Keeping Records - The Ways in Which (with Camirin Farmer)

Episode Date: June 3, 2022

We're back and we're hornery. We talk about marriage and mentally ill babies, Real Housewives and mentally ill Real Housewives, and the ways in which young Mormons are (or, apparently, are not) having sex. Comedian Camirin Farmer comes through with a list of artifacts that can only be described as iconic, and also ruthlessly drags actress Lea Michele but we're fine with that.  Plus, per every lil freak's request, Caleb and Shelby unearth their first ever video artifact, a public-broadcasting-esque examination of a photograph that's shooting around space at this very minute.  Camirin's Artifacts: Barbra Streisand (Celebrity) Bebe's Kids (1992 Film) An Oriole's baseball game that they win (Sporting event) The Cake (Audio-visual) The entirety of the Real Housewives franchise (Television series) Follow Camirin on Twitter and Instagram. Watch the video version of the episode Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a HeadGum Original. In 1977, NASA sent two solid gold records into space so that aliens might find them and understand life on Earth. I send greetings on behalf of the people of our planet and friendly wishes to all who may encounter this voyager. Now, we're making new records with our friends. Bonjour tout le monde. Konnichiwa.

Hola y saludo sato. Assalamu alaikum. We step out of our solar system into the universe seeking only peace and friendship. We know full well that our planet and all its inhabitants are but a small part of this immense universe that surrounds us. Hello from the children of planet Earth. Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well. Ciao, Barino. Hey, Larino.

Oh. I like that. That's really cute. Oh. Ask me how I'm doing. I have a story to tell you. How are you doing? Do you have any stories for me?

I can't believe I'm telling you this on the pod, but I really, I think it is important for listeners to know about. Caleb was going to tell me before we started recording and said said, actually turn the mics on, turn the mics on. So if this has anything to do with me, I want you guys to know I'm being ambushed. No, I think this is medically important to tell on the pod. Are you ready? I went on a date last night. Nothing to do with me.

It turns out. Nothing to do with you. Nothing to do with you. Well, it could eventually. Um, I went on a date last night. As you know, I've been going on dates and I, the guy I went out with, we made out for like, you know, 30 or 40 minutes at the end of the date. Right. And it was, it was a long makeout and it was, I, it was a long makeout. And I was like, I'm trying, I'm trying not to have sex with people

right now. That's something I'm doing to try and make my dating life better. To try and make Jesus happy. I get it. Well, you know, my dating life, it isn't going, it's not giving what it's supposed to give, is it? And so I'm trying to make audibles. Caleb says, I'm trying not to have sex with people because of what God wants. I'm trying not to have sex with people because of my devout Christian faith. No, I'm not not to have sex with people because of my devout Christian faith. No, I'm not having sex. I'm trying not to have sex with people I go on dates with.

I can have sex with people I don't go on dates with, but not with people I go on dates with. You know, whatever. I'm making these little rules. But we made out for a long time. This is like someone who's like, I'm a vegetarian, but I eat turkey. Most of our vegetarian friends, by the way, they're like, if the meat's really good at the table... But if someone ordered something and it was like beef stock... It looked good.

Yeah, no, I'd have it. But we made out for a long time. We did not have sex. And then he went home. And I had such intense blue balls that I actually Googled... Can they kill you? I actually Googled pain in testicles after making out, comma, dangerous.

It's like a 13-year-old boy who gets horny for the first time and being like, what is this pain? Look, I've had blue balls before, but I got blue balls so bad that I Googled pain in testicles after making out, comma, dangerous. And literally all the results were like, medically, you just need to cum. It was literally like doctors on forums being like, you've got to cum, brother. It's someone on Yahoo Answers being like, this actually happened to me once. I was so unbelievably hornery, and then all that I needed to do was cum. Hornery. You said hornery.

It's a combination of horny and ornery. I'm feeling mischievous and horned up. Well, am I wrong? You were a little mischievous, I bet. No, all the Google doctors were like, brother, you gotta cum. It's the only way. It's the only way you can see salvation. They were like,

here's what you're gonna do. Grab your dick. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Wrap your hand around your dick tight. Not too tight, though. Depends on what you're into. And then get to work. It was so, it was so bad. It was so, I was in so much pain. I'm so sorry. I took Advil. I took Advil.

Why wouldn't you just jerk off? Look, I did what the doctors told me to do. I masturbated. I masturbated, and then I took Advil, because I was like, I was like, look, I don't know if this is going to go away.

I was, because you know I had a testicular cancer scare last year. Right. Which turned out to be nothing. Did not turn out to be nothing. By the way, shall we do not minimize my testicular cancer scare. I had to take medicine and go to a specialist. And turned out to be nothing.

Well, due to the medicine it turned out not to be cancer, it turned out to be, you know, something that can be handled with a couple of pills. And it was not, that makes it sound like it was an STD. It was like a cyst. It wasn't cancer. It was a common form of syphilis. It wasn't cancer. It was a disgusting sex disease that I got from being immoral. Yeah. And not following the teachings of Christ. Well, there's so few things that fall in line with what Christ wants from us. I can't.

Well, you know, treating your neighbor as you want to be treated and things like that. Yeah. That's hard. That's not always easy. What do you think of the golden rule, Shelby? Go off on the golden rule. Treat others as you want to be treated. That one. Yeah. How about this? How about treat others as they would like to be treated? Right. Sometimes I want people to bully me and other people hate that. I learned. Oh, my God.

You love to be bullied. It makes you so horny. No. Only sometimes. When someone with like an asymmetrical bob calls you. No. Nobody's talking to me with an asymmetrical bob. When somebody with an asymmetrical bob says you're a goofball, you get so horny.

You think my type is someone with an asymmetrical bob? No, but I'm just saying they could. They could get you. That's someone that could get you. I don't think it's your full type. He's like, you want to hook up with Daria's best friend. Well. No.

To be decided. To be decided by the listeners. Listeners, sound off in the YouTube comments. What do you think Shelby's type is? Actually, sound off on our fucking reviews. Jesus Christ. Those are dry as hell. We get, what was, uh,

last one was just someone being like from the big house. What was that? What was that? I think we once said we were talking about how, if we had any listeners in jail and they were saying five stars from the big house. Why would we talk about that? What's wrong with us? We're not, this isn't, this is not this is not we should be we you know what we need

to behave better on the pod let's talk about something wholesome okay uh anything wholesome fuck okay um i watch what go ahead i was just gonna say maybe we don't say fuck okay in the wholesome segment but that's up to you ultimately. You have creative control. You have creative control. You're an independent artist. What do you have at top of mind in terms of wholesome? Wholesome thoughts? Yeah.

I'll be honest with you. I'm not having wholesome thoughts. I'm still thinking about how bad my balls hurt last night. I can't go wholesome right now. I'm still thinking about how I was medically tortured last night. A wholesome thought I have,

which is going to go ahead and be free clout for the girlies, is Oreo brand ice cream cones. Yeah. You get at the grocery store. Those things fucking bang. They are so good. Shelby, let's lose the F word. Good lord.

Those things are tasty. Wait. Do you want to know? I know something wholesome. The thing I most recently cried at was, unfortunately, and it is actually painful to admit this, a Jimmy Kimmel live segment. And I saw it on the internet,

and it was a little, I think it was Kimmel, it was a little boy saying, they asked, like, do you think women should be paid as much as men or something like that? Yes, yes, I know exactly what you're talking about. And he was like, women work hard like my mom. Yeah.

Oh, God. And there was the one kid that was like, the one kid that, there was a few kids that had kind of like, answers where they were just kind of like, sure. Well, ultimately they're right. They're right. They're like, whatever. I'm not involved in politics yet. I don't have to be.

They should be. Get in young. I'm kidding. Just kidding. I'm not involved in politics yet. I don't have to be. They should be. Getting young. I'm kidding. Just kidding. If kids could vote, I would have had a really terrible record. Oh, truly. I actually, and this is not because I knew anything about politics. I was like one of the only kids in my whatever grade I was in, kindergarten or whatever,

when they did the mock George Bush election with, who did he lose to? Al Gore, when they did that election. I was one of the only people to vote. I think it was like me and one other kid voted for Al Gore. And I only did it because I didn't want to be like everyone else. I didn't know his politics at all. He could have been like a total Nazi or something. Yeah, for me, for me, it was, I did not look into anything. I listened to my parents and I said, I guess that means we're Bush heads in here. We're Bush heads in here.

We love Bush. What's that Bush song? Glycerin. You know, or whatever. I got partially there. I think that was the energy of it. Do you remember when that girl came out with that song

that was like, I've got a crush on Obama. You remember that? No. Was it a girl or was it known to Randy Rainbow? No. We can't bleep the part where I call him, but he is. I mean, it was, it was, if I send it, if I send it in the chat, can you play it?

Can we also play glycerin by Bush? Can we get both of these songs queued up? This is a video. Is it a video? Is it a video? No, this was just like some hot bitch. Sorry, she's not a bitch. She's really nice.

She's not a bitch. She's really nice. She's not a bitch. I'm just trying to do some stuff here. She's really, really nice. Shelby, you have to be a nice to Anya today. She was really helpful to me before the pod started. Oh, but before you got there, Anya was like bullying me a lot. Anya says I'm sick of being painted in this light I will not be

I will not get the Mike treatment We made Mike a police officer He got it so much worse We told everyone Mike was a volunteer for the NYPD Is it an idiot? Yes, yes, yes. Ads, ads, ads. Yes.

Oh my God. Who was? Your first crush was Obama? Gavin Ross. Oh, we're playing my song first, Shelby. Oh, we're playing my song first, Shelby. Oh, fuck yeah. Pretty good. Right away, pretty good.

People used to make music. Why would I say that? Must be your skin. For real. I want to do this. Yeah. Kind. To wonder why. This is kind of hot. I would crush on this. kind to undo

this is kind of hot I would crush on this I don't know if I agree about it being hot I think it is I don't know why I don't like that I feel that way is the beat gonna drop or what it's going

get us there Anya oh drop or what? It's going. Get us there, Anya. Oh. That's cool. Yeah, fuck. You can cut it. I'm giving attitude, but ultimately I probably really liked that at a time.

Here's what I'll say to you. If a woman put that song out today, we would stand. Yeah, of course. We would stand. And I'm sure that that was in a slideshow at my summer camp or something, and I was like, let's fucking ride. Let's fucking rock. I hope that glycerine was not in a slideshow at your summer camp.

No, it probably was. It probably was. All right, let's listen to Shelby's song. What is this? Obama, Obama? I got a crush on Obama. I already hate it. This is when we were sexualizing Obama.

Yes. Hey, B. She said, This is worse than Andy Rainbow. Her voice... Her voice isn't not doing something. It's not doing everything it could be. But it's not doing nothing. You know who would body this?

JoJo. Oh. Either. Either. What did she just say? This isn't... It's not nothing. I don't like the lyrics.

And I pray that she's not white. I don't know what she is. She's white. She's white. Fuck. To 2008. I'm cautiously what she is. Oh, she's white. She's white. Fuck. To 2008. I'm cautiously rolling my shoulders. Let's turn it off.

Let's turn it off. The revelation that she was white was funny for me. I don't like it. Anyway, I just was wondering if you remembered that song. No, I didn't. But I want to thank you for bringing it up. It was actually a really powerful part of my day. And thank you.

I thought so. And everyone listening, you're fucking welcome. You're having a moment with the F word today, Little Miss. Little Miss thing. Should we start making this a clean pod so that they can remove the E for explicit? Yes. That's what I'm directly asking for.

Let's turn this podcast around. We don't have to live like this. We can have a podcast for all ages. I don't know if we can. You think we can have a podcast for all ages? You hate Spongebob. Yeah, but did you ever watch it? Kids are into that. That could make us friendly

to the kids. F is for friends who do stuff together. Never mind. Let's do an explicit podcast. Let's do an explicit podcast. Let's just keep it. Let's talk about sex. He is for you, Andy. I'll talk about anything.

N is for anywhere, anytime at all. Down here in the deep blue sea. Will you Google how to make a bomb? I want to say. Let's put the instructions out. Let's do the opposite of a family friendly podcast. No, Caleb. Come on.

What? Do you think we'd get in trouble? Yes. Should you be able to get in trouble for that? You should. To just say scientifically this is how it happens? I think you should be able to get in trouble for like taking a deep interest in it. Not trouble,

but just taking a deep and sincere interest in it. Yeah. Well, it doesn't matter what we say because this part is definitely getting cut.

Shelby. Caleb. Have you watched or listened to anything lately that has inspired you? Have I watched or listened to anything that has inspired me?

Well, here's what I've learned, and I don't know if you have a similar experience. Every single show has a really sad and heartbreaking dad plot line. Oh, yeah. Yeah, as it turns out, when your dad is sick, dying, or dead, every single thing that you ever watch, and also not only does everything have a horrifying dad storyline,

people in casual conversation make a lot more jokes about their parents dying than you realize. Until your parent is dying. Or dead. And then you go, uh-oh. It's sort of always being discussed, isn't it? You go, that's crazy. I can't escape this. What's that about? You'll literally just be having a casual

conversation with someone at lunch and they'll be like, God, what if my dad died? What's that about? You'll literally just be having a casual conversation with someone at lunch, and they'll be like, oh, God, what if my dad died? It's like, what the fuck? It's really out of nowhere. And they'll be like, wouldn't that be the worst fucking thing in the world? And you're like, right, right, right, right, right, right.

Right, right, right, right, right. And I imagine so. I imagine so. Yeah, so I was watching some stuff, but I've been watching Made for Love on HBO Max, and it's been a really good show up to this point and it's still a good show uh but they just sort of had a line where the dad chooses to die i said well now i guess that's a huge spoiler um it's also really interesting to to live uh where i living, which is in the aftermath of my dad's death.

Famously, shout out to everyone involved. And when you have a complicated relationship with your dad, the things that remind you of your dad are like, it will be deeply sad, but also kind of funny. Like there was a guy at a coffee shop the other day being really fucking mean to the barista. And I was like, oh, dad. I was like, oh, my dad would have done that. The next time I get really mad at an airline attendant, like when they delay my flight or something, that would be my dad speaking through me.

Yeah, go off. You're just going off on an American Airlines. You're calling her a stewardess. Bringing her to fucking tears. I'm like, damn, that's my dad. Because you didn't renew your passport. No, yeah, so I've been having a hard time watching stuff because of the way that people, I guess, make TV. I'm going to make the first sick and dead dad friendly TV show.

It's only for people with a sick and dead dad. Sick and or dead. It's like, disclaimer, you can watch this if you have a sick or dying dad. You can watch this. And it's just a lot of stuff about having a healthy mom. It's like, latch on to that. If you have a sick or dead mom, you do not want to tune into my show. Yeah, it's like disclaimer.

Good for people. There's like the longest disclaimer ever at the beginning. It's like here's who it's good for. Here's who probably shouldn't engage. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything should have that, by the way. There should be trigger warnings and descriptions on everything. Hey, this is really good for you if you are lactose intolerant.

Bad for you if you've ever been in a bike accident. Wow, this is snowflake culture. This is PC liberal snowflake culture run bike accident. Wow, this is snowflake culture. This is PC liberal snowflake culture run amok. Wow, ew, ew. I just heard what we were saying and I was like, ew, snowflake culture. We need a show for conservative Americans whose dads aren't doing well.

When will liberal America allow that on the airwaves? When will that finally get its day in the sun? Oh, a day in the sun is such a beautiful phrase, isn't it? Yeah, well, because it's just like a day in the sun, you know. Oh, yeah, thank you for breaking that down. That was so powerful. I said, oh, it's such a beautiful phrase, isn't it?

And you said, yeah, because it's a day in the sun. Oh, good. Well, did I lie? Hey, can I tell you something honest about me? What? I am so excited for our guest today. Wait. I was going to say that.

No, don't copy me. Fine. I'm really looking forward to our guests today you go i can't fucking believe we have to talk to this person you go the other way you're like oh i go fine if you took excited i'll take the other thing i'm fucking miserable i'm mad as hell um i'm so excited for our guests today they are very a very, very, very funny Los Angeles-based comedian, and we absolutely love them. We absolutely love them. Please put your paws, fins, flippers, and hooves together.

Hooves. For our dear friend, Cameron Farmer. Cameron. Cameron. Cameron. Cameron. How's it going? It's going. It's going.

It's going. It's happening. You were at the Redden Fair yesterday. I was at the Redden Fair yesterday. I was so happy to be there. Did you hook up with anybody? Um, no. Why not?

Did you talk with, like, an accent or anything? No. I was too, I was like, I'm going to mess it up. If I, like, try. Mess up the accent? Yeah, I didn't want to embarrass myself. Yeah, I don't know. I couldn't. What want to embarrass myself. Yeah I don't know I couldn't what is even up the accent? I don't know

one of my friends was like got a turkey leg from a woman and then was like thank you my liege and then we all laughed at him because I was like that's for royalty and this is a peasant woman. Yeah this is clearly a commoner. Yeah I was like what are you doing bud? I saw one of the funniest TikToks I've

ever seen which was two people at a Ren Faire. The girl was doing some like fucking fit check or something. And some guy was like, what have thee? A little magic box? And she was like, oh, yeah. This is where I want to go. And then he was like, I have a magic box as well. I wonder if our magic boxes could talk to each other.

And she was like, oh, are you asking for my – like I have a magic box as well. I wonder if our magic boxes could talk to each other. And she was like, oh, are you asking for my, like, I have a boyfriend. And he was like, he completely dropped his character. And he was like, yeah, I was asking as a joke and character. The worst. The worst. It really made me laugh. That was a woman being harassed. Yeah.

She sort of. She was like, she harassed, Shelby. Yeah. Well, she sort of. Shelby's like, she didn't feel safe. Shelby's losing it. Oh, my God. She doesn't know what was going to happen. No, no, no. If you guys saw the video, you would also be laughing. I did see the video, for the record.

I saw the video. I bet I would laugh if I saw the video. I did, yeah. But, Caleb, you did. Yeah, it felt staged to me. I think it was staged. Even if it was, no matter what, I loved it. If it was, great writing.

If it wasn't, life is beautiful. That's what it comes down to in life. It's either great writing or it's beautiful life. Pretty much, honestly. If the TikTok makes me laugh and it's staged, they did a good job making content. If the TikTok makes me laugh and it's staged, they did a good job making content. If a TikTok makes me laugh and it wasn't staged, it's the magic of being alive.

It's the magic of being alive. I would describe being alive as completely and utterly magical. Yeah, a dark magic at times. What do you mean? Maybe sometimes there are parts that are magical, but should they be happening? Oh, you mean like sex? Yes, yeah. And like thief.

Every single time, yeah. Thievery. Yeah, thievery and sex. Thievery and sex, the two big things. The dark arts. Yeah, or when you get high on a drug. Well, no, I like that. Oh, that's good magic to you?

That's good magic to me. To me, that's dark. I get it. I go to a dark artistic place. I go to like a joyful, artistic place. When you're high on a drug. When I'm high on one drug specifically. Cocaine.

Yes. Do you guys think it's a... That's not exactly it. Thank you. And I love it. Can you imagine? You're so high on cocaine now. Yeah, I'm just like...

The whole time. Absolutely fucked up. Midway through, your nose just starts gushing blood. Don't worry, don't worry, don't worry. And you're like, it's from the Ren Faire. I ate too much turkey legs. We're like, what's going on?

Yeah, I ate four turkey legs. That's what's happening. I couldn't even get through one. Really? Yeah, I had to have my husband, so weird to say, finish it for me. I love that you're married, by the way.

I know, it's so weird. How did that happen? I feel like you were, I talked to you and you were like, I'm engaged, and then all of a sudden that you're married, by the way. I know, it's so weird. When did that happen? I feel like you were, I talked to you and you were like, I'm engaged, and then all of a sudden it was you were married. We got married at the Elysian on 420. Okay.

That's really dumb. It was really dumb. It was super stupid. I was high out of my mind. Yeah. Oh my god, wait. It was fun. It's three days past your anniversary. Yeah, we did a month show at the Elysian also to be like we've been married for a month. Congratulations

to us. How's it going? It's great. It's literally exactly the same. Whoa, is it supposed to be, do you think? I don't know. That's what people keep saying. It's supposed to be the same. I guess. Well, there's some tax stuff, right? Yeah, but I think we're filing our next taxes separately even.

Oh. No, it's exactly the same. It's like truly the same. Nothing has changed. Not one thing. Do you think it'll last forever? I think so. I mean, like we already, when we first met, like the whole thing was like we'll be friends no matter what.

Yeah. So it's like, you know, even if this doesn't work out. I think it's kind of a crazy question to ask if you think it'll last forever. I mean, you know, it's like the point, right? You get married and you go,

Oh, this forever now. Isn't that the idea? Yeah. So the thing about us is that we opened that shit up a while ago. So it's like, I feel like, yeah,

this will last forever because I have so many options if I want it to. Yeah. I don't have to put like everything on everything on that one guy, which is nice. Well, I guess also, for me to say, like, oh, the idea of getting married is for it to last forever is actually not true. People get married for a lot of different reasons. That's true, yeah. But when I think of marriage for me, I'm like, that— Green card.

Green card or tax-staked health care. That's the big reason for me. I know someone who got married so they could have a baby. What? So they could have a baby because it's so much harder to adopt single or also do baby stuff single. Oh, they got married just so they could adopt? So they could have a baby and then have it with somebody that they trusted. Oh, so they had sex with this person.

I don't know. I didn't ask you to. You're like, I do not know what happened over there. I'm like, I think it's their sperm, but I'm not sure. But I know that, like, they were like, I'm marrying my friend because now I can finally have a baby, and it doesn't have to be all this, like, rigmarole. I'm trying to do that with Holmes really bad. You should. Yeah, I want to do that with Holmes.

We've talked about it before. Well, yeah, but you found a partner, and Holmes is still a free agent. Yeah, you should. I know. Do you want Holmes to carry? This is one of the most devastating conversations I've had to sit on Zoom for. Lindsay.

She can't impregnate me. I'll still get you pregnant, dude. Oh. Yeah, if you want my jeans. No, Lindsay might not even want kids. Isn't that crazy? If you want my jeans, but I don't even know if you'd want them. I'd want them. You can have them

I'll fuck you I'll impregnate anybody okay cool yeah I mean I'll talk to Colin first but well yeah cause Colin might want to

use their sperm I think so we did see two little mixed kids at the Ren Faire in front of us yesterday with long hair and tie dye shirts

and I was like that's what it'll be like that's what it'll be like they're gonna be like two little mixed kids with glasses and being like, look at that juggler. Just so excited. Yeah, they're going to have such an inquisitive.

The juggler. They're going to be so theatrical. Look at the juggler over there. Unfortunately, they're going to be very theater. Very theater, very mentally ill. Yeah. That's what Holmes and I have said about our potential kids is. And Caleb has said this also to me.

This is so dark to me. Anyone I have kids with really, if they have even a little bit of mental illness, Caleb was like, no, we should have babies, but it'll be really mentally ill. And he's like,

but I will have mentally ill kids with someone else. The fuck? Well, it's, if it's in there, if it's in the sauce, if I have kids with any of my friends, it's basically a situation where

they're gonna be really, really smart and funny if they don't kill themselves. Yes. That's what it comes down to. Well, which is, that's the vibes I think

this world needs, honestly. Yeah, either be smart and funny, Clutching on to Lysia. Bye. Peace out. Talking,

talking about suicide as, as, I did a show the other day, and I was like, talking about how bullying Bye. Peace out. Talking about suicide. I did a show the other day, and I was talking about how bullying is good. And I was like, well, if the kid survives the bullying, then they'll be the coolest kid. And if not, then, yeah. See ya. Maybe you weren't strong enough.

Well, if the kid survives the bullying, they can either survive or they can, you know, give a little peace sign with a curled up mouth. Yeah. To the side. We get dragged sometimes because now that it's a video podcast, we really have fun with visual. Like, I'm having fun looking at and pointing out the video. And we get dragged sometimes in the comments like, it's an audio art form. And I'm like, oh my God.

Not anymore. We have a video now, babe. Not if you're watching. Watch on YouTube. And the only people that do that are on TikTok. And I'm like, oh my God. Not anymore. We have a video now, babe. Not if you're watching. Watch on YouTube. And the only people that do that are on TikTok. And I'm like, you're watching this in a video. That's how you're seeing this. There shouldn't be comments on TikTok. Or you should have to pass a test.

The only time I like comments is when... What are the first three questions on the test of you should be able to comment on TikTok? Are you cool? What's your problem? Why did you come here? Period. What's the answer to what's your problem? Because that's open-ended, you know. It's different for everybody. Like, my problem is that I am fat

and gay at the same time. It works out a lot better if you're just one. What would be an answer? I'm on your side. I'm just asking the questions that I think our listeners want. I'll just go through. I'll just answer for me and then you guys can answer for yourselves. I want to know what the answer would be if you didn't get the, if you didn't, you weren't allowed.

What would get me disallowed? Yeah. Okay. I'll tell you the answer that would get me, someone disallowed from commenting on TikTok. Are you cool? No. They self-identify as not cool. That's immediate.

Get the fuck out of here. Yeah. No, I'm not cool. What's your problem? You know, I'm a, I'm an alt-right incel. Well, that would be like, you don't get to comment, you know, because they're going to say stuff that I don't want to hear about. Right. What was the last question?

What's your problem? Why are you here? Yeah. If they're like, oh, I'm here to stir division and be negative. Well, you have to get out of here. Yeah. But what if it was more nuanced than that? What's like a nuanced?

It's either a hell yes or a hell no. If there's nuance, you're gone. If I have to exist in a gray area, you're gone. You're out of here. And I think that's what TikTok wanted and intended. Yeah. When they created it. When they, TikTok, created TikTok.

When they, TikTok, created the application TikTok. Yes, of course. I don't have time for nuance anymore. Unfortunately, I'm all about nuance. Unfortunately, I crave and need nuance. I'm picking a side for the conversation. I don't have time for nuance anymore. And I'm like, but let's really delve into it, actually.

Let's really get into, like, why and how. And the ways in which. You're an academic. And the ways in which. Yeah, for sure. It's the ways in which with Cameron Farmer. Of course. Of course.

Wait, you should have a podcast called It's the Ways in Which with Cameron Farmer. Okay, let's do it. That would fucking rock. Signing up, signing a contract today. Should we get Jake and Amir in here right now? Jake, Amir. Yeah, get them here. Is the Miata in the parking lot or are they gone?

Jake and Amir have a company, Miata, that they share. That they share? We all share it. That's a lie. Oh, I was going to say, that's so good for the environment. That's really good for the environment. And also, I have to say, adorable. Yeah, that's so cute.

I do like when boys are nice. I have to say I agree with you, but the nuance of that. Yeah. This is actually the first episode. I was going to say there are times when. You take over. Yeah, actually. Okay. So thank you so much for tuning in everybody. I would actually love if a guest on our podcast brought their own podcast concept and started making it. Like being like, I don't want to answer that. What I want on my records is talking about love. And they start like hosting us. And if we could change the image actually to mine. That would be awesome.

I would love that. Okay, next time. Next time you're on, let's do it. Yeah. What is that? Two years from now? You can be on again. I think the rules are that we can have you on again within a month.

Okay, great. Yeah. So I'll have it all ready to go. The statute of limitations on this episode cleans up in about a month, yeah. Let's discuss it just the three of us. Let's go to an ad break really quick, and we'll talk about it. Break, break, break.

Shelby, turn off your camera. We're back now. You guys saw what I mean. The bitchy, The bitchy. The bitchy. We're back now. You guys. That literally flashed me back to an old boss I had in Chicago.

If you're listening, jail time, sweetie. I hated her energy. And she needs to know. She deserves to know. She fired me for my tweets and then followed me on Twitter. Of course. Crazy bitch. Of course.

Crazy bitch. And let's bleep her name just so I can't get in any trouble. She goes, listen, we can't have you employed here because your tweets are so bad. And then she was like, but, bitch. You can't work here anymore. You're too funny, bitch. Go to LA. You're actually killing it.

Go to LA. She goes, I have to fire you because your tweets are too good to be working at this office, honey. You need to be in entertainment. Caleb, come in and take a seat. I wanted to talk to you because you're no longer employed here. Because you're going to be a huge star of California!

And I don't know how that's going to happen and I have nothing to offer you, but I will be sending you goodbye. But you're going to be a star, bitch. But you're actually done here. Your health insurance is officially over with us. With us. You're welcome to try and find something else, but in this country, honey, it's weird.

Yeah, it'll be really hard. She gives me one of these. She's straight. She gives me a little gay snap. Good for her. Yeah. She was a psychopath. Yeah. I's straight. She gives me a little gay snap. Good for her. Yeah. She was a psychopath. Yeah.

No, I'm kidding. Don't say that. She was really fucking cool. Shelby, you never met her. Yeah, but I can tell because of the tweets thing. Yeah, it was nuts. It was really nuts. I got in trouble.

I won't even get into the tweets. We won't get into it. You can tell me after. You know what? Before we get into your record, Cameron. Okay. I want to talk about something on the original records. Period.

Period. Let's talk about that. Shelby, tell us what we're looking at. Am I telling you? Well, why don't you just tell us because you picked and I don't remember the name of the artifact. This is the image on the original records. It's just called Sprinters. I think it's from the Olympics.

Yes. Valerie Borzov of the USSR is in the lead. Which feels very interesting to me. It's got a little taste to it, doesn't it? There's definitely an aftertaste of something, yeah. It is so crazy

for this handsome white man to be up front. Yeah, I think that's false. I've never seen a white man win a race. I think this is a strange angle that they got, because I don't think that that's what's happening. They're running backwards. They're running backwards. Yeah, it's actually backwards sprinting. If he was ahead at this time, they definitely chose this as some sort of like, it was made by the United States, but it was some sort of propaganda, I feel.

Yeah, I don't know. So if it was made. Okay, so we made the record. So why is there this like USSR like. Propaganda. Propaganda. Just like, yes, he's killing it. He's doing it. And I have to peace signs both.

And we're going to do. And just so you know, there's two peace signs. And I will get peace signs. There's four. Was Russia good at this point? No. They were always bad? That's why it's called USSR.

Yeah, I don't think there's ever been really a period of time where we were like, whoa, they're really doing stuff good over there. Was Russia ever awesome? Make Russia awesome again. Make Russia awesome again. Yeah. Because right now they're being so fucking weird. They're weird.

One of the images included on the original records is simply called Sprinters. It's an image of four, as you may have guessed, Sprinters, seemingly in the Olympics. Now, one thing that feels racist to me is that the person far in the lead of all of the sprinters is a white man. Traditionally, white men are actually among the slowest of humans. We know they can't jump.

And we know they can't run. And by they, I mean we. By they, he means him. By they, I mean me. I would be losing the race. Sprint, also called a dash in athletics, track and field, is a foot race over a short distance with an all-out or nearly all-out burst of speed. The difference between running and sprinting is that

both are vigorous high-intensity exercise and both use the same muscle groups, but the difference lies in speed. Sprinting is a more powerful, faster form of running that can be performed in short bursts. Both are miserable and should be avoided at all costs. Running is what you do when your mama calls your name. Sprinting is what you do when your mama calls your name. Sprinting is what you do when your mama calls your name for dinner. The Olympics, the modern Olympic Games.

Running is what you do when your mama calls your name. Sprinting is what you do when your mama calls your name for dinner. Running is what you do when your girl texts your phone. Sprinting is what you do when your girl texts your phone. Sprinting is what you do when your girl texts your phone. You up. The Olympics. The modern Olympic Games are the leading international sporting events featuring summer and winter sport.

You guys might not know this. In which thousands of athletes from around the world participate in a variety of competitions. The Olympic Games are considered the world's foremost sports competition, with more than 200 nations participating. The Olympic Games are normally held every four years, alternating the Summer and Winter Olympics every two years in the four-year period. Three sprints are currently held at the modern Summer Olympics and Outdoor World Championships, the 100m, 200m, and 400m.

The fastest sprinting speed recorded is 27.78 mph, measured between 1.60m and 1.80m of the 100m sprint at the 209 World Championships in Athletics held by, you could have guessed it, Usain Bolt. This is also the fastest recorded speed in human history. 27.78 miles per hour is too fast to be running in a school zone. It's dangerous. You might hurt a kid. The Olympics the year before this artifact was placed on the records was in Montreal, 1976. These Olympics were widely boycotted. 29 countries, mostly African, boycotted the Montreal Games when the International Olympic Committee, IOC, refused to ban New Zealand after the New Zealand National Rugby Union team

had toured South Africa earlier in 1976 in defiance of the United Nations calls for a sporting embargo. All of those words meant nothing to me at the speed I read them. All of those words meant nothing to Shelby. Did you understand those words? 29 countries, mostly African, boycotted the Montreal Games when the International Olympic Committee refused to ban New Zealand after the New Zealand National Rugby Union team toured South Africa earlier in 1976

in defiance of the United Nations calls for a sporting embargo. It made a little bit more sense to me hearing it read to me. But still. It could mean anything. It could mean anything. In fact, I'm not sure the International Olympic Committee exists or has ever existed. Well, see, that is one thing I do know to be true. So they've got this picture of people running.

I want to say none of these guys are hot to me. Really? And that's a problem. Yeah. You think? I think definitely 603 could get it. Yes. And 901, too.

901, I don't think, because the beard wouldn't do it for me. 932, definitely not. Well, the legs of 932 just that one leg is so muscular he's got thunder thighs I don't know I want to like suck it

you want to suck on his leg yeah that's really really normal and hot I love that I have my own things I like Caleb you don't think 603 is hot

I can't see well enough there's something so truly bleak about us calling them numbers Caleb you wouldn't fuck 603 I can't see well enough. There's something so truly bleak about us calling them numbers. Caleb, you wouldn't fuck 603? We don't know their names. All we know is the lead guy's name.

We go, step up, number 603. You can get it. 604, what about you? We make them all step up. Maybe 603 and maybe 77 whatever. Nine. 773, nine. 779. 779 looks like Dylan Adler. Maybe 603 and maybe 77 whatever. Nine. 773, nine. 779. 779 looks like Dylan Adler.

Dylan Adler's cute. Yeah. Dylan Adler's cute. 779 could get it. Oh my God, shout out Dylan. Shout out Dylan. Let's give some clout to Dylan Adler. You're cute, boy.

Wait, I actually think all four could get it. Actually, just today, I will say, this is so funny that this came up, and this is not planned or anything. Just today, Caleb fucked all four of these dudes. Just today, I fucked... I would love to. Dylan Adler tweeted something like,

I don't like when people call somebody classically handsome because they just mean white. And I was like, Dylan, you're classically handsome. Yeah, I didn't say this, of course, because I was like, why would I get involved in the tweet? Well, now you're saying it. But Dylan, I'm telling you, you're classically handsome. You're classically handsome, bud.

He does need to accept that. Chief? Chief. Accepted, I'm telling you, you're classically handsome. You're classically handsome, bud. He does need to accept that. Chief. Chief. Accepted chief. Sorry, big dog. Captain. Captain. Sorry, Captain.

Aye, aye. You're fucking classically handsome. You're classically handsome. You're CH, babe. CH. Oh my God, my initials. Not a coincidence.

I don't think so. Not a coincidence, my initials. I would like to see all four think so. Not a coincidence, my initials. I would like to see all four of these men have an intimate moment together. I would like to see them kiss. Yeah. Oh yeah, definitely. We'll start at kissing and then we'll see what happens.

I like when men kiss. Can I ask one quick question? Do you think 603's calves are like unusually thin? I think it's... It's the shadowing, I think. It's the shadow because it looks like he doesn't have a knee. Yeah, I mean, because all these other people have sort of legs that have real girth. And 603 has a thigh, but then his calf is so little teeny tiny.

It is very teeny tiny. The shadowing of this picture isn't doing any of them any technical favors. Well, they weren't trying to take a picture of a black person also. They what? They didn't light for black people. No, for sure not. No, no, no. For sure not.

And definitely not at the Olympics. No, no, certainly not. They're like, you're lucky to be here, baby. This is my impression of the director of the Olympics. You guys are lucky to be here, bitch. That's so good. They have a caddy day, Olympics director. Opening ceremony, they're like, first and foremost,

you're lucky to be here. Catch your lucky little stars. It's giving sports competitions. It's giving... It's giving run that race and see who comes out on top. It's giving five rings different colors.

They go, oh my God, bitch. They all represent something else, bitch. It's giving five rings intertwined, different colors, bitch. It's giving torch. It's giving light that else, bitch. It's giving five rings intertwined, different colors, bitch. It's giving torch.

It's giving light that torch, bitch. It's giving multiple nations coming together to compete against one another. Wait, what year is this? It's giving national supremacy, babe. Wait, wasn't the USSR what? Like not invited to a few Olympics? No, Russia wasn't, but USSR was, I think.

God, it got out. Now, what is the difference? United Soviet something something. Wait, Anya's dying right now. I forgot Anya's extremely Russian. It is so funny for us to go so hard on Russia with Anya. Anya, what is the difference between USSR and Russia? USSR is like all of the republics that were...

Like Czechoslovakia. Got it. And Uzbekistan. Kidding. And right now, Russia can't compete in the Olympics, but the Federation of Russia can, right? Hold on, Anya, say more about what you're going to say. It's all that...

You were explaining. And then Russia's just a country, and then when it disbanded, all the countries became their own. Oh, yes. Classic. Classic. And do you think there was country and then when it disbanded all the countries became their own. Oh yes. Classic. Classically. And do you think there was ever a time

when Russia was awesome? It was like so many moments when they were almost awesome. Oh God. To be so close to awesomeness but to fall short.

I think. People keeping like let's make it awesome here and then other people are top of it and then no. To be so close to awesomeness but to fall just shy. I mean, that's the...

To fall massively shy. Yeah. Well, I think that's where the issue stems from. That reminded me of the Cameron DS tweet. The Cameron DS tweet. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Tell Cameron about the Cameron DS tweet.

I can't wait. The Cameron DS tweet was like... Some NASA account or some science account tweeted there's a star that shines so bright that hasn't been seen for 30 years or something and someone retweeted it and goes, and her name was Cameron Diaz.

And it really made me fucking laugh. She retired. I don't know why it's so funny. She retired officially. She did? She just did a video with like Benny. After a bad teacher,

she's like, I'm not an actress anymore. She's not retired from selling her wine on Instagram. Well, that's important. She needs to make money. That's why she did a video. She's doing videos. I gave you guys the fucking holiday. Get fucking lost.

Get real and get lost. And I can't believe I didn't include the holiday. One of my. And now hearing this, it's like. We brought you here for a reason. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

And to segue. It's a segue into your records, babe. It's giving segue. What is on your records? I'm trying to remember. I know that one of them was the Real Housewives, all of them. All of them? Yes.

And are you watching all of them? I'm trying to. Wow. I have fallen behind on some of them, I'll be honest. It's hard. Rank them. Rank them. I want to thank you for your candor.

Okay. And then I want you to rank them. Number one is New York, always. Okay. Why do you say that? Because it's given us everything. Okay. Thank you.

Enough said. It's got the best cast, or has had, I think, consistently the best cast in the fact that the next season of New York is going to be split into two different seasons with the old school and then new people. Are you a Frankel head? I'm a Bethany Frankel head, I think.

Yes, I'm a huge Frankel head. I love Bethany. She's perfect. Yeah, she's perfect. She's good stuff. She's perfect. And then the Frankensteins in the house? Yeah, she's perfect. She's good stuff. She's perfect. And then I would say Beverly Hills. Thank you. I think that's usually at the bottom of people's lists. No, it's perfect.

I would think it would be the top one because it's Beverly Hills. I mean, you would think there would be some real psychos. No, but people fell off with it. They were like,

okay, we're done with Beverly Hills. We've seen enough. And they're wrong about that. I just think because New York was like, what, the second franchise that they did it just is so quintessential Housewives it deserves a top spot. Now what does it mean

to be now mind you I've never seen a single episode of the show. Are you serious? Any of them. What does what does it mean to be quintessential Housewives? Tell someone who doesn't know. Rich, mean, unaware of their surroundings, mentally ill and not fixing it.

Mentally ill, colon, unaddressed. Yeah. Super unaddressed. Do not address it. The way I would describe Real Housewives is go to dinner with a group of your friends and have someone say something incredibly benign and let people start physically fighting each other about it. Oh, so it's just like being gay. Yeah physically fighting each other about it. Oh,

so it's just like being gay. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Okay, cool. It's queer coded for sure.

It is very queer coded. It's who it's made for. I mean, it's run by Andy. Yeah. Yeah. Andy. Yeah,

Andy Cohen. Oh, the one with the voice. Yeah, he's got the 411. Oh, well, good for him.

Yeah. What do you mean by the voice? He's got that really gay voice, right? Doesn't he? Doesn't he? Isn't there like a whole TikTok impersonator of him where he's like, I was, you know, or whatever. He's got kind of a raspy gay voice.

I'm trying to see if I can do an impression. You guys can admit that he has a gay voice. No, it's not that. It's that I never thought of him. Hey, Housewives. It's me, Andy Cohen. Gay. Yeah, I guess. That's a gay voice. No, it's not that. It's that I never thought of him. Hey, Housewives, it's me, Andy Cohen. Gay. Yeah, I guess.

That's a gay voice. I would say like presenter voice. Sure, but if what you were presenting was sex with a man. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. He goes, hey guys, it's Andy Cohen and these two guys are having sex. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a presenter voice if what you're presenting is oral sex between two men. Yeah, okay, yeah, I can see that. Okay, yeah, yeah. It's a presenter voice if what you're presenting is oral sex between two men. Yeah, okay, yeah.

I can see that. Okay, yeah, I see that. Okay, so New York, Beverly Hills. New York, Beverly Hills. And then I would say Atlanta and Potomac tied because I'm not going to rank the black ones. They're both really great. But you're going to tie them really kind of low on the list. Third, third.

Not third. Oh, there are a lot? There are so many. I would say then, even though I don't watch it a ton, OC. Just because it was the first one. Can I ask a question? I cannot believe how low Jersey is on your list, but keep going. Jersey is, it's too hard for me.

It really is so difficult because it's all just family drama and it's like, it's really dark. Well, Jersey is crazy because they're like genuinely going to prison. Yeah. Jersey's is different because their drama is fully jail. Also, sorry.

Wait, I have a question. You said that Atlanta and Potomac were the black ones. Yes. Are there, which I'm assuming just means they're predominantly black or is it all black wives on those ones? I think Potomac is all black wives and then Atlanta was,

there was one white woman and then they got rid of her. But she also was incredible. She has her own spinoff show. Are there black wives on the other shows or were these the first ones that had black wives on them? These are the first ones

that had black wives on them. But there are more black women across the franchises now. But not in New York or Beverly Hills. In New York, there is a very boring black woman. No. Who just joined, unfortunately. She's trying to make it like social justice-y, and I'm like, I appreciate what you're doing, but that isn't what we're here for.

That's not this, honey. That's not what we're seeing. That's not what we show up for. I promise you no one's tuning in to Real Housewives to learn. I promise you that. Not at all. Not cognizantly, I think. Maybe something in the back of the brain.

I mean, anthropologically. There is an anthropological aspect. Okay, and I fully, fully believe that the dismantling of the 1% that we have been seeing happening over the past 10 years is because of the Real Housewives franchise. Singularly. I swear to God. Solely. Sole credit.

Yes. Because they led us into their world. Should have never. They should have never done that. We were not supposed to know about these freaks. Now we know what they're up to. And we know that they are just mentally, mentally, mentally ill people who aren't addressing it, who have money for no reason and are not doing anything productive with it.

Yeah. They're so bored that all they can do is like really ruin each other's lives. Like that's really all they can do. That's all they do. Well, because there used to be this myth that really benefited them that like rich people are like smart, successful. They work their way there. Yes. They live like quiet lives of philanthropy or something.

Yeah. And now you see them absolutely living horrible, horrible lives. Wasteful. They're crazy, psychotic hyenas who go to dinner and like scream at each other. And like throw wine glasses. With their image. I don't know. But only to the small people that like the small groups that they interact with.

So not even like a global image do they fucking care about. Not even a national image do they care about. It's really beautiful to see. It's gorgeous. It's simply gorgeous. So you're a Frankel head. What about Kyle Richards? Love Kyle Richards.

Thank you. That's a— I love her. Kyle Richards is a wife? She is a Beverly Hills wife. She's been there since the first season. But there's been a lot of drama. She's always been kind of at the center of drama,

so I think it's an easy person to be like, I'm done with her, but I've never given up on Kyle. I don't know. It's because she's always the friend. Like, she's never really starting drama. She's always just, like, the result of drama is, like, where she's at. Well, Vanderpump also, like, really just...

And I have to say, Vanderpump, I never thought we would get a villain as bad and as good as Vanderpump also like really just and I have to say Vanderpump I never thought we would get a villain as bad and as good as Vanderpump and Sutton has arrived when we love the women on the show do we love them because they're good or because they're horrible both we love them because they're

I mean all of them are kind of horrible but they're the least or they're like they're kind of giving like the clapbacks the things they give are like what you're thinking as the viewer and it's like they're kind of giving like the clap backs and the things they give are like what you're thinking as the viewer and it's like they're not necessarily healthy you're like

that's an irredeemable bitch I stand that's the energy for these women sometimes but like Bethany I think is redeemable she's redeemable for sure and I actually think

Kyle's redeemable oh absolutely her sister's gone through the fucking ringer oh no not her sister do you know her fiancé? I didn't know this.

I read this article about her, but the fiancé, the last person she almost married, I think, and I might be wrong, was murdered. Cheap. Thank you. He was murdered, which is just like... Murdered.

The thing is, you see her, and you're like, for yours. Absolutely had her life ripped away by an assail see her and you're like for yours absolutely had her life ripped away by an assailant but you're like of Caleb something so tragic happening

robbed from this earth Caleb reclaimed by God for you to zoom out a little Kyle Richards and her sister Kim are Paris and Nikki Hilton's aunts

yes as it turns out the last person that she was supposed to marry absolutely stolen from us Yeah Well before her time

Gone His, his They're not queer There's very, very, very little There's no lesbians There was a recent lesbian on Orange County Who finally came out And what was her deal?

She came out, got a divorce And then started dating somebody And then they broke up Fuck I don't really watch Orange County and I will have to say that I do have to replace Orange County with Salt Lake City, of course. Thank you for saying that. Yeah, I'm so sorry about that. Are they Mormon?

Oh, wow. That's such a loaded question. Wait, guys. First of all, how dare you, Caleb? Do you guys think it's... Would you guys pay money, I guess, is what I'll ask, to listen to the conversation I had with my mom the other night where I described what

soaking and jump pumping was to my mom? I'd probably pay a couple dollars. I would probably just get it for free on the basis of our friendship. Yeah, that's true. But I would like to hear it sometime. How much do you think I could charge? Strangers? To listen to you and your mother?

To listen to me tell my mom what jump pumping is. I think if you did it on Cameo, 25 bucks. I would say you could charge 75% less than you could charge if they knew anything about your mom. Knowing a single detail about Jillian. I'll go a brief bio at the top. Yeah, so the price goes up. Once you know a little bit about Jillian, the price goes up. Okay, cool.

And I'll agree with that. The other day she was talking about how she wanted to move to Utah and I said, a lot of Mormons. And she said, I like the Mormons. And I said, I said, really? And she said, yeah. I said, do you know what jump pumping is? Do you know about soaking? Yeah, you put it

in there. And do you know what jump pumping is? Your friend jumps. To get the friction going. Just fuck. Like, stop being so fucking weird. They can't. They're like, in the eyes of God, we can't fuck, but this is not fucking. Technically not fucking.

Oh, man. Religion is so fucked up. It's just putting the parts there. I know. But specifically Mormonism. They're like, we're just circumstantially having fun here. Yeah. It's just like, it's just what happened to happen.

And it's so kinky also. I know. I love, I literally cannot stop thinking of the scenario where you ask your friend to jump hump for you. Yeah, I mean, everybody's getting off in that situation. There's no way.

Also, it stays hard during that. You stay hard during that? I stay hard during that. I'm getting soft. Really? I'm getting soft. If my, I'm sorry,

if I'm inside of someone and my friend is jumping up and down on the bed, I'm going to be like, this is ultimately not something to stay on for. This is all they have. This is the only option. I could barely fuck in my dorm room because I knew that my roommate wanted to be in there. Oh, yeah, yeah. Even if he was somewhere else, I'd be like, God, he wants to come back. He wants to go to bed.

Fuck. Fuck. No, I didn't have that concern. I think it's so funny to imagine, like, texting your friend and being like, hey, are you busy, like, 7 p.m. tomorrow? I'm going to need you to jump on the bed for a bit. I'm there. That would be immediately I'm there. I have text alerts on.

Done. Bro, consider it done. Absolutely done. Absolutely. It would be my fucking honor to help you ejaculate. I actually would do it if any of my friends asked me. I would do the jumping. I do it all. I do every position. We break the bed.

I do the jumping. We snap the bed in half. I would love that. I would come harder than I ever came. I have to tell you, the bed breaking has to be the hardest they've ever really felt.? I have to tell you. Are you kidding me? The bed breaking has to be the hardest they've ever really felt.

That would help, I think. They want me around. That would bust immediately. You want my fat ass up on that bed. Yes. I'm jumping.

You've never felt something like this. You're scared. We're all a little scared. We're all a little scared and we're all hard. And I would probably get hard from the jumping.

Yeah. Oh, watching my friends have weird Mormon sex, I'd be like, that would make me a little hard. Yeah, of course. I'd get a little weird Mormon sex, I'd be like, that would make me a little hard. Yeah, of course.

I'd get a little revved up. And just be like, the only reason it's happening is because of me. And God. Thank God. And I'm an agent of God. Of course. I work for God. Well, no, you're actually an agent of the devil, I think, in this scenario.

No, you work for God because you're helping them not. Otherwise, they would be thrusting. And once you thrust, it's sin. Exactly. I'm an agent of God. I'm over here saying, correct. I'm an agent of Christ. I work for him.

Capital H. What's next? Capital H Christ. What if it was taking them a really long time and you started to get really tired from jumping? Are there subs? Oh, like a rotation? Why did I say a rotation? Oh, like a rotation.

Like a rotation. A rotation. I don't know. I think I could hang in there for my boy. It depends. I can't imagine that it think I could hang in there for my boy. It depends. I can't imagine that it's easy to get off from just someone jumping. Oh, you'd be surprised. I think also at that point, what is like, once you put the parts together, it probably

feels so good that it's just like one and done. One jump and done. I've always called sex putting the parts together, by the way. Yeah, that's how I see it. Like a puzzle. I'm at a bar. Sex is like a puzzle. I'm like, hey, would you want to go back to my place and put our parts together?

Sex is like a little jigsaw. And has anybody ever said no? Actually, nobody has ever said no to having sex with me. That is beautiful. Yeah, and I've asked a lot. I was going to say nobody said no to me, but that's because I have not asked. I'm trying to think. People have said no.

Okay, if we're being earnest, people have definitely said no to China. Are you kidding? I was really impressed. I was like, that's incredible. Are you guys both blatantly asking? Oh, I've definitely blatantly asked before. I've been like, when I come over and they're like, I don't think that's a good idea for us. Okay, okay, okay. I've definitely blatantly asked before. I've been like, want to come over? And they're like, I don't think that's a good idea for us. Oh, that's how I'm like that.

Okay, okay, okay. I think I was just thinking the other day, though. It is not my experience in the world to leave the house knowing that I could fuck if I wanted to. Like, I often fuck, but only because I've made very specific plans. Yeah. I don't just walk out of the house on like a Tuesday afternoon and go, I might fuck while I'm out. I mean, me neither. I was very repressed growing up.

So even the idea of. Oh, that's awesome. I know. It's so sick. Yeah. Thank God I'm married. I don't know how that happened. I love that you're married.

I can't quit saying it. It feels crazy. I love love. I just love love. And I am a bachelor. Love is love is love is love. But we won't because I didn't put it on the chart. What is next on your records? I don't.

Did I put Barbra Streisand as one? You did. And I did. And you did. Her. Go ahead. Say more. Everything about her.

She's perfect. Ladies and gentlemen, her. Ladies and gentlemen, her. And it's Barbra. Barbra Streisand. Can you imagine? No introduction. She doesn't need introduction.

I mean, she's perfect. She's like songstress, actress, director, producer, beautiful. Let's do a role play. Okay. Shelby's going to be Barbra Streisand. Okay. You're going to be you. That feels anti-Semitic.

Is that okay? That's up to you. I was trying to be generous. I'll play Bar. No, I'm playing Barbra. Okay. Okay. Okay that okay? That's up to you. I was trying to be generous. I'll play Barb. No, I'm playing Barbara. Okay. So, okay, okay, okay. And you guys, you just ran into each other at Erewhon.

You just ran into each other at Erewhon. Action. Okay, I can't. Because the reality of it is if I saw her, I would stay away. Like, I can't. Because the reality of it is if I saw her, I would stay away. Like, I wouldn't. Okay, you guys were just forced to interact by a manager at Erewhon. Okay, gorgeous. Action. Hi, it's so incredible meeting you. I just think you're everything.

And what a blessing this world has to have you in it. What's your favorite thing that I've made? Yentl. Yentl. And if she, Yentl, your directorial debut. Oh. It's one of my favorites as well. I'm a huge fan of your comedy.

Okay. And at that point, I just, I can't believe that. That's not why I'm cutting it. She should be a huge fan of your comedy. Okay, and I can't. And at that point, I just, I can't believe that. That's not why I'm cutting it. She should be a huge fan of your comedy. Shelby, you're playing Babs with a sort of. She's busy at, it's because she's busy at Erewhon. And I felt that. I'm trying to imagine she's.

I felt she was aloof and, you know, not excited to be there. I felt like blood wasn't necessarily getting to her brain. Here's the thing. Because I'm Barbara Streisand, why the hell is this manager forcing an interaction between me and someone else? What happened? That's brought us here.

I, as Barbara in this moment, am so confused. In this moment, I'm as Barbara. Why are you doing this to me? I definitely felt there was something going on. Yeah, I sensed it and I was like, this is what it would be like. Shelby said, this is my Barbara Streisand. And what's your favorite thing I've made?

Well, because she's confused. You definitely killed it, Shelby. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, no. Shelby went camera off. But I think also at this point in her life, that's probably what the vibe would be. She's getting up there.

She's getting up there. The manager just set her up to have a conversation with another shopper for what? What? Yeah, she doesn't know who I am. Let's not focus on the stage direction. I mean, also her Instagram is like, this is an old woman.

What is she, 40? No, she's like in her 70s. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 40? She's 80 years old right now. Anya's pissed. Anya, what's going on?

At time of record, she's 80 years old. She's really 80? She's 80. 80 years old, born in 1942. Wow. I would have guessed she's 40. I thought she was in her 70s, but she's, yeah. She just had a birthday, April 24th.

Oh, yes, of course, and I posted about it like I always do. Oh, yes, of course, the day that I posted. My posting day. Oh, yes, of course, the day that I scheduled a post to go out.

April 24th, every year. Does she have a Starbucks in her house? She has a mall in her house, yeah, in the basement of her home. That's correct. A.K.A. a closet

that looks like a mall. She also owns her dog. Out, in the basement of her home. That's correct. A.k.a. a closet that looks like a mall. Out of curiosity, are there employees? I don't think so. Is there employees at the Starbucks in her home? Probably. A barista. Probably just one. I love the idea that they're wearing

a Starbucks hat in her house. I have a feeling there's... You know what it probably, it probably is, is there's like a visor and an apron down there and then she'll just make her assistants put it on. Oh yeah.

Or she'll put it on for a laugh. That's genuinely so funny to imagine. Imagine being like an executive assistant of a celebrity and going downstairs and having to like put on a Starbucks and make their coffee. Oh my fucking God, okay. Just putting it on and firing up the...

She goes, you're having a meeting with her where you're like, alright, and then on Thursday we do have that engagement, we're gonna get there, and at this time we have a car coming. And she's like, foam the milk, foam the milk! I wanna watch you foam the milk with her long-ass fingernails. She goes, I think I want to watch you foam the milk with her long ass fingernails. She goes, I think I want a coffee right now.

I actually need a chai. I actually need an Oprah chai. She goes, I'm in the mood for a Starbucks right now. They slowly march down. She follows. They slowly march down. They take the elevator. With all of her dogs.

No, she clones one of her dogs into two other dogs. Yes, yes. I love that. I think that's like, yeah, I'm elevator. With all of her dogs. No, she cloned one of her dogs into two other dogs. Yes. I love that. I think that's exciting. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I don't like that. When she did that, I texted it to my parents and I said, should we do this? I would make that illegal if I was in charge.

I think it's so. I would be like, I would do the same thing if I had the same amount of money as her. I would get a dog, first of all. They don't look that much alike. For clones, they have differences. They're different. I was really confused by the idea of clones. She has fooled you all. She bought another dog. No, they have differences. They're different. I was really confused She has fooled you all.

She bought another dog. No, I think she really cloned them. I think she really bought another dog. I do think she cloned them, but genetics, I guess, are weird,

and some of them look a little diff. Yeah. One of them's a girl, and the two others are boys. Oh. And I'm gendering them. Hard.

Hard. I'm gendering them hard and on purpose. Hard G. Hard G. Gender. Hard. Hard. I'm gendering them hard and on purpose. Hard G. Hard G, gender. Gender. Okay, you're putting Barbra Streisand on. What is your favorite Barbra song?

Oh my God. You have to send it to the aliens. The aliens are going to hear this in space. Why can't I remember the name right now? I put the lyrics of it in my yearbook page, my senior year. Don't rain on my parade. Yeah, thank you so much. Can we play a little bit of it in my yearbook page my senior year. Don't rain on my parade. Yeah. Thank you so much. Can we play a little bit of it on you?

Oh my god. Be prepared to be transported. I'm excited. And just so everyone knows my feeling in this moment I forgot to eat today and it's about 3.30pm. I ate two sausages on the way out because I forgot almost. Yeah I'm hungry as hell. All I've eaten today and by the way I'm on the east, I'm hungry as hell. All I've eaten today, and by the way, I'm on the east side.

I'm on eastern time. I'm on the east side of the country. It's at six. It's 626. And all I've had today is a little handful of fiddlehead ferns. A little ham sandwich?

No, a little handful of fiddlehead ferns. What are fiddlehead ferns? I can't talk about what that is. What is that? Before we play the song, what is a fiddlehead fern? I'm so close.

Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. By the way, when I lived with Shelby, I watched her once completely in earnest. Completely in earnest. She ate a handful of sprouts. Just sprouts from the refrigerator and said, mmm, yummy.

And she was being serious. She was being serious. Crunching on water. I had to move out. I was like, this is somebody who's killed before. They're crunchy, they're cold.

They're crunchy, they're cold. All right, let's play the song. Go ahead. I know all the words. Go ahead. I know all the words. Go ahead. Give it to us.

Saying that you Who told you you're allowed to rain on my parade? Do the German at the bottom. I'll band out I'll beat my drum And if I'm fanned out You turn up at sir

at least I didn't fake it hat sir I guess I didn't make it but what I mean got it how can you not is that a hat

or her hair I mean I know it's a hat it's from funny girl yeah what do you want Lea Michele did a cover of that on

and we don't and we can't We absolutely cannot I think I think I think it was even episode one of Glee Liam Heldstein

I can't talk about it I don't even want to acknowledge it I can't We don't and we can't And I'm so sorry to shut it down like that and I know I'm a guest

but I will I refuse How do you feel about Beanie on Broadway? About me being on Broadway? Beanie. Isn't Beanie Feldstein playing? Beanie?

Beanie? Beanie? She's a funny girl on Broadway. Isn't she? I love her. That's incredible. You like? She's great.

Better than Barb? No, of course not. No, of course never. Never ever. Okay, I was going to ask you this. What do you want the aliens to get from knowing Barbara Streisand? What do you think they will know about us by knowing Barbara?

I think that they'll know that we uplifted somebody for their culture and their talent. Thank you. Thank you.

And that specifically United States has a real love for musical theater. And that kind of. That's tough. Those kind of vocals. Yeah. Well, she has a beautiful voice. She's gorgeous. Musical theater is, of course, an affront.

It is, but it's important to, I think, acknowledge it. We have to at least talk about it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't want them to. Here's my concern with sending musical theater to them in any form is that they're going to expect to come down, have a conversation with us, and we do a choreographed song and dance in the middle of the meeting.

Every time the feelings get too big. Every time the feelings get too big. Every time the feelings get too big, we've got to do a song. We're like, anyway. Why not? They're expecting us to come down and they'll be like, anyway, and we're like, welcome to earth. Three, four, welcome. And everyone's singing and dancing.

Well, we just explained to them there's a specific place, the only place you should be watching musical theater and that's at a high school. How I Met Your Mother. There's like three episodes. Take them to Broadway. We'll take them to go see Hamilton. Oh, are we going to do that? Can you imagine?

No, we'll take them to see Gypsy. I'm terrified that if we give them musical theater, they will become like the humans who love musical theater. They'll have to be a couple. You think they'll like it. Of course, why wouldn't they?

Well, Caleb hates it. That's why I'm asking him. Look, there are some musicals and some musical theater people who I absolutely adore. There are some of them that break through that I'm like, God, you're awesome. There are a lot of musicals that I do not enjoy.

I don't like how much singing is going on. I would love to see someone talk to somebody instead. Well, they do. Instead. Sometimes the songs, I'm like, it's too much. And then also a lot of musical theater people, even musical theater people will admit it's too fucking much. It is too much. Give us a break.

But it is so important to know about, I think. Oh, yeah. I agree with you. Yeah. I'm probing as a journalist and interviewer. It's my job to probe. And I totally get that. Yeah.

And I totally respect you. And I totally respect that. And I respect you. And I respect you, Shelby. And I respect you as well. Caleb, it was so hot when you said probe. Was it? Because I could keep doing that.

Oh, no? Okay. What's your least favorite musical? And I'll tell you my favorite. And you as well, Shelby. My least favorite musical, I don't know. I mean, I've not seen a ton of them. I'll tell you what I didn't like.

Yeah. I didn't like Les Mis on Broadway. Okay. I didn't like Les Mis on Broadway. I'll tell you that. Yeah, me either. I hear that. It's bad to watch.

It's long. It was not a delightful experience in the slightest. Yeah, it's sad. And it's about something, I don't care about the French Revolution. I don't care about that shit. I don't care about the French. There you go. Let's stop right there.

Yeah, I like French fries. I like some French people. I like French bread. Every time, French fries is one of those things that they're like, that's barely French. And I'm like, well, why would you give that up? Why would you take French fries and be like, we don't claim that. It's like, claim it, bitch. Claim it.

We like it. Bull's feet? Honey, come on. It's like, claim it, bitch. Claim it. We like it. Honey, come on. It's always a side dish. French fries. For free. What's your favorite musical? Cats. Thank you. And Shelby, is that okay? I'm good with Cats. Good. It's great. We did it. It's a good one.

Here's the thing. There's ones that I'm like, this is actually really good and I love it because of its quality. There are other ones. But if I'm like this is actually really good and I love it because of its quality there are other ones but if I'm like what do I think is just endlessly entertaining Legally Blonde the musical okay

and I see this and I see this yeah yeah why not it's a great movie yeah it's a great movie

same story the music is good I have a question Cameron what is something so embarrassing in all of humanity that you think you should be deleted from the records is good. I have a question. Cameron, what is something so embarrassing in all of humanity that you think you should be deleted from the records? What's that? Tyra Banks. You want Tyra Banks deleted. Yeah, and I'm so sorry to cut you off, but I just get... Let's just get into it.

You think Tyra should be deleted? Thank you. I think she should be deleted. I think that she's only... Kiss my fat ass! I think that she's only kiss my fat ass I think that she's only done arm I don't think there's anything positive she's done that somebody else didn't do life size? oh my god I can't believe I forgot about life size

thank you for saying that Caleb I wasn't gonna feel brave enough again I'm an interviewer I'm just here to ask do you understand that if you delete Tyra we have to delete life size we also have to delete Life Size? We also have to delete, no, Cameron, this is really important to me and I want you to hear me when I say it. And I'm listening. Coyote Ugly.

You have to delete Coyote Ugly. Oh, wow. Okay, we'll delete Lea Michele then. Easy. You can delete Tyra, babe. No, because those two are, those are really important things and I didn't even consider them because I was just thinking. I think you could also delete like the Tyra show.

Yeah, definitely the Tyra show. Absolutely. Also, a lot of her like philosophy on America's Next Top Model is so fucked up and weird. Oh, fully rewatching that over quarantine, as we all did, to know that that's what I was absorbing as a young preteen. And that's like the's what I needed. What am I trying to say? To know that that's in me. Coming in as a young, impressionable child.

So harmful. Fucked up and weird, the things that she said on that show. So many things I had to unleash at that point, to really dig into. Yeah. I was going through my Saturn return. And what has Leah done to you? She's awful. Nobody in her life likes her.

That's true. Apparently she's a huge CNX Tuesday. She's not talented enough to act like that. She's not talented enough. No range. Are you scared to say cunt on our podcast? I'll say it. I didn't know if I was allowed.

You're totally allowed. She's a cunt. Okay. Okay. I guess I don't know if I was allowed. You're totally allowed. She's a cunt. Okay. Okay. I guess I don't know if it's true that nobody in her life likes her, but you do. Almost every news story

about her in the past like five years has been like another person says they really didn't enjoy her. Yeah, fuck her. Fuck her. And she showed her whole pussy to what's his name?

Jonathan Groff. Yeah, why? With a lamp. That's pretty weird. Well, she wanted him to learn. No, but... She's a doctor, by the way. I don't... Guys, hold on a second.

She just wanted to educate. Should I not have said pussy? Should I have said vagina? No, I'm just like even thinking about that. No, you're allowed to say pussy. Just... You're thinking about that. Take it in.

It's making me mad. Why? And I have to be honest. I'm going to be very angry. Why? I just feel like it's wrong. Speak on that. Speak on that.

I feel like it's wrong. I feel like she shouldn't be the person to do that. You should. I should. I should. I should be showing Jonathan Groff my entire pussy. Cameron said that is not the vagina he should. If he's going to see showing Jonathan Groff my entire pussy. Cameron said, that is not the vagina he should,

if he's gonna see one, it shouldn't be that one. I bet it's really small, hers, you know? Tight. I wouldn't say that. What do you mean by small,

Ben, out of curiosity? Tiny, just a tiny, like the circumference, really tiny. Teeny, tiny.

You know how, there are people who have like tiny pussies. Do you know what I'm talking about? Like the eye of a needle. But not tight. Yeah. But not tight? No, but it's like, well, I imagine, and if we're going to get into it, I imagine the

inside of it is absolutely busted, blown apart. It's so. but it's like such a small opening that it's like it's like well maybe it's also tiny inside and then you open it up and it's a mess did you guys have any in high school like people when people would call people loose like terrible like like people would say like it's like throwing a hot dog down a hallway i have heard that i went to an all-girls school i did too oh you did sleeves were people out at your all-girls school uh only on the basketball team okay well thank god nobody was out at my school they didn't have to be out we were inadena, so I don't think they were allowed to be out. Pasadena Conservative?

Oh, yeah. The year, it wasn't this new year, but last new year, they didn't have the Rose Parade because of COVID. And so instead, all these people drove down Colorado Boulevard in MAGA hats and MAGA signs. Oh, that's awesome. It's so sick. Did you get to be a part of it? No, I decided to opt out that year. You weren't in for that one.

You were like, I'm out. You did vote for Trump twice though. Yeah, both times. Yeah. And I wrote him in in the 2008 election, which I wasn't allowed to vote in. Yeah. I was still 17, but.

I've always admired your sense of patriotism. Thank you so much. You're welcome. I really just love this country. Yeah, me too. Beyond reproach is what I say about it. I was an American studies major. That's me too. Beyond reproach is what I say about it. I was an American Studies major.

That's what I have my degree in. Huge. And what did you find out about the country? Oh, it's fucked. Oh, okay, good. Yeah. That's kind of how I feel. Oh, I was hoping you would say something different. No, it's always been bad and it will continue to be awful because we had to kill a bunch of people to make it what it is today.

Yeah. And that's just bad vibes. Would you tell the aliens about that? had to kill a bunch of people to make it what it is today. Yeah. Let's go. And that's just bad vibes. Would you tell the aliens about that? Actually, it is interesting. The people who made the original records, they didn't put evidence of war or famine or anything on the records

because they didn't want the aliens to know about it. You would, though. Also, truly the hubris of being like, and the aliens will never know.ris of being like, and the aliens will never know, like they're not watching us and have every single, you know,

Also, they're not gonna come down and be like, what's going on? Yeah. Why does this person have a yacht and this person

can't afford medicine? They're gonna immediately be like, something's going on. What happened? Oh, people just decided this? Yeah.

No, of course I tell them. I tell them the truth. That fucks me up sometimes when I sit around and just think about like, oh, almost, not even almost, every single problem we have is just because we decided.

Oh, yeah. We just decided. Well. We just decided. It fucks me up. I get so, I spiral. It's literally the beginning of this country. All of those people and those families still have money and have decided what other rich

white families could have that money. Slay. Slay. And then every once in a while they're like, you, a basketball player who's black white families could have that money. Slay. And then every once in a while they're like, you, a basketball player who's black, you can have it too. Slay. Yeah. And Jeffree Star. Absolute slay.

Jeffree Star. Slay. Slay. The house down boots mama. Slay mama boots. Slay mama boots. Hey, okay, okay, okay. We need to know, what are the other things on your record?

I can't remember. Am I being bad? No, not at all. I was so high when I wrote it. I love that for you. Anya, do we have the rest of the list somewhere? I think I do. Hold on.

An Orioles baseball game? Oh, yeah. I think we can talk about that. Do you guys know anything about baseball? I do. I just got into baseball over quarantine. Love it. And I will say being in the Camden Yards when the Orioles win, one of the best feelings in the entire world.

I have to tell you there is something so fascinating about someone getting into baseball now and loving it. I think of baseball as a game that you have to have either grown up like liking with your family or you never get into it because it's pretty slow and boring. Well, I like when I finally did start paying attention in the first place, I was living in Baltimore, even though I grew up here with the Dodgers, never got into it. I was like, okay, never went to a game. But it's such a part of, like, Baltimore culture is loving the Orioles and also loving the Ravens. And people have tattoos of that shit. Yeah. They'll have, like.

Orioles have a cool logo. Yeah, they have a. It's just like an Oriole cartoon face just, like, smiling in a baseball hat. Yeah, it's so much more fun than like the LA of the Dodgers. It's like, yeah, it's like, all right, I can make that with my hands. Boring. And I did it. Just so everybody who's listening knows.

Dodgers. It's kind of cute though. Excuse me. Dodgers gang. But the Orioles, like one of my favorite things that Maryland does, because they're so obsessed with themselves, is they'll take a sticker that is in the shape of a crab. And then in the sticker will be the Maryland flag.

But then sometimes they'll change the colors to be the Orioles colors and the Ravens colors. Weird. It's incredible. So the pride that Baltimore has. I mean, that is Cleveland culture.

That's Cleveland culture. It's bizarre. But it's also so trashy and beautiful. So the pride they have for their home team, it just like makes you so excited. Yeah. And so then to go to a game where they win, which is rare.

They're an awful team. They have great players, but you know. Anyways, to go to a game where they win drunk eating hot dogs and then this sorry ass team is winning and everybody's so excited wearing orange and black. Truly, what a wild combination. It's so excited wearing orange and black. Truly. What a wild combination is so beautiful. Now eating hot dogs. I love eating hot dogs is great. If that's part of it,

I could get done with at least part of it. There's relish. I love relish. And they have the foot pumps at the stadium. The foot pumps. Do you know what I'm talking about? No, it's like,

it's like the sauces attached to a lever where you can pump with your foot, so that way you don't have to use your hands. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah. I've never seen that. It's great. Oh, fuck. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Holy shit, you guys.

I just realized I'm going to get Arby's when I leave here. Oh, my God. You're so close. Oh, my God. Arby's. That's incredible. We have the meat. We have the meat. Holy shit.

What are you going to get? When my dad, when my dad was in the hospital, um, we were, okay. Okay. Fuck.

I'm sorry. I really brought down the Arby's talk. Arby's is, Arby's is a part of it. We were sitting watching TV and my dad was nonverbal at the time, but he could say a few things and we were watching commercials

and an Arby's commercial came on and he just goes, yum, yum, yum. I was like, all right, King, we'll get you some Arby's, baby. I didn't know you loved the shit so much. Yum, yum, yum. That's my fucking boy, dude. That's beautiful.

He was like, I can't say much, but what I can say is that looks fucking dank as hell. Let's get out. And he's right, dude. Arby's is fucking it. And there's how many in LA? One? One. Big, big, big cowboy hat out front, though.

Yeah, huge. So you don't miss it. Really awesome. Next two. That actually is a really good strip for food because Roscoe's is over there. Chicken and waffles for those who are not initiated. Arby's, Hoi Ka Thai food. Hoi Ka is amazing on Sunset.

It's some of the best Thai food in LA. And then Sugarfish. Oh. If you need to have a little sushi lunch, business lunch. Just pop back and forth. Beep, boop, beep, boop, boop. Yeah. No worries.

Morning to night. Beep, boop, beep. Yeah. Okay, into that. Day to night. Day to night. And then you can go watch a film a couple miles away. And then in a completely separate part of town on a completely separate topic, you can go watch a film.

You can go watch a film. You can go watch a movie. Okay. I think we're out of time. Do we want to, Anya, do you want to rattle off what was left on the records? Oh, Bebe's Kids. Bebe's Kids. That we can't play, of course. No, it's two minutes long.

We can play it. It's called The Cake. Bebe's Kids was an animated, it was originally a stand-up bit. Yes. By, what's his name, Chris? I don't know. I forget his name. I can't remember.

Oh, it's so sad. Because he died young. Yes, he did. He died when he was like 36. Marley. Yeah. No. Yes.

God, what's his name? I can't remember. But, I mean, he. I mean, he was like 36. Carly. Yeah. No. Yes. I can't remember. But I mean, he. I mean, he was a legend. He was. Bebe's Kids is wonderful. It's just about like three bad kids and then like another kid. Yeah. And then two people going to an amusement park.

Yeah. And all the shenanigans that Bebe's Kids get into. We'll talk about him in a second. Yeah. Let's watch this video. Do you mean Robin Harris? Robin. Yes. Robin Harris.

He was a black stand-up in L.A. and was a huge part of the comedy scene on the south side. Like in, I forget where his club was. Maybe Crenshaw or Inglewood? I think it was Inglewood. Yeah. This can't be it. Oh, this is the video. There we go. I was like, thereglewood. Yeah. This can't be it. Oh, this is the video.

I was like, there she is. Okay. I'm going to really love this game. It's going to be scrumptious. I think it is going to be scrumptious. Yeah think it is going to be scrumptious. Yeah, it is. It's scratchy scrumptious. What a cake.

It's going to be so scrumptious. Scrumptious? Did you make the cake? Yes, she did. You did a really good job. It's awesome. I bet I love this cake. I bet you will love it.

Because it's your favorite flavor. What flavor did you make? Pizza. Pizza flavor? A pizza flavored cake? Wow. I like that pizza. I will love this cake.

It's going to be very scrumptious. I think it's the best cake ever! That's gonna be the best cake ever! It's gonna be scrumptious! It's gonna be scrumptious! That's the most amazing... That's the most amazing cake ever. Thank you.

Thank you. This is a much better cake. Wait, gorgeous object work from the kid? Yeah, there we go. Oh, she's sprinkling like a pro. She really is. Salpe, the original Salt Bae. Salt Bae takes his notes from her.

This is actually Salt Bae. Yeah, Salt Bae was imitating her the whole time. Let's get the oven. It's a little bit hot. That's the best cake ever. All right. I think. All right.

So tell us why. It's so incredibly disturbing, that video. Yeah, that kid has a menacing vibe. Yeah. I think mostly it's to just be like white kids are weird and ugly. Across the board. Across the board. Wholesale.

Honey, I have direct reputation of that. I was adorable. Hey, sometimes it works out well. But. But a lot of times. Covered in dirt. The only white kids get covered in dirt. Just juice.

Just juice everywhere, staining the sides of the mouth. Nonsense. The red Gatorade mustache. Yes. Completely disgusting slobber. That's a white kid staple. Covered collar of a shirt. Sticky. The kids that suck on this, so it's like.

Yes. I couldn't stand those fuckers I just want them to know that like That is celebrated in this country We love that It's so loved But it's so There's something so dark about that

It's gonna be scrumptious Scrumptious Scrumptious It's the best cake ever She's just like losing it And it's a video I think it just is really personal It feels like what I imagine a cannibal says To the person they're eating Yes Absolutely It's gonna be best cake ever. She's just like losing it. And it's a video. I think it just is really personal to me. It feels like what I imagine a cannibal says to the person they're eating.

Yes. That whole video. Absolutely. It's going to be best cake ever. Scrub shits. That video's been with me for maybe 15 years. It came out in 2007, so that feels about right. Yeah.

So literally 15 years it's been with me. I want you to know that I thought that it said 2017 on there. Oh, no, no. So when you said 15 years, I thought you were for sure lying, and I was so gracious I wasn't going to say anything. That's so God. You said it's been with me 15 years. I said, okay. Okay, sure.

Yeah. Liar. I was just like, the listeners will have to handle this in the comments. Cameron's a guest. It just is early YouTube. Why is this on here? What was the editing also? What was the editing?

Yeah. What was it about? Nothing. This girl's pretending she's making a pizza cake with a plate full of raisins. I think it's just the disillusionment or like the illusion of like everybody should have fame. Everybody should have something to say. And then also that white kids across the board are really ugly. Yeah.

Bad, ugly kids. Yeah. Hey, I'm on board. I support it. Thank you. Also,

if anybody listening or in the room hasn't watched, um, what was it? I guess it was called, um, fat Tuesday, the documentary, the Amazon prime documentary about, um, documentary about the – it's Robin Harris, the comic, who did Baby's Kids.

Oh, shit. No, I didn't. It's really featured in it. They have really good clips of him and they talk about the black stand-up scene in L.A. and how they got a shitty Tuesday night slot at the comedy store and made it the hottest show in L.A. Of course. Oh, that's amazing. Of course. But there's a huge part of it

on Robin Harris's impact on the LA comedy scene yeah which it's sick completely makes sense people should watch it I was fascinated I sat down to watch

part one of it and was like oh I'll watch for like 20 minutes or something and see if I like it and then I watched the entire first and I think there's two parts

okay whatever the parts where I watched the whole thing hell yes okay it was great I know what I'm doing today little freaks

keeping records heads get out there and watch it I think it's on Amazon Prime okay perfect but anyway where I watched the whole thing. Hell yes. Okay. It was great. I know what I'm doing today. Little Freaks, Keeping Records Heads, get out there and watch it. I think it's on Amazon Prime. Okay, perfect. But anyway, thank you so much for being on, Cameron. Thank you for having me.

Shelby, give Cameron a compliment. Oh my God. Cameron, it's been an absolute pleasure to hear from you. You have a perfect record and you're one of the funniest people

in Los Angeles, California. Wow. It's true. I am wet. Thank you so much in Los Angeles, California. Wow. It's true. I am wet. Thank you so much. I am also wet. Goodbye, listeners. That was a Hiddem Original.