Keeping Records - Stick to the Shore (with Chuck Bryant)

Episode Date: September 9, 2022

This episode is for our sweet n earnest lil freaks ONLY. We mean it!!!! If you're not prepared to shed a tear as longtime podcaster/friend of the show/loving dad Chuck Bryant talks about his favorite episode of his kid's favorite TV show, you should probably turn back now!!!! (OK, now that it's just us sweethearts, we can tell you about the rest of the episode: Shelby comes up with a plan for getting lost in a crowd, EJ pulls out an obscure metaphor never uttered before by man or extra-terrestrial, and Chuck probably wonders why his illustrious podcast career brought him to this moment, watching two people do an improv scene with a bear for some reason.) Chuck's Artifacts  Jaws (1975 Film) The Sleepytime episode of Bluey (Children's TV episode) This Queen performance of "Somebody to Love" live in Montreal (Audio-visual) Musicless Music Videos on Youtube (Audio-visual) The guy that fell off his bike in college and acted like he was reading a book (Memory) I Think You Should Leave (TV show) Follow Chuck's podcasts on Twitter and Instagram. Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a HeadGum Original. In 1977, NASA sent two solid gold records into space so that aliens might find them and understand life on Earth. I send greetings on behalf of the people of our planet. And friendly wishes to all who may encounter this voyager. Now, we're making new records with our friends. Hello everyone! Hello!

Hello and greetings to everyone! Peace be upon you! We step out of our solar system into the universe seeking only peace and friendship. We know full well that our planet and all its inhabitants are but a small part of this immense universe that surrounds us. Hello from the children of planet Earth. Whoa! Wow, wow, wow, wow. Hey.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Oh. Hey. Hey. Hey. Oh, good. God, that feels good. I waited until we were recording to tell you something.

Oh, God. About my sink. About your sink. Oh, okay. Good, good, good. Yeah. So. What if it was really bad news? I was like, I waited until we were recording to tell you something.

I wanted to make sure we were among loved family and friends. No. I was trying to think of like fake bad news and I was like, I don't have it. I was like, no, everything's a little too dark. No. Everyone listen. Here's something that happened that EJ knows, but the fallout is what they don't know yet. Okay.

Which is that I have a cup. It's small. It's an espresso cup. I use it for when I make espresso in my house. And it, when I was not home, must have been my cat, Demon. Demon. My cat's name is Bug, but she's a demon. What if her name, oh, if I get another cat, it's name going to be Demon.

I like Demon. It's name going to be Demon. It's name going to be Demon. I like Demon. It's name is going to be Demon. It's name is going to be Demon. Yeah. And the cup fit perfectly in the sink. What do you know? I mean, perfect fit. In the drain.

In the drain. Yeah. And it was originally two cups. Wait. And I got the first one out because it was a little bit over the drain. Sure. Okay. So that one was, you know because it was a little bit over the drain sure okay so that one was you know it was tricky but i got it i had to do tension on the sides lift okay i'm there then there's a cup left so what what i failed to mention to you guys just now is that the reason i

found out the cups were in there was not by looks alone because it fits so perfectly and snugly in there that it looked just like a drain. But my sink wasn't draining because the cup was blocking it. So I took the first one out and then I tried to do the second one. I couldn't. And I tried everything. I know you guys are going to think you have an idea that could have fixed this. I thought I did.

I want you guys to know I tried everything. I tried pliers. I tried rubber gloves. I tried a vacuum. I tried super gluing a sponge to the bottom of the cup and pulling it up. Nothing worked. That one is amazing. Your mind is so, wow. Well, it's a lot of surface area.

It's a porous material. I thought it was going to be perfect, and it did get perfect grip. But what happened was because I had to drain the cup to get the water out, it ended up the little rubber that goes on your drain. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Like that's between sort of like the inside of your sink and the outside. Wait, like the flaps? Yes. Okay. From being outside of the cup, which I think the sponge would have absolutely worked at that stage, to being now.

It went from being inside. No, it went from being outside of the cup to being inside. So, no. Went from being either. Now it was inside. It went from outside to inside. And now, because I had to turn it and then turn it back. And before you say, why don't you just turn it all the way around and grab the smaller end?

Impossible. The disposal is too small. I could get it somewhat sideways, but to go fully upside down, it didn't have enough space to get there. Okay. So now that the rubber was inside of the cup, it now was too small of an opening for the cup to come out of.

No matter how hard I pulled, there was no way. It was not a fit anymore. The only option, which people had been recommending to me from the start, was to break the glass.

Something I didn't want to do. Yeah. Last time you talked about it. Everyone knew I didn't want to break the glass. I said, that would be so stupid. Yeah.

Turns out I was right. I did break the glass. Okay. Yeah. Turns out I was right. I did break the glass. Okay. So. Okay. So. I broke the glass thinking surely this is going to go into four big pieces. Or more so.

What? This broke into the smallest tiny pieces. Shards. Yeah. I've ever seen. Not even. Like ice cubes. Like tiny ice cubes, yeah. I've ever seen. Not even. Like ice cubes. Like tiny ice cubes of glass.

I'm crushed ice. Like little guys. This tiny. Oof. So I, you know, get my hand in the drain. Naturally. Pop myself a little. Ooh.

So everyone. And then I put gloves on and I went in and I'm just peeling pieces. I locked the cat away. And I'm in there. Okay. Then I think I've gotten all the big pieces out and I'm in there. Okay. Then I think I've gotten all the big pieces out. I can run the disposal. Whoa.

No. Well, I did. Disposal broke. So then I – Was it like an instant, or was it like a – No, it went for a minute, and then it completely, like, if you flip it on or off, it just doesn't even turn on, which Google says is actually not broken, and that is its own mechanism. It's a self-protection thing. Oh.

So smart. So then I went, I bought myself a shop vac, was going to rent one. It actually was not that much more expensive to buy one, so I bought one. Noted. Now I have a shop vac, which is swag. Really cool. Yeah. Which is dripping in swag.

The floor is drenched in swagoo. My closet, which holds the shop vac, is swagoonation. Oh, God. You can't even look at it without slipping all over the slippery goo. So I got a shop vac, vacuumed up the glass in there, cleaned it up, put a flashlight in there. I was like, I don't see any left. Reset the thing, turned it back on. It worked for a second.

Now it's off again. There's not glass in there anymore. That I can be sure. So now I have to tell my landlord. And I feel like I can actually get away with it now unless she's listening. Yeah, you thought's listening. Yeah. You thought she was a boy. Women can own property now.

Actually, this whole story was to call you out on thinking Shelby's a landlord or a boy. I can't operate on that boy. He's my son. No, for real. She's a woman, for real. No, seriously. She can own property now since like 2000. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know if you guys caught this.

It was under the Bush presidency. People say he didn't do much good. Oh, yeah. But he let women on property. Oh, my gosh. So nice. Unless she listens. Which she very well might.

God, I hope she doesn't. She is a lesbian. So it's... Oh, so it's more possible. Again, you thought at least she was straight or single. No. Married to a woman, two kids. What?

Giving away all her business. I'm like, social security number. Address. She lives now. Look her up. But she... Unless she listens, she could. I think I can get away with it because there's no glass in there anymore. I'd just be like, I guess the thing broke.

But obviously I'm going to come clean. Obviously. Because I'm terrified. Wait, what? Okay. Why is it still broken? No, I was going to ask why you're going to come clean. I don't know.

It feels like the right thing to do. But I feel like you could. It's still broken. That's why I'm not going to give the whole explanation. It's sort of top to bottom. I don't know. It feels like the right thing to do. But I feel like you could eat. I'm not going to give the whole explanation. It's sort of top to bottom. I don't think we have that kind of relation. I wish. I sort of text her sometimes thinking.

And she has no interest. Bye, Katie. Katie of HeadGum fame just walked out of the building. Yeah, just to give you a little BTS. If you feel a little chill in the air. It's because Katie left. And it's cold without her. Which is nice because this room is hot, hot, hot. Sweaty, sweaty, sweaty.

Anyway, I broke my garbage disposal. I broke the glass. I broke my landlord's trust. And I own a shop back. Okay. Wow. How? I'm just trying to figure out I own a shop back. Okay. Wow. Hmm. How?

I'm just trying to figure out where to kind of where to jump in, I guess. Anywhere. I mean, it has been a real journey. I couldn't use my sink for a week. That's, yeah, right, because the glass would fill with water. Because the glass would fill with water. Anya, keep up. Like, I don't know.

Shelby made it so clear what was going to happen. How could you not picture every single part of that story? No, get on the pod. I have a question. How long did you realize there was a cup in there? That wasn't the whole week, but it was a little bit. And then I had to get my hand in there, which is always scary. Putting your hand in your sink is one of the scariest activities.

Terrifying, because what if the garbage disposal turns on automatically? That and also what is down there? Ew, rotten stuff. Even knowing what goes in my sink. I live alone. I know what's in there, but people live there before me. Fish and stuff. So I'm like.

Wait, what? What if they swim up? I just don't like them. I don't like drains. Yeah. They're dark. They stink. Yeah.

And stuff is growing in there. Sometimes roaches come through there. Sorry. That was so fucked up to say. I'm really sorry. Yeah, that was really... A drain is a perfect size for a snake. Don't say that shit to me.

Jesus Christ. Look, roaches is fine, but... I try. Don't say that shit to me. Jesus Christ. Look, roaches is fine, but... I try and be nice to my producers every day, and then they say shit about snakes. It's like... It's like they want us to be upset. Everyone knows I hate snakes. It's like my whole thing.

Yeah. I actually did know that. I really don't like them. Mm-mm. I think they're messed up little creatures. Yeah. I have a video to send you. think they're messed up little creatures. Yeah. I have a video to send you. No. Is it the one with the iguanas?

Running for their lives? Yes! That's a video that I could talk about for ages. I mean, I don't want it on the golden... I don't want the aliens to even know what we're capable of here. I want them to see. I'm... I literally thought about making a david alboro style uh me going over it because i had so much to say it's a lot a lot to talk about well i mean the the

fact that the iguanas hatch in that area is fucked up and messed up and sad yeah but it is strongest i mean for those that need to know, it's like this lizard, poor lizard, walking, sees one snake and he's like, gotta get out of here. Yeah. He starts to run. And more snakes than you could ever imagine. More snakes than I've ever seen in my life. And the kind of snake that's like so skinny and small that it's scary. Right.

Big one's scary. Big one's scary. Small one's scary. Medium. Medium is almost like what you're Big one's scary. Small one's scary. Medium. Medium is almost like what you're expecting. You know, like the small ones are kind of like, okay, you could be in the crack of this. In the crack of anything. Yeah.

And this lizard runs, runs, runs. Every step he takes, there's 17,000 more lizard, snakes. I mean, every single step he takes, there's, for every breath he breathes, 100 snakes are born. I mean, it is. They perk, there's, for every breath he breathes, 100 snakes are born. They perk their heads up. They're watching him. So he's like, and they are coming for him. They all want him.

And now they're also sort of, I mean, this is a competition between snakes. Yeah, right. And then they're all coming and then he's climbing up a thing and it's like more snakes, more snakes. And then he jumps a rock and snakes jump after him. Yeah, because they don't have, they don't really even need to jump. They sort of flow. So now snakes are flying. Yeah. So needless to say, snakes are flying. And then the lizard lands. Snakes fall through the cracks. Lizard walks around and won against all odds. I mean, if that's not an underdog story. I mean.

I don't know why lizards are less strong than snakes. They have legs. They should be better. Well, he's just hatched. Yeah, but it's like. He's a newborn lizard. Well, when I think of a lizard

as a snake, if I'm like, if I'm going to UFC lizard snake fight, I think snake wins every time. Because they wrap around. Because they do so much different.

They're different. They're different. They're a little different. Yeah, okay. I think snakes are more dangerous than lizards. Well, dangerous is not what we're talking about. We're talking about who would win in a fight. Okay, you want to fight someone who's dangerous or not dangerous? Well, no.

If I have to fight someone, I choose not dangerous every time. Well, sure. Okay, but dangerous to me, I'm like, okay, so you're edgy. You know, but are you strong? They are because they have no legs. Snakes have no legs, which makes them so strong because they are constantly doing crunches to get across the ground. That's a really good point. No fat, all muscle.

No fat, all muscle. Actually, and they can unhinge their jaw. What the fuck is that? Some of them just spit venom. They're like, I don't No fat, all muscle. Actually, and they can unhinge their jaw. What the fuck is that? Some of them just spit venom. They're like, I don't want to see you anymore. And then you die. Can we do that again? I'm scared it won't be the same.

Yeah. And then you pass away. There's one in the Amazon that does that, and then you die, and the amount of time it takes to kill you and where they live, you would never be able to survive. You would never be able to get to it. Like, it's too remote, and they're too good at what they do. Yeah.

You've got to give it up for snakes for being talented. Yeah. Oh, my God. You have to respect all of this. All my fear of snakes comes out of a healthy dose of respect. Absolutely. Yeah. Oh, my God. You have to respect all of this. All my fear of snakes comes out of a healthy dose of respect. Absolutely. Absolutely.

They're so good at what they are up to, which is being menacing. Yeah. I mean, those teeth. I mean, yeah. You got a snake with no teeth,

you got a worm. I mean, I... And I don't, I'm not afraid of worms. No. I can take a worm. Who's afraid of worms? I can take a worm. Oh, yeah.

I can take several, to be honest. At least six worms I can win in a fight. Yeah, I would say six is the cutoff for me as well. Seven, we're pushing it. It'll be a tight fight. Well, seven, it's like, why are you all here? Who sent you? First of all. Well, seven, it's like, why are you all here? Yeah. Who sent you?

First of all. Yeah, who was your leader? And did you organize this? Because Jesus Christ, you're smarter than I thought. Right. Right. And then the mitts come on. Oh, the mitts come on.

I do the rap. Yeah. Any boxers know exactly what I'm doing. Anyone else thinks I'm being facetious. I'm not. I was perfect. Keep your hand like this for the rest of the... You got to go between your fingers.

You ever boxed? Yeah. I know, yeah. I never boxed, but I understand the... I'm just confident. You got to go through your fingers. So you box? I have. I really like confident you gotta go through your fingers so you box? I have I really like it

you surf and box yeah and did pottery in college this is all stuff you'll learn about me later yeah so hang tight because Shelby's got

a lot you don't know yeah pretty tight you're just learning to uh know what i'm up to which is not going well for me yeah i have a lot of mystery too so ej i asked you a question recently over text that i think the listeners are wondering they haven't asked me yet, but I would be wondering. Which is, what are your feelings on space? Are you afraid of it? Oh, right.

And I said yes. Yes. Yeah. Which keeps a big spirit of this podcast alive. Yeah. Should have been an interview question. It wasn't. Honestly.

We did an interview. Interview. I'm like, oh, I remember. Yeah, no. I find out you did such a big interview. I just wasn't a part of it. You're like, wait, yes, I did. Five rounds of interviews all on you.

On you in different coats. One time she had a mustache. I was like, oh. Yeah, so, uh, yeah, I'm really scared of space. Yeah, and the size of it. And that seemingly never ends. The size of it and, um, yes, I'm really scared of space. Yeah, and the size of it. And that seemingly never ends. The size of it and, yes, the endlessness. The breathing, like the sort of the air situation.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I respect. It's like the snakes. I respect it. I don't know that I do. Oh. Every time that I think about how big space is, I start to believe maybe it is all just a projection.

I'm like, maybe it's fake. How could it exist that way? It does seem a little bit impossible. How could we be so small? Ooh, I'll tell you something about space, a little fun. Well, it's not. Okay, I'm just going to tell you. It's going to be really dark.

Guess what? Something really bad didn't happen out there. You do not want to know. And down there. The space is all around you. Isn't that? So two summers ago. Nope. One summer ago.

I don't know. It doesn't matter. I was camping in West Virginia. I'm having a hard time focusing. I don't know. It doesn't matter. I was camping in West I'm having a hard time focusing. You're trying to imagine sort of exactly what Were we in height of COVID or were we in a little bit It was, okay, so it was summer

2021. Okay, we were starting to get vaccines. We had gotten vaccines. Well, I guess some of us. March 2021, baby. I had gotten vaccinated. I had gotten vaccinated. I got the vaccine.

So I had gotten vaccinated, but it was at the time where things were like a little bit Omicron. Do you think people talked about this during like... Like the Spanish flu? Yeah, like they were like, well, this was right before. Do you think people talked about this during like... Like the Spanish flu? Yeah, like they were like, well, this was right before. Do you think? Like, do you think they used it as like a time marker the way we do? I bet they did. Such a...

I forget that they were so stupid. Oh my God, they were so silly. I don't know what the vaccination process was. Yeah, true. It was probably really slow. Yeah. Definitely slower than ours. They were like, well, this was when the really rich got it, but we didn't get it for six more years.

Yeah. We didn't even know about it. By the time... Yeah, they didn't have phones. Well, the guy with the trombone and stuff is like, the news is here. Oh, the town crier. The news is here oh the town crier the news is here i love that this is a history podcast that's my favorite we're like everybody about what happened the news um so rich people are getting vaccines but we're not what's that about then he just gets back on this

little bike he rode a bike yeah he did have a bike yeah um what the hell was it oh so um i was camping vaccine so it was 2021 i got in the i got in the jab um i regret saying that i regret saying that um anyway i I was camping. It was 2021. All of this honestly doesn't matter for the story. It was West Virginia. I was camping with some friends. Mountain Mama. In Shenandoah. No.

Yes. Mountain Mama. Mountain Mama. Mountain Mama. Continue. Okay. mountain mama continue okay um and we were i'm not gonna lie a little intoxicated i'm not gonna lie to you and but we were in the woods and we looked up at so many stars we're in a national park crazy stars and we see across the sky a line of what at first I thought it was two shooting stars in a row. Weird. And then I'm like, no, it's a plane.

And then it was about 50 moving stars in a perfect line going slowly across the sky no we fully we were all like holding hands we were like okay like we might die tonight like it was so they are here it was yeah we were like we are seeing something we didn't have any like service we couldn't be like is twitter talking it's probably spacex and so it won't fucking stop yeah no it No, it was. No. No, wait. It literally was. That was what... Well, and then we like... Wait, that's the... That's what...

What's his face? Elon. Elon. Yeah. Okay, yeah. So that is what it was ultimately. But it did... We did have a moment of like...

We were like screaming, yelling, running around, trying to like track it down. And then we like approached these random people at their campsite. And we were like, you guys, did you see that? Turns out they were campsite and we were like you guys did you see that turns out they were completely wasted they were like what are you guys talking about and we were like okay they were like no dude you're fucked up yeah they were like you guys are you drinking and we were like no

that's not yes yes but like did you see the sky then they were like come have a campfire whatever it doesn't matter but space is really scary but in that moment i was ready but ej said something that i found really powerful which is he doesn't think it's as scary as the ocean yeah which brings me to a video that one of you little freaks dm'd me about the ocean little fre frames. It was, I would say,

the sister to the video that Caleb and I have actively said we hate of where they're like, this is Earth, and then they're like, whoop, whoop, whoop, till you get to like, we are but a pebble on a sea of beaches. This was an ocean.

They put the Statue of Liberty and were like, this is how tall she is and then they were like, and now we're here and this is how tall the Empire State Building would be and then they were like,

and this is the last place we've ever seen and then they were like, but that's not the bottom and they kept going further and further and further and further.

The ocean is fucked up, messed up bad. Really, really, really bad. If you could, okay. You had to, for like one week, take traveling out of it. It just takes one week. Pretend. Okay.

It's not true, but pretend. Okay. You had to spend one week and you could survive. On the moon. I'm with you. Or at the bottom of the ocean. Moon, hands down, every time. You would go to the moon.

Moon. Because I – That's what I said. The bottom of the ocean, we don't know what the animals look like. I know. And what we do know is probably they're huge, deep sea gigantism. The megalodon might exist. Yep. No, it doesn't. Wrap it up. I know. Enough about the ocean. Okay. Anya hates when we talk about the ocean. She told us we weren't

allowed to. Google giant squid encounter. My final question on this topic before we give Anya what she wants, which is us shutting up. Yeah. Okay, so you're picking the moon. Would you rather go to the moon for a week or get a million dollars? Cash. What?

I have my answer already and it's not what you think. Okay, so I want a million dollars and you're telling me you would rather go to the moon. I'd go to the moon because I'd write a book about it. I would make a million dollars.

I would go on a talk show and I would be like, I'm the first regular ass bitch to go to the moon. And this was what it was like. I'd be on a talk show host. I would be like, I'm the first regular ass bitch to go to the moon. And this was what it was like. I'd be on every late night show. I'd be like, my fee is $100,000. I'm one of one.

No one else has done it. One of one. They have to pay me what I want. Okay. Okay. So I decided I could get the million dollars either way. And then I'd also get to go to the moon. Trick question for sure.

But someone asked me this once camping, and I was like, obviously the moon, and everyone told me I was stupid. And, well, we'll see what the little freaks have to say. Yeah, shout out, little freaks, let me know. Tonight we have tonight. It's the day. And maybe you're listening to this in bed. It would be crazy. I can't imagine falling asleep to this. It would be. I's the day. And maybe you're listening to this in bed. It would be crazy. I can't imagine falling asleep to this.

It would be. I bet people do. Aw. Aw. Good night. Good night. Sleep tight. Put this on.

Don't end. Just play through all of our episodes. Why not? And we'll be in your dreams. And then, you know, you'll learn. So today's episode, we have a really special guest. Really special. He's a really talented podcaster, and he's really smart.

That's kind of the whole thing. You're saying that's kind of hot? That's kind of hot. Honestly? Wait. Who thinks being smart is hot? Okay. Being smart, a hot quality trait.

I do, yeah. Also, being dumb is hot, too. Sorry. Okay. It can be. It can be. Being middle of the road. Not. If you're medium, read a book or burn all of them. You got to pick a lane. You got to pick it now. Yeah. All of you, obviously, terminal degrees in your field, you're very smart. But the rest of them. You've got to pick a lane. You've got to pick it now. Yeah. All of you, obviously, terminal degrees in your field.

You're very smart. But the rest of you, the ones of you that are like, I don't know. I'm not quite there yet. Study up. Yeah. By keeping this podcast on all night. Because we'll teach you things like this, how to be hot. Yeah.

No, today's guest has a really great podcast called Stuff You Should Know. He used to host a podcast called Movie Crush. You know him. You love him. Chuck Bryant. Chuck, I have stitches in my hand right now, so that's why. Oh, really? I'm not, like, scared to clap.

That's why the clap was so delicate. It's, like, the one thing you can't do. I know, and everyone keeps saying not like scared to clap. That's why the clap was so delicate. It's like the one thing you can't do. I know. And everyone keeps saying clap, clap, clap. It's like a finger thing. So sad. I know. I'm sorry.

Is there a story there that you want to share? I wish it was a better story. I mean, it's, I was camping. Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah. I mean, we can leave it at that. You can sort of imagine the rest. Went camping, got cut, the end.

The end. Hospital, finished camping. Went to the hospital, then finished camping. Like, finished the trip out. You went back camping. I did go back camping. Yeah, because you have to go, once you're, camping usually happens in the woods. Sure.

Or in the desert. Yeah. Or away from, not in the city. Right. So if you don't know what camping is – You have to get to a hospital in a city. You got to get all the way back to the country. I'd like to start an urban camping trend.

It might be fun. Yeah, we urban forage. We might as well – the other day I was in – I was on a walk in my neighborhood and there was a tree covered in mushrooms. And I was like, I wish I knew if I could have these. I mean, it was so many, like the most I've ever seen. What's up with that tree, dude? Someone hasn't gotten to it yet. Such a good point.

And you didn't take any home? Hi, sorry. No, but I licked one just to see. No, I was so, still well here's the problem that walk often smells like human urine and so I was like if this was a walk that normally smelled like outdoors

it was sort of I feel like I leave this specific walking path it's where I go to get coffee always feeling dirty even if I'm not even sweat I'm always like that walk something Something got on me. Yeah. A splash. Dirt, pollution, whatever it is. Something's on me.

Sure. A little COVID maybe? Yeah. Something. I'm leaving worse than I arrived. Right. And so then I'm like, all right, well, these mushrooms have been on this walk forever. So certainly they're messed up. You have no idea how close you are to urban camping. You're right there. Right.

I'm going to do it. Just lay down. The first time I ever drank alcohol was camping in the front yard at my house. I was like, Mom, we just really want to get in a tent. It was like just me and like two friends. That's a really – it's fun to camp in your front yard when you're a kid. It super is. And it's really fun when you take your dad's dark beer and your mom's absolute pepper vodka.

Ew. Wow. No. And you have the worst couple of drinks of your life. And just let that release simmer. Yeah. Just relax in the great outdoors. Yeah.

Really enjoy what it means to be in the suburbs. How old were you when this happened? Last year. Last year. Eighth grade? Eighth grade? Oh, boy. See, I was a late bloomer.

I got drunk for the first time in college. I was sort of straight and narrow in high school. And so I wanted to drink one night and these girls, I had a lot of girlfriends, not girlfriends, girlfriends, but girlfriends. And I had zero girlfriends. And they took me to a bar. They were so excited. And I drank sex on the beach and just was the happiest little 18-year-old boy in the world. And yeah, it was great. It was a very sweet story.

Yeah, that's actually really nice. It took care of me. Aw. Aw. Where did you grow up? I grew up in Atlanta, which is where I am now. I lived away for about 20-something years, starting in college. And then I lived in L.A. for a while while and I lived in New York for a while and then Arizona then eventually came back here about 16 or 17 years ago okay cool I think because Atlanta has stuff going on yeah that's why you didn't drink till college I'm from Ohio yeah it's

like what part outside of Cleveland okay my wife's from Akron so i always have to ask that's not far um but it's like yeah we were kind of doing a little bit of nothing so it's like well we might as well get in the front yard drink a nasty little beer yeah totally when did you have your first drink i well i was just kind of reflecting i had my first drink. I was 16, and my older sister was living in Toronto. She is 11 years older. So what is that? She was like 27. Perfect.

And I went to go visit her in Toronto, which felt so crazy to get on a plane by myself and go see my cool older sister. Yeah. It's awesome that she's cool. She's really cool. Amanda, are you listening? Yeah. She is. my cool older sister yeah and it's awesome that she's cool she's really cool amanda listen are you listening okay um she is um if you're listening text ej yeah yeah text me um remember when all your friends uh got me drunk and i was 16 well actually so that's the story is all her friends got me drunk.

But my sister was also drunk at the time. And she was like, we were like at a party at her cool friend's house, whatever. I hope they're all listening. Me too. Yeah. God, me too. Oh, my God. Anyway, I told them all that I drank a lot.

Like I was like, oh, yeah, I drink all the time with my friends. I had never had alcohol before that's the worst part because then they think you have a tolerance and they were all in sororities and fraternities so they go crazy but anyway yeah they were the coolest people

oh my god as we established they were really really cool I mean delta gamma hello theta As we established, they were really, really cool. I mean, Delta Gamma. Hello. Theta. Is that? That's how they do Theta.

Really? Yeah. Were you in a sorority? No. I'm just fascinated by the hand symbols for it all. How do you know the secrets? Well, these they'll do in pictures. There's also other secrets they won't tell you. But this is like if you look at a picture

of a bunch of sorority girls, they'll do their little sign. Well, I'm sure it's all on Reddit these days anyway. There are no secrets. I went to a summer camp with a bunch of people who were in a sorority. They were all in the same Jewish sorority and they were like always saying this little phrase. I I don't remember what it was. And I would just be like,

what does that mean? And they were like, and I was like, okay, like, I'm only asking because you keep saying it. Like, I have no, I have no outside intrigue. There's I don't want to rush. Yeah, I don't want to be a part of it. I'm not going to tell anyone. I don't care. It's just that if you're going to keep saying it. Right. Right.

Just clue me in a little bit. That's funny. And I think it was like an open-ended, almost riddle-type phrase. I was like, all right, well, what is it? I'm dying to know what it was. I'll check in. It's like, riddles three. I'm sure.

Was it in Hebrew? No. No, the sorority is ultimately for white women. It is Jewish, but you know what I mean? Okay. Greek life. Chuck, listen. Yes.

We brought you here for a reason. Okay. We're sending like a record into space and we wanted to know what you would put on it. Okay. Well, I mean, where do I start? Do you have a preference on what I start with? I think you said no, but. I don't.

Wherever you want to begin. Yeah. I feel like whatever has maybe the most urgency. Well well just in case we get cut off from aliens if they get bored yeah whatever if they get bored turn it off yeah you never know what they're gonna do well i'll tell you i really uh obsess over listing things whenever i'm asked to sort of uh put my culture and my my loves on display. I think everyone probably does. So I thought long and hard about this, and I think it came up with four perfect things,

which is always good if you want to send something into space. Four perfect things and one kind of silly, dumb, fun thing. You can probably guess which one that is. But maybe let's start with the movie pick. What I think is a perfect movie, I've been on record as, I used to have a movie podcast, and I've been on record saying

this is my favorite film of all time. And I do think it is a perfect movie, and that is the movie Jaws. So I watched it for the first time because you had put it on your list. Okay. Wow. Alright. A lot of pressure. So I watched it yesterday for the first time.

The reason I hadn't watched it, I might have said this on the podcast before, is my mom is so afraid of sharks. Because of Jaws. Yes, but from like her, and she once she claims she was sober. Jury's out.

Was swimming in a pool at night and in her head like heard the Jaws theme song and panicked and swam to the side of the pool. And when she took a breath at the end of the pool, she knocked out her front teeth. Oh, my God. On the side of the pool. So she was always like, we don't watch Jaws. Whoa. It's bad for our teeth. Wow.

Yeah. That story went in a direction I did not expect. Yeah. Well, I mean, she's kind of a loose cannon. But so I hadn't seen it. And I think I should have gotten back on the train sooner because she, like, did a whole face her fears trip where she, like, went in a shark cage. So if she did that, I should have been able on the train sooner because she like did a whole face her fears trip where she like went in a shark cage. So if she did that, I should have been able to watch the movie. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you maybe should have held up your end of the deal. Yeah, so I watched the movie yesterday. I loved it. I did get scared midway through that this was going to deter me from the ocean. Are you an ocean swimmer or either one of you ocean swimmers normally like by the shore I don't mean deep sea swimming

I'm not like I'm not doing like triathlons in the ocean where I'm swimming at a great distance for a long time but I am I do like to go into the ocean I like waves I surf sometimes you surf? she doesn't

I can tell the way she laughed no I do I promise okay that's cool I'm not good that's cool Shelby

thank you that's really cool I love to swim in the ocean I love when the waves hit you so hard that you wonder if you're gonna die

for a second I went to the beach the other day in the water and thank God I watched this movie after because I saw so many dolphins that I think at some point I would have been like there's a shark nearby. And they're swimming away from it. I mean, dolphins are like

hot dogs to sharks. Amazing Dolphins are like hot dogs And kelp is their relish Yum yum yum That's right Thank you But yeah I got scared that I would Have a problem getting in the water.

But it seemed like this specific shark was a serial killer. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Right. The shark from Jaws. Like this shark isn't all sharks.

Not all sharks. Hashtag. Throw it out. Not all sharks. Hashtag. Not all sharks. Yeah. So I feel like i got past it with the ocean but it is a really good movie also richard dreyfus who knew a lot of people

nobody told shelby no one told you uh did you mean who knew he was in it or who knew how great he is in it okay well you couldn't know how great he is if you didn't know he was in it or who knew how great he is in it? Boom. Okay. Well, you couldn't know how great he is if you didn't know he was in it. That's a good point. That's a very solid point. But, yeah, what do you want the aliens to take away from this movie besides it being just like a perfect piece of cinema? Kidding aside, I know it's a comedy podcast, so I don't want to like – I don't really mean all kidding aside. Because if you did, I mean – I don't really mean all kidding aside. Because if you did – I just think it's a perfect movie.

I had a show for a little while. I retired it last year called Movie Crush where I had guests on to talk about their favorite movie. And one of my first episodes I had Roman Mars of 99% Invisible came on. And Jaws is his favorite movie. And I was like, this is perfect because we can talk about Jaws is his favorite movie. And I was like, this is, this is perfect. Uh, cause we can talk about Jaws. I think it's Paula Tompkins favorite movie too, who is, uh, someone who I just think is like, you know, one of the funniest people of all time. Uh, but when Paul came on, Jaws had already been picked, so he had to pick something else. But, uh, it, it's just, it's a perfect film.

It's, um, it's not a horror movie like many people think. It's an adventure film. It's pure classic Spielberg sort of before – and I don't think he necessarily got corrupted. But it was when he was still young and just really making movies for the thrill of getting that opportunity, I think. And so many things happened behind the scenes. I don't know if you know the story that like the reason we don't see the shark much is because Bruce the shark is what they named it didn't work. And they had a really, really hard time with their mechanical shark. So he made the creative decision to not show as much because he kind of had to. And that just that did so much for the tension and the thrill of the movie, I think, because when the shark is finally revealed at the end in full, it has so much more impact. And then just the acting, the writing,

it's just one of my favorite movies of all time. Probably my favorite movie of all time. Yeah. And I think as like a piece of art to show alien life is like, our ocean is crazy, by the way. Oh, right. I mean, that couldn't hurt. We've got stuff in here that you would not believe. show alien life is like, our ocean is crazy, by the way. Oh, right. I mean, that couldn't hurt.

We've got stuff in here that you would not believe. We shouldn't see. There's stuff we shouldn't see in there. I just want to put that out there. There's stuff deep in there that we are not meant to see. Yeah. No, you're right. That is a very solid point.

Had you seen this movie before? I did, but a long time ago. Okay. It's not as fresh in my mind. But what you just said, Chuck, did make me think, like, I do feel like often in horror movies, and maybe this is because of Jaws, honestly, but, like, it always feels, like, a little bit weird when you see the scary thing. Yeah. Honestly, at all. But especially earlier on in the movie when it's revealed that, oh, that's the thing that we're scared of.

Yeah. I think most films owe a debt to Jaws for that. I don't know if it was the first movie to do that, but it was very famous for doing that. And it was clearly effective. So, yeah. Good observation, I think. Yeah. And you know who does that a lot? Scream, the whole franchise.

They are showing you someone new every couple of minutes. Well, a lot of horror movies. There's a new predator every minute of the film. I mean, don't even get me started on the special effects. Jeez. One thing that made me laugh at the end of Jaws was the sailor guy

that sort of gruff Quint I was going to say Quincy and I was like that's not right Quint dies and then

spoiler yeah jeez oh my god I was the last person on earth to see the movie. I think you're probably right. I get to spoil it because if you didn't watch it, come on.

We got to put spoiler in the caption of this. I'm going to, I'm going to make a shirt and send it to you that says Richard Dreyfuss on the front and who knew on the back. Yeah, please do. You might be the last person. So when Quint dies, sorry, go ahead. And then, and then he, he comes out of the. Yeah, please do. Yeah, you might be the last person. So when Quint dies, sorry, go ahead.

And then he comes out of the shark cage. He just goes, Quint? And he just goes, no. That is perfect comedy. It really made me laugh. It's great. There was no sentiment. There was no care. And then they just go back

to making jokes about how he used to hate the water. And he says, I used to not be fond of the water. I'm like, you used to? You just fought a shark to the death. If you liked it before, you shouldn't now. And if you didn't like it before, you never should again. That's a good point. You should stick to the shore, King.

Stick to the shore like glue. It also has one of my favorite sweet moments in a movie ever, which was largely improvised. And that's the scene with Brody, who is Roy Scheider, chief of police, and his son after kind of that really long day when he comes home and he and his little son are making scary faces to each other back and forth. And then he just looks at him and he just said, give us a kiss. And he goes, why? And he goes, because I need it. And it's just so pure and real. And like, it's like you're not watching a movie. It's like you're peeking in on someone's life.

It's just a beautiful movie. Yeah, it was. That was such a cute scene. Even before the scary, like when he was just copying him. That's also such like a true human like thing you do with kids like yeah even if a kid like on the airplane takes a like you know when like a kid starts like decides you're their friend on the flight and you're like yeah right you're like okay yeah i guess i'm on the clock what's going on but sometimes they're far enough away where it's like you're not talking

so you're just like i guess I'll copy everything they do. Yeah. So they laugh and then they'll do the same and you're just like, all right, well, it was awesome hanging out with you. Yeah. Hopefully it's a short flight when that happens, though. If it's super long, it's really tough. That's right. It's your work.

You should be paid overtime for that. Yeah. At least a free flight. At the very least. Or a drink voucher. Come on. You're doing everybody a favor. The airline, the attendant, the mom, the dad, whoever's with them, the guardian.

Right. Yeah, thanks. Thanks. I'll list them. Everyone that I've helped. Chuck, what is next on your list? Next, you know what? Since we're talking kids, we might as well

go to my TV episode which is, do you know the show Bluey at all? I didn't. I don't. Did you watch this episode? I can't wait to get your take. Everyone thinks I'm not a nerd

but here I am doing my homework. Well, it's seven minutes long. I do appreciate you watching. Yeah. Thank you. Hopefully after Jaws. It was. Yeah, that's a real long movie.

It was earnestly right after Jaws. Well, good. It probably made you feel good then. Bluey is a TV show, for those of you listening who don't know, from Australia. It is technically a kid's show, but I do know plenty of adults who don't have kids who watch this show because it's that great. It is animated, and it is about a family of blue heeler dogs, specifically a six-year-old named Bluey and Bluey's little brother Bingo and the parents. And it's a really great show. It's very heartwarming and really genuinely funny.

I'm not the dad that's like, oh, these kids shows are just so great. I think most of them are terrible. Can we cuss on the show? We can cuss, right? Yeah, you can say whatever you want on the show. They're fucking brutal and bullshit. Most of them. But Bluey is an exception,

and it is truly, truly great. There was an episode a couple of years ago called Sleepy Time that the New York Times put on their list of top ten TV episodes of the year of any television show or whatever. And this is what The Guardian said. I did a quote here. The Guardian said, In years to come, the Sleepy Time Bluey episode will be used by humankind to test if someone is actually a replicant. If you're not struggling to suppress choking sobs by the time Bingo tells the sun that she has to go now because she's a big girl, then we'll deploy the Blade Runners. It is a thoughtful, beautiful meditation on the people in our family orbit. This episode is pure genius, and it may one day save humanity. Aw.

So maybe hyperbole, but I'm down with everything that Guardian writer said. Yeah, they popped off with that one. Even just hearing that makes me emotional, honestly. It's a really cool episode. It's kind of trippy. Like it's really kind of like I like, glad I didn't get high. Oh, good. I would have been on a journey.

Yeah. And shout out to the aliens. They're in space for a while. Well, that's what's so kind of cool about the episode is that it breaks format a bit. It's an episode about the youngest dog, youngest kid trying to go to sleep at night, uh, and stay in bed all night by himself for the first time. Um, which was a very sweet notion and a very sweet setup. And then has this great dream about being in space.

And I'm going to try not to cry just talking about it. And, uh, giving up his little bunny, Floppy, his little favorite lovey stuffed animal. And Floppy goes to live with the rest of the bunnies that are circling like the rings of Saturn. And it is very trippy. It's got this beautiful classical music score. And then it kind of cuts back and forth between this dream and outer space, where, by the way, his mom ends up being the warm sun that you know it's just unbelievable it's so sweet and uh uh but it cuts back and forth between the space stuff and then the the night and the house where various kind of funny things are happening

to kind of make it a little more fun and not this just super deep sort of sad thing. And then the mom, at least, yeah, the mom returns Floppy while he's sleeping. Yes. So it's like he gave it up and then he gets it back. Yes. This I didn't know if I just didn't understand, which is tough to hear about a kid's show for yourself. You're like, shit, okay, no, no worries. But putting the earth back on himself.

I didn't know what that was about. I think that, so what we're talking about is in outer space he's hatched from sort of an earth egg and it's broken into different pieces and this is when he goes on this outer space, he's hatched from sort of an Earth egg, and it's broken into different pieces. And this is when he goes on this outer space adventure, sort of giving up his bunny, Floppy. And then at the end, all the different Floppies put him back in the egg and put the pieces back together. And I just saw that as Bingo was going back to Earth, and it was time to leave the son, which is the mom,

which means Bingo's growing up and stays in the bed all night for the first time. That's how I took it. It's just going back to Earth like a big girl. Oh, God. I can't take this episode.

Chuck. Forget it. Also, not to be taken for granted, the dog has an Australian accent. Whoa. Yeah, which is great. Which is because they're Australian. No, the accents are really fun.

But it's really not. There's something truly special about a little kid with an accent. Yeah. It's super cute. Like, I'm going to stay in bed. You're like, okay. Yeah. I's super cute. Like, I'm going to stay in bed. You're like, okay. Yeah.

I think it's because I, incorrect, I think this is like, not correct or incorrect. It's just a weird thing to believe, but I'm like, accents, they're a little bit more proper.

Yeah. So I'm like, oh, anyone with, any kid with an accent has such good manners. Yeah. So it's like.

I also have a seven-year-old daughter who has a bunny as her favorite little lovey. And so, like, obviously this is hitting me harder than even most people. But, you know, if it's on the New York Times list and the Guardian's talking about it, then I didn't feel like such a freak for just, like, bawling when I saw it. Loving it. Yeah. And it taps into every parent's worst fears, which is your kids growing up and

leaving you. It's the worst thing you can imagine. And all those little assholes are going to do it. Every single one of them. Like you mentioned before, I feel like it is pretty rare. I don't have kids, but I did work at a preschool for a while. So, same thing.

Same thing. But I do feel like it is really rare to watch a piece of media that actually feels like it's speaking to kids in like a way that feels like respectful of how smart they actually are. Totally. That always gets me. You're speaking their language and I'm watching. I guess you aren't watching Tocomelon. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's watching Cocoa Melon. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, it's – and the beautiful thing about it is it's seven minutes. They're very short episodes. So I encourage people, even if they don't have kids, like, to check out Bluey. I mean, they could have thrown it on Comedy Central or something and no one would have probably ever known that it was, like, supposed to be a kid's show. Just throw in a few swear words. I was going to say, I don't know. It was kind of touching more than funny.

Comedy Central might not be a perfect fit. Well, the other episodes are really funny. Okay, okay. There you go. I was like, this one might have gotten a little confusion from the audience being like, what's going on? Yeah, it's like, is somebody going to fart? Come on.

Yeah. What is next? What else did the aliens see? The aliens are going to see, to my mind, the best musical performance of all time. Oh, yeah. A perfect musical performance, and especially if you're a fan of Queen. And no, no, not the standard Live Aid performance that most people would say, but Queen performing the song Somebody to Love live in Montreal, 1981, which is a very famous concert film they did in the early 80s. And this particular song is just perfect in every way.

Yeah. I watch it every two months. Do we have it? Sounds like we might. Sounds like somebody's ready to... Throw it a break and then we'll put it on. Oh. Well, we're gonna throw it a break and then after we're gonna listen to some Queen.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Alright, Anya. Hit it! Freddie Mercury sits at the piano. He's wearing his white tank top Superman shirt and white jeans and white

shoes. His impossibly tight jeans. He has three beers sitting on the table on the piano. Oh God. He just does this vocal solo at the beginning. Amazing. Somebody find Somebody Somebody run Go off.

All right, right here. Listen to this. Okay, let's do it. Okay, let's do it. Let's do it. I love that part. He's so cute. Okay, let's do it.

Unbelievable. So, yeah, that's one of my favorite parts Is that little pause And that, okay, let's do it It's just, it's everything I like about live music In that they change the song some But it's still the same song And it's

I think my biggest fear when I see live music Is that the band isn't into it And they're kind of phoning it in And you can just tell God the band isn't into it. They're kind of phoning it in. And you can just tell, God, they're so into it. So watch this mic pass right here. Oh, wait. Sorry, that's in a minute.

He really has so many beverages. If you're not pulling it off already, you should pull it up just to see how many drinks this guy's got. He's got Heineken bottles, cups of beer, and then cups of God knows what else. Cups, yeah. All right, here's the big mic pass, which is, it doesn't seem like he's going to have time to do it. Wow. And then it's just so smooth.

And that signature weird thing he did with his microphone stand that, you know, no one has ever done that. No one is ever allowed to do that now. Yeah. It's just so signature. It's like a weapon. Anya, we can cut it. How dare you?

Sorry. It's seven minutes, ultimately. At that point, we can watch the Bluey episode. Right. It's one of the best songs ever, first of all. And it's a band at the peak of their powers in 1981. And like I said, I always fear that a band, when I see them, is sort of – because I perform live, and when you do the same stuff over and over, you want to give the audience something that you're into. And I'm always afraid that a band's just not going to be feeling it.

And you can tell they're feeling it, and it's seamless. And Freddie Mercury just, if anything ever made me question my sexuality, it was watching this video over and over since I was like 12 years old. Yeah. After I watched this video, I did go down an intense rabbit hole just about Freddie Mercury also. I just like, nobody's doing it like him. Nobody's doing it. He's just awesome. I mean, it also reminded me that I really

want to buy one of those unitards. Yeah. Okay. I was like, yeah. So maybe next week I'll be wearing that on. For the recording. More Superman tank top, for God's sakes. He's crazy.

Queen is such a good band, and that's not a unique thing. What if I was like, period? Hot take. I was like, sorry to be controversial on the podcast. And we haven't thought about how good they were. Oh, my God. Huge truth bomb.

But I feel like when I was younger, I heard so many Queen songs and never knew they were all the same band. Like, my parents weren't big Queen fans. Or, like, they probably liked their music, but were not, like, my dad really liked James Taylor. My mom really liked Dolly Parton. Wow, okay. Okay, epic. My mom also really loved Prince, which I would have thought would have then skirted us towards Queen a little bit harder, but it didn't. But then I think it was like sometime in college that I was like, wait a second.

They made all these songs? That's crazy. Wait, what? I was like, they were way better than I thought because for so long I only knew Bohemian Rhapsody was them. I was like, Queen is Bohemian Rhapsody. Right. Of course. They are synonymous.

Synonymous? Yes. Synonymous. Somebody had to say it. Synonymous. Thank you both. Yeah. No, you can get away with that one.

I, that kind of performance, like watching that thing, that on YouTube is like, and we're getting back to live music now, obviously. But for the past couple of years, it's been like, it's like, oh my God, it was so fucking cool. And like, so different than like listening. Cause there's people who are like, I don't really like live music. And what I think that is, is like, you don't like crowds. It's not I don't really like live music. And what I think that is, is like you don't like crowds. It's not that you don't like live music. Nobody likes music and doesn't like it live. Yeah.

Agreed. That'd be really weird. You know, when they're up there really just emoting and giving it their all, like the original artist who wrote it, not for me. When I see them sort of trying, that's when I hop off board.

I want it to be effortless and on Spotify. I do not want the connection between me and my favorite musical artist to be elevated at all. I don't want to know how it's made. It's like hot dogs. It's like dolphins to sharks.

We don't want it at all. All coming together. Yeah, this is a herald, a perfect herald. I never really thought about that. That's a perfect way to say it. It's the crowds that people don't like. Yeah, people don't like to be around people in that capacity or like it's stress. And I sometimes do get that. I often will prefer an outdoor concert to an indoor because I feel a little bit less like cramped.

I also like an indoor. Like, it depends on the concert, I guess. Right. But, like, it's like, no, it's not that you don't like live music. There's nothing, like, like it, especially with good performers. Like, Freddie Mercury, who's a prolific performer. It's like, you don't like crowds. Yeah.

Or I mean, you know, I don't want to say the elephant in the room, but you and I are both below 5'3". Right. It's tricky. So when you're at a concert and you can't see anything and you're being touched by a lot of sweaty bodies who are towering over you. Yeah. That does kind of suck sometimes. Yeah. There is something about looking at sort of the midsection of so many people.

So many people. Yeah. Making eye contact. I mean, I'm a very average 5'10", so I'm sort of right there in the middle. Like sometimes I can see okay, and sometimes I've got a big tall dude in front of me. Yeah, yeah. It depends on the energy I'm serving that day because sometimes I'll use my height as a means to get up further. Sure. I'll be like, oh. Yeah as a means to get up further. Sure.

I'll be like, oh. Yeah, you can kind of sneak by and people are like, ugh, I'm not going to fight with this little. You can tap most people on the back and when they look at you, do one of those, what the fuck? Yeah. And they'll probably be like, oh, yeah, sorry, sorry. Sorry, I forgot that tall. You can really get up close. But then you're really cramped.

I think, and maybe, you know, you'll have something to say about this, being of average height, but to me, average height are the only people that get to enjoy live music. Tall people feel constantly in the way. If I was six, five, first of all, whoa. First of all, completely different personality I'd have. Oh my God.

I would be a completely different person.'d have. Oh, my God. I would be a completely different person. You would do like pottery maybe. I did pottery in college. So. Okay. Height wasn't really stopping me from the wheel. I feel like I would be in the WNBA if I was tall. Oh, yeah.

Oh, nice. Cool. Yeah, I think there is a tall person's guilt. One of my best friends is 6'4", and I think he battles with feeling guilty, it shows,

and just being like, what am I going to do? Right, like, I want to go, so I'm going to go. He tries to be aware of the people around him, you know, at least. Which is a little strange.

Like, you can still enjoy it, obviously. I don't mean nobody can enjoy it but average-type people, but there is, like, there's a's a for me i'm there being like i can't get lost in this crowd yeah they'll never find me they'll never find me i'm keeping one hand up right i'm holding i'm holding i'm doing the train yeah i'm like yeah sorry guys if i get lost no i'm yeah i might as well be gone on the bottom of the floor yeah yeah i have like light up shoes i'm like, sorry, guys. If I get lost, I might as well be gum on the bottom of the floor.

Yeah, I have, like, light-up shoes. I'm like, all right, let's go. That would be so funny. Light-up shoes also, like, in case you get flipped upside down. Yeah. Yeah. The classic cartwheel move. Well, they can't look up for me, so they'll look at the ground.

Okay, okay. And then it'll be like, oh, my God, flickering. That must be show me. Seems like a foolproof plan. Yeah. Thank you. I think it's pretty good. Yeah.

But, yeah, watching, like, YouTube performances of really good concerts was like like, oh, this is what we missed for like years. Yeah. Through. Those were tough, tough couple of years. Live music is my favorite thing. So it was, I got COVID last summer, that early Delta before they even knew it was Delta. I was one of those sort of early. Patient heroes.

Right when it was like, hey, everything's cool. We're vaccinated. We can go out again. Yeah. And then I got when it was like, hey, everything's cool. We're vaccinated. We can go out again. And then I got it. I was like, ugh. And I immediately just started taking trips and seeing whatever live thing was out there at the time after I recovered from COVID. I was like, all right, I've got a few months.

I'm going to like drink everything in I can. Yeah. I have my superpower for like a second. Yeah. When I got COVID was the time that they were like actually you can get it again in two weeks and i was like what that was funny a little bit not the good ones yeah they were like no it doesn't work like that anymore sweetheart yeah that's too bad no honey that's like yeah like a new jersey detective being like sorry sweetheart there's nothing we can do.

We tried everything, but unfortunately, we're going to have to stay inside. And I was like, what a bummer. The only time I got it. Hey, who's next? I was like, I guess, I guess. Chuck, I had a question specifically for you because your podcast, Stuff You Should Know. Yeah. I think I said that wrong.

No. I said that right. You said it right. I don't listen to a lot of podcasts. Yours is one of the only ones I do listen to because I like to learn things while I drive long distances. Oh, that's cool. But if there's something you have learned, is there anything you've learned on doing your podcast

that you would be like, that you were so blown away, you were like, wait, the alien should also know that? Well, it's funny. We actually did an episode on the Golden Records and that whole project a couple of years ago. So when y'all came around with this, I kind of like oh that's cool um and i now can't remember your original question because i dodged it what was it just oh the aliens should know yeah like if there's something you've learned because i think if i was learning from that like i did someone's podcast that was teaching little things, and I was blown away by everything I learned about shoe sizes.

And I don't know that the aliens need to know about shoe sizes. It is interesting, though. I mean, they come off of barley. Like barley corn was how we determined shoe sizes. It's like, that's nuts. I never would have known that. That's corn. that's nuts. I never would have known that. Yeah. That's corn. Wait a minute.

That's not feet. I think that'd be a cool thing to teach aliens all about shoe sizes. Why not? Because they might be like, first of all, what are shoes? Yeah. Or, you know, what is inch? They don't even know what size is. Well, that's why.

What is inch? So what I learned was like, not everyone could get a hold of a ruler, but everyone could get a hold of barley corn. So they were like shoe sizes were based on the measurement of like the average barley corn. That's awesome. I had no idea. What a great little fact. Isn't that crazy? Yeah, that's so cool.

But where did the numbers come from? It was like how many barley corns? Where do numbers come from? Numbers., how many barley corns? Where do numbers come from? Numbers. Counting. Error. Error. Counting.

But no, I was just wondering, thinking about your podcast, what, if anything, would be the thing that stands out to you is this was so crazy to learn. They should know this. Do you know what I mean? I don't know. That's a tough one. Because, I mean, we do a lot of stuff on history and like the science stuff they would know. The history stuff, they're probably watching this

so they would know. They don't believe in science. Oh, God. That would be so exhausting. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I just realized they could be alt-right. Oh, no. No. What is democracy? Oh my god I just realized they could be alt-right Stop Oh no

What is democracy? They're like we have one true leader No matter what Oh god That's too real Too real Wait what if Aliens come down and they're like

We've been watching and this Donald guy's got a lot of good ideas. Wow. Oh, man. God. That would be such a bummer. Oh, my God. Hey, if you're listening and that's the case, we don't need you around here. Let us fight.

I got to fight my own battle on this one. Or pick him up and take him for a spin. Yeah, bring him to your kind of planet. He would love it, probably. I'm going to fight my own battle on this one. Or pick him up and take him for a spin. Yeah, bring him to your kind of planet. He would love it, probably. A little anal probe? Yeah. Yeah, he would love that. Oh, yeah, I love that.

Just get in there. No, I was just curious. But beyond that question, my actual question for you, which I did prep you for, which is more fair, is what is something in humanity that you're like, let's just delete it altogether? Delete it. Well, I didn't have to think long on this one because it's my most hated thing in the world. And that is the sound of an airplane toilet flushing. I hate it worse than anything. I plug my

ears like a little baby, like a little baby boy. Like a little tiny little baby boy. I have to, you know, I've learned how to manage it without not peeing on things and stuff. But I, yeah, I plug my ears.

It's the worst sound ever. I can't believe they haven't figured out a better way to do it. Or at least blast some other, like, muffle that and then blast some other great sound. Like, how great would it be if you went to the bathroom on an airplane, which sucks already. It's a very bad experience. Yeah. And you flushed the toilet and it was the sound of a baby laughing or something. That'd be terrifying.

How wonderful would that be? How absolutely lovely. What a joy. Or an Australian accent or whatever. A baby talking in an Australian accent. All baby sounds. We're advanced enough where you should be able to fucking, when you go in, program like a Bluetooth your own personalized sound. Yeah.

I think we're at that point where we should be able to do that. And it would be like a dinner party conversation. Oh, what's your sound? What's your airport? I thought you meant yours would be a dinner party conversation. Yeah, mine would be like a really, really uncomfortable dinner party conversation. It's like people's forks hitting the plate. You pass the salt. This is great steak. Yeah.

It's the silence after everyone takes their first bite. I just need a little bit more salt, but it's good. I just contradicted myself. No, it's good. And then there's a fight. That makes me feel at home. Oh, absolutely. Your mom's like, you have a bit of an attitude tonight. What?

Was there not enough salt on the steak? No, it's good steak. No, it's fine. I mean, I cooked it all day. I cooked for you, but seriously. You cooked the steak all day. Sounds like it's not going to be very tasty. I've been cooking the steak for eight hours.

I was like, oh, no, that tracks. Okay. Exposed. I've never cooked this steak for eight hours. I was like, oh, no, that tracks. Okay. Exposed. I've never cooked in my entire life. I find the toilet sound in an airplane to be really scary. Is that your experience as well, or do you just not like it? Yeah, I'm curious where the hatred comes from. Well, it's very sudden, so it's not like a – you're used to a toilet flush sort of being a sort of thing that comes on gradually and the water flows.

This sounds like you flush the toilet and it's like, get the piss out of here. It's just so aggressive and it's so loud. It's so loud. It feels like if you got close enough, you would fall out of the plane. I know. It feels like it's scary, like there's a vacuum happening. Exactly. Yes, it is a vacuum. It's so loud. It feels like if you got close enough, you would fall out of the plane. I know. It feels scary, like there's a vacuum happening. Exactly. Yes.

It is a vacuum. It's intimidating. I hate everything about it. For me, it's the fear more than the sadness. It's like the fear. And also, like you're saying, going to the bathroom on an airplane, already not ideal. I mean, getting out of the seat if you're not in the aisle is hell. Nothing is worse than if the person's sleeping and you have to go really bad

and you're like... Oh, God. Oh, my God. It actually makes me feel sick to think about. I know. And then you have to get through. It might be full, so now you have to wait. The person at your seat, by the way, is falling back asleep. Yeah.

You're waiting, then you go. And nobody should be embarrassed to go number one on a plane. I feel embarrassed about number two, but not number one. All right. You don't shit on a plane. You're not saying – So that's a rule? It's a courtesy.

Well, I mean, if there's a real emergency, and obviously there's people that live with situations like Crohn's and things where – Thank you. You don't get to get out. But if you're just like, I could take a dump. I'm sorry. Who voluntarily takes a dump? No, there are times where you're like, all right, I'm just going to try and go before I leave the house or even before I get on the plane in the airport, which, you know, whatever.

But to be like, I got to empty the tank before I get into a little tube for a couple hours. Yes, that's what all respectable humans should do. So, to be honest, I'm gonna be honest with you. You're a constant shitter on a plane. Well, here's the thing,

is I think that the pod should know this sooner rather than later, is I have intense digestive issues. Yeah, no, but that's the problem. It's shocking to me that you can plan when it happens. That's all I'll say. Well, that

was excluding you and your kind because some people can't wait. I don't have Crohn's, but they've done a lot of tests. To be honest. They're begging for Crohn's. At least that would explain it. I'm so sorry.

If I ever see you on a flight, please shit. Yeah, please shit. Thank you. Please take a shit. I'll go in right after you and I won't even make a face when I come out. I'll make a face while I'm in there. For sure. I'll just be like, ow!

It is a human function. Don't feel bad about it. Well, I mean, I do. But yeah, anyway, then it's still somewhat embarrassing to me to go, even if it's not pooping. And for you, maybe it is also pooping. I still feel embarrassed that I'm going on the plane for whatever reason that is. Can't explain it.

That's just trauma, I guess. And then you, the flush is heard around the world. I mean, it's heard from the state you're above. Like, it's heard everywhere. And you're above. It's heard everywhere. And so then you have to come out and just be like, that was me. Which, it feels like an announcement. And then you walk down the runway.

And then you walk down the runway saying, like, yup! You guys know where I just was. There's only one place to go on this. This is a hallway to one destination. And then your partner's asleep again. you have to get back in there. And then you squeeze through. I hate it.

It's a bathroom that like – let's say you're going from New York to LA. It's a bathroom that 60 people are using in a few hours' time. Yeah. It's getting action. It's really, like, yeah, none of it is ideal. The foot traffic in there is unbeat. And the thinnest toilet paper I've ever seen. I don't know if that, I guess, you guys don't poop on planes,

so we sort of, is that what you're saying? I wasn't really sure. You don't interact with that. I have to use it for either way. Sure. Oh, thanks for letting me know. Hey, no matter what way. Hey, listeners, I want to give you a little message.

Okay. No matter what way I'm going to the bathroom, I have to use toilet paper. And that is my gender. What's your gender? Full-time toilet paper. Yeah. FTT. TP all the time.

That's the binary. Yeah. The binary. Yeah. Okay. I would also delete that sound. I don't know why I was going to tell that story. Never mind.

Go ahead. When I was a little kid, I had a babysitter one time that was a friend of my mom's that I guess had never had kids or something. I don't even remember who it was, especially little boys. And she said – it's so funny the things that stick with you all these years later. I went to the potty and she – I came out and she said, do you need to wipe your dooly? And I was like, no, I don't think so. And at a very young age, I was like, have I been doing this wrong? Well, I'm shocked by the word dooly.

I don't know if that – The whole thing. I'm going to shock you with my age, but this was like 1977. Yeah. So the discussion of like – Dooley was all the rage. Really? Damn, Dooley.

Damn, Dooley. That was definitely a word I heard as a kid way more than I ever hear it today. Wow. It's fallen out of fashion. What a weird one. My parents said – the phrase that my parents would say that has stuck with me is just, I learned really late that this was weird. Was that my parents called farts tushy burps? Okay.

That's amazing. I just thought that's what we all called them. I mean, it's like facts. I think I said it once in college. No. And so I was like, what? And I was like, you know, like a tushy bird. Oh my.

You have to repeat something and you have to be like, you know. And you repeat something and you're like, I'll say it as quiet as I can and hopefully you'll hear it again. Yeah. And they were like, we don't say that. And I was like, I thought everyone, I think I was saying it in a way that like, when you're like, oh, a little bellyache, like you think

that's what everyone said when they were a kid. You know, like I wasn't like, we all say this now. But I was like, we all used to. To be fair though, they also said mouth toots. Which is... For burps. Tushy burps is so yucky. That joke was either

so good or so bad. There was no in between. I was laughing so hard I was making no noise. I was like that. Yeah, I would say sort of similar to that. But, I mean, different but similar. My mom

growing up would always refer to the mechanic as the fix-it shop. That's cute. Which is really cute. It's like a cute little like, oh, that's sweet when my mom says that. Fix-it shop. Just the person.

Wait, what? The mechanic. Human. No, like if the car's in the shop. Oh. I was like, you're telling a person he's a whole ass shop? Yeah, I know that's messed up. I know we consider corporations people now, but it's taking it a little far.

My mom called the airplane bathroom the fix-it shop. It's very weird. Once again, a perfect herald. Wait, it's almost like we do. Chuck. Okay. do. Chuck. Okay. Yes. Listen.

Nothing. No. Erase. Take it back. Well, I was just going to recap that. So we are deleting from the record the flush. Yeah. I think that's totally fair.

I think it is a really alarming sound. Yeah. I mean, I don't need it. I think that's totally fair. I think it is a really alarming sound. Yeah. I mean, I don't need it. I'm not attached to it. EJ's like, I'm not attached to it. I do like it. I mean, I enjoy it. When EJ listens to ASMR, it's just like airplane flush sound, 12-hour loop.

Well, it may be a relieving sound to you because it means you made your duty. Honestly? Look. No comment. It's like shaking your hand at the end of a business deal. Yeah. Exactly. It means job well done.

It means we've really finished here. You get out of the bathroom and you go, all done. I think we got to an understanding. It smells absolutely horrible. Chuck. Chuck. Yes. What's next on your records?

You know what? I'm going to skip the music-less videos, but let me just tell everyone, if they want to spend a solid half hour of their day laughing, just go look up music-less music videos on YouTube. They are really funny. The Foley is also, like, impressive. Well, that's what makes it so funny are the, like, sneaker squeaks. Yeah, I love that.

Sort of little grunts and things. But I am skipping that in favor of finishing with the guy that fell down in college and acted like he was reading a book. Yeah, I love this one. So walking across campus one day, University of Georgia, probably 19 – Athens, Georgia, 1992-ish. And this guy is riding his bike on the sidewalk. Bust ass, like over the handlebars. Bike is flying. Wheels are spinning.

His books go. A cartoon fall. It was very much a cartoon fall. And he sprawls across the sidewalk and his books fly out in front of him just all over the sidewalk his his uh school books and without missing a fucking second he puts his head down on his uh his elbow on the sidewalk and his head in his hand and starts thumbing through a book like he's like on a chaise uh chaise lounge reading in the afternoon just immediate instinct was to play it off in the funniest not believable at all way and i gotta think it was for comedy and all and that was got it that was a lot

of years ago and all i can do is think about who that guy was and where he ended up and what he's doing today oh my god i hope he's performing down the street somewhere at the hollywood improv i would hope so i think that is such a human to give to the aliens that is what it is to be human is to like do something so truly mortifying and being like exactly ah you thought i'm actually reading a book because it would confuse the aliens a little bit, but it would also, like you said, it really speaks to humanity. It's that impulse to not be embarrassed. So they could learn about embarrassment.

They could learn about improv comedy. Yeah. And they could learn a thing or two. Because famously there's fight, flight, or read a book. Yeah, I never really thought about that. There's three options, really. You can run.

Run from the bear. Hit the bear. Or you can play pretend. Or play a joke on the bear. Or do a scene. I get the feeling that doesn't work in the bear scenario. I don't know. As much as fight or flight.

If you start pretending to be the bear's doctor. There you go. You never know. If you start pretending to be the bear's doctor. There you go. You never know. If you start doing a scene with the bear, you might be an incredible actor. You might have unleashed something with him. Could you imagine that? Oh, God. That's the movie scene.

The bear comes up in the camp, and the person just immediately goes, Oh, sorry about the wait. We've been having trouble with wait times. And he goes, that's no worries. So what's bothering you today? He says, that's no worries. It what's bothering you today? He says, that's no worries. It's all good.

I have a magazine. Yeah. I understand. 20 minutes, not bad. I'm in no rush. I'm in no rush. Yeah.

I call that a work, so I'm good. anytime out of the house is time away from my kids. He's got a tough life at home. Oh, it's really tough. Yeah.

That feels like something would be on like Tim Robinson's show. Yeah. Tim, hit me up. Tim, we's really tough. Yeah. That feels like something that would be on like Tim Robinson's show. Yeah. Tim, hit me up. Tim, we know you listen. Tim, hit me up. I got a scene for you, Tim. We should send that to space too while we're at it.

Yeah. It's just the best. Yes, 100%. I think you should leave. Yeah. It's just the best show ever. That would truly teach them a thing or two about humanity. Yeah.

And being, I think similarly, like stubbornly embarrassed. Being like, I'm embarrassed and nobody will know that. Do you know what I mean? Yes. Yeah, that's kind of a recurring thing in some of those skits. It's just ridiculously taking something too far because they can't admit the truth. Right. And that is such a, that to me is like the most, it's like the impulse you have.

If you like, this happened to me recently, but I ended up stopping. Okay. But when I hit, got in a small accident, it was like, oh,

I could just drive away. Yeah. And nobody would have to know. Yeah. I could keep my mouth shut. But then I stopped. Yeah. And the person famously

was in a superhero costume. Right. Oh, wow. It was a really crazy car accident. Both totally fine. They had superpowers, I guess. Yeah. Wow.

That's a good story. Yeah. They were really mean to me. And I have to imagine it's because they were embarrassed to have to get out and give me their insurance while dressed like a superhero. You hit the right person. Yeah. They're like, Jesus Christ! Listen, I understand. I've also been in a costume before.

And in a way, aren't we all wearing little masks? This is my insurance. No, I didn't have my insurance at the time. Right. So I had to write him a little note on the back of my car. It sounds like you were really bonding with the person you hit I thought so but then he threatened to lawsuit

oh my god I thought you were going to say you went out to dinner and had an 8 hour steak no I really thought that we had our famous 8 hour steak with a 7 minute egg you really gotta time those right or you're fucked. You're fucked.

No, I really thought, I thought we had sort of a rapport going, and then, like, the insurance was figuring out who was at fault, and then she was like, listen, we're going to say it's 100% you, because he started to threaten the wall. Wow.

It's like, well, so much for the friend I thought I made. What superhero is this, by the way? Well, wouldn't you know it? A fake one. One that he seemed to make up. Oh, it was like generic superhero? Yeah. So lame. Really, really messed up.

It was like if the Trix rabbit dressed as a superhero. Like, you could see right through it, but you understand what he's going for. You're like, okay, I know that you're trying to be a superhero but I know at the end of the day you're just a bunny. You know? Yeah. I'm really trying to get down with that reference. Do you know the Trix rabbit? Sure.

So like Trix are for kids. It's like he keeps trying to pretend to be a kid and they're like, no, we see that you're a rabbit. This guy was in a costume that was like it might as well have just been his clothes but he like painted them to be like a superhero. Mouth toots. That's all I got to say.

Mouth toots. Sure. It's a total mouth toot. It's a classic mouth toot situation. Did people say brain fart around you a lot? Yes. I didn't like that. Did you guys like that?

Brain fart. It's kind of dumb. It's just kind of dumb. It's like just own it. Own what you said, you know? Or like you forgot something be like never mind I don't remember

yeah like be freaking normal be like oh shoot brain fart yeah be normal and be like aw shucks

dang nabbit well there's something ah brain fart I don't get it either now that I really think about it what is it what would a fart have think about it. What is it?

What would a fart have to do with it anyway? It does not smell. No. And it does not make a sound. So it's not a fart. No, it's not a fart.

It's a lapse in judgment. Here's what we're going to do. Next, we're going to take care of this once and for all. Anytime someone

says brain fart, everyone listening to this show, just go like this. Gross. Ew, dude. Like you've never heard that before? You're brain farted?

And then no one will ever say it again. That's not healthy. Yeah. Yeah. Honestly, get that checked out. Really see somebody. You need to talk to a doctor. I get really, really worried.

You need to talk to a doctor fast. I want you to be okay. Brain fart. Have you seen someone about that? How often does that happen to you? Wow. That is not normal, just so you know. You said it kind of flippantly.

For me, farts are at one end of my body exclusively. But I have to give all my respects to the biker who read a book. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It was great. It was just one of those funny moments that you think about for 30 years. Yeah. I mean, I can't believe you got to witness it.

Yeah. I was going to say, kind of really a special thing to see. Yeah. Well, it's also one of those things where you have these things happen in your life to other people that are, that you witness. Do you ever wonder years later, like how many people saw that and also tell that story? Or does that guy who fell ever tell that story? You know, like,

Hey, this one time in college, this really, I played this thing off in a really funny, ridiculous way. Or, you know, what kind of guy is he?

Or he does it all the time. I know he, maybe he does stuff like that all the time. He keeps doing it and he's like, this kills every time. Yeah, that's his bit. He's on like an eighth date with someone. He's really getting serious and he's like, can I tell you a little secret? I have a little trick I buy.

I do. He's like, it started in college one day on the quad. I fell off my bike. I pretended to read a book. Ever since, I've never been embarrassed. I can't be because I'm always reading a book. I carry a book with me everywhere. And if I fall, that book comes out.

I promise you that. He Liam Neeson's it. I have a particular set of skills. Okay. Sounded exactly like him. Yeah, that was really, really good. Thank you, guys. Yeah, Liam. Liam, I know you're listening, babe.

It's crazy. A lot of people tuned in for this episode that we're talking about. Well, Liam, Tim, let's do a project, the three of us. Everybody, the sorority girls all of my sister's friends everybody's listening let's get Chuck

yeah go ahead well I was just thinking who else do we want to listen to this episode since we can manifest it yeah who should we call

into the space yeah I love Dolly Parton Dolly you're great love you thanks for the vaccine and all that

and and for Dolly Wood and everything else yeah Dolly Wood you're great. Love you. Thanks for the vaccine and all that. And for Dolly Wood. And everything else. Yeah, Dolly Wood, your music also. I mean, really an unmatched talent. Your acceptance of the gay community in a genre that doesn't often do so, Dolly. Absolutely. My cowboy hat is off to you.

And somehow getting away with it. When the Dixie, when the Chicks tried. Oh, yeah, we all remember. Well, they didn't try to do the gay stuff. That is what they believed in. They're sisters. Come on. Two of them.

Yeah. I only found that out a couple years ago. What? I actually didn't know until this moment. Of the three chicks, two of them are sisters. Yeah, I think I knew that. I didn't. Natalie Mains is not.

Right. The other two are sisters. Yeah. Good for them. Listen, Chuck, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. Is there anything else you'd want to send in to space? No. I mean, let's send this episode into space.

Okay. Hell yeah. Because I think there was a lot of wisdom. A lot of laughs. A lot to learn. So I appreciate you having me. This was a lot of fun. Thank you.

Is there anything you want to plug? Throw people to your podcast? Yeah, you know, you can listen to stuff you should know if you want. It's out there. We've been doing it for 15 years. There's some stuff on there that you should know. You should know. Oh, actually, you know what?

Listen to the Golden Records episode. Like if you're a fan of this show, then I think you be interested to learn the uh the real history right on over there wherever you're listening to this podcast now you can listen to that one as well yeah i'm on instagram that's it chuck the podcaster chuck the podcaster right no one had it yep huge. Huge. All right. What a kid. Thank you so much. Yeah, what a guy. I mean, usually you have to pay for something like that. What?

Caleb's been trying to buy Caleb for like ages, but now he's sort of resigned to not getting it. Mine's just my full name. Mine's just my full name Mine's just my full name As you guys know Oh my god given handle God given handle The handle that the doctor gave me When I was

I love The doctors do that now It is so nice It is great It just makes it easier That the doctor makes you Your account right When you come

Yeah I know It just They just go This is beautiful baby And this is beautiful, baby. And this is their Instagram account. This is their Twitter. And I got them a LinkedIn, just in case they do. Damn, we're headed that way.

And here's an iPad. Yeah, that might be a little too real, too. Yeah. All right, well, thank you so much, Chuck. Thanks, Chuck. yeah alright well thank you so much Chuck thanks Chuck that was a Hiddem Original