacho cheese does bang. It bangs, but only... I'm trying to be successful and wealthy. Billionaires don't eat nacho cheese does bang. It bangs, but only... I'm trying to be successful and wealthy. Billionaires don't eat nacho cheese. No.

Yeah, not at all. What would you do if you went to Elon Musk's house and he had a nacho cheese machine? Out of the can. He was just... I wouldn't fucking eat it. He had it on tap. He had nacho cheese on tap.

I would eat it, and that's why I have to go. It has to leave the planet. My biggest fear is I'll be at a fancy Hollywood party. I'll be dressed up nice. And it'll be there. And there'll be a nacho cheese machine. Because I will not fight the urge. Things are getting dipped in that nacho machine.

I don't give a fuck about networking with the head of HBO. There will be stains on my shirt. I don't give a fuck. I cannot. You're saying a fountain? A fountain, a fucking lever, anything. It's the only reason we still go to Taco Bell. Taco Bell has not created anything new under the sun.

They just remix some shit and say, pour nacho cheese on it, and we go. I know you've been to some fancy Hollywood parties. So are you telling me you have not encountered the cheese at them yet? No. And you're terrified

that that day will come? I am terrified that day will come. Yeah. I am terrified there'll be some sort of fondue because I can't. You know how it is

at these parties. He's terrified of fondue, folks. No, and I'm not trying to go for a bit. I'm being dead ass. I'm with you. You know what it is? I don't know if you, because you're a Hollywood big.

This is the big they want me to get to. Like, I have this thing where every time I eat, there will be a stain on my shirt. Yeah. I have that thing. You have it? Yeah. I'm making a mess. I also have it.

Yeah. And I don't go to fancy events. That's how I, I'm staying in safety from your fear because I don't go to these things. You're going to go. No. And there's going to be snacks. No one will eat them. Everyone will be drunk and on coke.

Yeah. And trying to go to an Illuminati orgy afterwards. Yeah. And you will see all this food laying there. Have you been? Yeah. No. Not yet.

No. Those are so fun. Because I'm at this craft table. No. Even better craft table at the orgy. I promise. Oh, no. Those are so fun. Because I'm at this craft table putting shit in the tub here. No, even better craft table at the orgy, I promise. Oh, guys. I want to take your word for it now. No, it's bad because I will embarrass myself to the point to where if there's leftovers,

I'll take leftovers. I'm so Midwest. Where are you from originally? I'm from Cleveland, Ohio. No way. I'm from Cleveland, Ohio. No way. I'm from Cleveland, Ohio. What part? The east side.

The east side? Like orange. The part I wasn't allowed to. We're from a whole different. My mom lives downtown. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. I'm from off like 111th and Superior.

So, yeah. I'm like east side too. Okay. How long have you lived there? I'm from Cleveland like 111th and Superior. So, yeah. I'm like east side too. Okay. How long have you lived there? My childhood. Always. Yeah. Until I graduated high school.

So, that's why you have stains on your shirt. You know. Cleveland is a place where you get a stain on your shirt. You get to have stains on your shirt. You earn the right to have a stain on your shirt. It's a hardworking steel city. Yes. And you get to have a stand on your shirt.

Stand on your shirt and go to the casino. Yeah. One casino, and it came late. Yeah, so you know how that feeling is then, like, I can't turn down free food. Yeah. And that's such a poor person mentality. People with money and power do not eat free food. I get excited when I see free food.

Yeah, they can't be bothered. They can't be bothered. Yeah. But for me, it's just mind-blowing that there's a tray of meat and cheeses, and they're going to just throw it away at the end of the night. I want to pack it up. The charcuterie board's coming home with me. Yeah, exactly.

If it's not been touched, it's coming home with me. My mom and my sister pulled up in the back, and they're taking shit with them. Yeah. Like, the whole family's going to eat these cupcakes. Nobody touched at the Viacom party. I would hate for this to go to waste. Yeah. Pull.

But nacho cheese is, it's embarrassing. It's something I love. I'm addicted to. I want everything dipped into it. I would be looking like Usher right now if it wasn't on this planet. I want it gone. Well, I'm glad you followed up immediately with because it's so good. Because when you deleted it, I was going to be like, now what has it done to you?

Because for me, it's been only nice. Formative. Yeah. But certain places. It brought me to who I am. Yeah. It builds character and soul. People in Southern California don't get it though.

I remember one time I ordered some fries and I wanted a side of cheese sauce and the guy was like for what and you were like the fries

for the fries like he couldn't understand it like you're supposed to dip them in avocados or whatever the fuck but avocados

it's always avocados with these freaks and you from Chicago so you know well it's a healthy fat yeah well I'm from Kent City from Chicago, so you know. Well, it's a healthy fat. Yeah. Well, I'm from Kansas City originally. Okay, yeah.

So you know. Then we met in Chicago. But yeah, it's cheese for everything. Everything. Barbecue. We do barbecue nachos. They put whole pieces of barbecue on the nachos. Absolutely.

Cheese, beans, full pieces of meat. It's insane. Out here, you'll be lucky to get some shreds of brisket. If you're lucky. Yeah. And it will not be good. It won't be good at all. Yeah, you got to get a little bit out of it.

You got to get to an outskirt. Are you really from Cleveland? How'd you end up out here? Every time? No, not in a bad way. Like, I'm happy to see one of us escape every time I see us in the wild. Have you met Molly Carney yet? No.

They're from, they run, I think I, did you do Big One? Yes. They, that's their house. Okay, yeah, yeah. And they're also from Cleveland. Bullshit. Are they from Cleveland?

I thought they were from Dayton. They're from Cleveland. They went to school in Dayton. Yeah, okay. But they're from west side of Cleveland. Yeah. So, different.

Yeah, way different. Way different. Really close to the water. It's kind of like a lake house vibe there. I don't know that life. I feel like I went full conspiracy on y'all podcast. All right, listen.

To all the little freaks, my bad. I didn't mean to go full. I'm getting rid of nacho cheese. I'm breaking out the Bieber lyrics. Get rid of nacho cheese. It's important. If it would change things, let's do it. We'll see. Humanity could only improve if we got rid of nacho cheese. It's important. If it would change things, let's do it. We'll see.

Humanity could only improve if we got rid of nacho cheese, I think. Exactly. The experience would be worse, but probably altogether. Have you guys both seen everything everywhere all at once? I have not. Not yet. Okay, no worries. I was going to ask a question that really, without having seen it, makes no sense.

Okay. I've heard it was really good, though. It's one of those movies everyone is like you have to go see it I have to say and Lil Freaks this is for your protection as well if you haven't seen it yet do not and I didn't and thank god go high it will hurt it hurt my brain and I was sober

and I'm nervous for you if you're stoned and you go because it's a lot to follow but it's really good. But there are times where you're going to feel really lost. And I don't want you to go through that high. Kyrie, what is it?

I felt that in the trailer. I felt that in watching the trailer. That it was going to be a lot to process. Yeah. I was like, I need to be stoned sober. I think the problem is that it seems like one of the,

kind of like across the university where it's like, go stoned, it'll be even cooler and you're wrong. It's not, it will not be cooler.

I might go back and watch it high having seen it once now sober and getting it a little but your first time has to be clear minded. Gotcha. Kyrie,

we don't have time to go into the rest of your stuff because we're wrapping up here, but was there anything else that you were going to throw on the record? Your record? No, I believe it was something else on there, like experiences, like instant karma, I think. Oh, man.

Yes. Yeah. Someone's going to do Falls Down the Stairs. Do you have something in your mind, instant karma that you've experienced? No, just YouTube videos. I just YouTube instant karma, and I fucking love it. It's the greatest gift to humanity. Yeah.

Because I think we don't get the experience. Someone pranking someone, and then they slip on ice or something. Perfect. Perfect. Like justice in the wild. Because I think whenever we hear about our enemy's demise, we don't get to see them in peril. You get to imagine it. You get to imagine it, yeah.

You get to go, things will not work out for them. Yeah. They will get theirs in time. This is how it looks while you're getting evicted. You know what I mean? Like, this is... But to see somebody

actually go through it, I think is good. Do you wish evictions on your enemies? No, I don't. I don't. That's crazy. What do you wish on your enemies?

But if it happens, I am delighted. What's that meme of the guy dressed up to his enemy's funeral do you know what I'm saying there

no but I can feel the vibe of it Joel Embiid Joel Embiid posted it when Ben Simmons got traded I think but it

it it's just like a guy dressed so nice to go to his enemy's funeral and it's so funny. It's not a mess for me.

Can we? Go ahead. Last question I need to know while I'm here. Where the fuck were y'all when y'all recorded the hot episode? Here. We were in here. How? This place is so.

It's lovely now, isn't it? Okay, now. But this is like workers' rights. We had to complain and fight. Oh, shit. This is like the Chinese shirtless factory. I don't know if you drove past here in April, but we were picketing. We picketed.

We had to fight. Oh, man. Yeah. Because they wanted us to sweat it out every episode. We didn't bring you in here for that episode. No, I was dreading. A high-quality guest? No.

I was dreading. They kept being like, people pay a lot of money for saunas. And we were like, okay. Yeah, we were like, that's not going to work for us. I loved it because it created this like, you guys were untilt. I love that. You were out of control. You caught a gravy face, I think.

That was a claim that was made that I said that. That was a claim, yeah. There was no proof of it, but you seemed very. Casey will back me up. Leave Casey out of it. Leave Casey out of it. Michelle wasn't there, but she'll back me up too, I bet. We have to wrap.

Genuinely, we said this in your interview and I want to say it in front of you. You are one of our favorite comedians in the whole world. You are one of the funniest fucking people. Do you want to tell people where they can find you or how they can support? On Instagram, man. Kyrie Boz on Instagram. I try to post as much.

I am a bit of a social media recluse, but I'll try to post. I know y'all post all the time, but I just, I'll try to be- I'm actually not that heavy of a poster. No? I've slowed down a little. If you follow me, I'll post something once every month, I promise. But yeah, just kind of on social media, I try to post my shows around town. I'm here in LA

so I'm planning on showcasing more in LA. I'm not on the road. For the summer, I'm just going to take a break off from the road. This fiscal quarter, we're staying in LA. Yeah, it is. It's LA time for good. Yeah, I want to just be here in LA and just showcase and be around.

If you're in LA, if you want to come to a show, I'll post them and check them out. You guys got to go. Go see Kyrie live. You will not regret it. It'll be one of the best shows you've ever seen. I promise. It'll be better.

I'll be funnier than I am now. I'm not. I feel like I let y'all down. Not at all. I had a blast. No, I listen to the podcast. I know y'all talk about wild shit. We don't always love to do that

oh god we just get there it just happens no I thought this was a beautiful record and I love that you're mostly music because I'm a mostly

music person as well you're saying that as you check your phone on the side like we have to rap no it's not my timeline it's mine no no no

I'm joking I'm joking we can cut that part out but yeah yeah no you're allowed to roast us that's sort of what the podcast is for. And that's it. Okay, yeah.

And we'll see you all next time. All right. Bye. Go see Kyrie. Go see Kyrie. That was a Hidgum Original.